Work Text:
“Hello again, my love.
Today marks 2 years since you left, And it's still as hard as the first day. One of the hardest things is waking up. Sometimes I stay for almost an hour in bed, looking towards the door. Terrified to turn to your side and find it empty again.”
Marinette begins to feel a strong knot in her throat, but she has to continue. She has to tell him everything that is stuck in her heart.
“Every night I lay down wrapped in one of your old shirts, pretending that you are quietly sleeping next to me. I try to rest for hours until finally exhaustion allows me to sleep. Sometimes I have to play the slow song you would play for me on our piano, hoping it will help me meet you in my dreams. Those nights when I am lucky enough to find you there are what keeps me relatively sane, because no matter how much it hurts to have to say goodbye, not seeing you again would be pure agony.
I could dream of us anywhere, doing anything. But it’s always the same dream, what I yearn most projected in it. It always starts with me opening the door of our home, you are drawing in the living room and as soon as you look at me, you let out the biggest smile I’ve ever seen, wrapping me in your arms with all your strength.
You tell me how much you missed me, and how quiet everything has been without me. And then you ask me to promise not to leave you again. And it hurts, it hurts like fucking hell. Because I know I’m dreaming, because I know it’s not actually you. Because I know I can’t promise you that. And god, how much I want to promise you that.
I divert the conversation crashing my lips on yours because I don’t want to lie to you, even if it’s only a dream. You pick me up and I hang my legs around your waist. And for a second I allow myself to forget. I sink in your perfume, in your arms, in your kisses, in how your tongue feels inside my mouth, in how your hands walk all over my body, In how my name sounds almost magical in your husky voice. In you.”
Marinette stops talking, thousands of memories hit her as tears begin to fall strongly, leaving everything that she has stuck to finally come out. But she is strong, and she will finish everything she came to say even if it takes all day.
“W- We spent the rest of the day just being us. Laughing, drawing, playing, singing.
I sing to you a song I wrote, I wrote it especially for you after the first dream. It came out naturally, like it had been there the whole time. When I woke up I decided to write it down and complete it, and the next time I dreamed you I started playing it for you, just like all the following times. Because it’s the only excuse I have to cry there, for you to comfort me. Because it’s the only way I have for you to understand a little of what I am suffering without ruining the illusion.
‘Come here Angel, you’ll never have to experience something like that, I promise.’ If only you knew, love.
That's when I melt on you. You practically wrap me in your arms and we dance calmly around the room, I start sobbing while you sing in my ear to try to help me relax. I can tell you’re freaking out, comforting someone while crying was never your strong suit, but being me you always try your best, and that was always more than enough.
The dream always ends with me in your arms, when I finally calm down and our heartbeats sound as one. Everything feels good for a second until suddenly I can't hear yours anymore. I beg you to hold on to me but little by little you fade away. I try to dance alone, pretending that you are still there to try to make you reappear, but I never get it. I never get you. So I keep dancing and crying and waiting until the stabbing pain wakes me up.
And I know it sounds awful and heartbreaking, but I can assure you, If to see the shine in your eyes, hear your voice in my ear, and feel your lips on mine I have to end up dancing with the ghost of you, I’ll do it every single time. It's worth it... you are worth it. I would happily pay for the suffering I go through when I wake up every day in order to continue living the good moments.”
Once she finishes telling him about her dream, Marinette feels relieved that she has finally shared something with him that she hadn't been able to tell anyone else.
“Today is two years since I lost you, and I thought it was a good excuse to finally dare to come and tell you I still find you recurrently every night. You will always be the love of my life, my biggest dream made come true. I love you Damian, yesterday, today and always. I’ll meet you for real one day, in the meantime, wait for me.”
After talking to him for hours, she gets up, wipes her knees, and examines the tombstone of her beloved for a few more seconds before leaving the cemetery.
The only thing on her mind was how unfair life was with her.