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Rei remembered the last time Kyouko beat him at shogi.
For months neither Rei nor Kouda-sensei had realized that Kyouko had fallen behind Rei. She'd still managed to beat him often. Maybe it was because she made him nervous, with her arrogant smirk on her beautiful face. No, not only that, it would have been condescending. Maybe she just knew Rei's shogi very well.
Anyway, when Rei managed to take her more than a few victories, he had long since been able to beat players who could beat her. But she got angry, and Rei realized, maybe she had thought she could always win against him, sometimes, somehow.
"Were you letting me win last time?" she asked, burning with anger against herself, wanting to redirect it against someone else. Rei didn't even answer. He knew it was not a real question, not even a real attack, just a short and bright fire that could blind the eyes for a while, but not really burn.
He thought it was finished. He thought he got off lightly. He was wrong.
Kyouko has been going out a lot since she stopped shogi. With girls, with boys, and with men, that she mentioned at the dinner table the rare times she was there, to see her father react.
The first time, he tried to be supportive, telling her that he would be happy to meet her boyfriend. She laughed at him, and said she would invite him next time they fucked. Her father turned red with anger, and dropped the subject.
Rei wondered if she wanted to see him react too. It was for her father, of course, but it was Kyouko, very much clever enough to provoke and study two people at the same time.
Rei was remembering how he had wanted Kyouko to like him. He had already found her fascinating when Kouda-sensei was visiting his father. And when he had been adopted as Kyouko’s almost brother, he had had hopes. But they were long dead and buried, and now, all he could wish for was his feelings for her not to destroy him.
When she mentioned the boys she played with, the boys who played with her, the worry he felt for her was mixed with a disappointment that was not unlike jealousy, and he hated it, and it hurt.
Rei never knew if he was dreaming about Kyouko. When he woke up, his body was yielding to hers, his nostrils were full of her smell, so it felt like it. It felt like he was obsessed with her even before this moment, but maybe his sleeping brain was picking on the signs, sending him alarm signals.
He was terrified. Of course. She shouldn't have been there. She shouldn't have entered the intimacy of his bed, of his mind.
But also, she was so warm against him, even through his pyjamas, and now he was terribly aware of breathing into her smell. Even if it was a choice between this and suffocating it felt like on purpose, when every breath made him more drunk on her, the smell of her skin and her sweat under her perfume. Her breasts hung above him, heavy and round and too close, and it's not that he wanted to look, but he couldn't close his eyes...
"So, little brother, you have taken my place," she said. Her smile was shining like a knife, her teeth white in the half-light of the room, but her eyes were harsh and dark. "No, I shouldn't call you brother, actually. It's true your father adopted you, but he rejected me for it. I'm not your sister."
These were all things Rei had already told to himself, and they hurt every time, so why did it hurt more, when it was Kyouko saying it?
How stupid had he been, to think she wouldn't notice, maybe before him? It was her family being broken.
"You never thought of me as your sister anyway," she said, and how could a smile cut so much? She put one hand between his legs and Rei thought he would die of shame, to feel the concrete proof of his lust, jumping under the skin of her fingers. "Or if you did you're a baby pervert, Rei."
Rei didn't know. If she had treated him like a brother from the start, would his body still desire her this way? He would never know, he would never have this, neither a happy family nor the certainty that he wouldn't have felt these oppressing and wrong desires.
"So, are you good at something other than shogi? You have a cute enough face, I guess."
And then she started opening his pyjamas.
Rei wanted to scream. He wanted to kiss her, to taste her skin, her lips, her breasts, all wants that entered his head like fire spears, irresistible, painful, shattering his mind, breaking his innocence into tiny shards. Her beauty burned him like a forest fire, the touch of her knuckles on his collarbone was a brand on his skin and his soul.
He tried to tell her to stop. Words wouldn't form in his mouth, only small gasps of shame and pleasure and terror and want.
She pulled off his pyjama trousers; Rei felt cold air on his dick, but it didn't extinguish the fire.
It was not his fault (except that it was).
She pulled up her dress and sat on his lap. She was very wet, but the fire burned higher. Then she started rubbing against him, every move making Rei feel like pleasure would kill him, would make him explode.
"Have you no willpower? Well, the better for me, I guess. I will use you, and you will do everything I'll make you."
It was dirty. Rei was dirty. He wanted it to stop. No, how could anyone wish for this, under Kyouko's body? He only wanted it to have never started. He wanted to have been able to tell that it was disgusting (it was true), that no part of him wanted this (it was a lie).
But Kyouko was right, Rei had no strength. He couldn't deny her anything on purpose, after all that he'd stolen from her. Had she been happy, once? Was it possible to destroy something so precious?
He just lay awake, and offered Kyouko his pleasure and his heartbreak.
She was rubbing harder now, less composed, more erratic, her fingernails digging into Rei's shoulders. And then, one thrust harder than the others, and she was engulfing him. He closed his eyes hard, and clenched his teeth. She was devouring him. She was making him hers. He couldn't feel anything else, think about anything else but her. Her body, her resentment towards him, that felt so justified right now.
Rei could no longer do anything, as all his energy was leaving his mind, to his overstimulated dick. And then, pleasure hit him like a slap.
He'd never known you could feel like this, pleasure so intense and so sharp and so short. It was the most terrifying and the most delightful experience of his life. He even thought about love.
And as he wondered what exactly it meant, Kyouko laughed.
"Look at you, as selfish as any man," she said, still bursting in hysterical snickers. "Who would have known? I like it better when you're being pretty and not moving and waiting for me, but I guess you filled your function well enough. What could have I expected? That you would care?"
She slipped off the side of the bed, turned her back to Rei. He was feeling very cold. She didn't give him a single look as she left the room, to get back to hers across the corridor.
Rei wanted to cry. Maybe it would free him from the shame and the humiliation, turn them into a liquid he could leave behind.
But he could hear Kyouko's muffled sobs from her own room, and because of this, his own tears stayed stuck in his throat.
He wished he was at least able to let her win.