Work Text:
Giyuu and Tanjirou were siting together, facing each other with the tea table between them. The sweet smell of tea lingering in the air, captivating the senses of those two demon slayers. A small koi pond with bushes of flowers as their cinematic show.
It was a rare occasion for both of them to spend time together as they both were busy with Demon Slayer's matter. But Tanjirou, without a doubt, would always dragged Giyuu for tea time together when they in the butterfly estate by chance or while in Ukorodaki Sensei's house.
("Bonding time, Giyuu-san!!")
And Giyuu, without a complain (he didn't think he has much choices) just followed whatever they young slayer wanted to do.
Giyuu was glad though. He knew he was not the best when it came to social interaction. Well, he was not that bad per se, right?
So they would have a tea together, siping, tasting, memorizing, feeling the moment and frame them in the wall of their heart.
Tanjirou's chattering was like a song, a lullaby perhaps. It was really comforting. Tanjirou would always share his experience when he's on mission, the people he met, the flowers he found, the scent he smelled and without missing, Nezuko's antics.
("She did not talk much-- well not at all. But! She still worried me! How!")
Giyuu would listen to every single word he said, watching his expressive face, the way his cheeks lifted when he smiled, the way his eyebrows furrowed when he frowned.
And when he smiled, that one smile, where he beamed-- Giyuu swore it felt like the sun shone on him. It just too nice, too good, too Tanjirou where he couldn't help but smile back. Albeit a small one. But he seriously just couldn't help it! Really! He always smiled more when he's with Tanjirou than a year alone without him.
"...so much like him!"
Giyuu blinked. He coughed in embarrassment, "Can you please repeat what you just said, Tanjirou-kun?"
Tanjirou laughed, eyes twinkling before he deflated. He smiled, a bit abashed.
He knew that smell. The lingering smell of incense sticks. Of grief. Of longing.
"Your smile, Giyuu-san. It reminded me of him."
Giyuu blinked again before nodding his head, curiosity filling him.
For a short time, Giyuu thought Tanjirou's smile looked mournful. He wondered why.
"Your smile reminded me of Sabito-san, Giyuu-san."
Giyuu stopped. Everything stopped. Breathing. Moving. Feeling.
He choked, "Sabito? Wha- How? How do you know of him?" His eyes went wide.
Without even realizing it, Giyuu already moved his body into the back. Mouth gaped, his fingers shaking. There's even a line of cold sweat at the side of his forehead.
That mournful smile painted in Tanjirou's face still there, not showing any sign of faltering. Tanjirou looked down, eyes gazing into the nothingness as if remembering something.
"He taught me," answered Tanjirou, simple.
Giyuu groped his shaking hands together, in hope to reduce the uncontrollable movement of his nerve motor.
Tanjirou continued, "It was the last test before the Final Selection, I need to slash this one big boulder."
He laughed humorlessly, "Of course, I did not manage."
Giyuu listened carefully to what Tanjirou had to say, though his heart is breaking,
screaming,
g r i e v i n g.
(Even after all these years. It is you. It is always you.)
"He showed up out of nowhere along with Makomo-san. He showed up suddenly and just fling his sword towards me, screaming at me, asking me as why am I so weak? What did I do all these time?"
Giyuu kept his mouth shut from stuttering words, whimpers, questions. It bled. Those pleading stuck on his throat.
(Come back, please.)
"Both of them trained me. Ruthlessly, I must say. But I'm glad for it. Thankful. I don't think I will be here standing, alive without the support they've given me. Including you and Urokodaki-san."
Tanjirou smiled before bowing his upper body.
"Thank you, Giyuu-san."
Giyuu ran, brushing aside the pain on his feet or the aches of his legs. Nor the thumping of his heart that was so loud that Giyuu thought it might burst.
Honestly Giyuu wanted to laugh his heart out now.
How bizarre it was for him to run because of a tiny bit of hope. But.. Tanjirou was never a liar. Unless the situation was dire enough for him to feel the need to lie.
He would never lie to Giyuu.
So he ran and ran.
He was not even stopping to greet Urokodaki-san when he arrived at the foot of the hill. He kept running and running towards the peak, ignoring the branches and leaves.
Giyuu felt silly. This was silly. But he was a fool.
A fool for him.
Giyuu just missed him so much. There were never enough tears or pleas or waking up each morning, hoping the hurt would lessen for Giyuu to stop grieving for him.
When Sabito died, Giyuu felt a part of him gone. He was in so much agony but he knew Urokodaki-san was also in excruciating pain. He didn't display it, but Giyuu knew him enough to see through his facade. The knowledge of Urokodaki-san's disciples death before him was never a secret but they also never talk about it.
He thought he could do this much for him as he was the one who raised him. Urokodaki-san is his family. Now, Tanjirou and Nezuko included.
He wanted to be happy, really, he did. But sometimes- Oh God. He just couldn't. His heart just felt wretched in pain. He knew of the reason but he did not know how to solve it, to fix it.
Was he so broken after all?
Giyuu stop, standing in front the slashed boulder, breathing loudly with how his lung yearned for air. He could see the faint breath of his because of how cold the night was. He was in the peak of the hill after all.
He was freezing.
He was warm.
He was scared.
He was longing.
...for something that he would never get. Not in this life. Never.
"Sabito!"
"Sabito!"
Giyuu's eyes wildly looking at the trees around the boulder. His throat ached with how loud he screamed. Perhaps Urokodaki-san could hear him but he did not care. He was desperate.
"Sabito!"
"I know you are here! Fucking show yourself, you stupid dickhead!"
But there was no one.
Nothing.
Giyuu's heart clenched.
He fell on his knees, "..please, Sabito," whimpered Giyuu, voice so small.
Giyuu thought childishly that Sabito was not being fair at all. He showed himself in front of Tanjirou when Tanjirou did not even ask. Giyuu had spend several hours running just to meet him.
Did he know how much Giyuu missed him? How much his death put Giyuu in anguish? How much misery he's in?
Did he even know how many times Giyuu considered to follow him?
Yes. He did consider to do that. But he could not do that to Urokodaki-san. He could not leave the man alone. At that moment, they only have each other, Urokodaki-san would probably be really really sad if he did it.
And he couldn't now. Tanjirou and Nezuko would lose another important person in their life.
("You might not consider me as family but I consider you as one, Giyuu-san," said Tanjirou sheepishly, eyes looking down.)
At this stage, Giyuu did not even know if he's being selfless because he did not want people he loves, being in pain or if he's being selfish because he's scared to die.
Giyuu thought, he was a rather cowardly person. He let out a derisive laugh. It kinda sounded crazy in his ears.
He wryly chukled, "Am I finally going insane?"
"Are you?"
Giyuu's body went stiff. He slowly looked up to where the voice was. His hands were shaking very badly when before this, he could cut off a demon's head in one swift motion without any hesitation or terror.
When he properly glanced up, there he was, the boy he longed to see. The boy who he regret the absence. He appeared exactly like how Giyuu remembered, looked exactly as he looked the day he died. The spitting image. And Giyuu felt like mocking everything.
"Argh," Sabito tumbled around his hair, seemed to be frustrated. He stated, "You still a crybaby, Giyuu. I see."
Giyuu choked back a sob. His fingers reaching towards his cheek, touching the wet of his tears.
He did not even realize he was crying. He just closed his eyelids tightly, knuckles already white. The salty tears slid down his cheeks, again.
He rasped, "I really am going insane. Very well."
"What the fuck, Giyuu? Insane? You're not going insane. In fact, you were the one who asked to meet, shouting like a madman," said Sabito, disbelief in his voice.
"Yes. Yes. I am a madman." Giyuu nodded, agreeing with him. "Finally going bonkers after all these years. Heh." He laughed hollowly.
"Y'know, I'm stuck in the middle. I can't let go of the past. I can't move to the future. My life spiralled. A whirlwind of scattering emotions, regret and wistful yearning."
He moved his gaze to the dark sky, glittering with shining and bright stars.
"I-- " Giyuu stopped. "- I just miss you so much, Sabito."
A tear slid again through his ashen and wet cheek.
"I ached for the future where you are alive." He let out a painful whimper. "Where we could be the proud disciples of a really cool Water Hashira who has a bit temper but he is a family regardless."
"A future I would never have because of my own faulty. A teenager who eagered to be someone, who let his arrogance and nonchalant tendencies filled him, blinded him of how hazardous the path he took," said Giyuu, letting out a dry titter.
"How naive."
"Giyuu.." Sabito started.
Ouh how much Giyuu wished to hear that voice calling his name again. It did not matter if its out of affection, anger nor annoyance. Giyuu just wanted.
"-- You're not naive, Giyuu. You're just a child."
Giyuu shouted, "I chose this path!"
He brought his shaking fingers towards his hair, clenching it so tightly that he felt his hair's going to fall out. The immense pain it brought him to distract himself of the pain in his heart.
"So what if I'm just a child?! It does not matter at all. I should've known!" screamed Giyuu. "Should've fucking realise! Your death is on my hand, Sabito. I regret it so so much."
He covered his face with his hands, trying to choke back the tears. He let out a whimper, "I should have been a bit braver. Maybe-- Maybe if I was a little braver, you would have been alive, standing here right next to me. Maybe we could go hunt the demon together. Maybe we could be big brothers for Tanjirou and Nezuko because God knows they need 'em. Maybe we could surprise visit Urokodaki-san. He-" Giyuu stopped.
He let out a sob, "He missed you too, Sabito. He grieved for you. We grieved for you! Still fucking grieving!"
Sabito looked conflicted. His eyes filled with guilt.
They both were really stupid. Weren't they?
"You need to let me go, Giyuu."
Giyuu shook his head in disbelief. "You said it so easily, Sabito. So easily," he choked out.
How could he said that to him? How dare! He was not there to see him cope. He was not there when he cried his eyes out. He was not there when everything felt like falling apart.
He was not there when Giyuu needed him the most.
"How could you say that, Sabito?"
Giyuu hide his blotchy face behind his hands, "How could you..."
Giyuu could hear Sabito step towards him, slow and hesitant. He ignored it and focused on stopping his cry. Stupid tear ducts. Stupid tears. Stupid emotions.
"Giyuu.."
Giyuu could only shake his head, refusing to answer Sabito.
"Come on, Giyuu. Look at me," tried Sabito again.
"Please," added Sabito, feeling desperate.
Giyuu felt like someone clenched his heart so he looked up. Eyes staring into Sabito's greyish lavender one, feeling a bit surprised when Sabito already on his knees in front of him. He could feel a new batch of tears leaking out.
"How could you say that to me, Sabito?" asked Giyuu quietly, voice hoarse.
Sabito looked like he was hit by a realisation, eyes wide.
Regret.
Remorseful.
("No! No! No! Sabito, No!" screamed Giyuu as he saw Sabito faced the big demon. His eyes burn with the tears, the fears.)
"I'm sorry."
Sabito's eyes looking at the ground, feeling ashamed. He let his head fell, cutting their eye contact.
"I'm sorry, Giyuu. I'm so sorry," repeated Sabito.
("Don't leave me.")
And a sob escape Giyuu's mouth. His body shook as he tried to keep his cry at bay.
Giyuu lifted his shaking hand towards Sabito's face and stopped when its near the cheek. Suddenly feeling scared that Sabito would vanish if Giyuu ever touch him.
As if he sensed the hesitation, Sabito reached out to him, taking Giyuu's hand and putting it on his cheek.
Giyuu's body went rigid, shocked by the solid touch he felt. The cold under his palm.
And the dam broke.
Giyuu wailed and wailed, body full-on trembling from his emotions. He kept repeating Sabito's name under his breath as if that would prevent Sabito from disappear, from fading away into nothingness, leaving Giyuu felt the same.
Sabito kept his mouth shut, lip's thinned. Though his eyes full of unspeakable sorrow. He tightened his grip on Giyuu's hand that was on his cheek.
They stayed like that on the ground for God knew how long. Giyuu ignored how the breeze of the night wind chilled him to the bone. He focused his thought into the fact that,
He was here. He was here. He was here.
For now, he was here.
And that was all that matter.