Be-Littled

by Ill_Ratte

Summary:

The last thing Gavin Reed wanted was to be halfway across the country from his boyfriend, in an entirely new precinct with a whole host of strange and confusing new people. Fitting in as the new transfer is hard enough… Not to mention the fact that Gavin is a Little, with no caregiver. In a profession strictly forbidden for people like him.
And trouble is brewing just on the horizon.

Notes:

Wowee! I have had this bad lad finished in my drafts for over a MONTH!
Find me on tumblr @illratte for updates on this story and learn how to get early access to the coming chapters.
Remember, please leave a comment! This story is like my child

Chapter 1: First Day Blues

It was one thing to take a non-stop van ride, with all of Gavin’s earthly possessions bulging out of the back, from Detroit to Brooklyn on a Sunday, and it was another thing to have his boyfriend bow out the night before. But it was another thing entirely, the metaphorical straw that broke the camel’s back, to have to crawl out of bed with four hours sleep, and make it to the first day at his new job on time.

It wouldn’t have been so bad, at least that’s what he told himself, if Nines, his boyfriend and caregiver, had been there with him. No one but him knew that he was a little. Literally no one, which was really not quite legal, not that Gavin cared. He was just one cop. And Littles were Not allowed to be cops. So there really was no way that Gavin would give up his lifelong dream for something as stupid as his designation. Even if all he wanted was to crawl into his jacket and hide.

Gavin filed into the bleak meeting room for the morning briefing and the customary “welcome” of a new officer that was doubtlessly being hurtled his way whether he liked it or not. After spending the last decade of his career cooped up in Detroit, he had had no idea just how awful starting over would feel until he stepped into the room. The feeling was all wrong; it looked like the Rookies, all flustered and nervous like it was their first day, hung out at the back left of the room, alongside the water bubbler. Meanwhile the un-uniformed detectives gravitated towards the front. And even with the chatter of Detectives going on about their weekend and swapping stories, it just didn’t feel like home.

Gavin tugged his jacket tighter to himself and scanned for a place to sit. The front would put him directly in the line of fire of everyone’s inquiries, but it would also show that he was a dedicated worker. The back would be safer, but he’d stick out like a sore thumb and the new Captain probably wouldn’t even see him. Plus it would be unbearably awkward if they all had to turn around and look at him.

He spent too long deciding, and ended up sandwiched in the middle of a short guy who was way too talkative, with the little patch on his sleeve that designated him as a caregiver, and a taller, stone faced woman. Her eyes flicked to him as he sat down, but shorty didn’t break their conversation.

Gavin was maybe ready to scream, or at least stomp his feet and totally not throw a tantrum at all the noise that only compounded the horrific lack of coffee (totally not his fault, considering he hadn’t had enough time to figure out wherever they kept the coffee maker in this damn place), when the captain stepped into the room.

He was tall, and broad, and had a frown on his face. Fucking perfect. He looked like the picture of a hardass. Gavin almost snorted when he saw the same little caregiver patch on his sleeve. This guy looked nothing like the typical “hugs and cuddles” thing that most caregivers had going on. Gavin crossed his arms and sat up straighter in his seat as the man cleared his throat.

“We are gathered here today to welcome a new transfer into the force. Gavin Reed, will you please stand up? Or at least, raise your hand and show some enthusiasm.” He had a hint of exhaustion to his voice. Gavin opted for raising his hand awkwardly. He tried not to squirm as all eyes shifted to him. Today was just Not the day for being perceived; he had left his binder out to dry after nine sweltering hours of travel last night, so he only had his favorite sports bra, plus his zipped up coat, to keep anyone from noticing anything about his chest. He let out a breath of relief when the eyes left him a moment later.

“Now, does anyone have an open desk-”

“I do!” Shorty jerked his hand up and waved it around. He had a near manic expression as he looked at Gavin. A second hand shot up, less enthusiastic than the first, just a mo2ment later.

 

“There’s one right by me, Captain.” The guy, some clean shaven twink, said before winking at Gavin. Gavin suppressed a shudder. He knew those types all too well back at his old precinct; neutral designations, cis bullies, lashing out because he didn’t quite fit in how they expected. They expected every man to brown nose and cowtow down to them, or even return the snide remarks they made, about gay or trans people, or even Littles.

Shorty made a grimace and rescinded his hand. “Alright Jakey, that seems fair. You can get em this time.” Gavin made a mental note about their relationship. Mostly, how fucking weird it was.

Gavin had to stand out from them, while still blending in. He couldn’t afford to be the stubborn nail that got hammered straight back down. Even if sometimes, that was all he wanted. He leaned back in his seat and put on his best “don’t fuck with me, I don’t give a shit” expression before fastening his eyes back on the captain.

The Captain blinked. “Alright, then. Reed can pick whichever desk he desires. Well, as long as it is unoccupied.” He amended. He seemed slightly confused when a few people chuckled at the addition. “Meeting dismissed.”

That couldn’t have been longer, Gavin thought, standing up from his seat and smoothing out his jacket. He could still feel a few stray eyes on him, but he tried to brush them off. If he played it right, he could be the cool and aloof new hire, who was totally above the rest of them.

“Hey buddy, right this way to the Jake Zone.” Jake slapped his back as he walked by, and Gavin jolted. Totally uncool.

“Uhh… ok.” Gavin grunted, crossing his arms back over his chest.

“Hey, you kind of look like Rosa when you do that. Y’know, with the jacket and everything.” Jake laughed. He didn’t seem too intent on getting back to their now shared desk. Gavin wondered if he would have had a better time with Shorty.

“Rosa?” He didn’t like being compared to a girl, even though he was almost certain Jake hadn’t meant it in That Way.

“She’s the big scary girl in the jacket. Kind of like you. Except you’re a dude, of course, and I’m guessing…” Jake drummed his fingers and did something with his eyebrows that Gavin wasn’t sure what emotion it was trying to inspire. “Are secretly a Total sweetheart.”

“If you don’t take me to my desk now I'm going with that other guy.” It was an empty threat, of course; even the most patronizing Neutral was much easier to deal with in close quarters than any Caregiver. There was something about Caregivers giving him close attention that always made Gavin just a bit Little, even if he hated to admit it. He would rather be annoyed by the idiot standing before him.

“But you’re not, aaaaaaaand, the Jake train is now leaving the station. So hop aboard.” He slapped his own ass for emphasis.

It turned out it wouldn’t have mattered if Gavin had actually made good on his threat; the short guy, Charles, was only a few seats away from them. And he did not let the distance between them interfere with his ability to talk to them.

“You know, why don’t we get some ‘za (that's what the kids are calling it these days) for lunch? I know The best pizza place in town, and we could all get different slices and try out cool flavors! Like goat cheese and anchovies.”

Gavin shuddered, and Jake shot him the same look. Maybe sitting next to Jake wouldn't be so bad, Gavin thought.

 

“Well… then we can order in some ‘za, or maybe some ‘zones (that's the new slang for calzones, by the way) and have a little tasting party in the stashe. (That’s slang for-”

“I know what it means.” Gavin cut in. His fingers twitched with a newfound nervous energy, and he was glad that there wasn’t anything important in front of him that he could accidentally tear up.

“But how? Imean,” Charles leaned back and put his hands on his hips, which made him look even smaller in comparison to Gavin. “I did just coin it.”

“Are you stealing ideas from Charles, Gavin?” Jake said deadpanned, save for the tiny quirk of a grin on his face. Obviously, he was being sarcastic. But somehow, Charles didn’t get the memo.

“Stealing from me?? After we’ve just met, Gavin-”

“Just call me Reed.”

“Reed, that’s cold.” Charles drew back up to his full height, and almost pouted down at Gavin. Gavin winced at seeing that expression on a grown man (who wasn’t a Little)’s face. “I’m ashamed of you. I want you to apologize.” Besides him, Jake looked like he was having the time of his life.

‘Shit’, Gavin thought. He could already feel red leaching into his cheeks. And something squirming around in his gut. Charles was a Caregiver, and he was using his Caregiving voice on him. All Gavin wanted was to hang his head and shuffle his feet as he mumbled out an apology. It wasn’t that he was ready to go into Littlespace at the drop of a hat (Well, maybe he was), but there was something about the way the man stared at him with those big, disappointed eyes, Caregiver eyes, that made Gavin waver. It was really unfair for him to break out the Caregiver tone on him, even if Gavin knew that if he was Neutral like he claimed to be, it wouldn’t have an effect.

“Your silence is Damning.” Jake said sternly.

“I’m not apologizing to an idiot.” Gavin snarled, swiveling his chair so his computer directly blocked Charles’s face. It was going to be a long first day, he thought.

From the corner of his eye, Gavin watched Charles shift and squirm on his seat, like he was preparing himself to march over to Gavin and make him apologize. Gavin considered punching him in the face if that came to pass.

But he was met with blessed silence. Gavin put it to good use. As he prepared his new work station, he sent a text to Nines. Something quick and simple, just because he was starved for any normal human interaction. “Hey Daddy!!” Followed by a red smiling face and a few heart emojis.

“Baby.” Was the response, only a few minutes later. Gavin’s heart skipped a beat. He sounded off. Where were the ten thousand kisses from Daddy? And the promises to treat him like the little prince that Nines was always assuring him that he was?

Gavin sent back “Miss you already.” And then a cat blowing a kiss.

A surprised face, followed by more kisses, was Nines’ response. Good, Gavin thought.

“It’s hell here without you, Baby. I think even Fowler misses you. The station doesn’t feel right at all.”

Boy, did Gavin know the feeling. “It’s ok Daddy! We can see each other soon, right? I’m wide open this weekend.”

Nines took a bit longer to respond. “We’ll see, honeybee. Gotta go; Sergeant duties call” followed by a barfing face. Gavin giggled.

“What’s so funny, Gavin?” It seemed that Charles had already forgotten Gavin’s directions to buzz off, because he had craned his head around Gavin’s monitor to look at him.

Gavin jerked back, his back hitting the chair hard and almost tipping over. He only caught himself when his knees slammed into the underside of his deck. “The FUCK-” He yelped.

“Hey! Is there a problem over here?”

Somehow in his precarious position, Gavin froze. Out of the corner of his eye he watched Charles duck back to his desk.

The guy who was coming towards them looked like a human triangle. Well, a triangle that was addicted to the gym. The caregiver patch glinted on his arm. Oh shit, Gavin thought. Not another one.

“Sarge!” Charles squeaked.

“Boyle. And... “ Sarge’s eyes swept over Gavin. “Reed. Hey, bye the way. I’m Terry.” He stuck out his hand, and Gavin awkwardly pumped it twice.

“Gavin Reed.” Gavin replied, lowering himself into a proper seated position.

“Were these two bothering you?” Terry asked. Charles leaned back in his seat while Jake kept his eyes fastened on his screen.

Gavin swallowed and shook his head. It wouldn’t be smart to make enemies on his first day.

“Are you sure? I mean, you did scream pretty loudly. And,” Terry took on a friendly tone, the kind that the guys in the old office used when they were trying to be all buddy-buddy with each other. “I know how both Jake and Charles can be.”

In a cruel twist of fate, the thing that saved him from any further uncomfortable interactions was his new captain stepping out of his office and beckoning for him to come inside. Out of the frying pan and into the fire.

“I’ve gotta go.” Gavin said. He took approximately .02 seconds to save his latest files and make his way over to the office, which was apparently the equivalent of slaughtering the Captain’s entire family and burning down his family home in front of his eyes. Well, at least judging by the stone cold look on Holt’s face.

“You are not in trouble.”

Gavin sat up straighter in his chair. Why would the Captain think he thought that?

“So you can wipe that look of terror off of your face. This is only a simple meeting.”

“About what?” Gavin asked. He had opted to fold his hands and place them in his lap, which he was pretty sure looked at least a little respectful. As his eyes minutely scanned the Captain’s desk, they alighted on a rainbow flag in his cup of knicknacks. There was a very small chance that the rainbow flag was just for show, since he did know that a few of the more awkward cishets liked to show they were allies and “totally cool” with the flag, but the Captain hadn’t given off that vibe, even from the short time that Gavin had interacted with him.

When Gavin looked up, Holt’s eyes were right on him. “About your files. I noticed a discrepancy in them that I wanted to follow up on.”

The blood in Gavin’s veins froze solid. It took a second for him to remember that he needed to breathe, and another for him to remember how. His eyes had locked on the little flag, shifting mockingly on the desk in the breeze from the open window.

He couldn’t have figured it out, right? Gavin’s old records were locked tight; there was no way he knew about Gavin’s real designation. Unless he had done some serious digging. All Gavin wanted was to slide into the ground.

When Gavin dared to look back up again, Holt had slid into his seat so he was nearly eye level with Gavin. “I know things like this can be tough, especially in a precinct full of new people. I suppose you would wish to remain stealth? And I do apologize if anything I have done or said has gotten in the way of you remaining like that.”

Gavin blinked. He was pretty sure his mouth flopped open and closed like a fish, too. He hoped he didn’t look too stupid. Was the Captain covering for him being a Little? He really didn’t seem like the type who would do that. Unless…

“I know life for transgender people like yourself can be hard. As a cisgender gay man myself, I have had my fair share of abuse, but I know that it would pale in comparison to what you’ve been through. Well, racism excluded.”

“Uhh… yeah?” Gavin said.

“So. You go by Gavin now, correct? And use he/him pronouns? Your current file has that name, as well as an ‘M’, but your older records have a… different name on them, as well as a different gender marker.”

“Yeah, yeah that’s all fine.” Gavin was certainly not going to discuss which neopronouns he liked with the Captain. This was already existentially awkward enough. Not that Holt had done anything wrong, per se; Gavin was pretty sure the man had done everything right that he feasibly could have, considering he was cis himself. It was just always painfully awkward when Gavin had to be Perceived by a cis person. Inevitably, their perception of him changed.

“Alright. And I’ll see about having your old records changed, Gavin. I see no need for you having to have a repeat of this conversation later.” And then he gave Gavin something that he was pretty sure was supposed to be a smile. At least, his lips lifted up at the corners.

“Oh. That’s- that’s great, sir. I never thought something like that was possible.” His eyes crept down to study his hands again, like he could unlock the secrets of the universe there. Or at least how to make this sort of heartfelt meeting less awkward.

“Well, I believe I can make enough of a case so that it will happen.” Holt crossed his own hands on his desk, a sure sign that he was done talking. He made no verbal gesture for Gavin to leave.

“Uhh, thanks, Captain.” Gavin said. Unbidden, his foot tapped against the hard floor as he sort of stared off into space.

“No need to thank me. It is what any reasonable person would do.”

“I guess. Uhh, I’m free to go, right? That case you gave me needs to be worked on.”

“Yes, of course. And… make sure your new desk partner, Peralta, stays on task, too. I would hate for him to be distracted just because one new exhibit has been added to his enclosure.” Again, the not-quite-smile was back.

Gavin returned it. “Will do, Captain.”

“And, one more thing. Around your transfer, there were certain… rumors about fraternization. None of them substantiated, of course, and I will not be pressing the matter. I just want your word that you will only be focused on work here. Is that clear, Reed?”

Gavin gulped and nodded. He had thought he was safe from being reminded of that. “Will do, sir.” He said.

It was too long before Gavin finally stepped through the threshold and into his new apartment. He had moved in kind of a rush, seeing as the transfer was so sudden. Most of his things were still in storage, and probably would be for some time, considering the size of his apartment. He had thought his place in Detroit was a shithole, and now Gavin missed it more than anything. At least his cat was still here to greet him.

Raggedy Reed sauntered up to him with a soft yet somehow accusatory Meow right on her lips.

“Hey baby girl.” Gavin tried to purr back at her. Unfortunately, that mechanism wasn’t quite present in humans. He settled for tugging her onto his lap after he curled up on the bed.

He was still in his icky, yucky work clothes (which were apparently inappropriate without a tie), and he wanted to tug on the sleeves until they unraveled. Instead, he settled for stroking Raggedy’s soft tabby fur, and did what he was supposed to in these types of situations. Call Daddy.

Daddy picked up on only the second ring. “Hello, baby boy.” His voice was still so sweet and soothing, like the iced lemonade his Mom gave him whenever Gavin got back from the park at the height of summer.

“Hiii Daddy. M playing with Raggedy.” He wasn’t sure when he had started to slip, whether it was when he finally made it to his apartment, or when he was getting his coat on to leave, or even sometime during the hours of Charles and Jake chattering into his ears and messing with his emotions, but right now, Gavin had fallen. All he wanted was for Daddy to scoop him up into his arms and never let him go.

“That’s nice, baby!” Daddy chuckled. “Is she keeping you safe and out of trouble like I asked her to?”

Gavin giggled. He still remembered Daddy, crouched down from his full, intimidating height and looking Raggedy nearly in the eye as he wagged his finger at her and told her to keep “Daddy’s little prince” from harm. “Uh huh, Daddy. Bet she’d bite any of my stinky coworkers.” Maybe just Jake or Charles, Gavin amended. He didn’t know much about the rest of them, besides that Amy was a little too eager when she introduced herself to him, and Rosa was pretty quiet. And Holt was really nice, even if he was really really awkward.

“I bet she will.” He laughed.

“Wish you were here.” Gavin sniffed. “Then you could bite them for me.”

Daddy let out a small hum. “I know baby, I know. But it’s just like we talked about. Daddy has to do his work here, and you have to do your work there, and we can’t be seen together, at least for awhile, or we might both lose our jobs. Daddy knows it’s hard, but he also knows you’re my strong little boy, and you’re going to do great.” Gavin might have thought that Daddy might have been tearing up by the end of it, if Gavin didn’t know any better.

“But Daddy-”

“No buts, kitten. I think it would be best if you waited to call me until tomorrow, ok? Or the day after? So that we can have some time to cool down.”

Gavin sniffed. “Daddy is leaving me??”

“No, no kitten, I would never do that. But… we don’t want this to all be for nothing, and I think it would be best if we had a little break, just so we could adjust.”

“But-”

“I love you, Gavin. Don’t forget that.” Daddy clicked off the phone before Gavin could respond.

It all took a moment to hit. The day he had, the move, the shitty apartment, the way Daddy had ABANDONED him, no matter what Daddy tried to say otherwise. It was all too much. Gavin closed his eyes, and he started to cry.

Chapter 2: The Case Thickens

Notes:

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“Come on, Gavin. Just one bite. Listen, I promise it’ll be a culinary masterpiece. Charles, back me up on this.”

“I don’t think I can do that, Jakey, I mean, you know I value your prowess as both a chef and a friend, but I just don’t think that… frosted mini wheats mixed with orange soda and potato chips are the new culinary wave that you think they are.”

Gavin was currently trying to keep his eyes trained on the screen in front of him, even if the glare made his eyes water (and was probably turning them an ugly shade of red). He hadn’t slept at all last night. Not after what had happened with Daddy. It just wasn’t fair! It wasn’t like they were really fraternizing, anyways, and the whole discipline council were a bunch of ugly, stupid jerks if they were nosy enough to try and keep him and Daddy away from each other still. He wanted to kick their stupid ugly faces.

So when Jake’s hand reached up with a spoonful of whatever he had named his wretched concoction, Gavin lashed out. Both the spoon and the bilge sprayed across the desk, and clattered onto the bullpen floor.

For a moment, everything was silent. Gavin kept his eyes straight ahead, and not on the gape-mouth look on both Jake’s and Charles’s faces.

“I’m not cleaning that up.” Gavin said quietly. If he was any louder, the other men might have detected the whine in his voice.

“Gavin Reed, that mess-” Charles had already broken out the caregiver's voice. Gavin was beginning to wonder if it was actually as accidental as he had first thought.

“I said, I’m not cleaning it up. Have your super best buddy Jake do it, or whatever. It is not my problem that he keeps harassing me.” Gavin stood up, his chair smacking the desk behind him. Well shit, that was more angry than he had hoped. At least everyone was too scared to see that he was a second away from crying.

---

Gavin sat in the breakroom, his legs locked and his chair tipped back so it looked like he would fall over at any second as he rocked back and forth. It was an old trick he had learned to both calm himself and ground himself down from Little space, and it looked like any other non-Little neurodivergent’s fidgeting, too.

“You know, I really admire how you stood up for yourself back there.”

Gavin jolted and almost fell back for real. Luckily his legs slammed into the table at the last minute and he corrected himself. He hadn’t noticed the detective, Amy (he was pretty sure), walk in. He tried not to let the thought trouble him too much.

“Uhh, thanks.” He said. She had a weird smile on her face, like it was one that she practiced a lot in the mirror. “It’s Detective Santiago, right?”

“You can just call me Amy. I mean, only if you want to, unless you’d rather keep this totally professional, which I fully support-”

“Amy is fine. You can call me Gavin.” It seemed like it would be cruel to let her keep going, even if he was just a little amused at the thought of where she would end up.

“Well, Gavin, I just thought it was… nice that you were able to stand up to yourself against Jake. He can really be such a bully sometimes, and he’s so unprofessional! I don’t know how he gets anything done with how little he takes his job seriously.”

Gavin snorted. “If he had tried to make me eat that again I would have hit him in the face.”

Amy nodded seriously. “He’s honestly just like a man who never got enough attention as a child. My preferred way of dealing with him is just to annoy him, but I think yours worked really well, too.”

“Ok.” He liked hearing her talk, even if it was a little bit of a trainwreck. And she was probably spot on about Jake.

“I was wondering if you wanted to have lunch with me? Just so you can avoid Charles and Jake for a little while longer.”

Gavin nodded. “Yeah, that sounds fine. I’d uhh, love that.”

Amy smiled back at him. This one seemed more real. “Great! I have lunch at 12:30 pm exactly. Would that work?”

“Yeah, sure.” That was two hours from now. Gavin could make it for two hours.

At 12:29 pm, Gavin was ready to shoot Charles. Shoot Charles and slam Jake with the butt of his gun. After the whole orange soda slurry debacle, Jake and Charles traded ideas about their cases over Gavin’s head. He was ready to scream. They made him want to do something very Un-Big, at the very least.

When Gavin made it to the breakroom, his eyes alighted on Amy. She sat with her shoulders straight and at attention at one of the tables and smiled at Gavin, if a bit awkwardly, before waving him over. As his eyes twitched over her, he found the reason for her awkwardness: sitting just to the side of her was another woman, a Neutral. The other woman had watchful eyes that glittered when Gavin’s met hers.

“Uhh, hey. I’m the new transfer.” Gavin said.

The woman pursed her lips, like she couldn’t decide on whether she was going to smile or frown. “You may call me Gina. I’m going to be the light of your life, tomcat.”

Gavin was pretty sure this was a situation in which he was socially expected to laugh. Except that the look on Gina’s face was almost entirely serious. Gavin could see why Amy didn’t like her.

“Do you say that to every guy you meet?” Gavin focused on unwrapping his sandwich. He wasn’t even sure what he was supposed to talk about with Amy, but something told him that it would have been better than this.

Gina examined her nails, and examined him over them. She looked a bit like an animal waiting to pounce. “Not every guy, tomcat.”

Maybe the nickname wasn’t the worst thing in the world. Even if she said it in a way that Gavin was increasingly certain was meant to be sexual.

“So, Amy. ...Working hard or hardly working, amiright?”

“Oh, you know how it is. I’ve had my nose to the grindstone pretty much every hour I’ve been here. And I cannot Believe the nerve of Jake and Charles, to stage that coffee creamer chugging contest right while I was getting a new cup?? I mean, they know my schedule for when I’m doing paperwork,” Amy laughed like it hurt her. “I bet Jake was messing with me on purpose.”

“Uhh, yeah. He does have those beady little eyes. He always looks like he’s planning something. I’m surprised the Captain hasn’t mentioned something.” The Little in Gavin had wanted nothing more than to engage in the stupid coffee creamer contest, and the resulting “flicking coffee creamer lids into the trash contest”, but the last thing he needed was to humiliate himself in front of his new Captain. Even if said new Captain didn’t seem that interested in intervening.

“Oh, after so much time, I think he’s decided that it’s best to let Jake have his 10 minutes of fun before getting him back to work. For whatever reason, he works best that way.”

“But then Peralta gets to tank all of our concentration, right?” Maybe Gavin was getting the hang of talking here. He just had to bitch about whoever was the office annoyance, and Gavin certainly had enough material to unload on Jake.

Amy pursed her lips and nodded, before shooting Gina a glance. “No offense, Gina.” She fidgeted her hands together like she was waiting for the other to lash out.

To Gavin’s surprise, Gina looked calm. “None taken. I love that man like a brother but he is an absolute monster when it comes to disruption. Now, speaking of illicit proceedings…”

“Gina we weren’t talking about that-”

“So tell me, little Reedy Reed, are the rumours true? Did you really engage in an illicit affair with one of your female coworkers?” Gina’s eyes positively glittered.

“What? No!”

“So was it a female superior? Uh huh huh Oh baby-”

“God no. There’s only Fowler there, and he’s a dude.”

“So a male coworker then. It’s ok you little brown wolf, I get along great with gay men.”

“I can see why.” Gavin deadpanned.

“Do you want me to pick out someone for you to have another affair with? I’m guessing it’s like an exhibitionist thing, which I can totally understand; baby if you have the boday you better show it Off! Anyways I think you should get with Terry. You’ve seen him; I bet he’d be great fun.”

 

“Terry the married guy? Who’s my boss??” That was Not something Gavin wanted to try, At All. Definitely not since Terry wasn’t even his type.

Amy straightened up in her seat. “You know Gina, that’s really inappropriate-”

“What? I’m just giving him some helpful advice on what I would do if I were in his situation.”

Amy blinked. “That’s making this worse. You do know that, right?”

“I can’t imagine how adding myself would make anything worse.” Gina did a little motion with her fingers that looked like fireworks.

“You don’t have a very good imagination.” Gavin said, and stood up from the table. It felt shitty to leave Amy, but he might actually have a more peaceful time at his desk now. She looked sad as he left, and Gavin felt a twinge of guilt, but when he got back to the set of desks where Charles and Jake and him sat, it was blessedly empty. Gavin didn’t waste a second in digging into his lunch.

 

He had gotten through half of his sandwich when something thumped into his back.

“Hey!” Gavin snarled. “You made me drop my lunch!”

Jake, the culprit, already looked done with this sequence of events. “So Anyways, big guy, we have a case to work. Where we’re going, you won’t NEED any lunch.”

“F-”

“Besides, I packed snacks for all of us! Tell me, does hors d'oeuvre whet your palette?”

Gavin stared at him for a moment too long. “What the fuck are those?”

“Well, Gavin, that’s not a nice word, AND hors d'oeuvre are one of the Best dishes to serve to guests who have entered your abode, and are therefore one of the best hostman dishes, which are therefore the best thing to serve when you want to make a new friend feel welcome in the home of this unit in the new case we’re working.”

Gavin blinked rapidly, like it would make what Charles was saying make any more sense. “That's nice?” He settled on saying.

Charles nodded proudly. “I am a culinary genius, after all.”

“As am I.” Said Jake.

Charles got an anxious look on his face and didn’t say anything in return.

Gavin searched the bullpen for the Captain. He was in his office, pouring over what looked like paperwork. Gavin briefly considered begging the man to let him skip this case. But it really would not do for his second period of face time with the boss to be him begging to get out of work. No matter how much he desperately wanted it to be.

“Whatcha lookin for, Gavin? Oh don't worry, the hors d'oeuvre are safely packed into my lunch transportation pail already.” Charles patted a bright green and yellow lunch box that was shaped like a dinosaur.

“Nothing. Let's go; we’ve wasted enough time already.”

--------------------------------

If Gavin had thought sitting next to the duo was bad, a car ride stuck with them was even worse. Gavin had been offered shotgun by Jake, with Charles reluctantly but concedingly taking the back seat, and Gavin had dared to hope that maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.

But, taking backseat meant Charles got to pick the music (or at least the first song out of the 20 songs that Jake had supposedly “called” beforehand), and the man’s taste in music made Gavin want to claw at his ears. Not because it was bad, per se, but because it was too good. The kind of music that caregivers played to soothe their Littles, and get them in the “right mindset” for shit like sharing and nap time. Gavin could already feel his pulse slowing as he leaned back into the seat of his car.

“This song sucks, Charles.” Jake said suddenly. His hands had gone white around the steering wheel, and the foot not on the accelerator tapped against the bottom of the car. For once, Gavin couldn’t agree more with Jake.

“Sorry, Jakey. There’s only twenty more minutes of this first track, though!”

“Oh hell no.” With the flick of a wrist, the song flipped to something like hard rock. Gavin nearly bonked his head on the windshield. At least this music kept Gavin awake. He could already feel his blood boiling in time with the beat.

Jake tapped his unoccupied hand against the hard plastic of the car now, grinning to himself. Gavin was ready to slap his hand away by the time they pulled up to the crime scene.

“What even is this case, anyways?” Gavin stretched his arms out behind his back before pulling out of his seat. He hadn’t thought to ask Holt about it, and he was too busy trying to glare a hole in Charles to think to ask him. Besides, the stench wafting up from the uneaten hors d'oeuvre had overpowered any higher thoughts that Gavin could have mustered.

“Some important shit; that’s why all three of us are on it.”

“It’s a kidnapping case! A Little kidnapping case.”

“We don’t know that, at least not yet.” Jake scolded. “And keep it down; there are reporters everywhere.”

It happened whenever a crime involving a Little occured, Gavin remembered. It was weirdly comforting that some things were the same no matter where Gavin went. Even if the certain thing happening was dark and disturbing.

Gavin followed Jake through the throng of reporters and into the building. As it turned out, it was actually a shopping center. A few shoppers still bustled about, skirting around the yellow crime scene tape around the front entrance of the store. Gavin gingerly hopped over it, eyes going wide at what he saw.

It was a build-a-bear. Wall to wall with stuffed animals and friends, as far as Gavin’s eyes could penetrate. A Little paradise.

Gavin jerked his head away from the merchandise, trying to appear like he was a normal, Big adult and not a barely-contained child set loose in a candy store. “I can uhh, see why this case involves Littles.” Gavin muttered.

“I’ll say!” Said Charles, hands on his hips as he looked around.

“So, was someone snatched?” A precursory glance told Gavin that there were a few places for Littles to hide, in between the different aisles, but that like most Build-A-Bears, it was a fairly open store, where Caregivers could keep tabs on their Littles at all times. It didn’t seem likely that it had happened, but it wasn't impossible. Besides, it would explain the fervor outside.

“No, a missing Little was reported three hours ago. There’s no ransom note or anything, not that we expect one so soon, and everyone who was here is being kept for questioning. Look, the dumb Little probably just slipped off into some other part of the store and is having the time of their life right now. I doubt it’s that serious.” Jake shrugged. He looked like being here was the last thing he wanted.

Charles frowned. “But, Holt said we have to explore every possibility, and treat this like the high priority it is. The whole city is watching us, right Jakey?”

Jake groaned. “Come on, let's get this over with so we can get back to a real case.”

Gavin bristled. A fair amount of Neutrals, mostly the younger ones, didn’t “get” Littles. They thought they were dumb and stupid, like they were nothing more than children that were always underfoot. They didn’t have the stuffy desire to “protect” Littles that some older Neutrals saw as the mark of an admirable non-Little, which was kind of nice, in and of itself. But the scorn they held for Littles made his blood boil. “What? Is someone being kidnapped not fucking important enough for you, Big Shot?” His fist tensed at his side, and he stuffed it behind his back.

“What?” Jake huffed, twirling around to stare at him. “Look, I said it’s almost certainly nothing. I just want to get to something that will actually matter.” His foot tapped against the floor again. Gavin fantasized about squashing it like a bug.

“Well, guys,” Charles stepped in between them, placing one hand on either of their chests. Gavin jerked away, a low growl building in his throat. It wasn’t Charles' fault, but Gavin considered punching him too. “Why don’t we split up? Gavin can look around the store for any possible exits, and Jake and I can split up the people who were in here for questioning.”

Gavin couldn’t tell if going off alone was supposed to be a punishment or a prize, but he didn’t care. Let Jake and Charles deal with each other. “Fine. Don’t wait up, Peralta.” He turned on his heel before he could hear Jake’s answer.

The aisles were as he expected. Not tall enough to really hide anything, except for maybe a few rowdy Littles playing an impromptu game of hide and seek with their caregivers. Slipping past the aisles and trying not to let his eyes stick to the rows of stuffed animals, he came to the back room. There was a small, employees only room that Gavin peaked into. Just a small break room with no windows, the only exit being the one leading back into the store. Not a big probability that one of the staff had kidnapped the Little, then. The next door led to bathrooms. Male, female, and one gender neutral stall. Male and female were both the same, a row of stalls with low doors. Gavin quickly left them.

The gender-neutral stall had ceiling to floor walls, and the door had been tightly locked. Gavin knocked three times, and upon receiving no answer, he jimmied it open while cursing. It might have been easier if he got the help of an employee, but he did Not need to talk to people right now.

The door swung open with a whoosh, and Gavin rested his hands on his hips. “Shit.” He mumbled. The trashcan had been kicked over, and damp paper towels had been sprayed across the floor. One had a wet boot mark on it.

One window, at waist height, was wide open, a breeze blowing in. He stepped towards it carefully. The air brushed over him again. The Little could have definitely fit through it. Another scuff mark, a boot on the sill of the window, confirmed it.

Gavin dashed out of the bathroom, composure only catching up with him when he nearly hit a shelf next to the door.

It took him a second to see where Charles and Jake were, and about ten more to actually flag one of them down. Charles was way too wrapped up in talking to the people, and Jake looked like he was trying to ignore the work. Gavin was certain that Jake had seen him and chose to ignore him. Well, Gavin didn’t want to talk to Jake anyways. He stalked over to Charles, waiting a moment before interjecting.

“Hey, I found something big.”

“Can you please let Jake know, big guy? We are kind of in the middle of an important heart to heart right now.”

Gavin blinked. It looked like the woman he was talking to had been crying. “What the hell- Charles, this is important! I found evidence!”

Charles pursed his lips. “More important than discussing the long lasting impacts of- wait, evidence?”

“I found a possible escape route.” He was wondering if everything was alright in Charle’s head. It wouldn’t surprise him if just a few screws were loose, considering how the Caregiver acted.

“Well, why didn’t you say so! I’m so sorry, Ms. Lo Trugo, but we’ll have to pick this up later. Gavin, lead the way. After we get Jake, of course.”

Gavin almost asked if getting the Neutral was really necessary, but he stopped himself mid question. In his mind's eye, he could easily see that snowballing into a three hour argument. “Just be quick.” Gavin made a gesture with his hands for him to get going.

Charles seemed unconcerned with his rushing, bouncing off to find Jake and leaving Gavin to stare awkwardly at the woman he had been talking to. She smiled slightly at Gavin and gave her a half-hearted wave back. He was actually glad when Charles and Jake returned.

“So where is this ‘evidence’, tough guy?” Jake said, his chest already puffed up as he stared at Gavin.

“Oh my god- It’s in the back, where the bathrooms are. What’s your deal?”

“What’s my deal? My DEAL is that I’m here to solve a crime!”

“So am I??” Gavin stepped away before he decided to engage with Jake like the hostile perp he was being. “Jesus, I’ll lead the way.” He set off towards the bathrooms.

“There are no windows in the bathrooms, Reed. So how are they supposed to have gotten out?”

“In the stalls, yeah, but I checked out the gender-neutral bathroom, too.” Gavin left out the ‘dumbass’ that he hopefully implied.

“What? So you’re implying that this kidnpapper was transgender? That’s not very progressive of you, Gavin.” Jake drew his arms over his chest and stared at Gavin reproachfully. For a moment, Charles blinked, before following suit.

“What the hell, guys! Look, trans people don’t all use the gender neutral bathroom, anyways. That’s like, super transphobic.” Back in Detroit, Gavin had never had to go over stuff like this, especially not in front of his colleagues. People there could be dicks, but his friends and Daddy had always stuck up for him. But Daddy wasn’t here right now, and Gavin was alone.

“I did not know that. ... I’m not transphobic at all. I am very progressive, actually.” Jake mumbled awkwardly.

Charles nodded sagely beside him. “Jakey is the most accepting man I know.” He reached out to rub Jake’s back.

“Are you guys like, together or something?” Gavin blurted out.

Jake stared for a moment too long, while Charles had an expression that slowly grew into a grin.

“God no-”

“It would be an honor, but unfortunately I am with a wonderful lady right now. But if Jake ever wanted to swing with us-”

“Still no, oh my god.”

Gavin fought back his own grin. It hadn’t been his intention to cause chaos, but he did enjoy the outcome just a little. Giving back pain to someone else felt good. “How wonderful. Anyways, the lead?” He made another gesture with his hands, this time jerking.

“Alright, Alright.”

He led the way for the both of them, trying not to focus on the uncomfortable silence that had settled over them.

“Yeah, yeah, totally. But one of us should wait behind to catch the crime scene investigators up to speed.” His eyes fell directly on Gavin. “Boyle and I can see if there are any witnesses and follow up on any potential leads.”

Gavin bit back fire and turned it into a sweet, simpering smile. “Well, I would love to stay behind and catch everyone up BUT I'm not familiar enough with your procedure here yet, and I think I’d only slow things down. In fact, I think it would be best if our most senior detective here, which is you, stayed behind and explained everything. I’m sure that would be a great use of your talents.” Gavin all but batted his eyelashes at him.

Before Jake could object, Charles was nodding. “He does make some great points, Jakey. I think it would be best if you stayed back. I could stay back too, and learn from the Master.”

“Oh no no, we need you to help me investigate and interrogate any witnesses. You’re such a good mediator, and a real people person.” Gavin simpered.

Charles nodded seriously. He looked like he was just now realizing it.

“So, if we’re in agreement, which we are… I should get going.” Without a backward glance, Gavin slipped past both of them and exited the bathroom.

As it turned out, there was little evidence to find beyond the first clue. At the time of day when the Little was taken, it was the height of the mall’s traffic. Anyone could have seen a grouchy or overly tired Little being dragged along by an exhausted caretaker, and no one matching the Little’s description had been spotted in the crowd, anyways. Gavin returned to the station disgruntled and in need of a drink, or at least a strong coffee. Certainly Not in need of a long time spent being Little.

Just as he was getting ready to leave, stuffing his things into his bag and grumbling under his breath at nothing in particular, he saw Captain Holt in the door of his office, staring straight at him.

Gavin considered not giving him any attention and just making a run for his car, new job be damned, but when Holt realized eye contact had been made he beckoned him over.

“Sir.” Gavin said, once he had reached the appropriate distance from the man.

“Reed.” Holt said curtly.

“Is there a problem?”

“Why don’t you come into my office and have a seat?”

Gavin froze. It was like last time, with Daddy. He could see everything flashing in front of his eyes, twitching behind his eyelids with no way for him to stop it. “Uhhhhh, am I in trouble?” He hoped that would provide at least some relief. It had only been like what, a day? Gavin couldn’t have possibly messed up so early.

“You tell me, Detective.”

‘Oh shit.’ That certainly did NOT help with what Gavin was experiencing. He dropped into the offered chair like he was made of lead, feeling a ball forming in his stomach. He wondered what his lunch would look like after he vomited it up all over the desk in front of him. “Uhhhh. No? So I can go now, right?”

Captain Holt had something that an alien might have described as a smile flicker over his face. “Ahh, you said it for humor reasons. To lighten the mood?”

Gavin jerked his head in a nod.

“I see. I must apologize; I am quite unfamiliar with how you best operate as an employee. How about this joke? Knock knock? Who is there, you might ask? An owl. Because they go ‘Who’.” The smile grew a touch wider, and might even have been described as warm. “I hope that helped.”

Gavin wasn’t sure if he was required to nod again, or if he was even able to move. If he wasn’t careful, he risked going Little right in front of Holt. That was the last thing that Gavin wanted to happen. He kept himself stock still and hoped that the worst of it was over.

“Now, I know it is your first day, and workplace politics can be challenging, especially when you are an outsider. But I have received a bit of a complaint that I am not sure how to deal with.”

Gavin’s face went hot and he studied his shoes. Did someone know that he was little? It seemed stupid and the possiblity small, but he couldnt help but wonder if someone had realized. He had been a bit babyish earlier, especially with his barely held in tantrums.

“You allegedly accused Peralta of transphobia.”

“Wait, what?”

“Did you not hear me? I said-”

“That PRICK.” Gavin spat, before he realized who he was sitting in front of. Cis people had a lot of nerve in the workplace, but this was too far. Of all of the neoliberal bullshit, was being called transphobic considered an attack by them now? “When I find Jake-”

“Jake didn't make the complaint. Charles did.”

“What.”

“He assured me that Jake was, and I quote, ‘the awesomest person ever, and would never be bigoted’.”

“So why are you bothering me?”

“If Peralta is transphobic, I would like to know, and take action as necessary, I know as a cisgender male I can seem unnaooproachable, but I am behind you no matter what, Gavin. I just want you to know that. If he said or did anything to make you uncomfortable, I will hold him accountable.”

Gavin felt tears in his eyes. He had to swallow to even make himself legible. “It’s fine, really. It was nothing.” That was probably the nicest thing a superior officer had ever said to him, period. Leave it to Gavin to fuck it up like a little bitch.

“Are you sure?” Holt leaned forwards so they were almost eye level. All Gavin wanted was to disappear into his seat. At that moment, Gavin could understand uncomfortably well why Holt was a caregiver. There was just something about the way he held his gaze, so soft and assured, that made Gavin want to bawl and curl up in his arms.

“Yeah, m sure.” Gavin bit his lip as he said it, training his eyes on his shoes again. They were nice sneakers, with fun little strips of color.

“Alright, good. I am glad. Now, there is one more thing to discuss. The dress code.”

Gavin jolted. Dress Codes were his enemy, especially gender-specific ones. They either meant targeted harassment by his superior officers, or trying to figure out how to wear clothes he had never put on before.

“All men in my office are required to wear a tie over a button-down shirt. It was in the memo on office policy that I forwarded to you yesterday. Now, I know it can be tough to have to conform to certain expectations on your first day, especially if you don’t have the necessary clothes that are required due to certain life circumstances, but I do run a tight ship here at the Nine Nine, and I would appreciate it if you adhered to these guidelines. Is that clear?”

Gavin gulped and nodded quickly. It made a little prick of heat form at the base of his stomach, but the last thing he wanted in that moment was to upset Captain Holt. But, there was one problem. “Uhh… sir?”

“Yes, Reed?”

“I don’t- I don’t know how to tie a tie.” Gavin whispered. Again, his sneakers were unbearably interesting. He watched the stale fluorescent trace over his green racing stripes.

“Oh.” The word settled both heavier and lighter than Gavin had expected over them. Holt didn’t sound angry, just surprised. When Gavin dared to look back up again, Holt was thinking.

“M sorry.” Gavin mumbled again, teeth worrying at his lower lip. He thought for sure he could taste the salty tang of blood.

“Don’t be. I… highly doubt this deficit in your life skills is your fault. Now, if you are willing to come in, say…. Half an hour early to your next shift, I am sure that I can teach you how to tie a tie in at least a passable manner.”

Gavin blinked rapidly, which he was sure made him look like a stupid little kid. “D’you really mean that, sir?” No one else had offered anything like that back in Detroit. The older men had only laughed and clapped him on the back when Gavin had come clean about knowing next to nothing about men’s formal wear. Hank had even gone so far as to tell him he didn’t need to know, due to the fact that he was very unlikely to be allowed anywhere fancier than an Applebee’s.

“I would not lie, Gavin. And I am simply doing what any good Captain would do, if they were in my situation. I look after my squad, no matter what.” With that, Holt reached across the gap between them and rested his hand gently on Gavin’s shoulder. It was big and warm and lingered for just a moment before pulling away, leaving a circle of heat in its wake. “You are dismissed. And Reed?”

Gavin quickly stood up, straightening out his jacket self-consciously, like that would somehow morph it into a pleasing button-down and tie ensemble. “Yes, Captain?”

“Do not be late.”

That night, Gavin spent the empty hours that were usually filled with talking to Daddy scouring his dresser for the perfect shirt and tie combo. If he hadn’t had the task, he might have spent the night crying himself to sleep, or at least curled up in his bed and sucking on his thumb as he flipped through old photos of him and Daddy together, or of him and his other friends. But now, a certain fervor filled him as he rummaged through the drawers, and his admittedly still-unpacked duffle bag.

It was only late into the night, when Gavin’s eyes had already glazed with sleep deprivation, that he settled on the perfect pair. Gavin fell asleep, for the first time in a week, happy. He should have known that it wouldn’t last.

Chapter 3: A Little work goes a long way

Gavin arrived a minute before the required time, hair gelled back and the artful scruff on his face freshly trimmed. Despite staying up late, his body had awoken him a whole hour before he was supposed to get up, and he had made use of the time. He would hate to embarrass himself in front of Captain Holt. It was just because he was his commanding officer at a new job, Gavin told himself. Nothing more.

Holt waved him in when he saw him outside of the office. “Reed.” The corners of his lips lifted slightly. Gavin wasn’t sure if it was due to social cues or an actual desire to see him. Gavin hoped it was the latter. Only because of what it would mean for his career, of course.

“Hi.” Gavin said, waiting in front of the chair like an overgrown puppy. He was back in his big headspace thankfully, and he jammed his hands firmly in his pockets to stop any unwanted fidgeting.

“You are on time.” Holt nodded. He seemed pleased.

‘Wag wag.’ Gavin thought.

“Now, while I wish we had time for a brief history of the tie as a piece of formal wear, coupled with its importance in the modern workplace, I am afraid that we only have a mere half hour between us. Come closer to me, and we can see about guiding you through your first knot.” He had an almost wistful smile on his face as he said it.

Gavin marched over, stopping about a foot away from the Captain.

“A little closer. My eyes are not as young as they once were, Detective.”:

Red crept over Gavin’s cheeks as he complied. He hadn’t wanted to get so close to him so soon, but the captain looked expectant. Gavin swallowed and stepped closer. He could feel the heat radiating off of the Captain. Gavin held up the two ends of the tie as Holt mirrored him.

He started with a simple knot, repeating it a few times before telling Gavin to do it himself. He got it right on the third try, with Holt’s hands over his to guide him. He wasn’t flustered by the proximity to the caregiver, or the low, soothing tone that he used as he guided Gavin through the motions, eyes far too intense to look at. Not at all.

They had just graduated to a more difficult loop, Holt nodding at Gavin as he guided him through this one, when Gavin spotted someone watching them. He could barely see over Holt’s shoulder, even on tiptoes, but as Holt’s eyes were fastened on the loop, Gavin inched upwards and craned his neck, just in time to see a flash of brown hair and a black jacket.

‘Jake?’ Gavin thought, before Holt’s voice broke through.

“- really is such a delicate knot, more suited to formal events than the workplace, but I’m sure you can get some use out of it.”

“Uh yeah, that sounds great. I guess every day is a formal day at work for you, right?”

“No, actually. I simply enforce a business casual requirement for my employees.” Holt seemed just a little confused.

“Oh. Well, thank you for telling me how to do this. It’s really nice of you.” Gavin flashed him a smile, hands fiddling with the end of his tie.

“It was no trouble at all. Again, I was simply helping out one of my subordinates.” Holt reached to clap Gavin on the back again, squeezing once as he gave him another not-quite-smile.

Gavin quickly ducked out of the office, making his way to the desk. He checked his phone as he made his way over. He had one new message, from Nines. “Love you, Little Prince. How was your morning?” Gavin’s lip curled slightly. It was their usual morning greeting. For a moment, it was like nothing had happened between them.

Gavin’s throat felt a little dry as he responded. “Fine.” He considered mentioning Holt. How nice he had been, how cared for he had felt. Holt’s hands were almost as comforting as Nines’ when he was in Daddy mode. He kept it to one word, and clicked his phone off without waiting for a response.

Both Charles and Jake were already at their desks, Charles happily plugging away at a stack of paperwork, sometimes looking over at Jake over his shoulder. Jake looked almost angry, his pencil stabbing against the paper as he worked.

“Hey.” Gavin said, slipping into his chair.

Jake didn’t look up for a long moment. His hands whitened against the page.

Gavin swallowed. He didn’t want to bother the clearly-angry Neutral, but he needed to talk to him about the case. Gavin cleared his throat louder.

“Is something wrong, Gavin?”

“Just Reed is fine, Boyle. Didya get any more info on the case?”

“Well… not much. Me and Jakey stayed late last night-”

“Which you didn’t do-”

“What?”

“Charles and I both stayed late, because we’re super serious detectives who DON'T need to get all up in Holt’s business just for a little help.”

Gavin stared at the Neutral. “Wait, what?” What the fuck was he talking about?

“Don’t think I didn’t see you being all buddy-buddy with Holt.” Jake sniffed, crossing his arms over his chest and drawing up so he almost towered over Gavin. Gavin hissed and stuck his own chin up.

“He was just-” The sudden realization that what he was about to say would be too embarrassing to be worth the explanation quieted the words on his tongue, and he trailed off awkwardly. Jake took that as a sign of victory.

“Aha! So you ADMIT that you’re trying to monopolize Holt’s time! But it won’t work, because we ALL know that I am his-”

“Jacob, what are you doing?” Holt had dipped his head out of his office, and was now staring stone daggers at Jake. Gavin held in a snicker.

“I was-”

“Whatever it is, keep it down. I am quite certain that half of the bullpen can hear you, even over the dull roar of the morning shift.”

“... OK, sir.” Jake scowled dramatically.

“And also, are there any new updates on your case? I hope that you and your colleagues are making headway on it. The family is understandably deeply distraught at the disappearance.:

“Right, yeah. The missing Little. Totally my number one priority.”

“Our number one priority.” Gavin cut in curtly. “And we think we may have found the possible escape route the kidnapper took, which suggests that they weren’t someone who the Little knew. But we didn’t get any witnesses who had seen the Little being taken.”

“Good. I expect only the best from all of you.” Holt nodded at them before returning to his office, his gaze resting just a moment too long on Jake before he disappeared.

“The Captain is soo gonna give you hell.” Jake smirked. His feet tapped against the floor sporadically as he tried to hide the wringing of his hands.

“He literally said that we were doing good? Like man, come on.” Gavin was just beginning to realize that this had “Long Morning” written all over it. In that moment, he longed for his missed extra half hour of sleep. Although he did have to admit, having Holt teach him how to tie a tie had been kind of worth it, even if just for the human contact. “Now, can you tell me any new leads we have? Or did you two stay overnight for nothing?” Gavin crossed his arms over his chest and stared up his nose at them. He was beginning to suspect that that was the case.

Jake huffed and returned to the desk. “Well, maybe hypothetically most of the overnighter wasn’t strictly spent on casework-”

“Food tasting world tour, actually. We were halfway through Malaysia when the morning shift started to trickle in.” Charles interjected, a beaming grin on his face. Gavin had to shudder at the undoubted gastrointestinal upset from eating all night.

“That was just you, actually. BUT we did find something.” Jake slapped the case file down in front of Gavin, twisting it around when he realized he had put it down the wrong way a second later.

“You just circled the escape window with red sharpie.” They were doomed. They were going to fail the case, and Gavin was going to be kicked off the force after his first assignment failed spectacularly. Gavin tried to draw in a breath, but it felt like something beyond the normal pressure from his binder was stopping him.

“Well, that’s the key, isn’t it? It leads out to the back parking lot, which is only for service vehicles. While no one was changing shifts at that time, which may very well have been accounted for by our kidnapper, there was an old security camera that may have caught our perp.”

“Wow. That’s great work, Peralta.” Gavin wondered why he hadn’t thought of it himself. Was he losing his edge? Shame overwhelmed him at the thought that he had been too busy looking forward to being taught how to tie a tie by Holt, or still too distraught from what Daddy had said, to notice. It cut deep to think that a stupid Neutral like Jake would be better than him because he didn’t have to deal with this shit. He should have been happy at the breakthrough, but all he felt was a mix of fear and shame. He needed to prove he was twice the detective Jake was, Little or not.

“Wow, don’t sound so excited Gavin, it’s embarrassing.”

“Haha Jakey I don’t think he’s-”

“We should get going, and stop burning daylight. Did you get a warrant for that footage yet?” Gavin grabbed his coat from the back of his chair, already pulling the familiar weight around him. At least one thing had stayed the same.

Jake grabbed his own jacket, pulling on it dramatically like he intended to put it on better than Gavin. Gavin wondered if he looked half as stupid when he was trying to one up someone else. “I did, actually. And it just got in. So it’s lucky that you finally got off of your butt and decided to join us.”

That got another eye roll from Gavin, and he decided to just not look at Jake for the whole car ride there, which turned out to be surprisingly easy when he called shotgun. Jake was a lawless little bastard, but it seemed like he took the rules of shotgun to heart. Still, listening to Charles’s “soothing caregiver mix” was far from better. When they finally pulled up, Gavin rested in a state between exhausted and anxious as he struggled to stay Big. He was never more glad to see the outside as he shuffled from the car.

“You ok there, buddy?” Charles rested his hand on Gavin’s arm. Gavin felt his heat even through the jacket. “You look a bit peaky. Were the soothing whale sounds a little too much?”

“No, no, it’s fine.” Gavin waved his hand. In the open air, his senses were starting to return to him. He straightened up again and sucked in air. He could do this. He was more than a dumb Little. He could prove it.

“Well, if you say so, big guy.” Charles clapped him on the back.

The security guard on duty was a thin, reedy looking guy who had a green ball cap pulled low over his eyes. He seemed deeply put-upon at being asked to do the basic functions of his job. Gina and him would get along, Gavin decided. If Gina didn't bite into him for his fashion sense first.

After a spiel about how it was like, totally hard to pull up day old tapes, and are you guys Really cops, they had the footage playing on the grainy screen before them. Gavin had to squint to make out anything.

“Is this really all that you guys got?”

“C'mon man, I only work here. I make minimum wage”

“Well you’re really giving MINIMUM EFFORT, huh buddy?” Jake stared at him. Gavin wished he was in any room but that one.

“Ok whatever dude. But just so you know, my break is in 15 minutes.”

After 5 tries, they finally got something. A peek of eyes behind a ski mask, and a struggling Little being towed behind them. And the flash of color, where mask was pulled over face. Caught in the act, just a hair's breadth away from being off camera. But unluckily for the perp, it was not far enough.

“Can you zoom in?” Gavin said, leaning even closer to the screen. If he had gotten any closer, he would have tipped over.

The kid grumbled under his breath and complied, pushing a few buttons before the screen blew up before them. Even with the increased magnitude, Gavin could barely make out anything on their face. The blue sheen erased almost everything, except the fact that the perp was probably white, or at least very pale, and he had light colored eyes.

“Can’t you get any closer? And rewind a little, to where his mask is off.”

“Dude, my lunch break is in five minutes. They have lunchables in the vending machines.”

“Please.” Gavin got out between grit teeth. “It will only take a second.”

The kid rolled his eyes, but he did as Gavin asked.

“There!” Gavin jabbed his finger at the screen.

“What? I don’t see anything.”

“I think your fat finger is covering it, Detective.” Jake huffed.

“C'mon man! Now I gotta clean that screen! I'll like, have to get wet wipes and everything.”

“Oh my fucking- Look, here!” Gavin lifted and shifted his finger, so it hovered over the screen instead of resting on it. “Our guy has a tattoo.”

“Of what? You can barely see it. How do you even know it's a tattoo?”

“It’s a breakthrough and you’re just mad that I got it before you.” He could feel anger swelling in his belly. If he had been any closer to Jake, and Charles and the kid hadn’t been in the room, he would have punched him. Instead, he settled for glaring at him and just daring him to say anything else.

Of course, Jake had to run his big fat mouth. “Well it’s a SUCKY breakthrough and I'm surprised you're even a detective. We can’t even see the tattoo.”

“Well, we can eliminate anyone who DOESN'T have a tattoo on their right arm.” Gavin knew he was grasping at straws. The mark could have been anything, from a blip on the screen to a weird shadow.

“Well,” Charles said finally, “I think that both of you make very good points.”

“Who needs your dumb opinion?” Gavin hissed, his voice already about half an octave higher than normal. With a tinge of fear, he realized that he was sinking into Littlespace.

“Yeah! You’re not even agreeing with me!” Jake stomped his foot menacingly at Charles.

Charles flinched back, squirming back into his coat like a giant turtle.

“So. I’m going on my lunch break now.” The kid said, not waiting for an answer before leaving. Gavin waited with his hand outstretched, like he could grab the kid by the scruff of their neck and drag them back.

“Now what?”

“It’s not my fault that you scared him off, Peralta.” Gavin resisted the urge to jab him in the middle of his chest.

“You’re the one who touched his screen! That’s like, a major a-hole move.”

“Literally no one but a snot-nosed brat cares about having to wipe down a FUCKING-”

“Y’know, guys, now that I’m looking at it, it kind of does look a bit like a tattoo from where I’m standing.” Now standing by the screen, Charles looked up at both of them sheepishly.

Gavin was still too angry to be glad about being right. He had the kink of anger in his jaw that told him he still had rage stored up, just waiting to be worked out and released. He could keep it bottled up and let it fester, or allow himself a quick release.

“Y’know, it kind of looks like a butterfly! Or wait, no, maybe a set of words, or something.”

Gavin swallowed the rage back. “Kind of like a gang tattoo. Could be one of those things”

“Dont be stupid, Gavin, everyone knows Gang tattoos have to be cool. Like a tiger eating a dinosaur. Or a bear riding on a dinosaur into battle against an asteroid, or-”

“-or TWO butterflies!” Boyle interjected.

“Skipping over that. Anyways, as I was saying. Gang tats need to have dinosaurs, and they need to be cool. How can words be cool?”

Gavin waited a moment after Jake had finished to make sure that the man had stopped spewing shit from his mouth. “Are you done now?”

“You say that like you want me to be.”

“I think Gavin might be right, Jakey. They do look a bit like words. In cursive, so I can't make them out.”

“We can get a picture of it, right? And then we can send it to the lab or something and have them figure it out.”

“Sounds like a plan. But there’s only one problem.”

“And that is?”

“How do we figure out this fucking computer?”

Chapter 4

Notes:

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The answer to that was a flat “No.” They had to wait for the little shit kid to return, which took an hour and a half. Gavin was almost certain that was far beyond the reaches of a company-sanctioned lunch break. 

As they were waiting, a message beeped on Gavin’s phone, and his jaw worked before he pulled it up. Who was bothering him now? 

All of the anger evaporated when he saw that it was Daddy. Three little words; “Miss you, baby”. It was replaced by a twinge of something deep in his stomach, something fluttery and just a little scared. Gavin missed Daddy really really bad and yet- it didn’t feel like Daddy missed him, not really. If he missed him, wouldn’t he have come to see him? 

“Who’s that?” Jake accused. “Are you really feilding personal calls in the middle of a case?” 

Gavin swallowed and swiped the message away. He could deal with it later. “It’s nothing. It’s no one. Just spam.” 

It took another hour to get the kid to actually cooperate with them, with him claiming that it wasn't in his job description to copy part of the security tape. Gavin spent that time teetering on the brink of Little and Big, knowing that one little push would send him over the edge. 

When they finally pulled back up to the precinct, all Gavin wanted was to slink off into the bathroom or duck into the breakroom and be left alone. But it seemed like fate had other ideas. 

“Hey, Gavin.” Amy gave him a little wave that Gavin guessed was supposed to make her look friendly. To be honest, it made her look just a little manic. Gavin didn’t judge; he had been there. 

“Uh, hi.” There was probably something better he could have said, but he was still right on the brink. This was his best guess at what big boys said to greet people. 

“I see you’ve got a lead on your first case! That must be so exciting! I still remember my first case like it was yesterday.” She looked away like she was deeply lost in thought. “Anyways, I hope Charles and Jake haven’t given you too hard of a time. I know how immature both of them can be, especially when Jake gets Charles all wound up. I mean, if I was Captain, not that I'm judging Holt’s judgement at all of course, I would put those two bozos on desk duty until they learned how to be respectful detectives. And then maybe just keep them there a little extra, so they could learn responsible paperwork skills that this precinct sorely lacks. I mean, I don’t mind redoing everyone’s paperwork for them, but I think I could use a good protege or two. Someone to bounce ideas off of.”

“Umm…” Gavin gathered both words and the stamina to answer the flood she had unleashed on him. If he closed his eyes tight before forcing them open again, it was a little like rebooting his system. And he didn’t have to think about Jake at all. “Wow. You’re really thorough?” She was a little scary, if he was being honest. And if Gavin totally wasn’t letting his Little sideshow. 

“Yeah. I mean, I am going to be Captain someday. But I won't take Holt’s job.”

“Ok.” He wondered if there was an escape route he could take while Amy was occupied. It felt mean to stick her up like that, but she was still way too much for him to deal with right now. His eyes bounced around the room. 

“Hey tomcat.” Gina gave him her own little wave from her desk. 

Gavin stiffened. ‘Oh shit’. He thought. It was like his whole body had shut down. Amy was still talking in front of him. 

“I see you are back from your glorious mission. Do you come bearing good news?” She inched closer to him, cup of coffee in hand. Gavin looked for an escape route harder. 

“Uhhhhh.” That little word was carrying a horrible weight on its shoulders, Gavin thought. 

“Oh, Gina. I didn’t see you th-”

“I was talking to Tomcat, Allen.”

“That is not my name.” Amy huffed. She looked like she had been slapped. Or like a puppy that had been bonked on the nose with a newspaper. 

“I’m sorry, Glen. I don’t carry infinite knowledge in my brain at all times. I need to focus on the things that matter.” 

“That was rude.” Gavin mumbled under his breath. Whatever hold he had had on being Big before was almost entirely gone. He needed to go. Now. 

“What?” 

“That’s not her name that’s not nice.” Gavin shook his head wildly. He was Little and he was also fifteen years old, hearing people mess up his name just to see him flinch. It just wasn’t NICE, his brain screamed. And he kind of wanted to scream at her too, or maybe cry. 

Gina had a weird look on her face. It was probably because she wanted to yell at him and mess up his name, too. Something pounded deep in Gavin’s chest and his tummy hurt and he thought he was going to vomit. Amy stared at him like something was wrong, and her mouth moved but he couldn’t hear what she was saying. 

“Gotta go. Something case. It came up.” Gavin’s head was still shaking as he pulled away. He was almost in the clear, until he saw Holt out of the corner of his eye. He opened his mouth like he wanted to say something to Gavin, but Gavin only sped up. 

It took five blocks for Gavin to calm down. It took another three until his legs hurt too much to keep going, and by the next block Gavin had barely enough energy to slide into the nearest coffee shop. 

Big Gavin loved coffee. But Little Gavin was after something else. 

Whenever he was a kid and had been especially good, his Mom had taken him to the coffee shop just down his street. They had had cookies shaped like animals and little milkshakes that came premade in the cooler that Gavin had always begged for. Daddy had taken him to a coffee shop too, once he had learned of the tradition. Reserved for when Gavin had been extra good at work or in his home life, or just for his birthday or a special spoil day that Daddy claimed was totally related to something that Gavin had done. 

He had enough Big in him left to buy himself a cookie and a milkshake, before he plopped down onto a cushy booth by the window. Half of the cookie was gone in a minute, and before he knew it, his fingers fluttered  over the familiar pattern to call Daddy. 

Daddy didn’t pick up on the first ring. Or the second. Or the third. Gavin heard the phone go to voicemail with an audible beep. 

It wasn’t that Gavin had meant to cry. Or even that he wanted to. Because he wasn’t a big dumb baby, at least he tried to tell himself that. But Daddy had said he missed him. Daddy had bothered him with texts all through work and made his tummy all weird and fluttery and race, all when Daddy had time to talk to him. But as soon as Gavin needed Daddy, he was nowhere to be found. 

When Gavin looked up, a warm sheen of water coating his face, a man was staring at him with concern. 

“I apologize for my staring, but you appear to be crying, young man. Are you in need of assistance?” 

“Dunno.” Gavin hiccuped. He was supposed to act big. But this guy looked friendly! And he was a caregiver, and he had such kind eyes. “M-my Daddy won’t pick up.” He whined. It wouldn’t hurt to talk to someone. Besides, NYC was so big. He'd probably never see the man again.

“Ahhhh. I see. Would it be alright for me to take the seat across from you?”

Gavin nodded. His hands played with his cookies, breaking it off into chunks. 

“I see you have a bovine cookie. How cute. Is your Daddy supposed to be picking you up, young man?”

Gavin shook his head. “Miss Daddy.”

“I know distance can be hard at times. While I don’t have a Little myself, being away from my husband for even the workday does tug on my heartstrings.”

Gavin’s mouth may have hung open at that part. “You like boys too?” He whispered. 

“Indeed. I married one. And I am sorry about your Daddy.”

“Just want him to pick up. He said we shouldn’t see each other, but I'm scared.” 

“How so?” Kevin asked, folding his hands together and leaning forwards to study him. 

“Had to leave him behind when I moved. And because of work. I just don't wanna be alone.” 

“I see. Being alone can be challenging, especially in a new city. Are you not close with your other caregiver?” 

Something in Gavin’s tummy felt funny. Like he was eating too fast, or that he had eaten something rotten. He wished he was lying down. Littles weren’t supposed to be without caregivers. And behind the concern in the man’s eyes, gears were turning. Gavin closed his mouth and shook his head emphatically. 

“Ahh.” The man looked sad. “Are they going to be picking you up soon, young man? Maybe I could have a talk with them for you. About how lonely you feel.” The man reached out and rested his hand on Gavin’s. It felt really really nice and Gavin wanted to cry all over again. He could have stayed there forever, with the man’s hand on his so nicely and warmly. It kind of reminded him of how Holt had been, so soft and sure. But it couldn’t last. 

“Gotta go.” Gavin sniffled, pulling his hand back. He made sure to stuff the remains of his cookie into his pocket. 

“Alright.” The man pursed his lips before reaching into his pocket. He pulled out a little white card, and a slightly bigger stuffed animal. The card had “Kevin Cozner, PHD” written on it in fancy gold letters, and the stuffed animal was a goofy looking corgi puppy with brown eyes. “Please, call me if you’re ever feeling lonely. Or if you need any assistance out here. I know how rough it can be for a Little all on his own.” 

It wasn’t until Gavin had left the shop, waving a hasty goodbye at Kevin as he clutched his new stuffed animal tightly to his chest, that he realized what exactly the man had just said. 

Chapter 5

Notes:

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“Another kidnapping?” A hot flash of shame shot through Gavin. He had been gone for so long. Was it his fault that it hadn’t been worked on?

 

“Same modus operandi. That’s French for crime.” 

 

Gavin rolled his eyes. But he couldn’t be too mad; it looked like no one had noticed his disappearing act yesterday. “It’s obviously German.”

 

“Well maybe you should have TOLD ME that yesterday, when you were supposed to be on the case with us.” Jake snarled, his arms crossing over his chest. Gavin wondered if his arms would get stuck like that. 

 

‘Shit.’ Gavin thought. So they had noticed he was missing. He stuck his hands deep into his coat pockets, so he could touch the little dog that Kevin had given him. In the hours between his two shifts, Gavin had decided to name him Walter. He was a new addition to Gavin’s life, but it was still calming to run his fingers through the soft fake fur. “Damn, that's my bad. I’m sorry about that. I had to leave because of uhh, personal matters.”

 

Jake huffed. He didn’t seem convinced. Meanwhile, Charles looked sympathetic. “Oh I'm sorry big guy! You should have told us and we would have totally understood.” 

 

“Because we are getting on fine without you. And anyways, I know that excuse is bullshit. Gina told me that you literally ran off while talking about needing to go check on ‘Case updates’. So HA.” Jake looked way too pleased for how early it was, let alone what he was saying. It was always an option to punch Jake, Gavin reminded himself. 

 

This would require some acting. Gavin took up a frown, leaving forward and lowering his voice. He knew he couldn’t budge Jake, but Charles seemed ready to be on his side, as long as he gave it a little push. “Well, ok, I did lie.”

 

“AHA!”

 

”BUT it was for a good reason. I mean, you both know how nosy Gina can be. I just didn’t want her talking about it because it's embarrassing, yknow?” He held eye contact with Charles on that last part. He could tell that Charles knew a thing or two about being embarrassed. 

 

Just like Gavin had predicted, Charles nodded. “Boy, don’t get me started on that, big guy.” 

 

Gavin nodded as well, pursing his lips into an appropriate frown for the occasion. “Well, like I said it’s super embarrassing, but you’re a good guy, so I trust you not to say anything about it.” 

 

That made Charles take it hook, line, and sinker. Gavin briefly wondered if he should have become an actor. He supposed living as someone else for so long had honed his skills. “Of course I wouldn’t, big guy. Here at the 99, we’re practically family!”

 

And like every family, they despised each other. Gavin guessed that tracked. “I… was at the man doctor.” 

 

“That’s not a real thing!” Jake huffed. He looked miffed. Gavin guessed it was because he finally wasn’t the center of Charles’s attention. 

 

“Oh no! For what? If you don’t mind my asking.” 

 

“For… my balls. Which I have. Because I am a man.” Gavin stumbled. Maybe it was better that he wasn’t an actor. Or at least, not doing improv. 

 

“It’s transphobic to imply that all men have balls,  actually.” Charles said solemnly. “But I understand your struggle.” 

 

“Uh, yeah, ok.” Gavin had the sudden urge to come out to them, if only to dispel the idea that he was transphobic. He didnt care what cis people thoguth half the time, but there was something abut them thinking that they had a leg up on him, especially Jake, when it came to something that they knew nothing about that made Gavin’s blood boil. Instead, he gritted his teeth and moved on. “Anyways, I just didn’t want anyone talking about my … balls at work.”

 

“It happens to the best of us.” Charles nodded solemnly. “Why, just last week I was discussing the weight and-”

 

“That’s enough, Charles. And I still don’t buy your story, for the record. I’d like to see those medical files.” 

 

“You want to see my balls? The pictures of my balls they took when they felt for lumps? I don’t think we have that relationship yet, Jake.”

 

Jake bristled. It seemed that implying he was gay was his kryptonite. “No! That’s not what I-”

 

“I find it a little inappropriate that you’re prying into my medical history, and I invite you to leave me alone.” 

 

“That’s very thoughtful and polite. I like the way you put it.” It was like being verbally patted on the back. Gavin wondered if this was what Jake felt every time Charles spoke. 

 

“But enough about my medical procedures. What did you find out about this new kidnapping?” That seemed to successfully throw the two of them off of his trail, at least for the time being. He vaguely remembered passing Holt on his way out yesterday, and he knew that would be another piece of damage control. But the captain liked Gavin, at least Gavin was pretty sure, and he could smooth that over. 

 

Once Gavin had been briefed on the new kidnapping (no perp description, same type of place, same time), Gavin drifted over to the water cooler. He had a few minutes before they were set to move out, and the back of his throat ached. As he chugged one of those tiny dixie cups of water, he heard voices filtering out of Holt’s office. 

 

He would have rushed off right after getting water considering Gina was only feet away, but Holt’s words caught his attention. He was willing to risk it, as long as Gina’s attention stayed firmly fixed on her phone.

 

“- in need? Where did you say you saw this young gentleman? I agree, that is very concerning. I’ll have to follow up on that when I am available to do so.” The voice belonged to Captain Holt. He seemed concerned. Or at least a little less stone faced than usual. Thoughts buzzed in Gavin’s brain right as Holt ended the call and stepped through the door. 

 

“Reed.” He said, both like he was surprised and like Gavin was exactly the man he was looking for.

 

“Hey.” Gavin gave him a nod. Suddenly he remembered that his boss probably wasn't all that happy with him for running off from work at a moment's notice. 

 

“May I speak to you for a moment? That is, if it will not interfere with your current case.” 

 

“Uhh, yeah that sounds great. I can do that right now.” 

 

“Good. Now, will you come into my office?” 

 

“Uh yeah, of course. That was totally what I was going to do because that was implied.”

 

“Obviously.” 

 

Once they were safely inside of the office, Holt shut the door tightly. It felt like Gavin was being locked into a bunker. “So, what did you want to talk about… sir?” He tacked on the honorific for good measure, because in the three days that Gavin had known the man, he knew that that would butter him up. Well, as much as doing something that someone considered to be the bare minimum counted as buttering up. 

 

“You left rather abruptly yesterday. Gina said you claimed that it was a case-related matter, yet you have brought in no new leads onto your case. Can you explain why?” 

 

It seemed everyone was hanging with Gina, then. Gavin had no idea how she was so fuckking popular. “I might have lied.” He said stiffly. He shoved his hand into his pocket so he could fondle Walter. It was the only thing keeping him grounded. 

 

“Lied?” Holt drew the word out, like a Dad calling out his little kid for saying a curse word. But in this case, Gavin sensed that it was so much worse. 

 

“M sorry.” Gavin whispered. He tried to keep his hands out of Holt’s line of sight as he pulled Walter out to squeeze between both of his palms. 

 

“I see. I do not take kindly to lying in my precinct, Gavin.”

 

Gavin sniffed and hoped it didn’t sound like he was sobbing. “I didn’t mean for her to tell you! I just said it so she’d stop bothering me.” He was uncomfortably aware that his voice had hit a high note. 

 

That stopped Holt short. “Gavin, what do you mean?” 

 

“Ever since I got here, she won’t leave me alone! She’s just- she makes me uncomfortable and she won’t go away.” 

 

Now Holt looked mad. Gavin felt a pang of fear even though he knew that it wasn’t directed at him. “I see. I will be having a talk with her, then.”

 

Gavin thanked him quietly. “That means a lot to me, sir.” 

“Now, only one question remains. Where did you go when you ran off?” 

 

A blush settled over Gavin’s face, even creeping up to his ears. He wasn’t ready for this. “I uhh, had to clear my head. It won’t happen again, sir.” 

 

“I see. But I must warn you, while I know so-called ‘mental health brakes’ are important, I do expect you to complete your work in a timely manner.” Something that could almost be described as a smile teased the corner of his lips. “You would not want to be shown up by Peralta, would you?” 

 

Gavin snorted before regaining his composure. “Of course not, sir. He would never let me live it down.” 

 

“I see we are in agreement, then. You may leave. And I will be having words with Gina about her treatment of you. And… one more thing.” His eyes flickered to the object in Gavin’s hand. “What is that… bobble you have on your person?”

 

“HIm? It’s just… he’s just Walter.” Gavin mumbled, toying with the fur. For some reason, he felt embarrassed the longer the Captain looked at him. 

 

Holt squinted his eyes. He had an inscrutable look on his face. “I see. And this… helps your process?”

 

“Uh, yeah.” 

 

“Alright. As long as it does not serve to distract you.” He waved for Gavin to leave the office.  

 

“Playing Daddy’s favorite again, Reed?” Were the first words that met Gavin as he stepped out of the office. 

 

“What?” Gavin blinked at Jake. He hoped Holt hadn’t heard what he had said, considering just how embarrassing it was to think about. 

 

“No amount of brown nosing like Amy will fix the fact that you’re just a little screwup-”

 

“Oh you’re back! We need to get moving!” For the first time since he had met him, Gavin was glad to see Charles. 

 

“Of course. I call shotgun again, by the way.” Gavin smirked. 

There was a fire in Jake’s eyes that made Gavin afraid as he followed Charles’s lead out to the car. At least he was sure Jake wouldn't act up too much when Charles was around. 

 

“You know as the driver, I get to pick the songs.” Charles patted the wheel as the others got into the car. “I think another round of ‘Caregivers best hits’ would really hit the ol spot, if you know what I'm saying. It would scratch my musical itch so good, like I’m busting a circuit.” 

 

Gavin cringed at the metaphor. But it appeared like he wasn’t the only one fed up with Charles. 

 

“Hell. No. I am not listening to that garbage any longer. And you know what? I’m driving.” Before Charles could protest, Jake snagged the keys from his hands. 

 

“O-OK Jakey, whatever you say.” CHarles squeaked, skittering from the front seat. 

 

Gavin stayed stock still as Jake entered the vehicle, willing the Neutral’s eyes not to fall on him. 

 

The ride to the crime scene was probably the second most uncomfortable ten minutes of his life, topped only by having to explain to his mother and father that yes, his boyfriend of the time “sounded gay” because he was in fact a gay man dating another gay man. 

 

“Silence is the best music.” Was the sum total of Charles’s comments throughout the ride, said helpfully halfway through to fill the not-so-best gap. 

 

Gavin felt like a survivor touching land for the first time when he stumbled out of the car. The air had never tasted so sweet, and the sky had never glowed so bright. 

 

“We need to stop wasting time and get in the building, Reed. I’ll show you how a real Detective does police work.” 

 

“That would require you to be a real Detective.” Gavin jabbed his shoulder into Jake as he pushed past him. If Peralta was going to act like a little bitch, then Gavin was going to treat him like one. Even if he felt the Little part of him welling up from beneath, five seconds away from going into full-on tantrum mode. 

 

He looked back over his shoulder to still see Peralta gawking at him. Gavin shot him a toothy grin and winked with both eyes before ducking into the building. 

 

It was the same scene as before, with a few things reversed, like an impressionist painting. Gavin was proud of himself for coming up with the reference. While Charles and Jake filtered in, Gavin pushed directly to the back of the store. It was in another mall, with a similar layout to the last one. Gavin checked the gender neutral stall first. This one had floor to ceiling stalls and no windows. None of the other bathrooms had windows either. Gavin cursed to himself. It would have been great if he had been able to one up Jake immediately. 

 

He ducked back into the main store, another build-a-bear type place with grinning stuffed animals, and had just decided that the little red door marked employees only was a plausible escape route when Jake stopped him in his tracks. 

 

“What? Do you have a problem with me or something?” 

 

“I don’t know. Do you have a problem with me?” Jake said. His arms were back over the front of his jacket. 

 

“Well you’re being a little bitch. I have a problem with that.” 

 

That made Jake angry. “What? If anything, you’re the LITTLE bitch!”

 

“Making fun of my height? Really? I'm the average height for a man in the united states!” He was not, but he bet that Jake was too dumb to know otherwise. 

 

“You aren’t! Because that's what I am, and I'm taller than you!” Jake stepped so he was chest to chest with Gavin, and Gavin jerked back unconsciously. He cursed himself for making the mistake. 

 

Jake frowned down at Gavin, before the expression morphed into a sneer. Like Gavin was a bug he was thinking about flicking off of his arm. “You’re just a dumb little baby.”

 

Gavin froze. Jake couldn’t know, could he? His mind raced with possibilities. He had to diffuse this somehow, or refute it. He bet Jake would try to tell someone. The prick would screw over his whole fucking life! Gavin wanted to scream. He had to fix this! No, he needed to fix this right fucking now. “No, YOU'RE the baby!” Gavin hissed, jerking so his chin was level with Jake’s.

 

Jake blinked and stumbled back before righting himself. “I'm NOT a BABY!” 

 

Out of the corner of Gavin’s eye, he could see people looking over. Gavin didn’t care. 

 

“Yes. You. Are.” Gavin growled. “Baby.” 

 

At the last word, Jake’s hands struck out, slamming into Gavin’s shoulder. 

 

Gavin stumbled back. Gavin saw red. Gavin wasn’t an adult, wasn’t a man at work in front of a billion people who would tattle on him. Gavin was a scared little boy who had just been bullied. So, Gavin pushed back. 

 

Jake’s eyes went wide. It seemed like he wasn't used to people fighting back against him. Good, Gavin thought. 

 

Gavin hit him again, this time a slap. Right across Jake’s big stupid face. 

 

Jake slapped him back, and Gavin reeled. Tears blurred Gavin’s eyes. 

 

A barrage of slaps reigned down on him, all open palms that stung. Gavin got a fist in Jake’s hair and yanked. A few people looked like they might intervene. 

 

Jake twisted, and suddenly they were on the floor. His fists slammed into Gavin and Gavin wailed. He didn’t know why Jake wasn’t stopping, or why he looked like he was crying, too. Gavin only knew of one way of ending this.

 

When Jake’s fist came up to hit him again, Gavin grabbed his arm and sunk the teeth into the flesh of his forearm. Hard. 

 

The scream wracked through the crime scene like a collicky baby through a hospital in the middle of the night. Gavin’s hands clapped over his ears to shut it out. For a moment, everything else went silent. Billions of eyes burned into Gavin. Charles was in the front of the crowd, his mouth hanging open.

 

For a moment, Gavin and Jake’s eyes met. Gavin released his jaws. 

 

“Run.” Jake mouthed. 

 

Gavin ran. 

Chapter 6

Gavin had passed out from his post-adrenaline high in the middle of the car ride, and where he was didn't make any goddamn sense. It was cramped, and considering what Gavin saw Jake wear on a daily basis, he was pretty sure the closet did NOT belong to the Neutral. Well, Gavin tracked that statement back with something boiling in his brain. The Little. Because Jake was a Little, just like him. And lycra did not seem like something he would willingly rock.

“You’re awake, sleeping panther. Nice to see you.”

Gavin jolted. “GINA?”

“You’re in my apartment. Who else would it be, George Clooney? Most likely, as he is my frequent booty call.”

Gavin disregarded that statement. “Why are we here?”

Gina made a mock surprised face. “How dare you. I am only Jake's oldest friend.”

Gavin bit back a rather rude remark. “I thought Charles-”

“I meant time knowing him, not my actual age, darling.”

“That’s not what-”

“Don’t worry, you don’t have to embarrass yourself any further.”

“I'm not embarrassed.” Gavin huffed. He was kind of big now, but he could already feel himself slipping. “Wait, do you-”

“Know that Jake is a secret Little?”

“And-”

“Know that you're Also a secret Little? Tragically hiding from Law enforcement while also entering into a career to uphold said laws. Really, a stunning statement on the state of our society as a whole.”

“It's not LIKE that-”

“Don't’ fret, little jet. Mother will take care of all of your troubles.”

“What the fuck.”

“Well, at least until you’re ready to face Holt. You know, he can be a real pill to deal with, if you hadn’t noticed. One time, he sat on my cupcake and-”

Gavin flushed. That was an understatement. “Im uhh, sorry, by the way. About ratting you out to him.”

 

“It’s fine. I guess I was being a creep. Gina is a delicacy that not everyone can palette.”

“Yeah. But I guess… maybe we can start over and be friends? And not like, enemies. I mean, as long as you don’t mess up Amy’s name again like that because that’s… really rude.”

Gina nodded, and shuddered at Gavin’s last comment. “I suppose that is in order.”

“Until I get inevitably kicked from the 99, right?” Gavin laughed bitterly.

“Let's not focus on that. I mean, you can always come back and work as a receptionist like I do.” Gina pursed her lips. “Unless you think such a career is beneath you.”

Gavin bristled. “You know it’s not that. It’s just…”

“Just what? You’d rather not be a mere mortal like the rest of us?”

Gavin bit back the growl that was rising in his throat. This wasn't going like he had planned at all. “That’s NOT it!’

“Then what is it?”

“I’ve worked my entire fucking LIFE to get here! And what, just because of what I was born as, someone can rip it all away?”

“And?” Gina looked impassive. That made Gavin angrier. “You're just going to let them? You know, that fight was pretty bad. Maybe they shouldn't let you be a cop.”

 

Gavin saw red. “What? One minor set back? If I, if I had been given accommodations or something from the start- and besides, Jake was the one who set me off! And I’m not letting anything come between me and my BADGE.”

“There you go tiger. You’re ready to face down a bigger, meaner tiger. That is, Captain Holt.”

Gavin gulped. “Well shit.” Being Gina’s friend made his head feel just a little blurry, and he wasn’t sure if he liked it or not. And... he was so not ready for Holt. “I suppose you won’t let me hide out here forever?”

“It’s not the best place, unfortunately.” Gina sighed. “And a little bird like you needs to learn to stretch his wings.”

“I see.” Gavin didn’t feel like a little bird. Right now, his stomach was full of rocks.

It took half an hour for both Gavin and Jake to get ready to go back to the precinct. In that time, Gina offered Gavin a sippy cup of red wine, which she claimed was also used to feed Jake at times. Gavin had politely declined.

Now, both of them stood in front of Holt’s office, anxiously waiting for him to call them both in.

“He’s going to kill us, isn’t he?” Gavin whispered, pressing his clammy arms against his sides. He was pretty sure his sweat had already formed two distinct stains under his armpits.

“Nah. He’s a real softie. Trust me, Gavin. I’ve been in there LOADS of times and it’s been fine.”

Gavin smiled weakly. “For what it’s worth, I'm glad that we dont hate each other anymore.”

Jake smiled. “I mean, I never hated you. I just hated what you did and what you represented and ok point taken, but you’re cool now so we're cool, right? Sorry for punching you by the way.”

“And sorry for biting you. And not letting go.”

“Haha yeah that hurt like A Lot. But it's ok, really. That’s what friends do, right?”

“Bite each other?”

“Forgive each other. We don’t talk about that time with Charles.”

Before Gavin could think about what Jake had said (the Charles part, at least), Holt called them into the office.

“Peralta, Reed.” Holt paused after he said it. Presumably to keep them in suspense. It certainly worked. Gavin tried and failed to quiet his racing heart, and he rubbed his palms against his jeans. “Disappointed does not begin to cover what I am feeling.”

“What about angry?” Jake added. Gavin flinched besides him. He was pretty sure Jake was going to get both of them killed. Or worse; fired.

Holt’s eye twitched. “I am furious, yes. I want you two to start with why.”

“Why what?” Jake crossed his arms in his signature defensive posture.

“Why you two acted like utter children and had a screaming, crying fight in the middle of a crime scene.”

Gavin took in a deep breath, and he could tell that Jake was doing the same. If he let Jake speak first, Jake and him could both shoulder the blame together. Maybe cook up some reason for the fight, even though it was painfully obvious that Charles’s caregiving expertise was what had been able to drag them down. Or, he could come clean.

“Because.. Im a Little.” Gavin felt like all the air had left the room as he uttered the words. He couldn’t make himself look up at Holt.

Holt didn’t speak. When Gavin finally dared to look back up, Holt was frozen. Gavin took that as a cue to keep going. “Look, I’ve known ever since I was 18. And it has never messed with my performance until now. I guess it was just the strain of everything, and being here, and me and Jake getting off on the wrong foot at first. But my head is back in the game now, and it won’t happen again.”

Holt grimaced. “It will not happen again. Because you are fired.”

Chapter 7

“What?!” Jake cut in before Gavin could say anything. Wind whistled past Gavin’s ears like he was on the edge of a cliff, seconds from falling off. “You can’t do that! Gavin is a great detective!”

Holt’s eyes hardened. “Gavin is a Little. He should have never become a detective, and I will rectify this immediately, and find him the help that he needs. And Gavin has already caused enough trouble with this investigation.”

Now that hurt. Gavin wanted to cry. But he knew that Holt would only hold it against him. Instead, he squared his jaw and stared down the man before him. He couldn't go quietly. “I have an arrest record a mile long. I could run circles around any of the officers in this precinct. You know that! So why won’t you give me a chance?”

Holt looked at him squarely. “I gave you a chance. You were given this case, to see how you worked both alone and with the other detectives on my squad. And you took that chance and destroyed it. Lit it on fire, even. You bit a fellow officer, Reed!:

Gavin flinched. He couldn't argue that. Now was the time for shame to overtake him.

“Hey! I deserved that bite! And Gavin was running circles around us on this case! He was the one who figured out that whole tattoo clue, and got that drip kid to cooperate with us.”

Holt blinked at that. “Are you not understanding that he bit you in public?”

“Well, Jake did say that he deserved it.” Gavin mumbled.

“You are not helping your case, Reed. Your immaturity is painfully telling.”

Gavin flinched again. Maybe for once in his life he should shut his mouth. “What? So Jake is allowed to joke around and I’m not?”

Besides him, he felt Jake tense. Like Jake thought that Gavin would give him away at any moment. But he wouldn’t. Jake had stood up for him; It was his turn to return the favor.

“Jake is a valued member of this squad, and a Neutral. I do not approve of his antics, but his antics are besides the point. The point is that you are a Little, and Littles are Not allowed to work in law enforcement as detectives.” Holt actually looked angry.

Gavin took a step back, staring up at the Captain. He looked like a different person. “Fine. Do you want me to leave, then? To clear out my desk?”

“What? No.You need to stay here, young man, while I call someone to deal with you properly. I could never forgive myself if I let an unattended Little out into the wild”

Gavin squared his jaw. “Fuck you. I’m leaving, and you can't stop me. You’re not my boss anymore, and you're certainly not my caregiver.”

Before Holt could order him to stop, Gavin spun on his heel and left. He didn't stop for Holt, or for Jake, or for Charles, or for Terry, or even for Amy.

When he got out onto the street, his heart was pounding and he could barely breathe. All Gavin wanted was to scream. He bypassed his bike and let his legs take him where they needed to go.

Halfway to his destination, he got a call. From Captain Holt. Gavin declined. A few moments later, he got two others. One from Jake, and one from Daddy. Gavin screwed his face into a scowl and let it go to voicemail.

The cafe was quieter than Gavn remembered. He jammed his hands into his pockets to cuddle Walter as his eyes raked the room. It was a long shot that the guy was here, Gavin thought as he fiddled with his pockets. He dropped into a seat as his hand brushed over the corner of a piece of cardstock.

A flash of memory hit him, and he grabbed it. “Kevin Cozner, PhD” with a number printed below. Another number had been scrawled on the back in blue ink. Gavin called the second one.

It took ten minutes for Kevin to arrive at the cafe. It took only one second before he scooped Gavin into his arms. “I am here now, young man. Can you tell me what is wrong now?”

Gavin had not said much on the phone. He hadn't been able to. “Got fired.” Gavin mumbled, burying his head in Kevin’s chest.

Kevin hummed, smoothing his hand in Gavin’s hair. “I see.” He murmured.

“Was stupid. ‘M not a dummy just cuz I’m Little.”

“Of course not.” Kevin’s fingers tensed in his hair, only for a second. Gavin might have imagined it. “You are a very smart, capable young man. Whomever fired you made a grave mistake.”

Gavin sniffled and smiled. “Uh huh. They were a real stupid head.”

“A very large stupid head indeed.” Kevin murmured.

Gavin could have stayed like that for hours, cuddled into Kevin’s side, relishing the feeling of finally being safe and wanted and cared for. But nothing was meant to last, was it? That was the thought that flitted through Gavin’s head when the door of the cafe slammed open. Gavin jolted into Kevin. He didn't dare look up.

“Raymond?” Kevin said, after a pause.

“Kevin?” Holt sounded just as startled as Kevin. Not that he would be showing it.

“What are you doing here?” Kevin’s hands tensed for real around Gavin. Gavin looked up, and his eyes locked with Holt’s. He wished he could take the gesture back.

“I am here to pick up a wayward Little. One without a Caregiver and in dire need of assistance.”

His eyes locked on Gavin, and Gavin wanted to cower. But instead, he straightened up in Kevin’s lap and stared Holt down. He wanted to make himself heard.

“I'm not in ‘dire need of assistance’. And I'm not a child.” He hissed the last word. He was Big now, or at least teetering on some icy edge, clawing his way up from a precipice. And Holt was going to eat his words.

“And you,” Gavin whipped around to face Kevin. “Why would you sell me out?”

Kevin blinked and his lips worked to form words. Gavin didn’t want to hear them.

“I hate you.” Gavin wheezed.

Holt reached forwards like he could grab Gavin and hold him back. Gavin ducked back down and away from him. He wasn’t going anywhere with him.

As he left the coffee shop, a host of eyes watching his wake, he thought he saw Kevin raise his hand to hold Holt back. Good riddance, Gavin thought. He didn’t need either of them.

Chapter 8

Gavins legs burned with how long he had been walking. He needed to sit down, or lie down, or maybe even curl up in a ball on a cozy bean bag chair with his stuffed animals clutched tightly. Well, need was a strong word. Gavin was an adult, he reminded himself. Instead, he let his fingers linger in his pockets and brush against stupid Walter as his feet pounded a rythm against the pavement.

He only felt safe enough to go back to his apartment when the sun had finally begun to sink below the horizon. As he pushed into the door, barely bending down to pet his cat in greeting, he checked the messages on his phone. Four missed calls. One from Holt, one from Kevin, one from Daddy, and one from Jake. Gavin’s stomach lurched.

“Hey.” Gavin grunted after the click that told him Jake had picked up his end of the phone. “What do you want?” Unlike the others, Jake hadn’t left a voicemail. Not that Gavin had listened to the ones that had been left.

“Hi. I guess to say thank you. I mean, like, for not ratting me out or whatever, even though I did start that fight.”

“Well. I am the one that bit you.”

“Well, I'm sorry Holt was being a dick. I mean, he’s always so fair y'know, I thought for sure he’d give you a chance.”

“I did too,” Gavin swallowed hard. He didn't want to think about how betrayed he felt. How Holt had told him the new precinct was his home, had even been like a Dad for Christ’s sake. And now he had ripped that all away.

“I mean, you did so well on the case!”

“Did I?” Gavin laughed. “I think we fought half the time.” That was some contribution.

“I mean, ok we did a little, but you found the tattoo! And you dealt with that little brat.”

“He wasn’t that bad…” Gavin trailed off. A thought bubbled up in his brain, and he latched onto it like a liferaft. He could solve the case before Jake and Chales. He could prove to Holt that he was a real detective, if he beat them at their own game.

“Yeah! I mean, he probably totally wouldn't care at all that I’m you know, right…” Jake trailed off.

Gavin hummed and nodded, even though he was pretty sure Holt would care very much. “I have to go.” Gavin said shortly, shutting off the phone before Jake could reply. He had no time to lose.

It took two hours for Gavin to get a match on the tattoo. He had thought he had seen something like it before, flashing at the back of his mind or the edge of his vision, like a face he had seen once at a party and then soon forgotten. He could remember it, if he just pushed himself.

It had to be a gang thing. Some type of organized crime, trafficking, the whole shebang. And Gavin was going to crack it. His clearance hadn’t expired yet, since he hadn’t given back his badge yet. Which was probably the topic of at least a few of the voicemails left by Holt.

He ducked out to his bike, half expecting that there would be someone waiting for him, and he was at the lab within a half hour.

“It’s from a prison gang. We have a few matches in the system, contract guys. The types who do hard time and aren't afraid to get their hands dirty.” The lab tech frowned. “Weren’t your partners in here just an hour or two ago?”

Gavin laughed nervously, smoothing back his hair. “Yeah, I'm just catching up.” He cursed himself out for being so slow. He needed to speed this shit up. “What gang was it, anyways?”

The tech supplied a name. Gavin had heard that before.

“Your friends said they were going back to the “stashe” to look up this guy’s buddies and go interrogate them. You know, if you need to catch up with them.”

Gavin nodded and thanked him. But he had a different plan in mind.

The first store he hit was a bust. It was full of screaming Littles, a birthday party looked over by someone, probably a Caregiver, in a large cartoon rat costume. The air around the party suffocated Gavin, and he couldn't leave fast enough.

The next store he checked out was also a problem. They were in their off hours, and only a tired teen was there to greet Gavin at the front entrance.

He was getting kind of nervous as he made it to store number three. What would he do if he didnt make it there in time? Gavin pushed the thought away. He had to make it. There was no other way.

Store number three was a toy store, with long looping aisles full of toys, and a set of bathroo. ms that led to a well-protected parking lot. Perfect, Gavin thought. He could do this.

The people usually swooped in around this time, at the peak of the rush. If Gavin camped out by the bathrooms and made himself unnoticeable, he could hopefully catch the kidnappers in the act. What he would do when he actually had them, he was unsure. But that didn't matter.

It took half an hour for Gavin’s hunch to pay off. He had just about gotten in his head to leave and try a different store when he saw it. Two men, tall, dressed in black yet unassuming clothes. They were close together yet not touching, unlike most of the couples in the store, but they didn't have a Little between them. Gavin raked his eyes over them before angling his body towards the toy racks, picking up a large stuffed animal to fiddle with.

The men slipped out of his sight for a moment, and Gavin growled under his breath. Just his luck that he’d lose them. But when he looked back up, they were closer. Still no child in sight. It would be a waiting game, then. Gavin stroked along the plush fur of the stuffed animal, murmuring to himself. What did he know about the two victims? They were both male, caucasian, mid to late twenties. Gavin scanned the crowd for someone who matched the description.

To his surprise, he realized that almost no one was in the back of the shop with him. Just him and the men in black. As Gavin fiddled with the toy, twisting it so he could see over his shoulder while still staying natural, he realized that one of the men had come up behind him.

His reaction was immediate. Gavin’s mouth opened on instinct, his fingers clawing at the stuffed animal to ground him. He was slipping, hard and fast, and he couldn’t even hope that he could catch himself.

“Hey little guy. Whatcha doin here all alone, buddy?”

Scary, screamed the primal part of Gavin’s brain. Gavin tried not to cower. There was no one in sight, and the security cameras didn't point back here. And no other Little was in sight. Gavin clenched the stuffed animal harder, backing away from the man. He needed to leave. Now. He had seen the man’s face, and that was all he needed anyways and-

His back smacked into the other man in a move that knocked Gavin’s breath away. Gavin didn't have time to flail or even scream as the second man’s hand clapped over his mouth.

His breath hit hot and ragged against the man’s hand as the other stared down at him, a strange smile on his face. “Aren't you just adorable, sweetheart? And all alone, too. People should really take better care of their Littles.”

Gavin tried to thrash and buck free, but the man only chuckled and held him tighter. The one looking at him smiled wider. “I think it’s time that you go to sleep, Little one.”

The man pulled out a little music box, and Gavin’s eyes widened. As the music, so low he could barely hear it, spilled out, Gavin’s vision fluttered. The last thing to remain impressed on his mind was the man’s grin, pearly white and wide.

Chapter 9

There was one thing that Jake knew to be absolute fact; he was a bomb ass detective, no matter what it came down to. And no matter who tried to stop him.

Of course, the one trying to stop him right now was none other than Raymond Holt, his police captain and Captain of Jake’s Daddy Issues. And by stop him, Jake meant a month of desk work. Which was hell on his brain and his hands and mostly his brain. And he hadn't even told Holt about The Thing yet.

He should have been out there with Charles, and Gavin, he begrudgingly admitted, fighting crime and looking cool while doing it. But instead, he was stuck behind his stupid desk with a mountain of paperwork that was, allegedly, late work he should have done days ago. Jake didn't buy it. This was Holt’s weird, wicked way of punishing him. Now, it was Rosa going off with Charles, which was fine, feminism was good. But he needed to be on that case. For Gavin. And, well, for himself. It kind of really sucked hearing Holt say all that about Gavin and being a Little.

Speaking of Gavin, Jake was just a smidge worried. Well, maybe more than just a smidge. Gavin had hung up on him so quickly, and Jake did not trust the tone of voice Gavin had used. Like Gavin was planning something. And, well, Gavin hadn’t returned his calls. Or his texts. Or even responded to the funny meme that Jake had sent him, which was really kind of weird. Oh shit, was Jake turning into Charles?

The thoughts were racing through his brain like John McLane chasing the bad guys in Die Hard, when someone stopped at his desk. Jake jolted up, because this guy was dressed like a civ but didnt really hold himself like one per se (Jake had a magic touch (or magic ear) when it came to sussing that out), and it was Gina’s or maybe Amy’s but certainly not his job to deal with this, on top of the stupid paperwork. So he was maybe just a little crabby when he bit out “And what do you want?”

The man frowned in a way that reminded Jake eerily of Holt. “I am here to see Mr Reed. I was informed that he transferred to this precinct.”

“And what do YOU want from him?” Jake jerked his chin up at the intruder, who now that he was looking at him, Jake realized he was kind of like, really tall. Holt tall, but lacking the build.

“I… am concerned. He has answered none of my calls.”

“And what about it? About him. Maybe he doesn't wanna to talk to you.”

The dude’s eye twitched. “Please. He is very important to me.”

“Well if you say please…” Ok, maybe Jake was worried too, and this new guy showing up was really pulling the proverbial jenga block from the tower. “He uhh, got fired. Because he’s like, a Little.” Shit, maybe he shouldn't have said that. But the new dude didn't seem fazed by the Little part. Only the fired part.

“And where is he now?” The guys hands whitened against the desk. He must have a real tight handshake, Jake thought.

“Well, we uhh, don't know. I guess technically he should be being put into the system, which is what my Captain was trying to do. But apparently he ran away. So he’s just AWOL for now.”

“System?” The guy almost spat the word. Which was kind of a mood, not that Jake was allowed to say it.

“Yeah. Since he doesn't have a caregiver. Which is like, super bad for some reason I guess.” Jake mumbled the last part. He didn't want to seem uncool in front of the new guy, especially when it came to Little stuff. Because the guy did NOT look happy at the first part of Jake’s sentence.

“Who, may I inquire, dared to put Gavin in the system?”

Shit. Jake made a mental note NOT to cross this guy. “He uhh… Well, my Captain, he-”

“Your Captain did this?”

 

“Uh huh-”

“I see.” The man straightened up, his neck already craning around Jake’s desk to glare at Holt’s office. Holt was inside, and he was talking to Kevin, and both of them looked very Not Happy, which Jake knew from experience was a BIG no-no when it came to bothering Holt. The man’s lips thinned into a straight line before he began to march over to the door.

“Hey wait! You can’t go in there!” Jake pushed up from his desk, scattering a shower of paperwork onto the floor.

The man didn’t listen. He was almost at the door when Gina stopped him.

“Wait a minute there, my large and angry friend. You need to gain permission before you storm the castle of Captain Holt.”

The man’s eyes twitched now, and Jake might have been scared for Gina if he hadn't known her for years and years. “This matter is far more important than that of the solitude of the doddering fool known as Captain Raymond Holt.”

And with that, the man opened the door and stepped inside, not giving one shit about Gina in front of him. That was a first, as far as Jake was concerned. Most mortals cowered before Gina.

“Excuse me?” Holt could be heard even from outside the office as the door swung. Kevin jolted as well, and it kind of looked like he had been too wrapped up in their argument to notice the guy until he was right on top of them.

Jake bit his lip and craned his neck to get a better view. The door had closed now, and he couldn't make out what they were saying. Jake would have tried to scuttle around back and scope out a place to covertly listen in on their conversation, but he caught Amy in the corner of his vision, mouthing words under her breath.

“Hey Amy…” Jake said, sidling up to her. “You should tell me what they’re saying.”

“I'm not- you can't prove-”

“Come on, Please? I mean, I'll do your paperwork or whatever-”

Amy glared. “Really, Jake?”

“I mean, I won't force you to check over my paperwork.”

Amy grimaced but nodded. “Well, the new guy is uhh, he's very not happy. He's saying very unkind things to Holt.”

“What about?”

“Well, he's accusing Holt of forcing Gavin to run away. And ruining Gavin’s life, and probably murdering puppies.”

“And what’s Kev saying?”

“Well… I think he’s agreeing with the man. They’re both talking to Holt now.”

“And they said-”

“Well,” Amy looked like it pained her to say it. “Kevin said that Holt’s head was “lodged in his posterior””.

Jake snickered. “Who is this guy, anyways?”

“He identified himself as Nines Stern, a Sergeant of the Detroit Police Department, 9th division.” Amy had a strange look on her face, like all the gears were turning in her head at light speed.

Jake narrowed his eyes. “Ames, what are you thinking.”

“Well, we know that Gavin was transferred because he, allegedly, was fraternizing with someone. And Gavin is from the DPD, and this guy is here to see Gavin.”

“Ohhhhhhhhhhhh.” Lightbulb. Well, Amy’s lightbulb. But he got it before she said it outright so it basically counted. “Shit. He must be really mad Holt then.”

Amy pursed her lips. “I mean, it's not like it's the Captain’s fault! A Little should have never been on the force to begin with, and he should have never run off like that when the Captain was only trying to help him.” Amy bit her lip nervously, which totally wouldn't have been super cute if Jake was both too stressed and too pissed to care.

“Really? Gavin was doing just fine until-” It hurt for Jake to think it. “Until Holt stuck his, his fat head into this!”

Amy gasped. “Jake! How could you? You know the captain is a respectable weight for a man his age!” Her face had turned a very strange shade of red. “And I'm sure he made the right call, in the given situation. You're Not a Captain, Peralta, and you’re not even a Caregiver! How could you possibly know what is right when it comes to Littles?” She had that self righteous look on her face that Jake never knew whether to love or hate. Right now, Jake kind of despised it.

“I know more than you do.” He mumbled under his breath.

Amy didn’t seem to be listening. “Well, Mr Stern is calming down some. And so is Kevin. And… I think they're reaching an agreement, of sorts. Wait, Holt just said something again and Kevin shot him down.” Amy had a frown on her face as she said it.

“Wow. That must be- yeah.” Jake’s stomach kind of sort of hurt, like when he was ten and his parents couldn't say a word to each other without an insult pouring out.

“Holt does not look happy. They’re going to Gavin’s apartment to see if he’s there, since he hasn’t been returning their calls! ” She said it like she had just scored the winning touchdown. Or in her case, really slammed the final questions in the math leagues. Or like, however that kind of thing worked. “Kevin will stay behind. Supposedly so he can relay any news to Sergeant Jeffords, but you and I both know this is a classic Caregiver move of making sure that both the civilians and the Littles are all kept safe in a stressful situation.” Ok, now Amy looked way too proud of herself. Jake might even be sick.

Jake spent a stressful half hour fidgeting with the work on his desk, totally not blowing anything off.

When the call finally came in, Jake banged his legs against his desk from jerking up. The fidget spinner that had somehow found its way into his hand skittered across the floor.

“What is it?” Jake mouthed to Amy. Amy’s eyes had already fastened on Kevin in the Captain’s office.

There was a pause, and then, “He’s not there.” She said quietly. “He has a cat, apparently, and both the water and the food bowl are empty. He could have been gone for hours.”

Jake froze. It was like a thick slush of blood, or red cherry slushie, had oozed into his veins. His brain was swimming in water just trying to think.

Holt arrived back at the precinct.

Jake nearly toppled his chair trying to see him. “Sir! Sir!”

Stern was besides him, and he gave Jake a weird stare before looking back at Holt. “And do you have any idea of where he could be?”

Holt’s lips thinned. “We will do everything in our power to get Gavin safely into custody.”

“But not taken. That was the deal.”

Holt’s frown deepened, and Jake could feel the gross slushy in his blood thickening and grinding him to a halt. “I will think about it. Right now, what is most important is assuring that Gavin Reed is safe.”

Stern didn't look happy. Which was how Jake felt. Why couldn't the Captain just let Gavin be?

“What is it, Jacob?”

Holt had caught him off guard. Jake had to take a second to clear his head, and Holt must have taken it for slacking off by the way his expression had shifted while looking at him. “I uhh, is there any way I can help out? I would really hate if something happened to Gavin.” His stomach felt like he had swallowed ten tons of marshmallows.

Holt sighed. “It is rude to try and weasel out of your punishment so soon. The 99 is full of many capable detectives who have not shown themselves to be literal children in the line of duty. Request denied, and that is final.”

Jake didn't even have time to tell him about his call with Gavin before Holt power walked away.

“I’m sorry, Jake.” Amy frowned. She actually did look sorry, which was surprising; Jake would have thought she would be gloating.

“It’s fine.” He said. It wasn’t. “It’s just- Gavin called me earlier.” Jake said, more for his own benefit than Amy’s. “But he hung up on me suddenly. And- I'm just worried. He sounded like he was planning something.”

A grim look drew over Amy’s face, split only a little by excitement. “Well, isn’t that the job for two very capable detectives to find out?”

------------------

Gavin woke up to cold. Cold and pain. All he wanted was a blanket and his kitty and to be curled up in the lap of Daddy and maybe Mr Kevin, if he promised to be nice.

But instead, he was alone. Which was a blessing in and of itself, everything considered. He remembered the kidnappers, and the way they had touched him, and how the man's rank breath had fanned overh is face and made him squirm. And most of all, Gavin remembered that he was a screw up. A neutral wouldn’t have been kidnapped, a caregiver would have never gone down without a fight. No one but Gavin would have ever screwed this up so bad. And now, no one knew where he was.

Gavin sniffed and flopped over, tucking his arms under himself. He was cold and scared and he didn't even know what was gonna happen to him! Gavin bit back a sob and rolled upright, staring at the wall next to him.

It was dark and gloomy in the room, and certainly no place for a Little. It took a long moment for Gavin’s eyes to adjust, and when they did, he was confused. He had expected a dungeon, with how he felt. That he would be in a room covered with stone and grime, with ceiling cracks looming over him and loose stones waiting to wriggle clear and fall down on him. Instead, he was in a finished basement. The floor had a thick carpet, while Gavin himself had been perched on a blow up mattress with a few thin sheets tossed over it. The air held a certain bare dampness that meant basement, and there were no windows and only one door, on the left wall.

Gavin stumbled upright, fumbling around the left wall until his fingers hit something. Click went the lightswitch. Gavin hissed and rubbed his eyes.

A quick try of the door told him it was locked. From what Gavin could see, it looked like there were no cameras in the room. In a little pile to his left were some old toys and coloring books. The kind of thing that would have kept a Little occupied twenty years ago, but the off-brand dollar store version. There were also two bottles of water and a packet of lunchables, which Gavin guessed was the cheapest way they had figured out to feed him.

Gavin poked at the lunchables for a moment, his lips curling into a grimace. It wasn't what he would have wanted at all, but he had to make the most of it. The package did not look like it had been tampered with, so that meant it was probably safe to eat. The waters were singular bottles as well, with unbroken seals. Gavin opened one and drank half; he didn't know when he would next get more water, so he had to make it last.

Next, he sat down next to the toys. Even though he was fairly certain no one was watching him, he still wanted to be as inconspicuous as possible. They might have even bugged the room, given that those were easier to hide.

Gavin hummed to himself as his hands fluttered over the toys, searching. Most of them were flimsy plastic or stuffed animals, nothing that he could use to pick a lock. Gavin fought off a growl, fingers tensing into a ball as he punched a stuffed animal in its big stupid face.

His knuckle hit something hard, and he yelped, shaking as his fist burned. But then, he had an idea. He dug into the little eye of the stuffed animal, pulling out the stiff wire. The criminals had not thought to check over such a silly little toy, but this would work just fine. Gavin just had to be smart about it.

Chapter 10

Jake and Amy had hit a wall. Holt and Stern had already left, and they were in the clear to be at their own devices. Which meant retracing Gavin’s last steps.

The problem was, they didn't know what the man’s steps were. Gavin had stormed off after being fired, and Jake hadn’t been able to get a read on what Gavin had said to him on the phone. He wasn't sure where he had called him from, only that it was Gavin’s personal cell phone, which Gavin had given to Jake after they had crashed at Gina’s together.

Jake was just about ready to scream when they got the call.

“Who is this?” Jake growled (It was a very manly growl).

“Woah woah, slow down there. I think your partner left his wallet here, and he hasn't been by to pick it up yet. I called his number and everything.”

It was the guy from the lab! “What? Charles didn’t leave his wallet.” The man had ambushed Jake with a new printed out photo album of his dogs, straight from the wallet, that morning.

“No, your buddy, Gavin. He came about a day after the two of you, said he was sick and needed to catch up. I filled him on the whole tattoo thing. Who the gang members were, and all that.”

Jake froze. “Did he say where he was going when he left?”

“What? Uhh, no I don't think so. Maybe that he was going to check on some leads? I told him where you guys were, at any rate. Said he'd catch up.”

 

Besides him, Amy was squinting at him, lips drawn in a frown. “What’s he saying?” She pushed.

“Anyways, I guess I'd better go; duty calls, and all that. You can swing by and pick up his wallet for him, can you?” The line went dead before Jake could say anything.

“Amy… Gavin was still working our case! And it looks like we got our first big break.”

It was only a short while before they swung by to pick up Gavin’s wallet, and as they entered the building, Jake paused to snoop around for clues. Just a quick peak, and nothing to raise any suspicions. Jake came back with nothing, and then it was time to meet up with the guy from the department.

Amy started out questioning him, leaning forwards over the counter with the no nonsense look in her eyes that totally only scared Jake and did nothing to his pants. As the talk continued, Jake’s eyes bounced around the room. Technician guy had an old bag of cheetos on his desk, flamin’ hot. Noice. A stack of files. Not noice. And then, another file, opened and spread out on his desk. Jake crept over and peered at it, as Amy’s voice lifted.

It was their case. Jake skimmed over it. He saw the familiar info, gliding through his mind as he retraced it. There were a few more preliminary details too about the case, like the locations of the different kidnappings. Both at toy stores in the downtown area. Gavin would have probably seen the case file lying open like that on the way in. Wait a minute…

“Did he say where he was going when he left?” Amy asked.

“No, no. Just… That I shouldn’t call his partners, who were already with the suspects. Might have mumbled something about checking out another scene, too, but I'm not sure. Whatever it was, the guy seemed like he was in a hurry.”

“I think I know where he went!”

Amy jerked up at Jake’s voice. “Are you sure?”

“I mean, As I'll ever be. I think he must have gone to another store to try and catch them in the act. We just have to figure out which one he hit, or maybe call around and see-”

“I’m on it.” Amy had already snatched the file off of the desk, skimming it before she was even done speaking. “I’ve got it!” She beamed. Jake jerked back at the force of it. “It’s the toy store on fifth. Same layout, same type of place, and it has pretty lax security, which honestly, as a place where Littles, of all people, hang out, it should have been bolstered by now.”

Jake bit back a retort at that. “Well, we need to go, now.”

Amy nodded. “I’ll drive.”

Amy preferred classical music in her car, which was way better than Charles’s caregiver tunes. Even if Jake had noticed she had only switched over once Holt had arrived.

Holt. That was one thing Jake did NOT want to think about. He had to believe that Holt would believe in Jake. Anything else wasn’t an option. So instead, Jake stuck his head to the side and made himself watch out the window as everything rolled by.

“We’re here.” Amy said, pulling into the nearest parking spot. The store was smaller and on the edge of a strip mall. It looked like a Toys R Us seconds away from going bankrupt.

Jake nearly tumbled out of the car before making his way over to the store. Amy followed close behind him.

Said store was mostly empty, apparently past peak business hours. Which Jake didn’t get, since toys were great and who wouldn’t want to spend all of their waking hours in one of these places? A tired clerk glared at them from the register. “What do you want?”

“We’re cops.” Jake said importantly.

“I can see that.” She did not sound amused.

“Have you seen this man? He’s a missing person, a Little! He could be in trouble!” Amy held up a picture from her phone. It didn’t look like the department ID that she could have pulled from the website, but Jake didn't think to question it.

The girl at the register squinted. “I got in an hour ago.”

“Well-”

“But did you SEE anything?!” Jake huffed. His hands were playing with the edge of his jacket like they did when he was going to fall, and he knew he had to do something or at least something had to happen fast or it was all going to unravel.

“What my colleague means is, do you have security cameras we can check?”

The girl grunted and pointed. “They’re in the back room. Security Guards are playing fortnite together in the break room. They won't bother you if you don't bother them.”

Amy smiled and thanked her, before grabbing Jake’s hand and leading him to the room. Jake turned bright red and yanked his hand away. “What?” Amy huffed. Her face also looked a little red, probably because she was annoyed at him, Jake figured; she was annoyed at him a lot. “I was only leading you like all caregivers do!” Still, her face remained just a little red.

Jake surreptitiously wiped the “caregiver goo” off on his pant leg as they walked to the cameras. He took a seat behind Amy as she flipped through the footage, eyes narrowed like it would help her take things in better. He kicked his feet haphazardly as he waited for her to find something.

“I’ve got it!” She pointed at the screen, Two men were on it, as well as Gavin, idling in the far reaches of the shop with his back to the rest of the store. Jake started; he knew those guys!

“They’re the guys from the other kidnappings!” The tattoos matched up, as well as how the guy walked. Kind of like a panther or some other big cat, stalking towards Gavin. Jake felt a funny-bad feeling in his stomach and drew his legs to his chest.

Amy nodded. “I bet they are, and-”

“And Gavin’s gonna get out of here, I bet. He’s gonna be alright and he's gonna kick their asses and…” Jake was lost for words as he watched the next few seconds of footage unfold. It looked like Gavin wasn't even gonna look up until the bigger one stuck something right over his face. Gavin slumped over and was carried away. Jake felt like he was going to be sick.

“The back door opened for a second, and I think I saw a license plate in the doorway. If we can just zoom in… Got it! We can run the plates right away, ok Jake?” Amy looked about as put together as usual, but there was something oddly comforting about the way she smiled. Like she was trying to pull out the caregiver big guns on him. And it was working. “We only have the last three digits, but with the color we can get a good picture of the car.”

“Uh huh.” Jake nodded. He felt kind of funny and kind of floaty, and it took him a second to touch down. In that time, a memory had unfurled. “Wait, I think I remember that car. A big ugly black one, right? It's just a bit obnoxious. The plates are XJ8-K74.” They had seen it on the other set of security cameras, and it had been responsible for blocking most of their view.

“I think that could be it! We’ll have them in no time!”

Jake let her grab his hand again as they dashed across the room and back to the car. He waited as Amy called and put the plate through, and wrung his hands tight as she finally called Holt. He could only hear Amy’s side of the conversation, but it still wasn't good.

“Holt told us… well, he wasn’t very nice.” Amy said.

“Shoulda waited till we got the plates like I said.” Jake mumbled. He meant it meanly, but there was no bite behind it. Instead, he just felt sick.

“We can't waste time like that. Captain Holt will just- hell have to see sense! I can call him again, or-” Her fingers had already strayed to her hair, twisting one hunk of strands over another.

“Why don't we just go? I mean, as soon as we get the plates. Who cares what Holt says? Gavin is one of us!”

For a moment, Jake thought Amy would say no. Instead, she took in a deep breath and nodded, clenching the steering wheel between her fingers until they were white. “You're right. We go as soon as we get word.”

Jake just hoped that Gavin would be alright.

Chapter 11

Gavin hadn’t been interrupted, in the time that felt like hours since he had been held captive. He had already wrested the spindle of iron behind the stuffed animal’s eye out, and curled it into the right shape.

He had tested out if anyone was watching, and how far he could go. First by walking around, and then by throwing a mock tantrum. No one had come. He had even gone so far as attempting to hurt himself, not that there was much to hurt himself with there, and no dice. Perfect.

Still, Gavin wanted to be cautious as he sidled up to the door. He waited, like at any moment an angry man would dahs out and yell at him. Still, no one came.

He slipped the wire into the lock and jimmied. It took some time, but it opened with an audible click. Gavin slid open the door and peeked outside. He was in a hallway, with one sputtering light illuminating them.

Gavin stepped out, taking a deep breath to remain calm and grounded. He needed to be Big.

The doors looked like his own, and if Gavin pressed his ears to them, he could hear sobbing. There were four other doors, one on his side and three on the other. Gavin went up to the doors, pressing his ear against each of them. He could hear sobbing behind the first one, and low breathing behind the next. The three unoccupied doors were unlocked, and had a similar setup to Gavin’s: a mattress, restraints laid out on the floor, and a few toys piled in the corner. Gavin’s stomach squirmed. It looked like the kidnappers had done this before, and had every intention of doing this again. Now, Gavin had to get the others free.

He approached the first door again. “Hey! Are you ok in there?” Gavin barked through the first occupied door.

The man behind it sniffled before answering. “I'm scared!”

“I- I know.”

“Please please I don't wanna be here I just want my Mommy I-”

Panic bubbled in Gavin’s stomach, and he took a deep breath in through his nose to quell it. He could do this. Wait, he could totally do this! He knew just how to quiet a Little. “Can you take a deep breath for me?” He asked, in the special soft voice that had always made Gavin feel at ease. This was the kind of exercise that Gavin forced himself to do whenever he felt a panic attack coming on.

The Little sniffled, and then took in a shaky breath.

“Good job, good job. You’re doing so well!” Gavin encouraged. He had the urge to reach out and squeeze the other Little’s hand, but he couldn't. Not yet, at least.

“I want my Mommmmy!!’ The other Little sobbed helplessly.

Gavin placed his head against the door. “Can you please breathe for me again?” He asked. “We can breathe together! Like this!” Gavin took in an exaggerated breath and let it out.

The Little’s breath wobbled as he also took in a breath. They let the next one out together.

“You're doing so good, ok? Can you keep breathing for me?”

“Uh huh.” The Little’s voice only broke a little.

“I’m going to leave for just a second, but I’ll come back for you. I promise. But I need you to be brave.” His stomach hurt when he said it, and his mouth had gone dry.

“Pinky promise?”

“... Pinky promise.” Gavin said solemnly. He held his pinky up to the doorframe, even though he knew the other Little couldn’t see it.

“Thank you.” The Little said smally.

Gavin crept away, and tried the next door. The other Little didn’t answer, prolonged panic sending them into a space of catatonic silence. Gavin told them to stay calm, and that he’d get them out of there as soon as possible. They didn’t answer.

Now, Gavin crept up to the end of the hallway. A lone grey cement staircase led up to a doorway. A strip of light bled from underneath. Gavin straightened his shoulders and crawled up it, taking care that his feet didn't scuff at the material. He could hear voices on the other side, and Gavin forced his breath to still.

“- move out in a few hours. The cargo are all downstairs, and the cops are catching on. We need to get out of here before they try to bring the feds into this.”

“What, and only bring in part of our contract?? You know how Murphy is. He’ll have our heads if we don’t come through.”

“And we’ll be shit out of luck if the feds find us.”

A beat of silence passed. Gavin’s breath, bursting out in a gasp, almost shattered it. Murphy. He knew that name, from the files he had skimmed over when he had first been transferred. Seamus Murphy was infamous to the NYPD. A chill went down Gavin’s spine at the thought of the fate of the Littles, himself included, if Seamus wasn’t stopped. Gavin clamped his mouth shut to stop himself from being sick.

“You’re a stubborn bastard.” One of the men finally laughed.

“I know the odds. With the police crawling out there, we won’t be able to get another Little, let alone two. We should cut our losses. Or maybe split.”

“Split? And do what with the Littles? We can't just let them go. Little pigs’ll squeal.”

Another beat of silence. Gavin had never felt so exposed as he crouched on the other side of that door.

“Well. We can always make them disappear. Especially the one that was all on its own.”

The other one laughed. “Yeah, right. No one will miss that Little, I’ll bet. We’re probably doing it a favor.”

“Of course, we could just… “ He must have made a gesture that Gavin didn’t see. Gavin didn’t have to think too hard about what it must have been.

“That’s fucked up man.”

“What? And kidnapping isn’t? It’s not like they’re people or anything.”

“Right. Look. Just give me a few more hours, ok? The drop is supposed to be tonight. I’m sure I can find two more. Twins, probably. We can do this.” The sound of a chair scraping against the floor hit Gavin’s ears, and Gavin winced. His heart beat so loud that it hurt.

“Alright, alright. And I’ll secure the Littles while you’re gone. In case we need to do some… evasive maneuvers.”

“Yeah, whatever. It won't come to that.”

Another silence, probably filled by the rolling of someone’s eyes. Then the sound of footsteps clomping around the room, and a door opening and closing. Gavin flinched at the sound like it was a gunshot.

He heard the man who was left sigh loudly. “We’re fucked.”

Quickly, Gavin picked his way back down the stairs, his heart racing. He had only minutes, or maybe seconds, before the man would come down and “secure” them.

“Hey.” Gavin whispered, face smushed against the door of the first Little. He heard the other Little rustle behind the barrier. “I need you to do something for me, please.”

“Wh-what?”

“When you hear the man come down here, can you start crying? LIke, really loudly. So the man is distracted and comes to help you.”

“No no! He’s scary!” The Little whined.

“Please? For me? I promise I won’t leave you. I’ll be right behind you the whole time.”

The Little whined again, but he didn’t say no. That was all Gavin could hope for as he ducked back into his room.

He could feel the footsteps as well as hear them, as his blood boiled. Gavin’s fingers went white against the door as he tried to steady his breath. He could do this. He knew it.

When the man was halfway down the hallway, the howling started. Ear splitting, teeth chattering, enough for Gavin to flinch back like he had been struck. He had moments now, and he needed to make it count.

His eyes frantically searched the floor for a weapon. Not the water bottles, or the stuffed animals, or the mattress and blankets that made a pile in the corner.

“Shit.” Gavin whispered. His heart pumped so fast that the edges of his vision bubbled with black stars. Blocks. The blocks, not that cheap plastic shit, but older wooden ones, in dusty primary colors. He could use them. He would just have to be strong.

“Stop crying, you little shit.” The man snarled. Gavin cracked the door open just to size the man up. He had opened the door to the other Little already, and with his back turned Gavin could see that his neck had turned a splotchy red from yelling.

A shiver of fear overtook Gavin, but he fought it back. The man was still preoccupied, his fingers curled into a fist. Gavin had to do it now.

The distance closed between them like it was nothing, and Gavin’s fist came down hard against the back of the man’s skull. The man jerked and buckled and turned around. His eyes burned deadly as they locked on Gavin. Blood dribbled from the back of his head where the blocks had split it.

Gavin hit him again. But this time, the man was ready. His fingers locked around Gavin’s throat so easily, pressing and pressing as the corners of Gavin’s vision turned black. The last thing he remembered was a scream, long and feral, and the weight lifting off of his chest.

Chapter 12

Jake had been watching Gavin for hours. Hours that had tried to tie his stomach into a knot. He wasn’t sure when Gavin was going to wake up.

They, being he and Amy, had found him in the basement of a rickety old house just outside of Brooklyn, with another man passed out besides him and a crying Little standing over both of them. The Little had been holding Gavin’s hand, and it had taken precious minutes to wrestle the Little away so they could check Gavin’s pulse. Jake’s stomach still churned at the memory.

It was almost as bad as waiting for the paramedics to arrive. The other guy, the kidnapper, hadn’t made it. His pulse had been so weak then, and his skin sickly pale and gray. Jake had seen a few people die before, because it was part of the job and the job was something he was damn good at, thank you, but there had been something painfully ghostly about watching the life seep out of a man, even a bad man, while he couldn’t stop it. Especially while his own friend had been unconscious besides him.

He had felt helpless. Like a child. Which was how Jake felt now, his hands curled into fists against the legs of his jeans, just to stop them from tearing at the fabric. He wasn’t allowed in the room, since it was close friends and family only, and Sargeant Nines was the guy Gavin would want to see if, no, when he woke up. That and there wasn’t much room around Gavin anyways, considering the Little they had rescued from the crime scene, who was supposed to be in the next bed over, had already crawled from beneath the covers to hold Gavin’s hand. Amy had only been able to keep the Little occupied for so long, it seemed.

Just as Jake was ready to lose himself in round two of “see how much his hands hurt from gripping himself so tightly”, Holt stepped into the room. He had been in and out of Gavin’s hospital room, sometimes with Kevin. He looked more tired than Jake had ever seen him.

“Hello.” Holt said. His hand rested on the edge of the doorway. “I brought… sustenance.” The corner of his mouth dipped into a grimace as he said the last words. Jake tilted his head, and he could see why. Holt held two Mucho Chocolate bars, with extra marshmallows, in his hand. “This was all that they had.”

Jake took it mechanically, peeling back the wrapper and taking a bite. It was his favorite flavor, which he wasn't sure whether Holt knew or not. It tasted like ash in his mouth.

“I wanted to ask how you were doing. And… I wanted to thank you, Jacob. Without your and Amy’s help, I doubt we would have found Gavin.”

Jake shrugged his shoulders. It felt like a rock had settled in his stomach.

“I mean it. I know you can go on about being the greatest detective slash genius, and you will not shut your mouth about your “detecting prowess”, but… even despite the fact that you were on desk duty when you did what you did, I want you to know that you did the right thing, Jacob. I know, from experience even, that disobeying the direct orders of a superior can be challenging, but I am proud of you for doing what you knew was right. I can be wrong sometimes, as today has brought to light.” Holt had the slightest smile, even if it was pinched at the corners. Jake just wished he was able to appreciate it.

Instead, he pressed his lips together and ducked a nod, his palms growing unbearably slippery against his jeans. He could almost taste his heartbeats. Jake should have wanted this more than anything. Instead, he just felt sick.

All throughout Jake’s life, he had had to lie. To his teachers, to his coworkers, to his friends. About his status. About who he was. Jake didn’t want to lie anymore. Even if right in that moment, telling the truth seemed impossibly, painfully worse.

“I’m great no matter what, right?” He squeaked out, coughing and clearing his throat before sitting up straighter in his chair. He could hardly look Holt in his eyes.

Holt tilted his head and frowned. “... Yes. Is there something that you need to tell me?” He asked quietly.

“I’m not- I’m not who you think I am.”

Holt’s eyes narrowed.

“I’m not- you wouldn’t. You wouldn’t say I was so great if you knew, y'know? But like, no take backs so- I’m a Little, ok? And I never told anyone and it's really None of Your Business considering that it has like, never gotten in the way of my work and all that, as you know, but I'm done hiding and I shouldn't have had to hide it, anyways.” Jake felt like he had just run a marathon. “And I'm, I’m a bomb ass detective, thanks, and me being a Little has never stopped me from doing my job.”

“I see.”

Jake wanted to curl up in a ball and roll away. Or maybe turn so small that Holt couldn’t even look at him. So small that he couldn’t be hurt. Still, he knew he had to look up and face him. To see the anger in Holt’s eyes, to see how he had betrayed him without even trying.

But when he looked up, Holt looked sad. “I suppose you hid this from me for good reason.” His voice barely carried between the two of them.

“I didn't want you to think less of me.”

“Like I did of Gavin.” Holt supplied. He looked older than Jake had ever thought possible. “You know, we may have lost three very important Littles if it was not for Gavin.” He said.
Jake swallowed and nodded. He really didn't want to think about that.

“I doubted him, and yet he was the one responsible for bringing both of those Littles back safely. If he had obeyed my orders, there is a very real chance that the other Littles would not have been recovered. Even with Gavin’s unfortunate capture, he was able to keep his head and do the right thing for the endangered citizens.”

“So you’re not mad at me?”

Holt smiled, the slight one that lifted the corner of his lips, but this time it wasn’t pinched. “No Jacob, I am not mad at you. In fact, this does make a certain amount of sense considering your… recent behaviour.”

Jake flushed and ducked his head. “I can see that.” He mumbled.

“But… I cannot in good conscience allow a Little to remain on the force.”

“WHAT.” Jake’s head snapped back up, and he was ready to scream. It was like that time he had watched Kevin say Holt had his head up his ass, but ten times worse.

“Let me explain. Being on your own has obviously had an adverse affect on you. And I cannot hide the fact that Gavin is a Little, and that him being a Little has also gotten him into trouble. And after seeing how you work, even with the results that you do bring to the table, I think it would be best if you had some help. But… There are no cameras in here, so anything that we have so far said or done has not been recorded, and can stay between us. If that is what you want.”

“... What?” Jake said flatly. The anger had bubbled off from him, like that one time he had tried to cook himself pasta and he had left the lid on for way too long, leaving him feeling flat and hazy and artificially calm.

“I would like to adopt both you and Gavin, if that is alright with you. I would never want either of you to have to go into the system. But under my care, I know that both Gavin and you could thrive. While all Littles are required to have a primary caregiver, I can assure you that we would treat both of you like the adults that you are.”

Jake sniffed. He still wasn’t so sure of that. Wasn’t this Holt just trying to force him into yet another thing? Even if, as the back of Jake’s mind raced through the possibilities and outcomes, some not-so-small part of him couldn’t help but tremble at the thought of getting to be Holt’s Little. “You haven’t really done a good job of showing that, Captain. No offense.” He picked a loose thread off of his shirt cuff.

Holt didn’t look angry, not like Jake had expected. He just looked sad. “I see. I know the damage cannot be undone with Gavin, but I suppose I need to earn back your trust.”

“Will you turn me in?”

“... No, I do not think I can. But the offer will still stand, nonetheless. If you ever need someone, Mine and Kevin’s door will always be open.”

“Ok.” Jake said, and nodded. He wasn’t sure what to do, or what he even wanted to do with himself. Amy had already had to go back to work, and Chalres wouldn’t be off for at least another hour, even if the Caregiver had promised that he would come as soon as he could, and even if he had already tried to sneak past Terry to get there. “So where does this leave us?”

Holt shot him the closest to a smile that Jake was certain he was able. “Wherever you need it to.” And then, he opened his arms.

“Are you… implying what I think you’re implying?”

The smile on Holt’s face widened. “Contrary to popular belief, Jacob, I am no stranger to the needs of Littles, and I am most certainly not a stranger to when one of my best detectives is in need of support.”

“So…”

“Would you like to sit on my lap, Jake?”

Jake didn’t need to be asked twice. It only took a little scrambling before he was safely seated, and Holt’s arms wrapped around him, warm and easy. He smelled like aftershave, and if Jake closed his eyes he was sure he would be zapped back to when he was a real little kid, and his dad was still able and willing to scoop him up into his arms.

“‘S nice.” Jake mumbled.

“It is.” Holt replied.

Holt’s hand came to rest in his hair, stroking gently up and down. Jake closed his eyes, and let the comfortable silence engulf them.

Chapter 13

Gavin woke to a world of beeping, and a world of pain. He groaned and lifted his hands to rub at his eyes. Gavin’s breath caught short when he felt the sharp jerk of a restraint.

Gavin’s first guess, for some reason, was mental hospital. The bright, cheery decorations, of pastel primary colored farm animals and common house pets, made him feel like he was in one.

But no, he was in a hospital. The Little section Intensive Care Unit, where they still had time for decoration in case a terrified Little woke up when no one was around.

Gavin had only been in one once, on the other side of the bed. He had been the one elected by his partner to get the statement from the sobbing Caregiver. The memory hadn’t left Gavin alone for months after.

Gavin tried to jerk up again, this time scooting his shoulders up so he could look around. Was anyone waiting for him?

His eyes took in two things. On his left was a man, probably mid twenties, with scruffy black hair and a few days worth of stubble on his face. He was fast asleep, hunched over in his chair and holding Gavin’s left hand in a razor tight grip, even in his sleep.

And on his right, was-

“Daddy?” Gavin breathed. It felt like a dream. Like if he reached out and touched him, he would disappear.

“Am I in trouble?” It was the first thing that came to Gavin’s mind, and mouth. The long-buried fear bubbled up.

“No baby, you’re not in trouble at all.” Nines breathed, leaning down to smooth hair away from Gavin’s forehead. “Daddy is so, so proud of you, baby.”

“Daddy didn’t wanna see me.” He sniffed. All he wanted was to reach out and to be held by Nines, by Daddy, but something held him back. Was he not important to Daddy? Daddy had pushed him away when Gavin needed him most. “Care more about your stinky job than me.”

Nines got a strange look on his face, like he couldn’t decide whether he wanted to smile or frown. “Daddy was a real meany, wasn’t he, baby?” He asked.

Gavin huffed and nodded. It felt good to be vindicated, even if a hot prick of guilt bit into him. Hadn’t he also cared so much about his job that he had put his own life in danger? Gavin pushed the feeling down.

“I know my job mattered a lot to me, and your job mattered to you, too, but I should have never treated it like it was more important than you, than us. You mean so much to me, Gavin. You’re my baby. And I’m not letting anything come between that.”

Gavin blinked. Now it was his turn for his eyes to water. “What you mean, Daddy?”

“I’m not going back to Detroit. Not on the police force, anyways. We can find a job there if you want, together, some shit where no one will care who or what we are, and we can have our own apartment and maybe I’ll get home before you, so me and the kitty can be waiting for you whenever you need us. I’m sorry I put my job before you. I thought we could make it work, that we could both get what we wanted, but I was only pushing you away and putting myself first. It won't happen again, and that is a promise. I love you, Gavin. Never forget that.”

“I love you, too.” Gavin murmured. He couldn’t move much, but Nines seemed to sense what he needed. He rested his arm against Gavin, so Gavin could lean on him as he disappeared back into sleep.

Gavin spent the next few days in and out of consciousness. Nines never left his side, until Gavin had to shoo him away to shower.

It turned out the person beside him was one of the Littles he had saved. His name was Devon and he was actually very sweet, once he had slipped back into Big space and let go of Gavin’s hand. He had been the one to get the kidnapper off of Gavin, so Gavin really hadn’t had the heart to be angry at him. Even if having Devon explain to his Caregiver, in the hushed tone of a Little, that Gavin was basically his Daddy now, was a little weird. Not in a bad way, per se. But Gavin wasn’t ready for the responsibility, really; Daddies had way too much on their plate.

People were in and out of his room after that. Terry showed up at one point, with the whole squad spilling out of the room to say “Hi!” before they were chased off by a nurse.

Jake and Charles, and Amy and then Gina, all showed up by themselves. Gavin was just a little too out of it to remember much, but he had liked seeing them.

Things were just starting to get a little less hazy, time wise, when Kevin appeared at one point, with a “Bovine cookie” in hand. He had been extra dadish as he felt Gavin’s forehead and murmured words of comfort to him. He asked, very kindly, if Holt would be allowed to enter the room to see him. Gavin toyed with the idea of declining, but he knew he needed to face him sometime. At least Daddy promised to be with him the whole time.

“Hello, Gavin.” Holt said. He looked silly next to all of the decorations, plus the mountain of stuffed animals that both Nines and Charles and maybe even Jake and Amy were responsible for. He didn’t look like he felt out of place though, which made one of them.

“Hi.” Gavin said back, reaching for the nearest stuffed animal, the little corgi Kevin had given to him, and clutching it to his chest.

“I would like to talk to you. About your future.”

‘What future?’ Gavin wanted to say, but he knew, just a little, that he wasn’t being fair. Even if seeing Holt staring at him made him angry, deep deep down. “You fired me. That’s it. Like I said back at the station, I’m not your employee anymore, so I'm none of your concern.”

“Not yet. You are not my employee, yet.”

“What?” Gavin couldn’t let himself hope.

“It’s not a perfect solution, but with the help of Santiago, I was able to find something that was similar to your former role, if a bit different. And hopefully lighter on the paperwork.”

“Uhhh…” Gavin hadn’t been thinking about work, beyond licking his metaphorical wounds. Being with Nines sounded nice. But he wasn’t sure what he wanted, beyond that. Detroit wasn’t home, exactly. Home was with Daddy. Detroit was just the first place the academy had spit him out at. He hadn’t really connected with anyone, besides Nines. “What do you mean?”

“I think our squad could use your talents, as a consultant. Now, the pay would be better than your past position, but unfortunately with not so immediate means of promotion. But I am sure you would still find the work fulfilling. Especially considering you would have to do far less work.”

Gavin blinked. “A consultant? Like Mr. Monk on that TV show?”

“I can neither confirm nor deny what you are implying. You will simply assist in working on cases, especially those pertaining to Littles.”

“What? So I'm like some kinda one trick diversity pony for you.”

“I suppose that is a fair assessment, although you would be compensated better than any pony in the care of the department. And… since the state does mandate that any Little be in the charge of a caregiver, and if myself and Kevin have not yet destroyed your trust, I would like to take you into my care. I know I have not treated you well, and I am not sure if I can ever undo the damage that I have caused, but I have a lot of sway in certain places, and I can make sure that you do not end up in a Little care home.”

Gavin felt like his heart skipped a beat. He had been silently dreading that part. The plan had been for Nines to take “custody” of him, but even with his former clout as a police Sergeant, Gavin knew the process would be long and hard, even impossible. The system didn;t take kindly to a wayward little, and usually marked people like him as in need of extra care. “Oh.” He said. He wasn’t sure yet how he felt about Holt, but he did like Kevin. A lot.

“If you were under my care, I would be able to grant you permission to work at my precinct.”

“And… What if I wanted to be with Nines? Would you force me to be with you?”

“No. If that is what you wished, I would help you to the best of my ability.”

“So why didn’t you offer that first?” Gavin sniffed, drawing his legs up to his chest so he could at least sit up a little in the wake of Holt.

“Kevin was the one who wanted me to ask if we could be your caretakers. And… for a special case such as yourself, the courts are requiring that your caregiver take off at least several months of time for intensive oversight.”

“Oh.” Gavin went red. He hadn’t thought about that. About how all of this would mess with Nines, or Holt, if he so chose. “And you will just what, stay home and play house with me?”

“Kevin offered to take a sabbatical in order to 'care’ for you. And when you are at work, you will be under my supervision. Thus, the guidelines shall be met.”

Gavin bobbed his head while he took it all in. “Thank you. Really. I know you don’t have to do all of this… and I do appreciate it. It’s a start.”

“To starting over.” Holt said, and held out his hand. Gavin smiled and took it. “You don’t have to give me an answer now, just soon.”

“Alright.” Gavin said, “Thank you.” And he meant it.

Notes:

IDK why this was in my drafts for almost four years. Anyways I barely edited this before posting (It was edited four years ago but obvs my writing style has changed and evolved since then) but since SHAE08 left such a lovely comment on the last chapter, I decided to dust this off and publish then anyways.
I hope everyone enjoyed this acid trip !