A Ballad of Wolves and Butterflies

by MurderIsMyPasstime

Summary:

A look at the classic boy meets girl, girl meets monster story. In which things are learned about oneself and people are better for it. Maybe.
Also, werewolves.

Chapter 1

It all started with the fire. He remembered the smoke and flames and the relentless smell of burning flesh. 

He remembered the howls and the screams and the sound of gun fire.

Every time he closed his eyes he remembered. And it was all his fault. Everything.

His fault that their lives had fallen apart. His fault that they were up rooted and forced to flee from the Inn in West Virginia and split in all directions and that only a handful of the pack had made it to the same place.

If he hadn't wanted to be cool so much, to be like Axel and have Vivian look at him the way she looked at the other boy. If he had just said something, told someone when Axel had gone completely off the deep end and killed that girl. 

But he hadn't.

And still, he should have stopped them, when the others had killed another to convince the townies it was a wild animal and not Axel.

Instead he had panicked and taken the blame when the other boys had told him what they'd done.

He would never forget the look of loathing in Vivian's eyes when he'd confessed to her Father and taken the Trial of the Fang. She hated him now, even more so since her Dad had been killed in the fire. Along with half of everybody else.

Chapter 2

Summary:

A beginning...

Notes:

Hey wow, thanks. Somebody aside from my sibling actually read my stuff lol.
It's super awesome to hear that my random idea was liked, appreciated, at least glanced at.
So thank you. You made my day!

Rafe wasn't doing too good in school. With all of the humans around, with their clicks and their smells and their snarky looks at his too long hair and strange lilt to his speech. He'd heard one of them saying he must have a speech impediment, his whole family too, maybe. But they didn't know, what could they know? 

His family had run the woods over in Europe for hundreds of years before being driven out. This accent was in his bones. 

Dumb humans. Too up themselves to see an apex predator in their midst.

But meat boys and girls weren't half of his reasons for suddenly being less than stellar with his schoolwork. After everything that had happened he found that he couldn't be around the other boys. He just couldn't go back to the way they were. Not when they all were still high on themselves and didn't seem to see the line they'd crossed.

So, instead he had to content himself with being an outsider, not pack and not human. An outlier in his own life. 

Always wanting more, but unable to be let in. He wouldn't let himself get swept up again 

He couldn't.

He slid in through the doorway to the art room, doing his best to project confidence as he felt the eyes of humans and wolf kind alike on his back, the other boys trying and failing to get his attention as he forced himself to stroll carelessly to the back.

Not that it mattered much, since they almost always ended up moving around to accommodate whatever thing their teacher brought out for them to try and in most cases, spectacularly fail, to paint. 

He was pleased this time that he only had to shuffle over a few feet and set up his stuff. They were doing shadows today on inanimate objects, so the teacher had just placed a ladder in the center and draped a long cloth over it.

Art used to be his and Viv's thing in common, what drew him to ask her out, sure that she felt the way he did when she painted. It was on her face, that feeling of reaching deep within yourself and pulling at every dark, ugly, diseased, beautiful, and terrible and vulnerable thing and just, putting it out there, on paper, or canvas, for the world to see.

But it turns out that even what they had in common wasn't enough. Vivian had only dated him to be close to Axel. And then Axel had gone and broken her heart when he killed that girl and Vivian had never forgiven Rafe for it. As if it were Rafe's fault. He didn't know everything, contrary to what everyone else assumed. He hadn't known anything about what was going to happen at the dance.

He blinked, slow languid eyes as his hands roamed, pushing charcoal into paper.

Deep even breathes. He couldn't think about all of that now, no matter that it kept creeping into his head, occupying his thoughts most of the day. Every day.

He spied Viv, quietly focused. And the other boys, taking turns to see who could draw the lewdest or most cruel picture before the teacher noticed their giggling and stormed over to chastise them.

Time flew by, the teacher commented on his piece and then the bell was ringing. The sound hurt his ears. 

Rafe got quickly to his feet and flew towards the door, not looking where he was going he sensed it too late and then he was colliding with the tiny form of Missy Hayes, who let out a squeak and caved under his weight causing them to fall into a twisted pile of limbs.

Rafe blinked down at her as she was looking up at him, wide brown eyes like melted chocolate seeming so surprised to be in this situation.

His face flamed and if it weren't for the thick curtain of his dark hair everyone would notice it, the boys would be howling louder than they already were right now.

Clearing his throat, Rafe wrestled his face under control and then flowed seamlessly to his feet, like he was supposed to cuz he wasn't human.  Loupe Garou did not stumble, they did not blush at the antics of humans, and they certainly did not fall into ungainly heaps like the rest of the sheep.

Looking down at her he quickly offered his hand, which she ignored. Gathering her things Missy bolted from the room without another look in his direction, much to the enjoyment of the four wolves waiting by the door.

"She jilted you good, Rafe!"

"Yeah! I thought you were the master at picking up chicks. Guess not." 

"Too bad you lost your touch, maybe Viv took that along with your balls!" 

Feeling murderous Rafe turned away, brushing it off like it didn't matter. But it did. He couldn't make it not matter no matter how much he was screaming internally that it didn't. 

The words slipped out before he could think better of it. "Says who? I bet you fifty bucks she'll talk to me, she'll be so overwhelmed she'll be falling all over herself."

 

Chapter 3

 

Turns out, she wasn't.

Missy Hayes seemed to possess a bullshit meter that ranged a mile wide and could feel him coming, somehow instinctively evading him all that day and most of the next.

It was as he was walking back from school that he caught her scent. Not having seen her once in the six months that he'd been walking this path Rafe lifted his nose just slightly and scented the air.

Her's was an odd sort of smell, like the brush of sunlight and vanilla on a cloudy day at the beach mixed with lemon cleaner and the bite of bleach.

He paused at the entrance to the park that his family occasionally ran through at night, the trail led there.

Feeling apprehensive he continued walking trying his best to look like he came through here all the time.

I mean, he did. Just not in human flesh.

He felt the stupid urge to whistle and thankfully strangled it down before he could make a complete idiot of himself.

Rafe rounded the willows that grew close by the river and found her, crouched at the bank, uncaring of the dirt and water soaking into her clothes, digging for...rocks? In the mud.

She startled like a deer when she saw him and he had to contain every urge he had to shift and charge her. Hardly the way to a girl's heart. 

When you attempted to eat it.

Shaking off the sudden rush of blood lust Rafe smiled in what he hoped was a disarming but confident way and continued toward her until he hit the river's edge. 

Rocking back on his feet he grinned. Cocky. "I know you. The Game of Thrones girl. Right?"

The girl glared back at him, nose crinkled now in disgust. "So, what would that make you, the ninja turtle boy?"

Rafe threw back his head. Laughed. Sent her another grin, this time sharper. "That is actually a way better source. But no. It was the painter, actually."

"I wouldn't have guessed." Reaching down to gather up her rocks Missy eyed him querulously. "Look, not that I'm not… enjoying your… attentions, or whatever. But, why are you stalking me?"

Thrown for a minute, Rafe could do nothing but stare at the girl. The boldness of her. He wanted to protest, but she wasn't wrong.

He had been looking for her everywhere. Quite possibly she had been avoiding him everywhere.

His mouth began moving before his brain could properly catch up. "I just. I dunno. I wanted to talk to you. You. You seemed nice. The other day." When he practically ran her over. Holy shit. What the fuck was wrong with him? You seemed nice? Who says shit like that except little kids? 

While Rafe was busy reeling internally Missy Hayes was grinning down at her collection of stones while she continued to gather them up, every so often shooting him sly little glances. "Well, um, while I'm happy to know that I am nice, I uh, can't help but point out that we've been going to the same school together for half the year and until you almost squashed me flat the other day you have never once tried to talk to me before today. So, what do you want? You must want something."

This was somewhat new territory for Rafe, usually girls played coy, enjoying the verbal trade like it was a squaring off of wills. They didn't usually just call him right out on anything. 

 Usually they would dance around the subject until each was satisfied that they had got what they wanted. Rafe wasn't used to being backed into a corner like this. It made him want to raise his hackles and snarl, but he quickly fought that part down. No need to scare her.

Rafe shuffled his feet as he searched mentally for a sound enough reason for him to be following her that didn't sound too creepy. It was a tall order cuz not much could be said that wasn't creepy or insulting, like; "Hi, I'm sorry for almost killing you when I tripped over your body but my sort of friends/almost siblings noticed you and made me a bet that I could get you to hang out with me." Except, actually, he'd opened his stupid fat mouth and made that bet and he really regretted every word because he really was trying to not get sucked into their shit anymore. 

But he just stood there, silent like a dumbass because he couldn't think of what to say, hadn't been able to think straight for days. Not since Missy Hayes had looked up at him from beneath inky black lashes and her eyes didn't darken with desire, they widened in fear.

Fear of what, though? Him?

Rafe may have been many things, a predator among the sheep, a lost cause, a danger to himself mostly. But he'd never done anything threatening towards this girl as far as he knew, so why had she been afraid of him, or at least, he thought she had been. Now she just seemed amused.

 

He didn't know how to handle the shift. 

Rafe had never liked being laughed at and it seemed that whatever he'd done days before to scare her had worn off along with all of his cool factor and now Melisandre Hayes found him so amusing she was actually physically laughing.

At him. 

More like chuckling to herself. But still.

Crouching down by the bank Rafe tried to make himself seem unaffected, puffing up a bit like he was putting on his cool guy armor as he watched Missy digging in the mud and muck. Searching for the words that would get him out of this situation and maybe catapult him into one where he was in charge again.

Finding no magical solution to his problems he went with the slightly more painful approach: honesty.

"Yeah, that. About that. I'm actually- I've been having a hard time… adjusting. To things. Since we moved here my family- you know a few of them from school, well they- we used to hang out and something happened and I'm trying not to be around them anymore. I can't be around them anymore. It's hard, and they don't get that we can't be like we used to."

Missy had stopped her gathering and no longer looked amused. Instead she peered at him in the mid afternoon light with an old sort of sadness in her big chocolate colored eyes. Her hand strayed toward his as she shifted around to sit next to where he still crouched. Her eyes filled with too much wisdom and understanding for their age still fixed on his face.

"I don't know how to respond to that. Since I don't know what happened. But I find myself, against my better judgement, wanting to know you better…" taking his hands she smeared mud from the river all over them as she squeezed them in hers. "Are you doing anything this weekend, Sunday afternoon? There's a free concert. Over at the uni. Would you like to come with me?"

Rafe looked from their mud covered hands to Missy's face, his thoughts chasing themselves as his heart rate rocketed up, heat rushing to his face. He wasn't sure what to say. What was the right move? Agree and have the rest of the five thinking that he had the bet in the bag and then they would never leave him alone. Or, more likely, agree and have them go tattling to his Mom about how he was hanging out with a meat girl.

Missy was sweet, too sweet for the trouble she would get from hanging out with the likes of him. He should probably tell her no.

It was practically his duty to his pack to tell her no. But he didn't. He didn't listen to the barrage of very good reasons to say no that his brain was currently broadcasting so loud inside his head that it actually caused him to physically wince. 

No. Instead, he found himself nodding dumbly and then she was writing her number on his palm, specks of mud left behind with each swipe of her mint green pen. 

He watched as if from a far distance as she dotted the i's in her name with little circles like limbless stick figures, his heart picking up it's beat suddenly. 

He felt dizzy.

Notes:

I actually just looked up willows in Maryland and apparently they're an invasive species?
I put down willows cuz I liked the mental imagery but then had to ask, do they even grow there?
They also attract Gypsy moths? Which sound cool but again, are probably bad.
The more you know...

Chapter 4

Walking home from the park Rafe kept looking backward at the spot on the path that Missy had turned off at.

Her house, maybe? He wasn't sure and she hadn't offered when they'd traded their awkward goodbyes.

Just sent him a sweet if bewildered smile and waved.

He waded through the dried up grass of his front lawn and let himself in the door ears perking at the muffled noises from the front room.

As he was setting his bag down his Mother, Astrid, rounded the corner slipping the tiny strap of her nightie (possibly a dress?) up over her shoulder, shit eating grin stretching her face. He'd barely moved before the form of another male was filling up the space behind her: Gabriel. 

Christ. 

Gabe at least had the decency to look ashamed as Rafe's Mother let him out the door, words were exchanged and Rafe had to fight down the nausea at the image of Gabriel and his Mom together. He was only like. A few years older than Rafe was. It felt illegal. It should be illegal, he thought, turning his face away when his Mother grabbed the other male's ass. 

Closing the door his Mom started giggling like a giddy school girl until she noticed his uncomfortable expression. "Aw, come on, Rafe! I can't mourn forever." 

But it hadn't been forever. Barely half the year. And she sure as fuck hadn't been mourning when she went out with Moodey Spiggens last month. It was just, come on. Gabe?! 

When he didn't say anything his Mother scowled and walked off, throwing over her shoulder: "Get your shoes! I don' want any dirt in here!"

Toeing his boots off the rest of the way Rafe chewed his tongue to prevent anything nasty getting out. It wouldn't due to say something he'd regret, not when there was already too much of that between them.

Unable to go sit on the couch for fear of getting a whiff of the sex funk no doubt permiating it Rafe walked straight down the tiny hall and into the kitchen. 

His Mom had never been particularly good at what his Dad used to refer to as "wifing duties" and with her downward spiral still continuing on it didn't look as if she'd be doing him any favors and at least helping be his Mother any time soon. So that left the chores to Rafe. And a lot of the cooking, because when she wasn't chasing tail she was doing her best to be shit faced and mopey about his Dad and their "whirlwind romance."

Right. As if it had ever been that good. Not even before Rafe had been a fetus had it been that good.

Stepping into their kitchen Rafe gave a small defeated sigh. The dishes were still there. He knew they would be, but a wolf could have a little hope. 

Whatever.

Resolved to not mope, because he had just talked to Missy. She knew him already, though only as part of the five, not by himself, but she didn't hate him yet, so win-win. 

But still, she really was an odd girl, he thought. Her hands deep in the river mud, lines of little dirty stones already plucked out of their earthy home. Likely now washed and sitting in her windowsill, or something.

He'd had a Gran once that collected rocks. She hit people with them if they made a habit of stepping on her lawn.

He really doubted Missy was the type of girl to pelt you with stones, but he'd keep that in mind. Girl's did some pretty crazy things when you pissed them off. And Rafe was ever so good at making people mad. His whole life was a testament to that.

Once the dishes were done he figured he might as well make dinner, it was early still, but he had homework to try to do, if his brain could settle down long enough. 

A look around the fridge told him that they needed groceries and that the only thing he might be able to make was spaghetti. If they had noodles. Which they did, for once.

Good thing that same rock toting Gran had also taught him how to make sauce from scratch cuz their sad selection of tomatoes wouldn't be good for much else.

Produce wasn't really their thing. He was kinda surprised it hadn't rotted away by now.

Getting things together and simmering took no time at all and soon he was back to standing around awkwardly, finally settling on bringing his books to the kitchen rather than trying to go back and forth trying to get something done.

Not that he did much of it. Instead he found himself staring out the window, willing it to be moonrise already. 

Absently sketching while he occasionally stirred the sauce he tried to will something to come to life on his paper, having nothing pop up and grab his attention he dug through his bag, pulling out the schools newspaper he flipped to the art column, Vivian had a piece in there, front and center across from… holy shit. 

Vivian's work was obvious, she swore it was serious and filled with worldlyremorse but he could pick her out of a line up.

Just had to look for the one filled up with sadness and shadows and the obvious plea for attention. Not that he was knocking her, he'd done his fair share of emotional manipulation pieces, hoping that his Mom would hear from the school counselor about "Rafe's cries for attention" but no joy. Turns out the only thing his Mother really worried about ever was who his Dad was doing and if he'd been drinking enough to feel the need to beat her senseless when he got home. 

He'd feel bad, but when it was one or the other taking turns with the domestic abuse charges he was kinda take it or leave it and he just couldn't force himself to take it anymore. She didn't care enough about him to be better, so he could sure try like hell not to care so much about her.

Trying his best to avoid thinking on that part of his past too much he turned back to the paper, staring it down like it was a snake in the grass: coiled tight, ready to strike him.

It was a poem, which shared enough of the same elements as Viv's piece for someone to have used some of her work for the background: words floated like fog.

Like the smoke that had hung in the air. Rafe tasted it burning in the back of his throat and heard the snapping crackle of flames eating up the side of the buildings, the wind rushing through the trees only egging it on, building the sparks into an inferno.

He was cowering in the corner, his Mom shivering in his arms as the fire raced over the ceiling, hungry for everything it could consume. 

The fire alarm went off, screaming in his ear. Cursing, Rafe tossed the paper and turned towards the stove and what was left of his food which was now on fire.

His hands shook a little as he dumped it in the sink turning the faucet on he turned away, leaning against the edge of the counter he half crouched, his legs wouldn't hold up his weight and he was shaking.

Sliding to the floor his head dropped in his hands and he was shaking. Why. Why did he have to remember that? 

Gods. He couldn't think. He couldn't breathe. And he was still fucking shaking.

He sniffled, turning his head in his hands to wipe at his nose with his sleeve. He eyed the newspaper page that had fallen, poem side up, it stared at him, defying him to deny it: someone knew about them. 

But, did they know who they were?

After staring and going over it over and over in his head, line by line, Rafe decided that this Aiden person, whoever they were, probably didn't know enough to have the sense to keep their mouth shut about it. 

So he would have to do it for them.

Scoffing, he forced his still wobbly feet to stand and turned off the sink. Gods only knew how long it'd been running, how long he'd been sitting on the floor crying like a bitch.

Whatever. He couldn't tell the other boys, they'd only do something stupid. But he could find Aiden at school and tell them to shut their trap about things they didn't understand. Before the pack shut it for them.

Dinner was a bust and, in the time he'd been indisposed the moon had risen. Probably explains why his Mother hadn't come to check on him burning down the kitchen. Or, and more likely, she had already fucked off to chase Gabriel around like some love sick puppy.

 

Chapter 5

Making up his mind Rafe dumped the rest of his attempts at dinner into the trash, it smouldered alarmingly so he gave it a quick squirt with the sinks spray nozzle. 

Satisfied it wasn't about to burst into flames and take the kitchen with it Rafe fled the scene, making his way towards his room he dropped off all of his crap, feeling his spirits lift for the first time in hours as he practically dove through the sliding glass door. His Mother must have left it open all day again. 

Sparing a brief lament for all the mosquitoes that were probably filling the house he took off across the small yard and into the trees.

He could feel the moonlight shining down on him now, spartan as it may be from the tree cover. It bled into his bones, creating a fever-like feeling of being made up of molten glass. Bits of it breaking loose, tearing him up inside. His bones ached to shift, his jaw ached for the change and the freedom that came with it. Freedom to rip into anything warm and breathing that he came across.

Hearing others close by he grinned and lunged through the brush toward them, eager to run with his family.

He met up with the pack, their opposing paths merging into one as they turned towards the thicker part of the woods, Rafe settling in his spot, chafing as it was being next to the other boys. Finn nips at his shoulder, letting out a shrill laugh when Rafe turned, bearing his growing fangs at him. The other boy danced away sideways, wide eyes reflecting yellow shine into the night as he practically ran over the others in his haste to retreat.

This brought a burst of ragged laughter from the shifting throats of the adults around them as they tore off their clothes and submitted to the change.

Feeling the buzzing inside of himself, zinging through his blood like too much alcohol and ending in a head rush, Rafe couldn't contain himself any longer, surging through the other wolves, feeling his bones shifting and crunching into shape. He stilled briefly on four feet, letting the others pass by him, tongue lolling with this small bit of joy he allowed himself to feel, before he bounded after them. 

Chasing the other's tails and wrestling Finn to the ground Rafe pressed his teeth lightly against his neck long enough for the other boy's wolf to release a high pitched whine letting Rafe know that he knew his place and wouldn't be jostling for his spot again any time soon.

One of the adults gave a low growl, baring their teeth in warning until Rafe relented, letting Finn drop from his grip.

The other wolf sprang up from his inelegant heap tucking his tail and running off with the other three as they howled a chorus of warnings. None brave enough to stick around and back it with a real fight.

Suddenly drained, Rafe backed away from the older wolf, ignoring her warning look and turned to jog through the brush, his tail held low as his mood fell.

He couldn't help but wonder where they were going. There wasn't much free land between here and the suburbs, and going there was as good as getting caught.

He could already see the humans gathering their guns in his mind's eye.

Setting fire to each of the packs houses, burning the elderly and the children. Anyone who couldn't get away. Again.

The taste of smoke filled his mouth burning his tongue, bile rose with a burst of acid and the smoke spilled into his lungs.

Rafe could hear them screaming as they died. His thoughts ran in a fucked up circle as his whole body trembled, his skin shifting as he stumbled away into the trees.

Forcing his way through the foliage Rafe fell to his knees, stomach emptying onto the dirt.

He wiped at his mouth and his eyes with the backs of his hands, willing himself to stop shaking.

Nothing was wrong with him, he was fine. The fire was months ago and everybody else was fine. Why wasn't he ok, too? Why did he still feel like he was in that room with his Mom, the sound of the others screaming as they were swallowed up in the flames deafening.

A while later, he wasn't sure how long Rafe pushed himself up from the earth, thankfully he had somehow avoided his puke when he'd collapsed and started crying.

Goddess, he really was pathetic. Sometimes it was hard to imagine that he'd ever been anything else but this. Brushing away the tears and the dirt he listened for the tell tale sounds of the pack moving close by, but there was nothing. No sounds or smells to give away their presence.

He'd probably been here for a while then.

Before he could overthink too much farther on his long list of faults he stilled, hearing something not too far away moving graceless over the rocks and the dirt.

A few splashes had Rafe forgetting his problems as the noise drew out his wolf. Not wanting to fall back into his spiral, Rafe gave the more excitable lupine part of him the nudge it needed to take over his senses completely, tearing off through the trees towards the river as he shucked his human skin once again, bursting through the treeline he tore at the flesh of his chest, watching in the moonlight as his skin flaked away being replaced by claws and fur as he bent into the transformation. His body singing with liquid fire as he completed the change.

Running over the river rocks he let out a small yip, hoping to route out whatever he could sense hiding there when he heard something.

A gasp. Movement slow and soft as butterfly wings moving gossamer over the wet rocks just at the edge of the water. A heart beating suddenly wild in the near dark.

Going into a low crouch, Rafe circled the source of the sound, intent to fuck around with whoever might be hanging around on pack land at night. Probably some dumb human looking to set up a deer blind.

Prowling the dark Rafe drew up short, his own heart panicking as he realized just who was spying on him in the moonlight.

It wasn't a raccoon or fox as he'd been hoping. Not even some poor fuck stumbling drunk down by the water.

It was the girl from school. The one the boys dared him to talk to. The girl who wouldn't give him the time of day until he'd worn her down. Missy Hayes. 

 

Chapter 6

For a few seconds he felt wildly inappropriately annoyed that she had let him walk her home only to trek back out here to continue her obsession with collecting rocks until he shook it off. Those thoughts did nothing right now but distract him.

"What the fuck, Missy! Don't you ever go home?!" Rafe rasped, his voice thick with panic and the tail end of the change. 

He hoped whatever bits of him she could see were bent into a mostly human shape and not at all alarming. But then he remembered he was naked and just prayed that she couldn't see him at all. Too bad he'd given himself up so soon. He might have just been able to skirt around her and run off. Now he had to explain just what exactly he was doing romping through the woods naked.

Missy stood from her own crouch, the front of her covered in mud from where she'd pressed herself completely flat on the rocks as she'd observed him. She appeared more confused than afraid as she watched him.

"Rafe? What is… this is a dream?" Mud smeared her face as she reached a hand and ran it from her temple to her chin. She did it a few times as if without thought. She was still just staring at him. He fought the urge to blush, it was pretty much useless to try and cover anything. She'd already seen every bit of him. Even the parts that no human alive had ever seen. What the fuck was he supposed to do now? She'd seen him in his skin! But wait, had she? Humans didn't have that good of night vision, right? She could have only seen him in his human form and now she's just confused about why he's running around down by the river in the buff… right? 

This would be an easy fix, humans did shit like this all the time. There were whole communities for people that liked to be naked all of the time.

"It's not.. it's not what you think-!" His hands came up as if she were a creature that needed calming as he spoke in low tones. Slowly. Softly. One foot in front of the other as he stepped towards her like she was a frightened deer in his path. He needed her to believe him. It was imperative that she did. For her sake. For his.

Others would come if she started screaming. And he didn't think he could stand himself if he had to stand by again. Let some poor girl be silenced. Again.

Axel had watched the girl for a lot longer than any of the five knew about. He was meticulous in his fixation.

The look of her, sitting perfect on the bleachers at every game, her happy sighs as she'd dance into the arms of her stupid jock boyfriend every morning like a ritual The way she smelled when she was afraid. He'd stalked her. For days. Leaving her sweet little notes and stringing her along. Before the dance. Rafe had thought that he was bonkers, but assumed that, like with all of their other ventures, it would end with him dropping her at the last moment. Just when she thought she was his. 

When it became clear that it was more than just he and the guys razzing her for fun. It was too late. He'd escalated from passively terrorizing her to hunting her down in wolf form at the dance. And Rafe was left spiralling down into a panic that had set on him last March and hadn't let up since. 

Rafe wouldn't stand by and put another girl in danger. Not again.

Missy watched him quietly, an amused tilt to her lips as she stared determinedly upwards of his chest. A very large portion of himself was immensely grateful that she would try at all to give him some semblance of privacy. He'd been seen naked many times before, but that had always been family only and only during or after the change. It was completely different and somewhat.. unnerving to be suddenly and completely nude in front of someone he'd only just started talking to. Especially since she was human.

He wasn't sure why, but the thought of her seeing him like this was making him feel unusually self-conscious. Like she might see too much of whatever it was that made him him and decide he was too complicated to stick around for.

Like everyone else in his life. Which probably wasn't fair to them because they were all still healing, but he couldn't help the way he felt.

Still, he made no move to cover himself. Expression evening out as if daring her to question him.

Before he could open his mouth and spin her a line of bullshit Missy beat him to it, her face going through a series of expressions from shock-uncertainty to interested surprise. "Do you know? Your eyes… they're kind of.. shiny? In the dark." She stepped up to him, heart still pounding a violent rhythm in her chest. "They're beautiful."

Her hand came up, fingers flexing, hovering near to his face, as if she would touch him before she seemed to think better of it and let it drop back to her side all in the span of seconds while Rafe was flinching and jerking his head to the side. 

Shit! He'd forgotten. It had never really been a cause for worry before since their eyes only shone during the change and it wasn't as if they'd have reason to be in their skin around humans. That was something Axel had loved doing, using his change to fuck with his prey.

He was at a loss. What could he say that would disprove what she could plainly see? There were no ways to lie your way out of explaining how it is that your eyes glow in the dark. "It's called tapetum lucidum.. it's a.. membrane that causes a glowing effect. Um, in animals. And..me.." mind racing with panic Rafe sought and locked into the first thing that came to mind. "I have a genetic defect! It's uh.. it's a deformity that I have. Scary, right? And odd. So very odd…." Goddess, there was no fucking way she would believe that.

Blinking rapidly Missy closed her eyes, shaking her head, her face creasing as if physically in pain trying to process the shit that he had just said. "What? No, no. No. Don't! Say anything else, I have a feeling it would be even more ridiculous than what just came out of your mouth. A deformity, really?" Hands came up, waving away his bullshit as she continued to shake her head. "Your eyes are glowing in the dark, Rafe. Like my dog, Bungie. There is no way that happens regularly with people."

Hey. That wasn't cool. He wasn't a dog. He could feel himself bristling indignantly at her words, he shrugged off any sense of guilt that had been brought on by her shaming him for his crappy choice of lies. "I'm not a dog, don't even compare us like that. And, it could totally be a real thing! I just said it was a defect and here you are calling me a dog like you're making fun of my deformity. That's rude." 

Looking as if she were humoring him rather than actually agreeing Missy grinned down at her feet, tucking a curl behind her ear as she rocked back on her heels. "Yes, I suppose it was a bit rude. Doesn't excuse the fact that you just tried to hand me the biggest pile of crap and claim it was true. I know you're lying, Rafe. You have a tell. See there, you're twitching. That's kinda like a flag waving all 'look at me, look at me, I'm Rafe and I couldn't lie to save my life,' don't beat yourself up, though. I'm pretty sure it's subconscious."

He blinked stupidly, his mouth opening and closing as he watched her shit eating grin stretch across her face until she was smiling at him not unlike a gremlin from a kid's storybook about to single him out to obtain his first born.

"But.. how do you know?! I'm surrounded by people I've known since birth and my Mom. Everyday. And none of them know. So how is it that you do, how can you take one look at me and know anything about me, let alone that I'm lying, when no one else does, not even the people who are supposed to know me best. How do you see so much, Missy?" His voice broke as he fought down a whole different kind of panic. His breaths started hitching little hiccuping sounds for a lot longer than he liked to admit before he got shit under control. He thought he might cry.

Great. Just what she needs. Some nutcase stalker boy from school following her around naked and crying. 

What a fucking weirdo.

Her grin faltering, Missy stepped towards him, her expression immediately chastised and cleared of humor as she moved closer. "Hey, hey Rafe. I was just.. well, I wasn't kidding. You're really obvious when you lie. But, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pointed that out. It's whatever you want to tell me, ok? You can tell me anything. I can't promise to believe it's the truth, but I'll try. Please.." she grimaced, pulling her hand from where she'd just barely grazed his arm as she seemed to remember that he was still naked. "Please don't.. don't cry. Ok? And uh, look, I'm gonna give you this? It's kinda weird talking to you without your clothes on." Missy's smaller frame moved to put a small bit of space between them as her hands went to her sweater that was tied around her waist. Fingers fumbled while she worked at the knot there, the tips of her ears just visible through the curtain of her hair gaining a pinkish tint as she struggled. 

She huffed out a breath, fingers working harder as she hunched into herself.

Gaining some control over his breathing Rafe fought off a weak grin as he watched her wrestle with the knots. Taking pity on her he leaned a little closer, taking up what little space she'd left between them he reached a hand out, waiting for her to give any sort of sign that she'd seen him before he took it from her shaking hands, gently pulling it loose and from around her.

It wasn't even that tight. That was a bit odd? He wasn't sure, really. Humans were fairly weaker than his kind. 

Maybe it was from the cold? It must have been cold out, but he wasn't the most reliable when it came to temperatures. Being wolf born meant having a certain resilience to temperature change.

Pulling the plum colored sweater backwards tight around his waist Rafe nodded his thanks to his classmate feeling just the slightest bit better at the layer between them.

"I- I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be so… emotional. It just keeps happening. Shit's just been real hard on me lately. For a while actually." 

"I really don't know what you're talking about, but you keep alluding to it without much explanation. So I guess that's just my luck. Unless.. now you wanna talk about it?" Her head tilted upwards hopefully in his direction.

Now? Now, sure? Why the fuck not? They were alone at the river in the dark, not hardly the worst situation he'd ever been discovered in. But the naked thing was still eating at him, even with his snazzy new purple addendum. Kinda seemed like a terrible idea to stay there and talk about his feelings when literally anybody could happen by and immediately jump to the wrong conclusions. Which, he couldn't really fault them on, because again, he was naked.

Feeling like he was really just jumping from what terrible situation to the next with his life Rafe did what he did best and added the verbal fuel to the fire and asked Missy the first dumb thing that had been screaming for attention since he'd decided to stick around and not melt back into the shadows. "You wanna come to my house?"

It seemed the safer option, they could talk, he could put on something other than her sweater, and his Mom maybe wouldn't be home until Dawn. Probably.

She did have that whole gross thing with Gabriel going on. So she might not even be home for the next few days.

God Gabe. Just the whole fucked up idea of his Mom and Gabriel and whatever shit they were getting up to was enough to make him nauseous.

Tilting her head upwards towards him he could see her smile stretch just the tiniest bit wider into a more genuine grin, like he'd given her some amazing gift asking her to come to his house. Maybe he was reading into it too much? But whatever, his asking made her happy and it might make him an even bigger idiot but he was quickly finding out that he liked doing things that made her smile.

"Well, I gotta say it took you long enough. I kinda thought you'd never ask."

 

Chapter 7

Notes:

Hi to anyone who's reading this. Sorry about the LONG ass wait. Been sick been injured. Still both, but I am getting better.
Hopefully this chapter was worth the wait and gives a bit more insight into our sad little Rafe. My boy just needs a hug!
And therapy. Soon much therapy.

 

The entire walk back from the river Rafe kept twitching, feeling as though something was watching them from the shadows but he couldn't tell what. It was as if there were eyes on him from every direction. He reached out with his senses, letting himself shift just a little, but he still couldn't come up with anything. Sure there were plenty of smells and sounds and lots of little creatures scurrying throughout the grass and flitting about in the trees, but nothing moved that gave credence to his growing sense of paranoia.

Luckily Missy seemed unable to notice any of the things he could, too preoccupied with her eyes on the ground trying to see the way. He forgot sometimes that humans didn't see well in the dark.

They made quite the pair he was sure, her tripping every few seconds over sticks and rocks and him with his backside turned into the breeze.

Feeling like he was testing his luck with whatever Gods that might be paying attention including his own he walked through the dead grass in his backyard and in through the still open sliding door, not needing to feel his way through the darkness, Rafe turned towards Missy and offered his hand, waiting the few seconds it took for her to notice the shape of it in the dark, pulling her inside to help guide her through the mess that was his room.

His cheeks darkened slightly, suddenly self conscious. But whatever, he could be embarrassed later, right now he needed clothes.

Leading her to his desk chair he quickly grabbed up his meager collection of books (all that could be saved from the fire) and shuffled them to the desk leaving Missy to perch there while he went to the closet to find something to wear. Shuffling through the pile on the floor of his closet he scowled briefly at the thought that they were probably dirty before grabbing the cleanest smelling one. Missy probably wouldn't care, she may not even notice just as long as he was no longer naked.

"Is it safe?" Missy asked, her hands having found the vague outline of the lamp sitting next to her in the dark. 

"Wait just a second." Rafe gruffed out, bending to pull on his sweats. "Ok. It's safe."

"Oh, good." Flicking the switch Missy turned towards him in the chair, her arm coming up to rest on the back, her eyes flicking from his face and then all over the room, pausing briefly on the deep rivulets his claws had carved into the walls her eyes widening the tiniest bit before her gaze snapped back to his.

"So…"

Yeah, so. Fuck. What had been his plan? Get the girl to his house.. and then what? He hadn't thought much on what happened after that key step. Spill all his family secrets? Shit, forget that Aiden person, he, Rafe was actually the problem. Out of everybody in the whole family he was the only one throwing out pack secrets willy nilly.

Affecting an uncaring manner (despite, or perhaps to spite himself) Rafe crossed his arms and leaned sideways till he came to land gently against his closet door, feeling it push closed from his weight. "Listen, Missy. If we do this, if I tell you the truth, we'll have gone past dangerously close and be right smack in like, treason territory. What I'm hiding, it could put you in real danger. Do you really want that? When you could leave right now, get up from that chair, walk out of this house and just leave, I wouldn't follow you. And we could pretend this whole thing never happened. Like we don't know each other. That's what's safe, Melisandre."

Missy had turned her gaze away from him while he was speaking, her eyes on her hands which had started shaking until his last words when they had snapped back up to his face, holding him in her suddenly piercing stare, her hands clenched steady into bony fists. 

"I've spent a long time trying to do what's safe, Rafe. And I have nothing to show for it. So why should I stick to what's expected of me and go along pretending I'm safe when I have this, you right in front of me, and what I saw before? That was amazing. I can't go home now, I just can't. Not when I'm this close to something wonderful."

It struck him then, like a physical blow. That this small human could be so fierce. So contradictory of everything he'd previously known to be true.

"But what if you get hurt and it's all my fault, what if I'm the one who's asking you to go home, Missy. And not any of the others. Just me. Would you do it?" He'd moved closer to her while speaking, feeling his heart gripped with terror that he might cause another person to get hurt. That it may be all of his fault. Again.

Grabbing his hands Missy held them, turning them palms up to stare at the centers of each one. Her fingers moving over his as she spoke. She seemed to be measuring the length against her own.

"You act like I haven't been hurt before, not in the way you're imagining, I'm sure. But, if I get hurt, even if somehow it is your fault. I won't blame you, because I want this. For reasons I'm not entirely sure I can explain, I need to know who you are. So, please… tell me?"

Ok, but how was he supposed to do this? He wanted to. He really really did. But everything inside that wasn't shouting in joy that she had seen what she had and wasn't running away screaming was doing some screaming if it's own and demanding that he make up some clever lies because he needed to protect the pack. Regardless of this girl and her apparent acceptance of his supernatural nature, he just couldn't go and throw out centuries of secrecy. But, then. 

What if he could? I mean, what if he did and Missy still liked him at the end of it and there was no screaming? Then no one would have to know what he'd done.

It was probably foolish, and he was sure that if any one of his family were there he'd be cuffed on the back of the head so hard his teeth would shake loose along with what brain cells he had left, but how could he say no to this one thing, this one good thing that he'd been granted in a series of horrible fuck ups that seemed to keep happening to him. He would be an idiot if he did. 

Gripping his hand a bit tighter Missy scooted to the very edge of her seat and pulled him closer. "Ok, I don't know what, if anything, you're allowed to say, so I'm just gonna start us off and you can confirm or deny at any point. Ok? First, your fingers are all ridiculously long. What's up with that?"

Rafe scratched at the back of his head, feeling like a live wire he was so nervous. "It's a family trait."

"Oh yeah?" Missy grinned up at him, her expression all mischief. "I'll have to take your word at that. But don't be at all alarmed if you see me discreetly snapping pics of your cousins hands throughout the week to confirm."

He sputtered out an inelegant snort at that image, muttering a few choice words under his breath at the cheek of this girl. "Really? No matter how sneaky you think you are, my family is a bit too sharp to just ignore you whipping your phone out every time you're in the same room. They're gonna figure out something is up." 

"Well then I'll just lie. I'm a good liar. Unlike some people." Getting to her feet, Missy pushed past him to walk the length of the room, pausing to stare at the thick rows of claw marks that covered a good portion of his room. "These are from?" 

"Um... me." 

Missy's fingers lightly traced the grooves, her gaze intense and glowing slightly when she turned back to face him. "You did these?" He expected fear, the sharp sour scent of it filling the room and gagging him, but instead she seemed suddenly that much more alive and twitching with excitement. "Can you show me?"

Could he? He immediately felt more vulnerable than when he'd been standing in front of her naked. There was just something about doing this, letting her see a side of him that no one but family had ever been allowed to see that made him uneasy.

But even so, Rafe was never very good at stopping himself. Poor impulse control. 

"Ok." Walking toward her he lay his hand against the wall, trailing it along behind him as he moved. He could tell the moment she saw it, her eyes widening, almost exactly the moment he felt the skin of his fingers start to split, flesh peeling away, red running in fat drips down the wallpaper as claws suddenly sprang forth cutting new trails.

"Doesn't that hurt?"

"..maybe?" He honestly hadn't given much thought to the pain of it since his first change, if it even hurt at all anymore. That pain was shunted to the background of his thoughts in favor of the usual pleasure that he felt once the shift was complete. "I'm not really sure if it does." At her disbelief he grinned and shook his head. "No, really. I have no idea if it hurts. It's like, my brain refuses to concentrate on the pain, if there is any pain. It's not important."

"Oh." Missy stared at the blood running down the wall, her face an emotion he couldn't describe. "Why are these here, Rafe? If it doesn't hurt, why is it here, is it like how a cat uses its claws? If so, why not do it out there. Mark your territory?" She gestured wildly towards his still open door that let out onto the darkness of the backyard. "Why is it in your room, are you hiding it?"

And that. That was ridiculous, how could he hide anything? His mother came through here several times a day. And if he were hiding it then he'd have done a better job. "No. I. When we moved here… I was in a bad place. Doing this, taking out my frustrations in a safe space, it helped. But I'm not hiding it! My mom knows and everything... It's gonna be a bitch to explain when we move out, though."

He wasn't hiding it. Really. Hiding the mire of emotions and mood swings that fell upon him with all the subtlety of a hammer and his inability to get through the day without having at least one fucked up moment where he disengaged from his reality? Yeah sure. He was definitely hiding that. His whole life was like one big disengage if he thought about it.

But not this. This was something he was sure they all did rather than accidentally take out their frustrations on something living. He'd seen the evidence in passing that at least Vivian shared his same impulses.

But then, for all he knew it would just be written off and chalked up as crazy teenaged hormones by the others.

Missy seemed to take his explanation and subsequent lapse into silence as confirmation of her own theories, but luckily chose to ignore the things that he definitely did not want to talk about in favor of walking through the rest of his room, eyes sparkling and open and straining for every single one of his secrets.

She stopped at a picture of two grinning boys, cheeks pink from the snow, one of them had his arm thrown around a rather large and intimidating looking wolf. Snow dusted it's black fur as it stared at the person taking the picture.

The wolf wasn't the most remarkable thing about the picture though, since it was only his grandfather in shifted form. What was pretty wild was the resemblance of the two children in the picture. They could have been twins, if not for one of them having one blue eye instead of two dark brown orbs to match his counterpart.

Rafe stared at the picture in Missy's hands, simultaneously overwhelmed and drawn in by the sick-sad feelings it caused. 

People had always assumed that they were twins. It was something Axel had used to his advantage on more than one occasion. Even now, when Rafe looked in the mirror, 9 times out of 10 it was Axel that he saw.

If it weren't for their eyes they would have been indistinguishable. If it hadn't been for their eyes, Rafe would have been the one dead. 

As it was, he'd spent an awful, terrifying day and half a night in the holding cell at the police station, mistaken for the impossible; the boy who'd killed the star quarterback's girlfriend. Turned into a wolf and ate up parts of her.

It had been the talk of the town. Whispers, really. Everyone knew suddenly and indisputably that their worst fears were confirmed; the old family who ran the Inn really were something nefarious. There'd been a reason for all of the segregation. They actually were monsters.

Reaching for the picture, Rafe held it in shaking hands. He didn't know why he kept it. He wasn't sure if he would ever be strong enough to throw it away.

"People used to mistake us for each other. All of the time. And Axel… he. He loved it. Used to get me in trouble all the time." Pausing in his words Rafe fought to swallow passed the knot that was suddenly lodged in his throat. He didn't want to cry anymore. He'd screamed and raged and cried for months and he thought he was passed all of that.

He'd hoped.

Absently, he felt Missy lean into his shoulder, wordlessly giving support. "But I didn't care, I didn't mind it. Because we were together, closer than siblings, I thought. But things change. He changed most of all. Somewhere along the line, I lost track of who he was really, and in the end everybody paid the price."

He felt stupid. So stupid. What was he even supposed to say to Missy now that he'd just laid all of that out on her. "It's ok to be upset, Rafe. It's ok when things aren't ok, you know. It doesn't always have to be, sometimes, things can be so messed up that nothing feels like it'll ever be alright again. I'm here for you either way." Leaning harder into him, like she might melt into his side if she pressed hard enough, Missy offered her hands, wrapping his up in both of hers, her skin oddly cool against his.

"It's uh, I-I-," clearing his throat he turned his head away slightly, hoping she couldn't see his face. "I'm." He wanted to say he was fine. But he wasn't. Clearly, he wasn't, if looking at a photo was causing him this much emotion then he wasn't fine.

"Rafe." Stilling, he felt her squeeze his hand tighter. Still he didn't look at her. If he did, she would know. "You don't have to lie to me. I know, ok? I know what it's like to be so alone and feel so helpless that it's eating you up inside. It's like a dark pit, this- this - this thing! This gaping emptiness inside that's just all of your hurt and pain and nothing fills it, it just keeps getting bigger and bigger and you think you can make others forget that there's something wrong and when it seems like they do you still don't feel any better and it just grows. Sometimes it's strangling…" Tapering off Missy hugged him sudden and roughly, her head tilted toward the darkness on the other side of the sliding door, eyes unfocused.

Feeling emboldened by her words Rafe spoke up. Spitting it out before it could strangle him. "Axel.. Axel is the reason, no I guess he isn't. Not really. But Axel is the start of it. We left Virginia because of something Axel did, but really, it was my fault. I saw the stupid things he was doing, the danger he was becoming. To us, to everyone around him. Last year, Axel killed a girl. And.. the way it was done.. made our whole family complicit. Because where there is one wolf, there are always others." It was out of his mouth before he could think better of it. But, she had already seen him at least partially changed. Eyes in the dark. Nails trailing blood. It was just the whole, saying it out loud thing that felt like treason.

Missy tensed against him, her own nails digging sharp little crescents into his hand. He knew she wanted to say something but he needed to keep talking, he needed to continue or he would never be able to start again.

"My family is.. complicated. I guess," he chuckled brokenly. His words ringing hollow as he fought to keep it together, to not think about Axel anymore than he had to. But every time he thought about what he was he would inevitably think of Axel. "It's called.. in many places it's something similar. We call it being a roux-ga-roux, you probably know of it as werewolf or the Wolfman, but in our lore, we are descended from the Goddess and her lover. Given pelts as a sign of their love for us. But, anyway. Myths aside, being roux-ga-roux is passed down through our blood, it's not something where I could just bite you and you would be one of us. You have to be born."

"Well that's a disappointment." Pouting at him Missy urged him on, shuffling impatiently. "So, do you, uh.. do any howling at the moon in your spare time?"

Letting go of her hands he stood and began to prowl the room hoping to work off some of his anxiety and confusing excitement at her interest. Running a hand over his face he shook his head no, chuckling softly. "No. No howling.. No moon needed... well, not exactly, but when it is full we can't help it, we have to change. We can at any time, though. I love the change. It's got to be one of the most freeing feelings to become something other for a while. Recently, it's the only time I've felt like I'm still a part of my family."

"Rafe.."

"No don't- don't feel sorry for me. I betrayed their trust and even though I paid for it, I still feel like they blame me. They should blame me. Good people died because I was too much of a coward to do what was right, even when I knew he was going against the pack and our rules." Rules of which he was most blatantly flouting. It seems that all he was good at was breaking the rules, even when all he wanted was to do the right thing. 

"Right, wrong.." Missy leaned her head back in his chair, having crossed the room to sit, hair spilling down in tangled curls as her eyes followed him around the room. "Sometimes those are just words. What's right can make us do worse things than wrong ever could. You blame yourself for something that wasn't yours to control. You couldn't have stopped your cousin or someone like him who shared his beliefs from doing what he did."

His heart gave an unpleasant pang, his vision swimming as if the room were warping around him, closing in tighter, disbelief coloring his next words. "You don't understand. What he did, what I did, it's all just parts of the same problem. Pieces of the whole. By me staying silent I gave him the free reign to do what he always did and fucked things up. Sure, he killed that girl but it may as well have been me." He croaked, words breaking as he continued. "When I heard what he'd done. When they cornered me, took me, trapped me in a cage. It felt like it was me." The world spun unpleasantly all of a sudden, the thick hot feeling like he was being smothered from moments ago leaving him cold now and gasping while his body leaned dangerously forward. 

He was shaking, each breath whooshing out with trembling gasps as his thoughts continued to conjure up images and sounds and the cold moist scent of his concrete cage and the pain of getting kicked hard in the ribs while others stood by and clubbed at him with metal flashlights or just stood off to the side jeering (while he'd babbled in broken English, the words colored by the mess of languages that ran together along with his thoughts) and offering up suggestions as what to do with him.

They hadn't been police officers then, just a blood hungry mob.

Nothing he'd said had mattered to them, even when he'd started to cry openly they had only been further enraged. It wasn't until something had snapped inside, bringing with it a warm copper taste that flooded his mouth that his eyes had blazed yellow and inhuman and the collective of gathered law enforcement had crowed with a sick sort of triumph. He'd finally done it, finally shown his true nature. He wasn't even human, he was a beast.

When the pack had come he'd barely been able to crack open even one eye; they were both such a mass of bruising. The rest of him had hardly been any better. He remembers it with shame, how he'd seen Vivian's Father and flung himself across the tiny room into the man's arms, weeping openly. It didn't matter that they weren't there to save him, that the consequences of his negligence lay back at home, waiting. 

All that mattered was that they had come for him. 

Stars danced in bursts of light at the edges of his vision and he couldn't breathe. He, little by little, became aware of something. A noise. 

Soft words that floated towards him as if from some distance, distorted and confusing as hands reach toward him, running soft soothing circles over his skin. Missy breathed encouragement against his skin, her eyes speaking of the fear she felt, for him, of him, he couldn't be sure.

She was saying his name, the word spoken so quiet and tenderly he almost didn't recognize it for what it was as she whispered it against him, her fingers still making slow soothing circles. "Rafe.. Rafe, whats happening? Do you know what this is?" She didn't ask if he was alright and for that one small thing he was so fucking grateful. He wasn't sure he could choke out any more false platitudes sharing his supposed well-being. He wasn't fine. Why the fuck should he be? 

"I just- get like this sometimes. When I think too much about last year. What happened and all the people who died. I get sucked into this place, it's like this.. dark hole or a wave crashing into me and I'm blinded and drowning and it's like, no matter what I do I won't ever be able to breathe freely again without something reminding me of it."

It took him an embarrassing few seconds to figure out that the reason Missy was looking at him like he'd grown another head wasn't because she'd suddenly become offended by his presence and pathetic tendency to cry and more likely because he'd been so mixed up in his head that he'd garbled everything up into a mess of languages, none of them English.

"I'm sorry," he breathed out on a giggle. As if crying wasn't bad enough, now he could feel a laugh working it's way up his throat. Knew that if he let it go then he would just laugh and laugh until he choked on it. And then Melisandre would leave and never come back because at that point it would be obvious just how damaged he was. "Sometimes I forget my English. My Baba would be so upset if she knew, she didn't work so hard to teach me for me to not use it."

"That's ok," Missy said, her voice and hands reassuring as she continued rubbing tiny circles against his skin. "I've heard you guys at school before, talking. How many languages do you know? That didn't seem like it was all German. You guys bicker at each other in German, a lot. It's actually kinda funny, especially since the big blonde girl always pretends she isn't paying any attention to the rest of you, but she always has something to say whenever you piss her off."

"Yeah, that's Vivian. She likes to have the last word in everything. We speak a lot of different languages at home, I didn't even learn English until right before primary school." That in itself would have made him the perfect target for bullying (and it was, but few dared try and bully him when there was quite a large number of his cousins around, and most of them quite a lot older) that and just how completely other they all were, even in public. It was like having a witch move in next door to you and barely make any attempts to conceal her bubbling cauldron filled up with all of the neighborhood pets. It was just obvious from the start; something was very odd about those people that lived up in the woods and ran the Inn. Something dangerous.

Missy had sunk to the floor while he'd been talking, pulling him along with her so that they leaned up against the foot of his bed (which was really just a mattress thrown on the floor with a pillow and some sheets on it) one of his hands clasped tightly in her own as she ran her thumb and pointer finger over his arm. She stared at the canvas he had leaning up against the opposite wall. 

"It must have been nice growing up surrounded by all of those kids." She said softly, absently. "It's always been just my Dad and me."

"It can be. Mostly after a certain age it was a competition, each of us vying for position. Cuz that's how a pack functions. Nothing is free, you gotta earn every scrap." His Dad had been big on reminding him of that fact and how Rafe rarely, if ever, measured up. "Your Dad? No Mom?"

"Do you know," Missy spoke softly, staring at their now entwined hands, ignoring his question completely. Giving his hand a little squeeze. "What that was, before? You were having a panic attack." 

His heart gave an unpleasant lunge down towards his stomach at her words, that she could see through him so easily. It made him wonder if his relatives were so obtuse that they just didn't want to extend themselves enough to care.

"I've made so many mistakes, Missy. And.. when I think about them, when I put it into words.. it's like I can't breathe, and the world narrows down to only the bad things and it's so suffocating, so smothering, that I can't even see the good most of the time. And I spiral. If that's a panic attack then I guess, yeah, it's happened a lot since the fire. Since before we came here."

"I'm not gonna suggest therapy, because I think that wouldn't go over too well with the rest of your family. You're not even supposed to be talking to me, right? But, what you're doing, the deep breaths, calming yourself down, that's good. It's a good start. I wish you could talk to someone, someone better at explaining this stuff, smarter at least. Who's actually processed grief before. But, I understand why you won't do it, so I hope you'll at least let me be here for you. A sounding board, at least. For when you need someone."

It was surprising, the amount of care she showed for him. After living up in the woods surrounded by family and the town's people's suspicion, he knew her trust in him and care for his well-being would take some getting used to. That and her seemingly unending enthusiasm for learning about his secret. It startled him. He'd only known her really since that afternoon and he felt closer to her than anyone else. There was just something about her, something that said he could trust her, something in her face that promised she would never betray that trust.

It was almost too much of a good thing. He wanted to snap and snarl and push her away, because he was a wolf more than he was a boy and he knew his place and no human girl could seduce him away from it. But she wasn't.. seducing him, she hadn't even tried to. He had a suspicion that she never would. Missy was just too good for all that. To good for him. And he was too selfish to walk away from the freedom she was offering him, the peace that he felt once he got passed the fear.

When he put aside his fear and looked at her, took in her honesty (which she wore on her sleeve, right next to her heart) he knew that he would never purposely make her leave. He couldn't.

He wasn't strong enough.

"Missy, I.." whatever embarrassing emotional dump of words he had been about to drop on her with the force of a dump truck was stopped by Missy exclaiming in startled surprise; "Oh, Rafe. Look!" She peered in alarm at the sky that was lightening outside his still open door. "It's almost morning! Crap! I, uh, I gotta go. I'm so sorry I know we're talking, but I gotta go!" 

Sure enough, while it may not have been dawn exactly, the night was fading from it's deep blue as the sky turned at the edges into a soft yellow.

They'd stayed up all night. This was hardly his first sleepless night but it was certainly the only one he'd ever shared with someone that wasn't part of the pack.

Missy was scrambling up and moving, wringing her hands a little as she clearly debated mentally as she glanced from him to the door that let out on the hall whether she really needed to leave right then or not.

She was so sweet in her concern it almost felt physically painful, sending a pang of some raw emotion to strangle in his chest. Before she could convince herself to stay he quickly got to his feet. Mind made up. "I'll walk you.. if that's ok?"

This time he made it all the way past the dried grass of the path that was spotted with wild flowers and weeds and walked her up to the plum colored door that was held in the embrace of the mustard-gold of the rest of the house. Missy hung back, hands brushing at her shirt hem and the dried mud on her overalls as she searched for what to say, but once again he beat her to it. 

"I guess I'll be seeing you in a few hours? At school?"

"Yes! And after? Can I come over later, if that's ok? Or we could meet somewhere else? I have so many questions." Missy was suddenly all nerves and none of the excitement that had possessed her throughout most of their conversation as her cheeks pinked, her eyes flicking from his face down to his hands, levelling somewhere between his ear and his shoulder as she waited for his response, visibly attempting to reign herself in.

It was kind of a relief to know that he wasn't the only one who was nervous here. 

He smiled, his words coming out a bit breathless as he stared across the space between them in the half light. "Ok.."

 

Chapter 8

After spending all last night and most of the morning distracted, Rafe realized that he hadn't given much consideration as to how he would approach this Aiden person when he found them. Spending the night divulging pack secrets to Missy had been his primary cause of worry since he'd walked her home that morning.

He was so fucked. Not only had he forgotten about the poem and what it might mean, he'd also done exactly what he'd been afraid of and exposed his whole family to somebody who was already on their radar. 

The Five's at least. 

Just that fact worried him. Maybe even more than the poet did. He'd been so caught up in trying to figure Missy out and how lonely he was that he'd forgotten that what he wanted didn't matter. Rafe didn't need anybody if it meant just knowing him put them in danger.

And just her being seen with him could put her in danger if his family felt it threatened them.

For a good chunk of the morning (when he wasn't freaking out over the poem and his treacherous heart) his thoughts returned over and over to Missy and just how weirdly not afraid she was of all of this. 

Part of him was sickened by how easily swayed he was turning out to be. What was wrong with him, she was only human, barely half a person.

A son of the woods, half sick and cow eyed over a human. 

But she was still so much more. Every moment he spent with her proved it. There was something special about Melisandre Hayes.

But still, his Father's words chased around his head, turning any happiness he had felt into a sour ache in his gut. He felt nauseous and unable to concentrate on anything but how he was surely letting his people down by betraying them this way. Letting a human go freely about her business, knowing factually, irreversibly, that they exist.

Those people in Virginia that knew, they'd all gone to their graves with that knowledge. Setting fire to the only home he'd ever known hadn't ended well for them.

That was the only time in their recent history that the pack had taken human lives.

That, and having to cull from their own had nearly broken what was left of his family. Rafe didn't want to be the cause of any more pain by keeping this secret, but he also couldn't bring himself to say anything to them about Missy. Regardless of what the phantom voice of his Dad kept screaming about honor and duty above all else. If he told any of them.. she would die.

And if Rafe knew anything at this point it was that he would not let anything happen to Missy, he couldn't. 

 

 

Walking home from school he felt ten feet tall, his skin too tight from the bubbling of this unexpected happiness that filled him. Completely at odds with how he had felt that morning.

He hadn't talked to her while at school, the both of them sharing what Rafe hoped were covert enough glances between classes as the Five ribbed  him for failing to reel in Missy Hayes. As if she were a fucking fish.. As if she was ever going to be that easy.

He kept his thoughts on the matter quiet, though, content to smile to himself every time he caught her looking in his direction, nearly choking on a laugh when he saw her pull her phone out during bio while Ulf was busy running his fingers through his hair spazzing out over something one of the others had said. Rafe ducked his head down and grinned into his folded arms when he heard the tell tale click of a smartphone camera. 

Part of him was still very much freaking out internally. Possibly doing some high pitched screaming, he wasn't really sure. He was doing his best to ignore it.

It was just. She'd seen him. Really seen him. Wolf and all, and she hadn't run away. It was insane. How could every known human that found out about their kind have reacted in such violent and awful ways, but not her? Was she the exception to the rule or its breaking point? 

There was something there, something he wasn't seeing. But he put it to the back of his mind to ponder over later, because as he neared the big old vic that Vivian and her Ma and half the pack were staying in, he stilled. Suddenly aware of the others.

He didn't remember anyone calling a pack meeting. Missy's wide blown eyes and butterfly heartbeat sounded in his ears as she'd stared at his wolf in the moonlight. He shook his head. It couldn't be about that. Nobody else had been near there last night.

Unable to take the unknown for a moment longer he walked in, banging the door against the wall in his haste and soliciting a round of laughter from the various Moms parked around the room he quickly crossed when it didn't seem like anyone in particular was angry at him more than normal and took his expected place among the other boys, ears perked attentively towards the adults in the room.

Bucky stood to one side of the group, no longer a kid but still not considered an adult by all of the others, even if he and Gabriel had helped save everyone's ass back home. Rafe may not have been close friends with him, but he would never forget the surge of hope he'd felt when Bucky had pulled him from the back bedroom before it fell down in flames.

Bucky noticed him staring and cracked a smile, tall frame fidgeting before he turned away again to listen.

Uncle Rudy was up and talking. He'd really come through for all of them when the fire happened and they'd been scattered to the winds.

For a self proclaimed lone wolf, he took the lead when they were all too scared to do it for themselves.

This was his house that Vivian and her Mom were staying in, Rafe had stayed here, too, when his Mother had still been reeling over the loss of his Dad. 

In Rafe's opinion, it wasn't much of a loss. Lucien Dafoe had been a mean drunk who'd never met anyone he liked more than he liked booze. As far as Rafe was concerned it was like all of his prayers had been answered when his Father came up as one of the dead.

Rafe was busy thinking this when suddenly the room was full of noise as every single member of the pack started talking in unison in several different languages rapid fire, everybody shouting their opinions and demands and then a ridiculous bit of a spat between his Mother and Vivian's Ma over that prat Gabriel and then the old healer was standing and proclaiming and the gist that Rafe got was that they were all gonna have the equivalent of a Wolves pissing contest to see who the new leader was. Since Rudy apparently just wanted them all to leave. Thanks Rudy. He rescinded his earlier good thoughts about him.

But he supposed that made sense, this was a small town, and they were a large pack. Even at half, there were just too many for them to run freely in these woods.

After doing what was expected of himself and letting everyone have a laugh at his expense (no real intentions to actually compete with a bunch of older and stronger wolves) Rafe turned for the door, intent on getting home so he could drop all of his stuff and take off for the river. After all, he kind of had a date. Sort of. 

A hand on his shoulder stopped him from clearing the stoop and Rafe spun around, a snarl halfway from his throat. It died quick when he saw Vivian staring at him reproachfully.

"Geez, dork. You don't have to bite my head off." She joked, taking her hand back and quickly glanced around.

Why was Viv trying to talk to him? They hadn't spoken more than to snarl at each other in months. And here she was. Rafe sighed slowly. "Why are you here, Vivian?"

Taken aback, Vivian paused, eyes widening as her nostrils scented the area, he could almost imagine her ears perking before she blew out an annoyed breath. "Can't I talk to my cousin?"

Rafe shook his head, backing away. " No, no. You can't, cuz you haven't said one civil thing to me in over six months. So as far as I'm concerned, Vivian, you don't need to speak to me now."

"Rafe! I saw you last night. At the river. I saw you with her. The human girl. Rafe, you need to leave her alone. Before she gets hurt."

Panicked, Rafe shook visibly, his hands itching toward claws until he noticed and panicking further, pulled his wolf back under his control. What?! But, how? Wait. He knew he'd felt something last night, like eyes on his back. But he'd brushed it off as paranoia. "No. You didn't." He said firmly, tone shutting down. "You don't have any idea what you saw."

Viv's face pinched in confusion as she shook her head. "What?! I don't know what you're playing at, Rafe. But you can't be playing around with meat girls. Not after what happened last time." 

Viv looked concerned as she spoke quietly, arms wrapping around her waist, one hand cupping her side tightly, wrinkling the fabric until her knuckles went white. "You could hurt her. You let her see your wolf. It seems like.. it looks really bad, Rafe. You should know by now not to let the others talk you into shit."

Oh. Oh Vivian didn't even have half a clue. She thought it had something to do with the dumb shit the boys were talking about at school. That bet. She didn't know. She'd only seen them down by the water and naturally, assumed the worst of him. She hadn't heard anything that was said. Hopefully. 

Viv was still talking so Rafe just cut right over her before she could accuse him of anything else. "Look, Vivi. It isn't like that. It's…. It's complicated." At her disbelieving look he cracked a wince and resolved to just tell her. But not here. "Can you just...come with me? I wanna explain it to you without everyone and their brother about to come out here and stick their noses in it."

Grabbing her hand he didn't wait for her to refuse and tell him to go fuck himself and just pulled her off of the porch and around the back of the house, walking in long strides with his head tilted down so that nobody watching could see his expression and would hopefully just assume he was taking her in the back to fool around. 

In a pack, stranger things had happened.

Quickly getting pissed and over being dragged and manhandled around Vivian pushed him away as soon as they cleared the house and stood at the end of the backyard, scowling she took a few steps away and leaned back against one of the posts holding up Rudy's makeshift grape arbor. 

"So what are you gonna say Rafe? What could you possibly tell me that isn't a bunch of lies?"

Wringing his hands Rafe glared for a few seconds at his cousin, unsure what to say or how to start it when every word out of Viv's mouth just served to piss him off. She didn't know anything. But she thought she did. She'd always been like that.

"I know.. I know how it seems, I get it. It looked exactly like last time. Like you were seeing Axel again, right? Right before he killed that girl. For weeks he did that type of shit, had her half convinced it was a nightmare and I.. I did nothing. You aren't the only one who sees him all the time. I see him every day. Every time I look in a mirror it's like he's right there, staring back at me. Laughing. Because no matter what I do to make up for it, people still see me and they see him. And he gets the last laugh cuz they always will. I can't help how much we look alike, but I'm not him and no matter where this thing with Melisandre goes, I'm not gonna hurt her."

Vivian looked deeply uncomfortable and full of sympathy for a few seconds before she seemed to shake it off, her normal disgruntled face for when she had to look at Rafe snapping back into place. "It's real easy to make that kind of promise right now, Rafe. But what I saw last night can't be overlooked. What were you thinking? You showed her your wolf. She knows the pack's secret because she knows yours. How could you put us in danger like that? How could you be so selfish?"

Really? How could he? Fucking typical Vivi, everything is never her fault. "How could I? What about you, Vivian? I saw you at school today, practically rolling over for that human. You really want to point fingers and place blame? He knows Vivian, he knows what we are. He knew before Melisandre did. Don't fucking look like that at me, his poem is. About. Us. You can't tell me he's never been around wolf kind before when he wrote something like that."

Jerking back like she'd been struck, Vivian darted a glance around the yard before she turned her worried gaze back to him. "You don't- you don't know that. He could just be guessing. I already spoke with him earlier at lunch and he didn't recognize anything, he just wrote what he thought was something cool. A deeper look into the dark. He doesn't know. He's harmless." 

Letting out a snort Rafe reached up and ran his hand through his hair, flicking it back. "Yeah, on that we can agree. He seems high as a kite most of the time and completely oblivious." Before Vivian could shout her triumph he added: "That still doesn't prove anything. He could just be a really good liar." 

Huffing, Vivian scowled some more and recrossed her arms, her eyes darting again around the yard, pausing briefly at the tall grass, narrowing her eyes she bent, picked up a rock from the dirt and flung it in the span of seconds. The rock disappeared into the shoots of dried up lawn, followed immediately by a yelp as Finn and Ulf shot to their feet muttering curses in rapid fire, their words a jumble of languages. 

"Hey hey, Viv. That was rude. We was only wondering if you two was knocking boots again." Ulf giggled, dodging another rock as Vivian growled deep in her throat next to Rafe, his arm the only thing stopping her from racing through the grass and ripping a strip off both their asses. 

"If I were you two, I'd find a new hobby, before I help her beat your ass." Rafe said calmly, tossing his own rock in the air once and catching it. A clear warning to the boys that used to be his friends. 

Scoffing, Finn rolled his shoulders and turned, tugging at Ulf's arm to pull him along. 

Apparently they were done then.

They stood for a few long minutes in the grass, the moment for sharing was over but Rafe couldn't bring himself to walk away. It would look too suspicious in the Five's eyes. 

So, he couldn't go to Missy's or they might follow him and he couldn't stay where he was because the rest of the pack would be leaving soon and he didn't want anybody sniffing round and Vivian deciding to tell anyone else what she thinks she saw.

Feeling a little green at the thought of what he was about to do Rafe swallowed down his nausea and quickly asked: "Do you wanna come over?" 

At her horrified look Rafe scoffed and turned away, prepared to get the fuck out of there before Vivian's ego inflates any more than it already was. Which was astronomical already. "Not like that, you dingus. I meant: come over. To talk. Jeezus. Contrary to your popular belief, Vivian, the sun doesn't shine out your ass and I ain't interested. At all." It might have been a little bit of a lie, but one he would never willingly tell. That ship had sailed and sunk and he would be a fucking idiot to try and dredge the fucking lake to find it. That's it, enough nautical bullshit. All this crap was getting on his nerves.

Vivian stared at him for a few long seconds before giving off a big sigh like he was the one being the giant pain in the ass. "What more could you possibly have to say to me?" 

"Look. Just come, I promise this isn't some ploy cuz I really don't give a shit."

"Ugh! Fine. But I swear on both of our gods, if this is some stupid plot I will gut you and leave you to die alone."

Doing his best to hide a wince at Viv's uncanny ability to always draw first blood when it came to hurting him, Rafe started walking leading the way out of Rudy's yard, doing his best to shake any of the hurt off. Vivian didn't care enough about him to have half a clue of the wound her callousness had created. 

 

Notes:

I'm trying out a newish thing by only posting small chapters.
It seems to be working with my other story that I'm currently actually producing on, so, let's all pray it works with this one, too.