Chapter Text
So, you know how people tend to imagine themselves starring in their favorite movie or TV series? I'm sure you do, everyone has done that at some point or the other, not to mention the copious amounts of fan-fictions on that particular topic. Which I am of course a big fan of, because I most definitely am one of those people who likes to read that stuff.
See, I love to immerse myself in stories, be it books or movies or comics or whatever else, always have ever since I was a child, to the point where it almost feels like I am actually in the story itself. And that's totally fine, all harmless fun and a nice way to pass the time, right? Wrong. Because let me tell you something that you might not be aware of: the universe and whatever powers that might be or not be have a very, very bad sense of humor.
There I was, sitting on the couch in my living room and reading a short story on my phone after a hard day of work, some music playing in the background, when I suddenly fell. Like Alice when she climbed into the rabbit hole, because one moment there was a couch underneath my ass and the next there was nothing but air rushing in my ears and bright lights flickering around me. As I fell. Screaming my lungs out because I was not expecting that to happen naturally.
As suddenly as it had begun, it stopped or more to be more precise I was stopped by the ground. Painfully. The impact reminded me of the one and only time I had ever climbed a tree, had fallen out of the branches and had landed on my back, gasping for breath because all the air had been pushed out of my lungs from the impact.
Just as I was gasping at the moment with the added bonus of feeling completely disoriented and majorly freaked out of course. Staring up at the canopy of leaves above me I tried to come to terms with the fact that I was not in my living room anymore but apparently in a forest for whatever reason and if I had to rate my level of panic from one to ten, I was most definitely somewhere around infinity.
Naturally, things only got worse from there because of course they would. Finally able to breathe again, I scrambled off the ground, very inelegantly, wincing when twigs and small stones poked the bare soles of my feet since I was wearing neither shoes nor socks. Understandably as I had been in my freaking living room relaxing and didn't expect to be teleported into a damn forest of all places.
The yoga pants and over-sized shirt I was wearing were also not necessarily the best attire, it was pretty cold out here, cold enough I could see my shaky breath in the air but as bad as that was, that was not the worst part. No, that would be the, and I kid you not, mother-flipping zombie that was stumbling towards me, his odor reaching me long before he did, the putrid smell of decomposition making me gag as I stumbled backwards.
What in the actual fuck was going on here? The only explanation I could come up with was that I had to have fallen asleep because there was no way in hell that I had somehow ended up in a zombie infested forest for real. Then again, the smell, the sight and those horrible gargling sounds the thing made did seem very real to me, too real.
Trying to not let the rotting corpse out of my sight, I frantically looked around for a weapon because I was not about to become someone's snack, thank you very much. Being eaten alive was definitely not on my bucket list but unfortunately, there was no gun or machete lying around, just leaves and twigs I could barely use to scratch myself with. This was kind of bad, wasn't it?
My only option would be to run and hope not to encounter more of the fuckers. Or maybe I would just fall on my ass like a complete idiot because I stumbled over a root as if this was some kind of predictable B-Movie I was trapped in. Which was of course what happened because walking backwards and keeping my eyes on Mr. Zombie was not helpful in noticing obstacles behind me.
With a surprised yelp, I returned to the forest floor but finally luck was on my side because it wasn't a root I had fallen over but a thick branch instead and it looked sturdy enough to get the job done. I was really lucky that the not so friendly next door corpse must've broken his ankle at some point which slowed him down considerably though the way he dragged his more or less useless foot behind him did make me feel a little nauseous.
As did his smell and the way the flesh had rotted off his face in several places, right down to the bone and if I hadn't been filled with adrenaline and a little numbed from shock, I would have surely puked my guts out. But thankfully I didn't, instead I staggered to my feet again and picked up the branch, having to use both hands since the thing was pretty heavy which would mean nothing good for my aim but hopefully for the destruction it could cause.
Swinging the thing as best I could, my stomach lurched when it connected with the zombie's face with a sickening sound, like a wet branch snapping or something, really hard to explain, but it didn't kill him, oh no. His neck was clearly broken, the head hanging at an awkward angle and still he was coming at me, the terrible gargling he had made before sounding even worse now, true nightmare material.
The damn branch was heavy as shit, my arms already beginning to hurt but there was still enough adrenaline left to swing once more and doing my best impression of a warrior cry, I let it crash against the dead man's head again. At least that was what I had intended but like I said, the branch was fucking heavy and I was definitely not the most fit person you would ever meet so instead of the head, the wood connected with his shoulder which made him stumble off to the side but that was about the extent of it.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Yeah, OK, so maybe screaming at a corpse wasn't going to help but I was starting to get seriously pissed off and it gave me the boost I needed. Or maybe I had just lost my mind because suddenly feeling like Hercules, I pummeled the shit out of the thing that should've just stayed dead like it was supposed to, bits of flesh and thick blood flying through the air and splattering my shirt, arms and face.
By the time there was little left of what once was a head, I was panting heavily, the branch slipping from my fingers and landing with a dull thud on the ground, followed shortly after by the meager contents of my stomach. I was no longer feeling like a Greek half-god, more like a newborn kitten, shaking like a leaf and I took a few wobbly steps away from the freaking zombie I just killed, my mind reeling from the experience.
Looking down, I noted the pieces of dead that had found their way onto my clothes and skin which prompted me to frantically rub at my arms and face, wanting to get the stuff off my body. If I had learned anything from pop-culture it was that getting zombie bits in your eyes, nose or mouth was a potent recipe for disaster and I could go without turning into a walking corpse myself.
Even if this was a dream, a hyper realistic one, I really didn't want to die and in case this wasn't a dream at all, a thought my mind refused to accept, I would do good to be careful. But it seemed as if I had been lucky enough not to get anything near my eyes or mouth, thank god for small favors I guessed.
The question was, where to go from here? I had to find some form of civilization that hopefully still existed but if I was where I had the sneaking suspicion I was, then that could be almost as dangerous as running into more zombies. Choosing a random direction, I began to walk, cursing the fact that I didn't have any shoes because my soft feet weren't made to walk through the wild without protection, they were used to nice, comfy shoes and relaxing foot-baths after a hard day of work.
Just like the rest of my body, except for the foot-bath thing of course. I wasn't athletic in any sense of the word, the thing closest to working out I had done in the last ten years was walking three flights of stairs from and to my apartment each day before and after work. I was nowhere near ready for a post-apocalyptic world, dream or no dream and the longer I traipsed through the forest, the more it sunk in that this might not be a dream after all.
My feet were hurting like hell, I was cold as fuck and I had no idea where I was going, how I had gotten here or how I could go back or wake up or whatever. A twig snapped somewhere to my left and I stopped dead in my tracks, going completely still as I anxiously listened for more noise, afraid of another zombie coming my way because clever thing that I was, I had of course left the branch behind.
But if it had been one of the dead, I would have heard gargling and growling no doubt, and there was nothing of the sort, just the wind brushing through the leaves. I tried convincing myself that it might have just been a small animal but I couldn't shake the feeling of being watched, you know the kind where your skin begins to itch uncomfortably and you just know that there is someone somewhere staring at you.
Gnawing on my bottom lip, I contemplated what to do but the decision was taken out of my hands when a figure appeared from behind a tree, close to where I had heard the snapping twig coming from and even without the crossbow pointed at me I would've recognized the shaggy man in a black leather vest who had his eyes narrowed in suspicion.
“Daryl?” My incredulous exclamation of his name clearly came as a surprise to us both, though he was much better at hiding it, just a barely noticeable widening of his eyes before his expression shuttered down completely and the grip on his crossbow tightened visibly.
“Do I know ya?” A very good question but one where the answer could get a little complicated and since I had no idea where in the time-line I actually was, I had no clue what had and had not happened yet. He was clearly expecting an answer though and I opened and closed my mouth a few times without any words coming out. What was I supposed to say? That I knew him from a TV show?
“No, but I know you. Well, kind of. Don't know if you can tell, but I don't really belong here. Bit of a weird story actually and I'm pretty sure you're not going to believe me, but I also don't want you to put an arrow in my head so...” I trailed off and pursed my lips unsure over how to proceed and then decided to just roll with it and see what might happen.
“OK, so I know this will sound nuts, but just hear me out. There is a TV show called the Walking Dead. It's about the end of the world and the dead coming back to life and all that and there is this group of people which the series follows during their journey navigating that new world. That's how I know you, because I somehow ended up inside that show, which is bananas and not nearly half as cool as people think it would be.” Gesticulating around us and then motioning at myself I was hoping I was getting my point across but Daryl looked as if he was seriously contemplating on either putting the obviously crazy person out of her misery or bolting, so I brought out the big guns.
“Your name is Daryl Dixon and you had a brother named Merle, giant asshole with a slight drug addiction that lost his hand on a roof in Atlanta because he was shackled to some pipes and T-Dog accidentally dropped the keys in a drain. Everyone thought he was dead, including you until he turned up again when you encountered the governor back when you were at the prison after Hershel's farm was overrun. Where you also found Sophia, Carols daughter who had already been dead for most of the time you had been looking for her. I know a lot more stuff but as you can see, I might not be as crazy as I sound because how would I know these things if what I told you wasn't true?” After dropping that convoluted information bomb on him, I waited with bated breath for his reaction, my heart going a mile a minute and my shoulders sagged in relief when he lowered the bow, though his expression remained guarded.
“Still sounds crazy to me. But ya ain't wrong on the things you said, so there must be somethin' to your story. And I saw what you did with the walker, clearly your first time killin' one o those things.” He pointedly looked at my splattered appearance and I grimaced, not particularly fond of being reminded of that traumatizing moment but then it fully computed what he was saying and I was the one to narrow my eyes at him in return.
“When you say you saw what I did to the thing, do you mean after the fact or during? Because if it was the latter, a little help would have been much appreciated,” I sniffed out indignantly but Daryl just shrugged nonplussed, shouldering his bow.
“Didn't know who you were, could've been a trap. A pretty lady all alone in the wilderness, not wearing shoes or nothin'? Kinda suspicious.” I could concede to that point, even if I didn't like it, though I felt my face heat a little when he called me pretty. That didn't happen too often and it certainly was nice.
A short moment of awkward silence ensued as he himself seemed to realize what he had said and he scratched the back of his head as he averted his eyes, pretending to scan the area, or maybe he actually was, it was hard to tell.
“I'm gonna take you back to Alexandria, can't really leave ya out here on your own. But if ya try anything funny, I'll put an arrow between ya eyes, got it?” All I could do was nod, said eyes wide, warily eyeing the crossbow slung over his shoulder when he turned to lead the way. My feet were really killing me at this point but since I couldn't magically make shoes appear out of thin air, I soldiered on, my face contorted in a perpetual grimace because every step I took hurt like a bitch.
At least I wasn't feeling as cold anymore, the sun had decided to come out and I realized that it was apparently still early in the day because it soon got pretty warm, though most of that was my own body heating from the unfamiliar exertion of having to walk so much. My mind wasn't doing any better, my thoughts circling around themselves, trying to figure out how in the fuck I had ended up here and how I was supposed to get home again.
Because I had to face the facts, I was in no way prepared to survive this world and I would rather not get eaten by zombies or get shot by other humans or any of the other plethora of nasty things that could happen to someone in a place like this. Daryl wasn't much help, silent as a... well as silent as Daryl was, the guy wasn't known for being a great conversationalist after all.
“I'm Tessa by the way. Don't think I introduced myself,” I tried to start a conversation but only received some kind of grunt in return and a quick sideways glance before silence ensued once more and getting the message, I kept my mouth shut, not trying again.
If this was weird for me, it had to be weird for him as well. I had no idea how I would react if someone told me I was a figment of someone else's imagination but most likely I would think the person telling me that had gone off the deep end, which was probably what he was thinking. Or maybe not, that remained to be seen.
After what felt like hours but were probably only one hour max, we broke through the trees and Alexandria's gate came into view. The paved asphalt felt actually quite nice compared to the rocky terrain of the forest and I heaved out a small sigh of relief as I scuttled after Daryl. It felt surreal when the gate opened and Spencer appeared but at least it gave me a better time frame to work with because if he was still alive, then certain things hadn't happened yet, namely Negan killing him.
A shudder went through me at that thought, equal parts dread and curiosity over the chance of actually going to meet the man who had stared in most of the fan-fictions I had read, which would make things super weird and creepy if I ever ran into him personally, because I maybe, probably, eventually had a crush on the guy.
“Who's the girl?” Spencer greeted us and Daryl shot me another side-eye but decided to ignore the question to ask one of his own.
“You know where Rick is? I need to speak with him.” A shadow crossed Spencer's face at the mention of Rick and it gave me another clue as to which part of the time-line I was in, because if Spencer was fed up with Rick, it meant that Deanna was already dead, which in turn meant that the wolves and the horde had already happened.
“Haven't seen him since the meeting yesterday where he told us about the deal with Hilltop.” I didn't listen to what was exchanged after that, my mind racing as everything clicked into place and I grabbed Daryl's arm, probably sounding as frantic as I felt.
“I need to speak with Rick, now,” I urged him, not bothering to explain myself further because I didn't wan to reveal too much whilst Spencer was around and prying my hand off of his arm, Daryl gave me a sharp nod and walked ahead, paying no mind to Spencer who stared after us as we entered Alexandria.
To say it was strange walking through the streets I had seen so many times on TV would be an understatement, but it was only a second thought at the moment, the urgency I was feeling overshadowing everything else. There were a lot of curious looks send our way, some faces familiar, some not as I hurried after Daryl but I payed them little mind.
We reached a house that seemed more than familiar and when the door opened after Daryl knocked, I knew why because Michonne was the one standing on the other side, the smile on her face which had been for Daryl dropping when her eyes fell on me.
“That's Tessa, found her in the woods. Rick here? Something we need to talk bout,” Daryl responded to the unasked question and Michonne called out over her shoulder, not moving aside to let us in which I totally understood, seeing as I was a stranger. A stranger covered in blood no less.
The feeling of surrealism intensified when Rick joined our little group and I experienced a short moment of vertigo, having to support myself against the banister of the porch as the ground tilted dangerously for a moment. It seemed like I was close to breaking point but now was certainly not the time to lose my shit so I grit my teeth and straightened, ignoring how all three of them frowned at me as I directly addressed Rick.
“Negan has much more men than you can take on. The hilltop isn't the only community he has under his thumb, there is another called the kingdom, don't know if you already know that. The saviors are able to control this area because there are so fucking many of them and they are well prepared, guns, vehicles, several outposts, you name it. This isn't like it was with the governor or even the fuckers from terminus or the wolves. I'm talking hundreds of men here, armed to the teeth. If you strike first, people are going to die, people in this community which are detrimental for your group. As of now, they don't know about Alexandria, but they will once you go through with a preemptive strike and things will not go well for you.”
With that off of my chest, I deflated, exhaustion settling over me like a heavy blanket but of course I couldn't just drop something like that without there being questions because how the hell would I even know all this? Which was exactly what Rick asked me and I exchanged a look with Daryl, taking his raised brow to mean I should tell Rick what I had told him, so that was what I did.
“You're all part of a TV show called the walking dead and I somehow ended up in here only that everything is real and you are not actors. You started out in a hospital on your own, waking up from a coma after you had gotten shot during the job only to find out the world had ended and the dead no longer remained dead. That's when you met Morgan and his son. Then came Atlanta where you met Glenn who in turn took you to his camp where Carl and Laurie were, as well as Shane. Things happened, camp got overrun, then came the CDC, then Sophia disappeared, then the farm, then the prison, then Terminus and finally Alexandria. I know about all of it because I have seen it. Crazy I know, but nonetheless the truth.”
Silence reigned as my words sunk in and I nervously fiddled with the hem of my shirt as my eyes flitted from face to face, my bottom lip caught between my teeth as I waited for someone to say something. Since I got the feeling that they weren't sure whether to believe me or not, I wracked my mind trying to think of something no outsider could possibly know but before I could blurt out anything more, Rick was the first to find his voice.
“It is crazy. But I don't have another explanation as to why you know these things. Though I'm still not convinced that this isn't some kind of trick.” His eyes pierced into mine, probably looking for some kind of tell that would give away I was somehow lying and I shrugged one shoulder, returning his probing gaze as calmly as I could.
“I could go into more detail on certain things if that would make you more inclined to believe me. In all honesty, I wouldn't believe it myself if someone were to tell me something like this, but it is what it is. The important part is that you believe what I have told you about the saviors. What that guy from the hilltop said about the compound? Just an outpost, one of many. If you attack that, there will be hell to pay because they will come down on you like nothing you have encountered before,” I once more urged, hoping that I would get through to them and Rick exchanged a look with Michonne and Daryl before glancing up and down the street.
“Daryl, I want you to gather the others, only our people, you know who to get. Michonne, take her to the infirmary, get her checked up and then bring her back. And you,” Rick pointed at me, prompting me to stand to attention at his authoritative tone, “not a word to anyone.”
Not sure why, but I actually saluted, blushing scarlet when I realized what I was doing and I mumbled out an apology as I let my arm fall down again, feeling like an idiot. But at least they seemed somewhat amused so there was that I guess. Certainly better than being locked up or thrown out no doubt.
With a nod, Daryl took off and Michonne motioned for me to follow her, glancing down at my bare feet once we had left the porch.
“There a reason you're not wearing shoes?” Although her voice was guarded, there was a slight hint of amusement lingering within it and I heaved out a sigh, grimacing down at my poor, poor feet.
“I was sitting on my couch, reading. Usually I don't wear shoes for that. Was really fun to walk through the forest barefoot,” I deadpanned, earning myself a small chuckle and it managed to lift my spirits somewhat because I was starting to realize that I might be actually stuck here for the time being, which was kind of depressing.
Michonne didn't say anything after that, but the atmosphere felt a little lighter and like Rick had asked me to, I only gave my name and not much else when we had reached the infirmary and I was introduced to Denise who patched up my feet which didn't look half as bad as I had imagined but still not very good either. Walking the next few days would be a bitch, but at least I got myself a nice pair of slippers, two numbers too big since otherwise I wouldn't have been able to get inside with the bandages on my feet.
It was odd to interact with Denise, since in the series she was already dead but I hoped that me being here would change things enough for her to live and she wasn't the only one for which I hoped that. Back at the house, Michonne let me enter first and once again, I experienced a short moment of vertigo as several familiar faces came into view but this time it was over much quicker and I only briefly missed my step
“You okay?” Daryl had apparently noticed my trouble with gravity and although the question was asked rather gruffly, it still warmed my heart that he had asked in the first place and I gave him a small smile.
“No, I think its safe to say I'm as far from okay as I can be. But then again, things could always be worse.” I shrugged my shoulders, not having anything more to say on the matter and Daryl inclined his head but didn't respond to that.
My eyes fell on the rest of the group, scattered throughout the living room, aside from Rick, Daryl and Michonne, there were Glenn, Maggie, Carol, Abraham, Morgan, Sasha, Rosita, Eugene, Tara and Gabriel, the only ones missing Carl and Judith. Their eyes were already on me, scrutinizing my rumpled appearance, some with curiosity and some with suspicion and I wondered if Rick had told them anything about what I had told him.
“She certainly doesn't look like someone that knows their way around the world as it is now. But that alone doesn't have to mean anything.” Carol was the first to speak up, her expression unreadable as she looked me over and she wasn't necessarily wrong in her assessment though before I could say something, Rick interjected, gesturing for me to sit down.
“Why don't you go ahead and tell us what you know. In detail,” he suggested and I took a seat in an unoccupied armchair, sighing in relief as my weight was taken off my feet which were burning something fierce.
Wanting to get it over with, I just dove straight into it, recounting the things I knew because I had seen them and answering any questions anyone might have intermittently. Carol wasn't the only one trying to catch me in a lie by misremembering certain things to see how much I really knew, but it became clear pretty quickly that that wasn't going to work.
By the time I was finished, tensions were running high, understandably so. Here I was, a complete stranger that knew all those intimate details about all of them and I could only imagine how uncomfortable that must've been. I certainly wouldn't appreciate that but I could also be a very effective ally in the fight no doubt to come because even if Rick listened to me and they didn't attack the outpost, sooner or later the saviors would stumble across them.
I kept my mouth shut as a discussion ensued over what to do with the information I had given them about their newest enemy, which was admittedly not as bountiful as the other stuff I knew about things that had already happened, mainly because I had stopped watching the show somewhere in the middle of season 7.
Everything after that I only knew through online articles and blogs and it was sparse at best. I didn't know where Negan's actual compound was, only that it was called the sanctuary and was located in an old factory, and I also didn't know exactly how many men he had though I knew it were several hundred.
At least they all seemed to believe that what I was telling them wasn't complete bullshit, it had certainly helped that I had viewed the series more than one time since it had come out and thus I remembered most of the things that only they would know which had helped in convincing them I was speaking the truth.
Without meaning to, I nodded off as they discussed their next move, technically I had already eight hours of work behind me and had been up since six that morning, so naturally I was pretty exhausted after everything that had happened to me today. When I was shaken awake again, it took my sluggish brain a moment to understand where I was and that the face hovering above me belonged to Carol which only further drove home the point that this wasn't all a dream.
“Let's get you into a real bed. The others already left and I offered to let you stay with me for the time being,” she informed me gently and still somewhat out of it, I groggily got up and followed her out of the house, Rick and Michonne nowhere to be seen.
The air outside was hot, the sun high in the sky, burning down during the short walk to her house, the inside much cooler thankfully and the walk as well as the heat had only exhausted me more, so I let out a huge yawn, covering my mouth with my hand.
“Sleeping sounds super nice, but it will fuck over my entire sleeping pattern if I do so now. You wouldn't have coffee by any chance, would you?” I asked Carol semi-hopefully but from her expression alone I could tell that there wasn't any so I waved it off before she could respond.
“Never mind. I'll just push through, wouldn't be the first time. You know, you're actually my favorite from the show. Which sounds super weird when I say it out loud.” And she seemed to think so too, her nose wrinkling as she gave me a strained smile that did not reach her eyes. I wasn't an idiot, I knew why she had offered to let me stay with her, to keep an eye on me and eliminate the threat before it could form should it come to that, but it was true what I had said, she was my favorite.
I could relate to her the most out of all of the characters on the show and deciding that it was only fair to share something of me since I knew so much about her, I wordlessly pulled up my shirt and turned around, showing her the scars on my back.
“His name was Duncan and we started dating in high school. The sweetest guy I had ever met. Until we got married right after graduation that is. After that he transformed into something entirely different, losing his shit over the smallest things, first only with words, then with his fists and his belt. Send me to the hospital more times than I can count and still I stayed with him. Six years in total.” Turning back around, I didn't meet Carol's eyes as I gestured at more scars on my lower stomach, swallowing down the tears that always came when I talked about this.
“Then I fell pregnant and he was convinced that it wasn't his as if I would have had any chance of fucking someone else with him keeping me inside the apartment all the damn time. So he took care of the problem in his own way, not only killing our unborn child but also any hope for future children on my part.” I lifted my head then, my eyes swimming with tears and my lips set in a grim line as I gritted my teeth, feeling the familiar rage that usually accompanied me when I thought about my former husband.
“When that knife slid into my stomach, I had a moment of absolute clarity. I knew that he would never, ever let me go and that the only way to be free was to take action myself. So that's what I did. Took the knife after he was done and stabbed him right in the femoral artery. He was dead before the ambulance arrived and the whole thing was ruled self-defense, seeing as I was half-dead myself and had multiple stab wounds in my stomach. Never took any shit from anyone ever again and never once regretted that I killed the damn bastard,” I finished off my story, pulling my shirt back down and angrily wiping away the few stray tears that had escaped. It had been a while since I had told anyone about this and it left me feeling raw and exposed but I figured if anyone would get it, it would be Carol.
“Why are you telling me this?” There was no discernible emotion in her voice, her features giving nothing away and I let out a humorless chuckle as I tilted my head to the side, looking straight at her.
“Because you are trying to figure out what kind of person I am, if I could pose a danger to your family. Plus, I know a lot of things about you that I'm sure makes you uncomfortable and I thought it only fair to share something of mine in return. Trust is a two way street as they say and I can hardly expect any of you to trust me if I'm not willing to share who I am. I might not be a seasoned fighter in regards to actual combat, but I am a survivor just like you.”
Carol contemplated this for a moment, her eyes searching my face as if looking for something and I kept my expression as open as possible having nothing to hide. Whatever she decided to do with the information I had given her remained to be seen but I hoped that opening up a little would ease her mind a bit.
“You can take a shower upstairs, second door to the left, everything you'll need will be inside the cupboard. I will go and find some fresh clothes for you,” she announced, pointing to a set of stairs and I blinked for a moment, confused by the change in topic but I figured it was her way of showing me some trust because she actually left me alone in the house to go and do what she had said.
As I heaved my tired body up the stairs, I wondered if she was going to speak to the others and tell them what I had revealed and how they might react. I did kill someone after all and though it was ruled self-defense, that fact still remained true. There was blood on my hands that had nothing to do with the apocalypse and I knew not everyone would understand what I had done.
Like Carol had said, I found towels and toiletries in the cupboard and I tried keeping my shower short but it took a while until the water swirling down the drain was no longer tinged pink, there was more blood in my hair than I had been aware off. I had avoided looking in the mirror before stepping underneath the warm spray, not wanting to see my no doubt frightening reflection but when I finally got out and wiped away the steam from the mirror, I wasn't sure if I really looked any better.
The bags underneath my gray eyes were pretty dark, not helped by the fact that I was pale as a ghost, though that was always the case. All in all, I looked as tired and exhausted as I felt and with a weary sigh, I wrapped a towel around myself and picked up my dirty clothes, now that I wasn't wearing them anymore, I definitely noticed the smell and it made me grimace.
That was certainly not something I was going to get used to, even if I might not have a choice in the matter and I was about to exit the bathroom when there was a knock on the door and Carol called out to me.
“I put your new clothes on the bed in the bedroom next door. I'll be in the kitchen.” Calling out an affirmative, I waited until her footsteps died off before exiting the bathroom, placing my old clothes next to the door before entering the room next to it. A pile of folded laundry rested on the bed and thankfully it also contained underwear, even if the bra was a little on the small side.
I didn't have a lot going for me in the looks department, not that I was ugly or anything, just more on the plain side, but mother nature had more than made up for that by gifting me with more chest than strictly necessary. Unfortunately, the same could be said for my hips and ass which would be fine if I would have been taller than an eighth grader which I of course was not.
The shirt and pants Carol had brought fit perfectly on the other hand, not too small and just on this side of too big, exactly the way I liked it. She had also had the foresight to leave some fresh bandages for my feet and after taking care of that as well, I made my way back downstairs, finding my hostess in the kitchen just as she had said.
“Thanks for the clothes and bandages. And for the shower, I appreciate it,” I said by way of greeting and Carol waved me off, gesturing for me to sit down at the kitchen island.
“Don't mention it. Take a seat, I made you a sandwich.” Doing as I was told, I slid onto a chair just as she slid over a plate, containing what looked to be a PB&J but I made no move to grab it, not feeling particularly hungry. I was still processing and that didn't help with building up an appetite.
“You might not want to eat at the moment, but you should. Your body needs the energy even if your brain tells you otherwise.” Carol pushed the plate further towards me, giving me a look that brokered no argument, as did her tone and with a defeated slump of my shoulders, I picked up the bread and took a bite, chewing slowly as I watched her putter around the kitchen, wiping down already clean counters and busying herself with nothing.
Swallowing my bite, I put the sandwich down again and folded my hands in my lap. Clearly there was something on the woman's mind because I hoped she wasn't trying to pretend to be the helpless little lady with me, that would have been just insulting.
“Wanna talk about it?” My question made her stop and she slowly turned around, struggling with something for a moment as she contemplated me silently. Whatever it was, she seemed reluctant to talk about it and in turn it made me anxious because it was kind of freaking me out how serious she had become.
“When you said attacking the Saviors first would lead to disaster, what exactly did you mean? You never specified what would happen,” Carol finally said and I deflated, looking down at my folded hands. I didn't want to answer that, wasn't sure if I should to begin with because what if me telling them their future would turn out to be a self-fulfilling prophecy like it almost always did in movies and literature? On the other hand, there had to be a reason I was here and if it wasn't to warn them, then what else would it be?
“If you were to go through with it, Denise would die, then Abraham and Glenn and as the fight would escalate further and further, Spencer, Olivia, Sasha, Eric, Tobin... Carl. Their deaths will all be connected to that first attack on the saviors outpost. That attack would do nothing but put you on their radar and they are so much better prepared. I know you made a deal with Hilltop to get back their people, but you have to tread carefully here, you can't just go in guns blazing.”
I might have gotten a little heated, gesticulating with my hands, but in my defense, I really didn't want any of them to die, not like they had in the show which was the main reason I hadn't continued watching after season seven. Carol looked a little pale around the nose, getting told that people you cared about would die if you did a certain thing was surely not nice to hear.
“You should talk to Rick about this, he needs to know. Even if we can't go in guns blazing as you said, we still need to get those people from Hilltop out or our deal falls through and we need what they can offer. It will still be some time before our own gardens yield any results.” I knew that of course, well kinda, and I was beginning to see that not attacking the outpost in some way might not be possible.
Carol left once more to get Rick, telling me to stay put and when she returned with him and Michonne, I told them what I had told Carol and it clearly unnerved them to hear about who was going to die. Rick said pretty much the same as Carol had, that they had to get the Hilltop people out for their deal to go through and I suggested the idea he had had in the series about using a walker head, pretending it was Gregory's, to fool the guards at the outpost into letting them in.
The guards had to die, there was no way around it but I also suggested that they should try and cut off the Saviors communication, that way they had to send someone back to the Sanctuary and that person could potentially be tracked down to find out where the Saviors headquarters actually was.
I had no clue how feasible that plan would be, I was just an office worker with no military background or anything but Rick seemed to be impressed by my thinking, telling me it was a good idea. Getting complimented on my ideas by Rick fucking Grimes was amazing and I couldn't keep the stupid grin off my face, though I tried tamping it down, seeing as this was a serious situation and all.
It could've been just my imagination, but I got the impression that both Rick and Michonne were much warmer towards me than they had been before and after they had left again, I addressed it with Carol.
“You told them, didn't you? About my husband?” I kept any hint of accusation out of my tone, it was a risk I had willingly committed to and even if I was worried about the reaction I would get, I had anticipated Carol wouldn't keep that to herself.
“I did. It is as you said, trust is a two way street and we can not trust you if we don't know who you are. And in case you were worried, no one thinks that what you did was wrong. Well, Morgan and father Gabriel might but I'm sure you would have expected that.” I nodded thoughtfully, not bothering to say anything else, because what was there to say?
Since walking wasn't really in the cards, I stayed inside the house and the rest of the day was uneventful compared to what had already transpired, Eugene came by for a while, talking my ear off about dimensional travel and its probabilities until I told him that I didn't understand the half of what he was babbling which made him shut up and leave shortly after. That left me alone with Carol and it turned out we got along splendidly, telling her about my husband and showing her the evidence of his abuse had apparently made her warm up considerably and it was actually quite nice.
Although I tried to deny it most of the time, I was pretty lonely, ever since making myself into a widow, I had isolated myself, no friends to speak of if you discounted the people I worked with, with whom I had never spend time outside of work. It wasn't as if I was afraid of letting anyone close, well maybe a little, it was more that I just preferred to be alone though maybe that wasn't as true as I had thought it to be.