Chapter Text
Jane Rizzoli had started her week thinking she would be marrying Casey, that he would leave the army and settle down in Boston. It had taken time to think it over since he’d asked, time to process but Jane had made her decision and she was ready to tell him. Their relationship was an odd one and she felt a little claustrophobic when he came in to town, changing her cereal and tossing the entirety of her fridge but if he was there all the time the change would be less drastic. She’d adjust and he would keep the fridge contents up to date without emptying it entirely.
Then she’d gotten roped in to the Bloomfield case. It had kept her busy with barely enough time to pee much less respond to a proposal. When the case broke, all Jane wanted was to go home, curl up in her sweats with her best friend and her dog, and schedule a time to talk to Casey. She supposed she should accept his proposal wearing something more than a BPD shirt and sweats. Her Ma would want photos and to hear ‘the story’ on repeat.
Jane threw her keys in to the bowl Maura had gotten her and made a beeline for the fridge. She had two slices of pizza calling. Jane opened the door, gagging on the smell that greeted her. Jane made a mental note to throw a box of baking soda in it later. She grabbed the pizza, pulling it out and grabbing the first slice. She frowned at the smell which seemed to be burned in to her nostrils and was preventing the smell of delicious pizza. Jane took a bite and promptly turned to hurl in the sink. Her body rejecting the pizza and the handful of chips she’d eaten while finishing her paperwork.
Jane threw the pizza back in the box, drinking from the tap in an attempt to rinse out the vomit taste. Another round of nausea had Jane gagging. Jane doubled over the sink, willing the bile to stay down. When her stomach seemed to settle, Jane whirled on the pizza slamming the box closed, feeling offended and cheated that it had gone bad so quickly. It wasn’t even a week old yet! She shoved the box and pizza in to the trash. Another wave of nausea made Jane groan.
Jane made it to the couch, flopping down in a heap on the couch. Jo Friday jumped up and claimed the spot on Jane’s stomach, looking adoringly up at her human. ‘Careful,’ Jane muttered, ‘if it rebels again, you don’t want to be in the line of fire.’ Jo laid her head on Jane’s breast, causing a yelp of pain from Jane. She shifted the little dog's head to a more comfortable place. ‘Great,’ Jane muttered, ‘I’m going to have a stomach bug and my period all at once. And while Frost is on vacation too.’
Jane fished out her phone, trying not to disturb her stomach or the mutt sleeping on it. Jane opened her period tracking app. Jane frowned. She was late. A week late. ‘Shit,’ Jane said, throwing an arm over her head. Jo whined slightly, her eyes peering up at Jane with innocence. ‘Don’t even say it,’ Jane growls at Jo. ‘It’s not possible, okay? We were safe.’ Jo whines again. Jane groans as another wave rushes over her.
There was nothing else for it. Jane moved the dog on her lap and grabbed her jacket, wallet, and keys. She put on Jo’s leash and headed to the convenience store down the street, purchasing what she needed in three, before she and Jo headed back. Jane threw her things down and made it back to the toilet just as the urge to throw up made itself known. Jane sighed, supposing now was as good a time as any. Jane peed, holding the stick at an awkward angle, trying to get enough pee on the stick and none on her hand. She put the stick back in its wrapper and set a ten minute timer.
In the living room she heard the ding of her email which was not normally an exciting thing but Casey and Frost were the only two who emailed her on this account. At the moment, either of those options were better than counting seconds. She smiled when she saw Casey’s name. It did not last. Jane read Casey’s email once, twice, then a third time before her timer went off.
Jane wasn’t certain how much her world could shift in the course of ten minutes but shift it did, to the tune of a small pink plus staring back at her. Jane set the stick back down, another wave of nausea washing over her, though this might be for other reasons. Jane turned, sitting against the counter, and buried her face in between her knees. She began counting her breaths in and out. Maura was always telling her to meditate. Now seemed like a good time to start.
Jane isn’t sure how long she’s on the floor. Long enough for the nausea to pass. Long enough for Jo to come lay beside her, looking confused and a bit upset for not being on the couch. Jane knows she needs to get up. So she does the first thing she thinks of.
Hey Maura. Can you come over please? ASAP.
Jane hits send before she can second guess herself. Maura responds almost immediately.
On my way!
Then she stands, going in search of an envelope she knows she had around her somewhere. Along the way she grabs Casey’s ring and it’s box. She prints out a label and tapes it on, putting the ring back in it’s box. Maura walks in then. Jane can’t bring herself to look, shame and grief warring for control of her heart.
‘Jane?’ Maura asks softly, ‘what are you doing?’
‘Read it,’ Jane says, gesturing to the email. Maura reads it aloud, each word making Casey’s decision more real. More final. The little stick in Jane’s bathroom made her decision for her. ‘I’m not going.’
‘Oh Jane,’ Maura says her face full of sorrow for her friend, ‘I’m so sorry.’
‘I can’t follow him all over the world,’ Jane says moving past Maura to retrieve the pregnancy test, ‘I can’t leave everything behind.’ Jane comes back holding the stick. Maura sees it but she asks anyway.
‘What’s in your hand, Jane?’ Her eyes meet Jane’s and Jane knows that she already knows but they have to make it real. Have to acknowledge it.
‘Maura,’ Jane says, voice brimming with emotion, ‘I’m pregnant.’ She offers the stick, as the evidence Maura the scientist might need.
Maura sits down hard on the bar stool, accepting the stick stoically. She glances at it but then her eyes are back on Jane. ‘Oh,’ Maura says softly. Jane isn’t sure what's happening with Maura’s face. It was blank and vaguely uncomfortable looking.
‘What’s happening with your face, Maur?’ Jane asks, trying to lighten the mood. She doubted Maura would judge her for the pregnancy but the discomfort on Maura’s face seemed to say otherwise.
‘I’m,’ Maura begins, stopping and then starting again, ‘I find I do not quite know what reaction you are looking for and am trying to not project. Are you excited? Afraid? Upset?’
‘Well, yeah, Maura,’ Jane said sarcastically, ‘I think that appropriately sums it up.’
‘Which?’ Maura asks carefully, ‘because I find I’m having a hard time knowing what to feel.’
Jane lets out a harsh statement, ‘isn’t that the truth?’ Jane sits down hard on the barstool beside Maura.
‘Jane,’ Maura takes her hand gingerly, ‘you have options you know.’
Jane shakes her head, ’no I don’t.’
‘Of course you do,’ Maura urges, ‘I know several doctors who could-‘
‘No,’ Jane says more urgently, surprised by the rush of protectiveness she felt for the clump of cells growing in her, ‘no Maur. I can’t do that.’
‘Is it because of your religious upbringing?’ Maura asks in confusion, ‘because there’s also adoption to consider. You don’t have to be a mother if you don’t want to.’
Jane took a deep breath and let it out shakily, ‘Ma would kill me if I did that. Knowing that I could be a mother and gave it up? She’d disown me, excommunicate me and never talk to me again.’
‘No she wouldn’t,’ Maura chastises lightly, ‘she would support you, whatever you chose.’
Jane looked at Maura, her eyes welling with tears. ‘There’s only one real option, Maura,’ Jane whispers, ‘I can’t do this,’ Jane gestures to the stick, ‘galavanting around the world to war zone after war zone with a child without you or my Ma or Frankie there to help me.’
Maura wrapped her arm around Jane, pulling her in to a hug, ’so we’re having a baby?’ Maura asks softly.
Jane nods bursting in to sobs, ‘yeah, yeah we are.’
Maura presses a kiss to Jane’s temple, ‘I’ll be here Jane. I’ll help you however, whatever, you need. You aren’t alone okay?’
Jane nods ‘thanks Maura. For being here and saying we.’ She sniffs loudly, ‘what do I tell Casey?’
Sighing, Maura considers her words, ‘whatever you feel comfortable. He chose the army, Jane. He forfeits all rights to what happens next.’
Jane pulled away, ‘maybe but he’s still the father. He deserves to know.’
‘If you want,’ Maura says, wearing the same look from earlier. ‘I’m here to support whatever you decide.’
Jane nods, slipping the ring in to the envelope. ‘Have you eaten yet?’ Jane asks, ‘I’ve been nauseous all day but now I’m starving.’
Maura laughs, ‘that’s not uncommon for pregnancy,’ Maura quirks her head sideways looking at Jane, ‘or for you.’
‘Yeah, yeah,’ Jane says teasingly, ‘I’m always hungry, ha ha, make fun of the pregnant lady.’
Maura gasps before wrapping her arms around Jane in a tight squeeze, ‘my pregnant lady!’ Jane hears the affection in her voice and smiles.
When the hug has gone on sufficiently long, Jane shifts ‘so, food?’
‘Yes,’ Maura says with a smile, ‘but we should stick to soup. It will help with your liquid intake if you’re throwing up often.’
‘Alright! Clam chowder!’ Jane says with a big grin.
‘No,’ Maura says shaking her head, ‘no fish.’
‘No. Fish.’ Jane repeats, ‘no. Fish. Maura we live on the ocean.’
‘Fish can be an unhealthy source of mercury for a pregnant woman and can negatively impact fetal development,’ Maura says.
‘So no alcohol and no fish?’ Jane asks, considering it, ‘that sucks.’
‘I’ll make a complete list of foods you should avoid,’ Maura pales visibly. Her voice comes out smaller and more squeaky when she says, ‘including caffeine.’
‘Maura,’ Jane glares at Maura in horror, ‘are you saying no coffee?’
Maura shakes her head, withering at the stare, her voice is an entire octave higher, ‘no. You’re allowed to drink coffee. Decaf.’
Jane blinks, ‘you’ve got to be kidding.’
‘Only for the first trimester,’ Maura says quickly, ‘caffeine can increase the risk of miscarriage but becomes a statistically insignificant risk after the 12 week mark. Though, I would still recommend you limit the amount of coffee you drink generally.’
‘I’m a cop Maura! I get called in at all hours, work long shifts. I need coffee,’ Jane sputters.
‘I’m aware of your hours Jane,’ Maura replies, ‘but it doesn’t change the fact that you need to avoid caffeine.’
Jane’s eyes narrow as she glares at her best friend, ‘if I’m going coffee free, so are you.’
Maura considers it before nodding, ‘I will agree to go decaf coffee only.’
It's too easy. Jane senses a caveat, a loophole, something for Maura to slip through in a happily caffeinated state. She considers, staying silent as she tries to puzzle through what Maura was doing. Then it hits her. The tea! ‘Your tea has caffeine in it too Doctor Isles,’ Jane says tauntingly, ‘if I’m suffering, you’re suffering.’
Maura’s eyes go wide but she inclines her head in acceptance, ‘I’m certain we will all be suffering indeed, but I will agree to forgo caffeine in all forms for the same length of time you must.’
‘Was that a jab at my attitude?’ Jane asks, feeling more alive and happier than she had an hour ago. Sparring with Maura always cheered Jane up.
‘No,’ Maura says sarcastically, standing and heading for the door, ‘now let's go get some food before you get hangry.’
Jane has a retort ready when her stomach growls reminding her she hadn’t eaten in quite some time and that she’d thrown up the little she had eaten. Leaving her engagement ring, pregnancy test, and Casey’s email all behind on the counter, Jane followed Maura out the door.