Work Text:
There was something heady about being someone’s sole recipient of attention, their sole target of devotion. Jiang Cheng reveled in it, the attention that Lan Wangji’s intent gaze rained upon him every time he was in the room.
It started the first time they saw each other, his foot slipping and Lan Wangji catching his hand and bringing their bodies closer just so Jiang Cheng won’t fall down the long flight of stairs that lead up to Cloud Recesses. Unconventionally, he had been the very last person from Yunmeng Jiang to board the flight of stairs because he had wanted to make sure that every last person was accounted for. In his hurry to get through those blasted flight of stairs, he had been careless.
He still remembered the intensity of those eyes as they pierced into his. There they stood, gazing at each other for what felt like eternity when his sister’s voice had broken the spell.
“a-Cheng, are you alright?”
Jiang Cheng had flung himself out of Lan Wangji’s arms, feeling embarrassed and - strangely - caught off-guard. His heart pounding in his chest, he had turned back to Lan Wangji to thank him for keeping him from falling down the stairs only to have his breath knocked out of his chest. That gaze had never left him. He had stood there, silently, observing Jiang Cheng intently and Jiang Cheng had felt shyness creep into him.
Fighting the urge to look away, he had bowed his thanks to Lan Wangji and introduced himself.
From that point on, he had had to fight that urge to look away from Lan Wangji’s unfaltering gaze many times. Growing up, and having to constantly measure up to his parents’ high expectations, Jiang Cheng had never felt so…seen. He felt exposed, as if all of his flaws were at display for those golden eyes to ponder and deconstruct. And it had unsettled Jiang Cheng at first. Later, he realized that they were doing none of the negative things he thought they were doing. Instead, they were just watching, curious and intrigued.
“Would Young Master Jiang be kind enough to lend his expertise on the ghouls?” Lan Xichen had asked with a gentle smile before turning towards his brother. “I know Wangji would be most pleased if you’d come.”
“Brother.” Wangji had said, almost monotonously, his ears red.
Usually, Jiang Cheng would have noticed no such thing but Lan Wangji was an exception. An exception that wouldn’t leave his thoughts even at nights. An exception that made Jiang Cheng's heart soar while also making it somersault at the same time. An exception that he was starting to realize that he didn’t mind so much.
Jiang Cheng had nodded his agreement, much to Lan Xichen’s elated surprise. Jiang Cheng was not surprised when it was Lan Wangji that eventually caught his wrist and pulled him up on the sword amid the waterborne abyss. He was embarrassed, however, that they had spent the whole time avoiding - or trying to avoid - eye contact as Lan Wangji held onto Jiang Cheng while Lan Xichen dealt with the ghoul situation.
All in all, Jiang Cheng thought he got used to Lan Wangji’s constant stare. He accepted it. Alas, he was wrong. At every discussion conference his father took him to, he would see Lan Wangji. At every discussion conference at Gusu Lan, Jiang Cheng’s quarters were always separate, decorated to his liking, extra desserts and snacks loaded onto the wooden shelves in case Jiang Cheng didn't find the Cloud Recesses food palatable. Lan Xichen took great delight in teasing them.
“Ah, do you find the snacks to your liking, Young Master Jiang? Lan Wangji has many more in stock that he got from Caiyi Town. I am sure he would be happy to provide some more options.”
His statement was cheeky as he subtly side-eyed Lan Wangji who looked like he wanted to disappear from there. Despite blatant attempt to out Lan Wangji, Jiang Cheng still turned to Lan Xichen and thanked him. He also proceeded to high-tail it out of there.
Even with all the teasing remarks, it continued. If Jiang Cheng so much as mentioned a fleeting craving of something, it would appear. If he so much as hinted that he was feeling tired, some form of rest would be arranged. If he so much as smiled brightly at Lan Wangji, the man would stumble. Jiang Cheng did not know why he did the things he did just to see Lan Wangji's reaction but he would be lying if he said that he did not enjoy the pink cheeks and attentive stance that Lan Wangji had whenever Jiang Cheng was in the vicinity.
It all came to a head when Jiang Cheng finds his favorite flowers and poetry books stocked in his quarters at one of the visits. Wei Ying, the son of a rogue cultivator Jiang Cheng befriended at one of the discussion conferences open to all cultivators, smirked at him.
“Aiya! Must be nice to have the attention of such an esteemed cultivator!”
…it was getting out of hand. So, Jiang Cheng had to do something. Perhaps confront Lan Wangji and tell him…what?
Despite not knowing what he would say, Jiang Cheng proceeded to go and find Lan Wangji. When he eventually found him surrounded by white, Jiang Cheng stalled for a moment. There, surrounded by rabbits, Lan Wangji looked ethereal, the sunlight casting a halo around him.
Unfortunately, Lan Wangji noticed him right away and Jiang Cheng had little time to admire him from afar.
All of Lan Wangji’s attention was zeroed in on Jiang Cheng, the rabbit surrounding him long forgotten. Jiang Cheng gulped, still not being used to the nerve-wracking experience that is Lan Wangji’s intent and lingering gaze. When Lan Wangji approached him, Jiang Cheng blurted out the first thing that popped up in his mind.
“Why do you watch me?” he asked, unable to help his curiosity.
Without hesitation, Lan Wangji answered with a barely-there quirk of lips. “You’re beautiful.”
Despite already knowing that that might have been the reason, Jiang Cheng’s heart pounded even harder at the words.
“Beautiful?” he whispered, trying to feel out the words.
Lan Wangji nodded. “Jiang Wanyin is the only star I see.”
Jiang Cheng quirked an eyebrow. “Oh, just the stars? I was expecting to be the sun at least.”
Lan Wangji’s smile widened more. “The sun burns anyone that looks at it. It’s the stars that people sit all night to admire. Wanyin is the only star I wish to admire.”
Jiang Cheng shouldn’t have been surprised that Lan Wangji was so brazen. He had no shame in being so drawn to someone.
“Shameless!” hissed Jiang Cheng, feeling scared that he might feel a mirrored longing for the other.
Lan Wangji’s small smile turned rueful. “This one apologizes for being untoward.”
However, despite that encounter, Lan Wangji would remain at his side, steadfast and affectionate. And Jiang Cheng couldn’t help but open up more and more in the face of such open adoration.
If that meant that Jiang Cheng would let his hair down and vaguely suggest that Lan Wangji tucked his strands behind his ears because his hands were otherwise occupied and if Lan Wangji would gently sweep his bangs away with a touch so feather light that it was almost non existent, and if—
“Beautiful,” Wangji would whisper making Jiang Cheng’s cheek redden.
“Shameless,” Jiang Cheng would whisper back shyly without doing anything to move away from his lingering touch.
...then it would just be the two of them that would know of it anyway.
And this is how it would continue for a very long time. Neither admitting their feelings but neither denying it either.
Lan Wangji never hesitated to show that Jiang Cheng was the center and the star of his universe. He would always take care of Jiang Cheng in all the ways that mattered. He would listen to Jiang Cheng’s frustrated rants and ramblings. He would offer comfort when Jiang Cheng needed it. Most importantly, he would always be there to provide support.
And Jiang Cheng could not help himself but see. See Wangji beyond the unabashed shamelessness that he wore like an armor. See Wangji for all that he was and more. See and mirror his acts of love for his own. See and fall in love with the man’s devotion and kindness. He could not help and see and fall…and crave.
Perhaps that was the problem. Perhaps that was his mistake.
“You must choose someone to court. It is time for you to wed soon. Your father and I are hoping that you will be able to experience marital bliss a bit before you have to take on the mantle of being a sect leader.”
Jiang Cheng’s fantasies cracked at his mother’s words.
Bride?
He had not considered taking a bride after Lan Wangji came into his life. For who would be able to satisfy Jiang Cheng's hunger of such single-minded adoration other than Lan Wangji?
The distress must be obvious on his face because his mother’s face softened slightly. “It is time for you to consider a partner, a-Cheng. The burden of a sect leader’s responsibilities is too great to handle alone without a someone by your side.”
His mother’s carefully crafted words was what gave it away. She knew of his dilemma and this was her way of showing support.
News of his future nuptials traveled fast as it became clear that Yunmeng Jiang was looking for a bride for its future sect leader. Jiang Cheng received many offers which he quickly discarded. Instead, he waited, with bated breaths, for Wangji’s offer of courtship. When weeks of the news passed - each increasing in anticipation - Jiang Cheng grew restless.
Did Gusu Lan not receive the news? Are they so up in the mountains that they are not updated on the current events? Surely not.
Just to quiet his mind, he took the matters into his own hands. He would go up the mountain himself and make sure that Lan Wangji agrees to send a courtship letter. He would carry that back to Yunmeng with him if he so needed.
However, things didn't go as planned when he arrived Cloud Recesses. Lan Wangji had greeted him like usual. Even as he talked of his parents' insistence for a partner, Lan Wangji remained silent. Despite how much Jiang Cheng hinted at it, Lan Wangji did not show any sign of heeding his words.
“Do you have something to say? Something to tell me at all?” Jiang Cheng asked, desperately.
Lan Wangji blinked at him in confusion.
“Lan Wangji, how do you see me? What am I to you?”
For the first time since he had started the conversation of marriage, Lan Wangji’s eyes shone with passion. “You are everything and more. You are more precious than jade and more radiant that gold.”
Jiang Cheng felt hope bloom inside of him. “So you do wish to court me?”
The hope quickly dies when Lan Wangji shakes his head.
“No? But you just told me that you think me precious.”
Confusion must have been evident on Jiang Cheng’s face because Lan Wangji was quick to explain, “Wangji does think Wanyin is precious but this one is unworthy for someone as alluring as Wanyin. Wanyin should be worshipped for all that he is by the one he deems most worthy."
Jiang Cheng was growing frustrated.
“I am about to be wedded to someone else. Would that not displease you at all?
The confusion on Lan Wangji’s face vanishes into a rueful smile. “As long as this one is able to see you, this one will remain content. Wangji only wishes for Wanyin’s happiness.”
“But you do not care that I would be married to someone else? That I would be devoted to someone else?”
“As long as Wanyin is happy, he will be beautiful to me.”
A realization was starting to dawn on Wanyin. Had-had Jiang Cheng mistaken Lan Wangji’s idol worship, perhaps a reverence reserved for some immortal or God, for…love?!
Jiang Cheng felt his heart break. “So you refuse to see me as a human who could want things, a human that could merely desire for something more than an…an idol worship from you?”
Lan Wangji’s eyes widened. “Wangji will not insult Wanyin by implying anything untoward."
There was a deafening silence as Lan Wangji looked at him. Then, he advanced towards Jiang Cheng, arms out and hands reaching towards Jiang Cheng as if attempting to placate him.
“Don’t.” Jiang Cheng halted him. "I have been such a fool to come here, running to you, to think that your infatuation was actually love. All this time, you have just been fulfilling some…some fantasy when I have been busy falling in lo—“
Jiang Cheng stopped himself abruptly to not further his humiliation and turned around to walk away. Before he could, however, he felt Lan Wangji's grip stop him and turn him around.
“Busy falling in—?” Wangji’s voice came, insistent.
But Jiang Cheng had had enough. He had embarrassed himself enough. “Enough, let go of me,” he said without looking at Lan Wangji.
Jiang Cheng struggled in Lan Wangji’s unrelenting grip.
“I fear that if I let you go today, then this may mean a good bye forever.”
Jiang Cheng turned back towards him, hurt and anger waiting to be spat out. “And you would be satisfied with that, wouldn’t you? For I am no human with a heart that beats. I am just a thing to admire, aren’t I?”
Saying this, and using Wangji’s momentary surprise at his words, Jiang Cheng shook himself out of Lan Wangji’s grip and pushed him away so he could walk out.
“Good bye, Lan Wangji. This time, for good. Don’t approach me again.” he hissed out, wounded and lashing out, before turning away from the one whom he thought was his ‘forever’ love.
After, there were letters from Lan Wangji. Heartbreaking ones that reminded Jiang Cheng of all the reasons he fell for Lan Wangji in the first place. Letters filled with such heartfelt poetry, lamenting their separation. Letters apologizing to Jiang Cheng profusely for singling Jiang Cheng out for Lan Wangji's unyielding devotion. Letters talking of how Lan Wangji saw Jiang Cheng and how he understood if Jiang Cheng never wished to see him again. At last, eventually, there was a letter informing him that Lan Wangji would forget all about his devotion to Jiang Cheng if that was what Jiang Cheng wished. That he would be reliving it for one last time at Caiyi Town. That if Jiang Cheng wished to say anything on the matter, he was welcome to join Lan Wangji and if he did not then Wangji would understand.
Jiang Cheng refused to fall for the same tricks again. He knew that he had to end this, for it was agony reliving Wangji’s care and kindness knowing that it was never meant to be such. Not in the way Jiang Cheng craved.
He met a surprised Lan Wangji by the stairs leading up to the Cloud Recesses and they walked to Caiyi Town together. Eventually, their steps faltered by the lake and Jiang Cheng decided that he could no longer prolong this inevitable goodbye.
“Wanyin. Please don’t say goodbye,” Wangji’s low, sorrow-filled voice, interrupted Jiang Cheng’s thoughts.
Once again, Jiang Cheng's heart called out to the other. He felt the same longing awaken inside of him, the one he had tried to let sleep these past few months.
“Enough!” said Jiang Cheng with a booming voice. “I have had enough of you and your flowery words! Let’s end this. Don’t send me letters or messages anymore. Let’s never see each other again.”
Jiang Cheng’s voice sounded desperate and filled with tumultuous emotions that Jiang Cheng wished he could conceal. He had to get out of here while he could.
Before he could make his get way, Lan Wangji, again, stopped him by a grip to his elbow.
“Don’t go! Please. This one urges Wanyin to listen.”
For all the calm that Lan Wangji usually exuded, this was one time he was anything but. Despite knowing that it may not turn well for him, Jiang Cheng stopped struggling to get away.
“I have been told that I talk little,” began Lan Wangji. "That I am dull and boring. That I am unremarkable compared to those around me. Compared to someone as captivating as you. I had not meant to overstep my boundaries with someone as radiant as Wanyin.”
Jiang Cheng turned away and scoffed bitterly. “You make me out to be something carved out of jade. I am not made of stone, Lan Wangji. I am just a foolish man who wants to spend his life with the man he has given his heart to."
“Does Wanyin have someone he loves?” whispered Lan Wangji, voice pained.
Jiang Cheng was done with this infuriating man!
He turned back towards Wangji in anger. “It’s you, you fool! It’s you! Do you not realize it at all? I have told you in all the different ways and yet you choose to remain ignorant? Oh, you are cruel, Lan Wangji. You are very cruel.”
He turned away again, now shaking Lan Wangji off and walking towards the far end of the wooden bridge that sat atop the water to put some distance between them.
“Let’s end this,” he rasped out, agonized that he ever felt so deeply for someone who refused to acknowledge that Jiang Cheng was a mere human - a gifted cultivator at best - and that he could want simple human things.
“I cannot bear this torment any longer. Leave and never show me your face or send me another letter again. Let’s forget this.”
Saying this, Jiang Cheng turned towards the path that would lead him to his home.
“I am enchanted by you,” interrupted Wangji’s voice, again. “I had thought you unattainable and never wished for more than what was freely given. For how could I have thought that someone like Wanyin would think of me in such a special way? This one sincerely apologizes for his callous disregard for Wanyin's feelings.”
Jiang Cheng still did not turn back but he did stop walking. He heard Wangji walking towards him. Strong grip turned him around slowly, giving Jiang Cheng a chance to shake Lan Wangji if he so wished.
“This one has been in love with Wanyin and continue to be so each and every day. If I were given a chance, I wish to cherish Wanyin for as long as Wanyin will allow."
Jiang Cheng tried to gulp down the lump he felt down his throat.
“May I cherish you like I have been wanting to, Wanyin?”
Jiang Cheng swallowed again, wishing this wasn’t all a long drawn-out dream. He cleared his throat.
“Only if you promise that it won’t be the same as before. That you will no longer see me as a thing to be admired. I am human and I wish to be cherished as such.”
Lan Wangji’s curved into a warm smiled. “Oh, Wanyin. You would always be special but never in the way you thought I saw you as. This one promises to cherish you as you wish to be cherished."
It was Jiang Cheng that touched Lan Wangji first this time, taking the man in his arms as he had so dreamed for many years. He couldn’t help the tears that welled up in his eyes as he felt an answering embrace.
Jiang Cheng could finally indulge in all that he had craved for all these years.