Chapter Text
He turned to Alice.
"Can Jasper handle this?"
"Give him some credit Edward. He has been doing very, very well, all things considered."
Can you handle this?" he asked.
And graceful little Alice pulled back her lips in a horrific grimace and let loose with a guttural snarl that had me cowering against the seat in terror.
Edward smiled at her. "But keep your opinions to yourself," he muttered suddenly.
Twilight pg. 388
I stare at them confused. What did Edward mean? Now isn't the time to be keeping things from me. I glance at Alice only to see her shake her head slightly. Uneasily, I drop the subject and look away.
I turn back to Edward as he moves to stand beside me.
"Bella, my love, Alice and Jasper are going to be taking you away from here." He says kissing my hair, running his fingers through it. I make sure that my cringe is internal as the guilt and irritation of his affectionate actions and nickname wash over me. I haven't been his for a while.
After the initial newness to the relationship and revelation of what he and his family were ended, his aura of perfection had dissipated and revealed a man that loathes himself and what he is. I would love Edward forever, but I can't love him enough for the both of us. His outlook is exhausting and was starting to cause problems -- even if I am the only to see that. On top of that, I feel trapped which only adds to the storm of emotions that has been haunting me lately. I can feel resentment and anger bubbling up at small arguments and little interactions. I have started to hate myself for resenting him and our relationship simply because I feel I can't leave because of how happier he is with me -- or at least, everyone says he is.
I am brought out of my thoughts when Edward shakes my arm slightly. "Bella, are you alright? I can go with you, if you are worried." He says concern lacing his voice and I offer him a small smile with a shake my head.
"I'm fine. Are we leaving now?" I ask, looking down. It is a moment before he answers and I can feel his eyes on me.
"Yes." He kisses me one last time, before he turns away. I can't help the sigh that escaped my lips and I crawl into the back of the car that Jasper is driving. Before I can close the door, Edward places one arm across the top of the frame and leans in close, his voice a whisper despite everyone being able to hear him. "Bella, don't worry," he traces my cheek with his fingers before cupping my face, "Jasper and Alice will be there with you while the others and I take care of everything else. You don't have to do anything. This will be over and in a couple of days we will be back at school like nothing has happened." His soothing tone causes irritation to bubble in my chest and I pull away from his hand meeting his surprised look with a glare.
"I'm not a child, Edward, you don't have to pretend that this isn't serious. You can't control everything and that bothers you, hence why you are sending Jasper and Alice with me. I don't need bodyguards, I can take care of myself." The words are ridiculous even to my own ears but Edward doesn't call me out on my lie.
"It is a precaution, Bella, just in case." I offer a huff in response and reach past him for the door. Wordlessly, he steps back and watches as we drive off.
After being on the road for about fifteen minutes, I can feel Alice's worried yet cautious gaze on me. I ignore her and keep my attention focused on the passing scenery. It doesn't take long before the space to my left is filled and I can feel her cool body pressing up against mine. She grasps my left hand in both of hers, and I can feel her leaning into me slightly. I continue to ignore her, but I can feel the tears pricking at my eyes.
One tear rolls down my cheek and I go to wipe it away but my hand is stopped by one of hers. Her golden eyes shine with concern and sadness that causes the dam to break and tears to flow steadily down my cheeks. Over my hiccuping I hear her breathe a quiet 'Oh, Bella, sweetheart' and my emotions come tumbling out of my mouth, the stress and worry from the past few days refusing to be bottled anymore.
"Alice, your family is danger because of me, and there is nothing I can do." I say, finally angling my body to her. I hear her sigh and she squeezes my hands.
"They will be fine, Bella, there is only two of them. We can handle it." She says gently, wiping away more of my tears. Her soothing tone is similar to Edward's, but with none of the condescension -- Alice is nothing but genuine. I shake my head and turn back toward the window. I know that they will be perfectly fine... in my head, they are more than capable of taking care of themselves, but if one of them got hurt. I would feel so guilty, more so than I do now. "Bella." Alice says softly before pulling me against her and sliding us across the seats, so that I am lying on her with my back resting on her chest.
We stay silent for a while, Alice rubbing my arm gently with one hand, the other running through my hair. The action is soothing and hypnotic in its frequency and I find it difficult to keep my eyes open, the restless nights of late catching up with me.
--
When I next open my eyes, I am greeted with a room so bland it can only belong to a cheap motel. I sit up quickly and notice Jasper staring at me from the chair across the room. I clear my throat awkwardly when he doesn't look away.
"Um, where's Alice?" I ask my voice thick from sleep.
"She went to get you something to eat." Jasper says, still staring intently at me. I look away, not able to hold his gaze and starting to feel uncomfortable. I glance back at him when he sighs and moves to the bed across from me, confusion taking discomfort's place. "You know that Edward and everyone else will be alright, right? When all of this is over you and Edward will back to normal." As soon as he finishes guilt rushes through me and Jasper continues to stare but with a tilted head, something akin to puzzlement flickering across his face. "Bella, why are you guilty? He is going to be fine." I take a breath to answer, but nothing comes out when I open my mouth. I just look down at the floor and shake my head, sadness coursing through me. "Bella?" I look back up at Jasper when he says my name, concern evident in his tone.
"I don't think we can go back to normal, Jasper," I offer him a weak smile, "I don't think we should go back at all." I watch various emotions flit across and play with his features and it amuses me, briefly, that the empath is struggling to settle on a feeling. "I feel guilty because he still loves me… but I don't think that I love him, at least not in the same way, and I know our relationship doesn't work, not with how things are, with how we are. Just... I don't want to hurt him. Like all of you keep saying, he is so much happier. I don't want to ruin that." I confess, gaze dropping to the tan carpet.
"I thought something was different." My head snaps back up. "I can feel emotions, Bella. I could sense when your emotions changed towards him." Jasper studies a moment, seemingly deciding what to say next. "You love him," he begins carefully, "but the adoration and awe are not there any more." He says looking at me gently. I sigh and nod, looking back at the ground. "Bella, falling out of love with someone isn't uncommon. People do it every day. Everyone acts like it doesn't happen and that there is something wrong if someone's feelings change. Trust me," his smile is wry, "I feel it all of the time." He offers me a knowing look before speaking, "especially as people change and grow. Some relationships grow apart, others closer together. It is natural. Especially if the other person is pretty set in their self-damning ways." I chuckle humorlessly and look up at Jasper who is cursed with knowing this better than anyone.
"You don't." I say and Jasper tilts his head again. "Vampires don't fall out of love." I clarify and he merely arches an eyebrow.
"Yes they do. The time for the relationship just tends to be longer."
"I thought mates were for forever?"
"Ah, mates. Those are different. Mates are for forever, but just because a vampire has a mate does not mean that they haven't loved someone else in their life. Most of them have multiple relationships before they find their mate -- if they do at all. It just means they haven't loved the right one yet... much like you haven't. Bella," he continues, "you have nothing to be ashamed about. Edward loves you yes, but he will get over it. The fact of the matter is that you are not his mate." I look at him but he shakes his head, "that was pretty evident from the beginning, it is just something that we know, but that never stopped him from loving you, it never does. It didn't for Alice and I for the first few decades, but now we are more of just best friends really. One day we shall find our other halves, just as Edward will." He smiles gently. I go to say something when the door opens and Alice walk through it, holding a muffin. She stops and looks at us.
"What? What's wrong?" she asks setting the muffin down and rushes over to my side.
"Nothing, Alice, just clearing a few things up." Jasper says smiling gently at her before moving towards the door. "I'm going to go look around, maybe find a payphone, I'll be back shortly." He steps from the room and silence reigns again.
It takes a moment for me to tear my eyes away from the wall and my focus from my thoughts but when I do Alice greets me with a lopsided smile.
"It is nice seeing you two bond, finally. It is about time." Her words are teasing and I roll my eyes. "What were you two talking about?" She asks, her curiosity poorly restrained, and I weigh my words carefully.
"Jasper was telling me that you and him are not mates and that the whole of Forks High is wrong when it comes to you two," I offer finally and Alice giggles.
"Did he? Well," she says her voice nonchalant, "he's right. We haven't been together since before all of your classmates were born." The thought should be strange but I find it an acceptable explanation.
"We also talked about Edward," I begin slowly and I can see the glint of amusement lighting Alice's eyes fade only to be replaced by genuine care and curiosity, "and how I think that when all of this is over I don't think we will be together anymore." I finish and watch Alice's expression closely, shockingly worried at her response. Instead, her features turn uncharacteristically neutral leaving nothing to be deciphered. When she doesn't speak my nerves get the better of my and I hurry to fill the silence. "Not that I don't love Edward, I do! I just realized that it isn't romantic love. Thinking on it, my relationship with Edward felt like one with a celebrity. I was pretty close to starstruck and once that wore off and I could see more than all of the good, he wasn't nearly as perfect as I made him out to be." I flounder around for more words as Alice continues to sit in silence. "We just... the relationship isn't something I think will be good for either of us in the long run." I finish weakly but refuse to look away from Alice's unchanging gaze.
"Are you happy?" She asks suddenly and I stumble a response.
"Yes, no... at times?" I stop and take a deep, steadying breath. "Edward deserves to have someone love him for all of him. I've learned I can't do that and it wouldn't be fair to either of us for this to continue. He deserves someone that is better for him and so do I, we both would be happiest without one another." I finish, my words strong, and I my own words finally get through to me. No matter how happy Edward is with me, he would be happier with someone else and because I do love him I have to do what is best for the both of us.
"You're right." Alice says, a full smile splitting her face. "You and Edward both deserve the best. If you are not the best for one another then you both deserve the chance to find who is." Her smile takes on a touch of sadness, "but I am sorry that it hasn't worked out.'
"Don't be, I wouldn't trade any of this, any of you guys, for the world." Any sadness is wiped away as Alice pulls me in for a crushing hug.
"Do you know what this means?" She whispers in my ear and I shrug. "This means I get to finally be a wing-woman!" She pulls away with a kiss to my cheek and flits across the room only to grab a pad of paper and a pencil before flitting back. "We will have to go shopping, you'll need new outfits for dates and pre-dates. I can't have you meeting any prospects dressed like," she looks up from her paper and her eyebrows pinch down, "that." I throw her my best unimpressed glare.
"You might want to hold off until I actually break up with Edward," I say flatly and she winces, offering me a sheepish smile.
"Right, well I, for one, am happy to be spending more time with you!" Her words cause an unexpected smile and warmth to bloom in my chest that I eventually recognize and happiness and affection. I open my mouth to respond when the door opens and Jasper comes in.
"Esme is back at Forks, she said that the redhead hasn't tried to go after Charlie. Carlisle and Edward lost track of the other vampire so they are going to come down here soon." He says a small smile aimed in my direction and I can't help but return it. My stomach rumbles audibly and my cheeks heat up instantly. I ignore the quiet chuckles from Alice and Jasper and stand to grab the muffin left forgotten by Alice earlier. I go to take a bite out of it when I hear Jasper say Alice's name with a touch of urgency. I turn to see a blank look covering her eyes and her hand moving fervently across a piece of paper, drawing something. I move closer to see her drawing a ballet studio. A memory comes to mind and I gasp quietly. Once Alice is free from her vision she scans over her creation, lips pressed into a line and brows pulled down.
"It's a ballet studio." I say quietly. "Like the one used to go to one when I was little. The shape of it is the same."
"Are you sure it is the same one?" Jasper asks. I shake my head.
"They all look alike, the mirrors, the bar. The shape is really the only thing that reminds me of the one I use to go to. It should have nothing to do with me. I haven't been there in almost ten years and I'm not even sure the same person owns it."
--
End.