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It has now been 6 months since Kai and Soobin broke up. Kai is an actor while Soobin is a famous idol.
It was delightful at first, I mean to be one of the first openly gay couple in Korea was an honor. But as time goes by, both realized that maybe they underestimated the weight of this responsibility.
Kai's schedule consists of interviews, shooting, and acting classes. Not to mention the small parties he was forced to attend in order to widen his social status and open more doors of opportunity. He barely has time for himself. Soobin, on the other hand is busy on endless training, recordings, and fan meets. Most of the time they only have the after midnight to enjoy each other's company. In addition, the hate they have been receiving for being a couple is so stressful that they often fought about it.
It was light arguments; it would only take an hour or two before one of them realized their wrong and will apologize.
It was fine.
Until it wasn't.
One night, Kai was at one of his parties when a paparazzi got a bad angle. He was talking to a co-actor while fidgeting his hands. Swaying them alternately. He was far enough from the other, but from the view of the camera it looked like he was fondling his co-actor's crotch.
Not long after, most of the people in the party are glancing at him. His manager walked to him; worry splashed across his face.
“We need to go." His manager whispered. "Now."
When he got home, he was greeted by an angry Soobin.
The issue was discussed to him in the car ride.
"Famous Actor Kai, cheating on his Idol boyfriend!"
That was the Headline of the web news. Underneath the scoop was comments saying how his 'gayness' is nothing but a negative thing, how he changed a lot after he came out, and the worse is saying how he must've been doing this to every actor he worked with.
Soobin's fans also accused him of being selfish and ungrateful. He doesn’t deserve Soobin. How they would be better apart, and Soobin deserve someone better than a 'shithole' like him.
It's funny, how so-called fans turn their backs quickly after a blurry pic of him taken at a malicious angle. Somehow, everything is wrong with him all of a sudden.
Soobin was too tired, he basically cried while practicing a choreo. Leading to his manager advising him to call it a day and go home.
He was too tired to think that his boyfriend was too pure and loving to do such things.
He was too tired to think rationally.
They talked, then their voices raised.
Then they started yelling things they don't mean.
Then they started to throw things at the floor.
Thropies and awards smashed.
In the heat of the argument, Kai accidentally threw a sharp trophy at Soobin's direction.
The taller man fell backwards because of the impact. It hit his face, drawing a wound across his cheekbones.
Both were taken aback.
"Sorry I didn't mean-" Kai apologized. His angry features soften, turning into a worried one.
"Fuck you!" Both of their eyes widen. It was the first time Soobin cursed at him. Tears welled at the shorter's eyes. Frustration and anger making their way back to his head.
"I regret loving you." Soobin stated. He didn't mean it, atleast that's what Kai is thinking of. " You know, maybe choosing you was the reason I’ve been struggling more than I did before."
"Well maybe you really shouldn't have chosen to be with me!" Kai yelled. The threatening tears in his eyes fell.
"Then were through." That was the last thing Soobin told him. His knees got weak, he backed off until his feet hit the sofa. He sat down, staring into nothingness while his tears continued to drip down his smooth face.
Soobin on the other hand, wasted no time. He went to their shared bedroom and quickly packed his things. When he got out, the younger was still there at the sofa.
He opened his mouth, trying to bid the other goodbye. Trying to say that he means nothing of the horrible words he said. But he can't. No sound came out. The only sound that made its existence was the creaking and slamming of the door.
Now, after 6 months. Kai was at a convention center. He was nominated for an award 'Best actor'.
At the red carpet, his vision was greeted with the very familiar flashes of lights from the paparazzi's camera. He posed for a bit, then was instructed to approach the interviewers at the other side.
"Kai! What can you say about your second nomination?" An interviewer shouted.
"It was great." He shortly answered.
"What would you do if you win the award tonight?" Another shouted.
"I'll eat 4 whole cakes. Alone." He smiled. His response earned a laughter from the crowd.
"Kai! Kai! Are you in love?" Now this. This question made him silent for a while. Involuntarily, his mind played a supercut of his relationship with Soobin. He smiled.
"Yeah" the crowd went crazy, asking who it is. To which he answered with. "I was in love. But at the moment I am not." He answered, keeping his smile even though it still hurts. 6 months wasn't enough to move on.
He was waiting for another question when the paparazzi's attention drifted to the newly arrived guest. He got curious, so he whipped his head towards the red carpet.
He regretted it instantly.
It was Soobin, and he was looking at him as well. Kai's eyes widen. Then a smile.
"Who's that girl with him?" A reporter near him inquired. It wasn't directed at anyone.
He was focused at Soobin that he didn't notice a girl; she was his date to the event.
Kai was called by the organizer, signalling him to finally step inside the event. He was assisted to his seat.
He remembered why Soobin is here. He was nominated for the best movie original soundtrack. He sang for a different movie, and that girl is featured in the song.
Are they together? Did Soobin got over him that quickly? His heart aches.
The event went rather fastly, he was seated far from Soobin. So, there wasn't that much interactions. Maybe it's for the best.
It would avoid destructive rumors.
Minutes before the awarding for his category, Kai received some news from the actors seated with him at the table.
"Kim Jisoo won't make it, she's still stuck in a traffic so they will find a substitute host for the awarding." That was the news.
Jisoo was asigned to award the best actor. Kai got intrigued, but he just remained silent.
He just drank wine nervously, anticipating the result. He worked hard for this role. Not to mention that he suffered for months while filming because of the breakup. He thinks he deserve it.
It wasn't long before a familiar figure emerged from the backstage.
It was Soobin.
His anxiety blast through the roof. Intrusive thoughts filling his head. Plump lips getting red from biting.
His hands shook as his grasp hardens.
Then a glass shattered.
It was his wine glass. A shard pierced his hand. Shocked faces greeted him when he looked up. Followed by mutters of 'are you okay?' and 'do you need first aid?'
He shook his head. He mustered strength and then pulled out the glass. It didn't hurt much. It's like his nervousness numbed him.
"And the best actor award goes to." Everyone turned to look at Soobin. Anticipation filled the air.
His mind is now split. He kinda didn't want to receive the award. Mainly because his ex is the one who will be presenting it to him, and he would be so awkward and nervous. The news will talk about it and will stir up issues about the two past lovers. But still, he wants that award. He deserves it after all.
" Huening Kai!" Soobin exclaimed.
Fuck. It has been such a long time since he heard his name spoken by the voice he missed so much.
He teared up as he stands. Bowing in every direction before walking to the stage. Heartbeat getting louder and faster every step.
When he got there, he made eye contact with Soobin. His eyes are soft, happy and excited. Unlike the eyes that he saw before their happy bond dissolved.
"Congrats, you deserve it." Soobin say softly as they shook hands.
The shorter passed the trophy to him and was beginning to back away. Giving space for Kai to deliver his speech.
But before he was able to do so, a pair of arms pulled him back. Hands above his shoulders, a body collided with his, sparking a familiar warmth and comfort. As the other laid his head near his neck.
Kai is crying. Soobin can feel his tears in his collar, and he would be lying if he said that he didn't tear up in that moment.
"I'm really sorry." The shorter whispered before unwrapping himself from the other.
Kai felt cold at the loss of contact, so did Soobin.
The younger flashed a smile before turning his head to face the audience to deliver his speech.
"Thank you so much! I couldn't have done it without all of your support. Thanks to the producers, my co-workers, and our very loving director. Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for those who stayed by my side and thank you to those who left." That sentence broke Soobin. Tears fell as he quietly sobs in the background. "I won't forget you. I love you all."
A round of applause as the theme of the award show played into the background as he was approached by Soobin once again to usher him down the stage.
Well, it looks like Soobin still have feelings for the other. Kai thought that it would be worth the shot if he invited the other for a coffee. To clear everything up, to see if there is still hope for them to try once more, or if not then to patch everything up. To have a proper closure.
"Soobin" a voice called.
It wasn't Kai's though. It was from his date. Kai watched as the girl rushed to wipe the other man's tears and comfort him.
A hoard of photographers gathers near them to capture the moment.
Kai felt heartbroken once again. But most importantly, he feels like a fool. He would look like a fool if he didn't leave.
He was looking at his ex and his new gf sweetening things up between them. He would be a meme.
So, without further words. He just turned around and headed back to his seat.
Tons of congratulations flooded his ears as he passed table after table. Some even taking the time to stand up to bow at him. He would bow to some but sometimes he won't even notice the action. The mental image of his love being comforted by another pair of hands, the way he did many months ago, makes him sick.
He’s sad, tears are still threatening to fall. He just won an award, an award he worked hard for and truly deserved. Why is he sad?
Soobin
Of course, it was because of Soobin. The wound that he has been healing was almost drying up, but tonight as he took his trophy that wound was once again cut open.
“Why are you crying? One of his co-actors, Taehyun, asked. Worried. “Nothing, just happy.” Kai lied. Taehyun, let it go and laughed, Kai forced a laugh as well.
The night went by slow for Kai.
His attention was once again brought to the stage when the award for the best original song for a movie was announced. And when he heard Soobin’s singing, it would be a lie to say that it didn’t tug at his heartstrings. It was wonderful as always. It always sounded like home. He smiled.
“The award goes to, Choi Soobin and Choi Arin for their original song for the movie “The night belongs to Us” That made Kai smile.
Soobin always dreamt of this. He always told Kai how he wanted to receive an award greater than those idol competitions. Now, it became the reality, he finally acquired a more prestigious award. However, Kai isn’t the one who is beside him. He isn’t the one to cheer for him when he descended the stage.
He didn’t even realize he was crying until he felt a hand squeezing his. He looked up and met gaze with Taehyun.
“It’s okay to cry.” His friend comforted him.
He nodded, but he can’t let anybody see him cry, let alone crying to his ex, that would be a big issue. So, he wiped his tears and excused himself. He didn’t wait for Soobin to deliver his speech. Though when he stood up, he saw that the older was looking at his direction.
He smiled, hoping that he is indeed looking at him because he searched for Kai.
He turned around and headed toward the door of the event. He walked the empty red carpet, the place that once was warm and full of people is now cold and lonely. Just like Kai. When he got out of the building, he contacted his chauffeur to pick him up.
Soobin was right, he was always right. That was the thought that Kai held onto. It still stabs him in his heart, but it helps him cope. Somehow.
It must’ve slipped his boyfriend’s mouth, maybe he didn’t mean it, but the words carved themselves in his heart.
‘You know, maybe choosing you was the reason I’ve been struggling more than I did before,’
Not long after, his car pulled up in front of him. He quickly opened the door and stepped inside. “To my suite, please,” he flashed a smile to the older man, and they drove off.
Unknown to him, a pair of feet chased after him.
It was soobin. He was late, too late.
All he saw, when he got outside, was the love of his life getting inside the car. Leaving the event earlier than expected.
With the same teary eyes, he has right now, as he stands in the middle of the road, wanting to chase after Kai.