Chapter Text
Chapter One:
The room smelled of death - the heady, sickening scent of cauterized flesh and viscera intermingled with the smoky, ozone scent of their lightsabers. Kylo Ren dispassionately regarded the bisected remains of Snoke. He’d thought, when he’d dared to think of such things, that when Snoke’s death occurred he would feel something, whether elation, relief, or even regret at losing that ever constant presence in his mind. Instead, for the first time in his life, his mind was blissfully silent. His thoughts were his own.
Except, not exactly.
Rey’s Force signature was positively blazing, her light incandescent. He’d often thought that if others could see her light they’d be awestruck, blinded by it. Snoke had underestimated her, but he never had. Not from the moment their minds had met.
As if magnetized, his gaze met hers across the room. Almost simultaneously, they each extinguished their sabers, his nerveless fingers nearly dropping his to the ground. Their bond sung with shared emotions - the adrenaline rush following a fight, relief at both being alive, desire.
Desire.
Like a predator stalking its prey, Kylo stepped toward her. She did the same, her gaze never wavering. When finally they reached the other, Kylo’s gloved hand reached behind her neck, pulling her to him. Rey’s breath hitched, a modicum of uncertainty suddenly clouding her eyes.
“Ben,” she said softly, gulping. “What -”
“I know you feel it too,” he stated, ignoring her use of that dead boy’s name. Her eyes closed as he cupped her cheek with his other hand, and she nodded.
“Say it,” he prodded softly, gloved fingers gripping her face insistently. He knew he wasn’t wrong - her desire pulsed in the bond, fueling his own. He was hard just standing in her proximity.
Rey’s eyes fluttered open, and she scowled obstinately. For a moment he feared she would push him away, in which case he would retreat from her. Forever, if that was her wish. Monster though he was, he wasn’t that kind.
But then she was surging upwards, her hot mouth pressed against his. He pulled her flush against him, unable to contain a moan as his hardness pushed against her thigh.
Rey pulled slightly back, just enough to smirk. “No, you say it,” she said breathily, pupils shot open. She pulled him back down to her, tongue tracing against his lips. With a gasp, he opened to her, mind devoid of all except her - her mouth, her taste.
What began as exploratory quickly became frenzied, their mutual need to touch, to claim overriding all others. Through the Force, Kylo could feel the rightness of it, the inevitability of their coming together. This felt as right as fighting by her side, and much like then, they moved together in a synchronized dance - minds and bodies open to one another.
Kylo gripped her ass, squeezing as he lifted her against him. Rey’s legs wrapped around him and they both groaned as she ground against his erection.
Achingly hard, he lowered her to the ground. He would have her here, among the smoke and bodies, his dead master looking on with blank eyes. It was fitting, as his last beginning had also coincided with smoke and death. And it was that, a beginning. Someone had finally chosen him, something his own parents had failed to do. Their rejection, coupled with his uncle’s murderous intentions, had driven him straight to Snoke, where he’d thought, briefly, that he may finally have found the belonging he’d sought. But it wasn’t to be so. While he’d been too dark for his parents and Skywalker, his light had equally refused to be extinguished completely. It had persisted, a glimmer in the night. He’d believed he could rid himself of it permanently, but had only succeeded in splitting his soul down the middle the moment he’d gutted his father.
He pulled back slightly, eyes locking incredulously with Rey’s. Her lips were swollen with kisses and there were bite marks on her neck. He still couldn’t believe it, that she had chosen him. It made him feel something, some nameless, long dead emotion that a monster like him shouldn’t be feeling.
“Ben,” she sighed softly, as if it were still his name, as if Kylo himself hadn’t killed that weak and foolish boy.
For the first time in years, Kylo regretted that he couldn’t be that name, not anymore. For the first time in years, he wished he could. Through the bond he could feel what she felt - her loneliness, that ache to belong. He’d told her she wasn’t alone, and he’d meant it.
His now gloveless fingers skated gently under the top of her waistband, and she gave a silent nod as his eyes silently sought hers for permission. With a shaking hand he explored her wet heat, reveling in the way her eyes rolled back and her lips parted. Her hand covered his, guiding him where she wanted, and it wasn’t long before she was shuddering and drawing her legs together as she came apart beneath him.
The next moments were a blur as clothes were removed and hands explored the other. Kylo gasped, moaning as her hand closed around him and she guided him between her legs. Their eyes locked as he slid into her, bottoming out in her delicious heat. She drew in her breath, and through the bond he could feel her brief discomfort as she accommodated to him. Finally she nodded, and he began moving.
It was the first time, for the both of them.
The feel was indescribable, and he knew he wasn’t going to last long. A few thrusts was all it took and he was coming, orgasm ripping through him as he spilled into her.
He tucked his head into her shoulder, catching his breath. Despite the brevity of his endurance, he found he wasn’t embarrassed. Their minds, much like their bodies, were one. And of course, there was always next time.
Rey’s arms and legs were wrapped around him, holding him to her. He lifted his head to meet her eyes, a warm emotion coursing through him. She met his gaze, a slight smile lifting her lips as she traced a finger over the scar she’d given him.
“Hi,” she said softly, grinning.
“Hi,” he replied, a smile pulling on his lips for the first time in years. As they gazed at each other, tender feelings emanating through the bond, he allowed himself to hope.
All of that came crashing down in the next moment, as Rey suddenly gasped, pulling away from him and dressing in a flurry of movement.
“The fleet! Ben, there’s still time to save the fleet!” She stared at him expectedly, chest heaving. Kylo felt his heart drop down to his guts. Disbelievingly, he began pulling his own clothes on, unable to meet her eyes. She hadn’t chosen him at all. Even after everything they’d just shared, her “friends” - that merry band of traitors and criminals - would always come first. Had this all been just an elaborate ploy to distract him? The thought crept, unbidden, into his mind, and he found himself unable to shake it. An age old despair wrapped itself around him, threatening to choke him.
“Ben?” Rey’s voice interrupted the dark spiral of his thoughts. He flinched away from the hand she’d placed on his arm, and her brows furrowed with concern. “Did you hear me? We need to save the fleet! Order them to stop firing!”
“No,” Kylo replied sharply. “No, you’re still holding on! Was this -” he swept his arm around, unsure whether he was indicating the dead Praetorian guards or their recent coupling. “Was this your idea? Or did my mother put you up to it?” He gritted his teeth, erecting his walls around his mind to block the feelings of hurt flooding through the bond from her. How dare she be feeling hurt?
“Of course not! The Resistance doesn’t even know I’m here! I came for you, to help you!” Tears of indignation sprung into her eyes. Kylo looked away from her.
“To turn me, you mean.” When she doesn’t deny it, he sighed, staring at Snoke’s smoking corpse. “It’s time to let old things die. Snoke. Skywalker. The Jedi. The Sith. The Rebels. Let it all die.”
Rey shook her head. “Ben, please.”
It wasn’t too late, he decided. Even if this had all been a ploy to distract him, she still belonged at his side. The Force itself had deemed it so.
Drawing in a deep breath, he held out his hand to her. “Rey, I want you to join me. We can rule together and bring a new order to the galaxy. I know you feel it too - how right it is that we’re together.”
Tears streamed down Rey’s face. “Don’t do this, Ben. Please don’t go this way.” She drew in a shuddering breath. He could feel her conflict, how badly she wanted to take his hand.
He wanted her more than anything he’d ever wanted in his life. Nothing had ever felt as right as having her there with him. Didn’t she understand that he would burn the galaxy down for her, lay waste to worlds just to worship at her feet? Somehow, he had to make her understand.
“You’re still holding on, Rey. Let go! Do you want to know the truth about your parents? Or have you always known? You know the truth, you’ve just hidden it away. Say it.”
She choked back a sob.
“Say it,” he pressed.
“They were nobody,” she said quietly.
“They were filthy junk traders who sold you off for drinking money. They’re dead, buried in a pauper’s grave in the Jakku desert. You have no place in this story. You come from nothing. You’re nothing.”
Rey was crying softly, avoiding his eyes. A part of him was aware of the cruelty of his words, but he had to make her understand.
“But not to me,” he finished softly. He stepped closer. With tentative fingers he brushed the hair out of her face, using his thumb to wipe away a tear. She met his gaze, her eyes shiny.
“Join me,” he pleaded, his own voice wavering. He held out a hand in supplication, fingers trembling slightly. He would beg if he had to. Anything to keep her - this feral desert creature who should have meant nothing, yet somehow was the key to everything.
“Please,” he added softly.
Rey was trembling as well, eyes shiny with unshed tears. Finally, she nodded, extending her hand. Kylo exhaled in relief, his face breaking out into a grin. Later, he would consider this moment - just this one heartbeat of a moment, really - to be one of the happiest in his life.
But not what happened next. Because suddenly his lightsaber was flying into her outstretched hand, her face grim and determined. He acted on reflex, using the Force to pull the saber back into his own hand until it was halted mid-air by Rey’s forceful tug. The saber wavered in the air, torn between two equally matched Force users. Then it exploded, the heat and sensation of being knocked back the last thing Kylo was aware of.
The hours that followed upon coming to - and subsequently declaring himself Supreme Leader - were a blur of rage and darkness. Rey had betrayed him, had abandoned him to die in a failing ship. He pushed aside all feelings of hurt and grief, instead letting the darkness bathe him in its seductive blackness.
“I will destroy her,” he vowed to Skywalker, and in that moment, he meant it. It wasn’t until much later, when the Force bond opened to reveal Rey standing in front of him, that the weight of what he’d lost brought him to his knees. The dice from the Falcon clutched in his hands, they stared at each other wordlessly. Her mouth opened slightly, as though to say something.
“Rey,” he pleaded. What exactly he was pleading for, he had no idea. Rey’s eyes, so soft when they’d joined earlier, were now hard, unforgiving.
“No,” she said harshly. And the bond snapped shut. Kylo gasped as the dice in his hands disappeared as well.
Another illusion.