Winter Winds

by FiveNeedsANap

Summary:

"But if your strife strikes at your sleep, remember spring swaps snow for leaves. You'll be happy and wholesome again when the city clears and the sun ascends."

You don't know what your relationships are made of until things get hard. And in the apocalypse, things can always get harder.

Part 3 of JoFive's story. Established 5am, mostly canon-compliant, we will find light in the darkness of S3, I promise. Spoilers for the entirety of seasons one and two, spoilers for season three will be tagged as we get to them.

Notes:

Content warning: pain, reference to non-consensual medical experiments

Chapter 1: Prologue: Paper Hearts

All we have is something simple,
All we know is what’s been gone,
Going into some dramatic, static pause.  

Paper Hearts – Silver Trees, Bailey Jehl

 

Johanna had always lived her life in extremes.

She was completely fine, or she was an absolute wreck. She required constant validation, or she needed no one at all. She was the life of the party, or she was the world’s most fervent introvert. She could throw herself into work with no breaks, or nothing in the world could move her from her rest. Her time and energy belonged to anyone, or it belonged to no one, not even herself.

Life in Abel Township brought with it a kind of stasis, but the old ways were always there. So when the searing pain of uninvited chemicals in her veins gave way to pendulum swings, she felt somewhat at home in it.

For Sam, however, it was utterly terrifying.

Not that he longed for the nights of anguish, holding her trembling body and telling her every story he could think of to distract her until she fell into a fitful sleep. He didn’t miss the mental checklist he had on a loop to try and keep her from doing any further damage. It was the same every night: unclench her fists so her nails don’t leave half-moon cuts in her palms, keep her face out of the pillow so she can breathe properly, massage her jaw until it releases so she doesn’t chip a tooth (again), grab her hands first when the nightmares take hold or the thing she’s going to swing at is you.

But the extremes weren’t much better.                              

She spent the first week after the pain subsided eating everything in sight. Sam let himself go hungry so she could take part of his rations. The next week she’d eaten so little he’d started giving everyone protein bars for when her blood sugar inevitably dropped and he wasn’t there to help her.

She slept 12 hours a night at first, which Sam assumed was her body trying to make up for what she’d lost. Then she’d been full of energy on barely three. She went from a complete lack of productivity to an almost manic ability to get things done. Her senses were heightened, but other times it was hard to get her attention at all. Sometimes Sam thought she was hearing things he couldn’t.

When she’d woken up shivering again, Sam had panicked, thinking the pain had returned. Instead, she was cold, barely comforted by layers of clothing and thick blankets. Then, her tiny, Georgia-born body became impervious to the frigid English winter.

This was how Sam came to find her standing in the middle of the quad, in the middle of the night, in the middle of a snow squall, wearing nothing but one of his t-shirts.

“Johanna?” he called. “What are you doing? You’re going to freeze out here.”

She didn’t seem to hear him. Her face was turned to the sky, eyes transfixed on the clouds above and lashes adorned with snow. She was blanketed in goosebumps, and her lips were nearly blue. Her dark hair was loose around her face, snowflakes winking where they stuck in the curls. The moonlight bounced off the planes of her face, and Sam blinked for a moment looking at her; had she always been this angular?

“Johanna? Did you hear me? You can’t stay out here. Come back to bed.”

“It didn’t snow much in Georgia.”

“Yeah, I…I suppose it wouldn’t.”

“I guess it’s still a novelty to me.”

“You’re not really dressed for it.”

“I don’t mind.”

Sam exhaled through his nose and rubbed his forehead.

“That’s not what I…never mind, c’mere.”

He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pulled her to him, wincing at how cold her skin was even through the fabric. She leaned head her back against his chest.

This was becoming too common, this waking up alone and having to figure out what had dragged her away this time. She wasn’t the woman she’d been a month ago. Of course she wasn’t. No one was. In the blink of an eye, they’d lost friends, lost stability, lost safety and security, direction, purpose, all the things that made you feel like maybe, despite the ever-looming threats and hordes of shambling dead, you could still build a life. And no one had suffered those losses quite like Jo. She was still recovering and would be a for a long time. It would take time and support and love, all of which he was willing to give. He wasn’t impatient. But he was scared.

Sam locked his arms around her, useless as it felt. He never could hold her tight enough to keep her from wandering. It was easy to feel like they were living on borrowed time.

His entire world felt as fragile as tissue paper, like it would take nothing at all to tear everything to shreds.

Please, he begged whatever was listening, please don’t take her away from me.

Chapter 2: Winter Winds I

Notes:

Content warning: alcohol use, puncture wound, needles, symptoms of panic

As the winter winds littered London with lonely hearts,
Oh the warmth in your eyes swept me into your arms

Winter Winds – Mumford and Sons

Jo was pretty sure everything was fine now.

Sure, Sara was still dead, her friend had still betrayed them, seven of their people were still missing, including one of the people she loved most, and she still had no idea what the hell Van Ark had done to her, but if she didn’t think about any of that then things really did seem fine.

And she didn’t think about any of that.

So everything was fine.

For one thing, she was a doctor again. With Maxine gone and Paula infected they’d had no choice but to make her the full time doctor. She spent her days seeing patients, solving their problems and making things better, just like she’d set out to do in the first place. It wasn’t easy work, but it was easier on her. She was trained for this. She was comfortable here.

And anything was better than running.

The effects the serum had on her body had largely leveled off. That is, she was no longer swinging violently between extremes that left her exhausted and confused. She still didn’t feel like herself though. Some fine-tuned skeleton was inhabiting her skin, being piloted by a brain that didn’t quite understand it. Her reaction times were a little quicker, her senses were a little stronger, and the other day she’d accidentally snapped a pen just picking it up.

In theory, all of these things made her a better runner.

In practice, she couldn’t trust a body she couldn’t control.

Sam was worried about her. He didn’t make a secret of that. But he also wasn’t willing to push her. She hadn’t quite figured out if that made her feel more grateful or guilty. He’d put up with a hell of a lot in the weeks since that night. She didn’t like avoiding things when she knew it made him feel better to talk about them, especially after everything he’d done to support her. Never mind the fact that his best friend had vanished while she was too codependent to leave him the space to process that. She wanted to be there for him the same way he’d been for her.

That didn’t mean she knew how.

But she still had Sam. That was what really mattered. Even after everything they’d been through, he still loved her, and she still loved him. It was more than she deserved and exactly what she needed at the same time.

The runners had rallied around her too. They knew she didn’t like attention, so they made their support known in subtle ways: an extra dessert slipped onto her plate, a pair of fuzzy socks left in her quarters after a run, a new scarf hung next to her headset as the weather turned colder, invitations to join them for cards or Monopoly or movie nights.

She and Paula had gotten sort of close too. In same way that Jo had found the hospital familiar when she first arrived in Abel, Paula also did her best to go back to what she knew. That fostered a similar bond to the one Jo had formed with Maxine, but there was still some hesitation between them. After all, Paula had worked for Van Ark. He’d forced her to. Jo knew that. At least, logically, she knew that.

There was nothing logical about what she was going through, though.

Paula seemed to understand everyone’s pause around her. It made her all the more determined to carve out her own place, to prove she deserved to be in Abel. She was quick to volunteer for anything that needed doing, whether that was hospital work or as the newly-minted Runner 23. Jo appreciated her presence. She did. She just couldn’t make herself fully relax around her.

At least she’d finally completed her months-long quest to befriend Janine. As it turned out, all they’d ever needed was shared trauma and a bottle of wine. No one was quite sure what to do with their newfound friendship, least of all Sam. She knew it confused him, how the white-hot rage she’d directed at Janine the day Sara died had evaporated the moment she’d collapsed in the quad. She just couldn’t explain how Janine’s heartache felt like her own, or how when she looked at Janine, she so often saw her own face. Her pain was a pain Jo knew well.

None of that mattered in the hospital, though.

In the hospital, her role was clear. She knew exactly what was expected of her. The problems had names and solutions and she was never left wondering what the hell she did about them. Right now, the problem was Jordan getting a nail through their foot during training. The puncture was clean; it hadn’t gone all the way through or stuck in the flesh. It was easy enough for Jo to clean and bandage. Jordan would be out of rotation for a couple of weeks, but they’d be just fine.

Jordan hissed as Jo wrapped the wound in gauze. “Almost done, Jordan, I promise,” she said.

“This hurts like a bitch,” they replied. “Can’t believe I stepped on a goddamn nail.”

“It’s among the better things you could’ve stepped on, trust me,” Jo said. “You’ll need to stay off this foot for a little while. Paula’s getting you some crutches. When’s the last time you had a tetanus shot?”

“Uhhh…first year of uni, I think.”

“And how long ago was that?”

“Six years? Ish? I don’t really keep track of the time anymore.”

Jo hummed. “Well, recommendation’s every ten unless you’ve had a puncture wound, so I’ll just –”

She turned towards the supplies she’d gathered. And she froze.

She’d given tetanus shots before. Of course she had. A quick injection into the upper arm and it was done. Might burn like hell, but it would go away. It was a routine booster shot, as casual as anything you did in a hospital.

The ringing in her ears said it was anything but.

Pick it up, she ordered herself. It’s just a goddamn syringe, just pick it up.

When she tried to extend her hand, she found it was shaking and pulled it back.

It was just a syringe. It was just a syringe, and she worked with them all the time. There was no reason she couldn’t pick this one up and stick it in Jordan’s arm and inject them with something foreign and strange, something that could hurt them and leave them in a body they did not recognize and –

“Five?” Jo looked up at her patient. “You okay?”

Jo shook her head. “You know…you know, if you’ve had one in the last six years then maybe we shouldn’t bother. We don’t want to waste supplies, so –”

“Yeah, but you said it’s every ten unless you’ve had a puncture wound, right? Mate, I had a nail clean through my foot, and I don’t really fancy getting taken out by a stupid accident, you know what I mean?”

Jo exhaled. “Right. Of course, right, it’s just…you know if you’ve…I mean…hey, Celia?”

The young nursing student who’d volunteered her services after Maxine’s disappearance looked up from where she was sorting files.

“Yeah, Dr. Walsh?”

“You know how to give injections, right?”

She furrowed her brow. “I mean, yeah, ‘course I do, but –”

“Great, can you take care of Fourteen’s tetanus shot for me?”

Celia walked over to her. “Sure…sure, I can do that, it’s just –”

“Celia, can you do them or not?” Jo snapped, more impatiently than she meant to.

Her cheeks turned pink. “I can, I just…I mean I wasn’t in nursing school that long, so I never did it without someone supervising me –”

“Then this will be good practice. You take care of this, and I’ll…I have some…some files I need to take care of, so you get Jordan squared away and then they’re all done and I think that’s it for the day.”

“You’re…you’re not going to stay?”

Jo shook her head. “No, I have some…things to get done. If you need help, go find Dr. Cohen, okay?”

“But –”

Before Celia could get her next argument out of her mouth Jo pushed through the curtain, almost running smack into Paula, who was returning with Jordan’s crutches.

“Oh!” Paula cried. “I’m sorry, I didn’t expect you to be done just yet, I…Jo, are you alright? You’re white as a sheet.”

Jo plastered a fake smile on her face. “Oh yeah, I’m fine, Celia’s just taking care of the tetanus shot and then Jordan’s all set.”

Paula knit her eyebrows. “Celia’s doing the tetanus shot? Is that…I mean, is she able to –”

“Of course she is,” Jo said crossly. “You really think I would’ve had her do it if she weren’t able?”

“Of course not,” Paula soothed. “I just thought…I mean, we’ve had her under supervision for pretty much everything, so –”

“Paula, I’m the head doctor around here, so if I say it’s fine, then it’s fine, alright?” Jo snapped.

Paula started to respond and then shut her mouth. “Right. Of course.”

Jo nodded. “Good. Can you take care of cleaning up? I have some…just some things I need to get done.”

“Of course. Whatever you need.”

“Great. Thanks.”

Jo pushed past Paula and headed straight out of the hospital before anyone else asked her any other questions she didn’t want to answer.

But everything was fine. Aside from the fact that Sara was dead and her friend had betrayed them and Maxine was gone and her body was a stranger and maybe she couldn’t do the job she’d always felt comfortable in, everything was absolutely fine.

---

Long before the apocalypse, Janine had grown used to being greeted by an empty house at the end of the day. It became something of a comfort to expect solitude, that the time and space would be hers for the taking. That was part of why she’d been so inflexible about not sharing the farmhouse as Abel’s population grew. There was little she could control in this world, but at least she’d have her own space. 

Lately, she’d lost that privilege.

She’d barely kicked her boots off inside the door before she was greeted by the smell of dinner cooking, the vintage music sounding from the record player in the corner, not to mention the outsize black hoodie thrown over the back of her sofa.

This was becoming a regular occurrence: Janine would return from whatever she’d been doing to find Jo had made herself at home in the living room or kitchen as if she belonged there. The other woman hadn’t bothered asking permission to behave this comfortably, which Janine supposed was as good a method for befriending her as any. And though you’d never catch her admitting it, she was grateful for the company more often than not. And, as she’d realized soon after that first night Jo had found her in the armory, the need for companionship was mutual.

She’d quickly learned outrage and protests of not needing support got her nowhere and instead learned to accept whatever tableau was waiting for her. Tonight, it was something pan frying on the stove, whiffs of the last hardy rosemary that survived the frost permeating the air, an open bottle of Sauvignon Blanc on the island, and Jo singing along to the music in perfect French.

“Edith Piaf was tiny, you know,” Jo said, not turning away from the stove. “I mean even by my standards. Four foot ten.”

“I didn’t know you spoke French,” Janine replied.

“Mhm. Four years in high school, four in college. I never get to use it though, Sam hates it if I speak French around him.” She took the cast iron skillet off the stove.

“I’d think most people would find it desirable for their partner to speak French,” Janine said, studying the bottle of wine Jo had opened.

“Yeah, he failed a course in college, it was a whole thing.”

“Hm.” She squinted at the label. “Why did you select this bottle of wine?”

Jo clambered onto the counter to grab two plates from a high shelf. “Uhhh, the label has a dragon on it.”

“Incorrect.”

She turned to fix her with a baffled look. “What? Not incorrect, that’s why I chose it.”

“Incorrect, that is not how one chooses a bottle of wine.”

Jo rolled her eyes and hopped down from the counter. “Oh, I see, you weren’t actually asking me why I chose that bottle, that was a test, because in your world, wine has rules.”

“Wine has always had rules,” Janine said, opening the cabinet where she kept the less expensive bottles. “If you’re going to raid my collection, you should at least select bottles properly.”

“I hardly think it counts as ‘raiding’ when you gave me permission, but fine,” Jo said, setting the table. “In addition to your proper bottle of wine, we’ve got mashed potatoes, something that probably would’ve been called pot roast in another life, and whatever salad I could scrounge from the greenhouse. It’s a little wilted, but hey, apocalypse.”

Janine crossed to the table. “Do you not have a boyfriend upon whom you can lavish this attention?”

“I do, but it’s Demons and Darkness night, so you get me instead.”

“Lucky me,” she replied drily.

“Oh, don’t be a bitch, you’re getting dinner out of it. With plenty of leftovers, I might add, since you’re absolute shit at feeding yourself.”

Janine decided not to argue. The runner was an excellent cook, after all.

“Here,” she said, handing her the new bottle. “A Merlot will be far better suited to red meat.”

“Oh, I don’t really drink reds.”

Janine raised an eyebrow. “You do now.”

“Janine, have you never heard the phrase ‘drink what you like?’”

“I have, and it’s nonsense. Here.” She poured a bit of each wine into glasses. “Try it with both.”

Jo took a bite of the meat with some of the white wine. She shrugged. “What? It’s fine.”

“Now the red.”

She repeated her experiment and her face fell. “Dammit. I hate that you’re always right.”

“Now you see, rules are rules for a reason.”

Jo sat down with a huff. “Thanks for making dinner, Jo,” she said under her breath, “it’s awfully nice not to have to think about what I’m going to eat at the end of a long day.”

Janine took the seat opposite her. “I didn’t ask you to do any of this.”

“Of course not, that would mean admitting you need help, which is something you would never do.”

“As if you’re any better?”

“Ah, yes, you’ve broken our friendship down to its bare essentials.”

The two women ate in silence for a moment before Janine found the right way to broach the subject that needed discussing.

“It’s good you’re here, actually,” Janine said carefully.

Jo furrowed her brow. “It is? Who are you and what have you done with Janine?”

“Very funny. No, there’s just something I wanted to discuss with you.”

“Yeah, sure, what’s up?”

“I’ve…I’ve spoken to New Canton about getting some help for the hospital. Another doctor.”

Jo set down her fork, already sensing that she wouldn’t like where this conversation was going. “What would we need another doctor for?”

“Well, with Dr. Myers gone we need someone who can cover the hospital full time –”

“I’ve been covering the hospital, and Paula’s been backing me up like I used to with Maxine. And sure, she can’t see patients like I did, but she’s great with a lot of the administrative stuff, and consults and whatnot, plus we have Celia. We’re doing fine.”

“Yes, you’ve been doing a very satisfactory job so far, but we both know you can’t stay in the hospital full time.”

“Why not?” Jo asked, her voice getting slightly lower the way it did when she was trying not to get upset.

“Because you’re a runner.”

“Not right now I’m not. I’m not cleared.”

“Only because you haven’t asked to be cleared. I’ve been telling you for weeks now I can evaluate you whenever you’re ready – ”

“Janine, I have been busy covering the hospital, and you know what, maybe that’s where I belong for now. There’s no reason I can’t be the doctor until Maxine comes back –”

“Johanna, we cannot have a doctor who can’t even look at a syringe.”

There was a long moment where Jo just stared back at her. Janine kept her face impassive, unsure of what to expect. Jo could be unpredictable when she felt threatened. She wasn’t going to let her out of it, though. That was why she was having this conversation and not Sam. Sam was good at more things than Janine cared to admit, but standing up to Jo was not one of them.

“That’s not fair,” she said finally.

“Nothing is,” Janine replied, not unkindly. “But the fact remains that you cannot perform an essential part of your job. We need someone who can. Dr. Lobatse will be joining us in the morning, and then she and I will evaluate your fitness to return to the field.”

Jo stared down at her plate, chewing her lip like she was trying not to cry. “I’m not ready,” she said, voice barely above a whisper.

“It’s been six weeks, Johanna,” Janine replied. “We said we’d give you through the holidays, then –”

“’We?’ Who’s ‘we?’” Her face shifted as she realized. “So, what, you and Sam are talking behind my back now?”

“We are concerned about you,” Janine said evenly. “As is Dr. Cohen. I don’t mean to be insensitive, but you cannot avoid this forever. It’s not healthy.”

Jo dropped her eyes to her lap.

“You won’t be back in the field right away,” she explained. “Once we’ve determined you’re fit for reinstatement, we’ll keep you on call for a little while. That way you can get back to training without the pressure of having a scheduled run right away.”

Jo still didn’t answer her.

“You’re right. This isn’t fair. But you also knew furlough wouldn’t be forever. You said you’d be back when we needed you. We need you.”

“Right,” Jo said finally. “Right, yeah, fine. Whatever.” She stood. “You know, I’m actually not that hungry anymore –”

“Johanna –”

“No, no, it’s fine, I’m just gonna go. I’ll…I’ll see you in the morning, I guess.”

Janine pinched the bridge of her nose, but she didn’t try to stop her. It wasn’t in her nature to be the one to offer comfort. Sam would have that well covered. Her job was to have the hard conversation, not to make things ok.

And besides, she suddenly had a kitchen to clean.

---

“Bad day?”

Sam leaned against the doorframe, watching Jo nod from where she’d flopped face first onto the bed who knows how long ago. It hadn’t been a long Demons and Darkness session tonight, so he was surprised to find she’d beaten him home.

Presumably, the conversation with Janine hadn’t gone well.

His first instinct when Janine came to him with her concerns was to be defensive; if Jo didn’t want to be back in the field yet, then she shouldn’t be back in the field yet. End of. She knew what was best and could make her own decisions.

Of course, he knew that wasn’t really the case right now.

“Paula told me what happened,” he said.

“Nothing happened,” Jo said, muffled against the pillow.

“No? So you didn’t leave your poor helpless nursing student to do something she didn’t feel comfortable doing on her own?”

She flipped him off. He seized her outstretched hand and kissed it.

“Jo…you can’t keep this up.”

“Keep what up?” she deadpanned. “I’m absolutely fine, no need to worry about me at all.”

“Johanna…”

She flopped onto her back. “Janine’s putting me back in the field.”

Sam nodded. “Yeah, I thought she might.”

“Right, you already knew that. It doesn’t thrill me that you two are talking about me behind my back, by the way.”

Sam sighed and sat down next to her. “She just asked me how I thought you were doing, and I told her: I’m worried that the longer you stay out of the field the harder it will be for you to go back. Which is nothing I haven’t said to your face, you know. And now that what happened is getting in the way of the hospital…”

“She’s calling in a new doctor, too.”

“Wait, what?” Sam frowned. “She’s replacing Maxine?”

“Technically she’s replacing me.”

“Well, yeah, but you were just filling in, right? A new doctor is…well, it’s a new doctor. Like Maxine doesn’t even exist. What’s she supposed to do when she gets back, just find some stranger in her office?”

“Don’t look at me,” Jo protested. “You’re the one conspiring to remove me from the post.”

“Hey.” Jo looked up. Sam stretched out his arms, but she just pouted back at him. “Oh for god’s sake, come here, you stubborn woman.”

Jo leaned against him with a huff and let him wrap her up in his arms.

“You always knew you’d go back to running eventually, right? You knew you’d come off of furlough and go back to being Runner Five. That was always the plan, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah, it was, but…”

“But what?”

In a tiny voice, she replied, “I’m not ready.”

Sam thought a moment before he answered her. “What would it take? For you to feel ready?”

Jo laughed. “I have literally no idea.”

“Hm. Would it help if I reminded you that I love you and I believe in you and I’ll be there with you the whole time?”

She sniffed. “Yeah. That always helps.”

“Good. Then I’ll keep doing that. I’ll remind you over and over until you know it by heart, and then I’ll remind you some more. And it’s not like you’ll go out right away. Janine said –”

“That I’ll be on call first, yeah. That’ll help, I guess.”

“And whenever you do go out again, I promise you I will be there the whole time. I will never take my eyes off you. Ok?”

She nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, ok.”

Sam kissed the top of her head. “Good.”

“I should probably apologize to Celia.”

“Yeah, probably. In the morning, though. It’s going to be an early one, so you should get some sleep. You know how punctual Janine is.”

“God, don’t remind me,” she said, settling in. “How mad do you think she’d be if I slept through it?”

Sam pulled the blankets around them. “I’m pretty sure if she even thought you were blowing her off she’d come storming in here and drag you out of bed herself, which is a truly horrifying thought. I’ve not put my laundry away. There’s pants everywhere.”

Jo snorted. “That might solve all my problems, actually. If she saw the state of this place it might distract her enough to forget what she was doing here.”

“Jo, listen, you know I’d do anything to support you, but just the thought of Janine staring at my underwear strewn across the room is enough to make me want to die of shame, so if it actually happened I’m pretty sure I’d just vanish in a puff of mortified smoke.”

She laughed. “Fine, fine. I suppose I’d rather you not disappear.”

“Thank you very much,” he muttered, already on the edge of sleep.

“Hey, Sam?” she whispered a couple minutes later.

“Yeah, love?”

“…were you ever planning to put the laundry away, or –”

He squashed her against his chest.

“Nope, can’t hear you. I’m already asleep.”

Notes:

For the record, I very much ascribe to the “drink what you like” philosophy, I just know that Janine absolutely would *not*

WELCOME BACK, FRIENDS! I hope you enjoyed this bit of setup before we dive headlong into the chaos that is season three. Fasten your seatbelts, because it is going to be a bumpy ride.

Chapter 3: Ain't Gonna Drown

Notes:

HEY PALS! Life is kicking my entire ass right now, so it's a little longer than usual between updates. Hopefully it'll resolve itself soon. But this chapter introduces this season's two new POV characters! So that's fun.

Content warning for zombie violence, description of body horror, and some very mild blood

Spoilers through S3M2

I’m bound for the broken promised land,
To meet my demons and get back my upper hand
Law man can’t catch a soul like mine;
Miracles are just too damn hard to find

Ain’t Gonna Drown – Elle King

The glare from the screens was starting to give Sam a headache. And the incessant beeping of the empty scanner wasn’t helping. Yet another day of staring helplessly, waiting for the good news that just wouldn’t come. He had always tried to be the type of person who didn’t lose hope, but it had been so long with no leads that he was starting to wonder if they’d ever see their people again. How many more days could he wake up and lie to himself that today would be the day they found something? That maybe today he’d get his best friend back?

“Anything?” Janine asked beside him.

“Nothing,” he replied.

Just like there was nothing yesterday. And nothing last week. Or last month.

“Try again tomorrow,” she said. “New base commander will be here by then. She’s coming straight from the Ministry. They might have some new leads to follow up. We never really investigated the farms to the west.”

“That’s because they’re swarming with fast zoms! Like everywhere is swarming with –”

He took a deep breath. No use snapping at someone who was clinging to the same waning hope that he was.

“Look, even if we wanted to, we couldn’t get up there.”

Before Janine could answer him, the scanner started beeping erratically.

Janine sighed. “System’s acting up again. I’ll just turn it off –” A new sound stopped her. “Wait, look at that!”

Sam rubbed his eyes. “If this is another joke, Janine…I have to tell you that it’s not funny when you pretend we’ve found Maxine or Ed or someone and it’s actually a cow –”

But then he saw the same thing she did. It wasn’t a glitch – it was a runner’s tracker on the screen, clear as ever.

His heart shot into his throat. They’d found something. They’d actually found something. Just when he’d been ready to give up for the day, there it was. And there was no time to waste.

He rolled his chair to the opposite end of the desk and grabbed the sheet detailing today’s runner assignments, trying to figure out who they even had to send after this signal. It had been a busy day for supply runs; almost everyone was out or had just returned.

Almost everyone, that was, except for Five.

He stared at the empty space where her assignment should’ve been.

“Crap,” he muttered.

“What?” Janine asked. He showed her the form. “What’s the problem?”

“We can’t…she isn’t ready –”

“She’s been cleared for a week now. She’s performing at pre-furlough levels or higher, there’s no reason not to send her in an emergency. That’s the entire reason I put her on call, Mr. Yao.”

“I know, but physically and mentally ready are two different things, Janine.”

“Yes, they are, and she happens to be both.”

Sam grit his teeth. “You don’t know her like I do.”

“Perhaps not,” Janine said gently. “But I have been her.”

Janine was right. Much as it made his stomach churn, she was absolutely right.

Sam took a deep breath and grabbed the intercom.

---

“This is the training area,” Jody said. “The runners do group workouts, but it’s open pretty much anytime if you want to get in a run or something.”

“Any time before curfew that is. I hopped a fence in the middle of the night when I couldn’t sleep my first week here. Janine was not happy with me,” Maggie said.

Jo took in the fenced-in grounds in front of her. “And Janine is the tall, grouchy one who’s in charge around here, right?”  

“Technically the Major’s in charge,” Maggie said, “but it is Janine’s land, so when the Major’s away we answer to her.”

A brawny man with sandy brown hair pinned down by a neon pink sweatband jogged over to the fence.

“Afternoon, ladies!” he called, eyes landing on Jo. “And where exactly have you been hiding this lovely creature?”

"Is he serious?” Jo asked. Maggie rolled her eyes.  

“Hi, Three,” Jody said. “This is new Five. We’re just giving her a tour.”  

“Oh, right!” he said “You’re the one who fell out of the sky. I’m –“  

“Runner Three. I got that,” Jo replied.

“The one and only! And please, let me be the first to welcome you to Abel! I’m sure you’re going to fit in just fine.”

“She’s been here two days, Three,” Maggie deadpanned. “Pretty sure you’re not the first to welcome her.”

The man ignored her. “Listen,” he said, stepping closer to the fence. “I know how hard it can be, adjusting to a new place like this. It can get lonely, especially at night. So if you ever need someone to talk to –” 

Jo shook her head. “Horrifying.”

“The loneliness? Yeah, it can really get to a person –”

“No, this thing you’re doing where you try to take advantage of someone’s vulnerability so they’ll sleep with you. That is not a good look.”

Maggie and Jody burst out laughing. The man wiped the look of surprise off his face and tried to cover it with an easy grin.  

“Oh, that’s not what I –”

“Yeah, it was, and let me save you the trouble: I just crash-landed thousands of miles from home. Finding a way to stave off ‘nighttime loneliness,’ as you so eloquently put it, is pretty much the last thing on my mind. So don’t dedicate any more of your brain power to whatever this is. You don’t seem like you’ve got that much to spare.”

For a second, he just gaped at her. Then, he broke into a smile, a more genuine one than what he’d worn a moment ago.

“I think I like you. We’re gonna be friends, you and me, mark my words.”

Jo cocked an eyebrow. “Sure we are.”

---

 Jody Marsh was the first to admit she was a bit more anxious than the average person.

Alright, fine, a lot more anxious. Her unofficial catchphrase while running was “we’re gonna die,” after all.

At first, it had gotten in the way of her ability to run missions. She’d been so terrified that every step outside of Abel’s gates put her closer and closer to her own death that she hadn’t been able to focus on anything but that thought for more than a month. The more time she spent as a runner, and the more time she spent with her fellow runners, the better she felt about it. They saw horrible things, and true, there always was the possibility that they were gonna die, but at least she knew her team had her back. She was always able to count on them.

Or…she used to be.

Nothing was right anymore. There were gaps. Too many of her friends were dead or gone or nothing like what they’d been for her to feel secure anymore. Her fellow runners felt like strangers, even the people she’d known as long as she’d been here. Because, no matter how much time they spent running together, did she really know them? She thought she did.

She’d also thought she knew Three.

Jody shrugged her jacket back on and left the hospital bay where Dr. Lobatse had finished her bite check. The new doctor was nice enough, and she was good at her job, but that was another gap that just didn’t feel right. Dr. Myers’s ubiquitous presence in the hospital was something everyone could always count on. Her absence was one of the most glaring.

“Ahh, dammit,” some muttered behind her.

Jody turned to find Five tucked in a corner, puzzling over something in her hands. She was sucking on one of her fingers, apparently in pain.

“You alright there, Five?” Jody asked.

She looked up. “Yeah, I’m fine, I just…” She held up a needle and thread. “I can sew up a human, you’d think I could figure out how to get some cloth to stay together without drawing blood.”

Jody walked over to her. “What are you working on?”

Five closed her hands over the fabric, hiding it from view. “It’s…it’s nothing, just…don’t worry about it.”

Poor Five. She was still here, true, but whatever openness she’d had before that horrible day when Van Ark took her and everything had gone so earth-shatteringly wrong was gone. Her old self might still be in there somewhere, but Jody had no idea how you found yourself again after something like that, and she missed her friend.

She sat down on the floor opposite her. “Y’know, I’m really good at this stuff. I might be able to help you with…whatever it is. So you don’t keep hurting yourself?”

Five considered her for a moment before sighing and opening her hands. In one hand was her armband, the black 5 standing out against the blood red backdrop. In the other, barely clinging to the first armband with frayed black thread, was another, this one marked with an 8.

Five shrugged. “I thought…I don’t know, I thought maybe I’d feel better about going back out if I felt like Sara was still with me. It’s probably stupid.”

Jody took the bands from her. “No, it’s not. I think it’s a great idea. And I can fix this up for ya, no problem. I’ll have it done in a jiff.” Her practiced hands went to work stitching Eight’s armband to the inside of Five’s.

“Thanks, Jodes,” she said softly.

“How are you?” Jody asked carefully.

Five shrugged slightly, keeping her eyes on Jody’s hands. “I don’t really know how to answer that anymore.”

Jody nodded. “That why you’re hiding in here?”

Five laughed. “Is it that obvious I’m hiding?”

“I mean, sort of. You’ve not been around the other runners much lately. Not that we blame you! We just miss you is all.”

Five sighed. “Yeah. I know, I just…no one asks me questions in here, you know? There’s always a corner to stash myself in, and Dr. Lobatse doesn’t try to get me to talk, and…I don’t know, maybe if she can’t see me Janine will forget I’m supposed to be on call.”

She said it like a joke, but Jody could tell it wasn’t.

“You really don’t want to go back out, do you?” she asked softly.

“I…” Five exhaled hard. “I know I have to. I just don’t know what’s going to happen when I do.”

Jody tied off the end of the thread and handed over the armband. “Well, whenever you do, Eight’ll be right there with you.”

Five took it and looked at it sadly. “Thanks, Jody.”

“And we’ve all still got your back too. You know that, right?”

She nodded, still staring at the black number 8. “Yeah. Yeah, of course I do.”

Suddenly, the intercom squealed to life, and Sam’s alarmed voice came through it.

“Runner Five, Runner Twenty-Three, gates, now!”

Jody watched all the color drain out of Five’s face as she closed her eyes.

“Fuck.”

---

After all the months she’d spent working with them in the labs, Paula would’ve thought she’d be used to zoms by now. She knew how they smelled, how they sounded, how they moved. She knew those things so well that they often infiltrated those dreams that felt hauntingly like premonitions.

Labs, however, were a controlled environment. And there was nothing controlled about being an Abel runner.

Five zoms on their six o’clock, twenty on their four, and another pack closing in from their nine. Sam and Janine were good at their jobs, but sometimes all even they could tell them was to not look back and keep running. The danger didn’t matter, though. Not really. Not when it meant they had a chance to find Maxine.

Five pulled ahead of her, setting a pace she couldn’t possibly match. This was Paula’s first time running with her, but even she had to doubt Five had always been this fast. She knew better than anyone the changes her physiology could be going through. The possibility of being in the field with a partner so much stronger than her made her nervous; zoms always went for the weakest link, and Paula was falling behind. She heard the snarl of the approaching zom, could almost feel its breath on her when Five suddenly stopped and turned back towards her. She drew her gun and fired, four quick shots to take down the four fastest pursuers.

On the other hand, a partner with heightened abilities certainly had its perks.

“Christ, Five!” Paula breathed. “That was close! It almost got me. Thanks. I don’t know what to…thank you.”

Five nodded once then fell back into Paula’s pace. That trick wouldn’t work too many times, not with limited ammo.

“Uh, what would happen to you if you were bitten by a zombie, Dr. Cohen?” Janine asked. “You’re already infected, you have to have those plasmapheresis treatments at New Canton, so it’s not like they could infect you again…”

It was a fair question, even if it wasn’t one Paula wanted to answer. Five apparently felt the same way.

“Tactful as ever, Jen,” she muttered.

Paula took a deep breath. “It’s not like they could infect me again, so you might think I’m being a typical Jewish neurotic about the whole zombie situation. But you see, they could surge over me in a tidal wave of decaying flesh, sink their jaws into my arms, my neck, my stomach, pull out my still-pulsing intestines, leave their finger joints inside my chest cavity in their eagerness to get to my lungs, and fight over which of them gnaws out my eyeballs.”

Five cocked an eyebrow. “So you’ve given this, what, like a passing thought then?”

Paula gave her a look. Sam had warned her she went for humor when she was stressed, but she still found it a bit off-putting.

“The tracking signal’s still directly ahead of us,” she said, changing the subject.

But they were running towards nothing. There wasn’t a single sign of life in this canal to explain where the signal might be coming from. Paula tried to think, even as her lungs burned with the effort of outpacing the zoms. The signal was ahead of them, so logically, whatever was producing it must be somewhere ahead of them too. There was no one in sight, save for the zoms, and the canal was empty. It hadn’t been empty last time they’d come this way, so that meant…someone had drained it? Which could mean they needed access to something the water was hiding. Something like…

“Do you see something halfway up the canal?” she asked. “Way off in the distance.”

“Wait,” Five said, “Yeah, there’s something there.”

“It looks like –”

Sam cut Janine off. “It looks like a door in the wall of a recently drained canal.”

“And someone really doesn’t want us getting to it. Come on,” Paula said.

It wasn’t an easy trek. Outrunning dozens of zombies wasn’t easy to begin with, but someone really, really didn’t want them to reach that door. The runners New Canton sent after them to flood the canal and wash away the zoms weren’t able to do what they’d hoped. Instead, the lock was set to blow if anyone tampered with it.

“The final gate’s going to give way at any moment, and when it does, there’ll be a tidal wave of water coming towards you, washing along a hundred hungry zombies,” Sam said.

She and Five barely made it to the wall and started to scale it as the water came rushing towards them. Five clambered up ahead of her, somehow finding footholds in the smooth rock, then extended her hand to help Paula up. Just before she hauled herself onto the cliff’s edge, a zombie seized her foot. Five drew her gun again and clubbed it over the head, knocking it back into the water with a splash.

Paula finally found her footing. “I think that’s the second time you’ve saved my life today.”

“Five, if you can just get a bit higher up the cliff – yeah, that’s it,” Sam said as Five hoisted herself onto the ledge then again helped Paula up after her.

“We’re here,” Paula said. “A metal doorway halfway up the side of a canyon.”

Inside, it was dark, but there was just enough light to make out the Comansys logo on the inside of the door. Paula’s heart sunk. If that was who had Maxie, she couldn’t imagine that was good.

“The transmitter signal should be along the tunnel ahead of you. Find the lights,” Janine said.

They followed the signal down the corridor until they came into a room filled with equipment Paula knew all too well.

“It’s a row of chest freezers,” she explained to Sam and Janine who couldn’t see through their dark headcams. “The kind Van Ark used to preserve, uh, people who were infected.”

Even in the dark of the room, she didn’t miss Five stiffen next to her. She tried to pat her on the shoulder, but the other runner jerked away.

“Oh. Right,” Sam said. “But this wasn’t one of Van Ark’s test centers.”

“Not so far as I know. The equipment’s Comansys, though. That tech company. He was obsessed with finding out what they were up to. You know, when he’d had too much to drink, he used to do this mad ramble about how they were responsible for the zombie plague really. I think he was just trying to make himself feel less culpable, but…if Maxie’s here…”

She trailed off as she felt her hands start to shake.

“If she’s there, it’s better you find out now, Dr. Cohen,” Janine said. “To know the truth.”

Five snapped out of whatever had grabbed her when she’d heard Van Ark’s name and nodded. “Yeah. It’s better to know.”

“The signal’s coming from your left. Open the freezer’s on that side of the room.”

Five drew her gun. “I’ll cover you,” she said, nodding to the freezers.

Paula took a deep breath and walked up to the first one. Before she could change her mind, she seized the lid and yanked it open.

“Empty,” she said, somewhere between relief and heightened anxiety. She opened the next one. “Empty.”

One more. Not empty.

“What is it?” Sam asked.

“It’s Khwargo,” Five said. She sighed. “Dead, but still human. Oh, you poor dumbass.”

“I don’t understand,” Paula said. “None of our research would have led to ordinary people being mind-controlled. Non-zombie people, I mean. And anyway, Van Ark’s dead! He’s dead, I saw his body,” she said, mostly for Five’s benefit.

A freezer behind them opened and they both spun around, Five’s gun on the emerging figure.

“Guys, did that freezer just open by itself?” Sam asked. “Is it a zom?”

“Help me,” the figure said before collapsing to his knees.

Five moved to catch him. “Paula, grab the water bottle out of my pack.”

“Not a zom,” Paula said, a teenage boy. He’s on his absolute –”

Five tried to help him up. He grabbed hold of her arm and zeroed in on the band around her bicep. He turned his disoriented gaze to her face with a look of pure shock.

“Five. You’re Five. I saw you die.”

They stared at him in silence until Five broke it.

“I’m sorry, what?”

---

The shock on the boy’s face slowly turned to confusion as he got a better look at Jo’s features.

“Wait, that’s not…you’re not Canton Five.”

Jo shook her head. “Abel Five. Are you –”

He desperately snatched the water bottle out of Paula’s hands and started gulping down the contents.

“Yes, that’s it! He’s probably suffering from dehydration!”

In all the excitement, Jo had forgotten Dr. Lobatse was on the line with them. Her heart had been pounding ever since Paula had said where she’d seen the freezers before, but this boy’s assertion that he’d seen her die left her cold.

“Yes, we are qualified doctors too, you know,” Paula snapped. “Residence at Cedars-Sinai. Five did hers at Hopkins, I believe. We know how to treat dehydration.” She turned back to the boy. “Can you talk now?”

He took the bottle away from his mouth. “I…yeah. I feel a bit…oh, you gave me a proper turn there.”

Jo raised her eyebrows. She’d given him a turn?

“My friend in London, Canton Five, kind of looked a bit like you. Different build, obviously, but still.”

Jo had only met Canton Five once the day he and Archie had rescued them at the Jeffro Complex, but to her memory “different build” was an understatement. He’d been at least 6’2”, almost as tall as –

She blinked. As no one.

“Are you hurt?” she asked. “Can you stand?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m just fine,” the boy said, letting her help him up.

“What’s your name? How did you get here?”

“I’m Tony,” he said. “Came here from London after…my friend Canton Five died, that’s the thing.”

“Shit,” she muttered. “Someone should notify Nadia.”

“We need to get out of here if you’re able to move.” Paula handed him a headset. “Here, if you listen to this, you’ll be able to hear our operator back at base. Sam? Any chance of a way out?”

“Uh, yeah, we’ve got a sort of problem, actually,” Sam replied.

“New Canton are saying that they have no free runners,” Janine said, sounding agitated. “They’re helping their people at the dam! Three were severely injured in the explosion!”

“Yeah, well, it’s not like we’re in any kind of shape to help them!”

“You two care to clue us in?” Jo asked.

“Ugh, Abel’s new commander, Amelia Spens – she’s arrived. Well, kind of. Her helicopter landed not far from your position. Well, I say ‘landed.’ It’s a bit more, uh, crashy than that,” Sam said carefully.

Jo’s heart shot into her throat anyway.

Seriously, could this day stop getting worse?

“Mechanical failure, not rocket launcher, just in case you’re getting any flashbacks, Five,” he clarified. “Sounds like she’s not in any immediate danger. Unlike you. There are still zoms thronging around the door to that lab.”

“Problems with zoms?” Tony asked.

“We’re a bit stuck in here, is the thing. Zombies at the entrance,” Paula said.

“That ain’t no problem. Look at this!” He pulled a small black box out of his jacket. “Got it off my friend Canton Five in London. Tell you what, there are people who’d kill a lot of people to get this thing.”

He turned it on and a ringing noise issued from it, something that reminded her of the tones Van Ark used to control zombies.

Or would’ve reminded her of that. If she’d thought about it.

“You wait ‘til you see what this thing does to zoms!”

Jo started to laugh. “Great. That’s just great. My first mission back and we get to follow an ass transmitter through a zombie-infested canal, a tidal wave, a secret canyon-lab with equipment reminiscent of Van Ark, and now we’re going to take this magic zombie-repelling box to – wait for it – a helicopter crash. Seriously, Janine, how can I ever repay you?”

Notes:

I wasn’t going to cut things here, but I decided that someone gets a whole chapter dedicated to her introduction. Not because she deserves it, but because she would demand it.

Chapter 4: Hey, Runner

Notes:

Hi hello, I'd like to speak to the manager of capitalism because this shit SUCKS.

Content warning for gunshots and Jo just...not taking care of herself?? Seriously, dear readers, go drink some water and have a meal if you need one. Don't be like Jo.

Spoilers through S3M3. ENTER AMELIA SPENS *kicks down door*

I’ve got somewhere to be,
And I’ll never get there while you’re steppin’ on me.
I’m caught beneath your vanity;
So why do I keep runnin’?  

Hey, Runner! – The Arcadian Wild

“Keep up, Amy, almost there,” Tony said.

“I think I’m going to faint,” the new commander replied dizzily.

The horde of zoms from the chopper site was closing fast. Jo chanced a look behind her from her position at point. Amelia and Tony were close, keeping pace with each other, while Paula brought up the rear. One of the pursuing zoms took a swipe at her, barely missing her left shoulder.

Why the hell weren’t the snipers picking them off?

With the last of her reserved energy, Jo barreled towards the gates, drew her gun, and whirled back towards her companions. She only had three shots left, and they had to count.

She needed to focus. Deep breath, careful aim, and –

Bang. Bang. Bang.

The two zoms behind Paula and the one who’d pulled ahead towards Amelia and Tony were down before she even registered them. She looked down at her body. Perfect stance, careful aim.

How had it happened that quickly?

Her companions rushed the entrance, Jo and her now empty clip coming in behind them. Sam brought the gates down just in time, and the others doubled over, hands on knees, trying to get their breath back. Jo replaced her gun in its holster and found she was barely winded.

That wasn’t right either.

Christ what a day. No easing back in for Runner Five.

Of course not.

Of course her first mission back had multiple things go disastrously wrong.

Of course she’d stumbled into a lab that conjured the day that still haunted her nightmares.

Of course she’d gotten rerouted to possibly the single most triggering setting, the specifics of which she still hadn’t untangled from her memories.

Of course it had been too much to ask that the zombie repelling device function the entire time they were trying to make it back home.

Or that the woman who was supposed to be their new commander wouldn’t break literally the most useful thing she’d seen since the outbreak.

Jo pulled a bottle from her pack and drank the last of the water Tony hadn’t chugged. Her companions could sort themselves out, or Janine would sort them, but she was done. She needed to get over to Dr. Lobatse for a bite check and officially close out this run so she could take a shower and hide under the covers for a while. She’d had quite enough of this day. At least they had a lead on Maxine.

Amelia stood up and smoothed her chignon with perfectly manicured fingers. She straightened her disheveled clothing, adjusting the sleeves on…was that a tailored blazer?

Of all the weird shit she’d seen today, this well-groomed woman in designer clothing was definitely in the top two.

“Alright, let’s see,” she began. “Twenty-three, what were you saying about the device?”

Paula straightened and shook her head. “I’ll take a look at it as soon as I get –”

“Look at it now, please,” Amelia snapped. “No time to waste. Give me your findings in the morning.”

Jo exhaled, body deflating along with her dream of getting some rest.

Of course.

Paula furrowed her brow. “What? What a minute –”

“Runner Five, attend her assistance as necessary, but I’d like a written report on your discoveries at the base on my desk by the end of the day.”

Jo stared back at her. “Sure, because that’s something I do.”

“It is today,” she replied with a tight smile. “Seeing as your commander has ordered you to.”

“Give them a break! They’ve just run themselves ragged to save your backside!” Tony exclaimed.

Amelia rounded on him, appraising him with cool eyes. “Well, I’ve yet to decide what to do with you, Tony. First things first, follow me. I need a full debrief on the London situation.”

His face twisted. “Debrief? Do I look like I debrief? I ain’t debriefing nothing. Debrief yourself!”

Jo snorted. For the first time since meeting him and subsequently having her ear talked off, she appreciated the kid.

Amelia flicked her eyes over to Jo. “Everyone in my town pulls their weight. All I want is a chat. A fair exchange for a safe place to sleep, wouldn’t you say?”

My town. Thirty seconds inside the gates and she was already marking her territory in a way the Major had never needed to. Respecting her authority had come naturally to them.

But this woman...

Amelia swept a stray hair from her forehead. “Now, you’ve all got your duties to attend to. Update me within the hour if you anticipate any difficulties.” She crooked a finger at Tony. “You, come along. I need to find my office.”

Paula’s face crumpled, and Jo’s blood started to boil. After everything she’d been through, they couldn’t give her five minutes for the first update on Maxine in months? They couldn’t have five minutes to catch their breath and settle back in? They were expected to snap to attention for this woman whose life they’d saved, who knew nothing about them or how things worked or –

“We have protocols, you know,” Jo spat. “For finishing runs. Procedures we’re supposed to follow for the health and safety of the entire township. We have equipment to put away, and stretching to do, and everyone who was in the field needs a bite check. That includes you.”

Amelia turned back to her slowly, a poison apple smile on her face. “It’s Runner Five, right?”

Jo looked down at the red armband on her left bicep then back to Amelia. She raised her eyebrows in lieu of an answer.

Amelia folded her arms, still smiling like she couldn’t decide which of them was predator and which was prey.

“Well. Aren’t you everything the Ministry said you’d be and more. You know, Runner Five, I’m not sure what your old protocols were, but –”

“Maybe you would be if you hadn’t started barking orders before bothering to learn –”

“But,” Amelia cut her off sharply, “I am in command of Abel Township now, so the only protocols that matter are the orders I give. And I believe I gave you an order to write up a report on your findings at the Comansys base. That’s not going to be a problem, is it?”

“Of course not, Ms. Spens.”

Jo jumped at Janine’s voice. She’d been so focused on Amelia she hadn’t even noticed her standing behind her.

“Your office is not quite ready, but you’re welcome to use mine in the meantime. I’ll send Dr. Lobatse to the farmhouse after she’s taken a look at Five and Twenty-Three. Bite check won’t take long. The two of them will be able to get to work very soon.”

“Splendid. And, Runner Five, since you’re so keen on protocol, I’m sure it won’t be a problem for you to write up a second report detailing, beginning to end, all the procedures a runner is supposed to follow? Also by the end of the day.”

Jo knew a challenge when she heard one.

“Of course not. I’ll get right on it,” she replied evenly.

“Oh, fantastic, then while you’re doing that, my files need to be updated, seeing as I didn’t even know you had runners as high as 23. A full write up on the members of your team should fix that gap in my intel.”

So, of course, did Janine. She cleared her throat.

“Ms. Spens, I have personnel files for all active runners - ”

“Oh, I’m sure you do, Janine,” Amelia said, waving her away, “but I was asking Runner Five here. There’s clearly a lot of knowledge in that head of hers, it would be a shame to waste it. I do hate wastefulness.”

“Not a problem,” Jo replied, letting the venom in her veins just barely coat her words.

“Excellent,” Amelia said, Cheshire cat-smile still firmly in place. “I do so look forward to the information you can share with me. Now, Janine, I believe there was some mention of an office? Come along, Tony.”

Sam appeared at her side as Amelia walked away. He shook his head. “What a charmer.”

“She’s not wrong, though,” Paula said. “Maxie. We finally know who’s got her. Finally! Now we just have to get her back. Come on, Jo. We’ve got work to do.”

“Especially you,” Sam said. “I’ve got to put the equipment away, but once I’m done I can start writing up the personnel list for you.”

Jo shook her head. “Oh no. That’s exactly what she wants. I’ll write all three reports myself, and hand them over well before her deadline, and then I’ll shove them down her De La Renta-clad throat.”

Jo pursed her lips. It was a grave mistake to go up against her in a battle of wills. Amelia was about to learn that the hard way.

---

Most of the time, the arrival of a new commander was the promise of restored order, of stability. They brought with them the feeling that things were moving forward again.

Amelia Spens, however, brought chaos.

And with it, Abel was swept into a whirlwind of spreadsheets and efficiency and ideas about how to automate just about everything in the Township, Sam included. It felt something like the beginning, when they were all new to Abel Township and trying to figure out where exactly they went from here. It left people uncertain and on edge. Rations were handed out more carefully, runners were put on new rotations, and nearly everyone was doing twice the work they’d been before.

Not Jo, though. Jo was doing about triple.

When the stack of punishment work Amelia had handed her proved to be no trouble, she started piling on even more. Requisition forms, run reports, inventory, you name it, it was suddenly Jo’s job. And this was on top of the double shifts she was already running in the name of “information gathering” about Comansys. Amelia wouldn’t hear any excuses where Comansys-related runs were concerned.

Not that Jo ever made any. Not that she’d ever show weakness in front of an adversary.

Sam sighed and glanced at his watch. She should’ve been home ages ago. This was the first night in the weeks since Amelia’s arrival that she was supposed to be home before curfew, and he’d been looking forward to it. They’d barely had any time together lately.

Every day she woke up much earlier than usual and grabbed a protein bar in lieu of breakfast on her way to the hospital. She wasn’t seeing patients, but there was always some sort of administrative task for her – inventory or reorganization or double checking certain supplies that Amelia just “wasn’t sure” she had the right count for. Then it was out for her first run; the morning was usually recon, which meant lunch was spent poring over reports while shoving half a sandwich in her mouth. In the afternoon, supply runs, then documenting the supplies she gathered and “anything else of note” that she encountered on the run. Usually she worked through dinner and didn’t have anything until Sam woke her up and made her eat something.

If they didn’t sleep in the same bed Sam was pretty sure he wouldn’t see her outside of runs at all. He glanced at the stack of untouched books on her nightstand before guiltily turning his attention back to the one in his hands.

The overwork was Amelia’s doing, but Jo wasn’t making it any better for herself. She took her orders and got the work done without complaint, but she never missed an opportunity for a biting remark. Amelia might’ve been her commander, but she had no respect for the woman, and she wasn’t shy about making sure everyone knew it.

Of course, focusing all her energy on this rivalry was a great way to distract herself from everything else that needed dealing with. That hadn’t escaped his notice.

The door opened, and Jo stumbled through, bleary-eyed. She dropped her pack by the door and flopped face first onto the bed.

Sam set his book down. “Jo?”

She didn’t respond.

Right. Straight to sleep. They hadn’t gotten the time together they’d hoped for, but at least she was here before he fell asleep. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her against him.

“Noooo,” she whined, voice muffled by the pillow. “No time.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Can’t sleep yet. Still have work to do.”

Despite her protests, she didn’t move.

Sam kissed her shoulder. “Johanna, it’s half nine, what else could you possibly have left?”

“Gotta write a report on that tech exchange with Brunswick.”

“Wasn’t that Kytan’s mission? Shouldn’t he be writing it?”

“Yeah, but Kytan’s an idiot, so when he does it wrong Amelia’s just going to give it to me anyway. I’m cutting out the middle runner.”

Sam tucked the blankets around them. “You can do that tomorrow.”

“Amelia will have a fresh batch of bureaucracy for me tomorrow.”

Sam reached back to turn off the light. “Couldn’t you just tell her it’s too much? Or try being nicer to her so she stops punishing you?”

Jo shook her head against the pillow. “Nope. Never. She will not win.”

“Right, because you’re clearly the one who’s winning now.”

“I’m always winning.”

“Yeah, yeah. Winners need their sleep too. You can prove you’re the alpha when you can keep your eyes open, how about that?”

“I can keep my eyes open, I just don’t want to.”

Sam pressed his lips to the top of her head. “Whatever you say.”

Jo elbowed him.

“You’re not wrong, though,” he said. “She really is the worst. I think she was serious about trying to automate the operator. She wants me to record some directions so she can start messing around with the tech.”

“Yeah, she sucks and I hate her. Which reminds me, she’s decided the Major’s old office and the spare room in the farmhouse aren’t good enough for her, so she’s taking over half of C dorm.”

Sam’s eyes went wide. “Half of C dorm?? What the hell does she need that much space for? And where are all those people supposed to go?”

“I don’t know, something about room for her wardrobe or whatever since they managed to recover all that from the chopper site. Oh and all the overflow runners have to move in here, which means Janine needs to put one of them in my quarters, so we’re moving in together, surprise.”

Sam blinked. “How romantic.”

“Yeah, sorry, I don’t think it was a request.”

“I mean, it’s not like you’ve slept there in months.”

“No, but now you can’t get rid of me.”

“What makes you think I’d want to?”

Jo mumbled something unintelligible, barely awake anymore. In all likelihood they’d end up having the same conversation again in the morning. Sam gently ran his fingers through her hair until he felt her breathing even out.

He let his hand drift down her neck to her back. Her muscles were tense and knotted, even as she slept. He felt her stomach growl. She’d skipped dinner again.

“God dammit, Johanna,” he mumbled.

Overworked, underfed, and severely fatigued. She couldn’t keep this up. Sam couldn’t let her keep this up. Not that he had any idea how to talk her out of it, stubborn woman that she was. Maybe Janine could intervene, either with Amelia or by talking some sense into Jo. Again.

Sam shifted further under the covers. That was a problem for the morning. For now, he’d hold her close and keep her safe and cherish whatever time they had together.

Even if it never felt like enough.

Notes:

This should be the end of the exposition! Next chapter we can finally start getting into the fun stuff.

And by fun stuff, I do mean angst.

Wheeeee.

Chapter 5: Soft Dark Nothing III

Notes:

Greetings from your friendly neighborhood fic author who has a NEW JOB and hopefully, as a result, less burnout.

Content warning for grief, alcohol use, mild loss of touch with reality

Spoilers through S3M5

And the Earth went quiet,
And the air went still;
I feel you now more than I ever will

Soft Dark Nothing – Lily Kershaw

 

“Alright, one more time – step, kick, leap –”

“No, no, it’s ‘step kick kick leap.’ If you drop the second kick you won’t leap the right way.”

He groaned in frustration. “Why is it this part that’s giving me so much bloody trouble?”

“Beats me,” Jo said. “This is the part that’s on literally every cast recording, you’d think it would stick in your head.”

He flipped his hair out of his eyes. “Alright, so it’s step, kick kick, leap –”

“Is this really the best use of time for you two idjits?” Sara called, frustration coating the words in more of her Irish lilt than usual. “We’ve got a bit of a big day tomorrow, you know.”

“And what better for it than blowing off some steam the night before?” He replied, studying his feet. “Besides, you can’t really expect me to have learned about Twinkle Toes here’s dark dancing past and not want to join her chorus line.”

Jo elbowed him in the stomach.

“But do you really have to do it here?” Sara asked. “Some of us are trying to read.”

“Common room’s got all the space I need. I’m a star, Eight, I need my stage!”

“Yeah, let’s see if you can remember the moves first,” Jo retorted.

Sara sighed. “I suppose you’ve both done all your checks for tomorrow, then? Especially you, Five. Speaking of stars, you’ve got quite the important role to play.”

“I’m sure they’ll be just fine,” he replied. “Five and Archie are always prepared, the rest of us will be there as backup, what could possibly go wrong?”

Sara hummed disapprovingly. “You’re awfully confident, Three. Maybe we don’t all share your optimism. What say you, Five?”

Jo shrugged. “I mean I’m not dumb enough to use the same words Three did, but…he’s sort of right. We know the plan. We’re as prepared as we can be. I don’t think it would do us any good to sit around and be anxious about it."

Sara closed her book and stood up. “Fair enough. I think I’ll finish reading in my room, then.”

“That sounds like a great plan,” Three replied. “I’ve still got a ballet sequence to learn.”

---

“Go after Runner Three! Get Carena back…I always thought you’d be here – hurry, Five…I’ll be waiting for him…you’re going to have to shoot me…clean through the temples…the last thing I want to do is come back…”  

Sam’s hand on her arm pulled her out of the reverie.

“Five, are you ready?” he asked.

Jo looked back at him and at all the other runners staring at her expectantly.

Great. They’d all watched her disappear this time.

Five’s always ready.

Jo blinked, startled by the intrusion. Sometimes she heard Sara’s voice so clearly it was like she was still standing over her shoulder, watching like she always did. The way she’d worn herself down over the past month did nothing to keep her head on straight. And this wasn’t exactly new. The dead always stayed with her much longer than with others.

But she knew it wasn’t real.

She was pretty sure it wasn’t real.

“Have you got it?” Janine asked. Jo nodded and indicated her pack.

Five always comes prepared.

“Stop that,” Jo muttered.

“What did you say?” Janine asked.

She shook her head. “Nothing.”

“You know, I think this is a rather good idea,” Amelia said, an exaggerated simper on her face.

Jo grit her teeth and turned to where Amelia couldn’t see her. Not that she normally tried all that hard to keep her disdain hidden, but this was Sara’s day. Nothing was going to ruin it.

“Why not do these things properly?” she continued. “The Ministry were very willing to supply the guards to keep the area clear, especially given the very useful leads you’ve been able to give us regarding Comansys. Yes, yes, sends the right sort of message. I have to draw up a quick memo about it when we get back.”

We don’t bother with memos, do we Five?

Jo smiled despite herself. Never. God, what I’d give to see you interact with this prat, Eight.

There was an uneasy energy in the group. Sara’s memorial had been a long time coming, but to actually go out and do it meant it was real. Her absence these past couple months had been obvious, but her influence was always known. Every run, every training session, even every night spent lazing around the runners’ dorms, Sara was with them.

Now they actually had to say goodbye.

“She died saving all of us,” Janine said, an unusual hitch in her voice. “She gave up her life so we could defeat an unstoppable foe.”

Careful now, Janine. Save some for later.

Sam took Jo’s hand. “This is it, then. We’ve got the ashes. We’ve got the map of where she wanted them scattered. New Canton are keeping our pathway clear. Are we ready to go?”

One thing I’ve learned, Five – no matter when you go, you’re never, ever ready.

“Yeah,” Jo said, perhaps answering both of them. “Let’s go.”

---

It was a stunning winter morning. Clear, crisp, and cold enough that you definitely wanted to keep moving. Sam could almost hear Eight chuckling at other runners’ complaints through her headset, calling the weather “invigorating” instead of cold.

He still didn’t quite believe he’d never guide her through a run again.

Jo was just ahead of him, keeping her pace down so she could stay close.

Sara’s absence was never so obvious as it was when he was watching Jo run. They’d been such a team. It wasn’t the same seeing her with Paula or Jody or Owen or any of the others. It was strange. She was stronger in the days since Van Ark, and faster too. But she wasn’t the runner she’d been now she was on her own.

Sam supposed this wasn’t exactly a grand revelation. It wasn’t some intimate knowledge of his partner’s mannerisms that led him to deduce this. Jo talked about Sara plenty. She’d bottled it up for a little while, just at the beginning, until it all came tumbling out one night; the rage, the heartbreak, the feeling that she was somehow incomplete. Since then they talked about Sara almost every day, Jo begrudgingly processing the loss for a second time. That bit of trauma he was confident she had a handle on.

It was what she didn’t talk about that worried him.

“This is uh, bracing!” Amelia said, sounding more than a little winded. “Always jog everywhere, do you?”

“It seemed fitting,” Janine replied, much more evenly. “A gentle run as a tribute to Runner Eight.”

Jo glanced back at him with a smirk. Neither of them missed her use of the word ‘gentle.’ No one managed to sneak an insult right under your nose quite like Janine.

“Yes! You’re quite close-knit here at Abel, aren’t you? They said so at the Ministry of Recovery. Unusually attached to one another for a disparate group of survivors.”

This time, Jo shot him an eyeroll.

“That’s how we’ve stayed survivors,” Jody said seriously. Sam laughed, and Jody gave him a bewildered look. “What?”

He shook his head. “No, it’s just – well, for a minute there, you sounded just like her. Eight. Sara.”

Jo smiled slightly, but she didn’t say anything. Everywhere they looked, Eight was still among them.

“She was always so serious,” Jody said. “I remember once I got into a tangle with a cable stitch. She was watching me trying to unpick it all and start again, and she went –”

“Let me guess,” Owen said, cutting her off. “’Ah, as tangled as the human heart!’”

“No. She went, ‘If only we could unpick our lives and start again.’”

Janine laughed, an unfamiliar but welcome sound in the midst of the gloom. “That was her alright. Come along, Ms. Spens. There’s a shortcut through here if you want to cut out some of the distance.”

Jamie, who was at the head of the pack, called, “Runners, we’ll take the long way around.”

For all his initial hesitation to join them, Jamie had fallen right in with the corps. Sam wasn’t sure if it was the relief of having help with the kids or the newfound sense of purpose or the support of a family after…whatever he’d done, but Runner Ten suited him, and he suited it. Jamie was here. That was what mattered.

The runners turned towards the long way. Sam glanced behind him and found Jo staring off, eyes fixed intently on the horizon, tuned into something he was never privy to.

He approached slowly, trying not to scare her, and took her elbow.

“Hey. You alright?”

She blinked before giving him a smile he didn’t quite believe.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. Let’s go.”

---

You’ll have to carry on what I started.

Always more. Always duty. Always another threat to handle.

And she was so damned tired.

Of course it was her. Who else would Sara have trusted? Janine, sure, but it wasn’t as if that woman had a life of ample free time. So it all fell to Jo. It always did. And she’d do what she had to.

She always did.

“Just us runners, now,” Jody said.

“Do I count?” Louise asked.

She counts if she’s running.

Of course Louise counted. They all knew that, even if she didn’t. Once things at the prison settled down she’d been one of the first to offer her help in finding Maxine and the others. Jo knew damn well there was a red armband marked ‘24’ waiting for her whenever she was ready to officially take it.

“If you want to join us, that’s good enough for me,” Jody said. The others murmured their assent.

“Yeah. Before this, I was never really a joiner. I don’t join stuff, know what I mean?” Jamie said.

He and Jo exchanged a glance. There was an uneasy bond between the two of them now, an understanding of the shared trauma they’d endured that day. Jo still hadn’t asked him what he’d done after she’d left with Carena.

She was pretty sure she never would.

When she looked up, she realized the others had come to flank her, almost like an escort.

“We had something to ask you, Runner Five,” Jody said.

“You know, we’d decided – after Runner Seven left, we had that convo – and we thought we’d ask Runner Eight to be the new Head of Runners,” Owen said.

That was news to her. It was probably a conversation that happened while she was shut away in her quarters, avoiding the accusing glances of everyone who thought she was the traitor. There had never been anything but assurances of ‘we knew it wasn’t you’ after the traitor was revealed to be Eight, then not Eight. But that couldn’t be the truth.

“Not going to happen now, is it?” Jamie asked.

Might not have worked out so well. I had some…difficult friends. You’ll have to deal with them now. Remember what I told you. Remember I said I didn’t trust them.

No, it was not going to happen. Jo felt her heart sink, knowing what was coming, knowing how she’d have to disappoint them all.

“So uh, we wanted to asked you, Five” Jody said. “I know I’ve been here longer, but it’s not about length of service. It’s just someone that everyone trusts, you know? Respects.”

And that was supposed to be her?

“And you have to want it. I don’t want it. I’m more of a follower than a leader. But we think you’d be good, if you want.”

If she wanted it. Did she want it?

Would you have done it? She wondered. Taken the lead, kept us together, guided us through this new world?

Yeah. You would’ve.  

She looked at the dozens of faces, eyes eager, like they were counting on her. 

But I’m not you.

“You don’t have to answer now,” Jody said quickly. “Just think it over.”

Jo nodded without quite looking at her or any of the others.

That’s my Five. Stay quiet, have a think. We’re nearly there.  

---

Waves crashed against the rocky shore, sending a steady salt breeze across the jetty to where they were standing. Janine closed her eyes, letting the mist coat her wind-stung cheeks and blend in with the tears she couldn’t manage to hold back.

When she opened  them again, Five was removing the lid from the urn, sending what was left of Sara out into the wind, back to the ocean where she’d always wanted to be. Wild and free, just as she was.

It really was over now. Runner Eight was gone.

To her left, Ms. Spens shivered dramatically.

“Honestly, it is freezing out here,” she muttered, “Can’t we wrap this up?”

Janine decided to ignore her. It wasn’t as if there hadn’t been anything for their commander to do back at base. Her presence was not required at a memorial for a woman she’d never met. It was unwelcome even when it was required, let alone in a moment so personal.

Sam appeared on her other side, squinting against the sharp gusts of sea air.

“Are you alright?” he asked.

Janine nodded. “I will be.”

She looked out to the end of the jetty. Five still stood staring out at the water, wind whipping curls from the tight bun she’d secured them in. Higher and neater than she usually wore her hair. Like Sara’s had always been.

“How is she? Really?” Janine asked.

“Exhausted,” Sam said, not bothering to sugarcoat. “She’s not sleeping or eating enough, she’s running more than she should, and she’s got too much on her plate, some of which is…” He glanced carefully at Amelia, “avoidable.”

Janine nodded. “I’ll speak with her.”

“Which one?”

She sighed. “Whichever one I think will listen.”

Sam shook his head. “Good luck.”

At the end of the jetty, Five bent down, hunched over herself like she was tying her shoe. Her laces were always doubled knotted, secured tightly to prevent them becoming a hazard. She’d learned that from Sara too. And Janine couldn’t swear to it from this distance, but to her, it almost looked like she tucked something inside her jacket as she stood.

She sighed, knowing how useless it would be to try and deduce what was really going on. Sara had been a woman of many secrets in life. There was no reason that proclivity shouldn’t follow her into death.

---

“You shouldn’t have to bury your dearest friend twice.”

It was a blessed, and unexpected, evening off for all of them. Jo wasn’t sure how Janine had talked Amelia into letting the runners rest after Sara’s memorial, but she was grateful, both for that and the rare bottle she’d dug up in the cellar for them to split.

Now, most of the wine drained and exhausted from the run, they’d taken up residence in front of the farmhouse’s fireplace, Janine stretched out on the couch while Jo flopped sideways in an armchair. Sam and Paula had struck up an impromptu session of Demons and Darkness for the runners who didn’t usually get to join them, so Jo was here until she pried herself away from the fire’s warmth and across the frozen quad to her bed.

“I think that’s the worst part,” Jo replied, hanging her head over the chair’s arm. “She came back once, so some small part of my mind is always going to think she can do it again.”

Janine hummed. “We saw her body. Both of us, I know…I know she can’t ‘come back,’ but I don’t know how I’m supposed to grasp that she’s gone.”

Jo sat up. “That’s because she’s not.” Janine looked up, an eyebrow raised. “I mean, she is, but…I don’t think this place will every really know it. She’s fucking everywhere. Everything reminds me of Sara, because she had a hand in everything. Everyone knew her, everyone learned from her, so she’s gone but she’s still…everywhere, and…I’m drunk and rambling, aren’t I?

Janine laughed. “You are, but I know what you mean. Sara was this place in a lot of ways. It’s most obvious with the runners. I saw that today. Ms. Marsh saying ‘that’s how we’ve stayed survivors.’ Sam was right, it is exactly what Sara would have said.”

“She probably would’ve had a few other choice words for our new commander, too.”

“Don’t you start.”

Jo rolled her eyes and finished the rest of her glass. “Oh, get this: while we were taking the long way around, the others asked me to be the new Head of Runners.” She laughed, though she wasn’t sure she knew what the joke was.

Janine stared at her. “And?”

“And…and that’s it. It’s ridiculous.”

“You’re not going to do it then?”

“Of course not, I’d be a terrible choice.”

Janine considered the glass in her hand. “Hmm.”

“What?”

She looked up. “Is that what you really think or is that what you’re telling yourself because you can’t quite handle what being asked means?”

Jo blinked. “Excuse me?”

“It’s a simple question. Do you actually think you’re a terrible choice to lead or do you not want to face leadership again?”

For a minute, the crackling of the fire and ticking of the grandfather clock were the only things to break the stunned silence.

“How the hell did you do that?” Jo said finally.

“A lot in common, remember? Answer the question.”

“I…I don’t think I have an answer for that.”

Janine set her glass down and sat up. “I know you’ve not told me much about your life before Abel, and you don’t have to,” she said, cutting off Jo’s protest before she even got it out. “But what you did tell me, very early on, is that you have been in my position before. You have been a leader before. There is a reason for that.”

Jo stared into her lap. “Doesn’t mean I was any good at it.”

“Why not?”

“Janine, can we not do this –”

“No, we are doing this, why not?”

“Because I don’t trust myself, ok?? Because I’ve made mistakes, big ones, and those mistakes have hurt people, people I cared about a lot less than I care about Abel, so if I take on a leadership position again and make more mistakes, then more people are going to get hurt and it’s going to be my fault and I don’t know how I do that again!”

Janine nodded. “You’re afraid, then.”

“Yes, fine, I’m afraid, happy now?”

Janine nodded, staring at her curiously. Suddenly, she stood.

“Come on. I have something to show you.”

Jo reluctantly dragged herself out of the chair, away from the fire’s warmth, and followed Janine down the hallway under the stairs, past her office to the room adjacent.

She furrowed her brow. “The Major’s old office?”

“It was supposed to be for the new commander,” Janine explained, unlocking the door, “but Ms. Spens doesn’t want it. There’s no sense in it going to waste, not with all the work there is to do around here, and I thought you could make use of it, whenever they got around to asking you.”

The door swung open, revealing the sparsely furnished room beyond. A couple bookshelves, a desk with an almost comfortable-looking chair, a window that looked out into the township. Jo hadn’t spent much time in here with its previous occupant, but it didn’t look much different than she remembered. The Major hadn’t been a sentimental woman.

She looked back at Janine. “You knew?”

“I had a feeling,” she explained, “and the office is yours if you want it. But only for the Head of Runners. You must have work to do if I am to give you a workspace. If you really don’t want to do this, then don’t. But if you do want to do it and are simply talking yourself out if it because you’re afraid, then you’re doing a disservice to yourself and everyone who would benefit from having you in a position of leadership. Including me.”

“I –” But then Jo stopped. She didn’t have a response to that. Because really, underneath that voice that told her she could never be good enough, didn’t she swell up with pride when Jody asked her? Hadn’t there been that nagging thought under the dismissal about how she could make everyone’s lives a little better, how she could use what she knew to keep the runners safe?

“Johanna. You might not trust yourself, but I think you know what the right decision is here.”

Jo nodded, barely. “Still scares me.”

Janine crossed her arms. “I believe the words you’d use are ‘tough shit.’”

Back in the dorms, she huddled under the blankets, trying to drive out the chill she’d gotten on her walk across the quad. Physically, she was exhausted, more than ready for some well-earned sleep, but her mind was racing.

Sam shifted in his sleep and wound his arms around her. “Hey, you,” he whispered.

“Hey,” she replied. “How was the game?”

“Oh, y’know, great until Jordan decided they got infinite hit points and was going to use them to take over the world.”

Jo snorted. “Told you they were up to no good.”

“So,” he said drowsily, “you think about what they asked you?”

She nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, a little.”

“And?”

Jo took a deep breath.

“I’m gonna do it.”

Chapter 6: El Búho

Notes:

Y'all, NaNoWriMo is *hard*. Shoutout to anyone doing it with an actual novel and instead of their brain gremlin of an OC who calls all the shots.

Content warning: gunshots, mild sexual themes, mentions of physical violence, Jo *continuing* to not take care of herself

Spoilers through S3M7

This time I’m torn;
Please wake me if I lose that face.
Search in these eyes;
There’s still fire in the darkness,
And rooms of light.  

El B úho – Blanco White

Breakfast time was one of Paula’s favorite things about Abel Township. It was the meal people attended at the most similar time, as opposed to later in the day when runs and job assignments got in the way of consistent lunch and dinner schedules. Most of the Township would be packed, shoulder to shoulder, around the long mess hall tables, chatting and eating until the last of the previous night’s sleepiness had left them. It was a nice contrast to the long, lonely nights she spent tossing and turning, not needing as much sleep as others and usually unable to get the little she did require.

She found comfort in spending her days among the people who loved Maxine. Those glimpses of her world, the reminder that there were dozens of others who cared if she came home, that’s what kept her going without the distraction of work.

“I can tell you’re just pushing it around,” Sam said, looking at Jo’s tray. Jo made a face at him and shoved a forkful of eggs in her mouth.

“Happy?” she asked around the bite.

“Very, thank you.” He kissed the side of her head.

She smiled sadly at her bickering friends, longing for the day she’d get to have another stupid little fight with Maxine. She never thought she’d miss giving her grief for her stress cigarettes, or hearing Maxine gripe about her inability to squeeze the toothpaste from the bottom the way she liked it.

“Good morning, all,” Amelia said, materializing behind them with a glass of what looked inexplicably like fresh-squeezed orange juice in her hand.

“Good morning, ma’am,” Paula said carefully before Jo could choose her own greeting.

“Oh, really, Twenty-Three, you can call me Amelia,” she replied, taking the seat next to her without invitation. “How are we all feeling today?”

“Oh, uh…just fine,” Sam said, clearly avoiding conversation. Jo made a non-committal sound and was suddenly far more interested in her breakfast.

“Quite well, thank you,” Paula said. “How are you?”

“Oh, just marvelous, I’ve about finished setting up the automated operator system. Should be ready for a test mission very soon. Sam, I trust you can make some time this afternoon to look it over with me?”

Sam’s eyes darted to Jo before he answered. “Uh, yeah, sure, that won’t be a problem.”

Jo rolled her eyes and started to stand.

“Where’re you going?” he asked quietly.

“Not hungry,” she said.

“The hell you aren’t, you kept me up half the night with your stomach growling.”

Amelia, who was halfway through a sip, set down her glass and peered at them curiously. “Did I know…this was happening?”

Jo sat down and pulled a stack of runner schedules out of her bag, fanning them out in front of her. “Well, seeing as it’s neither new nor a secret, I don’t see why not. Unless you haven’t been paying attention, that is.”

“I see. And is it common for the operator to be sleeping with his runners?”

Sam turned crimson and choked on his eggs.

“‘Dating’ is the word we use actually,” Jo deadpanned.

Amelia laughed. “Oh, monogamous, are we? How boring.”

“Criticizing someone else’s choices to make yourself feel superior, how boring,” Jo retorted.

Amelia smiled, that same tight expression she always wore around Jo. “Well, Five, I see you’ve woken up on the wrong side of the bed yet again. I trust that won’t interfere with your ability to complete the reports due to me by this evening?”

“Never does.”

“Splendid. This afternoon, then?”

“Fine by me,” Jo said, refusing to look up from the schedule in front of her.

“Splendid,” Amelia repeated. She stared as if willing the other woman to look up, but Jo never did. If there was one thing Paula had figured out in these past couple of months, it was that you never tried to out-stubborn Jo. She’d sooner die than give up ground, and Paula wasn’t sure that was an exaggeration.

“I suppose I’d better be off then,” Amelia said finally. “Busy as always. Lots of work to be done. Have a lovely day, everyone.”

“Thank you, ma’am. Amelia,” Paula said. “You too.”

Once Amelia was out of earshot, Sam, finally recovered from the prying questions, turned back to Jo. “Do you have to do that?” he asked.

“Do what?” she replied, eyes still scanning the text.

“Antagonize her. Your life would be so much easier if you’d just let it go.”

“She antagonizes me,” Jo said, flipping to the next page. “Why isn’t the question ever why she doesn’t stop?”

“Because she’s the base commander! She…commands stuff, including you. That’s her job. I mean, it’s not like you ever mouthed off to the Major.”

“Of course not, the Major was worthy of her command. I respected her. Also, I did mouth off to her once.”

“Mhm, and how did that go?”

“Very poorly, thank you for asking.”

Sam shook his head. “Would you at least finish your breakfast? I know you’re not running today, but you still need to eat.”

Jo poked at her food. “What if I promise to eat a big lunch later?”

“Then I’d know you’re lying because no matter how big a lunch you get, you’re going to give half of it to Janine.”

“Well yeah, if I don’t she won’t eat anything, that’s no good.”

Sam and Paula just stared at her.

“Alright, fine, point taken. Gimme your bacon at least.”

“Gladly,” Sam said, sliding it onto her plate.

“Gonna take it to go, though,” she said, standing. “If Amelia wants those reports by this afternoon now then I am going to get them done by 11.”

“So she can give you more work?”

“She can do her worst. I’m still winning.”

Paula started laughing as Jo walked away. “You two remind me of Maxie and me sometimes. Whenever one of us got really into a work project and stopped taking care of ourselves, the other would have to step in or it would be 36 hours before we realized we hadn’t eaten anything. Sometimes I’d stay up well past midnight without even noticing the time. Used to drive Maxine crazy.”

“Sounds like someone I know,” Sam said wryly. “I just don’t know what to do about it. I mean, we barely get to spend any time together anymore, and the time we do get I feel like we’re just arguing. Things don’t feel like they used to.”

“That makes sense,” Paula replied. “You’ve both been through a lot of stress lately. How long have you been together?”

Sam furrowed his brow, thinking. “…five months? Bloody hell, has it really only been that long?”

“That makes perfect sense, then. The relationship isn’t new anymore, you’ve been through a lot, you’re still going through a lot. Tension makes sense.”

“You know, I’m not sure we’ve ever even been on a proper date. We just got together and that was it. And I know the apocalypse isn’t exactly littered with romantic opportunities, but…I dunno, sometimes I feel like we’re missing out on something. I mean, we live together, we work together, and I still feel like I barely see her.”

Paula nodded. “Maxine and I always got on just a bit worse when we didn’t get enough quality time together. The amount of time didn’t matter; if it didn’t feel like ours it was like I hadn’t seen her at all. Have you talked to Jo about this?”

Sam shook his head. “I know I should, but I don’t want to upset her, and I don’t want to waste any of our time having hard conversations, and…and I don’t want to bring this up and make her realize she’s changed her mind.”

“Oh, Sam,” Paula said, “I don’t think it’s that, not at all. I know I’ve not known you long, but it’s clear you love each other. It’s just your first rough patch. Scary, yes, but not fatal.”

“Always has been for me,” he muttered. “How’d you get through this stuff with Maxine?”

Paula smiled. “Unfortunately…we had to talk about it.”

---

“Oh, I ain’t feeling so good,” Jamie groaned.

Sam watched as Five shifted the arm he’d slung around her neck to better support him. Jamie’s sprained ankle had slowed them down; not enough for the zombies to catch them quite yet, but they were starting to close in.

“Just a little further,” Isabel said. “That’s the lighthouse up ahead.”

“I should be able to wrap your ankle for you,” Jo added. “Soon as we can get you off your feet. Should make you comfortable enough to get you home.”

Jamie glanced behind him furtively, like he didn’t quite believe they’d make it. The lighthouse wasn’t far, and if Sam could take his mind off the pain and worry, the trio would be there in no time. He peered at the screen as the lighthouse came into view over Five’s headcam. It looked familiar. Almost like –

“Hang on a minute,” he said. “isn’t that the –”

Jamie recognized it too. “Yeah, it looks just like where Jimmy and Elizabeth used to live!”

“It does! That’s the light they flashed to send an S.O.S. when Catherine the Horrible had them surrounded by her flying squirrel assassins.”

Jamie laughed, unusually delighted by the discovery. “Oh my word! I totally forgot those! That episode was amazing! I can’t believe that’s the exact same lighthouse from Jimmy’s Jaunts.”

“I can’t believe you’re so excited about it,” Sam said with a laugh.

“What, because I’m normally such a miserable so-and-so?”

“Sort of,” Jo quipped, at the same moment that Sam tried to argue.

“It’s alright,” Jamie said. “I know what everyone in Abel thinks about me. Ever since I moved all those kids in. I’ve seen the way they act. Yesterday Eugene and Jack dodged into the laundry room just so they wouldn’t have to talk to me.”

He wasn’t wrong. People were a bit uncomfortable around Jamie, but it wasn’t really his personality that did it. Sam cleared his throat awkwardly. “Well, it’s, um…I mean you did –”

“We’re almost to the lighthouse,” Jo said, unsubtly trying to change the subject. “Your ankle holding up ok, Ten?”

Sam pressed on. “With Runner Three –”

“Sam don’t.”

“ – you did sort of beat him to death with a baseball bat.”

“Jesus, Sam,” she snapped.

It wasn’t until he’d gotten the rest of the words out that Sam realized his heart was in his throat. That subject hadn’t come up yet, not in the months since Jamie had joined them at Abel, and certainly not with Jo around. He hadn’t meant to bring it up, it had just slipped out. It was what bothered people about Jamie. It wasn’t like anyone blamed him, but the uncertainty kept everyone on edge. No one knew what Jamie had really done.

No one knew what might still be out there.

“He was alive when I left him,” Jamie said, almost too casually. “He probably ran off, didn’t he?”

Sam stopped for a second, right as Jo let out an uneasy breath. That hadn’t been the answer he’d expected.

“Yeah…yeah, that’s probably what happened.”

“Fuck’s sake,” Jo muttered, dropping Jamie’s arm. They were almost to the lighthouse now, so she busied herself with fighting off the handful of shamblers in their path. They weren’t technically close enough to cause concern, but they were certainly a distraction.

Sam sighed and shook his head.

“You gave someone a beating, Jamie?” Isabel asked. Jo muted her headset.

“He tried to hurt one of my kids,” Jamie replied. “Tried to hurt a lot of people.”

“Then you did the right thing,” Isabel said. “Now, come on, we’re almost there.”

---

Thwack. 

The bullet clipped the side of the target and lodged in the fence, nowhere near where he’d planned to aim.

“What’d you forget?” Jo asked, not bothering to look up from examining her nails.

He holstered the weapon with a huff. “I wasn’t ready for the recoil.”  

“And?”

“And nothing.”

“Try again.”

He rolled his eyes. “For god’s sake, Five, just tell me, don’t be a smartass about it.”  

“Hey,” she called, “I said I’d teach you if you could not be an asshole about learning from me, remember? Now think through the steps. What did you do wrong?”

He closed his eyes, trying to remember what she’d told him a hundred bloody times by this point. It wouldn’t come to him.

" Where were you looking?” she prompted.

“I was aiming for the ten range,” he replied.

“Not what I asked. Where were you looking?”

He realized his mistake, cursing himself. “Dammit. At the target."  

“When you should’ve been looking…”

“To the front sight.”

“That’s right.” She drew her gun and demonstrated, three clean shots that went exactly where she wanted them to. “Again.”

“We’re going to run out of ammo soon. Jenny only allotted so much for training.”

Jo shook her head. “We’re fine.”

“How much do we have left?”

She cocked an eyebrow. “You tell me. Unless you haven’t been counting your shots?”

“Goddammit, Five, no!” he exploded, embarrassed and frustrated with himself, “No, I haven’t been counting my shots! I’ve been too focused on my stance and my grip and where to aim and where to look and anticipating recoil and pulling the trigger just right to think about how many shots I’ve fired. How do you expect me to keep all of that in my head at once?"  

“Because your life depends on it. Your life and the lives of everyone out there with you. They’re counting on your to keep a level head and remember everything when things go to shit. Because this?” she said, gesturing towards the training grounds. “This ain’t nothin’. The pressure gets dialed right up to 11 when you’re in the thick of it, and there is no time for feeling sorry for yourself because you can’t remember a little checklist. Everything speeds up, and you’ve got seconds to make a decision. So if you can’t keep it all in your head in sterile conditions like this? Then we are wasting our time.”

He scoffed, a disgusted look on his face. “Oh, so I can’t be an asshole, but you can?”

“How ‘bout this, you earn the right to be an asshole when you hit the target,” she replied. “Again.”

" For fuck’s sake,” he muttered, drawing the pistol. This time, he was too pissed off to overthink. Both of his shots landed exactly where he’d meant them to. He turned back to Jo.

“You are a real bitch, you know that?”

Jo grinned. “That I am. Well done, Three.”

---

It was dark by the time Jo finished with her shower. She’d gone over her water allowance, and not by a little bit, but the showers were quiet. They were private, one of the few places she didn’t feel watched. It was her chance to get her head back on straight. She’d hear about it from Janine (or worse, Amelia), but for now, she wasn’t sorry.

She wound her still-wet curls into a bun and stuffed them under a beanie. It was too cold to be going around with wet hair, but she hadn’t picked somewhere to hide out until it dried. She didn’t want to get in Dr. Lobatse’s way, she wasn’t in the mood to join Monopoly in the rec room or movie night in the dorm’s common room, Amelia was hanging around the mess hall again for some reason, and Janine was in a cleaning frenzy in the farmhouse that she wanted no part of. Apparently what Jamie revealed on today’s run had gotten around.

She’d head back to the dorms eventually, but not until she could realistically feign sleep.

Sam wanted to talk. She didn’t.

The runner briefing room off the training area wasn’t the most comfortable or well-insulated place in Abel, but it would be quiet this time of night. She settled into the corner of the room, a great spot for watching the door without being seen, with the copy of Beloved she knew damn well she wouldn’t be able to focus on. Her stomach grumbled, a protest over her skipping dinner again, but it rolled with every thought of food. She took a sip from her water bottle, hoping that would settle it for now.

The door opened with a click. “Five? Did I see you go in here?”

She stuck her head out far enough for the intruder to spot her. “Hey, Jamie.”

He wrinkled his nose at her. “This is a strange place to read.”

“It’s quiet in here,” she said, turning her eyes back to the page. “How’s the ankle?”

“Better. Dr. Lobatse said the way you wrapped it was perfect. Dunno why Amelia made me get a second opinion.” He crossed his arms and leaned against the wall. “I see you got your shirt on right side out this time.”

“Well, no one interfered with my clothes this time.”

“Please don’t explain beyond that,” Jamie said, holding up a hand.

“Wasn’t going to,” she replied. She didn’t need anyone else knowing how private the bike shed could be when you were short on time, even if her brilliant plan had been massively interrupted. It was entirely her fault they were scrambling for moments alone anyway. If she wasn’t careful, Sam was going to get real sick of her shit.

“Good,” Jamie said. “Mind if I sit?”

She couldn’t resist smirking. “The King of England deigns to sit with a commoner?”

“Oh, don’t you start,” he groaned, leaning against the wall and sliding to the ground. “I followed you in here ‘cause I figured you wouldn’t act all stupid like the others. Half the runners look like they don’t know whether to avert their gaze or curtsy. It’s driving me nuts.”

“Well, you don’t have to worry about that from me. I’m still American, no kings for me. I’ll throw your tea right in the harbor.”

Jamie chuckled. “Thanks.”

Jo stuck her bookmark between the pages and set the book on her lap. “When do you leave?”

“Day after tomorrow,” Jamie said, rubbing his eyes. “I convinced the Ministry to give me one last day with my kids.”

“That’s good. You tell them yet?”

He shook his head. “Not sure how they’re gonna take it. Least they’ve got plenty of people lookin’ out for them here. Dunno what I would’ve done if they’d come and found me at the firehouse. Not like anyone wants to move a bunch of rowdy kids into the palace.”

“Oh god,” Jo said. “Just think of all the expeditions Carena could go on.”

He shook his head. “God, those kids ruin my life. I’m gonna miss them so much.” He laughed bitterly. “At least I know no one else will be sorry to see me go.”

“I will be,” Jo said bluntly. “We should all be. You’ve been good to this place.”

Jamie picked at a thread on his pant leg. “Even if –”

“Even if,” she cut him off and picked up her book, hoping he’d take the hint.

He did, if only for a second. “You know who would’ve gotten a kick out of this?” he asked.

Jo smiled. “Archie?”

“Yeah. She wouldn’t be hiding from her public like me, she’d be plotting how to redecorate the palace and demanding everyone call her Queen.”

“No purple,” Jo said. “Color of royalty or not, our Queen would not tolerate it.”

“Oh, what, you aren’t going to treat me like the King, but Arch would be your Queen? You like her better than me or something?”

“Yes, obviously.”

Jamie laughed. “That’s fair. God, I miss that girl.”

“Me too,” Jo said, surprising herself. It wasn’t often she let herself think about Archie. “It’s funny, I barely knew her, but after what happened…”

“Yeah,” Jamie said. “You don’t blame yourself, do you?”

Jo shook her head. “Not for that.”

“Yeah. Least I know I did something about it,” he said.

Jo's chest tightened. She turned her eyes back to the same sentence she’d been reading when he walked in.

“He really was alive when I left him,” Jamie said. “I didn’t –”

“I don’t wanna know,” Jo said sharply.

“I thought I was going to, but when it came down to it –”

“Jamie,” she said. “I don’t want to know.”

He nodded, slowly. “Right. Sorry.”

The air in the room was suddenly too heavy to breathe, like it wasn’t meant for her respiratory system at all. The buzz of the overhead light, which she really shouldn’t have even turned on this time of day, drilled straight through her skull, burrowing into the part of her mind she could never shut off.

She closed the book again and stood, more quickly than she meant to.

“You ok?” Jamie asked.

“Fine. Just can’t hide in here all night. I’m just gonna…I’m just gonna head to bed. I’ll see you before you go, alright?”

Jamie squinted at her. “Sure. Night, Five.”

“Night, Jamie,” she said, then barreled out of the room.

Chapter 7: Water Witch

Notes:

Hello again! It's been a busy month of new jobs and creative projects and hosting four other Runners Five at my apartment for Thanksgiving. It was glorious. Hoping to update more frequently in the next couple months.

Content warning: zombie violence, alcohol use, drug use, and the introduction of Moonchild. Imma fight her.

Spoilers through S3M8

I am the witch of the water,
I come like a thief in the night,
Bewitched by invisible forces
To steal you away from the light.  

Water Witch – The Secret Sisters, Brandi Carlile

Jo and Louise plunged into the river, away from the pursuing zoms – and the cultists driving said horde. The water was deeper than it looked, its icy fingers cutting straight through Jo’s clothing, leaving her momentarily stunned. Louise seized her by the arm, snapping her out of the daze. The zoms were close behind, utterly unaffected by the freezing river.

“Do not resist!” their leader called after them. “Allow our brothers and sister their nourishment!”

“Yeah, yeah, you allow me my nourishment when I get my hands on you!” Louise grumbled. “This river’s up to our waists, Sam, and the zoms are hard on our heels, and they’re not tiring. Tell me there’s some other way out of here.”

“Your waist, my chest, Lou,” Jo said, gun in hand. “I can pick off a few, but not all of them. I can’t reload without stopping, and I’m not even sure how many I can hit while trying to keep my balance.”

“The walls of those cliffs are sheer for another couple miles!” Sam said. “They picked this place for a reason.”

Jo thought back to the bones they’d seen washed up on a ledge. They were far from the first to get trapped here.

“Please don’t resist! It will make it harder for you! Allow yourself to become one with them!” a cultist called.

“With your sacrifice, we shall live!” another said.

“Why don’t you jump down here and say that?” Louise said, briefly turning back.

That was just enough time for one of the zoms to catch up to them. Brittle, grey fingers reached towards Lou’s face. Jo yanked her away from its grip and clubbed the zom over the head with her gun, sending it splashing down with a screech.

“No, no, do not hurt our brothers!” the leader yelled.

“I’d gladly hurt you instead,” Jo muttered.

“They’ve gone mad! It must be!” Sam said.

“I don’t know. I’ve met a few religious crazies in prison, and this isn’t so far away from general religious crazy talk,” Louise said. “You’ve been around the apocalypse longer than the rest of us, right Five? You ever seen anything like this?”

“Not exactly,” Jo said. “But I’ve definitely encountered groups the let the apocalypse go to their heads. You know, cannibals who lured people in with the promise of sanctuary, one group who called themselves ‘saviors’ and demanded every other group gather supplies for them or else they’d kill the hostage they’d taken, that sort of thing.”

“Please don’t tell me you were that hostage,” Sam said.

“I would,” Jo said, swiping at another closing zombie, “but I try really hard not to lie to you.”

“You know, one of these days you should actually tell me these things instead of dropping them into casual conversation,” Sam said. Even miles away, Jo could picture the horrified look on his face.

“Hey, it’s not my fault so many things have happened to me that even I forget about half of them.”

“Is now really the time, you two?” Louise interrupted.

“Over here!” another voice sing-songed. “Over here!”

“Oh god, what now?” Louise groaned.

Jo scanned the cliffs, looking for the source of the new voice. She spotted a figure on a ledge, mostly obscured by shadow and extending a hand towards them.

“Climb up onto the ledge,” she ordered, in that same melodic accent, her tone far too soothing for the situation. “I’ve got a way out, but it’ll take three people. Please be quick!”

“That could be another trap,” Sam warned.

“I’m not sure we have a choice,” Jo replied.

“We’re not going to last another two miles of river running, Sam,” Louise said. “And Five agrees. We’re going up.”

“I can pick off a few zoms while you get a hold on the ledge, Lou,” Jo said. “You’re gonna have to be quick. Ready?”

“Ready,” Lou replied.

Jo slowed her pace, falling behind Louise, and turned to the zoms. Only three were close enough to be an immediate threat, and she dispatched them with ease. The cultists shrieked in horror, echoes of “murderer” bouncing off the rock walls. Jo blinked at the accusation, an unplaceable chill running through her.

They’re just zombies.

She holstered her gun, now far enough out of the water to keep it dry.

“Five, come on!” Louise shouted, now safely atop the ledge. She reached her hands over the edge. Jo grabbed hold, kicking against the cliff wall to haul herself into the cave just past the ledge. She climbed to her feet.

“Oh, praise Gaia you’ve come!” the mystery voice exclaimed. “I thought I’d die here alone! I only have one soy bar left.”

After the sun’s blinding reflection off the water, it took a moment for Jo’s eyes to adjust to the dark of the cave and properly see the figure in front of her. She was very tall and willowy, a halo of deep red curls framing a curiously tranquil face. Bright blue eyes locked onto Jo’s with such an intensity that she was almost compelled to step back. It was like the stranger saw straight through her, past any semblance of defense she had. Jo was frozen in place.

“And you are?” Louise asked.

The stranger didn’t take her eyes off of Jo. “Ah, sorry. Sorry.” She took a step closer. “Our auras are so connected. You feel that too, don’t you? Your purple aura, my blue one, they’re –”

Whatever spell she’d been under broke the second the woman’s strong fingers closed over her wrist. Jo yanked her arm back, stepping abruptly away. “Hey, don’t touch me,” she snapped.

“Sorry,” she said again, offering Jo a warm smile. “I’m Moonchild.”

“Moonchild,” Sam mused.

“Of course you are,” Jo said.

“Pulled the same trick on you, did they?” Louise asked. “Lured you down, then tried to set the zoms on you?”

“Not exactly…” Moonchild said evasively.

“We’re not going to try and guess. What was it?”

“Their heads are messed up, man,” Moonchild said. “They said they wanted to trade with me, for my…‘supplies.’

“Supplies?” Sam asked.

“Drugs,” Jo replied.

“Guns? Army tech?” Louise asked eagerly.

“It’s drugs, Lou,” Jo said.

“If you’ve been selling people to cultists to feed to zombies, I’ll throw you down the cliff myself,” Louise said.

“Oh no, man,” Moonchild said, raising her hands in front of her chest. “I believe in peace. I think we should all just live together in harmony.”

“Yep, definitely drugs,” Jo said.

“My supplies are just something to take the edge off the apocalypse.”

“Oh! Great! You got any smack?” Louise asked. “Ever since this started, I’ve been thinking, ‘You know what would really help right now? Some smack.’”

“Louise, as your doctor I’m gonna need you to shut up,” Jo said.

Unfortunately for Louise, the last of Moonchild’s stash was what sent the cultists over the edge. She’d been hiding in the caves for five days, just long enough to become familiar with them and find a gate they could escape through – but only with two other people. One to distract the zoms, two to climb onto the gate and lift it.

“How did I know I was going to be the distraction?” Jo asked.

“You are the fastest,” Louise replied. “Moonchild, you got the other side of the gate?”

“Ready!” Moonchild replied.

The plan worked – if barely. Once the gates were up, they made a break from both the cultists and the zombies, scampering up the cliff. The zombies couldn’t climb up after them, and the horde cut off the cultists’ path. Jo, bringing up the rear as she always did, grabbed Louise’s hand and heaved herself onto the cliff.

“Hey, some of them are chasing after Padraic and the cultists!” Moonchild exclaimed. “That’s karma, man! Karma!” she called, a sudden tinge of viciousness in her voice.

“So much for peace and harmony,” Jo muttered.

“Run! Back the way you came!” Louise called. “Run! Slam the door behind you, the zoms can’t get through!”

Predictably, the cultists didn’t listen, so sure they were that their ‘brothers and sisters’ wouldn’t hurt them.

Predictably, they were very wrong.

“They won’t listen,” Moonchild said. “They believe.”

“Abel runners, come back home,” Sam said. “There’s nothing we can do here.”

“Well this was a waste of time,” Jo said.

“Oh, no,” Moonchild replied. “There’s no such thing as a waste of time, man. The universe always brings you exactly where you’re supposed to be.”

Jo narrowed her eyes. “Yeah, I’m so sure the universe had a great reason for sending me down a river away from a literal zombie cult. God, I’m freezing. Let’s just go home, Lou.”

“Yeah, you’re right, Five. This was a waste. Let’s get back to Abel before we catch our deaths,” Louise said.

Moonchild turned to her curiously. “Did…did she say your name was ‘Five?’”

“It’s just my runner designation,” Jo said, again feeling exposed under the intensity of this woman’s gaze.

“But it’s what they call you?”

“In the field, yeah.”

Moonchild broke into a brilliant smile. “So you are Five!”

“My name is Johanna,” Jo spat. “Five is just my runner number. What is your problem?”

“Alright, I think we’ve all had enough of the stress and the cold,” Sam broke in. “Time to head home, runners. Moonchild, you going to be alright out here by yourself?”

“I’m sure she’s fine,” Jo said.

Louise shot her a look. “Moonchild, you ok on your own? We’ve got a settlement nearby. I can’t promise you much, but we can at least get you a meal.”

“That sounds wonderful,” Moonchild said, answering Louise but still looking at Jo. “See? The universe brought us together exactly when we needed it. This was destiny.”

---

“I still can’t believe they flayed a man alive. I mean, all red and raw like that, it was like…like uncooked meat. If uncooked meat wanted to chase you and eat you,” Sam said through a mouthful of mashed potatoes.

Jo dropped her fork. “Sam, come on, I’m trying to eat here.”

“Sorry, sorry,” he said sheepishly. “I just can’t believe how weird today was.”

“Don’t have to tell me, I lived it,” Jo said, shoveling another spoonful into her mouth.

Sam couldn’t believe he was anything but relieved to see her eating, but she’d been so evasive since returning that the way she’d buried herself in her lunch felt like another way to avoid whatever it was that was bothering her. She’d come through almost a full three minutes ahead of Louise and Moonchild, claiming she’d been too cold to keep pace with her companions. She’d disappeared into the hospital for bite check almost immediately; Sam had had to come find her at in the mess hall, and she’d hardly said a word, to him or anyone else.

“Yeah, sorry,” he said. “Must’ve been a stressful morning.”

Jo shrugged.

“I mean, I know runners are faced with stressful situations pretty much all the time, but that was…well it was much worse than usual.”

“Yeah,” she said around a bite of bread.

Sam decided to stop tiptoeing. “Is there something else that’s bugging you? Something – ”

Before he could finish his question, Moonchild took a seat across from them, beaming like the stress of the day couldn’t touch her.

Jo exhaled hard through her nose and gave him a look that very clearly said, “That.”

“Hello again,” she trilled.

“Oh, hello. It’s Moonchild, right?” Sam said, very aware of how tense Jo had become. “Are you uh…finding everything you need?”

“Oh, yes, everyone’s been so helpful. Such good karma for all of you. I am so grateful we crossed paths,” she said.

Sam felt his brow knit. “That’s good, I suppose. Will you be staying with us long?”

“Oh, no. I have some…other things I need to attend to. I’ve always been a bit of a wandering soul. No sense staying in one place too long, much as I may feel…drawn to it,” she said, looking wistfully at Jo.

Sam suddenly felt a bit tense himself.

“Well, uh…sure, I guess it’s not for everyone. Probably best you’re on your way soon then.”

“Sure you have other people to drug,” Jo said, taking a sip of water.

Moonchild didn’t answer either of them. She was still locked in on Jo, who had her eyes fixed on her plate.

“Five,” she said. “So curious I’d find someone called Five. Here of all places! The universe always knows where to take you, man. It pulls us together at exactly the right times.”

“Well, she’s not running now,” Sam said, remembering how Jo had snapped earlier. “You can just use her name.”

Moonchild glanced over to him, appraising him a bit more coolly than she had before. She looked back at Jo.

“So he’s your lover then?”

Jo choked on her water as Sam felt his ears go hot.

“Alright, next person to call him that’s getting slapped, ok?” Jo said. “He’s my partner, you really don’t have to be weird about it.”

Moonchild smiled at her. “I can always tell. Your auras don’t look like they should go together, not at first glance, but I can tell by the way they’ve blended. You share a very intimate connection. It’s…remarkable.”

“Alright, that’s it,” Jo said, standing. “Listen, Moonbeam –”

“Moonchild,” she corrected.

“You got me, I don’t care, look, I don’t know what your deal is or what you’re trying to accomplish or how much of your own stash you’ve indulged in, but you are being very weird, and it is making me very uncomfortable, and since you clearly don’t know how to read a room, I’m just going to remove myself from this situation. Sam?”

He scrambled out of the seat to follow her. “Yeah, I’ve got some…work or something anyway. It was nice meeting…uh…bye.”

Jo was out of the mess hall like a shot, moving so quickly Sam had trouble keeping up with her despite the fact that he was a full foot taller. She stopped once they were out in the quad, running shaking fingers through her hair.

“You know, when you snapped at her earlier I just thought maybe you were stressed and cold, but she is very intense,” Sam said.

“Right?” Jo replied, whirling to face him. “Zombies and drugged up cultists are bad enough without some hippie trying to stare straight into my soul. She gives me the creeps.” She shuddered. “I don’t know, am I just being a bitch? I know I’m not exactly the friendliest person, especially not lately, but –”

“No, no, no,” Sam reassured her, “it’s definitely not you. She’s…odd. At least she’ll be on her way soon, right?”

Jo nodded. “And I’m sure there’s a mountain of whatever-the-fuck Amelia’s decided to bless me with on my desk, so I can just hide out in there until she goes.”

Sam’s face fell, just a little. Lunch wasn’t long, but at least it was going to be a little time they got together today.

“I know,” Jo said. “I’m sorry. I just…let me get some work done and then maybe I’ll have my head back on straight and you won’t be dealing with…this.”

“Yeah,” Sam said, taking her hand. “Yeah, ok. I’ve got a supply run this afternoon anyway. Maybe tonight we can – oh, wait, dammit, it’s a Demons and Darkness night.”

“Yeah, and I was going to go over some schedules with Janine.” She looked up at him. “I’m sorry, Sam. I know these past few weeks have sucked.”

Sam wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in close. “It’s not like it’s been any easier on you,” he replied. “I just miss you is all. Which sounds ridiculous, seeing as we sleep in the same bed.”

“That’s all we do,” Jo muttered.

“Well, true. Things have to calm down eventually, though right? We’ll get Maxine back, Amelia will be less of a prat, weird hippies won’t interrupt our lunch…it’ll be back to the way it was. At least a little bit.”

Jo nodded against his chest. “I’m sorry I’ve been so difficult to love lately.”

He hugged her even tighter. “Hey. That is not true. Things might be difficult right now, but you are not difficult to love.

She made a noncommittal noise.

“I mean that, you know. Tell you what, you get through your work, I’ll get through this run, then maybe it’ll be a quick D&D session and not too much scheduling to do, and then we can…I dunno…”

“Both be too tired to do anything but sleep?”

Sam laughed. “Yeah, probably. But we’ll be together.”

Jo looked up at him. “That’s something, anyway. See you later then?”

Sam nodded. “Definitely. I love you.”

Jo popped onto her tiptoes to kiss him. “I love you too.”

Sam looked at her face, tired and still a bit skittish. Sam always had to remind himself, every time something seemingly small set her off – there was almost always more to the story.

And he didn’t know how to fix that.

---

Janine flipped to the last page of the schedules she and Five were looking over. This had become a weekly tradition, reviewing the schedules while Sam was busy with Demons and Darkness games, then splitting a bottle of wine and whatever they’d thrown together for dinner. Once she’d realized there was no means of keeping the runner from appearing in her home she’d figured she could at least get some productivity out of it.

It also gave her an excuse to try and make progress on another front tonight, even if she was keeping that information to herself until absolutely necessary.

“You’re being serious. She actually goes by Moonchild?” Janine shook her head.

“Wish I were kidding,” Jo said, flicking through the stack of papers in front of her. “I’m so glad she’s not staying. There’s a finite amount of times I can hear someone talk about my aura before I start swinging. I mean, who tells a couple of strangers she can tell how intimate their relationship is because their auras have blended – ”

“Please stop talking,” Janine said, holding up a hand.

“Gladly,” Jo said. “These all look good, right? We’ve got the next couple of weeks covered, all the new leads on Comansys have a run scheduled to investigate them?”

“I believe so.”

“You’re sure? We can be done now and have some dinner? Because my lunch got cut short, and I am starving.”

Janine double checked her list. “Provided Ms. Spens has not forgotten to give me any of her leads, I believe we’ve assigned runners to all of them.”

“Amelia do something incompetent? Perish the thought,” Jo snarked.

“Don’t you start,” Janine said.

“Why not? This is a safe space, it’s not like she’s here.”

Janine took a deep breath. Here went nothing.

“Actually…”

Jo looked up, eyes wide. “No.”

“I have asked Ms. Spens to join us for dinner as well.”

Jo dropped her pen. “Why? Why would you do that? Why do you hate me?”

“I thought this would be the perfect opportunity for us to perhaps iron out some of our differences.”

Jo slung her head onto the table and groaned. “Janine, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, this is a terrible idea.”

“Well I had to do something, you two cannot continue like this.”

Jo sat up, flinging her arms open. “Why not? We’re doing just fine!”

Janine arced an eyebrow. “Oh, really? You’re constantly overworked and she’s spending half her time looking for ways to overwork you, that’s what you call ‘just fine?’”

“Janine, have I not suffered enough today? Zombie cults and hippies and auras and jumping into a damn river? It was so cold! Please tell me it’s not too late to change your mind.”

“I’m afraid it is,” Janine replied, clearing the papers from the kitchen table. “Ms. Spens will be here any minute, and you are going to be on your best behavior.”

Jo snorted. “Sure, that sounds like me. Tell me you at least got us some wine.”

Janine showed her a bottle. “Here. A 1994 Malbec.”

Jo took it. “Ok, great, what are you drinking?”

She snatched the bottle back. “We are sharing. And this is rather a nice bottle, so, yes, you will be on your best behavior. It is high time we mended these fences so we can all move on and do our jobs like adults.”

Jo crossed to the cabinets to find some glasses. “I’m gonna spit in her food.”

“For god’s sake, Johanna.”

“Or trip her on her way in the door.” She set the glasses on the table. “Oh! Do you have any tacks? I could put them on her chair.”

“That is enough,” Janine said, nearly shouting.

Jo blinked at her. “Whoa.”

“Do you have any idea how difficult you are making my life? What it’s like to referee between my Head of Runners and my base commander? I am constantly making excuses for your behavior and trying to convince Ms. Spens not to take further action, all while trying to do my job, and I am exhausted, so for the love of god, you are going to sit down and be polite and not antagonize the woman literally in command of this entire township, no matter how she might try to get a rise out of you, do you hear me?”

Janine took a deep breath. She had hoped it wouldn’t be necessary to go this particular route, but she also knew when arguing with Johanna had become a lost cause.

Jo stared back at her for a moment. “Oh no,” she said. “Oh no, Janine, do you realize what you’ve done?”

Janine brushed a lock of hair off her forehead. “Yes, Jo, I know precisely what I’ve done. I’ve illuminated the ways in which your behavior is making someone else’s life difficult, thus ensuring that you will change it. You may not give a damn about the consequences to your own well-being, but you won’t intentionally cause hardship for someone you care about.”

For a moment, it almost looked like the other woman was going to argue with her. Instead, she exhaled and shook her head. “You are a devious bitch, sir.”

“Thank you.” The front door opened. “I mean it, best behavior.”

Amelia breezed into the kitchen, inexplicably well dressed and carrying a bottle of her own. “Oh, hello you two. Janine, it was so kind of you to invite me. You know, I’ve been thinking, the three of us really should spend more time together. Three strong women, helping keep this township afloat, why shouldn’t we be friends?”

She sent Jo a look that was almost certainly a challenge.

Jo exhaled through her nose. “Amelia. That’s a nice…coat.”

Amelia’s eyebrows raised in surprise. “Thank you, Runner Five. Very kind of you to notice. I’ve always said, there’s no reason the end of the world should mean the end of style. Some people have lost sight of that, of course. Not that there’s anything wrong with prioritizing comfort over style,” she said, looking Janine and Jo’s outfits up and down.

Both chose not to respond.

Perhaps Janine had made a mistake.

Amelia smiled. “And aren’t you two quite the pair! One tall, the other small.”

Jo grit her teeth. “Great, you said…that. Janine, I’m going to open the wine.”

She stepped behind Janine, just out of Amelia’s view – and earshot.

“Fine. You’re right. I will behave. But I’m also going to drink every time she says something terrible.”

Janine shut her eyes. It was entirely possible she’d made a mistake.

Chapter 8: Winter Winds II

Notes:

Two chapters in one week, who is she??

This chapter marks the first where I'm recommending an instrumental pairing: once you get to Jody's POV (third section), I recommend you cue up "Goodbye Brother" from Game of Thrones for added emotions.

Content warning for alcohol use, grief, brief discussion of insects. No additional spoilers, this one's totally outside canon.

We’ll be washed and buried one day my girl,
And the time we were given will be left for the world.
The flesh that lived and loved will be eaten by plague,
So let the memories be good for those who stay.  

Winter Winds – Mumford and Sons

August in Georgia was always too damned hot. And the hottest day always came the day Shane threw his annual barbecue. Two dozen or so people sweating their asses off in that field along the creek that technically required a permit for such affairs (though with nearly every cop in King County in attendance, who the hell was to tell them otherwise?), clothes sticking to their skin, air shimmering in the heat of the grill, not to mention the feast they made for the deer flies and no-see-ums that would leave them itchy for a week.  

And Shane wondered why this event wasn’t a priority for Jo to come home to.

She took a sip of the beer Lori’d slipped her; with six-year-old Carl for her to chase after she wouldn’t be doing any drinking herself and wanted to be sure at least one of them had a good time. Beer wasn’t Jo’s favorite, especially not the cheap shit the locals drank, but what it was was cold, and that was worth way more than taste on a day like today.

“Johanna Mae, I know you are not over there underage drinkin’ in front of all these cops.”  

Jo swallowed the last of her sip and tucked the bottle behind her back. “Can’t imagine what you’re talkin’ about, Shaney.”  

Shane gave her that look he always had when he didn’t believe a damn word she said. “Uh-huh. And what’s that behind your back?”  

“Nothin’,”

“Then why are you standin’ like that?”

Jo shrugged. “This is how I always stand.”

Shane held out a hand. “Give it here.”

J o groaned, but she did as she was told. “You’re really throwin’ a party where the guest of honor isn’t allowed to drink?”  

“Depends, that guest of honor still underage?”

“For two more months.”

“Then in two months she can have all the beers she likes. Within reason.”

Jo rolled her eyes. “Like you didn’t spend every Saturday night of your high school career getting absolutely shitfaced behind Old Man McAllister’s barn.”

“It was different for me, and you know it,” Shane replied, sipping the confiscated beer.

“Why, because I’m a girl?”

Shane wrapped an arm around her shoulders, crushing her to his side. “Because you’re my baby sister, and you’re gonna make something of yourself. Lemme ask you somethin’, how you supposed to get into med school if you kill off all your brain cells?  

Jo clicked her tongue, both annoyed with her brother’s overprotectiveness and comforted by the familiarity of it. It had been a long damn time since there’d been anyone to fuss over her.

“You are keepin’ your grades up, right?”

Jo rolled her eyes. “Yes, Shane, couldn’t keep my scholarship if I wasn’t, now could I?”

“Because I know you were always good in high school, but they say college is a totally different game, and you gotta really keep up with –”

“I’m top of my class, Shane, always am. Trust me, all the rich boys with their legacies and family money are furious about the tiny hick who always outscores ‘em.”

“Good. You show ‘em what’s what,” he said. “It’s good to have you home, Jojo.”

Jo hummed in response.

“Been a long time.”

“I know,” she said.

“Didn’t know it was common for students to stay on all summer.”

“I got an internship, you know that.”

“Didn’t even come home for the holidays last year.”

“You came to me instead,” Jo said. “Remember? Christmas in the city wasn’t so bad.”

“You stay in that city too long you’re gonna forget where home is.”

Jo snatched the beer back. “Hey, what happened to me making something of myself? Can’t do that in King County, can I?”

Shane grabbed the bottle out of her hands. “Maybe not, but you can’t forget where you come from neither.”

“Ain’t nothing for me down here.” Jo huffed and rolled her eyes. “Isn’t anything for me down here, you see what happens when I’m back in Georgia? You see how I start talkin’?”

“Yeah, yeah, you start to sound like your big brother, who apparently isn’t worth your time.”

“That isn’t what I meant.”

They were quiet for a minute while Shane finished the beer. “Yeah. Yeah, I know. I just miss you is all, Little Bird. And I worry about you. My baby sister, off in the big city by herself…”

Jo wrapped her arms around her brother’s waist, hugging him tightly. “I miss you too.”

The rest of the party didn’t seem to take any notice of the serious scene unfolding off to the side. Not that Jo wanted any of them to. She didn’t care for any of Shane’s friends, or really anyone she’d left behind in Georgia, not unless it was Rick and Lori and Carl.

She’d meant what she said: there truly wasn’t anything left for her in Georgia.

“How’s Mama these days?” she asked tentatively. “Or where’s Mama these days I guess is probably the question.”

“Oh, she’s around,” Shane said. “I think this time she’s gotten into pottery. She finished those night classes, though. Actually got her degree.”

Jo raised her eyebrows. “No shit? Well damn, so much for me bein’ the first in the family to go to college.”

“You’re the first Walsh,” Shane said. “Still got that goin’ for you since Mama never married in.”

“As if Grandma Jean ever let us forget. That miserable old bitch still kickin’?”

Shane laughed. “Survivin’ purely on spite as far as I can tell, but yeah, she is.”

“And Daddy?”

Shane let out a deep breath. “I uh…I mostly only see him on the job these days.”

Jo nodded. “Right. Still loves gettin’ drunk and startin’ fights. Noted.”

 Shane stared off at the horizon, into the setting sun. “You’re right. There ain’t nothin’ for you here.” He turned to her and put his hands on her shoulders. “Listen, me makin’ you feel guilty was selfish. You got out, and that’s a good thing. You’re too good for this place”

Jo tried to shrug away, self-consciously. “Doesn’t mean I can’t visit more –”

Shane shook his head. “No. You listen to me: you are going to go on to be something great. Ain’t no reason for you to look back. I’m proud of you, Johanna. Don’t you ever forget that.”

---

It was colder under the cover of the trees, bare and snow-covered though they were. It was a stark change from the last time she’d seen the Forest of Fallen Runners, cloaked in leaves and aflame with color.

She felt like an intruder here. Sure, she’d been wearing the number 5 for almost a full year now, but this place was sacred, the final resting place for those she’d known barely if at all. Head of Runners or not, she wasn’t sure what made her worthy to stand among them. She hadn’t even gotten through a full ceremony yet, and now she had to lead one. It was half the reason she’d told the others, even Sam to give her some time on her own first.

The other half felt like something she couldn’t explain.

She’d lit the torches and lined them up, odd numbers on the left-hand side, evens on the right, waiting for their respective runners. Her own torch flickered between two that wouldn’t be claimed. Their owners were gone, traitors both. She shook that off for now. She could only handle so much at a time.

She stepped away from the path where those who remained would line up later, ready to welcome Paula and Louise, finally give Adam and Owen their proper due, and say the goodbye no one could accept, even as the months passed.

But that was later. It was the cemetery that needed her attention now. Checking the rows of graves, she finally found the one she was looking for. She sat in front of it, throat dry.

“Hi, Alice.”

She paused.

“This is weird. Why am I doing this? I shouldn’t be doing this.” Starting to stand, she steeled herself again.

“Ok. Let me try this again. Hi. We never met…I mean we sort of did…no, I didn’t mean that. That’s a terrible thing to say. Come on, Jo.” Deep breath. One more time. “I’m Johanna. I’m Runner Five now, and…I just felt like I should talk to you. Your ceremony got cut off, and obviously, that wasn’t fair, and I…I don’t know. Sometimes I don’t think it’s fair that I wear your number either.”

She laughed, shaking her head. “It’s probably also not fair for me to dump all of this on a dead woman. You’ve earned your rest. It’s just that I…I don’t know. I didn’t really bother putting my thoughts in order before coming here. That was probably a mistake. I just had this feeling, you know? That I should finally come and talk to you. It’s not like you’ve escaped my notice all these months. I know damn well exactly whose shoes I’m in.”

She exhaled. “The thing is, Alice…you must’ve been a really incredible person. The way people talk about you…you were good. Kind and generous and smart, and me? I don’t think I’m worthy to be in your place, or to wear your number, or to be loved by someone like Sam. But I am trying to be. And you seemed like the kind of person who would like knowing that. That I’m trying.”

Jo smiled slightly. “Sam’s doing well, by the way. Or as well as anyone can be right now. There’s a lot going on, but I won’t bother you with it. Like I said, you’ve earned your rest. But he’s doing well. You’d be proud of him. God knows I am.” She paused. “I should probably tell him that more often. I should probably do a lot of things. God, he deserves so much better than me.”

She wiped her eyes, blinking back the tears as quickly as they’d come and getting back to her feet. “The others will be here any minute, and I really don’t feel like explaining why I’m bothering you, so I am going to go. I just…thank you, Alice. And I’m sorry. I’m going to do my best to make you proud too, ok?”

---

“With that, we welcome Louise Bailey, our brand new Runner 24.”

Ceremonies were always bittersweet. Being surrounded by all of her friends never quite made up for how much it hurt every time Jody had to say goodbye. They’d lost five, including the two who’d never officially been confirmed when they’d been sent chasing after that ship, and it was only those two that were being replaced today.

Louise took her place at the end of the row as the newly-minted Runner 24, the third and final brand new number they’d welcomed today. She stood next to 22, a young woman named Chloe who was shy and barely older than teenaged but always quick to jump in and help. Paula marked the end of the row opposite Jody’s, where all the odd-numbered runners stood with their torches.

Jody tried hard to ignore the unclaimed flames across from her.

She looked back up at Five, so proud of her friend’s poise on what was always a difficult day. The gaps in their ranks were pronounced enough that even those who were brand new could spot them, and Five had certainly been around long enough to feel it as deeply as anyone.

Especially considering where those gaps lay.

Sam stood off to her side like he always did during ceremonies. He was an honorary runner, there was no doubting that, but he never seemed to quite know where he fit on days like today. He kept a watchful eye on his partner and had been ever since they’d arrived to find her looking shaken. She hadn’t wanted to tell them why, but that wasn’t uncommon.

Five cleared her throat, turning back to the group. The new runners were all accounted for, but there was more to be done today.

“We are also here today…to retire the designation ‘Runner Eight.’” Five took a deep breath. “Sara Smith gave her life for this township, something we are all prepared to do, but she went in head first, eyes wide open. She knew it would cost her life to keep us safe, and that was a price she never hesitated to pay. She was the best among us, and no one will ever be worthy to wear the number eight again.”

There were murmurs of assent Five nodded to Owen who pulled Eight’s torch from the ground. He handed it to her carefully, and Five stuck it in the ground at the end of the path, ahead of them all, leading like Eight always did.

This far, at least, they’d discussed. Janine hadn’t hesitated to grant their request to retire Eight’s number. Sam, Jody, and Owen had helped Jo plan how to mark that retirement. Nothing flashy, nothing verbose, exactly the way Eight would’ve wanted.

“Because the person doing the job might change, but Runner Five goes on.”

That was what Eight said all those months ago. Numbers weren’t tied to people.

But what did you do with the number of a traitor? The uncomfortable mutters around her said that no one had an answer to that question.

“That’s all for today,” Five said, interrupting. “Time to head back home.”

Without meaning to, Jody flicked her eyes over to the torch next to Yang. When she looked back, her eyes locked onto Five’s, a flicker of fury passing through them. Five picked up the water bottle next to her, unscrewed the top, and walked over to the torch that had caught Jody’s attention. Without a word, she upended the bottle, extinguishing Runner Three’s flame.

“I said we’re done,” she barked. “Go home, all of you.”

---

“Are we going to talk about what happened back there?”

It had taken almost a full hour of watching Jo whirl around, reorganizing their quarters before Sam had found the courage to speak up.

For weeks, months even, he’d been waiting for her to finally be ready to talk about it. Certainly, she couldn’t keep it bottled up forever, he’d told himself. Once she was recovered from Van Ark’s serum, when the holidays were over, after Sara’s memorial, now that they knew he was alive, surely now she had to talk about it before it came spilling out somewhere else.

Now it had, in front of the entire corps, and Sam was left picking up pieces he didn’t know how to fit together.

“Nothing happened,” Jo said, refusing to look at him from where she was sorting laundry.

Sam nodded. “Right. So you’re just frantically cleaning for the fun of it, not because you’re trying to avoid something?”

“It’s a goddamn mess in here, Sam, I can’t live like this.”

He sighed. “Fine, that’s a good point. Can we at least talk while you clean?”

“Be my guest.”

She was being far more obstinate than usual. He’d never seen her this defensive, this evasive, and he had no idea what was on the other side.

“So the ceremony…” he said carefully. “You’re alright with how it went?”

“Got everything done, didn’t I?”

“And the end of it?”

“What about it?”

Sam pinched the bridge of his nose. “You put out a torch.”

“We always put out the torches. Would you rather burn the forest down?”

“That is not what I meant and you know it. That wasn’t putting out all of the torches for safety, that was extinguishing one torch, by itself. We don’t do that.”

“There is no Runner Three, so why should there be a torch?”

“Because it’s about the symbolism!” he said. “You know that! The names change but the numbers remain, that’s what matters! We don’t just get rid of one because we’d rather not deal with it.”

“Yeah, well, I’d never led a ceremony before, call it a beginner’s mistake.”

Sam had had enough. “Goddammit, Johanna, you have to talk about Three!”

“I don’t want to!” she snapped, finally turning towards him. “How do you not get that? How does everyone not get that? I do not want to talk about it, so I am not going to talk about it. It’s over, it’s done, and there is no reason to drag it all back up again.”

“So you’re just going to bury it then, just like you did when you first got here, because that worked out so well for everyone.”

They were practically shouting now, some unacknowledged tension finally having its moment. It was sharp and uncomfortable and so unlike the softness they were used to finding in each other.

How the hell had they gotten here?

Jo laughed. “Oh, because you’re one to talk about properly dealing with things. Like you are the picture of healthy coping mechanisms.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Lobatse. You think the rest of us haven’t noticed how you and Paula are always in the corner, sneering at her, taking shots at her like it’s somehow her fault that Maxine is gone? You’re punishing some poor, innocent woman who just wants to help instead of dealing with your grief, you really think you’re so much better than me?”

“I –” He stopped. “This isn’t about me, Johanna.”

“Yeah, on that, at least, we agree. You’re right, this is not about you, Sam. You don’t need to deal with it, you don’t need to worry about me, and you certainly don’t need to fix me.”

Jo grabbed her jacket off the end of the bed and headed for the door.

“Oh come on, where are you going?” Sam asked.

“Don’t know. But I’m not staying here.” She slammed the door behind her.

Sam sat heavily onto the bed and shook his head where it landed in his hands.

Not talking about it didn’t work. Talking about it worked even less.

What the hell was he supposed to do now?

Notes:

So I was *not* planning to end on a cliffhanger, but the story flows better if I do. Sorry, y'all!

Chapter 9: Minimum

Notes:

Hey hi hello I have brought you some fic

Content warning for gun violence, Dedlocks, knife injury, stitches, references to loss and grief

Spoilers through S3M9

Tell ‘em what you know,
But all that you know, though
The truth be told you need it more than you thought,
But you’re managing, that’s how you evened out  

Minimum – Charlie Cunningham

Another day, another bit of runner drama. Only today, it was caused by the person Janine usually trusted to keep the rest in line.

She flicked a bit of hair that had escaped her ponytail out of her eyes as she strode purposefully across the quad. She’d heard the mutterings of something amiss when the runners had returned from their ceremony. There was usually a lightness to them after one of those, something that came with the closure of saying a proper goodbye. Today, though, everyone had been edgy and upset. She’d sincerely hoped it was something that could be worked out amongst themselves, especially with the aid of their Head of Runners, but when Ms. Marsh had tentatively knocked on her office door, spluttering about extinguished torches and raised voices coming from the quarters of said Head of Runners, Janine knew she had no choice but to intervene.

What better way to spend my afternoon, she thought bitterly, than tracking down a grown woman who can’t seem to behave herself?

Though with the way Amelia had sidelined her, she wasn’t sure that was entirely sarcastic.

“Oh, Janine, there you are!”

Speaking of things she didn’t care to make the time for…

Amelia caught up to her, almost jogging to account for the difference in the length of their strides.

“I was just putting the finishing touches on some new work details that I think might really improve things around here. Keep things fresh, as it were. What do you think?”

Amelia thrust a clipboard into her hands. Janine took it with a held-back eye roll. They’d been through this charade dozens of times. The commander didn’t really want her approval or even her input. It was a power move designed to make her feel as if she had a say without Amelia actually giving up any control. Janine saw right through it, but she rarely had the energy to call it what it was.

She scanned the document. “Yes, Ms. Spens, these look adequate to me.”

“Oh splendid,” Amelia said, always over-the-top with her praise, “Thank you, you really are a peach, Janine.”

She was about to hand the clipboard back when she caught a note at the bottom.

She stopped walking and furrowed her brow. “You’re taking Five out of the hospital?”

“Oh, yes,” Amelia said, waving a hand. “I think a change of scenery will do her some good.”

“She’s a trained doctor,” Janine said incredulously. “One of three in the entire township, one of only two who can actually see patients. This is a mistake.”

Amelia blinked at her. “Oh, well you know how she can be, Janine. Not the most predictable of temperaments, that one. Is that really who we want working in our hospital?”

Janine let out a slow breath through her nose. “I understand the two of you do not get along particularly well, but she is an excellent doctor. Removing her from the hospital in favor of busy work is a mistake, one I believe you need to correct.”

Amelia smiled that patronizing smile she used on everyone who tried to question her. “Well, I will certainly have to take that under advisement, Janine. Of course, I always value your suggestions –”

“Ms. Spens,” she said with more force than she intended. “You need to back off from Runner Five. That is not a suggestion, that is a fact.” She took a deep breath. “Yes, Runner Five can be difficult and contrary and is never afraid to air her grievances. Frankly, she is a pain in the arse. But she is one of the most competent people I have ever met. She is an asset, one that you are squandering. People are only as effective as you let them be, and the way you have overloaded her with meaningless tasks you are wasting her talents. And I do know how you hate waste.”

Janine took another deep breath, keenly aware of the fact that she rarely questioned a superior like this.

Then again, rarely had she had a superior so incompetent.

It took a couple of seconds for Amelia to rearrange her face and look like she was again in control of the situation.

“Well,” she said. “That was…quite compelling, Janine. Perhaps I will take another look.”

She turned on her heel and went back the way she came, leaving Janine to track down said pain in the arse she had just defended so stridently and ask her what, exactly, the hell was wrong with her.

---

“You’re sure you’re alright? Like absolutely sure?” he asked.  

Jo laughed. “I’m fine, really. Maxine’s taking good care of me.”

“Because if you need anything else –”  

“Alright, let’s see,” Jo said, ticking things off on her fingers. “So far you’ve gotten me some extra pillows, an extra blanket, three bottles of water, a chocolate bar, and you’ve been letting Maxine give you odd jobs so you have an excuse to stick around the hospital. If you’re not careful, people are going to start thinking you actually care about someone other than yourself.”

He scoffed. “Don’t be ridiculous. I don’t care about you, I just know that if you die then all your work’s gonna get shoved on me, and that will not leave me enough time for myself.”

Jo shook her head. “Right. Purely selfish intentions here, I’m sure.”

He sat on the end of the bed. “Really, though, Five, if you need anything –”

Jo whacked him with her pillow. “Simon, seriously, what’s gotten into you? Not even Sam’s this nervous. I’ve been home for three days now, and Maxine is sure I’m going to be fine. Just gotta rest and let my wrists heal up and I’ll be good as new.” 

Simon nodded. “Right. ‘course. Don’t know why I’m wasting my time on an ingrate like you!” he said in mock-indignation. “Not sure what I was expecting. Wouldn’t be like you to thank me for getting you some pillows, or pilfering some chocolate, or carrying you home through the woods at night –”

“Wait, you what?”

He turned to look at her. “You don’t remember.”

Jo shook her head. “I uh…I’ve only got up until I escaped Van Ark’s base. It…gets fuzzy after that.”

“Oh. Well, uh…it’s fine. Not like you weigh much more than my pack, anyway.”

He stared down at his hands, wringing them in his lap.

“I’m really sorry, Jo.”

“For what?” Jo asked. “You just said you carried me home, what the hell do you have to be sorry for?”

Simon cleared his throat. “Just uh…we shouldn’t have left you out there."  

“Hey. These things happen. You can’t go blaming yourself for something that wasn’t your fault.”

Simon shifted uncomfortably, like there was something he wasn’t saying.

“Yeah. Yeah, I guess you’re right. I just…” he faltered. “It’s good to have you home.”

---

Presumably, the hospital files had never before been shelved with such gusto.

Jo slammed the newly alphabetized manila folders back into place. True, Dr. Lobatse was good about putting her files back in order, far better than Maxine had been, frankly, but one or two had been out of place, and that was all the excuse Jo had needed to busy herself correcting them.

Her hands shook with something that sat between shame and rage, a wholly unpleasant feeling that trudged through her veins like mud, leaving her desperate to shake it off.

Who does he think he is? He doesn’t know me.

That was the refrain that kept running through her head, a willful denial of the larger issues at play.

Sam, of course, did know her, possibly better than anyone ever had before.

This was either beside the point or the point exactly.

But Sam didn’t raise his voice to her. He rarely raised his voice at all, and certainly never to her. That meant one of two things.

Either he was very, very wrong…

Or she was.

She slid the last file into place with a plummeting feeling in her stomach.

It was always going to be a matter of time before she fucked this up.

She thought to busy herself with an inventory sheet when Dr. Lobatse rounded the corner, surprise on her face.

“Oh! Dr. Walsh. I didn’t realize you were working today!”

Jo tried to shrug in a nonchalant way, as if she weren’t deliberately using work to avoid facing how utterly repulsive she’d been.

“I wasn’t scheduled, but I had some free time.”

The doctor looked at her quizzically, but with kind eyes. She was an emotionally intelligent woman, but one who generally knew when not to push.

“Well, I am glad to see you just the same. And the files are back in order! Thank you so much.”

“Anytime,” Jo said, trying to slip past her and into another quiet corner where she could hate herself in peace until she worked up the courage to go make it right.

Dr. Lobatse gently caught her arm. “I was actually about to take a break. Would you join me for a cup of tea?”

Jo thought about refusing and then decided that looked far more suspicious than just having some damn tea. Lobatse started the kettle in the office that was once Maxine’s. Jo tried not to think too hard about that. Not on top of everything else.

They sat on opposite sides of the desk, Jo abruptly deciding that her shredded cuticles were absolutely fascinating.

“You’ve been in Abel almost a year, is that right?” Lobatse asked gently.

“Yeah, it is,” Jo said, not looking up. She could feel the other woman’s intent eyes on her.

“I don’t know much about your story, Johanna,” she said. “and I certainly don’t want to pry, but as I understand it, coming to Abel wasn’t your choice, was it?”

Jo froze for a moment. “No,” she said. “No, it wasn’t.”

Kefilwe nodded in her peripheral vision. “I imagine things were very hard for you about a year ago.”

The pink scar on her left hand stood out, almost as if it had started glowing in reference to its origin. She’d been so terrified that day, waking up disoriented and alone on the other side of an ocean, and she had always been the type to choose fight over flight. Trying to grab a knife from off that soldier’s belt had seemed like such a good idea until it had resulted in a fist in her stomach and stitches across her palm.

Jo couldn’t shake the feeling that the timing of this conversation wasn’t a coincidence. Dr. Lobatse always faded into the background, unobtrusive in her new home, but she was always paying attention. She finally looked up to meet the other woman’s gaze. “It certainly wasn’t great.”

She nodded, something like true empathy in her eyes. “Grief anniversaries can be such powerful things. It wouldn’t be surprising if you’re not feeling quite like yourself. I can’t imagine how difficult that must be to reconcile. And you’ve had so much grief.”

Tears sprang up, unbidden. Jo blinked hard, unwilling to cry in front of this woman who was virtually a stranger, no matter how much she longed for more of her kind validation.

Luckily, she was saved from the moment by the one person she could always count on to suck the emotion out of any room.

“For god’s sake, there you are,” Janine huffed. “I have been looking everywhere.”

“And you didn’t think to check the hospital for the doctor?” Jo asked.

“I’m not sure you’re in a position to be making snide remarks,” she retorted. “Dr. Lobatse, may we please have the room for a moment?”

“Certainly,” she said, rising from her chair. She stopped by Jo on her way out. “If you’d ever like someone to talk to, please know that my door is always open to you.”

Jo nodded stiffly, wishing the doctor wouldn’t leave her alone with her clearly furious friend.

Janine closed the door behind Lobatse.

“What the hell have you done?”

Jo felt her shoulders tense. “Gonna have to be more specific there, Jen, I do lots of things.”

Janine rolled her eyes so hard it was practically audible. “I’ll rephrase: what is this nonsense I hear about you and Mr. Yao shouting at each other?”

“Oh, that,” Jo said, turning to face her. “I can explain: you’re hearing that because we were, in fact, shouting at each other.”

Janine exhaled slowly through her nose, the way she always did when she needed an extra moment to compose herself. “Is it safe to assume, then, that what I hear about this afternoon’s ceremony is also accurate?”

“You’re not involved with those ceremonies.”

“Perhaps not, but I do hear about it when they go wrong. And that isn’t an answer.”

There was silence for a moment, heavy with the thing that had gone unspoken in all the months of the friendship they’d forged on shared grief, the subject neither dared broach since that first night, no matter how much wine they’d had.

Janine slumped against the wall, some of the indignation gone. “You do realize that eventually, you’re going to have to deal with…with Simon. We both are.”

“But avoiding it is so fun and effective,” Jo replied.

“Yes, I’m sure your partner would agree, as would all of the runners you unsettled,” she said drily.

Jo rubbed a palm across her brow. “Yeah, I really fucked up today, didn’t I?”

“It seems that way.”

Jo sighed. “Dammit. You know, I was trying really hard to find a way to blame this on anyone but me, but I don’t think that’s going to work out.”

Janine almost smiled. “You could always blame Simon.”

Jo laughed. “Oh, I do. Just never consciously, because that would mean thinking about it.” She sighed again, the smile sliding off her face. “I think I need to go make sure I still have a relationship to salvage.”

“That’s probably a good idea.”

“And uh…what do you say we give the runners the day off from training tomorrow? In observance of ‘sorry Runner Five’s an asshole day?’”

Janine nodded. “I think that can be arranged.”

---

Sam sat heavily on the bed, all of the laundry and books and other odds and ends finally put away. At least now Jo would have a clean room to come back to.

Whenever she came back to it.

If –

He shook his head, hard.

It was just one fight. She wouldn’t leave over one fight. But he couldn’t know that for sure. They’d never fought before, not really. Small arguments over her refusal to take care of herself, or his inability to put laundry away in a timely manner. Never a proper row with raised voices and slammed doors.

The winter sun was starting to set through the window over their bed. It had been hours since she’d stormed out, which had meant hours of him torturing himself over whether or not he’d been too hard on her. He always managed to land on no: he hadn’t been too hard on her, he’d been just tough enough to tell her what she’d needed to hear.

But maybe that had been too hard in and of itself.

His stomach rumbled, but he tried to ignore it. He’d almost certainly missed dinner by now, and he was sure that wherever Jo had hidden herself away, she wasn’t eating either. He cradled his head in his hands, wishing for answers he had no way of finding.

He could see the light fading behind closed eyes as he sat for what felt like hours. Tentatively, the door opened, and light footsteps made their way across the room. The bed shifted as someone sat down next to him, but he didn’t dare open his eyes yet.

There was a long, slow exhale just to his left, and then: “I have never been good at relationships when they get hard. Because when things get hard is when someone leaves. And I have seen enough leaving for one lifetime, and it always makes me lash out, because if I push you away first, then I’m the one in control. It’s not you leaving if I pushed you away.”

Sam opened his eyes. Jo had her eyes fixed on the floor, her hands clasped and pressed against her mouth. There were tears in her green eyes, ones that would refuse to spill until she’d gotten all of this out.

“I’m sorry, Sam,” she said thickly. “I know I haven’t been handling this well. I know I’m going to have to deal with Simon eventually. And I will. I will deal with it, and I will talk about it, but not yet. I’m not there yet. Because it feels too much like losing a brother all over again, and I have already lost – ” She choked back a sob.

Any residual anger Sam had been feeling dissipated in an instant. Wasn’t life hard enough without the two of them at each other’s throats? Wasn’t having a refuge from all of this the entire point of them?

He gathered Jo up in his arms, holding her as tightly as he could.

“I’m sorry too,” he said. “I should’ve…I wish we could’ve started that conversation in a less confrontational way.”

Jo laughed, her face pressed against his shoulder. “Hard to not be confrontational when someone behaves as badly as I did.”

Sam kissed the top of her head. “I know you’re doing your best. Same as we all are.”

She shook her head. “I’m not sure I am. You were right, I’m doing exactly what I did when I first got here. I’m repressing and avoiding and lashing out at anyone who calls me on it. Sara would be furious."

Sam smiled. “Yeah, but wasn’t she always a little furious?”

Jo looked up at him, the ghost of a smile on her tear-streaked face. “If Sara were here she’d be splitting her time between kicking my ass and hunting Simon down herself.”

Sam wiped a tear from her cheek. “Hey, there you go! You’re talking about both of them, that’s progress, right?”

“I guess.” She exhaled slowly. “We’re…ok, then?”

Sam nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, we’re ok. Only…you can talk to me. When you are ready, I mean. You know that right?”

“Of course I do. I just suck at it.”

“Yeah, sometimes you really do.”

Jo elbowed him.

Sam glanced behind him at the dark window. “Well, what do you reckon, time for bed? I know it’s probably early, but how often do we get this much time to, I don’t know…just be?”

Jo followed his gaze, but then her stomach growled. “I don’t know if I can sleep if I don’t eat.”

He pretended to consider this like he had no possible solution now that they’d missed dinner. “Hmmm…now what could we possibly – ”

“Sam, come on, you always have hidden snacks.”

He stared at her a second, then relented. “Alright, what’ll it be, then, Curly Wurlies, crisps, or a couple packets of beef jerky?”

---

Dedlocks. It had to be fucking Dedlocks

Jo could feel her lungs burning as she bolted down the path, out of the line of fire of her pursuers. She hadn’t loved the idea of going into Dedlock territory in the first place, but she’d relented at the guarantee she’d have three companions with her. Now she was alone, again, trying to avoid barrage from people who wanted her dead simply for crossing into “their” land.

“Ok, Five,” Sam said, “keep going down that road until you get to the T junction. The good news is Louise, Paula, and Owen are in the clear and heading back to Abel. The bad news is it’s because most of the Dedlocks have decided to focus on you.”

Of course they had.

“You know, Sam,” Jo said, “sometimes I feel like every mission I’ve run since returning to active duty is just some remix of ‘Runner Five’s greatest hits.’ By which I of course mean the worst moments of my fucking life.”

“I know, I’m sorry, I’m working on it,” he said. “Um, the uh, okayish news is that you’re still a good way ahead of them, and it looks like they’ve decided to conserve ammo. You should do the same unless you’re in immediate danger.”

Something appeared at the end of the path. Not a Dedlock this time, but a tall, masked figure standing between her and escape.

You’ve got to be fucking kidding me, she thought, do not tell me there’s an actual phantom.

“Hang on, Five, there’s someone ahead of you,” Sam said as if she hadn’t spotted him. “Uh, whoever it is might be wearing a mask. Aw, dammit! What the hell is wrong with this signal?”

Sam started cutting in and out, static overtaking the better part of his messages.

“Sam?” she asked. “Sam, I think I’m losing you.”

“Can you hear me, Five? I think you’ve met the phantom…just run!”

She drew her gun and fired wide, a warning for the figure to get the hell out of her way.

Instead, he raised a hand and spoke to her in a familiar lilting accent, the hint of a joke always around his words.

“Woah. Put that gun away, Five. You don’t want to shoot me, do you?”

But of course, she knew who it was blocking her path before he identified himself, before he’d even begun to speak. There was no mystery to what stood in front of her, what had been silently stalking them for weeks. There was no lurking figure who appeared and vanished without a trace, his connection to Abel unknown. She wasn’t looking at a phantom.

She was looking at what was left of Simon Lauchlan.

Notes:

This cliffhanger, however, was intentional.

See you soooooon.

Chapter 10: The King Has Lost His Crown

Notes:

Yeesh. Hi, everyone. I definitely did not plan to leave you on that cliffhanger for quite so long, so without further ado...

Content warning for body horror, physical violence

Spoilers through S3M10

Disaster and disgrace!
The king has lost his crown.
Suddenly he’s clumsy like a clown.

The King Has Lost His Crown – ABBA

She was going to shoot him. Simon was absolutely sure of that.

She’d gone deathly still, eyes just this side of unphased, and the way she had yet to re-holster her weapon after the warning shot, he was certain that any second she would point it right at him and fire.

Not that it would do anything.

But she couldn’t know that.

He kept his mouth shut – no sudden movements, nothing to make her feel more threatened than she already did. Truth be told, part of him was as stunned to see her as she was to see him. The first month or so after, once he’d recovered a bit and taken up his post and learn the township’s movements well enough to pilfer supplies, it had worried him how infrequently he spotted her. But he’d just needed to be patient. Watching wasn’t knowing, and there was so little to glean from the rare glimpses of his friend, but Sam kept to his routines too well for anything to be seriously wrong. And sure enough, one day, Runner Five was back. It would only be a matter of time before he got his opportunity.

And here it was.

Her hand twitched, just once. Simon resisted the urge to jerk backwards.

“Five…”

Without warning, she turned, as sharply as she had that day in the woods, holstered the gun, and took off in the other direction.

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” he muttered before begrudgingly giving chase. Bad enough he’d already had to run after her once. He’d never had trouble keeping pace with her before. Whether she was now faster or he was just slower wasn’t a question he could answer.

“Hold up, Five! My superb fitness levels have fallen a bit, recently,” he called with a deflective laugh. “Funny, that. Never would have imagined getting beaten half to death would have had a negative effect on my stamina.”

She didn’t give any indication she’d heard him, just kept on with that near-perfect form Eight had drilled into her.

“It is me, you know. Your old mucker Simon. I would take the mask off, only I don’t think you’d want to see what’s underneath. There’s enough nightmare fuel for everyone, these days, isn’t there? No need to give you any extra.”

Especially not you.

Still nothing.

“For God’s sake, Five, stop running away! I’ve been trying to get you alone for weeks. I’ve got some intel you’re going to find very interesting about a certain someone. I’ll give you a clue – rhymes with ‘Pan Dark!’”

Her shoulders tensed, if barely, and she slowed for only a second. He had her attention now. But not enough to stop her running even further into Dedlock territory.

“Five, I’m not kidding! Oh, never mind that now, just listen to me – you’re going the wrong way. You can’t hear Sam because the Dedlocks have got a signal blocker, and you’re running slap-bang into an ambush. You need to turn left. Left!”

Five went right.

Stubborn as ever, he thought. “Suit yourself!” he called after her. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you!”

She disappeared down the righthand path. Simon stopped where the path split. He could call it a day here. He’d done his due diligence. He’d tried to get the information where it needed to go. It was hardly his fault if she wasn’t interested. Five had her gun and her wits, she’d survived on less. He could just go home.

Or he could take the shorter way round, cut her off, and ambush the ambush. It was what she’d do.

“Goddammit,” he muttered, heading into the trees.

It wasn’t far, not if you knew the woods. Straight through the trees in front of him, and it would let out where the path curved back through a smattering of small houses. That’s where the Dedlocks set up their perches, picking off anyone who wandered through unawares.

Even with the shortcut, Five made it round before he did. He spotted her crouched behind a garden wall, gun in hand, while a handful of the foot soldiers tried to track her.

“Give it up, pal, you’re surrounded!” one called.

“That was a warning, Abel runner,” his companion added, firing a shot in completely the wrong direction. “Next one goes through your head!”

Simon had a perfect vantage point as he crept between two houses. He drew his own gun and, with perfect recall of what he’d been taught, drove off three of them.

“No, I don’t think so!” he said. “Quick, Five, over here. I can’t get them all.”

Jo looked from the remaining Dedlocks back to Simon like she was weighing her options before using his covering fire to cross the road and join him, however unwillingly.

“They’re getting away!” a Dedlock yelled. “After them!”

“I’ve been practicing my marksmanship,” Simon said. “I hope you’re impressed, Five.”

The look on her face, like she’d stuck half a lemon in her mouth, said she wasn’t.

“Stick with me, and I’ll see you safe. I’d give you my word on that, but you know what that’s worth don’t you? Yeah, I know what you think it’s worth.”

A quick flash of her eyes told him exactly what she thought.

She kept about ten yards ahead of him, never out of his sight, but nowhere near close enough to be mistaken for his companion.

“Silent treatment, then, is it?” he asked. “Yeah, I know. That’s always been your way.”

Simon had always hated that quirk of hers, her habit of going quiet when she was unhappy with something (often him). It had happened more than once in the field together, leaving him to fill the silence with the incessant chatter he needed to drown out his own mind. It was always the same: her stone-faced and silent while he chattered on trying to get her attention, always droning on just long enough to say something he actually meant.

It was a mistake he was bound to repeat today. But he had to get her attention.

“Do you know, I really did think Jamie was going to kill me. That’s not his way, oh no. He’s too bloody moral by half, is Jamie. Just a few punches, kick in the stomach. Don’t know why he didn’t go the whole hog and slap me. Like he couldn’t even be bothered to do it properly. Like he didn’t think I was worth it.

“Then he heard the zoms coming. Do you know what he did after that, Five, do you? He chucked that baseball bat down by my right hand. ‘That’s more chance than you gave any of us,’ he said. Mister bloody high and mighty. And then he ran off, and left me to the zoms.”

His story had no effect, none that he could see anyway. The harrowing tale of being eaten alive wasn’t enough to break through the wall.

Five was a woman who could get angry. Like really, properly angry. But he’d never seen her quite like this, the quiet fury that drove her ahead of him, the cool disdain in her eyes that didn’t quite blur into hatred.

“Feels good, doesn’t it? ‘Out on the run again,’” he sang, “’enemies on our tail.’ Freedom ahead, a song in our hearts, probably ABBA.”

Her pace slowed as they hit the edge of the tree line, and he finally caught up to her. She’d wrinkled her nose and tightened her jaw at the sight in front of her

“You might want to duck,” Simon said. “Sorry about that, should have warned you earlier. It’s my perimeter defense. Keeps out all the Dedlocks, and the Dedlocks keep out any other undesirables, leaving me nice and safe and hidden in the heart of their territory. Quite a clever idea, if I do say so myself.”

Jo’s eyes narrowed.

“Do you like it? My forest of limbs? Mostly arms, but I hang up the occasional leg too, just for variety. It’s very handy,” he said with a laugh. “Get it? ‘Handy?’ ‘Handy’, you know, hands?”

Just the hint of an eyeroll and she ducked the swinging limbs and pushed ahead of him again.

“I’ve been harvesting them for weeks now. Well, it’s a hobby. Helps me will up the long, lonely days. And it’s not like they can hurt me. I think I’m immune.”

Simon waited for a reaction to that word. None came.

“Van Ark’s treatments, they were always unpredictable,” he continued. “One person they’d kill, another person they’d give the exact same thing, and they’d end up with bloody superpowers, near enough! Said it was retroviral, keyed to each individual’s DNA. He treated you too, didn’t he?”

He knew the answer to that question. Plenty of things haunted him after that day. The patchwork of bruises around her left elbow was one of the things he could picture most clearly.

“I wish I could tell you what he’d done to you, but I don’t think even he knew.”

He meant that. When he’d first found the files, he’d pored over them, not only for mentions of Comansys, but for any references to what Van Ark had done to Jo. But there’d been nothing in the stack of files he’d found about any treatments, nothing to even hint at what he’d been pumping into people’s veins.

It was mind-boggling to think of now, the way he’d let a virtual stranger jab needles full of god knows what into his skin and somehow believed it was his best chance. Desperation was one hell of a drug.

They came to the clearing just beyond the stream. Simon snatched at Jo’s arm before she could barrel ahead into the trap he’d set, but she yanked it away before he got too close.

“Oh, careful now, Five,” he said. “Don’t think you’re out of the woods just because you’re out of the trees. There’s still my little minefield to get through. Couldn’t let those zom heads go to waste. Be careful where you step, now. I left the spinal cords attached, so the heads could still bite. Don’t want you getting infected, do we?”

He paused.

“Well…I suppose that’s not really a worry for you, now is it?”

That, finally, got through. She stumbled, catching herself on the trunk of a tree, a sharp inhale escaping before she could hide it.

Simon pressed on. “They’d probably still shoot you, though, you know. All your good friends at Abel. We don’t take chances with bites. First hint of grey, first little tickly cough, and it’s bang. Bang! They turn on you so fast, even the ones you –”

He swallowed. “Jenny didn’t hang about, did she? First suggestion I might not be a hundred percent kosher, and she breaks out the UZIs! You’d have done it though, Five, wouldn’t you? If you’d have had the chance. Immortality, who wouldn’t –”

She rounded on him. “Is that what you think?” she snapped. Her eyes blazed, infinitely more furious than the day she’d left him to Jamie.

“Is that what you think of me?” she asked again. “You really think I’d have thrown my loyalty away as quickly as you did? You think I’d have wanted this? Wanted to be immortal? That I don’t wake up every day, desperate for some sign I’ve changed, aged, some hint that I won’t be stuck like this, watching everyone I love grow old and move on without me? You really think –”

She stopped, a hand pressed firmly over her mouth to keep back a sob.

“Christ,” she spat. “Just get us where we’re going already. I don’t have to listen to this.”

For once in his life, Simon obeyed and kept his mouth shut.

It was half of mile of that, the silence only cut by their feet hitting the grassy path, the birds overhead, and the occasional sound of a shaky breath as Jo tried to steady herself. She fiddled with the buttons on her headset, no doubt hoping she was back in Sam’s range.

That would do her no good. The Dedlocks weren’t the only ones with a signal blocker. And Simon needed her for just a bit longer.

“Starting to get edgy, Five?” Simon asked, breaking the silence. “You look like you are. You look like a person who’s starting to think that maybe they don’t need old Simon anymore. Use me and throw me away, is that right? Yeah, of course it is. It’s ok, I understand. I wouldn’t trust me either. But I really do need to talk to you.”

Just a few more minutes. He just had to stay in control for a few more minutes and he could send her on her way, back to Abel, back home, to the people who loved her.

“And here we are!” He came to a stop on the bank. “That weeping willow beside this stream? Last landmark before we get there. So this is it, Five. Make your mind up time. Stick with Simon, after all he’s done for you, after he saved you from the Dedlocks, led you right through the heart of their territory without a scratch, or toss him aside, and go back to your loyal friends at Abel.”

The guilt trip didn’t work. He hadn’t really expected it too. He’d just hoped that somehow she had just a shred of trust in him left. Just enough to tell herself that sticking with him would be worth it.

Instead, she looked out over the horizon, no doubt looking for a landmark she recognized, something to guide her back home. Her eyes landed on something, and she turned.

God dammit, Jo.

“Oh, oh, oh that’s the way it’s going to be, is it? Sorry.” Simon drew his gun and pointed it directly at her face. “Wrong choice. I can’t let you go, not yet. So just keep running.”

For a moment, she was completely still. Simon wondered if he’d actually scared her. Then she laughed, a derisive, disdainful sound, so unlike her he never would’ve recognized it.

“Little tip?” she said. “If you want to scare someone, don’t leave the safety on.”

Of course she’d noticed. Simon sighed.

“Would you please just come with me? It really is important. Five, you know me, I wouldn’t go to all this trouble if it weren’t.”

“I don’t know a goddamn thing about you,” she snarled. She jerked her chin towards a point behind him. “Go. You’ve got five minutes.”

“It might take longer than that to get there –”

“It better not. Because my safety will be off.”

Simon holstered his gun. “Right. Guess we’d better run then.”

Properly motivated, it barely took three minutes to get where they were going. Simon was no longer in control of the situation, and he knew it. Although, he thought ruefully, with Jo involved it was likely he never had any control in the first place.

“Just push that ivy out of the way, Five, and uh –” The door swung open with a disapproving creak. He was suddenly conscious of the layer of dirt over everything, the heaps of garbage, the smell of the place. Nothing like seeing the hovel he’d become accustomed to through the eyes of someone else to make him realize how bad things had gotten.

“And here we are! Home sweet home.”

Jo lingered in the doorway, arms crossed firmly over her chest. Her eyes swept over the shack’s contents, scanning for the danger she was sure she’d find.

“Ah, there’s no need to look so bloody nervous, I haven’t brought you here to kill you and eat you, you know. Who do you think I am, Jeffrey Dahmer?”

Simon rummaged through a stack of files on the small table he’d found half-rotted behind an old barn.

“Van Ark didn’t trust me, you know. Didn’t trust anyone. But he wasn’t as sneaky as he thought. I managed to find out where all his bases were, not just the ones he wanted me to know about. Since he died, I’ve been trawling through them, looking for – well, I’m sure you can guess. I didn’t find it, anyway, but at a little underground lab near here, I didn’t find something else. A certain stack of research about a certain company called Comansys. I know you’re interested in them, been listening in to that chatterbox, Sam, and you know me! I do like to be helpful.”

He pressed a stack of files into her hands.

“So there they are. A present for you. Van Ark’s notes on Comansys. Half of it’s in code, but what I could decipher made for very interesting reading.”

Jo’s eyes scanned the top page he’d handed her.

Simon swallowed. “There’s, uh…there is one more. It’s not one of Van Ark’s, it’s…well, I think it belongs to you.”

He slid the bottom folder out from the pile, the one he’d been guarding most carefully. He flipped it open so she’d see what it was.

“He never got this one. Van Ark, I mean. I stole it for him, but I…I never gave it to him. Never got the chance. Glad I didn’t.”

All the color drained from Jo’s face. She recoiled from the paper as if from a snake about to bite.

“Where did you get that?” she whispered, hands trembling.

“Found it with the Major’s things. Safe to assume she knew your secret. And Eight. I’d say Jenny too, but it seems like they kept her in the dark about a lot of things, so I really don’t know.”

Jo looked like she was about to cry.

“I haven’t told anyone,” Simon reassured her. “Not that I talk to that many people, but…and I marked it up a bit. Just in case it fell into the wrong hands. This sort of thing, I…I get why you’d want to keep it to yourself. I mean you haven’t even told Sam, have you? Would save him quite a bit of worry if you had.”

“It’s none of his business,” she said, still staring at the file, waiting for it to strike.

Simon pressed the papers towards her. “Take it. And you should go. They’ll be missing you back at Abel, speaking of Sam and his worrying. Only please, just one favor. Tell them you found it all yourself. Don’t tell them about me. Let Jenny, let everyone think that I’m dead. After all, I should be.”

Jo’s eyes were still locked on the proffered file. She shook her head, like shaking off a sudden chill.

“Burn it,” she ordered. Then she turned and ducked through the ivy.

“You’re not going to tell them, right?” Simon called after her.

She stopped, shoulders tense.

“No, I’m not going to tell them.”

He breathed a sigh of relief. “Thanks, Jo, I really appreciate you –”

“For her sake. Not yours.”

He shut his mouth and watched as she took off through the trees without another word, leaving him alone yet again. He looked down at the file she’d left in his hands, nodding to himself.

“I’ll see you safe.”

---

It’s impossible to mark the passage of time when the only sound is the blood rushing in your ears, the steady thrum of a too-high heartbeat pounding against your chest, thoughts racing so fast your mind may as well be blank.

Simon was alive.

Simon was alive.

Simon was alive, but she’d already known that, hadn’t she? Jamie had said as much, said he’d left him alive that day, hadn’t actually made him pay with his life for the laundry list of sins he’d committed against them. She’d known even before that, felt the eyes affixed to her back every time she left the gates, sometimes inside them too. She’d denied rumors of the Phantom of Abel with a fervor and frequency reserved for those who know the thing they’re denying has a shred of truth.

She’d known after that day, a gripping certainty that cut through the haze of drugs and loss and chemicals and fear that without proof it couldn’t be over, he couldn’t be gone. No threat was really gone without proof. It’s why she’d tried to insist on seeing Van Ark’s body, though she was eventually shut down by Sam and Janine and the sheer fact that she couldn’t be out of bed long enough to make it to New Canton. Paula’s assurances that she’d seen the body did little to quell the disquiet. With Van Ark she’d needed to know, but with Simon there was no knowing, so she’d resigned herself to Not Know, even when there was suddenly something to know she decided it was better to not know, and now –

Now she knew.

And there was no way to not know.

Jo sat at the head of the bed with her arms locked around her shins, staring at her knees like eventually she’d find answers printed on her sweatpants. Sam was asleep next to her, blessedly unaware of her torment. He’d been so relieved to get her home, and furious with the Dedlocks, that it hadn’t been necessary to question why her hands wouldn’t stop shaking. The files she’d brought home had helped deflect suspicion as well. Amelia had been thrilled to receive new intel, so much so that she hadn’t bothered questioning its origin too scrupulously. The slight raise of an eyebrow she’d caught from Janine on her way out of the office was another story, but Dr. Lobatse’s orders she get some rest as soon as possible made that a problem for another day.

Not that she could even dream of causing Janine that kind of grief.

She hadn’t told them. Not any of them. Granted she hadn’t said much since getting back home – silence really was her way – but the name Simon Lauchlan hadn’t even been on the fringes of the little she had said. She hadn’t told anyone, despite owing nothing to the one whose confidence telling would break.

Was the real betrayal not telling? Or was it burdening the people she loved with knowledge that did them no good?

Sam shifted next to her, blinking open half-asleep eyes.

“Hey,” he murmured. “What’re you doing up?”

Jo shook her head. “Can’t sleep.”

“C’mere.” He reached for her, gently tugging on her arm so she’d lay back down. He looked at her with gentle concern, drawing her in close.

“Jo, what is it?” he whispered. “What’s really bothering you?”

“Let everyone think that I’m dead. After all, I should be.”

She wanted so badly to unburden herself, to talk through the thing that had wound itself into a knot in her stomach. Surely she could do that here. She didn’t lie to Sam.

Did she?

“You haven’t even told Sam, have you?”

She blinked. That was for his own good, a lie of omission designed to protect them both. That was one secret she only told when a fresh wound made it impossible to deny. Wasn’t this the same thing? Something it was better to carry in silence, lest it hurt the people around her?

She looked at Sam, at the worry in his eyes. The scar on the back of her neck, the one he’d run his fingers over a thousand times, never once stepping over the silence around it, felt as if it were burning.

She couldn’t do it.

“It’s nothing,” she lied. “Just…Dedlocks. Not exactly good memories.”

Sam nodded, trusting and kind. “That makes sense. I’m sorry you were out there on your own so long. But you’re safe now. We won’t be sending you anywhere near Dedlock Territory again if I have anything to say about it.”

It was Jo’s turn to nod, accepting reassurances she didn’t deserve. “Yeah. I’ll be ok. Go back to sleep.”

It was just one lie. One harmless little lie. And it was for his own good. Wasn’t that ok?

Wasn’t that how it always started?

Chapter 11: This Night

Notes:

Hello again! I am still here, promise, just haven't had much writer brain lately.

Not much of a content warning on this one. I mean, zombies? You know there are zombies.

Spoilers through S3M13

There’s a game that I play,
There are rules I had to break,
There’s mistakes that I made,
But I made them my way  

This Night – Black Lab

 

The eyes were finally gone.

Miles out from Abel, Jo finally felt the eyes lift from her back, no longer sure her every step was being watched. She breathed a small sigh of relief, not for her safety – it was no mystery who was watching her and why – but for the brief respite his disappearance gave her beleaguered conscience. True, he was always good about staying out of sight, reinforcing the lie she’d told again and again. She was never actually worried about him being seen.

But he was there. She was sure of that every time she left the gates, and sometimes inside them too.

Simon was always there.

The pressure had lifted a bit in the couple weeks since that afternoon. The documents she’d brought home had proved remarkably valuable. Janine clearly didn’t believe she’d just happened upon them while fleeing the Dedlocks, but her mind hadn’t (or perhaps simply wouldn’t) gone to Simon as the real answer. Jo couldn’t tell if Sam was convinced by her story or just unwilling to bring up something that upset her, but either way, he didn’t mention it. And the words ‘due diligence’ didn’t seem to exist in Amelia’s vocabulary, so when a stack of papers that provided their first solid lead in weeks appeared, she took them at face value and moved on. Jo almost admired the lack of overthinking, the way a mystery didn’t take up space in her brain for days on end.

Almost.

That was how she found herself miles from Abel, on one of the first days that whispered of the coming spring, headed towards a Comansys base that didn’t communicate with the outside world. A bright blue sky stretched in all directions around her, and the late afternoon sun had allowed her to shed her jacket for the first time all year. Nadia was (curiously) at her side while Sam chattered happily over the radio. It was a long journey; if they were lucky, they’d reach their destination by the following day. For tonight, it was as far as the beach – a sheltered inlet with high rock walls and little chance zoms would interrupt their rest, then up the coast at dawn.

“Shirley Manson?” Sam asked. “No, too aggressive. Tina Turner! It’s Tina Turner, isn’t it!”

Nadia sighed. Sam had spent the last hour trying to guess her karaoke song, and Nadia was so tightlipped Jo couldn’t tell how close he was getting.

“No, wait, what about…Amy Winehouse? Or Bette Midler, is that it?”

“Is he always like this?” Nadia asked.

Jo laughed. “Pretty much. Sam, those are wildly different genres, you know.”

“Well it’s not like she’s giving me anything to go on!” he complained. “Alright fine, Jo, do you have a go-to karaoke song? I feel like I should know that.”

“Oh, usually ‘House of the Rising Sun,’” she replied. “No one ever expects that out of a five-foot-tall girl, but it brings the house down.”

“Alright, that settles it, we are definitely doing a karaoke night.”

“I’ll take it to the Permanent Advisory Council as soon as I return,” Nadia said drily.

Sam ignored her. “We’d need a little extra power to run the sound system. Jo, think you could talk Janine into that?”

Jo rolled her eyes. “I think it’s Amelia you’d have to talk into that, and you ‘do know how she hates waste,’” she said, imitating their leader’s smug accent at the end of her sentence.

“Oh, god, what have I told you about doing your Amelia micro-impression?” Sam asked with a shudder.

“That it’s very accurate and to not do it because it makes your skin crawl?”

“Precisely. Besides, probably not the best form to be, y’know, talking like that in front of a resident from another settlement?”

“Oh, no, that’s alright,” Nadia said. “I did meet her once when she came up to New Canton with Janine. She’s…well, the Ministry sent her. They must’ve had a reason. I suppose.”

“Bureaucrats usually do,” Jo said.

“It’s been better lately, though, right?” Sam asked. “She’s been a little less…”

“Up my ass?” Jo said.

“I wasn’t going to phrase it quite like that, but yeah, a little less that.”

Jo shrugged. “I think Janine talked to her, which I absolutely did not want her to do. I was handling it on my own.”

“Right, you were absolutely fine, not overworked and exhausted at all, and did not need any help with this, or anything ever.”

Jo snorted. “Sarcasm’s a fun color on you, babe.”

“You have to admit things are better now,” Sam continued. “You have to admit it’s better to not work double shifts every day. I mean she gave you three whole days off before this mission. I didn’t even see you doing paperwork. That’s good, right?”

Jo begrudgingly relented. “Yeah, I guess. As good as anything that involves Amelia could possibly be.”

“Well, fair. And speaking of Amelia, I have to go. She’ll be looking for me. I’m going to engage the offline operator. Now, remember, it’s just a trial, and I’ll be back at some point to check how it’s going. This is a low-risk section of the journey, and we don’t anticipate any complications until you get near the base.”

“We’re ready, Sam,” Nadia replied.

“I still don’t like leaving you. Watch yourselves, okay?” he said.

Jo could picture the crease between his eyes that appeared every time he was worried.

“Thank you, Sam,” Nadia said. “We can see about two miles in all directions. Empty fields, no zoms. We’ll be fine.”

“And in the event we’re not fine, that’s what weapons are for,” Jo said. “So relax your forehead. If you stay scrunched like that too long you’re going to give yourself a headache.”

Sam made a noise of protest. “How did you – you know what, never mind. Just be careful.”

---

“Right, I think that about –” Sam glanced down at his notes. “Yeah, that about covers it. Does anyone have any questions?”

The dozen-odd people seated in front of him stared back blankly. Most of their eyes had glazed over somewhere around the third page. Towards the back of the room, someone coughed. Sam sighed. He’d known briefing new recruits on primary base procedures and secondary communications protocols would make for a boring afternoon. His eyes flicked over to the door. Just as well no one had any questions; he wanted to get back to the comms shack and check in on Jo and Nadia.

“Right. That’ll do it then. You’re all dismissed, I guess. If anyone thinks of any questions you can always come ask. I basically live in the comms shack, so I’m not usually hard to find.”

The crowd filed out, muttering, looking through their own packets of notes. The documents were thorough; long-winded, Ministry-approved thorough. Sam had tried to make it clear that these procedures were all well and good to know, but sometimes not the most practical course of action. Sure, protocols were protocols for a reason, but in the moment, they weren’t always the wisest choice. Especially when they were written largely by people who never saw a second of the work they were trying to dictate.

Sam gathered his papers into a rough pile and stuck them under his arm as he headed out the door of the briefing room. It hadn’t been quite an hour since he’d left his runners in the care of the offline operator, and he was anxious to get back to them. He’d done all the system checks himself before they left and had even sat through a run of the full program the day before that, but he still didn’t like being away. He wasn’t sure he trusted any initiative of Amelia’s.

He’d argued against sending Jo on this mission at all. Multiple nights miles away from home on a potentially dangerous mission seemed like the last thing she needed right now. He knew someone had to go, eventually. Treetop Base was their first solid lead on Comansys in weeks. It had to be investigated, but Sam didn’t understand why they’d insisted on sending two runners instead of a slightly larger scouting party, or why it had to be Jo, or why something of this scale and importance was the moment to test out the offline operator. Surely something lower risk was a better place for a trial run.

The second he opened the door to the comms shack, he knew he’d been right

“ – snagged on a bush,” he heard Nadia say. “A bush that’s now on fire! Five, we need to get out of here, now!”

Sam dropped his papers, letting them scatter across the desk. He snatched his headset and sat so hard in his chair that it rolled several feet to the right. He grabbed the edge of the desk and pulled himself back in front of the screens. Their locations were transmitting clearly on the scanner, but the only camera feed was from their shaky headcams. He couldn’t make out much – just smoke, flashes of scenery, and at least a dozen zoms on the runners’ tail.

“Where are they coming from?” Nadia asked with a cough. “Can you see a – can you see a way through?”

“What the hell??” Sam exclaimed

“Sam! Is that you?”

“Oh thank god,” Five said.

“I’ve got a solid GPS fix,” Sam assured them. “Turn around as slowly as you can bear, give me a 360 view with the headcam.” Five did as instructed. “Ok, you’re both facing northwest, turn to your four o’clock, and run until you see a disused church. As you move, Nadia, scan to your right. Runner Five, scan left.”

The runners did as they were asked, finally giving him a clearer view of what they were up against. He nodded to himself. There were zoms on either side, but there was a clear way through. He could get them out.

“Good. There are groups closing in from either side of you. Cut through the church grounds, and –”

“Hello, runners!” the speaker to his left exclaimed. “This is the offline operator.”

“Oh god, not him again!” Jo said.

“What? No, no! How do I turn this off?” Sam said, fumbling with buttons that seemed to have no effect.

“Your GPS shows that you’re only seventy-nine hours –”

“We were seventy-nine hours away almost an hour ago, what is wrong with this thing?” Jo snapped.

“No!” Sam hit a few keys on his keyboard, trying to stop the program that way. He looked back up at the camera feed. “Through the back gate, and you’re only about thirty seconds from –”

“Well done! You’re making good time,” the operator said.

Sam rolled his eyes and tried another command to shut it off. “You’ll see a canal – follow it left until you see the lock gate.”

“At the next junction, turn right,” the operator countered.

“What?! No! Turn left, left! Don’t listen to him!”

Luckily, the runners had no trouble distinguishing the recording from his live (and rather frantic) voice. They headed left towards the lock gate, zombies on their heels.

“Yes! It’s one of Janine’s special chocolate brownies!” the operator exclaimed.

“Oh for god’s sake,” Nadia said.

“I threw my brownie at a zom fifteen minutes ago. It hit him like a rock,” Jo said. “Please tell Janine that when I get back I’m going to teach her how to actually bake.”

Out of ideas for how to actually shut the program down, Sam smacked the speaker. “Oh shut up, shut up!”

“I see the lock gate,” Nadia said. It came into view over their headcams. Five reached for the gate.

“No, don’t try and open it, it’ll take too long,” Sam said. “Just get across and fine something to knock them off.”

Five grabbed a lifesaver on a long pole. “Alright, Nadia, get behind me,” she ordered. Her companion safely out of the way, she swung the pole around with all of her might, knocking the zombies off balance. She pivoted back in the other direction, sending the zoms she’d missed on the first sweep plummeting into the water. Sam scanned the cameras for any others.

“Is that –”

“I think we got them all,” Nadia said, panting with her hands on her knees. Five dropped the life saver pole and flipped the hem of her shirt up to wipe her sweaty face.

“Alright,” Sam said, sitting back with a sigh of relief, “now I can think properly, I’m going to turn this stupid thing off permanently. I think this ought to do it.” He hit a few keys.

“Thanks for participating in this trial of the offline operator!” it replied. “Please remember to fill out the feedback form provided in your –”

“Oh, shut up,” Sam said, unceremoniously pushing the device onto the floor. That was enough out of the thing that had almost landed his runners in deep trouble for one day. No doubt Amelia would believe he was clumsy enough to have done it by accident.

“Hang on,” Jo said, looking thoughtful as he glanced back at the screen. “Did he just say ‘feedback form?’”

“You know, I think he did,” Nadia said.

“We’re not that far from our stopping point for the evening,” Jo said. “What say you, Nadia, think we should press on and set up camp so we can get those forms filled out while the thoughts are still fresh in our minds?”

“I think that’s a great, idea, Runner Five,” she replied.

“You’re only about 5K from the beach where you’re camping tonight,” Sam said, “and this time, I’ll be sticking around to see you safe. Head west along the canal, toward the sunset. You’ll be there in no time. I’ll see if I can find a feedback form of my own.”

---

“You’re not serious,” Jo said. “Amelia just accepted that you broke the operator device by accident? She didn’t even question it?”

She was stretched out on a large rock, far enough up the beach to give her and Sam a bit of privacy while Nadia fixed them something for dinner. Jo hated being away from home, especially overnight, and grabbing a few minutes alone together, even over the radio made her feel at least a little bit better.

“Not for a second,” Sam said. “I mean, she wasn’t happy with me, but she definitely didn’t think I’d done it on purpose.”

“What did Janine say?” she asked.

Sam laughed. “Oh, that was the best part. She told Amelia she’d deal with me, then as soon as she was gone, she said, ‘well done, Mr. Yao,’ and left. Just when I think I have that woman figured out, she goes and does something objectively hilarious.”

“I’ve tried to tell you, Janine is funny, you just have to be paying attention.”

“I guess you were right,” Sam said. “At least I’m not in any real trouble. Perks of being seen as a bit bumbling, I guess.”

Jo sat up. “Hey. You are not bumbling.”

“I didn’t say I was, I just know that some people see me that way sometimes.”

“They do not,” she argued. “You are enthusiastic and, sure, a little clumsy, but you are also incredibly competent and a quick learner and always getting better at your job. Just look at what you did today. That was really impressive.”

Sam made an equivocal sound. “I suppose I did react with a certain amount of grace under pressure.”

“Sam, I’m serious. You know one of the first things you said to me after the helicopter crash was that you didn’t do so well under massive pressure? And just look what you pulled off today. You walked into the middle of a crisis and knew exactly what to do.” She paused. “You’ve come so far. I’m really proud of you.”

The radio was silent.

“Sam?”

“Yeah, I –” He sniffed. “I’m here. You know telling me you’re proud of me is a sure fire way to start me crying, right?”

“Yeah, I know,” Jo said. “Probably means you need to hear it more often.”

“Who, me?” he asked with a slight laugh. “The family disappointment who never managed to live up to the pressure? I can’t imagine what you mean.”

“It’s a mystery, alright,” Jo said. “You know, from what you’ve told me of your family, I think disappointing them means you did something right. You were your own person, trying to live the life you wanted. That’s impressive too.”

“Yeah, you, uh…you might have a point.” He sniffed again. “Alright, that’s enough of you making me emotional for one night. We both need dinner and some sleep.”

“Yeah, I should go see if Nadia needs any help. Enjoy having the whole bed to yourself,” Jo said.

“A whole twin,” he said. “I can really stretch out. Although I’m not sure I’m being sarcastic, you take up an impressive amount of it considering how very tiny you are.”

“What I lack in size I make up for in spirit. And bed hogging abilities,” Jo said. Sam laughed. “Alright. Good night, Sam. I love you.”

“I love you too. Be safe.”

“I will,” she said, before switching off her mic. She ambled back down the beach, enjoying the sound of the waves and the salty air. Of all the places to get stuck camping on an overnight mission, this wasn’t half bad.

Back at the campsite, Nadia had built a fire and set out two plates with the night’s rations – half a can of baked beans each, a few strips of jerky, an apple, and whatever was left of the so-called brownie from Nadia’s pack. Nadia sat cross-legged in front of the fire, leaning on a book to fill out her feedback form, with the tip of her pen in her mouth.

“Is ‘incompetent’ spelled with an ‘E’ or and ‘A?’” she asked.

“An ‘E,’” Jo said picking up a plate and joining her.

“I thought so. That’s what I wrote, but it didn’t look right for some reason.”

“Not holding back, eh?” Jo said, biting into an apple wedge.

“Definitely not,” Nadia replied. “I mean, that thing could’ve gotten us killed. Who knows what would’ve happened if Sam hadn’t come back when he did? I mean, I told you why I think automation could be a good thing, but why choose a mission like this to test out such a persnickety piece of tech?”

“Ooh, good word, mind if I steal it?”

Nadia laughed. “Be my guest. I’ve already got plenty of words on here.”

“Perfect,” Jo said, digging a pen and her own form out of her pack. She nodded towards Nadia. “Leg ok?”

“Yeah, it’s mostly stopped stinging,” Nadia said, gently touching the bandages she’d earned snagging her thigh on a bush. “Thanks for patching it up for me.”

“Anytime. Perks of traveling with a doctor.”

They sat in silence, alternately eating and jotting down exactly what they thought of their offline operator trial. Jo was particularly proud of how scathing she managed to make hers without any profanity. She’d save that particular rant for Janine and a bottle of wine.

“So,” Nadia said after a few minutes. “How’ve you been?”

Jo looked up, eyebrows furrowed. “How have I…been? I mean, fine I guess. I don’t really know how to answer that. I mean, we’re not exactly social. Not that we’re not, but don’t cross paths that often –”

“Yeah, sorry,” Nadia said. “What I meant was…well, I heard you got caught up in Dedlock territory again but wasn’t sure how to ask you if you were ok after it.”

“Ah,” Jo said, clicking her pen shut. “I’m alright. It wasn’t great, but I…” She trailed off, unsure how to answer this question with even a shred of honesty. “It was fine. I’m fine.”

Nadia nodded. “Right. Good. I’m glad you’re ok. I know they’ve got signal blockers up there, and that makes it extra tricky.”

“Uh, yeah,” Jo said. “I…I found my way through, I suppose.” She went back to her feedback form.

“Hey, Five? Johanna?”

“Yeah, Nadia?”

“I’m glad we’re getting to do this. I mean, that it’s you out here with me. Between the two of us we’ve got enough brains to stay safe, plus there’s Sam to watch our backs, and…I don’t know. I like that we’ll get to spend some time together and maybe get to know each other a bit.”

Jo forced a smile. Not because of what Nadia was saying – it was nice of her to be so friendly – but because she couldn’t quite breathe around the lump that had stuck in her throat the moment she’d mentioned Dedlocks.

Lies were begetting lies. Everywhere she turned, with everyone she met. She didn’t want this.

And she couldn’t stop it.

Chapter 12: Teenagers

Notes:

Hello I am back! I speed-ran this arc because I'm anxious to get to what's next. Hopefully we'll have that up soon!

Content warning for a (zombie) animal death and some suggestive dialogue.

Spoilers through S3M19

Teenagers scare the living shit out of me.  

Teenagers – My Chemical Romance  

Jo was lucky she’d chosen early spring to fall out of a tree. Just a few weeks earlier, and the ground would’ve been frozen solid and provided no cushioning at all.

Not that the softer ground made the experience any more pleasant.

Stars flashed across her vision for just a second as her head struck grass. She’d landed on her back, knocking the wind out of her lungs as she tried to regain her bearings. Her vision refocused on the treetops above her, scanning for the creature that had brought her down. She could hear shuffling behind her and see her dropped sidearm out of the corner of her eye, but, as always, her mind reacted faster than her body. She couldn’t make herself reach for it.

“Five?” Nadia called from above. “Five, are you alright?”

“I can see them,” Sam chimed in. “There are some cameras at ground level. Five, can you stand up? Please, Five, I know it must hurt, but you’ve got to try.”

That was an understatement. She forced herself up to a seat with a groan, trying to get a sense of the damage before it was an unpleasant surprise when she got to her feet. So far, it all felt like bruises, not breaks.

She chanced a look behind her; the creature hadn’t fared much better than her in the fall, but it would be back on its feet soon. She had to move

“You’ve got to get to that rope ladder and climb back up!” Sam said.

Jo grabbed her gun and pulled herself back to her feet, but the second she put her weight on her left leg, it buckled. She cried out in pain.

“What happened??” Sam demanded. “Are you hurt, is it your ankle?”

Jo sucked in a breath through her teeth. “Nah, it’s my hip. Must’ve tweaked it when I landed.” She tentatively stepped out on it again. No better.

The animal was back on its feet behind her, and a low growl said it was heading her way. Her leg couldn’t bear weight without pain, but she didn’t have a choice. She had to get back to the rope ladder.

The adrenaline hit fast as she ran. Every step was a new knife to the injured joint and a fresh spark to her veins. The pain didn’t fade; it drove her forward instead.

She was fast when endangered and injured, but not fast enough. Heavy paws crackled through the brush behind her, closer with every passing second. Jo ignored the way her lungs burned, the ever-increasing pain in her hip; there was no stopping here.

“God that thing is fast,” Sam said. “Five, watch out, it’s nearly on you! You’ll never make it to the rope ladder in time. That beech tree looks sturdy, and it’s got some low branches, you’ll have to climb it.”

Jo could hear rustling in the foliage behind her. Sam was right; she’d never get away fast enough. She made it to the tree and swung herself onto a branch. Her leg didn’t want to bear weight, but her arms felt ok. She pulled herself up, bracing with her right leg when she had to.

“That’s good, Five, that’s very good,” Sam said. “I know you can hear that thing. It is climbing after you, but it’s slower. Just stay calm, you’re too high now to take chances. The fall could kill you, so watch out for dead branches.”

Nadia triggered her noisemaker, drawing the creature away from Jo as she clambered towards the platform in the canopy.

“Is it working?” Nadia asked. “Is it following the sound? What is it, Sam?”

“You were right, it’s some kind of big cat,” Sam replied. “It’s got a spotted coat, uh, and weird pointy ears.”

“Are there tufts of hair on the ears?” Jo asked.

“Uh…yeah, looks like it.”

“Sounds like a lynx,” she said.

“I think you’re right,” Sam agreed. “It’s moved away from both of you, through the canopy. Nadia, you’re going to have to pull Runner Five up for the last stretch. I’ll warn you if the thing gets close.”

Jo grabbed onto the top branch and reached for Nadia’s outstretched hand. The other woman hauled her onto the platform. Jo flopped onto her back, panting and trying to ignore the way her entire body ached. Nadia helped her back to her feet, slinging an arm around her waist to support her.

“Great!” Sam exclaimed. “You’re both on the walkway. Now run to the nearest building and barricade yourselves inside.”

They were barely two steps before a trap sprang, encircling Nadia’s wrist in a snare. The lynx was nearly on them; Jo stepped between Nadia and the closing predator.

“Dammit, I really don’t want to shoot a lynx,” she said.

“Not sure you have a choice, love,” Sam said.

He was right. She drew her gun, aimed, and fired.

“Yes! Right in the chest!” Sam exclaimed.

But it didn’t make a difference. The lynx stumbled backward with the impact and gave an angry yowl, but it didn’t stop.

“Sam, it’s still moving!” Nadia cried. “It’s still moving, and it’s grey. It’s a zombie, Sam! It’s a bloody zombie lynx!”

Jo swore. “How is that possible?? I have been at this for years, and I’ve never seen the zombie virus pass to anything but a human.”

“I don’t know, but you’ll have to get it in the head,” Sam said. “That’s the only way to be sure with a zom.”

“With a human zom,” Nadia countered. “Do we know it’ll work on an animal?”

“We’re about to find out,” Jo said. She held her position for a moment, eyes locked with the grey creature in front of her. She wouldn’t get a second chance to take it down, and she had to be sure of her shot. It stalked towards her, a low growl escaping what was left of its jaw. Barely ten feet from her, it crouched, belly low, coiled, and ready to spring. Jo took a deep breath.

Three…two…one…

No sooner had the creature made its move than Jo pulled the trigger. The shot landed perfectly, dead between the eyes. The creature froze, almost suspended for a moment, then collapsed onto the walkway, unmoving. Jo exhaled and holstered her gun.

“You did it, Five!” Nadia said, finally free of the snare.

“You certainly did,” Sam said.

“Please tell me that’s the end of our problems for the day,” Jo said. “I would really like to lay on the floor for a while.”

Of course, she was answered by footsteps coming towards them.

“God dammit,” she muttered.

“I can hear something else,” Nadia said. “Is it another one?”

“I think it’s a person,” Sam said.

A girl emerged from the trees behind the lynx’s body, no more than fourteen years old. Her thick, dark curls were barely contained in a messy bun behind her head, and she stood with the poise and seriousness of someone three times her age. She surveyed the scene in front of her before turning her gaze to the runners. Jo was certain she’d never seen the girl before, but her eyes…she knew her eyes.

The girl exhaled, her mouth pinched unhappily.

“It has been twenty-seven months and nine days since the European outbreak. In all that time, only one animal has ever been recorded as turning grey. The researchers here and throughout Europe via Rofflenet believed it to be the key to understanding immunity, that it might hold the missing link to a cure. You, however, have just killed it. On behalf of all remaining humans, congratulations.”

In her time in Abel, Jo had only ever met one other person who spoke so precisely, and she was sure the eyes staring back at her were his.

“Uh, hi,” Nadia said. “I’m Nadia, from New Canton. This is Johanna, Runner Five, from Abel Township. We’ve been trying to raise you on Rofflenet.”

“Something tells me she already knows that, Nads” Jo said.

“Oh yes,” the girl said. “ I know all about you.”

Nadia looked from Jo to the girl with confusion. “And you are – ?”

She appraised them coolly. “My name is Veronica McShell. You killed my father.”

---

It wasn’t often that Mr. Yao interrupted Janine’s work for a legitimate reason. Today, however, she was grateful he’d come right to her.

“You’re certain?” she asked. “Runner Five and Ms. al-Hanaki have found Runner Ten’s daughter?”

“Yep, it’s definitely her,” Sam said. “I think she must take after her mother, but as soon as she started talking, I could hear it. That’s Chris McShell’s daughter, no doubt in my mind.”

“And she’s been at this research station all along?”

“Apparently not," he said. “Apparently, she wasn’t on a Girl Guides trip when the apocalypse hit like Chris thought. She was at the Natural History Museum, and she got moved to Treetop Base. She’s a researcher, just like her father. Those blue flowers Five found with Zoe and Phil? They’ve been studying their effects on zoms; it seems they have calming properties.”

Janine nodded. “That makes sense based on what we’ve seen. Well, it seems this trip will be even more productive than we expected. I assume you’ve delivered this intel to Ms. Spens as well?”

Sam glanced around uncomfortably. “Well…not yet. I thought I’d tell you first. I know she’s in charge, but I still feel like information is more useful in your hands first. Plus, I have no idea where she is.”

Janine rolled her eyes, almost involuntarily. “Ms. Spens is indisposed at the moment. Something about the rest of her personal effects arriving from Ministry storage.”

Sam nodded. “Ah. Is that what the truck that rolled through the gates about an hour ago was about?”

“I’m afraid so,” Janine said. “She’s not to be disturbed while she sorts through her belongings. Apparently the furnishings we provided are not to her liking.”

“Well, that’s a shocker,” Sam said sarcastically. “Anyway, more to the point of why I decided it’s best to pass information directly to you. I’m sure Amelia will get around to knowing what’s going on…eventually.”

Janine cocked an eyebrow. “You sounded a bit like your partner just now.”

“Not exactly,” he protested. “I mean, I didn’t threaten her or anything.”

“Hm,” Janine said, turning back to the paperwork she’d been focused on when he’d barreled into the office.

“I’m serious,” he said. “Sometimes I worry she really is going to hurt her. Jo’s not exactly great with authority, especially when she feels that authority is unearned.”

“I hadn’t noticed,” Janine deadpanned. She looked up. “Did you need something else, Mr. Yao?”

 

He shrugged. “I suppose not. I just thought you’d want to know that the runners arrived safely at Treetop Base and found Veronica McShell.”

“You were correct,” she said. “Thank you, Mr. Yao. You may go.”

Sam hesitated in the doorway, as if there were something else he wanted to ask.

Janine sighed and set her pen down. “What is it?”

“Well…it’s just that I saw that big stack of furniture and whatnot by the dumpsters, and now that you’ve said what Amelia is up to I thought that maybe…is she getting rid of those things?”

“I imagine so. Why is that relevant?”

“Because I saw this bed sitting there, and it looked like a double, and…well, Jo and I have been sharing a single for the past six months, which is fine! But it’s only fine because it’s the apocalypse and it has to be fine so I was just wondering –”

“Yes, Mr. Yao, I’m sure you can take it. Ms. Spens mentioned something about a king size, which she is welcome to try and fit into the dorms she took over. I can’t imagine a double is to her liking anyway. If you can find a way to move it, it’s yours.”

Sam nodded enthusiastically. “Great. Great, thank you, Janine. That’ll be a huge help. Not that I’m complaining, exactly, but I happen to share a bed with the world’s tiniest but most accomplished bed hog.”

Janine turned back to her papers. “I’m sure it beats sleeping alone.”

She looked up and blinked. That was a bit more honest than she’d intended.

Sam cleared his throat. “Right. Sorry. Anyway…yeah, thanks, Janine. I’ll see if some of the runners can help me move it.”

“I’m sure they’ll be amenable,” she said. “Keep me apprised of any developments at Treetop Base.”

Sam nodded and started to leave.

“And Mr. Yao?”

He turned back. “Yeah, Janine?”

“If Johanna ever does actually hurt Ms. Spens, please come and get me. I’d quite like to watch.”

---

Jo rolled onto her other side for what felt like the 50th time that night. She never slept well away from home, but the soreness from her fall kept her awake even more than usual. She rolled her neck, wishing Sam were there to relieve the aching in her shoulders. She turned onto her back and sighed. After the day she and Nadia’d had, she’d hoped to be asleep the second her head hit the pillow. Instead, she’d been laying here for hours.

She sat up, kneading her neck. She knew it was pointless to keep laying here. She kicked the blankets off her legs and swung them over the side of the bed. If she were home, Sam would’ve wrapped her in his hoodie, tucked the blankets around her, and gone to fix her a cup of tea in the kitchens. Since Van Ark, she’d spent more and more nights tossing and turning, unable to get to sleep, or stay asleep, or keep the nightmares away while she was asleep. Sam didn’t seem to mind, even stuck next to her in their tiny bed; it couldn’t be restful sleeping next to her, but he never complained.

Jo stood up and tentatively opened the door to the dorm she’d claimed. Treetop Base wasn’t that big; she was sure she could find the kitchens and fix herself a cup of tea.

Much like a college dorm, the hallways stayed fluorescently lit all through the night. Jo squinted in the harsh light and glanced around. Veronica hadn’t been any help in settling them in, so she and Nadia had pulled rations from their packs in lieu of an actual dinner. There was no telling which direction she should go, but she decided to head to the right.

She wandered for almost ten minutes before coming across a lounge with an electric kettle. In the back of the cabinet, she found a cracked mug and a single peppermint tea bag that had expired three years ago. It would have to do.

She took a seat in the one, beat-up armchair in the corner and tucked her legs underneath her. The clock on the wall said it was half past four, but she was pretty sure it had stopped long ago. Halfway through her mug, she suddenly had company. Hidden in the corner as she was, Veronica didn’t notice her right away.

When she wasn’t trying to intimidate people twice her age, Veronica looked like the teenager she was. There were bags under her tired eyes, but she was still fresh-faced in a way only the young were. More than anything, though, she looked alone. The girl opened the cabinet above the kettle and peered in.

“Looking for this?” Jo asked.

Veronica jumped, whirling around to face the voice.

“Sorry,” Jo said. “Didn’t know this was yours. Can’t sleep either?”

Veronica exhaled before answering. “I’ve not tried yet. I have a lot of work to do, lots of data to study, especially considering you killed our best lead on a cure.”

“Yeah, my bad. Next time I’ll let it kill me.”

Veronica narrowed her eyes.

Jo rolled hers. “Here, I’m almost done with my tea anyway. Make yourself some.”

The girl took the mug and washed it out at the sink, back to Jo.

“So…you’ve been here awhile, huh?” Jo asked.

“I have,” Veronica said as she filled the kettle. “We’ve been doing important work here. I’m sure you wouldn’t understand.”

Jo laughed. “Yeah, right. Veronica, you say you know all about us. You know who I am then?”

She huffed through her nose. “You’re Runner Five. Head of Runners for Abel Township, the most accomplished of their entire corps.”

Jo nodded. “All technically true, though when I’m not in the field you can just call me Jo. But before this, I was a doctor. I do have a scientific background, so I might understand a thing or two.”

Veronica looked at her curiously. “I was not aware of that,” she said finally. “Perhaps you will be of some use.”

Jo laughed again. “Gee, thanks, kid.”

Veronica turned back to the counter sharply. She finished fixing her tea without a word and started to leave the lounge.

“I knew your father, you know,” Jo said, stopping her in her tracks. “I ran with him once. He taught me his McShell Maneuver. It’s been invaluable in the field.”

“My father was brilliant,” Veronica said testily. “It’s a shame you all at Abel got him killed.”

“That’s not what happened and you know it,” Jo said softly. Veronica’s shoulders tensed. “I know what it’s like to lose someone when you’re not around to say goodbye. It’s easy to find someone to blame instead of accepting the truth: that they died, and there’s nothing you or anyone else could’ve done to stop it.”

“There’s always something someone can do,” the girl snapped.

Jo nodded. “Yeah. I used to think that too. It would be nice if the world worked that way. It would save us a lot of pain.”

“Just because you couldn’t do anything doesn’t mean no one could’ve.”

This was not an argument she was going to win. Jo’d had a teenage nephew back in the states; she knew how they could be.

Jo exhaled slowly. “He had a clean death. Your father. We didn’t let him turn, I mean. I didn't let him,” she said. Veronica turned back. “It’s important to me that you know that. He was bitten, true, but he died human. And he left a legacy of data that has saved dozens, if not hundreds, of lives. I’m sorry you lost your father. He didn’t deserve what happened to him, and you don’t deserve to be without him, but his life had meaning. I feel like that would matter to you.”

Veronica stared at her for a long moment. Jo couldn’t quite read her face, somewhere between that teenage urge to push away all comfort and a desperate need for more. She looked at Jo as if she were trying to get a full sense of her from just her expression. Jo held eye contact. Finally, she nodded once, turned on her heel, and exited the room.

Jo sighed. She wasn’t sure where that left them, but she did know it was time for bed.

---

Following their late night conversation, Jo and Veronica managed to carve out a half-decent working relationship over the next week. Veronica started showing her some of her research, most of which Jo was able to understand between her preexisting medical knowledge and what she’d worked on with Maxine. The girl really was doing important work, much as it concerned Jo that she was a literal child working here alone. They’d gathered a decent bit of useful data, but Jo was anxious to get back home.

Coated in the zombie repellent, she and Nadia had gotten through the horde of zombies in the Comansys building to find the lab where the files they needed were located. Jo flipped through some papers while Nadia checked some piles on the other side of the room. The files were downloading from the mainframe; nothing they could do but wait for the technology to do its thing.

“Um, guys?” Sam said tentatively.

“Look, someone’s left their diary lying on one of the work benches,” Nadia called.

“Guys!” Sam said, more forcefully this time. “You know how you smashed a few test tubes and stuff when you were running through that lab?”

“I caught the edge of a trolley getting around a corner,” Jo said. “It was an accident.”

“Yeah, I think it had some kind of weird effect, though,” Sam said. “The zoms are – well, they’re going sort of crazy. Loud and angry. Bad news.”

Nadia scoffed. “They still can’t detect us. We’re wearing ‘Zombie by Veronica,’ remember?”

“Yeah, I’m thinking ahead, here,” Sam said.

“He has a point,” Jo agreed. “Sam, you see something I can use as a distraction?”

“If you go back the way you came then head towards the pool, there’s an alarm. Turn it on, and it should pull the zoms away from where you are and keep your route clear.”

“Got it,” Jo said. She ducked out of the lab and into the corridor. She still had eleven plus minutes before the repellent wore off, and she could make it to the far end of the corridor long before that.

“Listen to this diary!” Nadia said. “‘I always loved you. That’s what you have to understand. I know that you used to say I loved you too much. I don’t get that. How can you love someone too much? I just want it to be like it used to be.’ Are you getting crazy vibes from this?”

“Yeah, that’s not the healthiest relationship dynamic I’ve ever heard,” Jo said. She reached the end of the corridor and hit the alarm.

“Ok, it’s working,” Sam said. “Zoms are heading towards the swimming pool, even the enraged ones. Should keep you safe for now.”

“Files are getting there,” Nadia said. “Just need about another ten minutes.”

They didn’t have that much time, but they’d get through what they could. Nadia kept reading from that diary written by someone who’d clearly been involved in the experiments that led to mind control. The passages set Jo on edge, making it hard to focus on her task.

Please let this be the information we need to find our people and put an end to this nightmare, she thought.

“Maybe we’ll be able to come back and get some more of this stuff,” Nadia said. “We haven’t even taken a tenth of what’s on the files.”

“Maybe, but we have to move,” Jo said. “We’ve been running, the repellent is burning off by the second.”

Sam agreed. “She’s right, head to the exit to your left, and keep moving down that corridor.”

No sooner did they follow instructions than the zombies were on them.

“So much for four more minutes,” Jo said, steering Nadia back towards the exit.

“The ladder’s at your nine o’clock, about twenty meters. More of them approaching from the fields. Get up into the trees,” Sam ordered.

“I am never leaving the comms room again!” Nadia exclaimed.

“Welcome to our world,” Jo said, “Here, up the ladder.”

“Take my hand,” Veronica ordered. Nadia grabbed hold and wrenched herself out of the lab. Jo followed behind her and shut the ceiling hatch tight.

“Zoms are still closing in from all sides on your location,” Sam said. “You’ve got what you came for. Time to head home. You too, Veronica. There’ll always be a place at Abel for Chris McShell’s daughter.”

Veronica rolled her eyes. “Yeah, no thanks. I’ve got three years’ worth of food up here, and the influx of zoms will give me a unrepeatable opportunity for study. But the two of you should go now. I’m a hundred percent sure our plan will work. Well, eighty-five percent.”

“I suppose that’s no worse than our usual average,” Jo said. “Ready for one last push, Nads?”

The other woman bit her lip. “Yeah…I’m not coming.”

“What?”

“There’s so much more down there to learn, and you need help here, Veronica, with your experiments, don’t you?”

Jo couldn’t summon shock. Nadia and Veronica had taken to each other very quickly. She couldn’t claim to know how Nadia typically was in her job, but she was clearly happy here. She enjoyed the work they’d been doing. It was hardly surprising she wanted to keep at it.

“It’s been – it’s been really good working with you, Five. We’ll see each other again, I know we will.”

Jo accepted the hug Nadia offered. “We will,” she agreed. “You’ll do good work here.”

“Besides,” Veronica said, “there’s only enough of the pheromone liquid left to treat one person.”

“We all know what we’re doing then,” Jo said. “Veronica, give me the pheromone.”

Veronica handed her two vials. “This second liquid is your secret weapon. The green one makes you smell like a zombie, but the red one makes a zombie smell human.”

“Perfect,” Jo said, pocketing the red vial. “If I move slowly, the pheromone will burn off more slowly, and I can keep the red as backup in case I run into trouble.”

“Yes, it should work.”

Jo raised an eyebrow. “Should? And if it doesn’t?”

“Then I got the quantities wrong.”

Jo shook her head. “Veronica, no offense, but I’m not going to miss these interactions even one bit.”

Sam made a concerned sound. “You don’t have to do this, you know, Five. We might find a way for you to wait it out.”

Jo uncorked the green vial. “Nope. This is happening. We need these files, and I am done living in the trees.” She splashed the pheromone over her clothes and hair with a cough. “God, this stuff is rank.”

“As long as it does the job, right?” Sam said. “Hmm…there’s no space for you to climb all the way down. Time to try the red liquid? If it doesn’t work, you’re still in the tree.”

“Good plan,” Jo said. She lowered herself halfway down the ladder then flung half the red liquid onto the zombie nearest her. For a moment, nothing happened. Then, the zombie to its left turned, locked in on its companion, and took a bite out of its shoulder.

“That’s my cue,” Jo said, dropping to the bottom of the ladder. She glanced back up to the platform. “Take care of yourselves, you two.” Nadia waved. Veronica just gave her a nod, which was more than she expected.

With the other half of the red liquid, she was able to douse another zombie, further drawing attention off of herself. Getting through the horde was a piece of cake, and she was clear of the base in only minutes.

Jo glanced over her shoulder.

“Looking for something?” Sam asked.

“Sorry,” she said, “I know I’m not supposed to look back, that was just…too damn easy.”

“Yeah, I guess Veronica knows what she’s doing after all,” Sam said. “I mean, she’s Chris McShell’s daughter, so it’s not like it’s surprising, but after that pheromone burned off so quickly in the base I wasn’t sure.”

“Anyway, you’ve outdistanced them. You’re three days out from Abel on foot, but, I have good news for you. When Amelia heard about your documents, she authorized some of our remaining fuel to come and pick you up. It’ll be about three hours before she picks you up.”

Jo almost stopped running. “She?? Sam, you’ve got to be kidding – ”

“No, no! Sorry, not Amelia. Janine volunteered to pick you up. Not that she’d ever admit it, but I think she might have missed you a little bit.”

Jo laughed out loud. “Fantastic, I will be holding that over her head for the rest of our lives.”

“I’m sure she’ll be thrilled to deal with that for three straight hours back to Abel. Not that she can really complain. You’ve done great work at Treetop Base. All that research seems to be coming together, right?”

“Seems like it,” Jo said. “There’s definitely evidence of Comansys taking part in the mind control work, and the calming plants are definitely worth studying. I’m curious to see what Paula and I can come up with once I get back.”

“Yeah,” Sam said. “Though personally, I’m just looking forward to having you back at all. This was way too long to be apart. I can’t wait to see you. And I’ve got a surprise for you.”

Jo smiled. “Yeah? Is it something you can repeat over a radio? Because this trip has left me exhausted, but once I’m back with you I just might have other priorities, if you catch my drift.”

Sam sputtered for a moment. “It’s…well…that and not that, I guess. You’ll see when you get back, which should be…about six hours. Three for Janine to reach you, then three more back to Abel. In the meantime, head west, nice easy pace.”

“I can’t wait,” she said with a smirk. “You should maybe rest up.”

“Oh, behave.”

“Never.”

---

Just shy of one o’clock in the morning, the gate siren woke Sam from the nap he was taking on the comms desk. He glanced up at the camera to see Jo and Janine returning, the Jeep safely stashed outside the gates. He dashed out of the comms shack and straight towards the gates.

Fifty yards out from colliding with her, Jo called, “Sam, you should stop, I smell terrible.”

“She really does,” Janine said. “I fear it will never leave my nostrils."

“I don’t care,” Sam said, still barreling towards her. He gathered Jo up in his arms, lifted her off the ground…then promptly set her back down

“Oh dear god,” he said with a cough. “You really do smell awful.”

“Told you,” Jo said with a laugh.

“Seriously, we’ve got to get you a shower."

“I’ll even sign off on an extra hot water allowance,” Janine said. “Straight to the showers, Five, that’s an order. I’m going to go scrub three hours trapped in car with you off of myself."

Jo flung her arms around Janine’s waist. “I missed you tooooooo.”

“Oh for god’s sake, get off of me,” Janine said, shoving her. “Mr. Yao, she’s your problem now. I’ll see you both in the morning.” She stalked towards the farmhouse with a shudder.

“Night, Jen!” Jo called with a laugh. She turned back to Sam. “She does have a point, I am disgusting. I should hit the showers.”

“Yes, you are 100% correct, but before you do, there is that surprise I mentioned,” Sam said.

Jo smirked. “You sure you want me like this?”

He playfully shoved her arm. “Not that, you. Come on, I’ll show you."

Sam led her back to the dorms, stopping at their door. “Alright, close your eyes and give me your hands."

Jo did what she was told, and he led her through the door.

“Alright, open them."

She did.

“Is that a new bed??” she asked.

“It is!” he said. “Amelia had a bunch of furniture delivered and didn’t want all of it."

“Huh, who knew her being such a material girl would work in our favor.” Jo ran a hand over the bedspread. “God, this is nice. Sam, you are the absolute best.”

“Anything for my best girl,” he said, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. He abruptly let go. “Oh, god, you’ve got to do something about that smell though.”

Jo elbowed him. “I’m going, I’m going.”

She grabbed some pajamas and her shower caddy from the dresser and headed for the door. Before she made it out, she turned back.

“You know…it is the middle of the night. It’s past curfew, everyone’s in bed, so…"

Sam sat on the bed. “Yeah, should be nice and quiet.”

Jo gave him a look. “Plus Janine gave me extra hot water allowance. Sooo…”

“So?”

She sighed. “So you’re joining me, right?”

Sam’s eyes went wide, and he leapt off the bed. He seized her hand and pulled her through the door. “Right, yep, let’s go.”

Chapter 13: Black

Notes:

Hello again everyone! I've not got much of a brain these days, but I do have my writer brain, and I'm going to hang onto it as long as I can

Content warning for blood, explosion, mild zombie body horror

Spoilers through S3M21

Far off in the distance,
Somewhere you can’t see,
Allegiances have formed your destiny  

Black-Kari Kimmel

Quiet mornings together never got old.

That was Sam’s first thought as he slipped out of sleep, before he’d even opened his eyes. He couldn’t imagine ever getting tired of waking up to find Jo curled at his side, asleep and peaceful, before the day got its hands on her.

She shifted closer to him, pressing her face against his bicep.

“What are you staring at? ” she mumbled without opening her eyes.

Sam laughed and wrapped his arms around her. “You. I missed you.”

“I’ve been home for three days.”

“Yeah, but you were gone for ten. That is too damn long for you to be away from me.”

Jo looked up at him. “Agreed. Next time she tries to send me on an overnight, I’ll tell Amelia to go fuck herself. You know. For the sake of our relationship.”

He laughed again. “Oh, sure, you’d be doing it for us, of course. You’ve not been looking for an excuse to tell Amelia to go fuck herself for months now.”

“Definitely not.” Jo sat up and stretched. “I guess it was nice of her to approve three days off for me, which I’m sure didn’t require Janine’s intervention at all.”

“That’s true,” Sam said. “Although as much as you’ve been sleeping I don’t think even Amelia could argue they were unnecessary. Back to it today, though?”

Jo nodded. “Back to it. I’m taking schedules and reports back from Janine this morning, a stint in the hospital this afternoon, then Jody asked me to accompany her on something tonight. Something about clearing zoms from a New Canton outpost. Shouldn’t take long. I’m hoping it’ll be an early night, because honestly, this bed is the most comfortable thing I’ve slept on in five years.” She flopped backward.

“Yeah, it really is nice,” Sam agreed. “Although I’m not sure what the point of sizing up to combat your bed-hoggery was when you keep falling asleep diagonally.”

Jo threw her arms and legs out wide, whacking Sam in the chest. “My abilities are unrivaled. You could turn this entire room into a bed and I’d still find a way to take up the entire thing.”

“You know, I’m inclined to believe that.”

“You should. I’m exquisite.”

Sam leaned over and kissed her. “Now that is the truth.”

---

It was nicer than Jo expected to be back on a run. The journey to Treetop Base had been the longest of her career, but once they’d arrived there hadn’t been much running. A bit for the sake of experiments, and a few miles on the way home, but for the most part, it had been the longest, non-injury-induced rest she’d had since arriving in Abel. Pair that with the three days off she’d gotten upon her return, and she relished the chance to stretch her legs, even if the closer they got to the manor house, the more she was starting to suspect she wasn’t here for her zombie-killing abilities.

“Is that –” Sam faltered. “I mean, obviously, it can’t be – but is that road strewn with rose petals?”

Jody sighed. “Yeah, it is.”

“And are those – no, I mean, this is ridiculous, clearly – are those candles lining the driveway?”

“Yeah. Cinnamon-scented. It clashes with the smell of the roses.”

“Pretty violently,” Jo added. “I’m guessing Owen knew you’d have to come this way to get to the manor house?”

“Yeah, he knew.”

“Then am I also correct that you didn’t just invite me along on this little outing because you missed me?”

A light piano melody floated towards them on the breeze as if to answer her.

“Is that…it is, it’s music,” Sam said. “Classical music coming from inside the mansion house. Jody, I don’t want to jump to any conclusions or anything, but is it possible Owen thought this was a date?”

Jody gave Jo an apologetic look. “Maybe.”

“And you invited Runner Five along,” Lobatse said.

“Yeah.”

Sam snorted. “Awkward.”

Jo shook her head. “You know, the very human tendency towards schadenfreude makes me want to laugh, but as the closest thing to Runner HR, I feel like we’re due for a chat about boundaries and accepting no for an answer and whatnot.”

“Look, there’s Owen, waiting in his doorway,” Sam said, barely holding back a laugh. “The doorway someone’s twined honeysuckle all around!”

“It’s not funny, Sam!” Jody protested.

Jo couldn’t help it; she laughed too. “You’d better be taking, notes, Sam. You’ve never once twined honeysuckle around anything for me!”

“I’ll get to that right after I find some overly-pungent candles,” he said. “Oh, he’s just spotted you! Aw, poor Owen. His face fell a mile.”

“Seriously, ouch. If I had a nickel for every man who reacted to my presence that way…you know, I think this would be my first nickel.”

“Sorry this is so hard for you,” Jody quipped.

By the time the two of them made it up to the doorway, Owen had mostly fixed his face and now only looked slightly like someone had knocked an entire ice cream sundae out of his hands.

“Runner Five! Wasn’t expecting you, mate,” he said.

Jo awkwardly raised a hand. “Hey, buddy.”

“Lucky you came along, though! I think I heard a noise at the other end of the grounds. Could be those zoms I was talking about.”

Jo nodded. “Right. The zoms that are definitely here. Because that’s definitely why we’re here. I will…get right on that.”

Jody grabbed her arm and she turned to leave. “You can’t leave me with him!” she hissed.

“And you really can’t expect me to be your third wheel, Jodes. Good luck.”

Jo headed around the back of the house, well out of the way of the awkwardness unfolding in front. Her job as Head of Runners included many things, but witnessing Owen getting officially shot down after months of Jody dropping hints to leave her alone? That was above her paygrade.

“You know, Five,” Sam said, “maybe this is what I should’ve done to win you over. Some sort of big, romantic gesture with flowers and candles and…dead horses. Maybe that was the way to do it.”

“Hmm, I don’t know,” Jo said. “I’m not sure there’s any topping almost dying then making out in front of literally the entire town. You want romance? That’s the way to do it.”

“Oh, I think I heard that story!” Lobatse chimed in. “The day of the Abel/New Canton victory over Van Ark and his fast zoms. If you ask me, it was quite romantic.”

“Nobody did ask you, though, did they?” Sam asked.

“Sam, be nice,” Jo said.

“Come on, Jody,” Owen said over the headset. “You’re gorgeous, you’re funny, you knit like a demon! You’re great.”

“And you’re handsome and kind and generous, but I’m just not feeling it. I’m sorry!” Jody replied.

“Oh.”

Jo scrunched her nose. “I know it’s smart to stay in radio contact, but this is brutal.”

Suddenly, the radio switched off.

“Why’d you do that?” Sam asked. “Just when it was getting interesting!”

“I thought Runner Five might want to concentrate,” Lobatse replied.

“On what?”

Jo spotted the threat. “There, under those trees. I can see movement. Leave it to Owen to stumble into telling the truth. Can you get them back on the radio?”

Sam tried, but there was no answer.

“Ah, it’s no good. They’re not replying. I think he made her take their headsets off. I can’t believe he’d be so stupid!”

“I can,” Jo deadpanned.

“I’m sorry, Five. You’re going to have to go back to the house and warn them.”

Jo circled back towards the front of the house where she’d left her runners, just in time to meet another group of zombies – this one led by one in a white dress and veil.

“Oh my god,” Jo said. “Is that a zombie bride?”

“Looks like it,” Sam said. “The ones behind are all in morning suits. The lead zombie’s still got his top hat on.”

Jo was still a good ways from the house, and if she didn’t hurry, they would be between her and the entrance.

“You have got to be kidding me,” she said. “A zombie wedding? Owen managed to plan his grand romantic gesture in the middle of a zombie wedding??”

“That explains why the house is so well decorated,” Sam said.

“Explains why it’s so damn tacky, you mean. Honestly, who needs all this shit?”

Jo made it back to the front door just in time to slam it in the grey wedding party’s face. Luckily, Jody and Owen had just gone a bit into the entryway. She spotted their headsets on a table next to a vase of nearly blackened roses and dragged said table in front of the door.

They turned with a start. “Runner Five, what are you doing back?” Owen asked.

“And why are you barricading the door?” Jody said.

She snatched both headsets and chucked them at the runners.

“Never take your headsets off in the field, you know better than that!” she snapped. “I have half a mind to write you both up.”

“Owen, Jody, there are hundreds and hundreds of zoms outside,” Sam said.

Jody peered through the window. “Oh god! I can see them. Is that –”

“Yup. Zombie wedding party.”

She turned back. “Bloody, hell, Owen. What a great place to pick for a date. Really, it’s going straight in my Top Three Romantic Getaways.”

The sound of shattering glass pulled their attention back to the door. The zoms were breaking in.

Jo drew her gun. “I have enough ammo to cover an escape, but not to get through them. There a back way out of here?”

“There is,” Owen said. “Follow me.”

The trio headed down the entryway and to the right, winding their way through to the reception hall. It was massive, every corner packed with round tables draped in deep red cloths, adorned with more petrified roses. Owen led them through the kitchens and into a back corridor where they met a towering wedding cake, so covered in mold it may as well have been greenish icing.

He stumbled at the end of the hallway. “It’s ah – a left, yeah. A left here and then we’re out.”

The left took them through another corridor, past the back stairs, then around past the wedding cake again.

“A right this time, then?” Jo asked.

“No, no,” Owen protested. “It’s definitely a left. Must’ve gotten turned around by the stairs. We’ll get it this time.”

To the surprise of exactly no one, they did not.

“Are you sure you know the way out, Owen?” Lobatse asked. “I don’t mean to doubt, but you’re about to run past the wedding cake for the third time.”

“She’s right,” Jo agreed. “The bride and groom are right behind us, and if we keep looping like this, we’re going to meet up with the back of the pack. We need to try another direction.”

Owen groaned, clearly lost. “This place is like a bloody maze. Why didn’t I bring a weapon??”

“Because apparently your entire goal today was to test the limits of my patience,” Jo said. “There’s a knife in the wedding cake. I don’t want to waste ammo, so if I just grab this…”

She freed the blade from the putrid pastry and rounded on the zoms, quickly dispatching both, giving them just enough time to get down the hallway and head right.

“Nicely done!” Sam said. “But I can see the house on long-range cams, and there’s more zoms closing in all the time. I can’t believe, like, how many guests they had at this wedding. Must have cost them a fortune.”

“Yeah, and look at them now,” Jody said. “That’s why you should never get married.”

“What, because the entire wedding party’ll get turned into shambling undead at the start of the zombie apocalypse? Yeah, that might be a bit of a one-off.”

“No, Jody’s right,” Jo said. “All this fanfare and fuss, and for what? A single day that’s supposed to somehow define the rest of your life? Who needs it?”

“Wait, hang on,” Sam said. “You don’t mean all weddings, do you?”

“I mean, kind of. Nowadays anyway. I mean, marriage in an apocalypse? What’s the point? It’s not like you can share health insurance or anything.”

“Wha – as if that’s all marriage is??”

“Oh, now who’s a third wheel?” Jody said. Jo clicked her tongue at her.

“I see the exit!” Owen called, interrupting the would-be argument. “It’s through that arch made out of mistletoe.”

“See? Tacky and cliché and in no way important to the rest of their lives,” Jo said. “God, and it’s swarming with zoms. We’re sure this is the only way out?”

“Haven’t spotted another on the cams,” Sam said.

“Alright. I’ll take the lead with the knife. You two stick close to me. If we can just clear the perimeter –”

An explosion knocked them all forward. Jo instinctively dropped the knife and drew her gun, whirling to face the threat. The zoms closest to them had dropped, partially dismembered. The ones further back had started wandering in circles, disoriented by the impact. A couple of groomsmen walked into each other and farcically fell backwards. Had she not been so concerned with whatever had created that explosion, Jo might’ve laughed.

“What the hell was that?” Owen demanded.

“Concussion grenade,” a new voice responded. The three whirled to find a stranger in uniform standing just through the archway. Jo instinctively trained her gun on him.

“Follow me,” the stranger ordered. “It won’t knock them out for long.”

“And who the hell are you?” Jody asked.

He didn’t answer. “Hurry!” he ordered, leading them away from the property.

The others looked to her for direction. Jo glanced over her shoulder. “He’s right. The flashbang won’t buy us much time. Just stay behind me. I’m armed, and if this goes bad I’ll react quickly.”

Jody and Owen did what they were told, sticking close through the tree line to a small stream on the outskirts of the property. They caught up with the stranger there.

“Down here, along the stream!” he ordered, splashing down the banks.

Loathe as she was to comply with a strange man’s orders, Jo once again knew he was right.

“Zoms are scent hunters,” she explained to a confused Four and Six. “Water will confuse the trail.”

With a bit of griping about the cold, the two followed her into the stream.

“I don’t mean to be rude,” Sam said, a hint of concern coating his words, “but could you ask this man who he uh, like, actually is?”

“My name’s Travis, Mr. Yao,” the man answered. “I’m here on Ministry business.”

Ministry business. And he was listening in on their transmissions. Jo’s suspicion deepened.

“Oh. He can hear me,” Sam said.

“Headset’s tuned to your frequency. I heard about the tight hole your runners had landed in.”

“Well, it was terribly kind of you to help out,” Lobatste said.

“Terribly kind,” Jo said. “I suppose you did this out of the kindness of your heart, then? Just keep your radio tuned to listen for runners in trouble?”

“Abel’s a big operation,” he replied. “It’s always good to keep abreast of what you all are up to.”

“Well, you were right,” Sam said. “The stream did confuse the trail. The zoms are way behind you. I think you’re home free.”

Travis stopped and turned back towards the runners. “Good. Then it’s time to do this.”

He produced a pair of handcuffs from his back pocket, seized Jody by the arm, and secured her wrists.

“Oi! Get off me!” she shrieked.

Jo took a step towards them, gun still drawn. “Hey, get your hands off my runner!”

Travis ignored them both. “Jody Marsh, I am placing you under arrest for the murder of twenty-three people, including ten children.”

His claim was so outlandish that Jo couldn’t even find the words to respond.

“You’re what?!” Sam cried.

“You have been tried and found guilty in absentia. The sentence is death, to be carried out immediately on your return to Abel.”

---

For a moment, no one moved. Jody looked as though she might cry, Owen as if his mind hadn’t quite caught up with what Travis had said. Jo managed to regain her bearings first.

“In absentia?” she asked. “Well then, I suppose we’ll just be taking your word for it.”

She stepped between Jody and Travis, shoving him backwards with her right hand. When he advanced on them again, she bodychecked him.

“You back the fuck off of my runner,” she ordered. “I’m sure you and your Ministry know how good I am with this weapon, don’t make me demonstrate.”

“Put that away, Ms. Walsh,” Travis said coolly.

“It is Doctor Walsh,” she spat, “either call me by my runner designation or my proper title, and take these fucking handcuffs off.”

“Afraid I can’t do that, Doctor,” Travis replied. “Ministry orders.”

Sam finally found his voice. “This is – it’s – it’s total bullshit! No way did Jody kill twenty-three people.”

“It does seem very unlikely, Mr. Travis,” Lobatse replied. “Jody is one of our township’s most reliable runners.”

For the first time ever, Sam was grateful to have her voice in the room.

“It’s the truth,” Travis replied, unfazed by the tiny woman who’d aggressively come between him and his quarry.

“It can’t be!” Jody exclaimed, terrified. “I didn’t do it!”

“Of course you didn’t,” Owen said, joining Jo at her side. “You wouldn’t kill twenty-three people. You wouldn’t kill a fly. I mean, literally. I’ve seen her, mate. When there’s a bug in the room, she spends hours trying to trap it under a glass so she doesn’t have to squash it.”

Sam’s mind was reeling. A strange man, claiming to be from the Ministry despite an obviously American accent, just appears when the runners need him most and throws Jody in handcuffs? Asserts she’s been sentenced to death without any documentation, without any word from the people Sam trusts that what he says is true?

And in the middle of it all, his runner, weapon at the ready, putting herself in danger to protect one of her people.

“She didn’t do it directly,” Travis explained. “De Luca and I have seen transmissions which prove that someone in Abel sold intelligence to the Exmoor Militia, those guys in yellow jackets.”

“You and De Luca, huh?” Jo said, still squarely between him and Jody. “Now that is an interesting assertion, and one I’d like to hear from De Luca herself. Someone go get Janine, I’ll hear this straight from her, thank you very much.”

Travis told the whole story, something about leaked information that had left a convoy of refugees stranded, easy prey for the zoms. Somehow, he was sure Jody was behind the leak.

“That’s awful, but it has nothing to do with Jody!” Owen insisted.

“Evidence says you’re wrong,” Travis said coldly.

“What evidence? What happened to ‘innocent until proven guilty?’ What happened to the right to a fair trial?” Jody said, voice getting higher and higher with distress.

“The apocalypse happened.”

“Oh, fuck off,” Jo said, again shoving Travis backwards. “This is still a goddamn society, if you have evidence, we are hearing it. You don’t get to condemn her in absentia, you don’t get to deprive her of the chance to defend herself and expect us to just go along with it.”

“Runner Five is right,” Sam said. “You can’t just execute her, you just – you can’t!”

“Martial law says you’re wrong,” Travis replied. He stepped towards Jody, and Jo pressed the muzzle of her gun against his chest.

“Take another step,” she said, “I dare you.”

“Five – ” Sam started.

Owen reacted more quickly. “Well, stuff you, and stuff your martial law!”

He pushed past Jo and swung at Travis, clipping the side of his head. Before the other man could react, he landed another blow square in the middle of his face. Travis crumpled to the ground. Owen crouched over the stilled body and dug through his pockets.

“Oh my goodness,” Lobatse exclaimed, “Have you killed him?”

“Nah, just knocked him out,” Owen said. He produced a set of keys. “Here, Runner Five, catch.”

Jo snatched the keys from midair and released Jody from the cuffs, pocketing both.

“Thanks, Five,” Jody said, rubbing her wrists. Jo squeezed her shoulder.

Sam glanced at the scanners, trying to find them a way home.

“Okay,” he said. “Right, okay. You need to come back to Abel – ”

The door burst open, and Sam turned, hoping to see Janine.

He couldn’t have been more disappointed.

“That’s quite enough of that, Sam,” Amelia said, breezing into the room. She stepped towards the comms equipment, and Sam threw himself over it.

“Amelia. What are you –”

“I’m stopping you aiding and abetting a condemned criminal,” she replied, reaching for the board.

“Condemned? She’s not even had a trial yet, you can’t possibly believe that she – hey, don’t touch that!”

But it was too late. She’d turned off the broadcast and snatched the mic from his hands.

“The Ministry has evidence that she is guilty, so yes, I can possibly believe it,” she said. “We are done here, Sam. All efforts are to be focused on bringing the runners in so Runner Four can face judgement. I’ve been in touch with New Canton, they’ll be setting up a cordon of runners at the old railway line.”

Sam tried to grab the mic out of her hands. “This is completely ridiculous and you know it! Where is Janine, does she know what’s going on?”

“Janine’s word hardly matters,” Amelia said. “In case you’ve forgotten, she is not in charge here, I am, and I say we are following Ministry orders. If you or Runners Five and Six are unwilling to comply, you are welcome to join Runner Four."

Sam pulled his hands back. She was right; if Five didn’t follow orders, the Ministry could very well arrest her too.

And she would not follow these orders.

“I – ” He faltered. “Fine. We’ll – we’ll do what you say, Amelia.”

She looked at him curiously but seemed satisfied. She set the mic back down. “Very good. Get a fix on their coordinates.”

Sam looked back to the screen; the trio was moving away from Abel, towards something he couldn’t identify. He took a breath. He’d figure something out.

---

Jody forced herself to move through the overwhelming dread that had flooded her veins. She was grateful they had Five to lead them, otherwise she may have frozen to the spot. She wasn’t sure of many things, not anymore, but she was sure she hadn’t killed 23 people.

They’d gotten through the cordon okay, thanks to Sam risking himself to clue them in on Amelia’s plans. Five had the lead now, and she’d see them through as best she could. She always did.

The three of them crept along the motorway, as quietly as possible so they wouldn’t disturb the no-doubt dozens of zoms who’d been trapped in their cars.

She hated places like this. Most people did for the way they were crawling with the dead. Places like this were a cluster of the worst horrors the apocalypse had to offer – burnt-out cars, zoms and skeletons trapped in cars, blood staining the asphalt. That wasn’t what bothered Jody, though. For her, it was the hope. It was seeing dozens, hundreds, of people who’d been heading towards their best chance of escape, only to become trapped and die horrible deaths. The faces at the windows, the hastily packed bags now looted by those luckier than them, the useful things taken and personal effects left behind – that was what got to her. It was the hope so brutally dashed.

“You reckon we’re clear of the New Canton cordon yet?” Owen asked.

“It’s fine,” a voice whispered over their headsets. “You’ve slipped right past them.”

“Sam!” Owen exclaimed.

“Oh thank god,” Five breathed.

“I haven’t got long,” the operator said. “Amelia will be back soon. You need to go under that pedestrian bridge up ahead, and then take the next exit.”

They followed instructions while Sam caught them up on what had happened while their headsets had gone dead. There was no returning to Abel, not before all of this was cleared up. The Ministry had sent a firing squad. Jody stumbled for a second, all the blood draining from her face. Five caught her by the elbow and forced her to keep moving.

Jody couldn’t imagine what this Ministry man was talking about. She hadn’t killed anyone! She wouldn’t dream of it! If she could just talk to Janine, surely they could straighten this out. They would see that she was being set up, or that there’d been some terrible misunderstanding, and –

Something viscous and wet hit them like a deluge. The three exclaimed in horror.

“What the hell was that??” Sam asked.

The stink of it was obvious before Jody even saw what was coating her, sharp metal and something decayed. She raised her arms in front of her face and saw the thick crimson soaking through the cloth and running down her skin.

“It’s blood,” she cried. She tentatively raised her fingers to her head. “Oh god, it’s in my hair. Where the hell did it come from??”

“Sorry, that was me,” a voice called from above.

Travis had found them and was peering down from atop the bridge.

“What do you think you’re doing, mate?” Owen said.

“Making you more appealing to the local undead,” he replied, as casually as if he’d said “I’m going for a walk to stretch my legs.”

“Oh, unjustly executing one runner wasn’t enough for you? Decided you need to give us all hepatitis while you’re at it?” Five shouted.

Travis ignored her. “Quite a lot of them around. Give yourselves up, and I can get you cleaned up back at Abel. Or you can take your chances with the zombies.”

As if he’d timed it for dramatic effect, a horde of zoms broke out of a minibus behind them. Five grabbed her and Owen and ordered them to run. The trio took off and headed for the exit Sam had directed them to. They were lucky the zoms on this stretch were all shamblers; just one fast zom and it would be the end for them. They cut through a shopping center to a car wash, the only option they had to clean themselves up.

“The escalators had power, maybe there’s water too,” Jody said.

“Can you see the switch?” Owen asked.

Jody did. The three of them huddled into the tunnel.

“Try and relax,” Five ordered, stripping off her jacket and throwing it out of the water’s reach. “The force of the spray’s gonna be worse if you’re tense.”

Jody hit the switch, and they were immediately hit with a blast of ice-cold water, the sharpness of it cutting right to the bone like a blade.

“That was freezing,” Jody said.

“Better cold than dead,” Five replied, replacing her jacket. “Alright, the sun’s going down fast, and temperatures are still dropping after dark. We need to find somewhere to shelter for the night before –”

Travis’s voice on the loudspeaker cut her off. “Thought you might head this way. Not many other places around here to get that blood off, and there was that sign pointing you in the right direction.”

Five swore. “Power means the surveillance cameras are up. He pointed us right to this. We need to get out of here.”

“Why don’t you ask her about the Darrow Deal, Runner Five?” Travis said. “Ask her, Owen. See what she says.”

The temperature of the water didn’t matter anymore. Jody couldn’t have identified any other sensation, not for the frigid dread that suddenly enveloped her. It was like a blow to the stomach had knocked all of the air from her lungs.

Not that. They can’t know about that.

Her companions turned to her. Owen looked confused. Five’s face was something else. Just for a moment, there was doubt.

“We need to get out of here, now,” Jody ordered, taking control before anyone else could. She led them out into the maze that was the retail park.

“There must be a way out somewhere,” Owen said.

“There’s no out for you, Jody,” Travis replied.

She ignored him. “Past that toy shop, there’s a road that leads out to the car park, I think.”

“Run as fast as you like, you can’t outrun your past. You can’t get away from the Darrow Deal.”

Something in Five’s face had changed. She was still running, but she was also paying just a little bit more attention to Travis, like she thought maybe he was saying something worth listening to after all. Jody pointedly avoided her gaze.

“What’s he talking about, Jody?” Owen asked.

“I don’t know,” she lied, getting the words out as fast as she could.

Maybe if she answered that quickly it would become true. Maybe if she denied it enough she’d start to believe that she had no idea what Travis was talking about. Maybe if they just kept running they’d run far enough that her past wouldn’t matter anymore. After all, why should it matter? She had nothing to do with the Exmoor Militia. Even if she had reason to be ashamed of parts of her past, they couldn’t tie her to whatever terrible thing had happened because she hadn’t done anything, so there couldn’t be any proof –

But then there it was, a sky-high depiction of the worst thing she’d ever done, a decision she’d made during a low point in her life when she’d hardly been able to fathom it ever mattering. On the big screen above the cinema, a recording from god knows where of a shady deal in a parking garage, just like in the movies. Figures in shadow with no specific details, just enough to know that something wasn’t right, that someone had chosen this path and chosen wrong.

“I don’t want to know,” she heard her own voice say, “just give me the money.”

It repeated, over and over again, and she watched her friends faces shift as they realized the runner standing in front of them was not what she’d claimed to be at all.

“Jody,” Five said softly. “What is this?”

“You’re surrounded by Dedlock territory on all sides,” Travis said. “There’s nowhere to run, Jody, and I don’t think you friends are going to be helping you anymore.”

Jody looked back at them, a pleading in her eyes. “Look, there’s the way out. Come on. We don’t have to listen to any more of this.”

“That’s ok, Jody. I think they’ve heard enough. When you’ve thought it over, runners, bring her back to me.”

Neither of her friends moved, not at first. Owen was staring at the screen, still repeating those damning words.

“I –” Jody choked on her words for a second. “I didn’t have anything to do with those people dyin’. I swear. You have to believe me. Five, you…you believe me, right?”

Five swallowed. “I don’t know what I believe, Four, but I do know we’re not going to settle it out in the open like this. If he said we’re surrounded by Dedlock territory, then I know where we are. Come on.”

Clear of the retail park, they headed into the shelter of some trees, through which they could see the buildings of the factory district. Five led them down along a stream to a weeping willow on the banks.

Jody caught up to Five, who’d put distance between herself and the others.

“Thanks for doing this,” she said. “I swear you won’t regret it. I swear I had nothing to do with what happened to those people. It wasn’t me. And the other stuff…”

“We’ll figure it out, one way or another,” Five said, eyes scanning as if looking for something. She briefly glanced at Jody. “We’ve all got secrets we’re not proud of.”

“You sure this is the right way, Five?” Owen asked. “I recognize those factory buildings. We’re heading into Dedlock territory!”

“If Five says there’s shelter this way, that’s good enough for me,” Jody replied.

Owen’s nostrils flared. “Yeah, yeah, you’re right. I trust Runner Five. When Runner Five tells me something, I know it’s true."

“Owen, I can explain,” Jody said. “It’s not what it seems!”

“I hope not, because it seems really bad, Jody!” Owen said.

“Now’s not the time, you two,” Five admonished them. “We’re still out in the open.”

“I want to believe you,” Owen said.

“You can!” Jody insisted. “Five, you know I’m telling the truth, don’t you? Please, Five, please say you trust me!”

Before she could answer, a familiar voice called to them.

“Hello, strangers!”

Jody stopped and looked out ahead of them. A tall man in a mask was jogging towards them. She knew his gait the second she saw it.

She turned to Five in shock. “Is that – beneath that mask, is that Simon? Runner Three?”

She didn’t need her to answer. It was, without a doubt, Runner Three coming towards them. Simon was alive. He’d been alive this whole time. And if Five had led them here, then she’d already known that.

Five exhaled. “Like I said. We’ve all got secrets we’re not proud of.”

Chapter 14: Deep End

Notes:

Hello, everyone! It's two-for-one special time, because I wound up writing almost 8000 words and went nope, that has to be two chapters. Enjoy!

Content warning for fire, blood, a gunshot wound, canon suggestive dialogue, symptoms of panic

Spoilers through S3M22

Don't want to find I've lost it all
Too scared to have no one to call
So can we just pretend
That we're not falling into the deep end?

Deep End - Birdy

Maybe it was the danger, maybe it was the darkness, maybe it was the gnawing guilt of the secret she’d been keeping finally being revealed, but Simon’s shack looked even more dismal this time. He’d never been known as the runner with the cleanest quarters, but as Jo nudged yet another empty can out of her way with her foot, she had a hard time imagining any human living like this. She almost felt sorry for him.

Almost.

The others had recovered from their shock enough to follow them to relative safety for the night. Surely Jody knew she was in no position to criticize, same as Jo was slow to condemn her with secrets of her own. The terrible things Jo had done were all post-apocalypse, but if Jody was telling the truth about not being involved in the deaths of those 23 people, what did it matter?

And Jo did think she was telling the truth. She knew what someone looked like when consumed by guilt, and Jody wasn’t that. She was desperate and terrified, but she did not seem guilty, not about this. Which begged the question, who was?

Her head wasn’t clear enough.

“Well, friends, I wasn’t exactly expecting company tonight. I usually keep a bottle of wine on hand for entertaining, but I’m afraid I’m fresh out!” Simon said with a chuckle. “I have just loaded up on canned goods, though, so I’ll make a fire and see what Chef Simon can whip up for his honored guests.”

“Just loaded up, have you?” Jody asked. “And where’d you find those, I wonder? I don’t suppose it was payment for services rendered to the Exmoor Militia, was it?”

“The leak came from inside Abel,” Owen replied. “Simon’s not inside Abel. And he’s got no connection to the Exmoors, which can’t be said for you.”

“We don’t know who he’s connected to. And if he’s the Phantom, then he’s been in and out of Abel dozens of times over the past few months. If he’s stealing supplies he could be stealing secrets too. Wouldn’t be the first time.”

“Now, Jody, I nicked these particular cans from New Canton, fair and square. I’m out of the stealing-secrets-from-Abel business,” Simon said. “In fact, I’ve changed career paths. I’m in the stealing-secrets-for-Abel business now. Five’ll tell you. Where do you think she got that lead on Comansys? Led you all the way to Treetop Base. Wouldn’t have uncovered all of that useful information without old Simon, now would you?”

The headset around Jo’s neck pinged for a fourth time. She’d hoped if she put off answering it long enough to get the runners settled, Sam would’ve been shunted out of the comms shack yet again, leaving this conversation to be a problem for later. But of course, she had no such luck.

“I need to step outside for a minute, you three try not to kill each other while I do. And give me your headsets,” she said.

Jody and Owen looked confused, but they knew better to question her. They handed the headsets over. Jo crossed to where Simon was building a fire and held out her hand.

He raised an eyebrow at her. “Uh…can I help you?”

“Your headset too.”

He laughed. “Five, in case you hadn’t noticed, I’m not a runner anymore. I don’t have a headset.”

“Right, so you’ve been listening in on our broadcasts with the supersonic hearing you got from Van Ark, then? Hand it over, Three, I’ll not have you eavesdropping.”

Simon sighed and picked up the headset he’d stashed behind a stack of papers. “Fine, here.”

Jo snatched it from his hands and headed towards the door.

“Hope you’ve still got a boyfriend when you come back!” Simon called.

Jo’s eyes quickly swept the property for intruders before she headed up the path a bit, away from where any of the others could hear her. The sun was all but down, just a bit of orange light left in the sky to guide her way. She clutched her jacket around her still-wet frame, grateful she’d thought to leave one piece of dry clothing.

She sat down under a tree, and, after a deep breath, unmuted the headset.

The line was silent but for the occasional sound of someone shakily breathing.

“Say something, please.”

Sam sighed. “I don’t know what you want me to say, Johanna. You lied to me. To everyone.”

“I –” She started to argue that she hadn’t lied, she just hadn’t told him everything. But this wasn’t the time for splitting hairs.

“You’re right. I lied. I’m sorry, Sam. I – I had my reasons, but they don’t matter. What matters is I kept something from you, and I’m sorry.”

“It was that day in Dedlock territory, right? That’s how you got out?”

“Yes. Simon knew their movements and was able to get me through, then he brought me back here to hand over the documents he’d found in Van Ark’s labs. Everyone was so focused on the new lead that I didn’t say anything in the moment, and then it got away from me, and by the time I thought to say anything…I thought I was protecting you. And Janine. I thought that was going to be the end of it. But then this happened, and –”

“And you went straight for him. You got into trouble, and your first instinct was to trust Simon for help. Should that concern me, that you thought another man, one you hadn’t even told me was out here, was your best hope?”

Jo’s patience snapped. “Sam, you are allowed to be angry with me for keeping a secret, but don’t turn this into something it’s not. We had nowhere else to go. We are soaked and freezing and exhausted. If we’re to have any hope of finding the truth, we needed a safe place to rest first. What else would have had me do?”

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe not lie to me in the first place?”

She deflated. “That’s fair. But that’s not an option now. I promise we will talk about all of this later, after we’ve gotten home safely, but for now we can only deal with what is. Ok?”

It felt like minutes before he responded. “Fine. Ok. What’s the plan, then?”

“We’ll rest here for a few hours to get our strength back. It’s a new moon tonight, so about 2AM it’ll be pitch dark. That’s the safest time to move. There’s an abandoned mental hospital just north of Dedlock territory that the Romanian mob used for storage. Jody thinks evidence of who the mole really is will be there. Simon can get us past the Dedlocks, so if you’re able to get on comms –”

“Oh, now I’m supposed to trust Simon too?”

“He’s bullet and zom-proof, and he’s been living out here for months. Once again, we do not have any other choice here.”

“Right. Fine. I’ll see if I can get Jack or Eugene to stand guard for me. I’m running out of time, Amelia will be back to check that I still have no idea where you are. What am I supposed to do until then?”

“What you’d do on any other night. Tell her you lost the signals, then get something to eat, and go to bed. She can’t think you’re helping us, they’ll court martial you.”

Sam sighed. “Right. Ok. Yeah. I’ll just…go to bed and pretend none of this is happening and that I am not sick to my stomach with worry. Because Jo…don’t get me wrong, I am really upset with you, but I am also really, really worried you’re not going to make it home so just…just get yourself home, ok? We can deal with whatever needs dealing with then.”

Simon opened the door to the shack and peered out after her. She held up a hand, telling him to wait.

“I will, Sam. Fast as I can. I love you.”

“I –”

Over the headset, Jo heard the door to the comms shack open and caught just a hint of Amelia’s voice before the line went dead.

---

The forest at night was darker than Sam remembered. It had been almost a year since he’d guided a mission this late, on another night plagued with uncertainty and fear that he’d been sure he’d never recover from.

But she’d come home that night. She’d do it again.

Whatever that would look like.

Sam couldn’t make anything out on the cameras, but he had a solid GPS fix on all four runners – even Three, as he apparently still had his headset. He made a mental note to talk to Janine about how to take that one offline later. They were well into Dedlock territory now, which was less concerning than usual. Runners never went out at night, so they didn’t generally bother with patrols. There’d be a checkpoint or two for vehicles, but not the usual problem of sniper posts.

The only upside to the darkness was that it made them harder for the zoms to detect. They could still smell them, but they’d have a harder time navigating to their position in the dark. So long as the runners kept quiet and kept moving, they’d be able to avoid them.

Quiet was proving to be the problem.

Four seemed desperate to explain herself, and Six didn’t want to hear it. Three was egging them both on. Only Five seemed to understand that sound traveled at night and that they were better off keeping their mouths shut. She hadn’t said a word since setting out and kept herself behind her companions, always watching for trouble.

It made Sam sick to listen to them. As if it wasn’t bad enough to have to work with the man who’d betrayed them, now Four wasn’t what she seemed either, even if she was telling the truth about the Exmoors, and Five…he didn’t know where this left him with Five. She’d lied to him. She didn’t do that. She never had before, not that he knew of. But on this, she hadn’t trusted him.

It was a cocktail of emotions, rage and disbelief and sorrow, and Sam didn’t think he could swallow it.

“I need to explain,” Four said.

“Explain how you laundered money for criminals? This ought to be good,” Six replied. “Jesus, Jody, what were you involved in? Drugs, guns?”

“I didn’t ask, okay? I didn’t ask, and they never told me. I set them up a few accounts and left them to it. It was all just numbers. I worked in banking, Owen. Everyone was making all this money. I thought – I thought, ‘why shouldn’t I have my share?’”

“It’s alright, Jody, I understand, even if they don’t,” Three said.

Of course you do, Sam thought bitterly.

“Like the saying going, ‘what you don’t know can’t hurt you.’ I always liked you when we were runners together, and now I know why. You and me, we’re the same.”

“I’m nothing like you,” Four spat. “I didn’t kill anyone.”

“Didn’t you?” Six said.

“Of course not! I worked from them before the apocalypse. I didn’t even know they still existed, and I didn’t have anything to do with those people getting killed. It was someone else. Someone at Abel is selling intel to the militia.”

Someone. Sam had gone to see Janine after supper. She wasn’t inclined to believe Runner Four the type to betray Abel, but Sam wasn’t sure he trusted her judgment where traitors were concerned. You never knew what people were capable of underneath it all. Everything Runner Four was could be a carefully constructed façade.

There hadn’t been time to really delve into it, though. Not after Sam had had to break the news that their runners had gone to Simon for safety. He’d danced around it, trying to give the outline of Jo’s plan without the specifics, but when Janine had demanded she tell them how exactly they were going to find shelter for the night, he hadn’t had a choice. She’d quickly excused herself without any questions after that.

The look on her face almost made him understand why Jo hadn’t told.

But it didn’t leave him any less angry.

“Listen, I don’t think anyone should be executed without a trial,” Sam said. “But if you had something to do with murdering those kids…Travis won’t have to catch you. I’ll hunt you down and kill you myself.”

“That’s enough, Sam,” Five snapped. “That’s enough out of all of you. We’re coming up on that Dedlock checkpoint, so keep your voices down and your speed up.”

After all they’d evaded today, a small vehicle checkpoint with two half-asleep Dedlocks proved to be no problem; half a mile through the trees instead of down the road and they avoided detection easily. Once they were clear, they could get back under the cover of the horse chestnut trees.

Suddenly, there was a screaming from somewhere in the trees behind them, and everyone but Three jumped.

“What the hell was that?” Six asked.

Three actually had the audacity to laugh at him, as if it were somehow irrational to be on high-alert. “Honestly, I never thought such a big, strapping fellow like you would be such a wuss! It’s just a pair of foxes going at it. You know how some women can be, real screamers. I’ve heard Jody here is a bit of a goer in that department, but uh, you would know better than me, eh?”

“Can you just like, shut up?” Sam exploded. “Can you just shut up for a minute, alright? Shut up! No one wants to hear what you think.”

“Well, excuse me for trying to fill the awkward silence.”

Sam tried to tune out the rest of their bickering as they made their way towards the industrial park. It wasn’t far now, and the sooner they were done with this, the better. A quarter mile more, and –

The door banged open. “Put that mic down, Yao.”

Sam jumped a foot. “Travis. I was just –”

“Aiding and abetting a criminal. A court-martial offense. I’ll deal with you later. Now, get out.”

“But I was just –”

“You heard the man,” another voice said. “Come along, Mr. Yao.”

It was Janine, who clearly hadn’t gone to bed as she’d said she would. Something in her eyes told Sam to listen to her. He chanced a glance back at the screens; still no light for the cameras, but he hadn’t had time to switch off the trackers. Travis would have no trouble getting a lock on their location.

“Mr. Yao,” Janine said.

A vice-grip around his heart, Sam left the comms shack.

When they were a good distance away, Janine said, “It’s true, then? They really are with…with Simon?”

Sam nodded. “Yeah, they are. I spoke to him myself.”

Janine’s features were pinched. “And Runner Five has known his whereabouts since – ”

“That day in Dedlock territory, yeah.”

“And she didn’t tell you either.”

“No. No she did not.”

Janine exhaled. “Then she’s been carrying that knowledge alone for some time now. At some point, that may make me sad for her.”

“Yeah. Maybe. What’s Travis’s plan, then?”

“He’ll be sending New Canton runners after them. How close did they get to the hospital?”

“Nearly there. Should be close enough to get to it before Travis can send runners to their location.”

Janine nodded. “Good. Then we must hope that Runner Four is right, and that the proof of her innocence is there and can be found before she is captured.”

“I guess. You really don’t think it could’ve been Jody?”

“I –” Janine faltered. “I do not know what I think, Mr. Yao. Someone is actively betraying my township, again, someone I hoped never to have to confront is right at the center of it, and I’ve just found out that someone I trust implicitly has been lying to me. I suppose I don’t have to tell you what that feels like. It is hard to know what to believe, but logically, yes, I do think that Ms. Marsh does not fit the profile of the person selling secrets for her own personal gain.”

Sam thought about this for a moment before replying. “I mean…yeah, I guess you’re right. Jody betraying us doesn’t make any sense, but –”

“We won’t know until we actually know. I understand, Sam,” she said quietly. “Unfortunately, all we can do is wait and hope.”

---

The hospital stared back at them, broken windows like dead eyes, ivy entwined over the bricks as if to choke it. Broken glass crunched under their feet as they approached, all of them eyeing the building warily. Each bounce of torchlight sealed the place more and more as somewhere you would never want to end up.

But they didn’t have a choice.

Jo ran her fingers over her holstered gun. There was no telling what they’d find inside, answers, an ambush, nothing at all. There was no being ready for it.

“Once we’re inside, the New Canton runners will have us cornered. Jody isn’t the only one with a price on her head, you know,” Simon said.

“No,” Jody said firmly. “We’ve got to see what’s inside. I know you don’t believe me, but I’m not the one who sold those people out to the militia. We’ve got to find out who did. Please, give me one more chance!”

“She’s right,” Jo said. “If there’s evidence in there, it’ll settle this one way or another. There’s no going back to Abel without answers. If we want this over, we go in.”

“We’ve come this far,” Owen said. “Might as well see it through. Simon, you can bugger off if you’re worried about saving your own skin.”

Simon laughed. “Well, my skin’s pretty thick these days. Virtually bullet-proof. It’s Jo I’m concerned about, and you. You heard what Travis said. You’ll both be court-martialed.”

Jody stepped out in front of them. “He’s right. I can search the place myself. I can see the main door, I’ll be fine once I’m inside.”

“You want to search it alone?” Owen sneered. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. If there’s incriminating evidence, we all want to see it.”

“That’s not what I meant!”

“He has a point,” Jo said. “We have no idea what’s in there. Better we face it together. Simon, if you’re so bullet-proof, you can take the lead. I’ll watch our six.”

“Oh, allow me,” Simon said, rattling the doorknob. It was locked, but Jody still had keys, ostensibly from before the apocalypse. Carefully, the four of them entered.

Jody shone her torch down a hallway. “They kept all the documents in the old secure wing. Left and through these metal doors. It might take a while, but if we search – Amelia??”

They all stopped short at the doorway to an office. It was lit only by a barrel where stacks of papers were being engulfed by flame. The figure in the center of the room whirled to face them, a folder clutched in her manicured hand and held aloft over the fire.

“Oh, hello,” Amelia said, clearly trying to hide how much they’d startled her. “Here you are at last.”

“Here we are?” Owen said. “What are you doing here? And what the hell are you burning?”

“This was on fire when I arrived,” she explained.

“There was a metal barrel full of gasoline and incriminating documents on fire when you arrived?” Simon asked.

“Yes, you see, I was just –”

“How could I be so stupid.”

The moment finally caught up to Jo, and everything boiled over.

“Why wasn’t this my first thought? It was you! Of course it was you! Your presence in Abel has never made sense, why the hell would the Ministry send someone as incompetent as you?? You’ve never shown decent leadership, not once, never acted like you cared about Abel, but this? Gathering intel and selling secrets, well, that makes perfect sense.”

Amelia tried to laugh. “No, you see, all I was doing –”

“Save it,” Jo said. “I’m sure in all of your intel gathering you figured out what we do with traitors.”

At the same moment that Jo drew her gun, Amelia shoved the flaming barrel towards them. Jo leapt back, narrowly avoiding the embers. Owen wasn’t so lucky. The hem of his trousers caught, immediately igniting. With the runners distracted, Amelia headed for a window.

“Jody, get Six, I’m going after her!” Jo ordered.

Jo vaulted through the broken window, paying no attention to the way the jagged glass swiped at her arms. Any harm she sustained was irrelevant; someone needed to pay for the past 24 hours, and by god if she wasn’t going to make sure Amelia did.

On the ground, it was impossible to tell which way she’d gone in the dark. Jo circled back to the front of the building where she reunited with the others. This was the clearest way out. Whatever Amelia was planning, it was likely she’d have to come this way.

“Did you see which way she went?” Jody asked.

Jo shook her head. “I lost her when she got outside the window. It’s too damned dark. You know the area, was there anything you treated as an emergency escape?”

“There’s a back way out through the basement, but she didn’t go that way. She has to be here somewhere.”

A twig cracked to their left.

“There!” Owen said. “I think she’s heading around the back of the building.”

They took off after her, but between the darkness and her head start, they couldn’t catch up.

“I can’t believe it was her,” Jody said.

“I can. Honestly I’m furious with myself for not thinking of it sooner. I’ve always known something was off about her,” Jo said.

“Sure, she’s got something to hide,” Owen said. “Doesn’t mean Jody wasn’t involved as well. When we catch her, we can find out.”

“Easier said than done. Look, she’s jumping into that old ambulance,” Simon said.

“We can’t let her get away!” Jody said.

The ambulance started up with a shudder and creakily made its way down the road. Generally, Jo wouldn’t have loved their odds against the pace of a vehicle, but the ambulance seemed ready to fall apart if it hit a patch of gravel. If they could just get close enough, they’d have her.

Amelia’s voice echoed from the vehicle. “When you’ve driven five hundred meters, take the left turning onto the coast road.”

“What the heck is that?” Owen asked.

“It’s an automated guidance system, like that one she made Sam use,” Jody said. “The one that nearly got you killed, Five? She must have made one for the militia. Now do you believe me?”

“Yep. I’d call that the clincher,” Travis answered.

Jo jumped. In all the excitement, she’d forgotten about him, and apparently the others had too.

“How long have you been listening?” Jody asked.

“Long enough. I’ve sent New Canton runners to intercept. They’re still a few minutes out. You’ll need to keep the ambulance in sight until then.”

“Shouldn’t be too much of a problem,” Simon said. “It’s more rust than metal. I’m surprised it hasn’t fallen apart already.”

“Where’s she going anyway?” Owen asked. “She’s got an earpiece. She knows Travis has sent those New Canton runners after her.”

The ambulance started to slow. They were close enough now.

“Everybody back!” Jo ordered. “I’m going to shoot out the back tires, keep clear of it.”

She made both shots dead on, and the ambulance skidded to a stop. The runners closed the rest of the distance, and Jo kept her gun trained on the driver’s side.

“Show me your hands, Spens,” Jo said.

She didn’t use the driver’s side, though. In the time it took them to reach the ambulance, Amelia had moved herself to the back of the vehicle. She threw the back door open and landed a shot in Owen’s leg.

“Not so fast!” she called, gun still pointed at him. “Next time, I won’t aim for his leg.”

“I’m not aiming for a leg either, drop it!” Jo ordered.

“Yeah, bit pointless, isn’t it?” Simon said. “You’re totally surrounded. And I don’t think they’ll take kindly to you killing us. Well, killing them, anyway.”

“I don’t plan to hang around to find out. But I won’t be traveling alone. You, Five, you’ll be coming with me.” She re-aimed her gun at Jo. “I don’t think you’d survive a shot to the head any better than a zombie.”

“You sure you can get to that trigger faster than me?” Jo asked.

“No, I’m not sure of that at all, but what I am sure of is that Runner Six appears to be losing a lot of blood. The bullet might’ve nicked an artery. You’re a doctor, I’m sure you know what that means, and the longer we stand here staring at each other, the worse his chances get. Are you really willing to sacrifice one of your runners just to get me?”

Jo chanced a look back at Owen. Amelia was right; he’d already lost a lot of blood. The shot was high on his leg, too close to the femoral artery to take any chances. If they didn’t act, he’d be dead in minutes.

“The clock is ticking, Runner Five.”

“Alright!” Jo said. She dropped her gun behind her where the others could easily recover it. She raised her hands in front of her chest. “I’m going to remove my knife and drop that too.”

“Very good. Come along, now.”

She raised her hands again. “Just let me get my jacket and pack off. You know those are the only two weapons I carry, I’m just going to leave them my med kit, ok?”

Amelia narrowed her eyes, but she nodded once.

Jo pulled off her jacket and pack and threw them to the runners.

“You two will need to cut the clothing away from the wound. There are scissors and gauze in my bag. Jody, once you’ve got the cloth clear, take the gauze and keep pressure on it. Simon, take my jacket, tie the arms two inches above the wound. There’s a butter knife in the pack you can use as a windlass. Set that on the knot, tie it again, then twist the knife to tighten it. Travis, I know you’re still listening, you need to send a vehicle evac with a medic.”

“Oh, ever the hero, let’s move, Five,” Amelia said.

“I’m going to kill you,” Jody said, eyes blazing.

“It’s going to be ok, Jodes,” Jo said. She put her hands on the back of her head and moved slowly towards Amelia.

“For your information, this is what I was heading towards,” Amelia said. “Looks like the camo netting did its job. I’ll just get that off.”

Amelia tugged on the netting, revealing her escape plan.

Jo’s mouth went completely dry.

No. Not that. Anything but that.

Chapter 15: Dead in the Water

Notes:

Content warning for blood, a gunshot wound, intrusive traumatic symptoms

Spoilers through S3M23

Cause I can hardly breathe
When your hands let go of me
The ice is thinning out
And my feet brace themselves  

Dead in the Water – Ellie Goulding

It was as if everything had gone still around her. She heard nothing, saw nothing, felt nothing but the terror that locked her in place. She had to protect her people. She had to do what Amelia said. But she didn’t know if she physically could.

“Bloody hell, she’s got a plane!” Simon called.

“A microlight, actually,” Amelia said. “Get in, Runner Five, or I’ll shoot all of them. We’re going on a little trip.”

Jo barely heard her for the roaring in her ears. Lightning split the sky above them, follow a few seconds later by a low roll of thunder. She couldn’t make herself get anywhere near the aircraft.

No. No I can’t. Not that I can’t do that.

“Five!” Amelia yelled, cocking the gun she still had pointed at her friends.

“Alright!” Jo said, conscious of how the hands on her head had started to tremble. She forced herself to walk, climbed in carefully, and shut her eyes, loathe as she was to let Amelia see her distress. There was only so much she could fight at once, and at the moment, it was all she could do to force herself to stay seated. If she didn’t comply, Amelia would kill her friends. It was simple as that. She had to do this.

The engine started.

“Oh, really, Runner Five, it’s not as bad as all that,” Amelia said.

“Oh, come now, Five. It’s not as bad as all that.”

No. Not that, not now.

She felt the craft leave the ground, eyes still squeezed shut.

“I suppose you’ve not had the best luck when it comes to aircraft, but really, what are the odds of that happening a second time?”

A gust of wind jolted the plane. Jo didn’t answer. She gripped the sides of her seat so hard it hurt.

Even from the air, her headset picked up the chaos on the ground.

“Someone, please!” Jody begged. “Owen’s bleeding, you’ve got to help me!”

“What the hell just happened?” Sam demanded.

Sam.

“Owen’s shot, Amelia’s buggered off in a plane with Runner Five heading almost due west,” Simon said.

“It hurts,” Owen whimpered.

“There’s a massive storm. They’re flying straight into a storm!” Sam said.

Sam had gotten her out of this before. He could do it again.

“For goodness’ sake, she can hear every word you’re saying!” Janine snapped.

That got Jo’s attention. Janine was back in charge. Sam was back on comms. Her eyes sprang open.

“I wondered how long it would take them to realize that,” Amelia said. “Just you and me now, Runner Five.”

Thunder rolled again.

“You, me, and a bloody great thunderstorm. Not part of the plan, unfortunately. Still, needs must.”

The rain was drenching, whipping into her eyes so hard she could barely see. She couldn’t imagine how the hell Amelia intended to navigate in these conditions. Jo glanced over at the gun she had holstered over her right hip. It didn’t escape Amelia’s notice.

“You can stop eyeing that gun so covetously. I can fly one-handed if I need to. At least, I think I can. And if I can’t, it won’t be just me who dies in the fall. I can’t see someone with your history risking another crash.”

If her jaw hadn’t been locked with terror, Jo would’ve cursed her out.

“And speaking of surviving, time to come in for a landing, I think.”

There was another flash of lightning, closer this time, immediately followed by a crack of thunder. They were right in the middle of the storm. The craft jolted and changed direction before heading into a nosedive.

“Jolly Alpha Five Niner going down.”

“Bloody hell, that hit the wing!” Amelia said, sounding worried for the first time. “Hold tight, Five, it’s going to get a bit hairy.”

“Two souls on board.”

There was no parachute this time, no voice telling her to jump. She couldn’t move, couldn’t think, couldn’t hear anything but the blaring of a different craft’s alarms. Miles from home and falling out of the sky. Who walked away from that twice?

The microlight hadn’t been too high in the air, and cushioned by a thicket of bushes, they managed a non-life threatening landing. Jo was pitched forward out of her seat, rolling painfully into an involuntary somersault. Amelia landed next to her, sprawled on her back. With any awareness, Jo could’ve snatched the gun off her belt.

But there was nothing in her mind but getting to the next breath.

Amelia sprang to her feet and pulled Jo up along with her.

“Quickly, over here. I think the engine’s going to go.”

No sooner were they clear than the craft exploded. Jo ducked, throwing her arms over her head for cover.

“That will certainly let them know where we are. The zoms too. We need to get moving, Five. Run!”

Though she couldn’t tell you why or to where, Jo ran.

---

“I want an update, Mr. Yao, what have the New Canton runners found?”

Having searched Amelia’s quarters and found indisputable evidence of her guilt, Janine was now pacing the comms shack, trying to put things back in some semblance of order. Five had lost her tracker when she shed her jacket, and Ms. Spens had her earpiece tuned to a different frequency now. No doubt she’d made Five change her headset as well. There was no digital way to get a fix on their location, and the storm was making the pursuit difficult.

“Not much,” Sam replied. “They followed the fire, looks like the microlight…it looks like it crashed, but there weren’t any bodies, and they found footsteps in the mud leading away, two sets. They both survived the crash, but there’s no telling if there were any injuries.”

“Have them continue following that path, as far as the footsteps will lead them. And the others?”

“Travis just radioed, Lobatse got Six stabilized and they’re heading back now. It looks like he’s going to be ok, Three and Four followed Five’s instructions and got the bleeding mostly stopped.”

Janine’s stomach dropped. “When you say they’re heading back – ”

“Three was gone by the time Travis got there.”

Janine nodded. “Right. Good. That’s…” She sat down. “We have to figure out what she’s changed their radios to. That’s our best chance of locating them.”

Janine pulled the headset over her ears and started flipping through the frequencies. It was all she could do to stay calm. Action was how you navigated a crisis. You took action, and if that didn’t work, you chose another course and pursued that. You ignored every instinct you had to be hurt or afraid or unsure. You did not, under any circumstances, allow your own feelings to render you useless.

Finally, she caught a voice.

“ –little more complex than that. The end result was the same. Yet it appears you’re willing to forgive her. Will you extend the same courtesy to me?”

Janine seethed. She turned the mic back on.

“We most certainly won’t.”

Sam turned. “Is that them? Did you find them?”

“Janine, lovely of you to join us,” Amelia said.

“You really do talk a load of old cobblers, Ms. Spens. Ms. Marsh’s actions were certainly reprehensible, but she never got anyone killed!”

“That she’s admitted. At least I’m up front about what I’ve done.”

She didn’t hear Five’s voice. That was troubling. Certainly Ms. Spens wouldn’t speak so casually if something had happened to her. She needed the runner to guarantee her safety. But if Five was present and not speaking…

After everything else she’d endured today, a second crash would not be kind to her.

“So upfront, you’re willing to let Runner Four be executed in your place! I knew there was something odd about you right from the start. Your excuses really won’t wash with –”

There was another voice in the distance.

“Oh dear, aren’t those the zombie worshippers you encountered, Five?” Amelia asked.

Something in Janine’s mind relaxed. Five was there after all. She muted the mic.

“I’ve found them, Mr. Yao. No fix on their location but we have radio contact.”

He looked up. “They say anything that might clue us in?”

“Something about encountering those zombie worshippers again. Ms. Spens did, anyway. Five’s not said anything at all.”

He knit his eyebrows. “Ok. That’s not good. If she’s not trying to give us a clue –”

“Then her mind’s in the way, yes, I had that same thought.”

“Yeah. Alright just tell her…tell her she’s going to be fine, ok? She might not hear it, but just try. I’m going to reroute the New Canton runners to that zombie rock carving. The cultists abandoned the riverbed site that Five and Louise found, but it’s likely they’re still hanging around there.”

“Good thinking, Mr. Yao,” Janine replied. “I’ll keep in radio contact as long as I can.”

As she turned back to the headset, Amelia was threatening to send Five back to fight the cultists.

“Typical,” Janine snapped. “Get others to do your dirty work for you.”

“I’m a delegator,” Amelia said, clearly unconcerned.

“And a manipulator.”

She was getting emotional.

“You say that as if it’s a bad thing. Good management is all about manipulation.”

“Good management? Ha! We’ve been searching her room, Five. She wasn’t just selling us out to the Exmoor Militia. She was selling Ministry secrets to Comansys too.”

“I sold to the highest bidder, Janine. That’s how the market works.”

Janine cursed every moment she’d ignored her misgivings about this woman in favor of respecting the chain of command.

“But you never got your hands on what you really wanted, did you?” she asked. “Our biolab. No wonder you ordered me off comms. All those make-work errands for the Ministry you kept sending me on. You thought you could sneak into the biolab while my back was turned and make a fortune selling cutting edge technology to your unsavory friends. But I don’t give access to just anyone.

“Five, I want you to know you’re going to be fine. Mr. Yao said I should say that. He’s liaising with New Canton, organizing the pursuit, but he told me to reassure you. Runners are closing in from both sides. There’s no possible escape route. Ms. Spens, if you return Runner Five to us unharmed, your death sentence will be commuted. You have my word on that. And unlike yours, my word is to be trusted.”

“I’ll take your offer under advisement, Janine,” Amelia replied coolly.

Sam assured her the runners were only minutes out. If she could just keep them on the line, just keep some semblance of control –

“In the meantime, it’s been lovely chatting, but –”

“Don’t you dare hang up, Ms. Spens!” There was no reply. “Ms. Spens? Runner Five, are you there? Blast.” She snatched the headset and whipped it at the desk.

“What happened?” Sam asked.

Janine stared at the empty screens. “She’s cut the radio feed. I’ve…I’ve lost them.”

---

The ivy hanging over the exit door looked undisturbed. Windblown, perhaps, but not as if it had been moved out of the way. That was good. If Simon had beaten them there, then there was still time to get Five out of this. And himself.

He’d need a weapon, but he didn’t figure it would be too difficult to take Amelia by surprise and steal hers. She really did think there was no one more clever than her. No way she’d expect anyone to be waiting for them, least of all him. That was obvious from the way she talked on the headset, the way she so self-assuredly addressed Janine.

Her voice had taken him by surprise more than he’d expected.

After Amelia’s had left, he’d tried to grab the weapons Five had left behind, but Jody was on them too quickly. She didn’t trust him, even as he helped save Six’s life. No one trusted him.

Well, that was just fine with him.

They were nearing the exit now. Any second now. He’d have to be quick, but if he was –

The door swung open with Five in the lead. Simon pushed past her to snatch Amelia’s gun and point it directly at her. No safety this time. He’d learned his lesson.

“Ah, there you are!” he said. “And here I am. Sorry about that, but I always feel more comfortable when I’m the one holding the gun. Funny, that.”

He’d been right: Amelia was surprised to see him. She’d had no idea anyone was following.

Five didn’t look surprised. She didn’t look like much of anything at all. There was a hollowness in her eyes, like she wasn’t really there.

If falling out of the sky again had shut her down, that meant one of two things. She’d be docile or unpredictable. There was no telling which.

“Simon.” It was Janine, still on the radio. “How –”

“Amelia isn’t the only one who knows a few secrets. As soon as I knew where the plane had crashed, I guessed where she’d go. And those treatments of Van Ark’s really have given me a nice turn of speed. I circled around the mountain and came here to wait. Heard you mention a speedboat, Amelia. That could come in very, very handy. Why don’t you lead the way. Five, you run beside her. Don’t mind me, I’ll just be behind you with my nice new gun.”

Amelia looked murderous, absolutely furious that she’d been outwitted. Five was slow to respond, but she did what she was told without a fight.

Convenient as that was for him, it was troubling.

Amelia led them down the mountain path, away from the bunker. It was winding and largely tree-covered. It would’ve been impossible to navigate alone in this storm.

“I don’t know what you think you’re doing,” she said. “I’ve read the files on you, you know, and you’re not the masterminding type. You can hardly expect to get away with this.”

“Quiet, you,” he said. “You’re not in charge anymore. I can hear that river now, can’t you, Five? Guess we’re almost there.”

“I don’t know what you think you’re doing Simon, but I want you to give your gun to Runner Five right now,” Janine said. There was a shakiness to her voice he didn’t recognize, an uncertainty that told him, for the first time ever, he was witnessing Janine De Luca out of control of a situation. Her voice was a knife in his heart, and he didn’t have the time to deal with that just now.

“Give my gun to Five?” he said. “Is that really all you’ve got to say to me, Jenny, after all this time?”

“No!” she snapped. “As it happens, I’ve got a very long list of things I want to say to you. I trusted you, Simon, and you made a fool of me.”

She was exhausted. He could hear it in her voice, in her every too-revealing word. He really was the last thing she’d needed today.

When wasn’t he?

“All those times you went for long solo runs and I allowed it – I covered for you. You told me you needed some alone time.” She laughed. “Alone time. You were meeting with Van Ark, don’t deny it!”

“Bit late to deny it now! Not that you gave me a chance to explain myself back then, did you?”

“What was there to explain? You betrayed me.”

“I didn’t betray you, Jenny,” he said softly.

“No! No, you didn’t. You betrayed everyone.”

Just as well they were coming up to the river now. He wasn’t sure how much more of this he could take.

“Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, I did. Nothing more to say, right? Case closed. When Travis catches me and shoots me, I’ll just be getting what I deserve.”

“Yes, you will.”

There it was, then. No hope of forgiveness. No coming home for him, ever.

Fine. Who needed it anyway?

Amelia stopped by the riverbank, no longer pouting over her ruined plans. There were thoughts brewing behind those calculating eyes of hers. Best Simon got the hell out of dodge before she had time to pull them all together.

“So, you can see why I’m going to have to half inch your boat, Amelia,” he said. “I’m about as welcome around these parts as a stale fart!”

“Well,” she said, “you could steal it, or we could head off in it together.”

Of all the schemes she could’ve thrown together, that hadn’t been what he was expecting.

“Didn’t you hear? I’m a maverick. Solo operator, lone wolf.”

She stepped towards him, no longer threatened by the gun in his hand. She had his attention, and she knew it.

“And how far has that got you? Pardon me for commenting, but you don’t look in particularly rude health at the moment,” she said, running a finger down his chest.

“Don’t listen to her, Simon!” Janine cut in. “Bring Runner Five back to Abel and we can talk, I promise.”

Bit late for that, don’t you think, Jenny?

“You could do that, or you and I could head off together, and I could share some of the data I’ve been collecting,” Amelia said. “Some very interesting material about regenerative therapies, for example.”

He grabbed the hand she’d left lingering against his jacket. “Well, as one devious sod to another, I’d like to know why you think I should trust you.”

“Because I just might be telling the truth. Imagine if you shot me, and then had to spend the rest of your life with one hand and whatever kind of face you have beneath that mask, wondering. And if I’m lying, you can always shoot me later.”

Simon stared at her, trying to read whatever was behind her expression. She had too good a poker face for that, but if there was one thing Simon could always count on, it was that he’d put himself first, no matter the cost. No doubt Amelia was the same.

“Fine,” he said. “Get in.”

He glanced back at Jo. Somewhere in the past few minutes, she’d woken up. Her eyes weren’t blank anymore, but they weren’t angry either. They weren’t surprised or hurt or even afraid. She regarded him with cool disdain, nothing more, like this whole time, even as she’d turned to him for help, she’d known where this would end.

Right. No reason he should disappoint her then.

“Simon, don’t be a fool!” Janine cried, voice breaking.

Simon winced at that. So, he noticed, did Jo.

“But I always have been, Jenny,” he said.

He climbed into the boat behind Amelia, leaving Jo standing alone on the shore.

“Just one loose end to tie up,” Amelia said, nodding at his gun.

He balked. That wasn’t part of the deal.

“What? Oh, no, no, I’m not going to shoot Runner Five,” he said.

“Don’t come over all moral on me now. Can’t risk being followed.”

Simon looked up at her. Her jaw was set in defiance, almost like she was daring him to do it.

“You won’t follow me, will you, Five? Too much to do back at Abel. And I’m not – whatever I am, I’m not a man who shoots his friends in cold blood. Funny, never knew that about myself before.”

She nodded at him, ever so slightly. It wasn’t understanding, but it was enough.

“Amelia!” Jo called. “The only reason you aren’t dead is because I’m not armed. Make no mistake: if I see you again, I will not hesitate.”

Amelia examined her nails uninterestedly. “Yes, yes, you are truly terrifying. Let’s go, Simon.”

Simon started the boat. It was time, but he owed them one last bit of help. “Cheerio, then, Five! Jenny, this Laetitia Greenwald you were talking about – I used to teach aerobics on her, back in the day. Oh, she’s not a person – she’s a ship!”

He turned the headset off before he had to listen to her respond. He’d broken both their hearts enough for one day, but he did keep his eyes on the shore, watching his friend – and everything he’d ever known – getting smaller and smaller, until it was all swallowed by the distance.

Notes:

I will be trash for Janine and Simon until I die. TRASH I tell you. Be back to deal with the fallout of *gestures broadly* soon!

Chapter 16: Swinging Party

Notes:

Hello again! This chapter is much shorter because I split it for music purposes and have zero regrets.

Content warning for blood, injury, and Janine being sad?? My poor wife.

If being afraid is a crime
We hang side by side

  Swinging Party – Lorde  

Alone on the banks of the river, Jo stared at the last place the speedboat had been before vanishing from sight. She was coming back to herself now and was just noticing the way her body ached from the crash, the blood still running down her arms from the broken glass, and how damned cold she was. Cold and soaked to the bone.

It was over. They’d found the evidence they needed, removed the threat from Abel, and managed to survive the night, all at remarkable cost. None of them would walk away from this the same.

It was back to Abel now, and it was likely on her own. There’d been nothing on the headset after Janine’s last call to Simon. She was sure it was muted, just like she was also sure she’d caught the edge of a sob before it had gone silent.

She took a deep breath. There was destruction in the wake of this day. And she was responsible for part of it. Choices she’d made had hurt the people she loved most. It was the opposite of what she’d been trying to do. This pain was precisely the thing she’d been trying to shield them from, and instead, she’d caused them more in the process.

But there was no shielding them. There was no keeping the people you loved from hurt. Somehow she still hadn’t learned that.

Torchlight bounced down the path out of the corner of her eye, and she could hear footsteps coming towards her.

She instinctively reached for the gun she was no longer carrying.

“Down here!” a voice called. “We’ve got her!”

Jo turned to see a half dozen New Canton runners coming towards her, and a vaguely familiar silhouette bringing up the rear. She raised an hand to her brow to shield herself from the light.

“Good work, everyone,” Travis said. “Abel Township, we’ve secured Runner Five. She’s alright.”

One of the runners, one Jo didn’t recognize, draped a shock blanket around her. Only then did she notice she was shivering.

“Glad to hear that, Mr. Travis,” Janine said over the headset, something thick in her voice. “I trust you can handle the return to Abel on your own.”

“Affirmative,” he said. “We’ll take the Jeep back, no need for comms. Get some rest, De Luca.”

Not a word to Jo herself. Returning to Abel suddenly seemed even more daunting than inviting.

It was a longer drive back than she expected. Then again, she had absolutely no idea how far she’d actually gotten from home. There was nothing outside the window but darkness and trees, no landmarks to signal when they were getting close to Abel. For a moment, she wondered if they were returning to Abel at all or if Travis had other orders where she was concerned. She’d had a hard time convincing herself to get in a car with him in the first place. Something wasn’t sitting right, and she couldn’t put her finger on what. A mysterious American, with ties to the Ministry, who clearly knew things about her. Was that from Abel’s files? Or somewhere else?

But Janine knew him. She’d known him before. That’s what Amelia had said. Untrustworthy though she was, intel was her currency. And ultimately, Jo’s chances with him were better than in the rain-drenched darkness.

Her stomach dropped as the gates came into view. She’d never felt anything but relief at that sight before. Now she couldn’t fathom going through.

How did you apologize for something like this?

Travis cut the engine just outside the gates. “You did good work today, Runner Five. We may not have been on the same side of it the whole time, but I respect your resourcefulness. It’s clear the value you have to this place. Clear too why the Ministry sees you as an asset.”

Jo unbuckled her seatbelt. “Yeah, well, I’ll thank the Ministry to remember that next time they’re threatening to court-martial me.” She opened the car door and hopped out.

“ I was given a list of people with certain attributes, certain skills, and one very important thing in common.”

She stopped herself before shutting the door and turned back.

“You don’t by any chance happen to have a tattoo on your right forearm?”

He cocked an eyebrow at her but reached for his sleeve. He drew it up to his elbow, then turned the limb to show her unmarked skin.

She nodded and turned to leave.

“I know the man you mean, though,” he said. “The hell do you want with him?”

Jo took a deep breath. He was real after all.

“Good night, Travis.”

She shut the door and walked up the hill to the gates.

From his guard station atop the gates, Runner 18 gave her a long look. It was a look she’d seen before, albeit never from anyone in Abel. It marked a shift in how people saw her, a strike against her character when she was no longer seen as fully trustworthy. Their dependable, competent Head of Runners had gone out last evening.

Someone else was returning.

Finally, he grabbed his radio. “Raise the gates.”

The klaxon sounded into the darkness behind her as the gates rose to bring her into whatever was waiting on the other side.

---

The sun had not yet risen when the gates finally opened to bring Johanna home. Paula was exhausted after assisting in the hospital, doing whatever hands-off things she could to help save Six, but she’d wanted to be sure at least one person bothered waiting to welcome her home.

She’d made a mistake, misplaced her loyalty for a moment. Paula knew what that was like, and she knew how people looked at you afterwards. Jo had messes to clean up, that was certain, but there was no reason she should have to do it totally alone.

The hardship of the day was written all over her in blood and bruises and torn clothing and mud. She caught sight of Paula and couldn’t hide her disappointment when she realized she was alone.

Paula met her halfway down the path. “Just me, I’m afraid.”

Jo nodded. “I probably deserve that.”

Paula moved as if to hug her, then remembered herself with a jolt. Those were open wounds on her arms. There was no comfort she could give, not that way.

Jo stepped towards her anyway and flung her arms around her waist, burying her face in Paula’s shoulder. She stiffened and started to pull away.

“Jo, you can’t, I’m –”

“It doesn’t matter,” she mumbled.

Paula wasn’t sure what to make of that, but the way the other woman, usually so reserved with affection, had slumped against her, she could hardly argue back. She wound her arms around her and hugged her tight.

“Come on,” she said. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”

The hospital had finally quieted. Runner Six was sleeping with the aid of morphine and a large dose of antibiotics. Four was still at his bedside; no matter how it looked like she might fall asleep sitting up, she refused to leave her post. Dr. Lobatse had not yet gone to bed, and for once, Paula was glad to see her.

“Johanna,” Lobatse said, rising from her seat. “It is so good to see you home. Let’s get you patched up so you can get some well-deserved rest, alright?”

She sat her on a cot and set to work bandaging the cuts on her arms.

“How did you get these?” she asked.

“Broken glass,” Jo said. “Going out the window after Amelia.”

“You must’ve been very determined to get after her.”

Jo shrugged.

“I’m not surprised you took such decisive action. You always do when it comes to protecting the people you love. You saved two lives today. You should be very proud.”

“I don’t know about that,” Jo said.

“She’s right,” Paula said. “Owen wouldn’t have made it without your supplies and expertise, and you saved Jody from an unjust death. And you helped expose Amelia as a traitor. Who knows how many lives that saved?”

Jo didn’t answer, just winced slightly as Lobatse secured one last bandage.

“Johanna,” Paula said. “You made a mistake, but it was not a fatal one. They will forgive you.”

She stood up from the cot. “Yeah. I don’t know about that.”

It was hard to see her so dejected, but Paula knew the dread she must be feeling. She’d felt it herself when she’d arrived at Abel. There was no telling how people would treat you, and there was way through this but through it.

Jo stopped behind Jody and looked down at Owen. She set her hand on Jody’s shoulder.

“He’s gone, then?” Jody asked.

Jo nodded. “He’s gone. They both are."

“Good riddance.”

“Yep. You ok?”

“No. You?”

“No.”

Paula watched them sadly. So much had changed for the both of them in the past 24 hours. Appearances they’d crafted so carefully had shattered right in front of them and everyone around them. Jody had a secret past that raised doubts about her character. Jo had kept a secret that affected everyone, especially two of the people she loved most. While she might not have agreed with them, Paula couldn’t find it in herself to judge them either. She wasn’t proud of everything she’d done, but she was working to make up for it. If she could, so could they.

---

The footsteps had stopped in the doorway almost two minutes ago. Janine pointedly kept her back to it from her seat at the kitchen table, staring intently at the glass of wine before her. It was mostly full, but it was not her first.

She was not going to speak first. She shouldn’t have had to. She wasn’t even sure she wanted an apology. There was no going back to share the kept secret, no fixing the blow of learning it, and certainly no taking back what a fool she’d made of herself without the proper time and distance to prepare for that interaction. What was there to say?

She willed the tears gathering in her eyes to stay put until she was alone again.

“Would it have done you any good?” Jo finally asked. “Knowing?”

Janine took a breath. “I can’t answer that. Would it have left me less distracted while navigating a crisis? I certainly think so. Would it have made talking to him any easier? I very much doubt that. Would it have allowed me the time to process the news enough so it didn’t affect me today? I honestly don’t know. I can’t say if I’d have chosen to know.”

“So you see why I didn’t –”

“But none of that matters,” she said, cutting the other woman off. “None of that matters, because you made the choice for me. You decided you knew better, that I didn’t get a say. You took that from me. It was not fair, and it was not right. Trust is not something I give freely, and you took advantage of that.”

Jo exhaled behind her. “I’m so sorry, Janine. I wasn’t…I thought I was protecting you. I never intended you hurt you. Not that that matters, because I did. I thought I was making the kinder choice, but I chose wrong, and I am so, so sorry.”

Janine didn’t miss the break in her voice. She sounded so exhausted that Janine wasn’t sure how she was still on her feet. She wasn’t the only one who was hurt, but she couldn’t hold space for the grief of two people, not now.

“I…logically, I understand why you did what you did,” Janine said. “I appreciate your apology, and I am glad you’ve returned unharmed. When I’ve had some time to process this I will have more to say to you, but for now I’d like you to leave.”

Jo sniffed. “Yeah. Ok.”

There was weight to those words, like they held more than three syllables could possibly convey. This conversation wasn’t over, much as they’d both like it to be, but there was nothing more to solve tonight.

The footsteps retreated down the hallway from whence they came. Janine held her head aloft, her eyes focused so intently on the stain across the table that it started to blur, until she heard the front door close. Then, and only then, did she drop whatever strength remained to keep her upright, catch her face in her hands, and finally allow herself to cry.

Notes:

My sincerest apologies to anyone who was expecting the 5am resolution in this chapter. That one's getting its own, and as soon as I publish this I'm heading straight back to Word to work on it.

Chapter 17: Eight III

Notes:

Whoops, I'm back. This has been a persistent arc.

Content warning for relationship conflict, nonconsensual medical experiments, past trauma, zombie violence

Here I am, pry me open;
What do you wanna know?

Eight – Sleeping at Last  

The early hour was a blessing. Any later, and the runners would have already started to stir, the early risers among them beginning their day with the sun. For now, it was dark, and it was unnaturally quiet. There was always noise in the runner dorms, even in the middle of the night, simple signs of life from the dozens of people who shared the space. Tonight, though, it was as if the entire corps had agreed to collectively hold its breath. They’d wake to a changed world in the morning.

Jo found her way to the end of the hallway and stood outside their door. Part of her wasn’t convinced Sam would be on the other side. A much smaller part almost wished he wouldn’t be. The longer they went without this confrontation, the longer she could hold on to the hope that she wouldn’t be left alone at the end of it. All roads led back to alone, no matter how long she managed to delay it. Eventually, her mistakes were always too great.

She had to face this, though, one way or another.

She turned the doorknob.

Sam was waiting for her after all. He was seated on the edge of the still-made bed with his hands clasped and head hanging. When the door opened, he looked up with sunken, shadowed eyes, exhaustion and hurt carved into his every feature. He didn’t rise to meet her. Much like with Janine, the first move was hers to make.

“Hey,” she whispered, barely audible over the pounding of her heart. She dropped her pack by the door but stayed where she was.

Sam looked at her arms. “What happened?”

“Broken window,” she said. “I’m fine.”

He nodded.

Jo crossed to the dresser. She’d managed a quick shower in the hospital, but she needed fresh clothes. Neither of them spoke as she changed, the words to say just out of both of their reach, and the silence hung heavy in the small room. It was a weight on her shoulders, a tightness in her chest, a squeezing of her throat.

How the hell had she landed them here?

When she could no longer stall by getting dressed, she took a deep breath and turned around.

“Sam, I can’t even begin to –”

“Is that really what you think about marriage?”

Jo stumbled at the unexpected interjection.

“I – wait, what?”

He looked at her. “What you said back at the manor house, that you didn’t see any point in getting married. Did you mean that?”

It took a second for her mind to catch up. She’d been rehearsing what she was going to say to Sam in her head the whole way home, and he’d gone completely off-script.

“I – I guess it is, I don’t know. I’ve never really seen myself as someone who’s going to get married and have some huge wedding. It’s just not what I pictured for myself.”

“And you didn’t think I needed to know that?”

“I –” She stumbled again. This was not the defense she’d expected to be giving. “It’s never come up. We’ve never talked about it. I mean like I said, this is an apocalypse, we have other things on our minds. The future’s hard to picture. Mostly I’m just worried about keeping us alive one day to the next.

Sam stood up and walked around to the other side of the bed, putting it between them. “Well, I do picture the future, and for me, that includes a wedding. I do see myself getting married. Are you saying that doesn’t matter to you?”

“Sam, no, of course not, we’ve just…we’ve never even talked about this before –”

He turned away from her, fussing with something on the nightstand. “You don’t see the point in marriage, so if I want to get married that’s just stupid to you?”

Jo’s head was spinning. “I never said that. I’ve never even thought that hard about it, especially not in this world. Is this really the fight you want to be having right now?”

He whirled to face her. “You should have told me about Simon!”

She exhaled. There it was. Finally.

“I know,” she said softly. “I never should’ve kept that from you. I thought I was doing the right thing, I thought I was protecting you.”

He laughed humorlessly. “Because I need protecting, is that it? I’m not strong enough to handle things?”

“No,” she said. “I don’t think that, I’ve never thought that. I just…I don’t want to see you hurt. I thought that if I kept this one thing from you, then it would go away and wouldn’t come back, and I could keep you from feeling all the terrible things I felt that day. I couldn’t see what good it would do you to know, but I was wrong. It wasn’t my choice to make. And it’s not just that. I didn’t just keep something from you I lied to you. You asked me what was wrong that night, and I looked you in the face and lied. There’s no excuse for that. I am so sorry, Sam.”

He was looking at the floor now, chewing on the inside of his cheek like he always did when he was unsure.

“You can take as much time as you need with this,” she said. “Whatever you need. If you want to talk more about this, or about the marriage thing, or if you need time to process and want space – ”

“No, Johanna,” he said softly. “That’s not what I need. It’s…well, it’s the opposite, really. I need you to trust me, to not keep things from me when you have the choice. That is the only way this works. I need to know that the people I love are what they say they are. I need to be able to trust what they tell me, especially you.”

She nodded, too choked up to respond. Her mind returned to the way he’d threatened Jody, the uncharacteristic viciousness in his voice. Sam was as open and trusting as they came, and it hurt him over and over. It's why he’d taken her story and never questioned it. In retrospect, it was objectively easy to lie to Sam. Which made it all the more awful that she was the one who’d done it.

“Look, we’re not going to solve this tonight,” he said, sitting down on the edge of the bed. “I think we have a lot to talk about, but I’m exhausted, and you’re exhausted, and we haven’t even touched what happened with Amelia and the microlight. I know that was especially terrible for you. So for now, let’s just get some sleep and talk about things when we have clearer heads, ok?”

 “Ok,” she whispered. “Do you want me to leave?”

“No,” he said, now looking at her with much softer eyes. “After everything that happened today, I’d much rather have you where I can see you and know you’re safe.”

They both climbed into bed on their own sides, and unlike usual, they stayed there instead of meeting in the middle. The new bed felt too big tonight, and it left a chasm between them. Jo curled in on herself, hugging the edge of the mattress. Sam could say he didn’t want space all he wanted, but she owed it to him to be unobtrusive for a little while. He hadn’t met her at the gates, hadn’t come to see her in the hospital, hadn’t even stood when she got back to the room. He was angry, and he had every right to be. Of course he didn’t want to be close to her. Why would he? She was supposed to love him, and she’d brought him pain instead.

Tears started to spill from her eyes.

This was what she did, this was what happened to the people she loved, she brought them pain and heartache, and –

Sam sighed heavily and rolled towards her. “Nope, I hate this, come here.”

Jo turned and buried herself against his chest before he could change his mind. Whatever tension was left from the day loosened as he wrapped his arms around her and stopped the spiral in its tracks.

He kissed the top of her head. “I am still upset with you, and we still have to sort all of this out, but I am very relieved you’re ok and very happy to have you home.”

She nodded, unable to answer.

Sam gently ran his fingers through her hair, then let them trail down the back of her neck, stopping to brush over the scar they’d ignored so many times. She’d never told that story willingly. She’d never felt she could trust anyone with it.

No more.

“It’s a bite,” she whispered. “That scar. It’s years old now, but…that’s how I got it.”

Sam pulled back to look at her in bewilderment.

“I’m immune. That’s the last secret I’m keeping. Or I was, anyway. I don’t know what Van Ark’s treatment did to me, but I’ve been scratched twice and bitten once, and I fought off the infection all three times. I don’t know why. I’ve never met anyone else like me, and that’s why I don’t tell anyone.”

Sam didn’t look angry or hurt anymore. He just looked stunned.

“When…how long have you known?”

“Almost since the beginning,” she said. “The hospitals were overrun in the early days, and we were doing anything we could to fight this new infection. We’d seen the reports of the dead coming back, but none of us believed it. I mean, it was ludicrous. We were people of science, and science said the dead didn’t come back. I was still a resident working in the ER, and I’d responded to a code with my attending. This man had come in with an unidentified bite and a high fever. He was crashing, and we couldn’t get him back. We called time of death. Two minutes later, his eyes opened again. I didn’t respond quickly enough, and he bit my attending. It was dumb luck he didn’t reach for me first. I shoved a scalpel through his eye, but it was too late.

“Everything locked down after that. He wasn’t the only patient to turn, so we stopped taking new ones. Once they realized trying to treat was hopeless, one of the senior researchers grabbed anyone who could prove they weren’t infected and sheltered us in the labs downstairs. Hopkins was a huge hospital, so there were connections to the CDC. This was before phone and internet went down, so they were instructing hospitals all over the country to try and get some data on whatever the hell was happening. We were running tissue and blood samples and getting imaging and taking scans… we didn’t know what the hell to do, so we did everything. And all of the data went back to the CDC. None of us knew what we were looking at anyway.

“We did that for about two weeks, day and night, but then we ran out of test subjects. They sent a few of us out to see what we could find, and they sent me because I was the only one who could use a gun. We were barely outside of the lab when we passed this corpse in the hall, but we didn’t bother to check and make sure it was really dead. It was a rookie mistake The second I walked past, it swiped at my ankle and left a scratch. It wasn’t that big, it didn’t even scar, but it was enough. And suddenly they had their new test subject.”

As she talked, Sam’s hand got tighter and tighter on her shoulder, like he could protect her from her past. She was upsetting him, but maybe that was ok. Maybe that was what it was to really know someone, to trust them completely. Maybe it was alright to share the upsetting things, because that meant you weren’t carrying them alone anymore.

She felt lighter with every word.

“They took me back to the lab and asked if they could observe how the infection progressed, and I agreed. I mean what the hell did it matter, I was dying anyway. It might as well mean something. So they put me in a hospital bed and hooked me up to all these monitors and restrained my arms so I couldn’t hurt anyone, and they let the fever progress. It got so high that eventually I lost consciousness, but I could somehow feel how uncomfortable I was anyway, and I had these horrible dreams like I could hear the voices of the people around me…and then I woke up. I’ll never forget the looks on their faces when my eyes opened.

“I’d wanted to leave since the outbreak started. All I wanted was to get back to Georgia to find my brother, but they refused. They said we were in a strict quarantine, no one in or out, but after I woke up they suddenly changed their tune. They said they wanted to find a vehicle and get me down to Georgia. But they didn’t know I’d overheard them during the fever, and I figured out what they’d been saying. They weren’t taking me to my family – they were taking me to the CDC to be experimented on. So I ran. I gathered all the supplies I could, stole their weapons, and I ran. It was the first time I had to kill another human.

“I never told anyone else unless I had to after that. The other scratch and the bite…I’ll tell you about them later, but I tried to isolate myself both times until I woke up from the fever. I didn’t want anyone to know. I was terrified of being turned into an experiment, like I wasn’t even human. It’s why…”

“Why you were so afraid of Van Ark,” Sam finished for her. “My god, Johanna…is that what happened that day Van Ark went after Maxine? Why you spiked that fever.”

“I don’t remember that, but it must’ve been. When I caught the knife, it cut my thumb. That would’ve resulted in a small infection.”

Sam stared past her, trying to process. Finally, he looked at her. “Who else knows?”

“The Major did. Sara too, I think. I don’t know if Janine does, but I doubt it. And Simon. He stole the Major’s file on me, it’s in there.”

“There’s a file?”

She nodded. “The Major told me she’d picked me off of a list of people who all had something important in common, so someone else knows too. I think…I think that’s how I got here. Why they picked me for Greenshoot. I have no idea who knows or how, and I have been so scared that someone is going to find out that I…” She started to cry.

“That you decided not to tell me either. You thought it put you in danger, and so it would put me in danger too. Jo…god, I am so sorry. Thank you for telling me,” he said, holding her close.

She sniffed. “I’m not telling you this because I want you to feel sorry for me. I’m not trying to distract you from being upset. You’re allowed to be upset for as long as you need. But you deserve to know. I don’t want to keep anything from you, not anymore. No more secrets, no more lies. I love you, Sam. Keeping a secret from you was horrible, and I never want to do it again.”

“I never want you to,” he said. “I never want you to feel like you have to.”

Jo tightened her arms around his waist. “I know. That’s my fault, not yours. I’m so, so sorry Sam. I’m sorry I lied, and I’m sorry I kept things from you, and I’m sorry for everything you had to go through today. You didn’t deserve any of that.”

Sam sighed. “Yeah. This…this was not a good day. For anyone. Especially not for you. I know you didn’t mean for any of this to happen, and I know you’re sorry. We’re going to be ok. We’re going to keep talking, and we’re going to figure out whatever we have to figure out. I love you too, Jo.”

“You don’t have to say that.”

“Hey. I’m saying it because it’s true. It doesn’t mean everything is fixed, and it doesn’t mean I’m not upset, but I love you. So, so much. And you –” He paused and look up towards the window where the first hint of morning light was starting to peak through the blinds. “You need some sleep. This can all wait until morning, yeah?”

Jo tucked her head against his chest and closed her eyes. “Yeah. Yeah it can.”

Sam was right. Everything wasn’t fixed. Not with him, and not with everyone else. But as she began to drift off to sleep, Sam holding her and gently stroking her hair, she felt something shift.

For the first time since the previous day began, she felt at peace.

Chapter 18: Winter Winds III

Notes:

HEY FRIENDS! Miss me? I missed you.

Content warning for alcohol mention, zombies, fire, zombies *on* fire...

Spoilers through S3M26. God this is a long season.

Was it love or fear of the cold that led us through the night?
For every kiss your beauty trumped my doubt.

Winter Winds – Mumford and Sons

Despite the exhaustion, Sam didn’t get any sleep that night. He spent the little darkness left with his eyes on Jo, trying to both make sense of everything that had happened in the past 36 hours and to convince himself she wouldn’t vanish if he closed his eyes.

He knew everything now. There was relief in that, but there was also alarm. Just when he thought he had a handle on all the things that had hurt her and knew how to be the opposite, there was more. Sometimes he couldn’t fathom how she was still standing, and he certainly didn’t know how he’d ever manage to keep her.

She stayed sleeping as the sun started streaming through the windows. Plenty had changed since Van Ark, but she still slept like the dead, especially on days like this. He didn’t expect her to even crack an eye before mid-afternoon. If she ever rolled away from him, he’d have to slip out and get them some food. She’d be ravenous when she woke.

He’d leave a note, though. He’d make sure she knew he was coming back.

He sat up just enough to peek out the window, reminding himself of that first day they’d woken up together. Like that day, he spotted a black flag high above the tallest armory tower, but unlike it, the sky was a cloudless blue. Either Janine had checked the weather station and spotted something on the horizon, or for the first time in the years he’d known her, she’d decided there were better things to do than work.

For whose sake, he couldn’t say.

---

It was three days of pseudo-black flag conditions before Abel got itself back on its feet. There had been no real cause to suspend operations the way they had, but no one had complained. There had been enough to untangle in the wake of Amelia’s departure that anyone leaving the base had almost seemed laughable. What could they possibly accomplish outside the walls that was more important than the mountain of work that had piled up within?

There hadn’t been a formal announcement that operations were resuming. Janine had just taken down the flag and expected everyone to report where they were expected. And so the runners were, all filing into their briefing room with uncertain whispers.

Janine had posted herself in a corner at the back of the room. No doubt today would bring with it a heap of emotions to unravel. Whether the Head of Runners still commanded the respect to do it herself was another question entirely.

With everyone seated, Five came into the room and set a pile of schedules on one side of the desk and herself on the other. A hush fell over the room. Janine, yet unnoticed, scanned the ranks for signs of trouble.

Five took a deep breath. “Alright,” she said, raising her hands in front of her chest and waving back towards herself in a ‘bring it on’ motion. “Let’s hear it.”

The outburst was immediate. Several of the runners stood as they hurled accusations, a cacophony of anger and disbelief. Only Runner Four stayed quiet, tucked into her seat as if hoping to disappear.

“How could you??”

“You’ve known all this time?”

“He’s really alive then?”

“You’re our leader, we’re supposed to be able to trust you!”

“ALRIGHT!” Five shouted, raising hands over her head, palms out this time. “Enough. That’s all you get for the rest of your lives. You may think whatever you think privately, but I won’t hear anything else. I did what I did and there’s no undoing it, and in this case, I stand by it. There are people I should’ve told, but y’all aren’t among them.”

“You really don’t think we needed to know??” Runner Fourteen demanded.

“No, I don’t,” Five said with certainty. “That knowledge would’ve only presented a distraction for all of you. Knowing wouldn’t have made you safer or better at your jobs.”

“Wouldn’t have made us safer?” they said. “He could’ve been dangerous!”

“That’s enough, Runner Fourteen,” Janine said. “I believe Five’s said that’s all she’ll hear on the matter, and you will take that order.”

“But –”

“Sit down, Mx Trammel.”

Five looked up, clocking Janine’s presence for the first time. She looked for a second as if she might answer, but instead, she just nodded slightly in gratitude.

“We’re back to regular operations today,” Five said, passing around a stack of papers. “The new schedules are done, first run’s at 9AM sharp. Let me know if you have any questions. You’re dismissed.”

Janine remained at the back of the room as the others departed, grumbling. The two women hadn’t spoken since that night. They hadn’t even seen each other. There had been plenty for Janine to do shut away in the farmhouse, plenty of excuses not to face anyone yet. The space had been a good thing, a bit of time for both of them to collect their thoughts, but Janine hadn’t let herself think about what would happen when she had to see her friend again.

The feelings were complicated, anger and sympathy and betrayal and relief. Most of all, though, the relief had won out.

When the last of the runners left, she made her way to the front of the room where Jo was shuffling her papers, pointedly avoiding eye contact. She was giving Janine the space she’d asked for, despite how it was obviously weighing on her. Janine stopped just next to her and cleared her throat.

“Runner Five. I was hoping to speak with you.”

Jo looked up and set down the remaining schedules. “Yeah, sure. What’s uh…what’s up?”

There was plenty she could’ve said, things she’d been rehearsing in her head for three days. Admonishments and apologies aplenty, but in the moment she found none of it would come to her mind. Instead, she saw the bags under her friend’s eyes, the still-bandaged cuts on her arms. Hadn’t she been through enough already?

Janine threw her arms around her in a hug neither of them expected. Jo tensed for a moment in surprise before dubiously returning the gesture.

“Uh, Janine? You feeling ok?” she asked.

“I –” Janine faltered. “I am quite relieved you’re alright. There was a period of time the other day where, despite my anger, I was afraid you wouldn’t make it back. You mean a great deal to me. More than most of my friends have. I’m sorry I didn’t say that upon your return.”

Jo hugged her tighter. “I really am sorry, Janine.”

“So you’ve said,” Janine said, releasing her. “You’ve made your apology, and I have accepted it. There is no reason for you to continue carrying that guilt.”

Jo nodded, looking so relieved she thought she might cry. “So we’re ok?”

“We are.”

She exhaled. “Thank god. I…thank you, Janine. You’re really important to me too. Like, I think you’re my best friend. I’d never forgive myself if I’d ruined that.”

Janine felt herself smile. “Strange as I find it, I think you’re my best friend too. I’ve not really had a best friend before.”

Jo raised her eyebrows. “Guessing we should wait until we have some wine to unpack that?”

“That would be best, yes. In any case, I have forgiven you, but I have also decided how you’re  going to make this up to me.”

“Anything. What do you need?”

Janine handed over a mission briefing. “This. I need a fourth on this run, it’s quite important.”

Jo scanned the document and her eyes widened. “No. Oh god, no. You’re not seriously going to make me run with them.”

“I’m afraid I am. Complete this mission and I’ll get us that bottle of wine and consider us square.”

Jo looked up at her with pleading eyes. “Janine, I know I said anything, but this must fall under the category of cruel and unusual.”

“You’re the only one I trust to ensure this mission goes smoothly, but I also recognize it will not be pleasant for you. I think that’s fitting. And those eyes only work on Sam, stop that at once.”

Jo groaned loudly. “God, fine.” She closed her eyes and clasped her hands.

“What are you doing?” Janine asked. “I didn’t think you believed in God.”

Jo opened one eye. “Oh, God can’t help me now. I’m praying to Sara.”

---

Jo heard her running companions before she saw them.

She could only see two of them from where she was tucked against the gate. She’d arrived a full fifteen minutes early in hopes that the others would as well, which would’ve gotten them on the road sooner, which would’ve meant this whole nightmare would be behind her.

Of course, she’d had no such luck.

In her year running for Abel, Jo had managed to avoid getting partnered with the trio the others not-always-affectionately referred to as the Three Stooges. They were effective enough, but their antics in and out of the field had landed them in her office with her playing the role of Minerva McGonagall more than once.

Why is it, when something happens, it is always you three?

Their third jogged up to where the other two had stopped further away from the gate.

“Runner Eleven! My man!” Yang crooned in that almost surfer boy affect of his.

Did the UK have surfer boys? Jo had no idea.

“Guys, guys, did I miss anything?” Kytan responded. “I’m here, I’m here, I just had to kick Runner Sixteen’s ass at table football, which I did, convincingly.”

Because that was a reason to be late for a mission.

She made yet another mental note to never do anything that even approximated crossing Janine De Luca ever again.

Kytan punctuated the brag with a backflip.

“Kytan, we believe you. No need to backflip!” Cameo said with a laugh.

“Oh, lovely lady, there is always a need for a backflip. Like, just ending this sentence. Check this out – ”

And again.

Jo rolled her eyes.

Yang glanced around, still missing her hidden in the shadow of the gate.

“Oh wait, guys, listen – is Andrew not coming with us on this run, then?” he asked. “I thought it was the gang of four, you know, the rock stars out on another awesome mission of adventure and excitement.”

“No, sorry, Yang,” Lobatse answered over the headset. “With Amelia gone, the systems are not working so well. Janine is trying to pull things back together, but the shifts are disturbed. I’ll be your operator as usual this time, but your fourth member will be – ”

Jo stepped out where they could see her. “Hello, children.”

“Oh! You’re waiting there already,” Lobatse said. “Yes, you’re all lucky – Runner Five will be with you today.”

No one else found Lobatse’s choice of adjective accurate.

“Hey, okay,” Yang said.

“Right,” said Cameo.

“This is not what I was expecting.” At least Kytan was honest.

“We have that in common,” Jo said. “Let’s get on the road, shall we?”

“Yes, we have an important mission today to find the boat that Comansys are hiding on,” Lobatse said. “So – raise the gates. Covering fire. And run!”

An impending storm left the air swampy in a way that was uncommon for a British spring. Jo’s t-shirt stuck to her skin and sweat started to bead along her brow barely half a mile into the run. Her form-fitting leggings clung heavily, the fabric seeming to absorb the humidity in a way that made her feel like she was running through soup. All minor annoyances on a usual mission, but today…

“No way, no way, because if a zom got me by the hoodies, I’d be all like, ‘ninja war!’ and I’d take off like this, and od a forward sprint like this – and then into a roundhouse kick!”

Kytan landed his pose with the requisite kung-fu movie sound effects. Jo rolled her eyes. She’d pushed herself ten feet in front of her companions when she’d had the sneaking suspicion she’d have no control over her facial expressions.

“Let’s save our energy for the actual mission, please,” she called back to them.

Jo did her best to let their chatter fade into the sounds of the forest. They weren’t far enough back to pipe the conversation through her headset, so if she put her mind to it, the droning behind her would blend in with the wind in the trees, the early spring bugs making their presence known. As long as she could still catch Lobatse’s voice for instructions, she could untether her mind from the rest of it for now. It was going to be a short, simple mission.

It was supposed to be a short, simple mission.

Company aside, it felt good to run, to stretch her legs and let the fresh air dance over the not-quite-healed lacerations on her arms. She’d spent the first two black flag days largely locked in her quarters with Sam, sorting through it all like they’d planned. They’d talked, they’d cried, they’d made up, and they’d still come out the other side feeling far less sure than they had the afternoon she’d left for that mission. Sam had been able to trust her without a second thought before then. She’d ruined that. And now that he knew everything, she vacillated between feeling far too exposed and fearing what knowledge of her secrets could mean for him.

But he hadn’t left. Things got hard, but he didn’t leave, and she didn’t run. Surely that counted for a great deal.

The third day, Sam had needed to check on his equipment. Jo wasn’t sure whether that was really necessary, or if he’d needed an excuse to be out for a little while, or if that much time away from the comms shack had put him on edge (as far as she knew, he hadn’t been out of the comms shack that long since…well, since Alice), but she’d let him go without argument and had dashed across the hall to check on Jody. She’d been spending her time off the same as Jo ever since Owen had woken up and thrown her out of the hospital, except Jody had been alone. She was downcast and quiet, so different from the Jody she’d always known. Jo hadn’t pushed her to talk; instead, she’d grabbed Sam’s laptop and put on a movie while they sat in shared understanding – and shared guilt.  

Yes, company aside, running did feel good.

“…Sam was on comms that day, and he didn’t even see it. He was just distracted by something.”

Kytan’s voice cut through the dull roar she’d managed to reduce them to. She rolled her eyes again. Now what?

“He tries really hard,” Cameo said, patronizingly.

Jo fought the urge to snap at them. She knew how that would look, especially under the circumstances, but she wouldn’t suffer much of this. Bias aside, Sam was an excellent operator. No one could take that from him.

“He’s very amusing,” Lobatse said. “I think his relaxed style makes runners feel at ease.”

“Mm, I know what you mean,” Cameo agreed. “Still, he did mistake me for Runner 25 when he got mind-controlled out of Abel. And Runner 25’s a man."

“I am sure anyone would make a mistake in such an emotional moment.”

“Thank you, Kefilwe,” Jo said, a little nudge to her companions that she was, in fact, listening.

Such an emotional moment, plus the preexisting exhaustion and stress and adrenaline crash that day had been. As if anyone had been clear-headed in that moment.

Cameo ignored her. “I like it when we have you or Janine. I know she says the same thing over and over again, but you can’t repeat stuff often enough when we’re in the field.” She paused. “Hey, are they still doing that thing to you?”

Here we go.

“You know, Runner Five is close with both of them,” Lobatse said, diplomatically. “And it’s not so bad. It is a little better now, I think.”

“It is not cool. People need to learn to live in the now, you know?” Yang caught up to Jo. “It’s not your fault. I’m sure you agree, Five. Kefilwe would never have even met Dr. Myers."

Jo started to answer him, something about how no, Kefilwe was not at fault, but Sam and Paula were grown adults who’d make their own choices, regardless of whether or not she agreed with the behavior.

(Which, for the record, she stridently did not).

But Lobatse answered first. “I think that’s the problem. If I could be sad with them, we could share that.”

The others matched Yang’s pace, making it four instead of three and one. She was right in the thick of it now.

Kytan spoke up. “Man, if it was me, I’d go in there and go, ‘Hey, Paula. Hey, Sam. If you don’t stop ignoring me, you’re going to find your bed is full of ants!’”

Jo cleared her throat, loudly, and Kytan almost jumped.

“Which…which obviously I wouldn’t actually do. Because that would be very stupid,” he said, sheepishly remembering who else’s bed he’d just threatened to fill with ants.

“They are missing the person they love,” Lobatse said firmly. “And there are worse things than being ignored. I had a boyfriend when I was working with the AIDS babies in Mozambique who wanted me to text him every two hours!”

“Oh man, that’s intense,” Yang said.

“Team, you’ve picked up a small group of zombies at your seven o’clock. Only five, but they’re fast, and we can’t miss this rendezvous if we want to get our people back.”

Back to business. Jo would always prefer Sam, but Lobatse as operator did have its perks.

“Alright, the manor’s ahead. We’re heading for the crypt. As long as we keep our heads in it this’ll be a simple mission, in and out,” Jo said.

So predictably, it all went terribly wrong.

When she tore back through the gates an hour later, she felt as if the top of her head was about to come off. Whatever Janine had intended as punishment, this had gone far beyond. She sped them through bite check, leaving Lobatse to clean up the audio they’d recovered from Comansys and herself to deal with her runners.

“Runner 13, excellent work today. You are dismissed, and as usual, much smarter than your choice of companions would suggest. You two,” she said, rounding on Kytan and Yang. “My office. Right the fuck now.”

Back in the farmhouse, she stalked past Janine, who raised her eyebrows in surprise at the two terrified-looking runners following in her wake before retreating into the kitchen. Jo slammed the office door behind them, took a seat at the desk, set her folded hands in front of her, and waited.

Kytan and Yang, eyes wide and heads empty, stared back at her without moving or talking. That was fine. They could take as much time as they needed, but she would not talk first.

Several minutes later, Kytan finally said, “Should we…not have lit the zoms on fire?”

Jo smiled without letting it touch her eyes. “You should not have lit the zoms on fire. You should not have lit the zoms on fire without running that strategy by your point runner. And you certainly should not have lit the zoms on fire without running that strategy by your point runner and without taking more than two seconds between idea and action. Because had you taken a bit more time and run that strategy by your point runner, your point runner could’ve said, ‘I’ve dealt with on-fire zombies before. It does not hurt them. It does not slow them down. All it does is MAKE THEM ON FIRE.’”

The boys jumped backward at the sudden raise of her voice.

“Honestly, you two, you could’ve gotten one of us killed. What exactly were you planning to say? ‘Hey, funny story, one of us died because they got caught by an on-fire zombie.’ ‘Well, why was there an on-fire zombie?’ ‘Oh, because we LIT THEM ON FIRE.’ How exactly were you planning to explain that?”

“We…” Kytan hesitated. “We were doing…our best?”

Jo was sure she heard Janine snort through the wall.

At least someone was enjoying this.

Jo pinched the bridge of her nose and shut her eyes. “Runner 11, I’m going to give you five seconds to rethink that and try again, because if that was your honest-to-god best, you are coming off the schedule immediately.”

“Uh…we…were not doing our best…we…were not…thinking?”

Jo looked up. “No. No, you were not.”

The front door to the farmhouse opened, followed by hurried footsteps and excited voices from the living room.

“Listen, I know chaos is how you three exist. I know for you it's ninja kicks and backflips and flying by the seat of your pants, but there is a time and place for rash action, and it is not in the field, surrounded by zombies, and without the input of anyone else on your team. Is that clear?”

Kytan nodded, but Yang spoke up. “Wait, hang on. You’re just mad that we slagged off Sam, aren’t you? You’re not mad about the fire, you’re upset that we were mean to your boyfriend.”

Whatever smug satisfaction Yang had gotten from his so-called ‘realization’ disappeared from his eyes the second Jo turned to look at him.

“Or…or not.”

“Sam is an adult who is responsible for his choices just like anyone else. Those choices happen to have nothing to do with you two committing zombie arson. Here’s the deal: pull some shit like that again, you all get knocked down to the rank of trainee runner. That means no weapons, nothing above a supply mission, you never go out without supervision, and you certainly don’t run together ever again. Do I make myself clear?”

They both mumbled something.

“Try again.”

“Yes, ma’am,” they said in unison.

“Good. Now get out, I’m tired of looking at your faces.”

The runners shuffled out. Once the door closed, Jo dropped her head onto her desk with a thud.

The door reopened a few seconds later.

“I am never, ever, ever going to even think about crossing you ever again.”

“Very good,” Janine said, “then your outing has had its intended effect.”

There was a note in her voice that Jo couldn’t quite place. She looked up. “What is it?”

Janine placed a small audio device on the desk. “This. That audio Dr. Lobatse asked me to clean up, there’s something in it.” She pressed play.

The voice they’d picked up in the background of the Comansys transmission was clearer now, but still a bit garbled. Jo leaned closer to the device. She was sure she heard the word Abel, and she was sure she knew that voice.

“Play it again.”

Janine did. This time, the words came through clear as day.

“I have to talk to her. You have to let me warn her they’re targeting Abel!”

Jo gasped.

Maxine.

Chapter 19: Swallowed in the Sea

Notes:

Hello again! I know it's been a while, but I have brought you some old friends to make up for it!

Content warning for intoxication, blood, drug reference

Spoilers through S3M27

And I could write a song
A hundred miles long,
Well that’s where I belong,
And you belong with me  

Swallowed in the Sea – Coldplay  

“I have to talk to her. You have to let me warn her they’re targeting Abel!”

The operator switched off the mic. “Dr. Myers, I can’t let you do that. You know damn well –”

“They’re in danger,” Maxine pleaded. “Please, everyone I love in the world is in that township. They’re not safe if –”

“They’re not safe with you,” they said firmly. “You know the rules. No contact, not until we know for sure who we can trust. If you really love those people, you will let us handle this. Return to your quarters.”

“But – ”

“That was not a suggestion. Out. Now.”

There was no use arguing. Fighting tears, Maxine shoved her way out of the comms room and back onto the deck. Ed, who’d been waiting outside, looked up.

“Anything?” he asked.

Maxine shook her head. “They wouldn’t let me talk to her. They’re not even going to warn them they just –” She sat heavily on a bench and covered her face with her hands.

Ed took a seat next to her, resting a hand on her shoulder.

She looked up with a sniff. “I know there are rules. I know they’re just trying to keep everyone safe, but keeping Abel in the dark about a threat like this…I just can’t accept how that keeps anyone safe.”

Ed let out a low whistle. “Don’t make sense to me. You ever feel like we’re doing the right thing and the exact wrong thing all at the same time?”

Maxine laughed. “Only every day since I got here.”

They stared out at the water, nothing but blue surrounding them on all sides.

“It was Molly’s birthday last week,” Ed said finally. “She turned three without her dad there to celebrate.”

“Oh, Ed…I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine what that feels like.”

“It’s just like I said. I’m protecting my little girl without being there for her at all. And I know the others are taking care of her. Probably baked a cake and threw her a party and found her some little presents, all of it. But I don’t know.”

“I think that’s the worst part,” Maxine said. “They won’t tell us anything. If they’d just give us a little news from home it would be different. But I don’t know if Paula’s plasmapheresis treatments are working, or if she’s settled into Abel ok. I don’t know how Sam’s holding up…hell, I don’t even know if Jo recovered from what Van Ark did to her. If something went wrong…”

Ed shook his head. “Nah. Five’s a survivor, we know that for damn sure. I saw her that day too. She looked bad, but she was gonna pull through, no doubt in my mind. And Sam’s takin’ care of her and all his runners, just like he always does. And Paula’s gettin’ the best care at New Canton, and she’s made a home in Abel, one that you two’ll be sharing before you know it.”

“And we’ll bake Molly the biggest birthday cake she’s ever seen,” Maxine said, wiping an eye. “I really hope you’re right.”

“I am,” Ed said with certainty. “I have to be.”

---

The news had spread like wildfire. Comansys had Maxine; Comansys had her for sure, and what’s more, they knew where. And where they had Maxine, they could have the others. Abel might actually be bringing their people home.

Plans had started forming at once for a joint rescue mission with New Canton. The Permanent Advisory Council had largely stepped back from the actual planning, opting to leave that to Janine. Their only stipulations were that they be given the chance to review the plans before they were final and that Abel put forth its top runner to test their ability to perform under pressure and make sure they could keep up with New Canton’s top runner.

Sam had snorted at that. Thirty seconds in the field with Jo would sort them out. The better question was whether or not NC-13 could keep up with her.

It was business as usual until then. Supply runs, fact finding, anything to keep the Township going and shore up the rescue.

“I know this needs careful planning, but I wish they’d work faster,” Paula complained. “Now that I’ve heard Maxie’s voice, doing anything else feels so pointless.”

Sam handed over her headset. “Yeah, I know what you mean. This is important too though, right? We know Comansys was studying these blue flowers, we know they have calming effects on zoms…it’s all connected, right?”

Paula sighed. “No, I know you’re right. It’s all important, I just…I don’t know how much more of this I can take.”

Sam squeezed her hand. “You and me both.”

“And speaking of things I can’t take…she’s not joining us, is she?”

He shook his head. “No, I’m pretty sure someone forgot to tell her we moved the mission up a couple hours so we could study the plants before they had too much direct sun for the day.”

Paula laughed. “That is devious, my friend.”

“Yeah, well, we’ll have Maxine back any day now, which means she goes back to being doctor and science-y person, so I figured we don’t need anyone else. You and me and Five’ll handle it just fine.”

“Where is Five, anyway?” Paula asked.

“She should be here any second. She wasn’t supposed to be scheduled today, so she was having a bit of a lie in. I felt terrible waking her up, but I knew she’d want to be on this mission.”

“I’m sure you’re right,” Paula said. She chewed the inside of her cheek. “And you two are…you’re doing alright?”

Sam sat down at the desk and busied himself with the monitors. “Yeah, I…I think we’re fine. We talked plenty and all, so…”

He could feel Paula’s eyes on him, considering. He sighed and turned to face her.

“I don’t know. I can’t decide how I think we are. We did talk, and I know she’s sorry, and I think I even understand why she did what she did, it’s just…it’s different now, and we both know it. That’s the first bad thing we’ve had to go through on opposite sides and it just felt really horrible.”

“I’m sure it did,” Paula said, nodding, “but Sam…you weren’t really on opposite sides. It may have started that way, but you came together to figure it out. That’s what really matters. You still love each other?”

“Of course.”

“Then it’s alright. If you love each other and you’re willing to work together to figure things out, then it’ll all be ok, one way or another.”

Paula turned to the door, ready to head to the gates, but Sam stopped her before she got there.

“I doubted her,” he blurted. “The other day. She was running a quick supply mission to that barn just south of here. Janine thought there might be some gardening supplies. There were no cameras inside, and we lost radio contact for a minute. Less than a minute. It was just a little interference, nothing I haven’t seen before. And when I got her back, I asked her what happened, and she said she wasn’t sure, probably just interference, like I thought, but…but I doubted her. Just for a second. And she noticed, I know she did. I’ve never done that before. Hell, I’ve never had a reason to.”

His eyes drifted to the floor as he talked. This had been gnawing at him for days, the feeling sitting somewhere between frustration and guilt. He hated doubting the woman he loved, but wasn’t it her fault he had to second guess her in the first place? They’d sworn not to bury their feelings anymore – if they had a problem, they’d talk about it. But when Jo had gotten home from that mission, he’d seen the look in her eyes. They’d both frozen, and they’d both known exactly what they were leaving unsaid.

Paula sighed sadly. “I wish I had an answer for you. This kind of thing…it takes time to sort through.”

Sam turned back to the screens. “Yeah. Yeah, it always takes bloody time.”

And that was the exact thing he was sure they’d never have enough of.

---

All things considered, Paula had no reason to complain about this run. The sun was shining with a nice spring warmth, she could hear birdsong carrying on the breeze, and running partners didn’t come any better than Five. All things considered, it was a good as use of her time as any until plans were in place to rescue Maxine.

But she wasn’t about to let any of that stop her.

“We’re nearly there, Sam,” she said. “Could we not have put the flower patch a bit closer to Abel?”

Of course, she answered instead of Sam.

“They need the right trees to grow under, to be in sight of the cameras but not on New Canton’s favorite running routes, and also, of course, out of Dedlock territory. We know the thorns can be dangerous, so we wanted them away.”

Paula barely contained her eye roll, knowing full well Five wouldn’t approve of the catty behavior. Word had gotten around about how she’d laid into Kytan and Yang; Paula hardly thought this was on the same level as setting fire to pursuing zombies, but she wasn’t about to find out. Not with her already so on edge, and not after having seen the look in Sam’s eyes this morning. No need to get either of them in any more trouble.

“It’s okay, I was just having a moan,” Paula said. “I have actually been here before, and – good God!"

She and Five stopped at the edge of the patch. The flowers hadn’t just sprouted – they were nearly three feet tall, more than half the size of Five. Blue petals peeked out from between the sturdy, thorn-laden stems, scores of them. There was plenty here to study.

A low moan caught their attention. There was a zombie ambling along the fence on the other side of the flower patch.

“Watch out, Five. We’ve got company.”

Five looked over at the intruder. “Huh. I don’t think he’s noticed us. It’s just like the zombies near the warehouse. And the ones Veronica was studying. Looks like we got these right.”

“How interesting,” Lobatse remarked. “I’ve heard of the calming effect of the flowers, but to actually see it – that zombie is displaying no interesting in you at all! And listen to the tone of those moans. Do you think it’s attempting to communicate?”

“That’s a theory,” Sam said testily. Paula felt for him. She’d been so relieved it was to just be the three of them on this run, only to have that relief dashed when Lobatse had somehow gotten word of the time change anyway. She was sure Sam having to sit in the same room with her was even worse.

She took a deep breath. It wouldn’t be much more of this. Maxine would be home soon, and this imposter could go back home to New Canton. If she and Sam could just keep their disdain in check a bit longer, it would all be over, and everything would be what it was supposed to be.

Sam sent Five to draw off the zom before it could draw any other attention to them, and Paula climbed the steps to the platform overlooking the flowers. It was even more impressive from above – a sea of green and blue swaying gently in the breeze.

“How’s that crop looking, Paula?” Sam asked.

“Well, the plants in the far corner are losing their leaves,” she replied, peering down at them. “I think they’re getting too much direct sunlight. See how the tree branches aren’t as close together up there?”

The platform creaked disconcertingly under her feet, and she grabbed for the railing with a gasp.

“Runner 23, I don’t think that platform is stable,” Lobatse said. “Maybe you should finish your work on the ground.”

Maybe you should learn when your opinion isn’t necessary, she thought.

“I’m almost done here,” she said instead.

A board wobbled under her foot, and she cursed herself for nearly stumbling.

“Paula, are you sure you’re ok?” Five asked. “I can hear the boards creaking through your headset, Lobatse might be right.”

Oh, not you too. “All that’s left to do is sprinkle some water. I’ll be down in no time!”

She took a step with her right foot, and the board underneath promptly cracked. Paula grabbed for her bag before it went tumbling over the railing.

“Sam, I’m really worried about that platform,” Lobatse said.

Below her, Five had ditched the zombies and jogged back to the flower patch. She raised a hand to her forehead to block out the sun and squinted up at her. “Paula, I really think she’s right, better you come down before something happens.”

“There’s nothing to worry about!” Paula exclaimed. “It’s fine – ”

Her comeuppance was swift. The boards split beneath her feet, sending her plummeting into the tangle of plants and thorns below. She landed hard on her back, leaving her to stare up at the hole she’d only moments ago sworn wouldn’t be there. How odd. She could see right through to the sky.

“Shit,” Five said. “Paula, you ok?”

She sat up slowly, feeling as if her whole body were rolling upwards until her head popped up, balanced right on top of her spine. “Ow!”

She let her arms unfurl in front of her, tilting her head at the array of blue thorns sticking in the skin. They were curious little things, buried face-first in her arms. She tapped at one of them near her wrist, and it held on tight.

“Paula!” Sam exclaimed. “Paula, are you alright?”

Well of course she was alright. She was sitting here, wasn’t she? Anyone could see that. She ought to get up and go back to her friend, but the thorns couldn’t come with her. They weren’t invited. Runners only.

She pinched at the thorn in her wrist but found her fingers wouldn’t grasp it. It slipped right through, like a frog in a pond you couldn’t quite catch. “Sorry, Sam,” she said. “I can’t seem to get all these thorns unstuck from my skin.”

“Better you don’t touch them, Paul,” Five called. “Come on, let’s get you out of there.”

Five swung open a gate just a few feet from where Paula had fallen. That was quite good of her. Paula hadn’t even noticed the gate.

“Don’t go in, Five,” Sam said. “The scientists at Veronica’s base kept clear of those plants for a reason.”

Paula popped back to her feet, smack of the fall forgotten. “There isn’t anything to worry about. I feel fine, Sam!” She walked through the gate. “Thank you, Runner Five! I may never have found my way out if you hadn’t spotted that clever little gate.”

Jo raised her eyebrows. “Oh boy.”

Paula wandered into the field, letting her legs bounce her through the grass, her body floating somewhere above them in the warm spring air. “Sam, there’s barely a scratch on me. Well…” She snorted, observing the many bloodspots appearing on her skin and clothing. “Actually, there are lots of scratches! Those thorns aren’t messing around. But I’m not hurt.”

“Good, that’s good,” Sam said distantly. Paula wasn’t really listening anymore. She’d spotted the sun on the horizon and sped up to a run.

“Hey, Paula – where are you going right now?” Sam asked.

“Hmm? Oh, I’m just running it off.”

“Yeah, Paula, the township’s in the other direction, you wanna head back here?” Five asked

Poor Five. She couldn’t see what Paula could, the warm, sunny glow that promised to wrap her up. That’s where she was meant to be going, she was sure of it.

“I think we should bring her back to Abel for a checkup,” Lobatse said.

Paula stopped in her tracks. The glow was gone now. She’d chased it away.

“You think it’s so easy to take her place, don’t you?” she snapped. “As though you’ll ever be half as good a doctor as Maxine.”

“Paula!” Sam exclaimed.

There was no point in being patient anymore. It was wrong for her to be here. If no one else was going to say it, then Paula would.

“Janine’s making us be friendly to you, don’t you know that? Either play nice, or it’s nothing but Spam rations for the month, that’s what she’s threatened us with. Neither of us can stand you. Sam told you this mission was happening two hours later so you’d miss it.”

“You did WHAT?” Five said.

“That’s not – I mean she’s just – um, look. It’s just, people get used to working together, and –” Sam fumbled for his words like he so often did. Paula had seen it happen before. They’d just fly away before he could get his mouth around them.

“Paula, are you sure you’re feeling alright?” he asked.

All that rage off her chest, Paula felt lighter than she had in months. “Never better!” she called, then promptly caught her foot on a rock and went back to the ground.

“Ow!”

---

Paula went sprawling into the grass ten yards in front of her.

“Oh for god’s sake,” Jo muttered, speeding up to catch her friend before she got herself into any more trouble.

Paula sat up in a daze just as Jo reached her, staring at her hands in wonder. It reminded Jo of the time her roommate had convinced her to try an edible in college and an hour later she’d felt as if her entire body was made of static. Later that night, she’d convinced herself the pet fish had jumped out the window and decided weed was not for her.

Jo exhaled, frustrated and annoyed. In two missions she’d gone from babysitting to trip-sitting and from defending Sam to getting smacked in the face with exactly how badly he was behaving.

She’d always known he didn’t like Lobatse. It was how his grief over losing Maxine had manifested. Snide comments uttered when the other woman wasn’t around to hear them, especially after Janine had given him and Paula that talking to, that was manageable. After all, she hardly had room to talk herself, not with how she’d handled Simon’s departure and her very public dislike of Amelia. But compromising a mission? Jo didn’t know what to do with that.

“I can feel my fingers,” Paula slurred. “All ten of them.”

“I bet you can,” Sam said.

Jo reached for her hands, first making sure they were thornless. “Come on, up you go.”

“You always know what to say, don’t you?” Paula said. “Unlike Doctor ‘I’m always sticking my nose in where it’s not wanted’ Lobatse.”

“Paula…” Jo warned.

Lobatse kept a cool head in the midst of the insults. “So, it appears the plants’ toxins have similar disinhibiting effects on zombies and humans. Though I worry…in the undead, the risk of permanent neurological damage is not a concern, but it is a significant possibility in humans.”

“You mean, this might be permanent?” Sam asked.

“It might well be permanent, unless we treat her now,” Lobatse said.

“How long do you think we have?” Jo asked.

“Likely not long. She has quite a few thorns in her skin, and considering how quickly she became disinhibited, we must assume it is working quickly.”

“No. Yeah, sorry. Permanent brain damage doesn’t work for me,” Sam said. “What’s our other options?”

“I could think up some options if you like,” Paula said, trying to wander out of Jo’s grasp.

She yanked her back, perhaps more roughly than she needed to. “You’ve done enough, thanks.”

“New Canton have stores of poison controls. If she’s injected with those while they clean her blood during her plasmapheresis, we must hope it will counteract the effect,” Lobatse said.

“Perfect,” Jo said. “It’s a good thing you’re here, Kefilwe.”

Sam had been starting to say something, but Jo heard him falter and knew her words had landed exactly where she’d meant them to. He had a damn lot of explaining to do.

“Right,” he said. “Raise the gates.”

“What the hell?” Jo said.

“What are you doing?” Lobatse asked.

“Runner Five, head for New Canton with Paula on the double. I’ll meet you on the way,” Sam said.

Jo had already been hauling Paula towards New Canton as quickly as her intoxicated friend would move. “Sam, what do you think you’re doing?”

“We need to get Paula to New Canton as quickly as possible, and that’ll be easier with two of us. Just keep moving, you’re not too far ahead of me."

Jo, with nothing constructive to say, decided not to answer at all. Instead, she did her best to keep Paula on her feet and heading in the right direction. She’d mostly regained her balance from the fall, and the analgesic effects of the plants meant she wasn’t concerned about her injuries, even if Jo was.

Her filter, though, seemed a long way off from rejoining them.

“You’re going to be ok, Paula,” Lobatse said. “New Canton are waiting to treat you, and Sam’s on his way.”

“Trying too hard,” Paula quipped.

“I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to be sorry,” Jo snapped. “Paula come on, let’s keep moving.”

“Ugh. Oh it’s sweet of Sam to come all the way out here though, isn’t it?” she asked.

“That’s not the word I was going to use.” Jo had landed somewhere between ‘uncharacteristically impulsive’ and ‘unnecessary’ with just a touch of ‘control freak.’ None of it felt like Sam.

Paula didn’t seem to hear her. “He and Maxie are so alike in some ways. Sense of humor, loyalty. Those gorgeous smiles…”

“Jesus Christ,” Jo mumbled.

They picked up a pair of zombies not long before Sam caught up to them. They were about a mile back when he arrived to try and take Paula off her hands. It didn’t give them much time, but it was enough for a quick stop

“Sam! I think I might understand what the Demons and Darkness writers were getting at with the giant wolf, symbolically speaking,” Paula crowed, harkening back to an earlier conversation Jo hadn’t quite followed.

Sam shook his head. “Wow. You better come out of this alright, because I never want to let you live this down.”

“Oh yes, this has all been very funny,” Jo said sarcastically.

Paula barreled on. “Because the wolf is a symbol for how you won’t let anyone in! And the ruby is the heart, the open heart, the way you feel inside! You know that song? ‘A woman of worth, her price is above rubies?’”

Sam put his arm around Paula’s waist, pulling her away from Jo. “Yeah. Why don’t you come and lean on me for a while instead of Runner Five? Just put your arm around my shoulders. Yeah, like that.”

“Oh, you really are a sweetheart, Sam.”

He looked over at Jo. “Runner Five, can you run back towards Abel? That should lead the zombies off our tail. I’ll take Paula the rest of the way to New Canton.”

“The hell you will,” Jo said incredulously. “I can lead the zombies off, but I’m not leaving you alone in the field with her half-incapacitated. You’re not a runner, and you’re not armed.”

Sam shook his head. “No, it’s fine. We’re not that far, I can take care of Paula. We just need you to lead the zoms off, then you can head for Abel.”

“Or I could shoot the zoms and stay with you.”

“No need to waste the ammo, you’ve got your noisemaker.”

“Sam –”

“Would you just do what I’ve asked, please?”

Jo felt as if she’d been slapped. She straightened. “Fine. This is another thing you don’t trust me with. I get it.”

“Jo –”

“I said I get it, Sam. Just go.”

They stared at each other for what felt like an eternity, sharply aware of everything that lay between them, everything they thought they’d sorted.

Lobatse cleared her throat uncomfortably. “Radio in once you know her prognosis.”

Sam looked away. “Sure. Come on, Paula. I’ve got you. We’re going to be fine. I’m going to switch over to New Canton comms.”

Jo stared after them, unhappily rooted to the forest floor. The conversation wasn’t over, and the dread of knowing that was rising in her chest with every breath.

“I wonder…” Lobatse said. “Johanna, do you think Sam understands what Paula was saying to him, or that he’ll allow himself to believe it? Do you think he realizes how much his face shows of his own feelings?”

She didn’t know how to answer that. Instead, she said, “I’m so sorry, Kefilwe. I knew they weren’t treating you well, but I had no idea – ”

“I’m quite sure that’s true,” she soothed. “It is not your fault, nor is it something I hold against either of them all that much. Although I would prefer to have correct mission details. That is a bit beyond what I’ve gotten used to tolerating.”

“That’s a very diplomatic way to call someone an asshole,” Jo replied, but she was trying to wrap her brain around what Lobatse had said about Sam. There was something there, she just wasn’t sure what.

“Yes, well…that’s something to be dealt with later. Let’s fix your zombie problem. It’s time to come home.”

---

It was after dark before Sam could arrange transport home. Running the whole way back was out of the question once Janine had radioed New Canton and forbidden them from letting him go back out on his own. He had a feeling he was in for quite the earful when he got back, and not just from her.

Not that he hadn’t been chewing himself out for the past three hours.

Paula was going to be fine. They’d gotten her to New Canton in plenty of time to administer the poison control, and they had started her plasmapheresis right away. The doctors were fairly certain the plants wouldn’t leave her with any lasting damage. What they had done, though, was make her incredibly tired. They’d barely gotten her hooked up to the machine before she’d fallen asleep.

Which left Sam with quite a bit of time to sit and think.

As expected, Janine had been waiting on the other side of the gates when he arrived, and she had not looked happy. He hadn’t bothered with trying to make excuses and had instead gone right to apologies and promises it wouldn’t happen again. Janine had assured him the conversation was not over, but she hadn’t pressed him too hard. There was worse waiting for him, and they both knew it.

He stopped outside their door. It was a cruel flip of the night Jo had come the night things had started to unravel. Now it was his turn to apologize for a bad decision he could not explain making.

He couldn’t quite read Jo’s expression when he opened the door. She’d looked so hurt before he set off with Paula. The truth was, it hadn’t been about trusting her at all.

Not that time, anyway.

He took a deep breath. “Paula’s going to be fine –”

“Janine told me,” she cut him off. “What the hell were you thinking?”

He pulled his hoodie over his head. “I wasn’t really. I was worried about Paula, so –”

“That’s not what I meant. You compromised a mission. We needed Dr. Lobatse, and you left her out like a middle school bully.”

Jo didn’t seem angry. She was more baffled, like she really wanted to understand what had happened today. That made Sam all the more defensive. He didn’t want to have this conversation. He didn’t want any of this.

“I…I dunno, I made a judgment call. We moved the mission up and I didn’t think it would make that big a difference if she wasn’t there. And yeah, maybe I am sick of her sitting in Maxine’s place like nothing has changed –

“That is you projecting, and you know it.”

“ – and since we’ll have her back soon I didn’t think it mattered if she was there or not, and no, I don’t care if it hurt her feelings. Are we really fighting about this?”

Jo stood up from the bed. “Yes, we are fighting about this, because you are behaving like an asshole, and that is not you. The Sam I fell in love with is not mean.”

Sam turned sharply towards the dresser. “You know, if you’re going to break up with me you should just do it already, because I can’t take this anymore.”

He hadn’t thought those words before saying them. They’d just burst forth, voicing the worry that had been on the tip of his tongue for months now.

The cutting reply he envisioned didn’t come. He wasn’t sure what he expected as he turned back to face her – anger, frustration, maybe even disdain.

What he never would’ve expected was tears.

“Is that what you want?”

Her voice was so quiet, so uncharacteristically timid, that for a moment he wasn’t sure if he’d heard or imagined her. Any strength she’d held a moment ago had vanished at the sound of his words and left her deflated, her chin trembling in a way he’d never seen before, not for torture or death or betrayal.

“I – ” Sam hesitated. He wasn’t angry anymore. Instead it was like the wind had been knocked out of him as he realized how incredibly wrong he’d been, and how, for the first time, his fear had pushed him to say something to Jo that he really didn’t mean.

“No. No, of course that’s not what I want, that’s the last thing I want –”

“Then how could you say that?” Her voice broke.

“Because I…because I’m scared,” he said, something even he hadn’t realized until that moment. “Because all we do right now is fight, and because Maxine is gone, and Paula is alone, and Jody had terrible secrets, and Simon and Evan betrayed us, and Sara died, and the Major too, and sometimes it feels like everything is falling apart, and I love you so goddamned much that I can’t stand the thought of what would happen if the world took us apart too.”

“And you think I’m not?” It was an honest question, not an accusation. “All of those things happened to me too.”

That look in her eyes was still there under the tears, trying to work out something neither of them could put their finger on.

“I know that, of course I do.” He moved towards her, but she took a step back, staring somewhere past him.

“That’s it though, isn’t it. You know how these things affect me which is why…” She looked up at him. “Which is why you don’t tell me how they’re affecting you.”

She sat back down in a daze. “Oh my god, that’s it. We’re always so wrapped up in me that you probably feel like you can’t need anything.”

The conversation had flipped on its head. Instead of fighting about his (admittedly bad) behavior, she’d cut through to something deeper, something that had been hiding under every little fight they’d had in the past few months. It left him whiplashed – but no longer scared.

He sat down next to Jo and took her hand. “I’m not exactly champion of being open about my needs either.”

“Yeah, neither am I, but you’re still good at knowing how to take care of me anyway. We never even talked about what it was like for you to watch your best friend walk out the front gates without looking back.”

“You were sort of incapacitated right when that happened.”

“But even after,” she said, looking up at him. “We just moved forward.” She shook her head. “I am so sorry, Sam.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I am too.” He reached for her, and she eagerly flung her arms around his neck, hugging him so tight it almost hurt. He balled his hands in the fabric of her shirt and inhaled, the familiar scent of her shampoo grounding him.

“Did we just have a breakthrough?” Jo asked, muffled against his shoulder.

Sam laughed. “Yeah, I think we did. That’s…god, that’s a relief. I thought this was going to be so much worse for me.”

Jo pulled away and sat cross-legged on the bed facing him. “Ok. This is good. We said we wanted to talk about everything, so instead of fighting, let’s actually talk. Not just the obvious stuff, but the scary, uncomfortable stuff too. Like today was bad, let’s talk about why.”

“Right,” Sam said, nodding. Jo looked at him expectantly. “…do you think you could go first?”

She laughed. “Yes, I can do that. Ok.” She pressed her palms together and took a deep breath. “It really hurt that you didn’t trust me to get Paula to New Canton safely. I know I broke your trust, but if there’s one thing I can do, it’s complete a mission and keep people safe. You doubting that I could do that hurt.”

Shit.

“So that’s…that’s not what happened.” Sam grabbed her hands. “Not that what I meant matters! If that’s how it felt, then that’s how it felt, and I’m sorry I made you feel that way. But…I heard Dr. Lobatse say ‘permanent brain damage’ and all I could picture was poor Maxine finally getting home and Paula not being there. And I didn’t think. I just ran. Not because I didn’t trust you to take care of her, but because I had to see myself that Paula was going to be ok.” He paused. “And…yeah, maybe sending you to take care of the zoms was my way of putting off explaining to you why Paula and I were behaving like the Plastics.”

Jo laughed. “Ok. That makes sense. This feels so much better than fighting. Ok, your turn.”

Sam stared at her, her green eyes bright with anticipation. She’d been right; this was always where he got stuck. He didn’t let himself prioritize his own feelings or needs because the idea of burdening her was always too much.

But it was also the only way forward.

He looked down at their hands, turning hers over in his. “I don’t want to not trust you. Yes, you lied, but it was once. You’ve not made a habit of it. But I’m worried…I’m worried that little voice will always be there saying what if? What if this is a lie too? I’m worried that mental block is permanent and I’ll never be able to just trust you automatically again.”

“Like on that run the other day?”

He looked up and nodded. “I’m sorry – ”

“No. We don’t apologize for feelings. I gave you a reason to doubt me. Of course your trust isn’t automatic anymore. But instead of you feeling guilty for that, I’m going to do everything I can to earn it back. I am not going to lie to you, and I am not going to keep secrets that affect you. That’s a promise. Ok?”

The nerves disappeared. “Ok. Yeah, this works way better than arguing.”

 “Yeah, it does. Is that it?”

“Well, no, but…” Sam glanced at the clock by the bed. “It’s getting late. We could finish this tomorrow?”

“Is that what you want?”

“I –” He stopped. “No. I want to stay up and keep talking.”

Jo smiled. “Then that’s what we’ll do.”

Chapter 20: Little Drop of Poison

Notes:

Hello again, it's been a *productive* weekend.

Content warning for blood, body horror, canon minor character death, intoxication, rats, vomit

Spoilers through S3M28

(this season is SO LONG WE'RE NOT EVEN HALFWAY)

And a rat always knows when he’s in with weasels,
Here you lose a little every day.
Well, I remember when a million was a million;
They all have ways to make you pay.

  Little Drop of Poison – Tom Waits

The ticking of the wall clock seemed to echo across the tiled kitchen, magnifying the dread-filled uncertainty. Next to her, Sam was drumming his fingers on the table so hard and rapidly that she could feel it in the table leg she’d leaned herself against.

“Stop that,” Paula admonished, grabbing his hand.

“Sorry,” Sam said sheepishly. “Do you think she’s left us to stew on purpose?”

“Knowing Janine? That’s exactly what I think she’s done. She seemed quite angry with us this time.”

Sam leaned back in his chair nervously. “Do you think she’ll go through with Spam rations for a month? Maybe that’s why we’re waiting in her kitchen, she’s going to make us eat the Spam in front of her.”

“God I hope not,” Paula said. “If she does, I’m not sure I can even play the ‘but I fell into a patch of flowers and their thorns messed up my brain’ card for sympathy.”

“Yeah, not with Janine. She’d say something like ‘well, you should’ve thought of that before you decided to lie about mission parameters, Dr. Cohen.’”

“Technically you’re the one who lied about mission parameters,” Paula replied. “Think I can throw you under the bus and get away scot-free?”

“Let’s not find out, thank you very much,” Sam deadpanned. “Although…do you smell something baking?”

Paula shook her head. “I’m not sure. My senses aren’t quite all sorted out yet.”

A couple days of R&R in New Canton had done wonders for getting her back on her feet, but her brain was still a bit foggy. She was still fighting the urge to say incredibly tactless things, though luckily now she could identify them and keep her mouth shut. That wasn’t going to keep Janine from enacting whatever punishment she saw fit, and Paula could hardly blame her. This time, she and Sam had gone much too far.

“So…how did things go with you and Jo?” she asked tentatively.

To her surprise, Sam smiled. “They uh…actually went really well. Like we started off fighting, but then we had this, like, breakthrough about why we’re fighting so much.”

Paula raised her eyebrows. “And?”

“And it turns out, we spend so much time worrying about her feelings and needs that mine sort of get put in a box and forgotten about. I mean, it makes sense; for her, dealing with her own stuff is sometimes about literally surviving, so how I’m feeling seems a whole lot less dire. And yeah, maybe sometimes I use taking care of her as an excuse to avoid my feelings too, which leaves no other outlet for them than being incredibly catty with you. So we stayed up and talked about me wanting to trust her but not being able to, and what it’s been like to not have Maxine around…I even brought up how scared I am she’s going to change her mind about me and…it was all really good. I don’t want to jinx it, but I think we might be in a really good place. Or getting to one anyway.”

Paula let out a reassured breath. “Oh, Sam…that’s wonderful, I’m so relieved for you.”

“It’s just like you said: we weren’t on the opposite side of things, not really. It just felt that way. And now it doesn’t.” Sam glanced towards the door. “I don’t suppose you think Janine will be in a similarly forgiving mood?”

Paula followed his gaze. “I think that’s a bit too much to hope for, my friend.”

They got their answer quickly. The kitchen door opened, revealing Janine with Dr. Lobatse in tow. Paula’s heart sank. She was pretty sure three months of Spam was preferable to having to face this woman after everything she’d said. She may have been out of her head, but she still remembered every second with perfect clarity, like a wild night out that came rushing back as soon as you opened your eyes the next morning.

Janine’s expression was indecipherable, but Dr. Lobatse looked at Paula and Sam with kind eyes and even a small smile, bringing on a fresh wave of shame.

“Neither of us can stand you.”

Sam and Jo were absolutely right. Box your feelings, and they just come out in other ways. In this case, as incredibly unfair treatment of a woman who hadn’t actually done anything wrong and likely would’ve sympathized with them if given the chance.

What the hell had they been thinking?

“Take a seat, Dr. Lobatse,” Janine said. “I think it’s high time we worked through this unpleasantness once and for all.”

She sat down opposite them. “How are you feeling, Paula?”

“Much better, thank you, Dr. – thank you, Kefilwe.”

Janine crossed her arms and leaned against the island. “Mr. Yao, Dr. Cohen. You have both behaved monstrously, and you owe Dr. Lobatse quite the apology. However…it is also worth noting the pain you have both been in. While that does not excuse your behavior, it certainly offers context. Rather than punish you for these feelings, I am giving you the opportunity to work through them together.”

Paula and Sam stared back at her in bewilderment.

“You mean you’re…you’re not punishing us?” Paula asked.

“No Spam?” Sam added.

“No,” Janine said. “Someone brought it to my attention that perhaps an honest conversation is better than a fight. And speaking of –”

Janine turned away from them and opened the oven. As Sam had thought, there was something baking, a tray of those cut-and-bake biscuits they had stashed in the bowels of the kitchen freezers.

“She also thought this might help. Something to break the tension. They are quite hot, so give them a moment to cool, Mr. Yao. I’ll not have you burning yourself."

Sam started to protest but then said, “Alright, yeah, that’s fair.”

“I’m going to leave the three of you to talk. You may take as much time as you need, but I expect that by the time you’re done we’ll have no more of this childish behavior, do I make myself clear?” She looked directly at Sam and Paula. They both nodded.

“Good. I’ll leave you to it then.”

As the door swung shut behind her, Paula turned back to face Dr. Lobatse.

“Kefilwe – I can’t even imagine how we apologize for everything we’ve done.”

The other woman smiled. “That’s quite alright. It seems we have some time. Where would you like to begin?”

---

Things fell into place for the rescue more quickly than anyone could’ve anticipated, which meant that the joint test mission popped up on the schedule with hardly any warning, and the day couldn’t have been any worse for it. With the driving rain and wind, Sam had almost expected to spot a black flag when he looked out his window, but there was no such luck. New Canton were insisting the difficult conditions would only bolster their confidence – provided the runners could complete the mission.

He and Jo were in the comms shack taking one last look at the mission briefing before they sent her out.

“Right, now, I’ve got to go over this with you one more time, according to New Canton instructions.” Sam picked up the pages sent over by the Permanent Advisory Council. “So, ‘Runner Five, the purpose of this mission is to test your ability to perform under pressure in preparation for our joint attack on Comansys. Comansys are on board a ship’ – well, yeah, yeah we know that.”

“Ain’t no thorough like New Canton PAC thorough,” Jo said.

Sam flipped through the pages. “You can say that again. Alright, mission stuff, mission stuff…‘Abel have put you forward as their top runner.’”

“Thank you, Janine.”

“'You’ll rendezvous with our own pick as our most experienced and competent runner, Runner Thirteen, and together, you will undertake an assault course across a half-completed building site. The high walls will make it difficult for you to maintain a line of sight with your partner. This will be a test of your comms operator, too’ – well, that’s charming, that is!”

“You didn’t really expect New Canton to just take Janine’s word that you’re up for it, did you?” Jo asked.

“I mean, I guess not, but I think Janine just agreed to do this because she’s determined to show the Ministry we don’t need another administrator.”

Jo said, “Provable or not, she’s right, we absolutely don’t. Things are running much more smoothly around here with her back in charge, and that’s not just my utter hatred of Amelia Spens talking.”

“Yeah,” Sam agreed. “Almost like the person who’s been in Abel and knows us and understands how everything works is a better choice for leader than an outsider bureaucrat. You ever wonder where she ended up?”

“Amelia? I try not to think about it.”

“Fair enough. So anyway, looks like I’ll be tested too. Little visual contact with your partner and my cams obstructed by the weather…we’ll just have to be perfectly in sync then. Which we absolutely are,” he said nervously.

Jo set her hand on his. “We’re getting there. And hey, if there’s one place we can definitely be in sync, it’s in the field. I’m always going to complete the mission, and you’re always going to keep me safe. It’s practically in our blood.”

“Hm, yeah, I guess you’re right.”

Jo put on her headset. “I am. We’ve got this.”

“Yeah. Yeah, we do.” Sam took her hands. “Kiss for luck?”

She wrinkled her nose playfully. “You think we need it?”

“Can’t be too careful,” he replied. “Or maybe I just really want to kiss you.”

Jo shook her head. “Dork.” But she kissed him anyway and headed off into the rain.

---

Jo heard her companion call to her about a mile out from Abel.

“Runner Five, over here!”

She looked over to spot a tall, solidly built woman with a mess of blonde hair plastered to her scalp by the rain. A grey rain jacket with the New Canton insignia covered their usual runner uniform, which was the same drab shade of grey. Jo made a note of how difficult she was going to be to spot against the dark sky.

The runner stuck out her arm for a firm handshake. “Good to meet you, Five. I’m Steffie. I think we’re going to have some fun tonight! Some zoms on my tail already.”

“Mine too,” Jo said, making sure to match the woman’s grip. She wasn’t sure how she was regarded in New Canton these days, but she wasn’t going to give them any reason for doubt.

“Good warm-up, eh?” Steffie said with a laugh. “This way. Down that slope to the left, come on.”

She took off at a faster pace than necessary, leaving Jo to catch up. She’d been afraid of this. Runner culture was competitive by nature – after all, your skills were your survival – and New Canton was on a totally different level. She’d seen the way they kept leaderboards in the training area. Not just mile times, but missions completed, push-ups to failure, max bench press weights, record times on their obstacle course – everything was a contest to New Canton runners. It fostered an unhealthy aggression Jo didn’t like in her own corps, which was why when her runners were evaluated, it was privately, results seen only by her, Janine, and Sam. As long as they were within parameters to stay alive, the rest didn’t matter.

Besides, no one could come close to touching her mile time anymore, so why bother tracking it?

“Did they tell you I’m Runner Thirteen?” Steffie asked as Jo matched her pace. “Swapped the number with Eric. Everyone else is so easily spooked!” She pointed to the ground. “Mind that root. I nearly tripped on it myself.”

Jo had already noticed it, but there was something nice about someone else paying the same kind of attention she did. “Thanks.

“Not a problem. Been looking forward to running with you, Five. The top runner from each settlement, teaming up to rescue our people from Comansys. All we need to do first is ace this mission. Not a problem for you, right?”

“Hang on a minute – flattering Runner Five’s my job!” Sam said.

“Runners have to keep each other’s spirits up in the field,” Steffie said. “We’ll look after each other, won’t we, Five?”

They were heading for a building site, some flats that went unfinished when the apocalypse hit. Plenty of places for zoms to hide, and plenty of things to trip over. Jo had faced worse, but she was sure New Canton had designed a real test for them.

“No one’s gone in there in a while, so uh, so we’re not certain what you’re going to find,” Sam said. “And my notes say there’s going to be a test of ‘your ability to respond appropriately to unforeseen complications.’ Yeah, not sure I like the sound of that.”

“Doesn’t seem entirely necessary to me,” Jo said. “I mean ‘respond appropriately to unforeseen complications’ is basically a runner’s entire job description.”

“They must have something particularly fun in mind for us. Good thing we’re coming this way, then,” Steffie said. “Just a sec, got something I need to pick up. One of my stashes of um…here we go!”

She’d plucked a jar of blueish liquid from behind some rocks. Any doubts Jo had about what it was disappeared when got a whiff of it. Zombie repellant.

“Problem solved!” Steffie said, giving herself a generous splash. “You use this stuff, right? The calming stuff, keeps the zoms off?”

“I did at Treetop Base, but I didn’t know we had a new batch yet,” Jo said.

“Yeah, we – is that the batch they made from the calming plants in the woods?” Sam asked.

“Yeah, it’s great. Zoms steer well clear! Almost makes it too easy. You want some?” Steffie asked, offering the jar to Jo. She shook her head. “No? Suit yourself.”

“Hmm, probably best not to,” Sam said. “New Canton’s guidelines do say ‘no artificial aids or performance enhancers to be used.’”

“Which they’ve somehow decided includes weapons,” Jo said. “Because that makes sense. We’ll be armed when we go after Comansys. Wouldn’t it be better to demonstrate competency there too? But Sam’s right, I don’t think they want us using this either.”

“Oh, this doesn’t count,” Steffie said. “It’s part of our standard NC field kit these days.”

“Already?” Jo asked. “The flowers just reached a harvestable size, you’re already sending runners out with it on every mission? We don’t know the long-term effects yet.”

“Also, there’s some possibility that it might make you really tactless,” Sam added.

Steffie didn’t pay them any mind. She took off in the direction of the building site, and Jo went after her.

“That’s it, Five!” she called back. “Show me what you’re made of!”

---

In all honesty, there was no universe in which Sam was totally comfortable with Jo running a test mission designed by New Canton, but the further along they got, the less Sam trusted Steffie. She was prone to taking off at a moment’s notice, leaving Jo to play catchup. It wasn’t like her to get left behind; she was faster than any of Abel’s runners, probably than any of New Canton’s too, but she used her speed strategically. Not everything required an all-out sprint, and when she stopped to assess her surroundings, any of Abel’s runners knew to stop with her. Instead, Steffie was taking every opportunity to leave her behind.

The runners came up on the structure, a large, unfinished building with concrete walls, but no roof. Half of it was crumbling, leaving chunks of concrete and large metal screws for them to avoid. Their approach to the site was clear, but the runners would be losing visual contact as soon as they were inside.

This was Sam’s test: keep his runners together and keep track of them both. Cam’s were clear-ish despite the rain, but that wasn’t the challenge. It was Steffie’s impulsiveness.

“Come on, Five!” she taunted, once again sprinting ahead. “What’s the matter, can’t keep up?”

This time, Five didn’t automatically follow. She shook her head at the other runner’s back and took her time surveying her surroundings.

“Steffie’s out of sight again, Five,” Sam said, switching the comms so only she would hear him. “Between you and me, I think she’s trying to put the ‘I’ right back into ‘team.’”

“She’s certainly trying to do something,” Jo concurred, starting into the building. “I don’t know if she thinks constantly staying ahead of me makes her look good, but frankly, if I were evaluating this, I’d take points off for her refusal to work together. I wouldn’t tolerate this from any of my runners.”

“I was just thinking that,” Sam said. “Anyway, good news is that long-range cams aren’t showing any significant zombie activity outside the site, so you should be fine.”

There was a loud metal clang that made Jo jump and put a hand to the holster she wasn’t wearing.

“What was that?”

Steffie leapt down from a half-finished wall, cutting off Jo’s path with a sinister laugh. “What’s the matter, Five, scared? Just messing with you! Need to have some fun in the field, don’t you think?” She whipped her head around to look behind her. “Shh did you – yes, zombies, I hear them. At our three o’clock.”

Five narrowed her eyes.

“Can’t see any zoms,” Sam said. “Well, I can’t see much of anything.”

Steffie crept forward, peering around a corner. “Did you hear that, Five? Sounds like a horde. Six or seven, at a guess. This way.”

“I don’t hear anything,” Jo argued. “and my senses are sharper than most. We need to get back on route.”

 Steffie ducked under an overhang where a ceiling was probably supposed to be and yanked Jo in after her. “They can’t find us under here. Time to regroup, rethink.”

Sam looked back to his scanners to see if they’d reveal something the somewhat-obscured cameras didn’t, but there was nothing. He pulled the feeds from a few more cams – still nothing.

“‘They?’ Who’s ‘they?’ What ‘they?’” he asked. “Five, I’ve managed to get another couple of security cameras up. There’s nothing there! I’d stake my somewhat-flimsy reputation on it. I’m analyzing the background noise on your mic feed, and I’m getting zip, nada, Cinco de Mayo.”

“I’m not getting anything either,” Five said. “Steffie, are you sure the noise from the rain isn’t playing tricks on you?”

She unscrewed her jar of zombie repellent and held it out towards Five. “Why don’t you put on some of the formula, Five? If we both do it, the zoms won’t come anywhere near us right?” She shook the jar at her. “They’re closing in on us. Come on, Five, you can’t leave this to me alone! Your body scent will draw the zoms toward us both! I can’t do this on my own! Don’t let us down!”

She was pleading now, a note of real panic in her voice.

“There are no zoms, Runner Thirteen,” Sam said. “I don’t know what you’re on about.”

“There’s nothing there,” Jo soothed. “Come on, let’s just get back on route and finish the run, then we can head home, sound like a plan?”

Steffie thrust the jar at her, nearly splashing her. “Why won’t you use the stuff?? Why not, what’s wrong with you?”

Through the droplets collecting on Five’s headcam, Sam watched Steffie’s expression morph from desperation to terror.

“Oh god…oh god, no, no!” she shrieked. “No, it’s you! You’re a zombie! Oh god, your skin, you face – no, get away from me, get away!” She shoved Jo backward, sending her sprawling onto the concrete, and sprinted away.

“Five, you alright?” Sam asked.

She sat up, rubbing her shoulder. “Fine, but this is bad. I have no idea where she’s gone.”

“Yeah, I’m radioing New Canton now.” He switched on the comms link. “New Canton, this is Sam Yao at Abel Radio Control. This is an emergency. I’m activating this comms link as per your protocol. Uh, Protocol 1207. Come in, please.”

The radio beeped. “This is New Canton, over.”

“We have a um – a what do you call it? A developing situation. Something’s happened to Thirteen. The – ”

Realization hit him. This couldn’t be…

“Hang on, wait a minute. This is it. Is this it? This is the unforeseen complication, right?”

“It had better not be,” Five grumbled. “because that would mean New Canton was just testing us, and that would make me very grumpy.”

“No,” the New Canton operator said. “The Black Swan Event has not yet begun. Your runner should stick to the plan.”

“Did he just say ‘Black Swan?’” Five asked.

“Forget the plan,” Sam said. “Your Runner Thirteen’s gone mental. You’ve got to call off the surprise, whatever it is.”

“That’s not possible,” the operator replied. “The test event is – it’s out of our hands. There’s no way to stop it now.”

Of course not.

Sam hit a few buttons. “Oh, for – alright, Five, I’ve cut comms with Steffie. You need to get her back home for treatment before New Canton’s bloody out-of-context event.”

“I think I see her,” Five replied. “Over by that cement mixer.”

Sam saw her then too, something large and metal in her hands.

“You’re a zom, Five,” Steffie said. “and we all know what to do with zoms!”

“By the cement mixer with a metal crowbar. Right,” Five said.

“I’m going to kill you, Five!”

“Yeah, I think treatment’s going to have to wait, Sam.”

“Yeah, never mind that. Just get away from her,” he ordered. “Run!”

---

She should’ve said something sooner. Jo had seen the way Steffie’s eyes were clouding over with that same faraway look Paula had gotten after falling into the flowerbed. But she’d convinced herself she was imagining it, distracted by trying to keep up with the constant evasion.

She headed further into the apartment block, a wider arc than the route they’d been meant to follow. She figured following it too closely would increase the chances of Steffie catching up to her, and she was not about to find out how deep this delusion went.

“Fucking New Canton,” she swore. “I don’t even care if they can hear me, this is why we shouldn’t let them plan things, ever. If I had my weapon, I’d be able to subdue Thirteen and get her home for treatment, but nooooo, ‘no artificial aids or performance enhancers.’ God forbid we put runners in the actual conditions they’ll be facing.”

“Yeah, well, I’m sure you can bring all of that up during debrief after you’ve gotten safely away from here,” Sam said. “Where’s she gone? New Canton, come in. Come on! Oh, this is – this is just laugh-in-your-face, kick-in-the-balls brilliant.”

Steffie’s voice echoed off the walls. “You can’t escape, Runner Five!”

Jo whirled around. “I’ve got her, Sam. On the first story of the building to my right.”

“Ok, perfect,” he replied. “You’re ahead of her, just stay that way. Keep going, past those portacabins.”

There was a row of them coming up on her left – and they appeared to be moving.

“Portacabins should not do that,” Sam said.

With a bang, the walls of two were ripped open, and a pair of zombies came lurching toward her.

“Once again, would love my weapon!” she yelled to no one in particular.

There was an awful, fleshy bursting sound, followed by a cacophony of squeaks and scrabbling claws.

“Rats!” Sam exclaimed. “That’s rats! Oh, gross! Hundreds of them, inside the zombies. They’ve eaten out through the intestines.”

Jo made the mistake of chancing a look behind her and regretted it instantly as her stomach lurched. Sam wasn’t exaggerating – there were hundreds of rats falling from and clinging to the pair of zombies. The rain washed dark, thick blood into a pool at their feet and sent it streaming towards her. The smell nearly sent her heaving again – a nauseating combination of metal and wet fur and rot.

“Is that rat babies? Nesting in its stomach? I’m going to puke,” Sam said. Jo heard what sounded like faraway retching. No doubt he was bent over the trashcan under his desk.

“Sam, don’t look,” she said, covering her head cam with one hand for good measure.

“God, this is sick, New Canton. Rats are bad enough, but zombies, too?”

“It was the test,” the operator said wearily. “We anticipate that the Comansys mission will be disturbing. We wanted your runner to have to fight off not just zombies, but the rats, which have been feeding on them. Their bites will also be infectious.”

“Zombies, rats, and a running partner with a crowbar. I will not be sticking around, thanks,” Jo said. “Sam, when I get back, please remind me to write in detail about the top five grossest things I saw working as an ER doctor so I can send copies to the Permanent Advisory Council and put to rest any concerns that I can’t handle disturbing.”

Jo was livid. This test had been a waste of time that could’ve been avoided completely had the PAC asked some simple questions about her experience. She’d have been more than happy to demonstrate any skill they required, but this was beyond unnecessary.

She could see the exit just ahead of her. Once out of the apartment block, she had options that would help her evade all of her pursuers, human, animal, and zom alike.

“That’s good,” Sam said. “You’re outpacing the rats, and the zombies are just shamblers, but I can’t see Steffie.”

Metal scraped menacingly along the cement wall as Steffie stepped out of the shadows to her right.

“Speak of the devil,” Jo muttered.

“Going somewhere, freak?” she growled.

Steffie wasn’t blocking the path to the exit, but she was close enough to back Jo into a corner. The rats were surging behind her, and the zoms weren’t far behind. She’d be stuck if she didn’t move quickly.

She sidestepped carefully, trying to put the exit at her back for a quick turn. She raised her hands to her chest. “I’m not a zombie, Steffie. Come on, zombies don’t talk, you know that. Put the crowbar down and we can get you some help.”

Steffie bared her teeth. “Think you had me fooled, Runner Five? I see through you. You’re like all the other zoms – infected, perverted! But we’ve got power over you now. Cower. Come on, cower!”

She raised the crowbar as if to strike, and Jo resisted the instinct to flinch. Steffie’s face fell.

“You’re meant to run from me. You’re meant to hide. Cower! COWER!”

“Steffie, this isn’t right and you know it. The zoms are behind you, just put the crowbar down so we can run.”

“Oh, god, she’s just standing there, right in the path of the zoms,” Sam said. “There, to your left, there’s an alley. Quick, Five, run down there. Maybe Steffie’ll follow you.”

Jo did as she was told – but she knew she’d be going alone. She took one last glance behind her, just in time to watch a dozen rats scale Steffie’s leggings. She turned away as the other runner began to shriek.

“Oh, god! She’s covered in rats, and now the zoms are – ”

“Turn the camera off, Sam,” Jo said softly. “Radio New Canton and tell them they’ll need to send an extraction team for the body. It’s over.”

---

The rain had only begun falling harder since the mission, the wind setting windows and doors to rattling. Now, Janine did have them raise the black flag – no one else out, not tonight.

Confident the hatches were sufficiently battened, she’d taken shelter in the hospital where they had Five under precautionary observation. She hadn’t applied any of the zombie repellent and was fairly confident Runner Thirteen hadn’t gotten any on her either, but no one was comfortable chancing it.

“Are you sure you wouldn’t like a blood test?” Dr. Lobatse said. “That way we could be sure, and you could go home for the night.

Jo, who looked even smaller than usual cross-legged on a cot, wrapped in a blanket and clutching a steaming mug of tea, shook her head emphatically. “No, we don’t need to waste supplies.”

“But if something is wrong, this would give us a chance to be proactive. It wouldn’t waste much, I’d only need a vial of blood – ”

“That won’t be necessary, Dr. Lobatse,” Janine said knowingly.

“Yeah, she said no,” Sam said. “Uh…thank you, though.”

“Alright,” the doctor relented. “If you change your mind –”

“I won’t,” Jo said. “I appreciate it though.”

“I have some other work to do, but if you need anything, please don’t hesitate to come and get me.”

“We will,” Paula said. “Thank you.”

The doctor gone, the four of them sat in silence, listening to the rain pummel the hospital roof. Sam had sat on the end of the cot, Paula and Janine in chairs on either side.

“Well,” Janine said finally, “today was…suboptimal.”

“Janine, what have I told you about exaggerating?” Jo deadpanned, taking a sip of her tea.

“Fine, it was shit, happy now?”

“I’m happy anytime I can get you to swear, so yes.”

“Impertinence aside,” she said, with a pointed look at Jo, “I’ve spoken to New Canton, and they are officially withdrawing from the rescue mission.”

“Good,” Jo said, “Don’t need ‘em.”

“Johanna –”

“Janine, she’s right,” Sam said. “Even before that repellent stuff sent her over the edge, Steffie was not a good running partner. It was a contest, not a partnership. I think it’s better we keep it in-house.”

“And do you really want New Canton planning anything else after today? I mean, rat-filled zombies? How do you even do something like that?” Paula said.

“If we want this done right, we need to do it ourselves,” Jo said. “A team of Abel runners goes after Abel’s people.”

Janine sighed. “I suppose that makes sense. We had toyed with sending a smaller team even before New Canton’s withdrawal. We’ll need to decide who that is.”

“Well, I’m still going.”

“And it’s not as if you’d be able to stop me,” Paula said.

“And I talked to Louise Bailey,” Sam said. “She’s volunteered.”

“She’s one of our newest runners,” Janine said. “Five, do you think she’s capable?”

Jo nodded. “She’s highly skilled, she’s been a top performer, and she’s used to working under pressure. I think Lou’s a great choice.”

“Three of you then?”

“Plus you and Sam on comms. I’m comfortable with that team.”

“We’ll need someone else to take charge of the runners with you gone. Have you given any thought to that?”

“Jody, obviously.”

Janine raised an eyebrow. “Obviously?”

“Yeah, she’s still pretty isolated, are you sure she’d be up for it?” Sam asked.

“Oh, she’ll be fine. Leave that to Paula and me. We know what she’s going through, we can get her out of it,” Jo said.

Janine considered this a moment. “Right. I suppose this all sounds logical. We’ll re-form our plans for the new personnel. How quickly do you think we could be ready to mount this mission?”

Jo shrugged. “How quickly can you get me out of this hospital?”

Chapter 21: Underwater

Notes:

The way this chapter has been sitting in my drafts for a damn month just waiting for the end scene to be finished...

No real content warning on this. Teensy bit of suggestive dialogue and an alcohol mention

Spoilers through S3M29

When I fall to my feet wearing my heart on my sleeve,
All I see just don’t make sense.
You are the port of my call, you shot and leaving me raw
Now I know you’re amazing.  

‘Cause all I need is the love you breathe,
Put your lips on me and I can live underwater.

Underwater - Mika

Louise flicked a sticky candy bar wrapper to the floor.

“Ugh. Not exactly tidy, was he, this Runner Three? I’d have gone on report if my cell was in the state of this shack!”

The room was unchanged from the night the runners had taken shelter there. No cleaner, but no more disheveled either. That was good; Jo figured that meant he hadn’t returned, which meant that the intel he’d gathered hadn’t made its way into Amelia’s hands. That was the last thing they needed: them trying to prepare for the rescue mission and Amelia ransoming the information they needed to the highest bidder. God forbid they needed her help to get things done.

“It’s exactly what I’d expect from a young man like Simon Lauchlan,” Lobatse said. “It sounds as if he was suffering from some severe mental health problems.”

The pang of sympathy was automatic. It was one that tended to come up on the rare occasions Simon’s name was mentioned. She willed it away each time, but she never failed to have that moment where she wondered what would’ve happened if she’d only known what her friend was going through, if he’d reached out for help instead of self-destructing.

But no. He’d made his choice, and he’d chosen himself, again. It was no use wasting her energy trying to sympathize with someone who’d never give a damn about her.

She flipped through another stack of papers detailing Van Ark’s research, this one stained with something reddish that she hoped was tomato sauce. Nothing in this pile about Comansys either.

“Five, can you see anything useful under that pile of unwashed plates?” Paula asked over the headset. “Any sign of more Van Ark intel on Comansys?”

Jo gingerly moved the mold-covered plates to the side, disrupting a few flies burrowed there. “No, looks like this one’s just notes about Van Ark’s work too.”

Paula sighed. “Alright. We need to make sure we’ve got every possible advantage before the attack. It’s almost time. Just a bit longer until – no, I’m not going to say it.”

“It’s alright, Paula. You are allowed to hope. Hope is good!” Lobatse said.

Louise looked over. “Blimey, when did you two get so touchy-feely all of a sudden?”

“After my attack of, um, verbal diarrhea. Janine ordered us to sit down and talk,” Paula said.

“Really?” Louise said. “That was all? I expected her to come down on you much harder. I mean that story got around, and no offense, Paula, but you didn’t come out of it looking so good. Sam neither.”

“Well, I do think we have someone else to thank for interceding on our behalf…” she said, with a meaningful look at Jo. “But it worked! It’s amazing how good it feels to share your feelings! Don’t you think, Jody?”

Jody, who’d hidden herself into a corner to read through some files, looked up in surprise. “What? Yeah.” She shuffled the papers. “Look, these are just notes on regenerative therapies. Told you it was a waste of time coming here.”

“Sorry, Jody,” Paula said. “I forgot that the last time you were here with Runner Three – it must have been difficult.”

Jo rolled her eyes. “Very subtle, Paula,” she muttered.

In truth, no one really thought they’d find more Comansys intel among Simon’s discarded things. They were here for Jody. Jo and Paula said they’d prove to Janine that she was fit to take Jo’s place during the rescue mission, and they intended to do just that. It was why Lobatse was here instead of serving as operator. She had some actual psychology experience that went beyond a quick rotation in med school and would be a help in assessing her mental state. It was why they’d brought Louise too; beyond getting Jo and Paula used to working with her, she knew a thing or two about rehabilitation.

Granted, the idea had been to put Jody back in a safe setting connected to what had happened and let her open up slowly, not throw it in her face with no warning.

“Getting wrongfully accused of murder and sentenced to death? No, it was a blast!” Jody said with uncharacteristic sarcasm.

“And some of the things Simon said were really hurtful – ”

“Five, you wanna have a look at the stack next to the fireplace?” Jody said. “I’ll take what’s left under the table there.”

Jody knelt on the floor, practically tucking herself under the table like she could disappear. Louise and Lobatse looked at Jo as if to say now what?

Jo raised her hands in front of her chest and mouthed be patient.

The two women looked at each other. Louise shrugged.

“You know, it is possible that he gave Runner Five everything he had,” Lobatse said. “For all the wrong he’s done, it did seem like he wanted to help, to still do something good.”

Much better, Jo thought. She grabbed the stack Jody indicated and saw something familiar sticking out from about halfway.

PERSONNEL FILE: PROJ–

Without thinking, Jo snatched the page and loudly crumpled it, sticking it into her pack.

The others looked over. “The hell was that?” Louise asked.

Jo went cold. What if someone else had spotted that page first?

Goddammit, Simon, I told you to burn this.

“It’s nothing,” she said over the roaring in her ears. “Won’t help us.”

No one looked as if they believed her.

“Right…” Louise said.

Luckily, Jody seemed willing to respect someone else’s secret. She stood up. “We’ve got everything we can. Let’s go before the Dedlocks come back.”

The Dedlocks weren’t an obstacle they had planned for, not with that boy at the warehouse keeping an eye on things for them. Apparently, they’d disappeared two days ago. It was what had made today the perfect opportunity to run a mission inside their territory. Their sudden reappearance was bound to make things tricky.

“I’ve only got a couple of long-range cams, but one group of about forty through the industrial estate, and another even bigger group cutting through Brecks Wood,” Paula said.

“That’s directly in our path if we head back to Abel,” Jody said. “But if we cut through Beacham Park house we can curve around them and head home.”

“Smart,” Jo said. “Let’s head that way.”

“That’s a really good plan, Jody!” Paula said, far too brightly.

Jody raised an eyebrow. “If you say so.”

“Of course!” Lobatse added. “You’re an expert. Not like me. I’m so glad I have you with me today.”

“No offense, but why are you here, Doctor?” Louise asked. “I mean, aren’t you too valuable to risk? Also a bit out of shape, if you don’t mind me saying.”

Lobatse laughed and patted her middle. “Oh, don’t be fooled by this belly of mine. I’m as fit as a fiddle. I may not have the speed, but I have the stamina.”

“And that’s half the battle,” Jo said. “Interesting you question Kefilwe’s presence, though. We runners can be a bit clannish, eh, Jodes?”

Jody shrugged noncommittally. “I guess.”

“No, definitely,” Louise said. “It’s like, being a runner isn’t what you do, it’s who you are. Don’t you reckon?”

“That’s exactly it!” Paula said. “It becomes a core part of your self-image. Maybe because – well, I can only speak for myself, but before I became a runner, I did things for Van Ark that I’m not too proud of. I sometimes think some people might call me a war criminal.”

That’s it, Jo thought. Plant the seed, don’t oversell it.

“You can talk!” Louise exclaimed. “At least you weren’t an actual criminal like me and Jody.”

“For fuck’s sake, Lou,” Jo muttered.

Jody was aghast. “A criminal?”

Lobatse cut them off. “Shh! Do you hear that? The sound of marching feet?”

“It’s the Dedlocks,” Paula confirmed. “The trees should screen you from them.”

“But listen. They sound very orderly. They’re running in perfect time. If I look at my watch – yes. Precisely two steps every second.”

“That’s weird,” Louise said. “The Dedlocks aren’t like, military.”

“Definitely not,” Jo said. “Trust me.”

“So they disappear for a couple of days, and when they come back, they’re all marching in perfect time. It’s not just me thinking that’s weird, is it?” Jody asked.

“Not just you,” Jo said. “Something’s up, and I think we need to know what.”

“They’re moving out of range of my cameras,” Paula said. “Sorry, guys, you’re going to have to follow them. But carefully.”

Jo sighed. Paula was right, of course, but her nerves were fried enough without having to go after the Dedlocks. It was suddenly promising to be a very long afternoon.

---

Dismissed from work for the day, Jody parked herself at a picnic table in the quad with her knitting. There were a lot of things swirling around in her mind, and she didn’t care to think about any of them.

She’d never actually been taken off the schedule after what happened, but she did notice she was getting far fewer runs. She’d never been sure if that was because no one trusted her or because no one wanted to run with her. Owen was still barely talking to her. Some of the other runners were cordial enough, but she could tell they didn’t look at her the same way. Even the teenagers she’d been mentoring had decided they didn’t want much to do with her. It had been isolating, and she hadn’t exactly helped it by hiding away in her quarters.

It was nice that Jo and Paula and Louise and Kefilwe had faith in her, because she certainly didn’t have any in herself.

Her needles clicked in her lap, round in circles like her racing thoughts. No one had bothered to ask her if she’d wanted to be in charge while Five was away, they’d just thrown it at her. How was that any kind of fair? It wasn’t as if she could say no.

Although that was basically what the runners had done to Five in the first place.

Jody sighed and wondered if it would be too much to ask for her to be allowed to just go back to hiding in her quarters.

Jo, fresh from a post-run shower, came up to her.

“Mind if I sit?”

Jody shrugged. “Be my guest.”

She took a seat on the other side of the table and closed her eyes, tipping her head back to the sun. “So,” she said. “How are you feeling?”

Jody set her needles down with a clack. “Don’t you start.”

Jo laughed. “Don’t worry, I won’t lay it on as thick as the others. I told them to be subtle about it.”

“So this was your idea then?”

“Mm, my idea was to sit you down one-on-one and talk things through, but Janine wanted to see you in the field, so…yeah.”

Jody picked up her knitting again. “Great. So does everyone know then?”

Jo shook her head. “Just those of us on the mission, plus Janine and Sam. We wanted to make sure absolutely everything was in order before the rescue mission, and now it is. We know the runners will be in good hands in my absence.”

Jody fingered her yarn uncertainly. “Do you really think so?”

“Wouldn’t have put you up for the job if I didn’t.”

She looked up at her friend’s face. She had that look in her eyes, that certainty Jody could never find for herself, no matter how hard she tried.

“I don’t know if I deserve it,” she said quietly.

Jo thought for a second. “Do you think I deserve it?”

“Of course I do, I’m the one who wanted you for Head of Runners in the first place.”

“Yes, you did. And while I know I’m not exactly open about my past…you know I’ve done terrible things.”

“Well, yeah.”

“But you think I’m fit to lead anyway?”

Jody raised an eyebrow. “Tell me this: were any of those terrible things before the apocalypse?”

“Well, no, but they were a lot worse than laundering money for the mob.” She shifted on the bench, tucking her legs under her. “Jody, look: some people do bad things because they’re bad people. Some people do bad things because they have to. And some people…some people just make a bad decision. But we are not our worst decision. We’re what we do after. How we respond to it and move forward. You did something bad. You aren’t bad.”

She sniffed. “You think the rest of the runners will see it that way?”

“Oh, you don’t have to worry about that. I read them the riot act during morning briefing while you were prepping for the mission. They disrespect you, they’re disrespecting me, and that’s a month of latrine duty.”

Jody made a face. “Before the mission? You mean before you even knew I’d be up for it?”

Jo shrugged. “I told you. I wouldn’t have put you up for the job if I didn’t think you were the right person.” She reached across the table and put her hand on Jody’s arm. “You can do this, Jodes. You’re a leader. I can see it. And I know it’s scary – lord knows I almost laughed in your faces when you asked me to be Head of Runners, just ask Janine – but you’ve got the skills, and you care about this place as much as anyone. You’ll know what to do.”

“And what if I don’t?”

“Just do what I’d do.”

Jody laughed. “No offense, Jo, but you’re not exactly the most predictable of people. It’s not always easy to know what you’d do.”

Jo laughed too. “That is fair, and having anticipated that problem, I left a bowl on my desk full of slips of paper that I wrote advice on. Half of them just say ‘Kytan, stop that.’”

Jody started laughing even harder. “That’s brilliant. It’s always relevant!”

“That it is.”

The laughter quieted. “You really think I can do this?”

Jo nodded. “I really do. And strange as it sounds with the sun still in the sky, I should be heading to bed. We’re out of here at midnight. Night, Jodes.”

“Night, Jo.” The other woman stood up to leave. “Hey, Jo? Thanks. Thanks for having my back today. And always.” She held out the now-finished blue and purple hat she’d been knitting in her lap. “I’ve been working on this for you.”

Jo took the hat, turning it over in her hands. “Oh, Jody. Thank you. That’s really sweet.”

“I know it’s not much, and they might not be your colors, but hopefully it’ll keep you warm.”

“They are a little brighter than I usually wear,” she teased.

“I mean, you don’t have to wear it if you don’t want to –“

Jody reached for the hat, but Jo snatched it away, sticking it over her still-wet curls. “No, I’m gonna wear it, it’s mine, back off.”

Jody giggled. “Good luck tomorrow, Five. This mission’s tough, but I know you’ve got this.”

Jo smiled. “Thank you. And so do you.”

---

The alarm clock cut through the darkness at exactly 11:45. And though he’d been the one to set it only six hours earlier, Sam still pulled the covers up over his head, wondering who the hell was making such a racket in the middle of the night. It wasn’t until Jo shifted next to him that he remembered.

He pulled the blankets down and turned to look at her.

“Time to go?” he asked.

She nodded. “Time to go.”

Everything was in order – bags were packed, equipment had been checked, all that was left was for Jo to get dressed. They’d left the alarm as late as they dared, allowing her as much sleep as possible. Janine had been very clear: the team was to leave at midnight precisely. That got them to Comansys in plenty of time to strike under cover of darkness.

Jo donned her running clothes: black from head to toe, covering her all the way to wrists and ankles to keep her shadowed against the night. She flipped her head upside down and gathered her dark curls into a bun on top of her head.

“You know, the hardest part of the mission might be getting my wetsuit over all this damned hair,” she said.

Sam laughed. “Yeah. You really need a haircut.”

“Look who’s talking,” she said, reaching up to tousle the bangs that had been harder and harder to keep out of his eyes lately.”

“Yeah, uh…Maxine used to cut my hair for me. So…”

“So she’ll be able to fix that soon enough,” Jo said definitely.

Sam set his hands on her waist, taking a moment for a private goodbye before they met the others.

“I love you,” he said. “More than anything in this world.”

Jo reached up, cupping his face in her hands. “I love you too.”

He bent down for a kiss, long and lingering, full of the anticipation and adrenaline was sure they were both feeling. This night was going to change everything, one way or another.

Out in the common area, they found Paula and Louise waiting by the door with the same dark clothes and pack as Jo. Paula’s face was alight, the late hour and impending danger doing nothing to dampen her excitement.

“Ready to go then?” she asked.

“We’re ready, Paula,” Jo replied.

Louise looked around. “I know it’s the middle of the night, but does it seem…quieter in here than usual?”

“Now you mention it, yeah, sort of,” Sam said. “You think something’s wrong?”

Louise shook her head. “Nah, probably nothing. Besides it’s not like I’d even know how much noise there usually is. It is after curfew and all.”

“Yeah, you’re never prowling around after curfew, sneaking out to do god knows what…or who,” Jo said with a knowing smirk. Louise grinned.

A crisp, clear night awaited them on the other side of the door. Sam looked to the night sky – the moon was bright, and the stars were plenty. That was one obstacle avoided. Only dozens to go.

Janine met them in the quad, crossing from the farmhouse.

“Runners, excellent. Right on schedule,” she said.

Jo snorted. “Heh. Shed-ule.”

“Hush,” Janine said. “I am aware that we have talked this plan to death, but I’d prefer to go over the particulars one last time as we walk. You’ll depart from here and head straight for the coast nearest the last known location of the Laetitia Greenwald. We’ve given you use of a Jeep to get you to the water. That way you’re not facing zombies in the dark and won’t have to run with your diving equipment. We’ll keep the lines open in case of trouble, but we don’t anticipate being in radio contact until you’re ready to begin the dive. You’ll approach the ship underwater to avoid detection and locate Dr. Myers and the rest of our people once on board. Mr. Yao and I will be with you via radio the entire time, keeping an eye out for any potential – ”

She stopped short as they reached the gates. Louise had been right; the dorms had been much quieter than usual, and now they saw why.

The Runner Corps had lined each side of the path to the gates to flank the departing runners like an honor guard. Each held a battery operated torch, lighting their way. Jody stepped out from the end of the line.

“Sorry to be out after curfew, Janine,” she said, “but I thought it best we saw our runners off.”

Janine nodded. “That is quite alright, Ms. Marsh.”

“Told you,” Jo said, winking at Jody.

“Yeah, yeah,” Jody said. “Must be great bein’ right all the time.”

Jo shrugged. “It has its perks.”

Jody smiled. “I’m not gonna give you any sort of big speech, because you don’t need one. You’ll bring our people home. We’re all sure of that.”

“And we’ll keep things in order until you get back,” Owen said.

“You’ve left the place in good hands,” Jordan added, glancing around for anyone thinking of disagreeing with them.”

“Thank you all,” Paula said. “I’m sure I speak for my companions when I say that knowing all of you are behind us means a great deal.”

“Definitely,” Louise said. Jo nodded.

Janine cleared her throat awkwardly. “Runners, I do hate to cut this short but we are on a tight sche– itinerary,” she said, with a quick glance at Jo.

“Oh, boo,” Jo said.

Janine crossed to the head of the line of runners, just in front of the gates. “Runner Five, Runner Twenty-Three, Runner Twenty-Four. This mission will be difficult, but we have the utmost confidence in you. And we will see you when you return.”

The runners broke formation to swarm their departing compatriots. Sam hugged Paula tight.

“We’re getting our girl back,” he said.

“Yes we are,” she agreed. “I don’t care if it kills me. I am bringing her home.”

In front of them, Janine squeezed Jo’s shoulder.

“Do make it back alive,” she said. “I have a ’76 beaujolais awaiting a special occasion in my cellar, and I highly doubt there is anyone in this township who will appreciate it as much as you."

Jo smiled. “You know what, just for that, I think I will stay alive.”

Sam released Paula and stepped towards Jo, pulling her off to the side. He drew her in close, wrapping his arms around her as tightly as he could.

“Seriously, though,” he said. “Stay safe, ok?”

“I will,” she said. “I promise I’ll come home to you.”

Chapter 22: What the Water Gave Me

Notes:

Hello, friends! Happy fall, happy Bi Day of Visibility, and happy 'Mel gets her shit together enough to post another chapter.' We're just on the other side of some stuff I'm really excited about writing, so stay tuned!

Content warning: torture, body horror, suicide, deep water, threat of drowning, hallucination

Spoilers through S3M32 (we're more than halfway and I've only been writing for a LITERAL YEAR)

And oh, poor Atlas
The world’s a beast of a burden
You’ve been holding on a long time,
And all this longing
And the ships are left to rust

What the Water Gave Me – Florence + the Machine

Jo had always loved swimming, especially growing up. She’d always relished the way the water made you feel free, the way it washed you clean. She’d spent the warm seasons at the swimming hole behind her home, the cold at the local rec center where she and the grandmotherly woman who worked the desk on weekday mornings pretended she’d paid for a membership. She’d even spent her sophomore year on the local swim team until she grew weary of depending on literally anyone else’s parents to get her to meets.

When everything changed after leaving Georgia, her love of the water did not. There was nothing that cleared her mind after a long day of a double major’s worth of classes like gliding up and down lane 8, the one tucked furthest away from everyone else. After college, she always chose apartment complexes with pools, even when it meant a spike in her rent. Following a successful first year of residency, she had planned a solo scuba diving trip to Belize, so proud of the money she’d managed to tuck away. It was the first big purchase she’d made that wasn’t necessary, that benefitted no one but herself. She woke every morning counting down the days.

Of course, the apocalypse saw to it that she never got to zero.

But like arriving at Mullins had been the trip abroad she’d never gotten to take in the before times, she now somehow found herself decked out in scuba gear, remembering what the instructor had taught them those very early mornings she’d fit in classes, though under wildly different circumstances than what she’d pictured. For one thing, the water off the UK coast, in the middle of the night, and in April, was goddamned freezing. For another, the flora and fauna left a lot to be desired.

“The aquatic zombie employs many forms of camouflage in its hunt for prey,” Paula intoned, her voice deep and serious. “Observe how that zom below has worked several varieties of native plant into its costume. Note, in particular, the strands of rubbery, bile-green kelp woven between the exposed ribs.”

Jo and Louise laughed as they drifted through the water over the zombies’ heads.

“Don’t forget to tell him about the teeth,” Louise said.

“Ah, yes. Observe the undead specimen in the swimsuit. See how the barnacles growing on her incisors have formed what could almost be described as rudimentary tusks. Of course, it’s the texture of the skin that sets the sea zombie apart from its land-dwelling cousins. The waxy, almost melted quality - so distinctive.”

“Yeah, yeah, okay, we all get it. Lots of bloated, rotting zombies down there, we know,” Sam said, almost audibly shuddering.

“We hadn’t got to the bloating yet. Nice one, Sam,” Louise quipped. Sam groaned

“Alright, David Attenborough, time to give it a rest,” Jo said with a laugh. “I think you’re losing your audience.”

“Dr. Cohen, bring your dive light around on the zombie swimming towards you on your left,” Janine said. “The one with the reddish growths on its skin. Well, what’s left of its skin.”

“Aw, Janine, not you, too,” Sam complained.

She ignored him. “Yes, that’s the one – that zombie with an eye hanging out of its skull by the optic nerve and the missing lower jaw, which is presently swimming in your direction.”

“And quickly at that,” Jo said. “Jesus, who knew the dead would do so well in water? We need to move.”

The trio started away from the closing aqua-zom, but not quickly enough. It lunged for Louise, its hands closing around her face. In one fluid motion, it grabbed her oxygen mask and ripped the line, leaving Louise exposed. She kicked it square in the chest, driving it away just long enough for them to escape. 

“Louise,” Jo called, reaching for her arm. “Here, take my mask, we’re going to have to share.”

With Paula’s help, they hauled Louise away from the zom, but there were hundreds more beneath them. They were running out of time - and now air. 

“We need to get out of here,” Louise said, having swapped Jo’s mask for Paula’s. “What’s our plan?”

“You’ll have to head for the surface,” Janine replied. “You’re further out from the ships than I’d hoped you would be, but you’ll have to use the depth charges.”

“Depth charges?”

“In Runner Five’s dive bag.”

“Depth charges, for me??” Jo said. “Janine, you shouldn’t have.”

Janine ignored her. “Make your ascent now, and quickly. Runner Five, I’ll let you know when to drop the charges.”

It wasn’t long to the surface after that. They broke through the water with a collective gasp.

“Oh, it’s good to see sky again,” Paula said.

Jo looked up at the deep blue-black above them, dotted with what seemed like millions of stars. The Big Dipper was bright, and she followed the two stars on its cup to Polaris. Even here, in the middle of the ocean, there was something to help guide them home.

“Good to take a breath again,” Louise added. “And that’s not the only thing. Look up ahead!”

Jo followed where she was pointing to the mass of ships on the horizon. They were anchored in a ring, like a floating island, the light from the decks making them easy to spot.

“I don’t think I really believed we’d find them until now,” Paula said.

“Can you see people? Is there anyone on any of the decks?” Sam asked.

“Can’t tell from here,” Jo replied. “We’re too far out.”

“But we’re here, we made it,” Paula said. “If Maxine is on board any of the ships -”

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” Jo said. “The two of us still have to make it onto a ship, that’s going to be the tricky part.”

“And unfortunately, it’s unlikely we’ll be able to solve that issue with a single application of explosives,” Janine added.

“We know the plan, then,” Jo said. “Louise hijacks a speedboat while Paula and I infiltrate the Laetitia Greenwald and head for cover. We’ll assess and find the boat with the cryo freezers from there. Everyone ready?”

“Ready,” Louise said.

Paula nodded. “We’re going.”

“Be quick,” Sam said.

“Godspeed,” said Janine.

---

The shadowy figures of Runners Five and Twenty-Three dashed across the deck and to the lifeboat, beneath the tarpaulin. Janine clicked a button on her watch.

“And mark!” she said. “Very good. You’ve made first cover seventeen seconds faster than I estimated.

Sam gave her a look. “You estimated it to the second?”

“This surprises you?” Five asked.

“To the half-second. It’s become clear to me, Mr. Yao, that if I don’t take care of matters myself, I can’t rely on anyone else to,” she said.

What she meant was that this was her biggest test since the death of Major De Santa. It was her first chance to prove that she needn’t rely on anyone else, not for leadership, not for planning, and certainly not to protect her people. Every inch of this mission was mapped out down to the smallest detail. She’d run the probability of success, and it was high - though certainly not a guarantee.

“That’s very healthy, Janine,” Five deadpanned.

“As if you’re any better. What can you see?”

“One guard to the west of us. Appears to be making a slow circuit of the boat, clockwise,” Paula said.

“Excellent. As we presumed in our simulations, they’re prepared for air assault or an attack from another ship, but not for infiltration from a small team.”

All to plan so far, or at least within the parameters of what could go wrong for which Janine had accounted.

“Good then,” she said. “Five and Twenty-three, prepare to cross the walkway onto the second ship on my mark.”

The pair crept out from their cover only to be immediately driven back by a scream. Sam jumped a mile next to her.

“What was that? Are you alright, Twenty-three? Five, you okay?” he asked

“We’re fine,” Paula said. “It’s not us.”

Janine peered at the screen, trying to ascertain the source of the noise and figure out exactly what kind of danger she’d sent her people towards. There was nothing on the grainy cameras Sam had managed to pull up that gave her any answers - they were too far out, only giving a broad view of the ships’ decks. If she didn’t have the exact location of the runners’ cover marked on a diagram, she’d never have known the flicker of movement in the corner was Five and Twenty-Three at all.

The scream sounded again, this time pleading, “No, no, please! Please!”

Janine felt her stomach drop. She’d prepared for this mission as much as humanly possible, but intel on the Comansys floatilla was hard to come by. It had been difficult enough to confirm its location (or even existence), let alone anything about the people onboard or what they were doing there. Comansys had been secretive even before the apocalypse; there was no doubting they had far more to guard now.

“Someone’s not fine,” Sam muttered.

“All the more reason to do our job and get our people off this boat,” Janine said. “Five, Twenty-three, you’re heading for cover by the blue awning. Go!”

Her people did as they were told, trusting as always that she was leading them to safety.

And Janine, as always, prayed they were right to.

---

The rest of the trek across the ships passed in a bit of a blur. Paula was so singularly focused on their end goal that she didn’t want anything pulling her attention away, much as she was presented with danger and distraction at every turn.

Five had gone quiet not long after they’d first heard screams, and it was no wonder why. Paula knew this ship - or one very like it anyway. The Aurora, where Abel runners had eventually found Runner Eight. He’d never told her much, but she knew Van Ark had been running experiments in the bowels of that vessel.  Dead or not, his fingerprints were all over this place. His brand of cruelty was an uncommon one, but it was not unique.

She and Five ducked behind some plastic sheeting for cover, just in time for another agonizing scream.

“There’s something behind you,” Sam said.

“Zombie!” Janine agreed. “I’ve never heard one make – I’ve never heard one make that noise before.”

There was a sliver of light left for Paula to peer through. She looked out, squinting at the figure. It was shuffling like a zombie, a low moan escaping its throat like a zombie, but something wasn’t quite right. 

“I can see it…” she said.

“Dr. Cohen, stay down!” Janine ordered. “If that thing gets your scent, the sound alone will wake the whole ship, and then we’ll never get Dr. Myers back!”

It was closer now, close enough for Paula to make out the details of its face. It was in agony, its eyes hollowed with distress. And it was crying. Her stomach twisted.

She glanced over her shoulder, making sure Five couldn’t see past her. “I don’t think it’s a zombie.”

“It looks like it’s missing a leg, Paula, and -”

She cut Sam off. “And half its arm is rotten, the flesh hanging off the bones, but I still don’t think it’s a zombie. It’s not like them.”

Not quite human, not quite zombie, but very much still alive and able to suffer. Rotting slowly, bit by bit, dying by inches.

Was this what awaited her too?

“I can’t… I’m sorry,” he sobbed. “I can’t go on like this, I can’t!”

Painstakingly, the man made his way to the railing, and when he arrived, there was no hesitation. He tipped himself over, plummeting into the zombie-infested waters below. The waves weren’t enough to muffle his screams.

“He wasn’t a zom,” Paula muttered. “Why, this is hell.”

“Nor are we out of it,” Janine said. “You’re clear to move again. According to our intelligence, Doctor Myers should be in the next boat. Go now, get her quickly. Get off that flotilla, all of you.”

Five was next to her, leaned against the wall with her eyes closed and breathing very deliberately. Paula wanted to leave her be. She wanted to let her take the time she needed to process the horror around them, wanted it for both of them.

But there was no time.

“Five?” she asked gently. “You still with me?”

Her eyes opened slowly, and she nodded.

“Good. We’re almost there, come on.”

They moved quickly across the deck and over to the next boat. The cryo freezing area wasn’t far from their entry point. Miraculously, the door was unlocked.

It was big - bigger than any of them would’ve liked. Paula stared down the dark corridor at the seemingly endless rows of freezers lit by an eerie blue glow. They had the capacity to hold dozens of people. She could see some of them inside, suspended.

“Sitrep, now,” Janine barked.

“We’re in the cryo freezing area,” Paula said. “But the people inside them aren’t in a deep coma, I think. Some of them, anyway. Five, I’ll take the left side, you take the right.”

They set to work scanning the names. She didn’t recognize any of them, and there were many - so, so many. How many people had Comansys stolen? How many families had they ripped apart?

“Wait, here’s Ed!” Paula said. “Oh, but it’s empty.”

“Maybe they’ve taken him somewhere else,” Sam replied.

“Yeah. Yeah, maybe,” Paula said, continuing to scan the names, until -

“Oh, thank God, I’ve got her! Here, Five, here, help me get this open.”

Five reacted quickly this time and helped Paula with the freezer’s heavy handle. It opened with a hiss. A rush of cold air hit them in the face, and Paula had to blink against it. But when she opened her eyes...

She was there. 

Her Maxine was there, alive and intact and nothing like that man they’d seen on the decks. Months of planning and pining and worry had led them here. Years, even. There were days when she was certain she’d never see this moment, but here it was. 

Maxine stirred, her eyes fluttering but not opening. “Wha - what is it?” she mumbled.

“Maxie, it’s me!” Paula cried. “We’ve come for you! Come on. Five, help me lift her.”

They reached for her, Paula hooking her arms under Maxine’s, Five grabbing her legs. She was dead weight against them, and they staggered back as they pulled her from the chamber. There was no time for a proper recovery cycle, but Paula would carry her all by herself if she had to. Five gently set her feet on the ground, letting her lean heavily between them, with Maxine protesting all the while.

“No, no, I can’t! I can’t - I can’t go. No, no, I can’t!” she cried.

“You can, darling. You can, I’m here for you now.”

Maxine shook her head, clearly disoriented. “I can’t –” She looked up, her tearful eyes finally open. They landed on Paula’s face and went wide. “Oh, Paula! Paula, Paula!”

Paula smiled, holding back tears of her own. “It’s me. It’s okay, it’s me. Five, can you hold the door?”

She slipped an arm around Maxine’s waist as Five went for the door. 

“Your path down to Miss Bailey is clear for now,” Janine said. “Move quickly, and you’ll be in the boat in an estimated seven minutes and thirteen seconds.”

Seven minutes and thirteen seconds. They’d be bringing Maxine home in seven minutes and thirteen seconds. It was almost over. 

“Come on love, through the door,” she said. 

Maxine had found her footing and planted herself firmly against the floor. Had she been stronger, she’d likely have been immovable. “Paula! You don’t understand!” 

Paula took her hands, gently pulling her along. “You can explain it to me later, darling. Let’s get out of this room. Runner Five will help you.”

But the second they reached the door, an alarm blared overhead.

The trio froze, Five drawing her gun, Paula instinctively throwing herself in front of Maxine.

“Alert. Unauthorized person leaving chamber three.”

---

There was nothing quite like a literal alarm blaring to wake Jo up. There’d be time to process the dread that had enveloped her later. For now, she had to run.

They’d made it back to the first boat, the Ariadne , with little trouble. The ship with the cryo freezers had been unmanned, so guards hadn’t been a concern. They’d even found a wheelchair for the increasingly agitated Maxine who insisted she couldn’t go with them. Whatever Comansys had done to her, it was having its intended effect.

Louise was waiting nearby in her speedboat. It shouldn’t have been too difficult to get to her, even with the alarm sounding. They’d planned for this eventuality and knew what to do in the case that they were spotted. It meant a longer route back to avoid the guards, but they still should’ve been able to make it without too much trouble.

That was, until an explosion rocked them.

Jo grabbed for the railing with one hand and the wheelchair with the other, bracing her feet against the deck. 

“What the hell??” Louise said.

“I don’t understand why, but the flotilla has set off depth charges around the cruise liner you’re on,” Janine said.

“They WHAT?” Jo said.

“The boat is going down. You have to get out of there. Along that corridor, as fast as you can. Run!”

Janine was right. The force of the explosion had left the ship unstable, instantly beginning to drag it down. They sprinted down the corridor with Jo in the lead, getting thrown more heavily to the right with every passing minute.

“Which way now?” Jo demanded.

Sam answered her. “The quickest way to the upper deck is along that corridor, and then down the -”

Janine cut him off. “No, she’s listing heavily. The port side will be above the waterline in - I’d estimate around four minutes.”

“Oh, no. No, they can’t jump. Definitely not,” Sam said.

“They can’t still be on that ship when it goes down, Mr. Yao. The vortex will drag them down, even if they try to swim for the surface. If they’re on deck, they’ll die.”

“So you want them to jump into the water??”

“We might not have a choice,” Jo said. “Paula, here, we can support Maxine between us, we need to run.”

By the time they reached the end of the next corridor, the wall had become the floor, and the stairs were completely sideways.

“She’s over, she’s rolling over,” Sam said.

“She’s breaking apart,” Janine added. “See the metal ripping there, and there.”

Jo could see what they meant, but she couldn’t work out why they’d blown up the ship. It seemed like a lot of trouble to go to to stop a single prisoner from escaping. They hadn’t even taken the time to evacuate - Comansys’s people were jumping from the upper decks into the zom-infested waters below.

Torture, mutilation, and now the willful murder of their own people. Did this place’s cruelty know no bounds?

They were running out of time. The ship was going down, and if they weren’t to Louise in six minutes, she’d have to leave them behind.

The corridor windows burst, unable to handle the mounting pressure any longer, sending a surge of glass and seawater their way. Paula threw herself over Maxine, shielding her from the worst of it. Jo got a face full of water, leaving her drenched and coughing.

“Are you alright?” Paula called over the rushing water.

“Fine,” Jo said. “We have to keep moving.”

It was a slog now, the water up to their ankles and rising rapidly.

“I’ve got my motor running. Just waiting for you. Even got some life jackets and foil blankets. Get out now. Jump, and I’ll find you,” Louise said.

Jo uselessly wiped her brow with her sleeve, trying to think. In none of their simulations did they anticipate Maxine being resistant to rescue or Comansys blowing up their own damn ship. She’d sat with Janine for hours running through the possibilities. Jo had long since learned that if Janine didn’t anticipate it, then it was very unlikely indeed.

They stumbled to the end of another corridor, once again unsure of where to go. Jo was about to ask when she heard the snarl.

“Something’s crawling over the side of the boat, look,” Janine said.

Zombies, of course, pouring in through the windows and cutting off their escape, undaunted by the obstacles that were giving them so much trouble. 

“We’ll have to turn back,” Jo said.

“That’s further away from Louise,” Paula replied.

“We don’t have a choice, we can’t get out this way, let’s go!”

They’d both been right. By the time they cleared the encroaching horde, their time was up.

“It’s only a minute or two now before she goes down. Miss Bailey, you must leave,” Janine ordered.

“I could stay a little longer,” Louise said.

“You could not. Go, now. Doctors Cohen and Myers, Runner Five, have you found your life jackets?”

They had, folded carefully in their packs for emergency. Jo cinched hers around her waist.

“I’m going to need you to run upwards, toward the very topmost part of the boat. The three of you will hold on there until the very last moment, then take a deep breath of air – the deepest you can - and as you hit the water, you will try to swim upwards. You’ll become confused and disoriented. Concentrate on letting your breath out very, very gradually. You’ll have longer than you think. Even the untrained have up to two minutes of breath in their lungs.”

“Man, whatever training they gave you to run this secret lab facility was really comprehensive. Were they expecting a shipwreck here?” Sam asked.

Janine hesitated. “I’ve watched Titanic eight times.”

Yeah, sure, Jo thought. She cleared her throat meaningfully.

Janine sighed. “Twelve. Are you ready?”

“We’re ready,” Jo said.

They’d almost made it to the spinnacle when another voice got their attention.

“You three!” he called. “You three! Here, to me!”

The voice was familiar. It almost sounded like…

“Well, that’s the – it sounds like the man who was being tortured in the lower gallery!” Sam said.

He was right, and he was ahead of them with an inflatable dinghy - and a half-rotted arm, just like whatever Paula had seen on the deck.

“Help me launch this. We only have a few moments. We could all be safe here, sealed tight,” he said.

It was the best offer they were going to get. Everything was happening too fast for her to think of a better plan. Jo sprinted for the corner of the upper deck to get the boat untied. The knots were tight and soaked through, and the fibers dug under her fingernails as she clawed at them, wrenching it apart.

Maxine and Paula were several yards ahead of her, safely with their unlikely savior, but that would do them no good if Jo couldn’t get this last bit of rope untied. She braced herself against the deck and slipped; the water was nearly to her chest now, and the slant in the floor meant she was reaching overhead. Finally, the knot gave way and uncoiled in her hands.

“Five, the ship is breaking apart. You’re in the center of it. The boat’s untied now, you have to get back there. Right now, Five! Right now!” Sam ordered.

A wave crashed over her head as she turned back. She barely filled her lungs before ducking under and breaking through on the other side.

“Was it you, not Diana?” the man asked as he loaded Paula and Maxine into the lifeboat. “Not Diana?? Oh, thank god, thank god!”

Not Diana? But wasn’t she with them?

“Runner Five, that’s it, the others are all in,” Sam said. “The lifeboat’s swung to your right, you have to swim towards it now.”

Jo dove under the water, kicking hard towards the lifeboat. She broke the surface with its side just out of her reach.

“The floor of the ballroom is heading for your head. Go faster! Get out of the way! Hold on to the raft, you’re nearly in! Duck!”

The warning came a millisecond two late: something collided with the side of her head, sending her sprawling overboard and into the water. She hit the waves with a splash that felt like landing on concrete and went tumbling further towards the depths. There’d been no time to think, and no time to get those all-important lungfuls of air. The current pulled at her, making it impossible to regain her bearings.

Up. Janine said swim up.

Where the hell was up?

Her head was already throbbing where she’d been struck. She wasn’t sure if it was simply too dark to see beneath the water, or if her vision was starting to go. 

Janine’s voice came over the headset. “Five, you are underwater. The ship is going down. You will be caught in the vortex. Move, now. Move, or you’re going to die.”

Move. Janine was right, she had to move. But where? To what? How had she landed herself here in the first place?

That’s my Five. We’re nearly there.

That voice…

Sara , she thought. Thank god.

Everything was going to be ok now. Sara always saw her safe, no matter what. Jo started to relax. She didn’t have to think or decide or do anything. Sara would know what to do. She always knew what to do, except…

Except Sara was dead. There was no safety with her.

With all the strength she had, she thrust her body upwards, towards what she thought was the surface.

“Head for the light,” Janine said, more urgently this time. “Head for the light, Five, or you’ll die.”

Chapter 23: High Water

Notes:

You all missed the craziest of crazies. Work. Writing. Yoga retreat. Covid. Mom??? Lost wallet. Broken laptop charger. Antidepressants. Hiding in my best friend’s apartment. Coming home, crashing on my couch, because technically I’m ~seasonally depressed~!!!

Content warning for threat of drowning, head trauma...sad runners??? Idek.

Spoilers through S3M35

Whole lifetime have come and gone,
And I’m still here on my own
Don’t know when I’ll ever get back home
High water, high water, high water gonna rise

High Water – Amos Lee

“Head for the light, Five, or you’ll die.”

The screen revealed nothing but the dark churn of the ocean, water swirling as the vortex grew. 

“Did you see where she landed?” Paula asked.

The lifeboat was a speck against the waves, nearly impossible to make out.

“Behind us, I think,” the man said. “But the current’s too strong, we can’t turn around.”

There was nothing, absolutely nothing to see but the water -

“Mr. Yao.”

- the water into which the woman he loved had plunged but had not come out.

“Mr. Yao,” Janine said. “You need to breathe.”

Sam finally did, a gasp as he realized how long he’d been frozen to the spot, staring helplessly at that screen that may as well have been blank.

“She hasn’t come up,” he said. “You told her to swim towards the light, if she could hear you she would’ve, why hasn’t she - ”

“Give her a moment,” Janine said, her eyes fixed on the screen just as intensely as his were. 

He did.

Still nothing.

“You don’t think -”

“I absolutely do not ,” she said firmly.

The seconds were hours, stretching as unendingly as the black sea.

He’d warned her too late. He’d seen the danger but hadn’t relayed it in time, and now she was somewhere beneath the surface, fighting a vortex to stay alive, if she’d even made it that far. Whatever hit her had hit her hard. She may not have even made it to the water. He could be holding his breath for nothing, waiting for something that would never come because he hadn’t been fast enough. 

The love of his life could be dead because he hadn’t been fast enough.

Sam’s hands started to shake where he gripped the desk in front of him.

“Janine,” he said, his voice nearly a whisper, “I don’t think -”

A desperate gasp cut him off, the sound of someone finally getting a breath after going far too long without.

“There, there!” Maxine cried.

“Runner Five, wait there. We’ve got a life ring. Hold onto that, I’ll pull you in,” Paula said.

Nothing about the cameras had changed. It was useless for Sam to search them, but he did anyway, unable to relax until he was sure she was safe. He stood, nearly pressing his face against the monitor.

“Five, Five?” he said. “Where are you, Five? I can’t see anything through this bloody weather camera!”

“We’ve got Five in the life raft with us, Sam,” Paula said. Finally out of the water, Sam could hear Jo dissolving into a coughing fit.

Sam exhaled, flopping backwards into his chair. “Well, good, then.”

It wasn’t as good as seeing her with his own eyes, but it was enough for now.

Janine breathed her own sigh of relief next to him. “Thank god ,” she muttered.

Sam raised his eyebrows. “You ‘absolutely do not,’ huh?”

Janine glanced at him sideways. “It is possible I overstated my own confidence in order to bolster yours.”

“Yeah, well…thanks for that,” he said.

They weren’t home, they weren’t out of danger, and they didn’t have a single answer, but for just a moment, Sam could breathe a little easier. He dropped his head into his hands and massaged his temples. Outside the comms shack, the sun was just starting to rise - but it had already been an unbelievably long day.

---

“Look up…now down…follow the light with your eyes…hmmm…” 

Maxine trailed her penlight back and forth in front of Jo’s eyes. Her pupils were the same size and reactive, but every time Maxine began to think she was ok, the stripe of blood drying in her hair put her on edge all over again.

“Maxie, darling, she’s fine ,” Paula said with an affectionate laugh. “We all need to rest, you included.”

Albert had settled the three of them in a comfortable cabin to recover with tea and foil blankets for all. Maxine was still foggy from the cryo - and from the whirlwind of trying to help her people understand what had been going on all this time - but that hadn’t stopped her from jumping right back into doctor mode when Jo needed her. She set the penlight down and tucked the blanket further around Jo’s shoulders.

“Come on, Max,” Jo said, smiling weakly. “I’ve told you a million times, you can’t get rid of me that easily.”

Maxine sat down next to her and wrapped her arms around her shoulders. “Thank god for that.”

Paula took a seat on Maxine’s other side and wrapped an arm around her waist. The three of them huddled together against the damp air, exhausted and thrilled to be reunited. Jo put her head on Maxine’s shoulder, and Maxine jostled her gently.

“Hey,” Maxine said. “No falling asleep, you. A mild concussion is still a concussion.”

Jo groaned. “Fine, fine. It’s up to you to entertain me, then.”

“Any requests?”

“Mind going over what the hell you’ve been doing here if you haven’t been a hostage? I wasn’t exactly following the conversation back in the lifeboat.”

Maxine sighed. “Yeah, I can do that.”

So she explained it again: she wasn’t a prisoner - Comansys was keeping her, and all the others, safe from Diana. There were people - Maxine included - who were incredibly susceptible to mind control, and Diana was determined to get her hands on them for her army. Maxine especially; her mind was invaluable, as was her supposed access to Abel’s biolab. She’d almost laughed when Albert had told her that - Janine didn’t give access to just anyone, not complete access like Diana would want. Maxine was pretty sure only Janine, the Major, and Runner Eight had had that. 

Worried Diana would stage a frontal assault against Abel, Comansys had preempted her, mind-controlling Maxine and the others away before they could pose a risk to their home. They’d stashed them out at sea and cut off all contact with the outside world. No chance of escape, no need to go on land, no mention of their guests on any hackable communications. Until they had a safe way to break the mind control, that had been the only way to keep everyone, on land and at sea alike, safe from Diana and her army.

Which, of course, led them to…

“So wait,” Jo said, picking up her head. “They weren’t torturing…what’s his name? Albert?”

“Yes, Albert. He was chief legal counsel for Comansys. And not torturing at all,” Maxine said. “Albert and the other Comansys employees were the first to fall under Diana’s mind control, long before the apocalypse. They think she did it to protect the company. There’s an injection that’ll break the mind control, but it has devastating side effects.”

“The necrotizing effects, you mean?” Paula asked.

“Yes,” Maxine replied. “What you heard happening to Albert - that was their attempt to mitigate as best they can. Eventually, all of Albert’s limbs will rot and there won’t be anything they can do, but for now they trim it away, bit by bit.”

“But that’s not going to happen to you,” Paula said.

“No, it’s not. I was never given the injection - that’s why I couldn’t come home. I’m still vulnerable to mind control, even now. I’m still a threat.”

She turned to look at Paula and saw her own pain reflected in her partner’s eyes. This was not the reunion she’d pictured. She’d dreamt of the day she could return to Abel, when she and Paula could be together without threat, without fear. She’d never doubted that Paula was looking for her all this time, but she hadn’t imagined she’d find her so soon, before it was safe to be together. How could she go with her?

How could she not?

Paula stood abruptly. “I…I’m sorry, I think I need some air. Just a few minutes. If that’s alright?”

Maxine squeezed her hand and nodded, loathe as she was to let her go. Paula left the foil blanket in a heap and beelined for the door.

To her left, Jo exhaled. “Maxine, that’s…god. There’s been so much talk about where we thought you were, and what we thought was happening, but none of it ever came close to the truth. I just…god, are you ok??”

“As ok as I can be,” she replied. “I’ve been safe enough here. I’m well cared for. As long as I’m here, I’m not a threat to the people I love. There’s something to be said for that. But I have missed you. So much. And I’ve been so worried. Jo, last I saw you we were afraid you wouldn’t make it through the night.”

Jo nodded. “Yeah, that was admittedly a better than average attempt to get rid of me, I won’t lie.”

Maxine raised an eyebrow.

“I’m ok, though. Ish. As ok as I can be,” she parroted. 

“Do you have any idea -”

“None at all,” she said brusquely. “Nothing solid anyway. I’m stronger, I’m faster, I’m on track to clear a concussion in under an hour, so that’s useful at least. I think my senses are better too. Sometimes I hear zoms before Sam spots them on the scanner.”

“Ohhh, Sam, how is Sam?? I’ve been worried about him too.”

“He is also as ok as he can be. He’s still a kickass operator, still keeping your Demons and Darkness campaign alive, still the best person I know. He misses you like hell. It’s been really hard on him. And his hair is too long, I really need you to fix that.”

Maxine laughed. “Oh god, is it falling in his eyes again?”

“Constantly. I loaned him one of my headbands for while he’s working, he can’t see a damn thing otherwise.”

“So you two are still ok then too?”

Jo took a deep breath. “We are. It hasn’t been easy, we’ve…we’ve fought a lot. But we talked it all out. We’re going to be ok. I’m sure of that now. I wasn’t for a while, but…yeah. We’ll be ok.”

Maxine squeezed her hand. “That’s good. Thinking about you two, and Paula, that’s what’s kept me going all this time. Tell me about home.”

“Home…oh, god, there’s so much.”

“Highlight reel, then?”

Jo nodded. “Highlights. Ok. I’m Head of Runners, now, and that’s been a party. We’ve got a few new runners, including Paula and Lou. We had a Ministry-appointed leader for a while, until we found out she’d been selling our secrets to literally anyone who would buy them. She was after the biolab, too.”

“Oh, right, Amelia something? Albert’s talked about her, he doesn’t trust her.”

“Nor should anyone. I ever come across her and Simon again, there will be blood.”

Maxine turned sharply. “Wait, Simon?? ”

Jo laughed ruefully. “Right. Simon’s alive, surprise! Simon’s probably immortal, actually. We have Van Ark to thank for that.

There was an uncomfortable silence. Jo shifted next to her, absently rubbing her wrists. 

“Oh!” she said suddenly. “Here’s the big twist: Janine and I are best friends now.”

Maxine burst out laughing without meaning to. “WHAT?”

“Hand to god, Max, shared trauma, a little wine, and bam, we are BFFs.”

Maxine shook her head. “You know, I’m not sure there’s anything you could’ve told me that would’ve shocked me more than that.”

Jo laughed, then rested her head on Maxine’s shoulder. “I am really happy to see you, Maxine.”

Maxine took full advantage of Jo’s rare show of affection and wrapped both arms around her waist. “Me too. I’ve missed you all so much. I know things aren’t what we expected, but…”

Jo nodded against her shoulder. “But we’ll get there. We always do.”

---

Escaping the Comansys fleet wasn’t easy.

He could’ve told the story of how Jo and Ed and the Comansys employees had saved the ship from destruction at the hands of a giant squid. He could’ve talked about Maxine promising Comansys she’d stick around and help with their research as a diversion, only to turn around and escape, as had been her plan from the moment she saw Paula. Hell, he could’ve regaled anyone with tales of Jo and Maxine and Paula absconding via a damn submarine.

But none of that mattered.

What did matter was that Sam’s best friend was finally coming home.

And nothing was ok.

He awkwardly wrung his hands as he stood by Janine’s side in front of a sea of confused runners. Their trio would be returning any minute, which made their presence here important for two reasons. For one, people needed to know that, despite the fact that Dr. Myers would finally be home, she wasn’t really going to be back.

For another, Jo had begged them to keep the gates clear.

They didn’t want a welcoming committee, no eager faces fussing over them as they dealt with this bittersweet reunion. Once she’d gotten clear of Maxine and Paula, leaving them to say their goodbyes privately as they ran, she’d had Sam switch her to a private channel and asked that he and Janine handle crowd control, because none of them had the strength.

Of course, they’d agreed. So here they were, Janine handling the difficult conversation while Sam stood around feeling like the most useless of moral support.

Janine cleared her throat, instantly grabbing the attention of the murmuring crowd.

“I want to thank you all for gathering so late this evening,” she began. “I’m sure you’re wondering why you’ve been gathered like this, and I want to put your minds at ease: Runners Five and Twenty-Three and Dr. Myers are alive. They are returning home.”

Sam watched the faces around him light up at that revelation. News from the Comansys floatilla had been scarce, and it had been wearing on everyone’s nerves. His stomach sank at their joy.

“That is not all, however,” Janine said, cutting them off before they could overreact. “All is not…all is not as it should be, I’m sorry to say. Everyone is alive and well enough to come home, but Dr. Myers is not returning to us in her fullest capacity. That is to say, in some ways, it is like she will not be returning to us at all. There will be a fuller briefing about all of this for the entire Township, but Mr. Yao and I agreed the runners should know first as it concerns two of your number. I will only give the barest details for now. Comasys is not our enemy. Their former leader, Diana Duncan-Petley, is, but she is no longer among their number. The people taken, Dr. Myers included, are highly susceptible to the mind control we’ve been seeing of late, and Ms. Duncan-Petley and her ilk are aware of that. Comansys was concerned that that susceptibility could be used against us. They removed them before that could happen.”

The joy had faded to confusion and, in the cases of those who were following Janine a bit more closely, sadness and what they knew was coming next.

“That threat had not yet been mitigated,” Janine said. “There is not yet a cure for this susceptibility, therefore it could be activated at any time, rendering any one of these people a threat to those they love. Dr. Myers…Dr. Myers…"

Janine cut off abruptly, her voice suddenly becoming thick. Sam looked up from where he’d been studying his shoes to see the faintest of tears beginning to gather in her eyes.

“Maxine’s coming home, but we won’t really have her back,” Sam said. “Not yet. She can’t be mind controlled while under cryo, so that’s where we’ll be keeping her until we have a way to cure her, and you can be damn sure we won’t stop until we have one. Not me, not Paula, not Five, and not any of you. And we’ll have Janine to lead us through all of it.”

Janine glanced over at him and managed a small smile.

Sam looked back at his runners. “What’s important is she’s coming home, and that means we can fix her. And once we fix her, we can fix everyone who’s been hurt. We’ll get through this, just like we’ve gotten through everything else.”

“Sam is right,” Janine said. “We will endure. Abel always does. But for now, there are certain things we must ask of you. The first is that Dr. Myers is left alone. Difficult as I’m sure this will be, you all must keep away from the gates this evening. She must be given space. That goes for Dr. Cohen as well. This will be a very difficult time for her, so I may be asking for some of you to take on some of her responsibilities.”

“We’ll be ready,” Jody said. “Anything she needs. What about…what about Five?”

 

“Five’s excited to see all of you,” Sam said. “She’s exhausted and needs a good night’s sleep, but she’ll be back in the dorms after Maxine has…after Maxine.”

“I trust we have made ourselves clear,” Janine said. “I can understand that you are all anxious to see Dr. Myers, but you will have to wait a bit longer. It is for her own good, and the good of the Township. Is that understood?”

Everyone nodded or murmured their assent. Sam could see in their eyes that they knew Janine was right, but the disappointment was clear. And who could blame them? This rescue mission had been built up in everyone’s mind for months. It had been understood that once they went after Maxine, they’d have her back, and everything would feel right again.

At least, that’s what Sam had tricked himself into thinking.

But no one had expected this.

With the runners’ agreement, there was a tacit dismissal, and they all began to file solemnly from the room. Once the last of them had departed, Janine slumped against the desk Jo usually used and hung her head heavily.

“You ok, Janine?” Sam asked.

She took a deep breath. “I ran this rescue in my head quite literally hundreds of times. I was prepared for many outcomes. Success, failure, our runners being captured, or killed, or mind-controlled with the rest of them, our intel being out of date and the Laetitia Greenwald not being where we anticipated, Dr. Myers already being dead…this was not something I imagined. Not once.”

Sam nodded. “Yeah, I know what you mean. I worried about a lot of things, but I never imagined getting Maxine back without actually getting her back.”

“How much longer?”

Sam checked his watch. “If Jo kept pace, which I’m sure she has, she’ll be another three minutes, which means we should get to the gates. She’ll be a good five minute ahead of Paula and Maxine. I’m sure the runners will take your words to heart, but we’ll want to be on the lookout for stragglers. Dr. Lobatse’s ready in the hospital?”

“She is,” Janine confirmed. “And you’re right. We should make our way to the gates. And Sam…thank you.”

He nodded. “Anytime."

At the gates, Jo saw Sam waiting for her before the gates were even fully raised. The scuffed sneakers and frayed hem of his jeans were all it took to send her ducking under and barreling towards him until she was enveloped in safety. She was home, finally.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

Sam nodded, his face pressed against her hair. “Me too.”

Notes:

I'm doing my best, y'all, hopefully see you soon!

Chapter 24: The River

Notes:

Happy new year and happy new Jo! A million hugs to you my lovely readers who read and sent encouragement while I got my lil life back in order. I really am doing well, but busy as all heck, which leaves a frankly offensive lack of time for writing. As soon as I figure out how to get Jo out of my head I'll have her fight my obligations.

Content warning for mentions of suicide, gun violence, the return of everyone's (least) favorite hippie

Spoilers through S3M37 (have I mentioned that this season is ridiculously long?)

The devil has come to carry me home,
Lay me at the bottom,
The bottom of the river  

The River – Blues Saraceno

The relief everyone had anticipated after Maxine’s rescue never did come. Instead, there was a hollowness that pervaded Abel – the enemy unclear, the days ahead uncertain, one of their most beloved physically returned but wholly unreachable.

Simply put, everyone was still holding their breath.

Everyone, that was, except Paula.

Things were far from perfect. She could hardly pretend otherwise. But at least Maxine was home. Maybe she couldn’t sit with her, talk to her, hold her, but she knew exactly where she was. They’d gotten her back, and hadn’t that been the hard part, the thing that had seemed so impossible just months ago?

She was running less these days, instead turning to long nights of research. Every book they had, every note from New Canton, every report from Treetop Base that might be relevant lay scattered on the table in front of her. She needed little sleep anyway, half-zom as she was, so it only made sense to devote her every free moment to fixing what still lay broken. They’d done the impossible. They’d infiltrated the Comansys floatilla and brought her Maxie home. All it would take now was a little more work, and all would be well.

Besides, the mountains of paper were a damn sight better than her still half-empty bed.

---

Another day of work brought another fruitless lead, and Janine wasn’t sure how much more of this she could take.

Five had escaped Liddlestone St. Crispin unharmed, though without any useful information and with another needless death. Sometimes she wondered if Abel’s efforts were really going towards the greater good, or if they were just making things worse.

Beside her, Sam sighed.

“Does something feel funny about this to you?”

Janine massaged the bridge of her nose, fighting the headache she knew would come soon. “'Funny’ isn’t the word I’d use.”

“No, I mean – well, do you remember what happened to Francesca? And Steffie? Maybe I was right. Maybe the outbreak really is sending people crazy. Or something is.”

“He’s got a point,” Five said. “I witnessed all three of those deaths, and it felt like we were missing something all three times. It’s like having all the pieces to a puzzle but no idea what it looks like.”

Janine closed her eyes for a moment. She’d almost forgotten about Francesca, Abel’s pilferer of a former cook who’d plummeted to her death in front of Sara and, yes, Five as well. Three unexplained splits from reality resulting in three gruesome deaths, and Jo had witnessed them all. Her rational mind reminded herself that this was part of the job, one Jo had signed up for willingly.

The emotional part she rarely listened to wished someone she cared about wasn’t constantly beset by so much horror.

There was little time for her to consider this before there came a frantic knocking at the comms shack door.

Sam pulled it open. “Lou? What are you doing here? You’re not running until the day after tomorrow –”

But Janine could see that wasn’t why Miss Bailey had joined them. There was alarm in her eyes, and her breathing indicated that she’d run here, desperate to deliver whatever news she had.

“Guards on the wall just saw them,” Louise said. “Alarm’s going off any second. They told me to come find you first. There’s hundreds of them, hundreds!”

“What? Hundreds of what?”

“Fast zoms! And they’re headed for Abel!”

Suddenly, nothing else mattered. Every doubt and every worry deserted her mind as Janine steeled herself against the incoming threat. Her home was in danger. Her people were in danger. There was no time for second-guessing now.

“Ms. Bailey, did they say from which direction the horde is approaching?”

“Southeast,” she replied. “There’s hundreds of them!”

“As you’ve said,” Janine replied. “Mr. Yao, pull up all of the cameras showing the approach to Abel from that direction. Runner Five, return to Abel ASAP.”

“That’s gonna be a negative, Jen,” Five replied. “I got myself to the top of a hill with a decent vantage point, the horde’s between me and home. I can get to them and take some out, but not to you.”

Janine pursed her lips. “Right. That’s not our only issue either. We sent a party out an hour ago to pick up fuel from one of our off-site caches. It’s an old Cold War bunker about a mile outside the township. Thanks to nuclear paranoia, the bunker’s lined in lead. Maintaining a communications link is nearly impossible.”

“So they’re going to come above ground with no idea what they’re walking into,” Five said.

“Correct.”

“And let me guess,” Five said, “the horde is also between me and them?”

“Also correct.”

“Spectacular.”

“That’s the best-case scenario, anyway.”

Sam glanced at her. “Do I even want to ask what the worst-case scenario is?”

“Based on the trajectory of the swarm, they’ll be on top of the bunker and our team within twenty minutes. We’ll be lucky if the entire cache isn’t compromised, and we certainly haven’t been lucky so far today."

Sam sighed. “Okay, okay, let me think. Uh, Janine, call up whichever runners we’ve had on rest break longest. Five, you think you can intercept from where you are?”

“Already on it, Sam. Should be on them in a few,” Five said.

“Good. Be safe,” he said. “Lou, we’ll probably need you back in the field – hey! You don’t need to push your face up against the screen like that.”

Janine turned towards them. Louise was indeed standing very close to Sam with her face nearly touching the screen, peering at something no one else could make out.

“I can see a woman in the center of the swarm, all in funny robes. I think I know her,” Louise said. “Yeah, from the old saw mill. She helped us escape from that zom cult.”

“Oh god,” Five said. “You don’t mean…”

“No wait, wait – move your head, I can’t see!” Sam said. Louise did, and he stuck his face next to hers. “No, no, that doesn’t make any sense.”

“What?” Janine asked, loathe to be the last person in the room to know what was going on.

“Well, Lou’s right. It’s Moonchild.”

There was stunned silence for a moment as Sam and Lou exchanged a look at Janine attempted to call to mind everything she’d been told about the strange woman who’d so rattled Five months back.

It was Five who finally broke the silence.

“God FUCKING dammit,” she exclaimed. “I knew something was wrong with that woman. Didn’t I say there was something wrong with that woman??”

Janine grabbed the microphone connected to the PA system. “Runners One and Eleven, report to the gates. Runners One and Eleven, to the gates.”

Sam shook his head as if resetting and turned back to the cameras that showed Five. “You’re catching up to the zom horde. Hold that course while we – while we figure out what to do, to be honest.”

“What to do,” Five muttered. “I’ll tell you what to do, go back in time and ask that spacey bitch a few more questions, that’s what we do.” The day was clearly wearing on her.

“This doesn’t make any sense!” Sam insisted. “She was so nice. I mean…weird, sure. Asked invasive questions. But like…nice!”

“Nice people aren’t typically found in the middle of a swarm of fast zombies carrying what appears to be a tone-producing box, Mr. Yao,” Janine said.

“I know, Janine, but…I mean she was a little ‘crystals, auras, spirit energy, free your mind, man,’ and I think she was a drug dealer – ”

“Definitely a drug dealer,” Five said.

“Ok, definitely a drug dealer. But evil? No way! She saved Lou and Five’s lives!”

“And in the process saved her own,” Five said. “The only way her plan worked was with three people. She needed us. It wasn’t exactly altruism.”

“Doesn’t matter now,” Janine said. “We need to stop her. Runner Five, follow the outside edge of the pack. When you draw level with her, shoot her.”

Sam started to protest, but Five cut him off with a quick, “Yes, ma’am.”

He shot a quick glance at Janine, his face somewhere between horror and betrayal. Janine fixed her own gaze on the monitor. The operator was good at a great many things, but he hadn’t the stomach for decisions like this.

“But she’s –” he started. “Well, I mean, she’s harmless, Janine! She was quite nice, actually. A bit dippy, but we can’t just shoot her.”

“We can,” Janine said with finality. “You should have her nearly in your sights. Fire off as many rounds as you need.”

Five positioned herself just ahead of the pack and drew her sidearm. With practiced stance and careful aim, she fired three shots. Not one found its target as the zombies surrounding her took the bullets instead, almost as if they’d thrown themselves in their path. Janine knew Five’s skill as a markswoman well; she did not often miss.

“Fire again,” she ordered.

Five did, two more shots once again blocked by zoms. This time, it was unmistakable: Moonchild was using them as shields.

“Damn, I’ve never seen a zom jump like that,” Louise said. “That last one pretty much threw itself in front of her.”

“It’s no good,” Five said. “I had her in my sights for all five shots, and I accounted for her speed. I’m not missing. They’re protecting her.”

“We need to get closer,” Sam said.

There was no stopping her from the outside; the runners would have to go in. Runners One and Eleven were dispatched to draw the horde away from the fuel hold while Louise was sent out to meet Five with their last vial of calming serum.

It didn’t take Louise long to meet Five, which was both helpful and a concern, seeing as Five had been keeping pace with the horde. The easier she was to catch up to, the closer the zombies had gotten. Janine took a deep breath.

“Try not to use too much of that stuff, guys,” Sam said. “We’ve only got the one vial left, and we can’t make any more. New Canton cut down all the plants.”

“And there’s the crazy-making,” Louise said.

“And the fact that it’s efficacy is somewhat dubious,” Janine added.

“Delightful tidbits all around,” Five said sarcastically. She took the vial from Louise. “We’ll only have a few minutes. Pour a little onto your clothes, not your skin. Do not let it touch your skin. I am not going through that again.”

“You talking about Paula or the New Canton runner?” Louise asked.

“Either. Ready?”

“Ready. Let’s get our murder on.”

Sam had sat down, looking slightly sick. “Can you not sound so enthusiastic?”

“He has a point, Lou,” Five said. “We’re going to do what we have to. Nothing more.”

“Runner Five is correct,” Janine said. “You are to subdue her by any means necessary. Into the swarm. Quickly, you’ve not much time left.”

---

Sam’s heart pounded as Five and Lou weaved their way into the swarm, and it wasn’t just the danger that had him on edge. The day had spun wildly away from what they’d expected when Five had gone out this morning. He’d thought his biggest problem was going to be his partner being slightly ticked off at him for selling her as an exorcist as a way into Liddlestone St. Crispin. Now he was maybe seconds from having to watch her kill someone.

He could admit there had been something off about Moonchild. She was weird and a bit inappropriate. She’d clearly made Jo uncomfortable. Sure, she wasn’t someone he would’ve wanted around all the time, but her attacking Abel? It just didn’t make sense.

Everything was happening so damn fast.

“Looking good guys,” he said, swallowing the anxiety for now. “Moonchild should be just ahead of you, behind that knot of zoms in the rugby gear.”

“We see her,” Louise said. “Still got some bullets left, Five?”

“I’ve got enough,” Five replied.

“Not yet,” Janine ordered. “Any shot you fire with zombies between you and her is a waste of ammunition.”

“We’re running out of time here, Janine,” Jo said. “We get much closer she’ll see us.”

“Then restrain her.”

That was officially too much for Sam. “You want them to shoot her when she’s down??”

Janine huffed. “Obviously I’d rather we bring her in for questioning, Mr. Yao. She must be working with Diana. We need to know what their plans are, their resources. Is Moonchild attacking now because Maxine’s returned to us? If our runners can hold her, we have a chance to find out, but if she runs, we’ve no choice but to shoot.”

“She’s right Sam,” Five said, almost soothing behind the breathlessness. “We can’t give her the chance to try again.”

“Right,” Louise said. “Five, here’s the plan. Once I’ve got her down, you wave that gun around and put some fear in her.”

“Uh, counteroffer,” Five said. “You hold her, I’ll carefully aim my gun at her, then you and I have a refresher on basic weapons safety.”

“Oh fine, if you feel like being boring,” Lou shot back. “I can see an opening through the zoms. I’m going for it!”

Sam watched on the screen as Louise dove through a knot of zombies and wrapped her arms around Moonchild’s waist, sending them both sprawling.

“Hey, chill out lady!” Moonchild exclaimed, struggling against Louise. “What’s with all the negative energy? Where am I? Oh, this is a majorly bad trip.”

“Hey!” Jo barked, gun aimed carefully as promised. “Keep still or I shoot.”

Sam had a clear view of her now through Five’s headcam. She was exactly as he’d remembered – a mishmash of brightly colored clothes, mane of auburn hair, and unsettlingly intense blue eyes that lit up as they focused on her captors.

“I remember you two! I’d know your lovely purple auras anywhere! What are you doing here? What are all these zombies doing here?”

“No time for your bullshit,” Five snapped. “Lou, get her up. The zoms are starting to notice us, we need to run.”

She was right. New Canton’s formula never reached the same strength as Veronica’s. They were almost out of time.

After pulling the zoms away from the fuel drop, One and Eleven broke up enough of the horde to give the others a path back to Abel. Louise opted to stay in the field and continue cutting down the swarm while Five made her way back to Abel with Moonchild. They were just meters from the gate now.

“Alright, when I give the signal, you start to slide,” Sam said. The gates started to rise. “Now!”

Five shoved Moonchild ahead of her and under the gate then rolled through herself. They met Janine on the other side. Sam didn’t miss the way Jo immediately put space between herself and Moonchild the second there was someone else to take custody of her.

“Ah, there you are,” Janine said. “Stand up. Right, now we can get some answers.”

Sam watched the screen as Moonchild looked around dreamily, like she hadn’t quite gotten a fix on her surroundings.

“I don’t know what I can tell you man,” she said. “It’s all a blur, and not the good kind of blur. Last thing I remember, I was like, going to my stash, and then this woman appeared. I knew right away she was bad news because her aura was bright green. You know what that means.”

Jo and Janine exchanged a look. “I have absolutely no idea,” Janine said. “This woman, she was blonde, rather tall, with a crooked nose?”

“Yeah!” Moonchild exclaimed. “That’s her! I got one look at her, there was like weird like, tone sound? And then I was here.”

“Diana,” Janine confirmed. “She must have used your opportunistically. Comansys were right, she is targeting us, and I’m sure this attack was only the start.”

---

As soon as she’d confirmed that Diana was behind the attack on Abel, Janine dismissed Jo, opting to speak to Moonchild alone. That worked just fine for her. The day had left her shaky and exhausted, with something she couldn’t quite name prickling her brain.

She burst into the comms shack without realizing she’d practically been running for it. She ripped off her headset with more force than necessary and slipped it onto the peg labeled ‘5.’ As she reached for the headcam, however, it became tangled in her hair. She yanked at it, swearing under her breath, which only made it worse.

Sam’s hands slipped over hers, deftly reaching the tiny snaps that kept the camera in place. “Hey, easy. Let me.”

He extricated the curls that had gotten caught in the closure, gently pulled the whole thing away from her head, and set it on the desk.

“Jesus, Jo, you’re shaking.”

She looked down at her hands and saw that he was right. She stuffed them in her pockets.

“Yeah. That was…a lot.”

He slipped a hand around her elbow. “Why don’t you sit for a minute?”

“I should get over to the hospital for bite check.”

Sam guided her over to his chair and sat her down anyway. “I think we can chance a couple minutes. Just rest for a bit, okay? You want some tea?”

She shook her head. “Not enough time. Later maybe. Thank you.”

“Of course,” he said. He crouched in front of her and pulled her hands from her pockets. “It makes sense that you’re upset. I mean…you were really going to shoot her.” It was neither a question nor an accusation.

“Those were my orders,” Jo replied.

“True, but I didn’t think you took orders” he said, almost teasing.

“I do when Janine gives them.”

She pulled her eyes from her lap to meet Sam’s gaze. He was upset too, though it wasn’t for the same reasons. He’d seen her fire on human beings before. Hell, he’d watched her shoot down Van Ark’s helicopter. She knew he’d long since accepted that this world, and her role in it, sometimes meant that the woman he loved had to be willing to take lives to save others.

But there was always part of him that hoped she’d be shielded from things like that, impossible though it was.

“You really would’ve killed her?” he asked.

 “If that was the only way to keep Abel safe, then yes. I would’ve killed her.”

“Even if it wasn’t her fault?” he asked, his voice barely a whisper.

“She was still a threat.”

“There could’ve been another way,” Sam said. “You never even stopped to consider other options.

“Sam, there wasn’t any time,” Jo said, a bit of patience deserting her voice.

“But that time with Owen and the train – ”

“This was nothing like that. Owen had more than seconds for me to make a decision. If there had been time to try something else, I would’ve, but I didn’t even have time to think. She had a horde, and weapons, and my orders were to shoot.”

“But she’d been mind controlled!” Sam said. He was pleading now. “She didn’t even know what she was doing! What if it had been one of our people? What if it had been you?”

Jo squeezed his hands. “That’s what has you upset, then? What if it were one of us?”

He shrugged and dropped his gaze, instead focusing on the thumb he was running over the back of her hand.

“Maxine’s still in danger. We didn’t even bring the rest of our people home. If Diana got a hold of any of them…”

“We’d do everything we could,” Jo said. “But ultimately we’d have to protect Abel. You know that. It’s what I would want if it were me. I’d want to be stopped.”

“Stopped, but not –”

“Yes, Sam. If that’s what it came to, yes.”

His hands were the ones shaking now. Jo was grateful for the distraction. Because the truth was, the thought of shooting Moonchild hadn’t fazed her. She hadn’t exactly been harboring charitable feelings towards the woman after their first meeting. Frankly, while the rest had been debating how inexplicable her presence in the horde had been, Jo hadn’t even given it a second thought. She was a woman of science and logic and facts and data, yes, but she also trusted her gut, and her gut had taken an immediate dislike to Moonchild. It was an instinct she’d learned to trust early in life, and one that had served her especially well after the world went to hell. So no, the thought of shooting Moonchild to protect Abel hadn’t upset her in the slightest.

What had her reeling was the distinct impression that none of them had any idea what was actually going on.  

She squeezed Sam’s hands again. “Look, I don’t want to fight. It’s been a very long day for both of us.”

Sam shook his head. “I don’t want to fight either. I don’t mean to fight. It’s just…these things…they scare me.”

“I know they do,” Jo said softly. She released one of his hands so she could tangle hers in his hair, still overgrown without Maxine’s intervention. “And these aren’t decisions I’d ever want you to have to make. That’s why you have to trust people like Janine and me to do it instead.”

Sam almost smiled. “You sounded a bit like Sara just now.”

Jo laughed. “I feel like her sometimes. Lord knows we didn’t agree on everything, but I always knew she was doing what she thought was best, even when I couldn’t see the whole picture.”

“Yeah, I know. But it’s not like I want you to have to make these decisions either.”

“I know.”

They sat quietly, Sam letting his head rest in her hand, gripping her knee with his now free hand. There wasn’t more to say.

It was several minutes before there was a gentle knock at the door. “Am I interrupting?” a voice asked.

Jo looked over her shoulder to see Dr. Lobatse in the doorway. She shook her head. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have made you come looking for me.”

Kefilwe smiled. “That’s quite alright. I’ve heard it’s been a most trying day. I’m sure you both needed a moment.”

Sam blushed slightly and stood up. “Yeah. Still procedure and all to get to. She’s all yours.”

Jo turned to follow Kefilwe back to the hospital but took Sam’s hand one last time before she left.

“You still have some work to finish up?” she asked. He nodded. “Ok. I think after my bite check I’ll take that tea.”

He smiled and kissed her hand. “That sounds good to me.”

Notes:

I feel good! I've got ideas! I will be back very soon I hope! But if it's not soon I will be back eventually! Thank you for your patience I love you all.

Chapter 25: Magic

Summary:

*Mel does her best Jean-Ralphio impression part 2*

You all missed the craziest of crazies. Work. New girl. Doctors. Yoga. Mandy Patinkin??? Breast reduction. Pain killers. Naps. Hiding in my parents’ house. Coming home, crashing on my couch, because technically ~surgery recovery is a biiiitch~
(I’m doing great tho, 10/10 decision)

Yes, I will be doing this every time I go a while without publishing a chapter, you’re welcome.

Content warning for alcohol mention, gun violence, death by zombies, suicide

Spoilers through S3M39 (we're 2/3 of the way! Yee!)

We could see that you weren’t yourself,
And the lines on your face did tell it’s just as well,
You’d never be yourself again  

Magic – Ben Folds, The University of Chicago’s Voices in Your Head

Waking up was never easy. Granted, it never had been. Maxine Myers was firmly a night owl. Left to her own devices, she’d be up until 2AM and sleep the better part of the morning away. That sort of sleep schedule didn’t exactly fit with a career in medicine. She’d tried every trick in the book to turn herself into a morning person, and they worked enough for the purposes of getting to work in the morning, but she cursed her alarm clock every day of her life.

Coming out of cryo, however, was an entirely different animal.

They’d woken her with more than an hour before Five was due to leave on her mission. It should’ve been plenty of time for her brain to adjust before she actually had to use it, but instead she was sitting in the comms shack, propped between Sam and Paula, shivering under blankets in the unseasonable cold.

They’d identified Hamlin Airfield as a possible site of one of Van Ark’s secret bases. They didn’t dare hope it held answers – or, even more impossibly, a cure for Maxine – but Janine had readily agreed that contact needed to be made. The Ministry was especially eager to establish a rapport with them and was even sending one of their own operatives to meet Five, who Hamlin had asked for by name.

Not number. Name. That made everyone a bit uneasy.

Of course, Five had yet to meet her contact before she ran into a spot of zom trouble. Seven of them, moving at a faster clip than your average shambler. Sam was on it, of course, guiding her away from the pursuers as quickly as he could. Maxine was grateful. Everything was moving just a bit too quickly for her own mind to keep up. She wouldn’t have been much use without Sam and Paula.

“The zoms are closing in on you, Five, coming over that rise to your left,” Sam said. “They’re – what the – ? I’ve never seen anything like that before.”

Maxine squinted at the screen. Sam was right. There was an organization to the zoms, and the one at the rear was coming after Five with what almost looked like determination.

“That one in the back is definitely dead, isn’t she?” Paula asked.

“Judging by the maggots…”Maxine replied. She was definitely dead. These were definitely zoms, but something didn’t seem right.

“Oh god!” Sam exclaimed. “She’s got a hockey stick that she’s using as some kind of shepherd’s crook, and she’s – ”

“ – herding the other zombies.” Paula finished.

“Paula, did Van Ark – ?”

“No! At least, not that I ever knew about. What is this?”

“Border collie DNA?” Maxine mused.

Paula elbowed her affectionately. “You’ve still got it babe.”

Sam, eyes still fixed on the screens, let out an irritated sigh, one Maxine recognized as exasperation at Jo constantly being landed in danger. There was no real concern today – any other runner might be in trouble, but not Five. But Maxine knew it wore on him how his already stressful job was paired with the extra jolt of adrenaline every time Jo was in the field.

If her brain hadn’t still been defrosting, she might have said something comforting.

“Right,” Sam said. “Runner Five, they’re all shambles except that one at the back. She’s got them moving at a faster clip than usual, but you should be able to outdistance them with a burst of a speed – right now!”

Five sprinted forward, but it was no use.

“Uh oh. Runner Five, bad news. That shepherdess zom has abandoned her flock and is sprinting after you. She’s gaining on you!”

Had Maxine been alone, had she not watched the people around her react or heard Jo over the headset, she would’ve assumed she dreamed what happened next. After all, it was utterly improbable.

In the background of the radio feed, a guttural voice slurred, “So, it thinks it’s the gingerbread man!”

“What the FUCK,” Jo shouted.

Paula sat up and leaned towards the screen so quickly she dislodged Maxine and sent her tumbling towards Sam, who managed to half-catch her through his own shock.

“Was that the zom?” he asked.

Maxine carefully righted herself. “That…was the zom.”

---

Janine had had a headache for days. It had begun as a dull ache around her forehead and temples while attempting to debrief Moonchild, something she’d written off as stemming from the strong odor of patchouli and sage and the utter futility of trying to get straightforward answers out of that woman. It had been a very long day, and she’d assumed a good night of sleep – or what passed for on in the apocalypse – would sort things out.

Instead, she’d awoken with her head throbbing.

Her first cup of coffee hadn’t fixed it, nor had the second, and staring at the screens in the comms shack had left her eyes stinging. She’d had enough trouble concentrating that Sam had noticed and convinced her to take a break (or, rather, the threat of him telling Jo she was pushing herself too hard had convinced her). Unhelpfully, a quick and very out of character nap had solved nothing, and by the third day, she’d depleted her own supply of aspirin and had to ask Dr. Lobatse for more, something she hated doing. Those supplies were for the township and its residents; she never wanted anything going to waste.

When the request had come in for Five to join a Ministry operative on a run to Hamlin Airfield, she had tried to insist on being present. This was another opportunity to demonstrate to the Ministry that she had things well in hand here in Abel without an outside commander, and there was a chance for vital information to be recovered. Besides, Hamlin requesting Jo by name had immediately made her suspicious. ‘Runner Five’ was certainly well known, but it was rare anyone used the name ‘Johanna Walsh.’

Instead, Jo, having brought her lunch for them to split, took one look at her bleary eyes and literally shoved her back into her desk chair, promising they’d bring her an update as soon as they had one.

If her neck hadn’t joined her skull in aching, Janine might’ve argued.

The quiet repetitiveness of her paperwork was just starting to ease her head when Sam had come bursting through her office door, sending a shooting pain through her left eye.

Janine took a deep breath and massaged her temples. “Mr. Yao, say that again more slowly and at a lower volume, please.”

The operator at least had the good sense to look sheepish. “Right, right. Sorry. Ok. So Five made it to Hamlin and recovered some research into Van Ark’s regenerative treatments. Polaroids mostly. She gave them to Paula and Maxine when she got back. Apparently there was a group out there who’d also survived his treatments, and they’re trying to find others.”

Janine sighed. “Which is why they reached out to Jo by name. Is she alright?”

Sam shrugged. “Hard to say. She was quiet on the run home and just handed over the research and went for bite check, all brusque like she does sometimes. I have another supply run in a bit so I was actually going to ask if you could check on her, but that’s not all. The Ministry operative she was supposed to be meeting…well we just received word that it was supposed to be Travis…”

She looked up. “Mr. Yao, that’s twice now you’ve said ‘supposed to be.’ What exactly does that mean?”

“It means Jo met up with some guy called Steele who claimed he was from the Ministry, and after she got the research he took off on a horse, then we got word over Rofflenet that Travis got caught up chasing a fugitive murderer in Stockwell so he wouldn’t be meeting her after all.”

“So this ‘Steele’…”

“We have no idea who he was, yeah.”

Janine squeezed her eyes shut and was quiet for several seconds.

“Is that all?”

Behind closed eyes, Janine could hear him shifting uncomfortably.

“Well, uh…not exactly –”

“Oh for god’s sake, Sam, spit it out.”

“There was a zom with a hockey stick who chased Five all the way to Hamlin and Paula recognized her as Patient Sixteen from the VS-72 trials and also she could talk.”

Janine dropped her head onto her desk with a thud.

“Ow,” she muttered. She took a deep breath before righting herself. “Well. That is…quite a bit of information…and I will need some time to process it. Thank you, Mr. Yao. Please go and prepare for your supply mission, I will go and speak to Johanna, and we will…sort this. Any idea where she’s gone?”

“Rec room, I think. Thanks, Janine.”

Sam headed back to the comms shack after that, and Janine, after donning a coat and throwing back another dose of aspirin (perhaps a hair early), went in search of Jo. Ever since the encounter with Moonchild and the horde, the runner had been insisting that there was something they were missing, though damned if any of them could see it. Still, it was nothing the two of them couldn’t at least pretend to sort out over a bottle of wine.

Sam had been correct; Jo was in the rec room, but she wasn’t alone. When Janine got there, she found her with a book in hand, curled up against the arm of one of the well-worn sofas. That wasn’t unusual. What was unusual was the company. There was someone else sitting next to her, far closer than Jo felt comfortable with for most people, leaving her backed up against the corner of the sofa, so tense her shoulders hugged her ears. The woman was running long fingers through her hair while the other hand rested on her knee, oblivious to the discomfort she was causing.

Moonchild. Janine bristled.

She cleared her throat loudly, causing Jo to jump. Moonchild, however, just turned her dreamy gaze towards the door without a trace of inhibition.

“Janine!” she crooned. “How lovely to see you. Oh dear, your aura’s looking a bit cloudy, are you feeling alright?”

“Just fine,” Janine answered, shortly. “Runner Five, do you have a moment? There was something I wanted to discuss with you.”

“Yes please,” Jo muttered, scrambling away from Moonchild. She was out the door practically before Janine had time to react, and she found herself trailing the much shorter woman.

“Jesus,” Jo said with a shudder, safely outside in the quad with her back to Janine. “What was it you needed?”

“Nothing, actually,” Janine said. “Unless you count help finishing the bottle of Chardonnay that has been sitting on my counter. Sam asked me to check on you.”

Jo huffed. “Normally I’d be annoyed by that, but this time I’d say you arrived in the nick of time.”

“Yes, I got that impression,” Janine replied. “What was that?”

Jo spun to face her, throwing her arms wide. “I have no goddamn idea! The woman is obsessed with me. It’s like every time she knows Sam is occupied she seeks me out and starts talking about auras and destiny and ‘written in the stars’ and all that shit. It’s –”

“Highly inappropriate.”

“It’s fuckin’ creepy is what it is,” Jo spat. She shook her head like a dog in the rain. “Whatever. You said you had wine?”

Janine started to answer, but she was distracted by a crumpled piece of paper in Jo’s fist, one she was clearly keeping out of sight on purpose.

“What’s that?” she asked.

Jo furrowed her brow. “What’s what?”

“That. In your hand.”

Jo’s eyes flicked to her hand, then back to Janine. “It’s nothing. Something I found in the field, it’s not important.”

Janine narrowed her eyes. “Johanna…"

The other woman defiantly held her gaze for a moment before relenting with a sigh and handing her the crumpled square. It was a polaroid of two people. On the right was Ms. Spens – smug and well-groomed as ever. On the left…

The face wasn’t exactly correct. It had shifted from the one she’d known. Slightly more angular, perhaps. A bit less symmetrical than it had been. But Janine would’ve known the man who had shared her bed all those months anywhere.

“Oh,” she said, her voice nearly deserting her.

“Yeah,” Jo replied. “It was part of the file they gave me at Hamlin. I’m sorry, I should’ve turned it over with the rest of them, I just…”

“No, it’s alright,” Janine said, handing the photo back. “I understand.”

Jo roughly stuffed the photo in her pocket this time and cleared her throat. “Yeah.” She scuffed her shoe in the dirt. “Enough of that. You said something about wine?”

---

It had been a trying week. Hordes, tone boxes, a talking zom? Not to mention the ever-present, unwanted attention from Moonchild. All in all, Jo had hoped her run to Hamlin Airfield had been her last for the week.

Needless to say, when Janine had suggested she and Moonchild head into the field together, she’d nearly hit the ceiling. Janine knew firsthand how uncomfortable the woman made her. But before she’d been able to rage against the suggestion, Janine had defended it. And, loathe as she was to admit it, it made a lot of sense.

“You’re the only one she really talks to. Anyone else tries to get anything out of her and she dissolves into nonsense about auras and energies and all of that gibberish. I know it’s asking a lot, but if we want to help our people, her fixation on you is an asset. You can use it to your advtange.”

So, under Sam’s watchful eye, Jo had agreed to go with Moonchild in search of the stash of meds she’d been seeking when Diana had allegedly mind-controlled her. It would be easy. A bit of rambling through the rain-soaked woods for desperately-needed supplies, and maybe Moonchild would let something slip while they were together.

Jo should’ve learned by now that anytime she thought of a mission as easy she was only inviting disaster.

They’d been in the field about for an hour, freezing and soaked to the bone, when the distress call had come in from New Canton. A gunman was loose within the walls and had murdered three of the Permanent Advisory Council already. She and Moonchild had managed to intercept three of them, Eileen Sosa, the doomed Esteban’s widow, the ever-stuffy Bernard Prior, and a man called Jonathan who Jo had never met before.

He was the only one who hadn’t made it to safety.

He’d injured his ankle en route to Moonchild’s shack – likely broken it – and fallen to the bottom of a ravine, out of anyone’s reach. With hundreds of zoms closing in, chances of rescue had been slim, but they’d been willing to try.

Until Moonchild had convinced him to sacrifice himself for the rest of the group.

She had made the argument so swiftly and concisely that no one had had the opportunity to argue, no matter how badly Jo had wanted to. She’d prattled on about fate and karma and how Eileen being a mother meant she needed to live more than he did. She’d hardly been able to process Moonchild’s arguments before Jonathan’s eyes had glazed over, staring at the woman as if she were some kind of divine savior.

“Look at me. Do you see? This is how your story ends. It’s a good end." 

“Yeah…oh god. Yeah. I just – thanks, Eileen. Thanks for trying.”

Within moments, he’d been swarmed by zombies, and the rest of them had gotten away.

He’d talked like that was what he’d wanted.

So why didn’t she believe it?

Jo shivered, and not just from the bone-soaked chill. She, Bernard, and Eileen were huddled on the floor of the cellar of Moonchild’s shack, cups of ginseng tea in hand and whale song ominously echoing through the room. The others were talking, lamenting that Jonathan hadn’t made it too, but Jo’s mind was somewhere else entirely.

She’d known it for months now, somewhere in the back of her mind, but now she was certain.

Something was very, very wrong.

Moonchild claimed to be a victim, just like the rest of the mind-controlled, but she’d snapped out of it more easily than most. She claimed to be for peace and harmony, but Jo had just watched her convince a man they could’ve saved to sacrifice his life so that they – so that she – could get away, even when there had been a chance of saving him. Jo thought back to the vicious way she’d called after the cultists as their zombie brethren devoured them.

“That’s karma, man! Karma!”

The woman had set off warning bells in her head from the moment she’d met her, but Jo had never been able to ascribe that to anything except her past trauma and ensuing deep mistrust of strangers. To anyone else, Moonchild was a kind, if strange, woman who floated through their township without ever presenting a threat. Even Sam, who had never done anything but affirm her misgivings, didn’t share them. No one else had that itch in the back of their mind that told them to beware.

Jo took a sip of tea.

Now, Five, why would you do a thing like that?

She heard Sara’s voice just too late to spit it back out, instead choking on the mouthful that had already made its way down her throat. She hadn’t meant to drink the tea; it had been a reflex while she was lost in thought.

She doubled over into a coughing fit, attracting the attention of the other three.

“Good lord, Five,” Bernard said, “are you alright?”

She nodded through the hacking cough that had overtaken her, holding out a hand as Eileen tried to come to her aid.

Moonchild pushed past Eileen and took the mug from Jo’s hands. She gently rubbed her back as she heaved. “That’s it, Five. Get all of that negative energy out.”

Jo forced a deep breath and shoved Moonchild away from her, sending her sprawling onto the stone floor.

“Don’t TOUCH me!” she shouted. “I’ve told you that before, take a goddamn hint already."

The others stared at her agape. Those outside of her immediate circle knew her as serious, taciturn. Not likely to cause a fuss.

They’d all gotten a bit more than they’d expected today.

“Fuck this,” she muttered. “I’m going home. Eileen, Bernard, I suggest that the moment you get the all clear you do the same."

She only heard the edge of their protests as she ascended the ladder out of the coal cellar and shoved open the door into the torrential rain outside.

“Sam?” she said. “Sam, do you copy?”

No answer. Whatever had blocked the signal outside of New Canton was still working. It would be back to Abel on her own.

That didn’t matter. Anything was better than staying here.

Chapter 26: Devil Devil

Notes:

Me: *doesn't post a chapter for almost two months*
Also me: *posts two chapters in one week including the longest chapter yet*

Instrumental pairing the second! When you get to the final scene (Jo returns to the Tavington), queue up 'A Painless Death' from Game of Thrones if you want things a little extra intense

Content warning: gun violence, mind-control, claustrophobia, dead body, fire, drugs, canon minor character death, blood, these are not in order there are just A Lot and I'm adding them as I think of them

Spoilers through S3M42

Devil, Devil
Clever Devil, Devil
How quickly they do sell their souls,
For the feast and the promise of gold
But, Devil, that won’t be me  

Devil Devil - MILCK

The rain pelted down in sheets as Jo wove through the trees. Her mind was heavy, not quite able to keep up with the thoughts that raced through it. It was as if her brain had been wrapped in cotton, muffling everything that tried to get in. It made the already-difficult task of finding her way back to Abel without Sam feel nearly impossible.

She’d tried to keep a handle on her location despite Moonchild’s ramblings, and she’d thought she had – before entering the bunker she was certain she could’ve led anyone back to it, but now…

Jo huffed, adjusting her pack where it was slipping down her shoulders, then had to untangle a strap from her headset, which she’d left encircling her neck after it became clear she wasn’t going to reach anyone on the radio.

It was just too much; too much to remember, too much to decide, too much to think about.

Maybe things would be easier if she didn’t have to think so much.

She’d just circled the same stretch of road for the third time when she heard a voice call to her. She turned towards it, squinting against the rain to make out two figures headed her way.

“Five!” the voice called again. “Five, I thought that was you!”

It was Louise and Paula out on a run Jo hadn’t remembered seeing on the schedule.

“Thank god,” Paula said. “We were worried when Sam lost communication. Are you alright?”

“Fine,” Jo said brusquely. “We think the shooter in New Canton had a signal blocker that cut off radio communication. It’s why I started for home without an operator.”

“Any word on what happened to the shooter?” Louise asked.

Jo shook her head, but Paula answered for her. “Nothing coherent. They managed to bring him down, but he just keeps saying he had a grudge against the PAC.”

“They haven’t said who he was?” Jo asked. “Like whether or not it was someone who would have access to weapons?”

“Not for sure. Like I said, we’ve not gotten anything coherent, but it doesn’t sound like it was a runner or anyone else of any status. Just a run of the mill citizen.”

“That doesn’t make sense,” Jo said. “New Canton is strict about weapons storage, even stricter than we are in some ways. They have to be, there are too many of them to keep track of. No one’s cleared to carry within the compound except the guards on duty, and they surrender their weapons at the end of shifts. They didn’t even let me carry on missions when I was running out of there.”

“Well it’s over now,” Louise said. “And you managed to save three of them, right Five?”

“Two,” Jo replied. The others furrowed their brows at her. “One didn’t make it, it’s…it’s a long story and not one I feel like telling.”

Louise nodded. “Fair enough. We’ve got work to do anyway, and we could use the help.”

“Yeah, I guess I’ve got energy to burn,” Jo said. “What are you doing, anyway?”

“Maxine’s been running some secret experiments while she’s awake,” Paula said. “If you put your headset back on she can tell you all about it.

“And stop squawking at us to get you to talk to her because she’s been worried,” Louise quipped.

Jo slipped the headset back over her ears.

“…not been squawking, Lou, I’m just concerned. I wake up from cryo hoping to get some work done and the first thing I find out is that Jo’s out in the field with Moonchild of all people helping New Canton PAC members escape a shooter, and we’ve lost radio contact. What was I supposed to do?

“No need for that, Max, I’m here,” Jo said.

“Thank god. Are you alright?”

She sighed. “I’m standing anyway. And not listening to whale songs.”

“What??”

“Never mind. Paula said you’ve been running devious little experiments behind our backs, which I’m sure in no way interferes with the fact that someone in your condition needs rest?”

“It’s worth it, I promise. I’ve been running brain scans on myself when I’m conscious. I played a variant of the mind control signal.”

“MAXINE.”

“I can’t beat this thing unless I understand it!” she insisted. “And I think I do understand it. The scans showed the mind control activates the same neural pathways as addiction. Don’t you see how important that is? If we can treat addiction, maybe we can treat this the same way.”

Jo thought for a second, torn between her desire to scold her reckless friend and a glimmer of hope that this might actually work. “That…actually makes a lot of sense. And we haven’t looked into anything like it before. I’m in. Where are we headed?”

“Back to my favorite place in the world,” Louise grumbled.

“The prison had an entire drug treatment wing,” Maxine explained. “It had a reputation as the best in the country. I studied opiate dependency in my MSc, but I need the latest research, the latest drugs. If it’s anywhere, it’s there.”

Suddenly, the chaos of her morning didn’t matter anymore. This was the first shot at an answer they’d had in months. If there was any chance of helping Maxine, Jo knew where she was going.

---

It wasn’t often that Janine invited multiple people into her home at once. She did not enjoy outsiders in her space, with a short list of notable exceptions, and the more people she was forced to entertain at once, the more quickly she felt her energy depleting. However, between the information the runners had gathered at the prison, the abysmal weather, and the fact that it had been Five’s second run of the day, she thought it prudent to gather everyone involved in her living room to talk through everything together.

She’d lit the fireplace and put the kettle on the moment the runners had returned. While they couldn’t risk leaving Dr. Myers out of cryo for any longer, she gathered the rest to debrief. Runners Five, Twenty-Three, and Twenty-Four had changed into dry clothes and were now huddled under thick blankets, mugs of tea in hand. She’d asked Dr. Lobatse to join them as well – her medical knowledge could be useful – and Sam, so they could begin planning their next mission right away. The latter was the last to arrive after finishing up in the comms shack. He took the empty armchair behind where Jo had seated herself on the floor – Drs. Cohen and Lobatse and Ms. Bailey had taken the sofa, and Janine herself had originally sat herself in the chair opposite Sam but was now pacing.

As soon as Sam sat down, Jo handed him her mug and scrambled into the chair to join him, tucking herself against him until she resembled a small pile of blankets instead of a human. It was far more physically affectionate than Janine usually observed from her in public.

“You alright there Five?” Louise asked.

“Cold,” Jo muttered.

Sam wrapped an arm around her waist and kissed the barely-visible top of her head.

“Alright then,” Janine said. “We’re all here. Thank you for joining me. I know you are all exhausted.”

“Thank you for the warmth and hospitality,” Paula said.

Louise nodded. “Yeah, after escaping the fire at the prison I didn’t think I’d ever be grateful to see flames again, but this is very cozy. You’ve got a great place, Janine, why don’t we all get to visit more often?”

“Because my private quarters are, as the name implies, private,” Janine replied tersely.

“Yeah, but Five’s here all the time, how’d she pull that off?”

“She simply appeared one day and I have yet to figure out how to rid myself of her.”

“And you never will,” Jo retorted, muffled by the blankets.

“Back to the task at hand,” Janine said. “You’ve all uncovered incredibly useful information today. It is very promising but nothing we can follow up without a great deal of risk, which is why I’ve asked Dr. Lobatse here as well. I’ll feel more confident sending Dr. Myers into the field to pursue this treatment if all four of our medical minds are in agreement about its potential efficacy. Ms. Bailey, if you could please summarize the treatment you received while incarcerated.”

Louise set down her mug. “Right. So basically there was this ‘enhanced thinking skills’ course that we could volunteer for in exchange for perks like a year’s remission. They’d teach you meditation then send us off to hospital to put you in one of those big brain machines to ‘check out our neural plasticity.’”

“I thought it sounded like an MRI,” Paula said. “But that’s not what was in the files we found.”

Louise shook her head. “It was some experimental machine for treating addiction – which certainly explains why smack never got its claws in me. There was a picture in the file too – right here.”

She pulled out a sheet of paper with a grainy photo at the top and set it on the table for everyone to see. It was hard to make out the details, but one thing stood out readily: the Comansys logo.

“It says here that the treatment was supposed to stop you getting hooked on drugs, but some of the girls in the program with me were already addicts. Afterwards, they never used again. It didn’t just prevent addiction, it cured it.”

“That is fascinating!” Dr. Lobatse exclaimed. “For all the evil Comansys has done, in the right hands technology like this could’ve done so much good. And we think this will help with mind control?”

“We do,” Paula said. “Maxine’s brain scans indicate that the mind control activates the same neural pathways as addiction. If that machine could reorganize the dopamine receptors in such a way to prevent addiction – ”

“Then it’s certainly possible it would work on mind control too! And I assume Johanna agrees?”

A thumbs up appeared from under the blanket.

“Then you have your consensus, Janine. This is a very viable option for treatment, and one we should not waste any time in pursuing.”

Janine nodded. “Excellent. Thank you, Dr. Lobatse. Ms. Bailey, do you know where this machine is?”

“As long as they haven’t moved it, it’s at the Tavington Clinic. I could take us there tomorrow,” she replied.

Sam, who’d been taking in all of this information with wide-eyed awe, spoke up, his mind firing a mile a minute. “Well, that’s brilliant! Tomorrow, then. As long as the rain clears up. Or even if it doesn’t, who cares about getting a little wet, right? I can check out the cameras and the scanners and start plotting a route as soon as we’re done here. Lou, you’re sure you know where this machine is? Because an address would be really helpful. I mean, other than, ‘the Tavington Clinic, England, the world, the universe.’”

“I was a prisoner, Sam. They never gave me an address, just took me there in the meat wagon. But I’ve got an amazing sense of direction, if I do say so myself. I can retrace the route.”

“Ok. Great. Great, we can do that then. So Louise will take point, Jo and Paula will go with Maxine to make sure she stays safe, I’ll be on comms, obviously. Do we want to send any other runners? Maybe have them run interference or just be on hand in case of trouble with Maxine? Maybe Jody, or Cameo and Jordan?”

“Actually…” Janine said carefully. “I was actually thinking it would be prudent to have Moonchild join them.”

Jo whipped the blanket off of her head. “No.”

“Johanna –”

“No, Janine, I do not trust her, I’ve said it a thousand times.”

“All the more reason to bring her along so she can be treated as well. She has already attacked us once, we do not want to risk her getting a second opportunity.”

“Counteroffer, we take Maxine, and if it works, we can always go back.”

“It will be a risky mission to undertake even once, and not one I am comfortable sending runners on twice.”

“But she’s not even here! She’s back in her stupid bunker drinking tea and freeing her mind, man.”

“I received word from Eileen Sosa just before your arrival that they had been given the all clear to return to New Canton. Moonchild will be returning to Abel as well.”

Jo glared across the room at her, her lips pursed but seemingly out of arguments. She pulled the blanket back over her head. “Fine.”

Sam rubbed her shoulder. “She does have a point, Jo.”

“Et tu, Sam?”

“No, he’s right,” Paula said. “I’m not any more thrilled about an extra person coming with us than you are, Jo, but if this really is a way to break the power of mind control, then we owe it to her and the safety of Abel to help anyone we can.”

“I said fine,” Jo mumbled.

“We are in agreement then,” Janine said. “Everyone should plan to eat a hearty meal and get a lot of rest tonight.”

“Indeed,” Paula said, a tentative hope in her voice. “Tomorrow could be a very big day.”

“No, Dr. Cohen,” Janine replied. “It will be.”

---

“Here we are, then. Welcome to the Tavington Clinic! Blimey, I’d forgotten how ugly this place is.”

Louise was right. The construction was minimalist, highlighting assertive building materials. It was not a pretty sight, but it wasn’t as if anyone minded. Besides, it was a useful thing to focus on while Paula’s heart pounded.

“Mm. Brutalist architecture. The clue was in the name that it wasn’t a great idea,” she replied.

“Yeah, I don’t care how ugly it is if we can cure me,” Maxine said, taking her hands.. “Paula, we can – if it can really stop me being susceptible to mind control – we can be to–”

“I know,” Paula said. “If I think about that too much, I can’t think about anything else.”

Maxine smiled. “There are so many things I want to do. Important things.”

“Like rollerblading? Because, you know, we could try that anyway.”

Moonchild pushed past them and peered inside. “So, where’s this machine?”

Louise nudged her aside. “It’s right in the middle. That octagonal building with the glass roof. This way.”

The runners followed, Louise in front, Five bringing up the rear.

Back in Abel, Sam was scrambling to figure out why hundreds of people from miles and miles away had suddenly stopped and turned towards Abel. There was a knot in Paula’s stomach. They’d known coming out here with Maxine had been a risk, and while it was absolutely worth taking, none of them had expected an easy mission today. If Diana had somehow gotten word that Maxine was awake and out of Abel, they could all be in trouble.

“Uh, guys?” he said. “Uh, right. Listen, something bad is happening. Those mind-controlled people aren’t heading for Abel.”

“That sounds okay,” Louise said.

“No, it doesn’t,” Five replied. “Where are they headed, Sam?”

“I’ve worked out where their trajectories cross,” he said. “They’re all heading for the Tavington – every single one. Dedlocks, and Exmoor Militira, and all the mind-controlled people in the surrounding countryside. They’re all heading toward you.”

Five swore.

“How could they have known where we are?” Maxine asked.

“We’ll figure that out later,” Five said. “But if we’re going to get this treatment done, we need to move.”

Louise led them through the hallways to the lab at the center. It was dark; there was only enough power for the machine itself, which bathed the room in an eerie bluish glow. Five posted herself beside the door and drew her gun.

“Sam, how much time do we have?” she asked.

“Um, nearest group are going to reach you in less than ten minutes, but there’s only a few of them, which is good, except that there’s a really big group not far behind. Actually, it looks like all of the Dedlocks. They’ll be on you within three quarters of an hour.”

“Alright, I can take care of the first group – ”

“And when you say ‘take care of,’ you mean…”

“Subdue if I can, do what I have to if I can’t. That’ll be no use against the larger group though, so let’s say we have forty minutes.”

“That’s bloody tight,” Louise said. “The process takes at least twenty minutes.”

Moonchild wrinkled her nose. “And what about me? I like, need my aura cleansed, too.”

Five started to answer, but Paula cut her off. “I’m sorry, Moonchild. But Maxine goes first. If we’ve got time to do you, we will. Otherwise, we’ll just have to come back.”

“Which is exactly what I suggested in the first place,” Five grumbled.

Moonchild looked wounded. “That’s heavy, man. I’m one of you now as well.”

“The fuck you are,” Jo retorted. “Maxine goes now, then you if there’s time. No more arguments, let’s get this done. I’ll stand guard here. Paula and Louise, help get Maxine hooked up. You stand there and keep quiet.”

“You know, Five, once we get back to Abel you should really let me help you cleanse some of that aggression. Negative energy is just so heavy.”

“I’ll keep my aggression, thanks. Max, you ready?”

When Paula turned back to Maxine, her face had changed. Her head was tilted to one side as she dreamily stared at the machine.

“Darling, are you ready?” Paula asked.

“Uh, yeah, I’m ready,” she said softly, drifting towards the machine. “I’m um, yeah, I’m just going to uh –”

Without warning, she brought both of her fists down on the machine.

“What the hell are you doing??” Louise demanded.

“I’m fixing the machine,” Maxine replied, grabbing a fistful of cable and yanking.

“You’re breaking it darling!” Paula cried.

Maxine turned back to them, and suddenly, Paula’s was sure of when she’d seen that look on her face before.

“Because it’s meant to be broken. It’s alright, I know I’m doing the right thing. The voices in the tones told me. Told me I had to come here and do this. That’s why I feel so happy now.”

Paula’s heart plummeted. She’d spent the entire run here watching Maxine, looking over their shoulders, certain someone would steal her at any second. And she’d missed it. The mind-control had taken over again, and she’d missed it. They couldn’t hear any tones from inside the building. The only time they’d heard them was on the journey here, when Sam had seen all of those people stop and turn towards them. Had she really been under their control this entire time?

Louise’s reaction was far more physical. She wrapped her arms under Maxine’s shoulders and yanked her away from the machine. Maxine tried to struggle away from her, but Louise, though not physically imposing, was stronger. She wrestled her to the ground, flat on her stomach where her arms couldn’t swing, and sat on her.

“Dammit, we do not have time for this,” Five said. “Sam, we’re going to plan B, yeah? How long until our friend gets here?”

“Hey, man, have you got friends coming, too?” Moonchild asked. “That’s cool! This vibe has got really tense. I think I might have some weed somewhere here.”

“Shut up, and also don’t you dare."

“Uh, yeah, probably in a situation like this, we want to be um, alert, Moonchild?” Sam said. “And Five, Holly’s on her way.”

“That scientist you met on the Comansys ship?” Louise asked. “Isn’t she supposed to be on the Comansys ship? Oi, stop that.” She swatted Maxine’s reaching hand.

“She agreed to risk the trip because we need her expertise,” Sam said. “Me, Paula, and Jo thought – ”

“We thought we’d keep it to ourselves, just in case we didn’t need her after all. No sense putting her and her driver at risk.”

Maxine sighed. “You guys have gotten so close. That’s beautiful! I am so happy.”

“Yeah, we know, Maxine,” Five said. “Paula, take watch, I’ll go and grab Holly and whatever we need to get this thing running.”

Moonchild took a step towards her before she could leave. “Hey, so this Comansys scientist is going to take a look at the machine?”

“Not a look, she’s blind, but she can tell us how to fix it.”

Moonchild nodded, a bit of color draining from her face. She backed into a corner and sat down. “I need to meditate now, man. To prepare myself for this like, massive change in my head chakra. I’m just going to sit here in silence.”

“Best idea you’ve had all day.”

Five was back with Holly and the extra cabling they needed for the repairs in a flash. She was impressively fast under the best of circumstances, but once her adrenaline got going she was nearly unstoppable.

“Holly, that’s enough cable to repair the damage Moonchild did to the machine, right?” Sam asked.

“It’ll be enough,” she replied. “Despite all our precautions, Diana must know I’m here. She’s desperate to get her old staff back. We have too much information in our heads for her to be willing to lose us. I can only apologize that I’ve brought this danger on you. We need to begin the pre-treatment sequence now if we’re to have enough time.”

Maxine, who was still pinned under Louise, said, “It won’t do anything, you know. I’m not mind-controlled. I just see truth now, so clearly, like I’ve never seen anything else before.”

Holly ignored her. “Louise, if you could put one of the neural nets on her head.”

“Yeah, I would if I could,” Louise said, again pinning the struggling Maxine. “Where are they?”

“Standard protocol. Should be in a stack in the drawer to the left of the machine.”

Paula bent down to look. “You mean this open drawer labelled ‘neural nets’ which is lying overturned on the floor with nothing in it?”

“Jesus, the fuck do looters want with neural nets?” Five mumbled. “Alright. Can we go ahead without it?”

Paula nodded. “We can start the treatment, but Maxine will need one as soon as she comes out of the machine. Those neural nets protect against some seriously nasty side effects.”

“I’ll get us one then. Holly, is there anywhere else in the building I might find them?”

“I’m not sure,” she said. “but our river base, the place we were staying before Diana came for us. We had some there. It should only take you a few minutes to run there and back if you’re fast."

“I am,” she said. “Get it rolling, y’all, I’ll be back.”

---

Holly estimated it would take Jo about ten minutes to reach the river base.

She made it in seven.

She grabbed the bottom rung service ladder that was exactly where Holly had told her it would be and hauled herself up to the entrance. She drew her gun and stepped carefully inside.

“You got the cameras up, Sam?” she asked. “The door was open, and I don’t mind saying I’d like a second pair of eyes keeping watch.”

“Yeah, just give me a second,” he replied. “Holly gave me the codes. And there we go. You’re in. I’m in. This is going to be fine.”

“It is. I’ll get the neural net and be back at the clinic in no time. And I’ll be faster on the way back since I’ll know where I’m going.” She stepped over several overturned boxes, their contents scattered across the floor. “Someone’s definitely been through here. I don’t see what we need in this room, any ideas?”

“That green door on your left – it’s a storeroom,” Sam said. “Just tap in the code, three four two four. Holly explained it to me. You can open the door without it, but if you step inside with no code – poisoned gas!”

“Clever,” Jo said, tapping out the numbers on the keypad. It beeped cheerfully, the little light at the top turning green. She pulled the door open – and the smell hit her the second she did.

“Oh, god,” she said, fighting a gag. She reached for her pack to dig out her flashlight. “Sam, do you have cameras in here yet?”

“I’m trying to find that room – why, what’s wrong?”

“There’s a body,” she said.

“What, where?”

“I haven’t spotted it yet, but the smell –” The beam of light bounced over the back corner of the room. A woman, lying on her stomach, beside a table that happened to have the exact neural nets she needed. She grabbed the entire stack for good measure and stuffed them in her pack.

“How much time do we have?” she asked.

“About twenty-five minutes. Maxine’s sedated and in the machine. Her vitals are holding so far. About twelve minutes left on the treatment.”

“I have a second then,” Jo said. Carefully, she wedged the toe of her sneaker under the woman’s shoulder and gave her a nudge, rolling her just enough to catch sight of her face. She gasped and crouched down next to her for a better look. Surely, she wasn’t seeing what she thought she was seeing.

But she was.

“Oh, shit,” she whispered.

“What, what is – oh no.”

The woman was blonde, very tall, and had a crooked nose, like she’d broken it at least once in childhood. And she’d clearly been dead for weeks.

“That’s…it can’t be,” Sam said.

“It is,” Jo replied. “Diana Duncan-Petley. She’s been here the whole time.”

“Like…today you mean?” he asked. “Then who’s controlling those people?”

Jo shook her head. “Not just today. I know decomp. She’s been dead for weeks. She was dead when Moonchild attacked Abel, she was dead when we infiltrated the Comansys floatilla…hell, she was probably dead the day she killed that boy living in Dedlock territory.”

Sam sputtered. “But that’s…how is that possible?”

“I don’t know,” Jo said. “But we don’t have time to figure it out now. I’ll have to come back, for now I have to get to Maxine.”

“Yeah…yeah, you’re right. Shit. She’s going to need that neural net in the next few minutes, move.”

“I’m almost out,” she replied. “Radio Janine and tell her what we found. And patch me through to the others.”

The rest were as stunned and confused as they were, not least of all Holly.

“There were only a few people at Comansys who would have been capable of pulling off something like this,” she said. “Albert, perhaps, but we know it wasn’t him. Our head of research was exceedingly brilliant, but sadly, she was the first to succumb to Diana’s mind control.”

“We’ll have time to think this over later,” Jo said. “How’s Maxine?”

“Are her vital signs stable?” Holly asked.

“Yes,” Paula replied.

“Then it’s going as well as it could be. It’s only when she gets out that we’ll know.”

“Five minutes left,” Louise said. “You’ve got to be here with that neural net.”

“I only need three,” Jo replied. “The building’s in sight, I’ll be to you as fast as I can.”

With perfect recall of what Louise had shown them earlier, Jo wove through the building and down to the lab just as the machine was powering off.

“Runner Five, thank god,” Paula said. “You’re just in time."

Holly gestured in the direction of the machine. “Put that neural net on her now and plug it into the monitor here.”

Jo crossed to the machine where Louise and Paula were disconnecting the monitors from her scalp. She gently fitted the neural net over her head as the short-acting sedative began to wear off. Maxine stirred, groaning slightly as Jo secured the net.

“I’ll need to go into the control room next door to adjust it. Moonchild, if you could guide me.”

Jo glanced at the corner where Moonchild was still sitting cross-legged with her eyes closed. She hadn’t even noticed her still tucked away. She opened one eye and looked at Holly curiously with a “Hm?”, but for once she did as instructed.

Sam broke in as she and Holly went next door. “Guys, the first wave of mind-controlled people are running up the hill. You’ll be able to outrun them if you leave now!”

“Just a few more moments,” Holly replied. “Dr. Cohen, check the vitals readout.”

Paula snatched the printout from the machine, and Jo peered over her shoulder. They both breathed a sigh of relief.

“She’s okay,” Paula said.

“Where’s that second readout?” Holly asked.

“Moonchild, can you read it out to her?”

“Mm?”

Again. “For fuck’s sake,” Jo muttered. “This is not the time for your silent meditation bullshit.”

“Madam, I am blind,” Holly said. “You must be my eyes. We need both sets of readings right now or Dr. Myers is at risk.”

“Just read it, Moonchild,” Paula snapped. “We can’t stay here anyway.”

Jo heard Moonchild sigh over the headset. “The numbers are three, seven, one, point eight.”

She and Paula nodded at each other. The second set was normal as well. They didn’t know yet if it had worked, but Maxine was still fine.

But there was no time to celebrate. Holly answered her, the words coated in shock and fear.

“Wait. I know your voice. I know who you are."

“Yeah,” Moonchild said disdainfully. “I was afraid of that.”

“Dr. Cohen, you have to get out of here now!” she ordered. “This is Cynthia Hill, head of research at Comansys.

Jo immediately went cold. The floor fell away beneath her, and she grabbed onto Paula’s shoulder for support. In one horrific moment, everything made sense. They had all of the pieces, and now they fit together perfectly.

She’d been right.

So why hadn’t she done anything about it?

We’ll have time to think this over later.

“Man, you know, this is really harshing my mellow,” Moonchild said. “I never even liked you, Holly. Not even when I had Diana controlling you. You aura’s always been a really sickly yellow.

A gunshot split the air with a crack.

Jo couldn’t have told you what anyone did next. She couldn’t have told you that Sam ordered them to run, or that Paula and Louise propped a still-groggy Maxine between them in order to do just that. All she knew was that her gun was in her hand and she was out the door and down the hall in a second, hurtling after the flick of white robe she saw around the corner.

“Five!” Paula shouted after her. “Five, stop! Come back!”

She didn’t listen. She barely heard it over the blood thundering in her ears as she sprinted down one hallway and then the next. The basement of the Tavington Clinic was a labyrinth, and Moonchild had the advantage of knowing where she was going.

She probably knew every inch of the building.

It didn’t stop her. She flew down another corridor, trusting her instincts to lead her to her quarry.

She came to the end of the corridor and found herself at the bottom of a stairwell. There was no sign of Moonchild here, and she stopped for a moment, sure she’d gone the wrong way.

“Runner Five!” Sam shouted over the headset. “You have to stop! Go back the way you came, back to the others. The mind-controlled people have breached the building. The first group has already started destroying the machine, and the rest are headed your way.”

Jo ignored him, focused instead on what had sounded like a footstep. She looked straight up at the dizzying height of stairs above her. Still no visual sign, but she was sure she’d heard something.

“Runner Five, that is an order!”

She roughly pulled the headset off her ears and let it rest around her neck.

“I’m sorry our time together had to end this way, Five.”

Moonchild’s voice echoed around the space, impossible to pinpoint.

“I had such high hopes we could’ve been friends. But I have a feeling we’ll be meeting again. The universe brought us together for a reason, remember? We were always supposed to find each other.”

Jo caught a glimpse of her face somewhere around the second floor, at the door that would lead to ground level, almost as if she’d been unable to resist one last look. Jo aimed her gun and squeezed the trigger, firing off six shots before she even realized what she was doing. The door slammed shut behind Moonchild, and Jo was up the stairs and on her heels.

When she opened the door, it wasn’t Moonchild waiting for her. It was hundreds of others, a writhing mass of people that didn’t seem to see her. The mind-control tones rang out, bouncing off the high ceilings in a way that immediately made her head throb. They were all pressing forward towards the door, just like Sam had warned. Though she wasn’t far from the main entrance, she holstered her gun and tried to move further into the throng, the way she was sure Moonchild must’ve gone. If she had gotten through, Jo could too. She stayed low, shoving with all her might, but it was no use. The crowd began to swallow her, nearly knocking her to her knees, pressing against her on all sides until she could barely breathe. She was sure she saw auburn hair disappearing along the balcony above the atrium.

Before she could change directions, someone seized her around the waist, pulling her out of the crowd and backwards towards the door. She thrashed against them, but her feet were off the ground and her arms were pinned to her sides. She was breathless from the chase and from being nearly engulfed by the crowd.

“GET OFF OF ME,” she screamed, uselessly kicking at the air. “GET OFF OF ME.”

Suddenly, the sunlight was back on her face, and there were lungfuls of air to take in. This only made her fight harder as, in a moment of frenetic genius/idiocy, she threw her head back, slamming her skull against her assailant’s.

“OW, Christ, Five! It’s me!” Louise yelled.

“PUT ME DOWN,” Jo ordered.

“Whatever you say,” Louise said, literally dropping her onto the ground.

Jo hit the pavement knees first before rolling to take the rest of the impact on her shoulder. She pushed herself back to her feet and whirled to face Louise in a wild rage.

“Why the hell would you do that??”

“Me??” Louise asked, incredulous. “I was saving your life, at a risk to mine, I might add. What the hell were you thinking, taking off like that?”

“I had her,” Jo said, screaming her throat raw. “and now she’s going to get away.”

“No, you didn’t,” Paula said firmly. Jo looked past Louise, noticing her and Maxine, who was back on her feet, for the first time. “Moonchild is long gone, and that crowd would’ve trampled you. What the hell were you thinking??”

Jo spat on the ground, a mouthful of blood from where she’d bitten her tongue headbutting Louise. “So she just gets away?? We find the woman behind all of this and we just let her go??”

“If it means keeping you alive, yes,” Paula said. “I’m angry too. It’s her fault Maxine’s been through what she’s been through, but we couldn’t have known –”

“I KNEW,” Jo roared. “I KNEW but I didn’t DO ANYTHING.”

“Jesus,” Louise muttered. “We got anymore sedatives in that bag?"

“Don’t you FUCKING dare.”

Paula took a tentative step towards her with her hands up. “Johanna, you didn’t. You knew she was odd and made you uncomfortable and probably hadn’t told us everything, but you didn’t know all of this. No one did. No one could have.” Her eyes flicked to her headset as if listening to something, then she gestured for Jo to put her own back on.

Resentfully, she did, steeling herself for Sam’s inevitable reprimand.

“Jo,” he said, his voice far softer than she’d expected. “You couldn’t have known. This was not your fault.”

Her breath caught in her throat. She couldn’t hear that, not now. She couldn’t hear reason or accept comfort. She needed to be angry.

She deserted her companions again, this time heading back to Abel. Some part of her knew there was no more fixing things, not today. But a much larger part of her couldn’t face her friends, not as her rage shed its mask to reveal its true face. She ran straight back to Abel, never pausing for a breath, blinking through the tears that clouded her vision and pushing through the burning in her lungs until she was through the gates and home to Sam in the comms shack.

She couldn’t begin to fathom how unhinged she must’ve looked bursting through the door, dirty and bloodied and breathing so hard she almost thought she’d pass out. Sam stood up and looked at her with equal parts hurt and compassion.

He caught her as her legs gave out, fully enveloping her in his arms. He held her close as she sobbed, hot, angry, terrified tears soaking into his shirt as he whispered again and again:

“It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault.”

Notes:

I don't want to overpromise here, but the next chapter is one I have been D Y I N G to write, so I'm hoping to have it up soon. And if you know what the next mission is, you can guess what I'm up to.

Also it is crown chakra?? There is no 'head' chakra?? Moonchild wtf??

Final thought, as someone who lives in an area with a lot of brutalist architecture, the quip about brutalism is both accurate and amusing. Ok I'm done bye.

Chapter 27: Runs in the Family

Notes:

HI ME AGAIN. I've been looking forward to this one for SO LONG.

Content warning for brief mentioned nudity, blood, stitches, scars, psychological distress, explosion, alcohol mention, torture, mutilation, abandonment, knife wounds, gun violence, mention of mass murder, we're really in the heart of content warning territory now, aren't we?

Spoilers through S3M43

I can run using every last ounce of energy,
I cannot, I cannot, I cannot run from my family,
They’re hiding inside of me, corpses on ice,
Come in if you’d like, but just don’t tell my family  

Runs in the Family – Amanda Palmer

 

Shame is a hell of a feeling.

It creeps in on you, making your face go hot and your blood go cold. It snakes its tendrils through your brain, your heart, your gut, until it consumes your every thought and emotion.

It was a feeling Jo was intimately familiar with, though, loved and supported as she was in Abel, it was also something she’d taken a hiatus from.

But after returning from the Tavington, it swallowed her. Maxine and Paula had made it back about ten minutes after she had to find her still on the comms shack floor with Sam, and they’d dropped to the ground to encircle her too. After that, they’d gently led her to the hospital for bite check while Sam went to “get ahead of this with Janine,” then back to her quarters, where she’d been for three days now.

She almost would’ve preferred the angry words, the reprimands, the way people had briefly turned on her after what happened with Jody and Simon and Amelia. But the kindness, the compassion? That was infinitely worse.

Of course, she couldn’t pinpoint if the shame she felt stemmed more from what she had done, or what she hadn’t.

It was mid-morning three days after their run to the Tavington Clinic and everything that had entailed. From what she could tell, she wasn’t formally on furlough, but she also hadn’t left her quarters long enough to find out. All she knew was Sam kept going to his shifts as usual, bringing her updates when he returned, and no one had come looking for her. That suited her just fine. The longer she could go without having to face anyone, the more the absurdity of her actions would have time to fade.

She lay curled in on herself with her eyes closed, though it had been hours since she’d actually slept. Sam had left early that day for a sunrise supply run, and, like the two days preceding it, no one had dared to bother her.

That was, until someone knocked on the door with three short, assertive raps.

“Go away,” she muttered, pulling the blankets over her head.

Three knocks again.

“I said go away!” she repeated, louder this time.

“I will not be doing that,” Janine replied. “Besides, you’re well aware I have keys to everything.”

Jo grumbled. “Fine,” she called. “It’s open anyway.”

Janine let herself in, hovering near the end of the bed.

“You can sit, you know.”

She gingerly perched herself on the corner of the bed.

“Are you not at least going to sit up?” Janine asked

“You don’t want me to do that.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m not wearing any clothes."

Janine sighed. “Why are you not wearing clothes?”

“I don’t have to answer that, I’m in my own home. Why aren’t YOU not wearing clothes?? That came out wrong.”

“I should hope so.”

Jo lowered the blankets just enough to glance over her shoulder at her. “What do you want, Janine?”

“I’ve not seen you in three days, and I’ve come to see how you’re doing.”

Jo rolled her eyes. “Why are you actually here, Janine?”

“I have just told you why I’m here, am I not permitted a social visit?

“I mean, you’re permitted one…”

Janine threw her an exasperated look. “You are my friend, and you’ve been through something terrible, and I wanted to ensure that you are alright. That is what friends do, is it not?”

Jo abruptly sat up to face her, clutching the blankets to her chest. “Why aren’t you angry with me?”

“Johanna, I –”

“I disobeyed a direct order from my operator. I put myself at unnecessary risk. I removed my goddamn headset in the field. Why haven’t you reamed me for it?”

Janine exhaled through her nose. “I was not aware you’d removed your headset. Mr. Yao conveniently left out that part of the story.”

“Whoops.”

“Nonetheless…after I spoke to Sam it became very obvious that anger was not what you need in this moment. Of course I was unhappy to hear you had put yourself at risk, and disobeying your operator is highly out of character for you…but I am not convinced that your reaction was as irrational as you seem to think it was.”

Jo raised her eyebrows.

“You objected to going into the field with Moonchild in the first place –”

“Only because I didn’t like her,” she mumbled.

“And you disliked her for a reason. You raised this with me, and with the others, repeatedly, and we should have listened.”

“Yeah, but that’s hardly your fault,” Jo said. “I mean I agree that you should always listen to me –”

“Don’t push it.”

“ – and yeah, I knew something was off, but I didn’t know…all of this.” Jo looked down at her lap. “Maybe I should’ve.”

“Yes, that is the heart of this nonsensical guilt, isn’t it?” Janine set a hand on Jo’s knee before abruptly withdrawing it. “I’m sorry. I know you are not terribly fond of being touched.”

Jo shook her head. “No, it’s alright. I mean, most of the time that’s true, but not always. It’s a short list, but you’re on it.”

Janine was taken aback. “Oh…well, I…that is good to hear.” She cleared her throat awkwardly. “In any case, this does bring me to the other purpose of my visit.”

“I thought this was purely a social call.”

“Do be patient, I am trying,” Janine said, the hint of a smile on her face. “If you are so determined to punish yourself for this, I have worked out some penance for you. You will be running today.”

Jo’s eyes widened. “Not with Kytan and Yang. I know I fucked up, but I do NOT deserve that again.”

Janine shook her head. “Nothing of the sort. You will be running…with me. I’ve been speaking with Drs. Myers and Cohen about what would be required to build a facsimile of the machine from the Tavington Clinic, and Mr. Yao posted on Rofflenet seeking spare parts. He has just received a tip that someone found a hobbyist’s basement full of electronics. I believe I am the only one who would know exactly what she is looking at, however, I find the prospect of leaving Abel…unsettling. I would feel much better having you with me.”

“Oh,” Jo said. “That actually sounds more than fair. I’d be happy to go with you. Probably about time I got myself out of this room, anyway.”

Janine stood. “Excellent. Thank you, Johanna. Would an hour suffice for you to be ready?”

“Can we call it an hour and a half? I should warm up and eat something, plus that would leave me ample time to go apologize to a few people.”

“Yes, that will also work. Though I imagine you will not need quite as much time for apologies as you might think. I have spoken to the others, and none of them are in any way upset with you. Although Ms. Bailey has a bit of a bruise on her cheek where you skull collided with it.”

“Say what you want, I shouldn’t have put them in that position in the first place.”

Janine sighed. “Johanna, loathe as I am to do so, I feel compelled to remind you of the time you discovered me in the armory at 2AM with the better part of a bottle of gin in my system, searching for a single bullet that I was convinced would be the answer to all of my problems. Sometimes those we love see us at our worst.”

Janine began to turn the doorknob to leave.

“Janine…” Jo said.

She looked back.

“Did you just admit that you love me?”

“Absolutely not.”

---

While she would never say that she was glad, exactly, to be outside of Abel, Janine had to admit that it was a beautiful day for venturing outside of its walls. A good spring warmth had overtaken dreary weather as April turned to May, and the sun was bright overhead. The target was not far from Abel at all, and she had Jo to accompany her and Sam to guide them. Yes, all in all, it was shaping up to be one of her better trips beyond the Township.

If only Sam would stop interrogating her about her past.

“Right, suppose you were in covert ops,” he said, “what would your cover have been? I mean, did you tell people you worked at an electronics store. Because that’d make sense. Or, um, did you say – hmm, now let me see. Uh, that you were one of those people who go to children’s birthday parties dressed like a giant cartoon character?”

“I’d pay to see that,” Five said.

“Or, uh, or that you were a hand model?”

“You do have beautiful hands.”

“Don’t encourage him,” Janine said.

“Fine, I’ll pile on then,” Five replied. “I think you would’ve been a food critic. Or maybe a theatre critic? Ooh, sommelier, that would be PERFECT for you.”

“Oh, did you say you were a hypnotist who got people to stop smoking? Or that you sculpted blocks of ice with a chainsaw?” With that, Sam succeeded in making himself laugh.

“What about roller derby? You’re so damn tall, you’d be a hell of a force. Or a snake charmer. Totally different direction, but if anyone could glare a snake into submission, it’s you.”

“Did you tell people you were a romance novelist, Janine? Because that does seem a lot like you.”

Janine rolled her eyes.

“Oh come on, now,” Five said, “You’re the one who’s seen Titanic a dozen times.”

“Eight,” Janine admonished.

Five snorted. “Not better."

She would never admit it, but Janine was enjoying the light-hearted teasing. For one thing, it took her mind off of the anxiety she felt being out in the field.

For another, it wasn’t often in her life she’d had people around to lovingly tease her in an almost familial way. It had been a long time since she’d experienced anything like that.

“Oh!” Sam exclaimed. “I’ve got it! Did you say you were the person who does the voiceovers for movie previews?”

“Mr. Yao, please be serious,” Janine said. “Runner Five and I have a job to do."

Then, fighting a smirk, she dropped her voice and said, “In a world overrun by zombies, one woman is the only chance humanity has.”

Five stared back at her with a wide-eyed grin on her face.

“Come on, Five! Let’s pick up the pace. Moonchild’s mind-controlled people could be after the electronics cache too.” Janine ran ahead, leaving her companion behind in stunned stillness for a moment.

“God, I do love you, you know that?” Five called after her.

They were a scant quarter mile from the reported stash of supplies. They’d run into very few zombies and made excellent time. Janine obviously didn’t get nearly as much activity as the runners, so she was quite pleased to be keeping pace with Runner Five without much difficulty.

“I’d forgotten how nice it is to get out of Abel,” she said. “Stretch the legs, see a bit of scenery. I should go out on missions more often.”

“Mm, that would be fun, wouldn’t it, Runner Five?” Sam said. “Janine helping out, having opinions, making sure we always follow the rules.”

“Only if she promises to narrate everything,” Five replied.

“Yes, I’ll not be living that one down, will I?” Janine asked.

“Not a chance.”

“So, in the old days, Janine, did you claim you were the captain of a sports team? Or the dictator of a smallish country?” Sam asked.

“It’s just lovely out here,” Janine said, ignoring him. Jovial teasing was all well and good, but that did not make the answers to his questions any less classified. “Just look how green everything is!”

“Hm, you know, you two are right in the area where New Canton found a zombie last week,” Sam said.

“Well, that certainly qualifies as news, Mr. Yao.”

“I wasn’t quite finished with my story, actually, Janine. It had the word ‘grass’ carved on its face. It’s really weird! Someone must have been pretty insane to do that.”

Janine stumbled for a moment. “Did you say it was carved?”

“Yeah, on its forehead.”

Janine forced a small laugh. “Everyone’s gone a bit mad these days, I suppose.”

A coincidence. It must’ve been. More zombie cultists, or someone reacting badly to mind control. There was no reason to assume it was anything more sinister.

“Okay, guys, you’re getting close,” Sam said. “You’re also picking up quite a tail of zoms. Think this fresh weather has brought them out. Janine, you’ll be going into that great big white house on the left, into the basement. Five, keeping running on the main road with your noisemaker to keep the zoms away.”

“You got it,” Five said, turning on her noisemaker. “See you in a bit.” She took off down the road.

Janine stepped into the house, carefully clearing each room on the first floor before making her way down to the basement. As soon as she hit the bottom of the stairs, she was briefly stunned. At first glance, the tip appeared to have been a good one – there were rows of shelves stacked floor to ceiling with every electronics nerd’s dream, as well as quite a few weapons. She holstered her gun and began wandering through the shelves.

On closer inspection, however, none of it looked terribly helpful in terms of recreating the machine. Plenty of it had other uses, though, and Janine began loading the best of it into her bag.

“I suppose it was a little too much to hope that we’d find the proprietary Comansys technology in this stash. I’ve found your battery lanterns, Mr. Yao, as well as weapons, even a few grenades.”

“Grenades? Well that’s great!” Sam laughed. “You know, Janine, I really never thought I’d become the kind of person who got excited about grenades. It’s weird, right? I mean, you never know who you’ll turn into until you’re actually put in that situation. I mean, look at me. I’m not a failing engineering student anymore. Instead, I’m a radio operator, which is actually what I wanted to be. And Janine, you don’t have to pretend to be someone you’re not. I mean, yeah, the shambling hordes of undead aren’t great, and the loss of everyone we loved isn’t brilliant, but on the other hand, we can just get rid of our pasts, start again.”

“Hmm,” Janine said, still perusing the shelves. “That’s a nice idea.”

“Yeah, I like that,” Five said. “Even just since getting here, I’ve been able to let go of so much of what I didn’t like about myself before. I’ve found purpose and meaning and love and all that shit, and I only completely lose it very occasionally.”

“Hey, hang on, what was that?” Sam said.

“Yeah, I saw it too, I’ll double back.”

“Saw what?” Janine asked.

“Another zom with something carved on its forehead, I think.”

Janine froze.

“Oh my god, it is him,” Sam said. “It’s Travis, the Ministry Marshall who came to arrest Jody.”

The blood drained from her face.

“Travis. Are you certain?”

“Well, it used to be Travis, until he turned. Now he’s missing one of his arms and most of his lower jaw. And he’s got the word ‘failure’ carved into his forehead.”

Janine carefully picked up her pack and calmly made her way up the stairs, her outward demeanor in full opposition with her panicked mind.

It’s not possible, she thought, this is NOT possible.

She had to get Jo out of here.

“I don’t want to alarm you both, but Runner Five, we need to contact New Canton and leave right now. If that zombie is Travis, then –”

The front window shattered just before she made it outside, and suddenly, she found herself face to face with a ghost.

---

“I don’t want to alarm you both, but Runner Five, we need to contact New Canton and leave right now. If that zombie is Travis, then –”

Before Janine could finish her thought, the sound of shattering glass cut her off.

When she spoke again, she sounded more terrified than anyone in Abel had ever heard her.

“Oh god. No! Put that knife down. Put it down!” she exclaimed. Then, “I thought you were dead.”

Then only static.

Jo wasn’t close enough to the house, she knew that, but she dropped her noisemaker and sprinted back the way she’d come anyway.

Predictably, she was too late.

Janine was gone, her gun and pack sitting amidst the broken glass of the living room window, a few drops of blood scattered on the floor beneath the sill. She sprang up the stairs, then down to the basement, then the backyard, until she was sure her friend was no longer on the grounds.

“Sam, do you see anything?” she asked desperately.

“Nothing, I’ve got nothing,” he said. “There aren’t any cameras at that end of the street anyway, so I have no idea which was she’s gone. Or been taken. Or…whatever!”

“Shit,” Jo said. “I can’t tell either.”

“I don’t understand!” Sam exclaimed. “It sounded like she knew whoever came after her – did you get the impression anyone was following you? Or that Janine did?”

“Not at all,” Jo replied. “She seemed a little thrown when you mentioned the zom that New Canton found, but I just assumed she was a little nervous to be outside the walls, like she said. Still nothing on cams?”

“Still nothing,” he confirmed. “Damn it!”

“Alright, we’ll think of something. They couldn’t have gotten that far, right? It’s only been a few minutes, they must be – ”

There was static on the headset again. Jo froze.

“Hello,” an unfamiliar voice said. “I know who you are. You’re Janine’s people. I’ve got Janine. I’ve got her headset, and I’ve got a message for you: this isn’t you anymore.”

Jo stayed quiet, trying to pick out anything in the background. His accent was crisp, formal, and his voice had a gruffness that suggested disuse.

“Not your fight, not your battle, not your war!” he exclaimed. “Who owns the war? Who owns the broken bodies of the soldiers? Not her, not any of them. Not the grasses or the traitors or the snitches or the thieves. Not Janine!”

Someone from her past, then. There was no background noise to speak of, but his words said far more than he intended. Janine was as curt about her past with Jo as she was with anyone, but she’d figured out a long time ago that the woman had a background that came with a great deal of baggage, and even more secrets.

“Let fate take its course. Nothing could have stopped this. If you leave me be, no one will get hurt.” The man laughed cruelly. “Except Janine, and she’s got it coming!”

“Got it coming?” Sam asked. “I’ve known Janine for ages. She is clever and loyal. And, alright, she’s sometimes a bit formal, but she works as hard as she can every day to save lives!”

“Then you don’t know her very well! Janine! Tell them to stay away, tell them! Tell them to go and run far away and not send anyone. You wouldn’t want more blood on your conscience, would you, dear?”

“Mr. Yao, Runner Five, this man is very dangerous, I cannot emphasize that enough,” Janine said shakily. “Do not come after me. This man – I don’t know what he’ll do.”

“Janine…” Sam said.

“I repeat, do not attempt to follow me. My last request is that you tell Mildred Van der Graaf that I am thinking of her…right now.”

“I, uh – ”

“I’ve got you, Janine,” Jo said quickly. “We’ll tell her. Right away. Sam?”

There was a click. “Yeah, private channel. Mildred Van der Graaf? You heard what she was saying?”

“God, she’s brilliant,” Jo said. “How far to that Rofflenet station where Archie and I found those chickens?”

“A couple miles via the main road, but not even half that if you cut through the trees,” Sam said. “You got enough time to grab some weapons from the basement?”

“Already on it,” Jo replied.

With two extra handguns, several clips of ammo, and a grenade loaded into her pack, Jo headed into the trees as fast as she could.

“Okay, I’ve managed to pick up that guy on cams. He’s in a Jeep. Janine’s right, they’ve stopped at the Rofflenet station.”

“Perfect, I’m not far behind. Do you have a visual on her assailant?”

 “Nothing clear,” Sam said. “What do you think Janine did to this guy that made him hate her so much? Do you think he might have been married to her?”

“She hasn’t been married,” Jo said.

“How do you know?”

“It came up. Unless she lied, but I don’t know why she’d do that.”

“Unless it was classified?”

Before Jo could answer, a scream split the air. It wasn’t one Jo had heard before, but she knew it was Janine.

“Oh, hell,” she said.

“Oh God, he’s doing something to her!” Sam exclaimed. “I’ve only got long-range cams on them, but he’s got her out of the Jeep and he’s tied her up. Uh, I think he’s waving a knife around, which doesn’t seem like great news when you consider what happened to Travis. I think there’s a pen full of zombies. Okay, okay, if you attack him directly, he might just kill Janine.”

“Distraction then,” Jo said. “Janine’s capable of defending herself, but not if she’s tied up. I just need to give her an opening.”

“Grenade?”

“Grenade.”

Jo crept towards the Jeep, careful to keep herself out of sight. Sam was right; this man clearly wanted Janine dead. If he felt threatened, he’d just kill her and abandon whatever else it was he had planned for her.

Janine screamed again, and Jo winced, peering through the windows of the Jeep. She didn’t have a clear view, but she could tell her arms were bound behind her, and the man had stuck the point of his knife deep into the muscle of her forearm. Jo’s jaw clenched.

Gingerly, she took the grenade from her pack, pulled the pin, rolled it under the Jeep, and dove for cover.

 The vehicle went up in flames.

“That enough of a distraction for you?”

“That was great,” Sam said. “Did you see? He looked around, and Janine kicked the knife out of his hand.”

“That’s my girl,” Jo said, standing.

“He’s after you now, though.”

“Fine by me.” Jo drew her gun and stood her ground, aiming at the approaching figure. “That’s far enough!”

He didn’t listen. “Stay away, just go! Leave us! Forget about her! Don’t you understand, don’t you get it? That’s exactly what she’d do if your positions were reversed!”

“I said stop!” Jo said, cocking the gun.

He kept coming. “Do you even know who you’re trying to help here? You’ve got no clue, no clue! She’s a good liar! Oh yes, she keeps her secrets very well. You don’t know who she is. You don’t know what she’s done!”

“I’m warning you –”

But then she stopped.

She had to.

Because, suddenly, he was close enough for her to see his face.

Sharp cheekbones, a strong nose, big brown eyes that had seen entirely too much. Even the thick black hair, though it was wild and unkempt where she was used to seeing it carefully tied back.

“Oh no,” she whispered.

“Five?” Sam said.

Please, she begged, silently. PLEASE don’t make me pull this trigger.

Something in him seemed to realize he was defeated. He’d taken his attention off of Jo, instead pacing in front of her, raking his hands through his hair.

“She and the rest all abandoned me,” he said. “Left me all alone. Poor Tom’s a-cold. They knew where I was, and they didn’t come get me. They left me to rot in a jail in Algeria! They denied all knowledge of me. They left me there to die! They were so clever, those jailers. They said they’d teach me a lesson. Well, now I’m going to teach Janine the same lesson!”

Tom took another step closer, and Jo re-focused her gun.

“Watch those hands!” she called.

But he didn’t reach for a weapon. He started unbuttoning his shirt instead. Underneath, he was nothing but scars, a mosaic of words carved into his chest.

Jo wanted to cry.

“Every few days, a new word written on my skin with a knife! Thought that’d kill me, too! But I didn’t die, did I? No. Tom never died. They died instead, when the plague came for them, and I was safe, in that iron-barred cell. They reached for me with hungry hands, but I waited. They got bored. They shambled away in search of easier meat. I drank the foul water that dripped through the ceiling. And I got thin. So thin, so skin and bones – look at me!”

There was truly nothing to him. His ribs, his collarbones, even his sternum pressed into his skin as if trying to rip through. His cheeks were hollow, bringing the features she knew so well into even sharper relief.

“One day, I was thin enough to squeeze through the bars. And then, I began to walk! It’s been a long walk.”

“Oh god, oh god. Five, this is – those zombies are breaking out of their pen, and Janine’s still tied to that tree,” Sam said. “You have to get back there and untie her!”

Jo’s attention snapped to the scene behind her, and Tom followed her gaze.

“Go!” she yelled. “If you don’t, you’re dead. If the zoms don’t kill you, I will. Don’t make me do that to her.”

Without waiting for a response, she ran at him, then past him, and straight through the fence to Janine.

“My arms!” Janine said, desperately. “He’s tied my arms to the tree!”

“Hang on, I’ve got you,” Jo said, pulling her knife from her belt.

The knot was strong, but the rope wasn’t thick. She managed to saw through it in no time.

“Runner Five, the zombies are on you,” Sam said. “That kidnapper’s nowhere to be seen. You and Janine have to run!”

Janine started scanning the horizon, but Jo seized her by the arm, pulling her clear of the zombies and back towards home.

---

It was a dead sprint for more than a mile before either of them felt comfortable stopping.

“Alright,” Five said, panting. “We’re clear of the zoms, and I don’t see anyone following us. I think we can break for a minute.”

Janine cradled her wounded arm and turned her back to Five, overwhelmed.

“Yeah, think he escaped on foot while you were getting away from the zoms,” Sam said.

“He’s highly trained in wilderness survival and concealment,” Janine said, almost involuntarily.  

“Are you alright? That wound on your arm – ”

“It’ll be fine,” she said brusquely.

“Let me see,” Five said. Janine tried to pull back, but Jo held on firmly but gently. She carefully examined the wound.

“It’s deep, but it’s clean. The knife was sharp, that’s good. I can stitch it up when we get back. Let me wrap it for now.”

Five dug through her pack, pulling out a bottle of saline and a roll of gauze.

“I don’t think that’s necessary – ”

“Not your call, hold still.”

“He only got as far as the letter J.”

“For Janine?” Sam asked.

“Probably for ‘Judas.’”

Five avoided her gaze, and Janine was grateful for that. She didn’t want to talk about any of this, least of all here, in the field, where she already felt threatened and unsteady. She worked carefully and quietly instead, rinsing the wound and wrapping a thick layer of gauze over it to staunch the bleeding until they got back to Abel.

“Alright,” Five said, stepping back. “Good enough for now. You’ll need stitches when we get back, but that’ll hold until we’re home.”

Janine nodded, staring past her. She didn’t trust herself to answer.

“Right. Okay, I’m going to have to ask – Janine, who was that?” Sam said.

“Classified,” she snapped.

“Oh, seriously? There’s been an apocalypse in between then and now, Janine.”

“Doesn’t signify. It’s classified.”

Sam sighed. “Okay. But I want to send New Canton out looking for him.”

“No!” Janine exclaimed, suddenly panicked. “Listen, Mr. Yao, don’t do that, please. He’s an operative in the field who had some terrible experiences. He’s not a danger, not anymore.”

“Janine…” Five said.

“He was pretty dangerous to Travis, and to you,” Sam said.

“Travis, Samuelson, and I were the last of the team,” Janine explained, praying they would drop it. “He deliberately planted a bait he knew I might take. He didn’t try to hurt Johanna. He won’t be dangerous to anyone else, I promise, just don’t tell them to follow him. He’ll only hurt them if threatened.”

“But he tried to kill you!” Sam insisted.

“Sam, please,” she begged. “Don’t go after him, I…”

She stopped, holding back tears.

“Janine,” Five said softly. She looked up at her and realized, with a flash of alarm, that her friend had realized exactly what was going on.

“I saw his face. It wasn’t a passing resemblance.”

Janine turned away again, blinking back tears. She took a deep breath.

“My cover identities changed over time. There were so many, I can’t even remember them anymore. Estate agent, arms dealer, cotton trader…the only constant was the members of the team, the people I could rely on. The Major – I knew her before. That’s why she came here. Knew I’d have a safe place to hide, and a few others, all dead now. Except for Tom. I thought he was dead, but he’s not. Tom is – ”

She steeled herself.

“He’s my brother.”

---

Back in Abel, Jo managed to usher Janine straight to the hospital and to the back bay where they wouldn’t be disturbed. She’d asked Sam to have Maxine gather the supplies she’d need to tend to Janine’s arm and leave them there so there wouldn’t be any need to speak to anyone else upon their return.

This was quite possibly the worst day of Janine’s life since Jo had met her, and she’d be damned if she was going to let anyone make it worse.

Jo inventoried the supplies in front of her, some tools, a suture kit…

And a syringe.

She and Janine spotted it at the same time. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Janine glance up at her.

“You don’t have to…” she said. “If you’d prefer to have Dr. Myers do this…it’s alright, I’ll be fine –”

Jo seized the syringe and deftly slipped it into the skin below Janine’s wound.

“Loophole,” she explained. “You’re in more distress than I am, so now, a syringe is no problem. You should stop feeling that in a minute or so.”

After a quick application of anesthetic around the gash, she was able to get to work, carefully stitching the flesh back together.

Janine was unusually quiet, the heaviness of the day hanging in the air around them.

“My brother died about three months into the apocalypse,” Jo said, keeping her eyes on the thread. He’d, uh…his best friend was shot in the line of duty just before things went to hell. He was a cop. They both were. Anyway, Rick was in the hospital when the outbreak began, and Shane went to try and get him out. Except when he got there, the military was lining people up in the halls and shooting them, infected or not. And when he got to Rick…he couldn’t find a heartbeat. He thought he was dead. It broke his heart, but he had to leave him behind. And to make it up to him, he went straight from there to Rick’s house to make sure his wife and son got out ok. If he couldn’t save his best friend, he could at least save his family, right?

“None of us were quite ourselves in the early days. And Shane and Lori…they got codependent. Lori was devastated over the loss of her husband and terrified for her son, and Shane…well, I’ve started to suspect he’d had a bit of a thing for her for years but couldn’t ever do anything about it. But then, apocalypse. So they started having an affair. Or not an affair, I guess, since they thought Rick was dead, but yeah. They started sleeping together.

“Except Rick wasn’t dead. He woke up, and he got out, and he found them, and Lori went right back to her husband. Of course she did. But Shane couldn’t take that. Especially after they realized she was pregnant. He got…possessive. And angry. And this world…it brought out the worst in him. So when Lori broke things off once and for all, no hope of them ever getting back together…he tried to kill Rick. So Rick had to kill him. That’s how my brother died. A knife in the heart in self-defense from the best friend he’d tried to kill because he couldn’t take no for an answer.”

Janine looked up. “Jo…”

“And, because the fun bonus of the American apocalypse is that everyone who dies of anything less than a headshot turns, bitten or not, he turned into a zom, and Carl, who was…eleven?, had to kill him again. Headshot.”

Jo exhaled, nearly breathless from letting the story tumble out of her.

“Family is…complicated. It always has been. And the apocalypse just makes it worse. So what happened today…I don’t know. There’s not really any making it better. But you’re not alone.”

She clipped the end of the thread.

“There. All done. This one will scar, nothing I can do about that, but keep it moisturized and it’ll probably fade.”

Jo turned away to clean up her supplies.

“I thought he was dead,” Janine said softly. “Truly, I…I wouldn’t have left him.”

She turned back. “Janine, of course you wouldn’t have.”

“They told me he was dead. He’d been captured and killed and there was nothing we could do. So we left. I wouldn’t…I never would’ve if I had known. I wouldn’t have abandoned him, he was…he is my baby brother.”

Janine’s bottom lip trembled as she stared at the floor. Jo set down her supplies and sat next to her on the cot, taking her hands.

“Janine, look at me. That is not you, do you hear me? You do not abandon your own people, you do everything you can for them. You are brave and you are loyal and you work as hard as you can every day to save lives, just like Sam said. What happened to Tom was not your fault.”

Janine started to cry, leaning her head against Jo’s shoulder. Jo wrapped her arms around her.

“Janine,” she said. “You couldn’t have known they lied. This was not your fault.”

Notes:

Y'all didn't think I was going straight to Moonchild, right? Oh no. Tom time. I love Tom De Luca SO MUCH I WANT TO GIVE HIM NICE THINGS.

Chapter 28: Every Woman

Notes:

The flannel I describe in this chapter is 100% based on the one I'm wearing today. It is very comfy and definitely looks like something my Janine would wear

Content warning for discussion of trauma, slight innuendo, some medical talk

No spoilers for the next mission, but this does spoil a plot point from S3M60/season 4. If the words 'Baby Sara' mean something to you, you're good.

All the women I meet are tired;
They just kick up their feet prior.
‘cause we’re not afraid of the war we brought on
And we’re steady while holding you all  

Every Woman - Vagabon

The story spread quickly. It was impossible for it not to, no matter how much Janine had tried to keep it to herself. After all, it wasn’t every day that the entire runner corps was dispatched to rescue their abducted commander, and everyone wanted to know what the hell was going on.

Namely, why the hell they weren’t going after the man who’d attacked her.

A quick briefing with only the barest of details (along with a stern warning from Five that anyone making too much of this would be on latrine duty for a month) managed to mostly shut the runners up, but Maxine heard the whispers when they came through for bite check. Everyone was on edge. Tom had managed to capture Janine while she was in the field with Five.

That made Tom about the most dangerous person any of them had ever encountered.

It didn’t help that Janine was now offsite for a few days. As soon as the Ministry heard what had happened, they insisted on having her meet with their officials at New Canton to assess her mental state.

Immediate furlough was mandated. Away from Abel.

There hadn’t been any arguing it, though Jo, who’d gone along for moral support/her general distrust of the Ministry, had tried. The Ministry argued back that New Canton had more amenities and more resources, both of which Janine needed to help get past what had happened to her.

Maxine and the rest of the doctors had resented that. Sure, none of them were mental health professionals, but was anyone in New Canton? And if they were, did they really expect Janine to open up to any of them?

Still, the Ministry was insistent that a few days’ change of scenery would do her good, and Janine had been too exhausted to fight. Jo had begrudgingly left her behind and accepted temporary command of Abel in her absence. Her command was smooth if stripped down. Essential supply runs and following up leads on Moonchild only for the runners, basic duties for anyone else. Those things alone were more than enough to account for most of the hours of her day without running or working in the hospital. Any time left over was devoted to poring over medical texts about addiction in hopes of finding anything else that might work like the Tavington machine.

As she often did when she was busy, Jo had stopped taking much care of herself. According to Sam, she didn’t sleep much, and no one saw her in the mess hall. Rather than fight about it, Sam had asked Paula and Maxine to help make sure she got at least a couple meals a day when he was working. He’d figured out that if you put food in front of her, she would eat it, but wait for her to stop working long enough to go find food for herself? You’d be waiting a long time.

Maxine had finished her hospital shift and was heading to the farmhouse with a sandwich and an attempt at distraction. She’d been thinking a lot since getting back to Abel and finally breaking the mind control. Her time off with Paula had reminded her of what was really important for the first time since the apocalypse began. All at once, she’d remembered the future they’d wanted to build, the life they’d wanted to share, and Maxine didn’t want to wait any longer to have that.

And as they’d all learned again and again, more time was never guaranteed.

Maxine knocked on Jo’s office door and took her the vague noise she made back as permission to come in.

Like she always was, Jo was sitting at the desk with three different books splayed across it. Her hair was haphazardly piled on top of her head and secured with a clip, and she’d wrapped an oversized grey and white flannel over her small frame and rolled the sleeves up to her elbows

“How goes it, Acting Commander?”

Jo groaned. “Please don’t call me that, I hate this. I would hate it even if it didn’t mean Janine wasn’t here.”

Maxine set the plate on the desk. “Any word on when she’ll be back?”

She turned a page. “Tonight, actually, thank fuck. Sam heard from New Canton not too long ago. Apparently she finally convinced the Ministry that she can sit alone in a room and ignore everyone in Abel just as well as she can in New Canton.”

“Oh, that is good,” Maxine said. “Knowing Janine, a little bit of work is more likely to help her than 100% rest, and you certainly need the break.” She nudged the plate towards her.

Jo glanced up at her. “Would you please tell my boyfriend that I do not need babysitters?”

“You know, I would, but I don’t really like lying.”

Jo stuck her tongue out at her, but she did pick up the sandwich and take a bite.

“Speaking of, what’s that shirt?” Maxine asked. “I don’t recognize it as Sam’s.”

“No, it’s Janine’s, I got cold and found it in her office, and it has nothing to do with the fact that it smells like her and I’m anxious about not being able to put my eyes on my best friend while she’s in distress.”

“Right, of course not.” Maxine sat down in the chair opposite her. “You mind if we talk while you eat?”

“ ‘course not,” Jo said around a mouthful, still flipping through the pages.

Maxine stared at her for a second. “Jo?”

She didn’t respond.

Maxine reached across the desk and closed the book, and Jo looked up abruptly.

“No, sorry, I’m here. What’s up?”

Maxine wrung her hands. “It’s…well, I…” she laughed. “You know, this is sort of a weird thing to bring up.”

Jo raised an eyebrow. “You and Paula aren’t looking to swing, are you? Because I love y’all, but I am solidly monogamous.”

Maxine laughed again and threw a napkin at her. “Oh, behave. No, it’s just…I mean it is about me and Paula. Paula and me. Now that we’re back together, like really back together…I’ve been thinking about the life we were trying to build before. How we wanted to get married in a vineyard and travel the world, do something extravagant like get a vacation house in the South of France or the Amalfi Coast…most of those things are impossible now. But there was something else. Paula…she always wanted children. And I never did.”

Jo nodded. “I remember.”

“It was always such a sticking point for us,” Maxine continued. “She’s always known that she wants kids, and I never did, or I wasn’t sure, and we would put off the conversation for another day and keep that worry in the back of our minds that someday, this was going to be the end of us. And in all the time we were apart, all I could think about was getting her back. Nothing else. Not what would happen next or what our lives would look like in this world, just being together again. And now we are, and we’re some manner of settled, so now I have time to think about what our lives could be like now, and the future we could build, and –”

“Maxine?” Jo said. “You’re kind of rambling, babe.”

“Sorry. Yeah, I’m nervous.” She took a deep breath. “I want to think about the future now. And that future is a family. With Paula.”

“Maxine, that’s…that’s great!” Jo said, looking confused.

“Thank you, but…there’s more. Part of the sticking point for this issue in the past was that we never had the right donor. But now…”

Jo’s eyes widened. “Oh.”

“Yeah…hence the weird. Sam is so wonderful. He’s my best friend, and he and Paula have gotten so close, and I just know his genes would be perfect. He is kind and caring and smart and funny, everything you could want your future child to be. And I haven’t said anything to him! I wanted to talk to you first. That felt fair since this is…well, asking if your boyfriend can be the father of my child is a pretty damn big ask, especially when I know you don’t want kids yourself. And you are absolutely allowed to say no! If this is too weird, or if you don’t want to deal with this, you can absolutely tell me no, and I will never bring it up again. But after I had the idea, it wouldn’t leave me alone. So I had to ask.”

Jo stared back at her with an expression Maxine couldn’t quite read. She held her breath, realizing for the first time how much she had just thrown at her friend who already had a lot on her plate. She felt her cheeks flush and wondered if this had been a massive mistake.

“Maxine, that’s…” Jo shook her head slightly. “I actually think that might be a great idea.”

Maxine was stunned. “Really??”

“Yeah. I mean, it is weird, don’t get me wrong, but what in our lives isn’t? We’re currently trying to track down a woman who’s building an army of mind controlled people, life is absolute chaos. But you and Sam having a baby…it sort of makes sense. He’s the best person I know, so why wouldn’t he be the best donor? He and I have talked about the kids thing. I am absolutely certain I don’t want kids, and Sam says he’s fine with that, but he would be such a good dad. Not that being a donor would automatically make him a dad – ”

“No, no, I’d want him to be as involved as he wanted to be. And you. I know you don’t want kids of your own, but I’ve seen you with Molly. I am so sure I want someone like you in my kid’s life.”

Jo smiled. “Thanks, Maxine. As long as you’re cool with their first word probably being ‘fuck.’”

She looked back down at the desk for a second. “Was this…a very weird thing for me to quickly say yes to? Like are we being way too chill about this?”

“I’m not sure I’m the best judge of weird today,” Maxine said. “Besides…everything is weird?”

“Touche. Have you talked to Paula yet?”

Maxine shook her head. “No, I didn’t want to get her hopes up before I had more information. And I’ll want to talk to Sam first too. I know honesty is a big thing for you two, but if you wouldn’t mind not saying anything to him, just for a couple days. I need some time to think through exactly what I’m going to say. If I thought this conversation was weird, I’m pretty sure ‘hey can I have some of your sperm’ will be worse.”

She laughed. “Absolutely, keeping someone else’s secret doesn’t count as lying. That is yours to share when you’re ready.”

“Ok. Yeah. Great.” Maxine exhaled. “Wow, that is a huge load off of my shoulders. You can’t imagine how nervous I was to bring this up.”

Jo laughed. “Really? You’ve never had the standard ‘hey mind if I have a baby with your boyfriend’ talk before?”

Both women laughed.

“God, now you’ve got my medical mind going,” Jo said. “Have you given any thought to the logistics of this? Because I’m not sure where we’re going to find IVF tech in the apocalypse.”

“None, I really just had the Sam thought and figured I’d go from there. Maybe New Canton has some equipment?”

“Yeah, maybe,” Jo said, thinking. “If not…you have turkey basters in the U.K., right?”

---

The sun had set by the time the New Canton guards dropped Janine at the gates of Abel. She’d insisted on arriving late – before curfew, but after most of the residents would be otherwise occupied indoors. The last thing she wanted was a welcoming committee.

Convincing the Ministry to let her finish our her furlough at home had been no easy task. They’d been so sure the familiarity of the place wouldn’t do her any good to try and process Tom’s reappearance, no matter how many times she reminded them she hadn’t been in Abel when he’d taken her. More than anything, she’d wanted to work through this in her own home, cry about it in her own bed. But they had been sure New Canton was better. It was true that being in New Canton left her without even the temptation to work, but she was sure her friends would see to keeping her on rest.

And she really wanted her friends.

She could see lights on inside as she opened the farmhouse door. There was light piano playing from the record player in the corner – Chopin, her favorite – and the smell of something on the stove.

She’d half expected this, though she hadn’t dared hope for it.

Jo poked her head out from the kitchen with a smile. “Hey. Welcome home.”

“Thank you,” Janine said weakly. “Is anyone else here?”

Jo shook her head. “Just me. I figured you’d try to slip past us, but I also thought you’d probably like at least one familiar face when you got home.”

Janine managed a small smile. “You thought correctly.”

She gestured towards the couch. “Sit. I’ll get you some soup.”

Janine walked over to the couch, running a finger along the end table before she sat.

“Did you clean?” she called into the kitchen.

“Uhh, yeah,” Jo called back.

“When did you have the time?”

Jo returned with two steaming mugs and a loaf of bread tucked under her arm. “When I wasn’t doing other things. Here.”

Janine tucked into the soup immediately – potato leek, if she wasn’t mistaken. She hadn’t realized how hungry she’d been. The food at New Canton was passable, but bland, and she hadn’t had much of an appetite for most of her stay. But now, presented with a homecooked meal, she found herself famished. She ate half the mug and about a quarter of the bread before she looked up.

“Is that my shirt?”

“Nope, you’re still traumatized.”

Janine threw her a look. “Is that really the most appropriate thing for you to joke about?”

Jo shrugged. “Are you implying there’s a way of dealing with trauma that isn’t making inappropriate jokes?”

Janine sighed, but she almost laughed too. “I suppose you want me to talk about it,” she said.

Jo shook her head. “Not until you’re ready.”

“Quite the opposite of what that damned counselor in New Canton said,” Janine replied.

“They have those?”

“Self-certified, I believe,” she said drily. “Residents with no degrees and too much time on their hands for reading books. I suppose needs must, but…”

“Fucking New Canton, man,” Jo muttered. “Well, I’m a doctor, not a psychiatrist, but you don’t have to tell me how hard this shit is to talk about. I’ve got so much locked up in my own brain sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever find it all.”

Janine nodded and was quiet for a moment. “I’m grateful you’re here,” she said finally.

Jo smiled and raised her mug.

The two women were silent for a moment, and Janine was grateful for the quiet. There was little quiet at New Canton, no matter how she locked herself away in the – admittedly comfortable – temporary quarters they’d given her. She was far happier here, sharing an amicable silence with a friend.

“The Ministry really sent people in to evaluate you?” Jo said at last.

“No, one of their people is stationed there. Do you remember Isabel Mariot?”

“The one who told us Jamie is actually king?”

“Yes, that one,” Janine replied. “I would speak to her and then she would report back to the Ministry via radio. It was all…quite the opposite of what I would’ve wanted in the aftermath of an event like that.”

“I’m sorry,” Jo said. “Did you at least get any rest?”

“Oh, I slept quite a bit,” she said. “And I got to do some reading. It wasn’t all a waste, I suppose. Ms. Mariot also told me that the Ministry reviewed those scans of Dr. Myers’s brain. There’s no rebuilding the Tavington Clinic’s machine, but they have become convinced that the effects could be replicated through hypnosis.”

Jo made a face. “And you think this is…a viable option?”

“No, I think it’s a bunch of cobblers, but they are quite keen on it. And they want one of our runners to meet with Ms. Mariot and test it out.”

Jo sighed. “Let me guess. They want me?”

“I’ve told them no,” Janine said. “It’s hogwash. If they want to test this theory of theirs, they can do so on one of their own people.”

“And they listened to that?”

Janine stirred her soup. “They did not. They do not wish to waste time testing this on someone at lower risk. They believe that, given Moonchild’s fixation, you could be a target. But I don’t care. I am not wasting your time or handing you over to the Ministry as some kind of guinea pig, not after everything you’ve – ”

“I’ll do it.”

Janine looked up. “What?”

“I said I’ll do it.”

“Johanna –”

“Janine.”

They stared at each other.

“I do not like the idea of you doing this, especially not after what happened with Van Ark.”

“Yeah, well, neither do I, and I especially don’t like the idea of anyone poking around in my brain, but if it gets them off your case?” Jo said. “It’s not like it’s going to work. So I meet with Isabel, waste an hour or so, and get the Ministry to leave you alone.”

“We could ask someone else – ”

“Nope, if the Ministry wants me they’re going to insist on me. Besides, I do love proving people wrong.”

Janine looked at her, fighting back the wave of emotion that came from knowing someone cared about her enough to go through something uncomfortable just to make her life easier.

“You’re sure about this?”

“I am,” Jo said. “I mean really, what’s the worst thing that could happen? Eat your soup.”

---

It had been a strange few days in Abel. Between Janine’s absence, Jo stepping in to run things, and the Ministry’s announcement that they believed hypnosis could be the cure for mind control, Sam’s head had been spinning for days.

And then, Maxine had come to talk to him.

She could’ve given him 1000 chances to guess what she wanted to talk about, and he never would’ve come close. Now he couldn’t stop thinking about the idea of being a dad. He was sitting in bed with a book, but he’d been on the same page for close to an hour now, unable to focus. Instead, he was indulging in one of his favorite hobbies, which was getting miles ahead of himself.

This was all theoretical for now. Maxine hadn’t talked to Paula, they had no idea the logistics, or how long it would take, or even when the right time would be. Abel under threat from a mind controlled army hardly felt like the moment to bring a baby into the world.

None of that stopped the way his heart swelled at the idea, though. In truth he hadn’t given children much thought since Jo had revealed she never wanted any. And while he categorically disagreed with her belief that she was “too selfish” to be a mother, he wholeheartedly supported her decision and accepted it for himself. Their world was a brutal and unpredictable one; as long as his future included Jo, he was happy, just like he’d told her.

Sam sighed. That conversation felt like it had happened years ago, when they’d thought Maxine’s anti-zombie formula might actually bring an end to the apocalypse. The Major was still alive then, and Sara. Simon was still one of them, though he was already working for the enemy by then. Mind control hadn’t breached their gates, the Ministry kept their hands off the Major’s command, Van Ark hadn’t taken Jo and done things they still didn’t understand to her. Could all of that really have been just a few months ago?

But a baby. A baby with his best friend, one they would get to raise in community – that was a new start. Something whole and clean in a world marked by monsters. A chance for them to do something good.

He checked his watch. He’d finished his last run before Jo’s session with Isabel had ended, but it should’ve been over for an hour by now. It was her third session in three days.  Tomorrow, Isabel wanted to take her into the field to test if it was working.

Sam didn’t like it. He didn’t like the idea to start with, not given how Jo valued guarding her mind, he didn’t like how exhausted she’d looked after her first two sessions, and he especially didn’t like the nightmare she’d awoken from that morning. She was set on doing it, though. For Janine’s sake, she would shut up and do what the Ministry wanted. She was also certain it wasn’t going to work, and Sam hoped after they proved that tomorrow she’d decide she was done.

He looked back to his book, still not reading it. He wanted to think about happier things. He wanted to talk to her about the idea of a baby. Maxine had gone to her first, which was probably for the best, though he would’ve killed to be a fly on the wall for that conversation. She had said that Jo actually loved the idea, and Sam was dying to hear her thoughts.

As soon as she got home, though, he knew he wasn’t going to get that chance tonight. She stumbled through the door of their quarters looking worse than she had the previous two days. The clip holding her hair in place had slid halfway down the back of her head, leaving her curls mussed like she’d been tossing and turning all night. She was driving the heel of her hand into her left eye, something Sam had only seen her do when her brain was trying to make her remember something she didn’t want to. Her other eye was squeezed shut, hence the stumble through the door.

“Johanna, what happened??” he said, suddenly alarmed.

She didn’t answer him. Instead, she tripped over a pile of laundry and roughly pulled her clothes off like she couldn’t stand the fabric touching her. Before he could untangle himself from the blankets and get to her, she’d crawled into bed and sprawled herself across his chest, balling up her hands in the fabric of his shirt. She whimpered slightly as she tangled her legs with his and buried her face against his neck, clinging to him as tightly as she could.

“Alright, it’s okay, it’s okay, I’ve got you,” he said, trying not to let her hear the panic in his voice. He pulled the blankets over them and wrapped his arms around her. He hadn’t even gotten them fully settled before the change in her breathing told him she’d fallen into a deep sleep.

It was as if the air had been knocked out of his lungs.

“Oh, my love,” he whispered. “what did they do to you?”

Notes:

I see you shiver with antici-

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 3 of Sigh No More