Chapter Text
“Hey Genos, can you put the groceries away tonight?”
Saitama didn’t have to ask, he should know that Genos, ever the diligent disciple, would make sure the groceries went to their proper places. But Genos understood that Saitama said this because, normally, they would do this task together. Tonight, though, Genos could tell that Saitama was tired. He watched from the corner of his eye as his teacher stripped his oil-or-blood-covered hero suit to the laundry and closed himself in the bathroom to wash his equally stained face.
Saitama had been tired even before they came across the monster. Some kind of sentient robot that definitely had not always been sentient or a robot. He hadn’t even given Genos more than a minute to engage the monster before punching it himself, to the detriment of his wardrobe.
Yes, Saitama would normally at least try to help Genos put the groceries away, but he was tired. So was Genos. It had been a long day and they were both ready to go to bed as soon as the perishables were away and Saitama was cleaned off.
Genos turned his attention from where his teacher had retreated to the bathroom and back toward the task at hand.
<PUT THE GROCERIES AWAY>
What?
The words sat unobtrusively at the bottom of his HUD. Bold and bright red, but small and out of the way enough that he’d missed them at first. How long had they been there? And why?
Genos sighed. He must be even more tired than he thought. He finished up with the groceries and blinked the command away. He must have absentmindedly set a reminder for the task he was already working on. How foolish. Well, it was better than forgetting what he was supposed to be doing, he supposed.
Genos set up the futons while Saitama, clean from the bathroom, pre-washed his suit. Genos would have liked to do a more thorough job, but it was late, and it’s not like that suit took stains easily, anyway.
“Let’s just go to bed. I’m beat,” Saitama said, and dropped down onto his futon with a bit more force than seemed comfortable.
“Yes, sensei,” Genos agreed easily. He pulled back the covers of his futon and froze.
<GO TO BED>
A new message on his HUD, just like before. Where had that come from? Had he done it without thinking again? He definitely did not need a reminder to go to bed when he was already so exhausted. Genos tried to dismiss the message, but it remained. He was too tired for this. He crawled into bed and the message finally disappeared. He could deal with the problem in the morning after a good night’s rest.
Genos slept dreamlessly that night.
The next morning, Genos woke feeling much better. He washed his face and cleaned his joints, started the laundry going, and began cooking breakfast without any strange messages popping up on his HUD. Whatever the problem was, it appeared to be gone now.
As usual, Saitama was still sleeping peacefully as Genos puttered about the apartment. Without an alarm clock, Genos imagined his teacher could sleep all day. Genos had taken over alarm clock duties after Saitama destroyed the last one, preferring to enjoy the time to himself he was afforded by the early morning chores before waking his teacher. He was much smarter than Saitama’s previous alarm clocks; calling out to his teacher from a distance kept him well out of harm’s way.
“Sensei! Breakfast is ready!”
“Mmmm?” Saitama blinked and slowly rose from bed. “Oh, ‘s morning,” he stated plainly.
Saitama must have rested as peacefully as he had, Genos mused. It wasn’t often that his teacher woke so calmly. It felt… nice… to see him like this. He looked… soft. And content.
They sat down to a quiet breakfast, neither feeling the need to disturb the stillness of the morning too quickly.
“Sensei, I started your hero suit in the wash,” Genos mentioned as he picked up their breakfast dishes.
“Thanks, man,” Saitama replied. “I can finish the laundry if you do the dishes.”
“Of course, sensei,” Genos said.
<DO THE DISHES>
“Dammit,” Genos muttered. It was back all of a sudden!
“Eh? What’s wrong?” Saitama asked.
“Nothing, sensei. I’m getting some strange notifications on my HUD; I’ll have to take some time today to diagnose the problem.”
“That sounds bad?” Saitama said, warily. “Do you want me to take over the dishes so you can fix it now?”
“No, that’s not necessary.” Genos was already up to his latex-gloved wrists in soapy water anyway, operating on autopilot to do the simple chore.
“Ok, man,” Saitama conceded, still sounding a bit concerned.
And so, they continued with their chores in quiet company until the dishes were back on the shelves and the laundry was hanging on the balcony. Genos found it difficult to be worried over this little software issue when he could be appreciating this peaceful moment of domesticity with his teacher.
Unfortunately, he really should figure out where these messages were coming from. Genos sighed as he sat down against the living room wall. He hated fiddling with his internal software.
“Y’ okay there, bud?” Saitama asked.
“Yes, sensei. I am going to diagnose the problem with my HUD now. I will be unavailable during the process and I am not sure how long it will take.”
“Ah, okay,” Saitama responded. “Nothing’s happening today anyway, and I can deal with anything that comes up while you’re busy.” He gave Genos a grin and a thumbs up.
“I know, sensei,” Genos responded with a small smile of his own.
“So, uh.” Saitama paused, as if unsure if he should ask his question. “Will it bother you if I play a video game while you’re doing that?”
“No, of course not.” Genos’s first thought was that he didn’t want anything he did to negatively impact his teacher’s day. However, it hadn’t escaped Genos that the messages seemed to only appear after Saitama had spoken to him… And Saitama had been encouraging him to voice his desires more often, even when they were inconvenient.
“Actually,” Genos amended, “it would be helpful to not have any auditory disturbances while I am in diagnostics mode. But if you would prefer to play your game, I can go to another apartment.”
“Auditory… uh. So you just need some quiet, right?” Saitama questioned. “Well how about this?” He held up the TV remote and hit the mute button, gesturing at the corresponding icon that showed up on the screen. “There, problem solved.” He grinned at Genos again. Genos felt so happy to be on the receiving end of so many of Saitama’s smiles today. He must be in a good mood after getting such a restful sleep.
“Oh. Thank you, sensei.” But was it really okay? Saitama had already turned away from Genos, starting the game up. Well, if he really didn’t mind, then Genos could absolutely work like this.
He closed his eyes and opened a command terminal.
Saitama was getting to his wits end with this stupid game. He’d been doing great so far, even made it to the second boss fight, but now he kept dying over and over. Dammit! He couldn’t figure out how to predict the boss’s attack. King said to pay more attention to how enemies signaled their moves, but that was easier said than done!
Damn. It was so tempting to say that it wasn’t his fault. The game was poorly designed or… or maybe it was just because he had the game muted and it was a sound cue that he had to pay attention to. But Saitama didn’t want to place the blame on Genos for needing the apartment to be quiet once in a blue moon. The guy never asked for much, he could give him this. Eh, even if it were a sound cue, that would still be a bad choice in game design, right?
Speaking of Genos, he sure was taking his time fixing his cyborg stuff. As far as Saitama could tell, he hadn’t moved at all from when he sat down, three stages and several failed boss fight attempts ago.
He started the fight again, doubling down on his concentration. This was the one, he could feel it!
A faint shuffling and a dissatisfied groan distracted Saitama from his train of thought. Well, maybe Genos was done after all. He didn’t want to say anything in case his student still needed more quiet, though. Ah, hopefully he could beat the boss quickly, then!
“I’ve diagnosed the problem, sensei,” Genos said glumly from behind him. “I seem to have been infected with a computer virus. I will have to go visit Doctor Kuseno to restore my operating system.”
“Whoa really? That sounds serious!” Saitama paused his game and turned to look at Genos with concern. What did a computer virus do to a cyborg? Was it like a regular virus for a regular person? “Are you gonna be okay?”
“It’s a… sensitive situation, sensei,” Genos said. “But as long as I am able to go directly to Doctor Kuseno, I will be fine.”
“Ah. Okay, then. Good luck.” Saitama turned back to his game, trying not to worry too much about Genos, and unpaused.
Dammit! He’d paused right when he was supposed to dodge an attack! The boss totally annihilated him again!
“Fuck me!” Saitama yelled in exasperation. This game was too damn frustrating! It felt good to finally be able to yell about it. He still had to be careful about not crushing or throwing the damn controller.
As he seethed, Saitama heard a soft “oh no” come from behind him.
“Genos?” Saitama snapped out of his rage at the dumb game and turned back around. “What’s wrong? You need a hand?”
Genos was still sitting by the wall, but he looked like he was frozen in the middle of getting up, his limbs shaking in a rigid way. His expression was shocked and almost fearful.
“I’m sorry, sensei. Yes, there is a problem. The virus that has infected my operating system is affecting my movement.”
Whoa, that sounded bad! Suddenly, with a great lurch, Genos jerked forward so that he was crawling on his hands and knees.
“I am not sure what the original purpose of the virus is.”
The rigidity was gone now. Genos crawled forward, towards Saitama, in a way that could only be described as seductive – hips high and swaying back and forth as he looked concernedly up at Saitama from under his bangs. Still, he continued talking.
“I believe it infected my internal operating system late yesterday evening, and therefore the most likely source was the robotic monsters we fought on our way home. Thus, it is possible that it was designed to target cyborg heroes such as myself.”
Once Genos had crawled his way next to Saitama – a bit close for comfort, really, he sat up and crossed his arms in front of him to reach the hem of his shirt. His expression seemed flustered, and he began talking faster.
“However, it is possible that it was created with the purpose of infecting and controlling personal android assistants as a way of infiltrating the homes and businesses of the wealthy elite who may own such devices.”
Genos slowly pulled the shirt up and off of himself, tossing it across the room. His hands reached under the bottom of Saitama’s hoodie and began pushing it up. What, did he need to do more laundry all of a sudden? He seemed so nervous, though.
“Nonetheless, the virus contains programming specifically designed to take over the movement patterns of a humanoid robotic frame and execute a large variety of established routines.”
Saitama distractedly complied as Genos eased the hoodie and his T-shirt up over his head and all the way off. What was going on? What was Genos even talking about?
“I am not sure why, but its functionality is voice-activated, meaning my body is currently trying to execute the most recent command I was given, perhaps following the protocol for -”
“Genos, you’re not making sense!” Saitama finally interrupted. He couldn’t follow any of what Genos was saying. “Get to the point!”
Genos stood up and reached for the fly of his (very) skinny jeans. He undid the button with just a flick of his metal fingers.
“My body is trying to have sex with you!” Genos blurted, steam rushing from the vents on his arms.
“What!?” Saitama exclaimed.
Genos slid the zipper down in one smooth motion, a panicked expression on his face.
“S- STOP!” Saitama yelled.
Genos immediately froze where he was, still as a statue. He sighed and the worry drained from his face.
“Thank you, sensei.” Saitama didn’t think he’d ever heard Genos sound so sincere. “I apologize for rambling,” he continued. “I should have been more concise with my words.”
“Yeah, uh. What just happened?” Saitama asked. He was a bit afraid to hear the answer.
“To summarize,” Genos said, “the virus can control my body. It makes me follow any orders I hear spoken to me, including your earlier exclamation.”
“Whoa, it’s controlling your body? That’s freaky!” Saitama said. “Wait, how does that translate to uh… to sex?”
“When you lost your game earlier, sensei. You said ‘Fuck me!’ The virus interpreted that as a command.”
Wait, had he? Saitama hadn’t even noticed what he’d said.
“Wh- I didn’t mean that literally!”
“I know that, sensei,” Genos reassured him. “The voice recognition of the virus does not seem to make the distinction, however.”
“Oh shit,” Saitama said. “That’s really bad. Uh.” He’d have to be very careful about what he said now! “So uh, are you gonna…” he gestured with his chin at Genos’s hands, still frozen at his crotch.
Genos stared down, motionless.
“I… cannot move, sensei. I think you need to give me another command that I can actually complete so that I can be autonomous again.”
“Uh, okay.” Saitama looked around and saw Genos’s discarded shirt. He scooted over to it, and away from Genos’s open fly that had been a bit too close to his face for comfort.
“Here,” he said, grabbing the shirt. “Put your clothes back on.” He chucked the shirt at Genos, who immediately unfroze to catch it and pull it back over his head.
“Thank you, sensei,” Genos said as he buttoned up his jeans, voice filled with relief.
“So uh, we all good now?” Saitama asked as he went to retrieve his own shirt and hoodie.
“Yes, sensei. I will go directly to see Doctor Kuseno now. I apologize for not finding the problem earlier before it could cause so much distress.”
Saitama pulled his shirt over his head in time to see Genos bowed deeply before him.
“Aw, man. No, it’s not your fault that you got sick, dude! Let’s just be glad nothing bad actually happened to you because of it!”
Genos straightened from his bow and gave a small smile.
“Yes, sensei.”
“Good.” Saitama paused, looking at his student’s face. “Aw wait, your virus thing didn’t take that as a command too, right?”
“No, it didn’t seem to find a protocol for ‘being glad’, sensei,” Genos reported. He was back to a serious expression again.
“But it had one for sex?” Saitama couldn’t help himself from asking.
“Yes, sensei. It was probably using the protocol for a robot designed for such purposes,” Genos responded.
“Whaaa? Those exist?” Saitama asked. Did he really want to know?
“Most likely. The technology exists, anyway.” Genos paused. “Are you… interested in purchasing one, sensei? I can do some research on affordable models.”
“What? No!” Saitama responded, firmly. He wasn’t one of those types! And if he were, he wouldn’t want Genos helping him with that!
“Look, uh…” Saitama started. “Let’s… Ah jeeze, I don’t wanna say the wrong thing and get us both into trouble again. When are you going to your doc’s? Do you need any help getting there safely?” Safety in this case being less about running into monsters and more about running into fangirls. What a disaster that could be.
“No thank you, sensei,” Genos replied. “I called for a drone to take me there directly. It should be here soon.”
And just like that, there was a loud whirring coming from their balcony.
“Okay, well then, stay- shoot, I mean take- uhhh. I’ll see you later?” Saitama said, awkwardly, as he saw his student off in the arms of Kuseno’s smiling drone.
“Goodbye, sensei!” Genos called back. “I won’t be long!”
Saitama watched the drone as it flew away until it went behind some buildings. Then he went to get his futon, rolled it out, and flopped down face first. It was still only late morning and already he was exhausted! Saitama settled in so he could process everything that just happened to him.