Chapter Text
Neymar is nineteen, and he’s got a fancy flat in a fancy part of the town, that isn’t too far away from college. His parents inherited the flat when his grandma died, and Neymar has been freeloading it ever since he started college.
He’s studying languages in university, and it’s the beginning of his second year. He isn’t sure what he wants to do after – maybe something in communication and public relations. He doesn’t really care; he just wants to meet people, talk to them and be with them.
There is a house in front of his apartment building, and the owner dies during the summer – a nice old lady who gave Neymar cakes sometimes. The house is bought by a family of four, with two sons, and rumor has it that’s it’s a blended family.
Neymar rarely sees the parents, but he sees the sons. One is a guy of average height, with a strong stature and long curly hair. He looks like he could be tough, but he greets Neymar every time they meet with a smile on his face, and when he discovers they go to the same university, he offers to ride Neymar there every morning. His name is Carles. Carles Puyol, he says.
He sees the other son sometimes too. The boy is 15 and he has just started high school, and from time to time, Carles gives him a ride. He never talks much in the car – he’s quiet, but he looks Neymar in the eyes when he’s talking. He’s nonchalant and discreet, and he always answers questions as concisely as possible. He’s quite small – something like 5’5’’ – and he’s got long dark hair that doesn’t quite reach his shoulders. He’s pale, really pale. His name is Lionel, but Carles always call him Leo.
Leo’s name is sewed into the back of his coat, and it spells “Lionel Messi”. Neymar thinks there might be some truth to these “blended family” rumors.
Neymar quickly become friends with Carles – or maybe it’s Carles that quickly becomes friends with him. They haven’t known each other for long when Carles tells him Leo and him don’t have the same parents. Carles’ mother is dead, and Leo’s biological father has left Leo and his mom when he was still a baby. Carles remembers his own mother, but Leo has never known anything but his mom. Their little stitched up family got together ten years ago, and it’s his family: Leo’s mother is his mother, and Leo is his brother – that’s what Carles says. I don’t mind telling you my story, he says, because I’m not ashamed of my family.
Neymar starts spending a lot of time at Carles’ place. He doesn’t like being alone and alone is what he gets if he goes back to his flat. And when Carles discovers Neymar is living his life on take-out and that the reason he has no white clothes is because he doesn’t know how to make them stay white, Carles starts helping him with his daily choirs and he invites him over for dinner every night.
Carles and Leo’s parents are rarely there – all the time he stayed over to eat, he has never once eaten with them. Their mother is a human rights lawyer, and his father is a war doctor. Prestigious jobs, really, but they’re almost never here and Leo looks bitter when they are.
Well, Neymar has been crashing the Messi-Puyol household for a while now, and he still doesn’t know anything substantive about Leo. He only knows what Carles tells him: that he’s good in math but he doesn’t know what to do after high school; that he likes sports but he loves naps more; that they have been there almost two months now and Leo still doesn’t have any friends. Carles worries about that; he worries about Leo.
Neymar barely sees Leo, because the boy is always locked up in his room upstairs, and he never eats with Carles and him. Sometimes he comes down when they are already done, and sometimes Carles is the one to bring him food. Carles says it’s been like that for a while, because Leo dislikes the fact that it’s only the two of them when they eat – Carles and Leo, without their parents. He says it’s even worse ever since they moved, because Leo has friends back in Rosario, and he left them all behind.
Still, when Leo rides Carles’ car with him, he’s polite. Not talkative, and not loud, but he still mutters “good morning” every time, and he smiles politely when Neymar greets him. He stares at Neymar sometimes, when Neymar starts singing in the car, loudly, and Neymar knows he sings badly but he doesn’t care. Carles chuckles and Leo keeps quiet about it, but when he fails to hit a particularly high note, he sees Leo’s lips twitch in the mirror.
Neymar thinks Leo looks kind of cute, when he smiles.
--
Leo’s fifteen, and his voice is already broken. It’s low and deep, but he doesn’t talk much, doesn’t talk enough, and Neymar wants to hear more.
--
In November, Carles starts studying for his mid-term exam – well Carles is always studying for his mid-term exams, but the shit is getting real now – but Neymar keeps coming over. He does nothing, just plays video games until dinner, and it’s better than playing video games alone in his flat, but still – Neymar gets bored.
After three days of this, he decides there’s another human in this house, and that – seeing as he’s a guest – it’s his duty to entertain him. (He’s a weird guess admittedly, who spends more time here than at his own place, and who eats there almost every single night.)
Neymar goes upstairs, and stops just in front of Leo’s door. Such a mysterious door. Always closed, and he never hears anything coming from behind it. No music, no heavy steps. No words and no laughter. He doesn’t know Leo much, and yet he feels sad for the boy, feels sad for him because he truly doesn’t have any friends, and he’s already been there three months. Sometimes, the phone rings, and it’s one of his friend from Rosario. Leo dashes downstairs to snatch the phone from Carles’ hand and he isolates himself somewhere quiet to talk.
Talk. Neymar has a hard time imagining Leo holding a phone conversation. Maybe it’s the other person doing the talking. Maybe Leo needs to be talked to more than he needs to talk to people.
Neymar opens Leo’s door, barging into the room with panache and splendor.
He smiles with all his teeth at Leo who looks up startled from where he’s doing his homework at his desk (how boring).
“Do you… need something?” Leo asks, puzzled but trying to be polite, even though there’s a spark of annoyance in his eyes. Annoyance – that’s something new, and Neymar tries to remember that: the flash of irritation in Leo’s eyes, the underlying aggravation at Neymar barging in like he owns the place.
“Not really, thanks” Neymar answers, and he takes in Leo’s room. This is a very white room, with two lonely pictures framed on a shelf, some books and some comics – but not too many – a little TV and video games, and a bed neatly done. The walls are white, and there is a large board on one of them, except there’s nothing on this board. It’s empty, even though it looks like the kind of board which is supposed to be filled with pictures and souvenirs.
“What are you doing?” Leo asks, frowning as Neymar starts looking around the room, kneeling down to watch under the bed. “Hey, stop!” He says, catching his wrist as he starts opening drawers.
Neymar wriggles his eyebrows. “Why? What are you hiding? Is it dirty?” Leo looks taken aback by Neymar’s actions and Neymar uses his confusion to yank the drawer open, snatching briefs out.
“Ooooh”, he calls, getting away from Leo’s grabby hands “SpongeBob Squarepants!” he brandishes the underwear and waves it around, and Leo looks annoyed now, but there’s also a soft hue of pink on his pale cheeks. Neymar thinks it must be impractical being so pale, because everyone knows when you’re blushing.
“My friends bought it for me as a joke.” Leo mumbles, and he yanks the briefs away, shoving them back into the drawer.
“You have friends?”
Neymar never thinks much before talking, and he bites his lips in remorse as soon as the words leave his mouth. Leo freezes for a second, before relaxing marginally – he’s been tense ever since Neymar entered his room.
“From Rosario, where we came from.” Leo mutters, and he drags his feet back to his desk, sitting down heavily.
There are only two pictures on the shelf – one of his family, and the other of a group young boys smiling, and among them is Leo, grinning widely.
“Why don’t you have any friends here?” Neymar knows he’s being tactless at this point, but he doesn’t get Leo, and he’s curious. At worst, Leo will get angry at him, and he’s fine with that. He’s fine with Leo’s anything as long as there are emotions on his face.
Leo shrugs, pretending to be invested in his work again, “I’m not very good at it.”
“Well, if you made friends once, you can probably do it again, can’t you?”
Leo side-eyes him from his desk, and fumbles with his pen, “I met them because of football.”
That catches Neymar’s attention. “You play football too?! That’s great! We should play together some times!” he grins and get all up in Leo’s personal space. Leo jolts back when Neymar grabs his arms. Their faces are only inches apart, and Leo’s eyes are almost crossed looking at him. He opens his mouth to answer, but Neymar cuts him before the subject can be changed.
“Why don’t you join the football club then? You could meet people there.”
Leo frowns, and shakes him off. He grumbles something, and feigns going back to his homework. After a full minute, where Neymar doesn’t move at all, staying inches away from Leo – which has got to be disturbing when you’re trying to work – Leo quietly mumbles, “It won’t change me being weird.”
Neymar feels his chest tightens when he hears Leo’s quiet voice, admitting it like it’s a fatality he’s resolved himself to but that he still feels ashamed of. Neymar doesn’t know Leo much, but Leo seems like a good boy. He’s not very talkative, but he’s polite and cute. Neymar likes the boy – strangely – and at any rate, nobody deserves to think lowly of themselves.
Neymar clears his throat, and he moves back, flopping down on Leo’s bed.
“What are you doing? Can’t you leave?”
Quiet but not a pushover, Neymar thinks, laughing, because Leo isn’t pretending to be polite here; his tone is annoyed and he’s staring at him pointedly.
Neymar props himself up on his elbow. “Nope, I’m staying here. Your brother is busy and I’m bored.”
Leo groans but he doesn’t try to physically kick him out, which Neymar takes as a good thing. He stays in Leo’s room, and starts chatting away, commenting on random things he thinks about – TV shows, Carle’s hair, the fact that his wall is as pale as his skin and that if they were to play hide-and-seek he’d only need to plaster himself against it not to be found. Leo mostly says nothing, but sometimes he snorts and bites something back. Other times, his lips twitch and there’s a small smile playing at the corner of his mouth – and these are Neymar’s favorite times.
Neymar watches Leo working. Leo looks very focused, his hands somehow large for his size, scribbling away on a notebook. His hair cascades down over his face, and he keeps tucking it behind his ears. Sometimes, he catches Leo smile at his jokes, and Leo’s smile—Leo smiling looks happy, genuinely happy and excited like a child, and it’s the dumbest and cutest smile Neymar has ever seen. And when he stops smiling, his face goes back to his neutral state, in between passive and uninterested.
Carles’ head pokes in tentatively at 8 pm, and he does a double-take when he sees Neymar there.
“I was wondering where you were.” He looks puzzled as to why Neymar’s here, lying leisurely on Leo’s bed, but he doesn’t question it. “Dinner will be ready in 10. I assume you’re eating there tonight, right?”
Neymar grins up, looking at Carles upside-down. His bowel movement has never been as normal as nowadays; no way is he going back to living his life on take-outs.
“As I thought.” He glances at Leo, “You’re welcome to come too, Leo.” He says softly, gazing at Leo with affection and grief. He closes the door when he leaves, and Neymar sits up, looking at Leo’s unfazed face.
“You should go for the football club, you know.”
Leo freezes, his pen stopping in mid-air. His eyes look unfocused for a moment, and then he’s frowning, looking irritated – almost angry – as he turns to Neymar.
Neymar speaks up before Leo has the time to say anything, “Even if you don’t make any friends there, at least it will keep you occupied. There’s no point spending your days locked up in your room,” Neymar stands up and gestures to the whole room, “There’s nothing here. Not even you.”
He leaves before Leo can protest. Before he enters the kitchen to join Carles, he stops and hits his head against a wall, groaning. That had been oh so sensitive of him, 10/10 on life advice from a guy who couldn’t sort his dirty laundry. Now Leo is going to hate him. There goes his befriending attempt.
He sits at the table, a bit sulkily, ready to partake in Carles’ homemade lasagna for comfort when he hears shuffling at the entrance of the kitchen. Carles stops in the middle of sitting down, and Neymar turns to see Leo there, standing awkwardly at the doorstep. Leo glances briefly at the table – three plates, always three, because Carles always has hope – and he shuffles his way to his place, his oversized pants dragging on the floor and his hair falling in his eyes.
He sits down heavily, and immediately serves himself. He starts digging into his plate, but after some seconds he seems to get annoyed with the creepy staring and he levels both Carles and he with an annoyed look.
“I thought I was welcomed to eat, but I can leave if I bother you.”
He says that a bit sulkily, like a vexed child, and ‘that’s cute’ is the only thing that comes to Neymar’s mind, so he laughs. Leo’s lips twitch a bit as Neymar’s laugh – probably because Neymar’s laugh sometimes sounds like whales wailing, but even if that’s the case, Neymar is happy anyway.
Carles is quick to refute Leo’s statement and he’s trying not to let it show too much, Neymar knows, but he looks ecstatic and relieved.
Leo doesn’t talk for the whole dinner. He looks at Carles and him in turn, depending on who’s talking. He’s listening to them chat about random things – university, Neymar’s neighbors, Carle’s girlfriend, Neymar’s fashion choices. He’s listening to it all, sometimes nodding along, sometimes frowning, and sometimes snorting. He smiles and laughs a bit too, even if it’s mostly when Carles makes fun of Neymar.
Neymar probably shouldn’t be noticing each and every of his smiles, each and every times his lips so much as twitch, but he does anyway, keeping a vigilant eyes on Leo despite himself.
--
Leo’s fifteen and he shouldn’t be as interesting to Neymar as he is, but Neymar finds himself enraptured by the boy anyway.
--
The thing is: Carles has a girlfriend. So when he gets out of his room after hours of studying, she’s the one he wants to see. Carles’ girlfriend is pretty and nice and together they already act like a couple. Neymar feels they might start talking about kids and family dinners at any time.
Carles is taken, and Neymar doesn’t mind much. He bothers Leo instead. And Leo lets him.
Neymar knows Leo lets him because there is a lock on his door and he never uses it, no matter how many times he complains when Neymar barges in. Day by day, he’s wearing Leo’s barriers down – though, to be honest, those aren’t really barriers. Leo is a bit introverted but he’s just passive and quiet. The way Leo’s letting him in – Neymar thinks Leo wants to get used to Neymar, and that he wants to befriend him just as much as Neymar does.
Sometimes, they play video games together. They play FIFA, and they’re quite even at the game, but the first time Leo starts losing, he quits the game before it’s over and he sulks, and Neymar laughs so much he starts crying.
Sometimes Neymar studies in Leo’s room, and Neymar hates studying, so he tends to space out, listening to Leo breathe instead of learning.
They talk football sometimes, and Leo is actually really knowledgeable and passionate about the sport. Neymar also discovers that Leo makes horrible, terrible jokes that are so unfunny Neymar can’t help but laugh. At first he wondered if his jokes were so bad because he’d lost the habit of joking with people, but even after some weeks, his jokes still are the worst Neymar has ever heard.
Sometimes, the phone rings, and Carles tells Leo it’s from Rosario, and Neymar won’t see him for at least one hour. When he comes back, he always look both sad and happy, like he can’t quite decide if he’s glad to hear from his friends or depressed that he can’t be with them anymore.
Neymar asks him about the picture on his shelf, of a group of young boys smiling. Leo tells him the name of each boy in the picture, but Neymar can’t remember them. Sometimes, he tells him stories about Rosario, and when Neymar looks puzzled at the names, he shows him the picture again, says each name again, but Neymar always forgets.
The thing is, when Leo sits next to him and shows him this picture, his head down and his hair falling over his face, they sit so close that their thighs are touching. And Leo smells nice.
Neymar remembers boys his age, and they all smelt like sweat and deodorant. Leo doesn’t, not really. Or maybe his deodorant is actually effective where most fails – but at any rate, Neymar keeps sniffing him when Leo is close enough.
He’s a bit enraptured by his hair too. It doesn’t reach his shoulders, not quite, and he mostly tucks it behind his ears. Sometimes, it looks greasy, and Neymar makes fun of Leo until he washes it. When he’s fresh out of the shower – when he’s clean – his hair look soft and silky, and Neymar wants to pass his fingers through it.
Neymar has really poor impulse controls, and he doesn’t torment himself for too long before he gives in and touches Leo’s hair. Leo is startled, asking Neymar what he’s doing, but he doesn’t stop him, and Neymar takes that as a free-pass to touch his hair whenever he wants.
So when Leo shows him this photo (again), talks about his friends (again), Neymar sometimes tuck his hair behind his ears himself, tugs on it, or makes tiny braids that have Leo groaning when he tries to gets them off. Neymar plays with his hair as Leo talks, his voice low, and he watches Leo’s face.
Leo isn’t handsome, not really, but he isn’t ugly either. He’s somehow cute, somehow not cute at all. Sometimes his face is very serious, dark eyes focused, and it makes Neymar shiver. Other times – like when he remembers his days in Rosario – he looks happy, and dumb, and sweet.
Neymar doesn’t really understand why he’s so invested in Leo, why he’s trying to spend as much time with him as possible. He doesn’t get why, but Leo is small and compact, his clothes too large on him even though he’s not skinny, and he looks squishy.
So Neymar is slowly eating at Leo’s personal space too. Sitting close, touching his hair, hugging him to say hello, hugging him to say goodbye. When Leo’s sitting on his chair, working, he hovers behind him, hugs him from behind to get his attention when Leo’s spends too much time on his homework.
Leo loves naps too, and that’s boring. Leo is cute when he sleeps, but Neymar wants to cuddle him, and he doesn’t quite think Leo would appreciate being spooned. Neymar doesn’t even know why he wants to touch Leo that much. He wants Leo to get out of his shell, to open up to him – but that doesn’t quite explain why he shivers when Leo’s hand brushes against his.
Leo eats with Carles and him now. He does so every night, and as times goes by, he talks more and more. He answers Carles’ questions about his day, he shares some things with them too – things he learnt in schools or saw on TV. Carles looks happy.
(One night, Leo tells an awful, awful joke that makes Neymar laugh for how horrible Leo is at telling jokes. When Leo goes back to his room, Carles cries, hugging Neymar and telling him ‘thank you’ even though Neymar wasn’t the one who told Leo that horrible joke in the first place.)
About one month passes like that.
Neymar’s greatest achievement is Leo’s photo board: only one month and there’s already two photos on it. Admittedly, they have been pinned there by Neymar himself. One is a selfie he took of himself making faces at the camera as Leo can be seen sleeping in the background. The other picture is of Leo and Carles. Leo is smiling dumbly, covered in chocolate, and Carles is laughing, equally dirty – as one is bound to be after a food fight.
Leo’s hair is long in the picture – too long, getting in his eyes. He remembers helping Leo washes his hair after, in the sink. He had used the opportunity to cut Leo’s hair a bit too. Leo had squinted when Neymar had offered, looking pointedly at his hair, but he’d ultimately accepted. Neymar had been careful, trying not to stare at Leo’s eyes and eyelashes as he cut his bangs. The result wasn’t bad – it was good enough.
Neymar found himself in charge of Leo’s hair after that. Admittedly, that’s a charge he took upon himself, but he still takes it very seriously, because long-haired teenage boys all seem to think their hair doesn’t need to be washed.
He gave Leo a dozen of hair-care product, which, obviously, Leo threw away. Yet, when Neymar went into his bathroom, he saw one lonely bottle of shampoo that Neymar had given him. Twelve products, only one remains, and Neymar thinks it's a good metaphor for Leo in general: you have to give him tons of things for him to accept only one. He mumbles when Neymar praises him because he got good grades, mumbles when Neymar tells him his skin is soft, he mumbles when Neymar tells him he’s nice because he’s helping him out with administrative papers Neymar understands nothing of. But sometimes Neymar says his friends look like nice people, and his face lights up, smiling widely, and Neymar doesn’t really get Leo and his dumb smile and his pale skin, but he watches anyway.
--
Leo is fifteen, and Neymar is nineteen when he sneaks a hand down his own underwear for the first time, lying on his bed, remembering Leo’s scent and his hair and his eyes as he brings himself off and shamefully comes in his hands, sighing Leo’s name.
--
Leo comes back late one day, in January, and Carles and he worries for a full hour, before Leo passes the threshold of the house. They wait for him, fully determined to block his way until they know why he’s late when he has never been before.
“Where were you?” Carles isn’t even trying to hide the worry in his voice.
“I… I was with some friends” Leo mutters, a bit shyly, and he glances at Neymar quickly, before meeting Carles’ eyes with defiance.
Carles freezes, mouth hanging open, and then his whole body comes to life, and he starts asking all sort of questions to Leo with a big grin on his face, and Neymar nods at each questions to show he wants the answers too.
Leo doesn’t answer, just huffs and goes to his room. It’s a bit mysterious, but Carles and he exchange a happy smile anyway, because it’s good news. It’s good news.
Neymar found himself to be desperate for Leo to have friends, or at least to be happy – and he doesn’t look happy, alone in his room like that. Leo looks happy when he is with Neymar and Carles, but they aren’t always there – sometimes Neymar has friends to see and places to be – and Neymar knows Leo doesn’t do anything but sleep and study when he isn’t here. So for him to have friends – Neymar is curious, but mostly, overjoyed.
Neymar spends the evening with Carles, until he leaves to meet with his girlfriend. Neymar stays to eat some leftovers, except when he goes to the kitchen, he discovers with horror that there are none. There are some rice and some eggs though, and Neymar resolves to make something with it when Leo comes down, wandering into the kitchen and stopping dead in his tracks when he sees Neymar takes a knife out.
“I—” he frowns, “I actually don’t feel safe now.”
“Hey! I can make a mean risotto.”
Leo shakes his head, “I can cook something if you want”
Neymar perks up at that, and he lets everything he’s doing to stare at Leo hopefully, “You can cook?”
There’s a flash of relief on Leo’s face as soon as Neymar lets go of the knife, “Well, a bit. Better than you anyway,” which Neymar thinks is unfair – that time he had to crash their place for a week because his kitchen had caught fire had been an exceptional and isolated event.
Leo pushes him over, and Neymar sits back and watches him cook. He doesn’t make something fancy or complicated, but it’s tasty enough and Neymar wolfs down everything.
They wash the dishes together after that, and Neymar keeps on probing him on his mysterious friends, until Leo smiles shyly and tells him it’s two guys named Gerard and Cesc, and that they are part of the football club.
“The football club?” Then it hits Neymar, “Wait, you joined it?!”
Leo nods, “Yeah, kind of…”
“When?”
“I don’t know, maybe a month ago.”
Neymar’s eyebrows rise in shock, “One month and that’s the first time I hear about it?” He knows Leo is secretive, but that’s still a bit depressing than he hasn’t noticed anything in one month.
Leo smiles sheepishly, and Neymar can’t help but grin because fuck, that’s still amazing. “It’s great Leo!” And he flushes Leo against his chest enthusiastically.
Leo hugs back briefly, and he rarely does that. It sends flutters down Neymar’s stomach when Leo’s arms wrap around his back. Leo’s arms are surprisingly strong, and Neymar wants to clench his hands into the fabric of Leo’s hoodie.
Neymar lets him go, and thriving on his success, he decides to probe some more.
“So many things you’re hiding. Are you hiding a girlfriend too? Are you interested in someone?”
Leo looks caught off-guard by the sudden change in topic, but he shrugs his shoulders noncommittally.
“Come on, you’re a teenage boy. You’ll be sixteen in some months; you probably spend your time thinking about those things.” Neymar wriggles his eyebrows to punctuate his sentence.
Leo shakes his head, “Not really. And people aren’t attracted to me anyway.”
“Why, why wouldn’t they?” Neymar grins, “I think you’re fine. You’re cute and you have flowing hair.”
(‘I am attracted to you’ – that he keeps to himself.)
Neymar smirks, “You’re a bit short though.”
Leo looks simultaneously embarrassed and annoyed, “So what? I don’t mind being short.”
“Really?” Leo nods, “It doesn’t annoy you? Come on, that’s not fun!”
Leo shakes his head, a smile at the corner of his mouth, and Neymar catches his shoulder to keep him from turning back to the sink, “But for real, you know what makes girls swoons?” he points at Leo’s stomach, “abs.”
“I doubt it’s enough to attract anyone.”
“Well it’s a good first step. And you only say that because you never tried. Look, you need to get it hard and defined!” as he talks, Neymar blindly yanks up Leo’s hoodie and spreads his palm over Leo’s stomach.
Leo catches his wrist – a bit too late – and Neymar freezes, because Leo’s abs are tense and hard under his palm, and when he looks down, they’re already defined and pretty.
“Uh, right, football practices.”
Leo looks weird, uncomfortable, and the hand on his wrist tightens.
“Well, that’s nice.” Neymar says shakily, and Leo looks torn, hastily pushing him away. He mutters something about Neymar washing the dishes alone, and then he practically runs out of the kitchen. Neymar barely hears the door of his room slam over the sound of his own heartbeat, thundering away in his ears.
His skin tingles where Leo’s hand was holding him, and Leo is strong already – stronger than some months ago, and he’s still growing.
Neymar closes his eyes, trying to calm down.
--
Leo is fifteen, and Neymar can’t stop lusting after him. When he jerks himself off that night, he imagines leading Leo through his first time. He imagines Leo fumbling with the lube, he imagines him shy and sensitive as Neymar sucks him off. He’s close to coming when he remembers Leo’s dark eyes when he’s serious, when he’s focused and when he looks at Neymar disapprovingly because he’s trying to avoid studying – he stares him down even though Neymar’s taller until Neymar gives in and study. He imagines Leo looking at him like that, and that’s neither shy nor hesitant, and Neymar comes hard moaning Leo’s name.
--
It’s early February and Neymar if going to turn 20. It’s an exciting number, and he planes a big party in his fancy flat, invites all his friends, his whole class, his whole prom, his sister, his high-school friends – everyone that has ever given him a friendly vibe. Neymar is going to turn 20 and he wants everyone to remember it.
He’s talking excitedly with Carles about the party, telling him about how all of his friends will be there and he absolutely has to come, and Carles promises he’ll come and make him a big big cake. He tells Carles to come dressed in red, because that’s the theme of the party.
“I don’t have any red cloth.”
“Hm?” That's Leo's voice, and Neymar’s attention is directed towards him. He’s drinking an orange juice with a straw, frowning. “You’re not invited anyway.” Neymar answers, a bit absent-mindedly, watching Leo’s lips as he sucks on his straw.
Leo’s mouth opens, letting the straw out, and his lips press together tightly.
“What?”
“Ah, you can’t come to the party.”
He’s about to say more, but Leo glares at him. He looks hurt, terribly vexed, but he’s also glaring at him fiercely, angrily – and that’s the point where Neymar should be explaining things but his words are caught in his throat and Leo storms out of the kitchen before Neymar has the time to say anything.
There’s several seconds of silence where Neymar’s mouth hangs open, unsaid words at the tip of his tongue. Carles clears his throat.
“That’s the first time I see him get angry for something like that.” He says, and Neymar knows what he means by ‘something like that’.
Leo’s angry because Neymar refused to invite him to his party, and that’s a bit childish of him but until two months ago Leo didn’t have any friend here, and Neymar wouldn’t have imagined Leo getting angry at not being invited. Two months ago, Leo probably didn’t expect anyone to invite him to anything.
Now, Leo had obviously expected to be invited – which, which was a good thing actually – but Neymar would have thought rejection would have made him sad or vexed, sure, but not angry. Angry enough that Neymar’s heart is beating faster, because he feels like he did something bad and what the fuck kind of feeling is that? Sure, he doesn’t want to upset Leo, but he didn’t do anything wrong, he was just distracted for some seconds and that delayed his explanation.
Neymar climbs the stairs to Leo’s room, and tries to open his door only to find it locked.
“Really Leo? Locking your door?”
Silence.
“That’s ridiculous.”
No answer, so Neymar starts knocking on the door.
“Come on Leo, open the door.”
Still no answer.
Neymar snorts, “What’s up with you throwing temper tantrums like that?” He waits a bit, but the door still doesn’t open, “Really, you’re going to sulk? How mature of you.”
Leo doesn’t answer, and Neymar frowns, getting a bit agitated. He knocks harder on the door, calling Leo’s name. He knocks for several minutes, and Leo doesn’t even answer him, and fuck fuck fuck, Neymar’s starting to be uneasy and frustrated, and frustration makes him angry. Leo didn’t even let him explain, and why is he angry now of all time? Why not when Neymar broke his favorite game, or when he sent pictures of Leo’s nostrils to his friends?
He bangs on the door. “Leo, open the door, you’re acting like a fucking child, just talk to me.” Leo still doesn’t open, he still doesn’t answer, and Neymar should probably make fun of him to bait him out but he can’t. He’s got a lump in his throat suddenly, because Leo’s door is closed, and it has never been closed before, and Leo won’t listen to him; he won’t come out.
Neymar feels useless, and lost, and he bangs on the door, a bit desperately, “Leo, let me in, please, you’re acting like a child and—”
The door flies open, and there stands Leo, his eyes piercing Neymar and pinning him on the spot.
“So what if I’m acting like a child? You always treat me like one anyway.”
“I d—”
Leo cuts him off, “Can’t I act like a child now, when you said you were inviting all of your friends to your birthday, and yet you don’t want to invite me?”
Neymar stares at Leo dumbly, eyes wide and mouth open in shock. Leo looks hurt, on top of his anger, and seeing Leo hurt pains him more than he expected. Leo has some much issue with friendship and friends, and Neymar realizes he might have acted like an asshole.
“It’s not—that’s not what I meant. You’re my friend, you are—”
“Then why can’t I come to your birthday?”
“Because— there will only be adults here.” It seems to puzzle Leo, which is better than sadness or anger, so Neymar goes on, “People my age or older, and there will be lots of alcohol. I don’t want you to be here, in this kind of party. Carles wouldn’t let me for one, and I won’t be able to relax if I can’t know where you are at any given moment.”
“You don’t have to babysit me; I can take care of myself.”
“No you can’t, you’re too young, you’re—”
“A child?” Leo looks irked, “Stop already with this ‘you’re a child’ charade. Stop trying to pretend you’re so much older than me. You’re barely 20. You cry every time we watch a Disney movie and you flinch when things get violent in Game of Thrones. You can’t cook to save your life and you know shits about politics. You’re not an adult, and if I’m a child then so are you.”
Neymar is frozen on the spot. He’s unable to do or say anything. He can’t— he can’t say anything back, because Neymar knows he isn’t the mature adult he’s trying to look like. He knows Leo isn’t the child he’s trying to convince himself that he is – he knows that, obviously he knows that; he’s jerking himself off thinking about Leo not being a child.
When Neymar finds his voice back, it comes out barely above a whisper, and it’s hoarse and shaky.
“I still can’t invite you. I’ll be worried the whole night if I let you in there.”
His voice is shaky, he realizes, because he’s apprehensive. He doesn’t want Leo to get mad again, and he still hasn’t digested the full extent of the words Leo had shouted at him.
Leo studies him for a second, and he doesn’t look very convinced but he nods, and Neymar can breathe normally again.
“And we can see each other, if you want. For lunch for example; I can take you out for lunch.”
Leo nods again, “Okay.”
“We could invite Carles too.” Neymar finds the need to keep talking, until Leo stop piercing him with his eyes like that.
Leo shakes his head, “No, Carles gets to come to your party, so he doesn’t get to come to lunch.”
He sounds petulant when he says that, like a child, and the uneasiness inside Neymar dissipates, because he’s more familiar with this Leo than with the angry one.
--
Leo is fifteen, and Neymar is nineteen, and yet he sometimes feels like Leo could have the upper-hand if he wished – he could tell Neymar what to do, and how to do it, and Neymar would obey.
--
Some days later, it’s his birthday and he takes Leo out like he promised. Carles takes care of the preparations for the party while he’s away, and Leo and he go to a nice place – nothing fancy, but no fast food either. It’s nice.
Leo still looks a bit sour that he can’t come to his birthday, but he’s there, and he tells Neymar about his next football game without Neymar’s asking.
(Neymar and Carles go to Leo’s matches, and Neymar has to admit Leo is really good. He’s so short and so small, and yet he winds through defenders like they mean nothing– Neymar got the weirdest boner when he saw Leo play for the first time, but he has it under control now, and he waits until he’s alone before putting a hand on his dick.)
“Won’t your parents be back for your next game? That’s cool; they’ll be able to assist to the match!” Neymar grins, because Leo’s parents are almost never there, so that’s good news, right?
Apparently, not so much, because Leo looks sour again.
“What’s the point? Them assisting to one game won’t change my life or theirs.”
Neymar’s smile falters. Leo is pushing his food around on his plate with his fork, and he looks like he’s about to sulk.
“They’ll be here for one week, and then they leave again. They won’t be remembering this match two weeks after, when they’re busy doing the things they do. I told dad I got into the football club, but when they called some days ago, he had forgotten about it.”
Leo mutters, his head down, hair falling over his face. Neymar’s chest tightens as he watches Leo, and he doesn’t really know what to say to comfort him, yet comforting Leo is the only thing he wants.
“I’m sure he didn’t do it on purpose… He’s probably really busy with his job, and—”
“I know he didn’t do it on purpose!” Leo almost shouts, “Nobody forgets things on purpose. But this is the kind of thing you’re also supposed to remember, and not purposefully either. You just remember it because you care.”
“Leo…”
Leo’s voice turns low again. “I remember when I was a child, and we had dinner together, all four of us. I can’t remember the last time it happened.”
Carles had told him that when their parents came over, Leo didn’t come down. He stayed up locked in his room for dinner, even though he ate together with Carles and Neymar now. That pained Carles, and the last time his parents came, he asked Neymar to take Leo to his flat, so he wouldn’t eat alone.
“You could eat with them when they come.”
Leo snorts, “Yeah, but that still wouldn’t be the same.”
A heavy silence settles between them. Neymar has a hard time swallowing, his mind racing fast to come up with things to say. It’s normal that Leo resents his parents for not being there – they are missing an important part of his life, and Neymar can’t imagine what that’s like. But he also knows from first-hand experience that Leo isn’t happier eating with him in his flat when his parents are there. Leo wants to see his parents because he loves them – and that’s why he resents them in the first place isn’t it? And Leo's parents – they’re busy being good people in other places, and they forget to be good people here; good parents. They did look tired and sad the last time Neymar saw them, but they are good people. They’re going at it wrong, but there’s nothing Neymar can tell them; he can only reach Leo.
“It’s still not the same now.” Leo says quietly, startling Neymar out of his thoughts. “But…” he looks up at him earnestly, “I’m glad you’re eating with us now, even if you suck at cooking and we have to take care of you.”
A shocked laughter leaves Neymar’s throat, and he stares at Leo with wide eyes.
“It won’t be the same, but if you ate at home, the next time my parents come… I might come too.”
Neymar is surprised, but he feels himself smile affectionately. Leo’s words and actions in the last few days tells him more about the way Leo feels about him than all the things that happened between them before that.
Leo’s lips quirk into a smirk, “I wouldn’t want to miss you trying to explain to them that you’re here every day because your neighbors forbad you from using your own kitchen.”
Neymar laughs whole heartedly, and Leo giggles dumbly too. That’s new – Leo being the one to defuse a tense atmosphere. Neymar has been quite useless and helpless at comforting Leo today, and he doesn’t like that. He wants to be able to make Leo feel better, because Leo can make him feel better – he made him feel better now, and his chest feels warm, and he can’t stop laughing, because Leo cares, goddamn it, he cares.
--
Leo is fifteen, and Neymar is twenty now, and he wants Leo to be fine, he wants him to be happy, he wants him to be healthy and to smile, to laugh and to love. He wants Leo to have everything, and he wants to give Leo everything. He wants Leo.
--
Leo’s parents are supposed to come to his birthday. They talked about it the last time they came, and Neymar had watched Leo’s face, seen him trying to repress the joy he felt. His parents had looked happy too, glad they could make it to their son’s birthday, glad they would get to be here for that, at least.
The thing is, they can’t make it to Leo’s birthday. Leo doesn’t react when Carles tells him, but he’s haggard and apathetic the whole week. Neymar has to physically drag him down to eat (well, he says physically, but Leo is stronger than him now, and Neymar knows Leo just let him).
Carles and Neymar do their best to cheer him up, and even if his parents can’t come, they still throw one big-ass birthday party, with lots of foods, and they invite Leo’s friends from school. Ever since he joined the football club, he seems to have become popular, and it seems not a single member of his team has it in him to hate him. Actually, judging from those times he saw them play, they all seem to like him, ruffling his hair and hugging him when he scores.
(Neymar is jealous of that, because he wants to do that to, but mostly, it warms his heart – it warms his heart because Leo deserves the love, he fucking deserves it.)
They also get some of his friend from Rosario to come – three boys. There’s a rather tall one with a stern stance and creepy judgmental eyes. There is another one who, like Leo, seems to think long hair is the trendiest haircut, and he keeps it greasy like every boy his age, but he’s fun and outgoing so there’s that. The last one is outgoing too, as well as loud and exuberant. He’s sort of funny, but also a bit lame, and for some reason, he distrusts Neymar and Neymar distrusts him back.
The first boy is called Javier, but Neymar get the urge to call him by his last name, not to show him any disrespect; the second one goes by the name Pocho, and the first thing the third one tells him is to call him Kun, so Neymar doesn’t.
Leo is surprised when he comes home and they’re all here, but he smiles, a really big smile, and he looks stupid as hell, and when Leo comes to thank him later, looking emotional, Neymar squeezes him hard, and Leo squeezes back just as hard, laughing.
It’s a great night.
Neymar offers Leo a cellphone. Leo looks surprised, but Neymar smiles, and tells him it’s easier than using the house phone and Leo grins back and hugs him again.
The first thing Leo does is put Kun’s number in his phone though, and Neymar squints and almost wants to take it back. He doesn’t even ask for Neymar’s number, and Neymar feels insulted. But Leo looks happy, like he’s not thinking about his parents’ absence at all, and Neymar doesn’t care about a stupid cell phone, he just wants Leo to enjoy this.
Apart from Carles and him, there are only teenagers, and thus Carles banned alcohol. Neymar still sneaked in a beer and he drinks it in front of the Kun boy to spite him, even though he hates beer. Kun and Leo seem really close, talking quietly and happily all through the night, and Leo lets Kun touch him and hug him.
Actually, he lets everyone hug him very easily, and Neymar feels a pang in his heart when he thinks it’s wasn’t that hard eating at Leo’s personal space.
Whatever, it’s a happy night, and he ends up teaching high school boys how to get the girls, with Carles laughing in the back, mocking him, like he was particularly good at that. Carles is already committed – he is born committed – so what would he know about seduction?
Most of the boys crash the place for the night, and as everyone is dozing off in the living room, watching the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy, Neymar decides it’s time for him to go. He sits in the lobby to put on his shoes and Leo walks up to him quietly.
“Thank you for… for the party.” Leo’s voice is barely above a whisper, not to disturb his friends, and he’s fumbling with his phone, “and thank you for the phone.”
Neymar smiles kindly, “I wasn’t the one who organized it, you know. Carles did most of the job, I just cheered him on. You should thank your brother.”
Leo shakes his head, “I will, but I just meant that without you, I wouldn’t have—” he gestures behind him, to the mass of teenage boys lying everywhere, and Leo grimaces a bit, looking constipated as he loses his words. He groans, seemingly giving up and wrapping his arms around Neymar.
Neymar’s sitting, Leo flushing his head against his torso, and he can hear Leo’s heartbeat just under his ear. He hugs back, and Leo’s hands are gripping his hair, and he stills smells really good. Neymar closes his eyes, and doesn’t let go, not until Leo unwraps his arms and pushes him away softly. Leo looks down at him with dark eyes, and Neymar gulps, trying to find words to make the atmosphere less heavy.
He clears his throat, “The phone was my idea though, and I see how you’re thanking me; not even putting my number in.” He smiles, trying to pull off cool even though he’s flushed inside.
“I did. I know your number by heart.” Leo says, not missing a beat.
Neymar’s heart skips a beat and he stands up fast, his face heating up so he turns his back to Leo, and before leaving he says, “Be prepared, tomorrow I’m filling your phone with pictures!”
He feels Leo’s eyes on him as he opens the door hastily, and he thinks he hears Leo mutters “I don’t mind”, but his heart beats too loud and he chooses to believe that’s just wishful thinking.
--
Leo is sixteen now, and he’s still so young, but Neymar isn’t delusional enough to deny that he’s in love with him.