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The rumble of the engine was soothing as Dean sped down the open highway. He’d done this plenty of times when he was back on Earth and while he was glad to be behind Baby’s wheel, there was always an undercurrent of anxiety. Was he going to get to his destination on time? What was waiting for him at the end of the trip? But now he didn’t feel any of that. He could drive for the simple pleasure of it without pressures weighing on his mind. It was freeing in a way. Freeing but lonely.
It’d been years since he’d gone this long without someone beside him. In the quiet that fell when the music changed from thumping drums to something softer, his mind wandered to how Sam was getting along with making a life for himself. Once or twice, he’d almost turned the car around to see if he could find his parents’ place but quickly dashed the idea aside. While he loved his mom and dad, he wasn’t ready to crack that proverbial pinata of history just yet.
He was in the middle of one of his usual reminiscences of family or friends who’d passed on and whether he should visit when he felt, rather than heard, the arrival of a presence beside him. Startled, he jerked in his seat and only reflex (or perhaps Heavenly physics) kept the car on the road. Casting a glance over to the passenger seat, his heart leapt into his throat when he saw Castiel sitting there with a soft smile.
“Hello, Dean.” he said, “I apologize for not coming to see you sooner. There were things that needed attending to.”
Slamming on the brakes, Dean came to a complete stop right in the middle of the road and put the car into park. “Is it really you?” he asked, turning in his seat to get a good look at the angel. “I mean, this isn’t some Heaven trick or flashback, right?”
Castiel reached over the space between them and laid a hand on Dean’s shoulder. “It’s really me. A little different. Stronger. But me.”
“I thought Bobby was being metaphorical or something. I didn’t think… I hoped…” he started to choke on the words as a mix of emotions overwhelmed him. Drawing in a slow breath and exhaling in a huff, a smile curled up at the corner of his mouth right before he grabbed Castiel by the arms and pulled him in for a hug. “It’s really good to see you, Cas. So damned good to see you.”
Castiel’s arms wound around Dean and clung to him almost desperately. After not nearly enough time, he felt Dean drawing away from him and he reluctantly went along only to feel a warm hand on his cheek that lingered for a few seconds more. When he opened his eyes,Dean was smiling at him.
“Want to go for a ride with me, Cas?” Dean asked, nodding his head toward the open road. “It’s been a while since we did that.”
“I would like that very much,” Castiel said without hesitation.
With a barely contained surge of excitement, Dean turned in his seat and gave the engine a firm rev before throwing her into gear, speeding down the highway until the trees looked like a solid bar of greens and browns.
They rode along on a road without end. Each telling the other their stories of how they came to be in Heaven. There were a few tears, several apologies, and eventually laughter. It was when they’d run out of stories to tell Castiel took note of where they were and pointed toward a turnoff that was coming up. “If you turn here, you can stay on what I think you’d refer to as a bypass. If you keep going straight, the path can get rather...harrowing.”
“Harrowing,” Dean said flatly while slowing the car down. “Care to elaborate?”
“You’re currently on the Axis Mundi. If you continue in this direction you’ll end up running into a few of the more enthusiastic Cherubs who are celebrating,” Castiel explained while growing a little pink in the cheeks. “There’s a great deal of hugging and nudity.”
Blinking in disbelief, Dean’s mouth opened a few times before he shook his head and gripped the wheel a little tighter so he could take the turn. “That’s a firm nope for me. Once in a lifetime of being hugged by a naked angel is enough.”
“I wish I would have realized that before I discovered it myself.” Castiel sighed heavily, wishing he could forget his own experiences with his lower order siblings. “It’s good to see them joyful once more, but… it's quite a lot to take in.”
“I can only imagine. Harrowing sounds like the right kind of word for what’s running through my imagination.” Dean bit back the urge to laugh at the stern look on Castiel’s face, but after he’d taken the turn and looked at the angel again, he couldn’t contain it. He burst out in laughter at the thought of Castiel begrudgingly being hugged by Cherubs, one right after another. Castiel glared at Dean, unamused at being the presumed butt of a joke.
o.O.o
They eventually stopped by a lake and got out to sit on the shore to watch the sunset over the water. It was peaceful and the grass was soft beneath Dean’s fingers. Castiel sat by his side and watched a family of ducks paddle past them, enjoying the quiet between them although it was broken by Dean nervously shifting beside him.
“Is there something on your mind, Dean?”
Scratching the back of his neck out, Dean thought over how best to put the questions he had. After a few hesitant starts, he finally got a handle on where to begin. “I’ve been thinking about what you said before. Back at the bunker when Billie was after us. What did you mean about, you know, loving me?”
Castiel slowly turned his gaze toward Dean. A small prick of fear and doubt bubbled up in Castiel’s heart that threatened to consume the happiness if he let it take root. “I thought it was plainly stated. Which part are you unclear about?”
Drawing in a deep breath, Dean held it for a moment as several ways of trying to explain himself came tumbling to the forefront of his mind. But first, he needed clarity. “Do you love me like I love Sam, like a brother? Or is it something else?”
“Something else, Dean. And it’s okay if you don’t feel the same, but I wanted you to know what was in my heart. To explain where my happiness came from before the Empty took me away,” Castiel finished and looked back out over the water.
The silence was almost deafening as Dean took in those words and stitched them together with the ones he’d heard a week before his death. For years he’d buried inclinations and covered gestures and comments because he could hear John’s voice echoing in his head like a drill sergeant going on about real men. Now all that really didn’t matter. Sure, John was a stone’s throw from the Roadhouse, but he’d been dead for years and Dean was a grown man who obviously wouldn’t burn in Hell for some perceived sin of the flesh or heart. Shoring up his bravery to take the largest leap of faith in his life, Dean crept his hand over to Castiel’s and curled their fingers together. The contact drew Castiel’s blue eyes back to his and Dean leaned in to whisper, “I love you.”
Castiel stared at him for a long moment before his lips tilted on one side into a smile that was bordering on a smirk as he was hit with inspiration at how to respond. “I know.” he murmured back.
Taken aback, Dean’s mouth fell open in surprise. “Did you seriously just Han Solo me?” he asked with near righteous indignation tinted with amusement. Castiel only squeezed Dean’s hand in response as the last light from the sunset gave way to true dusk.
o.O.o
After their mutual assurances of affection beyond the fraternal, their drive through Heaven seemed to take on a more honeymoon quality. Castiel showed him every field, mountain, forest, river, stream, and canyon that had been rebuilt by Jack. There was even a garden of flowers that Castiel was particularly proud of; Jack had taken his suggestions on every detail down to the colors and, above all else, insects that it housed. “Even a grasshopper needs paradise,” he’d explained to Dean while they walked hand in hand along the paths.
It was in that very same garden that they’d shared their first kiss in a small copse of birch trees. It was like something straight out of one of Dean’s more hidden dreams but far more pleasurable. After the first, he couldn’t get enough of them and he suspected that Castiel felt the same with the way the Angel would ambush him during their walks after that.
One night, as they lay in each other’s arms on the hood of the car, with their backs propped against the windshield while watching the stars, Dean’s thoughts turned toward Sam. “I hope he moved on,” Dean said quietly without preamble. “Sam seemed to accept hunting as a life, but he had so much more potential than going out like I did.”
“It’s hard to say,” Castiel said. “It would be foolish of him to try and bring you back after his promise to let you go.”
“No one ever accused us of not being fools, Cas. It’s part of being a Winchester at this point. I mean, look at me. I got shoved into a freakin’ nail of all things.”
Castiel let out a snort before he propped himself up to look Dean with a disapproving scowl, “Your death was tragic but not foolish. And as for the rest of it. We all did what we thought was right at the time, so I wish you’d not be so harsh on yourself about what has happened before.”
Dean considered Castiel’s reaction and words before quietly stretching up to kiss his cheek tenderly. “I’ll try, Cas. I just want to know if Sam is okay is all.”
“Take solace in the fact that he’s not here or been heard praying,” Castiel assured him as he settled back down with his head resting on Dean’s shoulder as he silently made plans to go to Earth for a little reconnaissance. If he found Sam Winchester hunting alone, Castiel vowed to himself that he’d put a stop to it. The last thing he wanted was to have to return to Dean with news that Sam was putting himself in danger regardless of the promises he’d made.
o.O.o
The next morning, Dean awoke to the warm sun shining through the Impala’s windows and the smell of spring in the air. Breathing in deeply, he sat up to look in the backseat where Castiel had curled up for the night only to find the spot empty. Panicked, he looked out through the windows while calling out for his angel. Scrambling out of the car, Dean cupped his hands over his mouth and shouted Castiel’s name but met with silence.
After a few more minutes of shouting, a prayer or two, and a creative string of cursing, Dean resigned himself to being alone for at least today. Castiel would be back. Eventually. Getting back into the car, he turned over the engine and revved it for good measure before turning around and heading back the way they’d come.
It was well into the afternoon and there was still no sign or word from Castiel which was starting to piss Dean off. There hadn’t been a message or note giving him a single hint of where he’d run off to. It wasn’t like cell phones actually worked in alternate dimensions so he had to suffer with cycling through the radio station settings in hopes that Castiel would use that method to communicate like he’d done years before.
A few more miles passed beneath the wheels when off in the distance, he saw a figure standing by the side of the road with what appeared to be a bouquet of flowers in their hands. Dean squinted in an attempt to see more detail but it wasn’t until he got closer that he saw that it was his wayward Angel who not only was holding flowers but also a plate. Pulling up beside him, Dean rolled down the window and frowned. “Where in hell have you been? No note. No word. Just disappeared. Which is a dick move considering I can’t fly.”
Castiel stood quietly before looking down at the offerings in his hands, “I’m sorry, Dean. I didn’t calculate the time differential correctly between here and Earth. I thought I’d be back before you woke.” He offered Dean the plate where a large slice of cake was laid out with an ornate frosting flower on its crown.
Dean eyed the treat with a suspicious glare before taking it from Castiel, “What’s this?”
“Wedding cake.” Castiel explained. Rounding the car to the passenger side, he got in and laid the flowers between them. “Eileen looked very beautiful in her gown and Sam was nervous but happy.”
It took a moment for the abrupt explanation to register with him, only then did he start to smile. “So this is from…”
“Sam’s marriage to Eileen. He’s gone back to school and gotten a degree to be a Paralegal. They seem quite happy and well out of hunting.” Castiel said, taking the plate back from Dean and cutting off a bite only to offer him the fork, “In fact, that should be a permanent situation once they realize what’s about to happen.”
Eyeing the cake for a second, Dean took the bite. “What’s about to happen?”
“Eileen is four weeks pregnant. I doubt she even knows yet.” Castiel said, taking a bite for himself and immediately frowning at the taste. He could not get used to the sensation of the molecules breaking down over his tongue when he ate.
What had only been a hint of a smile burst forth into a full on grin at the knowledge that Sam was finally settling down away from their old life, “Way to go, Sammy. He always was an overachiever. And what about the dog? Miracle?”
“Also happy and begging most desperately for a taste of cake.” Castiel said, offering Dean another bite, “Now eat your cake because it’s very hard to transport Earthly items here and not have them disintegrate in flight.”
o.O.o
Time passed differently in Heaven, as Castiel often reminded him. To Dean, it felt like only a few weeks since he’d appeared outside the Roadhouse, but thanks to Castiel’s frequent reports on what was going on back home, he could count the years he’d been driving around. It’d been the morning after the first time he and Castiel had made love in a cabin that’d found during their travels that he learned that Sam had a son they named Dean. He wasn’t too ashamed to admit that he’d gotten a little teary eyed at that news because it meant that he’d not been forgotten.
Little stories and updates throughout the years of how little Dean was growing up. Sam’s promotions in the law firm where he worked. Eileen becoming a teacher. The birth of their daughter, Sara. It was proof that life was moving along and even though there were still vampires and other evil sons of bitches in the world, Sam left them behind and let the next generation of hunters take care of them.
Decades went by and Dean was happy. Truly happy. With only the occasional regret that he couldn’t have been there for all of it. But he kept himself busy with visiting friends and family including proudly introducing Castiel to John and Mary as his boyfriend. Dean even told John that if he had a problem with any of it, he knew exactly where to stuff his opinion because this was his afterlife. Not anyone else's.
One morning, Castiel came to Dean with the Impala’s keys in his hand after he’d returned from his latest trip. “It’s time,” he announced solemnly, “If we hurry, we can meet him at his point of entry.”
They’d talked about this a few times since Dean had learned that Sam was needing around the clock medical care. He didn’t want Sam to arrive in Heaven and have to wander alone to find anyone. Grabbing his coat, Dean took the keys from Castiel and together they drove as fast as possible with Castiel navigating. When they reached a bridge stretching out over a large river, Castiel gave Dean’s hand a reassuring squeeze. “This is the threshold.” he explained. “I’ll wait here for you both. Then we can show him the way.”
Nodding in agreement, Dean exited the vehicle and walked a few feet ahead to the bridge's railing. There he waited as he watched the river rush below. For a brief moment the idea of the river Styx came to mind, which seemed fitting considering what was about to happen. It was then that he felt the air behind him change subtly, like someone had just opened and shut a door. Smiling to himself, he hesitated for a moment. “Hey, Sammy.” When he turned around there was his brother, looking just like he remembered him.
Sam gave him a sad smile and a nod. “Dean.”
Closing the distance between them, they stood facing each other and with a smile, Dean patted Sam’s shoulder and pulled him into a hug. They held onto each other for a long while before they parted and Dean clasped the back of his neck affectionately. “Welcome home, little brother. We’ve got a lot of catching up to do.”