Chapter Text
As she sat holding the guitar Joel had given her and realized she couldn't play it anymore she held it just a little longer and wondered why she didn't stay with Dina. She knew why but she wished she had done things differently so she wouldn't have lost those fingers. The thought that ultimately, her leaving had led to her saving Abby and that boy Lev - an innocent in all this mess - was nothing but a small mercy.
She looked at her lost fingers. She could learn to play with her other hand, that was an option too, but it wouldn't be the same, it would not be what Joel taught her. It would be something else. She sighed and as she was leaving the guitar down there by the window she remembered a tune from a song. So she started singing it in a low voice as she left the place behind her.
Which way to the fountain of my youth I wonder
Which way to the years I let go by
Let a thirsty man drink in its memories
While the water still flows sweet and crystal clear
For yesteryear
Oh to see the sun's eclipse
On the horizon like ships
Sailing way away from here
Oh just one more time my dear
Before I'll go hear me out
Cos of this there ain't no doubt
When it's time for curtain call
Just before the shadows
Fall like a leaf in the wind on the ocean
Of blue like your eyes in the twilight theater
With symphonies playing in the world without sound
We're given and denied
Give me back my innocence cos I wish to dream again
Like I never outgrew my old playground
Where the sun sets slowly with a golden crown
And the leaves sing lullabies 'round vacant swings
Give me those wings
Let me fly once again
Like I did way back when
I would gamble and win
To lift me high above the din
Of the future we see
Does it hold something for me?
I'm weightless again
Just before the shadows
Fall like a leaf in the wind on the ocean
Of blue like your eyes in the twilight theater
With symphonies playing in the world without sound
We're given and denied
As she finished singing she looked back at her farm and despite the decisions she had made that had led to her somehow still being alive and thus, with another chance at making things right - or as right as she could make them - she felt so many regrets. Why was she still alive, waiting for her turn while Riley, Tess, Jesse and even Joel had left her? She was still waiting for her turn while everything around her vanished. She had a long way ahead to reconcile with Dina, it was not impossible but she wished she had not hurt her so much. She also wished she could have saved Jesse, not have killed all those people, she just wished she had a chance and she wondered if she could one day have that if she wouldn't fuck it up totally as she had the first time.
Ellie woke up. She looked at the ceiling and had no clue where she was. It was a house and she was sleeping on the floor. She looked up and saw a door that was locked with some wood and chairs. Something in the place seemed familiar and a fear started creeping inside her as her mind identified the place but simultaneously and completely denied the possibility of Ellie being there. She heard someone moving and immediately she looked to the side. She gasped as she saw that the shape was Dina, sleeping next to her. But there was something in her, something different and she didn’t know what it was. Whatever it was she did not care. When had this happened? When had she forgiven her to the point of letting her sleep next to her? She had the feeling there was information missing here but at the same time she was so happy to see her that she started crying. Gingerly she put a hand on her shoulder and then caressed her face. Dina was here, next to her! Gorgeous, loyal and fierce Dina was here. The most beautiful sight in the entire universe, right next to her. Something in the back of her skull was screaming at Ellie that this was too odd, not just that she would sleep next to her but the fact that they were in some random house sleeping on the floor. Then Ellie started looking around confused.
“Where’s JJ?” she wondered and started looking around. She stood up slowly and looked everywhere but could not find him.
She started to feel panic but then she put her left hand on her forehead and noticed another completely out of place thing was happening here. She felt her fingers. All of them. Alarmed she looked at her hands. All her fingers were there.
What the fuck? , thought Ellie, this is impossible… I must be dreaming
If this was a dream it felt damn real.
“Ouch” said Ellie after she pinched herself
This hypothesis that pinching oneself to tell if one is dreaming was not working because she was not waking up. This couldn’t be real. What the hell was happening? Ellie sat next to Dina, still looking at her hands and then at Dina as if both were a miracle.
“What’s up?” asked Dina, as she was waking up
Her voice, so tender and sweet, made Ellie feel like crying again. She started caressing her hair again.
“I’m just… confused” said Ellie
“About what?” asked Dina, furrowing her brow
“Many things” said Ellie “I am unsure about where are we”
Dina scoffed
“I knew you were lost, you dummy” said Dina and smiled teasingly
“I am indeed” said Ellie “or was”
“What’s up with you?” asked Dina and seemed to be more awake now, although she was still laying down “were you reading some philosophy books?”
“No… I’m just… so happy you are with me. I can’t believe my luck” said Ellie and laid again next to her, looking at her in the eyes
Dina smiled and blushed a bit
“Well, I couldn’t let you come here alone, specially since you are already lost” said Dina
“You know there is this song that Joel sang to me, the first time he ever sang something to me” said Ellie “I think it applies to what I feel about you too”
Dina seemed surprised. Ellie had not talked about Joel in that sense ever, with such calm in her voice.
“What does the song say?” asked Dina, her eyes full of interest
Ellie sang a part of that song to her.
If I ever were to lose you
I'd surely lose myself
Everything I have found dear
I've not found by myself
Try and sometimes you'll succeed
To make this man of me
All my stolen missing parts
I've no need for anymore
I believe
And I believe 'cause I can see
Our future days
Days of you and me
Dina observed her in awe and it seemed that she was about to cry.
“That is beautiful” said Dina “but you have to change the lyrics to say woman”
Ellie chuckled
“I love you” said Ellie to Dina and she meant it with all her heart. Dina smiled and kissed her.
Ellie had missed her so much, wanted so much to find comfort in her and regretted so much losing her that when Dina did that she felt she would never know happiness like this. It didn't seem like Dina had intended to do more than just give her a small kiss but she awakened a hunger in Ellie that breathed fire inside her. Ellie straddled Dina and kissed her more deeply until the smaller woman moaned. She kissed Dina everywhere, tasting everything as if it was her last day on earth. Dina seemed surprised but delighted to comply and to also take from Ellie and soon they were fucking with complete abandon. After they both came and were satisfied to a point they laid down again and looked at each other and laughed.
“Well, that is a nice way to wake up” said Dina in between breaths
Ellie smiled at her.
“We should start getting ready though” said Dina as she stood up and started dressing up “we should be arriving Seattle soon”
It was as if a cold water was thrown on her. Ellie sat up and stared at Dina. She was putting on her clothes and wasn’t aware of the panicked look Ellie was giving her.
“What do you mean Seattle? Why are we here again?” asked Ellie
“Again?” asked Dina and looked at Ellie confused “we have never been here, at least I haven’t… have you been to Seattle before?”
“What are you talking about?” asked Ellie perplexed “we were here, it was horrible, how can you have forgotten?”
“Ellie, what are you talking about? We were never here” said Dina
“The Wolves, the scars, the tortured people, Nora, Jesse, Owen, Mel, Abby… all of that, are you telling me you forgot?” asked Ellie, perplexed, and starting to get worried about Dina’s state of mind
“What scars? Who are those people you are talking about? What about Jesse? He's back in Jackson. Ellie, are you alright?” asked Dina
She looked at Ellie with a worried stare. She had her pants on and was about to put on a shirt when Ellie noticed something. She stood up and came near Dina and observed her shoulder. There was no mark of the arrow that had pierced her when they had that fight with Abby at the theater.
“What is going on?” asked Ellie but it was more of a rhetorical question. She had no idea what was happening.
“That is what I am wondering” asked Dina “Ellie, what is happening? You seem confused”
“I am” admitted Ellie “We have been here or I think we have and now you said we weren’t here already?”
“No, Ellie, we haven’t ever set foot there before” said Dina “we will probably arrive now, we’re close but what were you talking about Jesse?”
“You said he is in Jackson?” asked Ellie
“Yes” said Dina
“You said he did not come?” asked Ellie
“No, as far as I know, we are the only ones coming after Tommy, who came here after Joel’s killer, remember?” asked Dina cautiously
“I do… I mean… we are after Tommy, right?” asked Ellie and she felt she was beginning to understand what was happening in this dream or nightmare or whatever this was
“And Joel’s killer” said Dina
“No, no, no, no!” yelled Ellie
Fuck that , thought Ellie, I am getting my family and we are getting the fuck out, fuck Abby
“No?” asked Dina “wasn’t that the reason we are here?”
“No” said Ellie again “I don’t give a fuck about her, we are getting Tommy and then we get the fuck out, back to Jackson and it’s like we were never even here”
Dina was completely confused
“But… I thought…?” asked Dina
Ellie grabbed Dina’s hand and then caressed her face with her other hand.
“Dina, the most important thing is to get my family safe and we aren’t safe here, I’m sorry I brought you here, I really am. I am glad I am not alone but we have to get the fuck away from this place” said Ellie intently and almost shaking from the nervousness and fear.
Dina seemed very very confused but she nodded.
“Ok… I don’t know what made you change your mind but ok” said Dina
“I just want my people to be safe” said Ellie with a pained stare
If for some reason she was given another chance and this was it, she was going to take it and this time she was going to make it right.