this is home

by kumi_seok

Summary:

"i just wanted to live like a normal kid."

aether's mute, and everyone makes it a problem.

Notes:

best to have listened to this is home by cavetown, or to listen along with the story.

Chapter 1

often i am upset, that i cannot fall in love but i guess

this avoids the stress of falling out of it

 

 

 

the halls were always noisy; filled with sounds of angsty teens and self-centered brats. aether, his braid trailing behind him, was quiet. the only sound he contributed being his irregular steps. it was obvious he walked with a limp. 

 

he bit his lip hard enough to draw blood, leaving a metallic taste that would only return again tomorrow. 

but nobody would care. 

 

why would they? 

 

they caused this. 

 

they whispered as he limped past, not a single care for his being. slowly, aether brought his hands up to his ears to make their whispers disappear and hoped that maybe, 

 

just maybe, 

 

 

 

he could too. 

Chapter 2

are you tired of me yet? 

i'm a little sick right now

 

usually, news would get old fast. 

people would lose interest and move on with their lives. 

so why didn't they? 

a mute kid? what was so special about that? it stuck around like the flu, and every attempt to get rid of it didn't work. 

everyone here knew. 

everyone here just had to make him feel bad about it. 

the judging stares, the words, the taunting, the bullying. all of it. why were they so interested in him? had aether done something wrong by just existing? 

why was he introduced as the 'mute kid' and never by his name?

even now, as he solves a math problem on the board, he could feel their judging eyes. all watching him like he were some alien. 

 

"so creepy." 

"must be mentally retarded if he can't use his words huh?" 

"did you know that he..."

"for real?" 

aether's lip should've been bleeding with how much he bit it. the ugly words from his peers stirred something even uglier in his chest. the feeling vile and disgusting. he wanted to throw up. 

he buried his head into his arms when he made it back to his graffitied desk. he wanted to go home. 

anywhere but here. 

he didn't want to be here anymore. 

Chapter 3

when i'm ready i will fly us out of here

 

in his dreams, he had a voice. strong and unwavering. in his dreams he was happy and loved. 

when he woke up, reality hit him. he was quiet, his voice lodged in his throat and forgotten. croaky and slurred, he wobbled to the bathroom sink. 

he tried to smile but even then he forgot how to. 

what's the point in even trying to smile? 

they'd just take that away from him as well.

Chapter 4

i'll cut my hair, to make you stare

i'll hide my chest

 

"aether? you got a hair cut?" thoma toyed with the loose curls encasing aether's face. the blonde nodded, curling into himself at his friends sudden touches, feeling shy and self-conscious. "it looks good-"

 

"careful thoma, that idiot might try to turn you into a fag. it's already bad enough he can't speak." a girl passed by, sneering at aether. it hurt when thoma pulled his hand away like aether had burned him and just laughed along with the girl. 

aether felt as though he should be mad, but it's always been like this. 

thoma never did anything, he just played along with everyone else most of the time. thoma didn't feel like much of a friend, yet, that's what aether thought of him as. 

a friend. 

 

his reason to go on. 

Chapter 5

and i'll figure out a way to get us out of here...

 

aether waited for thoma, hoping the other wasn't going to stand him up again. he played around with the food in front of him, pushing it around before taking a bite. the cafeteria filled up slowly, he was glad no one was choosing this lunch time to harass him. yet.

it was cold suddenly. 

and wet. 

 

why was he..? 

 

when he looked up, all he could see was their faces. laughing at him, looking down at him. childe along with ayato both holding a now empty bucket over his head whilst laughing their asses off. 

before he could even see the teacher angrily yell at them, he could feel someone pull him out of the cafeteria and into a changing room. thoma. he was late. again. 

they didn't exchange any words as thoma opened his locker and pulled out a spare change of clothes and a towel. he handed them to aether, the look he gave aether made him feel like he had done something wrong. aether started to dry himself off and once he was in dry clothes, he finally looked at thoma. 

thoma looked disappointed, tired and pissed. 

"aether, why won't you stand up for yourself?" 

the blonde gave thoma a look. his hands coming up to sign something only to be stopped with thoma's sigh as he rubbed his nose. "everytime aether. this happens everytime! i can't keep bending over backwards for you. it-it's making me look and feel like shit. you-you have a voice so use it." 

why did his heart pound so hard? why was his face wet again? 

"don't cry aether. it's not fair that i have to save you. it's not fair that you're clinging to me to the point i have no time for other people." 

but, thoma never responded to aether's texts when he sent them. thoma didn't do anything. aether only ever hangs out with him once a week. 

"i...i can't keep being friends with someone like you aether. i can't. if you won't stand up for yourself, this is only going to keep happening. use your fucking voice!" 

aether flinched back. why was thoma angry at him? he couldn't even if he wanted to! he opened his mouth to say something, anything but as always, the only sound that came out was sobs. 

"aether i'm done. it's exhausting. i don't want to be seen with you anymore, just stay away from me." 

Chapter 6

 

turn off your porcelain face, i can't really think right now

 

 aether was back in square one. he was alone. 

 

it felt...normal. 

what was he to expect? 

this is how everything started out anyways. perhaps thoma was right. he should've used his voice, he should've been stronger and more independent. he should've just acted like he wasn't traumatised. 

he tuned out the words of his teacher and decided now was a good time to take a nap. so he laid his head on the table and closed his eyes. 

peace, even if it was momentary. 

 

scaramouche turned to his left and took notice of the suddenly sleeping boy next to him. he looked calm, at ease and somewhat happy. it was unusual to see, aether always looked dead and frightened. 

it made scaramouche's stomach flip in what he assumed to be disgust. aether's never looked like this. he's never looked okay. 

suddenly, everything he had done to the blonde felt wrong. and even then, scaramouche still found a way to convince himself otherwise.

but perhaps just for the time being...

he'd let aether rest.

Chapter 7

and this place, has too many colours enough to drive all of us insane...

 

 

today had been...okay. 

asides from judgemental stares and whispers, nothing too bad happened. 

no shoves into the locker, no books thrown into the pool, no shoes going missing.

aether tiptoed into the house, being sure to walk past his knocked out mother without a sound. he opened the door to his room and laid himself on the bed, tempted to do nothing and just sleep. 

to sleep until his mother wakes up and finds something to insult him about. so she can manipulate and gaslight him under the guise of 'being traumatised and sad too'. 

 

he tossed and grabbed his pillow, burying his face in it. 

 

today,

 

 

he wanted to dream of his sister again.

Chapter 8

are you dead? 

 

sometimes i think i'm dead

 

aether's eyes were blurry when he opened them to the dark of his room. what time was it now? 

he groped around for his phone, unlocking it to see how long he had been asleep for. the time read 8:32 pm, he had been asleep for 5 hours. 

 

why was he still tired? 

 

the floor boards creaked underneath him as he made his way to the kitchen. his mother, wine glass in hand, ushered him over. 

a plate of food was pushed towards him. cold, just like the relationship between the two. "lumine, you know that i love you right?" her drunken rambles began.  

 

aether didn't care. 

 

so he took his food, not caring if it was cold, and went back to his room. went back into isolation. 

 

he stabbed the meat, not caring about the mess he made. it was salty. just they way lumine liked her food. he felt the corner of his mouth tug upwards slightly. 

his mother is still confusing him for his dead twin. 

the half eaten plate of food was left on his desk, forgotten. 

 

just like he was. 

Chapter 9

cause i can feel ghost and ghouls wrapping my head

aether would have skipped today if he could. 

he would have stayed in bed all day finding comfort in his dreams. finding comfort in the after image of his sister. he should have stayed home. 

because school was worse than being stuck with his mother. so he trudged through the school with his head down like always, his neck feeling bare with the lack of his braid. 

he regretted cutting his hair off, it was last thing his sister touched...but it was only a matter of time before someone else got to it. 

his locker, dented and vandalised, screeched as it opened. he pulled out his damaged books which flopped around in his arms. "move it freak." aether winced as he was pushed into his shut locker, the dent in it started to look like him. 

diluc cringed at him, giving him a nasty look before speeding off to his class. 

aether bit the inside of his cheek, tearing the skin off as he rubbed over his throbbing shoulder. he could hear a scoff from behind him, he turned to see thoma giving him a dead stare. 

but there was nothing that could be said. 

aether just walked past the other and his friends. 

they were strangers now, so aether should just stop clinging onto something which isn't there. 

he should stop clinging on to every little thing and let go of everything.

even himself.  

Chapter 10

but i don't want to fall asleep just yet

 

 

his mouth tasted of iron once again. his favorite hoodie now stained with tears and a few drops of blood. aether could feel his voice disappearing further into the void. why did they think that locking him in the janitors closet and tormenting him would get him to speak? 

if anything, it made him want to stay silent forever. 

it made him feel even more hopeless. 

 

by now it was dark. the only people left were students in clubs and teachers. "mute freak? you're still here?" he turned to see albedo behind him. the other looked somewhat disgusted with how he looked right now, albedo cleared his throat and straightened his back. "...clean yourself up before you leave. you make this school look like a joke." 

albedo bumped his shoulder as he walked past, fixing his bag strap before giving aether one last look. 

the blonde scoffed but still discarded his hoodie into his bag. some vice-president albedo was turning out to be. 

 

his mother waited in her car, an annoyed expression on her face as she glared at him. "hurry up or else you're walking." she barked out. aether practically ran to the car, throwing his bag in the backseat before he got in himself. 

as always, the ride was silent. the sound of the radio and rain from outside filling their lack words. "this is the last time i come to pick you up. waste of my god damn time and money. next time, walk." 

when they arrived home, he stood outside in the rain just a little longer, that way, no one would be able to tell the difference between his tears and raindrops. 

Chapter 11

Summary:

self harm warning.

 my eyes went dark

 

it was like seeing the first drop of snow. his blood which ran down his thighs, burning and throbbing felt like euphoria. it soothed him. the coldness of the blade and searing pain as his thighs became more and more unrecognisable. 

scars forming on faded scars, and cuts overlapping old ones. 

aether felt weirdly good, his brain on auto-pilot. 

in the sense that, this was his way to cope. this was how he was going to vent. 

this was how he was going to save himself. 

 

he looked up at his reflection, feeling a chill run down his spine at how calm he looked. 

then it dawned on him. 

he dropped the blade and the pain no longer soothed him, it scared him. he let out gasps of air as tears ran to the bloody floor. he felt sick to his stomach. he pushed the blade away and rushed to clean his legs, what had he done..? what had he done?!

the pain only amplified with the pressure he put on it. it hurt so much. it hurt so much. he sobbed harder in his closed fist, tears clogging his vision. 

"l...l-lum-mine..." he cried out for quietly, his voice coming out hoarse and croaky. slurred and incoherent. why was he calling out for someone who wasn't there? why was he laying on his bathroom floor bleeding out so pathetically? 

isn't he being overdramatic? this was stupid, why did he do this to himself?

aether hiccupped and composed himself. he cleaned up everything slowly. being sure that his bandaged legs were covered with long pants and wouldn't leak through his pants and onto his blankets when he went to sleep.

as he turned the bathroom light off, he rubbed his throat. in an attempt to say something he opened his mouth, but nothing came out. 

pathetic. 

aether was pathetic.

Chapter 12

Notes:

small update whilst i'm in school :))

i don't know where my pupils are

 

xiao had learnt that aether kept a small shrub of flowers in the garden. he watered it when necessary and trimmed it when it grew out of his desired shaped. aether kept a shrub of forget-me-nots. 

xiao would watch the blonde, watch as he dealt with the flowers so delicately. and then he'd see aether smile. xiao would watch as aether smiled without a care in the world to the flowers, almost as if they shared some kind of connection. 

it felt strange to see aether like this. 

strange to see him act so normal, act as if he weren't some-some...

xiao paused, what was wrong with aether? 

he couldn't speak right? that was it. 

so why did everyone...

 

he tsked, and turned his head away from the other; deciding to listen in on whatever diluc and thoma were talking about. this feeling in his chest, the heaviness and ache, 

 

it was definitely disgust. 

 

as he took back his thoughts and tore apart the small shrub of flowers, he did it out of disgust. 

 

and even now, as he watched aether's shaking hands pick up the destroyed forget-me-not shrub; the blondes face contorted in a way that made it look as if he were to cry. that ache in xiao's chest...

 

 

it was definitely disgust. it couldn't have been anything else. 

Chapter 13

but i'll figure out a way to get us out of here...

 

as a child, aether had trouble speaking. he would mumble his words, mix them up and sometimes get too loud. he would remember his parents yelling at him to shut up. to stop talking. he remembered their encouragement to others in their family to shut him up. 

he was only a kid.

to take away his voice; to condition him into thinking it was wrong to speak. 

and now, as his mother spoke to him, she looked somewhat regretful. it felt as though she were talking to a wall with eyes. 

but it wasn't her fault. 

of course not!

she's innocent. she didn't do anything. 

 

she never did anything.

 

 

 

it was funny, aether thought. how his mother would hurt him, bruise him, blame him for every wrong thing happening. then she would cry to him, embrace him and then ignore him once again. 

"talk to me aether please." 

"be quiet, i don't want to see your face." 

she was a walking contradiction. and if she couldn't choose whether she wanted to see aether or not, he would decide for himself. 

he would decide that no one would have see him ever again. 

Chapter 14

get a load of this monster!

 

and suddenly, it hit him. there was a way out. there was a way to stop everything. there was a way to be happy again. aether, sat outside his house; the stars glistening above him. 

he looked up and across the streets, eyes meeting xiao's who watched him from his window. huh, small world. 

 

aether waved but was ignored when the other pulled his curtain shut. oh well. it didn't matter. 

 

his phone dinged, the post he had been tagged in was posted anonymously, a post of him when he had been pushed into a lake near school. the comments all belittling him, all laughing and poking fun at him. 

though, there was one comment that stood out from the rest. 

 

'you're a fucking disgusting human being posting shit like this.' 

 

huh, was this what it felt like to have someone stand up for you?

 

aether wiped his tears away, and liked the comment before throwing his phone at the pavement. smashing it into pieces. his breath was fast and his cheeks were puffy and red. his tears burned, his tears...his tears annoyed him. 

 

xiao peeked out from his curtain, the post of aether on his phone. his hand hovered over the 'delete comment' button as he watched the blonde break down even more outside his house in the dead of night. "just delete it xiao." albedo sighed from the chinese males bed, xiao gave him a look. 

"...do you think he's going to be okay?" 

albedo paused, and gave xiao a look. a look of sorrow and guilt. "no. we both know he won't be." 

"b-but...he doesn't deserve to be treated like this. we both know it. i've seen you clean the words from his desk, i've seen you replace his p.e uniform, i've seen you albedo. this isn't right."

 

"xiao, he doesn't know how to communicate. what makes you think he'll suddenly trust us out of nowhere huh? what makes you think he'll want to see our faces after the shit we've pulled to stay on everyone else's good side? " 

xiao bit his lip. albedo was right in some way. 

why did they even treat aether like this anyway?

aether, xiao thought as he took one last peek at the other, just hold on a little longer please. 

Chapter 15

his mind is in a different place...

 

 

what was wrong with him? 

childe felt an uneasiness in his stomach at the sudden flip in aether's attitude. he was smiling, he was laughing and he was acting as if nothing was wrong. acting as if everything they had done to him was nothing.

and that made him scared. 

because every time they'd look at aether, his smile would catch them off guard. but it wasn't that, it was his eyes.

they looked distant, as if there was no one behind them. 

 

he heard ayato and scaramouche talk about it. how aether looked like a husk, like a clone of himself. 

then one day, aether was surrounded by people who were also curious about his sudden change. why did he suddenly decide that everything in the world was okay and that he was okay and that he was fine with how things were.

so as childe and diluc stood amongst the crowd watching them ask the mute boy a never-ending stream of questions, their hearts sank as the blank look in aether's eyes caught theirs. he smiled softly, pushing through the crowd weakly; and then he spoke. 

"can everybody please give me a little bit of space?" 

the words were slurred and quiet, a small whisper almost. but diluc heard them. childe heard him. the crowd heard him. but even if they felt somewhat satisfied hearing the blonde speak for the first time since they met him they both knew, 

 

something was terribly wrong.

Chapter 16

get a load of this train wreck

 

his hairs a mess and he doesn’t know who he is yet

 

aether…

 

was too far gone.

 

thoma had heard about his little performance. how he finally spoke, everyone heard of it. the harassing got worse. more and more people pushing him to talk again but the blonde never did.

thoma had watched as students pestered him during breaks. watch how they’d beg and bribe. once they left, thoma walked to the other. 

 

and then he saw it. the look childe and diluc were talking about. the look aethers been wearing for two weeks now. 

the look of someone who was already dead.

his eyes were blank and felt emotionless.

 

”hey aether. um, how are you feeling?” 

“i feel great.” the other signed, his hands somewhat shaky.

thoma frowned, “no you’re not. why are you acting this way? why are you acting like everything’s okay?” 

“everything is going to be okay. don’t worry about me.”

 

no. nothing is going to be okay. why is aether acting like- 

like everything’s fine? 

“aether, please, tell me what’s going on. i’m your friend.”

he heard a breathless laugh leave the other. it felt as if it were mocking him. “we’re strangers. you were the one who left.”

 

no. he wasn't. thoma didn't-he didn't mean to leave. but aether was right. they were strangers now. aether now seemed unreachable. aether was like mist. he was there, but thoma couldn't grasp him. 

he felt horrible. 

all aether wanted was a friend, and thoma had pushed him away. everyone had. 

"don't push me away aether." thoma held the other's hand which felt thin and weak. aether, as always, just stared blankly. eyes locked onto their hands in what seemed like hesitation. 

thoma was lying, it would only be a matter of time before the taller threw him away like trash again.

"please aether, tell me why you're acting like this." 

 

and thoma was met with silence. 

 

"aether, I-i'm your friend. no matter what, I'm always on your side." 

 

aether shook his head. "no...you're not." aether uttered. 

 

no one was his friend.

no one would ever be on his side.

 

aether was alone. 

Chapter 17

but little do we know the stars

 

 

this moment, aether wanted it to last forever. 

he swayed from side to side, the bridge noisy as cars zoomed past him. he felt woozy and tired, but, it felt good. 

he could feel his legs start to wobble and his body start to tremble. but he smiled. a genuine smile. 

 

a sad smile. 

he could barely hold on any longer. his eyes were drooping and blurring, he could barely make out the odd person passing by. 

soon lights and colours blurred into each other, every thing around him just mere blobs of visual mess.

but that was okay. 

this was his happiest moment. 

this was his last moment. 

he was allowed to be be selfish just this once. he was allowed to be happy. he was allowed to. 

so please, aether fell forward into someone's arms as his body started to shake violently, please let me be happy again.

 

Chapter 18

welcome him with open arms...

 

 

childe couldn't breathe. he couldn't...

he watched as aether was taken into the back of a blaring ambulance. his body limp and flimsy, his face at peace. 

what had he done? 

why would aether do this? 

 

why...

 

 

he paced the hospital waiting area. his mind zooming and tears rolling down his face. this was all their fault. he shouldn't have done this. he should have moved on with his life. he should have just left aether alone. he never wanted to see this, things shouldn't have come to this. 

he could hear a mother screaming, her yelling booming through the hospital. "my baby is in there! let me see him!" 

childe caught sight of the lady, her features becoming clearer the closer he walked. "m-mrs viator?" the woman looked at him, her eyes red and tears running down her face without any sign of stopping. "who are you?" 

"i-i'm the one who found aether. i..." childe's voice lodged in his throat and tears welled up in his eyes. the memory of aether's twitching body becoming limp playing over and over. "i-i'm so sorry..." childe sobbed, the woman's eyes softened as she embraced the ginger. 

"i could've saved him-i could've-" childe hiccupped, that feeling in his stomach becoming known to him. everything he felt towards aether these past two years. it wasn't disgust. 

it was guilt. 

it was regret. 

it was remorse. 

he could've been friends with the blonde. they could've completed high school together. they could've...

they could've...

 

"ma'am, sir, please calm down." a tired looking woman came out from behind a wall. her face was soft as she stared at the two who were obviously in distress. "for now, he is stable. but this was found in his clothes." she had pulled out an empty pill bottle and handed it to aether's mother. 

"n-no. this...can't be real. please, tell me he's going to wake up. please." 

 

"...we cannot say when he will wake up but he will. though, there are a few consequences of overdosing." 

the woman breathed a sigh of relief. "h-he's going to wake up? that's all the matters. just let me see him. let me see my baby." the nurse nodded and lead the two to the room.

aether laid on a bed, an iv bag at his side and a heart monitor hooked into him. childe felt sick to his stomach. he felt like throwing up. aether looked so peaceful. why did he look peaceful? 

childe reached for aether's spare hand hesitantly. he squeezed the others hand and felt tears well up in his eyes once again. he should've stopped. he could've stopped everyone but he didn't and now here he was, holding someone who he had only hurt over and over. he could hear aether's mother wailing, begging for her son to come back to her. "please, don't take him away from me as well." he heard her whimper. 

he wanted to fix everything. 

childe needed to fix everything. 

before he was too late once again.

 

 

 

Chapter 19

oh...

 

"my sweet boy, my sweet-sweet boy." his mother hiccupped, her hands caressing the face of the other lovingly, gently and as if aether were to break if any kind of pressure were applied. she choked on her own sobs, "i love you. your mom loves you so much. she loves your beautiful voice. she loves your beautiful face. she loves you." 

the room was filled only with her cries. as it always had been, only this time, the silence terrified her. 

"i love you so much aether. and i'm sorry for being a horrible mother. but-but all that's going to change okay? i won't ever raise my voice. i won't be mean, and i won't invite family members from before over. we can-we can eat dinner together, we can go for lunch, i can drop you off to school. we can-we can talk and we can even go to that snow festival you enjoyed as a kid. you just-you just need to wake up okay?" 

 

"please talk to me again aether. please. i need to hear your voice again aether." 

childe stood outside the room, his hands shaking and the hot beverages he bought spilled slightly, burning his hands. that didn't matter though. 

aether...

what had aether gone through to be like this? to become so traumatised, the thought of speaking repulsed him? 

school aside, what happened at home for him to not even talk to his own mother?  what did his family members do to make him like this? 

what had he done to aether to make him like this?

 

no one. no one was there for aether. 

and aether had the misfortune of ending up in a school like theirs. 

this world was unfair. 

and childe, with a clear head and having been struck by an epiphany,  was ready to do anything to protect the other now. 

 

Chapter 20

time is...

 

childe had learnt many things whilst visiting aether over the course of a month.

 

his mother was a piece of shit. 

 

this became known as the woman spilled her regrets to the other, taking up all the visiting time she had when she came. he had learnt that his family members were the ones responsible for it, he'd watch them come and go. listening in to their rambles about how they regret what they did. all of them parroting each other.

through this he learnt that aether wasn't always like this, aether was once just like him. someone who could voice their opinions, someone who could laugh and joke around. 

but they took it away from him. 

his family had taken away his voice. 

and school had taken away his chance to get it back. 

 

the guilt and regret swimming through childe was met with an understanding of why aether was like this. that being mute was how aether was affected by trauma. 

after a while, childe learnt that aether loved flowers. so every odd day, he'd bring in a bouquet and apologise to aether. he'd write letters and leave them by aether's side. he'd tell aether about the meanings of flowers, he'd tell aether that he was sorry. 

and then childe had learnt that he wasn't the only one visiting. 

sometimes he'd find letters and stuffed animals, ones he didn't buy. the handwriting familiar, xiao had been dropping by.

he assumed that by now the school had been informed and some nosy brat had gotten their hands on this information.

 

and soon albedo had visited, then diluc, then scaramouche, then ayato. 

 

one day, he came face to face with thoma. the blonde looked horrible. his hair was messy, his face was red and his eyes were starting to get puffy. "c-childe? why are you..."

the ginger placed the new flowers into a vase, removing the old ones carefully. "i found aether. why are you here?" 

"i...i'm his friend so of course i'd-"

childe threw the flowers into the trash bin aggressively and the look he gave thoma sent a chill through the other's body. "aether doesn't have any friends. so don't lie. " 

thoma pulled his hand back from aether's and stood up to face childe. "i am his friend! i was the one who-"

"pushed him away? told us that he was crying like a bitch in the bathroom? oh right, you were the one who ruined his p.e uniform everytime he got a new one!" 

"what about you huh? weren't you the one who publicly humiliated him? you made him cry on stage, you poured water on him, you threw his lunch onto the floor and laughed! you're no better than i am." 

" and yet, here i am. i know everything now, more than you've ever known. and i'm ready to make up for it. "

 

thoma was about to argue, to grab childe by the collar and curse him out. thoma was the closest to aether! he knew aether, he and aether were friends. they were friends. they were no longer anything. the last time he talked to aether, the other referred to them as being strangers. 

the two were ready to start getting physical until they heard a weak whimper. 

the tousling of sheets. 

and the sound of the heart monitor speeding up. 

childe rushed to aether side quickly, shouting at thoma to call in a nurse. "aether? aether can you hear me?" the blondes eyes flitted open and his fingertips moved slightly. 

relief. childe felt so relieved. 

he cried as he watched aether take in his surroundings slowly. the blonde looked at him, his hand motioning for something. understanding the motion, childe quickly filled up a cup, helping the other drink it. 

he couldn't help himself. questions just started leaving his mouth rapidly. "aether, aether do you remember me?" 

the blonde nodded slowly, confused as to what was going on. "yeah? i'm childe remember? we go to the same high school. you-i'm so glad you're awake right now." 

by now a nurse had come in, thoma trailing behind her with a look of relief. mirroring the one childe wore.  childe ignored the nurse who started grabbing equipment from a drawer and he squeezed aethers hand reassuringly. "everything is going to be okay." 

 

 

 

Chapter 21

slowly,

 

he failed. 

he failed. 

he failed. 

aether could feel bile rise in his throat as he realised where he was. he could feel tears prick his eyes, he could feel reality hit him. 

childe was here, and he was crying. whispering about how everything was okay, how he'd fix everything and how aether didn't have to worry anymore. 

"w-why did you sh-save me?" his voice was practically gone now. his throat was still dry despite having finished 3 cups of water. childe looked confused, thoma looked confused and the nurse looked sorrowful. "aether what do yo-"

"why?! why did you save me?!" his voice cracked and the heart monitor continued to speed up. but aether didn't care. 

he was angry.

he was furious. 

because here he was again, having his happiness taken away from him. 

here he was, alive, breathing.

and infant of him sat two people who thought he would just simply forget.

"aether calm down. please, you're not well you just woke up from-"

"i wasn't shupposed to wake up! i wasn't!"

this wasn't fair. why did they have to be here? why did people who hurt him think they could come in and suddenly act like they never did anything wrong. "aether please calm down. let's talk this out okay? you have to-"

aether cried into his shaking hands, feeling immense loss wash over him. everything he worked up towards was gone. all that time he spent accepting his fate was taken away from him. 

they had taken away his chance at happiness. 

Chapter 22

tracing his face

 

 

aether was angry. 

why was aether angry?

thoma watched as aether cried hard, his crying filled the room as childe tried his best to console the other. by now, the nurse had left and went to consult someone in a higher position than she was. 

he didn't care about her though. 

aether was awake and that's all that mattered now. 

"aether, aether we're sorry. we're sorry. we just want to-"

"i heard you. i heard all of you. i heard e-everything you had to shay." aether had been conscious before? was aether awake during all of their visits? if so, then when had he woken before gaining control of his body?

aether's eyes looked at the two with indifference, "i just wanted to b-be happy. am i not allowed to be happy?" 

childe grabbed tissues from his pocket and began to wipe aethers tears with them, he felt his heart ache. "aether, i want to make everything up to you. you-what we did was horrible. and, and you deserve to be treated well." 

"you should've lemme die. I was sh'upposed to die! why were you there?!"

aether had never spoken so much. aether had never felt the need to scream, to shout, to even bother talking. and the only reason he was doing so, was to tell them that he shouldn't have been saved. that he shouldn't have woken up.

it had been no more than 20 minutes since aether had woken. the blonde was distressed, he was crazed. his mother, who had just arrived, pushed the two out of the way and embraced her sobbing son. "my baby! you're awake!" 

this only caused aether to cry harder. he was so overwhelmed. everything was confusing him. everything was making him hurt. his body still felt weak; he felt as if he were jelly.

his voice hurt, his head hurt, 

his heart hurt. 

 

thoma flinched when he heard the woman let out a screech. a nurse ran in to pull the woman off her passed out son; the woman screaming at the nurses to get their hands off of her. "ma'am if you don't calm down we will remove you." 

"what's wrong with him?! why did he pass out?!" 

a male nurse laid the other down and hooked aether back onto the ventilator. "he's stressed. he passed out because he was overstimulated emotionally and his body couldn't handle it." 

thoma watched as tears continued to fall still, he wiped them away. 

aether, his lip wobbled, aether please forgive me.

Chapter 23

but strangely he feels at home in this place

 

 

childe sat at aether's side, xiao on the opposite side of him as the blonde ate slowly. the room was filled with an awkward atmosphere but no one decided to comment on it. "do you...want me to get you some water?" xiao decided to ask, breaking the silence. 

aether just shrugged and kept his eyes on his shaking hand which he struggled with. he felt so lost still. 

why did everyone think now was the time to step in? 

to start treating him like a human. 

to start reaching out to someone who was too far gone. 

 

"aether? do you want water?"

he wished they would all shut up. all drop this fake facade, to stop acting like they care. "aether?" he looked up, and nodded. he didn't hear what xiao had asked, and he didn't care about whatever xiao asked. he watched as the other left the room in a hurry. as if whatever he was getting was worth rushing for. "you know, i heard that...um...peruvian lilies meant friendship." childe started quietly, his hands going to caress the petals of the mentioned flower. 

aether eyed him skeptically. what was childe going on about..?

childe caught his stare and looked down bashfully, "just something i heard about haha..." the room returned to it's awkward atmosphere once again. aether had lost his appetite and pushed the bowl of food away from him; watching as childe moved it onto a nearby counter.

peruvian lillies, the flowers being symbolic of friendship and devotion.

 

"i...don't like lil-lilies." aether whispered, turning his back to the other and tucking his hands underneath his head. 

"r-really? um, what kind of flowers do you like?" childe asked, suddenly excited to be answered by the other and have a...conversation with him. even if it was one-sided on his part. aether hummed, "may-may-maybe...ane...mone flowers."

"oh! i've seen those flowers. my sister, tonia, she grows them!" aether turned around, his eyes wide and suddenly looking so much more livelier than they've looked. 

"she always brings some for mother, and they're beautiful. my mom pots them, but, they never last too long." childe continued, going on about the various plants his sister grew before xiao joined the conversation. 

he placed the water by aether's side and listened in to childe's talk; watching as childe kept the small spark in aether's eyes burning. though the blonde remained quiet throughout it, he listened intently. "and now she's planning to grow sunflowers, i'm going to go help as well!" childe informed two, xiao made a face. 

"this season? but it's autumn." xiao frowned, wondering how sunflowers would survive in the harsh on-coming months. childe shook his head and laughed, waving his hand in front of his face dismissively, "i said planning to. it doesn't mean she's growing them anytime soon." 

 

"oh.." 

"..t to help..."

childe's head turned to aether who was peeking out from underneath the blanket, "what was that?" 

"i...want to he-help." it was muffled by the blanket and it didn't help that aether's voice was quiet as it is. if childe and xiao had horrible hearing they would've missed it. 

it would've been lost in the void separating them. 

childe smiled and xiao felt his heart swell, "once you're better, we'll plant all the flowers and shrubs you want. all you need to do is get better, and we'll do everything we can to get your forgiveness and trust. promise?" 

no. 

no no no!

this had to be an act! 

aether's hands started to shake again underneath the blanket,  hidden from his visitors sight.

would they really change? 

can people even change? 

...but...

they had been so nice to him...

he had never felt so...

what was the word?

safe? loved? wanted?

would he come to regret this? 

"...okay...pr-omise" he whispered. 

though the two celebrated, aether clenched his fist. 

a year. 

that's all he'll give them. 

a year to say and do everything they want to do before he'll go. 

before he'll leave, he'll leave and never come back for real this time because he's allowed to be selfish. 

i promise,  aether allowed his eyes to droop shut, i promise to see you soon lumine. 

Chapter 24

 

 

he had learnt how to walk again. diluc and xiao accompanied him, helping him walk around the hospital garden, supporting him when he stumbled. "that's enough walking for today." diluc's arm wrapped around his waist as he fell forward. 

aether nodded and pushed diluc away from him, wobbling towards the crutches xiao held. he motioned for xiao to give them to him. "need help?" xiao offered, only for aether to ignore him and make his way to the entrance of his hospital wing. 

xiao sighed, aether had felt so far away despite being right in front of him. everyone was treated this way, everyone was ignored and pushed away by aether; even the teens own mother. 

his heart had never felt this heavy before, he shouldn't have to feel this way if he hadn't been such an idiot.

 

"come on xiao, let's go say goodbye to aether." 

 

xiao didn't want to say goodbye, he wanted to stay with aether and get on his good-side already. he wanted to fix everything between them. 

 

he just needed time. 

Chapter 25

 

 

after a while, aether found himself in the comfort of his room. his curtains drawn closed and everything enveloped in darkness. 

 

he didn't want to do anything today. 

even existing felt...

exhausting. 

 

he wanted to be with lumine already, he wanted to be rid of all this pain and doubt and-

he just didn't want to be alive anymore.

 

aether tossed in his bed, it was only midday. he could hear his mothers footsteps stop right outside his door. he could feel her lean against his door and sob herself sober, her whispers crept in from underneath his door but they were left ignored. 

he was just too tired. 

 

it's not like tomorrow would be any better. 

they had him seeing a therapist, to 'talk out his problems'. what would that do? 

him? talking? 

 

it was too late for that now

 

it was too late to save him now. 

 

only 9 more months left, aether told him self as his eyes fluttered close. in nine months, aether would be gone. 

Chapter 26

Notes:

i'm aware that tonia is younger but for the sake story she's gonna be older.

 

 

has it always been like this? 

 

since when had the world felt so...

 

comforting?

 

the wind which blew across his face gently tickled and aether could hear his breaths leave him. "you got it?" childe came from behind, his forehead slightly wet from sweat the gloves he wore were covered in dirt. aether bit his lip and nodded, avoiding the others eyes as he pat the dirt around the flower. 

"leave him alone bratan, he's more than capable to do it." tonia piped up from where she was kneeling. aether felt a little glad, finally, someone who didn't take him as some kind of charity case who couldn't do anything. 

at least someone thought he wasn't a fucking vegetable who couldn't take care of himself. 

childe huffed and backed off from aether, mumbling something along the lines of just wanting to help. aether shrugged, standing up and waddling over to the older russian lady who hummed to herself.  "hey there buddy, all done with those flowers?" aether hummed and swayed on the spot a little awkwardly. 

she stood up with a slight groan and patted her knees. "how about we go inside for a quick break? we'll continue after we eat." the blonde agreed and watched the orange haired lady yell something at childe in russian.  

he entered the house and shivered slightly. he peeled the gloves off and placed them on the nearby table where tonia had placed hers. "do you like apple juice?" she poured him a glass and slid it over to him, aether accepted it with a grateful smile. the juice was sweet. it felt like heaven on his taste buds and his partially dry throat. from outside, he could hear childe's loud footsteps stomping up the stairs and xiao's and albedo's playful banter. 

for once, aether liked the loudness of the world. he liked how his life wasn't full of that deafening quiet which taunted him. his heart felt a little lighter, didn't feel as though it was being dragged down by burdening thoughts that stuck around the flu. aether's fingers traced the pattern on the glass as he listened to tonia hum. "i heard that you wanted to have a garden of your own." 

aether paused, his eyes flickered up to meet her blue ones. he nodded slightly, taking another of the apple juice whilst wondering where she heard that from. 

"if you're free and bored, you could always come over with childe after school yeah? i could use another pair of hands in the garden, especially the hands of someone who actually knows what they're doing." 

as childe walked into the room with albedo and xiao trailing behind him,  aether felt his heart clench uncomfortably. regret filled his body, along with fear and confusion. why would he want to go anywhere with childe? and since when was he going back to school? 

all aether could do was smile at her, listening to the conversation as he stared blankly at his empty cup. 

 

8 more months.

Chapter 27

 

 

“i feel like he still doesn’t trust us.” childe sighed as he watched aether walk out of the residence. tonia scoffed and slammed her phone down on the counter, glaring at the teenage boys.

 

”you bullied him to suicide, why the do you think he’d trust ANY of you?!” 

 

albedo and xiao’s eyes widened, they didn’t expect tonia to even know about what happened with aether. “w-we didn’t mean to-" they stuttered, stumbling over the words they tried to get out of their mouths. the woman just frowned and glared harder, the glare icy yet burning into them with the heat of 1000 suns. 

it wasn't fair what they were doing to aether. 

it wasn't fair that they thought aether would just forgive them and get on with his life. 

underneath the counter, xiao clenched his fists. he just wanted to make up for everything. he didn't mean for it to be like this, he didn't even mean the things he said or the things he did. "things are different now. i can be his friend, and i'll fix everything between us." childe had never sounded so confident. so assured, so determined to do everything he could to mend his relationship with aether, to form one in the process. 

"but can you fix him?" 

it was quiet. 

"the boy can't speak for himself, he can't think for himself, he can't do anything but wallow in pity until he gets another opportunity to end it all. what makes you think things will be different?"

 

albedo chewed on his cheek, "because he has us now." 

 

"but where were you last time?" 

 

xiao growled and pushed himself up from his seat, his voice high pitched and defensive. "you just met him! what makes you think you have the right to-to say all this shit to us?!" 

tonia laughed sarcastically, standing up as well and towering over the other. "what makes you think you can talk about him like you know him? that boy won't stay around long, i can see it in his eyes. he's fooling all three of you." 

 

"tonia, please, we can fix everything." 

it was hopeless. tonia had seen right through aether's facade before any of them could. seen that aether was already consumed by a dark cloud and was blinded. 

there was no hope for aether, tonia thought. it was too late for him.

Chapter 28

 

 

 

sometimes aether liked to drown himself in music. 

he liked to envelope his surroundings in the loud sound of melodies, and he loved to get lost in the bittersweet lyrics of songs he loved. 

"hey there buddy, could you take those earphones out for me?" 

 

no...

 

he didn't want to . 

 

aether remained unmoving, his eyes avoiding the lady's ones in front of him. her smile didn't falter, "okay, how about you just turn it down some more okay? can you- there we go..." 

she was nice. 

she let aether keep his music. 

the blonde played with the torn skin at his thumb, his eyes darting around the room to keep him distracted. 

"so aether, from your records it says that you're a selective mute hm?" 

he nodded, the lady smiled and pushed a note pad towards him followed by a pencil case full of markers and pens. 

"this will be your voice until you're ready. for now, i just want you to answer some questions for me." 

 

 

 

 

 

he had left the room with his music blasting once again, a small candy bar snug in his pocket as he waved goodbye to the therapist. aether nodded towards his mom as she pulled in, attempting to make his music louder so the woman wouldn't talk to him. 

"hey there baby, how was it? what did you talk about?" 

silence, save for the distorted words from the earphones. 

aether looked out the window, there was no way he'd talk to his mom about this. 

hell, she was the one who put him here anyways. 

"you can tell me anything aether." 

no i can't.

"you know i'll always be here for you." 

no you won't.

 

aether bit the inside of his check and pressed the up button on his phone to make the music louder, louder, louder!

loud enough it would block his mother's voice out. 

to block everything out. 

to give him a break from everything just for a while. 

why wasn't it working? why could he still hear everyone blabbing on? why wasn't his music doing what it was supposed to do?

he could feel tears well up in his eyes, his body overstimulated as the sound of his mothers voice overpowered his music, the vibrations of the car stereo confusing him and making aether want to rip his hair out and scream. 

it was too much!

make it stop 

make it stop 

make it stop!

 

"shut up!"  aether screamed, gasping for air as he pulled at his fringe. tears fell as he tried to calm his brain down. tried to stop his body from shaking, tried to stop feeling so overwhelmed by his surroundings. his mother's hands were all over him, gripping his arms in an attempt to stop him from yanking his hair out. her voice yelling his name despite aether's ears being filled with non-existent water. 

 

"aether! aether stop!" 

 

it wasn't right!

he wasn't right!

aether's bottom lip wobbled as he wailed out,  his head throbbing as his hands clenched around strands of blonde hair he had ripped out of his head. he could vaguely hear his mother try and soothe him, her hand smoothing over his back as his body shuddered and shook violently. 

 

 

today had been too much for him.

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 29

 

 

recently aether had the motivation to start painting.

he wasn't any good at it but it was fun. 

painting funny coloured squiggles and flowers,

painting hazy recollections of landscapes,

painting pictures of his dead sister.

it was really fun.

and somewhat...therapeutic. 

 

and for once, he felt good about himself. 

he felt proud to have accomplish something without it being ruined or morphing in front of his eyes. 

proud enough to show the therapist. 

he said nothing as he showed the painting to the lady. watching as her eyes scanned over the painting with astonishment. 

"wow aether. this is beautiful." she complimented, it seemed genuine. 

aether smiled, feeling some weird giddy feeling in his chest. 

strangely enough, aether was excited to see her again. 

 

 

the following week aether had painted a cat he had seen in the neighbour hood recently. 

an orange stray, he decided to call her tabby. 

tabby had come through his window every now and then and slept with him. keeping him company and comforting him when all aether could do was cry himself to sleep. 

it was nice, the warmth of a living being.

his room didn't feel so empty, aether didn't feel so alone anymore.

he chuckled to himself as the tabby plopped herself on his lap, the paintbrush coming to a stop as he scratched behind tabby's ears.

 

 

that weird giddy feeling in his chest remained for the rest of the week. 

 

 

Chapter 30

 

 

when he was in high school, his best friend had died. 

and many times he had contemplated ending it all, finding a way out. 

but he was a coward. 

like others, he never told anyone. he kept it to himself. 

kept his true feelings. his true intentions and his true self to himself. 

and now here he was. 

 

sitting in the train,  his music filled each of his senses, distracting him as he pulled the arm sleeve back down over his wrist. 

school had been hell today. 

he had sat alone in every class, sat alone at every break. 

he was just alone. 

 

he looked up and made eye-contact with a boy about his age who was sitting across from him.

he smiled at the other and took in his appearance.

shoulder length hair, feather earring and golden eyes. 

his shirt and pants were baggy, and he had headphones on. 

 

though, he was fixated on the blondes eyes. 

not because of the unusual colour, but because of what he could see in them. 

he recognised that look. 

because he had worn it too many times to remember.

the look of loss, defeat and hopelessness. 

 

 

without much thinking, he trailed after the other once the train came to a stop, speeding up and catching his wrist. 

"h-hey, um... i like your shirt, you listen to mag.lo?" 

the boy just nodded, his eyes wide and unsure. 

"cool, my favorite song is the sad summer...um... what school do you go to?" 

the other remained quiet, his fingers fiddling the bottom of his shirt. 

"uh...well i go to X high. just around the corner..." 

it was awkward to say the least, hell, he didn't even know why he reached out to the other. 

perhaps it was pity, maybe empathy, 

and maybe it was because he saw himself in the other. 

 

"...ame.." 

 

"pardon?"

 

the blonde shuddered a little, his bottom lip jutted out before a barely audible voice reached his ears. 

"wh-what's your...n-name?"

 

"i'm kazuha." 

 

 

Chapter 31

 

 

the name was foreign to him, but the feeling of typing out a user name was even more so. 

what did that boy want? 

why did he talk to him? 

why was he giving him his username? 

 

aether couldn't decipher the strangers actions, even confiding in an animal which he couldn't converse with in an attempt to soothe his confused mind. 

had he made a friend all because of a shirt? 

 

ae_7her: um

              hello 

 

kaedehara: hey 

                  you're the guy from the train station right? 

 

ae_7her: yeah..

 

kaedehara: cool !
                  you go to j high? 

 

ae_7her: yeah ig

           

kaedehara: cool :) 

                   so you like mag.lo yeah? 

 

ae_7her: yep 

               not all his songs but yk most of them 

 

kaedehara: same lol

 

aether couldn't help but cringe and throw his phone to the side. 

he didn't want to talk anymore. 

he was uncomfortable. 

this was all too new. 

this was too foreign to him. 

he could feel tabby mewl out of distress as soon as she caught sight of tears forming in aether's eyes. 

the cat immediately crawling to him and rubbing herself all over him to stop himself from hyperventilating any further. 

 

why was he feeling this way?

its not like this guy knew anything of him, knew of what had happened. 

why was he terrified of the other? 

 

kaedehara: hello? 

             

ae_7her: hey sorry

               my 

               cat jumped on me

 

kaedehara: you have a cat? 

                   can i see?

 

ae_7her: um

              okay

               * 1 attachment*

 

kaedehara: oh cute!

                  what's the name?

 

ae_7her: her name's tabby 

 

kaedehara: awhhh

 

aether locked his phone and slid it underneath his pillow, biting at his nail as he stroked tabby's fur in an attempt to calm his shaking. 

was he making a new friend? 

 

hell, would this person even stick around? 

no. 

aether couldn't let himself get distracted. 

he can't stray from his original goal. 

 

7 and a half more months to go.

Chapter 32

 

 

 

the last time scaramouche saw aether had to have been months.

the last scaramouche saw of aether, was some limp mess of a person.

if aether could even be considered a person at that point. 

all scaramouche could remember of the boy was a scarred, tangled, incoherent pile of flesh. 

 

it hurt for some reason. 

 

to see someone in such a state.

and to be the cause of that? even worse. 

 

"how are you feeling today?" the man in front of him asked.

the purple haired males eyes darted around the room, gnawing on his bottom lip he answered, "like shit." 

it was the truth. and he should be feeling this way. 

he deserved to feel this way. 

and he knew aether would want the same.

"why is that?"

 

scaramouche couldn't help but scoff and frown. "you know why i feel this way. i've been coming here for the past weeks, and you ask me the same question over and over and OVER! why can't you guys send me away already! i hurt-i hurt him so much, look at where he is now..."

the councillor just nodded, writing down whatever it was he needed. scaramouche didn't care. "is that so? then, why do you think we should send you away?"

 

"are you deaf? i just told you! i hurt someone, i made him...i made him..."

 

scaramouche felt his hands start shaking as he remembered aether in the hospital bed. 

remembered everything he had done to him. 

scaramouche felt sick to his stomach. 

 

"why are you acting this way? it's your fault he's there."

"don't you think he would like to see you like this? suffer more, it'll bring him back."

"it's all your fault he's like that." 

"it's your fault!"

"it's your fault!" 

"it's all your fault!"

 

all scaramouche could remember of aether, was a tangled mess of someone who had lost everything. 

someone who would do anything in the world to be happy, to be free of the grasp this world had on him. 

"please," scaramouche started as he looked back up to the councillor, "please just-just let me make things right." 

the councillor only smiled and nodded, "i will see what i can do." 

 

in reality, he would do nothing.

because people like scaramouche didn't deserve forgiveness.

 

Chapter 33

 

 

he had ran into that boy again, the one from the train. 

he looked exactly the same. 

same dead look in his eyes, same dullness. 

 

"hey! we meet again!" 

and again, kazuha was met with silence. 

a nod at best, but it seemed silence was all the boy knew. 

he'd have to take lead of the conversation again. 

"are you coming back from school right now? it's barely past 1 pm." 

a shake of aether's head answered his question, though now a finger was pointed at his own chest.

it took a second for kazuha to decode the message sent by aether, was the blonde perhaps asking about why he was out early?

"me? well i just...y'know...didn't want to be at school at the moment..." 

and aether noticed his distant look too, noticed the distaste of speaking of his time at school that the blonde quickly whipped out his phone. 

 

'do you want to go to a cat cafe?'

 

kazuha was tempted to say no, tempted to flee from the quiet blonde boy to soak in a hole of self pity but decided against it. 

maybe in this boy he'd find hope to keep going, 

"yeah, that sounds fun." 

and maybe, he'd also be this boy's hope to keep going on too. 

Chapter 34

 

 

it hurt to see aethers desk empty, and hurt even more to sit in the chair besides it. 

thoma missed his friend, but he didn't have the right to call aether that anymore. 

and from the abundance of flowers and letters on aether's desk, he could tell other kids missed him too. 

but that was far from the truth. 

they didn't miss him, they were trying to make up for everything they did to him. 

trying to make up to aether because of guilt and shame. 

 

thoma clenched his jaw and fist, though being careful to not break his pencil. 

aether didn't need anyone else but him.

aether was his friend first! 

aether trusted him first!

 

it wasn't fair. 

 

but then again, everything that happened between them was because of him. 

because thoma chose his reputation over aether. 

because thoma chose to become exactly like the people who aether hated. 

 

so again, thoma stares at that empty desk,

with a dull longing for the boy who would never be his ever again.

Chapter 35

 

cats surrounded the both of them, purring and rubbing their ankles as soon as they walked in the cafe. 

kazuha let out a little squeal as he bent down to greet the cats. 

a girl their age bounced towards them carrying a clipboard and wearing a smile. 

"hiya! welcome to our cafe. my name is barbara, how long will you be staying with our furry friends?" 

 

aether's mind blanked, he looked down to kazuha who was immersed in the cats before looking back at barbara. 

his hands shook as he pursed his lips. 

he didn't want to be here anymore.

he didn't want to socialise with someone else, it was too much for him. 

"do you know sign language?" 

aether's head shot up, as the girl kept her smile from before. 

as they continued their conversation in sign, aether felt a little relieved.

 

there was no judgement from her. 

no sign of disgust. 

nothing. 

she looked at him like he was a normal person. 

 

aether felt...happy. 

 

"so you don't speak? i mean i heard you speak the other day." kazuha brought it up as they sat at a table with food 20 minutes after being seated. 

aether picked at his thumb and avoided the others eyes, afraid of what he'd see in them. "you don't have to worry. i don't mind it if you don't want to use your voice. whatever you want to say, you can just type it on your phone." the other began digging into his food, giving aether time to take in what he had said.

 

and again, aether felt relief. 

 

was this what it was like to be around decent people? 

why were they only coming into his life now?

 

they ate in silence. 

well, not entirely. especially with chatty cats at their feet. 

 

aether felt his chest fill with a pleasant feeling, as he and his new friend played with cats. 

 

"yeah, we're friends aether." 

the blonde looked at the other and smiled, he must've been thinking out loud. 

and for once, he wasn't ashamed to have talked. to have used his voice which he was afraid of. 

for once, it felt like everything would be okay. 

 

if only...

Chapter 36

 

everyday was not the same anymore. 

there was no longer a routine to follow. 

now, his phone would go off every now and then.

the notifications from the one person he didn't mute. 

recently, kazuha had started learning sign language

and aether had started learning to respond to yes and no questions verbally. 

it was hard, learning to move his shaky and bruised fingers; but it was worth it. 

kazuha finally had a friend, aether finally had a friend too.

together, there was finally something to look forward to. 

 

"hi there, i'm xiao. i've come to deliver aether's work for the week." xiao stood in front of the tired woman anxiously, his hands becoming sweaty as he rubbed them against his ripped jeans. 

"can i talk-talk to him? it's just to explain it." he watched as the woman called out aether's name before she disappeared; xiao felt his heart rate pick up. 

the blonde came around the corner, bringing along a small orange cat with him. "ah." the sound left aether's lips as his eyes met the others. xiao offered a small smile and wave before pulling out a folder of paper work. "it's um...good to see you." 

aether nodded, held tabby with one hand and took the folder from xiao's hands, "mmm t-thanks..." aether whispered, as his eyes looked everywhere but xiao. the black haired male just nodded, standing there silently as he stared at the blonde. 

"will you be coming back to school?" it was wishful thinking, and xiao knew that it was a dumb question to ask. why would aether want to return to school after everything that happened? all the other did was shrug. "that's-that's fine aha...if you need help with the work i'm just across the street...take care okay?" 

he didn't even stay around to see what aether would have done, he ran back home as he didn't want aether to see his red face and teary eyes. "ugh, im such a dick." 

 

 

aether closed the door and shrugged at the others actions. he went back into his room with tabby weaving in and out of his legs. the folder sat on his desk and aether pulled out his phone to kill his boredom. 

at least xiao hadn't tried to stick around any longer than necessary; it would've made things worse.

a small tap came from his window followed by the rustling of a plastic bag. the blonde looked up to the window, tabby already purring as she made her way to it. 

aether couldn't contain his smile.

 

"hey aether, wanna let me in?" 

 

Chapter 37

 

 

kazuha had mentioned he had recently made friends with a blue haired boy who couldn't see, 

then a rock star brunette who couldn't hear

followed by a blonde hair girl who was autistic.

"i've been making friends at school but a small group of people call us freaks." kazuha shrugged, combing his fingers through tabby's fur.

aether hummed, watching kazuha closely. 

"i wish you could meet them, you'd love them. especially xinyan, she's the best." 

aether paused and looked at the other, signing something he knew the other would understand. 

"a-ah call? that means call right? yeah i can call her." the other fumbled with his phone, quickly tapping at his screen and placing it in front of the other. 

the phone lit up with a smiling girl, her hair tied into a tight bun. 

"'azuha? who's the new guy?" there was a heavy lisp to her voice, but from what he could tell, she was fluid with her speaking. 

"i'm aether." 

"ah! are you deaf as well?"

"mute.'"

" ohhh i see. 'azuha talks about you a lot. 'e showed me pictures of you nd i think he has a-"

kazuha snatched the phone out of aethers hands and signed angrily at the girl who laughed, "your signing's gotten bette', but you di that sign wro-"

kazuha hung up the call and turned to aether, his cheeks red. "you heard nothing!" aether smiled a little, not completely understanding what was going on. 

kazuha had a little what? 

he didn't understand what the girl meant, but he liked her aura. she had a nice smile.

"y-you...you don't understand right?" 

aether nodded slowly, tilting his head to the side. 

kazuha let out a sigh relief and placed a hand on his chest, "okay-okay...good. um, just putting it out there, but why don't you come to our school?" 

school? 

why would he want to go back there?

"it's better than your school, and-and you don't have to i just thought that you get lonely here and yeah...i just thought that i should just put it out there." kazuha had shrunk back on his words, standing back and starting to pick at his arm sleeves. 

aether bit his lip, unsure of how to react. 

"um...i'm sorry if i made you uncomfortable..." 

 

go back to school? 

why should he? 

why...why should he bother again?

he couldn't forget his promise.

it had been 8 months already, and he only had 4 more left. 

Chapter 38

 

 

he must've said something wrong.

aether wasn't picking up his calls.

he hadn't heard from the other from a week.

oh god, what had he done? 

did he make aether uncomfortable? 

why did he even suggest something like that to someone who-

"kazuha! i can feel you shaking!" the blind boy nudged the other, who stopped bouncing his leg. 

"sorry kaeya, i'm just worried that aether is..." 

kazuha paused, turning quiet before laying his head into his arms. 

his head hurt, and he didn't want to be at school anymore. 

he should just go home, maybe even visit tomo and then go see aether. 

 

"we've got a new student joining us. be nice, he doesn't exactly talk much but we can make that work. can you say your name for us?" 

there was a 10 second silence, the classroom had never been this quiet before. 

"m-my name is...aether...v-viator." his head shot up like a bullet. 

what was aether doing here? 

why was aether in his school uniform? 

why was aether in his classroom? 

"aether?" 

his teacher turned at him and raised an eyebrow, "you know the kid?" 

kazuha nodded, "he's my friend." 

the teacher's eyebrows raised in surprise, a delighted look on her face. "really? that's good! he can sit next to you then." 

 

and aether had never felt so scared in his life. 

but, maybe it wasn't so bad. 

the kids here, they weren't glaring or whispering. 

they were just...staring. 

not staring as if he were an alien, and-and it made him feel a little more confident. 

"hey im kaeya." the male on the other side of kazuha introduced when aether sat down. 

"a-aether." 

"i like your name!" 

the blonde nodded before realizing the other couldn't see him. "ah-ah..." he started, scrambling to get words out of his mouth. 

"don't worry, you don't have to say anything." 

that was...a relief. 

kaeya, what a familiar name. 

 

the day had been normal- no- it had been great. 

aether met people his age who weren't out to get him. 

he met people who were kind, he met people who helped him. 

and it was great. 

where were these people in his old school? 

he was glad, glad that he decided to school one more try. 

if it was for kazuha, then he's okay with it. 

today was great, and tomorrow aether hoped that it would be the same as well. 

he wanted things to be like this forever. 

Chapter 39

 

 

albedo had noticed how aethers name disappeared from their attendance. 

he had grown used to hearing aether’s name and turning to see his empty desk, hoping one day he’d see the blonde in it. 

 

his group of friends noticed as well. 

 

they ate in an awkward silence, talking to each other quietly rather than their usual loud banter. 

“aethers changed schools.” xiao mentioned as he pushed around the food in his lunch box.

”what?” 

 

“when?” 

 

“why?”

 

why?

 

yeah, why did aether leave a school full of idiots and people who hated him? 

“you’re really asking why? why wouldn’t he?!” xiao's mood turned sour in an instant, slamming down his fork and glaring at the ignorant childe. 

"i thought that we could be friends after all the shit-"

"that we put him through! i don't know what world you're living in, but people don't always forgive and forget!" it wasn't fair to aether. it wasn't fair for childe to think aether would come back and forget everything they had done to them. 

childe bit his lip and looked down, "but-but i wanted to be his friend..." 

ayato had stayed silent during this. him and diluc exchanging glances to each other. "he's better now. he's better than he will ever be with us." xiao pulled out his phone to show aether's newly made instagram account. 

a picture of aether surrounded by people, his smile brighter than it has ever been. 

diluc's eyes widened in recognition at the blue haired male standing next to him. 

"but-but..." childe's eyes grew teary. 

scaramouche chewed on his straw and looked at the table. 

"we should be happy for him." ayato spoke up quietly. he had barely even touched his food, and the sight of the photo made him lose his appetite entirely. 

scaramouche nodded. 

they didn't deserve aether. 

they had no right to try and bring him back either. 

childe cried like a child into thoma's shirt, muttering about how he wanted to be friends with aether and how he wanted aether's forgiveness more than anything. 

 

"be happy for him." ayato reiterated as he placed a hand on childe's shoulder. 

 

childe nodded slowly, they all did. 

it was time to let go of the aether they knew, 

and time to welcome the aether they know now. 

Chapter 40

 

life had started getting better for him.

 

when returning...home... his mother would greet him warmly. 

her breath void of alcohol, and her tone soft.

his mom had stopped drinking. she had stopped invading his space, she had stopped seeing those relatives who he hated. 

therapy was working for her just as it did for him.

and aether decided that if his mom could change,

if his mom could look at him lovingly like she used to, aether could change too. 

 

it had taken some time though. 

days of therapy, of ripping his hair out, of crying into kazuha's chest; it was a long process. 

changing took time, but aether was willing to change.

he threw out his old uniform. 

he threw out the razors in his bathroom. 

he threw out old letters filled with his...

it didn't matter.

 

he was getting better. 

 

aether was starting to enjoy school again.

he was enjoying his classes, he was enjoying socialising and he was...

starting to enjoy speaking more. 

he liked talking to kaeya, he always listened. 

and he liked hearing xinyan and fischl talk, it always made his day more exciting. 

though, he would still prefer kazuha.

he liked how the other talked and filled the silence when aether felt anxious of his voice. 

he liked how kazuha was always there for him and would assure him everything was okay.

he liked how kazuha kissed his tears away. 

 

slowly, he started getting used to waking up early every morning and taking the train to school. 

started getting used to making his lunch again and even making lunch for his...

friends. 

they had opened up to him, and he had opened up too. 

so they were friends. all of them.

that feeling in his chest when he was with them felt more than pleasant. 

 

aether was happy. 

 

this was happiness. 

his therapist told him so. 

he was happy.

and now, as he ripped apart that calendar with his death date he smiled. 

today aether decided that he was going to live. 

live for lumine, for kazuha, for kaeya, for xinyan, for all his friends 

but most importantly, aether was going to live for himself. 

 

so as he steps out his door every morning he smiles and greets xiao, he feels happy. 

because from today on...

 

 

 

aether was going to live.

 

 

Chapter 41

 

 

This is the end of the story. 

 

thank you to everyone who has read this, left kudos or comments. 

 

it was hard to finish this, and ideas had become lost along the way which can be seen in the story haha.

 

i did end up taking the major death tag out as i believed aether deserved a happy ending compared to the one that was in the original. 

 

again, thank you to those who have gotten to the end of the story. 

 

take care :) 

Chapter 42: extra

 

 

"hey aether." kazuha had started their conversation one day as they were in the blonde's garden planting flowers. 

"hm?" aether hummed, wiping the sweat from his forehead. 

a moment of silence came between the two before kazuha spoke again: 

"i love you." 

aether froze and he turned to look at kazuha, scanning the other's expression. 

love? 

kazuha loved him?

"what do you mean kazuha?" 

kazuha's cheeks were as red as the roses in front of him. 

"i'm in love with you aether." 

oh.

oh.

 

"ah..." aether took off his muddy gloves and turned his body to face the other. 

kazuha could feel the rest of his body turn red as aether just stared at him. 

"ah!" 

aethers hand came to his mouth before he stood up and ran back inside his house. 

 

for a second, kazuha had thought he was being rejected by the other

having interpreted aether running away as aether rejecting him. 

then the blonde came running back out, a small note book in his hand. 

"read." aether pointed at a page and thrusted the book into kazuha's chest. 

 

kazuha sniffled and took the book from aether's hands. 

as his eyes scanned the pages his heart started beating faster and faster.

oh.

 

"you...like me too?" 

aether nodded eagerly, urging kazuha to continue reading whatever was in that tiny book of his. 

"a-ah i can't read anymore! i feel like my heart is going to fail." kazuha gave the note book back, feeling heat radiate off of every part of himself. 

watching the blonde smile at him, kazuha couldn't help it. 

aether gasped as kazuha joined their lips together. 

and kazuha cursed himself for acting on impulse. 

"fuck i'm sorry aether i was just..." 

oh god- 

what if aether hated him- he shouldn't have done that without aether's consent.

when aether just chuckled and pulled him in for another, kazuha was sure his heart was going to stop.

as soon as they had stopped, kazuha shot up like a rocket.

"i just remembered i have to go feed my homework! i mean wash my bed! i mean- i have to go!" 

 

aether watched as the other tripped over his own feet on his way to his front door, his neck a vibrant red against his pale skin. 

giddiness filled aether's chest as he resumed planting his flowers, singing a small tune softly to himself. 

 

this was definitely worth a page in the book!

 

Chapter 43: extra: bad ending

Summary:

this was what i had planned for the bad ending, i haven't edited it since then but it is a rough outline of what the ending would have been like.

 

 

kazuha twirled the hair of the blonde male, sniffing in the smell of his hair which smelt like hand soap. 

"i love you aether." the blonde just smiled and nuzzled into kazuha's hand, bringing himself closer to the other. 

a woman came into the room, sitting on the chair across from the bed. 

 

kazuha glared at her, sitting up as well and placing aethers head on his thighs. 

 

"hey buddy, how are you feeling today?"

 

quiet filled the room. 

 

a still quiet that felt depressing and oppressive. 

 

kazuha scratched at his wrist as his leg bounced slightly.

"i feel...okay."

 

he'd feel better if they would just let him and aether go outside and have a date. 

 

"is that so? have you taken your medicine?" 

 

kazuha froze, eyes glancing at the untouched bottle of pills sitting at the desk. 

"i don't want to take it. it makes me dizzy." 

 

aether whined, "you should take it kazuha. it helps you recover." 

 

kazuha's face scrunched, his mind remembering what it was like last time he took them. "i don't want to take them aether!" 

 

the lady was still in the room, and she motioned for someone else to come in. 

 

kazuha turned to see the person coming in and his eyes softened. "hey xinyan." 

 

the deaf girl smiled. "hey kazu." 

 

"no hey aether?" 

 

"...hey ae."

 

xinyan grabbed the bottle off of the desk and stared at it, adjusting her hearing aid slightly as she turned back to kazuha and aether.

 

"you're shtill not taking these?" xinyan unscrewed the cap and tipped two into her hand . 

 

"i don't need them xinyan." 

 

her face softened out of pity and she grabbed the cup of water. 

 

"take them kazuha." 

 

"i don't want to!"

 

"we'll visit aether if you take them." 

 

"why do i need to take them to visit aether?! he's right next to me!" 

kazuha turned to look at aether who was silent. his eyes trained on the floor. 

kazuha felt his heart ache, he hated this. 

oh no.

 

oh no no no...

 

"how..." kazuha started as he turned to the lady and nurse. 

"how long has it been again?"

 

"two years kazuha." 

 

two years...

 

two years since he buried aether. 

 

"i..." kazuha turned to look at the after image of aether only he could see. 

the blonde looking guilty even as an image of kazuha. 

 

kazuha sniffled and took the pills out of xinyan's hands and took them dry. 

it hurt. 

it hurt to be reminded of aether's death, hurt to be reminded that the blonde next to him wasn't real. 

"i miss him." kazuha sobbed, watching the aether besides him become a little hazy.

felt the confusion in him die down ever so slightly. 

xinyan just smiled gently and pat the others head. 

"i'll meet you in the car." 

 

the ride to the cemetery had been a quiet one. 

xinyan opting to play something calm and soothing for the sniffling male. 

once parked outside the cemetery, kazuha had a sudden change of heart. 

 

aether couldn't be dead

there was no way. 

 

"no!" he screamed covering his ears and curling into himself. 

muttering a mantra of aether's name. 

 

"it's okay kazuha." xinyan whispered, stroking the others back as she ushered him out of the car. 

their walk to aether's grave was slow, xinyan having to support the other. 

 

aether's grave was adorned with multiple flowers. all fresh and encasing his tombstone. 

 

kazuha choked on his cries as he fell to his knees, his brain recalling the night he had found aether in a tub of red water and an empty bottle of sleeping boths. the bathroom littered with bottles of alcohol and rusty razors kazuha thought aether had gotten rid of. 

 

it was still fresh in his memory, like it had happened just moments ago. 

 

he could still remember aether's cold and unmoving body in his arms. 

and now as he sat at aether's grave, it was all he could remember. 

 

" i-i miss you aether." kazuha must've looked pathetic. 

sunken cheeks, red eyes, frail, and clothes 10 times bigger than his body. 

 

sobbing at the grave of the boy he was still in love with. 

 

"i miss you aether." he sobbed again and again. 

 

eventually xinyan had left him by himself to talk to aether. sitting in her car and watching as kazuha's mouth moved every now and then. 

 

it was sad. 

it was unfair. 

kazuha had stood up suddenly turning his back to the grave and running back to the car with his eyes starting to swell. 

 

"you okay?"

"n-no...but i will be." kazuha's teary eyes didn't leave aether's grave, only leaving them once it left view. 

 

everything would be okay. 

 

aether

 

kazuha thought as his eyes roamed over the outside of the car. 

 

i'll be with you soon.

 

and as he took stared at the bottle of pills they had given him once he was discharged, kazuha decided that he would take the pills. 

 

all of them.