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How many more people were to be taken from him before he could reach his goal? At this point any slither of hope that had to have been clinging onto his consciousness for dear life, was finally and fully wiped away. That small, miniscule glimmer of hope, was it not like a dully lit candle in a grand hall encased in darkness? How lovely and metaphorical that could seem. That was not the case. Though, Dimitri had to have held onto something right? Anything? Was that light of hope he held so dearly onto merely but a desperate need to behead someone? Well the blonde would surely say that is in fact the case. How pathetic he thinks, imagine only living for the soul purpose of taking a life that used to be held in somewhat importance to you. Its comical almost. But that was just it wasn’t it? That is what they asked of him. Those loving and kind spirits that seemed to never leave the prince alone. Would their deaths not all be atoned for if he were to bring them her head? Byleth knew for a fact the future king was living in a delusion that he could not and would never be able to break free from by himself. The issue Byleth was then faced with was that hes the only person Dimitri would listen to even if it were just a slim change of view, it was more than anyone else could manage.
Byleth did not know for the life of him. However, how to speak to people. He was not emotionless, he was far from it, yet on the surface that was the only thing someone would call him. One of his many flaws that Byleth wished so very desperately to be able to change. To be that one person that could really give sense to the delusional prince. He really struggled.
It was times like right now, he wished he could say anything worth any meaning. A one-word phrase was not going to stop Dimitri from marching alone to Enbarr in a suicidal rage, the man was extremely powerful and gifted in the sense of battle, not gifted enough to destroy an entire army alone. Even he knew that, though it did not seem he cared for his life even remotely at that moment.
If Dimitri needed to hear just a few words of consolidation or anything with any meaning, why, oh why did Byleth settle on a small phrase that could, in an easy way of speaking, ruin absolutely everything the two of them had worked so hard on. Any other reason he could give to pleading the other from throwing away his life, could he have not just said something along the lines of “you are a dear friend to me?” no, certainly not. That would almost make too much sense.
“I love you” was what the greenette had settled on, the way a mere sentence could practically morph another’s face from pure fury to plain and intense fear was almost amusing in any other scenario. What a stupid thing to say. Byleth thought.
Perhaps he needs to backtrack slightly to get some form of an idea as to why that phrase had come to mind.
Barely a few hours had passed since Rodrigues life had been taken from him. The skies were painted pearl grey seconds after the mood of the day had been so drastically changed. Droplets of regret and pain had quickly begun to fall covering the army of blue as they returned to the monastery. The smell of death was so prominent it was almost as if the rain was blood from those taken during the battle, lives of students with whom once called the blue lions’ friends. Dead. How very pitiful indeed.
Byleth did not have the luxury of being left to his own demons and noticed the lack of a certain blonde from the rest of the retreating group. It didn’t take him long to find the other.
He found himself almost drowning in the pouring rain by the time he reached Dimitri in the stables.
“Where are you going?” Byleth had asked. This caused the other take an abrupt stop in his tracks. He didn’t turn around to face Byleth, either out of fear or guilt, Byleth didn’t really have the chance to decide before he got his response.
“That doesn’t concern you.” A simple answer was given in response. A thoughtless question really, it was quite obvious in what direction Dimitri had been taking himself in. Byleth was getting tired of only seeing that same deep royal blue cloak that never seemed to part from the blonde. It seemed the other’s back was turned towards him more often than his face.
“You’re going to Enbarr are you not?” this got more of a reaction from Dimitri as he finally turned himself around. His expression was hard to decipher but something was so obviously masked by a wall of rage.
“As I said before, that does not concern you,” Dimitri repeated. This forced a quiet huff from Byleth.
“How does this not concern me? You will get yourself killed.” Byleth responded. His words didn’t affect Dimitri in anyway, as if he himself knew quite well he was walking towards his death, maybe he at that point had really lost all hope, at least in death those voices would finally stop.
The rain seemed to pick up.
“Death is not a fear of mine. This much you should know.” Dimitri folded his arms almost ready to be done with this conversation already. Byleth bit his lip, so much so he felt as if he’d start tasting blood. He really, wasn’t good with his words.
“Death- or well, your death however, if very much a fear of mine, I cannot allow you to throw your life away to try and avenge those who are already dead, you cannot do anything for them now.” Byleth said, looking up almost scared to see the reaction of the other Infront of him, and by the look on his face it seemed Byleth did not say the right thing.
“If they are dead, Byleth, why do I hear them constantly? Do you have the answer to that?” during his words the blonde walked himself closer to the other man, towering himself over Byleth as if trying to use his height to intimidate.
Byleth did not respond
“The only way I can end their constant begs and pleads is by handing the head of that women to them. This is how it has always been and yet you-“ before Dimitri could continue what he has repeated a volume of times Byleth cut him off, standing on his tippy toes slightly as if he was almost intimidated by the other.
“Dimitri please that’s not what they would-“ and just as Byleth had cut though Dimitris words the other did exactly the same, turning this conversation more into an argument.
“How would you know?! How would you have any idea what they would want?! They haunt me not you! How dare you stand here and tell me what it is they want!” with an exaggerated huff Dimitri swiftly turned around ready to end this conversation there and then. Rainwater collecting in his hair and dripping down his neck.
Before Dimitri could stalk off too far Byleth panicked slightly and grabbed the other by his wrist, the blonde almost ripped Byleth’s hand off with how much force he put in, he had pulled his wrist from the others grip with such speed he honestly could have slipped over. Though the action had stopped him in his tracks once again giving Byleth some form of attention.
“Dimitri please I-“ Byleth looked down, water collecting from his now fully drenched hair, letting the beads of wet drop loose down his face. He tried for some words, but they didn’t come. What did Dimitri want to hear right now? It was all so very overwhelming, Byleth even became frustrated in himself.
“I understand it hurts but this isn’t how you should-“ again Byleth words were cut short.
“How could you of all people understand?! You barely have any emotions! The only time I’ve seen you even remotely upset was after the death of your own father!” Dimitris words left Byleth completely frozen. Same for the taller, as if he didn’t realise his own words before they were falling out his own lips.
The blond took a breath.
“forgive me, that was uncalled for, Byleth.” He then looked down not wanting to meet the bold viridescent hue of the smaller’s eyes.
“No. you’re right.” Was all Byleth could manage. Leaving the two stood in an almost awkward silence, safe for the constant patter of the rain around them.
Dimitri is there waiting for you to say something. Anything. And yet you stand there grasping at straws hoping you may say something helpful. Truly pathetic. He thought.
“I know I’m not very good at words I- you know I am, I don’t know what to do- I don’t want to lose you to this and yet all I can come up with is blank phrases, pure nothingness.” He finally looked up into that deep blue eye, the storm brewing around them was nothing compared to behind that one iris Byleth could bet.
“I don’t have all the answers- I never did, but I can’t think of anything more painful than… than knowing my stupid inability to speak is why you-“ Byleth couldn’t finish that phrase, the very idea of being a reason why Dimitri lost his life would drive him absolutely insane. The thought physically pained him.
The other said nothing, he seemed like he was thinking one million thoughts at once but could not utter one out. Byleth sighed to himself, if this conversation were truly the only thing that could keep Dimitri from leaving all he could think of doing from this moment on was just being so very painfully honest.
“I’m sorry Dimitri, I’m so sorry you’re stuck with someone who can barely utter more than a sentence, or someone who houses next to no emotions.” he took in a deep breath not realising he hasn’t been breathing for the last minute.
“you’re” he felt his words breaking up as he spoke them, since when could emotions effect how you speak anyway?
“you are, so important to me Dimitri I” was he really going to say that? Was that really the only thing he had left to show how much the other meant to him? The storm seemed to be picking up but in that very moment everything felt so quiet, so incredibly quiet. As if Byleth and Dimitri were the only two people left on the planet.
Before Byleth could continue his words, he felt a trail of water fall down his cheeks that held a different kind of warmth, one that the other droplets on his face didn’t have. Ah wait, that was not the same water because it wasn’t coming from the falling droplets above him. They were coming from his eyes.
“p-professor…” the sight of the other crying felt surreal to Dimitri, when something so much as a smile was an extremely rare occurrence something that was a cause of such strong feeling such as crying was almost other worldly to him. And he, was the cause of that.
“I understand professor. To have caused you to, cry I- I’m sorry for my foolish words I know you, have emotions you’re… I caused you to… you must understand that being the cause of something just shows what a terrible human I am, to cause you to-“
“Dimitri.”
“yes sorry I- did just but in-“
“Dimitri I wanted to say that, though I have next to no emotions I, know for a fact that I have learned at least one.”
“ah... what would that be?”
“that I can experience love.”
Dimitris expression did not really give Byleth a lot to work with at this point so he simply continued.
“you taught me that emotion Dimitri.” He ventured
He was met with silence.
“That is because I love you.” He finally said.
All of a sudden, the quiet world around them disappearing the ear ringing sounds of the pouring rain returned, as if the real world caught up with the two of them oh so very quickly.
Ah, that was the wrong thing to say.
In hindsight, in every single way that was the wrong thing to say, not just because of the obviously very bad timing. Dimitri could be disgusted and just lose all respect for Byleth just there and then.
“please- Byleth take it back-“ Dimitri words retook Byleth from his thoughts making him acutely aware of the other in front him once again. He couldn’t get a look on the blonde as his hair was obscuring his face.
Dimitri then let out a painfully sour laugh.
“just tell me you, tell me you were trying to make me laugh- please tell me this was your awful way of making light of this situation please tell me nothing has to change now-“ he was shaking, Byleth could deduce it wasn’t from the cold of the now almost fully soaked clothing he was wearing, it was as if the man had just climbed out a pond.
“tell me you didn’t mean to say-“ it seemed as though Dimitri was talking to himself and not Byleth at that point, like he was trying reassure himself of Byleth feelings, the fear was so prominent on his tongue.
Before he could continue however, Byleth reached up to cup the other’s cheeks forcing his rambles into silence.
“I love you” Byleth repeated a small amount of colour dusting over his own cheeks, though none in comparison to the crimson that bled over Dimitris face.
Now he was in a bit of predicament as Byleth didn’t really think far enough ahead as to where such a confession would lead him, before he could string something together however, Dimitri finally spoke a slow coherent sentence.
“you shouldn’t. I don’t deserve something like love from anyone, much less you of all people.” The man sighed inwardly to himself and let out a dry chuckle.
“why do you say that?” responded Byleth, his hands still planted softly on the others face.
“I am more of a beast… a monster than I am human, no offence Byleth, but that is probably one of the stupidest things you have ever said. I’m happy to leave this conversation behind if you so want.“ The colour had left Dimitris cheeks and his face was almost paled, it had lost so much colour for many more reasons than just a lack of sleep. Being stood this close Byleth could really see just how deep and almost painful the bags that formed under his eye were. They were such a violent purple that they were the brightest thing on his face. They even drowned out his once bright and loving ocean blue eyes.
It hurt Byleth hearing Dimitri speak of himself in such a way. Knowing the blonde was more than happy to throw himself into the death trap that was Enbarr hurt so very much. It really sent a twinge of pain through his chest; he hadn’t realised he was yet to stop crying.
“If that is the case, then I am extremely lucky to have been given the chance to fall in love with such a beast, in fact I would say he is the unlucky one to have a demon such as myself feeling such things towards him. And” as Byleth spoke he began to very softly stroke his thumb over the cheeks that his hands where still glued to.
“I do not know what I would do with myself if I was ever to lose him. I can’t… please don’t make me loose him” Dimitri opened his eye and was met with another enriching blue.
“How can I let myself have this? With all these voices who rely on me… tell me Byleth, how do I make them go” the man in question stood staring at the other for what felt like another 5 years before he reached deep into himself to give Dimitri an answer he desperately needed.
“You have to forgive yourself.” The pounding rain never stopped. If anything, the rate of which the water fell had increased, the night falling onto the two as they stood there, never breaking eye contact.
Byleth dropped one of his hands from Dimitris face and offered it to the man in front of him, waiting patiently for him to grab it off his own accord. He took it with no further question. Their fingers lacing together, Dimitris being that much larger than Byleths they almost encased them.
“You hands…. Have they always been this warm?”
Byleth allowed himself to let out the smallest of smiles, a mere curve of his lips.
“Byleth can I… kiss you?” Dimitri asked, his voice so incredibly soft all of a sudden laced with an emotion he feels he’s heard before from the taller. Quite long ago.
“You may” Dimitri almost did not let Byleth finish before he met Byleth lips with his own.
His mouth was warm, a searing contrast to cold air surround them. They were soft as well, softer than Byleth could ever have imagined. The greenette lifted his hand that was laced with Dimitris and tangled it into the taller mans blonde locks, slowly running his fingers through a few tiny nots. The other hand still very much pressed to the side of Dimitris face. The blonde had let one of his hands fall and rest in the small of Byleth’s back, while the other rested on his hip.
They stayed like that, lips locked, not with too much passion for it get heated in any way, but enough for it to take away any focus on everything around them.
Byleth gently pulled away to get a breath in, only to utter something he has already said a series of times already this night.
“I love you Dimitri” this earned the smallest of laughs from the man in his arms.
“I have loved you since the very first day I met you Byleth, for you to feel the same way it… almost feels surreal” this earned Dimitri a soft grin from the smaller. Before his face quickly faltered back to its usual deadpan.
“don’t ever leave me Dimitri, please.” Dimitri looked down meeting Byleth gaze. he smiled and press his lips against the smaller once again, in a small peck.
“I won’t, I promise”
They stood there in each other arms for a little while longer, Byleth did not care. Time wasn’t important to him at that moment all he cared about was the man he was so lucky to have with him. Alive and breathing.
“Dimitri” Byleth spoke up softly.
“yes?” responded the other.
He would say this one million times if Dimitri asked him to, but for now. He just really wanted to say it again.
“I love you.”