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Evan's day had really sucked so far. First his team had been abducted. Then his captors had decided that they'd like to take a crack at getting information out of him about how to take over Atlantis. Then had come the rescue, which was great, really, but now he was stuck in Woolsey's office watching him and Colonel Sheppard having a pissing contest when all he really wanted to do was to re-aquaint himself with his bed for the next million years. Or until tomorrow morning, which was more likely, but he'd be good with that too.
Mr. Woolsey glared at Colonel Sheppard, his lips pressed in a thin, grim line. He folded his arms precisely across his chest and said in a clipped tone, "You deliberately ignored my orders and took matters into your own hands, Colonel."
John, liberally coated in grime and sporting several cuts, tilted his chin up in a move that Evan was sure he'd picked up from McKay. "Your way wasn't working. As military commander I determined that the situation was too much of threat to the base and did what was required to ensure the safety of the expedition."
Evan rubbed his aching forehead, the smell of gunpowder and blood still tickling his nose from the firefight that had resulted in his rescue.
Woolsey's eyes narrowed and he leaned forward, resting his hands on his desk. "I had a perfectly reasonable grip on the situation prior to you haring off like the Lone Ranger."
John's expression grew more mulish as he slouched at attention in front of Woolsey's desk. "They were playing you, stalling for time until they could pry access codes out of their prisoners. They had no intentions of bargaining with you as long as they had a chance to get Atlantis."
"Colonel Sheppard is right, sir," Evan said tiredly. He would honestly give his left nut to be crashed out in his room with some painkillers in his system instead of refereeing this argument. "They weren't interested in anything you had to offer. Their leader was pretty intent on taking the city." 'Was' being the pertinent word now. Corpses strewn across the plaza in front of Kelarda's stargate flashed in his mind's eye. John and the rescue team had been rather thorough in disposing of the soldiers that had gotten in their way during the rescue.
Woolsey drummed his fingers against the surface of his desk. "Be that as it may, you still acted against my orders, Colonel. I had also been coming to the conclusion that we would need to do an extraction of our people from the situation, but you did not give me the opportunity to inform you of that fact. You may be the military commander, but I am the head of this expedition and I will not have my authority flouted like that. Report for punishment at the time and place indicated in the email I will send you later. You will be confined to your quarters until then. Have I made myself perfectly clear?"
"Crystal," John snapped.
"Good," Woolsey replied, his tone implacable. "You're dismissed."
John's eyes narrowed and he tossed his head in not quite acknowledgement before walking stiffly out of the office.
Evan grimaced at the pronouncement. While technically it was perfectly within Woolsey's right to order the punishment, John had actually been correct in his assessment of the situation all along. It sometimes seemed that no matter who was in charge of Atlantis, they all seemed to think that they knew more about tactical situations than the Colonel did. He wondered sometimes if it was because John was a sub. It wasn't fair or even legal, but that had never stopped people from underestimating and doubting subs in positions of power before. In a way, Evan was disappointed with Woolsey. He'd thought that since Woolsey was a sub himself that he would have trusted the Colonel to be able to do his job. Evan sighed. He didn't look forward to dealing with the aftermath of John getting punished. He always got so skittish and avoidant afterwards and it never seemed to prevent him from ignoring orders again in the future if he'd determined that it was the right thing to do. Evan turned and went to follow John out, but Woolsey paced out from behind his desk and stopped him with a touch. "Major, a word with you, if I may?"
"Sure," Evan replied reluctantly, turning to face him more fully. He hoped that Woolsey would be brief. His captors hadn't had any time to get into any heavy torture with him, but they had certainly roughed him up quite a bit. All Evan was really interested in doing was going to his quarters and collapsing for a while.
"I want you to be the one to do the Colonel's punishment at your earliest convenience," Woolsey said.
Evan blinked. "What?"
Woolsey straightened uncomfortably and put his hands behind his back. "It has not escaped my attention that the punishment meted out by our disciplinary officer does not have the effect that one would hope for with the Colonel. I am hoping that giving you the responsibility will be more beneficial."
Evan's stomach rolled queasily at the thought of having to cane John. He knew in his gut that if he had to discipline John in the traditional fashion, their, he guessed he had to call it a friends with benefits thing, for want of a better term, would be over. There was no way in hell that John would ever allow anyone who had beaten him to have sex with him ever again. And caning John had never done a damned bit of good in changing his habit of ignoring orders he didn't agree with for as long as Evan had known the man. No. Just...no. Not to mention how it would ruin the good working relations he had with his superior office. No, Evan was especially unwilling to screw that up on Woolsey's orders. He straightened up and looked Woolsey in the eye. "Sir, with all due respect, I do not feel that it is appropriate for me to discipline Colonel Sheppard at this or any other time."
"The regulations state that the head of a base can reassign punishment detail to whoever he deems appropriate if he thinks that the situation warrants it," Woolsey countered. "I need you to do this, Major."
Damn it, Evan wasn't trying to blow him off. He tried to backtrack and give some kind of explanation for his objection that Woolsey would find understandable. "It will adversely affect the chain of command, sir. I'm his XO. If I were his top, that'd be different. That reg normally comes into play when the sub being disciplined is collared to someone and the person detailed is always the sub's top."
Woolsey raised an eyebrow at him. "I do not agree that it will adversely affect the chain of command as there are several examples within the SGC of it working out quite well. And I am well aware that you and the Colonel are not a couple. Trust me, if the Colonel had a top, I would never think of involving you in his punishment detail. But I am at a loss as to how else to deal with him. You know as well as I do that he'll take his stripes from the disciplinary officer and then turn around and do the exact same thing should this type of situation occur again." Woolsey made a frustrated noise and then slumped a little. "Major, if you don't do it, I'll have to convince Dr. McKay to do it, and he's already threatened me with no hot water, heat or power to my quarters for the rest of my tenure here if I approach him with the idea again. I truly believe that the Colonel needs someone that he trusts to discipline him. You and Dr. McKay are the only tops friendly with him who are also in a position such that I could authorize you to take whatever course of punishment either of you may feel appropriate in order to deal with the situation."
That brought Evan up short. "You mean I would have the authority to decide what form his punishment would take?"
Woolsey nodded and leaned against the edge of his desk, crossing his arms. "Yes. It is obvious that going by the book is the wrong way to deal with him concerning disciplinary issues, so I am attempting to think outside the box, so to speak."
Evan ran a hand over his face, thoughtful. If he had free reign in determining what form of punishment to mete out he wouldn't have to cane him. Now that he knew something about John's background, it actively pained Evan to see John limping around after a disciplinary action. He could come up with some thing different, something less harsh than what the regs decreed. God...with any luck, he might even be able to avoid ruining the thing that he and John had had going for the last few months. "Okay, fine then, I'll do it," he sighed. "But you better make sure to clarify to him that this is your idea and that I'm not trying to assume a responsibility that he hasn't granted me."
"I will be certain to quote the pertinent rules to him in my email," Woolsey assured him as he straightened up away from his desk. "When will it be convenient for you to begin his punishment?"
Evan scratched his head wearily and ran his schedule through his head, mentally re-arranging a few things as he did so. "Eight AM tomorrow, sir. Have him report to my office."
"Thank you, Major," Woolsey said, looking frankly relieved. "Take the remainder of the evening off and get some rest. Captain May can handle whatever crops up for the rest of the day, barring an invasion."
"Yes, sir," Evan replied, and retreated to his quarters gratefully. The shower that he took once he got home felt wonderful and his bed heavenly, but Evan still flopped and turned fitfully until he'd come up with a punishment scenario in his head that he thought might actually work. At least, he hoped that it did.
* * *
John walked into Major Lorne's office the next morning with his face set to a grim blankness. He'd liked having sex with Evan. After this was over, he was going to miss it.
Sitting at his desk, Evan looked up from his tablet and gave John a brief, faint smile. It contrasted oddly with the bruises that had darkened on his face. "Good morning, Colonel. Please shut the door behind you."
John did as requested, then came up to Evan's desk, formally settling into parade rest. "Colonel Sheppard reporting for discipline as ordered, Major," he said, doing his best to keep his resentment at bay. It wasn't Evan's fault that Woolsey had lost his mind and appointed Major Lorne as his disciplinary officer this time around.
Evan's face shifted over into a pleasantly neutral expression and he stood up from his desk. John's ears burned with shame. He was familiar with that expression. It was Evan's 'let's not excite the twitchy natives' / 'I'm dealing with bullshit from on high' face. John wondered which category he currently fell under. Probably the 'bullshit from on high' one. "Thank you for reporting promptly, Colonel. Follow me, please."
John silently followed Evan into the discipline room that adjoined the Major's office in the back. Once inside, John looked around, disconcerted. The room was almost empty. The disciplinary rack and all the paddles, whips and canes were missing. All that remained was a chair close to where Evan stood with a few random items piled up on it. "Uh..." John said, feeling very confused.
Evan leaned against a wall and crossed his arms. "I had the stuff moved into another room. We aren't going to need any of it today."
So, he wasn't going to get a caning today? "Oookay," John said slowly, trying to figure out what he was even doing here in that case.
"Remove your clothes, please," Evan said, gazing at him steadily as he lounged against the wall.
John stood still for a moment, blinking in surprise. This was completely contrary to every disciplinary proceeding John had ever been involved in. Evan cleared his throat warningly and John jolted back into awareness. "Clothes off, now," Evan reminded him sternly.
Feeling distinctly bewildered at the turn this was taking, John disrobed and folded his clothes into a neat bundle at his feet.
"Okay, now get on your hands and knees facing away from me," Evan ordered.
John turned around and got down on his hands and knees, thinking that he had it now. He was going to get spanked, probably by hand. The personal and friendly touch, how quaint. He wondered what the hell Woolsey was thinking in ordering that as his punishment. His superiors had long since given up on that as an effective means of punishment for him and that surely had to be in his records somewhere.
Then Evan moved aside a tablet computer on the chair and picked up a humbler that lay underneath it and John's blood ran cold as memories of Nancy ran through his head. He was going to be humiliated as his punishment? Maybe made to crawl his way through Atlantis naked as his men looked on? No. He wouldn't do it. They could beat him to death for all he cared, but he wasn't going to be humiliated like that ever again. He quickly scrambled away from Evan, making a grab for his clothes.
"Whoa, John, wait! What's wrong?" Evan said as he stepped towards him, holding out a hand as if to calm him.
John backed into a corner and scowled at him, so angry that he could barely form words. "You asked for this punishment detail, didn't you? I should have known you'd..."
"What? No! I tried to refuse this punishment detail!" Evan protested over him, shocking John into silence. Evan visibly drew himself together and then continued more softly, "Woolsey asked me. I told him no because I didn't want to cane you. He had to beg me and promise that I could choose the punishment before I would agree to it." Evan's shoulders bowed. "To be honest, I'm still not thrilled with the idea. But sir, I swear to god that I only agreed to do this because Woolsey's right in thinking that using conventional discipline on you is a bad idea."
John glared at him. "So the two of you decided to humiliate me in front of my men, is that it?"
Evan refused to melt under the heat of John's angry stare. "No sir, that's not what I was intending to do at all. But everybody knows that you'll take whatever stripes are assigned and then turn right around and disobey again when it suits you. Punishment by the book just makes you mad, put upon, misunderstood, whatever it is that it makes you feel. I was trying to come up with a punishment that would make you think instead."
"You mean obey," John grated out through gritted teeth.
"No, I mean think!" Evan shot back. He then huffed out a breath and ran a hand over his hair. "Look, the humbler was obviously a mistake." He tossed aside the hated object and wiped a hand over his face, looking distressed. "I'm not trying to own you, sir, honest."
The tension in John's back eased once the humbler left Evan's hand. "You really mean that," he said with not a little wonder. "Why did you not want to cane me?"
Evan sighed. "Isn't it obvious? I don't want to treat you like your ex-wife did. And that most especially included how to punish you for infractions. I, I just can't do that to you." He got a disgusted look on his face. "So, what do I do? I pick the one thing that she apparently really loved to inflicted on you! Agh!" He covered his face with both hands and mumbled, "I am such a fuck up."
It was rare that John ever saw a top admit that they'd done anything wrong when it came to punishment. Evan being so distraught about freaking John out crumbled the last of his lingering resentment to dust. "Yeah, well, don't beat yourself up too much about that. You didn't know."
"That's because I'm stupid and didn't ask," Evan replied, dropping his hands down to his sides.
John fidgeted uncomfortably and looked down at the floor. "I'm not sure I would have told you if you had. I'd rather forget about it if I could. But since it's come up now...well, she used to use it on me in public. A lot. And she really got off on it."
"And you hated it and she knew that and reveled in it, didn't she?" Evan finished flatly. John nodded. Evan let out an explosive breath and rubbed his face with both hands. "Alright, I can see why that set you off. Again, I'm sorry." He then waved a hand at the humbler on the floor. "Okay, just so you know, here is what my reasoning was for picking the damned thing. I didn't want to beat you. I know that you've had too much of that kind of stuff from her and others, and it's ineffective as a punishment method for you because of that. I wanted something else, something that would make you to think, something unpleasant but not painful. And that is what I came up with. I know that for you being stuck on your hands and knees wouldn't be nice, that it would be a punishment. But I swear to you that I had no intention of publicly humiliating you or getting off on it. That's why I chose the punishment room off of my office, so this could be done privately between you and me, no witnesses."
John shifted on his feet, wanting to beat himself for stupidity at this point. He'd assumed too much and, as usual, the old saying about assumptions was right. He did feel like an ass. "Alright, I can see that. I shouldn't have made assumptions."
The left corner of Evan's mouth crooked up slightly. "No, but I completely understand why you did."
Evan's understanding made John want to cringe. He'd really muffed this, and that on top of pissing off Woolsey in the first place. He cleared his throat. "So, now what?"
Evan scratched his head and looked ruefully at him. "Well, the rest of the punishment is kind of lame without the humbler, so I dunno. It took me a lot of time to come up with this and I'm fresh out of ideas. You got any?"
John blinked at him. "Uh, not off the top of my head, no."
Evan sighed. "Then I guess we're both screwed. Woolsey's not going to be happy with either of us now."
That was true and John felt suddenly uncomfortable for getting Evan into trouble. At a loss, John looked down at the humbler and stared at it for a long time, weighing out just how much trust he was willing to give to Evan not to abuse him. Finally he came to a decision and he looked back up at Evan, saying, "Use the humbler."
Evan startled at that. "What? Use the humbler? You're sure?" he asked softly, giving him a serious look.
John nodded and got back down on his hands and knees and mentally braced himself. "Yeah, I'm sure. Do it."
John felt a hand rub softly across his shoulder blades. "Alright. And...thank you," Evan murmured, then picked up the humbler and placed John's balls gently into it before stepping away and coming back with a tablet and stylus. He knelt and set them down in front of John. "Just to let you know," he said quietly into John's ear, "I think you did the right thing in setting up the rescue, and not because I was one of the folks that needed rescuing. They had a real chance of taking over Atlantis if they managed to break one of us." He then stood up and spoke more formally, "But how you interacted with Woolsey needs improvement. So, you," Evan toed the tablet between where his hands rested on the floor, "are going to write the following sentence - 'I will politely remind Mr. Woolsey that I am the commanding military officer and that he needs to trust my expertise in determining what constitutes a security risk for the expedition before I go out on a rescue mission' - until I tell you to stop. You will number each one and you have to write at least sixty two sentences an hour. I will check every hour to make sure that you meet that quota, and if you don't, there will be consequences. Are you clear on these instructions, or do I need to clarify anything for you?"
Writing sentences. A little more than one per minute, at that. That was...different. "No, I'm clear," John replied as sat back on his heels and picked up the tablet. The humbler pressed on his ankles and the back of his thighs uncomfortably and pulled on his balls even more irritatingly. He grimaced. He'd almost forgotten how much one of those things pulled when he wasn't on his hands and knees. Still, the punishment as Evan had set it up was less physically painful than getting beaten, he had to admit. Apart from the humbler, it was really pretty tame as punishments went. He settled in and started writing.
Four hours later, John was starting to reconsider the idea that this was a tamer punishment than being caned. He was chilled, his hand was cramping, his knees, arms and back were protesting and he couldn't find a comfortable position where he could both write and still keep his balls from feeling like they were being slowly yanked off. And if that weren't bad enough, his bladder had recently started to chime in that it was full as well. John mentally cursed Evan as being downright diabolical for coming up with this idea as his punishment. He didn't even want to think about what the consequences would be if he missed making his hourly quota. He was sure that whatever it was would wind up being the most subtly painful thing ever.
As John was readjusting his position, again, to try and relieve the strain on his knees, Evan came back into the room carrying a tray of food. "Stylus down, Colonel. Hand me the tablet," he said as he perched the tray on the seat of a chair.
John quietly handed him the tablet, sat back on his heels, and surreptitiously began to massage the cramp out of his writing hand as Evan checked the number of sentences. His stomach gurgled loudly when the smell of food hit his nose, even though what he smelled was something cabbage-y and that vile meat that they'd made the mistake of trading for on P8X-988 without also getting recipes on how to properly cook it. It had been tasty in the stew that they had sampled on the planet, but the Atlantis kitchen crew only ever succeeded in making it taste like liver. To be more precise, like liver that had pumped up on steroids and won the Mr. Universe body building competition for the last twenty seven years running. It was kind of stringy too. The kitchen staff had lately started to resort to hiding it (very poorly) in the meatloaf.
"Very good," Evan said, tucking the tablet under his arm. "If you need a bathroom break, crawl on over to the one in my office. My door is locked, no one will come in while you're in transit."
The faint hope that he'd at least get out of the humbler long enough to take a piss died with a whimper and John sighed as he got back on all fours and crawled to the toilet, grateful to at least get a little exercise to unlock his joints. Fortunately, his previous experience with Nancy locking him up in these things had taught him how to navigate using the facilities while still stuck in one, so it didn't take him forever to figure out how to do his business without making a mess or hurting himself. Once done, he crawled his way back to the discipline room and to more or less the same area of the floor that he'd been kneeling on all day. His stomach growled again.
Evan's mouth tilted up in one corner at the noise. "Sounds like you're hungry. Here's your lunch, Colonel." He picked up the food tray and handed it to John.
John settled back and looked at his food. As promised by the smell, one half of the plate was taken up by cabbage and the other half contained a slab of the unfortunate tastes-like-liver meatloaf. "Yum," John said sarcastically. "I thought that they were serving fried chicken and tormack today. And mala berry pie."
"Yeah, they had that too, but you've been assigned discipline so..." Evan shrugged as he gestured to John's tray. "Sorry about missing out on the pie."
John sighed in resignation. It figured. Evan may not have wanted to hurt John, but he was definitely not a pushover when it came to administering punishment. John picked up his fork and methodically worked his way through his plate, wishing he had some hot sauce to help him ignore the flavor a little more easily. It didn't make him want to throw up, but it was definitely not the tastiest thing he'd ever eaten. Once he was done, he set down his plate and asked, "How much longer am I going to have to write?"
Evan looked at his watch. "I figure at least another few hours. After that we'll have a discussion and then I'll let you go to dinner."
John raised an eyebrow at him. "Discussion, huh?" He didn't like the sound of that much.
"Yep, discussion. A fate worse that death, I know," Evan replied with a knowing look. He held the tablet out to John. "Hand up to it, or do you need a few more minutes?"
John flexed his writing hand. Delaying for a few more minutes wasn't likely to make it feel any better than it currently did, so he replied, "I'm good," and took the tablet from Evan.
Another five solid hours of writing later, John's hand ached like a mother fucker, his knees protested unhappily, his balls felt pinched and swollen and the rest of his body felt achy and cramped from being stuck in one position for the better part of the day. His brains felt numb from the boredom and he was sure that he'd repeated his punishment sentence so often that it was probably permanently engraved into his brain. He had to hand it to Evan. This punishment had certainly gotten his attention and John was totally prepared to do anything he had to in order to avoid going through this again, even if it meant talking.
"Okay, sir, time to give me the tablet again," Evan said as he came strolling into the room.
John gratefully stopped writing and handed the tablet up for perusal. He hissed as he let go of the stylus and stretched out his hand, massaging his fingers.
Evan quickly checked his work over, then set aside the tablet and sat down on the floor next to John. "Here, give me your hand."
Eyeing Evan warily, John held his hand out to him and bit back a small surprised moan as Evan started working a knot out. He worked methodically on all the knotted up muscles as John's eyes slowly slid shut and his head dropped down to his chest. Once the last knot was out, Evan gave his whole hand a quick rub down and then let it go. John blinked back into awareness, feeling vaguely disappointed that he'd stopped.
"So, for the discussion part of the punishment, let's begin by analyzing your disagreement with Mr. Woolsey and doing a tactical review of where it went wrong and how you'll do better in the future," Evan announced briskly.
John felt a wave of relief. As discussions went, that was a topic he could handle, unlike other, more personal ones. He'd certainly had time to think about it today. "We had a break down in communications. He wasn't listening to me and I lost my temper with him."
They discussed the issue for a while, Evan mostly acting as a sound board for John as he worked out methods of dealing with that type of situation that would work better in the future. They were winding down when John's stomach began to grumble loudly. Evan looked at his watch and said, "Well, sounds to me that you've got some solid ideas on how to work with Woolsey instead of against him in the future. How about I get that thing off you so you can go talk to Woolsey and get yourself something to eat?"
"Sounds good to me," John replied, eager to be rid of it. He stiffly went back down on his hands and knees and Evan quickly took the humbler off of him. He then slowly levered himself up off the floor. Man, his knees and back hurt. He noticed Evan frowning as he watching him move.
"Sir, how about you take a quick hot shower first to unlock your muscles? You can use the shower in my office bathroom. I know it's small, but I think the hot water will do you a world of good," Evan commented, gesturing with his thumb out to his office.
The clear concern Evan had for his comfort post-discipline made John feel all funny inside. He put a hand on the back of his neck and said uncomfortably, "I thought I was supposed deal with being stiff and sore as part of my discipline. You know, as a reminder."
Evan really didn't like that idea if the look on his face was anything to go by. "Not in my book, sir. Once discipline is done, I don't see any good reason for having the person who's been punished continue to hurt. You've done your time. Go on, take a hot shower and unkink your muscles," he said and jerked his head toward the bathroom.
Mentally chewing over what Evan said, John got his clothes and went to the bathroom and took the hot shower as ordered. The heat did help and he was feeling much looser when he came out, once again dressed and with his hair still damp. Evan sat at his desk, working on something on his laptop. "Uh, Evan?"
Evan blinked at John's use of his first name. "Yeah, John?" he replied, looking up at him.
John shuffled awkwardly and hoped that he'd be able to actually spit out what he wanted to say. "I just wanted to say...thanks. I appreciate your...what I mean to say is...you made me think."
Evan stood up and walked closer to John. "And you're okay with that?"
John nodded. "Yeah. It was different. I...you were good to me and we're not even..."
"I know," Evan replied. He then gave John a hesitant look and asked, "You don't hate me for doing your discipline, then?"
"No, we're fine," John said honestly. He'd really thought that he'd wind up ending things with Evan when he'd reported in for discipline that morning. But even with the whole humbler fiasco, Evan had done his best to make John feel...safe. Respected.
Evan smiled briefly. "Good, I'm glad." He then stepped back a bit. "Don't let me keep you. Go do your thing with Woolsey and have some dinner. We'll meet tomorrow and catch up on paperwork and the like?"
"Yeah, sounds good," John replied, nodding. He turned away and walked toward the door.
Just as the door opened for him he heard Evan clear his throat and say, "Oh, and Colonel? I asked Master Sargent Gellis to save you some of the mala berry pie from lunch. Just ask her for it and she'll pull it out for you."
John found himself smiling over his shoulder at Evan, a warm feeling spreading through his chest that he definitely did not want to think about. "Thanks, I'll be sure to do that."