SoSC: AUs, Omakes, and other Shark Shenanigans!

by OceanLord2017

Summary:

Alright! This is going to be where I dump a lot of my 'less serious' ideas. Have fun with them!!

Chapter 1

Ch. 1: Totally Innocent Misunderstandings, We Swear!

 

It’d been a few days since the Battle of Tamatoa’s Horde. Things were settling down amongst the Cutty Sark crew, to the point that ‘free time’ was available again.

 

As for Halibel, she was leaning back on a lounge chair. A cup of tea lay on the table to her right. Currently, she had a pen and paper in hand. She was writing down all the gruesome things she’d do to Aizen if she saw him again. This act was surprisingly therapeutic, getting her feelings out in the open.

 

“Ahh…” Kisame sighed as he took the seat beside her, bringing their lunch of shrimp.

 

Grimmjow walked past them, grumbling about his ‘smaller’ lunch in comparison.

 

Kisame gave him a curious look, eyes shifting between the two Espada.

 

“Halibel…I’ve got a weird question.”

 

“What’s up?” her eyes didn’t leave her paper as she added ‘all liquid punched out’ to her ‘Aizen List’.

 

“Well…when you and Grimmjow joined Aizen, he tattooed your Ranks on, right?”

 

“Yes,” she nodded.

 

“But…you guys have Hierro…so how’d you even get the tattoo to stick?”

 

Halibel put her paper down. “Ah, it was just a little application of Reiatsu.”

 

She unzipped her top to show the 3.

 

“It really isn’t any different from the rest of my skin. Go ahead and see for yourself.”

 

Kisame’s head tilted a bit. “Hmm…now you’ve got me curious.”

 

Both Halibel and Kisame leaned across the table towards each other.

 

The tips of his fingers glided over the 3, and the skin around it for comparison.

 

“Wow, there really isn’t a difference,” Kisame seemed bemused.

 

“Mmmhmm,” Halibel let out an affirmative hum.

 

“EEP!!”

 

Both turned, and saw a wide-eyed Hanataro gawking at them.

 

“UMM!! Sorryforinterrupting! Congratulationstoyouboth! BYE!!”

 

He ran below deck faster than a Hollow running from a Kenpachi.

 

“Huh,” Kisame withdrew his hand from Halibel’s breast and went for the shrimp. “What was that about?”

 

“No idea,” Halibel reclined back, sipping tea as she added ‘skinned alive with Reishi drained’ to the ‘Aizen List’. “Soul Reapers are weird.”

 

Tsuyu just ‘stared’ at the two sharks, and shook her head.

 

OoOoOoO

 

In his room, Kisame was SORE. He’d slept in a weird position, and now his bottom back was paying for it.

 

It did NOT help that the last god they fought had repeatedly hit him there.

 

“Kisame,” Halibel called as she knocked on the door. “Breakfast is ready.”

 

“Great…just…give me a few minutes…ooh.”

 

“Are you all right?” the ex-Espada opened the door.

 

“Yeah, sure, fine…” the man claimed as he lay face down on his bed, covers thrown off, exposing his boxers.

 

“Kisame, where does it hurt?” her tone seemed to chip away at all the room for argument.

 

“Not hurt…just really sore.”

 

Halibel ran a hand down his bare back, letting it rest.

 

Kisame lifted his head off the bed, turning back to face Halibel. From the way her eyes crinkled, he could tell she was smiling.

 

“I know just the thing.”

 

Without warning, Halibel brought both Kisame’s arms over his head, resting the wrists on the railing. She brought one knee down on the bed. She put the other on the sweet spot of Kisame’s back, and brought all her weight down on it.

 

“POP!”

 

“AAHHoooooohh!” Kisame only felt momentary discomfort before relief spread through him.

 

“Yeah, Lady Halibel! Show him who’s BOSS!!”

 

In the doorway, Apacci and Grimmjow observed the pair. While Apacci seemed focused on cheering her boss on (for some reason), Grimmjow seemed more contemplative.

 

He stared without making a sound for at least five seconds. Then, slowly, it was like a Cheshire Cat Grin formed…if the Cheshire Cat happened to eat people.

 

Without a word, Grimmjow grabbed Apacci by the back of the collar, dragged her back, and closed the door.

 

They heard a few steps walking away, before…

 

“AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!”

 

“Tia…have you ever heard Grimmjow laugh like that?”

 

“No Kisame,” she honestly sounded concerned. “I have not.”

 

Please note that she hasn’t moved off of him.

 

OoOoOoO

 

It was a late night, and the Shark Trio had been having some drinks.

 

Jinbe had stumbled out to the restroom, leaving his friends alone.

 

“You know, seeing that Ulquiorra guy today reminded me of something I’ve been meaning to ask,” Kisame slightly slurred. “Where’s your Hollow hole? Saw Grimmjow and Ulquiorra walking around with holes in their chest…but not you.”

 

“Oh…I suppose I should show you,” Halibel put a hand on a table to steady herself as she stood up.

 

Kisame began to follow suit, only to fall on his butt on the bed.

 

Halibel’s hand zoomed over her midsection, and her skirt fell right off.

 

And there it was, a Hole going straight through her womb.

 

“Huh…it’s smaller than the other Holes I’ve seen.”

 

“I guess,” Halibel shrugged. “Don’t really see a rhyme or reason with them. Did you know Szayel’s was on his…whoa!”

 

The ship jostled. Halibel started tipping forward, but Kisame grabbed her thighs to steady her. She also put a hand on his head, fingers curling around his blue hair.

 

“Oh my God…”

 

Jinbe stood still at the entrance, eyes wide. He’d been shocked back into total sobriety!

 

“Please…not on my bed.”

 

The mental gears began to slowly turn for the utterly befuddled, and slightly sloshed, Kisame and Halibel…

 

“OH!”

 

“I swear, this isn’t what it looks like!”

 

And THERE’S the realization!

 

OoOoOoO

 

Following the War against Cipactli, the crew was finally getting back to normal. Well, as normal as possible after a war.

 

Considering the implications, there came a new perspective. Namely, the desire for no regrets.

 

With the help of a long conversation about honest concerns and reassurances, held gazes, hugging, and just enough sake…Halibel and Kisame had taken that step together.

 

They made their way up to the deck, hands held.

 

“Hey everyone, Halibel and I talked, and…”

 

“We’re together now,” Halibel finished, leaning her head on Kisame’s shoulder.

 

“…”

 

One could even hear crickets chirping. Not a SINGLE crewmate even looked up from what they were doing.

 

“Umm…”

 

“Oh…we already know you two couldn’t keep your hands off each other,” Tsuyu croaked in that deadpan of hers, eyes not leaving her book.

 

“HUH?!”

 

“I mean, it was pretty obvious,” Nami shrugged.

 

“So many secret rendezvouses,” Juvia added. “You two were so romantic since the day I joined up.”

 

“Umm…I don’t think that’s quite right,” Halibel hesitantly contradicted her.

 

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!” the entire crew laughed at the ‘new’ couple.

 

 

 

A.N. So, that’s a thing. Felt like I REALLY pushed the Rating there! In hindsight, I’ve got WAY too much fun turning the freakin’ Monster of the Mist…and the Queen of Hueco Mundo…into absolute DORKS!!

 

But yeah, consider this my ‘dump’ space…all my ideas, AUs, and Omakes that don’t really fit in the current SoSC plotline. A lot of my ‘Non-Serious’ stuff. Get my ideas and creativity flowing, so I don’t just STOP like I’ve done before.

 

Til Next Time…Have Fun!! Stay Safe!

Chapter 2: Chapter 2: From a Galaxy Far, Far Away...

Chapter 2: From a Galaxy Far, Far Away…

 

OoOoOoO 

 

Arms for Days!

 

“HUH?!”

 

Nnoitra Gilga had just woken up on a sandy shore. He didn’t know this place. He didn’t know how long it’d been since he fought that Kenpachi. He didn’t know how all his injuries had vanished.

 

But…he was gonna tear apart the first human he saw.

 

“Hello there!”

 

From behind him, there was a “THUNK, THUNK” of heavy metal feet clawing their way towards the ex-Espada.

 

And a menacing figure stood at near-equal height to Nnoitra. A fashionable dark green cape barely concealed an almost-totally robotic body. Bleached white metal gave a bit of a skeletal motif. His spindly fingers clicked as the metal groaned in his joints. His skull-like mask brought emphasis to yellow slit eyes. Someone who looked real close would also see the horribly mangled skin around those eyes.

 

“The hell you suppose to be?”

 

“I am…the future,” the figure proclaimed in a deep, mechanical voice as he removed his cape.

 

“Piss off!” Nnoitra shot a Bala.

 

“ZHOOM!”

 

A blade of blue light easily deflected the shot.

 

“Oh…this’ll be fun,” Nnoitra snarled.

 

“ZHOOM!” A green lightsaber ignited in his enemy’s other hand.

 

“Hehehahaha, your Zanpakuto will make a fine addition to my collection,” General Grievous taunted.

 

“I’ll finish you quick!” Nnoitra got up close…and punched the General.

 

“AAHH!! MOTHERFUCKER!! WHAT’RE YOU MADE OF?!” Nnoitra brought his poor hand back.

 

“Hehehehe, urgh-HACK!” Grievous coughed as he made a NASTY cut in Nnoitra’s arm with the blue lightsaber.

 

“AUGH! THAT’S IT!!”

 

Cue the Santa Teresa transformation.

 

Nnoitra sneered, and brought his four arms and scythes back.

 

“HeheheHAHAHAHA!!!”

 

And then, Grievous’s arms split.

 

“ZHOOM! ZHOOM!”

 

“ARE YOU SHITTING ME?!”

 

“Hehehehe,” Grievous chuckled as he prepared his counter.

 

“Whoom, whoom, WHOOMWHOOMWHOOMWHOOM!!” And the top two lightsabers spun like helicopter blades as he rushed forward!

 

There were so many arms and blades moving so fast, not even the author could keep up!

 

“CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG!”

 

To Nnoitra’s horror, the lightsabers were chipping his scythes away!

 

“RAH!” Grievous pushed all four scythes apart, and then brought all his lightsabers down across Nnoitra’s chest.

 

“URGH!”

 

“You must realize, you are DOOMED!” Grievous promised.

 

“FUCK OFF!” Nnoitra shot his two hidden arms at the cyborg.

 

“Uh-uh-uh!” Grievous taunted as he leapt up, grabbed the two offending arms with his clawed feet, and used the momentum to SLAM Nnoitra down!

 

“Screw you!!” Nnoitra began spamming out new scythes.

 

“How intriguing,” Grievous then began to spin his entire midsection, repeatedly cutting off Nnoitra’s arms.

 

In the blink of an eye, there were over 100 severed arms holding broken scythes littering the beach.

 

On top of that…Nnoitra was looking like Swiss Cheese!

 

“Ugh…fuck you…” the ex-Espada blacked out.

 

“HeheheheheHAHAHAHAHAHA! URGH-HACK!!”

 

OoOoOoO

 

Training!

 

OoOoOoO

 

“Alrighty,” OceanLord declared. It was the first day he had assembled his cast.

 

Kisame and Halibel were standing before him, Tiburon and Samehada drawn.

 

“For this story…you two are going to be teaming up A LOT on single opponents,” OceanLord revealed. “So to help in your training, I called in a favor from a friend. He’s a master of ‘forcing’ two swordsmen to team up.” The author chuckled at his own pun. “Fights with two blades after all. For this match, you will focus solely on your technical skills with the blade, while coordinating with your partner doing the same. No flooding the room!”

 

“Oh…we training with Oden?” Kisame asked excitedly.

 

“Oh no,” OceanLord chuckled. “I’m bringing in the ORIGINAL ‘two-sword style’ Master!”

 

“DUN-DUUN! DU-DUN-DUUNN!”

 

“Where’s that music coming from?”

 

“DUN-DUN! DU-DU-DUNN!”

 

“Consider this trail by fire,” OceanLord smirked, opening the door.

 

And a man walked in. A red-skinned man, with black tribal tattoos, approached. A crown of horns encircled a bald head. Red and yellow eyes seemed to stare into their souls.

 

“What fun! Hmhmhmhmhm, what FUN!” Maul chortled, also relishing his legs again!

 

Halibel turned to OceanLord. “Sir…this is my first time working with Kisame…and you’re going to test our synergy…WITH THAT?! Isn’t this excessive?”

 

“ZHOOM! ZHOOM!” And the red double-lightsaber ignited!

 

“Nope!” OceanLord grinned, popcorn in hand. “Have fun!”

 

“I have a bad feeling about this,” Kisame admitted.

 

“GET THAT CHOIR GOING, BROOK!” OceanLord commanded.

 

“YES SIR!!” the skeleton commenced in earnest. “KOR-AH…”

 

OceanLord took a seat by Jinbe, offering the popcorn. “This is where the fun begins!”

 

For Kisame and Halibel…it was a LONG day!

Notes:

A.N. Well...I couldn't resist! I've had an Omake with Sidious...so I felt the urge to bring in some other favorites of my childhood! To be fair...would Nnoitra go down that quick to Grievous...probably not. Was it Cathartic...OH YES!!!

Til Next Time...Have Fun!! Stay Safe!

Chapter 3: Chapter 3: Fathers of the Year

Chapter 3: Fathers of the Year

 

Deep in a fortress, three men were pondering their latest findings.

 

And these three men were an unholy team-up.

 

The first was a slight, brunette man. Whatever handsomeness he had, it was mostly covered by a brown plague mask.

 

The second man was much larger, with a mane of golden hair flowing out of a shiny helmet. A pointed mustache sat above his permanent grimace.

 

The last man was utterly nondescript, short, balding, bespectacled.

 

Kai Chisaki, Judge Vinsmoke, and Shou Tucker were all being their rotten selves.

 

“I assume the subject yielded interesting results,” the Alchemist piped up.

 

“Perhaps,” the King of the Germa answered. “At the very least, we can confirm that all subjects’ ‘Lineage Factor’ is compatible enough to commence further testing.”

 

“One step forward,” Overhaul nodded in satisfaction.

 

As the three wandered into a drab hallway, the ex-Yakuza continued the conversation. “Also…there’ve been sightings…of a certain girl from my world. With her Quirk…I could once again reach that breakthrough in power suppression. And add a bit of luck…I could apply it to Reishi, Chakra, and any other energy.”

 

“Ah…” Judge paused. “It seems I wasn’t the only one to receive news. The…anomaly…amongst my sons has reemerged. His abilities have improved without explanation, and the answer just might add insight to our…mutual project.”

 

“I can’t wait to see the results,” Shou added.

 

“WHOOM!” All of a sudden, the lights went dark. A distant alarm began to whine.

 

“GERMA!! TO ME!” Judge commanded. As he did so, Overhaul removed his gloves.

 

A few dozen Germa Clones assembled around the trio of scientists.

 

For an agonizing minute, no one moved. No one dared to make a single sound. Then…

 

“OOOHHH…Prrrrrr. OOOHHH…Prrrrrr.”

 

ZHOOM!

 

A red blade of light glowed across the dark hallway.

 

And there he stood…one who was more machine now than man. His garb was totally engulfed in darkness. A black cape fluttered ominously. A mechanical armor glistened in the red light. His head was covered with a skeletal mask and smooth helmet.

 

“OOOHHH…Prrrrr. OOOHHH….Prrrrr.”

 

And that godforsaken breathing was rattling the Germa grunts to their very bones.

 

“OPEN FIRE!” Judge hollered.

 

ZHOOM! ZHOOM! ZHOOM! ZHOOM!

 

With the lazy swings of one hand, Darth Vader deflected every single bullet with ease.

 

“AHH! ERGH! OOF!” And the Germa were falling one-by-one to what was deflected back.

 

“Oh no!” Overcome by the sheer intensity of the atmosphere…Shou Tucker began to run.

 

“URK!” Only to feel SOMETHING clench around his throat, begin lifting him up, and start floating him back to the invader.

 

With a mere gesture of the hand holding his lightsaber, Vader pulled all the guns right out of the Germa’s hands.

 

As he held the choking Alchemist to his side, every single Germa was being cut down with ease. Most were quickly put down with slashes through the chest.

 

“RAH!” Judge’s boots thrust forward, his spear at the ready.

 

“DENJI SHAFT!”

 

And Vader moved Tucker to take the attack.

 

“UHH!”

 

The Dark Lord spun and cleaved Judge’s spear in two. Then, he used the Force to hurl both of them back. Judge SLAMMED into the wall, while Tucker smacked Overhaul’s face with enough force to knock his mask off.

 

“BLURGH!” Tucker began coughing blood and other bodily fluids on the Yakuza’s face.

 

“FILTH!!!!” With a touch of his hand, Overhaul exploded Tucker’s Head.

 

“NOW DIE!!” Overhaul brought his hand to the ground, and spikes erupted at the enemy.

 

“I think not,” Vader intoned with that intimidatingly deep voice of his.

 

His speed was incredible. He brought down every single threat that Overhaul could throw at him. And he was still walking forward as if he was taking a leisurely stroll.

 

“And now,” Vader brought his free hand up.

 

“WHOOM!” It was as if he was the epicenter of a storm as every loose thing in the hallway began to rise up and encircle him.

 

“I will show you the true nature of the Force.”

 

BOOM! Everything shot out from around him at incredible speed.

 

Overhaul barely managed to defend himself…only to realize something.

 

The walls were groaning. Vader had just taken out the structural integrity.

 

‘He’s going to bring this place down on me!’ Overhaul desperately tried running to safety.

 

“URK!” And that opening was all Vader needed to seize the Yakuza’s neck. “Crick!”

 

“KRA-KOOM!” The entire laboratory became nothing more than a pile of rubble.

 

Darth Vader stood unharmed and triumphant.

 

“Looks like I’m late,” a calm voice behind him uttered.

 

Gaara of the Sand narrowed his eyes.

 

Vader paused…and saw the SAND forming around him.

 

“NNNNNNOOOOOOO!!!!”

Notes:

A.N. Yeah…those three ‘dads of the year’ WILL be in a crew together. Felt so wrong that I just HAD to give them a gruesome death now…so I’d feel less guilty down the line! And what better way to go out…than a HALLWAY SCENE with Vader!

Til Next Time…Have Fun!! Stay Safe!

Chapter 4: Chapter 4: Wabbit Season

Chapter 4: Wabbit Season!

 

A humble sloop dropped anchor off a small island. Three young women made their way to the shore, their long ears twitching in the wind.

 

The first had long brown hair down to her waist, with matching brown eyes, and fur on her ears the same color. She wore a cropped brown jacket, with golden cuffs and belt. A box hung off the back of her belt.

 

“Ummm, are you sure this is the place?” Velvet Scarlatina hesitantly asked, in a vaguely Australian accent.

 

The next woman turned. She was fully covered in white fur, with the exception of neck-length blonde hair. She wore a small orange dress and brown boots. For her weapon of choice, a clawed gauntlet surrounded each paw.

 

“Uh-huh! It was just a right turn at the reef,” Carrot the Mink cheerfully recalled.

 

The third woman was barely listening. Now this woman, her legs were the greatest legs in the history of legs! Packed with muscle while still being attractively curvy. It is no exaggeration that her thighs saved lives…and tore off heads too…but lives saved! A perfect dark-skinned complexion glistened with a tinge of sweat from the hot, summer air. Her toned, strong arms were crossed over a well-endowed bosom. Silky smooth white hair fluttered behind her white leotard, which was all she was wearing with the exception of oversized shoes. It was barely enough to hide the succulent abs you could grind meat on…

 

“OCEANLORD!” Rumi ‘Mirko’ Usagiyama hollered at her admirer. “Quit with the simping! On with the show!”

 

“But I still haven’t gotten to your radiant eyes…or your heart-stopping smile…or that ball of floof right over your…”

 

“Keep going and my foot will be ‘heart-stopping’!”

 

“Yes ma’am.”

 

Ah-hem! Anyway, our intrepid rabbit-girl adventurers scoped the island.

 

A ways in, they ran across a cave.

 

A pack of Samebito were advancing. For now, the three girls kept to cover.

 

“Alright…this is one of Cipactli’s deadliest servant’s domain,” the apparent leader declared. “Keep your eyes open!”

 

The dozen soldiers advanced.

 

And then…something came out.

 

A small, completely white rabbit hopped into the light. It did that cute little ruffling as it cleaned its face.

 

“Aww…one rabbit stew, coming right up!” One Samebito boasted.

 

“Eee...”

 

“AAAHHHH!!!”

 

And that Samebito was headless now.

 

“Oh my god!” Velvet shrieked at the bloodstained rabbit.

 

“CHARGE!!!” The Samebitos rushed the White Rabbit of Caerbannog!

 

“Eee…eee!” The Rabbit charged at all of them.

 

In not even 5 seconds, all the Samebitos had lost their heads.

 

Then, after shaking some blood off, the Rabbit turned to the three ladies.

 

“Well shit,” Mirko surmised.

 

“Eee!” And it lunged!

 

“AAHH!!” And Mirko PUNTED it like a Football back into the cave! Keep in mind this is a kick that regularly makes craters.

 

“Eee!” And the Rabbit started casually hopping back towards the girls, not even fazed.

 

“Electrical Luna!” Carrot threw a concentrated ball of Electro at their fearsome foe.

 

The mighty Rabbit would not be deterred by such a paltry display of power.

 

“Rumi…can you kick it away again? I’ve got something that might work!” Velvet unlocked her box, revealing her Anesidora, an old-fashioned camera that could create hard-light copies of any weapon she’s photographed.

 

The unbelievably sexy Pro-Hero began spinning in place, and sent the Rabbit flying again.

 

“It’s ready,” Velvet recreated a little something they encountered when they gave the slip to a particularly psychotic flying crew. It was a white figure, with a bulbous body, large wings, and a simplistic face.

 

“Now kick this at him!” Velvet urged.

 

Without question, Mirko did so.

 

“RUN!!” Carrot grabbed Velvet, and she and Mirko bounced away as FAR as they could.

 

“BOOOM!!”

 

The explosion leveled the near-entirety of the island, with the edge of the shockwave knocking the girls off their feet once they landed on the beach.

 

Once the dust began to settle, the three women saw it! The Rabbit was STILL ALIVE!!

 

Granted, it was scorched and limping.

 

Taking a chance, Carrot stepped forward, stretching out a hand.

 

“You know what we can do. If we heal you, do you promise not to cause any more trouble?”

 

The rabbit paused…and nodded.

 

“Alright, may I pick you up?”

 

Another nod.

 

Carrot brought him up, and cradled him.

 

In response, Mirko glowered. “You’ve gotta be shitting me.”

 

Velvet shrugged. “Least he’s cute.”

 

And so the crew of three, became four!

Notes:

A.N. Yeah…have had that crew in mind for awhile! And no…it’s NOT just because Horikoshi is a God at making Muscle Waifus! I SWEAR!

Til Next Time…Have Fun!! Stay Safe!

Chapter 5: Chapter 5: Two Sharks on a Walk

Chapter 5: Two Sharks go for a walk. (Shout out to Black Victor Cachat’s ‘Ace Lives’)

 

In hindsight, mixing Toki Kozuki’s Time-Time Fruit, Obito Uchiha’s Kamui, and unstable bottled Reiatsu was NOT the brightest idea.

 

“Umm…Tia, please tell me that’s not the Gate of Justice I’m looking at.”

 

“Sure Kisame…that’s not the Gate of Justice. It’s that OTHER impossibly massive door with the World Government symbol stamped on.”

 

“Ugghhhh.” The Ninja put his face in his hand.

 

“Let’s see…” the Hollow zoomed up with Sonido.

 

In a few seconds, she was back down.

 

“Well…I think Marineford’s that way,” Halibel pointed opposite the Gate. “Saw an army and fleet there.”

 

“Wait…does that mean today’s…”

 

“GURARARARARA!!!” From the distance, a certain laugh echoed, booming with such raw power.

 

“Crik-crik” the air began to crack.

 

Beneath their feet, the duo felt something down to their very bones.

 

The Ocean was coming for Marineford.

 

“Looks like we’re going for a ride,” Kisame secured himself to the rapidly rising wave peak with Chakra to the feet. An eager smile cracked open as he drew Samehada.

 

Halibel rolled her eyes, but she was totally smiling under that mask. “I suppose this could be fun.” Tiburon’s steel glinted in the sunlight.

 

On top of that, the Gate behind them began to open.

 

“Oh hey! Who’re you two guys?!” came a voice from behind them.

 

OoOoOoO

 

Whenever Edward ‘Whitebeard’ Newgate throws tsunamis at his enemies, seeing a Fishman having a ‘joy ride’ on the front was not on the usual list of things that came along with it.

 

Still, the Whitebeards and Marine Higher-Ups were nothing if not composed.

 

Admiral Aokiji leapt up, instantly freezing both tsunamis with a well-placed “ICE AGE!”. Just as he was about to turn towards this unknown third party…

 

“Hirviendo.”

 

“WHOOOSH!!”

 

And the Tsunamis were back in action.

 

“YAAHH!!! THEY JUST UNFROZE THAT LIKE NOTHING!!!!” Helmeppo gave voice to the sheer panic beginning to take root in the Marine grunts.

 

“STAND FIRM!!” Commodore Smoker urged his men. To be fair, while he KNEW he could do NOTHING against that, he also knew his higher-ups would take action.

 

Having no time for anything else, Aokiji covered his fist with Haki, and struck the unknown Fishman in the chest, going straight through.

 

And the Fishman turned into water…that can’t be a good sign. Still, can’t worry about that when a giant fist of lava zoomed past him.

 

“GREAT ERUPTION!” Admiral Akainu vaporized whatever of the Tsunami that would’ve crashed onto the execution scaffold, and their ground forces.

 

Unfortunately, the rest of the tsunami had to go somewhere. Marineford Town now had a few extra feet of water crashing through now, and the Bay was engorged with water. This meant that Whitebeard’s three ships were now able to get even closer to the shore.

 

“AAHHHH!!!!!”

 

Huh?” La Croix the Giant Vice-Admiral looked up.

 

“CRUNCH!”

 

And there’s a ship on his head now.

 

“ACE!!!”

 

Oh…Straw Hat’s here. Wait, what?

 

Fun fact, having two ex-Warlords, a Revolutionary, hundreds of Impel Down prisoners, the craziest Super-Rookie in the world, and a literal Clown dropped in the middle of your military formation tends to disrupt the best laid plans.

 

“EEEYAAAAHHHH!!!!” came Buggy’s ever-so-eloquent response to the surrounding Marine horde. They would’ve retaliated, had it not been for the sheer shock factor, on top of regaining their footing from the rising water.

 

Seeing the Devil Fruit-using Warlords and Vice Admirals falling back to higher ground, the oldest of the Emperors seized the initiative.

 

“Well boys!” Whitebeard boomed. “What’re you waiting for, an invitation?!”

 

“Uh, RIGHT! YEAH!!” Now, much closer, the grunts were able to actually jump onto the Marine base. The Commanders took the lead, bashing the heads in of all the nearest Marine officers.

 

Just as the Vice-Admirals were about to coordinate the counterattack, Marineford Town began to rumble. And for once, Whitebeard wasn’t responsible.

 

10 giant water constructs, shaped like sharks, came soaring from behind Marine lines. And the one in the middle was heading straight for the execution scaffold.

 

“Yasakani Sacred Jewel!” Admiral Kizaru effortlessly handled the offending projectile.

 

Unfortunately for the Marine masses, the other nine crashed down, blasting more holes into the formation.

 

On top of that, Marco, Jozu, and the rest of the Commanders bee-lined it for the Admirals, keeping them busy.

 

Torn between the Impel Down escapees amongst their ranks, and the Whitebeards pushing forward…confusion reigned amongst the lower-ranked Marines. And Kisame wanted to keep that divided attention. He noticed the Warlords seeming to all move towards the escapees.

 

“Hey Jinbe! CATCH! Water Shark Bomb!” A Kisame emerged from each of the puddles, with the closest one aiming his Jutsu at the Fishman.

 

“Umm…thanks!” Jinbe compressed it with Water Heart, “Ocean Current Shoulder Throw!” And he tossed it right at the Warlords.

 

Mihawk and Hancock dodged with natural athletic ability, Doflamingo pulled a Spider-Man and yanked himself to a cloud, and Kuma repelled himself.

 

“OH SHI…” and poor Moria was tossed into the Bay.

 

“Aren’t you an interesting one?” Doflamingo snuck up behind Kisame, kicking his head off with a Haki-covered foot.

 

“SPLOOSH!” And now his one-of-a-kind feather jacket was soaked! And he didn’t even know where the real one was. Just perfect! Maybe playing with Croco-boy would take his mind off this fashion disaster.

 

Speaking of fashion disasters, Mihawk had just saved his fine leather boots from catastrophe. From his perch, he saw the copies of this unfamiliar swordsman. He was intrigued, but there seemed to be just a bit too much trickery for his personal taste in opponents. After all, the real one wasn’t even here. Still…if mere copies could give this much trouble to Vice-Admirals…he just might have go to the trouble of getting his shoes wet.

 

Kuma was about to unleash an Ursa Shock, only to get squished in between a Galaxy Wink and 5000 Brick Fist. Needless to say, Ivankov could keep the now-robot busy.

 

And…the less said about Hancock when she reunited with Luffy…the better.

 

And just like that, the Warlords were no longer able to lend strength against Whitebeard’s forces.

 

Up above, the Fleet Admiral surmised the situation. While confused at the strange Fishman, he wasn’t fazed. After all, he still had a few trump cards.

 

“ACE!!!” And there’s an Ancient Giant coming full-speed, as if this day could get any better.

 

“Whitebeard’s allies are moving in,” Sengoku noted with Oars Jr.’s presence. He pulled out his Den-Den Mushi. With the mysterious Fishman occupied, the plan could get back on course.

 

“Aokiji!”

 

“On it!” The Admiral managed to dodge Izo’s gun slinging and Jozu’s fists at the same time. He brought a hand down to the water leaking out the Bay. “ICE AGE!” And the whole surface froze in an instant.

 

“Sentomaru, move in.”

 

“Aye-aye.”

 

At the very edge of the ice, a submarine surfaced. It began unloading its elite force of Pacifistas, made unto Kuma’s image.

 

At the rear, Sentomaru set foot on the ice.

 

“Pacifistas, FORWARD!”

 

“Hmm.”

 

Sentomaru looked up, and saw a woman slowly descending towards the surface. She was masked, but he could just tell she was smirking for some reason.

 

“Hirviendo.”

 

Fun fact, Pacifista don’t float, or swim. And just like that, the latest in weaponized technology, fell into the sea. Their own metal weight quickly sank them to the bottom of the ocean. Vegapunk would be so disappointed.

 

For Sentomaru himself, he swam back to the sub. “Don’t just sit there! Get down and try and bring the Pacifista back up!” Before the crew could obey, the woman cut off the propeller, opening a gash in the vessel.

 

Paralyzed by a mix of rage and fear, Sentomaru clung to the now-wreck of a ship.

 

“VOOM!” And she was gone.

 

“Grrr…” Sentomaru growled.

 

“Sentomaru…what was that?”

 

And the Den-Den Mushi was on the whole time. And there goes the Commander’s bravado.

 

“Umm…Fleet Admiral,” Sentomaru inhaled to brace himself. “The Pacifista are gone.”

 

“…elaborate…” Sengoku snarled through gritted teeth.

 

“A woman appeared out of nowhere, and melted all the ice…sinking them. And she disabled the sub before flying away,” Sentomaru reported.

 

“…physical…description…” the voice now sounded on the edge.

 

“Dark-skinned, mid-length blonde hair, wears a mask that covers everything beneath the nose. Carries a shortsword.”

 

“Thank you, Sentomaru. GA-CHA!”

 

“Alright,” the sumo fighter put his snail back on his debris. “I’ll just…be here.”

 

Back at the scaffold, Sengoku took one, long, deep breath. His eye twitched when the Ice Age suddenly turned to water again.

 

He then dialed another number.

 

“Artillery, concentrate your fire on the Moby Dick and Oars Jr.”

 

“Yes Sir!”

 

“Engineers, raise the Enclosure Wall.”

 

“NONONONONO!!! PLEASE, MR. FISHMAN!!! NOT MY LEGS!! I NEED THOSE!!! CRUNCH!!”

 

The Den-Den started foaming at the mouth.

 

“Where’s my barrage?!” Sengoku moved on for the sake of his sanity.

 

“We’re ready!” the artillerymen proclaimed.

 

“Bala.”

 

BOOM!

 

And Halibel had appeared directly in front of the left-most cannon, sending her shot right down the barrel, essentially spiking it.

 

Whoom! She vanished with Sonido, reappearing in front of another cannon.

 

“Bala.” And on, and on the cycle went. Of course, this whole process happened in a mere handful of seconds.

 

“That…was impressive,” Ace couldn’t help but comment.

 

“Executioners, ready.”

 

“Well that’s a disproportionate reaction,” Ace grumbled.

 

“Set!”

 

Suddenly, Samehada popped out of the ground, and started plowing through the concrete towards the scaffold.

 

“ACE!! STOP IT!!!”

 

And then…sheer presence engulfed the entire battlefield…emanating from one who most had brushed off as a lucky ‘brat’.

 

Monkey D. Luffy’s Conquering spirit took the world by storm. Of those still standing, the Whitebeards were in awe, other Pirates were simply shocked, while the Marines feared that terrifying potential.

 

Oh…and the executioners were now foaming at the mouth at the bottom of the stairs they tumbled down. A set of stairs that were promptly reduced to splinters.

 

It should be pointed out, that Kisame and Halibel didn’t even hesitate when Luffy unleashed his Haki.

 

As the Ninja shattered the bedrock supporting the scaffold, Sengoku, Garp, and Ace all briefly lost their balance. That opening was just enough for Halibel to swoop in, grab Ace, and fly away.

 

“WHAT?!” Finally reaching his breaking point, Sengoku fully transformed into the Golden Buddha, and started unloading those shockwaves of his into the air!

 

“WWWWHHHOOOOOMMMMMM!!!”

 

“URK!”

 

One shockwave clipped Halibel, sending her and Ace careening.

 

“Oof!”

 

“Good catch Jinbe.”

 

“Wait…you know this gal?!” Ace asked incredulously.

 

“Umm…apparently,” the Fishman shrugged.

 

“Tia, I said you should transform before we got here,” Kisame caught up to the Impel Down escapees.

 

“Oh sure…a massive golden pillar of pure energy wouldn’t have rung the Marines’ alarm bells…definitely not,” Halibel snarked.

 

“ACE!” Luffy completely ignored the others, opting to embrace his brother.

 

“Yeah, yeah…brothers forever,” Kisame rolled his eyes. “Now let’s get y’all back!”

 

“Uh-uh-uhh!” Kizaru materialized, fingers pointed at Ace. “You’re supposed to be executed today.”

 

“Cero!” In an instant, Halibel shot. His easygoing expression fading, the Admiral brought both hands forward, and quickly split the Cero, using a mix of his own Light-manipulating powers and Haki.

 

“Hmm…scary,” Kizaru mused, genuine in that assessment for one. “Say…how can someone control water and light at once?” He brought a quick kick.

 

Blocking with Tiburon, Halibel stood firm. “…”

 

“Strong and silent type, huh?” Kizaru formed his own sword.

 

Taking advantage of the distraction, the rest began the retreat.

 

“NO!!” All of a sudden, Sengoku LUNGED over the crowd of soldiers.

 

“I DON’T THINK SO!!!” And just as quickly, Whitebeard himself leaped to meet him! Golden fist and Bisento seemed to freeze in place mere inches from each other. The sheer, incomprehensible willpower from the two strongest men in the world utterly packed in the space between. For ten seconds, the world was silenced as they exerted pure Haki. The presence of TRUE Conquerors dwarfed everything else!

 

Then…it exploded.

 

Every other single battle was blasted apart. Even Oars Jr. was flung back, with all the Vice-Admirals opposing him blown away by the Haki. Akainu disengaged from all the Whitebeard Commanders to secure his footing, while his opponents found themselves hurtling back to the Moby Dick.

 

Seeing all his children behind him, Whitebeard began charging up.

 

“HOLD IT!!!”

 

“Okay…”, Newgate thought to himself. “Why’s there a black hole behind the Moby Dick? And what was that dumb son of his going on about?”

 

“ACE!!” Luffy proclaimed. “There’s TWO of you!!”

 

“Wait, what?”

 

Sure enough, a fleet of ships came out of the hole. And at the head of one of them, another Portgas D. Ace.

 

“I’m here to stop you executing me!” Ace #2 proclaimed.

 

“I don’t NEED my help!!” Ace #1 retorted, almost knee-jerk. Then, he realized just what he said, groaning.

 

“UHH!!! BUT…WHA?!” Poor Monkey D. Garp was convinced the emotional distress had caused him to snap, falling on his butt.

 

“Oh look…there’s the dramatic arrival,” Kisame joked. Halibel rolled her eyes.

 

“I’msorry! I’msorry! I’msorry!!” A scarred one-eyed man said on his knees, by Ace. “Obito’s a good boy! Obito’s a good boy! Obito will never mess with Time again!”

 

“Yes, yes,” Itachi patted his distant cousin’s back.

 

Then, several figures jumped off the ships.

 

“Hello, Jinbe.”

 

“Um…Hello, Jinbe.”

 

“GU-WHA?!” Ivankov’s eyes nearly popped out of their sockets at the sight of two Jinbe side-by-side. He had the luxury to gawk. Kuma took one look at the two Jinbe.

 

“Error, error, error, error,” he repeated in monotone before smoke poured out…and an eye exploded. “Going to sleep mode. Please reboot after running diagnostics.” And the prototype Pacifista fell forward.

 

“Oh Goda,” Buggy had sunk into the fetal position. “That crazy hobo last year was right! Reality IS an illusion!!”

 

From the side, Mihawk looked down towards the flask of wine he always hid inside his coat, wondering if there was something in it. He just knew it had tasted funny.

 

“What the…” Doflamingo couldn’t finish his thought…on account of Sanji kicking him in the face and knocking his sunglasses off. As the Warlord started to sprout strings to retaliate, he suddenly couldn’t move…in mid-air. Gravity promptly took over.

 

Sasori looked out from the deck of the leading ship, hand stretched, smirking as Franky called him ‘SUPER’ for that move.

 

His fight over, Crocodile simply turned to sand and left. He grabbed Daz Bones on the way out, hoping the stoic man would restore some of his sanity later.

 

“Blurgh!” Moria started crawling away from the water, having been pulled out.

 

“What’d I miss?” Alas, he wouldn’t hear the answer. Brook kicked him right back in.

 

“NAMI!!!” Luffy grinned and waved at the ships. “Your hair’s so LONG!!”

 

“Sorry, but I’m not your Nami.” She replied apologetically as she pointed her Clima-Tact at all nearby Marines.

 

“Oh, okay.”

 

“Luffy, darling…you failed to mention your...feminine…navigator,” Hancock put a hand on his shoulder…a VERY tight grip at that.

 

Nearby, Smoker and Tashigi slowly turned, seeing that they were surrounded by Juvia, Tsuyu, and Apacci.

 

“Reach for the sky!” the Hollow seemed to ‘cock’ her cannon at the Logia.

 

“NOBODY MOVE!! I, THE GREAT CAPTAIN USOPP, HAVE 8000 CANNONS POINTED AT YOU!!” A loudspeaker from the ships resonated.

 

“HE’S NOT LYING THIS TIME,” Hanataro’s voice piped up.

 

“I’m…not paid enough for this,” Aokiji stepped back, as four more strangers landed in front of him.

 

“Really? Does the World Government not give adequate wages to Admirals?” a red and white-haired young man with a burned left eyelid innocently asked.

 

“I think he was joking,” a black-haired young man with a burned left eyelid added.

 

“Oh.”

 

“Zuko, we can focus on Shouto’s social skills another time,” Weiss brought them back on topic, her rapier aimed at the Admiral’s face.

 

Itachi simply STARED at Aokiji, who instinctively knew to avoid eye contact.

 

Up above, Kizaru had disengaged Halibel and started prepping an attack aimed for the newcomers.

 

There was a “VWOOM” behind him, and he felt a finger on his head.

 

“I’ve heard you’re the fastest man from this world. So you might actually be able to nail me before I splatter your brains,” Grimmjow sneered behind him. “You’ve just gotta ask yourself one question. Do I feel lucky?”

 

Kizaru FELT the energy in Grimmjow’s finger, right down to his soul, even if it wasn’t visible.

 

“Well, do ya, punk?”

 

Kizaru slowly lifted his hands in a show of surrender.

 

“NO!” Akainu hollered. “I refuse to submit to criminals!” He charged up a magma-covered fist.

 

Suddenly, a foot covered in black appeared before he could react. And it was aiming right for his…

 

“AAAGGGHHH!!!” Akainu went flying, one hand clutched between his legs. “BOOM!” The admiral crashed into the highest room of the tallest tower of Marineford.

 

“I’ve been waiting a long time to do that,” Ace #2 grinned the evilest grin he’d ever grinned.

 

“Fleet Admiral,” Halibel appeared before Sengoku. “Withdraw your men, and we shall do the same.”

 

She pointed to Kisame. “Merely two of us were able to completely wreck your plans to execute Ace and entrap Whitebeard.”

 

The Ninja gave a jolly wave to Sengoku, whose eye twitched.

 

Said Emperor raised an eyebrow, respect growing for the clear authority in her voice.

 

“Now,” Halibel unleashed her Reishi, quickly transforming with a ‘Hunt, Tiburon’ under her breath. “Do you really want to fight a whole fleet of us…and a fresh Emperor’s crew?”

 

“My son is safe,” Whitebeard added. “That is enough. You have my word that we’ll leave if you order your men to stand down.”

 

Being a smart man, Sengoku made the call.

 

“Marines, this war is over!”

 

Over the course of a minute, every Pirate and Impel Down escapee had boarded Whitebeard’s ships, while the Dimension-hoppers filed back to their own fleet.

 

“One more thing,” Halibel mused. “Obito…do it.”

 

“Okay,” the Uchiha swiftly opened a Kamui that sucked every Marine into it, catching them all off-guard, it happened so fast.

 

Halibel grabbed Obito, and quickly flew up with Sonido.

 

They scaled the Red Line, and stood above Mariejois. Then, Obito reversed the Kamui…and dropped every single Marine onto the Celestial Dragons’ mansions. Not a single structure survived the appearing mass of humanity. The Ninja and Hollow were gone before anyone could react. They had no desire to hear the most petulant whining in the history of whining.

 

Back on the sea, everyone was ready to go when the two got back.

 

“Well…this was fun,” Kisame shrugged as he gave a one-arm hug to Halibel.

 

“Speak for yourself,” Grimmjow pouted. “Didn’t get to even attack once…not without you all taking the piss out of me.”

 

“Okay, let’s go home!” Jinbe gave the word to the fleet.

 

“Bye Luffy! Bye Me!! Take care of yourselves,” Ace waved goodbye from the Shireen.

 

“BYE ACE!!” Luffy looked watery-eyed. “I’m gonna miss him!”

 

The Ace in his arms just gave a look to his brother.

 

The foreign fleet turned around, and the black holes closed behind them.

 

The Whitebeards stood still for a full minute.

 

“Show of hands, who wants to never speak of this again?” Jinbe asked as he quickly brought his own up. Guess seeing another Jinbe was just too weird for him.

 

All the Whitebeard Pirates immediately agreed. And so, their ships still ready with coating, the Moby Dick and friends descended into the darkness. Still, there was this nagging feeling that they were forgetting something.

 

(30 Minutes Later)

 

“WHERE THE HELL IS EVERYBODY?!” Marshall D. Teach roared in impotent fury.

 

“Well…so much for your master plan,” Shiryu scoffed, sword drawn. “All in favor of kicking him off.”

 

“Aye,” everyone instantly answered.

 

“WHA…” SPLOOSH! And the ‘would-be’ Blackbeard Pirates shoved Teach off their pathetic excuse for a ship. The Devil Fruit did the rest of the work.

 

“Nearest inhabited island is 50 miles that way,” Shiryu pointed. “We’ll decide what to do there.”

 

Everyone picked up a paddle.

 

(5 minutes later)

 

“Umm…Captain?”

 

“I know Beckman, I know.” Shanks had an utterly disappointed look on his face at the deserted Marineford.

Notes:

A.N. Well…that was a tangent!! LOL! But yeah, again, shout out to Black Victor Cachat…he’s honestly where half the ideas come from! Plus…it’s always fun to give certain OP folks a real bad time!

Chapter 6: Chapter 6: Pets

Chapter 6: Pets

 

OoOoOoO

 

WHOOM!

 

A flying island gently set down back in the Sea.

 

“Che…” On the edge, a dark-skinned man with wild blue hair and matching marks evoking scales, scoffed in annoyance.

 

Acnologia stomped off towards the only other occupant. “Why the hell’d you stop?!”

 

“WORORORORORO!!!!”

 

A sake jug as big as the Dragon Slayer slammed onto the ground. Over 30 feet of pure muscle shuddered in laughter, before a horned glowering visage knelt down. Then, Kaido got right in Acnologia’s face.

 

“He needs his exercise.”

 

“Wha…” Acnologia’s eyes spotted the empty tank, and then wandered to the string in Kaido’s hand, following it to the leash around an orange fish right off the shore.

 

“We stopped our flight to the war…SO YOU COULD GIVE HIM A WALK?!”

 

“KARP!” SPLASH!

 

“PFF!!” Acnologia spat and sputtered the seawater that damned fish splashed at him.

 

“KARP! KARP!”

 

“WORORORORO!!! This is why I keep you around!” Kaido roared in laughter.

 

Acnologia began to growl, baring his claws at Magikarp.

 

“Already want another round?!” In an instant, Kaido brought out his Hassaikai kanabo.

 

“Che…not interested,” Acnologia turned his back and stormed off. “I’m going on a flight.”

 

Kaido wasn’t even fazed by the man turning into his true dragon form before vanishing.

 

“KARP!”

 

“That’s right. Your time will come,” Kaido’s pointer finger rubbed the Magikarp’s forehead.

 

“Kaaarp.”

 

“Oh yes, your revenge on all those who mocked you is at hand,” Kaido crooned.

 

The Pokémon narrowed its eyes, and nodded.

 

“Karp.”

 

“WORORORORORO!!”

 

OoOoOoO

 

“Ahh,” Sir Crocodile reclined on his chair, soaking in the rays.

 

“Tick-tock-tick-tock-tick-tock.”

 

“Oh?” the ex-Warlord perked his head up.

 

“Tick-Tock-Tick-Tock-Tick-Tock.”

 

“Hello, old friend.”

 

And an impossibly large crocodile emerged from the waves, slowly making its way towards the man. Despite the usual lack of expressions from reptiles, Sir Crocodile just knew that it was smiling at him.

 

“TICK-TOCK-TICK-TOCK-TICK-TOCK!”

 

“Did you find who you were looking for?” the pirate asked.

 

The ticking crocodile shook its head, before settling into the sand by Sir Crocodile.

 

“Well…there’s always tomorrow. I’m sure we’ll both have better luck,” the pirate began petting the reptile’s head. The beast closed its eyes and sighed.

 

“Oh?”

 

Both crocodiles turned to the third voice.

 

Gaara of the Sand narrowed his eyes.

 

“Got something to say, brat?” that hook glinted in the sun.

 

“No, nothing at all,” the ex-Kazekage shrugged before resuming his stroll, earning a huff from the beast.

 

“Yeah, you showed him,” Sir Crocodile laughed at the crocodile, resuming his pets.

 

OoOoOoO

 

“Hey guys! Look what I found!”

 

Monkey D. Luffy excitedly brought the small creature to his friend’s face.

 

“Vulpix?” the Pokémon tilted its head quizzically.

 

“Umm…that’s nice,” Naruto Uzumaki matched the tilt.

 

“Oh come on! Naruto’s already got a fox pet!” Natsu Dragneel protested.

 

“I AM NOT A PET!” Kurama roared from behind them.

 

“Seriously!” Naruto turned. “Foxes aren’t pets!”

 

“Vul*SNIFF*pix!”

 

“You made him cry!” Luffy roared, prompting more tears from the scared Pokémon.

 

“Yeah, say you’re sorry!” Natsu agreed.

 

“GAH!!”

 

“Hey, we’re back…okay, what the hell?” Ichigo Kurosaki gently dropped their groceries, and heard a sniffling besides him. “Seriously?!”

 

“I’m a sympathetic crier, okay?!” Izuku Midoriya now had the sobbing Vulpix in his embrace.

 

By now, things had devolved to a brawl.

 

“You know what…you morons can have your fun,” Ichigo huffed.

 

“Come on,” Izuku snuggled the creature. “Let’s get you some dinner.”

 

“Vulpix!”

 

OoOoOoO

 

“Ahh…” Jinbe had just finished his workout and made his way home.

 

“Hello?”

 

No answer.

 

“Hmm, must be out back.”

 

To Jinbe’s surprise, there wasn’t actually anyone.

 

“Kisame, Halibel? Where are you?”

 

Now, he was kind of concerned. At least, to the point where he wandered back into town.

 

Then, after 10 minutes of searching, he saw them.

 

“We would like to buy one child please.”

 

“Ma’am, this is an aquarium.”

 

Well…there went his hopes for a quiet day.

 

“Hey Tia! She’s smiling at us! I think she’s the one!” Kisame had brushed past the front desk, hand squished against the tempered glass. On the other side, a Great White pup was gently nudging the glass.

 

“You know what? Sure, go ahead with that one! FINE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Finally FREE!”

 

The worker skipped away.

 

“NO!” Jinbe ran at both his friends.

 

“Oh hey buddy!” Kisame gave a jolly wave. “Meet our little girl!”

 

“Her name’s Laura,” Halibel was petting the shark.

 

“Come on,” Jinbe brought a hand to his face and turned to Halibel. “I know you miss your girls…”

 

“They grew up so fast,” Kisame wiped a tear. “Getting their own crew and adventures…”

 

“POINT IS!” Jinbe hollered. “This is NOT the way!”

 

“But I wanna go home with Mommy and Daddy!”

 

“…”

 

Jinbe slowly turned to the tank, with the pup peeking her head over the surface.

 

“Kisame…our baby’s first words.”

 

“She knows her Mommy and Daddy!”

 

Jinbe just kept staring at the pup. “This is the most unhealthy ‘Empty-Nest Syndrome’ I’ve ever seen…”

 

“Mommy! Daddy! Wanna sing with me?”

 

“Sure, sweetie!” Kisame reached in to pet their ‘daughter’.

 

“I’m AAAAA…Baby Shark, Doo-doo-doo! Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo!”

 

Jinbe’s eyes suddenly gained a far-off look.

 

“Yes, you ARE our Baby Shark, Doo-doo-doo! Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo!” Halibel started scratching the shark’s chin.

 

“Oh…my…Goda…” Jinbe collapsed to his knees, hands over his ears as Kisame joined in. “Make it stop.”

 

(2 Hours Later)

 

“And welcome to your new home, Laura!” Kisame and Halibel carried the massive tank as easily as two friends carrying a sofa.

 

“Doo-doo-doo! Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo!”

 

“Hey Lady Halibel! Guys! We’re ba…”

 

The Tres Bestias’s jaws dropped at the sight of their parents’ new ‘kid’.

 

“Lady Halibel, we were only gone a week,” Sung-Sun pointed out.

 

“And you already REPLACED US?!” Apacci roared, pointing an accusatory finger at the shark pup.

 

Mila-Rose simply shook her head, grabbed both her sisters, and started dragging them out. “We have not had enough booze for this.”

 

“SLAM!” There was an awkward silence following their departure.

 

“…I told you so…” Jinbe piped up from the couch, a ‘him-sized’ bottle labeled ‘Good Stuff’ in his hand.

 

“…Big Sisters! Doo-doo-doo! Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo!”

Notes:

A.N. Huh? Can’t believe it took me this long to do a ‘Baby Shark’ joke. Feel like I’m losing my edge here!

Anywho, enjoy my latest ramblings!

Chapter 7: Chapter 7: Movie Star!

Chapter 7: Movie Star!

 

“Jinbe, come out of there!” Kisame knocked on the locked door.

 

“Go away!”

 

“Jinbe, you’re seriously worrying us,” Halibel added in a soothing tone.

 

“NO! Everything must be perfect!” The Fishman’s voice sounded on-edge.

 

“Umm…what’s going on?” Usopp tentatively asked, the other Straw Hats behind.

 

“He hasn’t come out since last night,” a frustrated Kisame glowered at the door like it had personally offended him.

 

“Last night…but that’s when…oh,” Nami groaned as realization seemed to hit her.

 

All the Straw Hats started looking uncomfortable.

 

“What?” Halibel gave her patented ‘mom glare’.

 

“Well…last night…we were told about our next movie. It’s called Film: Red.” Sanji informed the two sharks.

 

“And…I’m sure it’s not just the movie,” Kisame raised an eyebrow. “Your crew’s already done over half-a-dozen movies.”

 

“SURE!!!” Jinbe’s voice boomed from his room. “OH, SORRY JINBE! YOU CAN’T BE IN STAMPEDE!!! YOU’RE NOT AN ACTUAL STRAW HAT!!! THEY PUT FOXY IN THE MOVIE, FOR GOD’S SAKE!!!!! 20 YEARS OF ANIME…AND THEY KEPT ME OUT!!!”

 

“I stand corrected,” Kisame took a step back.

 

“Umm…yeah,” Franky rubbed the back of his head. “Jinbe actually hasn’t been in ANY of our movies.”

 

Tsuyu narrowed her eyes. “You don’t say.”

 

“My Cinematic Debut must be PERFECT!” Jinbe’s voice made everyone jump.

 

“Come on buddy,” Kisame leaned in. “Open the door so we can help.”

 

“NO! This is a space for stars only!” Jinbe declared.

 

“Hey, I was in Road to Ninja!” Kisame objected.

 

“Wasn’t that technically an Alternate Timeline version of ourselves, and not the real ‘us’?” Sasori asked.

 

“NERD!” Everyone reflexively shouted at the puppet.

 

“HA! You amateurs would only slow me down!” Jinbe called out.

 

“That’s it,” Halibel grabbed the handle, only for the door to swing out so hard that she tumbled into Kisame, sending them both crashing down.

 

“Hello, World!” Jinbe held his arms out.

 

“Pff! What is that?!” Kisame’s eyes bulged in shock at his friend’s attire, while spitting out strands of blonde hair.

 

“I’m…not entirely sure,” Halibel admitted as she rolled off.

 

For Jinbe had bedecked himself in a white, high-collared jumpsuit, decorated with golden stars. Overlaying that was a ‘him-size’ cummerbund, accentuated by a golden eagle and studs glimmering on the edges.

 

Tsuyu’s eyes widened. “Oh my god…Jinbe’s a method actor…he thinks he’s The King.”

 

Jinbe flashed a smile as shades slid over his eyes, pointing honest-to-goodness finger guns. “Thank you! Thank you very much!”

 

“…okay, I’ll bite,” Grimmjow seemed to magically appear. “The hell am I looking at?”

 

Jinbe slowly turned, and stared for a full minute at the Hollow.

 

“…”

 

Jinbe then yanked the guitar out of Brook’s hands…

 

“HEY!”

 

…and started shredding it as he pointed directly at Grimmjow!

“YOU AIN’T NOTHIN’ BUT A HOUND DOG! CRYING ALL THE TIME!

YOU AIN’T NOTHIN’ BUT A HOUND DOG! CRYING ALL THE TIME!”

 

Veins popped on Grimmjow’s head, his mouth curling into a snarl, and finger charging up a Cero.

 

“Oh you MOTHERFU…”

 

“NOT ON THE SHIP!”

 

Kisame promptly tackled him out the window.

 

Cue the lightshow!

 

Shaking her head and letting out a long-suffering sigh, Halibel put her hands over her head in a classic diving pose, leaping out the window.

 

“WELL, YOU AIN’T CAUGHT A RABBIT! YOU AIN’T NO FRIEND OF MINE!”

 

“Umm…how long until your movie comes out?” Hanataro asked.

 

“Months…he’s going to be singing for months,” Sanji’s expression went into a ‘thousand-yard-stare’.

 

“Too long…” Nami grumpily added.

 

“NOT IF I’VE GOT SOMETHING TO SA….Gurgle, gurgle!”

 

“Go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep.”

 

“No air until you’ve calmed down,” Halibel chided.

 

(The Shireen)

 

Shoto stood still, staring at a stranger.

 

Mismatched eyes peeked through evenly-split red and white hair…on both sides.

 

Shoto raised his right hand, with the girl mirroring him.

 

They pointed to each other.

 

“Shitty dad?” Shoto asked.

 

“Shitty dad.” Uta nodded.

 

“Shitty dad,” Zuko, Ace, Itachi, and Weiss all nodded in unison as they dragged Uta to the dinner table. Poor Davos looked like he was questioning all his life decisions.

Notes:

A.N. So…last semester wasn’t the best…but one day at a time. And Fanfiction.net and my computer aren’t getting along. So, sorry for the lack of content. Getting back to SoSC, and starting my ‘Soul Society’s New Dawn’, might just be the break I need.

Hope all y’all are doing well. Til Next Time…Have Fun!!

Chapter 8: Chapter 8: Clashes all around!

Chapter 8: Clashes all around!

 

It was a quiet day in the Sea of Second Chances. The Cutty Sark crew had decided to dock at a Resort Island. An actual Resort…not the umpteenth ‘Honey Trap’.

 

Anyway, they’d scattered about to whatever caught their eye.

 

Halibel had instantly headed to the local restaurant, Kisame and Jinbe in tow. It looked very nice. The drinks were satisfying…but then it all went downhill.

 

“Yes, we’d like 2 God-Sized Crab Leg Entrées,” Halibel pointed to herself and Kisame.

 

“Uhh…” the poor server stumbled. “So sorry, we’ve…just run out of the crab legs…if you…”

 

CRUNCH-CRUNCH-CRUNCH!

 

Slowly, the couple’s heads turned, more like an owl than their shark namesake.

 

Their eyes went wide and bloodshot at this visual insult.

 

There…sat the most loathsome creature, devouring their precious shellfish. He was big and tall, taking up two seats. That black and white colored pattern, that curved dorsal fin on his back, that rounded jaw with pointy teeth, those beady eyes…those drove the couple red with rage!

 

As if possessed, Kisame and Halibel got up and made their way back.

 

Jinbe inhaled deeply and shook his head.

 

Hearing all this, the stranger looked up. He smirked.

 

“Oh…you’re approaching me?” He stood up as well. “Instead of retreating as you sharks should, you dare challenge me?”

 

“We can’t beat the crab out of you without getting closer,” Kisame growled and cracked his knuckles.

 

“Hmhmhmhmhm,” Gang Orca chuckled. “Then by all means…take a bite.”

 

“Don’t you know…when it comes to crab,” Halibel LUNGED! “It’s always LADIES FIRST!!!”

 

“Nope, nope, nope…putting the stop in this.”

 

Jinbe immediately grabbed the three prospective fighters by the back, and chucked them all out an open window.

 

“CRISH! MY CABBAGES!!”

 

“Now,” Jinbe sat back down. “How about that ‘Luffy-Sized’ Fruit Bowl?”

 

OoOoOoO

 

The Shireen had made it to another island, and they could hear the clashes of battle.

 

“Shall we?” Ace shot a cocky grin while his legs turned to fire.

 

“Very well,” Itachi seemed to sigh as he leapt in pursuit.

 

“They do know we can’t fly, right?” Shoto raised an eyebrow.

 

The others shrugged.

 

Farther in, Ace caught sight of a charging horde of Samebito.

 

Sighing, he prepped his signature move.

 

“FIRE FIST!”

 

And that was that group taken care of. He was just about turn to another group…

 

“Cero,” an incredibly bored voice intoned.

 

“VWHOOM!” A ridiculously large beam of glowing blue energy carved through the mass of creatures, leaving a single mass left.

 

“THUNDER BAGURA!”

 

“Thunder WHAT?!” Ace exclaimed.

 

And that shockwave took care of the rest of the Samebitos.

 

‘Wait a minute’ the Pirate’s legs turned back to normal as he made landfall.

 

Then, big orange eyes widened and shimmered at the sight of Ace. They belonged to someone incredibly tall, wielding a studded Kanabo with well-toned arms. The two horns and long white hair with teal ends turned and swayed.

 

The Flame-Flame user then began to quietly laugh.

 

“Hey Yamato.”

 

“ACE!!”

 

Almost 9 feet of gorgeous muscle was now charging right at Ace. There wasn’t even enough time for an ‘Uh-Oh’ before Yamato crashed into him.

 

“ACE!! I…I…I…!” Yamato couldn’t even finish as he lifted and shoved Ace’s head into his cleavage. He took a deep breath. “Let’s sail together! Just like we promised!”

 

Itachi had finally caught up.

 

“Huh…you seem nice,” the Uchiha decided.

 

“Oh,” another voice joined in. Itachi looked around, only to see a scruffy-looking Arrancar laying flat on the ground, another girl with short green hair sitting on him.

 

“Yamato found his friend…that’s nice…Zzzzzzz!”

 

Lilinette just rolled her eyes at Starrk.

 

OoOoOoO

 

“WWWHOOOOMMM!”

 

The earth itself was shaking. Storm clouds had rolled in. Fires raged throughout the land. The surrounding sea was churning and roiling.

 

Half a dozen islands had already been destroyed. Two utter nightmares were clashing.

 

Both were arguably the most infamous names of their entire worlds.

 

From the right, the mightiest of the most elite Ninja Clan. The man who’d brought Tailed Beasts to heel. He who’d fought 10,000 Ninja and slaughtered them all in a matter of minutes. He who’d defied the natural cycle of life and death. He who’d achieved power that mortals couldn’t even conceive. He who’d orchestrated the most devastating war in his world’s history.

 

Madara Uchiha.

 

From the left, Soul Society’s greatest traitor. Arguably, the most evil Soul Reaper to have ever bedeviled the realms of his dimension. He who’d shattered the barrier between races. He who’d brought a millennium-old system to the brink. He who’d made child’s play of defeating the best of his world. He who’d schemed and plotted for centuries to stand above all.

 

Sōsuke Aizen.

 

“Hmhmhmhm,” the Soul Reaper chuckled, Kyoka Suigetsu drawn. “I must say, it’s a delight that you live up to your reputation. So many generations of Ninja, living in utter terror of your mere name.”

 

“The same could be said of you,” the Uchiha smirked, his Gunbai resting on his shoulder. “Many a Soul Reaper and Hollow would say you’re the strongest being they’ve met. I’m glad those lowlifes actually had a point.”

 

To the naked eye, it would seem both fighters vanished. However, both were moving so fast, and with such strength, that sonic booms resonated from every single blow, craters being blasted apart whenever one got too close to the ground.

 

The abilities were shown seamlessly. A Fire Jutsu blocked by a Barrier Kido. A lightning Hado being diverted by a Wind Jutsu. Madara substituting out of the way. Aizen leaping and skidding backwards across the sky.

 

“HADO #90! KUROHITSUGI!”

 

Madara shielded himself just in time with a Perfect Susanōō!

 

A mighty swing cleaved the Soul Reaper Spell…along with every mountain and mast within 100 miles!

 

“HADO #99: GORYŪTENMETSU!!”

 

The pure Reishi Dragon constructs charged, hoping to restrain the Susanōō’s legs.

 

“WOOD STYLE: GREAT FOREST GOLEM!”

 

A mighty Chakra construct, made from the element of life itself, grew to half the Susanōō’s size and began pinning the dragons down.

 

Satisfied, Madara turned away from the Dragons, only to notice Aizen had completely vanished.

 

“Che, RELEASE!”

 

With the sound of shattered glass echoing in the Ninja’s mind, he saw Aizen had moved right behind him, Zanpakuto drawn back.

 

Unfortunately, Aizen had transformed, glowing as pure white wings appeared behind him.

 

“WHOOSH!”

 

And the swing of the blade carved the Susanōō open!

 

“GAH!” And Aizen had finally drawn blood.

 

“My heart’s pounding! I can taste my own blood! I LOVE IT!!” Madara laughed like the maniac he was, and he locked eyes with Aizen.

 

Suddenly, a thousand Madara appeared around Aizen, and charged.

 

One by one, Aizen cleaved through them. Through an arm there. Half a head there.

 

“He’s not even slowed down…wait a minute,” Aizen checked his own condition, while also noticing no wound on any of the Madara. “My senses feel strange…THAT’S IT!”

 

With sheer effort, Aizen released a pulse of his own Reishi…fashioning it as a sort of reset on his senses.

 

All but one of the Madara vanished.

 

“Impressive…despite not being formally educated in Genjutsu, you’ve managed to form your own crude version of ‘Release’ after a single encounter…most impressive,” Madara sounded genuinely sincere.

 

“And for someone else to actually catch me in an illusion…” Aizen sighed. It’d been a long time since someone earned genuine respect form him so quickly. “If only you’d been in Soul Society…we’d have been unstoppable together.”

 

“Perhaps…and perhaps you’d have been a better companion than that malignant ooze Zetsu,” Madara replied with a twisted smile. “Regardless…can we really end this without knowing who’s REALLY stronger?”

 

“No,” Aizen shook his head. “You’re right.”

 

The Soul Reaper charged, only for his wrist to be grabbed. Then, he faltered.

 

“What is this?!”

 

Madara’s eyes had changed, going from the red-swirling pupils…to a ringed purple.

 

“So…this is your type of Chakra…it’s INVIGORATING!”

 

Using the taken energy, Madara reshaped himself into something resembling his old Ten-Tails Jinchūriki form.

 

Surprisingly, Aizen smirked. “Excellent, I’d have hated to end you without seeing at least one transformation!”

 

“Glad to oblige!” Madara kicked Aizen away in the chest.

 

“LET’S END THIS!!” Madara and Aizen both roared and charged forward.

 

With any other opponent, both wouldn’t have hesitated with duplicitous tactics like Kyoka Suigetsu or Shinobi-style deception. But now, both had this great urge to prove themself to the other. To truly test the might of the other, not end it with a metaphorical dagger to the back.

 

“YAH!” They struck as one. Both their hearts were obliterated, along with half their chests.

 

So much energy had been expended in the blows, that neither had enough to heal.

 

They fell backwards.

 

“Good *cough* fight,” Madara’s Sharingan began to close.

 

“Pleasure *hack* to meet you,” Aizen smiled as he did the same.

 

“Whoomp!” Both…had fallen.

 

As they passed, neither noticed the single living soul left on the island, so engrossed were they in each other’s might.

 

“Oh…oh my Goda…that was insanity,” Buggy the Clown crawled out from the dirt in the deepest crater. “Those two could’ve eaten the Yonko for BREAKFAST!” The statement mostly came from a place of sheer adrenaline, but there was truth to it.

 

Buggy tried to get his breathing under control…as he SLOWLY inched towards the utter nightmares that had destroyed each other. He took out a dagger, which felt all the smaller in comparison to their mighty swings.

 

Arms shaking and legs trembling, Buggy stretched out. Eyes closed as sweat cascaded down.

 

“Poke! Poke!”

 

A tiny bit of blood stained the dagger…but neither Madara nor Aizen reacted.

 

“Oh…they’re really dead…hehe…” Buggy slowly got his swagger back.

 

“BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!” Buggy lost all restraint! “I’M ALIVE!! HALLELUJAH!!”

 

“CAPTAIN BUGGY!”

 

“Huh?! Didn’t realize they’d finally made it!”

 

“CAPTAIN BUGGY!!!” His new crew paused. The Ninjas and Soul Reapers were especially stunned, instantly recognizing the two dead men.

 

“You…beat Madara.”

 

“Aizen…he’s really gone…”

 

“…huh?” Buggy paused, and turned to his dagger, belatedly realizing what it looked like.

 

“Umm…yes,” he squeaked before clearing his throat. “I mean YES!!! Stick with me, and ALL our enemies will suffer the same fate!”

 

“CAPTAIN BUGGY! CAPTAIN BUGGY! CAPTAIN BUGGY!”

 

(One Week Later)

 

“CAPTAIN BUGGY D. CLOWN DESTROYS MADARA UCHIHA AND SŌSUKE AIZEN!”

 

A certain crew looked at the headline.

 

“What…” Luffy started

 

“…the…” Naruto added

 

“Fucking…”Ichigo continued.

 

“HELL?!” they all finished.

Notes:

A.N. So…apologies for the absence. Failed spring semester, so I made it up over the summer. Also, I quit the retail job I’d had for 4 years…and am now a full-time student teacher. So yeah, been crazy. Hopefully, the more consistent schedule will be good for me and the fics.

 

Hopefully, writing some silliness and a fight again will get my head back into gear.

 

On a lighter note…did I just seriously create a verse where people actually believe MADARA ‘METEOR-DROPPING’ UCHIHA and SŌSUKE ‘REJECT YOUR REALITY’ AIZEN were taken down by BUGGY D. CLOWN?! Yes…yes, I did. Have fun with that! But in all seriousness, when it comes to Madara and Aizen down the line, it’ll be more epic than that when they go down.

Chapter 9: Chapter 9: Halloween Reference!

Chapter 9: Halloween Reference!

 

(Weeks earlier)

 

Erik, the Poison Dragon Slayer, was wandering the woods on a new island. He, Magellan, and Mina had made the decision to all split up, having detected nothing that was cause for concern.

 

Nevertheless, he was on edge as night fell in the thick forest.

 

It was only his nose that caught something…off.

 

At the last second, he moved back, and a shining black stinger the size of his head shot out from the darkness.

 

“Poison Dragon Grip!”

 

And he missed. Whatever it was, had vanished as quickly as it appeared. All he saw was a dark outline at the edge of his vision.

 

“Hiiiisssss.”

 

His ears perked at the fading noise.

 

“This…is worrying.”

 

(Elsewhere)

 

Mina had made it into a clearing, and snapped her head around.

 

“Hiiisssss.”

 

“Is that…”

 

And the unknown entity emerged from the forest.

 

It lurked on all fours, long spindly fingers with claws at the end carved the soil. It’s skin was even darker than the night itself. A ridged tail twitched behind it, the stinger end twitching in preparation for combat.The ridges continued up its spine, culminating in two crests over its shoulders.

 

“Is…it really…” Mina narrowed her eyes.

 

It raised its head. There were no eyes, no ears, no nostril. It had a long cylindrical head, gleaming in the moonlight. Drool and goo oozed out of a mouth lined with razor sharp teeth.

 

“No way,” Mina’s eyes widened.

 

“SKREE!!”

 

It lunged forward.

 

Mina caught it by both wrists, and stomped the tail to the ground.

 

“RAH!!!”

 

And ANOTHER mouth shot out in place of a tongue!

 

“OH MY GOODNESS!!! THEY’RE REAL!!!!” Mina cheered and squealed.

 

The Xenomorph tilted its head, not used to THAT reaction.

 

In an instant, Mina completely flipped the creature, and pinned it down.

 

“Got a name, girl?”

 

“HIIIISSSS!!”

 

“Ooh…Ripley IS a good name!”

 

“SKREE!”

 

Incensed, the Xenomorph flipped over and gave itself a small cut, green blood dripping onto Mina.

 

“Ooh…that tingles!” Mina giggled.

 

At that point, the Xenomorph knew, it had made a mistake.

 

“I’m taking you home with me!”

 

Actually nervous, the creature disengaged, and tried to run.

 

“NO! We’ve got a bond, Ripley!” Mina grabbed it by the tail, and started pulling.

 

“SKREE!” the Xenomorph’s claws dug into the ground as it was slowly dragged back!

 

(Elsewhere…again)

 

The rest of the Xenomorph colony was bearing down on the last visitor.

 

Fortunately…or unfortunately…their foe was in an outhouse.

 

“EUGH!!”

 

The Xenomorphs paused, as something smoked out of the vent.

 

They raised their heads…and as one, bent over. The whole group began coughing and hacking, clutching their stomachs.

 

“PPBBBTTT!”

 

And with that…every nearby Xenomorph died.

 

And the island was saved…mostly.

 

OoOoOoO

 

“Ichigo!!”

 

“Chad, Uryu, Rukia, Orihime!” Ichigo lunged at his friends, all pretense forgotten as he embraced them.

 

Uryu kept that disinterested expression, which was undercut by him quickly returning the hug.

 

There was a few minutes of savoring the moment.

 

“You know…now that we’re back together,” Rukia piped up. “There’s something I’ve wanted to try.”

 

(A short montage later)

 

“Hey Ichigo, where’d you go?” Luffy called out.

 

“Guys…you hear something?” Natsu craned his head.

 

And so it was…a very distant roar.

 

“Come on,” Naruto recognized the howl of a Hollow. “I’m sure Ichigo’s already taking care of it. We’ll meet him there.”

 

A few enhanced jumps later, and they made it.

 

“Wait…is that music?”

 

Even the Hollow seemed confused at the funky beat.

 

“ If there’s something strange…In the Neighborhood, Who you gonna call?!”

 

Out of nowhere, Ichigo and his friends popped out. Orihime was the only one who hadn’t changed outfits. Instead, she was carrying a boombox, the song roaring out!

 

The other four were in certain tan working suits…proton packs and all.

 

“ GHOSTBUSTERS!”

 

“ZHOOM!”

 

Rukia and Ichigo shot theirs, managing to wrap up the Hollow.

 

“DON’T CROSS THE STREAMS!” Rukia enthusiastically shouted.

 

“I got it!” Ichigo tried to look surly, but those who knew could see the enjoyment he tried to hide. After all, what little kid didn’t want to be a Ghostbuster once upon a time?

 

Uryu grudgingly kicked a Ghost Trap right under.

 

“WHOOM!” 

 

The Hollow vanished, and the Ghost Trap started slightly smoking.

 

“...Holy Shit, it actually worked,” Uryu noted.

 

“That…” Luffy walked up, eyes shadowed. “...was…AWESOME!!! LET ME HAVE ONE!!”

 

“Hey,” Natsu looked around. “Where’s Naruto?”

 

(Far Away)

“AAAHHH!! GHOST!!!!!!” Naruto Uzumaki, savior of the Ninja World, ran screaming like a toddler.

 

OoOoOoO

 

“You know, it’s been unusually quiet,” Giselle couldn’t help but comment to her undead crewmate, eyes looking at all the zombies NOT there.

 

“Oh…rest assured that our host is preparing a true revelry in the dark!” Keyes proclaimed in his usual dramatic way.

 

Far away, a certain Pro-Hero sneezed.

 

Back on the island, a certain tune broke out from the edge.

 

“ It’s close to Miid-Night! Something evil’s lurking in the dark!”

 

“I…know this song,” Giselle tilted her head, and walked towards the music.

 

Outside the castle, there stood Moria, behind a formation of Zombies. Then, the ex-Warlord began to clap.

 

That night, the dead danced.

 

“ You try to scream! But terror takes the sound before you make it!”

 

At the front of the formation, Dr. Facilier and his shadows showed just how flexible they were as they imitated the King of Pop.

 

“YES! Let’s go, Keyes!”

 

The Demon tried to look disinterested, but his fingers were tapping with the beat as the Sternritter dragged the skeleton in.

 

“CAUSE THIS IS THRILLER! THRILLER NIGHT! AND NO ONE’S GONNA SAVE YOU FROM THE BEAST ABOUT TO STRIKE!”

 

“THRILLER!!” The entire crowd cheered and sang along, with some Zombies putting in so much effort that their jaws dropped off, literally.

 

Giselle started Moonwalking in the air. Keyes planted his staff and twirled around it. Facilier had his shadows howling. Moria did a full-on split!

 

Far away, in one corner of the mansion, Pride was sulking with hands clamped over his ears.

 

The rest of the crew partied all night.

 

OoOoOoO

 

In the Alexandria, certain scientists were living up to the Halloween spirit.

 

“My…aren’t you a handsome fellow?” Caesar Clown looked at Mayuri, who had purely white makeup, two ram horns, a black wig, and a coat of gas hovering around him.

 

“Likewise,” Mayuri admired his past getup, from when those Ryoka invaded Soul Society, on Vegapunk’s old assistant. “Although, I feel like the others should’ve joined us by now.”

 

As if by magic, the two snakes materialized.

 

“OH MY GODA!” Caesar shrieked. “WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR NOSE?!”

 

“Disturbing, aren’t I?” Orochimaru chortled. Along with the lack of nose, the Ninja had tucked all his hair under a cap to appear bald. He merely wore an all-encompassing black cloak, holding a foot-long carved white stick.

 

“Hehehehehe,” Medusa Gorgon snickered. She’d dyed her hair black for the occasion, making it as messy as humanly possible. A tight black corset dress emphasized her curves. She also held a black stick, similar in length to Orochimaru’s prop.

 

“Ooh…a Wizard,” Mayuri nearly sneered. “How quaint.”

 

“Oh, it gets better,” Orochimaru threw a captive World Noble on the floor, and pointed his stick.

 

“AVADA KEDAVRA!”

 

He died instantly.

 

“Oh my dear,” Medusa wrapped her arms around Orochimaru, long tongue licking his neck.

 

“Orochimaru,” Mayuri raised an eyebrow. “Did you completely crack the methods behind one world’s techniques…for a Halloween trick?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“...alright then.”

 

And the four moved on with their night.

 

OoOoOoO

 

“COME ON OUT, SASORI!”

 

The whole crew shouted as one.

 

“...no…” the puppet’s voice was muffled by the closed door.

 

“Nah, you lost the bet fair and square,” Franky protested, dressed in his own Akatsuki cloak. “Besides, you’re keeping us waiting. We don’t like to be kept waiting.” The cyborg said the last line in his best Hiruko-imitation.

 

“FINE!”

 

Two seconds later, Sasori walked out, wearing nothing but an Akatsuki-themed speedo and open Hawaiian shirt. His arms were twice their normal size. His hair had been dyed blue, shaped into a pompadour.

 

Taking a deep breath, the Ninja brought both fists together over his head. “Super,” he said in the most deadpan voice.

 

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!”

 

The whole crew were rolling on the floor, sides hurting from laughing so much.

 

“HA! That’s even better than Jinbe’s!” Grimmjow yelled in his Soul Reaper getup.

 

“Hey, I’ll have you know that I make this work!” The Fishman was dressed in Halibel’s Resurrecion outfit, in case you were curious, wagging Tiburon like a parent’s finger at a mischievous child.

 

“Yeah…pfff!” Kisame (in Jinbe’s Marineford Kimono) tried to sound serious in agreement, but he started laughing again.

 

“Don’t worry Jinbe,” Halibel patted him on the back. She had a totally-unzipped Akatsuki cloak, dyed blue hair and skin, sharp teeth, and Samehada resting on her shoulder. It had already put half the crew out of commission by nosebleed.

 

“Alright everyone,” Sanji called out, his dyed green hair and closed eye peeking from the door. “Sweets are ready!”

 

The crew all flocked in, completely ignoring the fuming Sasori grumbling death threats.

 

“HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!” The crew cheered as they dug in.

Notes:

A.N.
So…Happy Halloween everyone, in case I don’t get to say it again! Hope you enjoyed!

Yeah…I couldn’t resist. I mean…Mina with an actual ALIEN, Ichigo acting like a REAL ‘Ghostbuster’, Moria’s crew doing ‘THRILLER’, Orochimaru as Voldemort, and the CS Crew just messing around! Those jokes nearly wrote themselves!! LOL!

Will admit it’s been crazy. Had to take Summer School to get back on track, but I made it, and I’m now a Student Teacher.

It’s taken me until now to even make any progress on SoSC, or start the actual writing of Soul Society’s New Dawn. So, sorry for the delay.

Chapter 10: Chapter 10: Easiest "Fights" Ever!

Chapter 10: Easiest “Fights” Ever

“HA-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha!!” An incredibly ugly man was laughing at the realization of his second life. Half that body consisted of an oversized head, seemingly frozen in a permanent mean grin, two oversized teeth and beady eyes completing the image. Balding purple hair shivered in the wind, slightly moving the lopsided crown.

Kurozumi Orochi laughed that annoying laugh. This was a second chance. He’d get back at those Samurai of Oden, his pathetic failures of tagalongs, Kaido, and everyone else who was there that day of the raid.

“Hmm…not sure what use you’ll have,” a cold, taunting voice from behind echoed.

The former Shogun turned, seeing a pale man with long, limp black hair, and golden slitted eyes.

“Don’t you know who I am?!” Orochi squealed. “I am the Lord of Wano, show the proper respect!”

“Well,” Orochimaru put a finger to his chin in faux-thought, “I don’t think I will.”

“How dare you!,” Orochi shouted at the ‘insolence’, deciding that he’d really give this commoner something to be afraid of. “I am Shogun Orochi!”

With that, he utilized his Mythical Zoan Fruit, transforming into the terrifying, buck-toothed, Yamata no Orochi.

“Your name…is Orochi,” the Rogue Leaf Ninja gazed up at the multi-headed serpent, and laughed. He laughed, and laughed, and laughed.

“The hell’s so funny?!” the first head lunged.

Orochimaru nonchalantly sidestepped, barfed up his Kusanagi blade, and decapitated the offending head.

“I don’t know whether to be amused, or insulted,” the Ninja chortled. “All right, I’ll let you in on the joke.”

With that, he dislocated his jaw, and 9 white snake heads emerged from his gullet. They instantly grew and elongated, until the body followed.

Orochi’s eyes widened in terror as his size was completely dwarfed, mind stunned at the sheer impossibility of the sight before him.

“This’ll be quick,” Orochimaru slithered out of the center snake’s mouth.

It was.

After one minute, 50 seconds of which was savoring Orochi’s terror, the Shogun was gone, and Orochimaru had in his hands, the single most redundant Devil Fruit in existence for himself.

“Oh well.”

OoOoOoO

“HAHAHAHA!!” Dabi, the ex-Toya Todoroki, cheered as his flames lit up everything as far as the eye could see.

“Heh…almost ready to reunite with Father Dearest,” the Supervillain began making his way off the island. Noticing something in the corner of his eye, he turned.

A man was curled over the side of a dingy, emptying his stomach into the sea. “Oh man…of all the times to get separated from my buddies,” Natsu Dragneel thanked everything holy when the tiny ship finally hit the sand, flopping onto solid ground.

“Aye Sir!” Happy the flying feline was irritatingly chipper to someone crawling their way out of seasickness.

“I’ll be taking that ship!” Dabi blasted a wall of fire at the newcomer.

GULP!

And the fire had been eaten.

BURP! Natsu patted his extended belly.

“Oh…shit.”

(One Buffet Later)

“Oh Natsu,” Izuku Midoriya led his crew to their lost member.

The verdette paused.

“Is that Toya?”

“Oh, this is that asshole?!” Natsu pointed at the beaten Todoroki. “NEAT!”

OoOoOoO

KYAHAHAHA!!

‘That…is a lot of lemons.’ Ochako Uraraka couldn’t help but think to herself at her opponent’s getup.

Miss Valentine unfurled her parasol, letting wind take her up.

“With my Kilo-Kilo Fruit…you’ll be crushed into paste! 100K! 1,000K! 10,000K!”

Like a missile, the Baroque Works agent came hurtling down.

A flash of pink!

“What the…” the confused assassin found herself being held up with one hand under her behind.

“Are you done?” Ochako looked up, having not even budged.

“I’ll be good.”

OoOoOoO

Naruto was utterly frozen.

Across from him, this short, ugly man had done the unthinkable.

The old Cipher Pol member had shot ramen out of his nose.

“Ahh…you’re paralyzed with fear!” Wanze proclaimed. “Very well, I’ll end this quickly.”

YAH!

“Behold, my Ramen Armor!”

“You…you…you,” Naruto stumbled…before Chakra EXPLODED off of him.

“HOW DARE YOU!!!”

(Five Seconds Later)

“Whoa there buddy,” Ichigo sat Naruto down.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” a vaguely human-shaped pile groaned to the side. “I’ll never touch Ramen again.”

“Don’t you forget it!” the 7th Hokage said it, and it was so.

OoOoOoO

“So, heard you can turn into a wolf!” Kiba Inazuka shouted at a stranger in the distance. “Think you’re hot shit?!”

 

His opponent quizzically turned, pointing at himself, the question mark almost visible over their head.

“Let me show ya something REAL cool!” Kiba boasted, Akamaru barking along. “FANG OVER FANG!”

“AWW! You’re so CUTE!” Yamato, of the Mythical Dog-Dog Fruit: Model Makami, gushed and spread her arms.

SQUISH!

And just like that, Yamato was squeezing Kiba and Akamaru to his chest.

“Who’s a good boy?! Who’s a good boy?!” The oversized Pirate was scratching right behind the ears, just like Akamaru liked it.

Kiba was out cold, knocked out by boobies.

Winner…Akamaru?

OoOoOoO

“HAAA! HAHAHA!”

“The Hell?” Kisame looked up.

Yep, that’s a broomstick flying up there.

“I’ll get you all my pretties! And your little frog too!”

“Hey!” Tsu protested.

The Wicked Witch of the West cackled and hurled a fireball.

“Dual Water Shot!” Jinbe cupped before hands before flinging their contents.

With one, the fireball went out. With the other…

The Witch was doused.

“WHAAA!!!”

The broomstick began to tailspin.

“I’M MELTING!!! MELTING!! WHAT A WORLD!!!”

“Oh my Goda!” Jinbe’s eyes widened.

A black witch’s outfit and broom flopped onto the ground.

Nobody said anything for a solid minute. The Fishman’s jaw stayed dropped.

“PfffHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!” Kisame began rolling on the ground. Grimmjow was bending over in a belly laugh.

“It’s not funny,” Halibel insisted.

“Yes it is!!” Kisame kept on laughing.

Jinbe just stood there the whole day.

Notes:

A.N. This is just me messing around…getting back to the swing of things!

Cause is there ANYONE weaker to Water…than the Wicked Witch of the West?!

Til Next Time…Have Fun!! Stay Safe!

Chapter 11: Chapter 11: Demon Slayer Reference!

Chapter 11: Demon Slayer Reference!

 

(Casting Room)

 

“Alrighty…this time, I’m gonna let y’all decide how to split these newbies up,” OceanLord gestured to the latest crowd to join the cast’s madness. The cast of Demon Slayer seemed hesitant, simply stunned by the menagerie of strange characters that had already been assembled.

 

“Wait, wha?” poor Tanjiro Kamado sputtered, holding Nezuko’s hand for moral support.

 

“You’ve all seen the footage, so make your cases, and peace out!” OceanLord got into his Megalodon chariot and was off.

 

“So…hello everyone,” Tanjiro nervously waved, right before the cast swarmed the Demons and Demon Slayers.

 

“So kid…heard you’re a pretty good water-using swordsman,” Kisame had slung an arm around Tanjiro. 

 

“Oh…you flatter me,” Tanjiro rubbed the back of his head.

 

“We are well-suited to guiding you towards greater strength,” Halibel added, putting her own hand on the young man’s shoulder.

 

Jinbe raised an eyebrow. “This isn’t because you two are wanting to adopt a boy, is it?”

 

“Nonono,” Kisame quickly looked elsewhere.

 

“Still, I must protest,” Itachi and the Shireen crew made themselves known. “Tanjiro is clearly a fire-user in the running for ‘best big bro’, as the young people call it. Therefore, we’re the best spot for him to develop.”

 

Itachi and Ace began tugging on Tanjiro, only for Kisame and Halibel not to budge.

 

“You already have a Demon Slayer!”

 

Sure enough, a boisterous “UMAI!” could be heard from the Shireen’s new friend slurping the Soba that Weiss had lured him in with. Shoto’s objections were ignored.

 

Meanwhile, Nezuko just seemed to aimlessly look around, before a gloved hand held her free palm.

 

“Hey there sweetie,” Bambietta walked up. “So I hear you’ve got ‘Exploding Blood’ for a superpower.”

 

“Um-hmm!” the girl nodded, only to be pulled back as Tanjiro was yanked back and forth.

 

“Now see here,” Halibel began…only for a distant voice to draw her attention.

 

“Mine, mine, mine, mine, MINE, MINE!” 

 

“LUFFY!” Jinbe and Ace screamed as the Pirate King and Natsu flew out, grabbed Tanjiro (and Nezuko by proxy), and flew away.

 

“Hey, Uzumaki! Quit hogging the stars!” Kisame shouted.

 

“He’s a main character,” Naruto shrugged while running after his crew, “nuff’ said.”

 

“We do need another swordsman,” Ichigo nodded, actually going along with the shenanigans for a change.

 

“Return the little boy to me!” Halibel ran after the Substitute Soul Reaper, not caring how ‘wrong’ that sounded out of context.

 

While Tanjiro was fought over, a friend of his was utterly ignored.

 

“Come on, a babe with lightning,” Zenitsu swooned on his knees at Candice. 

 

“Sorry, our crew needs real men,” the Sternritter scoffed.

 

One could almost hear the shattering glass of Zenitsu’s self-esteem.

 

Elsewhere, another friend could NOT be ignored, no matter how much they tried.

 

“Coming through,” Inosuke blared to the crowd.

 

“Die!” Bakugo yelled back.

 

“Coming though!”

 

“Die!

 

“COMING THROUGH!”

 

“DIE!”

 

To the side, a bidding war of sorts was on.

 

The Morrigan and Davy Jones were looking for as many Demons as possible.

 

“Aye, Muzan,” the cursed Pirate began, “join me…and ye’ll never have to fear death again.”

 

“Fah!” Morrigan huffed. “You’ll find the Cthulhu-man vague and unconvincing. I can block the sun with my powers.”

 

Muzan nodded along, like the ‘smooth criminal’ that he was.

 

“Ah…but shouldn’t the ‘Big Bad’ villains be together?” All for One rhetorically asked in that grandiose manner of his, placing an arm along his fellow ‘well-dressed’ antagonist.

 

Behind them, the crews were already fighting.

 

“CLANG! CLANG! CLANG!” 

 

“Your scythes are baby-sized, you pussy!” Hidan hollered at Gyutaro, who had just turned his neck a full-180 to catch the attack from behind.

 

Besides them, Daki was sending out strands of Obi, each matched with Kakuzu’s threads.

 

“Why are you even bringing me into this?! Hidan’s the one who called you ‘harlot’.”

 

“I just can’t stand someone as ugly as you!” the Demon disguised as an Oiran proclaimed while her brother slashed the Akatsuki who insulted her!

 

The fuss meant people didn’t notice the Demons heading toward other crews, like Doflamingo tying Rui the Spider Demon up and dragging him home.

 

Gyokko had begun ranting about creating ‘true art’, gesturing wildly with his stubby arms, swaying from his vase. Deidara and Sasori were clearly unimpressed.

 

Hantengu and his ‘Emotions’ were being corralled by Nagato’s ‘Paths of Pain’.

 

Finally, the Hashira were still being ‘allotted’ as it were.

 

Muichiro the Mist Hashira had been making friends.

 

“Do we really need another brat?” Zabuza did little to hide his derision.

 

“You know,” Muichiro looked up, “people who use ‘brat’ are the kind of folks afraid of being irrelevant and outdated.”

 

“Why you…” Zabuza was cut off by the rest of his crew laughing, even Haku, the traitor!

 

Obanai the Serpent Hashira was running for dear life.

 

“Sweet boy,” Orochimaru slithered behind him, Medusa at his side, “there’s so much I could do for you, make you stronger.”

 

“Oh, HELL NO!” Wisely, Obanai made himself scarce.

 

His partner, Mitsuri the Love Hashira, was being fawned over by many. She’d gotten quite the number of offers! So many deities of desire and love were eager to have her. On the other, those Amazon Lily folks might’ve been onto something with that ‘Strength is Beauty’ ideal.

 

While all the other cast members were being fought over, one Hashira had been completely forgotten.

 

“Wow, Giyu,” Shinobu the Insect Hashira sauntered up, Soi-Fon and Anko behind her, “I guess even in a second life, everyone will dislike you!”

 

Giyu the Water Hashira looked off to the mid-distance. “I’m not disliked,” he claimed as the SoSC cast proceeded to utterly ignore him.

Notes:

A.N. Well…guess who finally caught up on another anime?! This guy! So yeah, if any other anime’s gonna get added to this story, it’ll be Demon Slayer. And I WILL be having the Demon Slayers have ACTUAL elemental swordsmanship…not that ‘solely for dramatic effect’ explanation in the anime! Next up, I’ll finally get to Jujutsu Kaisen and Black Clover.

And yeah…I couldn’t resist Kisame/Halibel wanting to adopt Tanjiro! The boy’s such a sweetheart and contrast to their three girls. Fun fact, the English had Kisame’s voice as Tanjiro’s dad…which got me thinking about it!

But yeah…this was just pure self-indulgence!

Til Next Time…Have Fun!! Stay Safe!

Chapter 12: Chapter 12: Akira Toriyama Tribute

Chapter 12: Akira Toriyama Tribute

 

“And CUT!” OceanLord shouted from his Directing chair. “Hmmm…something’s missing here. Alright…let’s see what we can do, Mr. Producer, your ideas?”

 

That got a shudder from the cast.

 

Off to the side, a large, bald man in a well-tailored suit looked up from his phone.

 

“Well buddy, I think we need to bring in some…specialists,” Nappa proclaimed. 

 

“Ooh, ooh, ooh!” Monkey D. Luffy was the only excited person in the studio. “My bestest buddy!”

 

“Indeed,” OceanLord pushed a button, opening the shutter door.

 

“HEY LITTLE BROS!” The one and only Son Goku jumped forward, embracing Luffy, Naruto, and Ichigo all at once.

 

“OOF!” Ichigo groaned in protest. “Can’t…breathe.”

 

“Alright, get my cast into shape, pronto!” OceanLord shouted. “Remember folks, these are the best pros in the business!”

 

Aizen raised an eyebrow at Son Gohan. “...if you say so.”

 

Most of the ‘pros’ had dispersed.

 

“You call THAT proper rivalry behavior?!” Vegeta was lambasting Sasuke before he turned. “And you, young Bakugou?! Where’s your Saiyan pride?!”

 

“I’m not a damn Saiyan,” Bakugo muttered under his breath.

 

Elsewhere, Piccolo and All Might were standing around awkwardly.

 

“So…all the kids seem to be congregating around you,” All Might, surrounded by 1-A, noticed.

 

“Yep,” Piccolo, with the Son and Trunks kiddies, nodded.

 

Down the line, the Gods of the Sea and Co were receiving a lecture, all taking extensive notes.

 

“Remember, it doesn’t even have to be the minion that failed you,” Freeza pointed at his whiteboard, displaying a stick figure being blown up. “Killing the minion next to them is just as effective in establishing your ‘Big Bad’ status.”

 

“Sir,” Davy Jones raised his claw. “Would this tactic also work when making former ‘Big Bads’ join your crew?”

 

“Oh-ho-ho! Excellent question!” Freeza laughed. “And it certainly would! Yes…” he pointed elsewhere in the crowd.

 

“Could you elaborate on this ‘throwing celestial bodies at your enemies’ section of your book?”

 

“Certainly, Madara!”

 

A little further down the line, Master Roshi, Jiraiya, Sanji, and Mineta had all been K.O.ed, piled up in an unconscious heap on the floor.

 

Android 18 and Halibel looked over their work, then exchanged nods of respect, eyes wandering to the men wrapped around their arms.

 

“Huh…guess I’m not the only one who thinks societal definitions of beauty are bullshit,” Earth’s strongest woman smirked at the blue man, while the Hollow Queen approved of the short one.

 

Elsewhere, a tragedy was in the making.

 

“...and then, when you’ve collected all the Ambrosia and Nectar…” Super Kami Guru instructed. “You’ll drink it ALL!!”

 

Zeus nodded at this great ‘wisdom’.

 

“Then, you must find a servant who will clean Your JOWLS! And that’s how you’ll live out your days in luxury.”

 

“Yes, I see,” Zeus nodded. “Herc! Herc! HERC!”

 

“Yes Father?” Hercules asked in a worn-out tone.

 

“Gather the Dragon Balls!”

 

Speaking of which…

 

“I AM THE ETERNAL DRAGON! STATE YOUR WISH, AND I SHALL GRANT IT!”

 

The sky was seemingly covered with green and blue scales.

 

“WORORORORORO!!! SHENRON! I WISH TO FIGHT YOU!”

 

The green dragon eyed the blue dragon.

 

“I CANNOT DO THIS! A FIGHT IMPLIES AN EVEN STRUGGLE, WHICH YOU CANNOT PROVIDE!” Shenron actually scoffed at Kaido.

 

“WORORORORORO!!!!” Kaido just LOVED the idea of proving him wrong.

 

To the side, an absolutely massive chocolate-chip cookie was in the middle of a tug-a-war.

 

“COOKIE!!” Big Mom hollered.

 

“MINE!” Majin Buu screeched just as loudly.

 

Down below, it looked like Alexandria’s scientists were being driven into a conniption! 

 

“Yes, I am Perfect Cell! The Final Culmination of Earth’s Science! After all, anyone trying to combine and mix powers is just copying me at the end of the day.”

 

Mayuri’s eye twitched like it never twitched before. “Perfect…he says he’s perfect…that science can’t get any better…”

 

Orochimaru rubbed the Soul Reaper’s shoulders. “Now, now. We’ll just have to prove him wrong.”

 

Whatever else would’ve happened, everyone got distracted by two teams squaring off…in a POSING battle!

 

“Straw Hats! Your camaraderie is commendable, but you’re all sorely lacking in PRESENTATION! NOW…GINYU!”

 

“JEICE!”

 

BURTER!”

 

“GULDO!”

 

“RECOOME!”

 

“Toku-Sentai! Toku-Sentai! Toku-SENTAI!” And the Ginyu Force stunned the crowd with their impeccable routine.

 

“Oh yeah?!” Franky huffed. “How about THIS?! Straw Hats DOCKING! Post-Timeskip Style!” The cyborg latched onto Jinbe’s back, pushing his arms down, making them resemble a jet pack for the Fishman. Brook flew to Jinbe’s right hand, Soul Solid extended. Usopp flew to the left hand, Black Kabuto loaded. Chopper in his Brain Point plopped onto Jinbe’s head. Sanji and Zoro were just about to join in.

 

“No,” Robin had a dead look in her eye as she stared at her crew. “Jinbe, if you keep this up, you will lose all my respect for you.”

 

“Woah there!” Jinbe instantly threw the others off. “Let’s not be hasty!”

 

“Tsk, tsk, tsk,” Ginyu shook his head. “And they promised such a good show.”

 

Back at the chairs, Nappa leaned down to OceanLord’s ear, eyeing all the brewing brawls. “Uhh…you did tell your cast we can all blow up planets, right?”

 

“Ehh,” the author shrugged.

 

“Oh well,” Nappa straightened up and loosened his tie. “Guess I’ll have to throw my hat in the ring. After all, I should show everyone here that I am the Patty-Cake Champion!”

 

“...goddammit, Nappa.”

Notes:

A.N. Oh man…was not expecting the news to drop.

While Naruto and FMA were the first anime shows I dedicated myself to binging and finishing, it was DragonBall Z that forever hooked me into anime. The very first scene from an anime that I ever saw on TV was the Finale of the Goku vs Freeza fight. After that, I was hooked. And then, DBZ: Abridged became another essential part of getting me through some of my tougher days, to the point it’s still a big base for my sense of humor.

Point is, I can’t thank Akira Toriyama enough for his creativity, dedication, and heart in everything he did.

May Akira Toriyama rest in peace. Thank you for everything.

Chapter 13: Chapter 13: Naughty and Nice

Chapter 13: Naughty and Nice

 

“Ho-ho-oh?” 

 

Santa Claus paused mid-laugh, checking his Naughty List. He shook his head as the names of certain repeat offenders came up.

 

“I’ve tried the Coal in stockings, but it just doesn’t seem to make the message stick,” old St. Nick ran a hand through his beard, deep in thought. “I could simply give more…”

---

OoOoOoO

---

At White Company’s base, Christmas morning had come…and every single member was buried under coal. There was so much, the black rocks were tumbling out of the windows and doors.

 

“THE HELL?!” Bambi shrieked as she waded through the coal, prompting one pile to fall on her head. “AHH! SCREW THIS!”

 

“Oh, this’ll never wash out,” Kimblee mused, before realizing just what Bambi was doing. “NO WAI…”

 

KAAA-BOOOOM!

 

No more base.

 

All the White Company was sent blasting off again.

 

“BAMBI! YOU MORON!!” Deidara cried out as the crew became a twinkle in the sky.

---

OoOoOoO

---

“As for this next team, well…they DID ask for this present…” Santa called in a specialist.

---

OoOoOoO

---

“What in the…” Mayuri noticed a figure that most certainly had NOT been in their living room moments ago.

 

It was rotund, covered in a red suit, with white trim. It was also entirely made of metal.

 

“Did your Christmas wish of the ‘Pinnacle of Science’ get fulfilled?” Watts scoffed.

 

“Ho-Ho- HO!”  

 

“Did that last ‘Ho’ sound threatening to you?” Medusa took a step back.

 

Robot Santa Claus brought out his semi-automatic laser rifle.

 

“PEW-PEW-PEW-PEW-PEW-PEW!”

 

“AHH!” Orochimaru let out a decidedly high-pitched shriek as one laser flew between his legs. The whole crew instantly dove for cover.

 

“You’ve all been very, very NAUGHTY!!” Robot Santa Claus paused. “Except Nemu, this is for you.”

 

The centuries-old automaton held out a wrapped gift for the ex-Lieutenant.

 

“An Anti-Nerve Cover 5000?” Nemu looked up. “I’ve always wanted one of these.”

 

“But as for the rest of you, Santa’s got something VERY special in his sack.”

 

He pulled out a giant green ornament, and pulled the pin.

“ HO-HO-HO! ”

 

KRA-BOOM!

 

Flames engulfed the base.

 

“NO! My Laboratory!” Mayuri cried. “What has Science done?!”

 

Robot Santa Claus strode through the inferno. “Look out Alexandria, I’m dreaming of a red X-mas this year. HO-HO-HO!! ”

---

OoOoOoO

---

“Hmm, sure it’ll be fine,” the real Santa Claus returned to his list.

 

“Now…this VERY naughty man needs a personal touch.”

---

OoOoOoO

---

Donquixote Doflamingo laughed like a loon, delighted to be rolling in cash before burning down an orphanage. He was just on his way, when he spotted a present.

 

“Well, well,” the ex-Warlord used a string to reel it in. “Normally I’d toss this out the window, but I’ve got a good feeling about this one.”

 

No sooner did he say that, then said present burst open, blinding the Pirate. Before he could react, Doflamingo was pinned. He’d been totally wrapped in tinsel. And there was a Den-Den Mushi where the present sat.

 

‘CLICK, CLICK.’

 

“Oh you Mother…”

---

OoOoOoO

---

Far away, a pirate saw a present appear in his dinghy. Once sure there wasn’t any danger, he opened it. A handful of pictures fell out.

 

And Trafalgar Law laughed for the rest of Christmas Day.

---

OoOoOoO

---

“And that’s two turtle doves with one stone,” Santa scrolled to the end of the Naughty list. “Now, this will be a good excuse for a workout.”

---

OoOoOoO

---

Madara and Aizen were just on their way to destroy another god and their army, when Santa in his sleigh spotted them. He bid his reindeer to keep their distance, and leapt towards them.

 

The Soul Reaper slashed, seeing the stranger cut in half.

 

“Ho-ho-ho! Silly Soul Reaper!” Kris Kringle called out, snow swirling around him to obscure his enemies’ sights. “You cannot kill Santa.”

 

With a blast of holiday spirit, Santa’s transformation was complete. His height had doubled, with medieval Scandinavian armor in his trademark colors adorning his now-mighty physique. A physique that Whitebeard would approve of.

 

“Sosuke Aizen, ‘yule’ regret your action against the mighty Claus.” Santa stomped forward.

 

“Oh Holy Night!” The Soul Reaper panicked before the breath was punched out of him, sending Aizen flying. Punched with the force of thousands of years worth of Belief, he didn’t get back up.

 

Madara tried to counter with his gunbai, only for a candy-cane staff to appear and block. “Ho-ho-ho!” Santa laughed as he shoved the Uchiha back.

 

“Madara Uchiha, you’d better watch out,” Father Christmas extended his staff, pointing it at said Uchiha. “You’d better not cry.”

 

Sensing immediate danger, Madara formed Susanno.

 

“You’d better not pout, cause you’re going to fly.”

 

A ball of glowing energy twice Madara’s size formed at the end of the Candy Cane. It pulsated green and red with concentrated Christmas Cheer.

 

“Santa Claus is taking you down. GARLAND GUN FIRE!”

 

Madara saw his Chakra construct instantly crumble. “Bah, humbug.” Then, the power of Joy knocked him out.

 

“Ho-ho-ho!” Santa Claus cheered after working up a mild sweat.

---

OoOoOoO

---

“All right, that’s the naughty list…now for the nice list.”

---

OoOoOoO

---

“Hey Chopper,” Isane Kotetsu looked up from a bowl of her favorite porridge, “there’s something else with your name on it.”

 

Tony-Tony Chopper paused in the middle of the biggest stick of cotton candy he’d ever had. “Huh…did Santa get me something for my birthday?” 

 

“It’s your birthday too?” Sakura Haruno set her new ‘Trivial Pursuit: Konoha Edition’ down, embracing the Pirate in her lap. “Why didn’t you tell us? We could’ve celebrated both.”

 

“Aww…” Chopper blushed and danced. “That doesn’t make me happy at all, you idiot!”

 

“Umm…the present?” Wendy Marvell interrupted in her new dress.

 

“Oh right.” With a tear of paper, Chopper now held a scrapbook with a note.

 

“Everyone in your crew’s doing alright. They can’t wait to see you. S.C.”

 

Chopper opened up, and immediately cheered at the sight of Luffy.

 

Sakura and Wendy gave soft smiles at Naruto and Natsu half-hugging Straw Hat.

 

Isane glanced at the next picture, paling at the bloodthirsty smiles of Zoro and Kenpachi.

 

Chopper kept flipping the pages, smile widening at the images. Sanji cooking with Mirajane. Nami was drawing a new map. Usopp and Franky tinkering, with a grumpy Sasori off to the back (that got Sakura to spit her drink). Robin dragging Ulquiorra to have tea with Brook. Jinbe laughing at a card game with Halibel and Kisame.

 

And there was plenty of room for more memories.

 

“See you soon guys.” Chopper brought the book to his chest.

---

OoOoOoO

---

“And I’m sure this Nice girl will consider the bad taste worth it…”

---

OoOoOoO

---

“Well Ms. Uraraka, I honestly couldn’t tell you what my Zushi-Zushi no Mi looks like. I was already blind when I ate a sliced-off piece,” Issho mused.

 

“Umm…this one has a smaller body away from the larger one…that could be symbolizing gravity,” Ochako beheld the pure white fruit.

 

“Only one way to find out,” Kagura gave an encouraging gesture.

 

“Okay…”CHOMP! “BLEGH!”

 

“I can’t even…the FUCK?!”

 

She stumbled back, flailing towards the half-open window. With a slam, she fell through, the window cutting her in half.

 

“OH MY GOD!!” Kagura utterly panicked.

 

“Wait…that didn’t hurt,” Ochako seemed more bemused, poking her innards. Taking a little piece, she looked deeply at it.

 

“...I’m Mochi…”

 

From her hand, a sheer mountain of Mochi spawned. It coalesced into a perfect sphere, and began orbiting the girl.

 

“Heeheeheehee,” Ochako’s giggle turned maniacal. “MWAHAHAHAHA!!! ALL THE MOCHI IS MINE!! MINE!!!” Her legs had jumped through the window, rejoining her.

 

Kagura started backing away slowly.

 

Issho felt a bit of sweat on his brow. “Oh dear…”

---

OoOoOoO

---

“I’m sure it’ll be fine,” Santa Claus continued his Nice list. “Well…not sure these two should be on the ‘Nice’ List, but I’ll give them a break this year.”

---

OoOoOoO

---

Zoro and Kenpachi were absolutely giddy. A Hundred-Handed Giant General with a blade in each hand stood in front of 108 Asura, every single one with blades in all six hands.

 

“THANK YOU, SANTA CLAUS!!” Kenpachi and Zoro declared as one, much to the enemy’s confusion.

---

OoOoOoO

---

“You’re welcome,” Santa Claus kept going. “Ah...this crew. Always surprised they’re never at the Top of the Nice List…”

---

OoOoOoO

---

“YOU ATE THE WHOLE ISLAND’S FOOD SUPPLY!”

---

OoOoOoO

---

“Oh right…that’s why,” Santa mused. “Still, that didn’t kick them off the Nice List. How about a Lunchbox of Holding for Luffy, Naruto, and Natsu each so this doesn’t happen again? Yes, that’ll do. A Medical Journal from the Ninja World for Ichigo, and a Complete W.G. Wanted poster collection for Izuku.”

 

“And to end it out, the Cutty Sark crew. Isn’t it nice that some of these people are on the Nice List for the first time? Amazing what good friends can do! Always fun when they see their first presents!”

---

OoOoOoO

---

Sasori looked suspiciously at the red and black present.

 

“Come on Red, it’s a Christmas gift for you! Open it!” Franky cheered past his new piles of Celestial Bronze, Chakra Steel, and Ethernano Lacrima, a Reishi-empowered saw in hand.

 

“You just…open presents from strangers one day of the year…” Sasori was thoroughly unconvinced.

 

“For crying out loud, accept the gift!” Franky hollered.

 

“Fine,” the Ninja tore the paper, only for his eyes to widen. “This is the 2nd Kazekage’s custom-made projectile launcher! Fits all shapes and sizes of ammo! And there’s even a seal to attach it to any puppet. But…these were all destroyed before I was born…”

 

“Tis the Season!” Franky cheered, hoping that he wasn’t imagining that little smile on his fellow inventor. 

 

Further down, Apacci was having fun with her brand-new cannon, twice the power and half the weight…somehow. Usopp was trying to keep up, his new maintenance kit bouncing to the side. Hanataro was behind him, his perfectly-fitted fuzzy robe shining.

 

Brook serenaded the crew on some amazing new thing called a Hurdy-Gurdy. Juvia nodded along, holding her husband’s picture to her bosom. Tsuyu was currently enjoying the perfect heater, compatible with all her wetsuits and clothes.

 

Grimmjow hid from everyone else, setting up his new ‘scratching post/punching bag’...complete with built-in ‘faces’ of Ichigo, Askin, Lucci, and everyone else who’d wronged him.

 

Nami had the latest edition of the Sea of Second Chances’ greatest atlas, ‘Geography is Everything by the 101st King of Tek Land’.

 

Sanji and Mirajane had a copy of ‘The Combined Recipes of Olympians, Aesir, and Tuatha…DEFINITELY not Stolen…By Hermes’, eagerly testing the first entry.

 

Nico Robin was in heaven with her own book, ‘Anna Komnene’s Alexiad’, along with some priceless Byzantine artifacts she’d have a ball deciphering and extrapolating information from. In the next chair, Ulquiorra Cifer was his ever-stoic self, drinking tea, and blocking everyone else out with spanking-new noise-cancelling headphones, built to accommodate his helm.

 

Finally, Jinbe, Kisame, and Halibel were all dozing away. A brand-new jacuzzi had been installed in the space between their rooms, seamlessly incorporated into the ship, somehow. The warm water and bubbles induced a state of relaxation never before experienced by the three. All tensions and knots in their muscles eased into nothingness. Seats with near-exact measurements and massage function only sweetened the experience. A perfectly placed cup holder was heating Jinbe’s sake just right. A massive shrimp platter placed between Kisame and Halibel completed the picture.

 

“I don’t know who this Santa Claus is…but he’s sure got good taste,” Kisame extended a shrimp to Halibel, who eagerly accepted, almost biting the Ninja’s finger off.

 

“You said it,” Jinbe agreed, slowly savoring the sake.

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OoOoOoO

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“And that’ll do it,” Santa concluded. He rolled the list up. “Merry Christmas to All! And to all, a good night!”

 

Notes:

A.N. Happy Holidays to everyone! Just a short little drabble for a few laughs. Consider this my overdue Christmas present for all those years of gracing my scribbles and crossover rambling with your time and support!

As for whether these skits are canon or not, that’s up to you!! I’m sure you Futurama and DBZ: Abridged fans got a tickle out of that!

And a special shoutout to Black Victor Cachat and CoolCarnage for being my biggest supporters and the source of at least half the ideas for my fics.

Til Next Time…Have Fun! Merry Christmas!

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 3 of The Sea of Second Chances