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The sound of two heavy, mechanical steps hollowed the silence of the corridor, the fog between the pair of tight-laced walls creeping into every corner it could find its way to. Two outrageous drags on the metallic floor, an ear-piercing sound, and it stopped. The blood lining on the walls from the conspicuous aftermath of an attack dripping all over the floors, but he did not care. Slowly, he took in one, two steps, and then it all stopped. With caution, the smile stretched maniacally on the face of the man did not alter, it did not move even a single shiver as he leaned on the side of the dirtied wall. And then, he stopped moving.
It had been ages, a few painful ones that haunted every single attempt at a night of sleep one could have. Whether it had been a matter of nightmares, and if awake, it had been that stupid tinnitus playing its fair and square, vengeful symphony every waking hour. He slept at the side of the library every morning, a few books by his side. It happened to be just so that Sartre’s The Wall with its hardcover, half-demented publication was a cause of some revelationary sedative after all! Right, or so would some loser say. It wasn’t that much different from what he had become. From where he had made himself home, the corpse lying in the middle of the gap between the bookshelves that did not seem to be cared for (not that it mattered too much, it wasn’t like there would be anything to rot), those linear books that had also been inanimate victims of whatever poorly-operated hellhole this was, and the scarf neatly set aside from his body, they had become the landmarks of the year for the best scenery around. That scarf, the one he would never take off. Never, as if, not anymore. A closet change could have been a good idea. To ditch the scarf, maybe a shirt? Nothing green. Green had become..
He hadn’t considered himself in a long time. Not to act like he gave himself the time of day before this god-loving game either, that would also be a regret now that he was on the verge of death any second. He had a fair number of regrets that he didn’t fulfill before going in, he wished sometimes that dreaming of checking the bucket list was enough to actually feel the satisfaction of completion. But there was no point either, especially not after all of that. That..- Which he could barely remember..- It was more of an illicit-exclusive cycle nowadays. Sleep, wake up, solve puzzles, repeat. If it had been more exciting one day, then some hacking would be involved. Hacking didn’t have the best memories anymore. It only reminded him of how his hopes had been stripped away after all that work he had done. For once, he had become someone to trust. Someone she could look up to..- Whatever. It was sort of the reason why he thought it just sucked so much to meddle with that white-haired boy in the control room. That AI was not the best version of himself that he had seen. He didn’t even know why he was helping so much anyways. Helping him against all that. When he took her away. Just like Sara had.
The roaring of the machinery from inside the walls polluted the atmospheric sound like burnt gas heaves into the sky night, covering over the footsteps. Two shrieking of the pipes, two consecutive whistles, and then no sound was heard.
It didn’t help that he was getting old. It wasn’t like he could call twenty-one years of age too old, that would have been unfair to Q-Taro, or that ‘friendly policeman’ creep that was jumping around with his abundant years of age. But he was still getting those sore muscles, his bones popping outright at their places. Who was he kidding anyways, most of these did have more of the signs of an unhealthy life than otherwise. I mean, he would have worked out more, or watched his diet, or whatever, if he had known that he would be participating in a murder game that he had the best chance of zero survival. He had kissed all of those years goodbye. And it was, by all means, much better for him to be that zero percent rather than someone who had a life in front of them. Someone who had plans, memories to make. That wasn’t him, was it? He had been out on his own for the most part, and had been strolling from job to job after all. Not only did he have any plans, but he didn’t have anything to survive for either. But it was a whatever, wasn’t it? No one that had a chance was willing to live. They all sacrificed themselves for her.
But whatever it was that would happen, he would always find his way back here. By the technicolour books, by the massacred doll in the library, by somewhere he couldn’t call home by any means. But no one could, anyways. This wasn’t a place to call a home, this was hell and he was the devil. Speak of the devil.
The smoke flailing from the end of the pipe had found its way into the room, but he stood still, giving clues of his presence without an outright hello. How interesting. He had grabbed onto the side of the door handle, fiddling with it with the tips on his fingers, but not turning it up. With a word, he turned it down, up, and he stopped. Two times he played with it, and it stopped. He opened the door, finding his way in after the immediate request.
“Don’t meddle too much like a kid, come on in.”
There was too much to think about to renew yourself anyways. When your life was constantly targeted by a matter of AIs, allies, and alibis, it was not necessarily the best place to find comfort enough to change too many things out of your comfort zone. It was enough to stay alive, and it did not matter much how you could preserve yourself. It wasn’t like he would stay alive, but as long as he could, for the sake of it. He wanted to take the piss out of Asunaro as much as he could, and he wanted to do it for..
“Why are you playing shy?” The door had closed up behind him now, and it didn’t look like it were to open anytime soon. And that was the matter of an observation, the handle had literally broken down into his hand. It wasn’t too big of a deal. Oh, well. His hands went to the back of his waist, his hands closing in behind him, His eyes narrowed, chin lifted in a faux, cutesy manner. The man had remained mute for now, but it could be told from the idea of his effigy that he had things to talk about. After having known each other for so long, whatever cryptic there was had been made into a casual language after all. But that wasn’t the case with many things; from glances, to those newly-founded games that they now seemed to play. Every single one of the other’s actions felt to be some sort of a clue to something that may or may not exist, which to be frank, had become matters of indifference in his eyes.
“How good of a Floor Master would I be if I did not give the time of day to my candidates?”
He was always conflicted in the face of asking him questions, because more often than not, the answers we got out of their asses made him feel like making his 0.0% come true even sooner than what Asunaro had predicted. But he was cold, almost entirely stone cold. It was not the most pleasant memory, but it just reminded him of how looking into the other’s eyes caused him terror every time they were together.
“Isn’t that right, Sou Hiyori?”
The name was enough to send shivers down Shin’s spine, a feeling of paralysis through his whole body. And he had visibly shaken up, as embarrassing as it was, especially to the other’s eyes. You could read the satisfaction off of his face so easily, not a smuggish one, or a victorious one, but something juvenile, gameful even. It pissed him off right to his core.
He would rather be anywhere than here, but in a way, him being here was much better than him being anywhere else. He could control him so that he wouldn’t hurt the other ones left.
“Don’t.”
He had diverted his eyes solely off of the other’s face, turning around in the place he had been standing. He didn’t want to look, to feel that again. It felt like a blurry memory how it felt to look straight into his face like that. It was almost disconcerting to see that smile. Yet, as a meaning of manners, he would soon hold onto the side of the bookshelf and turn back at him, slowly checking his eyes from the other’s head to heels, then back at his chest, which was the closest eyesight to his height.
Midori had.. Grown, slightly. It wasn’t like he remembered much of how he looked like then..- That was a lie. The image, without a doubt, plastered into his eyes the moment his real name was ever mentioned. That lanky, awkwardly caricatured boy had turned so oddly pleasing to the eye, not that it was something too important to Shin in this case. He couldn’t deny that the conceited swine had become somehow chic in a suit, he hadn’t even dropped that damn scarf. The question was why the both of them kept the scarf on. Shin didn’t like seeing those little similarities between them, he had hated it when that Maple girl had mentioned that they were uniquely kind. This though, wasn’t one of them. Shin had remained not much different from how he had been in high school, when Midori had matured, gained a charm that Shin could not really explain. He was rosy, it was hard to divert your eyes from him. Bastard had probably put a lot of thought into it, Shin knew his boy. But that wasn’t even the part that bewildered Shin now. It was more so the fact that looking at that expression that would be creepy, uhm, even punchable, had become something that made his stomach burn. It burned somewhat painfully too. Shin was reluctant to think too much about it, but he could as well rely it on the fact that he is slowly going insane with the loneliness. Every moment he thought about it, anyway, he could feel that old knot in his stomach coming back, tying tighter with every single idea that crossed his head. That warmth, too, had started to gnaw on his skin the more he looked at his old friend’s figure standing in front of him. It only took so long to see that he had opened his eyes, and had been youthfully looking down onto him to realise that he..-
“You’ve been staring, did you know?”
Shin was quick to look away as an instinct, that annoyed rage pulsating inside his chest like a damn heartbeat. Midori had always been a tease, it was better not to show any of your impulses to him as well as how they make you feel, he was quick to think so. With that idea in mind, he had kept a straight face on the questions and turned away when he could. “Why are you here, Sou?”
“Like I said, giving the time of day to my candida-”
“Cut the shit, please, I don’t have time.”
Midori had become caricatured, once again, his arms dropping forward at his sides, a false frown placed on his face. This was usual behaviour, things Shin had already gotten used to, there was no reason to be annoyed out of his own body anymore. And Lord, it took so long. There was no possible way to get a conversation going with this boy without him getting in theatrics to do the most he could. This one, though, did not last very long, as he was shortly back to his usual self. Huh. “Well, Shin, I missed my friend.. You would know.”
“I didn’t.”
“Then why are you still here?”
“I am being forced to participate in a Death Game out of my consent.”
The sentence had brought a rosiness against the other’s cheeks, almost reeking in hysteria from his smile. An awkward, almost genuinely nervous smile, though, really had stretched on his cheeks. His hand rushed to the back of his head, gaze turning sideways. He slightly leaned forward, eyes open, and spoke, “Well, when you say it like that, it doesn’t sound as nice.”
“Leave, Sou. Leave now.”
“That’s not my name, remem -“
“ Leave, Midori.”
Shin, in a million years, couldn’t predict that the following would be somewhat a marking instance for the pair. He had spent his life telling this guy to fuck off, jokingly, for real, perhaps the only thing he was fine carrying along to the future was his ability to tell this guy to go away. But this guy, for the following second, was no longer his own, usual self. He didn’t have to play poker for Shin, he was inclined to understand how Sou genuinely felt underneath what he showed on the bright side. Eh, after having spent a proper age together, it was kind of a given that he would be the guy to be able to really tell how Sou felt. So, as Shin turned his back, he was able to catch a glimpse of Sou’s two hands catching each other. Hell, almost nervously, it was. His fingers fiddling with each other in that damn habit he had since the time they were both just teens. Sou was never nervous except for when he was, and this was it, that nervous habit catching upon him like one of the cigarettes. Shin didn’t feel bad for him. He appreciated that Sou was all kinds of a crazy man, but he knew to take a “no.” If he didn’t, he wouldn’t have held the door handle, pulling it down to leave. God, Shin hated himself. He would probably hate himself for this, too.
“.. Ask nicely, Sou.”
“Huh?”
Shin sighed, turning around from the bookshelf that he had been facing. Yet, Sou still had his back turned, facing the door with his hand gripping on the handle, possibly as a sign of loyalty or to give Shin the comfort to gain his trust again. He clearly had been startled by the doubleback, so Shin took a deep, impatient breath before closing his eyes, repeating his words. “Ask nicely to be with me. You don’t have to be irritating for people to listen to you. Ask it fucking nicely if you want to stay here.”
Shin could see Sou’s body spasm for a moment, as if it genuinely took his entire life energy to be nice. It was almost comical how his body was rejecting the concept of not being annoying. Sou felt an unnecessary amount of embarrassment for a second, that this is how he looked to the others in the game. Well, that was not the case anymore, but for a long time, this was what he presented as. Kai would always remember him as.. this, that kid Joe Tazuna too. And Professor Mishima. Shin wasn’t the person to care so much about what others’ thought of him, but this was somewhat uncomfortable. It was ironic, though. Because after imagining Sou’s behaviors on himself, it was so easy to feel shame for it, so quick. But he did not condemn Sou for it. He could understand it, what had happened. Why it had happened. Sou was slowly turning around now, blanked out in such a request, but his face still lined with that awkward smile from earlier. Shin sensed.. guilt. Why? He ignored it. He had a sudden feeling of warmth blossoming within him, but he didn’t know why, either.
“Can I sit, next to you?”
It was evident that Sou could never be 100% obedient to requests. His way of saying that sentence, even. His green eyes opened wide in an almost innocently non innocent way, head tilted to the side and hands gathered behind his back. Shin could tell that this was somewhat a way to hide the fact that the fiddling hadn’t stopped, but he decided to ignore it. He felt..
Well, he certainly felt something. He had no idea if memory games could actually be put to contract for a modular second, because it was almost like the following seconds had passed away quicker and beyond the sight of Shin’s recognition. He had found himself on that little bed he made for himself by the bookshelf, sitting on the left side of the laid down bed sheets, near where he had placed the pillow. To his right was Sou now, legs crossed on the floor, holding a cactus pot between his legs and hands. Huh, cactus pot?.. Oh. It was inside the shelf behind his back, he couldn’t lean back unless he took it out. It seemed that neither the cactus nor Sou were uncomfortable with each other, though. Shin thought to himself for a second whether plants were the only things Midori could be gentle with. That didn’t explain the strange peace he felt, now. Come to think of it, except for the children around, Shin was the only one Sou had been nice to after the game of the fourth floor had started. A brief look at the side could show that Midori wasn’t all that bored either. He was smiling, that signature mischief lingering on his widely opened eyes again. Now, that warmth had been birthed inside his abdomen again, and there wasn’t much to explain it.
Awkwardly now, Sou had taken off his scarf now and set it aside, but not breaking the silence regardless. Shin was sure that he could tell he was being glared at, it looked like he didn’t necessarily care so much about it. He seemed thoughtful instead.
“You know, Sou, you can be a kind boy when you try. I am pleased with you.”
“Heh- Well, is that so?”
For a second now, just like it were the old times, Shin’s newly founded smile had caused his face to stare down, burying his face into the scarf in that instance of warmth. He coyly took his own scarf off, mimicking the actions of the other while doing so. And after that, his hand went to the hair of the older man, not even reluctantly. It had all been actions that they are used to from back then, so it was sort of that natural outcome per his prediction. Sou’s hair was.. soft. God, was this conceited bastard using hair products now that he had become affluent, working with that massive organization that kept them trapped here. God, that was a strange thought. Sou had always been conceited in the name of his own confidence. But having the opportunity to feel Sou’s hair like this again, hear his voice, see him up and going. It gave him a relief that he never thought he could feel back when he first got to news of his death. It was more of a relief on the exact opposite side of the spectrum. Or, was it really? The sight of Sou’s youthful laugh as a response to his hair being ruffled made Shin laugh now, staring at his legs resting before him, moving gleefully. Was this nostalgia? Did he even want this nostalgia?
“You know, we’re old men now.”
An entirely serious remark from Sou’s behalf was not a rare occurrence, which was why Shin was cut off from his previous stream of thoughts. They had both laughed at the remark. Shin never thought he would laugh again. Not at a place like this. Not after she..
Soon enough, Shin felt a strange comfort lacing in his body. He felt relieved, more relieved than he had ever been in the entirety of this game. It was ironic that this feeling of relief had surprised him when he was sitting side by side with Sou himself, which was the sole reason for his discomfort during the high school years. It probably had to do with the fact that Sou had become more of an open book now. He was already doing what he always wanted to do, there was no reason to struggle and decrypt him, no matter how fucked up all of this was. Still, did Shin really think that Sara and company deserved to live after what they have done? Only Gin, he was only a kid like she was but, the others.. Full-mindedly.. Shin mindlessly looked at the pillow beside Sou’s hip. Rest. Rest felt good. It felt.. comfortable. And he had no idea why. He hadn’t been comfortable in his bed for ages.
He had collapsed his head on the pillow now, sort of urgently without a warning. Luckily, Sou had already moved his ass to the edge of the sheet before Shin laid down, but with the way he was startled at the sudden movement, he had turned to the side slightly with the cactus resting on his other leg, staring at Shin’s eyes. Sou was.. comfortable. Shin could glare into him now, too. There were a few wrinkles around the sides of his eyes now, may it be stress, his cheeks had lost that softness, his lips had roughened and paled. They really were getting old, losing that youth that they failed to live on the edges of, standing safely in their limits. He could see all there was now, just like the way he could when they were younger than this, but it did not give him that old fear. He looked undeniably sentimental for the while, and there was no game to it. He had eyed Shin’s hat that was laying beside the pillow for a while, perhaps he just had forgotten how he looked without the stupid beanie on. But when he looked back at Shin, there was no sign left of the “Floor Master” Sou that was entirely about the tricks and treats, “Midori” or whatever name he had made for himself as a clueless Sara was left without a word. He looked so painfully real, with all of his flaws and imperfections, this was the Sou that Shin had missed so dearly upon the night he got the phone call of his death. And just how Shin’s hand had been placed earlier on Sou’s hair, Sou reluctantly placed his hand on Shin’s, caressing it very lightly, his thumb going over Shin’s forehead before he made the move to lay down beside him, face to face, eye to eye, only seeing the reality of each other but nothing else.
They remained staring at each other like that for what Shin could define ages that went swiftly, almost as if his heart had stopped beating a long while ago. But with every passing second, came Sou’s body a bit closer, while he kept studying Shin’s reactions to it analytically, weighing his consent. Once again, Shin would be reminded of how much Sou’s insanity did not cross the lines of consent in the matters of intimacy and contact. With comfort, he moved a bit closer right back. He didn’t understand why, but he needed to be there. It was going all too slowly, but in itself, it was regular, it made sense. Shin feared to close his eyes, because he didn’t want this to end, he didn’t want this to all be a dream. He had wished that all of this were just a stupid nightmare but he couldn’t lose Sou again, god, not again.. Not after.. He didn’t know where all these feelings had come from, because before everything..- Before remembering -
“Shin..”
With their proximity now, their bodies had both gained a lot of the heat that they had formulated. One moment had left Sou’s hand on the side of his cheek, and in another, he could feel his own on top of it. Sou in his full reality had always looked sort of blanked out, it was how it had been way back into the past in moments like these where Shin could take a glimpse of what laid beneath all of that inch-thick insanity. So seeing his eyes glowing brightly, his cheeks with a pink rosiness, lips gaped without a word was certainly an image that Shin was having a hard time handling. His hand was burning against Shin’s cheek anyways, that wasn’t something he could just do with his Sou Hiyori superpowers, so Shin had gotten the courage to proceed with what he knew of these things. He had grasped Sou’s hand carefully now, slowly letting the fingers curve around his own before pressing the other’s knuckles against his lips. That was just when he thought Sou couldn’t get any more red.
“That’s..”
The word came lightly, but they made Shin smile with some sort of capability that he was feeling to his core. It was interesting that what laid behind Sou’s cockiness was so ready to be flustered under any sort of influence. But Shin himself had now been moving with so much need, so he wasn’t the one to say. He didn’t even care what this was, what sort of thing this was going to, but there was no way he would back off of it (unless Sou wanted to, of course.) Sou’s wrists had been pressed against Shin’s lips now, their fingers intertwining on the initiation of Sou’s hand. His eyes watched Sou’s, watching over him with all of his desires coming to the eye. Sou’s bright green eyes had recovered some of his confidence, his gapped lips curving into a steady, intense expression that was was eliminating the last setback for Shin’s withholding, causing him to ditch the blue blazer he was wearing to the side before getting even closer to the other’s body and placing his hand on Sou’s waist before placing his lips on the other’s neck now, toying with the buttons of his jacket before starting to -
“Hey. Shin. Hey.”
“Hmm? Do you want me to stop?”
“No, just..” Shin didn’t want to continue before hearing what Sou wanted to say. He took his lips off of Sou’s neck and laid his head back on the pillow now, facing the other’s eyes again to listen.
That was weird. Sou’s usually glowing eyes had been clouded now, he was almost looking down, and a clear sense of anxiety lingered on his lips. It felt like something awful was tugging on Shin’s heart now, and he didn’t necessarily know why he felt this way. He propped himself on his elbows before sitting up on the sheets, which had given Shin the sign to sit up as well, so as he did. Their eyes locked again. Sou wanted to say something, he was clearly.. uncomfortable? Perhaps? Shin was kind of getting those thoughts of fear that he had gone too far, but he didn’t want to rush the other either. But goddamn, if he could be faster.. “Hah.. this is embarrassing.”
“No, no, go on.”
“How do you feel about me? Just would like to know, no reason!”
“Sou..” This was so.. complicated. After all those years that had gone on without necessarily “knowing” this person, Shin felt like the new Sou he had met was so entirely separate from what he had known. He was also rightfully torn up about the circumstances he was put in. It was an interesting situation, because it was not like he wanted to live before the game started. But seeing that he had no possibility had given him that sudden surge to live, to survive, defying the reaper in a way. Sou was the reason he was here, but he wasn’t the reason for her.. death. He could blame Sou for no one else’s death but his own possibility. He did believe that there was something fundamentally wrong with this guy that had to be solved. But something in him was able to, who knew what fucking insanity that was on its own, did not feel hostility. He didn’t know why, but after spending so much time together, seeing him grow in and out of his hands, Sou felt.. special. Shin knew deep inside that he did not feel any obligation to help him or “fix” him or whatever the kids said these days, but he wanted to. He always did. It was only that before this undying desire to survive, he wasn’t determined or mature enough to want to take care of himself, let alone taking care of someone else. If they had reunited in other circumstances, if Sou hadn’t done this to him or anyone, if things could have been different.. “Look, I don’t hate you. Not at all.”
“That’s good! Okay, that’s.. very.. That’s good!”
“Sou..”
He looked so.. different? What even was the word to use in a situation like this? Something in Shin was hardly ever standing how intense Sou looked at that moment. This was important to him, he could tell. He could tell from the moment he saw the AI of himself that Sou had made as a little helper for him. To be quite fair, he wasn’t even that sure why he was put into this shithole if Sou had so much care for him. But that was classic Sou, unpredictable in his nature. The same Sou was barely trying to hold up that elated front now. This was a sight that stung, so so much, for no apparent reason.
“No, no, I am happy.. That’s good, hah! I am..”
And with the last word, Shin’s hands reached forward as the snap of that uncomfortable knot tightening up in his stomach, he grasped Sou’s shoulders roughly, his eyes closed and.. God, could he have ever predicted this? Beyond the fact that he was locking lips with another person, the fact that it was Sou out of everyone. That it would be so warm. He could feel the warmth spreading to every single inch of his body, as he moved his hands slowly from Sou’s shoulders to the sides of his face. That it would make his body fill with so much joy. That he would want more, that he would want to touch him more, to show him all of the love he had inside for the other, to want to keep him safe. Behind his eyes, he could feel Sou’s presence, without a sight of him, he could feel him. Sou’s mouth opened on his own, and he only let out a whimper, Shin deepened the kiss, Sou felt his tongue, Shin tilted him and -
Shin was straddling his lap with Sou’s upper body propped onto his elbows, feeling every part of each others mouths with Shin controlling their pace, trying to make sure that nothing was going too fast for either of them. Sou’s noises that he let in between the kisses, the sights of his eyes glowing with an inexplicable amount of lust, his, God, he could already feel Sou’s hands reaching towards his back, his ass, his neck, Shin knew that Sou needed more. He needed Sou, he needed to please him, to give him what he wanted, and he knew that it was so deeply returned by the other. A wave of euphoria was so quick to hit him as he felt Sou’s hand going up under the sweater, specifically the only layer he had left on his body, stroking his bare waist as he quickly leaned forward to grab the pillow. He placed it beneath Sou’s head after that, quickly tapping onto his left bent elbow to tell him to relax now, to tell him to lay his head into the pillow, and he was done as he was told.
Something in him wanted so much more, to be entirely bareskin with Sou’s body. Seeing how their kisses clothed was enough to please him beyond thought, Shin could now feel Sou’s lips brushing up against his own, groaning with every button that he was unbuttoning. When he was halfway done, he quickly undid Sou’s tie, setting it aside before pressing his lips against the bare skin of Sou’s neck. He wanted to put his marks all over him, and he didn’t know why. He wanted Sou to remember how well he was pleased every time he was desperate trying to cover up his bruises in the name of his job as the Floor Master, and the thought of it was just too good. The thought of Sou, touching himself, imagining how good he felt, the thought of him with his dick in his hand, stroking it with the images of Shin in his head - Well, Shin let out an extremely loud moan against Sou’s neck now, almost immediately focusing on sucking and biting on it once again after that, wishing that nobody had heard whatever that was. But after all, he was sure that Sou had done something to take care of the noises.
Once he finished unbuttoning all of Sou’s shirt, Sou had slightly raised his upper body, letting Shin draw the shirt off of him, leaving him completely bare upstairs. Right against his body, Shin was also quick to take his own sweater off, finally in relief to be completely bare skin with Sou, their chests pressing up against each other, Sou’s fingers digging into his back, clinging onto him with his life, moaning so softly into his ear.. As Shin’s hands went to undo Sou’s belt, he found himself kissing down from the man’s collarbones, down his chest, his torso.. He took Sou’s pants for him shortly, teasing around the line of underwear before he felt Sou’s hand grabbing his hair. It didn’t take took long for him to take his underwear off too, after the clear request, and, fuck. This sight.
“Shin.. I need you, please-“ Sou had now let go of his hair, proceeding to lace his fingers with the fabric of the pillow, his legs spread in an attempt to free his cock from that pressure. He was hard as a rock, Shin could feel his dick pressing up against cheek, looking at Sou all needy for him, just like this.. From his torso arching and moving in pleasure to his eyes, full of desire, his thighs shaking and convulsing.. He was starting to feel that he desperately needed to help himself as well, but at that moment, he really needed to satisfy the sight he was facing. He kneeled between Sou’s legs before, grabbing one of his legs, kissing all over the other’s inner thighs, sucking and biting on them, his lover crying out loudly with the feeling of Shin’s tongue all over his legs. Damn.. Shin had always thought that Sou was a beautiful boy, he had always looked at certain body parts of the other, often being caught and made fun of for it, but.. He always denied it. He denied it until he had Sou right under his hands, shaking in pleasure for him, moaning -
“Shin, pleas- ah, fuck!”
Shin had wrapped his fingers around the other’s dick now, sucking on his bottom lip before spitting as much as he could on it, receiving another loud moan from the other. He wondered if Sou ever thought that this could happen to him, with Shin, in specific. He wondered if Sou would imagine him in the time in which he was “dead,” he wondered if he imagined him when they were still close friends. He had wondered if the sight he was seeing was a part of his previous imaginations, Shin’s lips around the side of his cock, around the tip up and down, licking it from the bottom to the top, eye to eye.. Well, these were currently making him lose his mind, quite loudly so, which indicated to Shin that this was probably not the only time Shin had done this to him in his head. And with that, he knew he had to let go of his own pants, which he did, as quickly as possible.
After straddling his lap again, now fully naked, he took a good look at Sou’s face before asking. “Do you want to go through with this?”
The answer was very clear, without a word, but a quick and insistent nod of the head. Shin briefly took Sou’s dick in his hand before placing it against his entrance, slowly sliding down onto it as he threw his head back. Fuck! God, he knew he should have stretched for this. This was as far as unprotected sex with this guy went, his ass was fucking burning. He did not want to look at Sou like this, because he didn’t want him to think that he was hurting Shin, but the moment he looked at him, the view was.. something else. Midori’s eyes closed, the red blush flushing all over his cheeks, his lips so red from having been kissed again and again.. His body curving, convulsing and arching with every moan he let out. His hands had gripped on the sheet on the floor, the other to the back, gripping on the pillow in so much pleasure. Shin was.. he didn’t know. He had never felt so warm in his life, if that made sense. He felt so.. peaceful, seeing Sou like that. It was strange, feeling like an aching hole in his heart had suddenly been repaired, a hole that had stretched further and further ever since the day Sou had “died.”
But God, he was here now. Sou was safe, in his arms, in the pleasure he was giving him. Shin had been more and more used to his dick inside him now, starting to move on his. Being penetrated like that, taking Sou deeper and deeper inside him while locked at the sight of him, eyes narrow in ecstasy, moaning the word “ Shin.. ” over and over again. Shin had gone as far as he could go inside him now, but God, he needed so much fucking more. He needed to please Sou more, he needed to see him whining for him, shaking and begging - He started going faster now, looking straight into Sou’s eyes, crying out his name, rolling his hips the way he had seen in porn magazines that Sou would read when they were younger. His body felt like it was burning, slowly feeling Sou’s hands grasp his shoulders and pull him down, fucking into him before grabbing his face roughly (even though it was as gentle as he could in that moment) and…
… placing a kiss on his forehead. Fuck.. what? That was..
He could tell that Sou was close from the way he had started thrusting into him now, from the way he had been moaning, from his eyes rolling back, and that image was just.. Shin couldn’t explain this feeling. He did not know what would happen if he could. He did not know if that was a promise, one he couldn’t fulfil. So, he was scared. But still, leaned over into Sou’s ear before moaning with the last thrust,
“God, I love you.”
That had been the last word before the angelic whine that Sou let out, releasing into him. With how good he was fucked, Shin did not necessarily have to work too much to soon get off himself. It was sort of a shame that all of it had gone on Sou’s waist, but he didn’t seem to mind. Shin got off of him, laying right next to him, facing the shelves. He could tell that Sou, now, was facing his back. Shin didn’t want to think, he didn’t want to talk, either.
“… Shin?”
Shin ignored it. He didn’t know why. He wanted to talk, but the words didn’t come out.
“Can we talk?”
He wanted to say more. He wanted to tell him that his words were true, but he couldn’t talk. So, he ignored him.
“Please?”
“You wanted sex, right? We had it, now fuck off, Midori.”
Shin heard a gulp. He wished he could help. But he couldn’t. So, he ignored him. He had the courage to turn around in the middle of the night. And just like he guessed, Sou was still there, awake, looking at him.
“Can I hug you?”
His voice sounded.. roughed up. Sentimental. He never thought he would hear Sou, out of all people, on the verge of tears. Shin, in that moment, realised once again that maybe that 0.0% was there for a reason. Maybe, the reason why he couldn’t survive was that he never trusted anyone after all. Humans were social creatures. They survived on the basic laws of mutualism. Shin didn’t. He was utterly lonely. But just the way he was given a chance by Miss Sara, that his mistrust was returned in acceptance and understanding, he hated her to the core of his being. And once again, he had left Sou alone. Mistrusted him. Just like he did in the old days. And once again, he was back at his feet. Perhaps, he had to learn to love himself before loving others. Because he ruined all of them with it. Every single one of them. Was Sara not that different from Sou after all? Was he supposed to hate Sou too, for staying here?
After she.. d- No, no! Enough!
After Kanna died?
Who knows what had gone in his head now, after all, what wars of thought he had won and lost in that brief moment of ten seconds, but the last thing Sou remembered from that night were open arms, and the words following, “Yes- Sorry, I’m sorry, dear. Come here.” They didn’t have to care for a tomorrow.
And maybe, it wasn’t that bad, after all.