Please Don't Leave

by siriuslydeadinside

Summary:

Regulus coming out to his family doesn't go as planned. He left his "home" with a broken body, a broken mind. The question is, Can anyone fix it?

Chapter 1: Prologue

Nova Arcturus Black didn't feel like a girl. 'Wear dresses', 'Nice posture', 'You'll find your thing, Nova', 'STOP DRESSING IN 'BOYS' CLOTHES!' , 'STOP WEARING THOSE, YOU'LL DRAW UNWANTED ATTENTION YOU STUPID CHILD.' , 'Be a good little girl.' These are some of the few things she's been told. The fifteen-year-old didn't feel like and girl, no Nova wasn't a girl. He was a boy.

He just had come to terms with that himself, after praying to God since the age of nine to fix 'her', stop 'her' having these thoughts, he tried everything; from denying these thoughts and ignoring them, burring them deep into his soul. Never to be thought of again, that of course did not work. To putting a silencing charm around his bed at Hogwarts and crying, begging God to fix him, screaming 'til his throat went dry, crying 'til he had no more tears left to cry.

He finally figured out what it was, 'Nova' wasn't a girl, but a boy. And he knew his name, Regulus Arcturus Black. That was it, he just needed to tell his, very very Christian AND homophobic family. He figured he needed to tell Andy and Sirius, whom he hasn't heard of since they both ran away. Andy, a few years ago, and Sirius a few months ago. He texts them on his phone. He had gotten it from his cousin, Narcissa, she had said he needed more connection with actual people. He didn't like the idea, but it made Narcissa happy, so he did it, he had gotten Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook. He thought 'TikTok' was stupid, watching idiots dance for 30 seconds. No thanks. So, he opened Facebook and messaged Andy,

NovaBlack
Meet me at our spot

AndyT
Why? We haven't talked in years, Nov!

NovaBlack
Please, I need to tell someone. And I don't know who else I can, you know how the family can be

AndyT
Fine. Tomorrow 3:00 P.M. On. The. Dot. Don't be late.

NovaBlack
I will... and thanks, Andy

AndyT
For what?

NovaBlack
Messaging me back, I don't know who else I could talk to. See ya tomorrow

AndyT
I'm glad I did. See ya tomorrow N:)

 

He then messaged Sirius

 

NovaBlack
Look, Sirius, I know you most likely resent me and shit, but I need you to meet me at our old spot tomorrow at 3 PM, I need to talk to you, and FYI Andy's coming

DramaKing69
Why?

NovaBlack
Just please come, I'll explain it tomorrow

 

Now that was done, he decided to get some sleep. After all, he'd be seeing his cousin and brother, whom he hadn't seen in years and months tomorrow.

Chapter 2: Coming Out

Summary:

Regulus comes out to his family

Notes:

tw//slight mentions of abuse

Regulus walked up to his, his brother's, and his cousins' old treehouse. The five of them hung out all the time there as children, being very close. He had gotten there early, pacing up and down the rickety floorboards, fidgeting with his hands, and going over what he was going to say in his head. He heard a distinct,

*POP*

His head snapped over to the sound, seeing his brother and cousin watching him closely, they'd apparated together. "What's up, sis?" Sirius asked, sitting down in a dusty old armchair, that had stung a bit more than Regulus anticipated it would. "About that..." He started, picking at the skin around his nails nervously.

Andy noticed and her brows furrowed, "Nov... what's wrong, love?" She asked, she hasn't changed, at all. He took a deep breath, "Okay, so, I've thought about this a lot and I'm trans." He said the last bit quite quickly, wanting to get it over with. Apparently not fast enough since a look of understanding crossed their faces. "When did you find out, what're your pronouns, and do you go by a preferred name, oh- and does anyone else know?" Andy asked, "Uh, I guess around the time you left, he and him, and yes I do, and Evan, Barty, Dorcas, and Pandora." Regulus answered the questions she had asked. 

"What's your name then, dear brother?" Sirius asked, making Regulus smile a bit, "Regulus... Pandora 'n Dorcas helped me pick it." He said, picking at the black nail polish on his nails, Pandora had done them while Dorcas gossiped about everything and complained about her crush on one of Sirius' friends, Marlene McKinnon. "Regulus Arcturus Black... has a nice ring to it," Andy said, Sirius, nodding in agreement. Regulus gave a sigh of relief, "So you aren't mad?" They both gave him a ridiculous look like he had grown three heads. "Why would we be mad? Y'know we'll always love you, Reginald." Sirius said, making Regulus roll his eyes at the nickname, "I've changed my mind, I'm a cishet woman." Regulus said, crossing his arms as Andy and Sirius got up to hug him, he, despite hating it when people touch him, hugged back.

They talked a bit after that, figuring out how Regulus would come out to the rest of the family and a plan B, on how to get him out if things go south, which they probably will. He planned to do it at dinner, in a few hours, since the whole family, at least, the non-disowned members of the noble house of black, were at his house over for the summer holidays. "See ya later guys," Regulus said, hugging them goodbye before walking home, preparing himself for his family's reaction.

---

Regulus' coming out didn't go so well, they all yelled at him, even Narcissa, he'd trusted her the most, his parents were the most displeased, dragging him to his father's office, away from the family, and screaming at him, "WHY CAN'T YOU BE MORE LIKE NARCISSA?!", "WHERE DID WE GO WRONG?!", "GET OUT! YOU DISGRACE, GET OUT!" They had cursed him, like they cursed Sirius the night he left for the Potter's. Regulus, still withering and twitching on the floor from the Cruciatus Curse, called for their house-elf Kreacher, and Regulus's best friend in Number 12 Grimmauld Place, he told Kreacher to get his things. He didn't know where to go, Andy said he's always welcome there and Sirius said he's always welcome at the Potter's and that Mr. and Mrs. Potter won't mind.

But Regulus didn't want to be a burden, so, bleeding and aching, he limped out of Grimmauld Place alone, not being able to convince Kreacher to come with him. Maybe he could stay on the knight bus for a bit? He turned that idea down fast, the knight bus was too crazy and he doesn't think he'll make it that long, he pulls out his phone, but it was dead, great. Just his fucking luck, why didn't he charge it?! Gods, he mentally cursed himself, why must he be so dense? No time to dwell on it now, he decides to go to the treehouse, where he was only hours before, with the only family he loved and trusted now. Thankfully, Sirius had borrowed James' two-sided mirror and gave Regulus one-half of them. He knew both Andy and Sirius were both at the Tonks', waiting for the call that something had, expectedly, gone wrong. But no matter how much he knew he should, he couldn't bring himself to contact them, he just couldn't, he didn't want to add to their worries. He sat down, resting his back on a worn-down wall of the room, closing his eyes while contemplating whether or not to call them. 

The logical part of his brain told him not to, but the tired part told him the exact opposite... the tired side won and pulled the old compact mirror out of his pant pocket, looking through it he saw Andy and Sirius talking with the mirror sat up against a pillow so he could see both of them. Sirius noticed him first, "Christ they really got you, didn't they Reggie?" Regulus rolled his eyes at the new nickname, "First of all, never fucking call me that again, second of all--" 

Regulus was cut off by Andromeda's worrying over the mirror, "Gods what have they done?! Are you okay?!" Regulus faintly smiled, "I think I'll live." He states, trying not to wince at the aching of his face. Andy noticed, she was always so observative, "I'm coming to get you, right now, okay?" He tried to argue, but she was already out of view from the mirror. Sirius was holding the mirror now, talking to him like everything was fine when they both knew it wasn't, he was trying to keep Regulus distracted, 

*POP*

There was that familiar sound again, and in the blink of an eye, Andy was kneeling in front of him, grabbing his face in her hand, quite roughly- Regulus visibly winced- she loosened her hard grip on his face, a frown visible on hers. "We better get you home." She said, his eyes widened in panic, "But they don't--" He was cut off by Andromeda rolling her eyes, "No. My home, as if I'd ever let you go back there." She gently grabbed his arm and they apparated to the Tonks'.

After that- it all went fuzzy. He remembers being laid down on a quite comfortable couch, hearing the slightly panicked voices of Andy and Sirius, telling him to stay awake. He didn't know much- but he knew he was hurt, so much that Sirius was crying- and Sirius never cries. That's what scared him the most, he didn't want to die, he was only fifteen for god's sake! "This is really serious isn't it?" Regulus asked, throat burning at the weak attempt of a joke, Sirius gave a watery laugh, "That joke stopped being funny when we kids." Regulus winced for- what felt like- the 10th time that night as he felt a bone snap back into place. "Ooh, sorry Reg," Andy said, also wincing at the snap that sounded quite painful. 

Regulus closed his eyes, drifting off to sleep in immense pain after that, knowing he was in good, safe, hands with his cousin and brother, they were there for him, they were going to take care of him, they love him. Regulus had to keep reminding himself that his parents weren't there, that they couldn't get to him, and that they couldn't hurt him anymore.

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 3: The Mall

Summary:

THY GO TO THE MALL

Notes:

OMGS GUYS I TOTALLY FORGOY ABOUT THIS??????? chapter 3 two years later mb, sorry it's kinda bad I rushed to get this out. ALSO im american and no nothing about british stores so im basing it off of my experience at the mall srry if it isnt accurate

The next few weeks were a blur, Regulus stayed with the Tonks’ and moved into the guest room permanently. He was quite hesitant with Ted at first, how could he not be? But after Ted chopped Regulus’s hair off for him, he slowly started to open up. The hair was messy and uneven, and he’d definitely get it professionally fixed later, but it was the thought that counted. 

 

Their three-year-old, Nymphadora, was also friendly—he was seriously wondering if it ran in Ted’s family to be overly kind Hufflepuff’s—and by that he meant she forced him to play dress up and dolls and tea party with her. It wasn’t all bad, Sirius even joined in when he visited.

 

Sadly, Sirius dragged him to the mall with his three misfit friends and James’s girlfriend to get “proper manly clothes” since Regulus was currently wearing Ted’s old clothes that were two sizes too big. 

 

“I cannot believe you dragged me out here.” Regulus hissed under his breath, he tried not to talk a lot. Before it was a hatred for his overly feminine voice that made him quiet, now it was the embarrassing voice cracks that started a few weeks ago as it changed. Remus said it was normal when starting on testosterone, or “T” as the lycanthrope called it, and to just wait it out. That was definitely easier said than done.

 

“Don’t be such a debbie-downer, Reg! You need new clothes; Ted’s don’t exactly fit your whole “dark and mysterious emo” vibe.” Sirius said, throwing an arm around Regulus’s shoulders. Sirius had gotten way better at using Regulus’s chosen name and had made less and less slip-ups as the days went by.

 

“What’s a “debbie-downer”?” He asks, turning to the person closest to him, Peter Pettigrew. Regulus didn’t mind Peter, he was far less annoying than Sirius, less egotistical than Potter, and more social than Remus. He was the perfect mix, and he was a natural comedian.

“Just something people say when someone’s being particularly… pessimistic or aggravated.” Peter said, shrugging and Regulus nodded even though he didn’t understand it. “I think you would love Hot Topic.” 

 

Sirius’s eyes gleamed at the suggestion, and he nodded vigorously, practically dragging Regulus behind him. “Wormy, you absolute genius!” He exclaimed, dragging his baby brother (with all his friends laughing at his antics behind them) into the store.

 

Regulus did end up enjoying the store and spent most of the muggle money he had exchanged for a handful of galleons from his vault in Gringotts—well, it was technically his parents’ vault, but since he hadn’t been formally or publicly disowned yet, Regulus took a large portion of coins… just in case—on clothes that were mostly black, some green and blue thrown into the mix.

 

They went to Claires after, James and Peter insisted on getting matching butterfly “B-F-F” necklaces and Sirius (despite heavy refusal) had gotten him and Regulus matching friendship bracelets.

 

“I hate you.”

“Hates a strong word, Reginald.”

“It’s not strong enough, loathe is better. I loathe you, Sirius.”

Their bantering got a snicker out of Lily and Remus, both watching the exchange in amusement while Peter and James argued on which got the yellow necklace and which got the purple.

 

Merlin, Regulus was surrounded by idiots.

****

After getting food from the food court and walking around. James and Sirius suggested they go to a store called “Spencer's” before they left. Lily was vehemently against the idea while Peter and Remus just rolled their eyes and shared a look, followed by an exasperated sigh.

Regulus was very confused by this… until he entered the store. At first, it was fine. The front of the store had shirts with very, very odd things on them (Peter later explained this was more of a joke store than others). Then they traveled farther back. Regulus and Lily were looking at the jewelry as most of it was totally something Regulus would wear. 

James and Sirius giggling like little girls farther back grabbed his attention, and he couldn’t help but follow the sound… but, like the saying says, curiosity kills the cat. And Regulus wished he could wipe his eyes and memories of what he’d seen. 

 

Sirius and James were holding up lingerie against themselves and posing while asking each other how they looked between laughs. Regulus thought that was bad, then he saw the rest of it. Sex toys were packed in the back shelves from the ceiling to the floor, it was repulsive .

 

Regulus almost immediately left after James asked him in concern why he looked so pale and bursted out laughing when he found out. “Awww, you’re just an innocent little boy!” He said between his hysterics, causing Regulus’s cheeks to heat up. “Shut the hell up, Potter.” Regulus snapped in annoyance—seriously, how childish could one be??!—before turning and walking out with a huff. 

 

He joined Peter and Remus on the outside of the store and immediately deemed the two the smarter of their group for choosing to stay away from the horrors inside that store. “You got to the back, didn’t you?” Peter asked, looking at Regulus’s mortified expression, the blond sighed and patted his shoulder when Regulus silently nodded. “First time’s always the worst.”

The three made pleasant conversation until the others emerged from the dungeon of doom and Regulus found out he and Peter both adored chess and Remus was also into myths. “You know, you’re both probably my favorite and the least obnoxious of my brother’s friends.”

 

The conversation was cut short when the three emerged. Lily had purchased some jewelry, James had gotten nothing, and to Regulus’s absolute horror. Sirius had bought multiple things from the back of that hellish store. “You are disgusting.” Regulus said after Sirius insisted on showing the “adult toys” he got while winking at Remus. “Both of you are disgusting.” Regulus corrected once he saw Remus blushing.

 

Regulus left with clothes that actually fit (and absolutely scarred from Spencer's) and were more his style than Ted’s oversized flannel and jeans, so he’d say it was pretty successful… minus the last store.