Flinch no longer.

by orphan_account

Summary:

I’m selfish.

Oh so selfish.

For calling you a coward,

for saying you have no spine.

I now know,

your backbone was beaten out of you,
————
Kunikida learns of Atsushi’s past, and regrets his own behavior.

(this has turned into a series including the entire agency)

Notes:

i didn’t use fancy words for the first time in a poem

Chapter 1: Kunikida

You flinch,

 

far too often.

 

petrified.

 

Of what?

 

Of me?

 

Maybe,

 

I should’ve bitten my tongue more often.

 

I’m sorry,

 

I yelled at you one too many times.

 

I’m sorry,

 

I didn’t know.

 

He hurt you,

 

I’m sorry.

 

I did not mean to unknowingly carry on his legacy.

 

I wonder though, why would he do such sinister things to you?

 

You,

 

a stupidly kind and giving soul,

 

willing to cradle a ticking bomb with no hesitation, as long as the one who set it up arises unscathed.

 

You

 

apologize far too much.

 

You 

 

sleep in a closet,

 

though you have a fear of confined spaces.

 

Purely

 

for the sake of her,

 

only

 

so she will rest easier at night.

 

I’m sorry

 

You’d rather drown, 

 

than tell someone to stop the water.

 

To turn the tap off, 

 

if even slightly inconvenient.

 

Is it

 

kindness?

 

Or fear,

 

that they will live a life

 

even acutely similar

 

to what you’ve been exposed to.

 

Do you fear him still?

 

Despite death crystallizing his grave of a heart.

 

Are you scared 

 

that he will be there when you wake up?

 

I’m sorry.

 

I’m selfish.

 

Oh so selfish.

 

For calling you a coward,

 

for saying you have no spine.

 

I now know, 

 

your backbone was beaten out of you,

 

Over

 

and 

 

Over

 

.

 

Caged

 

like an animal.

 

whipped,

 

for crimes you did not commit.

 

For emotions you did not provoke.

 

I am sorry 

 

that you hate yourself.

 

“waste of space”,

 

“good for nothing”,

 

is what you reprimandingly mumble to yourself

 

when you leave the tea on too long,

 

When you forget the date

 

on a daily report.

 

I am so sorry,

 

that I wasn’t there

 

to teach you math.

 

Instead of reading outdated equations, on wilted paper backed textbooks by weary lamp light.

 

Something that would later result in a beating, for learning without permission.

 

You do not understand your own pain,

 

yet you give me that dopey grin

 

everytime you feel it.

 

I am so sorry,

 

that you are just so happy.

here.

No matter how many mistakes keep me awake at night.

 

You are so happy.

 

With nothing.

 

So happy,

 

you aren’t being beaten numb.

 

So happy to look out of a train window. 

 

So happy

 

to be with us.

 

For nothing we will ever do to you, would even compare to the pain he’s caused you.

That makes me so sad.

I am so sorry.

 

But I am here,

we are here,

and he is not.

so please.

 

 

Flinch no longer.