Chapter Text
“You fucking bastard!”
Deku gave a quiet hiss, he missed. As a result, the man was still alive, still coherent, and still screaming loud enough to call forward everything that was within earshot. How could he have made this mistake? Now, this man would suffer needlessly more.
He braced his heart and then swung down onto his head. No apology could excuse this.
By the time he turned around, the remaining monsters were already there. Fingers as long as arms, they crawled in like spiders. With five pairs of arms and their legs missing, they looked like misshapen mannequins from a lost horror display. Their bodies were entirely hairless, and their jaws looked permanently opened. Saliva dripped from their mouth and Deku stood in front of the man he just killed.
At the very least, it would cut on the time it would take for him to hunt them down individually.
He would kill them all.
-
Was violence excusable because everyone else was doing it? Was stealing and looting places okay because he knew that the owner would never return? Thievery, vandalism, breaking-and-entering, property destruction, murder, the list seemed to never end.
He watched blood dry on his bat as he caught his breath. From his helmet to his shoes, he was only wearing things he took from other people. Other people that he killed.
Strangely enough, however, he didn’t feel anything anymore. He didn’t know if it was because he was thrown through the wall and his entire body was just tingly, or if it was because it was no longer possible for him to feel. Before, just the thought of his mom had tears prickling in his eyes.
These days, he couldn’t remember how she laughed.
He kicked off the plaster and made it back out. Groaning, he rolled his neck. His helmet made his head unbearably heavy, but at least he didn’t receive any traumatic damage to his skull. He leaned against the wall, grabbing his bat along the way and waited for the monster to return.
Monster. Well, it looked like it used to be a person, based on their business suit and hanging lanyard on their neck. Infected was probably the better word for them.
People who were dead, not alive, with nearly superhuman levels of endurance, speed and power. Everything awful to fight with rolled into one. And everything that Deku has been fighting and killing since this whole thing started.
Gearing up with a bat in his hand, he swung as she came into the room. Her head splattered out, reminding him of watermelon-soaked summers from a time much different than his. Her body collapsed and he sighed. That made seven. Why were there so many today?
As soon as he thought that, he heard a bang. The type of bang when someone kicked a door open with all their strength and it splintered. The type of bang he used when he was hunting something, someone, down. Someone else had entered the two-story corporate office building he’s been murdering in.
The silence rang. As dust fell, it echoed.
Within seconds, a loud laughter rang through the entire building. Deku held his breath, as though someone would be able to hear him breath over that outrageously loud laugh. A laugh sounding like glass scraping on metal echoed throughout the building, and Deku slid behind a shelf. He needed to leave.
Every last cell inside of him was screaming at him to run. He needed to run away right now. People who laughed like that, in this kind of situation, were not people that Deku wanted to meet. If they met, one of them would die.
Deku, who always ended up alive to see another day, did not want to kill anymore people.
“Wait, where are you going?!” he heard the call. “Come on! Let’s be friends, what do you say?!”
Without even looking, he could see it. The person, lost in grief or time or everything in between, sauntering in after another. The other person (and Deku could hear the unsteady footsteps, now that he was listening for it, they were definitely limping, probably injured) would be frantically hobbling about because they had something they didn’t want to let go of.
Of course Deku knew.
“What’s the matter?! You’re hurting my feelings, Mashirao!”
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
“It’s just you and me!” the voice, frantic and lonely, rang about. “Everyone else is dead! It’s just you and me! I’ll send you and then I will go too! It’s not scary! It won’t be lonely! They’re waiting for us, so let’s go! Together!”
As awful as it might sound, Deku understood where he was coming from. Being alone was hard. Being alone after losing everything and everyone was even harder. There was mercy in death. There is fear in solitude. He got it. He knew. He understood.
Deku, who was always alone, understood.
“I don’t want to!” Mashirao, or who he supposed was Mashirao, shouted back. “Mom… Mom didn’t die so that I would follow her! I have to-I have to keep going! I have to survive!”
It was admirable.
“There you are, Mashirao! Come, let’s go! You and me!”
Pointless since no one heard him, but it was admirable. There was only one ending to these kinds of stories. It was a scene Deku’s seen many times by now. Adjusting his grip on the bat, he took a deep breath.
He didn’t want to kill anyone today, but if he left this as it was, wouldn’t it mean that he killed Mashirao? If he turned away, someone would die. If he didn’t turn away, he would kill someone. Through inaction or action, someone would die.
His bat felt heavy. He stood up.
Either way, blood was going to be spilled.
-
The end of the world came hard and fast. And then, months passed and the things that would normally mark him as a coward and a criminal became normal and the reason why he was alive.
Deku was not a hero. Deku was not a villain.
Both types of people implied that he had something to fight for. A cause. A reason. A society to fight, or to fight for.
Deku was Deku, doing the best he could, which was laughable at best and pitiful at worst. Even as he went through the motions of his life, he understood how pointless he was, and how pointless everything he did was. Seeing the next day was so hard he felt like there were barbed wire pulling him down from every limb, and he imagined that if he wasn’t a [Deku], it wouldn’t have been so hard.
He wouldn’t feel so heavy, if he wasn’t a Deku.
Standing over the body, he gave a long sigh. The head of the man splattered out into a mess around him, like a splattered halo on a headless body. It was a gorey, gruesome death, and a familiar scene for Deku, at this point in time. His hands didn’t even shake anymore. See? Not a hero.
A hero who didn’t feel anything when they murdered someone in cold blood wasn’t a hero at all.
“Did you… did you just save me?”
Turning back, he saw Mashirao. A short-haired blond, sprawled backwards with several injuries and a heaving chest.. The most notable one was his bleeding leg. He looked young, like he should be rolling out of bed and running to make it to his seat before homeroom started, not being hunted down in an abandoned building.
He panted hard, the sound punctuated by the small puffs of air appearing right in front of his lips. Undoubtedly, he was alive. See? Not a villain.
A villain would never install that much hope into a stranger.
Deku pulled his backpack off and tossed it towards the young man, slowly. Watchful eyes followed his every movement, and flinched when the bag left his hand. It landed with a dull thud, a foot from his hands and he motioned at it with his bat.
The young man, blond and trembling, looked at him as though he didn’t want to die.
The words clogged in his head. What should he ask? What did people normally talk about? No matter how hard he searched his memories, he couldn’t get an answer. To greet someone like normal, with a “hey, how are you today?” felt wrong and insensitive. He just brutally murdered someone in front of him. To Deku, they were both strangers. To this Mashirao, Deku killed the last person he could reminisce about his parents with.
“Is… Are you saying that I can use this?” the blond asked quietly.
Yes! He was smart, at the very least.
“A-are you sure?”
Deku nodded his head. And belatedly, he realized that he could just take his helmet off, and explain it, but something shattered behind him. He whipped around, his grip on the bat unrelenting. Two heartbeats later, he heard it. The stumbling and shuffling over broken glass-something had shambled in.
Well, after killing one or two people, what was a few more? If only these survivors would be like the ones that came before the snow fell. Deku rolled his shoulders as though to shuck that thought off his shoulders. He turned to the other teenager, the wide-eyed desperation in his eyes-
“Don’t leave me alone,” he whispered out, his wish hissed through his teeth.
Leave? If he didn’t want to be alone, he should have died. Living was lonesome.
Turning on his heel, Deku left to eliminate the threats. If he didn’t die, he would come back. If Mashirao didn’t die, then he would live. He could stay where Deku was, until he found someone real to help ease that loneliness.
In the meantime, Deku had to kill.
-
Two more stragglers. Where do they even come from? It wasn’t anything he couldn’t handle with his bat, and he checked their IDs. 45-year old and 53 year old. Both men with pot-bellies and raggedy business suits. Perhaps they were coworkers, or an office worker and his manager? He pocketed their IDs and paused, listening for any other sounds that he needed to be wary of.
Under his bat, they were just bodies.
He returned alive. The look on the blond’s face, he couldn’t describe it. It must be awful, to pin his hopes on a stranger who was caked in blood. Awful, but there was that glistening hope, probably because he didn’t kill him on the spot.
“I-I’m okay,” Mashirao said, crawling around and barely managing to get up on shaky legs.
Deku stared at his messy patchwork job, glad that the young man did get a chance to apply some first-aid. It wasn’t like he could carry him back when he didn’t know what else was lingering around here. He reached to take the bag back, but Mashirao grabbed it.
“I!” his voice rang and the panic was clear, “I’ll be useful! Please! Please, don’t kill me!”
Even though this was going to just fuel a bad mentality, Deku didn’t refuse him. It would make his life easier. Well, once they were back and it was almost safe, he would properly introduce himself.
He just needed to figure out what to say by then.
-
Deku returned to the apartment with the young man. Figuring that he would be fine, he grabbed a key to one of the apartments on the first floor and motioned him in. It took much longer than before, but they didn’t run into anything on the way back. For a guy who was so cold his teeth were chattering, he did well to keep up.
He could rest here.
Maybe killing everything he ran into was starting to pay off. The last three months Deku spent bitterly fighting wasn’t a waste of time and effort. He could only hope that it would mean that the numbers of monsters out there were finite. It gave him a very, very, very small hope. One day, the fighting would end. He wasn’t sure what would happen to him afterwards, but at least the fighting would end.
“This … Is this your place? You’re… You’ve been staying here? Alone?”
Deku passed the key to him. The blond was pretty smart, so he was certain that recovery was a priority first. Once he got better, he would be able to move around and leave comfortably. Thinking like that, Deku didn’t want to get attached. Maybe they wouldn’t need to say anything to each other after all.
That was good. Since Deku still had no idea what to say.
“Hello, nice to meet you” was far too condescending to say to someone when he was drenched in blood. “Hey, have a good stay” was far too cruel, concerning that Mashirao looked exhausted and frantic. While the possibilities chased each other in his head, Mashirao spoke again, and broke him out of those useless thoughts.
“...Could I stay here, too? I was… I was a part of a group but it… It fell apart,” Mashirao’s voice choked up, tears springing to his eyes. “I thought I was going to be all alone. I didn’t know… I didn’t even know what to do. I was...”
No matter his best efforts, Deku could feel his heart twist and crumple. Still, he couldn’t find anything to say to him. What could he say? “I’m sorry for your loss,” “that blows,” or even “my deepest condolences,” sounded wrong. None of them could be the right answer, so instead, Deku pushed the door open a little wider, and watched Mashirao hobble in.
Deku grieved in silence. He didn’t know how else to grieve. Probably, any other survivor grieved the same way he did, right? But he was a Deku. Maybe it made more sense that he couldn’t emote properly to begin with. It would be one more thing that he couldn’t do.
“...I didn’t know what else to do,” Mashirao continued, “I’m … I’m really glad that you were here. I just… I don’t… I will never forget this. Thank you.”
The words made the guilt in his heart create widening craters. There was nothing to thank Deku for, since he wasn’t a good person. He just killed people, and it worked out in this guy’s favor. It wasn’t something that should be thanked. It wasn’t something that should make him feel gratitude.
When Mashirao got into the room, he turned on a light in the kitchen (it was fucking dark with this stupid helmet on his head)-
“You have electricity here?”
-and he put some hot tea on.
There wasn’t a lot of food, but it was all going to go bad if someone didn’t eat it. He’d let Mashirao have what was stashed here, and he would return to his own apartment later to do the same. The young man probably wanted some time to himself, to mourn what he lost and think about what he wanted to do. Whatever it was. However long he needed it. Or at least until Deku died. But until he died, Deku would have this for him, because it was something he didn’t get to have. No need to put someone through any more needless suffering than they needed to.
However, Deku really couldn’t do anything else for Mashirao. He needed to stand up on his own, since he would probably die alone.
And when Mashirao stopped looking at him like that, like the world only spun because Deku appeared with a bloodstained bat in his hand, he would leave. And Deku would never see him again. It would be better for him. The less murderers you knew, the better, and all that.
There was no need to get attached. It would just make it harder on both of them. Mashirao was probably sick of losing things.
Deku was.
-
With his guest situated, Deku headed back out.
He wasn’t done for the day.
At the place where he killed Mashirao’s acquaintance and the spider-like infected, there were no bodies anymore. Looking around the open ground, he could see all the bloodstains among the broken drywall and shattered glass. Overturned furniture and doors ripped off their hinges laid about, but drawers and closets were still closed. Deku pried a few open, just to be certain, and indeed, several first-aid supplies were still inside, untouched.
This turned out to be a bigger problem.
If he said that he wanted to burn the bodies so that they wouldn’t be desecrated and that their bodies would return to the earth would be incorrect. However, in reality, he wanted to burn the bodies so that nothing else would try to eat it and get stronger. Trial and error taught him that one.
The blood was smeared out. He could figure where it was taken. From the fact that the supplies weren’t taken, he could figure out what took the bodies. What else would only take the bodies?
With the moon as his witness, Deku headed out for another hunt. A few hours later, the sunrise would be obscured by thick plumes of smoke as he burned all the corpses that he made.
He was lucky that they were sloppy enough that even he could find them.
-
The notes were updated.
Deku rolled his hand. It was hard writing in gloves and the helmet, but he was getting used to it. More importantly, before he forgot, it would be better to scribble down all the observations he saw. Writing under the moonlight was hard, he could make edits in the morning.
He tapped the pen to the paper.
No, he wouldn’t. There were more things to do tomorrow with daylight. That should take priority.
He sighed. Normally, he would just flip the lights on and keep working, but now that there was a guest here, he didn’t want to alarm his new guest. It would be better to let him rest in peace.
-
Mashirao had vigor and energy.
“C-Could I help with anything?”
Deku didn’t know how badly he was injured, but he was glad to see that the blond was healing up well enough that he was out and about like so. Deku wasn’t nearly as strong as that when he got injured. At the very least, since the blond was starting to become more active, it would mean that he was getting better. Without any actual medical expertise or time, Deku wasn’t able to help either of them.
Since he was in and out at odd hours, and he didn’t want to expose Mashirao to additional trauma, he had been dropping off whatever extra supplies he found. Some more first-aid stuff, some dried fruits, and a few cans of spam. Blankets and clothes and some soap, and a few days later, Mashirao looked tired and hungry but shadow of death receded from his face.
It would be years before Deku really made a dent in the surplus of supplies he hoarded over the months. No harm in sharing. For all he knew, he wouldn’t even be here next year, so all the supplies would go to waste.
He handed the box of new supplies, including some more painkillers and vitamin C tablets to the blond. Once he was done with this, he would go back out. There were more and more monsters than there usually were, so he had been busy.
“I-Is this for me? I-I don’t need this much-”
Mashirao’s stomach growled loudly, and his face flushed back.
“W-Wait, I mean, or at least, do-do you want to come in? And-and we could eat this together? If-if that is, if you don’t mind?”
Deku had been meaning to take some time to just sit and talk, properly introduce himself to Mashirao, but he always chickened out. What if he said the wrong thing? He didn’t want to look like a stammering idiot to the first person he’s met in weeks. What if he disappointed the blond? Maybe the blond’s favorite hero wasn’t All Might, and he was going to badmouth him instead. Was Deku prepared for that mental hit?
When he crafted the perfect introduction, that’s when he would go and talk to Mashirao. If the blond needed him, he was certain that they would talk then. For now, he would drop off the extra blankets that he had and be on his way.
Ignorant to the way Mashirao’s face fell, Deku left for another fight.
-
The flowers in the garden were watered.
The generator was functioning.
The water recycling system was in place.
Roof over head, food on table, first-aid in accessible location, journal updated…
The weather was clear, even if it was frightfully cold. He could proceed with some cleaning. The laundry needed to be done, he could wipe down the windows, clean some of the gore off the streets…
There was never a shortage of things to do here.
Deku prepared for another day. He couldn’t afford to get lazy. That would make the burden on Mashirao heavier, after all. How could he do that to someone who was clearly struggling and mourning?
Snap out of it, Deku. Laziness breeds ineptity, and he had plenty of that already.
-
Eight days after Mashirao began to occupy apartment 1008, Deku found a batch of survivors, surrounded and injured at the end of a street. From the way that they were barely conscious and still struggling, he was certain that they weren't infected.
From the way that some were still standing, wary and tense, he deduced that they wanted to live.
He thought it was strange that he hadn’t seen any Walkers even though he was branching out of the residential area. His suspicions were confirmed when he saw a horde of them shuffling to the group of survivors. On the ground, there seemed to be some corpses, but the number left to kill was staggering still.
They weren’t particularly loud, but in the silence of this ghost town, even whispers would echo.
He didn’t really know what possessed him to go running at them. There was probably no way for all of them to survive, and in all honesty, some of them even looked just about ready to die. They were all in various stages of injury, but it was clear that they were unable to fight the oncoming horde. Their backs were to the wall, literally and figuratively, and several of them seemed to be bleeding out.
“Oh shit! Oh, shit! Guys, guys I think we’re going to die. // This is the best day ever!” the blond man yelled, his hands coming up to his head as he twisted this way and that.
All of them were otherwise in t-shirts and track pants, despite the near-freezing temperature. No bags or weapons near them. It was clear to Deku at the sight of them that they must have all come from the same place. If they weren’t infected with those injuries, he was certain that it meant that someone else inflicted those injuries on them.
Someone else must have left them for dead.
Cold as it may be, it was smart. Use bait and leave safely. It was also a great way to get rid of unpleasant people while simultaneously using them to keep the rest in line. It made sense in Deku’s head. If he was in their position, he would have made the same decision.
The Greater Good, and all that.
When he was finally close enough to make a difference, he took a quick stock of the situation. There were a group of 15 Walkers, with an additional three tottering in from down the street. However, it didn’t look like any strange Mutators or Monsters were nearby either.
Not the best odds, but Deku worked with worse. As long as he had the bait, it might be easier to pick them all off. Regardless of any survivors, Deku needed to kill all of these Walkers.
“Shut up, Twice-”
But, his eyes were drawn to one of the men in particular.
He had ashen-blue hair, and piercing red eyes. It was a lovely red that captured his attention, two and a half streets away. He looked like it was taking everything he had to lift his head. He didn’t look like he wanted to die. In fact, it looked like he would fight death itself, if it dared to come. Black blood dripped from his mouth to the ground, signalling to Deku how long they’ve been out here.
Looking at him, he’s reminded of someone familiar.
He didn't hesitate after that, and pulled the lever of his fire extinguisher. He took aim and fired. When the resulting white foam froze the first two and the others closest to them, he pulled his bat and swung. He thought that he’d gotten stronger, because their skulls shattered within a single swing now. He didn’t feel as tired either.
His eyes trailed back to that color of red. He felt vigor.
The remaining half turned around, moaning and groaning, but as a group, they slowed down. If they were attracted to potential victims based on proximity, Deku was certain that they would be targeting him now.
They proved him correct.
He jumped back, but messed up his landing. His foot caught on the flesh of a fallen body and he stumbled. He managed to roll with grace, but when he got back onto his feet, something draped over his back. Eager, rotting hands clawed at his helmet and shirt. Adjusting his feet, he leaned forward. It toppled over his shoulder and he didn't waste any time grabbing it’s chin and jerking it sharply to the left.
A high pitched keen left it before it stopped making any sound at all. Deku kept his focus though. If not, they would all die. He lifted his arm up just in time, and the Walker closest opened its mouth to clamp down on his forearm. The padding and his thick layers of duct tape kept him safe from tearing his flesh apart, and he shoved it backwards. When it fell, he jumped to land right on the skull, crunching it under his sole.
He wasn’t about to make the same mistake.
Two on his left and three on his right approached him. He didn’t even realize that he was surrounded until it was too late. He adjusted his grip on the bat, to bring the tip of the bat right onto the eye socket, crunching the bone without further ado. He jerked to the left, swinging his bat, and managed to knock one into the other. The resulting collison knocked them down, so Deku jumped up to gain some extra force behind his next swing.
One head collided against his swing, it crashed into the head next to it, and experience told him that it would be enough. He turned over his shoulder for the next three. Behind them, closer to the group of people he was trying to protect, fixated on the easy prey, were some more monsters.
No, no.
He turned around and with a mighty effort, threw his bat and knocked one of them over. He balled his hands into fists and ran. At first, he wanted to get his bat, but one of them turned around to lunge at him.
Tackled onto his back, Deku felt the air rush out of his chest. Grabbing its chin when it came down with its mouth open, he jerked his hand to the side, snapping its neck. Blood and saliva came dripping onto his helmet and the body fell on top of him. He shoved it off to the side and rolled over the other way. Jumping backwards, he grabbed his bat and got up to his feet.
Exhaustion tugged on his limbs. An encroaching fatigue pushing his eyelids closed. Close-combat tired him out too quickly. His stamina had never been good, but the lack of it felt especially heavy. Even though those red eyes were still over there.
He surged forwards, his strength returning by tenfold because there was someone behind him. He couldn’t afford to fall now. If he fell, the people behind him would be caught. They would all die. Pitifully and terribly, like the once-people trying to eat him now.
He thought that they said something, but he didn’t focus on anything except the remaining ones staggering in front of him. He took a deep breath and dived in.
-
With every last one of them dispatched, Deku swung his bat hard in an attempt to get the loose and wet drops of blood off of it. He turned over his shoulder, where the assorted group of individuals stared back at him in varying amounts of surprise.
He took a step towards them, and the lizard man lifted his hands up, “Stay back!”
He stopped at that, and realized how intimidating he must look, covered in blood. He dropped the bat and lifted his hands up to show that they were empty. His gloves were taped down with duct tape, and suddenly realized that he was dripping in blood. His bat did very little to protect him from the ensuing gorefest that spread around, and remembering how many of them puked blood all over him, he understood why they didn’t want him close. He probably smelled, too.
He eyed the people huddled against the wall. It looked like they had some open wounds. More importantly, they were poorly dressed for the season and clearly had nothing on their person. He had thought about it before, but it was even more obvious now. It was just them and the clothes on their back.
There was no way in hell they would have been traveling, in a group as big as this, for long enough that Deku found them alive like this. Someone did this to them. Someone left them like this. He thought it earlier, but now he was certain.
The ashen-haired man with eyes like firecrackers had dropped his head against the ground, and both of the women weren’t doing any better. Two of the masked men were passed out against the ground, and the lizard-man panted hard as he kept his hands against his side. The last one was a tall man, with sharp blue eyes and painful looking parts of skin stitched together to form his face.
“...There’s nothing for you to take,” he said quietly, and a small smirk curled onto his face. Despite how close he lingered to death, he looked too smug to look like a loser. He must be the type to laugh even in the face of death. Deku always thought those kinds of people were particularly cool in movies and stuff. Seeing in person, his heart just ached. “Too bad for you. We have no supplies or weapons. You just wasted your time.”
If he was a hero, Deku would be able to save them with a big smile. He would laugh their aches away, carry them back to a safe and secure base where they could spend their days in relative peace. He would be able to return their hope to them, and send them off their merry way. Just ten months ago, he would have seen this as a chance to be more like the dazzling people he strived to be like.
But Deku wasn’t a hero.
Nothing made that more obvious than these last few months that he had been surviving through. Try all he might, he doubted that he could save the people by his side.
But, he could do something for them that no one else could. He could do something that he never got to do for all the other people he had to watch die and rot away.
He could let them die like people.
-
Deku suddenly realized that he was way in over his head once he realized that he had to carry all of these guys back, possibly one at a time, to his base a mile and a half away. While he was certain that there was more than enough supplies to house all of them, and there would be minimal Walkers between here and his home, he looked down and wondered how the fuck he was supposed to prioritize some over others.
He wasn’t a doctor.
Fuck, when he broke something four months ago, he literally duct taped it and has been walking it off since. He had, of course, enough experience with his own body to know the basic dos-and-don’ts of human first-aid but...
But one of them was bleeding from her eye.
He stared at them for another moment, taking a deep breath, and pulled his backpack off. He unstrapped his fire hydrant and placed it next to him.
First thing was first. He needed to eliminate all possible enemies. Then, he needed to stop the bleeding. So, he needed supplies. He left the area with a bat, dispatching others as he saw them and leaving a corpse, just the corpse, on the ground. He’ll come back for them at a later time. The living mattered more right now.
He returned, after ransaking an office just a few doors down. He took all their medicine and first-aid, glad that this office was relatively untouched, and came running back. He ran for a custodial closet, breaking the doorknob with his bat, and getting the paper towels.
It wasn’t as clean as he hoped, but he had bigger things to worry about right now. As it was, either they died here or got infected and died from his bat. Right now, he just wanted to try.
Next, he took his bat and broke wooden sticks off of chair stools, and desks. The sound brought forward another four Walkers, and Deku dispatched them with a lot more mess than he had hoped. He took a deep breath, trying to calm his racing heart.
On one hand, he couldn’t afford to be caked in more blood. On the other hand, whatever he didn’t kill would come back with him to the survivors. He couldn’t fight and protect something at the same time. He wasn’t strong or smart.
Killing the adversaries was a priority.
Grabbing the supplies he came hunting for, he returned to that alleyway with a little more blood on his person. The building was littered with blood, forming puddles like an afternoon rain shower. Deku used to get scolded by the adults around him for running through puddles instead of around. It was such a distant memory that it made his heart throb.
-
When he returned with some more supplies, he felt his strength return to him.
The group of survivors were still there, just as he left them. There was someone waiting for him, there were people who were waiting to be saved, and he didn’t think he could handle disappointing another person ever again. There was only one that was conscious, so he put a bottle of pain relievers and a bottle of water right in front of him via the paper towels and moved to grab the others.
He all but tore off his outer gloves, thankful that he got into a habit of wearing gloves underneath the pair he was wearing right now. It started as something he did because his hands were too small to fit into adults’ pairs without it slipping off, and additionally so that he could have a bloody pair to fight with and a clean pair to gather supplies with minimal discomfort. Bless paranoia, because it might just make the difference between a regular dead corpse and a reanimated corpse right now.
He grabbed all of them and flipped them onto their backs. Since they were in white t-shirts, it was easy to see where the bleeding injuries were so he started there. For the most part, it looked like they all underwent severe trauma to their body, but the bleeding was minimal. Good. That meant that he didn’t have to worry as much about them getting infected from open injuries at the moment.
They must have passed out from exhaustion and pain, but a rampant fever was taking over their features. From their sunken cheeks, dark bags, and pale skin, it was clear that they were on their last leg when they happened to stumble into Deku’s hunting grounds. Malnutrition and poor preparations for the weather, coupled with stress and fighting had them in this condition. Whether or not this was lucky for them was something none of them would know until weeks later.
If they had weeks.
He grabbed some face masks and promptly covered their mouths. The ones who had arms or legs twisted in ways that limbs shouldn’t be twisted were snapped back and given a makeshift split from the office desks and chairs that he broke before he came back. They didn’t even stir. He could only hope that they would wake up.
It wasn’t much, but he did find some fire blankets, and deftly wrapped up the one that looked the worst. The one that brought him here. The thin man with ashen-blue hair. He grabbed his backpack and opened it up to get some more duct tape out. He taped down the sides of the blanket around him, so that he looked like a well-cocooned caterpillar, and hefted him up to his shoulders.
For a guy who was probably starving, he was heavy. Deku had no doubts that he could get him back, but he eyed his backpack warily. He would have to abandon it. He had the stranger over his shoulder, and when the man groaned, Deku was glad he was still alive, even if he was probably in an incomprehensible amount of pain.
Okay, time to do the next step. Getting them back to the apartment.
“...Why?”
He turned over to the lizard man. He stared at him, jaw slack, as he trembled. His eyes watered, looking from the supplies scattered about, including the juice box and aspirin in front of him from where Deku handed it over.
“Why… are you…?”
If Deku was a hero, he would have said something amazingly inspirational. If Deku had a strong heart and believed that he could save all of them, he would have laughed brightly and vibrantly to banish all shadows of doubt and fear.
But he wasn’t a hero.
There was a man on his shoulder who was more dead than alive. Deku had been alone and out of practice with speaking to another human being for the better part of a year. Understanding that it would take too long to formulate a response, he turned away and left instead.
-
The lizard man looked just as lost when he came back. He racked his head for the right words, but he still came up blank. He didn’t want to lie, and all the things that came into his mind were either dishonest or too superficial.
Deku didn’t think too hard about it. There were still seven other people he needed to get out first. Hopefully, the drugs would kick in and he wouldn’t have to carry the lizard man. It would be exhausting, especially since he knew that he would have to stay up all night to make sure that none of them turned. Not carrying one person would make a huge difference in the grand scheme of things.
This time, he grabbed the girl with the missing eye, and was glad that she was lighter. He thought really hard about it, especially when he felt his legs buckle under the stress of another body, and ultimately decided to take her last. He placed her back down and grabbed the tallest woman next. He was going to need all his strength for this one, so it was better to do it first.
Then came the longest man who didn't have an arm. It was hard to balance, and the man spoke incoherently. Then, a woman was drooling out the side of her mouth. Then the blond man with the scar down his face. Then the one with stitches. And then, and then...
He grabbed the blond girl who looked the smallest last, and standing up carrying her like he did everything else, shot his backpack a mournful glance.
He didn’t have a lot of sunlight left. Probably, before he even made it back to the apartment complex, he wouldn’t have any light left. He stared at his backpack and wondered if he should just take it. No, lives come first. He turned to the lizard man on the other side, who was still sitting in shock as he stared at him.
Was… Was he alive? Did this count as being alive?
He stared at him and extended his hand out to him. Lizardman’s lost eyes suddenly focused onto his hand. And with a beckoning motion, stood up with the girl draped over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Deku waited and the lizard man began to stand up.
He hissed immediately, his hand coming to his side, and Deku felt so dumb.
He walked over and kneeled next to him. He grabbed the lizard’s arm and pulled it over his shoulder and wrapped his arm around the middle of his torso, hauling him up to his feet. Since the lizardman was, like everyone that he found that day, much taller than him, it was insanely easy for the lizard to use him as a crutch.
Deku’s knees wobbled. He felt like his heart would explode and scatter from how hard it was beating in his chest. Why was he so weak? When there was time to throw himself a pity-party, he would. Until then-
“I… I-” the lizardman stuttered out, “I don’t… I don’t understand…?”
Deku wished he had words to give him. A thousand possible things crossed his mind, but not one of them made it past his lips. He thought, for a second, that he had forgotten how to speak. They walked slowly, much slower than Deku wanted, and it turned into night before they got to the apartment complex. It was truly lucky that there was a full moon tonight, or they would be fumbling through the dark.
Luckily, there weren’t any ambushes.
He led the lizard to the staircase and slowly helped him. His legs were trembling, but if he fell, all three of them would go crashing down. They needed good, strong support. He couldn’t tell them that everything was going to be okay, but he could do this for them.
If they die tonight, they would die knowing that someone cared.
-
Three died. Deku burned them outside. They didn’t turn.
Of course not, even Deku knew how to deal with that kind of infection. Those that were bit were fine so long as the monster that bit them died, and he killed everything in the vicinity, ahead of time.
-
Eventually, the others started to wake up. Shamefully enough, Deku cried in his helmet for several days that they were awake, aware, and almost okay. Even though this was just the first hurdle, he thought and truly believed that he made a difference.
They were confused and some panicked, but they were alive. He flushed all their yelling and words as panic. Besides, there was no way that they were talking to him. He was just Deku.
Just looking at them made him choke up. It was probably conceited to think that he saved them, that he made a difference, but for a few seconds, he allowed himself that delusion.
Regardless, the thought that they were alive at all made his heart aflutter.
The apartment complex that Deku was staying at suddenly became a little more lively.
-
“My name is Iguchi! That is, the name of the person you saved is Iguchi! Iguchi Shuichi. Ah, my online name is Spinner, whichever one is more comfortable for you,” the lizardman said.
Amazing, he was up and at them already. Deku could hardly believe it. He was so strong. Was it possible that Deku could be that strong one day? Probably not, but still.
Seeing Spinner, who looked so tired and lost when they first met, in a sweatshirt and comfortable looking pants, a half-smile on his face and almost fully healed, made his heart grow warm like he was standing under the sun.
Deku stared at him through the helmet. He was on his way out to clear out a street of houses by the northside, when suddenly, there was someone standing at the front of the apartments. Most of the surrounding border wall was broken down over time, but the open area that was once used as an entrance remained.
Regardless, no one ever stood there like this before. Not since there was nothing left to wait for.
“...Helmet… san?”
Deku stared back, unable to comprehend the thought that someone was waiting for him, and almost slapped himself. How arrogant. How presumptuous. How dare he believe that someone was waiting for him? Of course not. He even said ‘Helmet-san’. That wasn’t Deku.
He wasn’t good enough for someone to call him “san”.
His steps took him to the door.
“Oh, are you… leaving? Could I come with you? I-I look like this, but actually, I’m a pretty good fighter. Having another pair of eyes on your back might be helpful too...”
It was a coincidence. That was better than for Deku to start hoping and believing in things that weren’t real.
Lost in his resolve, Deku brushed past Spinner to keep moving.
-
The February cold was chilling. Deku jumped up and down on his feet to keep his heartrate up. The last thing he wanted was for the cold to make him negligent.
Since it snowed again, he grabbed the shovel. Before, it was fine that he didn’t shovel since it was just him, but now there were others here. He couldn’t neglect this just because it was convenient for him.
Shoveling the snow so that a small path could form, Deku tried to think if there was any salt to keep the others from slipping. The apartment hallways and staircases were open to the elements, so it might be worth looking into.
They were lucky for now, but it didn’t change the fact that there was no doctor here. The limitations of Deku, a middle schooler without the help of Google or any medical texts, was suffocating. He could only hope that it wouldn’t lead to someone’s death.
Just in case, he left some more blankets at their doors. There was no guarantee that the heater works in every apartment complex, and it wasn’t like they had a maintenance crew on-call if anything broke.
-
“Ah! Good evening, Helmet-san!”
Deku jerked. The only time he’s heard people’s voices like that was when someone lost the last bit of their sanity or when they’re about to. To hear the bright words of someone else like this was beyond strange. Tense, he turned to the source of the sound. What was going on?
One of the men that he brought earlier, the really tall and long one, came sauntering out to him. With the elegance of a cat, he gave a full bow, complete with a flourish. Every movement he made was captivating, even when all he was doing was greeting someone.
Deku’s eyes fell to his missing arm. If he was already up and moving around, he was tough. He couldn’t imagine what he had to go through to already be up and moving. Was he really okay?
“As you can see, I am back in working order. I am truly grateful to you, so I was hoping if there was anything I could do to help you. You seem to have your secrets, and I respect that. However, I think that I’ll be able to be of use to you.”
With that, he reached into his sweatpants pocket to pull out blue marbles. Keeping them between his fingers, he showed them to Deku with a mischievous smile.
“They call me Mr. Compress,” he said, “and my quirk allows me to do just that.” With his words, the marble turned into a few gallons of cleaning detergent, a large piece of cement, and an entire bush.
Possibilities immediately seeped into Deku’s head. Was it locked by weight? Was it limited to inanimate objects? Dead things? Was it time-sensitive? Did it send everything into a vacuum? The long list of the hows and whys flooded into his heart, igniting a childlike joy that he hadn’t felt in a long time.
“For a long while, I have not been able to use my quirk. However, it has finally returned to me. And I will be honored to be of service to you, Helmet-san.”
Just as fast, he felt it all extinguish.
Helmet. Who was Helmet? That person was incredibly lucky to have Mr. Compress work towards him. Was he practicing his lines on Deku for him? Was it the person that threw Mr. Compress away from the get-go?
It felt rude to Deku, but he supposed that he couldn’t be picky. Understanding that this man wasn’t speaking to him, he walked by him. If the man just lost his arm, then he would understand. It was probably just the fever talking.
-
The houses in this street were cleared out. The plumes of smoke stretched for the skies as the bodies crackled and popped below. The chorus of death here echoed where children used to play.
This kind of thing used to exhaust Deku, but he felt fine in the moment.
He wondered if he had gotten stronger, or if he had lost something important instead.
With the dead confirmed, Deku would have to start rummaging through these houses more cleanly for supplies and the likes. Surely, while he was doing that, the racket would bring other unfriendlies in the area.
And he and his bat would take care of the rest.
As he thought that a tunnel of fire appeared. Blues flames that consumed all the corpses and the fire they were in in a maelstrom of sky blue. He stared, and in seconds, the corpses were nothing but scorched ash on the pavement.
Breathless, because he’d never seen anything like it before, Deku stood in shock. A tall man came to stand next to him.
“Don’t stand so close to it,” he said, “It’s not easy to control.”
He looked down at him, and through the tinted vizor, Deku had a hard time telling if the man’s eyes were the same blue as his fire, as the sky, but could feel his heavy gaze with ease.
“The name’s Dabi,” he said. “I didn’t have my quirk until I woke up here, but this is pretty much what I can do.”
He turned to face him, and Deku stared at the man and the mess of scars he was. He couldn’t imagine how hard life had been for him, but he stood in front of Deku with certainty. Bold and steady, Deku stared at the man who stood in front of a fire so blue it felt like the sky fell again.
“Let’s get along, Helmet.”
Again, that person. Helmet. He wondered what kind of person they were, that those lifeless blue eyes that once told him that he [wasted his time] coming for them was someone that stood so tall now.
He looked back to the fire. He watched as it burned so completely and thoroughly. What a wonderful quirk.
-
“Good evening, Helmet-san!”
Coming right next to him with a wide grin, a large man fell into step right next to him.
“Thanks for saving us the other night. You let me know if there’s something you want me to do for you, okay? This onee-san will take care of it!” she gave a big wink, and Deku felt his face flush.
Goodness, he thought. This Helmet guy was saucy!
He walked away quickly, feeling as though his face would explode if he eavesdropped on the salacious life of this Helmet guy they were actually talking to.
… He wondered if he should keep an eye out for sex-related goods from now on. He was alone for the most part, but these people clearly weren’t.
-
“Hey there, Helmet-san!” a voice broke through his thoughts.
Tending to the flowers, he was approached by a pair of blonds. The woman who lost an eye, and the man with a scar down his face, and he felt relief at the sight of their faces. Some semblance of health must have been returned to them, since they look much better than when they first came here. He had worried for a bit that the sudden influx of people here would have been more stressful, but it would appear that he had nothing to worry about. From the sounds of it, they split into different apartments with ease. Come to think of it, he wondered how Mashirao was handling the influx of people.
They were walking, talking, exploring. None of these things were bad things. It may be inconvenient to Deku, since he now had to keep an eye out for other people when he left, but it was good overall.
“You’re taking care of the flowers? They’re really pretty. // They’re not hot shit.”
“Ah, Twice-kun, before that, we should introduce ourselves!” the blond woman said. She turned to him with a smile so wide that it felt criminal, and spoke clearly, “My name is Toga! Himiko Toga, but you can call me Toga!”
“Then me! I’m next!” the scarred man said, waving his hand, “Twice! You can call me that. // Not it’s not!”
Sudden sound, in Deku’s experience, had been a terrifying thing. In this moment, he was glad that he lived long enough to learn that it wasn't always so. Underneath the helmet, he smiled widely.
“So, what are you up to, Helmet?” Toga asked, peering around him at the brightly colored petals of the pansy flowers behind him. “Do you take care of flowers on your days off?”
“Wow, that sounds like a waste of time. // Man, I want hobbies!”
Deku looked between the two blonds as he finished watering the flowers. Briefly, he wondered if they were actually talking to him, since he was in a helmet. But then, he realized that it was a stupid thought. Calling someone based on what they were wearing? Why would anyone do that?
Or rather, Deku could not believe that someone wanted to talk to him, wanted to share their time with him, and instead came to a conclusion that made sense to him instead.
With a sigh, he left. It was time for patrol anyways.
“Are you leaving? We’ll go too!”
Even if it wasn’t for him, the sound of people made his chest swell.
-
“W-Welcome back, everyone!”
“Oooh! Little Ojiro-kun!”
“You wouldn’t believe the shit we found!”
Deku stared at them, the laughter and the smiles and the way the blond beamed.
Being welcomed back was a strange thing. He didn’t think he did anything to deserve it, but Deku was a greedy person at core, and he soaked in the attention. Hands soaked in blood, Deku wondered why a bad person like was rewarded for bad behavior.
-
As someone plagued by nightmares, Deku rarely slept. In that sense, he was glad for the sudden influx of things to do. In the next few weeks, almost everyone had recovered enough to walk and mingle about on the base.
And more than glad, he was incredibly thankful that the people that he pulled in these last few days were filled with life and vigor.
“You’re really quiet, huh?” Toga, the girl with a missing eye, said. Her smile was bright, as though she had never experienced pain before, and Deku felt his heart ache at the sight of it. “You know, most people would take this time to demand things from us. Like, ‘I saved you so you owe me your life!’ kind of deal, you know?”
No, he had no idea. Deku didn’t really think that he saved anyone, more or less demand something like that from anyone.
“...Still nothing, huh? Are you shy? Is it because you’re ugly? It’s okay, I don’t mind. I’m just curious what the person who saved me looked like.”
“Don’t worry, you can’t be uglier than patches here!” Twice said, pointing at Dabi, “//He’s hot as hell!”
Spinner took a noticeable step away from Dabi.
“Focus,” Dabi called out, “we have some incoming-”
Deku shot forward, his bat in hand. How could he have been so lazy? Regardless of the feelings inside of him, he shouldn’t have hesitated so badly. He should have been prepared. The image of their desolate features, laying on their sides as they waited for death, returned to the forefront of his mind.
Stupid Deku. How could he have been so careless? People had trauma. These people had trauma. One of them still hasn't left their room. Even if they said that they were okay, and that they were eager to come out and fight, that didn’t mean that they were okay. Stupid, stupid, stupid Deku.
In moments like this, it was glaringly obvious that he never had what it took to be a hero to begin with. He swung hard and he swung fast.
He took a step back and sprinted when he saw something move. If he had been tougher and stronger, he would have been able to save both of them without any injuries, but Deku was useless.
He chucked his bat at the thing that was crawling over the wall next to Dabi. Kicking the man to the side, he braced himself when something heavy fell on him. A bits of the stone came dropping on his arms, sliding off and thudding to the ground.
He scowled, and when the Walker dropped, met it with his elbow. Before he got the second hit in, Spinner came from the side and ran a knife through its forehead. The blood coated him in an instant, but he needed to be faster. There were people behind him now. How could he selfishly shove his weight onto the people that didn’t need the extra baggage?
“Fuck,” Dabi spat out next to him. “Give a guy a warning.”
Deku eyed him and then looked back at the Walker on the ground.. If there was one on the wall, there was undoubtedly more. He pulled his backpack off, understanding that they would be here for a while, and picked his bat back up.
What did he need to do? He wondered. What could he do to be useful to these people?
-
He hadn’t seen red-eyes. He knew he was alive, since the supplies were taken from the room that he claimed, but he hadn’t seen them.
If he was a good person, he would have said that he wanted to help him whatever he needed. In reality, he just wanted to see those red eyes again.
Selfish, selfish, selfish Deku.
-
Moving in a group was exhausting.
Deku, who could hide and wait for opportune moments, lost those moments. The voices of people who chatter as they walk, or even the sounds of their combined footfalls, were enough to bring out some monster or another.
Jumping over one and smashing the head of another, he fell back just in time to dodge a tackle. He whipped around, ready to take it out when Twice came through like a blur. From behind, a body fell, and Spinner placed his foot on the torso of the body as he yanked his knife out of the head.
“Oh wow, this guy’s born May 10th! We’re like birthday buddies. // Ew, he’s old!”
Twice, after looting their wallets off the bodies, passed the ID’s to Deku.
Deku’s chest heaved as he tried to catch his breath.
“We’re clear down the streets, sweethearts!” Magne yelled out, jogging up towards them.
“Which house shall we pillage today, sir?” Mr Compress asked, he swung his blade, the blood splattering out before he sheathed his blade.
“Alright, then I’ll round them up to be burned,” Spinner called back.
Two weeks since they’ve started to trail after him. In two weeks, they’ve already figured out his rhythm and slid in. Two weeks and Deku still wasn’t used to the extra assistance. It took them two weeks to catch on to what took Deku months to do.
Facing his ineptity, despite how often he told himself and reminded himself that he was, was a harsh reminder. His throat closed, because the worst part of it wasn’t how easy everyone else did what he worked so hard for. The problem was something much worse, and it gripped his heart and squeezed.
Somewhere in his heart, where the fight got easier and the loneliness ebbed, he felt an insurmountable amount of fear. It felt like he was standing at the cliff, looking straight down into an endless ocean depth. He was scared. He was terrified.
If he got used to [company], what would be left of him when they left?
Deku tried to adjust his times for running out accordingly. It was better to be alone. It was better to not know [company]. It was better.
He told himself that, until the blue of Dabi’s fire came out. A summer blue that reminded him of simpler times, and Deku realized that it was over. They were done with what he said he wanted to cover.
He knew that he wasn’t good enough, but this was painful. He didn’t even know where to begin to be good enough to even stand next to these people.
-
They recovered quickly, but they wouldn’t leave. Or, it could be that they were waiting for spring and better weather for traveling.
Deku felt heartened at the thought that they would head out, eventually.
On the other hand, Mashirao was still limping. He looked frustrated at his own lack of progress.It probably didn’t help that the others that came in after him were up and about. There was no reason for him to feel so stressed though. It was fine to take his time while he could.
Well, Deku supposed he understood. No one knew when the last time Deku came back would be the last time. In that sense, it would be better to get better quickly.
But while Deku breathed, he wouldn't let anything come for him.
If only there was a way for him to communicate that to Mashirao...
With an answer, Deku left, armed with a bat and his eyes set on the problems outside.
-
“Hey.”
Deku paused, only because the man was leaning against the doorframe of the storage closet he was placing some more gallons of bleach in.
“...Why’d you save me?”
Red-eyes looked at the ground. It was a shame, because Deku wanted to see them, under the sun where they would shine the brightest. Deku’s gaze fell to the ground. These last couple of days had spoiled him rotten, look at him, wishing for things he didn’t deserve.
If he wasn’t so tired, he’d have more energy to be disgusted with himself.
“Hey, did you hear me? Are you… mute? Are you deaf?”
A hand grabbed his shoulder and he was slammed against the wall. With his forearm across the top of his chest, it would be easy for this man to choke him out.
Was this it? Was this Deku’s redemption? Would this person finally put Deku out of this miserable state of life and save the world by killing him?
He wouldn’t fight it.
He couldn’t fight it.
Accepting his fate, Deku relaxed against the grip.
“Fight back,” the man said. “Why aren’t you fighting back?! Say something!’
He remained silent, partly because he didn’t know what to say, and mostly because he was losing oxygen. To ask for a quick and merciful death wasn’t correct. He knew that he deserved the worst.
Until suddenly, Shigaraki jumped backwards. A knife was sticking out of the ground, and Spinner stood to stand in front of Deku.
“Is this how you repay gratitude to someone who saved you Shigaraki?”
Shigaraki? Was that his name? It felt dirty, to get someone’s name like this, but Deku felt lifted. Shigaraki.
“Gratitude? I never asked him to save me-”
“And he never asked for anything in return!”
And Deku, understanding that they weren’t talking about him, since he didn’t (couldn’t) save anyone, he picked up the gallon of bleach he dropped and left.
“Wha-”
“Helmet-san?!”
-
Of the things that Deku has always wanted to do but never got to figure out, was string lights up. Now that he got the generator up and running, he felt brave enough to at least try it.
Standing at the rooftop with all his rain-catchers, he looked around the ridiculously gaudy display of bright Christmas lights and plugged the cords in. With only the stars above as witnesses, he mimicked their light from the top of his apartment building. He sat there, watching the area where the glow joined the darkness above.
The first time, it felt like magic. A couple of nights later, it still felt beautiful. It was amazing what a little bit of light could do.
He had gotten into the habit of doing this since he got these lights. Every night he could, he would crawl up here and take a moment to gaze at the stars. At first, it was because it calmed his nerves and looking at the eternal abyss above, he felt grounded in his insignificance. It was calming. It was soothing.
Somewhere, far away, he knew that there was someone else looking at the same stars.
Light shined the brightest the darker it was, after all. He prayed that the person he was waiting for here would see this, and it would help him find his way back. There was something he had to tell him, after all.
Day three since he turned the lights on. He didn’t like the idea of burning through all their electricity, especially since it would be unfair to the others downstairs that he stole all their electricity for something so insignificant. So, he only turned them on for an hour before he headed out for his next supply run. Usually, he spent this time cleaning and gearing up. With the broken staircase between the third and fourth floor, he was certain that no one would come up here to bother him.
Not that the others weren’t smart enough to figure a way up, but he didn't think they would. It would be too much trouble, and he didn’t think they cared that much about what he did. If he never came back, he didn’t think that they would even notice. It was novel now, but that novelty would die.
Right when he turned around to turn the lights off for the night, something fluttered behind him. He whipped back around, his bat in his hands and poised to kill, when the fight drained out of him. In front of him, looking as surprised as he felt, was former Pro Hero Hawks.
He looked like he'd seen better days.
Deku’s certain that all of them had better days a long time ago, but looking at Hawks brought a special kind of pain to his heart. The blond’s chest was heaving. Those gorgeous red wings that once decorated the spread of magazine covers and dominated train advertisements looked ragged and weary, barely a fraction of what they used to be, like just having them was a weight that he couldn’t sustain anymore. There were bags under his eyes, and a permanent shadow across his sunken cheeks, and his features were pale against the soft fairy lights around them.
All in all, that handsome Hero Hawks looked more dead than alive.
“I… I saw the light,” he said, voice hoarse like he had been screaming for hours. With how the world was, Deku wouldn't have been shocked if it were weeks. “I… I didn’t… All I saw was the light.”
Since Deku was about to go out on a supply run, he was totally and completely geared up and ready to fight. Concerning how long he had spent putting it all together, it was something that he didn't want to stand and undo without good reason, as it was, he was really glad he had it all on. A lot of adults got weird whenever they met kids, and right now, Hawks needed to focus on himself.
A hero was here. When he realized what Deku was, what Deku did, he wondered if Hawks would execute a swift justice, or if it would be something Deku actually deserved instead.
So he took a deep breath, and motioned for the man to follow him. If he could fly all the way up the six stories to get to where Deku was standing on the rooftop, he had no doubts that he would be able to fly down to the first floor.
Just in case, however, Deku was certain that he could carry this man. Luckily, he wasn’t covered in blood and he wasn’t tired, so it shouldn’t be too hard. Looking over the Pro Hero, he looked beaten and battered, but not in need of extreme medical assistance.
He unplugged the light, heard wings flutter behind him, and turned it back on. The glow of the lights returned. He stared at Hawks, and wondered what the man saw out there, to look so utterly lost. Wide eyes and slight tremor in his hands, Deku knew the signs of loneliness even better on other people.
“S-Sorry about that,” the blond said.
While he could take a guess, it was probably better if he didn’t ask. He couldn’t. If he opened his mouth, he’d ask for the man’s autograph. He can’t help it, okay?
So it would be better not to say anything at all.
But first, he stopped to open his backpack. His night runs became increasingly more often, especially since he wanted to spare others the sight of the undead and monsters as he cleaned up, and he had gotten into the habit of bringing along glow-sticks for the really dark places.
At least, if he was alone, he could take off the helmet and put on goggles and a hard hat instead, but that wasn’t an option if Dabi caught him on the way out. Even more frustrating was that infuriating smirk on the taller man’s face when he joined him. Sometimes, he deluded himself into thinking that it was nice to have company, and he found comfort with the thought that someone was waiting for him. Other times, he really wanted to knock Dabi out and leave him behind, where he knew it would be safer. In reality, being alone was the best.
He cracked a glow stick, and handed the soft green glow to Hawks. The blond took it into his hands and stared at it with a fascination that Deku didn't know how to describe. It was the same awe he saw when people saw that he had electricity, he supposed.
“I… thanks,” he said. “You… are you alone here?”
At least, when he turned off the lights that time, the man remained quiet and not at all flustered.
He walked down, the man barely a step behind him. He didn’t like the idea of this man following him out to another part of the city or even to the bottom floor. It broke his heart to see his wings sag and droop behind him, most of all his feathers gone. It probably took everything he had left to get up to this rooftop.
“So uh…” the man’s voice came out between heavy pants, “Is uh… is this your place?”
The blond stumbled and teetered dangerously twice, but the second time he did it, he braced himself against the wall and slid a little. He stopped for a second, taking a slow and shaky breath, and Deku felt so stupid.
Of course he was injured. Of course he was hurt. Of course he was exhausted. He was reduced to this state, for god knows how long. And Deku, so lost in his own thoughts about the most convenient thing to do, had forgotten the single most important thing.
Once upon a time, he loved heroes more than anything else. And a hero, right now, was right by him. How could he be worried about what was the easiest thing to do or the simplest way to do it? In that sense, the answer was clear.
He stopped in the middle of the stairwell, and felt his heart break when he heard Hawks’ stuttering breath.
“...It’s alright,” the blond said, “I can keep going.”
No, he wanted to say, you can’t.
But, he decided instead, they could.
He turned around, grateful for being so much shorter than the man and also being on a lower step than him, because it made this next part much easier. He leaned in, wrapping his arms around the man’s waist and pulled him in. The man went from surprised to panic in an instant, and his hands came up to grab his arms, but if Deku didn’t think that he was weakened before, he definitely believed it now.
A Pro-Hero, unable to fend off a middle schooler as small as Deku?
He could pick up Hawks, with the man weakly protesting, up and over his shoulder and the side of his neck, trying to have him hang diagonally over his back and mostly succeeded. The older man’s breathing turned a little more even, like he was right about to fall asleep, and Deku hoped that his backpack was a comfortable weight to sleep on. Probably not, since the only thing inside of it were small bags of snacks, two water bottles, and his metal bat.
“Hah…” the man wheezed against his shoulder, “You’re… stronger than you look,” he said.
Deku turned to his side and carefully maneuvered his way down the rest of the stairs, crab walking as needed. Right when they were about to get to the bottom, he adjusted his hold so that he was carrying the man in a fireman’s carry. Much better. This was much easier to move around in. He crossed the hallway in no time at all, and made it down the next flight of stairs. He got to his apartment complex.
Well, with the desolate wreck that was the staircase from the fourth to third floor, it wasn’t like he could take Hawks down to the lower floors when even he struggled to go between floors some days. There was no way he could carry Hawks all the way to the bottom like this.
It hurt him to do this, his heart ached at the thought of it, but to think that he was going to have the Number Two Hero in the country in his home?
Wow.
He fished for his house key, and it was ridiculously hard with his stupid gloves, but he’s eternally glad that he decided to clip it onto him. And then he hated himself for thinking that clipping it was a good idea, but whatever, he had the key, his apartment was open now, and he made his way inside.
“...This… your place?”
He didn’t bother with his shoes. Faintly, he could hear his mom’s admonishing tone at that, and reflexively apologized to her memory. He managed to get Hawks to the couch and set him down gently. He went back to place his backpack on the ground and take his shoes off.
There, mom.
He hasn’t had a guest… A person, just anybody, in his apartment complex since the first time he ended up holed up here. Aside from the fact that there was no way to get up where he was, he only got his first batch of survivors that stayed longer than a week recently. None of them were in any condition to climb a flight or two to have tea with him or whatever. His hands trembled but he pushed away all of the extra thoughts as he tried to focus on the guest in his living room.
He tore off the larger gloves, throwing them on his backpack.
First, something small. He didn't have much food in his apartment since he was rarely hungry and usually only ate when he was done with all of his cleaning and stuff, but luckily, he still had his untouched bag of rice.
It would do.
He grabbed two granola bars and handed them to Hawks with a bottle of water. The blond stared at it like he had never seen it before. Right when he started to think that he needed to open it for the man, he spoke up.
"...Are you sure?" He asked quietly.
Deku thought back to the time he got into a fight with his old schoolmates about how cool Hawks was, back when they were brats and he first debuted. He thought back to how people said things like "only girls like Hawks" and he felt his heart ache.
He grabbed Hawks' fingers and made them curl around the bars before turning to the bathroom. He doesn't know if anyone has used up the hot water yet, but it would be nice if he could let the man soak in his tiny tub. He turned the water on, happy that the water was warm and came back out.
He made it about two steps before he realized that the man was on his feet, halfway into the hallway. He stared at him, wide-eyed with the granola bars in his hand, though one of them was just the wrapper, and a water bottle in his other hand.
Oh no, Deku thought with sinking realization. It couldn’t be.
Was… did the Hero come looking for him?
“...S-Sorry,” Hawks said, his eyes dropping even though he managed to keep a shaky smile on his face. It was painful to look at. “Lost myself for a moment there.”
He felt his heart break all over again. He came looking for him even though he just left the room? He took a step back and motioned for the bath.
“...Oh, you guys… have running water too, huh?” he asked quietly, “Wow…”
Deku motioned, a little more aggressively, for the bathroom.
“Ah… I guess I am a little dirty, huh?”
Deku, a little frantically, motioned at the bathroom again, and Hawks finally seemed to get the message.
“Oh! Right. I’ll go in now I guess.”
Deku pointed at him, and then pointed to the pile of laundry he had to bleach and detox his next break, tucked away in the corner of the bathroom.
“Haha… duly noted, sir,” Hawks said. “I’ll be squeaky clean.”
He walked into the bathroom. Deku felt his heart was going to leap out of his chest.
A Pro Hero was using his bathroom. Pro-Hero Hawks! Was Using! His Bathroom!
He took a deep breath, shaking his head to get the feelings from erupting out of him in an effort to stop himself from making him look like a fool.
He walked into his room, grabbing one of his larger shirts, a pair of unworn briefs still in their package, and sweatpants, and placed them in front of the door. It was all he had. Since Hawks was only a head or so taller than him, he hoped that it would be enough-if a little uncomfortable. But it would have to do until they could get out and get him something else to wear.
He would apologize later. And bring something more fitting for the man.
He got to make something sustainable for the man to eat. The rice won’t take too long, but he doesn’t know how long Hawks was going to take in the baths.
He… he had some canned chicken, but he didn’t think it would be appropriate to give it to the Wing-Hero Hawks. But at the same time, to only offer water and rice as a meal to a Pro Hero had him nauseous with guilt.
The man came out impossibly quick. But he looked clean. He didn’t bother with the shirt, and his eyes widened at the sight of the rice machine. Deku felt so stupid at the same time, of course he wouldn’t wear a shirt, he had wings. In the meantime, his eyes traced the way his rib-cage was protruding against his skin, the way his hips cut in, how defined his muscles looked, to the point where it felt like it was deformed because of how thin the man was now.
Deku can’t just give him rice. Look at him. He needed real, good food. It’s something that Deku can’t really offer him at the moment, so he lifted the meager can of chicken instead.
The man’s eyes shine back, and he gives a laugh.
“A feast,” he says, breathlessly and almost in disbelief. “...Thank you. I… I truly,” his hand came up to pinch the bridge of his nose, “God… Thank you. It almost feels like this is a dream.”
Deku motioned for him to sit down at the kitchen table, and turned around to prepare some chicken and rice porridge. The blond all but collapsed into his seat, but since all his clothes still looked clean, Deku hoped that he wasn’t too injured.
“You’re pretty quiet, huh?” the blond asked, putting the granola bars to the side. Deku would have scarved them down by now, but he supposed not everyone had such little restraint. “I won’t… bite, so you can take off your helmet at least. It can’t be comfortable in that.”
Deku, not registering that Hawks was talking to him, took the pot and placed it on a hotplate on the table. He passed Hawks a bowl with a spoon and a serving spoon. The blond blinked at it slowly, and he could see that he was about to start salivating. Figuring that he should give him the privacy to eat at his own leisure, Deku turned away. He had other things to do.
“Oh, you don’t want… any?” The blond’s voice was light, as he looked from Deku to the bowl and then back. Deku waved back, hoping it looked dismissing but not disrespectful.
Former Number Three was eating at his fucking breakfast table, he was about to have a stroke. It would be better to leave before he laid twitching on the ground. Reminding himself to focus, he walked away.
He fumbled around the entryway dresser and fished out an extra key.
This… This was his mom’s key.
The blond had taken a few bites, but stopped eating when he came back in. Before he could say anything, though, he handed the key to the man.
“E-Eh? This is-”
Deku turned to put his shoes on and get his gloves on. He taped it down with the same amount of diligence he always did, hefted his backpack on and straightened. Right when his hand touched the doorknob, he heard something behind him and he turned to where Hawks was standing right behind him. Feathers scattered along the ground around them. He surprisingly had a few feathers left.
What was he doing? Deku didn’t even hear him move.
“Ah… uh… Safety in numbers and all that,” the blond said, trying to smile and failing. It was painful to see. “Why don’t we go together?”
The smile finally turned into a frown, and he rubbed the back of his head.
“Well, you already helped me out a ton, so I… I want to return the favor,” he added. “I look like this, but I’m still pretty strong. I don’t know where you’re going, but the supplies… these are your supplies that I’m taking, right? Lemme help out. Pay you back and stuff.”
Deku shook his head again. He pointed at the kitchen, then at Hawks.
“I-”
He opened the door and closed it behind him. He waited a moment, and crossed his arms knowingly when Hawks opened it. The blond stared at him, sheepishly and Deku shook his head. He opened his hand and extended it out to Hawks. The former pro stared at it for a moment and then extended his hand back.
Taking the much bigger hand in his, he took his finger and wrote out on the palm, tracing familiar kanji, and the older man sighed back in defeat.
“Alright,” he said, “Next time for certain.”
Good, Deku thought, certain that there would be no next time. Hopefully, Hawks would get some much needed rest. He’d make sure to grab some iron supplements, among many other things, for the blond.
He walked out, this time to finish his stupid supply run. He must have waited too long, since Shigaraki was also outside. Despite the gameboy in his hands, he wasn’t focused on it. Deku was just glad that the things he found are still getting some action, instead of sitting up in a pile gathering dust.
“...I thought you already left,” he said, genuinely surprised to see him. “Oi! Twice!” he yelled out as Deku walked away.
Augh. today just wasn't his day, huh?
Well, if in exchange for his comfort, someone else could be happy, then he didn’t mind living in discomfort for the rest of his life.
-
When he returned to his apartment building, he was splattered in minimal blood. His backpack was packed-full and heavy, and he hoped that Hawks wasn’t an XL in anything.
He pushed the door to his home open, and was greeted by the warm candlelight and a quiet greeting. It’s exceedingly familiar, and he can feel his eyes water from behind the visor. If… If at all possible, he wished this moment could last forever.
The thought that he had [come home] to someone was overwhelming.
“Hey, uh welcome back,” Hawks said, raising his hand in greeting. “I hope you don’t mind that I used the candles. But uh, I left some food so maybe we could eat together-”
Deku peeled his backpack off his shoulders. If the man was here, that would make his life much easier. He ignored everything he said, too focused on the task at hand, and flipped his backpack over so that everything would come pouring out. He motioned at the mess it was and pointed at Hawks.
“Uh… oh, is this… You want me to organize it?”
Deku nodded once, and walked past him and into the bathroom to give the man some privacy.
After meticulously washing everything, he didn’t expect to step out of the bathroom in his wet and disinfectant-smelling clothes (he forgot to grab a change of clothes when he went in), to find Hawks standing right outside of the bathroom door. The thought that the Pro-Hero was waiting on him made him flush in embarrassment. Hopefully, he didn’t take too long, but at least the smell of blood was mostly gone.
“Hey,” the blond said, breathless.
Maybe it smelled worse than he thought. He was grateful that the older man didn’t mention anything about it, and wondered if he would develop that level of courtesy soon. Maybe if he had better manners, Deku would be more confident talking to Mashirao.
“You were uh, cleaning up, huh? I saw that you had a lot of bleach,” he said, wings folded and his shoulders tense. “You want any help?”
Deku wondered if this was how it was going to be, until the older man felt better. He shook his head, the straps of the helmet dragging against his shirt. Thank god he decided to keep it on. He could only imagine what a stupid look he had on his face, as he stared because Pro-Hero Hawks was in his apartment.
(Pro! Hero! In! His! Home! His heart was thundering in his chest.)
“Ah, you wear the helmet inside, too?” Hawks asked.
Deku, who knew that he wouldn’t be able to keep his mouth shut if he opened it, wisely kept it shut. He didn’t want to annoy the man, and he was scared that if he opened his mouth, the man would be burdened with his words. He didn’t want that. The man clearly went through enough shit. If he would like, Deku would just let him rest his wings here, for as long as he wanted, whenever he wanted. Nothing would be expected of him. He looked like he could use the break.
And if Hawks wanted his head, he wouldn’t fight back either. Since it would be the right thing to do.
He didn’t know what Hawks needed, but he would give him anything.
“So, you uh, gonna eat? Sorry for rummaging through your stuff, I-”
Deku walked by him and towards the kitchen. Food sounded great right now, but he needed to take the helmet off to do that, and he didn’t want anyone to see his face. He knew that he wasn’t very attractive, and he didn’t want to disturb Hawks with something ugly. He stared at the neat piles in the living room as he walked by.
Hawks worked quickly to separate everything into categories. Medicine, clothes, supplements, snacks, water, everything was neatly organized. He was really grateful. He hoped that Hawks found use for these.
He grabbed his bag, it was all he needed, and looked back to the apartment. He was going to miss this place, but Hawks took priority. Hawks should stay as long as he wanted to. Everything he needed, Deku could grab at a later time. He placed the key on the dresser. He never thought that he would need to move out like this.
“Wait, wh-where are you going?”
His wings fluttered, and Deku frowned. Maybe he should stay longer? Until this man was ready to fly on his own again? Wouldn’t it be easier to rest alone though? He didn’t know. He’s been alone for a while, so he just assumed that everyone was used to being alone. That everyone preferred being alone.
He lifted his bag again and then pointed at the door.
“Are you… are you leaving?” Hawks asked, and then his hand came to his head, “If you left the key, are you leaving this place?”
Deku nodded.
“...Why? There’s no… It’s plenty big enough for the two of us. If anything, I should be the one leaving-”
Deku shook his head violently. The straps of his helmet slapped against each other in the movement. The sound seemed to echo between them.
The blond’s arms dropped to his side.
“...Is it because I’m intruding? Sorry, I… I haven’t seen another survivor in a while. I didn’t mean to overstep my boundaries.”
No no no no, Deku wanted to say. He felt like Hawks was the last person to apologize. Especially to him, since he was nothing more than some petty thief that burglarized and vandalized and murdered everything that he came across. He shook his head.
“Then, you’ll stay?”
Deku paused, and even though it almost felt like a trap, nodded his head. He placed the bag back down on the ground, and watched Hawks’ shoulders sag.
“Haha… Thank you. Thank you.”
He didn’t get why he was being thanked, and hoped to be worthy of his gratitude instead. There had to be something he could do.
-
As it turned out, the blond had a fever.
Hawks had taken the couch, despite how hard Deku tried to push him towards his bed. And after a brief moment to fanboy (Hawks, former Pro Hero Hawks was sleeping on his couch, he was about to have an aneurysm) Deku had realized it.
Former Pro Hero Hawks was sweating on his couch. Shit, this couch was going to be a family heirloom. The man looked a little cramped on his couch, so Deku pulled out the futon. It hadn’t been aired in a while, but it was probably better than being curled up on his wings like that...
Oh wait, fever.
He moved over to hover by the blond. How could someone be halfway to starvation and flushed with a fever, but still look this handsome? Amazing. He really was a hero. A real life hero, right in front of him. Wow. He sweated like a regular person. Truly phenomenal.
If only he could take pictures… No, no. Don’t be greedy, he told himself. This was already too good to be true.
He pulled some more blankets out for the man, more than used to this whole taking-care-of-a-stranger’s-fever situation. He ran some hot water and got a towel. He prepared some drinking water and some supplements. It was a shame that he didn’t have any actual fruits and vegetables, but this would have to do. When Hawks’ fever broke, he could get him some medicine and more rice porridge. Eventually, Deku would have to go downstairs for some more rice. Hopefully, the others downstairs would not mind.
It’s fine. He won’t take more than what was enough for one person.
When daylight came, Hawks’ fever hadn’t broken. Deku wiped his sweat meticulously. He had been looking through his old notes and writing up some more of his thoughts in another journal. This would have been fine, but since he came back in a rush yesterday too, the things he needed to do have just been piling up.
In the moment of silence where his thoughts trailed off, he felt burdened. He didn’t want anyone else up here. He didn’t want to get used to having life in his apartment complex again. Which was stupid, because who cared about what he thought? There were real people, out there suffering and hurting, and Deku was going to complain about sharing resources?
Again, he felt ashamed of himself.
“Don’t… don’t leave me…”
His head snapped up, to where he heard the blond mumbling. He listened very carefully, even though it felt like he was eavesdropping into something very personal that he shouldn’t have been privy to.
“Be… better.. I’ll… be better.”
Even in his dreams, it would appear that Hawks was trying to rise to expectations. Deku felt weak next to him.
Still, he took Hawks’ hand in his and squeezed it just a little bit.
“It’s alright,” he whispered, even though the man probably couldn’t hear him, and if he knew who Deku was, wouldn’t have wanted to hear him. “It’s alright. I am here.”
Normally, the only time he would be able to hold a hero’s hand or even meet one in person would be in a meet n’ greet hosted by the hero’s agency or a charity event.
Normally.
-
Hawks seemed to be more coherent over the next few days. Deku breathed a sigh of relief, and when he realized that he was more happy that he didn’t have to nurse him anymore, felt nauseous.
He should have been happy that Hawks got better, he was happy that he didn’t have to do something he volunteered to do. It would appear that selfishness really had no bounds. He didn’t even realize that he could have new lows.
Before he started expecting things, or worse, demanded things from Hawks because he thought that the man owed it to him or something, he needed to leave and reorient himself. Hopeful that he wouldn’t hinder his recovery process, Deku tried to leave as much as possible.
-
“Bout time,” Shigaraki grouched out. “What took you so damn long?”’
Deku felt his back straighten, and the excuse sat on his tongue. But before he could say it, he understood how juvenile it was to blame someone else for his own short-comings. It wasn’t “why was he useless?” but, “of course he’s useless.”
Work, Deku. It was all he could do. Work and work, even if it was meaningless, because if he sat and thought instead, he’d come up with a worse idea.
Heartened, Deku jumped right into patrol, determined.
“And uh. I’m sorry.”
Deku paused. What? What did Shigaraki have to be sorry about? Did someone put him up to this? Deku’s head spun so much he felt nauseous. If there were people here, there would be conflict. It was such an obvious cause-and-effect train that made the ground uneven under his feet.
And then what? What did he need to do? What could he do?
It wasn’t like he could play mediator. He wasn’t someone respectable or level-headed enough to do something like that. So who was he apologizing to? What was he apologizing for? Did he do something wrong? Did someone make him feel like he did something wrong?
Well, it couldn’t be to Deku. Deku and him had little to no interactions.
“I’m… I don’t have my quirk,” he continued. “But I’m not useless.”
His eyes, those red-eyes of his, they were so bright. Deku understood why Hawks would fly though the darkness for lights, because Deku was the same. To be enchanted by light only made sense.
Even more certain, Deku felt his back straighten and his shoulders pull back. That’s right, he wanted to say.
He faced back forward and marched out. Even if it was a waste and even if it was meaningless, Deku still worked hard.
-
Of course, Deku swore that Hawks wouldn’t spend any longer than he absolutely had to in his apartment. However, it was hard to even try and formulate words, but he managed to get the man out of his apartment complex.
However, the older man could be strangely obtuse, or perhaps he couldn’t tell that Deku didn’t want his presence breathing down his neck, and Deku wanted to scream. Please, he wanted to beg, please let me have my home again.
While someone was inside his complex with him, he had to be extra careful, and it was beginning to get exhausting. It was starting to get really hot in the apartment, so he really wanted to take off his helmet. He could just lock himself inside his room, but he doesn’t think that he’ll have to since Hawks wouldn't barge into his room, right? Surely, that smiley blond wouldn’t just storm into his room unannounced, right?
But locking his room also means he would be that much later to react to anything that could possibly happen. If something were to happen to the people outside, would he be able to live with himself?
He supposed, the fact that he was still alive, was enough to answer that question.
As it was, he took a deep sigh and decided to abandon this and leave. There were plenty of empty apartments that he could make a new home in, no matter how bad he felt about it. He had personally confirmed that several of the residents would never return.
Hawks was clearly in a much better state than he thought, because the man followed him down and out of the apartment. Of course, Deku was happy to know that he was in good health, but didn’t he have better things to do than follow him around? Like, people to save?
Well, it wasn’t like he was a hero, he could have never been a hero, and it wasn’t like he knew any heroes to compare notes with anyways. Maybe this was what they did? Take a break? The shadows didn’t cling to his face as much, so Deku thought he was doing better.
But Hawks finally joined him in leaving the apartment complex.
“Oh, there you are Helmet… Isn’t that a Pro-Hero?” Twice sounded dumbfounded.
Right, speaking of people who he thought would have left by now.
“Pro-Hero?!”
Before Deku realized what was going on, they were assembled together. Almost all of the (tentative) tenants were finally face-to-face with one another. Even Shigaraki, their resident loner, was there, looking shocked and slightly out of breath at the entire ordeal.
Hah. He thought he was shocked. Deku was certain Shigaraki had no idea what real shock was. Real shock was that feeling when the Number Three Pro Hero, battered and lost, came flying from the depths of the night while you’re taking a break on the rooftop. That was shock.
“What the fuck?” Shigaraki said, accurately summing up how he felt right then and there.
He couldn’t get the words out. Because Deku was shy and didn’t remember how to get his vocal chords working anymore, and just wished that this whole thing would just end instead. This was more social encounter than anything he had to deal with since sometime in the fourth grade.
“...I see,” Hawks said, his eyes glazing over all of them, “Well, I guess that answers the ‘are you alone’ questions,” he said. He side-eyed the young man by his side and then looked at them, “Yo,” he greeted casually, lifting his hand to wave at them, “Nice to meet you, I flew in after I saw the lights. Glad to see other people made it out.”
“You should leave as soon as possible if you value your life, hero. You won’t enjoy our company,” Shigaraki said, eyes narrowing.
Hostile. Why were they hostile?
Deku understood why they were bitter, but he didn’t understand why they were so hostile. It didn’t seem like they knew each other from Before, but he couldn’t think of any other reason why they were so on edge. Even Twice, who Deku thought was the easy-going and pepiest of the ground, was uncharacteristically quiet as he eyed the former pro with uncertainty.
Wasn’t it supposed to be heartening to have a hero here? Look, now they would be safe from him. Wasn’t that a good thing?
“Funny,” Hawks said, narrowing his eyes despite the smile on his face, “If that was really the case, I sincerely doubt that Helmet-head here would have worked so hard to nurse me back to health these last few days.”
A shiver ran down Deku’s spine. The temperature of the area plummeted. He couldn’t deal with this. He couldn’t deal with the way they were looking at him. Suddenly, he wished he was back in school (and wasn’t that a riot) and no one talked to him and he was all alone.
“Hey uh, Helmet? What are you-”
Skin crawling from social interactions, stomach twisting with anxiety, Deku vaulted over the railing and dropped down to the ground and ran off.
Nope. Not today.
-
There was a saying that people said.
“Don’t ever meet your heroes.”
He didn’t really get it, because he did want to meet his heroes. Even if All Might told him that he couldn’t be a hero because he was quirkless, that it was dangerous and that there were better way for him to help people that weren’t heroic, he was still glad that he told him that. If it wasn’t for that Deku was certain that he would have died much sooner when the first few waves of monsters came sweeping in. So he was really thankful.
Instead, he got to be with his mother in her last moments, after all. He remained here, where he could keep a promise instead.
Just because All Might didn’t do exactly what he wanted him to do, didn’t mean that Deku stopped admiring him and stopped caring about him. More than anything. Deku loved All Might with all his heart because of the people he saved and the way he saved them. He still did. He probably always would. That was it.
Hawks was exhausted. Deku didn’t need eyes to confirm that. The man was overworked and teetering on starvation. And while anyone that was alive could have helped him, Deku wouldn’t have ever been able to turn him away. How could he? He was clearly suffering after doing his best to help others.
The way he cried out during his fever-induced nightmares proved that for him.
So while running through the streets, clearing all the monsters that he found and cleaning out the rubble and the blood he could, he didn’t expect to find another Pro-Hero.
Did a group somewhere else collapse? Deku had no other reason to believe why there was a sudden influx of survivors. However, based on previous interactions that he watched (and ran away from), he could tell that they weren’t from the same group.
Then what?
Well, he supposed that it didn’t matter. More importantly, there was someone here that clearly needed help. He was leaning against the wall, and there were four Walkers closing in on either side of him. Even without checking, he had no doubts that there were more.
Foot on the ledge, Deku jumped into the fray.
-
Deku didn't know how to describe the look on Eraserhead's face, but he was certain about one thing. He never wanted to wake up and see that expression looking back at him. He dropped his bag of provisions next to him, opening the bag up to place a water bottle next to him and then leaving it to his side.
The man was slumped against the wall, looking at him like he was waiting to use death to reunite with someone. From the way one of his hands tightly gripped his shoulder, Deku understood what must have happened. Deku looked down at his bat, thinking that it was a little sad that the next survivors he met were the type to abandon a hero like that.
Or perhaps, this was a hero who had abandoned them.
He wasn’t sure what was worse, but then again, he supposed it didn’t matter. It wasn’t like he was in any position to say anything. He’s probably done worse.
All survivors were pitiful.
He turned back to the group that was meandering towards them, unevenly stepping towards them with every second. Deku took a deep breath, no matter how many times he did this, he felt that pull on his heart again. He knew this was wrong.
But there was someone behind him.
He wasn’t a hero or anything, but even he had things he wanted to protect. Bat at the ready, he figured that the least he could do was let the man behind him know that there was someone willing to fight for him.
“Get out of here…” the man said, “There’s more than thirty of them here.”
Amazing, Deku thought. Inching towards death, this man still gave him a warning. As expected of a real hero. How could Deku have ever hoped to compare. As he met more heroes, he was beginning to understand why All Might said that he couldn’t ever become one.
His grip on the bat tightened.
There must have been something missing from deep within him, and All Might saw and understood that Deku could have never become a hero. He didn’t have what it took. Would he be able to warn other people like that? Would he care about other people even as he waited for death?
Of course not.
He was just Deku.
-
“...You…” Eraserhead gasped out. “What are you?”
Deku stared back and looked at the ground. He couldn’t find an answer, a murderer? A thief? A survivor? They were all correct, but they all sounded wrong.
Standing among the last icicles of winter, the young man turned away instead. What could he say? While he lost himself in his thoughts, Hawks dropped down next to him.
“Hey! There you are! You…” his voice trailed off, and Deku breathed a sigh of relief.
Eraserhead would probably feel better if the guy who was covered in blood left this conversation. With that in mind, he set out to rummage through the corpses instead. Coming out this far wasn’t in the plan, but now that he was here, he wasn’t going to go back until he was done cleaning it out.
Winter thawed out into a blood-drenched spring.
He would be prepared.