Chapter Text
There are a few things you should know before you read this story, firstly that it does not have a happy ending. I will not pretend to you that I take no pleasure in telling you this story - it is some of my finest work, however difficult and unfortunate it may be. The second thing is that this story ends in the exact same place it begins: King’s Cross Station, London, England.
The platform was packed. The train left the station at exactly eleven o’clock; ten minutes to go as passengers and parents rushed around the busy floor. The whole chaotic scene was somehow perfectly orchestrated. Platform 9 ¾ heaved as luggage trollies were rolled in between the sea of passengers wishing their parents and siblings goodbye. The whiff of perfumes faintly masked beneath the overwhelming smell of the oil and metal from the train lingered in the air. The jackets and scarfs of all wonderful colours and designs that protected their wearers from the crisp September breeze would not be needed on the platform; there was an uncomfortable warmth that flushed the cheeks of young pupils as they checked and double checked their things. Final hugs exchanged among the screeching of caged owls as the high-pitched whistle of the train rattled through the tunnel, reminding students to take their seats.
For many, the chatter of students was warm and familiar; the extra tight hugs given by fussing mothers, the reunions between friends who hadn’t seen each other since before the summer and the stories they had to tell. For some it was just another year; fathers who had visited the station every year for almost a decade, seventh year prefects who were less than excited for the journey, and all the holiday homework that might not have been fully finished. However for some, the chaos of the station was a little overwhelming. First years being escorted to the narrow doors of the train by their parents had a strange expression, like a deer in headlights. Understandably so. The first journey to Hogwarts was always one to remember; many friendships had been formed on the nearly eight hour train ride to Hogsmeade.
One such first year was a young James Potter. A small boy of eleven years old with a wild mess of unruly jet black hair, excited brown eyes were hidden behind the thick rims of smart square glasses that sat slightly askew on his nose, and a naughty smirk that widened across his face as the train came into view. James was one of the few first years who didn’t look afraid of the noisy platform - he was not the kind of boy to admit that he actually had a stomach full of butterflies. His trunk had already been loaded onto the carriage and he stood at the edge of the platform, eager but nervous to board the train. His mother bent down to meet his eyes, choked back a proud tear, pinched James’s shirt collars and readjusted them over his jumper, smoothing them out. James was notoriously messy, something his mother knew all too well. He shook her off embarrassed, secretly knowing how much he would miss her. James' father stepped forward next, patting him on the head affectionately the way he often did, and James instinctively reached up and ruffled his hair that had been flattened by his dad’s hand. His mother tutted and shook her head with a giggle as an almost identical smirk appeared on both her husband and sons faces. It was clear where James got his smile.
Another whistle echoed through the tunnel and James was hurried onto the train, turning to wave at his parents as he shuffled around the other boarding passengers. He still had a few minutes before the train actually left the station, but the narrow corridor of the train was becoming more and more packed. As students filtered onto the train, James saw the crowds of parents slowly disperse from the platform through the carriage windows. He scooched past half a dozen pupils leaning out of little windows, waving a final goodbye to their families, before choosing a compartment. James was good at making friends - something about him just seemed to attract people - but he was alone and nervous, and would've rather had a compartment to himself. He slid the door to the little room open with a gentle roll and clunk; who knows how old the train was; James was surprised the clunk wasn’t the sound of the door breaking.
Inside the compartment, seated opposite each other on musty emerald green cushioned seats was what James assumed were more first years. They looked equally as nervous as James felt, but they smiled at each other awkwardly as he rolled the door open. James met the sparkling green eyes of a short redheaded girl with a pale face and a smattering of freckles across her nose. Her smile was so wide and warm that James didn’t feel so nervous as he stepped into the room, sliding the door closed behind him with another clunk. The other passenger that James almost completely forgot about was dark and slunked into his seat. He had hair the same pitch black as James, but longer, just over his ears, and slicked down. He seemed naturally miserable but there was something about this green eyed girl he shared the compartment with that caused him to warm up. He seemed very comfortable in front of her. He attempted a smile that both James and the girl could see was slightly forced, but the effort was certainly appreciated by the girl. James took a seat on the cushioned bench next to her and introduced himself in his bravest voice.
“I’m James. Potter - J-James Potter. This your first trip to Hogwarts too?” he asked a little less bravely than he had hoped.
“I'm Lily” she responded, smiling at James and offering her hand which he took in his own and shook.
The dark boy opposite James smiled shyly at his lap. He was thin and pale and unlike anyone James had ever met. His clothes looked almost too big for him and his nose was a little too big for his face. He almost didn’t know what to make of him.
“This is Severus,” Lilly explained to James, gesturing in the direction of the boy. “We’ve been friends for a few years, but it’s our first year too”.
At this, James understood why the boy seemed so comfortable with Lily, but something about him was off putting, and James didn't like it. Severus’s eyes were sunken and dark and appeared less than friendly - the complete opposite of Lily’s. There must be something Lily found appealing in Severus, but James was yet to guess what it was. The truth is Lily didn’t exactly know what it was about her friend that she approved of either. He had been her first real friend, the first person to really understand her, the first person not to treat her like a freak. James however, struggled to see Severus as anything else. There appeared to be a mutual disliking of the other between the boys.
After a few moments of awkward small talk, the compartment door slid open once again, and all three turned to look at the boy in the doorway. The clunk of the rolling door sounded in the little room once again as the new passenger closed it behind him; with only a few minutes before eleven o’clock, the narrow hallway of outside the compartment was even busier now, as students rushed to find seats, shuffled past other passengers and waved farewells at the parents still on the platform. The noise from outside the room burst in when the door was opened, and softened again once it had closed.
The boy that stood in the doorway was about an inch or so taller than James, with dark brunet hair that hung around his jaw. He was well dressed, smart and tidy. He stepped into the compartment with the confidence James didn’t expect a first year to have, but the boy couldn’t have been much older than himself. Instantly drawn to James, the new boy casually thrust a hand at him and introduced himself loudly.
“You’re first years too right? I’m Sirius - You are…?”
James shook his hand and introduced himself again. Sirius wasted no time in seating himself opposite James in the compartment and making himself comfortable before also introducing himself to Lily and Severus. James’s attention had drifted away from Lily and onto Sirius, who was extending his hand across the carriage to meet Lily’s.
“Enchante” He nodded at her before plonking back down again. He didn’t seem nervous at all despite being on the train for the first time - James wondered if he had an older brother or sister that prepared him for the trip. As he slouched backward into the cushions he pulled his shirt out of his belt. The tidy boy that had stepped into the compartment had been replaced by a grinning, messy one.
The oldest son of house Black had a certain swagger and waggishness about him. At first glance you never would’ve guessed he had been raised by the strict and infamous pure-blood family. He had been wearing a white shirt under a charcoal grey waistcoat, and matching fitted trousers, bottomed by patent black dress shoes - one of which had a scuff on the toe where the boy had clearly been kicking the ground. He was handsome and well groomed, though not through his choice. The clothes he had been dressed in didn’t look too comfortable, and he took great pleasure in untucking his shirt and messing up his hair a little. The Blacks have been a very noble family for many generations; Sirius’s parents were not about to let him tarnish that reputation, especially not on his first day of school. But he was on the train now, and there was nothing his mother could do.
“What’s up with you?” Sirius directed at Severus, sizing him up subtly, something Lily noticed and James didn’t. Severus didn’t say anything but looked up at Lily for help.
“We had a long drive here” Lily responded, covering for her friend. “Are you nervous?”
“Nah” James lied, “I can't wait”
“Neither” Sirius started, looking back over at James and Lily. “Can't believe we’re finally going - I’ve been waiting for this for years”
Lily smiled as if to respond but was interrupted by a final whistle rattling through the tunnel and into the carriage. All four passengers looked towards the door to see other students rush between the windows and their seats, waving out to the platform and shuffling towards a compartment.
“I think we're about to leave,” Severus spoke for the first time, looking up at Lily.
He was right. The train hissed like a massive shiny red snake, a gentle steam rose from the tracks. The train made a few strange metallic sounds before locking and inching forwards on the track. The four looked around the compartment excitedly, curious eyes glancing between each other, then out the windows. Their heads bobbed slightly as the train started to roll away from the platform. James looked out the window and saw the crowd of waving parents slowly get left behind. The red brick columns began to flash past him as the train picked up speed. Pupils still streamed past their compartment door as they left the windows and took their seats again, their families too far behind them to see. James thought about his parents for a moment - were they still on the platform, waving him off? He wouldn’t let himself look upset in front of his new friends, and he knew he would be going home for Christmas, but James did feel a little weird - he’d never really been away from home. He turned back into the carriage and the smirking face of a young Sirius Black opposite him made him forget about how much he would miss home. James looked outside the train once more just in time to see the final stretch of the platform disappear - the train went dark for a moment as they left the tunnel, then burst out the other side into the blinding autumn mid-morning sun. Eleven o’clock, and the Hogwarts Express had left.
“No turning back now” Sirius said, playfully leaning forward and looking around.
Severus scoffed silently and rolled his eyes out the window. Sirius didn’t see this, but Lily did and she giggled almost sympathetically at her friend.
They had known each other for the better half of three years and Severus was the first magic friend Lily had - in fact, he was the only magic person she had ever met. Lily Evans was a muggle-born witch, stepping into the magical world with very little knowledge, but with wide, glistening green eyes. Her sister hadn’t understood her and treated her like a weirdo, and she had very few friends which was a shame because she was a wonderfully kind girl. She had been approached by Severus, who only lived a few streets away, when he learned what she was. Even before she knew who - or what - she was herself, for some reason she trusted the strange, dark boy. It felt nice to have a friend who understood her; Severus felt the same way. He was shy at first, but Lily had inspired him to open up a little, and she learned a lot about the magical world from him.
The train had picked up momentum and was well on its way to Hogwarts. Open fields of musty yellows and soft greens whizzed past them as the morning sun disappeared then reappeared behind the clouds overhead. The constant chugging and huffing of the train pounded rhythmically as they went. Lines of trees separated the field boundaries, and small shrubs lined the tracks. They had only been moving for a short while, but they seemed well out of the way of London.
The four had been chatting - even Severus joined in occasionally - about where they lived, what books they had to get for school, how excited they were to start and the classes they wanted to take.
“I can't wait to play quidditch,” James announced enthusiastically. “I’ve been watching the matches with my dad for years - I’m alright at flying but I haven’t had much practise - one day I’ll be quidditch captain or something”. He had really warmed up to his new friends, especially Sirius who had a really great laugh and seemed to know exactly what to say. Now their back and forth even had Lily laughing a little. Everything James said was hilarious to Sirius; they had known each other for less than an hour but anyone could tell that they were already in sync.
“So,” James said through the echo of Sirius’s last joke, “What house do you think you’ll be in? When we get there”.
He looked over at Lily who seemed to be thinking very hard at this question.
“I hadn’t thought about that... I don’t really mind” she thought aloud. “Sev told me about them, but…”
“You’d better be in Slytherin” Severus replied, half jokingly, half afraid of losing his only friends.
“Slytherin?” James repeated. “Who wants to be in Slytherin? I think I'd leave, wouldn’t you?” he asked the boy opposite him.
This made Sirius chuckle and Severus roll his eyes again.
“My whole family has been in Slytherin.” Sirius replied, appearing almost disappointed.
“Blimey” James retorted “and I thought you were alright!”
“Maybe I’ll break the tradition” Sirius finished with a grin and a shrug. “Where are you heading, if you’ve got the choice?”
James straightened up and pushed his chest out, pretending to lift an imaginary sword. “Gryffindor, where dwell the brave at heart!” he exclaimed proudly, as though he was reciting a line he had heard in a storybook. “Just like my dad!” he finished as he fell back in his seat with a smile.
Severus made a small, disparaging noise. James rounded on him, straightening up again.
“You got a problem with that?”
“No…” the greasy boy in the corner said. “If you’d rather be brawny than brainy…”
Sirius’s face had fallen still for the first time since he entered the compartment. Lily grew subtly restless at this conflict; she didn’t understand the feud between the houses but she didn't want to be stuck in the middle of an argument with her new friends.
“Well where’re you hoping to go, seeing as you’re neither?” Sirius interjected.
James tried to stifle a laugh but Severus’s reaction sent him howling with laughter. Lily sat bolt upright, suddenly looking rather flush, and shot a look of dislike in the boys’ direction.
“Come on Sev, let's find another compartment.” Lily got to her feet and marched past James and Sirius who were now both in stitches, Severus close behind her. James’s leg flung out and Severus stumbled over it, catching himself just barely on the doorframe, which sent the two howling boys over the edge.
“See ya, Snivellus!” Sirius called after them. The compartment door slammed shut with an angry clunk and the boys had to steady themselves on the seats, their arms clenched around their sides.
Outside the compartment, Lily led Severus along the narrow corridor up the train. They stopped in front of another sliding door, Lily’s face still red, James’s laughter still audible from down the hall.
“In here, it’ll have to do”
Lily slid the door open, refusing to look at Severus - she didn’t want him to see how mad she was at the boys. The compartment housed a second year student and her little brother on one side, and another first year with platinum blonde hair on the other.
“Do you mind?” She asked, trying her best not to look as angry as she felt.
The pair stepped inside, Lily trying to be as friendly as possible, and Severus trying not to seem so embarrassed. They didn’t say much to the three others for a few moments; it took Lily a minute to compose herself. Eventually she took a deep breath, apologised for her manners and introduced herself and her still sulking old friend. The new compartment was much calmer, and Lily was able to force the last half hour out of her mind. It took Severus a little longer to come around.
A few cars along, other first years were acquainting themselves with one another. Only the pure bloods and those with older siblings really knew what houses they were going to be in, but then, no one ever really knows for sure; the stories about the sorting ceremony had travelled even to the muggleborns. The house-less students took this opportunity to make friends with whoever they wanted, before the historic house rivalries set in. When they arrived at the castle later that evening, they would be sorted into one of four houses; they would take classes with their house, live with them - their houses would become their families while they were away.
This scared Remus.
Remus Lupin was gangling and awkward, like he didn’t always remember exactly where his limbs ended. He had been sitting nervously in the corner of the compartment, resting against the window. Before the train departed, he had been completely alone in the box - he was almost late, boarding only a minute or two before the train started moving. It was unlike him to be late for anything. He was surprised to have found an empty compartment, but very glad. He was already anxious so the few moments alone on the train gave him a second to catch his breath. Never in his life did he think he would ever be able to go to Hogwarts, despite his father having graduated a few years before he was born. Remus was a unique student that had been visited by headmaster Dumbledore personally. The night he came to visit, they played Gobstones on the living room rug in front of the fire. Remus had been so excited after the teacher left he asked his parents for all the books he would need for his first year at the beginning of the summer, and by the time term began in September, he had already read almost all of them. One of his favourites was held tightly against his chest, as though he was holding it for protection.
He thought about his parents on the platform and how his mother had held him a little too tight for a beat too long. She had whispered something in his ear just before letting him go, and he had responded with a nod; he had heard this too many times before and she didn’t expect him to say anything - she knew he understood. But still he thought about them, how they would worry, what would happen if anyone found out - he was scared, he felt like he was making a mistake, maybe it wasn’t too late, he could still get off the train…
The rolling sound of the compartment door shook him from his panic, and he looked across to see a short, messy, round faced boy stumble through the door. His shoelace was untied. Remus adjusted himself in the seat to greet the new boy, forcing a weak smile behind very tired hazel eyes. The other boy looked equally as nervous - barely even able to form a sentence.
“Can I uhh… you mind?” he asked, scratching the back of his head with one hand and pointing at the bench opposite Remus with the other.
This bumbling boy grew visibly excited as Remus nodded him permission to sit. He flopped down with very little grace on the emerald cushions just as the train whistle sounded a final time. The noise made him jump a little, but he shook it off, trying to look cool. It didn’t work but it did make Remus relax more. Something about the boy was charming and Remus felt better in his company.
They sat in near silence for a moment - neither wanting to disturb the quiet. The clanking of the train and the steady rolling feeling almost inspired a conversation in the box room. Out one window the scenery began to roll past as the train sped up; out the other widow, students laughed in the narrow corridor and found their seats. After a minute or two, the hall outside fell still except for the occasional passerby. The silence quickly became too much and Remus was now eager for an introduction, but he didn’t know where to begin. The other boy seemed just as nervous - perhaps he preferred the quiet? They both glanced around the compartment, searching for an excuse to talk to the other, careful to avoid their eyes.
At last the silence was broken as the door slid open once again, revealing the three students in its opening. The train was marching forward steadily now, and the three that appeared in the window swayed slightly with the subtle movements of the train. The boy that had opened the door was playfully pushed into the room by the girl behind him, and the girl behind her giggled as his weight shifted over. The girl immediately behind him lolled her head back in a laugh.
“Sorry about that, Fin” she said sarcastically, then rounded on Remus, who was glad someone finally broke the tension. “Hope you don’t mind; we were in here earlier - we only went to change into our robes.”. She gestured up at the overhead luggage space: there were two bags tucked away above the seats. This made sense - Remus didn’t expect the compartment to stay almost empty the whole trip.
The trio that entered had taken their seats under their luggage, the last to enter kneeled on the bench and pushed her bag onto the shelf. The two blonde students looked clearly related - they had the same short, upturned noses and blue eyes. She was a fraction taller than her brother but also the slightly heavier of the pair. The boy’s front teeth were strong and jutted out under his top lip. They were playful and very friendly - the shove she had given her brother was an affectionate one; Remus figured they did this kind of thing a lot. They sat next to each other on the same side as Remus, and their companion was opposite him. Remus noted they were all first years like him; their robes had no crest on them, and they wore black ties, meaning they hadn’t been sorted yet. The girl opposite him had removed her outer robe and was just wearing the grey sweater and black skirt and tights. She was very different to anyone Remus had ever met - same size as himself, with turquoise eyes and a single streak of silver hair tucked behind her left ear, hidden by the rest of her untamed dark brown hair. She sat cross legged on the beryl coloured seats and looked at Remus hopefully. It made him smile.
“Sorry… for taking your seats, I mean.” Remus began, composing himself.
“Oh don’t worry about that, mate. We all need somewhere to sit” Fin answered. “This is my sister, Penelope” he continued, prodding a finger in her direction.
“Nelly!” She interrupted, reaching across her brother and forcing a hand in front of Remus. The whole compartment could tell she didn’t like being called that. She smiled at Remus but threw angry eyes at Fin.
“That’s Finneas, by the way” Nelly said, vengefully emphasising each syllable. Neither of them liked their full names.
“Fin’s fine,” he added. “What’d we call you?”
“Uhh, Remus” he said as though he wasn’t expecting to be spoken to.
“I’m Peter,” the other boy said, perking up at last. It was much less awkward now Remus knew the boy that he had shared the silence with.
The girl opposite him still hadn’t introduced herself - the way they walked in together suggested that the twins knew her, but they explained.
“Oh, and I’m Jackie, I got a bit lost on the platform - they showed me where to get on; family friends” she motioned at the twins who bowed their heads welcomingly. “Probably wouldn’t have made it on time without ‘em”
“Hey, hey show ‘em the thing…” Nelly said.
This confused Remus - what thing? Peter had stopped picking at the fraying cushion corner to look up. Jackie squinted across at the twins who were eagerly expecting something.
“C’mon, just one more time…”
Jackie looked to Remus, then out the window and made a face like she was contemplating it - whatever ‘it’ was.
“You know I can't” she playfully after a moment. Peter and Remus looked at each other confusedly.
You see, just like Remus, Jackie wasn’t an ordinary student. She looked completely regular - for now - but she had a certain talent. The twins knew about it, having known her for years and they knew that she didn’t like sharing it much with strangers. They called them Party Tricks and she was getting really good at them, but they weren’t tricks she wanted everyone to know about, not yet anyway.
Nelly’s eyes bore into Jackie who was still watching the world rush past the window.
“They won't say anything - will you?” Nelly almost threatened at Remus, who shook his head quickly.
“Later - dad said-”
“Oh alright, I know what he said. You’ll find out eventually…” she motioned at Remus. It was meant to be a comfort but it didn’t really work. Nelly was blunt about most things, and she had only meant to break the ice a little with the two boys in the compartment, but she knew Jackie wasn’t up for it right now and she didn’t mention it again. Nelly would say that it was one way of making friends, but Jackie’s dad told her it was probably also the quickest way to make enemies. Fin kicked his sister and they changed the subject.
The five of them joked and told stories, only being interrupted once when the door of the compartment down the hall slammed shut, and a small red haired, red faced girl marched past the sliding door, followed by a very embarrassed greasy looking boy. They shared sweets and played a card game with the deck that Fin had brought with him. Remus wasn’t scared anymore, he stopped worrying about his mother - he had almost completely forgotten about what she said. Almost.