Chapter Text
It’s raining. Still. Again? The rocket hit the Council Tower, breaking it in pieces and it was like the sky was splitting open to share all the tears the people of Piltover were crying over their Council members. The tears Caitlyn was crying over the mere thought of her mother in that tower. It hasn’t stopped ever since.
Vi can’t get that night out of her head, can’t forget about Caitlyn’s wide tear-filled eyes, her silent scream. No voice left to make a sound after being strangled and muffled for hours by Pow-…no, Jinx. It’s Jinx now. It’s brandmarked into her brain and it’s taking her breath away time and time again.
It’s her fault. She knows it. Everything comes back to her leaving Powder the night Vander died. She was just a child…then again was Vi. But she’d vowed to take care of Powder. She’d promised to be there for here. And instead, she had shattered her into pieces, leaving her behind in the smell of burnt flesh and puddles of rain.
Again, with the fucking rain. It’s like it’s taunting her. It hasn’t stopped in days like it keeps wanting to remind her of every single thing she’s ever done wrong. Leaving Powder in the rain. Breaking her promise in the rain. Leaving Caitlyn in the rain. Then holding her in the rain as they watched fire and smoke take over the city Caitlyn loved. And then leaving her again…in the rain. Like a fucking coward.
She couldn’t deal with the look in Cait’s eyes, all that grief, all this hurt. Just because all those years ago she lost control of her temper and doomed not only herself but her little sister to a life of misery. To this.
“Fuck…” she shouts as she picks up a stone from the dirty floor and throws it against the wall of her room in Babette’s brothel with all the force she can muster, it ricochets right back at her.
She picks it up again, turns it round between her palms and throws it again, harder this time. It takes her a second before she realized her door is open.
“Woah there…easy…” a voice yells and a broad figure quickly ducks in the door frame as the stone flies his way. “Are you ever not angry?”
Vi huffs, more in surprise than in frustration. She’s not happy to have company, she didn’t ask for company, and she very much didn’t ask for him of all people. The golden boy. The shining star of Piltover. Jayce.
She shakes her head. He must be mad to come down here after all that’s happened. The people of Zaun hated his pretty face…and the word “hated” was still an understatement. There were multiple pictures of him in ‘The Last Drop’ spiked with various sharp and pointy things.
“What the hell are you doing down here? You have a secret death wish you wanna tell me about?” she asks and eyes him up and down. At least he’s not wearing his Councillor clothes. He had the decency to lay low…as much as someone of his statue could.
“The longer I am here, the more I think I might do. I didn’t know people hated me that much.” he sighs and put the hood away from his head.
“I mean…you did shoot up one of Silco’s shimmer factories and killed a dozen Zaunite people…right in front of their colleagues. You didn’t think you’d get a medal for that down here, did you?”
She looks at him with questioning eyes, taking a few steps back and leaning again the broken, dirty desk behind her.
“I didn’t think at all. That’s the problem. You just filled my head with this idea of revenge, and I was angry. I followed through. But I didn’t think.”
Jayce huffs and there’s this look on his face. The same one she’d seen in the factory. He still feels guilty for shooting that undercity boy. She feels for him but at the same time, she feels anger rise inside of her. He’d agreed to her idea. She didn’t force him to do anything. He went for that hammer and used it on a child in the heat of the moment. And he did that all on his own. She was no stranger to guilt, it was a hard pill to swallow, but she was pretty sure that encounter had not been her fault. Not entirely at least.
“Sure…my idea. Just put that on my plate too, why don’t you. One more thing I can be responsible for.” She spits out and her hands ball into fists. “You really should think about why you came here because if you don’t explain yourself on the count of three, I’ll make sure you remember to never come back.”
Jayce stares at her first, shaking angrily, Vi’s veins coming out more and more by the second. His eyes wander from her hands to her face and back again and he bites his tongue.
“That’s not…I didn’t mean that. I made the decision, I’m a grown man. I just meant…”
“One.”
She starts counting and Jayce sighs in frustration. There is no use in trying to apologize.
“You know what: I did not come here to fight with you. And I wouldn’t have come at all if-“ he stops and tries to think about how to say what he wants to say without making it sound wrong.
“We’re at two, pretty boy. Get to it.”
She sounds angry. She is angry. How could she not be angry? Someone she really didn’t want to see had come to her hiding place, probably compromising her safety doing so and now he didn’t even say what he wanted to say.
“God, you are insufferable. I came here to bring you back to Piltover.” He says and for a second Vi waits if there’s more to come. There’s got to be something else. That can’t be all. He can’t really think she would willingly go back to Piltover...for what?
“Okay, I’ve had enough. You obviously didn't come here to talk,” Vi puts her fists up, readies her stance and rolls her shoulder, just like all the times she’s picked a fight before.
Her feet shuffle towards Jayce. He’s taller than her but she doesn’t care. Height’s never been an obstacle before. Jayce blinks for a second, surprised and at the same time not surprised, that Vi would actually charge at him. Just like that. He closes his eyes, ready for the impact because he knows he can’t fight back. Cait would never forgive him.
“Wait!” he shouts and when he opens his eyes her fist is right in front of his face, hovering, waiting. “She needs you.”
Her face falls, just for a second, before she shrugs it off. Her fist still in front of his face.
“Who needs me?” she asks. She knows the answer. She knows who he’s talking about. The same person she couldn’t stop thinking about for the last few days. Ocean blue eyes full of tears pulling at every part of her heart.
“You know who.” He says. “She’s falling apart and I…I can’t fix her. I don’t know what she went through and she won’t tell me but you…you already know. You were there with her, for her. I can’t replace that. But she’s crying, all the time, not just because her mother died. I mean, obviously, because of that but she says your name. Time and time again, in her sleep, she’s hurting…”
Vi’s fist falls, almost on it’s own accord, as he speaks. Her heart is pounding against her rib cage like it wants to burst out. This is her fault. She left…again. She broke her to pieces nobody can fix now. And she can’t go back now. There’s no guarantee that she won’t rip her apart even more.
“She needs you.” Jayce is pleading, his eyes are wide and open. He takes a step towards her. “Please, Vi. I know you care for her, there’s no doubt about it.”
Vi takes a step back, doesn’t want him to see how close she is to cracking open. She can’t go back. She can’t…she can’t…
“I left.” She blurts out. “I…twice. I left her twice.”
And he knows. She sees it in his eyes that he knows. Still, he’s here. Why is he here when he knows she’s unreliable? When he knows she’s a coward?
“Then come back.” he says. As if it’s easy. As if she can just do that…come back. “If you really care about her…come back.”
The rain drizzles against the window, quieter now, reminding her of the thing she said to Caitlyn just a few nights ago. Oil and water. She was just hurting herself by leaving that night, she thought Caitlyn would be safer far away from her. She didn’t think it through.
And then when it happened again, she’d been scared. She didn’t know what to do, didn’t know how to cope with the feeling of almost losing Caitlyn, thinking her head was on a platter and then seeing her tied up. The whole thing was too much and that didn’t even include all the thoughts racing through her head about Powder. Jinx. Her sister, whatever name she chooses, that won’t change. It’s too much.
She’s still so fucking scared.
“I won’t force you,” Jayce says and turns to leave. “I just thought that…I was pretty sure you love her. Because I know for sure she loves you.”
He takes a step out the door, hand on the handle, looks back at her one more time and she can see he’s disappointed. He’s hoped for more but Vi feels like her legs are suddenly made of stone. She can’t move.
The door closes and she feels like all the air is getting punched out of her lungs. She can’t breathe. She can’t think. There’s something hot on her cheek and it takes her a second to realize she’s crying.
She looks at the stone on the floor, the one she’s thrown before, and she sinks down. The tears are overwhelming, like a river overflowing, finally. She hasn’t cried in days. Months. Years. All this pent-up grief. All this anger. She feels like she’s going to throw up, something rising inside her and she realizes she’s missing her chance. Again.
Her chance to finally make good on a promise. To do the right thing. To finally find the right path.
She pushes herself off the floor, walks over to the bed and grabs her red jacket. She doesn’t have anything else, no possessions. She’s got nothing to lose anymore, only things to win.
Vi makes towards the door, throws it open and she’s ready to run.
“Jayce, wait…” she shouts and collides with a figure right in front of her door.
She looks up into his face and his eyes look hopeful.
“I knew it!” he says triumphantly.
Vi ignores the urge to punch him for tricking her. She knows she should be thankful. He’s not only saving Caitlyn, he’s saving Vi too…by bringing her back to where she belongs.
When they step out the brothel the rain has lost it’s intensity. It’s still dripping but it’s not pouring anymore. It’s a good sign, Vi thinks.
Oh, I always let you down
You're shattered on the ground
Still, I find you there
Next to me
---------
Jayce brings her back to Piltover safely, just like he promised. His tall, broad figure and confident voice ordering the Enforcers to let them through, to step away from her, leave her alone. And they do what he says.
They don’t even really search her and Vi thinks that must mean that Jayce, for whatever reason, trusts her. Maybe it’s because Cait trust her…trusted her. Caitlyn…
Her breath hitches as they get closer to her mansion and memories fill Vi’s head. Her fingers on her skin, stroking her cheek in such a gentle manner that Vi didn’t have a chance. She fell. Hard. Of course, she’d been attracted to her before.
She’d been mesmerized by her beauty, yes, but more so by her compassion, her understanding, her willingness to learn and make good on mistakes other people made long before her. Caitlyn was not like anyone else she’d ever met. She didn’t know how someone that had seen so little of the world she lived in had such an endless capacity of understanding people.
She remembers when they talked to Ekko, Vi had been so sure that Cait wouldn’t understand. That she’d force Ekko to give that little blue ball of magic back to Jayce, who it rightfully belonged to. But she’d opened up so beautifully and that was the moment Vi knew she never stood a chance in the first place. She was utterly and entirely encharmed by everything that Caitlyn Kiramman was. She still is.
Maybe that’s why she feels like her heart is trying to flee her chest, scared of what state she was going to see Caitlyn in and hopeful of finally feeling complete again at her side. As complete as she could with all the holes that had been ripped into her soul by tragedy and loss.
Jayce knocks on the Kiramman’s door and Vi fights the urge to turn around and run. She can’t do that again. It’s a promise she’s making to herself, right there in front of Caitlyn’s door. She can’t run away. She cannot leave her again. This is her last chance.
Mr. Kiramman opens the door, his eyes are red and swollen, he looks tired. Exhausted. He’s grieving and Vi can only feel sympathy for the man.
“You found her.”
He looks at Vi with wide eyes, then back at Jayce.
“You really went down there and found her,” he says again and can hear relief in his voice. Hope maybe? She’s never brought hope to anyone before. People never felt glad to see her. But maybe that was about to change. Maybe that had already changed, and she just didn’t know.
“I am so sorry for your loss.” She stumbles over her words, doesn’t know if it’s the right thing to say. But Caitlyn’s father sniffles and looks at her with such a kindness in his eyes, that she knows he understands. She sees now where Cait got her gentle, caring nature from.
He opens the door for her and leads her up the stairs, no words need to be spoken. When Vi turns around, Jayce is still down by the door.
He’s not coming with me, she thinks and her breath hitches.
She thinks about how strange it is that she wanted this man gone from her room not an hour ago and now she desperately clinging to the thought of this presence because she’s scared to face Caitlyn on her own.
“She’s been in there for days. Ever since…” He doesn’t finish his sentence, turns his eyes to the ground and his shoulders fall forward a bit in defeat. Vi can’t help but feel for him as she puts her hand on his shoulder in a comforting touch.
“Thank you for coming back.” He whispers. “I was so worried about her.”
Vi turns her eyes to the door, takes a deep breath. There is no turning back now and she doesn’t want to anymore. Caitlyn’s father is putting all his hopes in her and she vows to not disappoint him. He seems to be a nice and kind man, a good father just as Jayce is a good friend. They care about Caitlyn. She won’t disappoint them.
So she knocks on the door and slowly presses the handle down.
And oh, stupid things I do
I'm far from good, it's true
But still, I find you
Next to me
---------
Her eyes take a second to get used to the darkness inside the room. The curtains are drawn shut, no light comes in from the outside and inside, no candles are lit. She isn’t even sure someone’s in this room, for a moment she thinks that maybe Cait has maybe settled somewhere else when she hears a muffled sob. Like someone is pressing their face into a pillow.
Vi’s heart breaks in an instant and all the guilt she vowed to leave outside the door catches up to her once again. Her fault. Caitlyn is crying, hiding away in the dark, because her sister killed her mother. Because her sister kidnapped her and…she still doesn’t know how exactly it had happened. Didn’t know what Jinx had done to her before the whole tea party setup. They hadn’t talked about that. They had just found comfort in each other’s arms until Vi had gotten scared again. But she isn’t scared now. Not anymore.
She shrugs her shoulders, pushing her thoughts away as she steps into the room, closing the door behind her.
“I don’t want anything,” she hears a small voice, and it takes her a while to realize it’s Caitlyn. She sounds so broken, so tired…it makes her want to curl up behind her and hold her. Tightly. So the bad thoughts can’t get to her.
“I…don’t have anything,” Vi says, unsure of herself. “Just little ol' me.”
She hears rustling from the back of the room, where the bed is. The bed they had cuddled in together, her soul open and vulnerable as she told Caitlyn the story about Powder and her. How she had broken all her promises then. It’s only been days but it feels like weeks.
“Vi…” Caitlyn asks and Vi can make out her form in the bed. She’s huddled underneath blankets und pillows. Like a castle made of feathers.
“Hi, Cupcake!”
It’s all she can say as she makes her way over to the bed. She stops in front, doesn’t know it’s okay to sit down. What if Cait doesn’t actually want her here? What if she hates her and Jayce got it all wrong?
Her fingers start to shake, she fumbles with the zipper of her jacket, pulling it up and down. Down and up again.
“Is it okay if I sit?” she finally asks. It takes all her courage.
Caitlyn moves the blanket a bit, frees up a spot for Vi. Like it’s never been any other way. Like Vi is still welcome in Cait’s bed.
And then Caitlyn looks at her, Vi is close enough to see her now and if her crying in the beginning broke her heart, then this sight is ripping out all of Vi’s pieces.
Caitlyn’s hair is tangled and unkempt, her eyes swollen and red and her lips still quivering. Her cheeks still wet from the crying and her whole posture is small, vulnerable…she seems broken.
“Oh Cait…” Vi can’t help herself. She inches closer and puts her hand on her cheek, just like Caitlyn had done in this very same bed just a few nights ago.
Cait sobs again, more tears rolling down her cheek, getting caught by Vi’s callused fingertips. She falls forward against Vi’s chest like she’s been waiting for this very moment to fall apart completely and Vi catches her, wraps her arms around her as tightly as she can, engulfing her in her warmth.
Her heart aches as she strokes over Caitlyn’s back, imagining she could just pull all her pain out in strings, like magic. But she can, she knows that. It’s not how pain works.
“I am so sorry, Cait. I am so, so sorry.”
She doesn’t care that her eyes water. If there is any moment to be vulnerable, it is this. And if there is any person in the world, she feels safe to break open to it surely is Caitlyn. It will always be her.
They sit like this, quietly in the darkness. Vi’s strong arms cradling Caitlyn’s tired form, holding her, keeping her safe. Vi feels like she’s finally in the right place. Not quite the right time but better now than never. It doesn’t matter now, she’s here. She made it. She’s holding her.
Her fingers graze Caitlyn’s hair, curl themselves against her scalp as she presses her lips in the same spot, over and over again. Caitlyn keeps crying and Vi just keeps holding her, whispering to her.
“It’s okay.”
“I got you.”
“You’re safe.”
“It’s okay.”
“It’s okay.”
“It’s okay.”
She doesn’t know how much time passes, maybe minutes, maybe hours. She doesn’t care because Caitlyn quiets down. Her breathing evens out, she calms herself and her fingers graze the skin on Vi’s hand in circles.
“It’s okay…I got you. Just…close your eyes,” she says as she thinks Caitlyn’s finally falling asleep.
After another minute or so she tries to shift Caitlyn, carefully, so she can put her down on the bed more comfortably. She’s surprised when Caitlyn pushes her nails into her skin, leaving red marks, grabbing onto her hand.
“Don’t leave,” Caitlyn whispers into the darkness, eyes suddenly wide open and staring at Vi with a pleading expression. “Please don’t leave me.”
Vi hugs her closer to her chest, presses another kiss on the crown of her head. Her heart aches inside her ribcage and she knows she hurt her so much. But not this time. Not again.
“I won’t.” Vi promises. “I won’t.”
Caitlyn’s body shakes in her arms as she sniffles. “You said that last time.”
“I mean it this time. I won’t leave. You are where I want to be.” She does mean it, this time. There’s nothing that can happen that would get her to leave this place, to leave Caitlyn ever again. She’s finally found a place that feels like home. And she knows Caitlyn can hear the difference in her voice.
The other woman relaxes into her arms again, her breathing slows down, and her eyes look up at her, searching Vi’s face. She doesn’t know what Cait is searching for exactly, she just puts her fingers against Cait’s cheek again, stroking in the gentlest way she can manage.
Her hands weren’t made to be gentle; she thinks. She’s a fighter, always been this way. But with Cait there’s no room for anything else but gentle touches and whispering voices.
“Can you just…hold me while I sleep. I don’t want…I am not ready to let you go.”
Vi nods, silently. “Sure, let’s just lie down. You shouldn’t sleep like this, it’s uncomfortable.”
She pushes Caitlyn down on the bed, gently, and in any other situation this would have various thoughts spring up in her mind. But as it is, she’s just making sure that Caitlyn’s head doesn’t hit the bed, that she’s comfortable and warm. She never lets go of her hand, holds it tight, just to show her that she’s still there.
Vi lies down beside Caitlyn and again, she’s transported back to that moment on Cait’s bed before the Council meeting. It was all perfect, back then. Just the two of them and the feeling of trust and happiness, so unfamiliar to Vi at the time. It felt familiar now, it felt like Caitlyn.
She wraps her arms around Cait’s body once more, puts her head right next to hers, staring into her eyes.
Ocean blue.
She never learned to swim, never had anyone to teach her how to. She’d be okay with drowning in this ocean, though.
Caitlyn’s hand comes up to her face again, repeating the moment. She breathes out and Vi feels her breath tickle her nose. She blinks and takes Caitlyn’s hand into hers. She kisses her knuckles, one by one and then puts their tangled hands between them.
“Sleep now,” she whispers and Caitlyn nods, closing her eyes.
It only takes her a few breaths to calm down, Vi quietly holding her hand, not letting go. And in the last waking moments, as her thoughts drift away and Vi drifts with her, she sighs.
“Thank you for coming back.”
When they wake in the morning Vi carefully opens the curtains, let’s the light in.
The rain outside has finally stopped.