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LCK Spring Finals have finally ended. T1 vs GenG but it was unfortunate. They didn't win and the ride home? It was too intense. Maybe more than it. Even though Wangho and Jaehyuk tried to lighten up the team's mood, they still can't help but feel disappointed as well. Who wouldn't like to win right? After all, every professional gamer had the same motive and that is to win.
Two of the veteran players are failed to do so but regardless, it does help lessen it up a little. The coach is grateful to have them helping him comfort their little ones. Especially Doran. He is not just mentally but physically tired as well. Minds were overflowing with jealousy. Seeing his former teammates lifting up the LCK Spring trophy is sending him down the spine.
Chovy obviously noticed Doran's behaviour but he just keep his mouth shut, not wanting to make the situation even worse. Lehends? He is tired too, there are a lot of flaws in his play but would he blame to? No one but himself. Not just Lehends but everyone might feel the same. They disappoint their fans who came all the way to KINTEX Stadium to watch them. It was not easy for them, and it never will be. But then again Chovy hides behind his emotionless self why bother involving and dragging everyone into his problems when everyone has their own?
They almost arrived at their respective dorms but the silence is still too much to handle. It was so heavy and dense that it feels like it is so hard to even breathe. Somehow, they managed to arrive at the dorm safely. In the elevator, you could see Doran slumped onto the walls. He was about to let out a big sigh but he hold his wish to do so. He should be mindful of others, and not want them to be involved with his negative thoughts.
Spring is a mess you could say. All the roasters had to quarantine themselves either because of Covid or being in close contact with the others. The Challenger roster had to fill in the empty spots that are left behind. The unexpected defeat, meta changes and more. Everyone had a rough time this season. Now finals are finally over. But at what cost? They lose, definitely not a good way to end the first season.
Entering the dorm, Doran straight away when to his room, closing the door behind him tightly and letting his body fall onto the soft bed. His emotions are driving him to the edge and he can't control them. Tears started to flow drop by drop. He started to sob even harder, lungs gasping for air. It hurts, hurts so bad. The pain in his chest is unbearable, something that he can't explain with words. It feels like thousands of knives were stabbed into his chest. Maybe that is the closest thing that could ever explain how he feels right now.
He was too caught up in crying that he didn't realise his roommate is there, staring at him. Chovy took a silent step towards his back and let his body fall into the bed. Just like how Doran did. He throws his bags and team jacket to the side. Didn't even bother to put it back nicely. Again, silence is the only thing that fills in the room. Only the sounds of Doran crying could be heard. Chovy, of course, didn't want to break the silence so he keep his mouth sealed tight.
Of course, chovy feels it too, the pain of losing. After all, it had become some sort of a curse to him, the curse of never winning. It's always the runner up spot that he took, but never the winner. How does he cope with it? Nothing, just let time do its job. Honest speaking, at this point he is used to it. Used to live with the black cursed lingering around him. Though there are some regrets on his plays here and there but losing? He learned how to deal with it eventually.
'I should get up' He thought and so, he forced himself to stand up and walk to the bathroom. Even though fatigue was running endlessly through his veins, he still managed to get himself clean in time. By the time he had finished, Doran stands up and do the same. It's his turn to clean himself up and calm down a little bit. Though there were a lot of questions that were lingering on Chovy's mind, he still refused to let it all out at the moment. He knows Doran too well so he didn't bother at all. It will take Doran a while to let reality sink into his mind. He must be crying in the shower too.
Time was passed by. Chovy turned to his side, looking at the clock next to his bed stand.
2:47 am
He can't sleep. Not even a blink. Every time he closed his eyes, it feels like it was bounded to be opened back. Doran on the other side seems to have the same problem as well. He keeps moving, turning and tossing around the bed. This clearly shows how many times he forced himself to fall asleep. Maybe the pain of losing still didn't sub down. Yet. After a few seconds of thought, Chovy finally tries to engage in a conversation with the top laner. The first-ever conversation after they lose.
"Hyung, are you asleep yet?" It took a while for Doran to reply to him. At first, he thought that maybe Doran isn't up for a talk yet. Maybe he needs a little bit more time to calm down. But shortly after, Chovy heard a reply. "No." That's it? It was short. Totally not the usual Doran that he knows.
"It's obvious since you keep on moving around" Chovy lets out a small huff of relief. Totally not a reply that he is expected to get but it's okay. Doran still replied to him. Doran truly feels so guilty for being the reason why Chovy is awake. He swear he didn't mean to do it. Another reason to drag him down into the pit of regret. A place where he mentally beats himself up with his own thoughts.
"Hyung" Chovy tries to strike another talk but this time, he didn't get any response from the older. Not so sure what makes Chovy think of this impulsive decision but he still does it anyway. Chovy gets out of his bed and climbs up to the bed next to him which is Doran's bed. He gently lay down right beside Doran. This caused Doran to finally answer him.
"What" another short reply. Chovy still accepts it anyway. "Finally responding to me?" He chuckled. Doran felt a little bit relieved? Maybe. Chovy didn't take his cold responses to heart.
"You did well today." Yes, something everyone would want to hear after a rough day. A sentence that could ease every single pain that you're feeling away. He really needs it but at the same time, he didn't want it.
"Stop sugarcoating your words. If I did well today we would have to be the one lifting the trophy right now." Words were laced with anger. Honestly, why is Doran acting all egoist refusing to accept the fact that he just wants validation from others? His mind was clouded with anger and jealousy that he couldn't even think rationally. This clearly shows that he was desperate to win.
"But it's just a trophy?" This time, Chovy countered back Doran's statement. "What?" Doran sits up and turns himself around. Facing Chovy who is still laying leisurely on his bed. Doran feels disbelieved by Chovy's words. Chovy didn't even move. Not even an inch.
"It's just a trophy" Chovy repeats again. Doran feels betrayed? Is betrayed even the right word? Or maybe it is more than that you thought. But Chovy is right. Isn't it toxic to make a big metal trophy as the measuring tape of your hard work? Nothing can define hard work. Something that you pour countless of your time and energy into it. Yet, you're getting a thing to have the same value of your hard work. Regardless of the situation, everyone did their best to make it at some point in their career.
"J-just-just a trophy you say?" his expression gets darker, and his voice becomes shaky.
"You're right, it's just a stupid little trophy that is not worth all my 3 years of hard work" See? That is something that Chovy have been trying to say all this time. He wasn't amused at all.
"But you and I aren't the same." He started to clench his fist. Too hard that at any moment, he might draw blood on his hands. "But you are strong. You can carry yourself to Worlds heck even made it to the semifinals. What about me? You're out of the league, Jihoon."
Cat got Chovy's tongue. He can't find the right word to defend himself. What Doran said is right. "Don't you see it?" Doran takes a deep breath before he worked out the last and final piece of his feelings.
"YOU ARE BORN WITH TALENT YOU HAVE EVERYTHING YOU FEEL THE HARDSHIPS I HAD TO GO THROUGH TO REACH THIS LEVEL" He screams as if it is his last straw. Now Doran continues to cry but this time it's even harder than before. His tears are falling down uncontrollably fast. No matter how many times he wipes it off, it will be replaced with a new one.
"Everything you say?" What a funny statement. Now it is Chovy's turn to take Doran's word all the way through his heart. So, after all this time, that's what Doran ever think of him? A perfect guy with no flaws? That is bullshit. He thought Doran knew him that well. He really hates to be called the 'all-mighty king on rift' or anything similar when he is nothing near it. In fact, he despises it.
"You don't even know me that well hyung? Funny." He grinned his teeth, stands up from the bed and walks out of the room. He can't stand it. He's afraid that if he is still in that room, he would lash out all of his anger at Doran. He doesn't want that. This isn't going well, it's not supposed to be this way. It is far from what Chovy had planned. His original plan is to comfort Doran but this? Man, the situation escalated real quick than he could imagine.
Doran, sitting on his bed all alone, crying his eyes out. He finally realised what had just happened. The talk with Chovy? It gives him nothing but pain. Now tell me, won't you feel the same way? It hurts Doran, even more, to think that he hurts someone he loves to the fullest to just walks away just like that. He clearly had made a big mistake. He slipped his tongue and he can't control it. It was his fault for letting emotions take all over his body. Doran surely knows how Chovy really hated to be called a perfect guy when in reality, he is not. All is left in him, in the empty room for two alone. Allowing him to blame himself even more and more.
Chovy didn't move an inch. He still stands in front of his door room, starting at the doorknob debating if he should come in or not. The door and walls beside it were the only things that separates the two of them. Chovy just stands there reflecting on his own behaviour. Sure, let's say he didn't mean every single word that came out of his mouth but words are sharper than a knife. It would stab you deeply, leaving a wound that would take days, months or even years to recover. In the worst scenario, it won't even heal Which shows how bad words could hurt someone. The scar that was left is unbearable.
He started it first. If it wasn't because of his lack of empathy towards the older then none of this would have happened. He admit it was his fault. 'This won't do.' Chovy enters the room once again. They shared a room together so either way, they can't avoid each other. The first thing Chovy saw when he entered the room is a lifeless Doran still sitting in the same position he had left him. He is total, no, 100 per cent or even way beyond tired.
Everything is blurry but he is still aware of his surroundings. Doran looked like a mess, his hair was dishevelled, his eyes were puffy and his noses were red like a cherry. Even worse he looks like a walking corpse, so pale. Chovy started to feel even more guilty after he saw Doran's with his own eyes. Screw ego, he musters up all his courage and sits in front of Doran again. He thought that Doran would push him away, but Doran didn't even move a little. Chovy swear he could hear his heart crashes into small pieces. Doran is so tired, all he wants to do is sleep but god didn't let him do so. He just sits there waiting for the right time that sleep will engulf him.
Chovy slowly grabs both of Doran's hands. He still couldn't bring himself to face Doran. "Hy...hyung... I am so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you... I'm a bad person" Tears started to spill. Now, it was Chovy's turn to cry. He looks like he would break apart at any moment. One wrong move and he would shatter on the floor.
"Ah... My little brother is crying." Doran is a softhearted man after all. How can he be mad at Chovy? Although Chovy is just a year younger than him, Doran is way more mature. Chovy is still in his childish rebel phase. Doran's lips curved a little forming a small smile. Chovy is a good guy. He came right into Doran's arm crying like a little child who break their mom's vase. He pulled chovy closer and hugged him with all the energy he had left.
It feels warm, it feels like home.
Doran hummed a lullaby that his mom once sang to him. Oh, how he missed home. Every time baby Doran is crying, his mother would hug him and sing him a lullaby. Just how he is doing at Chovy right now. Though Doran's voice was a bit cracked Chovy still like the melody of it. It feels like the musical notes dancing all across the room. Dancing in the pace of the melody. Chovy didn't stop crying yet but he still yearn to call out Doran's name.
"Hyeonjoon hyung," A soft hum was replied to him. Doran stopped his melody and pull them apart from the hug. Making eye contact with Chovy. What Doran didn't expect is the question that Chovy would ask him next. "Can I kiss you?" Doran was genuinely confused but his head just nods his head. It's a human reflex because Doran didn't even realise that he just said yes when Chovy is asking for a kiss. He soon realised it when he feel a soft pair of lips perfectly matched his. The kiss is soft and lasted for a few seconds. Though Doran is still processing what the hell did just happen, he would say that he enjoys it.
Chovy is still staring at Doran's lips. The warmth on his lips is gone, he craves for it again. You could see that he wants more. A better taste of Doran's lips. Chovy finally moves his gaze towards Doran's eyes. Sending a signal he wants it again. They were staring at each other. He then reverts his gaze back to Doran's lips. 'Should I do it again?' He thought. 'Maybe he feels uncomfortable?' 'He didn't even say anything.' 'A response? Don't even mention it'
"Do it again" The string of thoughts was snapped. Chovy was dumbfounded by what he just heard. A rush of heat started to crawl on Doran's face. What a cute sight to stare at. Chovy went for it again but before the lips were touched he wanted to tease Doran a little. He stops midway and whispers "Are you sure?" Oh my god. Doran is so desperate to feel those lips again. He surely knows that Chovy is playing and teasing right now. But the teasing doesn't end there. Chovy lifts his right hand, placing his thumb on Doran's lips slowly moving it across the lips.
This drives Doran absolutely crazy, "What is this madness? Just kiss me already oh lord" Woah there. Doran being assertive is something you would rarely see. Not gonna lie, Chovy was turned on a little. The thumbs on the lips finally moved. Now it was placed on the chin. Slowly pulling Doran closer to him placing a kiss once again.
Sweet and soft.
You can tell that both of them enjoy the kiss. Doran's heavy feeling started to fade away. He begins to feel, how do you put it? Maybe, free? It feels like all of his sins were forgiven by God and for Chovy. Well, he feels like the luckiest person ever on earth. Though he was really worried at first, scared that Doran would hold some sort of grudge towards him. Deep down in his heart, he is grateful to be blessed with an angel-hearted guy.
Between every single kiss they had together, Chovy wouldn't forget to slide in a few words. "Without you, I wouldn't be the 'everything-guy' that you mentioned " or "You're with me this time so you don't worry about anything." To think of it again, it might come up as cringy. Why would you even say that? But the next sentence really took Doran off guard. "I'll be your stepping stone to reach the Worlds trophy." He was touched by Chovy's words. Would he really go length just for me? Would he really be doing that? Can I trust him?
I will win it for you, just for you.