Chapter Text
‘Pull yourself together Todd’ Jason mumbled out loud as he threw himself onto his side and curled into a tight ball. He found himself curling tight, trying to shield himself… protect himself from the next blow.
What hurts more? Option…
Jason grunts and rolls into his back, stretching out and star fishing out on his bed. His bed. He was on his bed. When he reached out his hands and feet didn’t hit anything. No hard unforgiving wood keeping him trapped.
He wasn’t trapped… he wasn’t...
He had turned on the lamp next to his bed and pulled the extra blanket on the couch off to bed with him when he sulked back to his room an hour ago. He wasn’t in the dark… he wasn’t cold… he wasn’t alone…alone alone alone.
‘Pull it together Hood’
It had been hours since he had gotten the antitoxin for the fear toxin Scarecrow had doused him with…
Jason had just only made it back to the safe house where he had left Roy before the fear gas had really gotten ahold of him. Fuck… he had tried to shoot Roy. He was going to have to apologize for that. Roy had disarmed him, Jason always suspected they were more evenly matched when brawling. Especially with Roy being clean, and as well trained as he is now.
He did what Jason couldn’t. He called Dick, he and Wally had taken down Scarecrow. Tim had raced over with the newest antitoxin, something Jason and Roy didn’t have and what an oversight that was…
At least it had been Tim that had come to the rescue, he had been coming around the safehouse that basically functioned as his and Roy’s apartment in Gotham with increasing frequency and Jason had started to begrudgingly allow it. He didn’t really like admitting to himself, but he had started to grow fond of the kid.
Tim… his replacement… who now himself has been replaced. Red Robin had come the second he was called. He didn’t flinch back from Jason who was now not only completely terrified but triggered into a pit rage. Tim came just in time; Jason was about to overthrow Roy… he could have killed him.
Jason shivers and almost sobs.
He could have killed Roy. He would have been alone.
He deserves to be alone.
Jaybird.
A voice that sounds exactly like Roy says insides Jason’s head. At least Jason can tell it’s inside his head. He wasn’t trying to get himself committed anywhere again…
Jaybird, come here.
The voice is definitely not Roy, who would definitely not be calling him closer right now. Not when Jason had almost killed him merely hours ago.
You don’t have to be alone
Yeah yeah… except he does…
You wouldn’t leave me alone Jay…
Jason thinks back to the times Roy had seeked him out. Found comfort in the memories of Roy finding comfort in him. The times Roy had itched. The subtle want always present becomes a little less subtle, a little less manageable until Roy is a wreak. Roy all exhausted and weak, curling up next to Jason on the couch to watch a movie together. Or the more recent and definitely most memorable time where Roy had shuffled into the makeshift living room trembling and glassy eyed only to find Jason reading Pride and Prejudice on the couch.
Roy hadn’t missed stepped at all as he came to the couch landing heavily as he sat before gently resting his head down on Jason’s lap.
Read to me Jaybird. I need something to drown out the noise. Roy had practically whimpered.
The safe house had been quiet, but Jason didn’t question.
He’s a little surprised he survived reading Darcy first (and to the ignition of Roy) unsuccessful deceleration of love.
“In vain I have struggled. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me, allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you”
That would have swept me off my damn feet Jaybird, a much more settled Roy said to Jason as he read the practiced lines.
You weren’t mad that I needed you, why would I be mad that you need me?
Roy in his head Harper was convincing as shit. The thing was Roy had deserved that support. He works so hard, fights all the time to keep his head above water. He was good and kindhearted. Strong in all the ways Jason was weak…
Jaybird…
Jason sighed and threw the blankets off to get up out of bed. Fine, he would see if Roy was out in the living room and wanted to watch a movie. But if Roy didn’t want to that would be the end of it.
The Roy in his head Harper gave a triumphed cackle.
When Jason didn’t find Roy in either the living room or the kitchen, he felt an uncomfortable tug in his gut. He couldn’t go in Roy’s room… that was his space. But Roy had been hurt, by Jason, so Jason should check on him, but Roy probably didn’t want to see him. Plus, Tim had checked Roy for injury before he left. So, Roy should be fine. But what if, as unlikely as it seemed, Tim missed something?
Jaybird. The voice sighed.
Jason crept on silent feet towards Roy’s door. He would just peek his head in, make sure that Roy was okay, then leave.
He knocks very softly, when he gets no response, he creaks the door open. A small amount of light from the hall bleeds into the room, and right in the center of it, facing the door, is a peacefully sleeping Roy Harper. Jason’s plan to just silently check on Roy goes to shit as he lingers by the door a little too long. It’s just, Roy… He looks… Jason stomach churns in an odd way, he bites his lip to try and ignore it.
Roy’s eyes open, instead of looking startled when he sees Jason, he looks soft. A soft, sleepy smile graces his features.
“Hey Jaybird” he mumbles in a sleepy voice.
Jason’s knees almost buckle.
Once upon a time that name had him saying shit like “you can keep the nickname, or you can keep your trachea, but you can’t keep both”
Now it melts him like butter.
Because that nickname means they are okay. That Roy is going to forgive him for almost shooting him. Not that he is going to forgive himself, but what’s a little more self-hatred to add to the mix. As long as Roy doesn’t hate him.
“You okay buddy?” Roy asks, eyes looking concerned now. But not because of Jason. He isn’t afraid of Jason. Even though he should be. Hours ago, Jason had tried to kill him. But Jason would never hurt a precious hair on Roy’s head when he was in his right mind. Like he was now.
Jason stays still, wonders how to explain that he wasn’t okay. He wasn’t. But it wasn’t Roy’s fault so Jason will leave him be. Right after he took in his safe, peaceful face for a few more seconds. Just something to carry back to his lonely room with him.
Roy must be a fucking mind reader because at that very moment he seems to come to some kind of understanding and pushes his blanket to the side, as an open invitation for Jason to join him.
“Come on Jay. You look dead on your feet”
Roy is probably the only person in the world that could get away with that comment.
Jason shuffles over slowly, waiting for Roy to realize he has invited a killer into his bed. A gun wielding mad man trained by some of the most dangerous people in the world.
Roy just smiles lazily and pulls the blankets back further.
Jason sits down on the edge of the bed first, testing the waters. When all Roy’s does is hum happily and snuggle down more into his blankets, Jason carefully lies down on his back staring up as the ceiling.
He feels Roy’s arm, strong and fucking beautiful, throw a blanket over his wide shoulders, before it retreats back to his own side of the bed.
Jason wishes it had stayed around him.
Don’t get fucking greedy Todd. He already let you into his fucking bed because you had been too afraid to be alone in your own fucking bed.
Jason tenses and is about to self-hate-talk himself out of Roy’s bed, when Roy reaches out gently and takes one of his hands in his own.
“Sleep Jay.” Roy commands softly in his ear.
Well, who the fuck is Jason to argue with that?