The Fire Between Us

by mandodjarinn

Summary:

It is not unusual - nor unexpected - for deep rooted rivalries to break out in a Covert that is made up of such strong and fearsome warriors that the Mandalorians are. It is especially not surprising when such rivalries break out between the two ade who, not by their own volition, share the place as the most highly regarded ade of their generation.

Notes:

Mando’a translations:
Gai bal manda - Mandalorian adoption ceremony
Ad’ika - Little one
Tion'jor cuyir gar nu o'r haav? - Why are you not in bed?
Buir - Father
Verd'goten - traditional right of passage into adulthood

Chapter 1: Chapter One - Ignite

It is not unusual - nor unexpected - for deep rooted rivalries to break out in a Covert that is made up of such strong and fearsome warriors that the Mandalorians are. It is especially not surprising when such rivalries break out between the two ade who, not by their own volition, share the place as the most highly regarded ade of their generation.
Such rivalries have emerged in every Covert since the very first on Mandalore and they have come to be expected within each new generation. Despite this, no-one has seen - or even heard of - a rivalry that is as strong or long-standing as the one between two Foundlings of the Nevarro Covert that was ignited nearly two decades ago.
The first of the Foundlings, a girl, was brought into the Nevarro Covert when she was but three years old. After raiders ravaged through her town and murdered her parents along with every other villager she was found, having spent a night crying alone in the center of her flattened village, by Mandalorians who arrived too late to save anyone else. She was quickly taken into the Covert and under the care of the most recent union between Mandalorians. As the adopted Foundling of Clan Mardyn, she soon became a Mandalorian in every way that mattered; a fearless warrior committed to The Way.
The second of the Foundlings, a boy, was taken in by the Covert five years later. He had already celebrated his tenth birthday by the time he was saved after his parent’s suffered a similar fate to that of the girl’s but his induction hadn’t been quite as easy. He was only a few years away from being an adult by Mandalorian standards and still held attachment to his life, and his family, before. He was never adopted by particular Mandalorians, never taking another’s Clan name, but he was instead taken into the care of the Covert as a whole.

*****

The relationship between yourself and Din Djarin hadn’t started with as strong a rivalry as the one that has become infamous among Mandalorians today; in fact, the first time you had met Din you had felt sorry for the boy.
It had been the early hours of the morning, well past your bedtime, but with both of your parents gone from the Covert you could never sleep well. You suppose, looking back on it, that it had been because of what had happened with your birth parents; your brain unable to silence the thousands of nightmares at losing two more parents long enough to sleep. It’s why you had been wide awake and silently playing on the floor by the doorway, stealing the light from the candles in the hall that was spilling under the curtain just enough for you to make out the toys your father had carved for you. There was a box full of wooden figures, of Mandalorians and their enemies, and you had no doubt been acting out one of the many battles you imagined when you had heard their return.
Usually you would have quietly tidied the toys as soon as the cheers of the warriors echoed around the tunnels, keeping only the ones that were painted to match your parents armor out and tucked under your arm as you climbed carefully back into bed so as not to wake your still sleeping brother, Adrean. He didn't seem to have any trouble sleeping when your parents were gone from the Covert; he was adopted a year after you but unable to remember anything before his life in the Covert. Your parent’s would come back in, talking loudly about “what well behaved ade we have, fast asleep while we are gone” before your father would perch on the end of your bed and tickle your feet until you were unable to keep the charade up any longer, waking your brother and jumping into your father’s arms.
This time, however, you were intrigued by the hushed whispers that were only just loud enough for you to hear above their boots hitting the ground, their bodys casting shadows across the candlelight. You waited until the last one had gone past, peeking your head out of the curtain to make sure there were no more to come, before you followed them at a distance. They were too distracted by their conversation to notice you following at the back, their guards down now they were home and not on the look-out for any threat following behind, and so you easily slipped into the hall after them, hiding behind a chair and waiting until they had all gathered in a circle.
You told yourself that you would stay only long enough to make sure your parents were home safe, scanning across the armor-clad bodies that were sporting new and old scratches until you finally found the two blue helmets. In your excitement at their safe arrival home your footing slipped, your hands using the chair to steady yourself but instead knocking it over with a crash.
The circle of helmets whipped around, two dozen visors staring back at you, but while they watched you carefully you found a gap in their circle and noticed the smaller body between them. There was a small boy in the middle of their huddle, his shoulders shaking and red hood hiding most of his face as the Armorer knelt before him and they two remained the only ones not to turn towards you.
“Ad’ika,” your father called, walking over and turning your attention to him as he lifted you onto his hip, the conversation continuing between the rest of the adults, “Tion'jor cuyir gar nu o'r haav?”
“Couldn’t sleep,” you mumbled, resting your cheek against the cold armor on his shoulder and his hand came to rest on the bottom of your back.
No matter how interested you were in the young boy, with your father’s presence so close and knowing he and your mother were well, the tiredness at staying up so late for your parents return began to settle in and your eyes struggled to stay open.
“We’re home safe, you can sleep now,” he spoke gently in your ear and you nodded against him, the gentle jostle from his footsteps as he carried you out already lulling you closer to sleep.
When you forced your eyes open once more, looking back over his shoulder, you noticed that the boy had looked up now and his dark brown eyes were red and glassy. Even then, being so young, you felt your heart ache for the sadness in his eyes.
“He looks upset, buir,” you yawned.
Your father rubbed up and down your back and as you waved tiredly over his shoulder towards the child the sadness that had been in his eyes seemed to disappear for a moment, his own hand raising slightly to wave back just before you rounded the corner out of sight.
“Yes, but we’ll take care of him.”
You didn’t see the new addition to the Covert for another week no matter how many times you tried to sneak out of lessons to find him and you began to wonder whether the child had left to stay somewhere else. It had only happened once before; a child was saved by Manalorians after he was orphaned but then, a week later, his uncle and cousins arrived after having survived the battle that took his parent’s lives and took the child home with them.
Just when you began to think the same fate had occurred, that the boy had found a surviving family, the Armorer’s shadow cast over the doorway to one of your lessons and she stood with her hands on the small boy’s shoulders. She introduced him as Din Djarin, asking the ade to welcome him to the lessons.
He had been quiet those first few days, barely a word uttered as the older Mandalorians taught their lessons. He was, of course, starting well behind the rest of the ade who sat with their legs crossed while listening to the carefully carved lessons intended to mold the future of the Covert. It was understandable why he would be so shy, especially he was already being introduced to the intense lessons that occurred the closer he came to his verd'goten.
It wouldn’t have been fair for you to start a rivalry with him so soon, especially when there were so many other children who had the experience to challenge you, but as he began to open up and prove himself you let yourself test his skills more.
While it had always been children born to Mandalorian parents who had ranked highest in their lessons you had broken that cycle. Even back then you had taken much pride in the fact that you were highly regarded in every aspect of your education, ticking off each box of what a Mandalorian should be, and this included every aspect of your physical training. You could take apart any kind of weapon and put it back together again faster than some of the adults, you had unnervingly good aim, and you were a squarely matched opponent even against those who were a few years older than you. It was a fact that made both you and your parents proud and you had remained the only ade not born to Mandalorian parents to rank so high… until Din Djarin.
While he had not taken a growth spurt in the first few years after he arrived, and, even beneath his armor that he donned a few years before you did, you were still able to look him directly in the eye, he had proved himself in many other ways. Din was able to show off his skills in languages and tactics while learning how to fight against opponents twice his size. He quickly figured out how to find their weakness and use it against them, turning him into a quick-thinking fighter. It meant that when he finally took his growth spurt, shooting past you to stand at least a helmet height taller and easily twice as wide, he became unbeatable; as strong as he was smart.
This was much to the delight of the Armorer - having a foundling as strong, smart and committed to The Way as Din Djarin. Everyone else in the covert agreed... except for you.
Along with learning how to become the perfect warrior, Din had also learned how to push your buttons. You were the Mandalorian with whom he could test himself the most, a Foundling who was as strong and smart as he, but when he started winning your battles more and more he also started hanging it over your head. While he had begun to grow modest around other Mandalorians, offering a head nod and nothing more than a thanks when they praised him, this courtesy did not extend to you. Whenever the Armorer had tasked him with something particularly dangerous or he claimed a bounty of notable importance, Din would seek you out to tell you about it for himself. He would lean against whatever wall or archway was nearest, arms crossed and body relaxed as he repeated word for word the praise the Armorer had given him until your whole body shook with annoyance and he forced you to storm out. On more than one occasion he had angered you so much that you marched out of your own room, leaving him alone and laughing as you found some cold water to splash beneath your armor to cool your heated skin.
While you had found the rivalry entertaining as a child, you even found you could have called him a friend, you now found it - and Din along with it - insufferable. Maybe you were being childish - a sore loser - but whenever he walked into a room you found your body having a visceral reaction, your eyes rolling under your helmet as you walked off in the other direction.
A rivalry that had been based on rankings within your education had turned into a personal rivalry based on everything from who could reload and fire a weapon fastest to who was ahead in the unspoken bounty hunter score count - and as of his return to the Covert this morning it was Din… by one.
You had done your best to avoid him so far, word of his arrival sending you back to your room where you brought weapons from the armory to clean diligently for hours. Your mother and father both sat with you at one point, their voices getting lost in the back of the throat after one too many mentions of Din’s name had you throwing a glare in their direction and they swiftly turned their attention to the hunt that was going on today.
There was, of course, only so long you could avoid Din. While usually you could have gone a few days without having to come face-to-face with him, and by then so much time had passed his words didn’t sting as much, tonight there was a celebration for the newest ad to the Covert. You had tried to feign an illness, a sudden sore head after staring at so many weapons your eyes began to tire, but your father gave you a look that was very much non-negotiable; an “I expect to see you there before the toast to the child” said with one look.
You dragged your feet so much while getting ready and taking the longest route there that by the time you arrived the hall was already full. The room that was usually bright with candles and a fire pit was dark, only the blue hue from a carefully lit fire casting across the rows and rows of helmets as you managed to slip into the back.
“You’re late,” a gruff voice came from your side.
You ignored him for now, standing on your toes and scanning across the sea of helmets in search of those that belonged to the Armorer or newest parents. When you came up short you turned smugly to the man by your side.
“Doesn’t look like it,” you baited and his head shook.
Your brother, Adrean, was the only other person in the covert who could challenge Din Djarin for the amount of grief he gave you. He stared back at you now and you could practically see the way he would stick his tongue out at you when your family were alone, helmets gone and his emotions clear across his face as he tried to wind you up.
Your father raised his hand before Adrean could answer, hitting the front of his chest plate and forcing your brother’s helmet back to the front.
“You may not be ade anymore but I can still punish you as such,” your father spoke quietly, his helmet still firmly facing the front of the hall.
“Yes, Buir.”
“Sorry, Buir.”
It had been a while since a child had been born to the Covert, at least four years if your memory serves you right, but you could still remember how the evening would go. The Armorer would enter with the child, the parents following, and in front of the whole Covert she would announce the name of the new ad before the clan would cheer for their arrival. This, of course, would usually be followed by the unhappy tears of the child and they would be placed back into a parent’s arms.
There would be another speech later in the night, after everyone held themselves less like a warrior and more like a teenager having drank their first sip of alcohol as Mandalorian supported Mandalorian and the songs of past battles began.
“Did you hear about Djarin?” Adrean bent down, whispering to you.
He hadn’t been in your parents room when you visited earlier and so had missed the glare you gave them when they asked.
“Yes,” you ground your teeth and you heard him whistle under his breath.
“I heard the bounty was for 20,000 credits, does he get double points for that?”
“What?” You turned to face him but when you caught sight of your father’s helmet staring at you, you quickly turned back to the front and lowered your voice. “Double points?”
“Yeah,” Adrean laughed, “for that stupid bounty count you two do… and don’t pretend like you don’t, everyone knows.”
“Everyone?”
“Why do you think Bonnie gave her blaster to Lena last week? She lost it in a bet.”
“A bet?”
“Are we playing the copy-game or are you just repeating everything I say to be annoying?” Adrean asked and you elbowed him in the ribs. “Yes - ouch - a bet. The whole Covert is in on it; we put bets on who will be winning at the end of every month.”
You didn’t say anything for a moment, the words lost in the back of your throat as you wondered how long your rivalry with Din had gone so noticed by others.
“Who’s your money on?” You finally asked.
Adrean laughed, heads turning back to stare at you both as he got another elbow in the ribs from your father.
“Now, sister, I would never bet against you.”
You smiled smugly under your helmet, nodding once.
Before another chance arose for the pair of you to test your father’s patience, the large door behind you opened and light from the tunnel began to spill in. You could only just make out the four shadows as you stood on your toes, trying to look above the shoulders and helmets as the Armorer and newest family walked down the aisle.
It was eerily quiet and the only sound was their heavy boots thumping against the ground with each step they took to the front of the room. For a moment you lost them over the rows and you stood higher on your toes, moving your head side to side to try and catch a glimpse, but instead of the new parents your eyes landed on the one person you were avoiding - Din Djarin.
While every helmet was facing the front, his was even more noticeable as it tilted over his shoulder and was staring directly back at yours. You stopped your weaving, your heels landing back on the ground and waiting for him to turn back to the front but he never did.
The blue light was reflecting across the side of his helmet, his broad frame standing tall amongst the crowd of strong warriors but somehow standing apart. You always felt nerves gathering in the pit of your stomach the very first second you looked at Din; the way he held himself and how the light shone off his armor reminding you of a glass painting in your childhood village.
You can’t really remember it - especially now, two decades later - but it was made in the image of some kind of leader, a king or a warrior perhaps, cut out from brightly coloured glass. It was in the center of your town and once a year the sun would hit it perfectly, casting a brightly colored shadow down the center of the village.
No matter how much Din annoyed you or how many times you rolled your eyes at him, even you could not deny that he was a man born to lead. He tried to wriggle himself free from any instances where the Armorer would drag him to the front of the hall to speak alongside her but as soon as he was up there it was clear - he stood tall and strong, spoke loud and clear, had the whole Covert hanging off every word - that he would be the next leader of this Covert.
That, you wanted to make clear, was not why you were perhaps a little, a tiny bit, jealous of him. You didn’t want to lead, you were never one to stand and give a rousing speech before battle. The reason you were… jealous… was because for some reason the Armorer had decided to give Din every single opportunity to showcase his strength. You were sidelined while he was sent out to deal with local threats to the Covert or whatever other “secret missions” she had him traveling for.
If it wasn’t for that - and the way he loved to hang it over your head - you would respect the man a whole lot more. What made it even worse was you could never get him out of your mind.
Even now, when he had turned back to face the front, you could no longer focus on the short ceremony that was echoing around the room The parents and child were introduced, the Armorer’s voice floating through the hall, but you couldn’t make out a single word as you stared at the back of Din’s helmet.
You were in a haze of obedience as you stood with your body at attention and helmet seemingly facing the front, the perfect illusion of any other Mandalorian in the room who was focused on the Armorer and child, when really you could not drag your eyes or mind from Din.
Soon enough the ceremony was over and the candles were re-lit, the fire in the middle of the hall burning bright with its ambers and reds once more as Adrean groaned obnoxiously while stretching from standing so long.
“I’m going to take your Mother back to our room,” your father said as the neat rows of Mandalorians began to fan out around the room, “the both of you stay for a drink or two.”
“Yes, Buir,” you and Adrean recited in return, your father turning to Adrean.
“Make sure she stays for me.”
“Buir-” You whined but he stopped you with a look and you sighed. “I promise I’ll stay.”
“Good,” you heard the smile in his voice, his hand reaching for your mother’s and placing it at his elbow.
The hall was filled with noise now, conversations flowing around the room as you and Adrean turned on your heels to face the middle. You tried to focus on anything else but once more the glimmer of fire caught on his helmet your eyes darted across the room to Din.
He was surrounded by a horde of Mandalorians and while usually you would have walked over to join them, spending the night trying not to stare at him as the conversation flowed between the group of similarly aged Mandalorians, you instead began to head to the other side of the hall where the parents of the newest ad were.
“Where are you going?” Adrean called as he already started heading towards the group.
“To get a drink, want one?”
He nodded back and before he had turned around you had lost yourself in the crowd, bypassing the table full of jugs of drink to the parents of the newest ad in the corner. The child was soon in your arms - used as an innocent shield between you and Din for now - and you asked the parents questions you had never cared to know the answer to until now.
The more people drank the louder the conversations got, two of the older Mandalorians now leaning against the wall and singing a muddled-up version of an old tale of the first Mandalorians. You were considering making an escape here and now when the Armorer found her way to the middle of the room once more, a silence echoing around as she took her place.
“We welcome a new ad to our Covert today,” she spoke loudly and evenly, holding a hand towards the child in your arms and suddenly all attention was on you. A quick chorus of cheers sounded before she held her hand up to silence them once more. “It is important, in these times, that we continue to grow our Covert and raise strong warriors.”
Even with all helmets turned in your direction, every last one focused on the child in your arms or the parents by your side, you could feel Din’s eyes on you even more than usual. You tried to keep your head steady as your eyes roamed around the room in search of him, eventually finding him standing by Adrean’s side.
His helmet didn't move to give anything away - not like during the ceremony - but you felt it; you felt his eyes on yours beneath the visor and you couldn't find it in you to turn away. He had a way of staring at you with such intensity that a shiver ran up your spine, a warmth crept up your neck to your cheeks, and a swarm of nervous excitement made itself at home in the pit of your stomach.
Once the Armorer had stood down the next, more excitable, Mandalorian approached the couple and you handed the child back before quickly making your way through the crowd to the other end of the hall, all while feeling Din’s eyes remain on you. It was a familiar feeling, like you could pinpoint exactly where his eyes were focused on by the searing warmth in the back of your neck.
As soon as you found your way to the end of the hall you reached for a mug, filling it with whatever dark liquid was in the bowls and lifting your helmet enough to take a generous gulp. The stinging liquid hit the back of your throat and you had almost finished the first mugfull when a call of your name had the drink catching in your throat, a spluttering cough leaving your mouth as the person who called your name - one Paz Vizsla - landed a few heavy blows to your back. You cringed as more helmets around you turned to watch as you caught your breath and you knew Din had watched the whole affair, your shoulders sagging as you turned to face Paz.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” you croaked, waving him off, “you just gave me a fright.”
He chuckled deeply, his body relaxing and reaching for his own mug. You stood on your toes while he was distracted pouring the drink and looked over his shoulder to find Din still at the other end of the hall, his body stiff as he looked straight into your visor.
“A wonderful thing isn’t it?”
“Huh-” you followed Paz’s gaze to the new family and nodded, “oh, yeah. Always… nice when a new child is born.”
“Nice?” His tone was teasing - but not, you noticed, in the charming way Din was able to do so. You rolled your eyes at yourself, forcing Din from your mind as you tried to focus on the man in front of you instead. “Are you sure you’re feeling alright?”
“Yeah, yes, just… I was in a bit of a rush to get here so I feel a bit all over the place.”
He nodded down at you, choosing to ignore your poor choice of an excuse, before starting a tale of the hunt he had been on today.
His words began to drown out as you found yourself searching for Din once more. When you found him he was at the edge of the hall now, his back resting against the wall and his ankles crossed leisurely in front of him. His helmet bobbed slightly as he spoke, his hands gripping his belt to stop the over-animated movements that usually accompanied him after he had enjoyed a mug - or two - of tihaar. You couldn’t hear him from this far away and with so many conversations filling the gap between but you knew his voice would have changed as soon as the first sip of alcohol had hit his throat; growing raspier and deeper, something akin to giddiness held in his words.
You hated that you knew all this, that you could close your eyes and know exactly what he was doing or how he was standing at any given moment, but he had been the object of your attention since you were eight and he had first arrived at the Covert.
For the first time since you had noticed where he stood at the edge of the hall you noticed who his object of attention was in this moment and you fought down the feeling of jealousy that began to spread through your chest.
Kania.
She was the one who most of the men you grew up with were interested in, born to Mandalorian parents but one who often avoided conflict where possible. You had remembered her as an ad; while your elbows and knees were often covered in scrapes and cuts and your hair was loose from how your mother had pulled it from your face that morning - so the boys could not grab it as you practiced combat - her skin was clear of any marks and her blonde hair was still neatly pulled from her face as she watched on with wide, blue eyes that were close to tears.
It’s not to say that you disliked Kania, in fact she was always kind and completed the tasks that most others avoided, but whenever you watched every man’s helmet - including Din’s - turn her way, your chest tightened with a pain you hated to name. Din was but a man and men had needs and wants that you often felt were not you. They respected you and valued you as a warrior who they could trust but attracted to you… you weren’t so sure.
It shouldn’t affect you as much as it does for you hated Din Djarin, he filled you with such a rage that almost every little thing you did was to prove yourself against him - to him - but that feeling was still there and even if you could hide it from everyone else you could not deny it to yourself.
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Sorry?” Your head whipped around again, Paz still staring down at you as you realized he had been talking to you this whole time. “Oh, sorry I just- it’s really warm in here isn’t it?”
His head tilted down at you, the room noticeably no hotter than it usually was, but you handed him the mug in your hand anyway before he could question you.
“I’m going to step outside for a moment, splash some water on my face, I’ll be right back?”
He nodded slowly and you turned on your heels, your feet already carrying you quickly towards the exit. You were so busy focusing on finding your escape back to your room that you barely noticed the way you knocked against others and caused them to spill their drinks over the rims of their mugs or how Din’s helmet had followed you the whole way, his conversation brought to an abrupt end before following your path out.
The halls were dimly lit at this time of night, only every other candle that was wielded to the wall alight with a flame now that most of the children were in bed. The sounds from the celebration grew quieter and quieter the further you walked, the loud cheers and conversations turning to one constant buzz that had you almost convinced you could safely remove your helmet and let some of the cool air touch your cheeks. You were glad your hands stayed by your side, however, when the echo of following footsteps reached your ears and you stopped walking, turning and squining behind you until another figure began to appear.
You could recognise the shadow and the slow, confident way it moved from a mile off, your whole body tensing before you finally found your voice.
“Following me, Djarin?”
“Running off already, Mardyn?”
You waited until he was beneath the light of the nearest candle before you turned to fully face him. His body was more relaxed than usual after a few drinks, his broad shoulders not held as stiffly as he kept his weight on one foot and stared down at you with a tip of his helmet. The orange light from the candle flickered across his armor, the many bumps and scrapes covering it to show how it had aged along with him.
If you were being honest, the armor was only just enough to protect him. He had been gifted it over a decade ago to replace his first set of armor he received when he reached adulthood at the age of thirteen but, it had become clear, the Armorer had not judged his growth spurt well and he grew another six inches not long after. The rusted chest plate protected his vitals and no more, especially when compared to your armor - as forged by your father - that protected far more of your skin save for the small slither at your side where it had become bent in training the week before. Beneath you had many scars from where the armor did not fully protect and so you could only imagine how many Din had.
He tilted his helmet up for a moment as he nodded towards you and even in the dark hall you noticed an inch of skin on his neck, your whole body freezing as an image of tracing down the slope of his neck to bare his chest came to the front of your mind and you had to shake yourself before he spoke again.
“Were you not enjoying the celebration?” He asked before his voice dipped lower, the rasp that you knew would be there catching on the end of every word as he stepped closer to you. “Or was Paz boring you to tears so you had to make an escape?”
For once you were thankful to hear his voice full of teasing, the reminder of how annoying you found the man able to wipe that thought from your mind. You ignored his questions, stepping into the candlelight as well as you tilted your head up higher to look at him straight in the visor.
“Was Kania’s conversation not good enough for you? Have to follow me back to my room?”
“Oh,” he made a sound that you guessed was a low chuckle as took another step, his chest plate scratching against yours. His fingers took the chin of your helmet in his hold, tilting your head up to face him before he spoke again, “you wish.”
Your breath caught, the image that had flashed through your mind not a moment before still so fresh that you couldn’t stop the way your legs fell weak beneath you. He shook his head and laughed once more, his shoulders caging in as he dipped his head even lower.
“Oh, you do wish that, don’t you.”
“Fuck off, Din,” you said, your voice failing to carry the strength you had hoped it would as it shook slightly.
He said nothing, his body and visor still, but you could feel his eyes run down your body and you couldn’t force any muscle to stop shaking for even a second. Eventually he stepped back, by only half a foot, and dropped his hand from you but you could still feel his eyes staring into your own.
“Maybe an early night is best,” he nodded, his voice almost completely back to normal and snapping you back to reality. “You’re starting to slack a little on the bounty count.”
“You’re only one ahead,” you shot back.
“Keeping count?”
His voice was laced with a teasing tone that made you clench your fists at your side to stop yourself from throwing a punch at him right here in this tunnel. You watched as his helmet tilted down to your hands before looking back in your eyes.
“Like you don’t,” you gritted your teeth. “Don’t get too comfortable.”
He leaned forward, his head dipping down as he spoke quieter - as though you were not alone and he worried someone else would overhear.
“I don’t plan on it.”
A childish groan of annoyance came from the back of your throat and he leaned back. You could tell that he wore a smirk beneath his helmet and before you lost the last piece of resolve that was stopping you from launching yourself at him, you turned on your heels and stormed back down the hall.
“Goodnight,” he called after you and your hands were clenched into such tight fists you could feel your nails almost pierce through your leather gloves.
You quickly pulled back the curtain that covered the archway into your room, your helmet ripped from your head and thrown onto your bed as you walked straight towards the basin in the corner and began to splash your face with cold water. It dripped down your neck and beneath your tight layers you wore under the armor, the droplets managing to rid your body of some of the warmth that had spread out as soon as you thought of Din.
Your eyes flicked up to the mirror, catching the frown that covered your face - one that was often there whenever you thought too deeply about what these feelings you have for Din really are. You knew, somewhere buried beneath the last bit of pride when it came to him, that only half of the reason he had you so heated was because of hatred, because of rage, annoyance and frustration, but the other half was something far more alarming. The other half was because for every thought you had of wanting to beat Din in this frivolous bounty count game, of wanting to pin him to the ground and prove you were as strong as him, you had ten thoughts of wanting to feel his body pressed up against you when there was no conflict, when the armor was removed and there was no barrier to his touch setting your skin alight.
That half was too terrifying to spend much time thinking of and so as you cupped more water in your hands and splashed it over your face again as you focused on the other half.
The only way to center your thoughts on this was to think of ways to outplay him and so as you removed each piece of armor, placing them in a neat pile at the foot of your bed while climbing under the sheets, you knew that you would have to find a good bounty - one that would earn respect within the guild and one that would annoy Din to no end.
You blew out the candle at the side of your bed, the room covered in darkness save for the sliver of light coming from beneath the curtain that covered your door, and, as the celebration went on at the other end of the tunnels, you spent the rest of the night planning your retort.

Chapter 2: Chapter Two - Inflame

Summary:

The plan to prove yourself to Din Djarin, once and for all, ends in both of you confronting feelings you would rather ignore

Notes:

and chapter two here we go! I have a specific direction for this fic and I'm excited to see it out - as always, if you prefer to read on tumblr you can do so at @/moralesispunk
*****
Mando'a translation:
K’oyacyi - stay alive

Sleep did not come to you that night.
After your run in with Din in the tunnel, his armor-clad body pressed dangerously close to yours as he taunted you until you stormed away, you tossed and turned for hours as you thought about how to begin your counter attack against him, far too awake to feel even the slightest hint of tiredness. You had laid in bed for so long as you rolled from one side to the other, threw one leg over the covers and then the next, flipped the pillow over before flipping it back again, that the sheets became far too warm to lie in comfortably.
While the rest of the Covert slept soundly, most of them dead to the world after celebrating the birth of the newest ad into the wee hours of the morning, you swung your legs over the edge of the bed and padded barefoot across your room to the metal tub in the corner. With pots of water you quietly filled the tub with a mix of boiled and lukewarm water, adding a splash of rose soap, and the steam that was starting to fill the room was warding off the goosebumps that had covered your skin since the fire had gone out during the night. The heated water warmed the rest of your body as soon as you stripped, all the way from your feet to your calves up to your neck as you rested your head against the hard tub and let the water slosh around your ears.
The tunnels of the Covert usually carried some kind of noise - everything from quiet conversations to loud cheers - but at this time in the morning all you could hear was the soft splash of water every time you dragged the cloth against your soapy skin. It was quiet enough that you could think clearly about the day to come, the water changing from scalding to hot to lukewarm and then all the way to cold as you pondered your plan.
There was no way for you to return to the Covert in the lead when it came to your bounty count game - unless there was a rare two-in-one up for grabs - but there was a way to come back with a bounty so good that Din would be forced to respect you.
Every day, Karga - the newest agent of the Nevarro guild - had one top tier bounty puck that he would give on a first come, first served basis. Rarely, hardly ever in fact, did you beat Din to the prime puck of the day. More times than you could count you had watched Din walk out of the cantina with boldness in his stride just as you rounded the last corner, his shoulders tilting towards yours as he dipped his helmet down and whispered a quip of “better luck next time,” in your ear before stalking towards the Crest. You didn’t know how he did it - it seemed no matter how early you rose he would always beat you there - but you would then have to walk into the cantina after him and pick up whatever he didn’t take.
You knew that you would be first this morning, before Din or any other bounty hunter; you had to be. After counting Din pouring at least two - maybe three - jugs of tihaar last night there was no chance of him rising before the morning sun.
You weren’t giving Din the credit he deserved, you knew that and shook your head from your daydream as you stood from the bath and let the water splash back into the tub below you. You had to do this fast: get the puck, get off planet, get the bounty.
The bath was drained quickly, the sun still far from touching the sky, and you started the pattern you followed each morning as you got ready for a bounty; one that calmed you and made you stand taller as you walked out of the Covert feeling like you could take on the world.
Before the celebration last night you had sat between your mother’s legs and let her do your hair the same way she had when you were a child. Her hands were not nearly as agile as they had been when you were younger, taking twice as long, and while there was no need to go to her at your age she could rarely contribute to the Covert in any other way - years of battles and wars taking their toll on her body - and so you continued to let her do this one thing. It made it easy enough to wear your helmet without the worry that it would come loose while you were in battle and so you slipped on your hood once the rest of your under layers were on and you began to place on each piece of armor.
You followed the opposite pattern of the one you did while taking it off, starting at your feet and working up until you put your helmet on and your reflection in the mirror was a canvas of light blue save for patches of dark underlayers.
The Covert was still silent as you strapped your rifle to your back, your boots thumping against the ground as you walked towards the archway into the hall, but just as your hand wrapped into the curtain a shuffling sound came from outside. You paused, your hand gripping the curtain even tighter as you counted out one minute, and then another, before sighing at the all clear and pulling back the thick material.
The shadow that was covering the archway, blocking out most of the light from the candles in the tunnel, made a scream catch in your throat. A hand hit against the middle of your chest, knocking you backwards before you had a chance to wake the whole Covert.
“Adrean!”
You hissed your younger brother’s name and he smiled down at you, his green eyes and fiery red hair bright even in the darkness of your room.
He was only a year younger than you but sometimes he acted like he was half your age; it didn’t help that he looked so young - not that anyone other than you or your parents would recognise him - but with his bright eyes and the freckles that had covered his nose and cheeks he was left with a boy-ish look that was not in line with the fierceness of his warrior ways.
“Going somewhere?” He sang, his shoulder bumping yours as he walked by you and hopped onto your bed.
You stayed facing the doorway now covered back with the curtain, your head turning over your shoulder as he walked further into your room and you could only grit your teeth and watch.
“No.”
“No?” He smiled, shuffling backwards until his back pressed against the wall and his ankles crossed over one another - a sign he wasn’t planning on leaving any time soon. “Often get dressed up in your armor before the sun rises?”
You sighed in defeat, pulling your helmet and hood off and turning to face Adrean before answering, knowing the sooner he got what he wanted the sooner you could leave.
“Like you would know anyway. I can’t remember the last time I saw you awake before midday.”
He stuck his tongue out and you did the same back, unable to stop the smile that now pulled at the corner of your mouth as your shoulders relaxed down from your ears.
“You forgot to bring me my drink last night.”
“Sorry,” you snorted, walking over and sitting down at the other side of the bed, balancing your helmet on your knee. “Is that what this is about? Hanging about outside my room for an apology?”
He shook his head before leaning back against the wall.
“I saw you leave last night… then Din Djarin follow you.”
You waited for him to go on but he just raised an eyebrow across at you.
“He didn’t follow me-”
“No?”
You bit the inside of your cheek, the intensity of his gaze making your eyes fall down to the helmet in your lap.
“So, I’ll ask again,” he said, waiting until you looked back up at him, “going somewhere?”
You sighed, your fingers tracing over your helmet - the dark scratches that have aged with you and the newer ones you might be able to buff away, not meeting Adrean’s eye when you spoke again.
“You know what he’s like. He followed me to tell me about his bounty yesterday, the one everyone is talking about,” you rolled your eyes. “He just- I just- I can’t take it anymore. I need to prove myself to the Armorer, to everyone who sees me as second best to him; I need to get a good bounty today.”
He just smiled at you, one that said a million things without even having to utter a word, and you finally looked up at him.
“You sure this isn’t to prove yourself to him?”
“To Din?” You felt a warmth creep up the back of your neck. “Why- Why would I have to prove myself to him?”
You crossed your arms and he shrugged, the smile still on his face as he began to push off the bed and the mattress shook a little below you.
“I don’t know,” he grunted, jumping down to the floor, “only you would know that.”
You scowled back at him waiting for him to say something more, but he just stared back down at you.
“So… you’re not going to tell me this is a stupid idea?”
He just laughed, his head thrown back a little like he usually did. You had always admired how open he was with his emotions and willing to show them; most Mandalorians shied away from that, playing the role of being stoic and strong, but Adrean laughed and cried the second he felt like it in his heart.
“You already know it is,” he sighed, a smile still written across his face. He reached his hand towards you and as you wrapped your hand around his forearm he did the same to yours, pulling you off the bed. “You’re my big sister though, and one of the best warriors I know, so I won’t be standing in your way.”
You breathed out a laugh at that and he squeezed his hand around your forearm - just enough to send a reassurance through your chest.
“K’oyacyi.”
You nodded your head once, squeezing his arm back before dropping it.
“Thank you.”
As he walked back out, pausing at the curtain and peeking out to make sure no one was in the tunnel before slipping out, you carefully put your hood and helmet back on, making sure you had every weapon you needed strapped to your body before sneaking out through the tunnels.
By the time you were walking out of the Covert the sun was only just kissing the navy sky and lighting it with a lilac as you walked towards the cantina. The walk that usually took ten minutes was done in five, the door sliding open to reveal the cantina as being quiet save for a few stragglers from the night before who were half asleep at the bar and those who were here to set up business for the day. One of the latter was Greef Karga, perched at his usual table at the back of the room where he could look over everyone else.
His eyes were immediately drawn to you and there was no hiding the surprise that covered his face as he watched you walk in as the first customer of the day, the armor that had kept you warm in the cool of dawn now turning the heads of everyone else in the room too.
“You’re early this morning,” he nodded, waiting until you had stopped beside his table before looking you up and down, “and not even sitting? What’s the rush?”
His head tilted to the side, a smirk now covering his face, and you rolled your head to look down at the space opposite Karga, sighing as you dropped yourself - rather unceremoniously - into the booth. You had learned early on in your dealings with Karga to pick your battles with the man; to make him think you were indulging him to get what you wanted with only half the bother.
“What do I owe the pleasure of getting to…” he smiled over the rim of his glass, “hear your pretty voice this early in the day?”
“I’ll take whatever returns the most credits,” you replied monotonously, fingers tapping against the table pinky to pointer while hoping to dispel any further conversation.
Karga raised an eyebrow across at you as he placed his glass back on the table, questioning himself whether or not to go on. He finally relented, pulling a puck from his pocket with a sigh and setting up the hologram in the center of the table.
A twi’lek blocked your view of him, bright red text below reading 25,000 credits. Adrean’s words from the night before as he spoke about Din’s praised bounty echoed in your mind - “I heard the bounty was for 20,000 credits,” - and your hand instantly reached for the puck. Before your fingers could touch it, however, Karga slapped his hand over it and the rest of the cantina looked over to your table.
“I promised this to your Mando friend.”
You stared back at him from behind your visor and your hand that wasn’t on the table skimmed over the blue armor on your thigh, coming to rest on the blaster attached to your hip that was just in his eye line.
“I don’t see him here,” you scanned the room for any sight of a beskar helmet, making sure to turn your head enough for Karga to notice, “and I’ve never heard about claiming dibs on a bounty…”
You lifted your hand from the table, holding it palm up towards Karga and curling your fingers back twice towards you. He looked quickly over his shoulder towards the door and you rolled your eyes under the helmet. When he turned back to face you he sighed, lifting the puck to place it in your hand.
“He’s not going to be happy about this, you know.”
“When is he ever?”
You stood, placing the puck in your pocket as Karga laughed.
“You got me there,” he raised his glass once more, the dark liquid receiving a returning eyebrow raise from you beneath the helmet, and tipped it towards you, “happy hunting.”
Usually there was no rush when you got a puck because, well firstly Din was usually off planet already but, despite being in a contest with him, you were still one of the best hunters in the Guild.
Today, however, was different; today you needed to get as much space between you and Din before he woke.
You barely had time to think before getting into your ship, only taking enough time to check the last known location of the bounty before punching her into hyperspace as your hands worked skillfully over the controls. You knew that you had hoped for the impossible thinking that Din wouldn’t be up for hours and that he would no doubt be not far behind; he was, after all, one of the best trackers in the Guild so you were giving yourself two hours - at most - as a head start. It meant you had to use your time in hyperspace to read up on the bounty and try to get any clues for how this could go.
You flicked through pages and pages of information on your holopad, your gloves resting on the controls and your helmet in the chair by your side, as the blues and purples of hyperspace flashed around the cockpit. It turns out that the bounty owed some credits - or rather, a lot of credits - to his boss after smuggling some spice but disappearing before returning with the profit. It didn’t seem like he was violent, however, so that was a bonus for you.
When you finally landed on the forestry planet, the holopad switched off and your hands carefully navigating your ship into a clearing, the sun had already disappeared from the sky and the moon was high in its place. You could barely see anything between the thick trees and fog, the moonlight getting lost the second your ship was on flat ground and the engine cut soon after. You double and triple checked you had all of your weapons, your gloves and helmet placed back on as you kept a blaster in one hand and the tracker in the other as you stepped off your ship.
As soon as your boots touched the soil, sinking into the muddy ground, you turned the tracker on and it began to beep at a slow and steady pace. There was no sign of any heat signatures and you scanned through your visor, turning in a slow circle and looking in all directions, before you resigned yourself to the fact you would have to choose one at random and try that first.
You had noticed another small clearing as you landed, as though there was a small line between the trees where someone had trekked through the same path many times, and you headed in that direction first. After a while the tracker began to slowly, but surely, increase in pace and with the red flashes fanning through the fog you strapped it back onto your belt.
With each step you took you kept an eye out for any signs of life, looking for heat signatures or footprints. The first, second and third hour had come and gone without so much as a mark in the soil and only the slightest increase in the tracker’s beeps. The frustration was only building inside you as you realized that Din was most likely already on the planet and using your tracks to start off from, your grip on the blaster tightening as your feet began to hit the muddy soil even harder.
You had, probably using too much wishful thinking, hoped that you could have dealt with the bounty before Din had arrived; you had even imagined already loading the bounty onto the ship as the Crest landed beside your ship. You pictured Din standing at the top of his ramp, staring at you wordlessly with his fists clenched in annoyance at his side and you threw your head back with a laugh before he stormed back into the Crest and took off before the bounty was even thrown into the cryofreezer.
You stepped over a fallen tree, muttering under your breath as your footing slipped an inch, but before your next step could plant firmly on the ground you heard the quiet snap of a twig from behind. Your whole body stilled, all thoughts of Din gone as you switched on the bounty hunter part of your brain and turned to look over your shoulder as you searched for who - or what - had made that noise. Holding your breath you counted to ten, your fingers loosening and tightening once more around your blaster, waiting to hear if anything more was to come, but when it didn’t you placed your foot on the ground and began to walk again.
It must have been an animal, something small and scavenging for food at this time of night, but before you could question it any more a weight wrapped around your middle, pulling you backwards against a solid surface.
You kicked and thrashed, unable to turn and see your adversary. Their arm had wrapped around your biceps and kept your arms tight against your side so you couldn’t reach for any of your weapons. Your mind was racing as you cursed under your breath, your heels kicking back to try and catch their legs, but no matter how hard you tried to get out of their hold… nothing worked.
“Verd’ika,” they eventually spoke and a shiver ran up your spine as soon as his voice reached your ears, “what a silly girl taking what’s mine, wasting an early rise when you know I can find you so easily.”
Your body froze when he finished talking, his voice dropping and words slowing towards the end. You swore you heard a chuckle from under his helmet, his arm tightening around you almost an unnoticeable amount but enough to pull your back even closer against his chest. With a sigh you looked down at his armor clad forearm that was digging in below your chest plate; the rusted red scratching against the light blue.
“Didn’t know we were placing dibs on bounties now,” you tutted, almost petulantly. “Worried you need to cheat to stay ahead?”
You heard him laugh again, clearer this time, and his grip on you loosened as he placed you back down on the ground again. His hands never left you as he turned you to face him, two palms pressing against your arms and holding you in place as he stared down at you.
“Never.”
Before you could think of a retort his foot swiped against your legs and his arms pinned you to the ground, your head spinning at the fast movement and taking a moment to gather your bearings. One minute his helmet was in front of you and the next you were staring up through the trees, their leaves barely shaking in the wind as you fought to catch each breath, the way you had landed knocking you breathless. Your chest was in agony as you pushed yourself up, looking to the side and watching a blur of Din’s armor disappearing through the trees.
“Shit!”
You reached your hand out, your glove swiping through the dirt as you tried to find the still beeping tracker that had been knocked from your belt when his arms had wrapped around you. The beeps were reaching your ears at the same rhythm they had been before Din knocked you down and so you quickly pushed yourself up, your feet scrambling while you took off in the opposite direction.
Din was a smart man, there was no denying that, but sometimes he made mistakes when you were near; silly mistakes that a trained bounty hunter shouldn’t be making. He may have been heading in the right direction but it would take him twice as long as the way you were heading; he would have to climb over the steep hill while you could easily make your way around it.
Your whole body was aching, half from how hard you had hit the ground and half from exhaustion, but you forced your body not to let up; pushing your feet to continue to hit the ground at their unsustainable pace. You ducked and dived between trees as the tracker continued to beep from within your fist and you ran forward still until what looked like a makeshift shed was visible ahead through the trees.
It had only just come into view when a blaster shot came from the window and you managed to dive behind a tree as it skimmed across your shoulder, your back pressed against the trunk as you drew in a breath.

*****

He could see you between the trees as he ran forward, his body ducking behind a trunk as the blasters continued to fly by. A smile immediately broke out onto his face, heavy breaths leaving his mouth as he watched you peek out from behind the tree before another shot flew past and you hid once more. You were too far away for him to hear but as he watched you shake your head he knew you would be muttering under your breath. It was something that had always intrigued him - how when you were deep in thought, even in the midst of battle, you spoke to yourself as you worked out what was the best course of action.
A lot of things you did intrigued Din, plaguing him so much that he was unable to go more than five minutes without thinking about you. He thought about how you could stand toe-to-toe with whatever enemy you found yourself in front of, your confidence not wavering even an inch as you took them on. He thought about how, even in a hall filled with the rest of the Covert, he could hear your laugh above all else. He thought about how when he teased you he got to watch as you clenched your fists and stared back at him. He thought about how when you trained together and he pulled you close against him to stop your attacks, even beneath the layers of beskar and armor, he could smell roses - fresh and sweet - and his whole body would be overcome with the want to rip off his helmet, press his nose against your skin and breathe you in.
Another blaster shot came, this time skimming across your shoulder pauldron, and as your body collapsed against the mucky leaves his heart stopped for a moment. His hand reached for his blaster and pulled it out, your name on the tip of his tongue, but then you pushed back up off the ground and reached for a dagger strapped to your thigh, throwing it from behind the tree. A moment later it crashed through the shed, a yell following, and Din smiled, stalking closer towards you while keeping hidden behind the trees.
He couldn’t stop the urge to draw your attention this way, despite the blaster shots firing between you both, and the only way he knew to do so was to annoy you some more…

*****

“Out of your depth a little, verd’ika?”
You looked over to your right to find Din crouched behind another tree, his forearm resting over his knee and his blaster loose in his grip.
“Stop calling me that,” you spat back through gritted teeth.
“Little soldier”. He had called you that the first time he noticed he was taller than you after using his new height advantage to knock you to the ground. He clocked the way your helmet glared back at him, the annoyed shake of your shoulders unmistakable, and so he had made a point to call you that ever since. In fact, Din rarely called you by your first name - splitting his time between calling you verd’ika or by your Clan name, Mardyn.
You knew he was smiling to himself under the helmet, loving the way he knew exactly how to get under your skin, but before you could think of another retort he sent a nod your way and pushed his weight up, running towards the shed with his blaster aimed in front of him.
Like Hell he is getting your bounty.
You ran behind him, using his broad shoulders as a shield for the blaster shots that continued to fire at the pair of you. You heard the clicking of a blaster becoming jammed and smirked, picking up enough speed to tackle Din to the ground while the bounty struggled with his blaster.
“What the-”
“My bounty, Djarin,” you spoke down at him, his arms pinned by his helmet while you straddled his lap.
In one quick move Din had flipped your bodies and pinned you on the ground, his weight hovering over you. Your breath caught in your throat, his hands easily wrapping around your wrists and his knee between your legs as he held you down. His whole body covered yours, the moonlight that was peeking between the trees and fog now completely blacked out as you stared back into his visor.
“Didn’t know we were calling dibs, Mardyn.”
You groaned as he teased your words back at you and pushed off, your wrists pressed deeper into the mud as his legs were already carrying him towards the hut before you could raise your helmet.
With one last saving grace you reached over your head for his ankle, catching it and pulling him to the ground as you pushed your weight up and ran by him. You could hear his loud curse as you ran by, the smile on your face growing wider when you knew you were out of his reach.
When you burst into the shed the bounty was still crouched behind the window, jammed blaster in his hand but body stilling as he looked up at you. His hands immediately raised, the blaster dropping with a clang.
“Don’t shoot!”
You caught your breath, putting your blaster back into its holster and pulling on his arm.
“Get up,” you sighed, wrenching his arms together and securing handcuffs around his wrists.
It wasn’t quite the victory you had imagined, the handcuff securing around his second wrist as Din finally stood in the doorway and you stared at one another both covered helmet-to-toe in mud. Nevertheless, you still got your moment of victory as his shoulders sagged, the blaster in his hand angrily pushed back into his holster.
“Better luck next time,” you spoke sweetly.
The words he had said to you a hundred times hung in the air and there was barely any time to register what he was doing before he turned on his heels and left, the glimmer of his helmet only just noticeable as you peeked through the window and watched him storm off through the trees.

******

You infuriated him; made his whole body writhe with anger and set a fire that spread out and made him uncomfortable beneath his usual, agreeable armor.
He had thought for a moment that he had won, when you were pinned beneath him and the bounty was frozen, but then he let his eyes roam across your body below his and he was distracted. For a split second he had forgotten all about the bounty - his mind clouded by the vision of you laid out beneath him and the anger that seemed to disappear as you relaxed against the ground and let your weight press down on the knee that was placed between your legs.
He had to fight back the choked sound that threatened to leave his throat, tense his arms to stop his whole body from collapsing against you while begging for you to do that again. He almost let all resolve drop, tearing down the wall he had spent nearly two decades building up to keep you at arm's length.
At first he had done it because you were his biggest rival, the one who stood between him and the place as the most highly regarded ade of your Covert, but then it had become for a reason that was far more desperate. For years, Din had struggled with the same nightmare. It started the second his eyes closed and then when they opened he was a child, his house shaking with an explosion as mother ran into his room quickly followed by his father who pulled him from bed. It was a rush as they pulled a cloak over his head, nothing but worried glances shared between the adults no matter how many times he asked what was going on.
He hadn’t been carried by his father in years, not while awake anyway, and yet as they ran through the streets his father held him tight against his chest. Din watched over his father’s shoulder as houses exploded and other parents ran with their children, droids landing on every corner and making his parents turn and run in the other direction.
They ran until his father finally put him down, opening up two doors and placing Din inside the small box. The last thing he saw were his parents, telling him how much they loved him, before the doors were shut and another explosion came.
He then woke up with a start, safely in the Covert.
It would happen every night when he was a child until they became every other night, then once a week, a month… He still got them every so often but they didn’t shake him quite as much as they did almost twenty years ago.
When he first arrived at the Covert, Din had been upset that he wasn't adopted into a specific clan. He watched other children - like you - become close to their parents and live as a family. It didn’t take long for him to change this view - to find a way to be grateful. He had already lost two parents and so the risk of losing two more… This was a safe out.
He had avoided any strong, parental attachments and after ten years in the Covert and approaching his twentieth birthday, Din breathed a sigh of relief that he would never have to deal with the pain of losing anyone close to him again.
But then… there was you. Of course he had never realized the danger you posed as children - it was nothing more than a silly game you played to one up each other - but one minute you were just another Mandalorian and then you were… you. He found himself searching for you in every room he walked into, looking to protect you in every battle. He thought of you when he was awake and asleep, happy and sad, when he was with you and when he wasn’t.
The pain of losing his parents was still there, a piece of him that he would never lose, but it wasn’t as strong. It was more of a memory than a feeling. The thoughts he began to have of ever having to lose you, though, cut deep; it was a pain that spread out through his chest and made it hard to take in a breath, his vision darkening and hands shaking until he could look at you and know you were okay.
The realization of the power you held over him was enough for him to push you away even more so. He needed you to think that he hated you, or lived to annoy you at least, and he spent each and every day learning how to do so. He continued to do what he could to keep his real feelings hidden and keep you away from him. The relentless teasing did a good job, as did staying ahead of her in the bounty county challenge. Speaking of which-
When the bounty’s blaster became jammed again and your body stiffened beneath his, he pushed his weight off of you and ran towards the hut. He knew he had spent too long staring down at you when he felt your hand wrap around his ankle, his body hitting the ground - hard - soon after. He watched as you ran ahead, your body bursting into the hut as muffled words were exchanged between you and the bounty.
You had spoken those words he had used to tease you hundreds of times back at him; the words dripped in a sweetness as you tilted your helmet ever so slightly and he had to force himself to storm off or risk letting the walls drop for another second.

*****

The walk back to your ship took twice as long with the bounty in tow, his feet dragging as you pulled the rope that was wrapped around your wrist and tied around his handcuffs. Whenever he slowed even more and you gave the rope a particularly hard tug a muttering of curses was sent your way and you rolled your eyes under your helmet, picking the pace up even more.
As soon as your ship came into view he finally began to pick up the pace, walking a little too close behind but you were just glad to be getting off the planet soon that you didn’t stop him. You lifted your arm, scanning across the controls on your forearms to open the door and lower the ramp, when his sleazy voice met your ears.
“Hey, bet you’re pretty under there, sure I can’t help keep you busy on the way back?”
You looked over your shoulder, his hands that were bound together by the handcuffs already reaching towards you, but before they could grab at anything you lifted your hand and headed squarely for his nose.
“You bitch!” He screeched, lunging for you.
His body crashed into yours before you could even register what was happening, knocking you both to the ground. It was a flurry of arms and legs, punches and kicks, and the rope began to tangle between you. You felt his hands move down your side towards your belt and you tried to squirm away but with your hands now trapped in the thick rope you could only watch as he lifted a vibroblade from your holster and swiped it down at you.
He missed the first time but before you could roll away he sat with his legs at either side of your waist, trapping you against the ground, and he swiped down again, this time landing perfectly where your armor had been bent the week before.
The blade sliced against your skin and you screamed out as loud as you could with his weight on top of you, half in frustration and half in pain as you gritted your teeth and reached down to your thigh for your blaster, your hands fumbling around and able to lift it before he could attack again.
With one shot his body collapsed against yours, pressing you even deeper into the mud. You took a second to breathe, rolling his weight off you and letting your helmet rest back as you closed your eyes while trying to fight off the ringing in your ears from the scream that had bounced around your helmet.
Your side hurt, you could feel your heartbeat pulsing down your ribs, and you knew it would hurt even more when you tried to get up.
There wasn’t another moment to think about how you could get up with it hurting the least when you heard a scurry coming from between the trees, getting louder and louder as it headed in your direction. You quickly pushed your weight up onto your elbow, ignoring the pain searing down your side as you aimed your blaster ahead.
“It’s me!”
Despite the corners of your vision darkening - that can’t be good - and the pain that was pulsing in your side now moving to your temples you could make out the silhouette, his beskar helmet staring directly towards you, taking a moment to look at the body by your side and back again, with his hands raised at his side.
As soon as his voice, slightly more panicked than usual, reached your ears you let your body relax back against the ground.
“What happened?”
“It was…” you shook your head, taking a deep breath and twisting your body as you stood so the large gash in your side would be turned away from him. “It was nothing, just a bounty trying his luck.”
You tripped over your feet and leaned a hand against the side of your ship, the familiar cool metal giving you a moment to steady yourself. By the time you turned to look back at Din he was by your side, an arm out ready to catch you if you fell again and you waved him off.
“I’m fine, he just knocked the breath from me a little.”
He stared back at you for a moment, his hand still held out as though he was deciding whether or not to trust you, before he nodded once and let his hands fall back to his side.
“While you’re here though…” you nodded over your shoulder back at the bounty.
Din sighed, his shoulders dropping as he shook his head and bent down to the bounty.
“You,” he grunted as he lifted the bounty over his shoulder, “owe me.”
“Yeah, yeah,” you waved him off, watching as he carried the bounty up the ramp before you let your body sag against the ship the second he was out of sight.
Taking a few deep breaths you tried to steady your legs that were growing tired, your hand coming to press against your side and making you hiss in pain before you pulled it back to see the stained red leather.
“Shit,” you muttered.
You needed to get Din off your ship as quickly as possible to sort this soon. The last thing you needed was passing out before you could deal with the serious blood loss you were now faced with. Taking three deep breaths you tried to make your voice sound steady when you called after him.
“What were you still doing here?”
You closed your eyes and let your helmet rest against the side of the ship while he put the bounty in your cryofreezer, his voice following the slam of the door.
“I… I had a problem with the Crest. I was fixing that when I heard you scream.”
You hummed noncommittally as you pressed your hand harder against your side, trying to stop some of the bleeding for now as your legs grew weak and your body slid down against the side of your ship.
“Mardyn?”
His voice sounded clearer now, like he was no longer in the ship, but you had no energy to turn to look at him.
He spoke once again, your name called and followed by the sound of his boots running down the ramp before he knelt in front of you.
“Let me see.”
His words were stern, your body relaxing more as your hand fell to the ground and you heard him swear under his breath.
“Stubborn girl, why didn’t you tell me?”
His hand replaced yours, firmer than yours ever had been, and you just about had the energy to wail before his helmet turned from the injury to your visor.
“Sorry,” he muttered.
“’s fine,” you tried to push him away but he held firm, his hands shaking you slightly.
“Don’t.”
You were clinging onto consciousness with the last of your energy but you could hear the firmness in his word and so you relented, your helmet rolling back as he fumbled around and managed to hold his hand against your side while lifting you against his chest.
You could hear his voice continue as he carried you up the ramp, your helmet resting against his hard chest, but you could no longer make out his words, your eyes closing and body relaxing as you failed to fight sleep any longer.

*****

You had been slumped against the side of your ship when Din had stepped back out into the foggy planet, an excuse of why he was still here - waiting for you - still leaving his mouth when he caught sight of the curled up ball of blue that thrust his body into action.
When you never replied, not even lifting your helmet after he had shouted your name, his whole body was in panic mode and before he knew it he was kneeling before you and pulling your hand from your side to see what you were hiding from him.
Oh shit.
There was a slice through your underclothes that showed the large gash of red on your skin that ran up your side, explaining why you could barely lift your helmet to look at him. Your whole body, usually held so strong and steady, was slumped against his as he worked hard and fast to stop the bleeding while also lifting you from the ground. All of his energy was going into not losing the last piece of resolve he was clinging to and so there was none left to soften the harsh words that were leaving his mouth as he ordered - not asked - you to stay awake.
He ran up the ramp with you in his arms, nonsense spilling from his mouth to try and keep you awake, before slamming the door shut with his elbow pressing against the button, the ship flooding with darkness for a moment before the lights came on and he lowered you carefully to the ground. He only took his hand off you for a second to remove your chest armor and rip your undershirt to see the full extent of your injury.
It was a lot bigger than he had thought - than he had hoped - and so he pulled his cloak from around his neck and pressed it against your side as he leaned over you.
“Where is your med-kit?”
He looked directly into your visor but as soon as the words had left his mouth your head began to roll to the side, a mumble only just loud enough for him to hear before he managed to catch the chin of your helmet between his thumb and forefinger as he pulled it back towards him. He couldn’t stop the harshness in his words when he spoke again, speaking through gritted teeth and a clenched jaw.
“Med. Kit.”
He knew he was sounding too gruff, too angry, but he desperately needed you to listen; he needed you to be okay.
Your arm barely lifted from the floor but it was enough to point towards a drawer that Din yanked open, pulling out a small but well-packed med-kit. He moved quickly but his hands were shaking as he pulled out everything he would need, one hand pressing his cloak tight against your side as he pushed his helmet up enough to rip open the packets of bandages with his teeth. It was hard to unroll the bandages with one hand, even harder to uncap the bacta, but he rathered that more than the thought of removing his hand from your side for too long.
With the bacta open he turned to you on his knees, your body slumped against the ground, and for the first time, as he lifted the bacta over to your side, he hoped you were unconscious.
“This will sting,” he said quietly.
When the first drop hit your skin your whole body came to life, arching off the floor with a pain groan as he used one hand to hold you down and the other to continue to pour the bacta over you. His eyes squeezed shut of their own accord, your pain slicing right through his chest, but he knew he needed to focus and forced his head to shake as he opened his eyes again and tried to focus on the injury.
“I’m sorry, shhh, I’m sorry.”
He tried to hush you as gently as he could muster through his shaking and he began to unclasp more of the armor that covered your arms to make you more comfortable and to distract himself. He could barely recognise his own voice with each soothing sound that had left his mouth but after a moment your body relaxed against the ground again and he let his words trail off.
He tried to focus on the injury and ignore the soft skin that surrounded it as he lifted your shirt up an inch more to wrap a bandage in place. He had wondered for years if he would ever get to see the soft skin that lay hidden beneath the layers of armor, if he would ever get to trace it with his fingers, his mouth, his tongue... but he never thought he would see it like this.
He lifted you from the ground, balancing your top half over his forearm as your legs stayed sprawled out on the ship floor, and he began to wrap the bandage around you, feeling and hearing your whimpers and moans of pain as he pulled it tight one last time before letting you back down to the ground again.
Both of his hands were still shaking as he covered you with a blanket that had been in the drawer next to the med-kit, removing the rest of your armor and your boots so you lay only in your under armor and helmet. Your body was softer than the one he recognised, the barrier of the armor now gone and giving him a glimpse of something he never thought he could be lucky enough to see.
The adrenaline of trying to save you was wearing off and his body was growing weak, leaning against the wall as he slid down it until his legs were by your head. His hands hooked under your arms and pulled you onto his lap, your head resting on his thighs and the blanket tight around your middle where the bandage was wrapped to keep you warm, and he watched each shaky rise and fall of your chest.
Quiet reassurances of “it’s okay, you’re okay, it’s okay,” were brushing past his lips as he let his hand rest below your chest to feel each breath. He didn’t know who he was reassuring but as his whole body began to relax with each rise of his hand along with your breath he knew that it was - selfishly - for himself.
After an hour of doing nothing but counting each rise and fall of your chest your breathing began to grow shaky and labored and, before Din could stop himself, words began to tumble from his mouth.
Ever since joining the Covert, Din had found his way into having a reputation of being the “silent but deadly” warrior. It wasn’t that he didn’t have a lot to say, in fact in his mind Din was constantly talking to himself and questioning things over, but he just didn’t know what to say. Even now, even while knowing you were unconscious and unable to hear what he was saying, he couldn’t find a way to form the words he had imagined, in his weaker moments, saying a million times over.
You have to be okay, for me, for your parents and Adrean. I can’t live without you in this world. I don’t really hate you, you know that? I don’t hate you. I- I-
He had never admitted the word to himself, to anyone else that was for sure, and he couldn’t find it in him to do it now. He had avoided saying that one word that truly described everything he felt for you because he couldn’t bear to lose you after he had ever admitted those feelings, it would kill him. No matter how much he wanted to admit it now, to know that if you weren’t okay then at least he had said those words to you; he knew that he would never survive it.
And so he stayed like this for hours, trying to stay distracted by counting each rise and fall of your chest as it began to steady and he felt himself calm along with it. At one point, around an hour ago he guessed, your hand fell out from the blanket and came to rest on top of his, fingers threading between his own. Even beneath the leather glove he could feel how cold you were, his other hand coming to tuck the blanket even tighter around you while holding your hand in his.
He couldn’t help but blame himself for this. Your armor lay on a messy pile on the floor and his eyes landed on the bent chest plate where the blade had hit your skin. He had been the one to bend it, too distracted by you to pay attention to your training the week before as he tightened his arms around your middle until the beskar bent, and now here you were fighting to find consciousness because of his foolishness.
You had a way of distracting him, a usually obedient warrior, whether it was in training or in battle - he was either enchanted by the way you fought or preoccupied by what lay beneath the armor, a sight only your future riddur, someone who would be the luckiest man in the whole of the galaxies, would see.
He was just thankful he had stayed on the planet and that the Crest was parked not too far away from your own ship, just out of sight behind a few rows of trees. He had waited on his ramp cleaning his blaster for a sight of your ship leaving safely before he would leave but then he heard your scream and he ran faster than ever before towards the sound.
With every minute that passed he could feel the life come back to you beneath his hand, slowly but surely beginning to wake up. You eventually groaned, your hand coming up to your helmet to hold where you were no doubt struggling with one hell of a headache as you began to sit up.
Your hands were still clasped together and now resting on the floor as he held his other hand out behind you should you fall back, not quite touching but close enough to feel the heat that was now steaming from your body.
“Please, just, don’t say anything,” you grumbled.
“I won’t,” he answered defensively, a bite catching at the end of his words before he could stop them.
Your helmet turned quickly up to his, taking a moment to stare into his visor before you spoke quietly.
“I didn’t mean anything by that.”
As a silence washed over you he looked down to where your fingers were still laced together, warm palm pressed to warm palm. He felt your helmet follow his gaze and he wished he hadn’t made it so obvious, your hand dropping his far too quickly with a mumble of an apology.
“You should eat,” he stopped your rambling, not wanting to hear you apologize so desperately for something he had enjoyed.
“Yes,” you nodded, not moving for a moment before quickly sitting up straight, “yes, sorry, I can do that; you must have been waiting hours for me to wake up-”
“Stop.”
He almost reached his hand out to stop you from moving but he was scared of letting himself touch you again so instead he started to stand, his legs weak from how long he had sat on the hard floor.
“I’ll get you food. Then as soon as I’m sure you won’t go passing out again I can head back to my ship.”
He knew you didn’t like being told what to do, your shoulders held straight despite your tired body, but he wasn’t going to let you make your own food after only waking up a moment before.
There was an uncomfortable silence around the ship as you moved to sit against the wall and he opened and closed drawers until he found something for you to eat and drink. In his very core, he hated how awkward this was and handed it to you in silence, only nodding when you thanked him before busying himself with tidying the mess of blood and ripped bandages while you took your helmet off to eat.
It pained him, down to the deepest parts of his soul, whenever his mind was confused with thoughts about you. This is exactly what he wanted, wasn’t it? The logical part of his brain told him that didn’t want you to be close - he just wanted you to be warriors who fought alongside one another - so why should there be conversation flowing between you now? It was his heart that was the problem…
He scrubbed at the floor where your now dried blood was and after ten minutes he heard you place the helmet back on, your voice coming through the modulator when you spoke being enough confirmation for him to turn and face you.
“Din?”
When he stood in front of you, you moved to stand on shaky legs, ignoring his hand held out in front of you as you stubbornly brought yourself to your feet before leaning against the wall. You looked smaller now, the helmet still the only piece of armor covering your body while the rest of you was covered in your dark under clothes and the white bandage. He noticed that without your boots on you stood a good few inches smaller and he had to turn his helmet down more than usual to meet your eyes through the visor.
“Thank you. You- you didn’t have to do all that, I would have been fine.”
“Fine or dead?”
No matter how much he knew that this… awkwardness is exactly what he had tried so hard to force between you he still felt the urge - the need - to protect you; he was only human, there was no removing that feeling completely.
You stayed silent for a moment, looking down at your hands and then back at him.
“You’re right, thank you.”
“It’s fine,” he sighed, “you would have done the sam-”
“Please don’t go back and tell everyone about this.”
His whole body froze and the logical part of him fought a losing battle to control the rage bubbling within him.
Did you really think so little of him?
“Okay, yeah,” he laughed, but not his usual laugh that he - or you - could recognise. No, this was filled with anger, annoyance, venom. “Because that’s all I’m good for? I’m not that bad.”
He stepped towards you as the last word left his mouth and he watched your body jerk away, his hands clenched into fists at his side.
“Din, I’m sorry, I- That’s not what I-”
“No it’s fine,” he waved you off, bending down to pick up his rifle he had taken off hours ago, “I’m glad you’re okay.”
He could hear his brain telling him to calm down, to stop being so hot and cold, and he could hear you calling after him but with his pulse loud in his ears he couldn’t make out your words. He stormed down the ramp into the planet that was still covered with a thick fog, the moon back in the sky after you slept through a whole day of the sun, and as he felt as you tried to follow him before stopping at the bottom of your ramp. He picked up his pace until he was almost running through the forest back to the Crest, his shaky breath fogging up his visor.
He had tried for years to push you away but he had never imagined how much it would hurt him for you to do the same.

Chapter 3: Chapter Three - Kindle

Notes:

Thank for the the patience! This is a few days later because I was a bit under the weather :(
If you would rather read on tumblr then it will be posted there (@/ moralesispunk) at 3pm BST tomorrow!

Din wasn’t sure why he ran.
The second he had stepped off the ramp and his boots sank into the wet soil he was already fighting down the urge to turn back and listen to your apology. He couldn’t help the way his whole body went rigid when your tired call of his name reached his ears, every single piece of him wanting to pull you into his arms until you were better, until he knew for certain that you would be okay, but that is exactly why he had to run.
Your body was too tired to follow him but it didn’t stop your call of his name bouncing between the trees until suddenly Din found himself running as fast as he had the day before when he heard your screams of pain - only this time he was running from you. It was too risky to stay this close to you for a second longer and it was all because of a promise he had made himself four years ago.
The Armorer had confided in him that she had always considered arranging unions between Mandalorians to grow the Covert and make it as strong as it once had been. Din had shown no signs of protest, the ever dutiful soldier nodding along to what his Commander said, but after a night of tossing and turning he sought the Armorer out the very next day.
He had told her that he agreed it would be a good idea but only to be used when she was truly desperate and he had agreed to help all unwed Mandalorians get onside with it so long as she never forced him into a union, especially not with you.
She had, of course, questioned him, the room falling silent as Din knelt before the Armorer and thought of the real reason why.
Din loved you and for that reason he could not marry you. He loved you but he didn’t want to love you and while it would rip him to his very core if he ever had to lose you - if you were killed like so many Mandalorians are, especially as of late - Din would destroy the whole galaxy if you were his riddur, if he got to know you on a level closer than anyone else, and then you were killed. He did not want to see himself become like that.
He was being a coward and he knew it. A brave, strong warrior who also had a coward’s heart was not who the Armorer wanted, or needed, as her right-hand man and so Din told a lie.
“There are plenty of others who can grow the Covert, there should be at least one solely focused on protecting it along with you.”
She accepted it, however hesitantly, but when the next union happened and shortly after they told the Armorer that she was with child, Din never heard the Armorer speak of the arranged unions again. Din wasn’t naive enough to believe that the subject would never be brought up again and so he continued being his best to stay as her next in Command.
It didn’t stop the love he had for you spreading throughout his whole body, rendering him less than useless when you were in a room together and he couldn’t focus on anything other than you, but forcing that wall up that you would never be his riddur made it slightly easier to handle.
He knew it was more than likely he would have to watch you take another as your riddur, grow a family and flaunt it in front of him each day, but as the Armorer’s second in command he could spend the rest of his life protecting you and knowing you were safe.
Now that was ruined too. Din had been too close to opening up, telling you how much he loved you, and now he had to run.
Your shouts of his name were still finding him as he scrambled up the ramp, his hands catching himself before his body could fall as he threw himself inside and slammed the door shut behind him.
Only then did silence from you come, his vision blurring with tears and heavy breaths that were fogging up his visor as his heart was beating heavy in his ears and he ripped his helmet from his head with shaky hands, letting it fall to the ground with a crash. It didn’t take long for another crash to come, his legs giving out and his knees hitting the ground as he pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes until he saw stars - forcing the images of you from his mind.
The picture of you clinging onto consciousness outside of your ship; of when you writhed in pain as he tried to stop the bleeding; of your small body lying across his lap - an image he had dreamt of many times before, imagining you both on a fruitful green planet minus your helmets, but now he was counting each breath and begging you to stay alive; of your body that looked even smaller when he stormed from the ship, your voice weaker than ever when you called after him.
The unwarranted grief weighed heavy in his chest as he pulled himself up from the ground, his legs stumbling as he walked towards the cockpit and carelessly climbed the ladder until he was slumped in the pilot’s chair. His hands were still shaking as he searched for the furthest planet he could find from Nevarro before setting course for there.
*****
It had been a year to the day since Din had seen you last.
He had truly never meant for it to be so long; at first he planned to travel the galaxy and pick up enough work to keep him going until he managed to box up his feelings once more and return to the Covert to face you, but then one week had turned into two and suddenly one month became twelve.
At some point he had fallen in with a group of bounty hunters who were seeking to lose themselves in the galaxy, a bunch of nomads that Din seemed to fit in perfectly with. He had never worked with anyone before, other than the few times you had teamed up together for particularly frustrating bounties, but working with others meant that they would keep news of a Mandalorian bounty hunter from other agents of the guild, and as a result it meant he could stay hidden from you.
He was being a coward and he knew it; each day he woke he counted another away from you before he forced himself through whatever bounty he was chasing that day. It didn’t take long for Din Djarin to disappear and be replaced by Mando - a ruthless, cutthroat, bounty hunter who had gone from someone he had once considered a good man, a man who followed morals taught to him by both his parents and the Covert, to one who was stumbling down the path to evil. He was picking up bounties he would never have taken a second glance at before, pulling the trigger the second the bounty was required “dead or alive”, sometimes even before he had the green light.
It had now been months since Din had even bothered to look at his reflection in the mirror when he wasn’t wearing his helmet, mostly because he couldn’t stomach it after what had happened last time. They had been traveling for weeks, finally stopping on some backwater planet where credits from the last bounty were spent on rooms at an Inn and enough alcohol that Din could barely remember the night. He had woken before the sun, the room still spinning as he stumbled from the bed where Xi’an still slept towards the bathroom to splash some cold water on his face in the hope of warding off that sick feeling in the pit of his stomach.
He took his helmet off, cupping the water in his hands and splashing it over his face a few times before he finally looked up to the muddy mirror on the wall. The man who stared back with cold and lifeless eyes, red-rimmed from the alcohol drank at the bar that led to the woman in the bed, wasn’t one he recognised. Din found himself curled up and dry heaving as his shaking palms pressed against the cool tile floor until he reached up for his helmet, slipping it on his head before he stood in risk of catching a glimpse of that man again.
Din had realized that until that moment he had always held out hope that he could go home, that any day he could decide he was done and he could return to the Covert where he could grovel and you would forgive him. Most of the time when he imagined it he thought of his plan, working his way back in with the Armorer to protect the Covert - and you, who would be happily living as another’s riddur and mother to their children - for the rest of his life. Sometimes, however, Din let himself indulge in his fantasy - that he could return home and at some point during his apology he would tell you he loved you before you repeated the words back, the both of you standing before the Armorer and reciting vows and then going back to see one another’s faces. You always lifted your helmet first and he imagined those eyes he knew from days when you were children, wiser and perhaps some smile lines in the corner from how often your laugh bounced around the tunnels, but the second Din began to remove his he stopped the daydream.
The man who stared back at him in the mirror would never be deserving of that now, no matter how much penance he made.
It was all a dream though, and Din never thought he would see you again… until he did.
He had seen you the second you stepped into the club, the hairs on the back of his neck already standing on end as he searched out whatever the cause was before he caught sight of that familiar blue armor. It was the same feeling he had every day back on Nevarro, the need to look at you, but now that urge somehow felt stronger and even with the rest of the group talking around the table and Xi’an leaning on his side he couldn’t take his eyes from you.
He watched as you moved along the edge of the dancefloor, taking care to stay away from the flashing lights as you sat in a booth up the back. You shook what snow had clung to your cloak off before taking down your hood, Din’s mind racing as he tried to work out what seemed so different about you now.
He finally realized that it was in the way you held yourself, something less lively about how you almost curled your shoulders in to appear smaller while waving off the bar staff who approached your table.
It was like suddenly he couldn’t breathe, his hands clenched into fists below the table and his heart hammering in his chest as he tried to decide if he wanted you to notice him or not. Every time your helmet tilted even slightly he held his breath, waiting until your eyes had scanned past him without noticing before he let out a sigh or relief - or perhaps defeat.
Eventually you stood and Din sat straighter in the booth, ready to follow you, but before he could move you stopped in the middle of the dancefloor and your helmet whipped around to look directly into his.
You didn’t move for what felt like hours, visor staring into visor. He couldn’t make you out as well as he wanted to with the flashing red and blue lights but he could see your shoulders shake with each breath, your hands tensing and relaxing in fists repeatedly by your side as though you were contemplating what to do.
For a second he thought you were about to walk over, your foot rocking forward and stepping towards him, but then in a single moment you turned on your heels and left, the bounty that Din hadn’t even noticed from how hard he had been concentrating on you being dragged behind you before Din even knew what had happened.
The table in front of Din almost tipped from how quickly he stood, Xi’an tossed somewhere to the side as a drink spilled over the already sticky surface but before the glass had even hit the table Din was already gone.
At first he told himself he just wanted to watch you go, to know you were safe, but before he could stop himself he called out to you.
“Verd’ika.”
You dropped the rope from across your shoulder before turning around to face him and he took a minute to look down your body. Beneath the cloak the almost pristine blue armor that he had thought of every night was now covered in dents and scratches. Some of them were deep, dents that were fatal had it not been for the thick beskar, and others were scratches, slashes that would have scared across your soft skin had it not been for the protection.
Your shoulders weren’t held as tall and you looked a lot smaller, your voice weaker when you answered each teasing rise he tried to pull from you - a habit he couldn’t seem to let go of.
“Djarin… Been a while.”
He pushed off from the tree he had been leaning on, trudging through the thick snow until you were both free from the shadows of the trees. He didn’t reply, nodding once before coming to a stop far closer than need be so your helmet had to tilt up towards him. You refused to speak first again, tilting your helmet and waiting for him to go on and he couldn’t stop the words that left his mouth next.
“Miss me?”
You sighed and he could feel you rolling your eyes under your helmet but something about being with you made him want to fall back to what it had been like before that day a year ago, before everything changed.
“Listen, I’ve got places to be but it’s nice to know you’re alive since you just disappeared off the face of the earth.”
He had never imagined you to brush him off so easily when - if - he saw you again and when you turned from him his body had sprung into action before he could think, his hand wrapping around your wrist and tugging on it ever so slightly until you sighed and looked back at him. Both of your gazes seemed to fall around where his hand was - neither of you having thought you would see each other again let alone touch.
“Are- are you leaving now?” He had asked, hating how broken his voice came out.
He should have apologized to you then - told you he had been an idiot, and so much worse, that he only acted how he did because he was so scared of how much he loved you, and that he was no longer afraid to say that word when it came to you because it was a lie to say anything else.
But he didn’t and before he knew it you had turned and left, your body disappearing between the trees while he could do nothing but watch while listening to his name - or rather “Mando” - being called from behind.
It was like he was torn between two paths. Ahead of him was Din Djarin, the man he was proud to be, the life that could be led by your side even if it was at a distance, watching as you moved on and married, had children, but knowing you were safe. He knew he would never - could never - find a riddur that wasn’t you but he had accepted that just being near you was enough long ago. Behind him was Mando; the man who made him sick. When he thought of his future then he could barely imagine a few years before he was dead or worse, pure evil.
He just about had the sense to hide behind a tree, waiting until Xi’ian had passed before finding his way to the Crest and doing what he did best - running once more.
*****
Part of you had given up hope of ever running into Din again, at least that is the only explanation you could think of when you felt that shock that had you standing motionless in the middle of a packed club as his beskar helmet stared back at yours.
You had spent the last year worried about Din, that he had been injured or worse, and now you were faced with him it had proved that he had just run… from you, from what happened a year ago, from what could have happened if you both returned to the Covert.
On the journey from Vorpan to back home you let tears flow freely down your cheeks as you swore that this would be the last time you cried over that man. This would surely be the last time you would see him and it had been enough to tide over the worry that kept you awake most nights but it replaced it with something far stronger - anger.
It hadn’t taken long for Din to prove you wrong once again.
It had been a week later and you were sitting in the hall with your parents and Adrean when every helmet in the room turned towards the room, all chatter dying down as a large rusted-red shadow covered the doorway. His helmet turned around the room as though searching for something - or someone - before coming to a stop when his visor stared into yours.
While everyone else’s attention was on him, his was on yours and you couldn’t stop yourself as you stood on shaky legs, a few helmets finally turning to stare between you both. You don’t know what you had been hoping for - an apology? An explanation? A confession? - no matter how hard you tried to tell yourself that Vorpan was the last time you would see him, part of you couldn’t deny that you had hoped this moment would come.
Maybe you should have spoken first, offered your own confessional that you had buried deep in your chest for so long that you weren’t sure how much longer you could go on while struggling to breathe with how heavy it weighed, but your voice seemed to catch in your throat.
A lifetime had passed, the silent room slowly filling with quiet murmurs of Mandalorians talking about the return of the prodigal son and the millions of words that were left unsaid and hanging across the room, and then when you finally found your voice, your lips parting to say his name, Din turned and he walked back out.
You were left in embarrassment, the room turning to face you as you sat back down with your family and their sympathetic words were silenced when you glared at them through your visor.
You didn’t see Din for days after that, much like what had happened when he first came to the Covert. You knew that he was still here, however, with all the gossip that filled the tunnels of his return. It was impossible to avoid someone without trying with a Covert as small as this and so when you found yourself wandering the tunnels in search of him you knew that it was Din hiding from you; that did nothing to cool the anger bubbling in your chest so when you next saw Din it had been ready to spill over.
You were in the armory alone, cleaning weapons and hoping for an evening of peace from your family and everyone else who uttered his name at least once a sentence. You could feel him before you could see him, your back facing the doorway but the energy in the room shifting until he said your name and it felt like everything stopped.
When you turned to face him he was still standing in the doorway, his hands awkwardly tensing and releasing at his side as he waited for you to talk… but you never did. You turned back around and picked the blaster that had been in your hands up as you reached for a cloth and began to clean once more.
He stayed at the door for a while longer, nothing said and the only sound being the scraping of the cloth against the metal until finally his boots hitting the ground began to echo around the tunnel. You stayed like that until your hands were numb and your gloves ripped from how hard you had dragged the cloth back and forth across the barrel while fighting through tears.
Little had been said between you over the next two years. You never spoke about the night he saved your life or the night you saved his; saving him from the spiral he was going down. You never spoke about the love or hate you felt - and that the same feelings he was keeping secret from you. You only spoke when you were forced to, only interacted when you trained - slightly more violently than you would with anyone else - and only looked at him when your heart was begging you to and every time you gave in you found him already looking at you.
Din had been accepted back into the Covert with open arms and you went back to fighting to be recognised as a good Mandalorian - a great warrior - which was exhausting you almost as much as it did to ignore Din and so you slid submissively into your role as second best, saying thank you when the Armorer chose you when Din was busy with another task, being polite to Din in front of others, violent training to one up each other, and a competitive edge beneath each task the Armorer handed out.
Yet, even two years later, each night you struggled with sleep. You stayed staring at the ceiling as you thought about how life could have gone if you had spoke to Din the second he arrived back to the Covert; pulling him to the side and apologizing for what you had said, telling him that you had been careless with the bounty because you wanted to prove yourself to him, because as it happens you love him - despite how frustrating he can be - and you would give anything for him to think of you as much as you thought of him.
You realized, somewhere between the night he returned and now, that you had wanted to push back against all his teasing so much, one up him on every bounty, be the one the Armorer would go to for tasks, because these were all things that kept Din on your mind. He made you suffer with this weight that pulled you down from the pit of your stomach and you wanted him to feel the same about you.
After another night of restless sleep due to thoughts of the man who weighed heavy on your mind you had to drag yourself to get ready for tonight’s celebration. Another ad had been born, the first in three years, and as you filtered into the hall like you did each week you ignored the feel of Din’s eyes trained on yours and sat by Adrean as the Armorer took to the front.
Her voice echoed around the hall, talking of a recent threat to a nearby town that needed to be dealt with. You already knew who her choice was and so you tuned out, your hands clasped as you stared forward while her speech droned on. Every so often you felt Adrean nudge you in the side, a sign that the Armorer was expecting a verbal response to her speech and so you called back “elek” or “nayc” in line with the rest of the Covert.
“Something else I wished to talk about…”
The Armorer paused for a moment before going on, taking in the silence as you forced yourself to pay attention to whatever was to come.
“It is important, more than ever, to create unions between Mandalorians and grow this Covert to days of past - when we were strong with Mandalorians, warriors raised to protect one another.”
You could still feel a pair of eyes staring at you from across the room that was sending a shiver down your spine. Part of you wanted to turn and face him, just to see if your sense was right, but you were smart enough to fight that feeling - to stay facing the Armorer as she went on.
“There will be unions,” she spoke slowly and the silence that met her words was different than usual, the eyes that you had felt concentrating on you now gone as Din found himself speechless along with the rest of the Covert.
There had only been whispers of arranged unions before but it had never come to anything. You wondered if that is what she was truly saying, you and Adrean turning to one another the same way almost everyone else was in the hall.
“For tonight we shall celebrate the ad, but tomorrow we will go forth to bring our Covert to be as strong as it once was.”
The hall was still silent as she walked out, people starting to break from the neat rows into what was meant to be a celebration and what would now be filled with gossiping and panicking.
You had never truly thought of marriage before because it seemed pointless when the one person you wanted would never be your riddur. You had expected to be one of the Mandalorians who never married, a life dedicated to protecting the Covert like some of your parent’s friends had done, but now it sounded like that would not be possible - that you would be placed into a union with someone other than Din or, what could potentially be worse, with Din who probably wanted anything other than to be stuck with you for life.
For the first time in a long time your parents stayed, the conversations that were going on suddenly far more intriguing to your Mother than the thought of returning to bed, and so you and Adrean stayed by their side.
Adrean was quieter than usual and you could feel him searching for Lina, a Mandalorian a few years younger than him who had made it clear - as had he - that they were more than interested in becoming riddurs; you had expected them to be the next union you would attend. As he searched for Lina, and your parents fell deep into another conversation, you let your eyes roam around the room for Din. It didn’t take long - it never did - but when you finally found him you had to force yourself not to crumble there and then.
He had found his way into a conversation with the parents of the newest ad, the small bundle held in his arms as a little hand gripped tightly to his gloved pinky. This was an image you never let yourself think of because you knew you were too weak to fight against it.
Din Djarin, holding a child like it was the most natural thing in the world.
The image never left your mind for the rest of the night no matter how many conversations you were in or how often you tried to give yourself a mental shake, especially not of the image of his helmet turning up and immediately landing on yours, a slight nod sent your way before he looked back down at the child.
The child was soon taken out from his hands when the Armorer approached, a blessing for you meaning you could finally shut your mouth from how it had hung open.
“Want to get a drink?”
You turned to find Adrean staring at you, your parents already heading towards the exit with your Mother’s hand in the crook of your Father’s elbow. Nodding wordlessly, Adrean turned on his heels and began to walk through the crowd with you following. With two drinks you found some others, a group already forming of similarly aged Mandalorians including Lina, Paz and Kania.
“I didn’t think she would actually do it,” Lina whispered as you approached, Adrean coming to stand by her side as they both shared a look.
“It does make sense,” Paz replied and everyone turned to him. “It does,” he shrugged, “two children in seven years is just leading to an aging population.”
“It’s because there have rarely been any foundlings,” Kania spoke quietly and you nodded, looking around the group made up of three foundling - you, Adrean and Lina - and two born to Mandalorian parents - Paz and Lina.
“She said she will give more information tomorrow so maybe we should just wait and see instead of playing a guessing game,” Adrean said.
It was easy for him to say - he knew that the Armorer would pair him with Lina and that was as good as already being set in stone. Before you could reply and say that though you felt someone stand by your side, his glove brushing up against yours for the barest of a second before Paz turned to look over your helmet.
“What do you make of this then, Djarin?”
He just shrugged, his helmet turning to look down into your visor as he stepped closer - almost an unnoticeable amount - and his armor bumped against yours. He started to say your name but was stopped, his helmet looking up at the other person who had joined the conversation. The circle broke around the Armorer, Lina and Adrean standing on either side as you all quietened and turned to face her.
“I will talk more tomorrow, as I said, but I do see promising unions for the future of the Covert.”
Her head turned and looked at Adrean and Lina, their bodies sagging in relief as though she had confirmed what they had been silently asking, but then she kept looking. Her visor stared down Din and you felt him tense beside you, a silent battle as nothing was said until she turned and her visor looked to you… before brushing by and landing on Kania. She did the same again, your head spinning and palms already starting to sweat as you fought down the panic while she looked at Paz and then you.
She hadn’t said anything - she would never in a room full of people - but she may as well have.
Din and Kania.
As she turned to leave, before anyone could say anything, you felt your feet stumbling and Adrean jumped forward to catch you, one hand on your arm and the other holding your helmet as he said your name. You felt another hand wrap around your hand, your helmet turning to follow the glove wrapped around your wrist - the orange tinged tips and large hand you would recognise anywhere - and you looked up to Din’s visor staring into yours. He whispered your name but you turned, walking towards the exit as he tried to grab your wrist once more.
“Wait!”
You pushed through bodies, feeling their helmets to turn and stare at you as Din and Adrean spoke lowly between each other before you felt Adrean on your heels, your name called and echoing around the tunnel until you found your way to your room and your helmet was ripped from your head.
“You need to breathe,” Adrean said quietly, walking by you as you paced back and forth and he soaked a cloth in cool water, leading you to the edge of your bed where he sat you down and held the cloth against your neck.
He held it there with one hand, using the other to lift his helmet off so he could look into your eyes.
“Breathe,” he said again, his words soft and slow as you turned to him.
Only then did you feel the tears running down your face. It had been years since you last cried over Din, when you found him on Vandor after realizing he had run from you, and you had done well to go this long without crying over him again.
“I-I-I can’t,” you gasped, your hands ripping your gloves and armor off until you were left in only your dark under layers with the cloth still held against your neck.
“You can,” Adrean said, reaching for your hand and tugging on it until you faced him.
He breathed in and out slowly, nodding as you copied him. He sat like that for ten minutes until finally your breathing slowed and he removed the cool cloth from your neck, folding it inside out and wiping it across your cheeks to clear the dried tears.
“What- what happened?” Adrean asked, his eyebrows furrowing as moved to kneel in front of you.
You looked down at your hands on your lap, wringing your fingers together as you tried to look anywhere but in his eyes, but when you looked up with fresh tears spilling over his expression softened.
“Oh… oh, I’m sorry.”
He took your weight as it crashed into him, your arms wrapping around his neck and his around your waist as he let you cry into his shoulder while he tried to sooth you. You had never felt so out-of-control, so unsure of your emotions.
It had been twenty years of knowing Din, more than ten of being in love and just as long trying to pretend that you weren’t. It was a year of running around the galaxy and thinking he was dead and then two more unable to forgive him for running. It was the love that made it impossible to go five seconds without thinking of him and the anger that weighed you down. It was those brown eyes that you knew as a child and prayed you could know as an adult. It was the man you just wanted to like you, maybe even love, but if you couldn’t have that in return then maybe a friendship. It was any choice being ripped from under you even though you had avoided choosing him for years. It was love, it was hate, it was everything in between, and now it was him being promised to another.
At some point you heard your parents come in, your Mother washing your face as your Father cleaned your armor that had been removed and Adrean helped carry you into bed. They all hovered around, tidying and whispering as you rolled over so your back was facing them, until your Mother sat at the bottom of your bed as you finally fell asleep.
When you woke again your room was covered in darkness, loud snores coming from the ground as you rolled over and peeked down to the ground to find Adrean there. His fire red hair was fanned around his head in a halo, the want to lean over and pinch his nose until he woke up stopped snoring almost as much as it had been when you were ade and shared a room.
You don’t know how long you had been asleep for, most likely hours from how dry your throat felt, and from how tidy your room looked after three pairs of hands awkwardly moving around until you fell asleep. You quietly moved your hand around until you found your helmet and placed it over your head, using your hands planted on the mattress to jump quietly over Adrean before walking to the door. Your cheeks still felt wet and your eyes had been rubbed raw but no matter how much you wanted to crawl back into bed and bury yourself under the covers you wanted water more.
When you opened the curtain to your room you noticed the shadow immediately, a soft call of your name forcing you to stop and not pretend to ignore his presence.
“I-”
Din stepped closer to you and stopped. No-one spoke for a moment, the silence echoing around until his slumped shoulders straightened and he stared into your visor.
“The Armorer,” he cleared his throat and you braced yourself for what was to come.
Has a date already been set for him and Kania? What did he think about the arrangement? How were you going to survive in a Covert with him bound to someone else? The thoughts that had sent you into a spiral earlier in the evening were coming back and you dug your nails into your hand - noticing your gloves were off - and you forced yourself to concentrate on his next words.
“She asked me to deal with the threat she mentioned in the Hall, the Vorpan dragon, tomorrow but I will need help. I have already asked Adrean and he said yes but I will need another pair of hands-”
Is this… what he came to tell you? To tell you that, once again, your skills had been brushed aside in favor of him and he came to soften the blow by asking you to help and without even mentioning the union that had made you breakdown before him not even a day ago? Your hands clenched into fists at your side, rolling your shoulders back as you stared into his visor.
“So can you help?”
You couldn’t trust your voice - or the million thoughts spinning around your mind - and so you found your body taking over as you nodded back and raised your chin, forcing yourself to look into his visor, and he nodded once.
“I will find you tomorrow.”

Notes:

Aaaaand talk about angst on top of angst - it's usually not my style to be adding so much angst together but I swear the good stuff at the end of the slow burn is coming

Chapter 4: Chapter 3.5 - Blaze (Reader's pov)

Summary:

It's been one year since you last saw Din and you don't know if he's alive or dead; injured or just running from you...

Notes:

As always if you wish to read on tumblr you can find at @/moralesispunk

It had been almost a year to the day since you had last laid eyes on Din Djarin and not a single day had gone by where you didn’t think of him.

For the most part you were left with the last memory you had of him - the pain that seeped through his words after you had all but questioned why he had helped you before he stormed off your ship never to be seen again. When you finally found the energy to make your way to the cockpit - around an hour after you had silently watched the Crest crash through the tops of the trees and bolt into hyperspace - you flew back to the Covert, truly believing that Din would already be there.

You fought off the unnerving feeling in the pit of your stomach as you brought your ship in to land with no sight of the Crest below, convincing yourself that Din needed to blow off some steam and had gone on another bounty. When you walked through the tunnels towards your room you never thought he would be gone longer than a few days, a week at most, and that this was just another argument that had gone too far and would be resolved by an apology before you went back to your usual teasing and taunting.

But then a week passed, and another, before it was coming up for a month and you began to panic. You had gathered your weapons and spent the following weeks searching every corner of the galaxy for a rogue Mandalorian, asking everyone if he had been seen or heard. It didn’t take long before you were begged by your parents and Adrean, the Armorer, and even your own heart that was growing exhausted from how desperately you had been searching for him, to stop.

When you returned to the Covert, empty handed and broken hearted, you threw yourself into bounty hunting and were only returning to the Covert to sleep and eat between bounties in the hope that you would have no time to think of Din… but that never worked.

Most of the time your mind went to the memory of watching him storm off your ship, his helmet refusing to turn back no matter how many times you shouted after him. Every time you thought of this moment you played out what would have happened if it had gone differently - if you had thanked him and asked him to stay with you until you had enough energy to fly home. You would have sat by side, a comfortable silence covering you both - perhaps some pleasant teasing rather the kind that left you feeling empty - and you would share out your energy bars until wishing each other a safe journey home before your ships landed side by side back on Nevarro.

Times you weren’t stuck replaying, or reimagining, this moment were filled with emotions just as painful as regret: anguish at the thought that perhaps something had gone wrong and his body was abandoned on a planet somewhere; grief at the thought of never seeing him again; and anger whenever you were having a particularly low day and let the thought pass through your mind that Din had just… ran.

Today when you looked in the mirror you no longer recognised the reflection, a once strong and powerful Mandalorian reduced to a shell of her former self after forcing your body to work to exhaustion each day in hope of going five minutes without being tormented by thoughts of him.

Even if you could go a day with your mind too distracted by a bounty to think of him - which was rare - every night when you went to sleep he was there waiting for you. Some nights you dreamt of the both of you living side by side in the Covert, sitting beside one another with pinkies brushing by each other as the Armorer spoke out to the crowd before you were both placed on armory duty together and you would silently clean the weapons, stolen glances shared. Other nights you dreamt of his first night in the Covert, the memory of sadness that had given way to a soft smile for a moment as you waved over your Father’s shoulder at him. There had even been a few dreams where you were with him free of your helmets, an image drawn up of what he could look like now - the same dark brown eyes he had as an ade and messy, dark hair with a smirk that never left his face. It didn’t matter what you dreamt of - happy or sad, simple or complex - you woke each morning in bed by yourself, a second of peace passing where you forgot that Din wasn’t here before it hit you and you had to drag your body from bed.

Last night’s dream had been a memory, a time you were injured in training and placed on armory duty until you were better. Din’s armory duty just so happened to coincide with yours for the next few weeks, your bodies that were still growing into their armor standing side by side in silence every evening for three weeks.

It was the knowledge that you wouldn’t have any more memories that made it so hard to get up from bed; that, and your aching limbs from returning after midnight after dropping your latest bounty off at the Cantina. You knew your parents and Adrean would try to dissuade you from going out again today and so you quickly washed, sneaking back out through the tunnels towards the Cantina with the sun already so high in the sky.

It was too late in the day for a decent bounty and the only ones that would be left now really wouldn’t be worth the hassle but hopefully enough to take you off planet for a few days including travel to some backwater planet.

You could feel Karga’s gaze on you from the second you stepped into the Cantina, his eyes following you carefully as you tried not to limp too much from the pain in your side after yesterday’s bounty had thrown one hell of a punch against you. You bit down on your bottom lip to stifle the pained groan as you slipped into the booth across from him, his hand hesitantly reaching for a puck.

“When was the last time you slept?”

You didn’t answer, your hands resting on your thigh and your helmet tilting back to rest against the booth as he stared into your visor. Some days Karga played this game, concern etched into his words before he finally gave in and handed you the puck. Other days he didn’t bring the subject up at all, his eyes avoiding the shawdy patched up armor that covered your body after a particularly nasty run in with a bounty.

Today was apparently the former and you stared back at him until he spoke again.

“I heard you dropped off a bounty this morning before I got here… and you’re already back for another?”

“And?”

Your word hung in the air, Karga raising an eyebrow across at you as he made a point to let his eyes drag down the armor covered in a ridiculous number of dents and scratches. With your mind almost always elsewhere - stranded wherever Din was - you had grown careless and had more close calls in the last year than ever before.

Sometimes you could convince yourself that Karga was doing this because he cared - he questioned your suitability to be taking another bounty because it could always be your last - but other days when you were particularly moody you took it as an act; he had already lost his top bounty hunter and now he could only watch as he was close to losing his second to carelessness.

Eventually Karga relented, sighing and pushing the puck the rest of the way across the table and into your hand. Your palm settled over it, scratching it along towards the edge of the table as you stood up. When you looked back down Karga was shaking his head and your hands were fidgeting with your rifle strap as you fought whether or not to ask the question that was on the tip of your tongue.

“Have you-” you cleared your throat, tapping the puck nervously on the edge of the table. “Have you heard anything?”

It had been weeks since you last asked. You knew that other than you, Karga was the next person who would have heard news of Din being back in the bounty hunting game. At first you would ask Karga on every visit but as disappointment gave way to embarrassment each time you asked you did so less and less, only bringing it up every so often.

Karga looked back at you, shaking his head with a sympathetic look in his eyes. You nodded once, turning back to the door before he could speak.

“Sorry, Kid,” he said and you shrugged, already heading for the exit before he could say any more.

The second you were on the ship you set course for Vandor - the last planet the bounty had been spotted on - before staring out of the window for the whole flight there. You didn’t even take your helmet off, the hard beskar resting back against the soft headrest as your mind was lost in the lights of time and space that whizzed by until your ship zoomed out of hyperspace and you took over the controls while bringing her in to land.

Vandor was a cold planet, even more so at this time of the cycle when the snow was starting to freeze over, and by the time you jumped down from the cockpit the cold air was already seeping through the scruffy metal of your ship. After opening and closing almost every drawer you finally found an old cloak, tying it around your neck and letting it hang over your shoulders to drape down to your calves. The hood and rim was lined with fur, stopping any heat from escaping beneath your helmet as you stepped off your ship and buried deeper into the thick material as you walked through the small forest at the edge of the city.

This part of bounty hunting had always been monotonous work but it kept your mind busy; asking for information on the bounty until you were finally led to the dark corners of the city. You had almost done a full circle, ending not far from where you had first entered the city through the thick rows of trees and as you climbed the steps towards the flashing sigh of the club you shook the snow off your boots and hood.

The doorman stood bored with his arms crossed until you pulled out enough credits for him to step aside, opening the door and letting the thumping music spill out. You dimmed the volume on your helmet as you stepped in, avoiding the busiest part of the club where the lights were flashing wildly and the dancefloor was full as you walked along the wall until finding a table at the back.

“A drink?”

You looked up from where you had been brushing the snowflakes from your cloak to two bar staff, dressed in very little and leaning across the booth.

“No,” you answered gruffly, adding a quiet “thank you,” before they walked away.

As you continued to keep your guard up and scan around the room, you couldn’t help the swirling in the bottom of your stomach. You were well past the days of bounty hunting making you nervous, the only real effect it had on your body any more being the spikes of adrenaline that made your body shake and heart race as you came down once you were safely back in the cockpit, so you weren’t sure what was causing it now.

Never one to ignore your instincts, you kept your fingers within reach of your blaster; your years upon years of training meaning you could have it out of the holster, aimed and fired within a heartbeat.

You sat at the table for a while longer, a few more people coming up to try their hand and buy you a drink or attempt to convince you to ditch the helmet and meet them in the bathroom, and just when you were about to give up hope the tracker began to buzz against your belt.

You didn’t lift it, not wanting the red flashing to draw any attention, and so you let it be as you scanned across the club for the bounty you had seen on the puck. Eventually your eyes landed on him, standing at the bar relaxed and unaware of your hunter eyes trained on him as he ordered another drink and let his head bob to the music.

It was always almost amusing to you how, despite having a bounty on their head worth a decent amount of credits, the bounties always seemed to go about living life without concern that anyone could be watching them. You smirked as your hand fell to your blaster, feet already carrying you through the sea of the bodies towards him.

But then came a flash of light.

Your eyes had instinctively begun to search out the cause that had sparked a fire in the pit of your stomach, your eyes eventually landing on the familiar beskar that knocked you breathless as you stood in the middle of the dancefloor.

The lights of the club were flashing around and every couple of seconds, if you stood in this exact spot, they would flash off a beskar helmet and blind your vision for a moment.

He was already staring at you, his arms relaxed over the back of a booth and legs spread wide as a twi’lek clung to his side. For a second - the tiniest, fraction of a second - you were relieved. Din - your Din - was alive and he was here. After months of thinking the worst, thinking that he had been killed and he would never be offered a proper Mandalorian funeral as his body lay in the depths of the outer rim - that you would never get to say goodbye - here he was, living proof that he was okay.

It didn’t take long for the relief to give way to the rage that spread through your body; he was alive and he was here, running away from you and what had happened almost a year ago to the day.

You noticed the puck on his table, reminding you of your very own, and you quickly turned, forcing your body away from the man you wanted nothing more than to run into his arms and scream “thank the maker you are alive,” no matter how angry you were; if you didn’t leave now you didn’t know what you would end up doing.

The bounty was right in front of you when you turned around, his eyes falling to the red flashing light on your belt. He was massive, his arms larger than your helmet and your helmet only coming up to the middle of his chest, but in the moment it was no match against your fury. Before he could even drop the glass in his hand and run in the other direction you had already raised your fist, his body slumping to the ground as soon as it connected with his face.

Only a few people noticed - most too busy dancing - and so you were free to wrap a rope around his legs and carry him towards the door without much fuss.

For a year you had dreamt about Din following you home, back to the Covert, but now you hoped more than anything he would stay. You didn’t trust yourself with him. You didn’t know whether you would cry and proclaim your love or shout and knock him out as quickly as the bounty.

Usually you would have taken a little more care as you brought the bounty back to the ship but you needed to get out of there as fast as possible, quickly tying his legs together and ignoring the pain in your back as you dragged him towards your ship. You had almost made it halfway, your boots dragging through the icy snow and your hands catching your falling body on more than one occasion, when you heard the familiar voice call out to you.

“Verd’ika.”

You dropped the rope from across your shoulder before turning around to face him.

“Djarin.”

It was dark now but you could just make out from under the moonlight that was fighting through the trees how he had been leaning against a trunk before pushing off it, walking slowly over to you. He held himself… differently than you had remembered; the same armor, the same voice, everything telling you that this was Din but as he stood before you, you knew that this wasn’t your Din.

“Been a while,” you said, forcing your voice not to shake.

He didn’t reply, nodding once before coming to a stop far closer than need be so your helmet had to tilt up towards him. You refused to speak first again, tilting your helmet and waiting for him to go on.

“Miss me?” He asked.

You sighed, rolling your eyes under your helmet and reaching for the bounty who you had left - rather uncomfortably - on the ground. Fuck him - he doesn’t even see what his running off has done to you.

“Listen, I’ve got places to be but it’s nice to know you’re alive since you just disappeared off the face of the earth.”

He quickly reached for your wrist as you turned around, his leather pressing tight against yours and holding you in place as you gasped before turning to the side and looking up at him.

“Are- are you leaving now?” He asked and you wrenched your wrist from his hold; his warm touch that had almost begun to feel natural disappearing.

“Yes. Looks like you were quite busy back there anyway,” you nodded your chin over his shoulder towards the Twi’lek who was making her way through the forest towards you, shouting for “Mando”.

“I-”

“It’s fine, Din,” you said and you noticed his shoulders fall at the bite in your words, “I’m glad you’re still alive.”

You didn’t wait for an answer this time, turning on your heels and marching back to the ship as the tears that were spilling down your cheek blurred your vision.

This time it was Din who was forced to watch as you walked away and nothing about it felt good.

Notes:

So there we have it, the year without Din!
I will be continuing on with the main story on the 8 June however I am on holiday an out of the country on the date so if there is trouble posting it will be pushed back to the following week when I am home! I hope you all enjoyed

Chapter 5: Chapter Four - Blaze

Summary:

Something scarier, and even more life changing, than admitting your feelings to Din interrupts your confession

After your run in with Din you had tried to sneak back into your room without waking Adrean. You peeled back the curtain only far enough to slip your body through the gap but the second the light from the tunnel's candles slipped into the room along with you, you noticed the pair of green eyes already looking towards the door. Adrean was no longer lying on the floor and was now leaning against the side of your bed, raising an eyebrow across at you as he began to rub his eyes with the heels of his hands.

“Where were you?”

Letting the curtain swing shut behind you, you were padding across the floor when you realized that you had also forgotten to put on boots as well as gloves before leaving your room and you had just walked the tunnels wearing fewers clothes than you had dared to go out into the Covert with on in years. When Adrean removed his hands from his face you handed him one of the glasses of water you had brought back with you, climbing onto the bed before placing the other on the table by the side.

You had already gulped a whole glass down when you got to the kitchen, gasping for breath as the icy water ran down your throat and cooled you from the inside out after your run in with Din. It had made your voice sound less rough when you finally answered Adrean but it still wasn’t steady, your words wavering as Adrean turned to lean against the wall where his red hair fanned around like a halo so he could look up at you as you slipped your helmet off.

“I needed some water.” Adrean hummed, setting his glass to the side and staring up at you. “I also saw Din. He said… he said you spoke yesterday?”

Adrean nodded, gauging your reaction before he opened his mouth. “We did.”

“I heard you both talking when we left the Hall last night as well.”

“We did.”

You raised your eyebrow down at your usually talkative brother, pulling your knees up to your chest and resting your cheek against your knee as you wrapped the covers around your body. Instead of answering straight away, Adrean pushed his weight up with a groan and sat on the edge of the bed, turning to look at you across his shoulder.

“In the Hall, I was only telling him that I should go with you; that it was best if he didn’t talk to you then. After that - after you fell asleep and when I went back to my room to get some spare pillows - I bumped into him and he asked if you were okay and if we would go out with him tomorrow… which I assume he told you?”

You scoffed, shaking your head as you pressed your cheek even harder against your knee.

“What?” It was Adrean’s turn to raise an eyebrow up at you now.

“He’s so hot and cold; he always has been, always will be.”

“Do you ever think…” Adrean trailed off and you lifted your head to look up at him.

“Do I ever think… what?”

“That maybe you’re the same?” When you didn’t answer, Adrean sighed and turned his body to face you. “You’ve spent two years ignoring the man and refusing to forgive him, two decades in some feud that I don’t even know how it started, and yet… and yet when he is all but explicitly promised to another that is when you let out the emotion you’ve been holding in for years?” Your eyes fell from Adrean’s, looking at the bed sheets you were scrunching up in your hands. Adrean sighed again, turning to look out into your dark room before going on. “The second I knew that I felt something more for Lina than friendship, I told her. There were only two possibilities - she felt the same, or she didn’t. I feel like… Me, our Buirs, we’ve always known, or at least thought, that there was something more when it came to you and Din. For a while I thought it was because you yourself didn’t realize it but now… why have you never done anything until now?”

“Because why hasn’t he?” You wiped away the tear that had spilled over before Adrean turned back to you. “You know Din - if he wanted to say something, if he felt something, he would say it. Din… doesn’t feel for me in that way. I annoy him, frustrate him, I’ve painted myself in the most horrible light that there would be no point telling him because I know what I would hear in return; he all but tells me every day. He finds me annoying; a pain in the ass. I- I always thought that Din would be like me, unmarried and protectors of the Covert, but now… now I have to watch him marry another and I don’t know if I can-”

Your brother said your name, stopping your rambling you had got lost in.

“And you will marry Paz.”

This whole time you had never really thought of that, it hadn’t been where your pain was stemming from.

It was true; while Din had been all but promised to Kania you had been all but promised to Paz, and so you sighed.

“I… Paz is all duty,” you shrugged. “I would be able to live a dutiful life with him, but it would rip me apart to see Din with another.”

“And do you not think Din feels the same about you?”

Adrean’s gaze was too intense for you to look into for a second longer but when you turned away he moved, sitting in front of you so you could no longer ignore him.

“I see how that man watches you, every second of every day, and I saw how he reacted when the Armorer looked at you and Paz. I thought he was going to burn the whole Covert down there and then. You are my sister, I love you, and I think you can trust that I would never say anything just to protect your feelings.” You nodded because it was true; Adrean above anyone else would tell you when you were being too harsh, or rarely too nice. He never tried to cushion what he had to say. “Din… loves you.” Adrean shrugged, his voice softening. “He has spent years annoying you so you will pay him attention for a fraction of a second and he pushes you away because you both seem to have things you need to work out… but after tomorrow, when we return from this task, there is no other chance for you to truly tell each other how you feel.”

Din… loves you? You shook your head to yourself but Adrean’s eyes didn’t move from yours, his shoulders held straight and no part of his face giving away that he wouldn’t be telling the truth.

“So.. what should I do?” You asked, not quite believing what he said - even though he gave you no reason not to.

“Be honest,” Adrean said. “Whatever the outcome, whatever he says in return, at least you won’t have secrets weighing you down for the rest of your life.”

You chewed the inside of your cheek as you thought it over, Adrean waiting patiently before you nodded.

“You need a good sleep first,” he dropped his voice to almost a whisper, standing by your bed as you lay down and he helped you untangle the covers and pull them over you.

“You know, I’m the eldest. Is it not my job to be giving you advice and taking care of you?”

You heard him chuckle under his breath as he lay down on the floor and you could see the way he would be shaking his head. “You’ve done that for long enough, you deserve at least one night off.”

*****

When you woke again Adrean was gone, as were his pillows and blanket, and so you thought it was best to get up and start readying yourself for the day. The tunnels were still quiet so you knew it was early but you had two things to do today: help Din and Adrean deal with the threat of a Vorpan Dragon nearby and at some point find the time to tell Din that it was more than likely you loved him and had for years.

You had thought over Adrean’s words from the night before, said to you when you were too tired to fight them off or talk yourself out of his advice. You couldn’t find it in you to believe that Din even liked you let alone love you; he sought out to annoy you, he found pleasure in beating you in your bounty count, he gloated his victories to you and no one else, he-

You stopped, your helmet now the only piece of armor to be placed on as you stared at yourself in the mirror. These were all things that you did to Din - you sought him out to annoy him, you found a weird satisfaction in beating him in the bounty count, you gloated your victories to him and no one else… You shook your head.

It was impossible, the thought of Din loving you in return, and there was no point talking yourself into it to get your heartbroken in a few hours because, after all, Adrean was right.

Even if Din broke your heart and held your confession over you for the rest of your life at least you didn’t have to live with this secret that weighed you down; maybe you could actually move on and find a way to love Paz, in a different way, and spend the rest of your life free from this pain you suffered while stuck in limbo.

The tunnels were silent save for the dull thud of your boots you made your way from your room to the main Hall, every other candle holding a flame and lighting the way there as the nerves fought up from the pit of your stomach and spread out through your chest at the thought of seeing Din.

There was a small murmur of deep voices as you rounded the last corner into the Hall, four helmets turning towards the entryway where you stopped as their private conversation silenced.

Sometimes it could be hard to tell who was born Mandalorian and who was brought in as a Foundling, especially if you did not live in a Covert, and it was mostly due to the way it was drilled into you to hold yourself like a warrior; shoulders straight, arms back, head high. It could be even harder to tell when there were those like Din and Adrean, tall and broad with voices that seemed made for sermons on The Way but who were actually born to non-warrior parents.

While you may be a strong and respected Mandalorian warrior, one who fooled everyone in and out of the Covert, there were parts of you that you couldn’t hide - the main being the constant questioning that was most unlike others in the Covert as your mind constantly searched for answers.

While you knew exactly what two of the four Mandalorians staring back at you looked like - your brother’s red hair and bright green eyes and your father’s honey brown eyes and tight lipped smile - and you knew the third had the most intriguing set of brown eyes you could remember of everyone you were ade with, you often found yourself staring at your own reflection in the mirror and thinking about what lay under your own helmet more often than could be considered normal.

Do you get your eyes from your birth mother and hair from your father perhaps? Who’s nose and who’s smile? You can't remember anything about them other than the deep sound of your fathers voice and the gentle lullaby your mother would sing.

Your Mandalorian parents tried to steer you away from remembering too much, worrying if you remembered them you would also remember watching them die, but your mother had always tried to sing the lullaby you could remember. She was tone deaf and never quite got the melody right but she held you like your first mother and as an ad that was all that mattered.

With four uniform helmets staring down at you as you walked deeper into the room these questions of who you were beneath the armor, inside your head and heart, began to clamor to the surface. You tried to ignore the way Din’s helmet followed yours and the way his fingers gently brushed the inside of your wrist as you took your place between him and Adrean, his helmet now being the only one not facing the Armorer until she cleared her throat and his attention turned forward.

Her large fur cloak fell over her shoulders as she stepped before the line of four - Adrean, you, Din and your father at the end - and took an extra second to stare into your visor before she spoke as even and clear as ever.

“I’m sure you know why you are here. There has been a threat in a nearby town - a Vorpan Dragon, cousin of the Kryat Dragon, has been wreaking havoc and I need you three to held stop it.” She turned to you, saying your name as you stood straighter under her gaze. “Your Father said you were ill last night, are you well enough today? He can take your place if not.”

Four visors stared at you, the most important being the silver beskar that tilted ever so slightly to take you in as you nodded before he turned away sheepishly.

“I am. I… I just needed to hydrate and get a good sleep.”
“Very well.” She nodded, going into more detail about the plan for today as you felt Din, Adrean and your father give you wary glances every other sentence.

You paid enough attention to pick up the main points - she wanted you to deal with it now and quickly, returning to the Covert tomorrow morning, and she thought that it would be easy enough for the three of you. It was hard to pay attention when you were stuck with thoughts of what to say to Din and now the added stress of your father worrying you were too weak today.

Soon enough the Armorer stood down, wishing the three of you a good battle before she left the hall followed by her dragging cloak.

Din stood awkwardly by your side until you turned to face him, his hands tightening and releasing into fists by his side as he said your name on an exhale and you waited for what was to come next. It was always an intimidating experience to be stared at by Din, you had gone more than twenty years knowing exactly how it felt and still not being used to the way his visor stared deeply into yours as he stayed silent, but with the weighty feeling of unsaid emotions sitting on your chest it only made his gaze feel more intense.

Before either of you could speak your father cleared his voice, Din’s helmet shooting up as he stepped back and let your father stand before you and Adrean as Din busied himself checking his weapons at the edge of the hall.

“Are you sure you are well?” Your father asked quietly and you rolled your eyes under your helmet, gritting your teeth as you spoke back.

Your father was born a Mandalorian and so whenever he was extra cautious with you or Adrean - especially you - it set off an unease in the pit of your stomach. For the first ten years of your life as his child he was a very strict man, your mother being the one to soften whatever words were said, but after you took a sickness and were bedbound for two weeks he never seemed to be able to be quite as strict with you. He would sneak you an extra slice of uj cake or would let you stay up for an extra tale of battle’s past; he lost all strictness after your mother took ill and was too weak to fight anymore.

“I am fine, Buir. Promise.” You stepped forward, resting your hand on his arm and giving it a squeeze. His helmet flicked over your shoulder towards Din before looking back at you, his shoulders relaxing under your touch with a sigh.

His helmet nodded up and down once and you let your hand drop, standing by Adrean as your father rested a hand at the back of each of your necks and pulled you in for a hug. It was rare for him to show any emotion in front of anyone outwith your clan but you knew Din would never hold it against him, the sound of a blaster unloading and reloading telling you he was keeping his gaze away from the three Mardyn’s.

“It will be light soon,” Adrean said, patting your father’s back as you both stepped away from him.

“K’oyacyi.”

You and Adrean nodded at your father’s words, a silent thanks as you swung your rifles over your shoulders and filtered behind Din who was already heading out towards the exit.

His rifle sliced down his broad back, his shoulders dipping with each step he took as he led the three of you out into the cool morning air. His shiny helmet always stood out against his more aged armor; the gaps between the rusted red colors doing nothing to hide how wide and strong he was beneath the beskar.

He loomed large ahead of you before Adrean broke from your side, his long legs carrying him past Din and ahead of the both of you causing you to break out into a slight jog to catch up enough to Din and let Adrean lead the way.

After two hours of cat-and-mouse, of Adrean staying ahead no matter how many times you or Din tried to catch up without having to run, you knew what he was doing. He was forcing either you or Din to break the silence and when he called for a break you knew when his visor silently met yours what he was saying.

There is no other chance.

Din pulled a bottle of water from his bag, untwisting the top and handing you the open bottle before staring out into the sandy desert as you lifted your helmet enough and sipped the cool liquid that helped you find a glimmer of energy.

“Are you feeling better?”

His voice met your ears for the first time today, his hand reaching for the outstretched bottle before placing it back in his bag.

“I…” You looked to where Adrean was leaning against a rock, his back to you. “I wasn’t sick.”

Din’s helmet tilted, waiting for you to go on, and your nails dug into your palm when you spoke again.

“What the Armorer said last night about arranging unions,” you said and watched as his posture stiffened.

“About you and Paz?”

“No,” you answered quickly. “Well, in a way, but more so you and Kania. It… I- I was jealous, hurt, embarrassed.” You shrugged and when you heard nothing in return you began to ramble. “I know I have no right to be; you hate me, or at least dislike me, and I have acted the very same for years so why should I be jealous? Why should I care? I don’t know why I lov- why I care, but I do and I can’t keep it inside for any longer.”

“I mean,” you started to talk again, “I think it was my fault. I’ve let myself silently imagine a future for so many years and I always thought that maybe I would never be a riddur, and that you wouldn’t either, or that if I would then maybe… maybe we have the most in common and it would be with you.”

When you looked back at Din he stopped, not talking but staring straight into your visor. A minute passed, then another, a whole lifetime seemed to spin by as you waited for him to reply while your heart beat faster than it ever had before against your ribcage and he still didn’t speak. You had just admitted two decades worth of feelings in a few barely strung together sentences and he didn’t seem prepared to offer you a response?

“Din?”

He sighed your name quietly, something about the way he said it filling your chest with hope and ripping it apart at the same time.

“I spoke to the Armorer,” he said slowly, his helmet moving to the side as he looked anywhere but into your eyes. “I won’t be taking a riddur.”

“Oh.”

He turned to look back at you, nodding once. “I am not made to be a riddur and so I will not be with Kania… or you.”

The way he said the final two words seemed to pierce somewhere in your chest, your hands pressing tight to the boulder that stood between you as you tried to hold your weight up. “And me?”

“You,” he cleared his throat and turned to look away again. “You will be happy with Paz.” He nodded once, like convincing himself, and the small piece of resolve that was holding you back seemed to snap.

“I will be happy? How can you say- How do you have any right to say I would be happy with Paz?”

His shoulders shook with shaky breaths as he continued to avoid your gaze and you spoke again.

“I just told you that a future I imagined was either with you or no one and yet,” an angry laugh bubbled up your throat, “- and yet you tell me that my future will be a happy one with Paz.”

He finally looked at you, his visor staring into yours as he took a few steady breaths before speaking again. “This is the way.”

“I-”

You were cut off with a low rumble coming through the ground, both of your helmets turning towards where Adrean had frozen and raised a clenched fist over his shoulder. In a second your rifles were lifted over your shoulders and aimed forward, the perfect picture of warriors who would abandon anything as you scanned to see where the movement was coming from.

“Do you see anything?” Din whispered and you shook your head, rapidly moving the aim left and right.

Just as Adrean’s hand began to lower, his weight spinning on his heels to face towards you, the creature came crashing out of the cave and straight towards Adrean. You screamed his name, you and Din firing and startling the Dragon to stop it from lunging towards Adrean as the small rocks jumped beside your feet from the creature’s roar.

The dragon was stopped and the three of you quickly scattered, firing from different angles to try and stun and distract it.

The creature was much bigger than the Armorer had thought, than the three of you had prepared for, and you heard Din and Adrean shouting orders to each other as you took in its sheer size.

With Adrean ahead, you and Din ran around to either side, its head turning and following Din’s helmet that was reflecting the sun as its tail whipped around and knocked you backwards.

The Dragon’s head snapped around to you the second you hit the ground and you could see the anger in its eyes, a huff of annoyance coming from its nostrils as it lunged towards you. With your back on the ground you were able to lift your rifle enough to take two shots, only managing to stun the creature, before its mouth clamped around the rifle and spat it away.

“Shit,” you muttered, scattering against the sandy earth to push yourself up enough as you pulled the vibroblade from being strapped to your thigh.

When it lunged down next you steadied yourself in a wide stance and managed to swipe across its scaly skin a few times but it didn’t do anything other than annoy the creature. It had enough of your games, it’s nose coming to push you back and send you flying. Your hands braced over your chest as you rolled against the ground a few times.

Definitely broke a rib you mentally checked as you tried to push yourself up onto your knees once more. You had only just got your bearings when you felt the searing pain of its teeth clamping onto your upper arm, its sharp teeth piercing through the armor as you heard Din and Adrean shout for you. You managed to lift your other arm, the flame projector sending out enough heat for the Dragon to throw you further away again but free from its grasp. With your arm free from its grip you could use both hands to slow your body that was scraping across the ground but your gloves began to tear on the rough surface.

Maybe that was a bad idea.

You tried to breathe, to pull yourself up, but you only managed to raise yourself onto your hands and knees before a broken yell of your name came and had your head turning, your eyes landing on the Dragon that was lunging towards you again and you only had a fraction of a second to raise your forearms before you were knocked back. It didn’t hurt as much as you thought and you had to force your eyes open before the Dragon took another lunge but it was no longer in front of you. You followed its long, scaly neck up to its head to see where it was looking and saw Din lying in a heap.

Your mind scanned the scene in front of you - the dragon angrily roaring down at Din, his armor clad body unmoving on the ground, the few feet you had moved - before you realized that Din had pushed you out of the way and he had been the one to take the hit.

You couldn’t stop the scream that left your throat, barely forming his name as you forced yourself up and you Adrean worked together. Your helmet was turning towards Din every other shot, his body still unmoving and you weren’t close enough to see if he was breathing.

“Adrean!” His helmet turned towards yours. “I have an idea!”

He nodded once, confirming that he had heard you, and you knew he would trust whatever you had to say.

“Over here! Hey, over here!” You yelled, clapping your hands as you tried to get the Dragon’s attention to turn from where Adrean was a hundred feet away.

The dragon lunged at you again and you used your flame projector once more, fighting the pain in your arm as you reached back and unclasped a shock-grenade from your waist, standing steady as it stared back down at you. You could feel the heavy shake of your shoulders with each breath you tried to take, the pain that was scorching through your whole body from head to toe and the panic that ran through your veins as you thought of Din. It lunged again and you pressed down on the silver ball in your hand, hearing the beeping that grew louder and louder as you pulled your hand back and threw it into its now open mouth as it roared down at you.

As soon as the bomb had left your hand you found yourself yelling for Din once morning, running towards him and sliding your body while fighting through the pain as you covered his body with yours.

The whole ground shook as the explosion went off, big and small rocks firing through the air as you tried to cover as much of his broad body as possible while the dust rained down on you before a crash came, your helmet turning to look over your shoulder to see the Dragon lying lifelessly on the ground and Adrean running up towards you.

You stood up and managed to drag Din’s body a little before Adrean came over, lifting his legs as you hooked under his arms and you settled him under the cover of the cave.

“Din, can you hear me?” You sat by him, your hands reaching for his shoulders as you pulled him onto your lap. His body was heavy, the beskar and dead weight making it difficult to settle his head on your thighs, but when your hands moved away you realized why.

Your dark gloves were covered in dark red blood, your eyes widening beneath your helmet.

“Fuck, oh fuck, Din.” Your fingers reached for the edge of his helmet in a moment of panic and Adrean jumped down, his hands wrapping around your wrists as he hissed your name as a warning.

“What are you doing?”

“I- I-” Your whole body was shaking as you looked away from your hands to where Din’s head rested on your thighs, your mind for the first time in your life going blank.

“You need to take a minute and really think about this.” Adrean spoke slowly, his hands still gripping your wrists as he shook them and forced you to turn to him. “Check the rest of him for injuries but if it’s under his helmet… you just have to wait.”

His visor stared into yours, unmoving until you nodded and he finally released his grip on your wrists. You slowly slid Din’s helmet off your lap and you sniffed, fighting back the tears as you checked every inch of him you could.

He had groaned every so slightly when you pressed down on his ribs and you guessed he had a few broken to match yours but there was nothing fatal; nothing other than the injury that lay under his helmet. You stood and turned around to face your brother, shaking your head.

“Adrean, I need to.”

“You can’t,” Adrean placed his hand on your shoulder. “You know you can’t.”

Every thought of moral and duty raced through your mind as you looked between him and Din, shaking your head.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered and Adrean’s hands gripped you tighter. “I’m so sorry.”

You pushed him once, watching as he stumbled, before pushing him again and again until he let go and stood back. You didn’t wait for another second, turning and running back towards Din who still lay lifeless on the ground.

The sound of Adrean’s footsteps carrying him away was reaching your ears but you couldn’t concentrate on that now, instead looking down at the large, unmoving man before you.

“Din, can you hear me?” He grumbled in response, his hand scraping through the dirt as you caught it in your own, squeezing his fingers. “I- I’ll try not to look,” you said, voice shaking, “but I have to save you, you understand? I have to save you.”

You couldn’t stop your hands from shaking as you reached up, your fingers dancing along the edge of his helmet as you began to lift it. You knelt closer to the ground to see if you could tell where the bleeding was coming from with each inch that you lifted it but there was no use, the helmet suddenly all the way off as you tried to lay his head gently back on the ground.

The only part of Din’s face you had ever been able to imagine before now had been his eyes - darker than any you had ever seen before but holding so much life - and now they were the only part you couldn’t see. His face was somewhat similar to the face you had imagined as you tried to fill in the gaps but it was also so much more. His lips were parting as he mumbled something in his half-aware state, the bottom lip plump and if you hadn’t been so worried for his life you would have thought about dragging your thumb across it. His jaw was relatively clean shaven, slightly patchy near his chin, and above his lip was a mustache as dark as the hair on his head. You could tell that his hair would usually hold some curls or waves had they not been stuck under his helmet for hours in the heat and battle with the dragon, his dark locks pressed against his head and making it easier for you to spot where the bleeding was coming from.

“Hey, you’ll be okay. It’s- it’s not too bad,” you sniffed, forcing back the tears so you could focus.

You didn’t know if he could hear you - if perhaps the words of reassurance were more for your benefit than his - but they kept coming as you pulled the bacta spray from your belt and began to spray it over his injury. You could tell he was in pain, his hands still tightly clenched into fists at his side, and as you continued to apply the bacta his body turned into yours.

His body that was somehow still warm despite losing so much blood was almost wrapping around yours that was knelt by his side and leaning over him, his hand wrapping around your wrist as you tried to hush his cries and not focus on his beautiful face as he pressed the bridge of his nose against your side where the armor didn’t cover, your body now muffling his continued sobs of pain.

“It’s almost done, okay? I’m so sorry, I- I shouldn’t have said anything. I should have just done my job. I shouldn’t have distracted you with my stupid feelings before we came here, I know you said that you won’t marry-”

Your hands froze as you realized what this meant.

“Din, I- I didn’t do this to trap you into a marriage, I- oh Maker, I swear I would never force you to be with me. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

The bacta spray soon finished but you didn’t move, your hands brushing through his curls as he slowly fell asleep still curled against your as you repeated apologies. His breathing started to grow more steady and you finally let yourself relax, placing his helmet back on his head while moving him as little as possible as you fought down the damned feeling in your chest as you bid goodbye to his face.

It would be a while before you knew if the bacta had worked and with the sun already starting to set you managed to pull his body under the cover of the cave a little more, starting a fire nearby before lifting his head onto your lap once more.

You watched as the bright blue sky turned violet, then deep purple to navy, before the black sky was dotted with stars.

When you were younger your father would sometimes take you out of the Covert after dark. Every so often he brought Adrean and there had been a few times your mother had joined too. He would tell you stories of the stars; of Mandalorians who had fallen before becoming another light in the sky. He would tell stories of former Mandalorians, ones that weren’t to be shared with anyone else in the Covert as he had learned them from his father, a Mandalorian who had joined this Covert after he met your grandmother.

They were stories of Mandalorians who had befriend Jedi, of those who believed in peace and wanted to see Mandalore thrive once more - he believed that the stars would guide him home one day, perhaps after he too passed and became a light in the sky, but he knew he would get a glimpse of Mandalore even if on the journey to the afterlife.

You don’t know why but you started sharing these stories to Din as he slept on your lap, your fingers lacing with his and resting on his chest as you spoke. They were tales you knew off by heart, ones you often told yourself on nights you struggled to sleep, and you felt his body relax with each minute that passed by.

“I think my father… I love him and I trust him more than anyone, more than my mother or Adrean, maybe even more than you.” You huffed a laugh. “I think there is something he knows, or something he won’t say. He often tells me how smart I am and that one day I will understand why he told me these stories but… it has been twenty six years since he first started telling me them, the very first one shared on the night he saved me, and I still don’t understand.” You looked down at Din, counting his steady breaths before staring out into the stars. “They are just tales, myths of Mandalorians that once had been. I mean, Mandalorians and Jedi? I always thought he just told us those stories to try and make me and Adrean get on. I don’t know if you remember but as ade me and Adrean used to fight more than the two of us and when he told me the stories I thought he was saying ‘look, if Mandalorains and Jedi can get on then so can you’ but…” Din stirred slightly in your hold and you lowered your voice. “I think that maybe he is trying to tell me something else.”

The night was spent fighting sleep, finding stories to tell and words to say to keep yourself awake until the sun finally began to peek over the horizon and Din began to stir.

It started with low mumbles as he spoke under his breath before you knew he had opened his eyes beneath the helmet, his voice falling silent as you stared down at him until he finally whispered your name.

“Din, I’m-” your voice broke, the emotions from the thought of losing him and saving him flooding your body as you cried, “I’m so sorry.”

He sat up quickly, his hands falling to his head as he no doubt felt the dizziness of blood loss pass through him.

“I smell like a bacta tank,” he grumbled before his head whipped around to stare at you over his shoulder.

“I’m so sorry,” you whispered again, your voice drowning in tears as you let the sobs rake through your body and he slowly turned to face you.

He didn’t speak until you calmed down, the loud cries turning to quiet sniffles as your body soon calmed and stopped shaking.

“Did you see-” He stopped talking when you nodded your head, his helmet turning to look into the desert that was now golden with sun.

“Din, I- I had to.” He turned back to face you. “You understand? I had to. I-”

“I understand,” he whispered, nodding once before the both of you turned to face out into the sandy desert.

The both of you sat in silence for hours minus the times you asked him how he was feeling and his voice - devoid of any emotion - told you he would be fine to travel soon. It was hard to ignore the anger radiating off of him, his shoulders tight and his helmet unmoving as his hands clenched and released from fists two hundred and thirty seven times before he spoke again.

“We should head back, make it back by nightfall.”

You opened your mouth to speak but the words were lost in your throat. This was so much worse than you imagined last night or this morning - you would rather he screamed or cried, fought you or swore at you, the silence makes this commitment, even an unspoken one, so much worse.

You helped him onto his knees and then swung his arm over your shoulder, taking his rifle in your other arm.

His body was stiff against yours, barely leaning any of his weight into your hold until you had pulled him into your side with a mumble about being stubborn and he finally gave in. Your whole body was aching and you were barely halfway before you were out of breath, tears welling up in your eyes from exhaustion, embarrassment and nerves before you caught the sight of a shadow against a rock ahead.

Adrean.

“You… waited,” you sighed, huffing in exhaustion as you tried to hold Din up against your side.

“Of course I did,” Adrean said, pushing off from the rock and walking over to you both. “Djarin?”

“I’m-” Din tried to hold his own weight before groaning in pain, “-fine.”

Your head whipped around to glare at him, wanting to tell him to stop being so stubborn and admit he was hurt, but Adrean stepped towards you both before you could talk.

“Here.” Adrean pushed himself beneath Din’s other arm and held his weight off you a little. It was easier now, his weight shared between you both as he tried to stay on his one good leg for the walk back. The silence seemed to go on forever, your hand holding Din’s where it rested on your shoulder and you could feel it shaking, and then Adrean spoke again. “What does this mean?”

Din looked down at you and you up at him, silent pleading between the pair of you. His hand squeezed yours with what energy he had and you just about managed to squeeze back before you answered without taking your eyes off Din’s visor.

“I don’t know.”

Notes:

And thank you for reading!
I will be updating this fic every Sunday night (BST) and it can also be read on my tumblr ( @/ moralesispunk)
I have been working on this fic for months and have been in love with the idea so I hope some of you enjoy as much as I do!