Chapter Text
2002
Central London. Their monthly Friday dinner took an uncomfortable little turn around the desert. Kira didn’t even get to taste the creme brûlée Ava had made, and it was her absolute favourite.
They had locked them inside the closet, a freaking hall closet. You two are staying in here until you figure out your shit. Their friends had said before they closed and locked the door.
They stood there, eyeing each other. The silence was eerily, yet it was the loudest silence Kira had ever experienced. The closet seemed impossibly small with Alec inside it. His towering six feet height and broad shoulders, it was ridiculous really, like a bull in a china shop the size of a shoebox.
A string of hair escaped the bobby-pin on top of her head, slightly covering the left side of her face, and she hastily tucked it behind her ear. A deep scar marred Kira’s features. It was the first thing you noticed about her. The beastly thing ran from her forehead to where it ended by her left lower chin. The scar was long, forty-five stitches, white and slightly pinkish, and very visibly highlighted against her dark brown skin. It still ached from time to time, and now it thumped like an annoying headache.
Neither seemed to know what to say.
It was rather embarrassing that it had come to this . But Alec Young infuriated her, to put it mildly, and the feeling was reciprocal. They just couldn’t get along. There was always this weird palpable tension between them, and he learned new buttons to push all of the time.
“If we solve this out, they’re going to let us out. ” Alec spoke first. “Just let’s get this over with, Kira.”
“ Right .” Kira sighed heavily.“I’m sorry I hacked on you like that in front of your date. Emma seems really nice, and I hope I didn’t make her feel unwelcome. That’s the last thing I want.” It came out all too fast like she was nervous, and perhaps she was.
Alec’s eyes widened slightly, evidently surprised that she apologised first. Maybe even that she even apologised at all. Was that really so hard to believe? Kira wondered, she was known to have a temperament, yes, but she wasn't presumptuous or mean. She knew she had overstepped tonight.
“Thank you,” Alec said. “ I’m sorry as well, truly. I shouldn’t have provoked you like that, and Emma didn’t leave because of us. The hospital called. She is on call.”
It had been a long time since they acted this civil towards each other. Kira could understand that their friends were reasonably tired of their behaviour.
“Ah, that’s good to know. Thank you, and of course, apology accepted. How about we try to behave nicely from now on? So they don’t shun us.” Kira awkwardly gestured towards the door and smiled weakly. “I’d rather not be locked in here every time we all gather up.”
“It’s not too bad in here.” Alec chuckled as he looked around the cramped space. “Knowing us, maybe we should hide some protein bars in here, just in case this happens again.”
His smile was crooked and boyish, lighting up his entire face. It really was a nice smile. Kira caught herself thinking and not for the first time, not even the twentieth.
“So little faith in me?” Kira asked, her tone surprisingly playful. “I’m wounded, Dr Young.” She pretended to be offended.
“ Oh , Miss Bennett. I’m simply pragmatic.”
They were teasing. That was a good sign. Right? That they actually could be friends without quarrelling.
“Are you alive in there?” Inez shouted from the other side. “It’s too quiet. Have you killed my cousin, Kira?”
“As I could,” Kira answered loud enough for Inez to hear. “He is a bloody giant. I would need something more practical than your vacuum cleaner to slay him.”
“Big talk for someone who barely comes up to my chin,” Alec smirked at her like the smug bastard he always was and positioned himself in front of her like it was a height competition.
Like she could win a game like that.
She came nose to chest with him.
“What are you, 5 feet 4 inches?” His dark hair fell in tousled waves across his face as he looked down on her.
“5.7.” Kira hastily replied, and you could detect a hint of nervousness if you knew her well enough. “Taller than average, thank you very much.”
“You are everything but average, Kira.” He chuckled softly. It had to be some sort of record. They rarely laughed together.
“I am?”
The proximity and his strange compliment did something to her. But it was understandable. Alec was unreasonably pretty for a man, Kira thought with slight unease. His face was all angles, long nose and sharp cheeks.
“Why do we always end up arguing, Kira?”
“Because you like to provoke me.” She answered matter-of-factly. She knew he liked to tease her.
“I don’t always mean to do it. Half of the time, I'm just unsure what to say to you, and it comes out all wrong.”
“Do I scare you?” It was meant as a joke but came out almost flirtatious.
“You are terrifying.” He grinned, and she relaxed slightly. If she was held on gunpoint and forced to be honest, she enjoyed their little bantering. Just a little.
“I'm not saying you are completely innocent in all of this, Alec. Perhaps, at times, I'm slightly overreacting and making it worse.”
“Maybe I scare you too?”
Alec took a tentative step towards her.
“Maybe.”
The room grew uncomfortably warm. They were standing too close. Kira could even smell his cologne, sandalwood mixed with something deliciously citrusy. Pomegranate, maybe?
“Truce then?”
“Truce.” Kira agreed, a bit breathless.
The bastard had freckles. How dare he be this close for her to notice that.
“What happened here?” His voice, lower but still incredibly rich and deep. “I never dared to ask before.”
Did he always sound like that? Kira wondered, flustered and, to be honest, slightly panicking as Alec reached out his hand. It was feather-lightly touch, his fingers brushing along the long scar above her left brow, unhurriedly trailing it down where it ended below her mouth.
“Bike accident.” Kira lied like she always did when someone asked. It’s unsettling how easy it was to do it when the truth was so horrible.
However, it was exceptionally out of character for her to tolerate anyone touching her face. Though, there was no denying that her reaction to his intimate touch was just as usual. Goosebumps erupted all over her skin, and Kira realised she was slightly leaning into Alec’s warm palm.
“Well, it has healed beautifully .. .”
“Is that some kink you physicians have?” It was meant as a joke but came out way more flirtatious than intended. Again.
“Do you want it to be?” He asked, his voice a shade darker.
What in the toaster's hamstringing pain was going on? L Were they flirting now? And why did she like it? Him touching her like that.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea, nonetheless what I want.”
She glanced up at him through her dark lashes. Her answer seemed to surprise him, just as she surprised herself. Did she want it to be?
“Kira. I—.” Alec stopped talking at the sound of a key. He stepped away from her, just in time as the door unlocked and swung open, breaking the weird sexual tension between them and Kira felt highly grateful for the frisky interruption.
Their friends sat around the dinner table with bemused expressions. They had started playing trivial pursuit without them. Frankie, her oldest friend, contemplated Kira with a smug look as she sat down in the seat next to her. Could they see how flustered she was?
“What?” Kira questioned and reached for her glass of wine. “Everything is fine . We apologised and buried the hatchet.”
“ Oh , nothing,” Frankie replied, feigning innocence. “Just glad you worked everything out.”
“The night is still young,” Inez noted, holding one of the quizzing cards. “Do not think I won´t be throwing you back in if you start arguing again.”
“Duly noted.” Alec sat down across the table. “I’ll try my very best, dear cousin.”
“Your best is what got you there in the first place, beloved cousin.”
“Oh. I thought it was because Kira—.”
“ Oi !” Kira protested, interrupting Frankie. “Please stop talking like I’m not here. Inez, if you lock me in there again, I swear to God I will rip your favourite book into shreds.” Kira sat up straighter, shoulders squared. “Starting with Zadie Smith.”
“Is that how you talk to your peers, Miss Bennett?” Inez snickered, positively loving the friendly jabbing match.
“Yes.” Kira smiled as she pulled the hair ribbon out, and her dark curly brown hair cascaded down her shoulders. “ Especially when they’re fighting like two pre-pubescent girls.”
Most people who met Kira viewed her as an extrovert, outgoing, a bit sassy and even perceived her as the life of the party, and sometimes she was exactly like that . Fun and carefree. The one who loved dissolving into the dancefloor crowd, enjoyed flirting with pretty men and impulsively buying a plane ticket and disappearing for the weekend.
But those who really knew her knew it oftentimes was a facade. A mask to hide the emotional kaleidoscope of a mess she really was.
Her phone book was filled with names and numbers, though it was mostly superficial relationships. It wasn’t that she didn’t like them. Kira was just selective, sometimes even suspicious towards new people and could only be herself around them she could trust wholeheartedly.
Inez Young and Frankie Ricci were those people.
The three of them went back to elementary school and were still inseparable in their late twenties as they had been back then. Frankie and Inez were her entire world. They accepted her shortcomings, mood swings and all. They probably understood her better than she understood herself, and to be effortlessly loved like that, nothing could even describe the feeling.
They were her family—the one she had chosen.
Her relationship with the guys was a completely different story. Alec Young was Inez's older cousin, Tobias Lennox, and Colin Renolds were initially his friends. They had recently become a tight-knit group because Inez and Alec were close relatives, almost as siblings, and the rest just effortlessly fell in line when they started having their monthly dinner two years ago.
Kira did consider them real friends. She did, and it was a surprise how easily and how much she liked them from the start. Kira just didn’t want to unpack her traumatic baggage and wave it in their faces. It would only complicate things, and she hated complications. It was so much easier to be fun and carefree Kira around them.
“So, who ate my dessert?” Kira asked, gazing suspiciously around the table to find the creme brûlée thief.
They couldn’t have been in the closet longer than ten-fifteen minutes, even though it felt so much longer. Kira hoped whatever came over her in the closet was just a momentary blackout from her part. She should not think of Alec like that.
“It’s in the refrigerator, untouched . Calm down.” Ava chuckled softly. “Yours too, Alec.”
The caring and sweet Ava Park was Inez’s girlfriend. They had been together since 1998 and lived together for almost two years now. Ava had quickly found her place like she had been there all along. Kira adored her.
“Thank you, Ava. You are an angel.” Alec said, then looked back at Kira, nodding his head towards the kitchen. “Shall we?”
🌿
In the kitchen, Alec was uncharacteristically quiet, casually leaning against the massive limestone counter. He looked a bit nervous. They were alone again. Maybe he was just uncomfortable?
The long-awaited dessert tasted heavenly. The vanilla gradually melted on her tongue, and she groaned loudly with contentment.
Alec watched her as she quickly brought the spoon to her mouth again. His gaze was lingering on her lips. His own bowl untouched beside him on the sink.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” Kira asked, suddenly feeling weirdly self-conscious. She was still a bit unnerved after the closet.
“Is it good?”
“ Oh . Mmh.” Kira nodded vigorously. “It’s delicious. Ava is a bloody culinary genius” .”
“Is that so?” Alec smirked. “Would you say it’s the best you ever had? I’m just curious. Rumour has it that it’s one of your favourite desserts.”
“Yeah, it probably is the best creme brûlée I have ever tasted.” Kira shamelessly took another big bite and rolled her eyes for good measure. The sweet flavour lingered in her mouth. “As I said, she is an absolute genius .”
“The secret is flake salt.”
“How do you know that?”
“Cause I’m the culinary genius who made it.”
“ Oh. I would never have guessed you liked to bake.”
Alec shrugged his shoulders. “You never asked.”
Kira winced. He was right. She didn’t know that very much about Alec, nor taken the opportunity to get to really know him either. They mostly argued. Dus, the whole closet incident. Though with his profession, Alec didn’t always come to their Friday dinners. So, it wasn’t entirely her fault.
“Have you always liked to bake? Please, say you have, Alec. I will be deeply and utterly disappointed if this was a lucky shot.”
“I’m happy not to disappoint you, then. I almost went to culinary school. Though, my love for pastries sadly didn’t win in the end, which my mother was so relieved to hear.” Alec chuckled softly, almost too soft for his calibrate. “I’m happy you liked it, Kira. I may or may not have made it just because Inez told me it’s your favourite.”
“That’s actually...incredibly sweet, Alec. Thank you.”
Against her better judgement, Kira waited for the sarcastic response, the one where Alec’s cheeky attitude came back to play.
It never did.
“What’s your favourite thing to make?” Kira asked curiously, then helped herself to a larger spoonful and moaned. “ Jesus . I’m sorry, Alec, but you need to bake for me another time. This is just too good.”
“Whenever you want.” Alec’s lip curled into the sweetest smile, fittingly matching the lingering taste from the dessert he had made especially for her. “Who would have guessed? Fifteen minutes in a broom closet and a bit of sugar was the way to befriend you.”
“It's the proper rite of passage, Alec. Didn't anyone tell you that?”
They had successfully managed to not argue since coming out of the closet, which was promising.
Kira glanced down at the bowl in her hand and sadly realised it was empty.
“You want the rest of mine?”
“Yes, please .”
Laughing, Alec reached out to grab his bowl, still filled with delicious sweetness. His tongue darted out to lick his spoon clean, and Kira needed to force herself to not gawk at him.
Everything about his innocent gesture was unbelievably sexy. The way his large hand held that tiny spoon. Especially the way his tongue had swirled and slowly licked every little bit of cream.
The more Kira told herself not to sexualise his actions, the more it became a fixation with each second that passed.
He touched your face with those hands. Her inner voice whispered. And you liked it. A flicker of something wild and nervous curled in her abdomen.
“See this as my apology.” Alec smiled, then handed her his dessert, and as she reached for it, their hands brushed against each other and strangely enough, neither of them pulled away.
Kira hesitantly lifted her head, shifting her gaze from their hands, to meet his eyes. “For what ?” She tried schooling her face to something akin to indifference, rather than giving away the fact her mind whirled, and her heart was beating faster.
“Future mistakes.”
🌿
They played a few rounds of trivial pursuit, and Kira was, of course, teamed up with Alec. Inez really wanted to force them to get along.
They were surprisingly good together, Alec was insanely intelligent, and she held her stride pretty nicely.
“Feels a bit unfair, to be honest.” Colin sorely complained when they won for the second time in a row. “A doctor and a bloody teacher in the same team.”
“I’m only an art teacher, Colin,” Kira replied coyly.
“Always so modest,” Alec said. “You were brilliant, Kira. Let's be honest. You carried me over the finish line. Who even knows it is illegal to carry an ice cream in your back pocket in Kentucky?”
“It was apparently a good way to steal horses.” Kira shrugged, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. She didn’t really know how she knew certain things. Various information sometimes just stuck with her.
Alec pulled a random card from the stack. “Which African country was formerly known as Abyssinia?”
“Ethiopia.”
“Ethiopia.” Alec verified, nodding approvingly. He seemed almost proud of her. “Correct again .”
“Maybe I just memorised the answers.” Kira couldn’t help but tease him a little bit. That’s what friends did, right?
“That alone would be impressive enough. There are 2,400 questions in one deck.”
Not that very long ago, Kira would have like nothing more than to clobber him over the head with a desk stapler.
Presently, not so much, it seemed.
The night sped by in a blur. Kira found herself looking a few too many times over at Alec. Perhaps it was the alcohol fueling the fire? Kira was suddenly hyper-aware of him like someone has thrown a spotlight in his direction with a big neon sign look-at-him.
She seemed to notice every mole, every little freckle, and the constellations they made together across his features.
Oh god. His lips. They were sinful and plush. She drank in the sight of him, curious despite herself. Alec was attractive, beautiful even. It was only natural that such natural thoughts would come. Right? It was purely a physical interest. It would be like relieving an itch. Fuck it out of your system. Kira snorted at that, earning a curious glance from Inez. Her friend was eerily perceptive.
Did she see her gawking at her cousin?
Was she even allowed to do that?
“Do you work with Emma, or is it different departments?” Ava’s voice dragged Kira out of her thoughts.
Dr Emma Brighton, the pretty blond date Alec had brought to dinner tonight. How could she forget?
“Yeah, sometimes. Emma is the best thoracic surgeon I’ve ever had the pleasure to meet.” Alec declared thoughtfully.
Mortification flooded her senses. What was she doing? Having an existential crisis, yes, that was it.
Just the familiar loneliness was making its bitter reminder.
“How about we finish the night at Fishers?” Kira suggested, and it was solely for selfish reasons she suddenly wanted to leave the apartment now. It was pretty depressing, feeling lonely in a room full of people.
The local pub, Fishers, was their place. Great music and even better beer. The homie tavern was within an easy walking distance, right in a nexus of Inez’s building and Kira’s flat.
“I’m in.” Tobias clapped his hands in excitement, getting everyone’s attention. “Though can we wait? My mate Nick is coming over in about ten minutes.”
“If he is pretty, you have my consent to lock me in the closet with him for a round of seven minutes of heaven.” Kira flashed her teeth in a wolfish smile, feeling her fifth drink kicking in.
Maybe this Nick person could scratch her itch?
“I thought that was our thing,” Alec commented, and Kira choked on her drink, coughing furiously as everyone else started laughing.
He said it so casually she wasn’t sure if he was actually serious or just being sarcastic.
Kira didn’t have a clever response, so she just awkwardly smiled along with the others, who seemed to find it hilarious.
🌿
Their Friday night, unfortunately, took another whack when Tobias’s friend arrived. Kira had been a bit too excited when it rang on the door, eager to meet this new friend and followed Tobias to the front door like a puppy.
The man was handsome, though “Nick” was no stranger to her. Kira knew him a little too well.
“Everyone, this is Dominic Carr.” Tobias stood next to her in the hallways as he introduced her ex-boyfriend to the group.
“Hey, peaches .” Dominic kissed her left cheek, then the right before he wrapped her in a tight familiar embrace. Even after all this time, he still smelled like home, and she hated him for it.
“Oh, how I have missed you.” He whispered in her ear, and her legs almost caved.
“Ehm. Am I missing something?” Tobias asked, bewildered. “You two know each other?”
“Tell them, peaches .” Dominic just smiled, totally unfazed after being apart for who knows how many years in that moment. How could he smile at her after what happened, what he did? And God, how she fucking hated that nickname.
Everyone was looking at Kira, waiting for her to answer. She opened her mouth, but nothing came out. She was panicking, and Frankie came to her rescue.
“Get the fuck out. Figlio di puttana .” Frankie swore at Dominic in Italian. It was something rather insulting about his mother. She was half Dominic's size and weight, yet that didn’t intimidate her, not the slightest, even with all she knew about him. Then she swiftly turned to Tobias. “Your mate, he is no longer welcome here. GET HIM OUT NOW.”
“What’s going on?” Alec walked into the room, and Inez leapt to his side and whispered something in his ear. His face hardened, and Kira tensed, wondering what he had heard precisely.
“See you another time, peaches .” It was a promise, and Dominic Carr rarely broke them.
Frankie continued blasphemously swearing and cursing Dominic’s name even after she had slammed the front door.
Kira stood frozen, hadn’t moved an inch. It felt as if she had integrated with the concrete, becoming the foundation of the very room. Everything seemed to be spinning. She realised Alec had come to stand in front of her, completely shielding her from Dominic with his body.
“What the hell just happened?” Tobias looked as shocked as Kira had ever seen him.
Frankie rushed over to Tobias and pushed him against the wall. It looked like a tiny pitbull tried to fight a Grand danois.“Did you tell him she was here?” She shouted hysterically.
“What?” Tobias looked terribly confused, frightened even.
“Did you tell him Kira was here?” Her friend shouted again.
“ Francesca… ” Kira’s voice sounded weak even to her own ears, but Frankie turned to face her. “He doesn’t know anything.” She had known Tobias long enough to know he wasn’t a very good liar. His poker face was the worst.
“Do you want to tell them?” Inez reached for her hand. “You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to, Kira. But maybe they should know?”
Inez and Frankie had never met Dominic until today. Her friends knew all the facts, every bruise, every tear and ache, but the others had never heard the nightmare of elm street story about Dominic Carr. Her friends had sworn to keep it to themselves and to never talk about it again.
It was time to dust that book wide open. Almost six years had passed since they broke up. Kira never pressed charges. What good would that have done? She lied until her teeth hurt to the doctors the day it all went down. Forty-one stitches. She had been unrecognisable for months after.
They gathered in the living room. Inez held her hand gently. It was like she was her anchor. Kira felt vulnerable and tried to not look at anyone, fearing their expressions. She hated it. She just knew they would pity her after hearing everything, look and act differently around her.
“I don’t know how or where to begin, really,” Kira said tentatively. “That was my ex-boyfriend.”
“Holy shit,” Tobias said. “Kira, I swear, I didn’t know. He never said anything.”
“I believe you,” Kira said quietly. “Maybe I should have told you a long time ago. I just, I never thought this would happen.”
Frankie sat beside her on the couch, rubbing her back in small and comforting circles.
“I met Dominic when I was nineteen. I was bartending a few nights a week at Atlas, and he was always there. I thought he was just a regular, but later on, I found out it was his nightclub.” Kira paused. “I fell in love with him almost instantly. He was older, I had never had a proper boyfriend, and I was puffed that he even looked my way. I moved in with him after only three weeks. It felt so right. I loved him. So, I ignored the little things…”
Her heart was beating so fast. It still felt like a bad dream.
“He started accusing me of flirting with the other bartenders. Which was insane because everyone knew I was his girl. They barely dared to talk to me when he was there. I probably should have seen the signs earlier. But I never thought he would direct his aggression towards me.” Kira said, bitterly, fighting against the stinging and treacherous tears wanting to fall. “The first time he hurt me, he promised it would never happen again, and I believed him. Then it happened again and again.”
The first tears poured down her cheeks, and she needed to stop to catch her breath. The rest fell effortlessly without any indication of ever stopping. She hated every weak minute of it.
“I left him a few times, but he managed to rope me back, convinced me everything was going to be better. Then, the accusations started again, and after a while, he stopped apologising, and I started to apologise instead.” Kira huffed bitterly. “Dominic liked to provoke me. He often compared me to my mother, and one time I lost my wits, raised my voice at him, and that’s when the real monster came out. Gone were the slaps, and he…He choked me until I was unconscious. Every time, I thought this is it . But I always woke up in our bed, and he pretended like everything was fine.”
When Kira eventually gathered her bearings and looked up at her friends. There was no pity party or judgmental stares. That wasn't what she found at all. Colin and Tobias were on the edge of their seats, blankly horrified, sure, but there was nothing but affection in their eyes. For her.
What surprised her was Alec. The consistently stoic, big-mouthed, annoyingly charming man she constantly bickered with looked so different—hard and intimidating, a bit frightening if you didn’t know he was actually a balloon loving paediatrician. He was furious. That was certain. Emotions were rolling off him in waves as he stood there clenching and unclenching his fist. His brown eyes seemed impossibly dark, like two pitch-black pools you easily could drown in if you were looking for too long.
Kira averted her eyes, glaring down at the red wine stain on the carpet. The tears were pouring down, and she desperately tried to centre herself.
“I decided to leave him when he started talking about having children. I was too scared to say no, but I took my contraceptive anyway, and he found out about it…”
She dreaded to say it out loud, to get to the ugliest part.
“And he lost it completely...” Kira tried to continue but failed miserably as the memory seemed all too real. She remembered it in snippets, tiny fragments of a bigger memory long repressed. Fourth-one stitches . The knife. The empty look in Dominic’s eyes. The negative pregnancy test. The screams. Unconsciously, she touched the healed scar on her face. The scar he gave her.
“There wasn’t a bike accident. He did that.” Alec stated, and all she could do was nod.
🌿
It was three in the morning. Kira was so tired. Emotionally drained. Inez was already asleep, and Frankie had just left, sharing a cab with Colin and Tobias.
“You sure you don’t want to stay?” Ava asked for the third time. “You shouldn’t be alone.”
“I’ll be fine. I promise. Alec is walking me home.” Kira said quietly. “I really want my own bed tonight.”
“Alright.” Ava smiled weakly. “I love you. Please call us tomorrow.”
They left the flat silently, it was rather strange that they barely could be in the others present without arguing about something ridiculous, and now she felt oddly at peace walking beside him.
It wasn’t even a strained silence, just comfortable.
“Has he ever contacted you?”
“Just once,” Kira answered. “He called from prison.”
“When was that?”
“A few years ago.”
“Do you think he will reach out after tonight?”
Kira had thought about it a thousand times already. But it had been so many years since they actually spoke, and he never reached out again, so why would he now?
“We should have just stayed in the closet.” She said instead.
“I’ll bring protein bars for next time.”
“Strawberry flavour.”
He didn’t push for more, Alec just hummed in response, and they continued the promenade in a peaceful silence once more. She enjoyed his presence. Very much so.
Moments later, when they arrived outside Kira’s building, Alec insisted on waiting until she was safely inside her flat, telling her he didn’t want to go till she waved from her kitchen window.
It was very sweet of him, Kira thought as she waved minutes later and she watched him walk back the way they had come. Inez always said Alec was more like a big brother than a cousin, and it was the first time she got to see that protective side of him.
🌿
Kira had years of training to learn how to compartmentalise her pain expertly. A coping mechanism. It was a game of survival, which kept her sane most of her childhood.
When things were too emotional, and she couldn’t deal with it, she could just push the painful feelings away, out in space for all Kira knew, and she felt nothing. She floated. It was like a magic trick, postponing the pain.
Sometimes it was almost as easy as breathing. But it scared Kira when it happened beyond her awareness.
Borderline behaviour. Kira Bennett, in a nutshell, or something more fragile, seashell.
Her former therapist (nutty shrinky Charlotte) used to tell her, repeatedly, nag on and on how bad and harmful it was to never process through her emotions appropriately. Kira, on the other hand, disagreed. She didn't need some mindfulness mumbo jumbo where she was encouraged to breathe in and out and find some inner peace within her trauma or whatever. Be present and all that. Accept the things she can't change.
Her way. It wasn’t ideal. But it could have been so much nastier. Kira could have ended up an alcoholic like her father, or worse, a drug addict, sticking dirty needles in her arm every other day or popping pills when life was rough.
Being an expert in denial felt weak in comparison to all of that. And it’s not like she didn’t dwell on those compartmentalised thoughts or feelings at some point because she did, oh how she did. They only disappeared for the moment, sometimes years, to strike back tenfold. Yet she repeated her little mind trick.
Peaches. Peaches. Peaches.
Dominic’s resurrection was like holding up a mirror and forcing her to look. Except, she didn’t see her own scarred reflection, just his, standing above her with the knife in his hand, seconds from...
So, she wasn't very good at compartmentalising at the moment, and it was deeply frustrating. Dominic's return was irking and scared her, and it made her angry.
After a long, hot shower, she sat down on her bed in a faded shirt with a poetic print she had trickled down in boredom years ago. Incapable of growth, so buy me a plant. It said, the fucking irony. Could anyone just buy her plant? Maybe then she could focus on that instead.
Sleep never came quickly for her, and today was no different. Insomnia was her dear but an unpleasant companion. But after finding two outdated sleeping prescriptions, Kira eventuall y entered the land of dreamless dreams.
When she woke up late the following day, she had one missed call and a fifteen-second long voice message.
“It was very good to see you again, peaches.”