Chapter Text
Sometimes life can be hard when you have a split personality, but for the most part, my life was great. I had friends. Everyone liked me. I constantly had boys at my feet. Beauty and a great personality will do that. But mostly beauty and let me tell you, I was gorgeous...well, I mean, I still am. I'm not a fricken writer, so I don't know how to grammar, ok!? Back on topic, I'm definitely hot but seriously lacking in the boob department. I'd like to think that my long legs leading up to my perfect ass more than make up for it. I guess I don't mind really. I could always fix that issue with surgery when I finally turn eighteen . . . and after having a lengthy argument with my other half: the host personality. We've always co-existed nicely, more so in our younger years. Sure becoming a teenager put a strain on our happy medium but we still made it work. Well, it was working until the day I met him. The gorgeous new boy. What with his dark hair and that fair skin that was almost too pale and the stupid fucking disinterest he exuded. Ugh. Someone remind me again why I want this jerk so bad. No, not you, Mikasa. I don't care how many times you say it, I don't want him more just because he rejected me, ok. Let me start this over. I'll start with the actual day I met this delicious looking ass-hat.
The school year started off like any other. The only difference being that I was a junior now. Oh and we had a new principal, Commander Handsome himself, Mr. Smith. He was in a high ranking military position, so I'd heard, before deciding on high school as a career. Who knows the fuck why but damn, I was glad for it though considering I had this new, nice piece of man meat to check out. It's kind of funny that they decided on this guy considering our principal last year was fired for having (consented) sexual relations with a few students. Not like I was going to attempt to bed Mr. Smith myself but hot damn, a girl could dream . . . of banging this dreamboat of a man. I knew I'd have to find reasons to land myself in the principal's office this year. I was always a nice girl but maybe now I wanted to be bad, so bad.
Of all the stupid little things I was doing to garner enough attention, I managed to only get sent to his office once in the first two weeks. I was a let down to myself but hey, I made it at least. Captain America must've noticed my staring because I was brought out of my fantasy by his fingers. Ohhh my gosh those strong, perfectly thick, long fingers. . . snapping in my face. Whatever I had done to get here, he wasn't even talking about it now. Instead, I was hearing about how I was a beautiful young lady with so much potential and a whole life ahead of me. And how I shouldn't do anything to stifle my own success. Well duh, I knew that. The beautiful woman part that is. Uhhh, now he's looking at me with that disappointed furrowing of brows. And holy freakin' caterpillars, Batman! How did I not notice that until now? I could look past that though. This man was gorgeous enough and a little wax on wax off would make him perfect. Underneath the Eugene Levy were gorgeous blue peepers after all. Oh gosh, I'm staring again, stop it brain! He rolled his eyes followed up with the cutest little, friendly scoff ever. Standing up, he walked to the door and opened it, cuing me that this meeting was done. As I passed by, he made a quick comment on me finding a nice boy my own age to be smitten by. Then he flashed me a straight set of pearly whites, forcing me to do the same, before he returned to his desk. Well how the heck do you expect me to do that when your smile is so infectious?
Upon exiting I was met by Mikasa. Of course I was. She was always there whenever I managed to find myself in trouble, which wasn't often. Worry was laced in her eyes. "It wasn't bad. Don't worry." I said walking by her nonchalantly, hoping she wouldn't lecture me, too.
"Bad enough to get you called in there."
"Yeah well, I didn't get yelled at if that's what you're thinking. He's really nice." I must've sounded hazed with lust or something because Mikasa just laughed at me. "Oh shut up." I hip checked her lightly and began laughing with her. Mikasa really understood me and was always there. Even when I felt being alone was what I needed, she'd stay with me because being alone, she knew, was the worst thing for me. This is why she was my best friend. Armin was a close second. Speaking of, where was that boy?
"Armin's getting our lunches-" I swear she was a mind reader. "To make up for the time you caused us by visiting Principal Hot Stuff." That earned her another hip check. I put my hands over her mouth when she opened it to speak again. I was hearing no more from her. As if I weren't being enough of a giddy girl right now. Her remarks would just make me even more so. We were fighting each other for dominance when Armin finally arrived. He took in the sight like it was the most amusing thing ever.
"Gimme, gimme." I reached out while curling my fingers in and out in a grabby motion. "I'm soooo hungr-." Mikasa grabbed one of the rolls from the tray and shoved it my mouth. I coughed it out while she giggled to herself. Even Armin couldn't hide his smile. These jerks. "That was assault and you-" I pointed to Armin "Are an accessory to the crime."
"Please, don't turn me in to your principal boyfriend." Oh no he didn't.
Thus was the entirety of our lunch hour. Me being all giddy and stupid while Armin and Mikasa poked fun at me. Times like these were the ones I cherished. Times when it was just the three of us, sitting around talking, laughing. Gosh, I loved these two. More than anything. Well, they were tied for first place with my parents and sister. Pretty sure I had more fun with Armin and Mikasa though. Fun that would have to be put on hold for now considering lunch was almost over. We all stood together as I busied myself with digging in my purse for a sucker. Upon finding it, I made quick of unwrapping it and putting it in my mouth. Oh grape Blow Pop how I love you. "Hey, wait up!" My friends hadn't waited on me this time and I had to run to catch up. That's when I noticed the new kid, sitting in the same spot as usual. He always sat alone like a freakin' dork on the bench under the stairs eating his lunch and reading. I understood being too cool to eat in the lunch room, but alone? Can you say weirdoooo.
"Umphf." I ran into Armin's back. I'm a dummy. I guess I was looking at this new guy so hard it had apparently made me blind. I quickly apologized to Armin and he just smiled. Damn, this boy was too sweet for his own good. I'll never be able to grasp how anyone would want to bring any harm upon that cute little blonde head of his.
Anyway, new guy. Of all the times I'd seen him sitting there he never once looked up to see what was going on around him. Like he was perfectly content with whatever it was he was always doing. Well, enough of his solitude. It was about time he talk to someone and that someone was going to be me. I pulled the sucker out from my mouth and sized him up. Maybe if I get a glimpse of his face I can make a clear decision on whether or not he deserves my undivided attention. All right, it's go time. Oh don't you roll your eyes at me, Mikasa, giving me that look that says I shouldn't go through with my current train of thought. Too bad though. Once my mind is set on a goal, I stick with it. I had a clear objective in place and a little seductive wiggle in my hips. I approached him. Mikasa be damned.
"Hey, cutie." I said, pairing the words with the most adorable smile I could muster. I should've know it'd be a waste though seeing as this douche didn't even look up. Not even a flinch of acknowledgement. He just continued on reading like the world wasn't going on around him. Ok, try again, Erin. "Do you always refrain from making eye contact when people talk to you?" I asked as cutesy and friendly as possible. Reaction accomplished. He raised his head slightly to take in the surrounding, as if I weren't talking to him. "Oh yes, I'm talking to you." I was careful to keep my rising annoyance from lacing itself into my tone. I flashed him my pearly whites again. It wasn't wasted this time.
"Yeah?" 'Yeah'? That's it!? Did he have to say it in the most bored tone ever? I wasn't boring. I didn't bore people. I'm fun, hilarious...adorable! Address me as such, guy.
"I haven't seen you around before. You must be new here." With this remark he finally raised his eyes completely to meet mine. I was struck with amazing blues peering through a canopy of black fringe. This guy wasn't even cute. He was down right gorgeous. Seeing his face made me all but forget about Commander What's-his-face playing principal.
"Great work, detective." Ummm, what?
"Anyway . . . I'm Erin. I just wanted to say hi-"
"You already did."
"And extend my generosity." I said with a wink, pulling the lollipop out of my mouth to swirl my tongue around it.
"Not interested."
"I don't think you understand-"
"I think I got it loud and clear."
"Then let me offer you-"
"You have nothing I want." I imagined that at this point my face looked like the expression Katniss made when Johanna begins to strip in the elevator in that Hunger Games movie.
"Oh?" Is this mother f'er really just sitting there, glaring at me in annoyance? Seriously, what did I have to do to get through to this guy? "Nothing at all?" I let out teasingly.
"Nope."
The next thing I know, I'm holding his hand up under my skirt. The only thing separating his cool palm from my warm hoo-ha was the damp cloth of my panties. Oh my gosh, the look on his face was pure shock and confusion. Forget about fifty shades of grey, it's been replaced by red. I could feel my face burning with a horrible embarrassment. There was no hiding it. Once I felt my face heating up, it was all downhill from there. I could never control the hot spread after it started. It only got darker.
What in the actual fuck just happened!? It was almost as if I had blanked out for whatever had lead to this..this...I don't even know what this was! That wasn't possible though, me switching. I never lost control to my other half. My consciousness was only surrendered when I went to bed at the end of the day.
I made quick of dropping my hand and stepping back from him. I was utterly mortified as he just held that same expression.
"Uhhh...I...I don't know what came over me." I was fumbling. It was a struggle to find the right words to say. Wait, words? What the heck were words again? "I . . . I'm sorry!" I turned on my heels and damn near ran away, not daring to look back. "Can we please go now? Go, go, GO!" It came out as an order. An order that Mikasa and Armin were quick to follow like they were my subordinates. Why couldn't I just apparate like Harry freakin' Potter right now? I just want to die. As if the rejection wasn't bad enough, I went and threw myself at him. Well, my crotch anyway. Ugh, no! Shut up self! Like, how does something like that even happen? 'Here guy, feel my pussy through my panties. Nice, isn't it.' Ew, I just said pussy. Ugh, I said it again! I hate myself so damn much right now. This day couldn't get any worse. In fact, I'm sure my life couldn't. This was officially rock bottom. Like when people get so desperate for money that they resort to making gay porn. Fuck my life, I was done with this day.
I awoke feeling more depressed than usual. It was probably remnants of how Erin was feeling before she fell asleep last night. She took the courtesy in deciding not to write me why I'd start the day feeling shitty right off the bat though. Thanks for that. Not like it changed much. Today was droning on as uneventful as any other. Well aside from the verbal harassment which was so normal it was commonplace for me. Well I guess that could be counted as uneventful in itself. I just ignore it and keep moving on through the mundane routine: acting like no one else existed in this hell hole of a life. Save for a few people I decided I liked. Whom I was with now.
Armin was always pretty good at getting my mind off of things. What with all his talk about traveling abroad and dragging me and Mikasa along with him. It was a nice gesture but I knew it'd never happen. No matter how much he may or may not have planned this, It was bound to dissolve. He wouldn't last a day without his darling Krista. At least he had someone. Not like I was jealous or anything.
Besides, if I ever decided that I was that lonely I'd have Mikasa to fall back on. Not that I'd ever want to. Sure she was a gorgeous. Aesthetically my type, being Asian-American and all but that personality. Damn she could be overbearing. I new she loved me but I wasn't some fragile little figurine that needed to remain protected on a shelf behind glass. And that wasn't an exaggeration of how protective she was of me.
I truely did appreciate these two though. They were the only people who I considered my real friends. Hell, my family. I don't know what I'd do if they were gone from my life. They were my support beams. Even now. Here they were, Mikasa trying to talk me into feeling better while Armin tried to broach a topic he knew would take my mind off of things. They new what happened yesterday. Why Erin was so depressed but no matter what, they never talked to me about what she did unless I asked. Another reason I was grateful for these two.
We walked in close rank as we weaved through the rest of the student body who were rushing to where ever they had to be after school. As for us, we didn't need to be anywhere today so we parked our asses on the steps leading up to some poor excuse of a sculpture. We were minding our own business when some random guy decided to come up to me and damn near make me lash out in anger from his tone alone. Breathe. Don't freak out and break another random guy's nose. Don't add another issue to the growing pile of shit mom and dad had to deal with.
"Hey! What's your deal? You get off on cross dressing and tossing yourself at strangers." It came out as more of a statement than a question.
"Do I know you?" This guy had been staring me down all damn day. Now I knew why. I couldn't help but laugh a little when the realization of his significance hit me. Really now, Erin, you let yourself get torn up over this. Haha oh man. Although, listening to Her fumble through rejection like a dipshit was amusing it was also irritating at the same time. I had to step in and do something. She was pretty much inviting me to take over with how badly her emotions were spiking all over the place. So I decided I'd come to Her rescue. Sort of.
"You have nothing I want."
"Oh?" I was internally grinning ear to ear at the idea of hijacking this situation. "Nothing at all?
"Nope."
Oh, yeah, this shit was on. Goodbye, Erin, hello to me. I grabbed the hem of my skirt with my left hand and began scrunching it up in my palm. I spoke in rhythm with my actions.
"I'm sure I have something . . ." I said in a husky, low, seductive tone. That crappy excuse for a female tone was nowhere in my voice. Did he notice? Fucking right he did. The widening of his eyes were a testament to that. He almost didn't even notice when I grabbed his hand with my right. I slid it under my skirt and with a slight parting of my thighs, I pushed it palm up in between my legs. Riiiiiight on my bunched up junk, snuggly packed (thanks Mikasa) in these tiny ass chick panties. I grinned maliciously at him. Feel that? Yeah, that's a cock right there, buddy. Bet you're so interested now. Oh and haha fuck you, Erin. I'm not going to let you add this guy to your long list of 'banged that'.
Oh yeah, let me finish that sentence I started -
"That would interest you." Aaaaaaaaaand I'm out.
That's where I left Erin to clear up the mess I made for her. Ahh yes, I am a damn genius. I am fucking hilarious. Well, Erin didn't think so but I didn't care. She embarrassed me enough as it was. Payback was all I had. Yet here I was, the one left dealing with this little shit-storm that I had created, damn.
"You're that guy . . . She was tripping over. Great job rejecting her. She needs to be knocked off her pedestal."
"What!?"
"Look man, just stay away from Her, er me. Whatever. Just leave us alone and we'll all be happy." I didn't even give him a chance to retort. I just turned and walked away from that confused ass expression on his face. Mikasa followed quickly while I'm sure Armin was giving the guy a sad smile before joining us. At least that's what I was picking up from that disappointing tone he'd just used when saying my name.
The look on that guy's face though, I could never fully express how much satisfaction it brought me seeing them like that. It was what I loved seeing when they came looking for Erin and got me instead. I would never tire of it. Would never tire of rejecting the assholes who decided it was a good idea to fuck me without my permission. Did they think it was ok to shove their cocks up my ass as long I didn't remember it or something? I was never homophobic but I swear Erin was forcing me to be. Why my mind decided to branch off one day and become a girl was beyond me. I had never once in my life been attracted to dicks but I guess Erin loved 'em. She couldn't get enough 'em.
There was always some new jackass approaching me every week. Trying to talk to me about shit I didn't remember. It was the shit She spewed. How do these people not know by now that I have two fucking personalities. Well if they know they're obviously too stupid to grasp the concept of what it means. Sure my disorder wasn't like the more common ones of the same type but still, these people needed to do a little more research if they wanted to actually talk to me. Which I knew they didn't because apparently gay guys only bang dudes that try to look like chicks. I would never understand the reasoning behind that either. And here I thought I was a freak. At least I have the excuse of amnesia. Maybe I should stop being so harsh. Wait, nope. These jack-holes deserved it.
The way I see it, if someone really, truly liked that other side of me then they'd fight for it. They'd figure out how to handle both of us. Not go scurrying away after dealing with me. Not that I'd date a fucking guy anyway. I'm not gay. I know that doesn't sound believable but dammit it's the truth. One day I'd rid myself of the parasite that is Erin and my life will be normal again. I don't care who says it or how many times I hear it, She's not me. She never will be. The things she wants, I'll never let happen.
This was the bullshit that was my life. The crap I had to put up with. I'm just biding my time 'til I can figure out how to finally make her disappear.