Chapter Text
Violet had always known she wouldn't live past 30. Her drive to cause trouble was too high, her will to fight too strong and her talent for attracting trouble wherever she went too great. Her father had been keen on reminding her that she was a flower that would wither before it fully came to bloom. A phrase he enjoyed using whenever she came home with a rip in the skirt of her dress and a bleeding knee.
The only thing that remained a mystery to Violet was the manner of how she would come to her end. Would it be by the hand of a man or woman? Perhaps her own? Or simply an unfortunate turn of events that would lead to an aneurism or a heart attack?
Of all the things mentioned above, she hadn't expected her death to be caused by a machine.
Especially not one she was so enchanted by. One she loved more than she had loved her childhood pet named Rusty. Yet, that love seemed to become her deathsentence when she heard the faint crack on the right wing of the machine that was keeping her afloat above the French country side.
Stormy grey eyes shifted to her right where she noticed something was off. Noises were something her flying machine produced often enough, but never like this. And certainly never when it was of the utmost importance that she stayed up in the air, above the clouds where she would not be spotted.
Something stirred deep inside her, her stomach turned and she felt a faint feeling of the realisation that this was how things would end for her.
At the age of 23, she knew she had not seen enough of the world yet but there was a part of her that wanted to smugly smirk about the fact that she had predicted something right in her life. The timing of her own death. Though not entirely.
The right wing made the same noise once more, except a little louder this time. It shook her from her train of thoughts that was already taking her to the afterlife, while her body was still fighting to stay afloat. Another look to her right made her realise that the smoke coming from her engine was not a good sign and the noise that followed was a definite sign that her sturdy girl was not going to last much longer.
She had to descend, below the safe blanket of clouds that kept her hidden from those on earth, if she wanted a chance at surviving this ordeal. A small chance, but a chance nonetheless.
It was tricky, deciding your own fate as your time was running out.
Eventually her will to take a chance on a life in which she might see something of the world won over her need to successfully fulfill her own prophecy about her death.
She'd have 7 more years to die before the age of 30 and when one was a US air force pilot, crashing your plane into the French countryside in the summer of 1943... there was a big chance you would not make it until the next week.
The dark clouds of smoke started to fog up her window, making a proper landing almost impossible, as she tried her best to land her girl as best she could. It was a terrible inconvenience that her orders had been to fly at night because it left her without the knowledge of where to land. It was pitch black, even without the smoke, and landing a crashing plane safely was a challenge Violet was not up for anyways.
Yet, she tried. She always did. Because without trying, there was no success and without success... Without success, a woman like her would be stuck in a tiny flat in Brooklyn with a husband she despised and would probably poison before their first wedding anniversary.
The plane made a spluttering noise as Violet tried her best to land her in, what seemed to be, a cornfield.
"Easy, girl... easy" she softly urged her sturdy girl as the plane answered her in another noise that most certainly did not sound like she was taking it easy.
The dread that filled her stomach was starting to spread to her chest, her lungs and her head as she realised that, despite being the best and one of the only female pilots in the US Air Force, she was never going to land this plane safely.
"I swear to God Powder, if you are still out there somewhere, I hope someone takes better care of you than I ever have" she felt a tear roll down her cheek as her right wing caught on fire. She knew this was it. She was done for and her beloved plane was becoming her death.
What a tragic fucking way to go was the last thing on Violet's mind as her plane hit the ground with a loud crash, knocking her unconscious from the force with which she hit the ground. The very last thing she saw being the flames in front of her and a flash of her sister's bright blue eyes.
My dear,
I hope this letter finds you well and that you are safe.
I have yet to receive an answer to my last letter, but I know that you have more pressing matters at hand than writing your wife.
Still, I would have a better rest if I knew you were safe and unharmed.
There is not a lot I can inform you of about life at home.
Pauline is doing-
A loud crash somewhere in the distance caused the cerulean eyes of Caitlyn Dubois to look up from her letter. It was an unfamiliar noise. One that did not come form a bomb or an attack, and there was no sound of alarm. Which meant, no reason to go into the shelter.
Yet, her curious mind did not let her go back to her letter. Any other sensible man or woman would have insisted on it being a mere figment of their imagination, but for Caitlyn, it was something to go after. A question she needed an answer to. A mystery she had to solve.
Her mother had always scolded her for her curiosity. Curiosity killed the cat happened to be one of her favourite phrases to cry out whenever Caitlyn would go after a question she needed an answer to. She did not rest until she had her answer and did not care what harm might come to her in search of said answer.
That same curiosity caused her to push her chair back from her desk and hurry her long legs and bare feet towards the window closest to where she had heard the crash.
Two of her long, slender fingers pushed the curtains aside partially. Just enough for one bright, curious eye to observe what was happening.
Her curiosity was repaid in the flaming sight before her. Something had crashed into the cornfield of one of the neighbours and caught aflame. No other noise could be heard outside, no sound of German cars coming to investigate the crash, no curious neighbours who had been woken from their slumber and came to soothe their curiosity that matched Caitlyn's.
So it was just Caitlyn whose feet dragged her to her bedroom before she could think of it, hands that pulled on stockings and boots and legs that ran down the stairs and made their way outside, towards the corn field.
The loyal eyes of her 4 year old black and white Shepherd dog named Pauline were trained on her as she toddled along with her owner towards the flames that were quickly catching on to the corn that surrounded the wreckage.
"Be careful now darling" she softly told Pauline as her feet moved faster than she could think, running over towards what turned out to be the wreckage of a plane. The flames were quick to spread as Caitlyn squinted slightly in order to see what could have happened and who might have been inside.
Pauline made a quick run around the plane and sniffed at the parts that had not yet been damaged by the flames, trying to seek for the one thing that Caitlyn was looking for as well. Or more likely, one person.
The pilot.
Then, a bark alerted her on the other side of the wreck that Pauline had found something. Once again, adrenaline coursed through her veins as Caitlyn's feet carried her around the wreck, towards whatever it was that her girl had found.
Another bark, followed by a soft whine alerted Caitlyn while she made her way around the wreckage and to the one side of the plane that was still slightly untouched by flames. Pauline was pressing her nose against something, whining softly and looking back at Caitlyn once she had arrived at the scene of the crime.
"Good girl Pauline" she softly told the dog as she rushed forward and crouched down by the person that her courageous dog had found. The body of the pilot was half hanging out of the broken window, head turned the other way and blood coming from the copper-like hair that had probably previously been covered with a cap or a hat.
Her hand reached out, shaking as she pressed two fingers against the still warm neck of the pilot.
Alive.
"Merde" she whispered softly as she could hear sirens in the distance. Her head shot up, calculating just how long it would take for the sirens to arrive at the spot she was currently occupying.
Approximately 10 minutes.
She had 10 minutes.
Without hesitating one single second, she carefully rolled the pilot onto his back making sure that there were no injuries that might make moving him a fatal move. Upon quick inspection, it seemed there weren't.
"Come on Pauline" she whispered to her dog as she laid the pilot on his back, not looking any further than obvious injuries as she put her arms under the armpits of the muscular pilot before she got up from her crouched down position.
All the years of working at the farm, working with crops and animals, had not left her without anything to show for it, Her biceps were not unnoticeable but certainly more impressive than they seemed on the surface. She let out a soft groan as she pulled the pilot along with her, instantly cursing herself when she noticed that she was most definitely leaving a trail through the grass and mud. She would have to move faster if she wanted to get rid of the trail before the people belonging to the sirens arrived.
Whatever it was, adrenaline or pure strength, she managed to get the pilot into her farm within time, before the sirens arrived and with a few spare minutes to take care of the trail she had left behind.
The unconscious body of the bloodied, dirty pilot was something she would have to deal with when arriving back at the house, so she decided the safest way to go about it was to put the body in her large, yet almost empty, pantry and lock the door before sliding the key into the pocket of her dressing gown.
Her heart was beating faster than it ever had, faster than the first time she had laid eyes on the farm, faster than the moment her husband had asked her to marry her and faster than the time she had fallen out of a tree and broken her ankle when she was 7.
"We have to hurry Pauline, help me get rid of all of this" she urged the dog as she grabbed a cloth and wiped the mud from the floor as best she could, thanking the heavens that it was the summer time and rain had been scarce, so the mud was all dry and could mostly be swept out if she put some real time and muscle into it.
Her dog was busy putting her paws to work, digging on the wooden floor and spreading out the mud, along with a few paw prints. It made it seem like a very messy dog had entered the house instead of a bleeding, unconscious American pilot.
"Pauline, come" the sirens were closing in on the sight of the crashed plane and burning corn surrounding it. Pauline barked as they made their way back out the door and Caitlyn made sure to drag her feet through the trail she had left behind as she made her way back to the wreck with a look of feigned surprise and worry on her face.
Some of the surrounding neighbours seemed to be awake now that the sirens were getting closer but no one looked at Caitlyn. No one had seen then, or so she gathered. Pauline was by her side the entire walk back as Caitlyn's heart rate picked up with each step she took towards the sea of flames. Neighbours were starting to come out of their houses, some carrying buckets of water, just as the firetruck arrived that would safe them from their farms burning down if the fire on the corn field was not stopped.
Some of the trail had already been destroyed by the fire, much to Caitlyn's relief, and the rest was ruined when she walked over it again and Pauline ran across it several times, making it seem like there was a simply a movement of curious citizens that had created the trail as they came to observe the wreck of the plane that had decided to visit their small village.
"Alright everyone, nothing to see here" a voice called out in German. Said voice belonging to the General that had arrived along with the firetruck and several other German soldiers that Caitlyn had the displeasure of knowing.
Pauline barked in response but Caitlyn quickly put her hand down, her finger tips finding the black and white ears of her loyal companion which seemed to calm her down. Between making sure that the fire was put out and the mystery of what had crashed and where it had come from, no one had yet figured out that the pilot was missing.
That was until a command in German was barked at someone several minutes later and panic immediately arose amongst the German General and his soldiers.
Caitlyn understood enough German to know that they had figured out that they were missing the pilot from the wreck. An immediate fury seemed to ignite in the eyes of the German General, who barked orders at his soldiers and then at the crowd of civilians surrounding the wreckage, telling them to go back to their houses as an investigation would be issued for which they had to be home.
That was her cue to turn around and walk back, walking the exact trail she had walked when arriving at the scene and making sure to drag her feet a bit more to erase the trail from looking anything out of the ordinary.
She wasn't the closest farm to the wreck, so they would not start at her place. They would have to search three farms, at most, before arriving at hers so she had some time. Enough time to figure out a spot to put the unconscious body of the pilot that all Germans were now actively searching for.
The moment she stepped inside, she closed the door behind her, kicked off her boots and placed them messily next to the front door so any mud on the mat would seem like it came from her boots. She told Pauline to stay back as she took the pantry key from the pocket of her dressing gown, unlocked it and made quick work of taking the unconscious body of her newfound pilot under the armpits and dragging him out of his hiding place.
She dragged the body to the end of the hallway, lifted the carpet that ended by the door, and pulled it away far enough to reveal the trap door to the wine cellar that lay underneath her house. Thank goodness for her husband's taste for fine wine.
Her hands put the unconscious body down slowly, pulling up the trap door and not waiting another second before dragging the body down the wooden staircase, into the dark. It was quite the challenge to get the unconscious, muscular body down the stairs without making the injuries that the pilot obviously had, any worse. She winced each time the pilot's boots hit one of the steps of the wooden stairs as she dragged him down, trying to be as careful as possible so she would not fall backwards.
"Work with me please" her French tongue spoke to the American pilot before she let out a groan and pulled the heavy body towards the back of the wine cellar. Behind one of the cases in which they kept bottles of wine, there was a hidden door and an even more hidden room where they kept their most valuable belongings.
At the time that her husband had insisted on the secret room that could barely fit two people, Caitlyn had laughed and shaken her head. In that moment, however, she was more grateful to her husband than ever for creating the hollow space in the wall.
They did not have many prized possessions and Caitlyn hunched down as she pulled the unconscious body of the pilot inside, before crawling out of the black hole into the pitch dark space of the wine cellar. The less light, the better. After all, she knew each space of her own house like the back of her hand. The house held no surprises for her in return for her years of generous care for the farm and its land.
She softly closed the hidden door before putting the case full of wine back in front of it and rushed back upstairs. She had never been so thankful for her own need to keep things clean and organized, which had caused her to have dusted and swept the wine cellar just days before, leaving almost no dust or dirt on the floor.
As soon as she reappeared, she closed the trap door, put the carpet back over it and rushed upstairs. She washed her face, her arms and her legs out of pure pre-care, just so she had less of a chance of being found out.
She had just finished getting rid of any remaining specks of dirt from her dressing gown and night gown when she heard the familiar knocking of German fists on her front door.
Just in time.
She gave herself another quick glance in the mirror, finding that she looked believable enough to say she had just woken up to see the fire, gone over to observe and gone back home when she had been told to do so. Her black curls fell just over her shoulders, giving her a rather classic look as she quickly took a hold of the small amount of make-up she owned. Her fingers added a slightest hint of a blush onto her face before she tied her silk dressing gown around her waist and slipped her feet into her slippers. She took a deep breath before making her way down the stairs with Pauline by her side.
The sight she was met with, was a familiar one. Three German soldiers with impatient and bored looks on their faces as they barged into her house without waiting to be invited in.
"Good evening madame" she was addressed by the one who seemed to be in charge of the search for the pilot. He did not bother speaking French apart from the 'madame' and continued in German. "You will have, without a doubt, heard or witnessed the crash of an American plane on the nearby cornfield. We have reason to suspect that the pilot has been taken in by one of the farmers living in the surrounding farms so we are here to have a look around"
Caitlyn crossed her arms over her chest as she listened to the man in front of her, ignoring the other two who had already begun their search, and she merely nodded as she followed the men around her house while they inspected every corner.
"Name?"
"Caitlyn Kiramman - Dubois"
Her maiden name seemed to catch the attention of the soldier in charge, who gave her a suspicious and not too welcoming look.
"An English maiden name?"
Caitlyn nodded as she watched the men go through her living room. Her German tongue was a bit flawed but she knew enough to answer any questions the soldier had for her. "I have an English father and a French mother"
The man wrote something down on the form he was carrying with him. "Your husband's whereabouts?"
"He's in the army"
"I see" the man wrote something else down before he helped the other two in their search for the American pilot. They found nothing in the house and for a moment, Caitlyn felt like she might get lucky. That she might get away with it.
Until the leader of the three men walked over the carpet in the hallway and his footsteps were echoed once he stepped on the trap door. His head peeked up ever so slightly as Caitlyn was already on her way to the front door. She had only three more steps to go and they would be gone from her house. Then she could take care of her pilot, if he had not bled to death already...
Until that one footstep that changed the course of the visit. The bright blue eyes of the German soldier immediately found Caitlyn's cerulean ones, tilting his head slightly as he gave her the smallest of smirks.
"Are you hiding a space under your carpet Mrs. Dubois?" he asked her in a calm, but painstakingly obvious threatening tone.
Caitlyn managed to press her lips into a forced, apologizing smile as she nodded and rushed towards the man while he stepped off the carpet. Her feet carried her over to the edge of the carpet and she bent down before lifting it until the trap door was revealed.
"It's my husband's wine cellar" she explained in her best German as one of the other men opened the trap door and took a flashlight from his belt. Once it was illuminating the dark, stone floor and walls of the wine cellar, the four of them wandered down the stairs.
Caitlyn's eyes were trained on the man in charge, following every move he made as he looked around the dozens of bottles that her husband kept hidden in their wine cellar. The only sound echoing through the cold, wine-filled space was that of the black boots that made their way through the endless cases of wine and the man in charge even seemed impressed by her husband's collection.
"This is a very large collection Mrs. Dubois. Do you happen to have any German wines?" he was toying with her. He was not here for the wine, he was here to make her crack. To test her and see if she would give in if only he kept persisting on staying longer than he was welcome to stay. But Caitlyn was the last to give in to that type of manipulation.
She simply nodded and made her way over to the case where she knew her husband had stacked some German wines. She picked the most expensive one which she handed to the man who had asked about it.
The man seemed more than pleased as he looked over the bottle and nodded "1937, a fine year for this one"
"I believe so" Caitlyn agreed, keeping a side eye on the men who were still looking through her cellar.
The one thing she was solely focussed on was taking care of the fact that no noise would come from the room behind that one case of wine that hid the invisible door to the space where the pilot was kept. She just needed several more minutes to keep these men happy with the inspection of her house, and then they would be gone. She didn't speak, knowing that protest only caused trouble and suspicion in situations like these. She just watched as the men looked around a bit more and found nothing.
When they gave up and went back up the stairs, the man in charge took the bottle Caitlyn had handed him upstairs with him.
"You don't mind, do you?" he asked as he held up the bottle.
Caitlyn merely shook her head "you're welcome to keep it"
"How sweet" a nauseating grin rested on the man's face "isn't that sweet?" the other men nodded in agreement as they made their way to her front door.
It was humiliating to have to swallow your pride and simply grin and bear it. But it was what had to be done to survive, no matter how bad the urge to set herself on fire after an interaction with one of these men got.
"It seems all is well here" the leader confirmed and he wrote one last thing on his form "have a pleasant evening madame"
Caitlyn merely nodded and gave them a small wave as they disappeared through the door, back into the darkness of what remained of the night. The very second she closed the door behind them, she let out a sigh of relief and immediately locked the door with all four locks that the door possessed.
She rushed towards the kitchen and grabbed a candle in a candleholder along with her box of medical supplies that her father had gifted her when she got married and a bowl of water along with a cloth. She lit the candle, went back to the edge of the carpet, tore it off the trap door and rushed downstairs to check on the pilot who might as well be dead by then.
When she removed the case from the door, opened it and dragged the unconscious body from it's hiding space, the first thing she did was allow her fingers to drift towards that spot in the pilot's neck again. Soft flesh pressed against her fingertips as she held her breath for a few moments before letting out a sigh of relief.
Alive.
Her right hand put the candle down on the floor as she gently took the pilot's face and turned it towards the flame, getting a first good look at the man in question.
Except her pilot wasn't a man at all.
It was a woman.
That fact became more obvious when Caitlyn dipped her cloth in the cold water that was held by her enamel bowl and cleaned some of the blood and dirt from the pilot's face.
Her features were pretty, they were soft when she was unconscious. A lock of light brown-copper hair fell in front of her face and Caitlyn gently pushed it away. For a moment, Caitlyn felt like all air was knock from her lungs as she glanced down and observed the piece of art that was the face of her pilot. Another dip of her cloth in the cold water and she cleaned off the dirt and blood from her neck as she carefully looked for any injuries.
She found a small wound on the back of her head, nothing too severe, and nothing else when it came to the facial features or her neck. That was good news, since nothing seemed to feel like it was broken so far.
So she moved on to the rest, her hands worked tirelessly as they removed the layer of a coat and a jacket underneath, making a mental note to burn the uniform the second she had the chance. Nothing could trace this pilot back to her home and put them both in danger. It took her a moment to actually get the clothes off until the pilot was in her white, though blood stained, uniform blouse and her trousers.
Caitlyn's hands ripped the blouse open without mercy, not caring about the state of things since she needed to get to the injuries that had to be treated if she did not want the pilot to bleed out on the floor of her wine cellar while the Germans were still looking around for said pilot.
All seemed to be well in the faint light of the candle, until she noticed a shard of glass that had penetrated the pilot's lower abdomen. It seemed quite superficial and it was unlikely that it had hit any vital organs, but that did not mean the shard was not of questionable size and if there were any splinters left inside the abdomen, her pilot would die a very painful death over the course of the next several days.
Caitlyn's hands were surprisingly steady as she opened her medical kit and took out one of the supplies she would need to remove the shard of glass safely. She disinfected it with some of the last she had left in her brown bottle gifted to her by her father, and carefully removed the shard of glass.
After removing the largest piece, she managed to pick out several other smaller pieces until the wound seemed entirely clean and the last bit of disinfectant was used to lean the wound before she wrapped it up with some clean bandages.
"I'll stitch you up when you are back to consciousness" she mumbled, completely wrapped up in the dressing of the wound. So much so that she did not notice the voice that addressed her, at first.
A female voice with a very distinct American accent. The voice sounded exhausted, parched, low, but strong.
"If you're talking to me, you're going to have to speak English sweetheart"
Caitlyn's eyes widened as she looked up from dressing the wound and cerulean eyes found the greyest ones she had ever seen, sending a rush through her that she was unfamiliar with.
Then, she spoke.
English this time, laced with a light French accent.
"I told you your wound would need to be stitched up when you were to wake" she simply informed her, ignoring how heart her started pounding yet again.
Notes:
Welcome to the start of my new big project. I have been playing around with the idea for this plot for several weeks and decided it was finally time to kick things off.
As always, your comments feed my muse like crazy, so feel free to let me know what you think of this first chapter!
Until next time, my loves!
Chapter Text
Those bright eyes were the first thing that caught Violet's attention. The first thing her sight focussed on once her vision came back from its foggy state. The next thing that caught her attention was a throbbing pain in her abdomen, then the pounding of her head.
Those blue eyes immediately found her when she spoke and Violet could feel a sense of calm wash over her as soon as the woman's tongue changed from French to English, informing her of something that Violet immediately forgot. She had to focus on those eyes or she would lose consciousness again. She was drifted fast and her saviour was starting to realise the exact same thing. A hand reached out and brushed over her forehead. Calloused hands, but somehow a sense of kindness radiated through those rough hands.
"Don't fall asleep again just yet" she heard that gentle female voice tell her, and all she could do was groan in return.
Sleep sounded like a wonderful fucking deal after the day she just had and this woman was trying to keep her from it. Then the realisation hit her that she was currently resting on a stone floor that seemed to be underground and the chance of infection, should she stay here, was more than very likely.
"We should move you upstairs" her saviour told her and before she knew what was happening, she was being pulled into a seating position. An instant flash of pain shot through her body when she sat up, her abdomen felt like it was being torn apart from the inside out.
So she groaned in pain, causing her saviour to wince slightly and ask "do you think you can walk with my help? I just need you upstairs so I can take a better look at your injuries and treat them accordingly"
That sounded like a real party. The prospect of a proper bed and a caring woman to look after her. So she nodded and tried to work with the woman the best she could. She was so desperate to get off this floor and go upstairs, to show her strength to whoever this woman was, and to show that she was no weakling.
"I can manage" she groaned as she used all the adrenaline she had coursing through her veins, to push herself up from the floor with the help of her saviour. The dark-haired woman pulled her arm over her shoulder and together, they started their journey up the flights of stairs.
It wasn't an easy journey, that was certain. The feeling of being torn apart did not subside, as Violet hoped it would, but instead got worse with each step she took. Several times during their little trip, she was sure that she would lose consciousness again. But she had a feeling that her saviour would tumble backwards down the stairs with her in her arms, should she pass out. So she kept going.
Violet's mind drifted back to her training in the army. That had been the hardest, most challenging thing she had ever done, and yet it seemed a breeze compared to getting up the two flights of stairs to the clean bed that was calling her name.
Her saviour was quiet as they made their way up the stairs, concentrating on getting Violet upstairs without making her injuries worse or dropping her halfway. They managed eventually and once Violet stepped up the last step of the second staircase, she felt like she could cry. She was exhausted, parched and in desperate need of proper care because as soon as she looked down, she saw blood seeping through the bandages that her saviour had used to dress the wound.
She didn't even care that she was practically topless, that she was only covered with a ripped open, blood stained uniform blouse and a brassiere underneath. Her saviour would have to deal with it, and after her courageous attempt at temporarily dressing her wound, she would dance naked for her if that was what pleased her. Just as long as she would survive the night.
"Here we are" she heard the gentle voice of her saviour tell her, as she opened a door at the end of the hallway. A small, single bed was calling to her from the corner of the forest green painted room. The only other furniture this room held was a set of drawers on the other corner, a small nightstand with a light on it and a wooden chair in the other corner of the room.
Her saviour helped her to the bed and Violet threw herself onto the clean, white sheets the moment she got close enough. A groan, which was a mixture of pain from her wound and pleasure of finally lying on a real mattress, left her mouth as she rolled onto her back and closed her eyes for a moment.
"I'll get my medical supplies and take care of that wound, just try to stay awake alright?" her saviour instructed her, only getting another groan from Violet in reply.
The task to open her eyes seemed like an impossible one. As she drifted off slightly, bright blue eyes danced in front of her. Blue eyes that belonged to Powder, then the blue eyes that belonged to her saviour... she was so close to drowning in a pool of cerulean calmth when she was suddenly brought back to earth as a splash of water hit her face.
The water was freezing and caused her to instantly open her eyes, shooting up slightly but her saviour was right by her side, grabbing her shoulders and urging her back down as she hushed her softly.
"Easy, easy, easy" her saviour instructed her and suddenly, her face was far too close to Violet's. Her saviour was sitting on the side of her bed with her hands still on her shoulders, forcing her back down as those enchantingly beautiful pools of blue made Violet wonder what it was like to swim in them, to let herself drown in them until she had to beg her for air.
The eyes were gone as soon as they had arrived and replaced with the feeling of a dry cloth on her face and the sound of an apology "I'm sorry about that, you seemed to have drifted off and emptying a glass of water in someone's face usually does the trick"
Violet suddenly noticed that her saviour is remarkably fluent in English, even though she has a hint of a French accent, and she quickly made a mental note to ask about that later. There was something there, a story. And Violet loved stories.
"Got some of that to drink as well?" Violet managed to croak as she turned her head slightly and noticed another glass on the nightstand. Her saviour reached out and put the glass to her lips, gently tipping it over to help her drink and the water gratefully flushed down Violet's parched throat.
She hadn't noticed just how thirsty she was until that first drop of water hit her tongue, and then she couldn't stop. Her throat kept bobbing as she embraced the water like a wife welcoming her husband home from war. It was all-consuming and just what she had needed.
"If you'd like another glass, please tell me" her saviour kindly offered and Violet felt a small smile form on her lips.
"Thank you" she told her, for the first time since the moment they had spoken. She watched as her saviour pushed aside the bloodied cloth of her blouse once again and undressed the wound to get a better look at it. "Do you have a name or do I just call you my saviour?"
It was the first time her saviour smiled as well and those hauntingly beautiful eyes find her again "it's Caitlyn, Caitlyn Dubois"
"Caitlyn" she tried it out for size and it sounded good from her lips. From both their lips. Caitlyn suited her, but it sounded more English than French. Which made her even more curious about the story that she had yet to hear.
"What about you? I could continue calling you 'my pilot' but that is perhaps a bit too formal, don't you think?" Caitlyn's voice had a lighter tone to it as she made it sound like a bit of a joke.
Violet felt her throat bob as she swallowed thickly. "On the contrary, 'my pilot' might be too informal for two people who have yet to introduce themselves"
Caitlyn merely gave her a look that was unreadable, but seemed to be a kind one at least.
"It's Violet, my name"
She hissed in pain when she felt Caitlyn's calloused but skilled hands pull the final layer of bandage from her abdomen "Violet, how beautiful"
"Most people call me Vi though" she informed her saviour, wanting her to have a choice of which name to pick after saving her life. Well, saving her from the Germans. There was still the question of whether or not she would survive the next few hours.
A soft nod of acknowledgement was given by Caitlyn as the woman took a needle and tread from her medical supply and dipped it in a small amount of disinfectant before she gave her another look. "This might hurt, try to focus on something else"
Violet simply nodded as she kept her eyes trained on Caitlyn while the needle penetrated her skin. It was painful in a way, but the wound hurt a hell of a lot more than the needle poking through the skin and sowing her skin back together did. Still, she grinded her teeth and told herself to focus on something else.
Anything else. Like Caitlyn. Violet gave her another look and noticed that the light of the moon that shone through the window gave her black hair an almost blue-ish tint. Her hair was curled in a way that was popular for most young women nowadays. Violet had seen the girls at home with it as well, but she had never truly felt the appeal. She was never the type of girl who enjoyed dressing up or putting bows in her hair. Those things were reserved for Powder, who lived for the fact that she got to dress up for Christmas dinner when their parents were still alive.
Caitlyn's lips were full and when she concentrated, her mouth hung open just the slightest bit and the tip of her tongue rested between her two front teeth. Front teeth with a small gap in the middle. Something that would be seen as a flaw in most people, but somehow made Caitlyn more unique.
It was funny, Violet thought, how she had always admired women in that way, but never men. She had a history of boyfriends every now and then back at home when she was a teenager, but it was always just fun. She never saw the appeal of actually marrying a man or having his children. Having children in general was not something she aspired, but that was a modern way of thinking that was not welcome most households so she usually kept quiet about that.
She'd just end up alone, she had decided, and she was fine with that. Her life was with the army now and it was bound to end before the age of 30 anyways, so why would she go after something she did not desire? Marriage and children was something so far from what she had ever desired that she sometimes felt like a misfit compared to every other woman she knew.
"Does it hurt?" Caitlyn brought her back down to earth as she finished up her stitching. It was... surprisingly good. She was properly stitched up and from the looks of it, those stitches could have been done by a professional doctor if you hadn't a clue that a woman had done them in a spare room of her house.
"I'll live" Violet informed her and she breathed out for the first time in what seemed like forever "those stiches look quite impressive"
Was that a blush on Caitlyn's cheeks? "My father is a doctor, so he has shown me a lot of skills that are very useful when living in the countryside on a farm"
That made sense. Only one more question was added to Violet's list, how did the daughter of a doctor end up on a farm by herself?
Except she was not by herself, was she? When Violet looked her over once again, she noticed a wedding band around her finger. Of course there was a Mr. Dubois, a woman like that was bound to be off the market as soon as she arrived there.
"Won't your husband be angry that you have an American pilot in your guest bedroom?" she tried, though truly afraid that she might find herself staring into the end of a rifle when Caitlyn's husband got home.
But Caitlyn shook her head and focused her attention on gathering the bloody bandages and cloth, placing them in a ceramic bowl "my husband is in the army, I have no idea of his whereabouts I'm afraid" she seemed sad, but not entirely in the way that someone would expect from a loving young wife, waiting to have her husband back home.
Caitlyn straightened her back as Violet nodded in return. Then her eyes found Violet again, a soft grin on her lips as she picked up her medical supplies and bowl of dirty cloth "so you do not have to be afraid that he will come home, it's just us for now"
Violet chuckled softly as she moved a little to find a comfortable position for herself to lie in. It wasn't easy with the fresh wound on her side but she had found herself in far more compromising positions before, she would survive this one night in a good bed with professional stitches in her side.
"Sleep now, I'll check up on you in the morning" her saviour urged as she approached the door and flipped the switch to turn off the light, leaving just the moon as Violet's only source of light in the unfamiliar room.
"Thank you Caitlyn, truly" she managed to tell her as sleep started to cloud her mind once the room was almost dark again.
The last thing she saw was Caitlyn's faint smile and then a door that closed behind her, leaving her to rest in this strange room, in a strange house, in a strange country but in the company of a woman who had saved her life.
When Caitlyn woke up the next morning, she immediately started her day. Since the previous night had not exactly gone as planned and left her going to bed around 4 in the morning, she had slept in a little but her biological clock still woke her around 9.
Her legs swung over the side of her bed, pushing herself up from the soft mattress once her feet hit the wooden floor and she took her time to stretch her tired limbs, finding them sore from carrying Violet around the house the night before.
The first thing she did was check on her patient. Her head peeked through the crack of the door as she opened it, just enough to look and not wake Vi in the process of doing so. Violet was still asleep, peacefully snoring lightly as she was lying on the one side that was not stitched up. It seemed that she had a bit more colour on her cheeks than the night before and that she was not suffering a life threatening infection just yet.
Which immediately made her take a mental note to go by Viktor later on that week to get some new disinfectant. The local physician was always more than happy to help her stock her supplies when she ran out, in return for some free milk from her cow and a few vegetables from her garden.
After checking on her pilot, she returned to her room and got dressed for the day. She started with her brassiere, then her garters and stockings, flesh coloured ones for that day as usual, underwear over her garters, a slip dress which matched the colour of her stockings and was decorated with small roses on the lace that covered the tops of her breasts. She finished her look with one of her regular dresses, a burgundy one made of cotton so it did not rip too easily and a clean white apron around her waist since she had some work to get done that day.
Her hair was another thing. She brushed out the curls from the other night, rolling them into a skilled roll that started on the top right, went around the back of her head and neck and came back up on the left. It was classic, easy, simple and still a bit the fashion of the day. It'd have to do.
She ran a wet cloth over her face and carefully dried the wet skin off before placing a bowl with water, fresh cloth and a towel on the chair in the corner of Violet's room. That way she could bathe lightly if she so wished, and Caitlyn could imagine she wanted to once she woke up. Along with the bowl, cloth and towel, she also placed a small pile of clothes on the chair.
After looking through her own closet and coming to the conclusion that her clothes probably did not fit Violet, with her muscular arms, legs and shoulders, she had picked a pair of her husband's trousers, one of his white cotton shirts and a set of suspenders for Violet to wear.
After neatly placing the pile of her husband's clothes on the chair in Violet's room, she left her to sleep off the pain and anxiety of the day before and went downstairs to get her day started.
As always, she was cheerfully greeted by Pauline, who let out a bark and followed her around the kitchen until she got a bite to eat from Caitlyn. Her patience was running thin within two minutes of the dog circling her. Before breakfast, she wanted to get a few things done. She started with the large barn where most of her animals were kept. She made sure to feed them all and milk her two cows before she moved on to check on her latest addition to her small animal family.
"Good morning" she gently greeted her two sheep who were accompanied by a smaller, 2 week old lamb. It had been a birth that had lasted for quite a bit but Colette had successfully brought her young one into the world and she made the proudest mother one could wish for.
"How are you doing this fine morning?" she pet Colette's head before taking the bottle she had brought with her, one full of milk that had been taken from one of her cows earlier, and she crouched down by the 2 week old lamb.
The lamb had some trouble feeding from Colette and was not getting all the milk she needed to survive the first critical weeks, so Caitlyn helped her out a bit. With Pauline waiting patiently by her side, curiously watching her, she bottle fed her little lamb. The woolly animal laid against her lap as she held her chin and helped her feed.
This was one of those moments where Caitlyn realised why she had left her rich and privileged life behind for one in the countryside on a farm. When she was younger, she always dreamed of travelling the world and having a sense of freedom that the French upper class did not give her. That dream had not come true in its entirety, but when George Dubois had come along with talk about their own farm on the countryside, their own piece of land where they could do whatever they pleased, it had not taken her long to decide her fate.
It had been two years and four months since her husband had left for war, promising her to come back and to write every chance he got. He did so for the first year, but that bled into a second year and the letters became less frequent and the feeling of loss became something that Caitlyn knew she should feel but did not feel in the slightest.
Life on her own, by herself on the farm surrounded by her animals and crop, was something she could live with. George wasn't on her mind as often as he should be, but she blamed that on the fact that she had not seen him in so long and the farm kept her busy.
She walked back into the house about two hours later, when the tasks with the animals were done and breakfast was something she was craving. Breakfast was always the same, there was not much to be found in her pantry or shops anyways, so one had to be creative. Oatmeal with fresh milk and a bit of honey that she had gotten in exchange for butter she had made a month before. It was all a game of give and take in times of war. Money did not matter anymore and the valuable goods one could have to trade nowadays, were those that were in short supply. Which was just about everything.
"I'm not giving you more Pauline, you've already gotten your breakfast" she scolded her begging dog, though a gentle stroke of her black and white ears followed the scold.
"You should teach me some of that French sometime" she suddenly heard a voice from the doorway of the kitchen and her head shot up as she stirred the milk and oatmeal together in a pan.
"You shouldn't be out of bed" it was now her turn to scold Violet, who held her side as she stumbled over to the small table that was set up against the wall of her kitchen and let herself fall in her husband's chair.
"Couldn't just lie there doing nothing, that's not in my nature" Violet explained as she observed what Caitlyn was doing. "Thank you for the clothes by the way"
Caitlyn nodded, giving her a smile as she took a look at Violet. She looked good in her husband's clothes. Better than her husband ever had, if she was being honest. The trousers were a bit too big around the waist but the suspenders held them up perfectly and the white cotton shirt was a perfect fit for Violet's muscular arms and shoulders.
"You're welcome"
"These aren't your clothes, are they?"
Caitlyn shook her head as she stirred the oatmeal once again "they're my husband's"
That seemed to be enough for Vi, who busied herself with introducing herself to Pauline. The dog seemed more than curious about having someone new to play and mess around with and eagerly pressed her wet, black nose into Violet's hand. Caitlyn let out a soft chuckle when she heard Violet talk to the dog.
"Hello there, aren't you a pretty girl" Violet mumbled as she pet Pauline's furry head, which earned her a lick on the palm of her hand.
"Her name is Pauline" Caitlyn informed her as she took two plates from a cupboard and divided the oatmeal over them as she kept a side eye on them. "And she doesn't speak English"
"Then I really have to learn French" Violet joked, her eyes still transfixed on Pauline as she chuckled and pet her some more "she's beautiful"
"I've had her since she was 8 weeks old" Caitlyn smiled as she thought back of the day her husband had come home with the cutest little black and white bouncy puppy that they had named Pauline. She was a bit difficult at first, always set on destroying everything, but Caitlyn had trained her well. Which had resulted in her listening better than most dogs Caitlyn had met in her life.
"She's very sweet, and seems smart too"
Caitlyn hummed as she put one spoon of honey on each of their breakfasts before she took the plates to the table and put it in front of Violet before she sat down with her own plate. Her hand absentmindedly found one of Pauline's ears as she leaned her other elbow on the table and looked at her pilot.
"I'm sorry I could not provide you with a better meal" she apologized but Violet immediately shook her head.
"Are you joking? This is the best meal I have had in weeks, no wait... months" Violet exclaimed as she started eating at once. She continued to talk with her mouth full of honey flavoured oatmeal but Caitlyn did not say anything about her table manners "do you know what army food is like?"
"I'm afraid I don't"
"Terrible" Violet's nose scrunched slightly and Caitlyn felt a breath hitch in her throat as she admired the little nose scrunch. It was a simple motion and she had seen it in other people a million times before, but yet somehow it looked terribly... adorable, when Violet did it. "This, this is like heaven"
Caitlyn could not help but let out a chuckle as she picked up her spoon and started eating as well. It was a funny thing, to watch Violet eat like someone whose food was about to be taken from them. She had one arm wrapped around her plate in a protective manner, spoon in her other hand and she shoved the entire plate into her mouth with a record speed. Caitlyn was not even halfway through her meal when Violet was already done.
"I'm glad you like it" Caitlyn gave her another smile, her eyes lighting up slightly when Violet ran her fingers through her long light brown-copper curls. They were beautiful, but long and tangled up. She could use a haircut. "I have been thinking about your stay here"
She could see Violet's eyes widen slightly as she seemed to hold her breath, probably fearing the worst. That Caitlyn would turn her away once she was feeling better. But that was the furthest from what she was planning for Violet.
"What did you have in mind?" the woman dressed in her husband's clothes, sitting across from her, dared ask.
Caitlyn took another bite and took her time chewing and swallowing as she thought about how to word what she wanted to say. "I believe it's obvious you cannot walk out the door and take the train to the nearest city"
"I'm American, not stupid" Violet told her, though she corrected herself "not as stupid as most Americans"
"That's a relief" Caitlyn dryly informed her before taking another bite from her oatmeal. She continued after a few moments "so you will have to stay here for a while until I can figure out a safe way for you to leave the country"
"You'd let me stay here?" Violet seemed quite surprised at the fact that Caitlyn was willing to let her stay with her on the farm, though it had not even been a question to her. Was she going to turn Violet away after trying so hard to hide her from the Germans and looking after her injuries?
"Of course" Caitlyn nodded "but you'll need to pull your weight, I could use some help on the farm and you seem very capable of doing so"
"That's fair, I am more than happy to help out wherever you need me" Violet eagerly agreed but Caitlyn looked up at her with a worried glance.
"You must not come into sight though, you can go outside but only to certain areas of the farm when the sun is up, only the spots where you can stay out of sight. The neighbours are not very close by, but they are curious. They like to look in on me every now and then with the excuse that they want to keep an eye on things, but they are terribly nosy. If they catch a whiff of you, we're both done for. So you must stay in the areas that are safe. Inside the house you can go wherever you'd like, but if any inspections happen or you need to hide, I will show you the space where I have hidden you before"
Violet seemed more than intrigued by her elaborate plan. She had the entire morning to think about it and they would have to be very careful if they did not want to be caught in the next few weeks or months, while Caitlyn would try to figure out a way to get her out of the country.
"I can do that, thank you" she nodded and gave Caitlyn a small, grateful smile.
Caitlyn merely took another bite and took her time chewing and swallowing it before she gave Violet a sweet smile in return "we'll make it work, you and I"
Notes:
I am so in love with how they are slowly starting to realise they are in fact very gay for each other.
This fic has me in its claws so I am back spending all my spare time writing chapters for this baby.
Hope you all enjoyed it and until next time, my loves!
Chapter 3: Heaven help the fool who falls in love
Notes:
The amount of love I have already received concerning this fic is INSANE and I love each and every single one of you that reads this fic.
It has very quickly become my new baby and I am so thrilled to share each new chapter with you, so thank you so much for all your support!Enjoy the new chapter, my loves!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Over the next several days, Caitlyn found that having Violet around was quite the blessing in disguise. Caitlyn had expected her to be strong and able to do hard labour but the woman had outdone herself with the immense help she had been to her on the farm. She had started off by helping her fix some of the fence just behind the barn, one of the spots that was out of sight for the neighbours. After showing her how to do it, Violet had been putting her all into her task and finished before dinner.
It gave Caitlyn a bit of room to breathe, even though it felt like oxygen was in short supply whenever she was in the presence of her pilot. She hadn't a clue just why she felt her heart stop every once in a while when Violet helped her lift something or when she helped out in the kitchen and she had to reach up to grab something from a shelf.
"Where are you from?" Caitlyn dared ask on the fourth day of Violet's stay in her house. She was redressing the stitched up wound on Violet's abdomen that was healing quite nicely. She always liked to distract the copper haired woman from the uncomfortable feeling of her redressing the wound, and usually did so with questions.
When they were at work, they didn't usually talk. They both seemed to enjoy focussing on the task at hand and getting it done. Short conversations were had at the dinner table but they were usually avoidant of any topic that might be sensitive. Yet, Caitlyn's curiosity was growing with each day that passed and she hoped she was not crossing a line by asking Violet about her past.
Luckily, the woman did not seem to mind too much and gave her a soft smile "New York, Brooklyn to be exact" was the answer she received as she pressed a wet cloth on the stitches. She was leaning in slightly, her face close to Violet's bare stomach as she worked on looking after the stitches, but she found her eyes wandering up to the stormy ones of her pilot. Violet's beautiful grey eyes found her the second she dared glance up.
"I've never been overseas" Caitlyn admitted "but New York has always been one of the places I would love to visit if I ever did make the journey"
This seemed to peak the interest of Violet, who immediately shot back with a question of her own "really? Are you one for adventures?"
Caitlyn smiled as she broke eye contact and focused back on the task at hand, taking care of the stitched up abdomen of her pilot "I am. As a child, I used to collect maps from countries all around the world"
"What stopped you from pursuing those dreams?" Violet softly asked as she eyed Caitlyn's skilled fingers at work on her wound.
They both knew the answer to that question. She was a woman. There was not a lot of choices she had in life and a lot of choices were ones made by the men in her life, either her father or her husband. Travelling the world by yourself as a woman was something so unthinkable to her that it almost made her laugh. That didn't mean it wasn't a dream, though.
"Life, I suppose" was the answer Caitlyn chose to give her and she sat up slightly, her face now further away from the smooth skin of Violet's stomach. She couldn't help but let her thumb gently run over the stitched up wound. She didn't miss the shiver that ran through Violet's body when she did so, but she gave it no second thought. Perhaps her fingers were cold from the water she had used to clean the skin.
"Life's a bitch" Violet groaned as Caitlyn pressed on the wound slightly to see if any liquid would seep through the stitches. When it didn't, she redressed the wound with fresh bandages and her eyes were pulled back to Violet's face in a swift motion.
A soft glint of joy sparkled in her cerulean irises as she spoke once again "you always use such crass words"
"I practically grew up around rough men and I have been in the army for several years, can't help it" Violet simply shrugged, but her smile told Caitlyn that the woman seemed to enjoy the fact that Caitlyn had brought it up. Violet was quite the mystery to her. She was a woman who behaved more like a man on most occasions, yet that was something to intriguing to Caitlyn that it only pulled her towards the woman more.
"So I see" was Caitlyn's answer, followed by a chuckle as she pulled Violet's shirt down and got up. "I was thinking I could give you a haircut"
"Is it that bad?" her pilot joked but ran her fingers through her wild curls immediately. They were a lot more chaotic than Caitlyn's well kept curls, and tangled in many places. It probably had something to do with the fact that Violet seemed to hate everything that had to do with taking care of her hair in regards to actually taking the time for it. In the past days that Violet had been living with Caitlyn, she had yet to witness her trying to tame those curls once.
And she had not washed them yet, there was a dry patch of blood on the back of her head still and it had been driving Caitlyn nuts for days. Yet, she did not want to be rude so she had not said anything about it but it seemed that it was about time.
"I used to cut my husband's hair" Caitlyn dared reach out and run her fingers through her pilot's wild curls as far as that was possible. Another mental note was taken when Violet seemed to immediately relax from the feeling of her short fingernails on her scalp. "I'll make it look good, I promise"
"Okay" it was a simple answer but made Caitlyn's heart swell slightly. "I trust you"
I trust you.
Three words that meant more to her than any other word anyone had ever spoken to her. This woman had a lot of gut to put her trust in her. She was a stranger to her until several days ago and even though she was trustworthy, she was unsure what she had done to prove that to Violet
Violet, who currently gave her the smallest, yet most adorable smile she had witnessed of her so far.
"I'll take care of it tonight then" Caitlyn promised her as she removed her hand from Violet's unruly curls, immediately missing the feeling of contact with another human being. She had been deprived of it for so long that every small touch with Violet made her skin feel like it was on fire.
"I want to take care of the living room today" Caitlyn announced as they made their way down the stairs to get their day started. "I have a lot of things that might be worth trading for goods, so I want to clean up and see what we can find"
"Alright" Violet agreed as they stepped into the living room. They didn't spend a lot of time in there, usually they went up to bed straight after dinner since their days were quite exhausting. Violet had probably only seen it two or three times and never spend more than five minutes in there. But today, they'd have to get it over with.
Caitlyn's pools of blue followed the pilot as the woman made her way around the living room and observed everything she could find in a manner that Caitlyn found very fitting for a soldier. She didn't touch anything but Caitlyn could see her drawing conclusions in her head as she looked at all the things that she kept in the living room.
When she got to the fireplace, she stopped. For the first time since entering the room, Violet's hand reached out and picked up one of the framed photographs that Caitlyn kept on the mantle. When she took a step closer, she could see it was the photo of her and her husband on their wedding day five years before.
"Is this the infamous husband?" she could hear that Violet was trying to hide the curiosity in her voice, remaining professional and distant concerning the look on her face but the tone in her voice was making it obvious that she was more than curious.
The smile on Caitlyn's face was a faint one "he is. His name is George, I'm not sure I've told you that before"
Violet's face did not betray anything but she did seem interested in knowing more about the husband in question. "You must miss him" she put the framed photograph back as her curious eyes roamed the mantle for another one that drew her attention. Which happened to be one of her and her parents.
"I do some days, but the farm keeps me busy and he has been gone for over two years" Caitlyn softly explained, not wanting to sound too much like a wife who had lost the feeling of care for her husband about a year and a half into his departure. "After some time, you forget what it was like to have someone by your side every day, you know what I mean?"
"Oh yes" Violet seemed lost in thought as she observed the photograph of her and her parents, though that did not seem to be what was on her mind. "I know exactly what you mean"
There was a sense of pain and loss behind those words. The stormy eyes that could sometimes bore right into her soul were reflecting a momentary second of grief for something unknown to Caitlyn, but she did not want to bring it up. Violet would tell her what she wanted to when she was ready, she ought not to push such matters.
"I was eight in this photograph" Caitlyn informed her, deciding to change the subject to something a bit more happy. "My parents and I went on holiday to London, this was taken in Kensington Gardens"
Violet's closed off face formed into a hint of a smile as she looked at eight year old Caitlyn, standing between her two parents with her long black hair in two straight braids, eyes wide but a dreamy smile on her lips as she was holding a picnic basket in one hand and a small bouquet of flowers, that she had picked herself, in the other. She looked back on that day with fondness, remembering how big of an adventure the trip to England had seemed to her.
It had felt like her first big adventure into the world, even though it was with her parents and they had just gone to attend the wedding of a cousin. Taking the train to the harbour, then the boat to England and spending two whole weeks in a foreign country, that had been the adventure of a lifetime for her at eight years old. It had truly felt like the start of a new phase in her life. Unfortunately that phase had been short-lived because the moment she told her mother about her plans to travel the world when she grew up, they had been shut down with the mere argument that a life of travel was unbefitting for a woman. Let alone a woman of her station.
So she hadn't mentioned it again and she had shaken off the feeling of rejection that came with her mother informing her that she was not equipped to travel the world as a man could.
"You seem happy" Violet observed and Caitlyn answered with a nod.
"I was" Violet put the photograph back down and Caitlyn touched her muscular arm for a moment "let's get started, shall we?"
There was a lot to get through. The first thing they tackled were the bookcases. Most books belonged to Caitlyn, as her husband was not very interested in reading anything other than the paper. She had intended to read every book on her shelves but looking after the farm by herself had taken up so much time and energy that she simply had not finished a book properly in years.
Most books were in French but quite a few in English too and once again, Caitlyn noticed that Violet's interest was peaked as they took all the books from the shelves and dusted them and the books off before putting them back in alphabetical order by last name of the authors.
"You really do like the idea of travelling, don't you?" Violet teased in a gentle tone as she placed a book about ancient Egypt back on the shelves.
For some unknown reason, the tone in Violet's voice and the way she voiced her question, made Caitlyn blush as she put a book that she knew she would not read again, in a box. "I do"
"I should take you home to New York with me then" the pilot joked. It was a good thing that she wasn't looking at Caitlyn in that exact moment, because she would have been able to notice that the colour of her cheeks were the same as a tomato.
"I think New York would be lovely"
"You say that now, but wait until you get robbed when walking home from work" Violet commented as she continued putting the final books back in the case and she took a step back as she grinned and looked over the work they had done in the past hour. "I think this is a lot better than the mess it was before"
"It is" Caitlyn nodded and she put the box with books that she would try to trade for goods in the corner of the room before she stretched slightly and looked around. "We should get to work on these drawers. There's mostly fine China and- Violet?"
She had made her way over to the other side of the living room, expecting Violet to follow her as she always did. When she turned around, however, she could see Violet linger by the piano that was set up against the wall next to the door that led to the hallway. Her fingers brushed over the dustcover that was draped over the instrument and there was something in her eyes that Caitlyn could not quite place. Perhaps the piano reminded her of home, that is what it did for a lot of people, but Violet did not seem like a person to play the piano at all.
Still, Caitlyn had to ask. "Do you play?" she made her way over to and pulled the dustcover from the instrument to reveal it being a light brown colour and certainly not the most expensive or fancy instrument of its kind, but it got the job done.
Violet just gave her a look and didn't answer her verbally. Her fingers found the piano again and for a moment, Caitlyn was sure that she was going to cry. But then, she sat down on the bench that rested in front of the instrument and revealed the keys. The calloused hands of her pilot stroked the keys as though they might break if they were touched with anything less than the utmost care.
And then she started to play.
From a young age, Caitlyn had been taught how to play the piano. It was the instrument her mother favoured and she enjoyed listening to. She had suffered through private lessons for years and though she was good, there was nothing in her skillset that could compare to the talent with which Violet was currently playing.
For someone so rough, so obviously hurt by life and so adamant on suppressing her emotions, Violet poured her soul into the music. Without sheet music, she played by heart and it was clear that she had been trained quite properly. Either that, or she simply possessed a mountain of talent. Perhaps it was both.
Halfway through her piece, Caitlyn took a seat on the bench. Next to Violet. She watched as the rough fingers moved over the keys with a sense of grace that Caitlyn had never expected to see in Violet. She was concentrated and looked down at her hands as they moved in an impressive speed and played a piece unfamiliar to Caitlyn.
She didn't realise that tears were burning in her eyes until Violet came to the end of her piece. She had been fully absorbed in the sound and image of Violet playing the piano, showing her a side that Caitlyn had not witnessed in her before. The way she played had a certain vulnerability to it and she could almost see Violet become a younger, more innocent version of herself while she played.
All Caitlyn could do once Violet played the final note, was stare and blink away the tears.
"I apologize, I let myself go for a minute" Violet apologized with a soft shrug and her hand found the back of her neck, giving into the nervous habit Caitlyn had noticed she had where she pulled the hair at the end of her neck.
Caitlyn immediately shook her head "are you joking? That was... Oh what is the English word? It was magnifique, truly"
"You mean magnificent?"
"Yes!"
This time, it was Violet's time to blush as she gave Caitlyn a cheeky little grin when she was complimented like that. She was clearly not used to it. "I haven't played in years though, I'm a bit rusty"
"This was rusty?" Caitlyn couldn't help but let out a laugh. "I am afraid that I would not be this good if I tried"
"You play too?" Caitlyn had noticed over the course of the past several days that one of Violet's greatest talents was turning the attention away from herself and focussing it on someone or something else. Pulling focus from herself was something she was clearly very used to doing because she did it almost every time without Caitlyn noticing.
Except, she did notice this time. But she did not say anything about it.
"I do, my mother was very adamant on me learning how to play from a young age. I'm decent, but my real talents lay elsewhere" Caitlyn admitted with a soft sigh, reaching out to close the lid and let the keys rest for another few years until a new person would come along to play, but Violet touched her hand before she could.
The very second Violet's hand touched hers, she felt a bolt of electricity shoot through her hand, and her insides felt like they were on fire. Had she really been so deprived of physical contact that she was this responsive to her hand being touched by another woman?
Violet seemed to feel the same thing because she immediately pulled her hand away and gave her an apologetic smile "I- sorry for touching your hand like that. I simply wanted to say that I'd like to hear you play"
"I'm not nearly as good as you" Caitlyn argued but Violet did not seem to want to hear anything about it as she shook her head stubbornly.
"Play something, I will play along if I know it"
That touched something in Caitlyn. It was exactly what she needed to hear to pull her over the line and make her finally submit herself to playing one of the only pieces she knew by heart. Her fingers were trembling slightly as she let them rest on the white keys for a moment. She looked over at Violet... her pilot who gave her an encouraging smile even though the woman had never heard her play before.
The moment she played the first note, it seemed that all her private lessons came rushing back to her and her fingers had a life of their own. They brushed over the keys in a gentle, yet determined manner. They played their way through the piece and after about a minute or so, she suddenly heard a new melody. Her focussed eyes glanced to the side and she saw Violet's hands playing along with her though it was a slightly different melody.
She seemed to be taking a different route on the original piece and for whatever reason, it sounded good. Caitlyn felt her heart rate go up and her stomach tighten slightly as her hand reached over Violet's and they played with their souls bared for each other. It felt more intimate than being in a state of undress with another person. It was almost like Violet got a small look into her soul and it was the same the other way around.
Violet's hard exterior was a mere shell for the soft and kind heart that Caitlyn could hear in the music she played.
When they hit their final note, the two seemed to simultaneously find each other's eyes and have the same feeling after the moment they had just shared. Caitlyn felt the adrenaline still course through her veins as Violet was suddenly far too close. Her thigh was touching Caitlyn's and she felt like she could not think or breathe. So she shot up and put some distance between the two of them.
Violet gave her a smile "Debussy, I've always admired his music"
"Where did you learn to play so well?" Caitlyn could not help but wonder aloud. There had to be a reason that Violet played as though she had attended the conservatory, yet looked like someone who had not played a single note in their entire life.
Violet's explanation started with a sheepish grin, obviously the slightest bit embarrassed about showing off her skills like that but a glimpse of pride shone through that same grin as well. "I spend several years in a family of musicians. I thought the piano was a rather interesting instrument and the father of the family I was staying with taught me how to play. Told me I had a real knack for it and I just... kept practicing while I stayed with them"
This answer brought on a million new questions for Caitlyn. Why had she been staying with a family that was not her own? Had she ever aspired to become a musician before the war? What happened to her parents that she had not stayed with them? Why did she never mention her parents?
She asked none of them and just nodded "a very interesting story, I'd like to hear more about it some day"
"When that day comes, I might just tell you" Violet promised her as she got up from the piano bench and sighed as she looked at everything they had yet to clean, look through and sort.
"We ought to continue our task of cleaning up the living room" Caitlyn quickly suggested in order not to let the moment go to waste and make it awkward.
"Yes" Violet agreed as her eyes wandered back to Caitlyn. "Let's"
Violetbhad no idea why she had done what she had done. Why she had played the piano for Caitlyn, why she had been so keen on showing off her skills. She never did anything like that. Usually, her piano skills were something she kept hidden because it was something no one expected from someone like her. She was expected to be tough, to protect the family when she was younger and protect her country now that she was older.
Playing the piano was... was for women like Caitlyn. Women who were raised to be wives and mothers. Women who were soft, fragile and feminine. Though, Violet would not describe Caitlyn as fragile, but feminine and soft were certainly terms that suited her. As well as beautiful, strong and resilient.
There was something else about Caitlyn that moved something in Violet. She was disarming in a way that many people weren't. She managed to be soft in human interactions with another person who showed a kind side to her, and strong in spirit. Caitlyn's smile felt like it could light up a room in the strangest way possible and Violet found herself naturally drawn to her.
"Would you like me to give you a haircut now?" Caitlyn suggested after they had dinner. Violet was helping her dry the dishes that she had rinsed off and cleaned. It was a horrifically domestic scene that happened to take place every night. Though Violet would usually despised moments like these, she found that she did not mind it so much when it was with Caitlyn. The woman made her laugh with silly little jokes, and would mumble things in French that were impossible to understand but made her so much more intriguing.
"Sure" was Violet's answer as she put the final clean and dry dish away in one of the cupboards. Caitlyn always kept everything very neatly organised in her cupboards, something Violet was certainly not used to when growing up in different families with multiple kids and a lot of mess around at all times. With Caitlyn, any mess was simply making her house more of a home. And it could hardly be called a mess anyways. It was more like a small pile of laundry that rested on a chair and was removed within several hours. But as long as it was housed on the chair, it made for a homey feeling.
Caitlyn took her upstairs, to her small bathroom, once they had finished the dishes and instructed her to sit down on a chair she placed in the middle of the small tiled room. "I'll need to untangle everything first"
Violet let out a hollow laugh as she looked up at Caitlyn, who was standing in front of her and observed the mess that was Violet's hair "good luck, that might be the hardest task of today"
Her little comment caused Caitlyn to let out a laugh and Violet grinned as her heart leapt slightly like it did every time she made the woman in front of her laugh. The small gap between her teeth had become one of Violet's favourite things about Caitlyn in the several days that they had known each other. Especially because that gap was usually appearing when Violet made her laugh. The sound of her laughter was also something that Violet could never get enough of. It was soft and light, but it got louder the harder she laughed.
"Perhaps it would be easier if your hair was wet, could you bend your head over the sink for me please?" Caitlyn suggested as she took measure of the task that lay ahead of her.
Violet nodded as she got up from the chair and approached the sink. When she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror, she was starting to see what Caitlyn meant when she had insisted that Violet needed a haircut. Whatever it was she had on her head now, it was not working for her.
"My hair has always been a pain" Violet complained as she bend over and Caitlyn gathered her hair in the sink when she appeared by her side.
"Shit!" Violet cried out. The moment she turned the faucet on, cold water hit her scalp and she immediately wanted to back up but Caitlyn's strong hand held her head down in the sink. That feeling of the forceful hand on the back of her head somehow did things to Violet that she did not understand or even knew how to process. Except that she knew she did not hate the feeling.
"Sorry about the cold water" Caitlyn apologized as she made quick work of getting the cold water all over her nest of curls and getting it properly soaked before she urged Violet to take her head from the sink and she took a towel to dry it all off. Except, Violet threw her head back with such force that the water got all over the wall and Caitlyn herself.
A gasp left Caitlyn's mouth as her face and part of her chest were drenched from the water that had come from Violet's hair. The two women stared at each other for a moment, eyes wide as they processed what had just happened before a laugh bubbled up in both of them. Caitlyn giggled while Violet's laugh was more loud and unapologetic.
"Just sit down before you make more of a mess" Caitlyn urged her with a giggle and Violet obliged. The dry towel in Caitlyn's hands was used to dry her face first before Caitlyn's hands found Violet's drenched hair and gently squeezed out a bit of the water before running it through her curls to get rid of any droplets that were falling from the ends of her hair.
Violet chuckled as she ran her hand over her drenched face "I'm sorry for getting you wet"
"It's alright" Caitlyn chuckled in return and she handed the semi wet towel to Violet once she was done with it, so she could dry off her face. "It's just water"
As Violet dried her own face and thought about what had just happened, she watched Caitlyn take a brush and a moment later she felt her softly starting to brush out the curls. It was still a very difficult task, but Caitlyn was a patient woman and took it strand by strand so she could get all the knots out before she would start cutting.
"Your hair is very long" Caitlyn stated as she ran her brush through a knot-free curl.
"I hate it, always have"
"Really? Why?" she could almost hear the frown in Caitlyn's voice when she informed her that her hair had always bothered her. It was true, she had always been at battle with her hair. Just with any beauty standards for women in general. "I think your hair is beautiful, I wish I had a copper colour like that"
"You're joking right?" Violet turned her head to look up at Caitlyn, who was standing behind her, but Caitlyn's hand on her head immediately reminded her to look straight ahead as Caitlyn brushed through her hair. "Your hair is so shiny and you have beautiful gentle curls. I bet it's very soft"
Not that she had been thinking and wondering about how soft Caitlyn's hair was, not at all. Perhaps just a little bit and perhaps just once. Out of pure jealousy, because she wanted hair like that.
She felt the brush stop its motions halfway through a curl and Violet bit her lower lip out of frustration, why could she never just shut up when she ought to? Caitlyn now probably thought that she was a real freak for wondering about her hair like that.
But then Caitlyn took a step and appeared at her side, that ever so soft and gentle smile on her face as she crouched down next to the chair that Violet was currently seated in. Violet's throat bobbed upon realising how close Caitlyn was and how fast her heart was racing.
Without saying a word, Caitlyn reached out and took her hand. She never would get used to feeling those long fingers touching her larger hand. She was quite certain that her jaw was slacked slightly at this point, but she found she did not care in the least as Caitlyn brought her hand closer to her face and placed it on her hair.
It was an innocent touch, just a mere brush of her hand against Caitlyn's impossibly soft hair. It was even softer and silkier than she had imagined, and she prided herself in having a vivid imagination, so it was a bit of a pleasant surprise to her.
"Well?" Caitlyn asked her curiously. Her elbows leaned on the seat of the chair as she crossed her arms over it. Those brilliantly beautiful blue eyes looked up at her as Vi's fingers curled one of her gentle curls around them and let them slip through.
"Even softer than I had imagined" Violet spoke truthfully, a blush on her cheeks that seemed to match the colour of Caitlyn's. Her fingers slipped from the curl and softly ran over Caitlyn's jawline for the shortest second. It was an innocent touch that merely lasted long enough for the two of them to process it, but it did happen. And it left Violet confused about why this felt so natural and so intimate at the same time.
It was Caitlyn who broke their eye contact and got up from her crouched down position. The feeling of the soft skin of Caitlyn's jaw lingered on her fingertips as Violet turned her attention back to the sink that was in front of her. The familiar, long fingers that belonged to Caitlyn Dubois found her hair again and the brush accompanied them in continuing to take out the knots from her curls.
Once all the knots were successfully brushed out of her wet hair, Caitlyn ran her fingers through the strands. Probably to see how much she had to take off but all Violet's attention was focussed on was how amazing her fingers felt when they ran over her scalp.
"How much would you like me to cut off?" Caitlyn asked her as she took a pair of scissors from the cabinet on her right.
Violet let out a defeated sigh "all of it?"
"I can't take off all of it" Caitlyn chuckled and shook her head as she got back behind Violet and paused for a second "how about a short cut to your ears?"
Violet felt her fingers touch her earlobe to indicate how short she would cut it but all Violet could hear was the wind rushing through her ears as Caitlyn's featherlight touch seemed to burn her skin wherever it touched.
"Sure" she managed to get out as she nodded. She hadn't fully processed just how short Caitlyn was planning on cutting her hair, but merely kept her focus on the still lingering feeling of Caitlyn's jaw on her finger tips and Caitlyn's fingers on her earlobe.
Was it natural to feel such a burn when someone touched you? To feel it not only on your skin, but also in the pit of your stomach? Like it was touching your very soul in a way that she had never felt before? Perhaps she was coming down with a fever, because it was getting very hot in Caitlyn's small bathroom.
The snipping sound of scissors pulled her from her momentary loss of brain activity and she immediately felt a sense of relief when the weight of her curls was quite literally lifted off her shoulders. It felt freeing to have all that hair cut off after not getting it cut for years. Caitlyn's fingers surely worked like she had done it before and within about 10 minutes, the floor was littered with copper coloured curls.
"I think this is a good length for you" Caitlyn mused behind her as she cut the curls up to the nape of her neck and then ran her fingers through the, now short, hair that Violet was sporting.
Then Caitlyn stepped around the chair until she was standing in front of Violet. That very familiar look of concentration was present on her face, the tip of her tongue just slightly pressed between her front teeth as she observed Violet's haircut from the front.
"It needs a bit of trimming still, may I?" she gestured downwards and it took Vi a moment to realise what she meant. When it dawned on her, her eyes immediately widened as they glanced up at Caitlyn.
It seemed to snap her out of her concentrated state of mind as she realised what she was asking. "Oh" Caitlyn exclaimed as her cheeks darkened in colour "that is how I always used to do it with my husband. You see, when you are standing in front of someone you are too tall to properly see-"
"It's alright, do whatever you must" Violet interrupted her rant of embarrassment.
Caitlyn seemed to doubt for a single second longer before she stepped forward and sat sideways on Violet's lap. It was all to get a better look and grip on the haircut from the front, or so Violet told herself. Especially because she was very actively suppressing any feelings of nervousness about Caitlyn sitting on her lap and running her hands through her hair while her face was far too close to her.
"I'm almost done" Caitlyn softly announced as her concentrated state came back to her and she cut the piece in the front a bit shorter to get a real hairstyle in there. All Violet could do was look up at her. As she did, she could get a more close-up look at Caitlyn's face.
Violet noticed the light freckles that she sported from her days out in the sun as she looked after the crop, and how she had a small scar just above her right eyebrow that Violet immediately got curious about. Or that she had the tiniest crumb of bread still stuck on the corner of her mouth and Vi had to suppress the alarmingly strong urge to brush the crumb away with her thumb.
Being so close to Caitlyn put her in a trance of sorts and it seemed that Caitlyn was slowly getting pulled into that trance as well. Her eyes flickered down to Violet's eyes every now and then but as soon as they did, they quickly moved away.
Several more snips of the scissors did it for the haircut and Caitlyn put them down once she was done. She reached out and ran both her hands through Violet's short curls, measuring the sides to see if they were even.
She did so several times, several strokes of long fingers through her hair and each time she did it, her fingers went slower. Until her fingers ever so gently pulled back from her hair, but instead of removing her hands from Violet's head, they ran down from her hair to her cheeks.
The gentlest of touches rested on both her cheeks as their eyes locked and Violet felt like all air had been sucked from the room by the way Caitlyn looked at her. Something burned in the pit of her stomach and the flames of said burn were spreading through her body in a rapid pace.
Her eyes flickered from Caitlyn's eyes to her lips for a single second and she was quite sure she saw Caitlyn do the same thing.
"How does it look?" Violet manage to croak as her eyes were back on Caitlyn's, which had a very conflicted glaze over them. Yet, at the same time they seemed to reflect the same burn that Violet was experiencing as well. Or perhaps she was just seeing things now.
"Wonderful" Caitlyn's voice was a mere whisper and her tone made it sound like the comment was not about Violet's hair at all.
Caitlyn's hands ran down her cheeks, to her jaw until her fingertips were the last thing that made contact with Violet's skin and the moment they were gone, Violet missed them like she had been feeling that touch for years. She missed those fingers on her skin like it was her home that she was yearning to get back to.
"It looks perfect on you" Caitlyn's voice was more clear now as she swiftly got up from her lap and pulled Violet up from the chair. She led her to the mirror where she took a first glance at the new her.
What she saw was... life changing.
She saw a woman who finally reflected what she felt like on the inside. Someone who was strong and feminine in a very unconventional way. Her short curls did not make her look as masculine as she had expected her to look, but she did look good. She let out a little chuckle when she realised that her reflection reminded her of a photograph of Amelia Earhart that she had seen several years earlier.
"What do you think?" Caitlyn's voice did not conceal her curiosity about Violet's opinion on her new haircut.
"It looks fantastic, you did a marvellous job" Violetbcomplimented her as a bright grin broke through the surprised expression on her face. Her eyes found Caitlyn, who was standing beside her with a proud smile on her beautiful face.
"I told you I was skilled"
"You've made me feel very... content" Violet admitted, and she did not just mean about the haircut. It was everything. Caitlyn's whole presence made her feel safe and at home in a way she had not felt in years. Not to mention the feeling of her hands in her hair and on her face. It was so immensely intimate that it frightened Violet in her very core.
She was getting too attached, she could just feel it.
It had only been several days but she already knew that she, the woman who had sworn off attachment to anyone except her real family, was growing too close to Caitlyn to let her go when the time came.
Because that time would come, and Violet was growing to dread it more and more with each second that passed.
Notes:
Have I mentioned this is a slow burn?
I am obsessed with the process of them falling in love in this fic and there are so many plot twists to come, so stay tuned.
You know what I always say... Until next time, my loves!
Chapter 4: Adieu mon homme
Notes:
Are daily updates a thing again? They might be.
I have so much muse for this fic that I am writing new chapters whenever I get the chance, so I definitely will be updating several times a week. For now it's daily, but sometimes life gets busy and I do not get the chance to update daily ;)
Anyways, let's get to the real fun! Enjoy the new chapter, my loves!
Chapter Text
"Can I ask you something?"
"Of course" Caitlyn's head peeked up from the laundry she was folding as Violet entered the kitchen with a basket of fresh eggs in her hand. She had been a part of Caitlyn's household for about a week now and for some reason, Violet had grown to be such a familiar source of domestic bliss that Caitlyn was starting to have trouble picturing her life without Violet. They worked well and hard together, were used to physical labour, could share a laugh and a good conversation and Caitlyn was simply used to having her around.
A week was perhaps a short amount of time for most, but when one shared all their time with one person... it was easy to fall into a rhythm in which it felt like they had been living together for months.
"Your English is... remarkable" Violet started as she started putting the eggs away. Caitlyn stole a glance at her as she busied herself with her task. One of the things that fascinated her to no end, was observing Violet when she was doing something she did without thinking. Storing the eggs was a simple task that took little concentration and yet, Violet looked incredibly interesting when putting the eggs away.
Her muscles flexed slightly as she placed the eggs in a different bowl and her eyebrows formed a beautiful frown when she found a small feather on one of the eggs. One she had most likely missed when she had collected the eggs.
"You're curious about why I am fluent in both English and French, is that it?" Caitlyn guessed as she pulled one of her husband's shirts that Violet had been wearing for the past week, from the basket and folded it before placing it on the kitchen table. "I have a French mother and an English father" she explained.
That did not seem to solve Violet's curiosity because the woman's eyes immediately found her and that childlike spark of curiosity was, once again, very present in her grey eyes. It made Caitlyn giggle softly as she picked a pair of socks from the basket and folded them. "I suppose that does not answer your question entirely?"
"Not at all, actually" Violet admitted as she turned around so she could face Caitlyn and leaned back against the kitchen counter while she curiously eyed the French woman whose home she had been occupying for the past week. "How did your father end up here?"
"It's a rather lovely story, I think" Caitlyn started as she concentrated on folding the laundry while she spoke. She couldn't bear looking at Violet while she talked about love, for some unexplainable reason. Whenever there was talk about love, relationships, marriage or anything on that spectrum, Caitlyn found it hard to look Violet in the eye and she had yet to find an explanation for it. Perhaps it was because she was not completely at ease with Violet.
That was a lie, of course it was. She had never been at ease with someone as easily as she had grown to be at ease around Violet. Yet, that did not answer her curiosity about why she had such a burning feeling in her stomach whenever Violet got too close or touched her, even if it was on accident.
Caitlyn continued as she folded another one of her husband's shirts that now belonged to Vi. "My father was on holiday in Paris when he met my mother in a restaurant. The story they always told me was that he was out to dinner with his sister, and when he laid eyes on my mother, who was having dinner with her parents and he immediately fell for her. Apparently he spend the entire night building up the courage to ask her address so he could write her when he left"
"I think that is rather romantic" Violet admitted as the small smile on her lips reached Caitlyn, whose cheeks blushed upon seeing that smile directed at her.
"The story isn't over" Caitlyn warned her to which Violet quickly shut up. "My mother told him that he had to take her out to dinner at least once before he went back to England, because she did not want to waste her time writing a man who was not interesting enough to last at least one dinner"
Violet's smile turned into a grin "your mother sounds like a handful"
"Oh trust me, she is" Caitlyn gave her a playful grin before she continued her story and folding the few pieces of laundry left in the basket. "He agreed, took her out to dinner and the rest is history. He moved to Paris several months after meeting my mother and writing to her every week, they gave it a fair shot and got married a year later"
"So you grew up in Paris?" one of the things Caitlyn enjoyed most about Violet was how open she was in her curiosity. She seemed to be an open book when it came to her emotions, even though she did not usually explain where a certain emotion came from. That was something that she kept to herself, but the emotion that surfaced was the thing that she did share. And what she was currently showcasing, was a healthy amount of curiosity.
"I did" Caitlyn revealed as she finished folding the laundry and got up from her seat at the table. She approached Violet in the kitchen but simply reached over to pour herself a glass of water.
"You're far from home then" Violet softly mumbled as she watched Caitlyn pour herself a glass of water. Caitlyn didn't miss how her eyes wandered over her for the shortest amount of time.
That seemed to happen a lot. Whenever the two of them were close to each other, they seemed to glance down for just a few seconds. For Caitlyn, it was just long enough to get another good look at Violet and how she looked that day. Enough to notice the dirt on her knees if she had been working outside in a kneeled position, or spots of milk on her shirt when she had gotten the task of milking the cows that morning.
It was simply something they did, check and see how the other was doing. Caitlyn like to write it off as such, write it off simply as an act of care towards her pilot who had been wounded when she'd found her. The wound had healed very nicely and Caitlyn had plans to remove the stitches somewhere in the next few days. She certainly did not give a second thought to any feelings she felt whenever Violet was standing close to her, or gave her a compliment or her arm brushed against hers when walked past each other.
"I don't mind being far from home" Caitlyn insisted "I enjoy having my own farm and I write to them every week"
Violet nodded and finished putting the eggs away, a task that had been completely forgotten in the interest she had shown for Caitlyn's story.
Her eyes fell on Violet's short curls. They had been a lot more manageable since Caitlyn had cut her hair for her and she seemed to enjoy having the hair out of her neck and face, especially when working out in the blazing sun. And she looked very pretty with her short hair, Caitlyn would almost call her handsome. She walked around the farm like it had been her home for years, wore her husband's clothing like they had always been hers and talked to Caitlyn like the two had known each other since the beginning of time.
"What about you? Who did you leave behind in New York?" Caitlyn asked without thinking about it. The question was completely harmless and she busied herself with cleaning up a few things left on the kitchen table as she asked it.
"No one" Violet's voice had suddenly grown dark and gloomy, like there was so much left unsaid with those words. So much that she had yet to tell Caitlyn and endless things that she wanted to keep to herself.
Caitlyn's eyes immediately found Violet, whose gaze did not meet hers. She was actively looking away which told Caitlyn more than enough in regards to how she felt about the question. She had pushed a button she had not intended to push and now she was getting to know a different side to her pilot.
"I'm sorry I asked" Caitlyn immediately apologized but Violet shook her head.
"It's alright, don't worry about it"
But Caitlyn did worry. Especially because Violet left the kitchen after that specific conversation and they had not spoken a proper word since then. Caitlyn busied herself with tasks downstairs while Violet made sure to clean up upstairs and stayed in her room after doing so. Caitlyn felt terrible about it, she hadn't expected such a small and innocent question to stir up such feelings within Violet.
Dinner was a silent affair in which Caitlyn had tried to apologize yet again but Violet dismissed it with a wave of her hand, insisting that she had not been hurt and everything was alright between the two of them. So why did it still feel so tense? Why did her stomach tighten whenever Violet's stormy eyes found hers and locked her in like she was the only thing keeping her from drowning?
Another thing she had learned about Violet was that her eyes never lied. Her mouth could speak any untrue fact, but her eyes showed what lay beneath those depths of stormy grey. They betrayed the hurt she had felt when Caitlyn had asked about her family, they showed her feigned interest when Caitlyn had tried to start a conversation with her during dinner.
So, Caitlyn tried something different to get Violet out of her shell. In the seven days that she had known Violet, she had learned a bit about the woman and there were several things that were able to move her deeper than words could. Violet followed her when Caitlyn told her that she had something to show her.
She took her pilot to the living room and walked over to the record player that was located next to the chair that had been occupied by her husband on a daily basis when he was still home. Nowadays, the chair remained empty but the indents of the spot where he used to sit were still left in the chair. Caitlyn looked through the case in which she kept her record for a moment, trying to decide which was best suited for the moment that was presenting itself and eventually went with an instrumental one.
"This is one of my favourites" she informed her pilot as she placed the needle on the spinning record and seconds later, the sounds of soft jazz music filled the room. Her curious eyes found her pilot, who remained frozen in the doorway. Caitlyn couldn't quite read what she was thinking. Her face had a blank expression as she simply seemed to observe Caitlyn. It made her blush slightly to be observed in such an intimate manner.
"Caitlyn..." Vi's voice sounded soft, yet powerful. The way she spoke her name gave Caitlyn goosebumps and her eyes never left Violet's. "I apologize for my distant behaviour the past several hours"
Apparently a little music truly did work miracles. Violet took a step forward and that ever so familiar feeling of a knotted stomach began to surface once again. Caitlyn sucked in a deep breath as Violet came closer. "You don't have to apologize-"
"But I do" Violet insisted as she took another step closer "you were merely curious and I shut down. I promise I will tell you my story when I feel that I can speak of what has happened in my past"
Caitlyn's surprised expression broke out into a smile as she nodded, eyes full of understanding "of course, I did not mean for you to feel pressured into telling me your life story. I won't ask again without your permission"
Violet seemed to visibly relax under her promise to keep herself from prying into her past. Ever so gently, Violet's hand reached out and touched Caitlyn's. The touch was soft and continued into a motion where she took her hand and pulled her closer ever so slightly. "I understand this might be a strange request but, I was wondering if you'd like to dance?"
Caitlyn felt like her heart was stuck in her throat, like her insides were on fire and there was no room left for her to breathe. Hardly anything had happened, a mere touch of their hands and an innocent request to dance. Yet, it felt more intense than when she had been proposed to.
Still she found herself nodding and giving Violet the chance to pull her closer by the hand that was holding hers in a trusted manner that she was not used to.
All her life, she had searched for a feeling of home, finding a place where she truly belonged. She had not realised that she had stopped longing for a home the moment she grew close to Violet. Was it when she had first spoken to her? Or perhaps when Caitlyn had cut her hair several days before? She wasn't able to answer any of those questions. All she knew that a sense of home was something she found in Violet. And it terrified her.
It wasn't normal, was it? For a woman to dance with another woman the way that Violet pulled her closer and rested one hand on her waist as the other held her own. It was a classic position, where Caitlyn's hand rested on Violet's strong bicep and she let herself be led by her pilot. She'd danced like this so often, but never with a woman. And certainly never with someone like Violet.
Someone so unique who touched something inside her that she could not possibly explain if she tried. She found her eyes glance at Violet's muscular arms for a moment as the woman took the lead and slowly danced with her around the living room.
After Violet's unexpected piano skills, she had not expected to be surprised by Violet again in such a manner but Violet's dancing skills were something that she had certainly underestimated. She was not the best person that had ever led her in a dance, but she certainly was not the worst. When she looked into Violet's eyes, she found an endless depth of emotions that were hard to get a grip on. She seemed to be just as overwhelmed as Caitlyn was.
"You're an alright dancer" Violet complimented her softly.
A little grin charmed Caitlyn's lips as she looked down at the shorter woman. "I'm an excellent dancer"
"I can tell"
"You're not so bad yourself"
"That was exactly what I was waiting for" Violet teased when she finally complimented her on her skills.
Caitlyn let out a laugh, earning her a grin from Violet in return. The banter between the two of them was something that came so naturally that it surprised Caitlyn time and time again. "You ought to learn to be more humble"
"Hmm" Violet hummed as her eyes travelled from Caitlyn's neck, up to her eyes and lingered for a moment "being humble does not usually get you anywhere"
"Is that so?" Caitlyn shot back as Violet pulled them into a different direction and twirled Caitlyn around in her arms, causing her to let out a soft squeal. Laughter filled the living room as Violet pulled her closer again and her hand ran a bit lower, from her waist to her hip. Caitlyn felt Violet's thumb, that gently stroked her hip through her dress, burn on her skin. The burn appeared as a blush on her pale cheeks as the laughter died down slightly and Violet grinned.
"Life isn't about being humble, certainly not in times of war" Violet softly told her. Her voice was so gentle that it made Caitlyn lean closer in a need to soak up every word that Violet had to say. Her pilot pulled her closer the slightest bit, their hips touching as a result while she continued to speak. "Sometimes, it's about taking what you want. Because your chance might escape your grip if you let it pass"
It wasn't possible to feel this way about a woman, was it? To feel such a deep connection and at the same time such a burning need to be closer. To touch her skin underneath the layers of clothing they wore, to bury her nose in Violet's strong neck and place feather light kisses on her skin. To trace every scar that marked her body as they laid in bed together. Caitlyn found herself wanting all these things, needing them as much as she needed food and water to survive.
But it wasn't- it wasn't normal or natural to have these feelings about a woman, was it? It was a sinful thing, something that ought to be banished from society. That was what she had always been taught. Just as she had been taught that good girls from good families did not possess thoughts or feelings like this.
And here she was, in the presence of the single most fascinating person she had ever met, needing nothing more than to be as close to her as she possibly could.
It was only natural to lean in slightly, their noses brushing ever so lightly as Caitlyn's breath hitched "Violet"
"Caitlyn" Violet's voice was low, her eyes trained on her lips for a moment before they looked up and their gazes hooked on each other. That was when Caitlyn suddenly seemed to realise how close they were, how they had stopped dancing and their lips were inches away from colliding in a way that she had only ever done with her husband.
And it frightened her.
"The mail" Caitlyn managed to slip past her lips and with all the strength she had, she managed to pull away and put a bit of distance between her and her pilot. As soon as she stepped away, she felt herself come back to her senses and she started to realise what had almost just happened. What sinful things had clouded her mind the past several minutes.
"I forgot to check the mail this morning" Caitlyn told Violet, whose eyes were reflecting a sense of sadness and rejection, as well as a similar confusion to Caitlyn. Before she had the chance to speak, Caitlyn rushed out of the living room.
Her mind was going a million miles per hour as she replayed the past several minutes over and over in her head. She had been completely enchanted, like Violet had put some sort of spell on her. Her mind had fully been clouded by her pilot and all else that surrounded them seemed to fade the closer they were. They had been so close to... Caitlyn couldn't even think the word that ended that sentence as she rushed out in the dark to check the mailbox.
To say that Violet was beating herself up about what had almost happened with Caitlyn was an understatement. She was known for being impulsive, for going after what she wanted, what she felt she deserved. But it was something completely different to do so with Caitlyn. Even admitting to herself that she felt these conflicting things for Caitlyn was too much. Caitlyn simply had an invisible pull that made it impossible to say no to her.
When she had leaned in and their noses had brushed, Violet had realised something she never truly realised before. For the first time in her life she found herself desiring someone in the way her father had once desired her mother. She'd accepted years ago that feelings like this were not for her, that she was too tough to feel them. She had convinced herself that there was nothing that another person could offer her that would make her go weak for them.
Then Caitlyn showed up in her life and had blown every belief she had about herself, everything she was convinced of, to pieces like the cities bombed by the Germans the past several years. Because Violet had one certainty that she had known all her life. That she was broken.
She was broken because she did not want what other women wanted, because she did not fit the beauty standards of society, because she hated listening to authority who did not deserve her respect, because she acted like a man according to almost everyone, because she had never felt a sense of love for anyone that she was not related to.
With Caitlyn, however, her heart never seemed to stop speeding up and her stomach never seemed to settle. She got goosebumps from anything remotely related to her saviour. Caitlyn's smile that showed off the little gap between her front teeth, Caitlyn's laugh, the brush of her hand whenever she wanted to get Violet's attention and touched her arm or shoulder, the intense look in her eyes when she listened to what she had to say. Violet could keep going.
Everything listed had led her to the moment that had just passed. A moment that left her thoroughly confused about why it was possible for her to feel this way about a woman, yet she was supposed to feel this for a man.
The moment she heard the backdoor open, she rushed out into the kitchen "Caitlyn-" she didn't know what to say really. She just wanted to apologize, to tell her that it was all a big misunderstanding and that it was best not to mention it again.
She ran over the words she wanted to say whilst rushing to the kitchen, her mouth already half open as she prepared herself to speak but she stopped the moment she saw Caitlyn.
Her saviour was standing in the middle of her kitchen. Her hands were trembling as her tear-filled blue eyes sprinted over the lines that she was reading in a letter that she was clutching in her hand like it was the last thing to keep her from drowning at sea.
"Caitlyn?" Violet's tone was laced with concern this time, concern for her saviour and the tears running down her cheeks. Violet watched patiently, waiting for Caitlyn to speak and tell her what was happening as warm tears fell from her eyes and landed on the paper that she was holding so dearly.
From where she was standing, Violet could see the ink mix with the salty tears and Caitlyn immediately brushed them off the paper as she read the letter once again. Her eyes finally found Violet's after what seemed like an eternity. What she saw in those beautiful irises, was not good.
"Violet- I-" Caitlyn seemed unable to speak, as though her voice had been stolen from her only to be returned when the tears had stopped. So Violet did the only thing she knew to be of service to her saviour. She stepped forward and enveloped Caitlyn in a hug.
Her strong arms wrapped around the taller woman as her saviour let out a sob and buried her face into Violet's neck as she finally let go. Her arms wrapped around her and welcomed Violet's hug in a familiar way as she cried and let go of what she had been holding back before.
Violet didn't push her, didn't ask her what was wrong, but simply held and comforted her as her mind raced over all the things that could possibly have been written in that letter. She'd seen that letter before. Hell, that letter had been addressed to her.
There was only one thing a letter like that brought with it. Death.
Only thing left to wonder was whose death.
Violet got her answer when Caitlyn handed her the letter as she pulled away slightly and brushed her long fingers over her cheeks to try and dry her tears before new ones spilled.
The letter was in French, impossible for Violet to read but there were a few things that she could take from the letter. It was from the army, which could only mean one thing. Her grey eyes sped over the unreadable French words as she tried to find any word that she recognized and that was when she saw it.
George Dubois.
In an instant, Violet found her eyes back on Caitlyn's and the woman gave her a pained look. There was a lot hidden behind those eyes. Violet spotted grief, regret, a glimpse of guilt as well and overall an overwhelming sense of sadness that came with the news of the death of a loved one.
"I'm so sorry Caitlyn" was all Violet could say as she handed the letter back to her saviour. The dark-haired woman shook her head without saying a word. She read the letter again and Violet could see new tears well up in her eyes, but they did not spill this time. She swallowed them as she folded the letter.
Then she spoke again for the first time "I- I need to take a bath, please excuse me" she sounded so fragile that it broke Violet's heart. It overwhelmed her how badly she wanted to pull Caitlyn close again and hold her until all the pain was gone. Hold her until the war was over and they could pick up their old lives again. Except they would never be able to do that, would they? Both of them had suffered loses thanks to the war and that was never going to change, no matter how the fantastic life waiting for them after the war might be.
"Of course" Violet nodded "take all the time you need, I'll lock up and turn off all the lights... if you need me, I'll be in my room"
Caitlyn did not give her another look but merely nodded as she made her way out of the kitchen. Violet silently took care of turning off the lights, giving Pauline a little treat and locking all the doors and windows before she went upstairs. Once she was back in her room, she heard the water run in the bathroom and she felt better knowing that Caitlyn was actually taking her bath. She washed herself with a clean cloth that she dipped in the basin of water and dressed herself in the large, white cotton shirt that she wore as pajamas since nothing of Caitlyn's fit her.
Violet crawled into bed once she was in the large shirt that functioned as makeshift pajamas for her and listened to the sounds that came from the bathroom, wondering how Caitlyn was doing. She had just lost her husband so the obvious answer was, not good. Still, Violet did not hear any sounds of crying and just listened to the way the water hit the tub as it inevitably fell from Caitlyn's hair or dripped down her body, perhaps it dripped off a cloth she used to clean the tears from her face.
The soothing sounds of water helped her doze off to sleep. She was just about gone when she heard a soft knock on her door and the voice she had grown so attached to over the past week.
"Violet?"
"Hmm?" she managed to answer as she opened her eyes and she noticed Caitlyn's head peek into the room. It seemed like tears were absent from her eyes but she still had a glaze of sorrow over her face and an overall saddened expression.
"Were you asleep?"
"No" and she really hadn't been. Just almost.
"I was wondering-" Caitlyn seemed to stop herself, almost as if she was about to apologize for disturbing her after which she would leave. But then she decided to ask what she had been meaning to ask anyways. "I was wondering if you would lie with me for a while? After the news I just received I- I don't want to be alone tonight"
The fragility of her words broke Violet's heart. She immediately sat up and nodded "of course I will stay with you tonight"
She slipped out of bed and followed Caitlyn to the room on the left, Caitlyn's bedroom. The only room in the house she had never entered and never seen on the inside. It was very cosy. A twin sized bed of reasonable size was located in the centre of the room against the wall. Alongside the bed, the room also held a dark wooden closet made of oak, a vanity that was littered with products, yet seemed very organized at the same time. The vanity held a mirror and a chair in front of it. A large Persian carpet was the one thing decorating the wooden floorboards. Violet looked around the room and closed the door behind her as Caitlyn made her way over to her bed and took off her silk dressing gown.
She was wearing the most flattering silk purple nightgown underneath, of which the neckline was embroidered with white and blue lavender. It was simple and calf length, yet looked stunning on Caitlyn's slim figure.
Violet followed her a bit awkwardly. She was unsure what was expected of her and simply being in the presence of Caitlyn in her nightgown was making her incredibly nervous. Still, she sat down on the bed and crawled under the covers on, what Violet assumed to be, Caitlyn's late husband's side of the bed.
Several minutes of silence passed as Violet laid on her back and looked up at the ceiling. Caitlyn had turned off the lights and a small hint of moonlight through a crack in between the curtains was the only thing slightly giving light to the room. Caitlyn had turned her back to her and just as Violet was starting to wonder if she was asleep, Caitlyn spoke up.
Her voice was thick with tears once again but she seemed to have a grip on it. "Could you hold me, if it's not too much?"
Violet knew that she meant nothing by it, absolutely nothing more than a simple gesture of comfort for someone who had just lost her husband. Yet, it felt so incredibly intimate. But who was Violet to say 'no' to her?
So she rolled onto her side and wrapped an arm around Caitlyn's waist, unsure of what to do next. She felt Caitlyn immediately relax under her touch, leaning into her a bit which caused Violet's body to respond automatically. She got closer until her front was comfortably pressed against Caitlyn's back and her arms were tightly wrapped around the woman who was curled up against her. Since Caitlyn was slightly taller than her, Violet's nose was buried in Caitlyn's endlessly soft black hair and she was immediately hit with the floral smell of her soft curls.
Something inside her stirred. It filled her with a sense of warmth that she had never experienced before and she wanted to hold on to that feeling for the rest of her life. She suspected Caitlyn had something to do with the warm, fuzzy feeling but she immediately pushed those thoughts away.
"Do you know what I regret most?" Caitlyn softly spoke up as Violet gently nuzzled her nose against the back of Caitlyn's head.
"What?"
"That I never told him I loved him" her voice sounded so fragile once again. She was tearing up once more and Violet's grip on her tightened. "Because I did love him, in a way. Just not as he loved me"
Violet was not one to judge, she had never loved another human being that was not her family so she had a feeling that loving someone was extremely hard. "Do you want to tell me more about it?"
That seemed to be exactly what Caitlyn needed to hear, because she continued. "I think- I think I loved the idea of him and that I loved him as a friend. Simply not as a husband"
Violet's fingers gently drew circles on the back of Caitlyn's hand that had found Vi's in the process of her speaking about her relationship with her late husband. She silently listened and waited for Caitlyn to continue if she so wished to.
"We met when my parents and I took a holiday to an estate close to this town, years ago. He still lived here with his mother back then, she passed a year after we met, and I was exploring the village on my own for a bit. There's a marketplace not too far from here and I was looking around for something to bring back to my father, he loves local products and souvenirs. George spotted me when he was delivering some eggs to the baker and approached me"
Violet smiled against Caitlyn's hair, imagining her as an 18 or 19 year old Parisian browsing a marketplace that was meant for locals from the village. She probably stuck out like a sore thumb, no wonder her late husband had spotted her. And she was astonishingly beautiful, after all.
"We wrote back and forth for several months, he visited Paris several times to see me" Caitlyn told her, her voice soft and more at ease now. "When he proposed, I felt like it was my only chance to make more out of my life than simply be the rich doctor's daughter. My life was without purpose when I was stuck in that large townhouse in Paris. George promised me a life of adventure and the farm as our own little piece of the planet where we could do whatever we wanted"
Violet chuckled "that does sound like a dream, and to be fair it's really beautiful out here"
She felt Caitlyn nod against her "it is, and we worked well together. It wasn't until he went to fight in the war that I realised- I realised that I had never truly loved him in the way a wife is expected to love her husband. Perhaps that is what saddens me the most about it all. That he could have had a better future without me"
"Shh" Violet softly urged when she heard the tears creep back into her voice during her last spoken words. "It's no use mourning over what you cannot change, trust me I know"
Caitlyn didn't ask, and Violet didn't tell. Her thumb just kept drawing gentle circles on the back of Caitlyn's hand as Caitlyn intertwined their fingers. "I'll miss him though. Despite everything, we were good companions and worked well together. He was a good man with a big heart"
"Then that is how you shall remember him" Violet suggested as she pulled Caitlyn closer a little more. It felt so good, so natural to have Caitlyn curled into her like that, to hold her so close and to comfort her.
Caitlyn silently leaned her back into Violet as her breathing slowed slightly and Violet could feel that she was falling asleep, exhausted from the day that lay behind them.
"Thank you Violet" she heard a soft voice in the dark, so full of gratitude that Violet felt greatly unworthy of.
"What for?"
"For being by my side"
Violet smiled against Caitlyn's dark hair, wondering if Caitlyn had experienced the same panic and unexplainable pull towards each other as she had felt earlier that day. Was that why she had pulled away so quickly and so suddenly?
She shook off the intrusive thoughts as she focussed on Caitlyn's calm breathing and the feeling of Caitlyn's heartbeat against her hand where their fingers lay intertwined just above her breast.
Violet closed her eyes as she dared softly whisper the last words before she fell asleep. "I'll stay by your side as long as you'll have me"
Chapter Text
The soft ring of a bell announced Caitlyn's arrival as she stepped into the town's only apothecary. Her bright eyes swiftly scanned the small space she had just entered, only to conclude to her relief that she was the only one there. Her heels made a hollow sound on the wooden floor as she approached the counter, glancing at the rows of cabinets behind it. Ones that had once been filled with medicine and all sorts of medical supplies, yet most were empty now.
It did not take long for her to be met with the friendly eyes of the local physisian, Viktor, as he exited his office and approached her at the counter. His cane made the same hollow sound Caitlyn's heels had made moments before. Everyone knew the infamous story of Viktor's condition and how he had been affected by it since he was a child. There were wild stories, about how his parents had conjured spirits on their honeymoon and it had resulted in a crippled child, and mild stories that simply stated the truth. A poor health in combination with a lack of money for proper medication.
By the time he had gone to medical school and figured out his condition and any treatment for it, it was already too late. The damage had already been done and he was doomed to spend the rest of his life depending on his cane. Not that it had ever stopped him from doing anything he set his mind to.
"Good afternoon Caitlyn" he greeted her with his familiar smile, placing his cane against the counter and his hands on top of the dark wooden surface as he gave her knowing look "back for a restock?"
"I'm afraid so" Caitlyn admitted as she placed the basket she was carrying with her, on the counter. Viktor was one of the only people that she could truly trust. He had information about her that could lead to her arrest or even execution on the spot, but he had yet to betray her. Besides, she knew an equal amount of valuable information about him that would lead the crippled man to the same fate as her, should it ever come to the light.
They helped each other out, Caitlyn and Viktor, all while working towards the same goals with the same motivation. A deep need to help those in need.
"I have some bad news for you, I'm afraid" Viktor admitted with a sigh and he nodded to the cabinets behind him. "Germans raided everything, apparently they suffered some losses a few miles from here and they needed all the medical supplies they could get. I barely have anything left"
Caitlyn felt the blood drain from her face as she reached into her pocket and slid a note over the counter, towards Viktor "I need all of these supplies, please look for anything you might have in stock"
Viktor opened the note the moment Caitlyn let go of it and within seconds, his eyes shot back to her. They observed her with a slightly narrowed gaze. It terrified her when he gave her that glance, like he could look right through her. As though her mind was not her own anymore and anything she might be hiding, was now also his knowledge.
"That's a lot, more than usual" he turned around as he looked through the cabinets and managed to find several items on her list. Unfortunately, they weren't the supplies she needed most and she felt a wave of slight panic rise inside her when she realised that this might actually be the first time she could be without proper medical supplies.
"I'm well aware" she answered Viktor in a low tone, her fingers playing with one of the buttons of her yellow blouse which she had chosen to wear that morning, combined with a dark blue skirt. "I brought more eggs and milk than usual as well, to properly pay for anything you might be able to sell me"
Viktor let out a soft hum as she took a hold of his cane and made his way into his office. Caitlyn's fingers were quick to gather the supplies Viktor had already put in front of her and hide them under the eggs and glass bottles of milk that she had brought along with her. She had been coming here long enough to know that if a German saw you buying supplies like these, it would lead to questions, which could lead to arrest and eventually a one way ticket to a place where she had yet to see anyone return from.
Their town had suffered more than a few search parties in the past year alone and every time, someone had been arrested. Those people never came back and Caitlyn had enough sense to know that they probably did not live longer than a week after their arrest.
"This is the last of my spare supply" Viktor announced, his footsteps followed by the sound of his cane as he walked back into his apothecary. "You can have it, if you tell me why you have already used up the last bottle I gave you"
He held up a bottle of disinfectant. It was clear he had no intention of handing it over to her if she did not tell him why, and that could cost her everything. But living without the medicine was a chance she did not want to take, because Violet was still healing and she had plans of removing the stitches that night. Should anything happen, this might save her life.
"I wounded myself on the farm last week" she simply told Viktor, her hand reaching out to take the bottle from him but he held it back a little further as he gave her a look. He was testing her, seeing if she was telling the truth, and he had a knack for seeing right through her.
"The truth, Caitlyn"
Caitlyn was silent for a moment, her eyes focussed on the brown bottle in his hand, the one thing she needed more than anything else in his apothecary. As she made her decision and opened her mouth, the bell rang once again and Viktor was quick to hide the bottle under the counter.
His bright eyes gave Caitlyn another knowing glance and she did have to turn around to know exactly who had just entered the shop.
Germans.
Just seconds after hearing the door close and feeling a shiver run down her spine, she heard two men speaking behind her as they approached the counter and eventually came to a stop next to her. Caitlyn quietly kept her eyes on the cabinets behind Viktor, making it seem like she was trying to decide what supplies she would need. She was relieved to see that Viktor had put her note in his pocket.
"Guten Tag" she heard on her right and her head slightly turned as she gave the two men beside her a polite smile.
"Bonjour" she greeted them, refusing to give into the use of their language even though she was more than capable of doing so. It was the smallest act of defiance that did not go unnoticed, but was not a punishable offense.
"Bonjour" Viktor greeted them with the same feigned politeness that Caitlyn had offered them "what can I do for you fine gentlemen on this lovely day?"
Caitlyn could almost hear the animosity in his voice, though his tone was perfectly polite and professional. One of the men gave Caitlyn a look, suggesting that she was to be tended to before them, but Caitlyn shook her head. Her polite smile turned into a friendly one as she nodded at them, silently telling Viktor to help them first. A gesture the men seemed to appreciate because they immediately took advantage of it by ordering more medical supplies.
Viktor stumbled around behind the counter, trying to find as many supplies as possible for the Germans who occupied their beloved town and country. He got them most of the supplies that they demanded from him, until he got to the disinfectant that Caitlyn had mentioned before as well.
"I'm terribly sorry gentlemen" he told them in his best German "I ran out of it when your colleagues came by earlier this week and I have yet to receive a new shipment from my supplier. Times are tough nowadays and a lot of roads aren't suitable to drive anymore"
Though the men seemed unhappy with the news, there seemed to be a certain level of understanding. Certainly the Germans knew all about destroyed and blocked roads since they seemed to be the only ones with enough fuel to activate a vehicle. The only vehicles you saw around these days were ones driven by the Germans since their supply of fuel had dried up a long time ago. It had cut them off from the surrounding villages and cities, since the only way to reach those now was by walking, biking or taking the train, if it wasn't out of order.
"I see" one of the men grumbled as the other gathered all of the medical supplies they had asked for and they started making their way out the door again.
"I'm sorry, gentlemen?" Viktor spoke up, causing the two men to stop in their tracks and turn back around to face the crippled man. Neither looked particularly happy to be stopped by him. "There happens to be the matter of the payment"
The men looked at each other for a second, then one nodded and pulled several bills from his pocket before sliding it over the counter, towards Viktor.
Viktor's face turned to a frown and Caitlyn immediately noticed why. Not only had they given him money, which was utterly useless in a time where stamps or trading goods was the only way to buy something, they were Reichsmarks. German money that couldn't possibly be used to buy French goods.
And it was not nearly a sufficient amount for what they were taking with them.
"Please, gentlemen" Caitlyn heard Viktor say and she felt her stomach drop for the man in front of her. If there was anything he hated, it was begging. But there was no other way to go about it now. "We both know that this isn't money I can use, besides it's not nearly enough-"
"You failed to supply us with all the things we listed so you will be paid accordingly" the strict voice of the other man echoed through the mostly empty apothecary.
Knowing better than to argue with a man who had a gun strapped to his hip, Viktor nodded. "Good day gentlemen"
The men simply nodded, to which Caitlyn replied with another polite smile. Once they were gone, she turned back to Viktor with a pained look on her face.
"I'm sorry you lost supplies and any reasonable form of payment because of me" she apologized but Viktor shook his head as he pulled the brown bottle of disinfectant out on the counter again.
"Don't be, I would much rather let you walk out of here with these supplies than them. I know why you need it" he gave her a knowing wink. Caitlyn's frown was replaced by a soft smile as she nodded. There was something about Viktor that she had always known she could trust. From the first secret she had entrusted him with, to the one she was bound to tell him now.
"Thank you" she sighed softly as she pulled two bottles of milk and several eggs from her basket, placing them on the counter as a payment for everything that Viktor had supplied her with.
"I'm still waiting for that explanation" he mentioned in a playful tone, though Caitlyn knew he was more than serious. He would not hand over the bottle if he did not know why she needed it and she knew it was only fair to let him in on what, or rather who, she had been hiding for a little over a week now. After all, Viktor knew everything and she had entrusted him with enough to know that he was trustworthy.
"I don't have time to explain everything but I can give you a gist of it with a few words" she could see Viktor's head tilt slightly as he patiently waited for her to tell him exactly what he wanted to hear.
Caitlyn's eyes found his as she leaned in slightly and softly mentioned the one, most important secret she kept. "It has to do with the plane crash just over a week ago... and the missing pilot"
It was more than enough information for Viktor to draw the correct conclusions and within seconds, she could see in his eyes that he had figured it out. His face quickly grew to one of concern as he handed her the bottle she had been so desperate for.
"Be careful Caitlyn, I mean it" he warned her as he leaned his elbows on the counter and made sure he was slightly closer to her so he could lower the volume of his voice "their eyes and ears are all around us, and they are growing restless. They're still looking, so make sure you do not make a wrong move"
"I'm careful Viktor, I've been a part of this game for over two years now. I know how dangerous it is to play, but I'm not giving up"
"I know" his thin hand reached out and touched hers for a moment, squeezing softly in an encouraging manner as he nodded "you have a strong will and you are smart, just don't try to outsmart them. Lay low and stay unnoticed"
"Thank you, Viktor" she placed her hand on top of his and squeezed gently "for the supplies"
"We take care of each other Mrs. Dubois" he leaned back and took a hold of his cane again as his polite smile was back on his face "I wish you the best and I will see you in a week's time"
A mere smile and nod from Caitlyn was enough to say her goodbyes to the man who had helped her out so tremendously for the past several years. He'd proven himself to be a person one could trust, someone she could rely on to help her when she needed and who would keep her secrets regardless of the consequences. And in return, she would do the same for him.
As she made her way across the town square, to her next destination, she thought of what her and Viktor had meant to each other during these times of war. The practice he ran was one where he had been forbidden to treating Jewish patients from the moment their beautiful country had been occupied. He had signed the documents for it, binding him to arrest and possible execution should he choose to treat them anyways.
Everything had started the moment Caitlyn had come in for medical supplies the first time after the start of the occupation. Her bandages had run low and she had asked him for more than she would possibly need to use for herself and her husband. It would have been suspicious to anyone, had she not had the excuse that her husband had wounded himself. Viktor had taken one look at her after working with her closely for several years to know that she was lying.
He had given her the bandages anyways as he spoke the words that she would always remember "if you are ever in need of a physician, do not hesitate to visit me. Any time, for any emergency"
His hand had found hers and squeezed it just as he had done moments before, and she had known his words held a deeper meaning than what it might sound like at first.
As it turned out, his help had been needed sooner than she had expected. There were three families in the village who were hiding those who were not meant to be there, if one were to believe the words of the Germans. The three families were part of a larger network that ran deep through the surrounding towns. A network Caitlyn had been a part of since the start of the occupation. She had joined in a desperate attempt to help those in need and to serve her country and its people in a way that could save lives.
Only two weeks after Viktor's promise to her, she had knocked on his door in the middle of the night. A child that one of the families was hiding had an infected appendix, a death sentence if no surgery was performed. Caitlyn had enough medical knowledge to recognize the infection, but certainly not enough to perform the surgery.
Viktor had listened to her pleas and followed her to the house without further questions. The at-home surgery on the dining table of the family had been a success and from that moment on, Viktor and Caitlyn shared a bond that ran deeper than that of two unlikely friends.
They had been a continuous help to each other over the years and had shared the same sense of grief when one of the families had been betrayed by a neighbour and all had been arrested and taken away to some place they had yet to return from. That had been a sign for them to be more careful, and that they really could only trust each other. If one of them went down, they were both in trouble and in a way, it gave them a feeling of safety. The safety of knowing that they would never betray each other, which was a very rare case.
Caitlyn arrived back on the farm after making her round of the town, where she traded her eggs and milk for goods that she needed and could not supply herself with. Her hand rummaged through her basket as she looked at everything she had managed to trade when she suddenly heard a familiar bark in the distance.
Pauline.
She only ever barked when Caitlyn spoke to her or when something was wrong. Caitlyn knew the exact difference between these barks and this was the latter. Something was horribly wrong.
Without a second thought, she sped up and arrived at the farm moments later, almost running but not quite.
The sight before her made her stomach sink and her feet stop in their tracks.
A German truck was parked in front of her house, several German soldiers surrounding her house as they were looking through her barn and other things they could find outside the house. It seemed they were just about to enter when Caitlyn arrived at the scene.
The leading officer, a General, turned his head when Pauline immediately sprinted towards her. A knowing look appeared on his face as he took notice of Caitlyn, who had yet to move, and he approached her in a determined manner.
All sorts of thoughts were running through her head and all of them had to do with Violet. Had she heard them arrive? Had she done as she had been told and hidden in the cellar? Had she gotten rid of any evidence that she might be living with her? Had someone spotted her over the past several days? They had been so very careful but perhaps that was not enough to keep everyone off their trail.
"Guten Tag Frau Dubois" the General greeted her in a rather serious tone.
It took her everything not to run inside and frantically make sure that nothing seemed out of place. That it seemed like she lived there by herself. "Bonjour General"
"Excuse the disturbance, but we have been instructed to do another check of all the farms closest to the incident that occurred just over a week ago. I assume I do not have to elaborate on what incident hm?" the General was several inches taller than her and had a way of looking down on her like she was nothing to him. Like she was a fly that one squashed when it became too annoying to live another second while it was in ones presence.
"Of course" she immediately exclaimed. There was no way for her to deny them entry to her home without seeming incredibly suspicious. So she just played along and nodded as she made her way over to her house. She pulled the key from her pocket, endlessly thankful that she always locked Vi inside the house whenever she left. She had explained to her pilot that it was in case Germans unexpectantly showed up. And just as she had predicted, they had.
When she opened the door the four soldiers, that the General had brought along with him, burst through the door and pushed in past her. Caitlyn suspected they did that to prevent her from hiding any last minute evidence in case the pilot was hiding somewhere in the home.
The general was the last to enter, after Caitlyn, and seemed surprisingly at ease as he took his time looking around her kitchen while his soldiers picked apart the entire house. They did not leave one corner unchecked and Caitlyn's stomach filled with dread.
Had she really gotten rid of all the evidence that her pilot had ever been here? Or was there a bloody piece of cloth left somewhere that she had overlooked? Had she not been too careless the past few days, when her mind had been occupied with nothing but Violet? She had been experiencing a bit of brain fog whenever she was around Vi and seemed to be fully submerged in how perfectly wonderful it was to spend time with her.
The General looked through the kitchen, lifting several things to look underneath them and going through the mail on her table as Caitlyn's eyes followed him with practiced ease. His hands moved through the mail quickly until they stopped when his eyes fell on the letter she had received several days ago, regarding the death of her husband.
His hand picked the letter from the pile, clear blue eyes finding her soft ones as he held it up for her to see. "Your husband?" was all he said.
Caitlyn merely nodded before answering verbally "unfortunately, yes"
"I'm sorry for your loss" he sounded anything but sincere and Caitlyn felt the urge to rip the letter from his hands as she told him to 'fuck off', as Vi would say.
"Thank you" her words sounded as insincere as the General's had, which did not seem to go unnoticed by the man.
She followed him when he walked out to the hallway. So far there had been no alarming screams that they had found Vi. Her pilot seemed to be safely hidden in the spot where she had been told to hide. As they walked into the hallway, the carpet was covering the trap door exactly as it should, not giving anyone any suspicion that there was something underneath it. Yet, the General stopped at the edge of the carpet anyways.
"My report tells me that you have a wine cellar hidden underneath this carpet" the man informed her as he turned around to face her and stepped aside. "Would you care to show me?"
The way the question was worded, made it abundantly clear that it was not a question at all. Should she refuse his request, she would reap the consequences of her actions and she'd rather not find out what those were.
Caitlyn didn't give him a verbal answer, but stepped forward and pulled the carpet from the trap door, opening it for the man who pulled out a flashlight and, just like his colleague had done a week before, made his way down the stairs as the flashlight lit the way.
For Caitlyn, it was an unsure moment in which she wondered if she should follow the man down the stairs to where Vi might be hiding, or stay upstairs to keep an eye on the soldiers who were ransacking her house and, without a doubt, taking anything that looked valuable.
She didn't have to choose, because the General turned around to face her when he was halfway down the stairs "come come" he beckoned her, making it sound like he was calling for his obedient, trained dog. She didn't have a choice, though. Her feet moved forward and she followed the man down the stairs as his flashlight illuminated the space where the many bottles of wine were kept.
Caitlyn felt utterly humiliated, especially because this position left her powerless. There was no way out of this when one protested, there was only a way of survival if you pretended to play along while you lit the match behind their backs and set the place on fire without them knowing it was you. That was how the real game was played, yet it left its players extremely vulnerable to the claws of the enemy. One wrong move, one wrong word and she was done for.
"This is quite impressive" the General complimented the wine selection that once belonged to her husband. A similar response as his colleague had given her a week before. What exactly was he after? They had searched the space before, there was no logical reason for him to search it again.
Until she found out exactly what the reason was.
"Tell me, Frau Dubois" he started as his flashlight found her, temporarily blinding her when the light shone in her eyes. Her hand shot up in a reflex and blocked the bright light from her face. "have you seen any suspicious activity from your neighbours as of late?"
Caitlyn shook her head as the man took a step forward. Her feet immediately moved back, making their movements something close to a dance until her back hit one of the shelves and the General had free play to take yet another step closer. "I haven't, sir"
"Are you certain about that?" he stepped into her personal space without warning "or is that simply because you have been hiding the pilot yourself?"
Her blood ran cold once again and her eyes searched his for answers. He was bluffing, she was almost sure of it. There was no way they would approach the situation like this if they knew for certain that she was hiding her pilot. She had seen searches after people had been betrayed, seen the anger and how many more soldiers were present at the scene. This was a mere search without evidence or a tip, and his words were meant to scare her. Which they did.
"I'm afraid I cannot be of help sir, I haven't a clue who and if someone is hiding him. All I know is that it isn't me" she answered him, surprising herself by how steady her voice sounded as it softly echoed through the wine cellar.
For a moment, Caitlyn wondered if she had convinced the General. If there was something she had said to convince him of her innocence. He looked at her for a moment, calculating her answer as she had done with him moments before. Then, his hand found Caitlyn's chin and his fingers lifted her face until she was looking him straight in the eye.
"A woman like you should know better than to play with fire" he told her.
"A woman like me?" she managed to squeeze out, fear seeping through every pore in her body as a smirk rested on the lips of the General whose fingers held her chin captive.
"A woman living by herself, without a husband, on a farm where neighbours would never hear her scream if she was attacked... a woman in a fragile position with no one to fall back on" he dared take another step forward, pushing her further against the shelf.
Her heart might just beat out of her chest, she was sure of it. The man's face got closer to her and she could smell the faint smell of alcohol and meat on his breath. A mix of odeurs that sent shivers down her spine as his fingers released her chin but followed the line of her jaw. They stroked her cheek as his eyes wandered over her body. He took all of her in like he had all the time in the world, shameless eyes resting on her breasts as her breathing sped up significantly.
She couldn't do anything. As much as she wanted to scream and push him away, crack a bottle open on his head or kick him until his body was but a lifeless sack of bones on the floor of her wine cellar, she couldn't. The repercussions were too much and the families that relied on her, along with her pilot hidden only inches from where she was standing, would be nothing if she was arrested or executed.
"How about this? I'll offer you my protection against anyone who should try anything, any of my soldiers who would be idiotic enough to go after you when you are by yourself... and in return, I could use a little company several nights a week"
Caitlyn's throat had completely dried up, eyes full of concern and disbelief as the man in front of her awaited her answer. She couldn't speak. She couldn't promise him anything, yet denying him his request was a death sentence.
Just as the General opened his mouth to speak, someone stormed down the flight of stairs. The General immediately let go of her face and stepped back to put some distance between them. Caitlyn had yet to speak as one of the soldiers approached him. "There's been a discovery elsewhere in the village, your presence has been requested in fact of immediately" the soldier told his superior, who immediately nodded.
As the soldier disappeared upstairs, the man turned to Caitlyn one last time "I'll give you some time to think about it. Just know that any day you do not accept my offer is a day you might be in danger of an unsuspected attack"
With that, he left her in the cellar. Caitlyn's ears were ringing as she simply stood there, nailed to the floor. She heard the General scream commands at his soldiers, whose black leathered feet stomped their way out of her house and she remained rooted to her spot as the sound of their voices disappeared. She heard the truck drive off and even though she knew she was alone now, she still could not move.
Her hands were trembling and she felt cold. Another shiver ran down her spine as she ran a trembling hand over her cheek and chin, over the spots where he had touched her.
Just as she did so, she was distracted by movement in the corner of her eye. She watched as her pilot made her way out of her hiding place and without saying a word, approached her and pulled her into her strong arms.
That was enough to break Caitlyn. Silent tears ran down her cheeks as the trembling of her hands spread to her shoulders, her back and then the rest of her body.
"I'm so sorry" Violet softly whispered, a tone of anger and sorrow in her voice as she held Caitlyn tight and her hand found the back of Caitlyn's head. "I'm so sorry I wasn't here. That I couldn't protect you"
"Don't" Caitlyn's tearstained voice spoke "don't blame yourself, there was nothing you could have done. If you had showed yourself, we would've been dead already"
"I was going to kill him Caitlyn, I swear to God I was" Violet mumbled as she nuzzled her face into Caitlyn's neck while Caitlyn tightened her arms around Violet, her tears slowly drying. "But then I thought of how much more danger I would put you in if he would have seen me and I couldn't"
"Good" Caitlyn pulled away slightly, her eyes glazed over with a shine of tears as she looked into Violet's frustrated and angry ones "good, because I couldn't bear the thought that I would be the reason you would have lost your life"
"I could say the same thing" her pilot softly promised her, pressing her forehead against Caitlyn's for a moment before letting out a sigh.
"Let's take a look at the damage" Caitlyn mumbled as she pulled away, wanting to forget about the past 20 minutes as quickly as possible. She wanted to look ahead and to have her senses enveloped by Violet as they so often were when she was in the presence of her pilot.
Violet nodded silently as the two of them went back upstairs. It appeared that the soldiers really had not left a corner unchecked and each room was littered with the contents of every closet and every drawer. They hadn't found anything that could lead them back to Violet being hidden in her house, thankfully, but there was still a lot of things to put back into place. It'd take at least two days to get everything cleaned up and back in order as well as go about her day as usual in regards to looking after the farm.
"Let's take care of your stitches" Caitlyn mumbled as she took her basket from the table where she had left it and she went upstairs with Violet hot on her trail.
Her pilot followed her to her bedroom and obeyed her silent request to sit down on her bed. "Do you want to speak about what I heard that piece of filth offer you?"
"No" Caitlyn immediately answered as she looked through her medical supplies and got everything ready to take care of taking the stitches out. "I'm not going to do it"
That seemed to be enough for Violet, to know that she was not stupid enough to actually go through with the thing the General had suggested. She'd rather be attacked and killed than willingly submit herself to such a man, to any man for that matter. She didn't even have to think about it.
Part of her had a feeling that his words were an empty threat, that he would not actually send a man down to her farm to attack her. But if he did stay true to his word, she would have to start polishing her rifle tomorrow to be prepared for anything that might happen.
She knelt in front of Violet, who lifted her shirt. "I was so worried for you" Caitlyn admitted softly as she took out the scissors and gently started cutting the stitches. "That they would find you or that you didn't have enough time to hide"
Violet winced slightly when the stitches were removed and one of them sprang open slightly, causing a droplet of blood to run down her stomach "I heard the truck when I was in the living room and had just enough time to hide. Thank God we were smart enough to get rid of any evidence that there are two people living here"
Caitlyn's eyes still reflected a slight look of worry as she glanced up at Violet "I'm glad you are alright. Anything that man could have done to me would be nothing compared to the feeling of losing you if you had been found"
"Grown that attached to me after almost two weeks huh?" Violet teased playfully, obviously using her banter as a coping mechanism for what they had just been through. It had pulled both of them back into reality. Back to the realisation that hiding Violet was one of the most dangerous things she could do. They would be shot on sight, probably, and there was nowhere for them to go if there was something to happen unexpectedly.
That was something that frightened Caitlyn and she knew she had to take action. They needed an escape plan, something they could pull off within minutes should the situation ever occur. There were too many risks to Violet being with her now, too many German eyes on them now.
"We need an escape plan" Caitlyn spoke, ignoring Violet's attempt at light-hearted banter in a situation that had deeply pulled on each of their heartstrings. "A way to make it out of here with an actual plan and a route, should there ever be the need to"
"I know" Violet nodded, the playful look in her eyes replaced by one of worry as Caitlyn disinfected the small wound that was left on her stomach and bandaged it with skill. Her thumb ran over the bandaged skin and her eyes looked up to the woman who made her feel like all else in the world faded compared to her.
Violet's eyes reflected trust, a trust in her and her ability to get them out of this situation if there was a need to. A trust that Caitlyn felt so deeply that it almost made her cry. They did not have to say a word, but understood each other regardless.
Once again, her mind was clouded with all that was Violet, all trauma from that day forgotten as she got up and suddenly found herself standing between Violet's legs. The woman's eyes had followed her as she had pushed her legs up and she felt Violet's hands slowly take a hold of the back of her legs.
There was something between them that she could not explain, something that made her feel like it was sinful and marvellous at the same time. Caitlyn couldn't help herself as her hand reached up and cupped her pilot's cheek ever so gently.
The same sense of trust reflected in Violet's eyes, was glazed over the cerulean eyes of the Parisian widow as she looked down at the woman who possessed her heart without either of them even realising it.
Another hand found the left cheek of her American pilot as she allowed herself to drown in the grey of Violet's trusting eyes. "Lay with me?" Caitlyn requested ever so gently. A request she made almost every night and one that Violet had yet to refuse. After the first night that Violet had joined her in bed, the two of them hadn't slept a night by themselves, and even though it was the late afternoon, Caitlyn was exhausted.
"Of course" Violet promised in answer to her request and Caitlyn let go of Violet's cheeks as she made her way over to her side of the bed. She sat down, took off her shoes and rested her tired body on the soft sheets just as Violet joined her and pulled her into her arms. Her strong arms were comfortably tight around her and gave her a sense of safety she always had when they were in their current position.
"I'll protect you Caitlyn" her pilot promised as her lips found her hair and she felt a gentle kiss be pressed on the dark curtain of curls that surrounded her. "If anyone ever lays another hand on you, I will protect you. Even if that might cost me my life"
Caitlyn didn't know what she was more afraid of, the idea that someone might be sent to her home to attack her. Or the fact that Violet's words were completely sincere, and that she would sacrifice herself for Caitlyn without a second thought.
Notes:
The plot thickens...
Also, Caitlyn and Viktor working together as part of the resistance movement was so great to write. He'll be around some more the next few chapters.
Until next time, my loves!
Chapter Text
"So when you spoke about your most prized possession, I thought it was going to be-.. well anything but a rifle"
Caitlyn's eyes flickered up to meet those of the woman who held her heart without knowing it. A sly grin crept up on her lips as she pulled the rifle from its holding place. She wasn't keen on showing off the weapon that she had been mastering since she was a child. In times of war, anyone would kill to get their hands on a weapon and she did not intend to use it to cause harm. Not unless absolutely necessary.
In an old house filled with hidden cabinets and hollow underground spaces in the floorboards, there was enough spots to store the beauty she was holding.
"I doubt you expected me to even own a rifle" Caitlyn dryly replied as she removed some dust from the weapon that had not seen the light of day in quite a while. Practicing with a rifle was bound to catch the attention of anyone living on the surrounding farms and her goals of staying under the radar would be blown to bits. So she kept her underground, but desperate times called for desperate measures which resulted to her standing in her own living room with a rifle in her hands.
"Do you even know how to fire that thing?" Violet dared take a step closer as her curious eyes ran over the weapon that Caitlyn was currently dusting off.
A look of offense flickered through her bright eyes as she shook her head for a moment. It only took her a few seconds to take the rifle in her hands, take a stance and point it at Violet as she readied it. Her posture was excellent and everything about the display of power told Violet that Caitlyn was anything but an amateur.
"Woah alright, put that down please. I'd like to live another day" Violet quickly formed her own way of an apology as she carefully reached out and pushed down the end of the rifle that Caitlyn had skilfully pointed in her direction. "Although, dying by your hand is a far better fate than what the Germans have in store for me"
Caitlyn put down the weapon as she nodded and sighed "that is why I have taken it out of storage. I need to defend myself, should that be necessary"
She didn't miss the way Violet looked at her. How she seemed conflicted between a need to pull Caitlyn closer, to wrap her arms around her like she did at night, and tell her that she would be there for her and a burning need to march up to the German camp and shoot every one of them in the face with the same rifle that Caitlyn was holding.
"You know" Violet started as she took a step closer and reached out ever so gently. "If you truly want to defend yourself, I might have a trick or two I can teach you"
"And what exactly would those be?"
Violet's hand found the rifle and carefully pried it from Caitlyn's strong hands, placing it down on the table before replacing the rifle with her own hand. Two calloused hands touched more gently than they ought to. One was damaged from years of hard work on the farm and the other damaged from survival in the streets of New York and later on, the war. Their calloused hands told a story that they had yet to tell each other, but Caitlyn was a patient woman. She'd wait for her pilot to come forward with her story when she was ready for it.
"Self defence, which I learned the hard way" Violet informed her as her calloused, strong hand pulled Caitlyn towards the middle of the carpeted living room, where they'd have more space.
Caitlyn could not help but feel a peak of interest arise in her "am I wearing the correct clothes?"
"Let's see" Violet took a step back and gave her a once over, which made Caitlyn feel like there might just be more that she was looking at than simply the outfit she wore. That morning she had opted for a dark blue dress with a creme coloured collar that matched her shoes. The filthy apron around her waist was one she perhaps should have taken off after dinner, but she had forgotten. In that moment, she wished she hadn't, because Violet's searching eyes that ran over her were making her feel all sorts of nervous.
"I'd say we can work with this" Violet concluded with a nod "a dress isn't ideal, but you cannot pick the outfit in which you'll have to defend yourself when that happens. So we might as well practice with an outfit that is less than ideal"
Caitlyn shook her head as she reached behind her and removed the apron from her waist, placing it neatly on the piano bench on her left before she turned back to Violet. "If my mother could see me now, she'd have a stroke"
Her pilot let out a short laugh, closer to a snort than a laugh, as she stepped closer to Caitlyn "why?"
"Because fighting isn't very lady-like, Violet" Caitlyn's voice had a hint of a tease in it as Violet's physical presence was closer than that of people who strictly had a platonic connection. It confused and frightened Caitlyn to no end how she was conflicted each time Violet got this close. How she felt a need to be this close to her once again, the moment Violet stepped away.
"We aren't fighting, Cait" Caitlyn's heart leapt at the sound of the abbreviation of her name. She had started the little habit of calling Caitlyn 'Cait' about two days earlier when they had been in the kitchen making lunch for themselves. It had been a simple meal yet again, just fried eggs and a glass of milk since there was hardly any other type of meal they were able to conjure up nowadays.
Pauline had been prancing around the kitchen alongside them as she was hoping for a treat. Violet had been busy chatting to her dog, trying to convince Caitlyn that she was more than capable of teaching Pauline English instead of French. A statement to which Caitlyn had proclaimed that she was a French dog who would continue to understand French.
Her pilot had let out a barking laugh as she walked past Caitlyn, who was standing by the stove and minded the eggs as they sizzled in the warm pan. She felt Violet's hands on her waist as she passed her, causing her cheeks to heat up just as quickly as the pan had minutes before. The feelings of Violet's hands on her waist remained burned on her skin for several more minutes as she watched her pilot try to train Pauline in English.
The only thing that seemed to work on the dog, was giving her a treat in return. Caitlyn had forbidden her from doing so, since they needed any food they could get but Vi had managed to grab a hold of a small piece of bread that she had torn from her slice that was resting on her plate, waiting to be accompanied by a fried egg. The bread had been an expensive trade and Caitlyn didn't like to see it go to waste. Unfortunately, she was already too late because Violet had already used it to get a new trick out of the hyperactive dog.
"Look Cait, she is doing it! Cait!" Caitlyn had turned around to face the scene the exact moment that Violet had made Pauline sit up on her two back legs, front legs in the air, as she received the small bite of bread that Violet handed to her. She wanted to be cross with Violet, tell her that bread had cost her more than she liked to admit, but her mind kept going back to the sound of her new nickname.
Cait.
It hadn't left her head or Violet's lips ever since and each time her pilot used it, it caused Caitlyn to feel a sense of home that she had not often experienced.
She was brought back from her momentary flashback by Violet's hands as they touched her waist from behind. She tried to fight the shiver running down her spine as Violet's voice was suddenly a lot closer to her ear than it had been moments before. "We're not fighting" she repeated "we're defending ourselves, which is a world of difference"
"How?" Caitlyn was proud she even managed to make a sound at all with how her brain was currently switching to a state of panic and despair.
"When we fight, we aim to injure but when we defend ourselves... well we aim to injure as well, I'm not going to lie" Violet laughed in her ear. For some reason is caused Caitlyn's mind to form an image of the laughter dying on Violet's lips as she leaned closer and took her earlobe into her mouth. Caitlyn's throat went dry as she could practically feel the way Violet's teeth would lightly put pressure on the soft flesh of her earlobe and her lips would gently suck before letting go as quick as they had arrived.
Once again, Violet's voice pulled her back to reality "when we defend ourselves, we mean to harm without permanent injury. Just enough to get away and get ourselves to safety"
"I understand" Caitlyn merely said, her mind still on the feeling of intense shame she felt for picturing Violet doing such intimate things to her. It wasn't natural, it was sinful and it had to be stopped.
"Good" Violet nodded and she wrapped her arms tightly around her waist "now tell me, what would you do if you were attacked like this?"
"I don't know" Caitlyn squeaked as her hands found Violet's fists that held her in a tight grip "you're a lot stronger than me"
Violet nodded behind her "I am stronger, but there is a way out of this with skill"
Whatever skill it was, Caitlyn doubted it had anything to do with the fact that she was currently fighting her own battle of what was morally right and what she so desired to do to Violet.
She got her head back into the game when Violet showed her how to get out of a grip like that. It wasn't too hard when one knew the exact steps to take and Caitlyn found it was going quite well when she was actually concentrating and trying not to give her feelings any second thought.
They went over different types of self defence over the next hour and managed to get a hold of a few tricks that were very useful for her in the future, should anything happen and her rifle was not within reaching distance. One of the last moves Violet showed her was one where Caitlyn tackled her to the floor when being attacked from behind in a different manner. It was the hardest one so far and difficult to get a grip on.
"Don't give up Caitlyn, you simply need to concentrate and you'll get there" Violet encouraged her but Caitlyn was getting frustrated. She was the type of person who expected herself to be perfect at something the first time she tried it and the fact that she was not succeeding right now, was incredibly infuriating.
"I'm trying" she groaned as she nodded at Violet "we try again"
It took her three more tries before the frustration overtook her and she put more force into her movements. Violet seemed to be taken by surprise at the strength Caitlyn suddenly showcased because she toppled over for the first time since trying the new move, but took Caitlyn with her on her way to the carpeted floor.
Caitlyn let out a scream the same moment Violet's laughter filled the room as she landed on top of her. In an immediate attempt to get back up, Caitlyn lost her balance and ended up just barely saving herself from bumping her forehead into Violet's as she held herself up by her hands. Hands that were on each side of Violet's head, she started to realise as her movements came to an immediate halt.
Her breathing sped up, yet all air was stuck in her throat as she took in the current position. Violet's back was on the floor, cheeky eyes looking up at her as Caitlyn's hands rested on each side of her head, their hips pressed together as Caitlyn's knees pushed against the floor between Violet's legs.
Their eyes met as the air around them seemed to thicken. Violet's messy curls touched the carpet that almost matched her hair in colour. Her grey eyes were searching Caitlyn's for something, but she couldn't grasp what it was that she was looking for. Then, the pools of grey found her lips. They landed on them a second too long and moved back to her cerulean depths once she seemed to realise that she had been caught staring.
"You're getting the hang of it Cait" Violet sounded out of breath. It made something in Caitlyn stir as her morals screamed at her that being in a position like this with a woman, or anyone you were not married to for that matter, was a sinful act that would buy her a one way ticket to hell.
Was it possible to want a woman like that? To crave the touch of Violet's skin against hers? To burn with a need to feel those lips against hers?
All questions remained unanswered as she found herself lean in slightly. "I have an excellent teacher" she could feel her breath against Violet's lips.
The hands that belonged to her pilot found her waist, and she once again found that feeling of home in the trusted greys of her eyes. Their noses brushed once again, just as they had several days ago when they had found themselves in a similar situation. It had been Caitlyn, who pulled away back then.
This time it was Violet.
For a mere second, Caitlyn's lips ghosted over Violet's. They were so close that she could practically taste her pilot's tongue. It felt impossible to pull away, to keep herself from giving into the desire that coursed through her when they were this close.
Then Violet turned her head ever so slightly and Caitlyn immediately knew she had made a mistake in daring to cross that line yet again. She hurriedly scrambled up from the floor, trying to forget the position her and Violet had been in just mere moments before.
"I'm- I think I am going to bed" Violet informed her, getting up just as quickly as Caitlyn had and her hand found the back of her neck, pulling her copper curls out of that nervous habit that Caitlyn adored so terribly.
"Me too, thank you for teaching me those moves" she busied herself with her rifle, putting it back into its hiding place to keep it safe. She had to distract herself if she wanted to keep her mind from drifting off to Violet every two seconds while the woman went upstairs to her bedroom.
That was the first night they did not share a bed since that first night. Caitlyn found herself too distracted to sleep the first hours her tired body lay to rest on the soft mattress. She stared up at the ceiling as that moment with Violet danced in front of her, almost ridiculing her for thinking there was something there. That there was something between them, that Violet felt that same burn that she did.
And did she want there to be something more between them? Her heart immediately answered that question with 'yes', while her head knew that there was nothing natural about the feelings she was developing for her pilot. Women were meant to marry men, to fall for men and to be cared for by men. So, why did she want to be cared for by Violet so badly? Why did it kill her to think that Vi would perhaps spend the rest of her life in the arms of a man one day, instead of in hers?
The feeling of conflict never left her thoughts or her heart as she eventually found the slightest bit of rest in a dreamless sleep.
Perhaps the morning would bear better news than this day had. Perhaps all would be well when the sun would rise.
As terrible as the start of Caitlyn's night had been, Violet's night had been just as horrendous. Sleep was something so far from her grasp that she managed to make it through the entire night without closing her eyes once.
The scenes of the previous night played on her mind over and over again, like a silent film that was stuck on a particular scene and was rewinded time and time again, only to show that same scenario until one was driven mad. Because that was what it felt like, as though she was going mad.
All had been well, all had been without conflict, until they almost kissed. Yet again.
It could've been written off as a mistake the first time. Like it was a mere moment of weakness for the two of them in which their deprivation of physical touch had gotten the best of them. Because that was what it was right? A mere reflection of how deprived they were of human touch and how easily they could find it in each other.
That was what it was, if it wasn't for the burning desire and racing heart she felt every time Caitlyn so much as looked at her with eyes that seemed to be able to heal each wound that littered Violet's heart. There was too much buried within her to bother another person with, especially someone as kind and empathetic as Caitlyn.
The scenario of the night before had been a pale reflection of how deep her feelings and desires for her Parisian saviour ran. Unable to face any of the feelings that held her heart captive, she had pulled away and hurt both of them in the process.
As soon as the sun was signalling the start of a new day, Violet pulled herself out of bed and got ready for the day. It didn't surprise her that Caitlyn had yet to show her face when she arrived downstairs, but she was glad to have the company of Pauline as she got started on some daily tasks that had to get done on the farm.
She started with some cleaning and trying to teach Pauline some new tricks. Once it was late enough to get started on breakfast, she went to the chicken coop to collect the eggs that the chickens had gifted them with. It was a simple breakfast that was the same every day but Vi was grateful that she even had breakfast in the first place, so the last thing she did was complain.
"I have something for you Pauline, can you be a good girl and sit?" Violet placed her hands on her knees as she bend down slightly while addressing the dog. The small corner of one of the fried eggs was clutched in her right hand, immediately catching the attention of her furry companion.
"Very well" she praised Pauline "now up" when the dog did not respond, she tried it again "up" the hand that held the treat made an upwards movement and in an instant, Pauline was sitting on her back legs again and earned herself a long awaited treat.
"Good girl. You're so smart, aren't you?" Violet chuckled as she reached out and pet Pauline's head soft before turning her attention back to the eggs. "Breakfast is almost ready Pauline, do you have any idea where mommy is?"
Pauline did not provide her with an answer, of course, considering she was a dog. The voice coming from the doorway, however, did.
"Mommy is right here, excuse me for sleeping in a little" Caitlyn entered the kitchen looking... terrible. She had bags under her eyes, her hair was not as well kept as it usually was and her cheeks were an unhealthy shade of red. Had Violet been the cause of that? The thought alone made her nauseous.
"Good morning" Violet greeted her, ignoring the way her stomach twisted and turned when Caitlyn called herself 'mommy'. She was a terrible, terrible person. "How are you feeling?"
"Wonderful" she could almost taste the lie on Caitlyn's tongue before she heard it. Her appearance testified to the fact that she was quite clearly feeling anything but wonderful. "Thank you for making breakfast"
"I was up early anyways" Violet shrugged and watched as Caitlyn sat down in her chair at the table. That wasn't like her, she usually kept Violet company by leaning against one of the kitchen counters as she told her an anecdote about Pauline or any of the other animals on the farm. Making breakfast had quickly become a very addictive domestic moment of the day for Violet and her heart ached for the sound of Caitlyn's laughter and playful banter between the two of them.
But Caitlyn remained quiet as she sat at the table and read through some of the mail that she hadn't had the chance to catch up on the other day. This wasn't like her. Was she acting this way because of how Violet had ended their interaction the night before? She had not been angry or hurt when Caitlyn had been the one to pull away the first time it happened, had she? So what gave Caitlyn the right to behave like this?
It wasn't like there was anything more than friendship between them, there couldn't be. They were two women living together during times of war, how much more platonic could it get? She had to push away those inconveniently intrusive feelings as fast and as far as she could before she would do something she'd regret.
"What do we have to get done today?" Violet asked in an attempt to loosen the tension that was brooding between them. It wasn't the usual tension where Violet just wanted to stay in bed and hold Caitlyn in her arms all day, it was more angry and more loaded in a negative way. Violet hated everything about it.
"There is the other side of that fence that has to be repaired, it's just behind the barn so you could do it around dinner time. It'll be out of sight, but that timing will give you a better chance of not being seen" Caitlyn suggested as Violet placed their plates in front of them and took her own seat at the table. "You could also milk the cows, feed the barn animals and try to repair the wiring on that lamp I have stored in the barn. I tried it once before but I know nothing about electrics. Perhaps you could give it a try?"
Violet nodded as she carefully listened to Caitlyn's instructions. She couldn't help but notice that she had to take a bit more time to think about her words. Her mind seemed to run behind on what she wanted to say. Still, Vi was patient with her as she enjoyed her breakfast.
"I am planning on going through George's things in our bedroom, to see what I will put in boxes in the attic and what I would like to keep in the bedroom" so they wouldn't be seeing a lot of each other that day. Violet was not going to pretend she wasn't disappointed. She always enjoyed having Caitlyn around during the day, even if they silently worked on their own chores.
But seeing as she was going through her late husband's things, Violet decided to leave her be and maintain a certain distance as she worked outside that day. Every so often her eyes would wander to the window of Caitlyn's bedroom on the second floor of her house. Sometimes she'd see her walk past as she sorted items into boxes or looked through clothes and trinkets that her husband had kept.
Her hands worked tirelessly throughout the day to finish the tasks that Caitlyn had asked her to do. Perhaps if Caitlyn saw how hard she was willing to work for her, things would turn around and they might be able to go back to their usual way of banter and laughter. There was not going to be anything more than friendship between them anyways, so it was no use dwelling on what she could have been.
The dark was starting to close in by the time Violet was done mending the fence and her stomach was rumbling with the thought of dinner on her mind. The hours she had spend behind the barn had left her unable to keep an eye on the house but she trusted that Caitlyn would have called her if dinner had been ready before she had finished working on the fence.
Alas, she finished as the sun had disappeared for the day and made her way inside. She had expected Caitlyn to be busying herself around the kitchen when she entered, to see her at the stove preparing them something to eat. Caitlyn never missed a day of making dinner for the two of them, and usually enjoyed her time in the kitchen as she tried to make a decent meal from the ingredients they had to their disposal.
Understandably, Violet's surprise about dinner being late only grew when she entered an empty kitchen. Pauline was asleep by the stove, her ears perking up when Violet entered and she immediately approached her.
"Good evening, my girl" Violet softly greeted the dog as she leaned down and scratched her chin "what's the matter here hm? Has someone forgotten about us?"
She tried to make it sound like a joke but she immediately felt a wave of worry arise inside her. Caitlyn was a punctual woman, one who was keen on doing things in a certain way and never straying from it. This was not like her at all, and something told Violet that it had nothing to do with the moment from the night before. Something else was the matter.
"Let's go and see for ourselves then" Violet suggested as she gave Pauline's head a little push, to send her ahead as the two of them made their way upstairs. The door that led to Caitlyn's bedroom was opened slightly, only a faint light coming from the room.
"Caitlyn?" Violet called out as Pauline made her way inside and immediately sprinted towards the bed. When Violet pushed the door open and stepped inside, the first feeling that washed over her was concern.
"Cait?" she asked again, a worried tone in her voice this time, as she approached the bed. Caitlyn was buried under a heap of blankets, eyes closed and the clothes she had worn that morning neatly folded on the chair by her vanity. She was wearing her lilac nightgown, the one that Violet loved so much, and opened her eyes slightly when her mattress dipped and Violet sat down by her side.
"Hey..." she whispered as her hand reached out and touched Caitlyn's forehead. She looked a lot worse than that morning, her cheeks were bright red, her eyes tired and her forehead was burning.
So that is why she had been so silent and slow that morning. It wasn't for a lack of sympathy towards Violet, it had been because she was sick. Knowing Caitlyn, she had probably just tried to work through it and written it off as a common cold, which ahd ultimately made the situation worse. Feeling her forehead now and seeing her current condition, Violet knew it was a lot more worrisome Caitlyn had probably initially thought.
"You're burning up, why didn't you say anything this morning?" Violet asked softly, all sense of frustration she had felt towards Caitlyn that morning was long since forgotten. Her voice was soft and gentle as she spoke to her saviour, who seemed so small and fragile buried underneath the blankets.
Caitlyn sighed softly and instantly moved into the touch of Violet's hand on her forehead. Violet's heart ached for her, for how badly Caitlyn seemed to crave her touch and her presence. "I didn't want to worry you" she heard Caitlyn say.
"You should've told me Caitlyn" Violet mumbled softly as her fingers pushed a dark curl behind Caitlyn's warm ear "would you like me to make you a broth?"
Caitlyn merely nodded and when Violet got up from the bed to go downstairs and get the broth started for her, she heard that beautiful voice call out to her. "Please don't be too long. I- I would really like to have you by my side again"
Violet's head made the mere motion of a nod before she went back downstairs, but everything inside her was bursting with a feeling of care for the woman upstairs. Caitlyn. Her Caitlyn, something she only allowed herself to admit when she was alone with her thoughts and able to face her deepest emotions. Because the feeling of Caitlyn being hers, even if it was just a thought, was enough to give her the courage to carry on and get through each day without succumbing to the events of her past.
Caitlyn had a way of healing her torn up soul that no one else had managed so far. It was addictive, Caitlyn was addictive. Addictive in the most delicious way possible. A type of addiction where she knew that they entirety of society told her it was unnatural and a terrible sin to commit, but she could not get herself to stop. She was in over her head now with the ache in her heart as proof.
Once the broth was done and she made her way back upstairs, she heard Pauline whine a little. When she entered the bedroom, she noticed that the dog had pressed her black, wet nose against the palm of Caitlyn's hand. A hand that had probably been petting her moments before but from the looks of it, her saviour was slipping in and out of consciousness as she tried to focus her attention on petting Pauline.
"I made sure to put in a little extra love" Violet joked light-heartedly in an attempt to get Caitlyn to smile. A faint hint of a grin appeared on Caitlyn's dry lips as she opened her eyes and pushed herself to sit up slightly.
"Thank you" she managed to croak and she leaned back against the headboard of her bed. Violet sat down on the side of the bed again and took the bowl in her hands. The look in Violet's eyes reflected kindness and warmth as she slowly brought a spoonful of broth towards Caitlyn's lips.
Violet knew that, under any other circumstance, Caitlyn hated it when others took care of her. Even if she was in need of it. Yet, she seemed to make an exception now that she was so weakened. She didn't fight Violet, didn't tell her that she would do it herself. She merely gave her a look of trust and let Violet take care of her. She got through half the bowl of broth when she pulled away and shook her head.
"There's a bucket in the bathroom, please fetch it for me" Caitlyn told her as Violet placed the bowl on her night stand and rushed to the bathroom. She got back with the bucket just in time for Caitlyn to grab it from her before she became violently ill. Violet was by her side in an instant and held her dark curls back as Caitlyn threw up. Nothing of the broth was left inside her stomach by the time she was done, and she looked even worse than before.
That didn't stop Violet from taking care of her. She took the bucket to the bathroom and rinsed it out completely before taking it back to the bedroom without saying a word about it. She made Caitlyn drink two sips of water before those came out almost immediately as well and then gave up on getting the poor woman to eat or drink anything. Violet ran a wet cloth over Caitlyn's sweaty forehead after cleaning her mouth and chin from anything that was left behind after the vomiting incident.
"I think it's a stomach flu" Caitlyn told her softly.
"Try to get some sleep, I'll be here the entire time" Violet urged her as she put the cloth down and allowed her fingers to softly stroke Caitlyn's warm cheek. The truth was that she felt utterly powerless. As she crawled into bed with Caitlyn, she suppressed the urge to cry. There was nothing she could do to make her feel better, nothing she could do to take the illness from her and let her be the one suffering from it instead.
So she did what she knew best, she simply held Caitlyn in a silent way of comforting her as her saviour shivered in her arms. Her forehead and cheeks were still burning up and yet she was visibly shivering every few minutes. Violet's lips pressed a gentle kiss on her head before nuzzling her face into Caitlyn's bare, warm neck while she silently begged for her embrace to somehow heal Cait.
As it turned out, there was no way of healing Caitlyn with her embrace or good intentions.
Violet was woken up from Pauline's whines in the middle of the night. The dog was resting her front legs on Caitlyn's side of the bed as her nose nudged Caitlyn's neck. She whined yet again and Violet immediately shot up.
"Cait?" she whispered, her voice choking up with emotion when she barely got a response from the woman in her arms. She reached out to feel her forehead, finding it had doubled in heat radiating from her skin since the moment she had found her.
This was bad. This was very, very bad.
"Caitlyn please" a desperate plea from the woman who could not bear losing the one she had been silently loving for days now.
Caitlyn's eyes opened slightly, obviously taking a lot to even stay awake and Pauline gently licked her hand as Caitlyn's eyes found Violet's. The eyes that usually reflected a vibrant blue colour, were now dull and hollowed out. Like she wasn't there at all, like she was a shell of the person she had been the day before.
"Violet-" her voice was a whisper, something the wind could pick up and lead to a place where it would never be heard at all. "I- need you to-"
Violet was by her side of the bed in a split second, eyes burning with held back tears as she took Caitlyn's warm hand in hers and waited for her to tell her what to do. "f-find Viktor. The apothecary" Violet would have missed it if she had not been so close to Caitlyn's face.
She didn't hesitate for a second, didn't doubt whether it was safe to go outside in the middle of the night as the one person all of the German army was searching for. This wasn't about her anymore. She would do whatever the fuck it took to get Caitlyn through the night.
"I will" she promised Cait as she shot up and touched her cheek for a moment "I'll be back before you know it, beautiful. Just please try to stay awake"
The nickname slipped before Violet could even process it herself and she honestly did not care one bit if Caitlyn knew how she felt or not. Her only focus now was to find Viktor. Find the apothecary and get him to the house. If Caitlyn told her to find him, it meant that the two of them could trust him. So she sprinted as fast as her feet could carry her.
The pitch black night did a good job hiding her from view as she tried to make her way through the town without being seen. There weren't many people on the streets, not any really. But that did not mean one should not be careful, especially not when a German could be lurking in every corner.
It took her longer than she had expected to find the apothecary. The houses in the town centre all looked alike and with her mission to stay hidden as much as possible, it took some time to find where she had to be. Her saving grace had been the look into the window, which had alerted her where the apothecary was located. When she took notice of the cabinets behind the counter that held different types of medicine, she got her confirmation that this was where she had to be.
From where she was standing, she noticed there was a hallway leading to the back of the building, which seemed to be going to a place where this Viktor might be sleeping. The building was large enough to also fit enough rooms to live there as well. Violet quickly rounded the house, finding a backdoor behind the building and she knocked as loud as she could without drawing the attention of nosy neighbours.
That was a task in itself, which was not working considering the fact that she really could not knock loudly if she wanted to stay hidden. So she walked over to the other window that was located on the ground floor and like some miracle and proof that fate was on her side, she saw the man who lived in the back of the apothecary asleep in a single bed. She didn't hesitate to think if this man was the Viktor that Caitlyn had told her to go and find, but simply knocked on the window.
By the fifth knock, the man finally woke up and turned his gaze towards the window immediately. Upon not recognizing her, he narrowed his eyes but Violet shook her head and nodded for him to come to the door. Whether it was the pleading look on her face or the fact that he thought she seemed trustworthy, the man got up and took a hold of his cane before making his way to the backdoor where Violet was waiting for him.
"I need your help, it's Caitlyn. Sh-she's ill and she told me to find you" Violet spilled as soon as Viktor unlocked the door and opened it ever so slightly.
There was a momentary pause and then a nod from Viktor's side as he opened the door further and took a good look at the woman standing in front of her as he processed the words she had just spoken.
"Caitlyn" he spoke as he looked her up and down, drawing his conclusions. "You came here for Caitlyn..."
"She seems to trust you, please come with me" Violet pleaded.
"I will, if you tell me your name" Viktor's voice sounded calm but she could see his eyes reflected a sense of panic about the fact that she was risking her life to take him back to the farm with her.
"My name is Violet, I'm-"
"You're her pilot"
Notes:
Vi taking care of Caitlyn when she is ill makes my heart beat faster on a whole other level.
I'm so soft for these two pining lesbians...
I hope the daily updates aren't disappointing the further we get into this story, and I will see you next time, my loves!
Chapter Text
Violet was quite certain that her worried mind would not find a single second of rest until she knew for certain that Caitlyn was going to be okay. She rushed through the dark with Viktor, as fast as the man's feet and his cane would carry him. All while making sure the night hid them as well as possible. Viktor had gathered some of his medical supplies after Violet explained the entire story to him, and gotten dressed before following her.
When they arrived back at the house and Violet rushed him up to Caitlyn's bedroom, she noticed that Pauline was waiting for them and whined as she followed them into the room before taking her place by Caitlyn's side again. It seemed that the dog had the same sense of worry for her as Violet did since she rested her chin on the edge of Caitlyn's bed and nudged her hand with her head.
"Caitlyn?" Violet softly asked as she sat down on her own, empty side of the bed and let Viktor take a chair and get to work on Caitlyn's side. A soft groan escaped Caitlyn's lips as she opened her eyes with a concerning amount of trouble. Her dull eyes searched the room for a moment as they seemed to look for a point of focus. Violet couldn't help but reach out and place her hand on Caitlyn's burning cheek to get her attention.
"It's me, I'm here" she assured her softly as her other hand took Caitlyn's and her thumb gently brushed over her warm knuckles.
Caitlyn didn't answer her but Violet knew that she was getting through to her. She could see it in Caitlyn's eyes. The look of trust and endearment that shone through the dull darkness that seemed to be taking its toll on her beloved saviour.
Violet's thumb softly stroked her knuckles as Viktor pressed his hand against Caitlyn's forehead. Violet heard him mumble something in French that she certainly did not understand and Caitlyn was too far gone to respond or translate it for Violet. Her frown grew more and more worried as she watched Viktor do his job. He didn't let anything shine through in regards to his facial expression. Whether it was good or bad, Violet would have to be patient for him to tell her the verdict. And Violet was not a particularly patient person.
"She'll be fine, right?" she asked after deciding that she had been waiting for something to come from his lips for a few minutes too long.
Viktor looked up at her as he took the wet cloth resting on Caitlyn's nightstand and lightly pressed it against her forehead. The roots of Caitlyn's dark hair were drenched in sweat and Violet could see a few droplets run down her neck. "Is it a stomach flu, like she said?" Violet asked once again, wanting a confirmation or just any type of answer really.
"It isn't" he informed her as he nodded at the cloth and Violet quickly took over his task of holding the cloth against Caitlyn's forehead. It was the least she could do in a situation that felt as powerless as this one did. "It's a regular influenza, but a serious one"
"What exactly does that mean?" influenza shouldn't be deadly, not anymore right? Violet's stormy greys flickered back to the woman next to her and she turned the cloth over so the other side could also find its way to cooling Caitlyn's burning forehead.
"It means that she has a very high fever. I have something to help bring it down slightly, but the fever has to break on its own" Viktor informed her as his hands searched for something in his bag. Eventually he pulled out a brown bottle made of glass. "Could you wake her for me?"
Violet nodded, the hand that was not pressing the cloth against her forehead found her cheek. Her thumb ran over the bright red skin that felt like it could burn her skin off if she tried hard enough. "Cait, I know you are sleepy but you need to wake up for a second to take some medicine okay?" she gently urged her, finding it almost funny how gentle she was with Caitlyn. Her entire life, she had been the girl who fought and had a thicker skin than most people she knew. But somewhere deep inside of her lay a big and good heart. A heart that cared for those who cared for her and wanted the best for the people she loved.
"Violet?" Caitlyn's voice was but a whisper and she turned her head towards Violet but the woman pushed her head towards Viktor. It seemed to calm Caitlyn down slightly to see Viktor by her side. The man gave her a gentle smile. A smile that told Violet enough about how close the two were and how deep the trust between them ran. "Viktor"
"Bonjour" his grin grew a little as he pulled the lid from the bottle and held it up for her to see. "I'm going to give you this, it's the best I can do with the supplies I have. Your fever has to break on its own but this will help a little"
Caitlyn simply nodded and with the last bit of strength she seemed to have, she pushed her head up and allowed Viktor to put the bottle at her dry lips. Violet watched as Caitlyn's throat bobbed slightly while she drank the liquid and laid back down as though she had just run a marathon. She seemed exhausted from simply lifting her head and needed a proper rest to help the medicine break the fever.
"I will be back to check on her tomorrow, but I need you to keep her hydrated. That is the most important thing because that is going to help her recovery a tremendous amount" Viktor informed her, earning a nod from Violet.
"Of course, anything else I can do to help her through her fever?" Violet suddenly noticed that her hand had absentmindedly gone back to stroking Caitlyn's knuckles with her thumb as she was speaking to Viktor.
"The best thing you can do it be there for her and keep her hydrated" Viktor urged her as he got up from his seat and gathered his medical supplies. "Sometimes a fever this high can cause nightmares and very vivid dreams so stay with her if you can, just so you can calm her should she wake up in a panic"
Violet glanced down at Caitlyn, who had rolled towards her and her curled into Violet as much as she could with the woman sitting on the bed. Caitlyn clearly needed someone to look after her, someone to take care of her in her fragile state, and who better than the woman who was afraid to face her feelings for said patient?
"Thank you Viktor, really" Violet told him as she tore her eyes from Caitlyn, smiling at Viktor while he made his way towards the bedroom door.
"Any time" he nodded "Caitlyn is lucky to have you to look after her, I can see how much you care for her"
"I do, I care a very great deal" Violet mumbled softly as she looked back at Caitlyn and the physician made his way back home. Pauline walked back towards the bed and got back into the position of resting her chin on Caitlyn's side of the bed and keeping her dark eyes on her owner as Violet laid down beside her.
Caitlyn instantly curled into her a bit more and Violet wrapped her arms around Caitlyn's warm body. She pulled her closer and rested her cheek on top of Caitlyn's head as the woman fully snuggled into her. Violet's heart doubled in size as her unproclaimed lover found comfort in her arms, making a little nest in Violet's side as her body fought for survival.
Violet felt a silent tear run down the side of her head as she looked at the ceiling. She hadn't meant to get this attached to Caitlyn, to even care this much for a single person other than Powder really. But it had happened and it left her conflicted about everything she felt when it came to Caitlyn. Caitlyn who was smart, beautiful, hard working, funny, charismatic in her own way and just so very unique.
And fuck, Violet loved her. She loved her so much it cut through her like a knife through soft butter. And it scared the shit out of her. Because it meant that she could be hurt and even more than that, it meant giving Caitlyn the power to hurt her.
Was she ready for any of that? Absolutely not. Was there any stopping it? Not a chance.
So here she was, holding the woman that captivated her dreams and every thought as she found herself admitting for the first time that she, perhaps, wasn't broken at all. That she wasn't an outcast for being repulsed by the idea of marrying a man and having his babies.
Perhaps, she was just simply curious about what it meant to love a woman, the way men loved them. What it was like to love Caitlyn, the way a man she had once been married to, had tried. Would Caitlyn let her try? Let her try to love her in that way?
She did not have an answer for it, but she did know that she would give everything to spend the rest of her days with the woman in her arms.
Violet and Pauline stayed by her side the rest of the night. She stayed awake for the most part, watching over Caitlyn as she stroked her hair or simply just held her. Every now and then, she would drift off to sleep and be woken up when she felt Caitlyn shiver in her arms.
The shivering got less the longer the night dragged on and when the morning came, they seemed to have disappeared completely. As the sun began to set, Violet started to give into her exhaustion and she nuzzled her nose into Caitlyn's damp hair as she drifted off to sleep a bit longer this time.
Her dreams were empty, apart from a flash of torment every now and then but nothing as terrible as they had once been. Perhaps it was Caitlyn's presence that scared away the demons that were keen on keeping her dreams captive.
The sleep that overtook her body did not last as long as she would have liked because the morning brought a nightmare for Caitlyn that left her restless in Violet's arms. Her feverish body squirmed in Violet's embrace as a frown rested on her face while she twisted and turned. Violet woke up when Caitlyn kicked her knee in her sleep and Violet was immediately alert when she opened her eyes.
She sat up slightly as she gently shook Caitlyn, hoping it would wake her up "Caitlyn, Cait wake up" she urged. It was only then that she saw tears run down Caitlyn's cheeks as she mumbled something inaudible. Violet shook her shoulders a little harder and with a loud gasp, Caitlyn opened her eyes.
She seemed extremely disoriented for a few moments as her hands clawed around her and she looked around only to realise that she was in her own bedroom, in the arms of the woman she cared for so deeply.
"Violet?" she faintly managed to speak as Violet immediately pulled her into her arms to calm her down.
"I'm here Cait, it's alright. You're safe" she softly told her saviour, relieved to find that Caitlyn's breathing was rapidly slowing down and going back to normal. Violet knew what it was like to be plagued by nightmares, to be ripped apart as you were stuck in your mind and the sleep that had overtaken your body. She had always been grateful for Powder or one of her brothers waking her up from them and letting her know that everything would be alright, so she could only do that same for Caitlyn.
"How are you feeling?" she softly asked her as Caitlyn calmed down in her arms. Her hand immediately found her forehead and she was pleased to feel that her fever had broken during the long hours of the night and she was not burning up as much as she had been hours before.
"Tired" Caitlyn admitted as she rested her face in the crook of Violet's neck. The feeling of Caitlyn's soft breaths against the skin of her neck gave her goosebumps and she pulled Caitlyn a little closer because of it. "How are you?"
Violet couldn't help but laugh "me? You are the one who's ill Cait, not me"
"I still want to know how you are though" Caitlyn insisted and Violet elt her heart melt just a little bit. It sometimes felt impossible how deeply Caitlyn cared for those around her, but Violet was surprised by her time and time again. Caitlyn truly spoke and acted from her heart, which was one of the qualities in Caitlyn that Violet admired most.
"I'm better now that you are actually able to speak" Violet chuckled and she pushed a dried up strand of hair from Caitlyn's forehead. "You still have a fever though"
"Viktor was here, wasn't he?" Caitlyn mumbled softly, her lips moving against the skin of Violet's neck which made the panicked feeling in her head that much worse.
"He was" Violet informed her softly, hands finding Caitlyn's waist and she gently stroked her skin through her nightgown as she held Caitlyn close "you have influenza, according to him, but he will visit sometime today to check up on you"
Caitlyn nodded as Violet closed her eyes for a moment and enjoyed the simplicity of their current situation. It wasn't ideal that Caitlyn was ill, of course, but she seemed to be doing better and Violet felt she could die a happy woman if she could hold Caitlyn in her arms like that for the rest of her days.
"Violet?"
"Hmm?" she glanced down a little as Caitlyn moved her face from her neck and looked up at her. There was a great deal of concern that could be found in the deep blues of Caitlyn's eyes. "Did you really go out to get Viktor?"
"Of course I did, he didn't fly here Cait" Violet chuckled and the concern in Caitlyn's eyes was replaced with the softest look of care that Violet had ever spotted in anyone's eyes.
"You risked your life for me" she concluded softly and for the first time since she had gotten ill, she reached out to Violet. Her hand was trembling slightly as she touched Vi's cheek. Her calloused hands had a gentle touch to them that could almost be described as soft.
Violet could cry if she wanted. She didn't feel she deserved to be looked at like that, to be touched like that. To feel the care of a woman who was too fucking good for this world and it frightened her how close they had become in such a short amount of time.
"What can I say?" Violet mumbled, instinctively leaning into Caitlyn's hand as she looked down at the woman "I would do it again if I had to"
"Violet..." her name sounded better from her lips than it ever had. Caitlyn had a way of saying her name that hit some spot deep inside of her. Violet was the name so often used for her but never in the way Caitlyn said it, like it was the only thing keeping her from drifting off shore.
"I'm serious Cait" Violet mumbled in a soft tone as she leaned in slightly. An overwhelming urge to find out what it felt like to feel Caitlyn's lips on hers overtook her and it was impossible for her not to give in to that. "I would lay down my life for you if I had to, gladly"
There was a crack of vulnerability in her voice as she leaned in further, desperate to close the gap between them. Desperate to let Caitlyn know just how deeply she cared for her and how she burned for her. They were so close and Violet could practically feel Caitlyn's lips on hers as their noses brushed and her lips ghosted over Caitlyn's in an attempt to let Caitlyn back out, should she want to.
Of course Viktor picked that exact moment to enter downstairs, causing Pauline to shoot up and bark before running downstairs. Viktor called upstairs to announce that it was just him but Violet suppressed the urge to punch him in the face for ruining this moment between the two of them.
It had been the first time that they had slightly dared to admit to their feelings for each other in such a vulnerable way that Violet wondered if the two of them would ever get that moment again. She couldn't help but groan softly as Caitlyn pulled away immediately and she sat back against the headboard while Caitlyn put some distance between the two of them and laid back down on her side of the bed.
"This looks like a scene I am happy to see" Viktor proclaimed when he entered the bedroom and saw Caitlyn wide awake on her side of the bed. Her cheeks were still red but Violet had a feeling that she was the cause of that blush this time, and not just the fever.
"I'm feeling a bit better than last night" Caitlyn admitted as Viktor took a seat by her bedside and nodded as he examined her.
"Did they stay with you all night?" Viktor asked as he eyed Pauline, who was sitting by his chair, and Violet who was still on her side of the bed.
Caitlyn answered with a nod and a quick glance at Violet before looking back at Viktor. "There is something you must do for me Viktor"
"Oh?" the man did not look up from what he was doing, seemingly finding it normal that Caitlyn asked him for favours. Violet tilted her head slightly as her interest was peaked and she was curious to find out what exactly it was that Caitlyn needed from him.
"Violet needs new papers and an Ausweiss" she glanced up at Violet again, whose eyebrows now shot up as she started to figure out where this was going. Caitlyn's eyes went back to Viktor. "There are too many odds against us and if we need to flee, we have a better chance at doing so with forged identification"
"You are correct, you would need some form of identification for Violet or they would pick her out of a line up immediately, not that they won't if you have the right papers though... she is American. How are you going to make that work? She does not speak French, I doubt she speaks German and her American accent doesn't go unnoticed by anyone" Viktor summed up a series of problems that made Violet's stomach turn. They were never going to make it out alive if they had to flee, and chances were that they would have to very,very soon.
"I have been thinking about that as well" Caitlyn admitted. It seemed that when these matters were discussed, she suddenly was bursting with energy and her illness was pushed aside the slightest bit. "We simply have to say that she is deaf, it'll make things easier"
"Caitlyn" Viktor's eyes grew worried and he shook his head "the deaf and blind are not people the Germans feel... belong in society"
A silence fell between the three of them as the realisation dawned on the women and Viktor continued. "They made me hand over my patient files at the beginning of the occupation. Several of my patients were blind or deaf. They took those files specifically and I have never heard from them again... I tried contacting several, because most of them lived in nearby towns but, no success"
"Merde" Caitlyn mumbled softly as she looked back at Violet, whose face was crumbling before her. Every time she did not think things could get any worse under the reign of the Germans, it did. When she had been safe across the sea, she hadn't been able to imagine what it was like to actually live in a country occupied by Germans.
She had heard the stories, everyone had, but it was so much more complex and oftentimes brutal than was shown or told back at home. Violet's hand tightened around Caitlyn's wrist slightly as she looked at Viktor. "Then I will just shut up and Cait can tell people I am shy"
"It's still a big risk and-"
"Fuck the risk, we have to take it if we want a chance at survival" Violet let go of Caitlyn's wrist as her angry words travelled towards Viktor.
Caitlyn nodded "as crassly worded as that was, Violet is right. We need the papers to get out of here. You can change her name and put a French nationality on her papers. I will teach her some French that will get her through a standard conversation with any Germans that might stop us. They often only speak three words of French and I can inform them that Violet does not speak German"
Viktor nodded as he listened to Caitlyn's plan "that might work, I'd say that is your best chance at survival if you must leave. I'll take care of Pauline and the farm in the event of your departure, but it will take me a week at least to get you the forged documents"
Caitlyn nodded "as long as they get here eventually. We will manage until that day comes"
Would they? The General had made it very clear he was not a patient man and Violet grew uncomfortable knowing that he was still out there brooding on a plan to get what he wanted from Caitlyn. Still, there was nothing else they could do but wait. Wait until they would receive the papers that would grand them access out of this town and on their way to a different and hopefully better perspective of a future.
When Viktor had finished up his examination and concluded that everything was going to be alright, as long as Caitlyn promised to take it slow the next several days and that she would take rest when she needed to. Violet knew Caitlyn long enough to know that it was going to be a hell of a task to get Caitlyn to take it easy, but she was determined to remind her to sit down every now and then.
They said their goodbyes to Viktor not too long after and he promised to get their documents to them as quick as possible, though he could not make any promises on how fast he would be. Violet tried to push her worry aside as Caitlyn crawled back into her arms the moment Viktor was out the door.
There was something about Caitlyn's tall, slender body curled up in her arms, that made her worries fade for as long as Caitlyn was there to take her mind off things. She softly sighed as Caitlyn's cheek found her collarbone and she could feel her heartbeat slow down slightly. When Violet looked down at her, she could see that Caitlyn was tired from her interactions of the past 20 minutes and needed a well-deserved rest.
"Go to sleep" Violet urged her as she wrapped her arms around her. It was a painfully domestic scene, the two of them in bed. Caitlyn was lying on her side, in between Violet's legs as she was curled up against the strong woman. Violet's arms were wrapped around her waist and Caitlyn's breaths gently met the skin of Violet's neck once again.
"Tell me a story" Caitlyn urged softly. She sounded so unbelievably sweet that Violet could not help but press a soft kiss on the crown of her head. Who was she to deny Caitlyn a story if she asked for it in that tone?
"Happy or sad?"
"Happy" Caitlyn informed her and Violet's thumbs gently stroked her hips as she thought of a story she could tell her unclaimed lover.
"Once upon a time, there was a girl who grew up in Brooklyn" she started, grinning when she saw the faintest hint of a smile on Caitlyn's lips when she realised that the story was a personal one. "We'll call her... Lavender"
Caitlyn snorted softly against Violet's neck "you do realise I know this story is about you, right?"
"No interrupting the story, thank you" Violet scolded her gently and Caitlyn let out a soft laugh, but remained silent after that.
Violet continued "Lavender grew up in a household as any should be. Warm and full of laughter. She had a younger sister and two loving parents. Whenever Lavender would look at her parents, she would find a desire within her heart to one day share a love like theirs with someone. Someone who looked at her the way her father looked at her mother, like the sun did not shine until she walked in the room"
Her mind immediately went to Caitlyn when speaking those words, but she continued. "Unfortunately, the bliss did not last forever for Lavender and her sister. A fire destroyed the entire building where she lived. Lavender had woken up from the screams that she heard from outside the building because she had decided to sleep with her windows open on that warm July evening. When she saw smoke seep into the room from under their door, she immediately woke her sister and pulled her along with her, out the window and down the fire escape to the safety of the dark streets where the fire brigade was just arriving. She waited for hours and hours, holding on to her little sister's hand, as the firemen looked through the building to get out any survivors... unfortunately for Lavender and her sister, their parents were not a part of that group"
Caitlyn sighed against her neck and Violet could feel that she was feeling bad for her. "I'm so sorry Violet-" she started but Violet interrupted her.
"I told you not to speak"
"Sorry"
Violet chuckled and pressed another kiss on her head before she continued. "Lavender and her sister were taken to the orphanage which, if you have never been, is not a very nice or comforting place for a child to be, but they still had each other. Throughout all of the loss and tragedy, there was still that spark of hope that they had each other to get through it all together. They were quite the pair, Lavender and her sister. They would get up to all sorts of mischief in the orphanage and had a real knack for driving the adults nuts"
Caitlyn chuckled softly, probably at the thought of young Violet and her sister messing about in the orphanage. It brought a smile on Violet's face when she thought back of the happy times she had been through with Powder. How close their bond was and how she always depended on her with such a strong mind.
"But all good things had to come to an end, because Lavender's younger sister was adopted by a couple who was unable to have children. They had visited the orphanage several times and had taken her sister for a walk every single one of their visits. Lavender would hear endless stories about how nice they were and wonder if something like that would ever happen to her. If she would ever be picked by someone, if anyone would choose her"
She was silent for a moment as she swallowed her tears. This was supposed to be a happy story and she was screwing it up.
"So her sister got taken away from her, but she knew that she was going to a better place" Violet softly told Caitlyn. She could not bear to look into her beautiful blue eyes full of care, right now. "And for Lavender, it was the start of an era where she was taken into families every now and then, but they never stuck with her. They always took her back to the orphanage. One family though, did manage to gain her trust. It was a family of musicians, where the father taught her how to play the piano after finding out she had quite the talent for it"
Caitlyn smiled sweetly, listening ever so attentively as Violet spoke up again. "She lived with them for several years and gained two brothers in return. They were annoying most of the time, but somehow found their way into her heart. And for a while, she was happy. She was a part of a real family again and that brought her a sense of home that she had lost years before. She had people who had chosen her and that was more than she had ever dared dream"
Violet fell silent after that, Caitlyn's bright eyes found hers in a questioning look. "Obviously that is not the end of your story" Caitlyn concluded but Violet shook her head.
"I promised you a happy story. Whatever comes after this, does not make for a happy story. Trust me" Violet sighed and her arms absentmindedly pulled Caitlyn a bit closer. "You should get some sleep"
Caitlyn nodded as her face came to rest in the crook of Violet's neck once again while her eyes closed and her breathing slowed slightly. "Violet?"
Violet hummed in response, her lips hovering over her head before finding their resting place between the black roots of Caitlyn's hair.
"I hope you know that I would choose you. I would choose you in any world or time" Caitlyn whispered, her voice thick with sleep that was overtaking her.
Violet felt something inside her shift as the soft words Caitlyn spoke made their way into her heart. She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment to force back the tears that were threatening to build up in her eyes.
Then she softly mumbled her answer, though she was sure Caitlyn was already asleep.
"I think-..." she waited for a moment and checked if Caitlyn was truly asleep before she dared speak the words she had been so frightened to admit to herself, let alone to Caitlyn. "I think the sun does not shine until you walk into the room, Cait"
Notes:
So there won't be daily updates tomorrow or the day after, because I am spending the day with my girlfriend tomorrow and the day after is filled with work and my weekly DND session. I promise to be back on Thursday with a new chapter though, so stay tuned ;)
Also, I am so unbelievably soft for these two useless lesbians. I can't believe I have written 40k words of them being in love basically, and they have yet to kiss... oops.
And thank you for the insane amount of support you all give me, especially with the comments!! Thank you from the bottom of my sapphic heart. And I will see you next time, my loves!
Chapter 8: What soothes my longing soul to rest
Notes:
Surprise, surprise!
My DND night was cancelled so I suddenly had time to write yet another chapter.
Enjoy, my loves!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
"Something smells good this morning"
"It does, I thought I- why are you out of bed?"
Caitlyn could not help but let a light chuckle escape her lips when Violet managed to almost spill some milk on the stove when she looked up at Caitlyn. Dressed in her silk dressing gown that she had pulled over her nightgown and slippers on her feet, she had managed to make her way downstairs for the first time in three days. Her days in bed had been endless and boring when her pilot wasn't around, and there were only so many books she could read and sketches of Pauline she could make before she lost her mind.
"I couldn't spend another second in that room whilst fighting the urge to scream" Caitlyn admitted as she made her way over to the dining table and her eyes fell on Violer, who had turned her attention back to the stove so she would not burn the oatmeal she was making for breakfast. Violet had never looked more at home in her kitchen and it stirred a familiar feeling of excitement and desire for the woman dominating her kitchen. She knew the place of every pot and every pan, was familiar with the manner in which Caitlyn organized things and how she wanted things cleaned and put away.
"I was going to surprise you with a new oatmeal variant" Violet informed her as she divided the oatmeal over two plates before giving Pauline a gently scratch under her chin. The way Violet handled her dog was something else that pulled Caitlyn towards her. She was so gentle with Pauline and always wanted to play with her or give her attention when she craved it. She could not help but let a soft sigh fall from her lips as she watched Pauline and Violet.
This caught her pilot's attention, of course. "Why are you sighing?"
Caitlyn watched as she got up from her crouched down position by Pauline, and brought the plates over to the table as Caitlyn answered her. "Nothing in particular, I was simply thinking about how much time I have wasted in bed the past several days"
"Don't think like that" Violet scolded her lightly as she sat down and shook her head "you were ill, you had to step away from your work on the farm or it would have only gotten worse. Besides, you had me to help you out, what else am I good for?"
Caitlyn wanted to tell her that she was good for so many other things. That she was good for making her laugh, for making her feel comfortable and at home in the house that had been a strange place to her for so long. Her heart was aching for her to admit to her pilot that she wanted to do more than simply sleep in the same bed every night, that she wanted to be loved by Violet in the way that a husband loved his wife. But she couldn't bear the thought of Violet being disgusted that she even thought such sinful thoughts.
So she merely gave her a little smile whilst she picked up her spoon "I appreciate your help tremendously Violet, truly. You have been a real saving grace, and not just the days I had to stay in bed"
"You don't have to thank me Cait, consider it payment for saving my life two weeks ago" Violet shrugged and started to eat. It seemed like there was something more on her mind that she wanted to say or admit, but apparently she was holding back just like Caitlyn was.
"Just like I saved yours, you saved mine"
"Guess we saved each other then hm?" Violet teased. Caitlyn merely chuckled and took a bite from her oatmeal.
For a moment, she was taken back. She silently chewed as she tried to gather what it was that Violet had added which made it taste so fantastic. It seemed that Violet was waiting for her to say something, because her pilot was grinning with nervous anticipation.
"This is fantastic, did you add apple to the oatmeal?" Caitlyn curiously wondered aloud after swallowing her bite.
It earned her a nod from Violet as the woman took another bite "absolutely did, freshly picked from your apple trees this morning" she informed Caitlyn with her mouth full of oatmeal. Her mother would have scolded her if she had ever tried something like that, but Violet made eating with her mouth full seem frustratingly adorable. She looked at ease and comfortable in doing so and that was all Caitlyn desired for Violet when she was in her presence.
"You did? I am glad to hear that the apples are ripe already. That gives me a chance to trade some of them for other goods" Caitlyn thought aloud and Violet nodded as an answer as she finished her plate way before Caitlyn did, as always. The woman was clearly used to eating at a fast pace, probably something she had picked up during her military training, or perhaps it was a left-over habit from her years in the orphanage.
"You're not doing any labour today, are you?" Violet asked her as she got up from the table to take her plate to the sink "Viktor said you need to take things slow, even if you do feel better and well enough to get out of bed"
"I know" Caitlyn sighed, dreading the day that lay ahead of her in which she was not allowed to actually work. It wasn't like her to not pull her weight when she felt it was expected of her. She had always been a person who worked hard at everything that had to be done, whether she was good at it or not. She didn't enjoy sitting on the sidelines and watching whilst others did the work she was supposed to do, especially when it was her farm. "I was thinking of working on the vegetable garden today, some of the vegetables need to be harvested"
"I can do that, you can keep me company" Violet immediately suggested, causing Caitlyn's eyebrows to shoot up.
"You're not going to let me do any work, are you?" Caitlyn dryly asked her.
Violet was hiding a grin, but Caitlyn could immediately spot it through the tight line that was her lips as she tried to hold herself back. "No, I will not. You can watch or read a book, but no manual labour for you just yet" she informed Caitlyn as she walked over to her. As a sign of affection and pity, Vi leaned down and pressed a soft kiss on top of her head before taking Caitlyn's empty plate and taking it to the sink as well.
"I'll get dressed then" Caitlyn announced, trying not to let her red cheeks show. It had become a regular thing for Violet to kiss her head or forehead in little ways of showing affection. Caitlyn feared it was merely meant as a friendly gesture, but Caitlyn's mind immediately went to other things. Sinful things for which she prayed for forgiveness at night. Her mind would go to the question of how Violet's lips would feel against hers. How she would taste and if she would be as soft and yet hard at the same time, as Caitlyn imagined?
It was hard not to let her feelings get in the way of the deep connection that had grown between the two of them. They were friends, great friends even and Caitlyn hated herself for developing feelings for her pilot that she had never even felt for her late husband.
With George, it had always felt very flat and rather superficial. He was a good companion and he made her feel comfortable, but not in the way Violet did. With Violet, she wanted to know what it was like to do things like bathe with her, to feel her skin against skin and to let her lips wander over those wonderfully strong shoulders and arms.
It still confused her, even though she had come to terms with the fact that she was broken. Broken in the sense that women loving other women in any way beyond friendship was simply not what was done in society. They were not to give into such feelings, if such feelings even existed.
And so, Violet's lips on her head or forehead left her with a burning sensation in her stomach every time, but she really could not help herself. Pushing it away had only made her feelings stronger and worse, so she felt she might as well just accept that they were there and never act on them.
She headed upstairs in a hurry, afraid Violet might spot her red cheeks before she disappeared, and got ready for the day. Her outfit of choice was a pair of trousers that day, one of the very few pairs that she owned. They were a dark tint of brown and she combined it with a yellow blouse and her favourite pair of shoes before putting her hair up in a classic roll to get it out of her face.
Once she reappeared downstairs with her sketchbook and pencils in her hands, she found that Violet had already made her way to the vegetable garden. Caitlyn took a woollen blanket with her in the event that she might be chilly because the remainders of her illness still lingered, and made her way to the vegetable garden with another blanket in her hand as well.
"You look pretty today" she heard Violet say before she even saw her, the moment she rounded the corner. Her pilot was on her knees in the middle of her vegetable garden, pulling out weeds before she would harvest the vegetables that were ready.
Beautiful did not even begin to describe the way Violet looked as the sun hit her copper curls and shed some light on the freckles that were becoming increasingly obvious the more time she spent in the sun. Violet looked alluring and handsome at the same time, not particularly feminine but also not particularly masculine. She was Violet, her pilot and the woman who could take Caitlyn's breath a way with a single smile.
"I could say the same thing about you" Caitlyn decided to answer as she put her light blue blanket down on the grass next to the vegetable garden. Now that she was out of bed, she wanted to spend some time with Violet, even if it was just keeping her company with her presence. She hadn't been able to do that in a few days and she wanted to soothe her aching heart.
"Nah, pretty is not a word for me" Violet waved her compliment away with her hand and dug her gloved hands back into the black dirt that was the breeding ground for her vegetables.
"Handsome, perhaps?" Caitlyn suggested as she reached out and greeted Pauline with a scratch on her head, when the dog decided to join her on the blanket. "I'd say you are both handsome and pretty"
Violet let out a soft laugh as she shook her head "you're just saying that because I am wearing your late husband's clothes" she joked, though Caitlyn could detect a hint of a question behind it. Was Violet wondering if she minded that her pilot wore the clothes of her late husband? Because Caitlyn had not minded it a single second of any day that had passed since she started wearing them.
"Not just that, though you do look good in them" Caitlyn admitted with a smile as she opened her sketchbook and pulled out one of her pencils "are you interested in being my husband then?" she decided to ask in a teasing tone, though the question itself brought a blush onto her cheeks yet again.
Violet stopped digging her gloved hands into the dirt for a moment as her grey eyes looked up and locked with Caitlyn's. It took her breath away how intense the stare in Violet's eyes was.
"I would be honoured to be your husband Cait" it sounded sincere, but the little grin on her lips made Caitlyn think she meant it as a joke. Still, the butterflies that exploded in her stomach were telling her a whole other story.
"I think you have already proven yourself to be a worthy one by taking care of me and my farm the past several days" she smiled and focused her attention on her sketchbook, starting to draw an outline of the portrait she had in mind for the day.
Violet was quiet for a moment but did let out a soft hum as an answer to Caitlyn's comment. The two of them minded their own tasks for a bit as Caitlyn would pet Pauline's soft head every now and then and drew the subject of her fascination while Violet worked on her vegetable garden.
"Do you want to tell me what you are drawing then?" Violet asked after a while and Caitlyn looked up to see Violet stretch after getting up from the kneeled position that she had been in for far too long. Caitlyn's eyes were involuntarily drawn to the way her white shirt rode up the slightest bit and revealed a small strip of stomach. It was completely innocent and certainly nothing to get excited about. So why did Caitlyn feel like her cheeks might explode and something very unfamiliar was building up between her legs.
She quickly turned her eyes back to her drawing as she answered her pilot "I'm drawing the flowers next to the vegetable garden"
Lies. She looked at what she had already drawn. A first sketch of Violet working on the vegetable garden. She was hunched over the vegetables and clearly concentrating. Caitlyn's eyes followed the lines of Violet's biceps and strong shoulders that she had paid extra attention to since she wanted to get everything just right. It was far from finished but it was starting to look like her already.
"Are you going to watercolour them as well? Like you sketch you made of Pauline?" Violet wondered out loud as she made her way to another part of the vegetable garden to get rid of any remaining weeds.
Caitlyn could not help but smile as she thought back to the sketch she had made of Pauline the other day, one that she had used watercolour paint on as well. Once it was done, the paint had given it a bit more life. It was the first artwork that Violet had seen from her and she had been obsessing over it ever since. It seemed that she was as impressed by her sketches and paintings as Caitlyn was with Violet's piano skills.
"I might just do that, I haven't decided yet" she answered as her pencil worked hard on getting Violet's head of copper curls just right. Her strikes were light, yet determined. She had been taught by a skilled art teacher when she was younger and still lived in Paris with her parents. He had been impressed with her skills from a young age, but her mother had referred to it as a mindless hobby that one did not need proper skill for. Besides, what good was sketching going to be for her when she was a wife and a mother?
So she was slightly protective of her artwork, not keen on showing it to anyone who might ridicule it like her mother had, but she had trusted Violet to take it serious. And she had. She had been on the front lines of support in regards to her using her time to sketch and paint. It wasn't something Caitlyn usually made time for, since the farm was a lot on her hands most days, but with her illness playing up it had been the perfect opportunity to get back into it.
She focussed her attention back to her sketch and let Violet work on the vegetables as Pauline simply watched the two of them while she laid next to Caitlyn on the blanket to keep her company. It was a blissful and rather calm morning for the two of them. They would exchange a few words every now and then but mostly focus on the task at hand and Caitlyn made sure that her sketch of her pilot was her best one yet.
With the way she felt about Violet, she had yet to decide if she wanted to show her pilot the sketch once it was done but she had a feeling that Violet would push her anyways until she caved and eventually showed it to her.
Once the sketch by pencil was done and she was satisfied with the details she had incorporated into the drawing, she went inside to fetch her watercolour paint, a brush and a bowl of water. She came back to see Violet with a straw hat on top of her copper curls and could not help but grin as she sat back down on her blanket.
"Where did you get that hat?" she curiously asked as she picked up her sketchbook again and started dipping her brush into the water before picking the first colour to go with. The colour she chose was copper, for the beautiful curls that Caitlyn loved to run her fingers through.
"I found it in your bedroom the other day whilst you were sleeping. I needed something to keep my scalp from getting a sunburn while I work outside" Violet simply informed her as she gathered some ripe tomatoes in a basket. "Was I not allowed to? I'm sorry if I took it against your wishes"
"No, it's fine" Caitlyn insisted as she coloured Violet's head of curls that now seemed to be bouncing off the page. "That hat was a birthday present from my father for my 17th birthday"
"Oh?" Violet glanced at her as she continued her work. "Tell me more"
Caitlyn dipped her brush in the small bowl of water to get the copper colour off and went for a different one "my father wanted to gift me a hat for my birthday, so he took me to the department store with the largest hat collection in all of Paris. I picked that one because it reminded me of the sun and the freedom I felt on holidays to the countryside"
Violet smiled brightly as she listened to her little story and allowed her to continue while Caitlyn painted. "My mother thought it was a ridiculous hat, because there had been so many chique ones in the store, but my father insisted on letting me keep it because I loved it so much... and I did. I still do. It is a reminder of a time where I thought the big, broad world was still wide open for me. That if I wished and prayed hard enough, I would be able to travel the world one day"
Her pilot nodded in understanding as she finished picking the tomatoes "that is a rather depressing story Cait"
"Is it?" her blue eyes glanced over the edge of her sketchbook as she painted the tomatoes that were featured on the page. "I think it is a rather melancholic idea"
"That it is, but it is sad to hear that you seem to have given up on that dream" Violet simply said as she got up with the tomatoes in her hand and placed them aside before moving to the carrots.
"I had, perhaps I still have, but that is what happens when you get married. You live by what your husband decides is best for you" Caitlyn simply answered and she tore her pools of blue away from the beautiful image of her pilot rubbing the dirt from the carrots she pulled from the ground.
"I think that is a ridiculous idea" Violet dared admit and when Caitlyn looked up, she noticed that Violet's grey eyes were boring into hers with an intense stare "if I ever get married, I want it to be a marriage of equals. Not a marriage when one tells the other what to do"
"There might not be many men who want that" Caitlyn softly told her, not wanting to anger her by speaking in such a manner. Violet did not seem to take offence though.
She merely laughed and shook her head "then I suppose I shall never get married, but I hardly mind that at all"
Caitlyn's mind was taken back to the comment about Violet being her husband. She found that her heart beat faster at the mere idea of Violet actually fulfilling the tasks that came with being her husband. If she was deadly, truthfully and completely honest... she found that deep in her heart, the only one she could imagine as her husband was Violet. It caused her to feel that familiar sense of shame while she pulled her eyes back to her sketch and continued livening up the picture with the watercolour paint.
She finished just before Violet was done with the vegetable garden. It was a little after lunch and she was starting to feel the faint sense of hunger that she had been missing during her illness. It was good to feel that her body was starting to get back to its old state and that she actually had an appetite again.
"Shall I make us some lunch?" she suggested as she put down her sketchbook and got up. She had closed it after letting the paint dry in the warm sun and left it outside for a moment when Violet nodded in response. There was not a lot they could have for lunch but she had some eggs left and decided to boil them. It was a better lunch that the same fried eggs every single time.
She brought them out with a glass of milk and stopped in her tracks when she saw Violet had taken a seat on the blanket and was playing a little game with Pauline. She threw a stick to the other side of the garden to make Pauline fetch it and every now and then, she simply pretended to throw the stick. It left a very excited Pauline in a mood of confusion and the dog barked as she pounced on Vi in anticipation. Vi tumbled over and rolled onto her back as she laughed and threw the stick anyways. Pauline was immediately gone, running after the stick as Caitlyn started feeling her legs again and made her way over to her pilot.
"I'm glad to see you are in good company" she teased as she sat down and handed Violet a glass of milk and a boiled egg. Violet gladly took the egg and started peeling it as they watched Pauline race back to them with the stick.
"I have grown really attached to her, you know?" Violet explained as she took the stick and threw it once again, her eyes lighting up at every small interaction with Pauline. It made her eyes shine as the sun was reflected in them and she truly looked happy. Caitlyn dared hope that she, too, was the reason that Violet seemed happy.
"She is keen on bringing happiness wherever she goes" Caitlyn admitted as she watched Vi take a bite from her egg and throwing the stick for Pauline again. Perhaps silent admiration was something that Caitlyn was talented at as well. There was nothing she had put more attention and time towards than silently admiring Violet for the past several weeks. She felt ashamed to admit it.
"Can I see that sketch you made?" Violet asked her as she finished peeling her egg and took a bite. Caitlyn felt her cheeks unwillingly find their way back to a shade of red that matched the tomatoes that Vi had been harvesting earlier. She let out a soft cough as she swallowed her bite and nodded as she took a hold of her sketchbook.
She felt nervous, her palms were sweating and her hands trembling as she opened the book and went to the last page where her latest sketch was proudly represented on the paper.
Her eyes were boring into Violet as she watched her pilot's eyes grow when she realised what she had drawn. Perhaps it had been a mistake. Perhaps she should have gone for another drawing of Pauline, or perhaps she should not have lied and told her that she had been sketching flowers. Her mouth felt dry as cardboard as Violet seemed to try and find the words she wanted to speak whilst she continued to study the detailed sketch of herself.
"This is... beautiful" Vi admitted as she tore her eyes from the page and dragged them up to meet Caitlyn's. "I look so at ease, so... contempt"
"It's how I see you" Caitlyn mumbled softly, leaning over slightly to point out several details in the sketch that she had added. "I see you with you hair wild and free just as your spirit, and your arms strong but your expression soft. You have a way about you that shows off your strong and guarded exterior, but when you allow someone to really get to know you, you have a gentle and kind heart. A heart bigger than one might realise most of the time"
Violet seemed almost emotional as her eyes went from the painting, to Caitlyn and back to the painting before finding Caitlyn again. It made her feel vulnerable, naked even, to share something so personal and intimate with her.
"You're a phenomenal artist Caitlyn" Violet softly admitted as her eyes were glued back to her sketch "I've never seen myself like this, not even when I look in the mirror"
"I think you deserve to see yourself the way I see you" Caitlyn smiled, her finger tracing the drawing of Violet for a moment before she finished her egg and glass of milk and changed the subject. It felt vulnerable to continue about the drawing. "There are some inside chores that have to get done, small ones I can help with as well so we should get to that"
Violet nodded but took the sketchbook inside with her as she followed Caitlyn back into the house. They did not speak of it the rest of their afternoon.
The evening came rather quickly as they emersed themselves in the chores that had to get done and it cooled down quicker than she had expected. On the cold summer night that dawned upon them, Caitlyn decided to light the fireplace in the living room. It was an easy way to warm the house when one had to and Caitlyn always enjoyed her evenings in front of the fire.
Violet insisted on doing some cleaning in the kitchen as Caitlyn made the fire, several hours after they had dinner. Once the fire was properly lit, she settled down on the sofa in front of the fireplace. She had taken her shoes off and curled her legs underneath her as she warmed herself by the fire. Pauline was quick to join her and laid down on the rug in front of the fireplace, staying close to the fire to warm herself as the dog quickly fell asleep.
When Violet joined her, Caitlyn had just grabbed a book from one of the shelves and settled back on the sofa. When she heard the door to the living room being opened, she turned her head and looked back over the sofa to see Violet enter the room. Her ever so familiar smile rested on her beautiful lips, her curls messy from her day out in the sun with Caitlyn's hat on her head, and her sleeves rolled up from cleaning up in the kitchen.
"Tired?" Caitlyn merely asked and Violet nodded as she walked over to the record player. Caitlyn opened her book as she let Violet go through her records like she had done so many times before. It was their unspoken little ritual that they would spend the evening listening to one of Caitlyn's records while Caitlyn read to Violet from one of the many books on her shelf.
"Never too tired for a story though" Violet admitted as she picked a record from the pile and placed it on the record player. Mere moments later, soft jazz music filled the living room and Caitlyn felt a smile form on her lips. Violet had a knack for picking jazz, it seemed to be her favourite genre.
"Join me?" Caitlyn looked up from her book to see Violet approach the sofa and take a seat on the other side of it. Caitlyn knew it was merely to be polite, but they slept in the same bed so a little closer could not hurt, right? She did not ask or beg for it though, it was up to Violet when it came to what she was comfortable with.
"What are we reading today?" her pilot curiously inquired as Caitlyn noticed a little shiver run through Vi's strong, yet tired body. It seemed that she, too, was keen on being warmed up by the fire. Though, the fire was not all that was making Caitlyn feel like she was burning up.
"They're a collection of poems, so no adventurous stories today I'm afraid" Caitlyn warned her but Violet let out a chuckle as she grinned.
"I think I'll live, as long as I get to pick the first one"
"Alright, tell me a page and we will randomly read one"
"84"
Caitlyn nodded and opened page 84 of the book that was currently in her lap. Her eyes quickly scanned the page and she felt a warm sensation course through her veins, then she read the words out loud.
When will I feel your arms again
The warmth of your breath upon my cheek?
The kindling eyes that smiled and told
So many things you failed to speak.
Let me feel your strong embrace
The pressure of firm lips on mine.
The drunken ecstasy that comes
To drench my heart in lovers’ wine.
Hold me close and let me feel
One more the bat of your heart on my breast.
Let me know the sweet repose
That soothes my longing soul to rest.
Query
Why must my heart in silent plight
Wonder and wait for the break of day?
When will it break the chains of night
To bask in the dawn of Love’s New Day?
Both Caitlyn and her pilot were silent for a moment as the final words drilled into their hearts and souls. Caitlyn barely dared to lift her eyes from the page that was calling to her, screaming to her that her lover was sitting across from her. That this feeling as described by Dorothy Smith was what she had been experiencing with Violet for days on end now. Perhaps since the second or third day she had been in her house.
"Beautiful" Violet's lips were the first to admit it and it dragged Caitlyn's bright eyes from the white page to her pilot's grey eyes. "I think my favourite line was the one about the resting of the writer's longing soul"
Caitlyn swallowed thickly as her eyes went back to the white page and she read the passage that her pilot meant once again. "Let me know the sweet repose that soothes my longing soul to rest"
"That one" Violet softly said as she glanced at Caitlyn. A silence fell between them as their eyes met yet again. For a moment, Caitlyn swore she saw the same feeling of desire and longing flash through Violet's stormy eyes as she was sure her own eyes had reflected so often as well. Then Violet spoke again. "I think I feel that way around you rather often. That my soul can rest in your embrace"
It was Violet's turn to blush now as she broke the eye contact with Caitlyn and stared into the flames. Caitlyn could only blink for a second or two as she took in what Violet had just admitted to her. "I think I feel the same way with you. It's almost like all is right when you hold me. As though we might be hurt the next moment but none of that matter when you hold me in your arms"
Violet looked more vulnerable than Caitlyn had ever witnessed her and it caused her heart to pound faster than it had before. Her mind was solely focussed on the woman in front of her, the woman who had called herself her husband that same morning and who had risked her life to get a doctor for her. The woman who wore her heart on her sleeve when you allowed her to care for you.
"The moment you let go of me, I find myself wondering those same words as are written down on this page" Caitlyn softly admitted and she glanced down at the words once more. "When will I feel your arms again?"
Violet didn't answer but the intense look in her eyes was enough for Caitlyn to put the book down and sit up slightly "the warmth of your breath upon my cheek..."
Caitlyn's eyes were trained on Violet's, her body moving on its own as she felt completely taken over by the what feelings seemed to surface in her moment with Violet. She pushed her knees up and ever so slowly made her way over to Violet's side of the sofa, hands and knees moving slowly towards their goal as she spoke again. "Your kindling eyes that smiled and told so many things you failed to speak"
She could hear her pilot gasp when she got closer. Violet was sitting with one knee pulled up to her chest as the other was hanging off the sofa. Time seemed to move at a slower pace as their bodies moved in sync. Her knee moved slightly to the side, offering Caitlyn an invitation to get closer as she slowly crawled between her legs. "Let me feel your strong embrace" Caitlyn softly whispered.
Her knees were folded underneath her as Violet's searching, longing eyes found Caitlyn's certain ones. Violet could pull away, tell her to back away or to stop. But she didn't. Like a magnet that was pulled to its other half, Caitlyn's hands reached out as she settled between Violet's legs.
She cupped her pilot's beautiful face, grey storms meeting her blue calmt. Caitlyn allowed her eyes to swiftly flicker down to Violet's lips, as they had done so many times before. This time, she did not want to stop.
Her thumbs gently stroked Violet's cheeks as Caitlyn leaned in slightly. The familiar brush of their noses stirred up another storm of butterflies and she could feel Violet's trembling breath hit her lips. It was mesmerizing to simply be this close to her, even though they had been on the edge of it several times before.
"Let me feel the pressure of your lips on mine" Caitlyn whispered against her pilot's warm lips. Her voice was soft, only meant for the woman that held her heart in the palm of her hand.
A silence fell as their lips ghosted over each other, simply taking in the feeling of being so close together, so close to sealing their fate.
Then Violet spoke. "That is all my heart desires"
They were words that held more meaning than Caitlyn felt she knew.
A mere second later Violet leaned in, and closed the gap between them, capturing Caitlyn's lips in a long-awaited kiss. For the first time, Caitlyn allowed herself love her pilot.
Notes:
The long-awaited kiss has finally happened and I have honestly never written a first kiss I am more proud of than this one.
The poem is written by Dorothy Smith in 1932 by the way, if anyone wanted to know ;)
My little heart is now twice its size because of my love for these two and I really hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
Thank you once again for your tremendous support (also, follow me on twitter if you want (@loveshazell)) and I will see you next time, my loves!
Chapter Text
It wasn't that Violet had never kissed anyone before, it was simply that she had never kissed anyone like this before. Someone like Caitlyn, whose lips were softer than she had pictured in her deepest desires and who tasted better than what she had imagined. There weren't enough words to describe how it felt to feel Caitlyn's lips on hers, to collide like there would never be another moment in her life where she would feel as blissfully happy as she did in that moment.
Her hands found Caitlyn's waist as she pulled the woman closer, slowly daring to deepen the kiss. She couldn't help but let out a soft sigh as she felt Caitlyn's thumbs gently stroke her cheeks.
"Violet" was the first thing Caitlyn whispered against her lips when she pulled away for air. Her bright eyes slowly opened as she pressed her forehead against Vi's. "I've never-"
"Shh" Vi urged as she shook her head and allowed a sigh to escape. She leaned in and pecked Caitlyn's lips once again before she allowed herself to open her eyes and look her lover in the eye "please tell me that was not a one time thing. Because I have never felt like this about anyone"
It was unfair how painfully beautiful and sincere Caitlyn looked when her pools of blue found her gaze and she softly admitted "neither have I"
"So let's not stop" she whispered, feeling almost shy as she smiled at Caitlyn and her lover shared in her smile. Caitlyn waited a second before leaning in and kissing her again. This time, her lips were more passionate and determined. It wasn't meant to curiously explore her options with Violet, but it was a way of telling her pilot that she desired her more than anything. Caitlyn's lips tasted better than the first time and it made Vi curious about whether or not she would taste better each time.
Would it only get better from here? Were they even allowed to succumb to these feelings of desire and need for the other? Whatever it was between them, whatever they felt for each other, was not something that was celebrated by anyone outside the four walls of Caitlyn's home. Hell, Vi knew no one who was like her and Caitlyn. As far as she knew, the only romantic relationship that was allowed to exist was between a man and a woman.
And here she was, her lips attached to the most beautiful woman on earth and wondering how it could be that something so beautiful and so pure, could be seen as evil and a sin? It didn't make sense.
She had a feeling that Caitlyn was bothered by the same questions when she pulled away slightly with a worried look on her face. Vi instantly pulled her closer by her waist and encouraged her to snuggle up to her. It worked, because Caitlyn instantly melted against her chest and like she had done so many times before, Vi rested her chin on top of Caitlyn's head.
"I don't understand" Caitlyn admitted after several minutes of silence as they simply enjoyed each other's company whilst being plagued by the rules of society. "When we- .. kiss, it feels so natural and good. Kissing you feels like something that comes as natural as breathing and feels as wonderful as the first bite of a fresh pie or the first day of summer. Yet, there are so many voices in the back of my mind telling me that this is wrong"
Vi found her hands gently stroking Caitlyn's hip as she listened to her lover and nodded in understanding "I know that feeling" she admitted. "I am constantly haunted by the thoughts put in my head by society, about this not being legal and wrong"
"Then why does it feel so good?" Caitlyn sighed as she pulled away slightly and looked into Vi's eyes. She could see the conflict in those blue pools that were reflecting the storm behind her own eyes as well. "Why does it feel better than anything I have ever done with or felt with George? It was never like this with him. With him, it felt like a chore and with you it feels... it feels like breathing. Like I need it to get through my day"
Vi didn't say anything, but merely leaned in and kissed her deeply. She couldn't stop, there was nothing she wanted more than Caitlyn and now that she knew Caitlyn felt the same, there was no way she could find the energy to stop her feelings from coming to the surface. Vi pulled her closer as Caitlyn desperately returned the kiss, hands on Vi's neck and a soft moan against her lips as the two of them made their silent promise to each other.
"You're so beautiful" Vi managed to whisper against her lips as she grinned and kissed her again. Caitlyn let out a soft giggle in response to Vi's confession and gave into the kiss. It was addictive and Caitlyn was becoming more and more aware of the effect she was having on Vi.
It was all so new to the both of them. Caitlyn obviously had a lot more experience with the physical side of things, whereas Vi had only ever kissed several boys but other than that she was a blank page. There was nothing she wanted more than to explore what it would be like to be more physically intimate with Caitlyn. Especially because it seemed that her lover was feeling just as passionately about her.
"We're completely forgetting the poems" Caitlyn purred against her lips, making Vi grin as she slipped in the little tease.
"Read one more then, another romantic one" Vi encouraged her, pecking her lips once again before pulling away and Caitlyn settled back against her chest after taking the book that had tumbled onto the floor. As Caitlyn looked through the pages, Vi found herself leaning down and placing soft kisses down the side of Caitlyn's neck.
With the first kiss, she felt Caitlyn stiffen. The second one made her suck in a breath. The third made her sigh and the fourth caused her to let out a sound that Vi wanted to hear a thousand times more. She grinned slightly as she placed another kiss on the smooth skin of her neck, sucking a bit harder this time to get a proper moan out of Caitlyn that did all sorts of things to her.
"I thought we were going to enjoy some poetry" Caitlyn softly complained, yet she did not seem to mind the distraction one bit.
Vi felt her lips curl into a grin as she answered Caitlyn, an innocent tone lacing her voice as she did so "I am certainly enjoying something"
"Violet, darling" Caitlyn argued, but was quickly shut up when Vi's lips found her neck again and she made sure to travel up to her ear this time.
"Say that again" Vi softly purred in her ear once she reached it, her mouth finding the soft flesh of Caitlyn's earlobe. Her lips curled around it without any trouble and she gently nibbled as she waited for Caitlyn to repeat herself.
"Say what again?" her French lover softly sighed but then she said it again. "Darling?"
Vi let go of her earlobe so she could answer "that's the one. I could get used to hearing you refer to me as your darling"
"What am I to you then?" Caitlyn immediately bounced back, her voice betraying how curious she was to hear what names Violet was eager to call her. And there were many. Too many to comprehend in the past 15 minutes in which they had confessed their feelings for one another.
"Let's see" Vi started as she lightly brushed her nose against Caitlyn's ear. "I think 'sunshine' would be rather fitting, or perhaps 'beautiful', and 'sweetheart'... I could even go as far as to call you 'my love'"
Caitlyn leaned her head back against Vi's shoulder as she listened to the sweet words that came from her mouth. Violet found it irresistibly adorable how comfortable Caitlyn was in her arms and how eager she was to hear the nicknames laid out for her. "I was going to use 'my love' for you" Caitlyn softly complained but a smile shone through her words.
Her nicknames did suit her. Caitlyn's bright smile reminded her of the sun. Whenever she truly smiled, it lit up her entire face and whichever room she was in. Caitlyn was one of those women who could command a room when they entered, simply by their presence. She was positively radiant and that was something Violet treasured so very dearly.
"We can share that one, how about that?" Vi pressed a kiss on her cheek in response to Caitlyn's comment about the nicknames. "Got any others in mind for me?"
"I like 'darling', or 'my darling'. 'Dearest' is one I adore for you... and perhaps 'my brave one' would be suitable as well" Caitlyn's voice was so sincere, her words so gentle and kind, that Vi wanted to hold her in her arms for the rest of their days and never let go. How was it possible for someone not to love a woman like her? A woman whose bravery shone through all her actions, and yet she wanted to call her, Violet, the brave one.
"I'll take those" Vi chuckled and Caitlyn pressed a sweet kiss on her nose before turning her attention back to her book. She had opened it to a page that she scanned for a moment before she read the poem out loud to her.
I love you not only for what you are
But for what I am when I am with you.
I love you not only for what you have made of yourself,
But for what you are making of me.
I love you for closing your ears to the discords in me
And for adding to the music in and by your listening.
I love you because you are helping me
To make of myself
Not a tavern but a temple life.
And of my every day words,
Not a reproach but a song.
I love you because you have done
More than any creed could have done
To make me good and more than any touch
Could have done to make me happy.
You have done it without a word,
Without a sign, without a touch.
You have done it just by being yourself,
And perhaps that is what love means after all.
"I have a sneaking suspicion that this woman might be in my head" Vi admitted softly as her nose was nuzzled in Caitlyn's hair and her fingers absentmindedly drew little figures on her legs as she listened to Caitlyn's soothing voice. Her French accent was somehow making it sound even more beautiful. "Because these are exact words I could say to you"
"You're a bit of a romantic, aren't you?" Caitlyn teased in the sweetest tone, to which Vi gasped as though she had just been greatly insulted.
"You take that back"
Caitlyn grinned as she turned around to face Vi. "Never"
"Then you shall reap the consequences of that monstrous declaration" Violet informed her before she quickly moved in and moved her fingers from Caitlyn's legs to her sides.
That was exactly how Vi found out that Caitlyn was extremely ticklish. The moment her fingers touched Caitlyn's sides, her lover squealed and crawled backwards, which only caused Vi to move towards her and laugh out loud as she continued to tickle her sides.
The struggle ended in Caitlyn gasping for air as Vi couldn't catch a breath from how hard she was laughing while Caitlyn tumbled off the sofa and Vi landed on top of her. The two slowly caught their breath as Caitlyn rolled them over and grabbed Vi's wrists, pinning them above her head as they looked each other in the eyes, panting.
The whole position they were currently in was dawning on Vi as she realised that Caitlyn was sitting on top of her, pinning her wrists above her head and her face was a lot closer than she had anticipated.
"Truce?" Caitlyn panted softly as she looked into Vi's eyes.
"Truce" she eventually admitted and that earned her the most wonderful reward. Caitlyn leaned in and kissed her deeply, capturing Vi's lips in a moment of passion and heat. An unfamiliar feeling in the pit of her stomach was starting to come to the surface yet again and Violet welcomed it like it was her first meal in weeks. It was a feeling of hunger for Caitlyn was neither of them could describe and made her long for more. They had danced around each other for so long that giving into their feelings felt so freeing.
"I want to bathe with you" Caitlyn softly admitted against her lips when she pulled away slightly.
Vi felt her eyebrows rise in surprise but a feeling of intrigue immediately replaced that surprise "do you now?"
Her breath was caught in her throat once again when Caitlyn sat up on top of her. As she looked down, the familiar illumination of the flames in the fireplace making her even more alluring than she already was, Caitlyn's hand reached out and gently cupped Vi's cheek.
"I have been wondering what that would be like for a while now" Caitlyn softly admitted, Vi swore she could see a blush appear on her rosy cheeks. "Would you bathe with me?"
"As though I could refuse such a request from you, Beautiful" Vi honestly admitted, earning her a bright smile from Caitlyn as the woman quickly climbed off her lap.
"There are several things I'd like to set up, so please take care of turning off the lights downstairs and locking up. Wait for me to call you into the bathroom, alright?" Caitlyn instructed her.
Vi could not help but chuckle lightly as she nodded and grinned "alright Sweetheart, but do not take too long"
"It'll be worth it, I promise" she leaned in and pecked her lips before rushing upstairs, leaving Violet in a state of curiosity, confusion and utter desire for the beautiful Parisian who wanted to bathe with her.
Caitlyn had known exactly what her plan was from the moment she suggested the bath. When she was a teenager, she had once read a rather interesting and descriptive novel about a romantic relationship between a man and a woman. One of the passages had been about the two of them taking a bath together. The author had painted such a vivid and romantic picture that had intrigued Caitlyn to no end. From the moment she read it, she had sworn that she would one day bathe with her lover like that.
She never had with George. He had not been someone she truly loved or desired in that way. It was a whole other story with her pilot, with whom she had been picturing a bath for a rather long time and it seemed that her desires were finally going to come to life.
The first thing she did was go up to the attic, where she found about 15 candles in candleholders that she brought down with her. She set them up in the bathroom as she turned on the faucet and started filling up the tub.
After successfully lighting the candles, she poured some of her most expensive lavender and rose oils into the warm water which instantly made the room smell like a flower garden. It filled her with a feeling of pure bliss as she heard Violet come upstairs and go into the bedroom, probably to wait until she was called into the bathroom. Caitlyn undressed until she was in her lingerie. She was missing a slip dress because she had decided to go for trousers that morning.
"Violet?" she called out to her American lover as she looked at her reflection in the mirror above her sink and she swiftly took the pins from her hair, causing her dark curls to spread out along her shoulders.
She couldn't contain a giggle when Violet entered the bathroom and immediately stopped in her tracks when she witnessed the sight before her. Her jaw slacked slightly as she looked at the candles and the tub whilst taking in the sweet floral smell, before her eyes fell on Caitlyn. A sense of excitement bubbled up inside her when she noticed the way Vi was looking at her. Her eyes reflected a desire that she had not seen in her very often but longed to see more than just this once.
"When you said you wanted to bathe with me, I did not expect this" she stepped further inside as Caitlyn walked up to her. She glanced down at her lover as she slowly started to unbutton the buttons of the blouse that had once belonged to her late husband. They did suit Vi a whole lot better.
"I thought I would surprise my husband" she sweetly teased and Vi grinned.
"I like that title" she admitted and Caitlyn pushed the unbuttoned shirt from her shoulder along with her suspenders before she started to work her way down and unbuttoned the trousers. Somehow it felt more intimate and sensual than she had expected, the act of undressing her lover.
"Then I shall use it more often" Caitlyn whispered her promise as she leaned in. Her lips danced the same route down Violet's neck as hers had done on Caitlyn's earlier that night. Vi's head instantly tilted slightly, making Caitlyn grin when she realised that her pilot was giving her access to continue exploring her smooth neck. Caitlyn's hands finished the buttons of her trousers and pushed them down before Violet stepped out of them.
"Are you nervous?" she heard Vi softly ask, finding a tone of vulnerability in her voice that was soothing and unexpected. Caitlyn's eyes flickered down to her pilot's worried ones and she could see that Violet certainly felt nervous. Most likely more than she did. Perhaps that was because she had experience when it came to being intimate with another person, even though that was a world of difference from what it was like with Vi.
"A bit, are you?" Caitlyn softly asked, deciding to let Violet take the lead on this one. It might just help her calm her nerves to feel that she was the one in control. Caitlyn's long fingers took a hold of Violet's hands and directed them to her back, letting her pilot know that it was alright to continue undressing her.
The softest touch of Violet's fingertips unhooked her brassiere and Caitlyn heard both their breaths hitch as the straps fell off her shoulders and the piece of clothing eventually hit the cold bathroom tiles.
"Caitlyn" her name sounded like a promise on the lips of the woman who held her heart in the palm of her hand, who she wanted to love more freely than she had ever loved anyone. She watched as Violet's eyes drifted down to her chest and took in everything that Caitlyn was offering her, vulnerability and all.
"I'm getting a bit cold" Caitlyn admitted with a gentle smile and she waited for Violet to give her permission to help her out of more of her clothing. Vi simply nodded and let Caitlyn repeat the motion she had just done to her, letting her own brassiere rest on the floor next to Caitlyn's.
Suddenly, the air between them thickened in tension and she felt so honoured to be sharing herself with Vi like this. Without a moment of hesitation, Caitlyn leaned in and placed a soft kiss on Violet's collarbone as she guided her pilot's hands to the waistband of her silk panties, allowing her to slide them down her legs until they, too, hit the tiled floor.
A kiss on Violet's shoulder and Caitlyn's hands repeated the same motion, leaving them both completely bare for each other. Caitlyn merely smiled as she took Vi's hand and pulled her towards the tub. She let Vi climb in first, silence overtaking them, before Caitlyn got in. A shiver ran down her spine when her skin touched the warm water and she sat down in between Vi's spread legs. It hadn't even been a question. She simply leaned back and sucked in yet another breath when she felt Violet's bare breasts come into contact with the skin on her back.
She lost herself in the feeling of her American lover's embrace as Violet's arms wrapped around her waist and her burning centre was slightly pressed against her lower back. It caused something to stir in Caitlyn was she had not experienced before. Her head leaned back on Violet's shoulder and took in a deep breath as she breathed in the combination of floral scents and one that was very distinctly belonging to her pilot.
"I didn't think having a lover would be this glorious" Violet softly told her as her lips were pressed against Caitlyn's temple. Caitlyn's eyes closed for a moment as she smiled.
"I never thought I would have a female lover" Caitlyn admitted truthfully, to which Violet sweetly laughed and shook her head.
"Neither did I"
"I think something shifted when you referred to yourself as my husband for the first time" Caitlyn admitted truthfully as her fingers dipped under water and sprinkled little droplets onto Violet's exposed knee that was sticking out of the water like the iceberg that had sunk the Titanic.
She caught the faint sound of a chuckle leaving Violet's lips as the woman pressed her lips onto her French lover's skin. "Normally, I do not enjoy being referred to as a male. But when it comes to taking care of you as a husband should, I would gladly fulfill that roll" Violet's lips took a pause in her words and she pressed several kisses onto her damp skin. "In any way a husband should care for his wife"
"How very scandalous" Caitlyn giggled, her hands finding the soft skin of Violet's thighs that were spread around her.
Violet grinned sweetly against the skin of her neck and sucked softly on her flesh once more before answering in a husky voice "you started it, seducing me like that. Making yourself completely irresistible to me"
"I cannot help that I am as delectable as I am" Caitlyn teased, softly squeezing her thighs as Violet moaned in return. Caitlyn did not hesitate and turned her head slightly more, enough for Vi to place a longing kiss on her lips. Caitlyn could not help but sigh against those soft lips and allow her tongue to dance along Vi's in a battle for dominance that neither of them won.
When her American lover pulled away, she grinned and whispered against Caitlyn's lips "very delectable, you taste absolutely divine Sweetheart"
"Do you suppose we could stay like this forever?" Caitlyn could not help but sigh as she rested her forehead against Violet's.
"I would say we'd get rather cold" her pilot joked and placed a sweet kiss on her nose "but I wish we could as well"
Caitlyn merely nodded and rested her face in the crook of her lover's neck as she closed her eyes. For a moment she allowed herself to pretend that time had frozen and their time together would never come to an end. Her heart's desires had been fulfilled with Violet answering her love in a more intense manner than she had expected. It was everything she had wished for and more, yet she knew it would not last forever. Violet would go back to her country after the war, leave her on her farm and then what would come of them?
They were two women who loved each other so deeply, yet could never celebrate that love with marriage or a child of their own. It felt unfair. How could something that felt as good as her feelings for Violet, be wrong?
She pushed those negative thoughts away as she lifted her head slightly and cupped her hands. She scooped up some water and poured it over Violet's head, smiling as she repeated the action until her copper curls were fully drenched.
"Is there a reason for making my hair oily?" Violet teasingly asked, even though she let everything happen to her like a dog getting groomed. She allowed Caitlyn to run her long fingers through her short hair as she pressed feather-light kisses along her neck. "I simply wanted to bathe all of you"
"Allow me to repay that kindness then" Vi simply said with a grin as she, too, cupped her hands and poured the scented water onto Caitlyn's head until her hair was as drenched as Violet's was. It caused Caitlyn to turn around in Violet's embrace so they were facing each other and she did not hesitate to lean in and kiss her deeply.
In an instant, her pilot's arms were around her waist, pulling her closer as Caitlyn sat up on her knees so she was taller than her lover. Her arms sneaked around Violet's neck and she skillfully deepened the kiss as she revelled in the feeling of her soft breasts pressed against Violet's chest. Another moan followed that was rewarded with another kiss. It was a game they played for a while until Violet's hands wandered down to her bottom.
"Violet" she moaned softly against her lover's lips when she felt her strong hands squeeze the soft flesh of her bottom. Her teeth took a hold of Violet's bottom lip and gently tugged as the grip of her pilot's hands on her bottom got stronger and she moaned once again.
"I think we ought to take this to bed" Vi suggested when Caitlyn had released her bottom lip from its hostage situation. She merely nodded before taking Violet's hand as they got out of the tub.
They took a moment to dry most of themselves, stealing glances and kisses the entire time they were separated by the towels that were drying them.
By the time they arrived in Caitlyn's bedroom, the towels were left discarded on the bathroom floor and nothing was dividing them anymore. As their lips met yet again, they found their way to her bed and Vi fell back onto the soft mattress as Caitlyn swiftly climbed on top of her. Their lips were sealed once again as Caitlyn leaned down and kissed her. Her fingers ran through Violet's wet curls as an idea struck her.
She had never been this intimate with a woman before and the... mechanics of things were puzzling her a bit. There was one thing she was fairly certain about when it came to loving a woman, if she stuck with what she knew about sex and what she liked about it, she would probably be alright. She had paid attention to what got the most moans out of her American lover and soon enough, dared to explore a bit.
Caitlyn pulled her lips from Violet's, earning her a disappointed groan in return but Caitlyn shook her head as she grinned. Her eyes were sparkling with curiosity as her lips followed the line of Violet's jaw, down to her neck. She made sure to pay some attention to the warm skin of her neck, kissing away few left over droplet of water before she went for her target.
She kept her eyes trained on Violet as her lips travelled over her collarbone, further down until they met their prize. Violet seemed to be a bit surprised about it but welcomed it with a loud moan when Caitlyn's lips came into contact with the surprisingly soft skin of her breast.
The Parisian had expected to get a response from her but it appeared that this was one of her more sensitive spots. She decided to take it a step further. Her lips formed skilful bruises on her breasts before she dared to close her lips around her pilot's rosy nipple.
Violet's fingers tangled in her wet, dark curls in an instant as she let out a soft mewl of pleasure, surprising Caitlyn with her enthusiastic response. Pleased with the noises her American lover produced, her flicked her tongue over her nipple as her bright blue eyes were still trained on Violet's face, always wanting to make sure that she was enjoying herself.
"Caitlyn, please" she had never expected that the sound of Violet's voice as she begged her to continue, would fastly become one of her favourite sounds. After several more flicks of her tongue, she moved to her other breast and served the same attention to her other nipple.
That burning feeling in the pit of her stomach only grew as she loved Violet in the way she had never loved her husband. That sensation of wanting to please her, needing to make her feel good, was something she had never felt with her husband.
A slight pull on her hair by Violet's calloused hand made Caitlyn moan against Violet's breast before she let go. She kissed her way back up to her lips, not daring to go any further on the night they had just confessed their feelings for the first time. It seemed like a step too far to venture anywhere more south and whatever she was supposed to do down there remained a big question mark to her.
Violet did not seem to mind. Her lips crashed down on Caitlyn's in a grateful and loving kiss as they allowed themselves to get lost in each other's embrace yet again.
Eventually, the kisses became less heated and more sensual, allowing them to realise that they ought to get a good night's rest if they wanted to be well rested the next day. Caitlyn detached her lips from Vi's with some trouble and grinned and she whispered "why don't we go to bed?"
"I thought we were already in bed?" Violet dared tease, earning her a laugh and peck on her lips from Caitlyn. When she pulled away from her pilot, she got up from the bed and dressed herself in a fresh pair of silk undergarments and put on her lilac nightgown. Violet usually wore another one of her husband's old shirts to bed and she did so that night as well. The moment they got back into bed, Vi pulled her closer and embraced her from behind.
The smell of lavender and roses filled the room as Caitlyn leaned into the strong grip of Violet's arms around her. A feeling of safety overwhelmed her when she felt Violet press a kiss onto the back of her head, as she had done so often before. Yet tonight, it seemed that a kiss like that now possessed a whole new meaning.
When Caitlyn woke up the next morning, the first thought on her mind was the feeling of Violet's lips on hers. Had it truly happened or had it merely been a sweet dream? She rolled onto her bed to find Violet's side of the bed empty and her thoughts drifted back to the night before. Her heart was overwhelmed with a longing feeling to be with Vi, to live in her arms and feel her pilot's lips on hers yet again.
She quickly got up from her bed, got dressed and hastily did her hair before she made her way downstairs. As always, her pilot was busying herself in the kitchen as she made breakfast. Except this morning was different than any other they had shared.
This morning, Caitlyn approached Violet and wrapped her arms around her from behind, instinctively acting when she saw the woman who she now called her lover. "Good morning, my darling"
Vi immediately perked up and her head turned to the side to glance up into Caitlyn's bright blue eyes before placing a soft kiss on her lips. Violet mumbled a greeting to her the moment their lips parted "good morning Beautiful, how did you sleep?"
For some reason, Violet was clouding her heart and her mind. All Caitlyn could think about was her and she playfully hopped up on the kitchen counter as she watched Vi busy herself with the pan that was on the stove. "I always sleep perfectly sound in your arms"
Violet's eyes found hers yet again and another grin followed her gaze. Vi left the pan alone for a moment and stepped between Caitlyn's legs, which happily parted for her. Caitlyn's arms sneaked around her neck as she giggled and their lips met in a deep kiss.
Her fingers played with the shorts curls on the back of Vi's head, near her neck, as the kiss grew slightly more heated. Vi's hands found her thighs and gently squeezed them as Caitlyn let out a soft moan against her lips.
In need of air, Caitlyn pulled away after a while and rested her forehead against Vi's as she grinned. "I was afraid I had dreamed it"
"Me too" her pilot softly admitted as she placed a sweet kiss on her forehead and then her temple. It caused Caitlyn to laugh softly and tilt her head to give her a bit more access.
As she tilted her head, her eyes fell on the window next to the kitchen door, one that normally looked out onto the barn.
Except this time, this time she looked directly into the dark brown eyes of Mrs. Boucher, one of her neighbours whose face reflected a deep look of disgust at what she had witnessed just moments before.
Caitlyn froze completely, only able to mutter one thing as her cerulean eyes stared into those big brown ones on the other side of the glass.
"Merde"
Notes:
The fluff could only last for so long. It's angst time now.
These two are just so sickening sweet and my teeth might fall out if I do not steer the fluff boat into the port of Angst island.
Seriously though, I love them so much and writing fluff for them is just *chef's kiss*Anyways, ANGST.
I will see you next time, my loves!
(I won't be able to update tomorrow, maybe Saturday if I am not hungover, and otherwise the next update will be Monday)
Chapter 10: In the depths of war
Notes:
Before we get started, I have to put a trigger warning on this chapter for graphic violence.
It's about to go down...
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Caitlyn jumped off the counter faster than she could answer Violet's question about what was happening. Her bright eyes caught a glimpse of Mrs. Boucher turning around and rushing off. A terrible feeling of dread consumed her as she rushed out the backdoor and followed Mrs. Boucher, who had put quite some distance between the two of them.
She had to make this right, she had to inform Mrs. Boucher that this was a mistake and that she would pay any price if she would just keep quiet. Mrs. Boucher was one of the more nosey neighbours who was more than keen on keeping it friendly with the Germans. She was fond of proclaiming her thoughts on "injustice'', which in her meaning of the word just meant siding with whoever was winning the battle.
Her feet stopped running the moment she rounded the corner and saw that Mrs. Bouchier had stopped one of the German soldiers who was patrolling around the town in case of any disturbances. Her eyes were wide as she watched from a distance while the older woman spoke to the man and then turned back to Caitlyn before pointing at her.
There was nothing she could do, nothing she could say, to make this better. She could see the soldier's blue eyes narrow slightly as he caught sight of her and before Caitlyn could think about it, her feet had turned around and she ran back to the farm. She knew exactly what this meant, she knew how this would end and she knew all that was left for her to do was to make sure her pilot was carefully hidden away.
"What's wrong? What happened?" a thoroughly confused and rather worried Violet asked her the moment she rushed back into the kitchen, eyes burning with tears as she shook her head.
"It's over" Caitlyn managed to say as her mind was already thinking six steps ahead. Her hands found anything edible that she could find and put it in a basket along with several bottles of milk and water.
"What?" her words only confused Violet more and her lover grabbed her by her shoulders to stop her from hurrying around the kitchen. "What's over? Caitlyn, what happened?"
She couldn't bear the feeling that crashed into her like a wave bursting into shore on a stormy afternoon. Violet's concerned eyes, the way her hands held her shoulders in a firm but caring grip. As she looked up into those beautiful grey eyes, her mind raced to the conclusion that she might never see her lover again. After only one night together, their time was up and their ways would part in the worst way possible.
"My neighbour saw us" Caitlyn finally managed to tell her, voice trembling as she felt a tear run down her cheeks. "I ran out to follow her, but I saw she had already alerted a German soldier"
Watching Violet start to realize what that meant for them was the worst sight Caitlyn had ever witnessed. Her lover's world came crumbling down as her eyes glazed over with a strange sort of anger combined with the deepest sorrow those eyes had reflected in her presence so far.
"I'll fight them, I'll fight every fucking one of them and then we are going to run" Vi promised her, a voice full of anger and hatred as Caitlyn shook her head.
"You can't, they are going to come with reinforcement and you can never take on that many soldiers especially when they are armed... You have to hide" Caitlyn urged her.
Violet's face turned from one of anger to disgust "and leave you to deal with them? Never"
"Please Violet" Caitlyn's voice broke as the tears now freely rushed over her cheeks while her hands found her lover's cheeks. She held onto them as though it was her lifeline, crashing her lips down on Violet's in a moment of desperation before she pulled away and pressed her forehead against her pilot's. "My neighbour knows everyone in this village, they know you do not live here so it's an easy puzzle to solve. They'll shoot you on sight if they find you"
"I'll be dead anyways" Violet's voice was the one to break this time as her own tears now rolled down her cheeks as well. Her strong hands still held on to her shoulders "I would rather die fighting to protect you, than die after they find me in hiding and leave you to fend for yourself"
"Violet, listen to me" Caitlyn spoke in a clear voice as her cerulean eyes bore into the storms that belonged to her pilot. "I will be fine, I have done nothing wrong. You have a chance at survival if you hide in the wine cellar. No one will be able to find you there, I promise you that. As soon as they leave, you have to find Viktor and get your papers. Get out of here and do not come looking for me. Please promise me that"
"I cannot promise that Caitlyn. How can I fucking promise you that? I cannot bear the thought of leaving you behind, you are coming with me or I am not going at all" Violet stubbornly told her but Caitlyn shook her head as she felt a new rush of tears roll down her cheeks as she pressed another urgent kiss on Vi's lips.
"I know you want to protect me, I know you want to come and rescue me, but you cannot give up your life for mine. It's going to be me or both of us and I can never forgive you if you give yourself up for me" Caitlyn's hands moved from her cheeks and she pulled Violet into a tight embrace as she took in the familiar scent of her lover once more.
"I don't care about my own life Cait, it was going to end on that night that my plane crashed. Thanks to you, it didn't... but I have yet to repay that debt"
"And you can repay that by leaving and taking Pauline with you" Caitlyn told her as they held each other tight. "I only have a chance if you are hidden. They will let Mrs. Boucher testify and if they do not find any evidence of your stay here, there is a good chance they will let me go"
"You don't know them Caitlyn, they are not going to let you go like that" Vi mumbled as she pulled her closer.
"They are going to shoot us both if you do not hide, that is a great way to get us both killed in an instant" Caitlyn argued, obviously not going to let it go. Her arms loosened their grip on her pilot and she pulled away slightly. "They can be here any moment, please set aside your honour and feeling of justice. This is the only way for both of us to escape alive"
The war happening inside her pilot's head was one that was painful to watch. Caitlyn knew her lover better than she liked to admit. She knew that she was tearing herself apart when thinking about the consequences of her actions should she stay and fight. Then there was the feeling of immense guilt in the event that she went into hiding. There was nothing that could be said or done that would be a proper solution to their current situation.
"Please" Caitlyn begged her softly as her lover broke in front of her. Her shoulders slacked and her tears seemed an uncontrollable river of sorrow that was telling her the depth of Violet's feelings for her.
"I love you more than I can possibly say" Violet admitted, so soft that the wind could have carried her words away into the cornfields that lay outside her farm. "And it kills me that I cannot protect you. That your best chance at survival is for me to let you go"
Caitlyn nodded and her fingers intertwined with Violet's as she simply took the basket that she had hastily prepared and she pulled her pilot with her. Through the trap door, down to the wine cellar and towards the hidden door behind one of the shelves.
"Promise me you will never blame yourself, no matter what happens to me" Caitlyn urged her as she pulled her closer again. "I cannot bear the thought of you destroying yourself out of guilt"
"Dont say that Caitlyn, don't speak as though you won't come back" Violet's voice was deep and dark, something looming over her grey eyes as she shook her head and leaned in to kiss her deeply. Perhaps for the last time.
Their lips moved together in a moment of desperation. The salt of their tears mixed together on their tongues as they made a silent promise to each other. It was not going to be a goodbye, it would be a see you again.
"I love you Violet" Caitlyn softly admitted when she pulled away, keeping their foreheads pressed together as they exchanged their final words. "I love you more than you will ever know"
"It's been an honour loving you as long as we were allowed to" her pilot whispered as a fresh tear ran down her cheek.
Caitlyn shook her head as she embraced her one more time "don't speak as though this is the end. We'll see each other again. I promise"
Violet nodded softly but neither of them seemed to really believe it. One last time, their lips touched as their goodbyes were uttered in silence before Vi crawled into her hiding space with the basket that Caitlyn had hastily put together for her.
Caitlyn could not help but crouch down and allow her fingers to touch her lover's cheek one final time. "You are the love of my life Violet. Thank you, for giving me the joy and honour of loving you"
Violet's tears had become silent ones that could hardly reflect the pain that she felt when she had to let her lover go and let her fate be decided by the enemy. "You will always own my heart Caitlyn. Whoever might come along, my heart will always be yours"
Caitlyn felt her stomach turn at the sight of her pilot moving her face into her hand, desperate to hang on to that final touch. They did not say it out loud, but both of them knew that they would never see each other again. The time they had been blessed to spend together, had been the best days of their lives and that was what they held on to as they were torn apart.
"Please stay hidden for at least two days after hearing them leave. They might keep soldiers around to check if you are still hidden, so they can shoot you the moment you come to the surface. You have to make sure that absolutely no one is around"
"I promise" Violet softly promised, her eyes still battling her instincts to get out and fight for the woman she loved. The only thing that held her back was the knowledge that something like that would mean a certain death for both of them, and this was all they could do to give the other a chance. "I love you"
"I love you too, ma chère" Caitlyn whispered her final promise to her pilot before closing the door and sealing her lover inside until the coast was clear. The one thing on her mind was getting her pilot to safety. All that mattered was the life of her Violet, her own long forgotten. She pushed the shelves in front of the door and rushed back upstairs. Her hands were trembling as she walked back to the kitchen.
She silently fed Pauline some of the last left overs from last night's dinner. One she had shared with Violet in the utmost state of bliss. How simple their lives had been the night before, when they had simply gotten lost in the company of each other and their newly confessed love for each other. For Caitlyn, it felt as though she had not lived until she had met Violet. Like anything her life had revolved around seemed useless from the moment she had met Vi.
All she could think of was the promise that Violet had made to her. That she would not come looking for her, that she would not try to be a hero and break her out of prison, that she would stay hidden and flee the first chance she got. Viktor would help her out without a second thought and he would most likely help her cross the town border. The one thing keeping her from breaking down in tears yet again, was the thought that Violet might just make it out alive. That her pilot would find a way to survive, to leave and to go back to America.
She'd be safe there, back in the arms of the family she had left behind and the people she knew and loved. She'd get over Caitlyn eventually, perhaps find a new lover somewhere across the sea and allow herself to love that woman as she had loved Caitlyn for those mere hours that they had been allowed to.
The moment she heard the engine of the German truck come to a stop in front of her house, she turned towards the backdoor. Her fate was awaiting her in the next few seconds as she watched about 10 soldiers burst out of the vehicle, rushing towards the house and force their way through the backdoor.
She refused to cry, refused to make a sound as their rough hands took a hold of her. She did not look any of them in the eye, ignoring the commands they spit at her as they pulled her along with a force that predicted what fate awaited her at their destination.
She didn't put up a fight, knowing it would only bring her in a more difficult situation if she decided to do so. Then, it happened.
Pauline started barking the moment the soldiers burst through the doors, the leader barking orders at the others, who immediately started searching the entire house. They dragged Caitlyn along with them as Pauline's barking for louder and within a second, her teeth sunk into the leg of the soldier who had apprehended her.
It all happened too fast. Caitlyn's head turned towards her loyal companion, who fearlessly protected her loving owner but was repaid with a merciless shot right between her eyes.
Caitlyn cried out the moment she heard the shot and watched as Pauline's body went limp while the soldier who held her hands behind her back kicked the lifeless body of her dog away from him.
"PAULINE" She cried out in pure desperation as her knees gave out. Her unexpected movement caused the soldier to lose his grip on her wrists and she sunk to the floor. She immediately crawled over to the body of her loyal, sweet Pauline as the mess of black and white fur was slowly starting to turn red. She clutched the still warm body to her chest as she screamed, crying out for the loss of the one companion who had always been by her side and given her comfort on nights she had needed it the most.
Pauline had guarded her for years, chased away intruders and kept an eye on her when her body was weakened and feverish. During those nights of fever dreams and nightmares, the two things that kept her sane had been Violet's arms around her and Pauline's wet nose pressed against the palm of her hand as her girl kept watch over her.
"No, please my darling" Caitlyn begged, but she knew that her loyal girl was gone. The blood from her wound stained the light blue fabric of her dress but she hardly cared. The loss of Pauline was a burden she had not expected she'd have to bear.
She did not get more than a minute to mourn for her Pauline. Two soldiers dragged her away from the lifeless body of her once loyal dog as she kicked and cried out, trying to get back to her. She wanted to hold her one last time, give her a proper burial and say goodbye, but there was no chance to as she was pulled to her feet and dragged towards the truck that awaited her outside.
Caitlyn was beside herself as she was forced into the back of the vehicle, immediately locked inside as she collapsed on her knees and cried out for her darling Pauline. The one creature who did not deserve an end as cruel as the one she had met just moments ago.
The ride she had to endure wasn't very long, but she knew where she was heading. The Germans had a large building to their disposal about 30 minutes away from her town. One where several security checks were done in order to even get in, and one you almost never got out of if you were not in a uniform.
By the time they arrived Caitlyn's tears had dried on her cheeks, leaving red stains on her cheeks as she stared ahead and tried to process everything that had happened to her during the past hour.
She let herself get pulled from the truck one the engine stopped running. Her hands were tied behind her back the moment she stepped outside the vehicle and she tried her best to take in her surroundings as she was pulled along with two soldiers. They escorted her into the largest building, taking her down the stairs and through several guarded doors that led to an underground network hallways.
Her blue eyes darted to each room and cell they passed, memorizing what she saw and what was happening. Most doors were closed and had no windows in them. Some had a small hatch in the doors, but were also closed.
There was one room they passed that cut into her core. The room was closed off by a door but had a large window one so one could see into the room. Inside the room were a large desk with a chair behind it, some papers on it and all sorts of equipment that told Caitlyn more than she wanted to know.
Two chains hung from the ceiling, but the one thing that caused Caitlyn's stomach to turn were the large stains of blood on the tiled floor.
A shiver ran down her spine as they passed the room and Caitlyn prayed that she would never be taken there. All she knew was that one was not treated kindly in places such as these, but a room like that was reserved for the darkest of deeds that made her imagination run wild in horror.
She was escorted to a cell on the end of the hallway. Her wrists were freed from their binds as the door opened for her and she was pushed inside the empty space before the door closed and locked behind her.
The only light that filled the small concrete space, came from the window high above her head. It was too high up to see through or even reach with the tips of her fingers. The cell held nothing other than a metal bucket in the corner. She could only imagine how often it had been used by other prisoners in the past, just from looking at it. Prisoners who had most likely not survived their stay.
Her mind started to finally calm down as she processed all that had happened that day. Her feet slowly made their way around the concrete cell, fingers tracing the walls as she felt the layers that kept her from the outside world.
On the wall that was connected to the cell next to her, she noticed some crack next the window. A little further down, even a larger crack that half an eye could see through if she got on up on her toes. She tried for a moment but was simply met with the concrete wall of the cell next to her, not seeing anyone as far as her eye could see.
Her head felt empty and her eyes were through with crying. She slid down the wall underneath her window and pulled her knees to her chest as she let waves of emotion and grief pass through her. Her beloved Pauline was gone, shot by a bastard who had not even given it a second thought. She had so bravely defended her and it had meant her end. The guilt the rushed through her when it dawned on her that she was the reason Pauline was dead, was indescribable.
Caitlyn choked on another tear as she thought of what she could have done different. If she had only put Pauline on a leash outside, if she had only locked her away in a room or done something to prevent her from attacking that soldier, she would still be alive.
That brought her train of thought to Violet, her lover who was hopefully still hidden away in the safety of her wine cellar. All that remained for Caitlyn was a faint hope. Hope that they would be reunited in some unthinkable scenario. Hope that Violet would make it out of her house and would survive her trip past the borders of her town. Hope that Violet would flee, that she would not come after her.
It brought her back to the moment they had shared together the night before. When she closed her eyes, she could let herself get lost in that memory. The memory of Violet's beautiful grey eyes as the soft light of the lit candles reflected the playfulness in them. How her strong hands were able to handle Caitlyn so gently. How she would laugh when Caitlyn made a joke, or the way her nose scrunched when she ate something she did not like. She could smell the faint scent of lavender and rose that had lingered in her hair after their bath the night before.
Her mind wandered to the feeling of Vi's hands on her thighs, wandering up to her stomach as he rfingers drew light circles on her soft skin. Those strong hands carefully, curiously discovering the feeling of Caitlyn's breasts against her skin. Then the feeling of Violet's lips on her ear, sucking on her earlobe before they would travel down her jaw and her neck.
Finally, the feeling of Violet's lips on hers. How the feeling made her toes curl and her heart swell as she immediately craved more. It was unlike anything she had felt before and it washed over her like a wave of pure ectasy each time Violet's lips met hers.
As the hours passed, she tried to keep herself sane by keeping in mind why she had submitted herself to this situation. It was all to keep her pilot safe, to give her another chance at life. As long as she stayed silent and did not crack, there was a chance that her pilot would survive and that was all that mattered now. Her own life would not last another week, but the thought that she would live on in the memory of the woman who had loved her so fiercely, gave her the strength not to give up.
By the time the sun started to set, she heard the first sound outside her cell since the moment the door locked behind her. She immediately stiffened, frightened that the footsteps were leading up to her cell but they stopped right before they got to her door.
She listened carefully, only catching the faint sound of a mumble and the door next to her being opened. By the sound of it, her neighbour had just arrived as she heard a low grunt of a man as he was undoubtedly roughly pushed into the small concrete space. The door closed and locked behind her new neighbour in the same fashion as hers had, loud and fast. Determined to keep them locked in as long as they'd like.
For lack of anything else to do, she listened to the man in the cell next to her. Her ears perked up when she heard faint French mumbling. There was something familiar about the tone of this man's voice, but ti was too soft to quite recognize it. She got up from her curled up position on the floor and pressed her ear against the small crack in the a=wall that her eyes had looked through hours before her neighbour had arrived.
That was when she heard the voice she had trusted for many years.
"Viktor?" she called out, making sure it was only loud enough for her neighbour to hear. She was quite sure the Germans weren't fond of prisoners communicating with each other. She could not see what was happening outside their doors, so there was no way of knowing if there were guards outside of their cells or whether they were alone.
For a moment, she held her breath as she waited for her neighbour to answer. The longer it took for him to answer, the more she started to question whether she had recognized his voice correctly.
Then an answer finally came "Caitlyn?"
It was a cruel, cruel joke that they were in this place together. On one hand, she was more than relieved to have Viktor by her side in, what undoubtedly were, her last days. On the other hand, she did not wish a fate like this on a man as kind hearted and brave as Viktor. He had risked his life for so many, just like she had, and it seemed that they would meet the same end because their need for justice and taking care of others had been larger than their fear of death.
"Viktor, you're here" Caitlyn softly told him, speaking in French to make sure that anyone who might be listening in would have a hard time understanding them. Even the Germans who spoke French were often not familiar with their dialect and most of them would not be able to make a single word out of a conversation her and Viktor had.
"So are you" she heard her neighbour say as he got closer to her wall and she replaced her ear with her eye, glancing through the crack as Viktor's trusted face came into view. "How did this happen?"
"Mrs. Boucher came to the house and saw us, she rushed to an officer and told them what she saw. They barged into my house about 10 minutes later" she informed Viktor, not wanting to give away too much detailed information out of fear that someone might be able to translate what they were saying, or because they could beat out any information that Caitlyn might give him. "What about you? Why are you here?"
"They somehow knew what I was involved in. I have a feeling that one of the neighbours has caught a whiff of what was happening and alerted them" Viktor informed her, clearly having the same strategy as Caitlyn. The less either of them knew, the better.
Caitlyn felt that feeling of desperation fill her stomach again as they fell silent and she swallowed thickly.
"I'm sorry" she said after a few moments and it took Viktor several moments before he replied with similar words.
"I am sorry too" he admitted softly, knowing that they both were simply sorry for the fact that they were both in this mess.
There was not much more to say, not when they were both facing the end of their lives in the darkness that was starting to creep into their cells as the night fell. It was a cold night on the hard floor that radiated death more than anything. She tried to warm herself by curling up on the concrete floor, but it was no use against the creeping cold that settled in her bones.
She did not sleep much, not more than 15 minutes every few hours, and woke up exhausted by the sound of her door being unlocked and opened. She had not eaten anything since the night that her and Violet had confessed their love for each other. She had been arrested before breakfast the day before and had gotten nothing to eat in the prison she was kept in.
Her stomach felt empty and heavy at the same time, her eyes threatening to close at every chance they got but instantly awake when they noticed the two soldiers standing in her doorway. Her feet scrambled up from the floor, pulling her heavy and tired body from its sleepy state on the floor as she tried to keep her head held high.
One of the soldiers spoke up as the other stepped into her cell, bound her wrists behind her back as they had the day before, and pulled her towards the open door.
"Caitlyn Dubois, you're expected for your interrogation" he spoke in German as the other pulled her along with him. That familiar feeling of dread made her feel ill as she was roughly pulled through the slightly familiar hallways. Her journey back through them made the feeling of dread only grow when she suspected where they were going.
The sounds of the black boots belonging to the soldiers and the clicking of her heels on the tiled floor was driving her insane as they got closer and closer to the one room she dreaded the most. There was no use in fighting the grip of the man who was holding her, no use to scream or curse. All she could do was follow them like a lamb to slaughter.
Finally, they arrived at their destination and the door was opened for her. With a rough shove, she was pushed inside. It was in that moment, she realised that she had not known fear until that very second. Her eyes wandered the room she had passed the day before. The room with chains hanging from the ceiling and a bloodstained floor.
Perhaps worst of all; the pale blue eyes of the General that had offered to grand her protection if she became his whore, boring right through her as a sickening grin spread on his lips. His eyes ran over her for a second and he nodded at the men who had brought her in while he opened his mouth to speak for the first time.
"Mrs. Dubois" his tone condescending as it ever had been while the soldiers pulled her towards the centre of the room. Her cerulean eyes were brought down by the degrading stare of the pale blue eyes belonging to the General as he continued.
"Fancy seeing you again. Let's get started, shall we?"
Notes:
I am really, truly sorry for this, and for the fact that it is only going to get worse.
All I can say is, do not lose hope...
And I will see you next time, my loves!
Chapter 11: The broken promise of a lover
Notes:
Before we get started, yet another trigger warning for graphic depiction of violence and slight sexual assault!
If you prefer not to read it, you can skip the first bit until Vi's POV at the line break.
Chapter Text
"It's a funny thing, this line of work. When we first crossed paths you seemed like the perfect example of a meek housewife running her husband's farm while he was off to war. It seems I was mistaken"
The General nodded towards the chains as he continued to speak. His entire demeanour seemed calm and collected, as though it was another day at the office where he had the same paperwork to file as he had any other day. He was used to these interrogations, most likely had several of them a day. He seemed almost bored.
Caitlyn refused to look him in the eye and she kept her gaze on the floor as the soldiers pulled her towards the centre of the room. The binds around her wrists were taken off and for the seconds that they were free, Caitlyn took in a deep breath and relished in the feeling of her untouched skin. She was well aware that it would not last very long, and sure enough, it didn't. The General slowly walked towards a lever that was installed in the wall and lowered the chains.
He continued as the soldiers chained her wrists together, arms behind her back, and gave the General a nod.
"It's a waste really, I would've gladly taken you as my mistress... but now that you have poisoned yourself by mingling with American blood, I wouldn't dare touch you without my gloves" he let out a laugh, Caitlyn was determined not to look up and spit in his face as he took a step closer to her, but it seemed tempting.
She had to be smart about this though, the less she talked the better. She'd have to sit this out, bear what was coming to her, and perhaps it would keep her pilot safe.
Because her eyes were counting the bloodstained tiles on the floor, she did not notice the silent commands the General was giving the two soldiers who had brought her in. Not until she suddenly heard the sound of the chains that held her arms behind her back. Ever so slowly, they were raising her arms as they were bound behind her back.
She had promised herself not to make a sound. Something about her screamed not to let them know that she was in pain, not to let them take any pleasure in the fact that she was being hurt. But it was becoming increasingly more difficult as the chains pulled her wrists higher, until they were above her head and held her bound-back arms in a very uncomfortable and horrifying position.
Her eyes were shut tight, a tear escaping on accident and it dripped onto the blood stained tiles below her.
The chains did not stop, they kept pulling her up until she was standing on the balls of her feet. Then the noise stopped and her unbearable position was fixed for God knew how long. There was no way to tell how much time passed in a room that was lit with lights from the ceiling and lacked any windows.
Caitlyn heard the General's footsteps before she noticed his black boots in her line of sight as she kept her eyes down, trained on the tiled floor and her feet that were already starting to tingle. There was a moment of suspense. A moment where Caitlyn felt that he might just shoot her in the head, just to get it over with. Another tear fell on the tiles and her nose was starting to run from the welling of her tears and the lack of noise she was making.
The hand that grabbed a hold of her dark curls was rough in the worst way imaginable. The gloved fingers did not care how much hair they ripped out, only caring that she looked the man in question in the eye. Her head was yanked up without mercy, eyes undefeated as she glanced up into his bright, cold ones. One thing the General seemed to have misjudged, was how much of a fighter she truly was. She was not one to fight in the physical form, but she had been defiant her entire life. And she did not crack. Easily.
"Such a waste" the General tutted as his eyes ran over her face, one gloved hand still holding her head back so she would look at him. His eyes roamed her body as he had done days before when they were in the wine cellar, and he once again took no shame in taking in all of her.
It felt degrading. His eyes judged her like she was a mere cow or pig you bought at a cattle market, of which you had to determine the value based on how well-fed and well-looked after it was. His eyes fell on her chest, not hesitating as his free hand grabbed her left breast roughly. He felt for a moment, eyes trained on Caitlyn's as she still refused to make a sound or give him any sort of reaction in her expression.
"You really would've made an excellent whore" he let go of her breast and shook his head "alas, the American had you first"
He stepped back from her, letting go of her hair as he watched her trying to stay balanced on the balls of her feet. Her shoulders were starting to get close to dislocating from the uncomfortable situation they were in.
"You could be walking out of here in minutes, if you answer a few questions I have for you" the General flexed his fingers before taking off his uniform hat and placed it on his desk "nothing more, nothing less. So, why don't you be a good girl and tell me exactly who that pilot is"
Caitlyn's eyes found his once again, only this time it was her own choice. She lifted her head for the first time since she had been chained to the ceiling. For several moments, she was silent. Then she spoke. "I do not know anything"
The General immediately shook his head "I really do not want to hurt girl as pretty as you, but you leave me no choice if you do not answer my questions"
"I do not know anything" Caitlyn repeated. She truly did not care what she was going to get in return. Her freedom meant nothing if she had to sacrifice Violet in return.
"Alright" the General nodded. Then his eyes left Caitlyn for the first time in minutes and he nodded at one of the soldiers. The man immediately sprung to action and walked over to Caitlyn. Dread filled her stomach as the man approached her. Without a single moment of hesitation, she felt the soldier rip the back of her dress apart, along with her slip dress that was underneath. He tore it right down the middle, to her waist, exposing the smooth, flawless skin of her back.
As the soldier did so, the General made his way over to a metal table on the other side of the room. He took something in his hand and slowly turned around towards Caitlyn, whose eyes widened slightly when she saw what he was holding and what she would be subjected to if she did not give him what he wanted.
"Most of us have a tool of choice that we like to use, to get our answers" the General stated as he approached Caitlyn, who had a harder time hiding her fear now. "Mine's a bullwhip. Rather old fashioned perhaps, but I have found that it does the trick almost every time"
He stepped around her, making Caitlyn wonder whether it was worse to know when the whip would hit her back, or not knowing when and if it would happen. She heard the General behind her. "One last chance to tell me what you know about the pilot"
Caitlyn's silence lasted a moment longer and she took a deep breath. "I don't know anything"
The first lash was maybe the worst one. She hadn't known what to expect, how it would feel and if it would get worse or better the more lashes she received. She bit her lower lip when she felt the whip hit her back, actively keeping a scream buried deep inside her as she tasted her own blood from her lip bite.
"I'll start easy" the General warned her before she received another lash. "10 lashes, and you'll get another chance. Why don't you count for me as the good whore of an American should? Start at 3 upon the next one"
Caitlyn managed to keep in another scream as the whip hit her back the third time and she kept her mouth shut. The lashes stopped for a moment when she did not count the lash and she saw the General come back into her line of sight as he tutted yet again.
"That's not the obedient behaviour I expect from you" he shook his head and it seemed he was going to say something, but then he slapped her across the face, hard. Her nose instantly started to bleed, dripping onto the already bloodstained tiles as she still remained silent.
"Because of your disobedience, we'll go until we reach 20. Then you will get another chance. Refuse to count again? We go to 30, and so on. Do I make myself clear?" he placed his hands on his knees, leaning forward so their faces were close enough for her to smell his terrible breath.
Caitlyn simply nodded. The General's tight lips formed a satisfied grin at her nod and he took his position behind her yet again.
Another lash and Caitlyn's silence.
"I cannot hear you"
She was determined to stay silent, but getting beaten to death by a bullwhip because she had been too stubborn to spare herself the extra lashes, seemed too much. So she finally caved.
"Four"
"That's a good girl, keep that up"
The lashes continued. Caitlyn started to cry out in pain by the time the eighth lash came around and upon her twelfth lash, her skin broke and exposed the flesh underneath. Her bloody nose was starting to dry up but the streams of blood running down her back sounded like rain dripping down on the tile floor.
The General continued without mercy.
"Eighteen" she screamed when she received another lash on an open wound, making her feel that she might pass out if this were to continue for another twenty lashes. Tears, blood and sweat were mingling together on her face as she received yet another lash.
"Nineteen" she was almost there. Just one more and she would be done. Until she would refuse to answer again.
The last lash opened a new wound on her back and she cried out again, followed by a soft sob as she counted the last lash "twenty"
The General kept his word and did not continue. He appeared in front of her again and his eyes betrayed nothing that looked like remorse or even shock at the trauma he had just inflicted on her back. Her skin that had once been unmared, smooth and littered with little birthmarks that Violet had counted the several nights before when they had been lying together, naked in bed. Her calloused but gentle fingers had traced down Caitlyn's spine, causing her to giggle slightly as Vi's nose had pressed against her shoulder blade while her lips found one of her birthmarks.
You're so beautiful she'd said. Soft, strong and so... unbelievably pretty.
Now, that flawless back resembled an open wound and each lash on her burst open skin had inflicted deeper wounds that kept the dark blood flowing down her back. It dripped onto the floor at the same rate that it ran down her legs after it had fully soaked the fabric of her dress that was still circling her waist.
"I'll give you another chance" the General took a hold of her chin, pulling her tired eyes up to look into his as he squeezed her jaw painfully tight. Her pilot had littered her jaw with kisses so often. Treated her jaw and neck with so much kindness, so soft and so loving. Violet's hands were the complete opposite of the General's hands. His hands were meant to inflict pain, whereas her pilot's hands were meant to cherish her, to care for her and love her.
"I do not know anything" Caitlyn bit at him, sounding a lot stronger than she felt in that moment.
The General sighed, letting go of her chin as he reclaimed his position behind her. "Another ten lashes, continue counting at twenty-one"
As another ten lashes followed, Caitlyn felt the skin on her back started to loosen. She had no way of seeing her back by herself but from what she felt, she had the feeling that parts of the skin on her back were barely hanging on to her flesh, blood was running faster now and she knew it was not going to last much longer or she would loose consciousness.
"Thirty" she eventually cried out, her voice sounded and felt raw from the cries and screams she had let out as her back had been torn open. The General seemed to want a different approach this time as he seemed to realise that she was not going to last much longer.
He pulled a chair over to where she was hanging. Her feet had long since given up, and though she tried to get up on the balls of her feet every now and then, she simply let herself hang from the chains on the ceiling for most of it. The lashes had been a lot worse than the numb feeling in her shoulders, which had dislocated a long time ago.
The General sat down in front of her, his face almost at the same height as Caitlyn's, since she was leaning forward in her current state. "I'll start off simple, give me a name"
Caitlyn shook her head, spitting on the tiled floor in front of him. It was not going to get much worse. Her back already felt like it was on fire anyways and at the same time, felt incredibly numb.
"It's no use lying to me, we already know you are hiding the pilot" the General informed her "your neighbour saw you.. we'd just like to know where the pilot is hiding"
Caitlyn took another deep breath, yet again shaking her head "I do not know anything"
The General seemed more angry now as he shot up from the chair, pushed it back and got back into his position.
"Ten more, count to forty" he instructed her seconds before she received another blow on her back.
When she got to thirty-five, she could hardly see anymore. She felt dizzy, her head heavy and the feeling of the whip hitting the open wounds on her back was making it impossible for her to still stand up. Her body felt heavy, her eyes even heavier.
She lost consciousness at number thirty-eight. She didn't feel the last two lashes, did not feel the feeling of the chains being loosened and her unconscious body hitting the bloody floor. As she lay in a pool of her own blood, wrists being unbound and shoulder being popped back into their sockets, she did not feel a thing.
It was like her mind was protecting her for the pain she had endured during her time in the interrogation room. She looked more dead than alive as her unconscious body was carried to another cell, one without windows, only illuminated by a small light on the ceiling. It was as empty as the cell she had been kept in before, but that did not matter. Her body was placed in the centre of the room, left behind after one of the soldiers checked to see if she was still alive.
Her mind was a blur of images and feelings. She saw flashes of her parents, her childhood, her pets and the friends she had once had at school. Her mind flew around the things she had lived through, going through each memory as though she was looking through a photo album. She saw her late husband, happily teaching her how to steer a kite that he had made himself.
The last thing she saw were the bright colours of the kite as her eyes slowly blinked open. Her vision was dizzy and she was unsure if she was still dreaming or if this was real. She noticed she was lying on her stomach on the concrete floor, blood around her as it still streamed down her open back and her face felt swollen.
It was hard to concentrate on anything, hard to see anything and listen. Until she heard the voice she loved more than any in the world. The voice belonging to her pilot.
She heard her before she saw her, her beautiful copper-haired pilot sitting by her side as she could almost feel her gentle hands cup her blood-stained cheeks. "My love, what have they done to you?"
"Y-you are not here" Caitlyn managed to say, her voice hoarse and low as she looked up into the stormy grey eyes she called her home. "They're looking for you"
"I couldn't let you suffer for me" she saw a tear roll down her lover's face, pain reflected on those eyes that she never wanted Vi to show her. She wanted to reach out, wanted to take Violet's hand and tell her it was alright. But when she did, she gripped on to nothing.
The image of her pilot vanished, carried away by the flashes of memory that had carried her through the past hour.
Then, she was alone again.
Her cell had seemed brighter with Violet there, optimistic and somewhat light. Without her, it was dark, cold and damp in her cell.
She had never felt so utterly, completely alone.
As she laid there in the darkness of her cell, eyes at the wall, she finally allowed herself to cry freely.
Violet had been hiding in the dark for what felt like weeks. Without any light coming into the small crawl space she was hiding in, there was no way to tell if it was day or night and how much time had passed.
On top of that, she was driving herself insane not knowing what had happened to Caitlyn. She had been in the space for a few minutes before the Germans had stormed the house. She had not heard a lot except for the orders being called out by the Germans, the barks of Pauline, a gun shot and Caitlyn's scream. Then moments later, complete silence.
It had taken every bit of restraint for her not to storm upstairs and punch every one of those Germans to their death until she was run through with their bullets, but she had made a promise to Caitlyn. A promise she really intended to keep, but it was becoming increasingly harder with each moment she spend in the crawl space in the wine cellar.
She had heard the Germans go through her house, without a doubt not leaving anything in their rightful place and she was quite sure she heard a lot of things scatter to pieces. She had stayed hidden though, even when the sounds died out and it seemed that no one was there. She'd heard footsteps come down to the wine cellar but the door was hidden so well that even if you did push the shelves aside, you'd have to know that the crawl space was there to notice it.
The boots going around the wine cellar had eventually silenced but she had remained in her spot. If she was caught, she knew that would mean the end for Caitlyn. They were, without a doubt, holding her in one of those prisons and that was a place where they would immediately have you shipped off the moment they had evidence you had something to do with illegal activity.
The best chance for Caitlyn was for Vi to stay hidden, that was what she had to keep telling herself to keep her instincts from bursting out and setting the whole fucking prison on fire as she tried to find Caitlyn.
Still, it felt like days had passed and she had tried to keep count of the hours. It was very difficult but she was quite sure that at least 10 hours had passed since she had last heard a sound. Every now and then over the past days, she would hear some sounds upstairs or even in the wine cellar. She would hear the shuffling of feet, the sound of something falling upstairs, or footsteps echoing as they made their way up or down the stairs.
That had been a long time though, and Vi was starting to wonder if she could have a look, or if she should wait for Caitlyn to come and get her. It seemed unlikely that they would just let her go, but that was something she had to hope for if she wanted a real chance at survival and the same went for Caitlyn. Her supplies were starting to thin out though. She had finished her last bottle of water, even after being very careful with it, and the food had run out 3 meals ago.
The hunger was starting to take its toll on her, along with the restless feeling of wanting to do something, and the fact that she had been lying on her stomach for far too long and her limbs felt painfully numb.
Perhaps she could just have a look and get out of the house, drag herself to Viktor. If she could manage to make it to Viktor's house, he could help her find out what happened to Caitlyn and perhaps he could even help her cross the border of their town. Once she was out of there, he could help Caitlyn and the Germans would never be able to find any evidence that she had anything to do with the missing pilot.
To Violet, it sounded like a brilliant plan. Perhaps a bit risky, or very risky, but she was never going to get anywhere if she would starve to death waiting for Caitlyn to return.
So she decided to take the risk.
She waited a bit longer to make sure there was absolutely no one in the house, before she made her way out of the crawl space as quietly as possible. It was a bit of a challenge but she had done it several times before and she got better each time.
Stretching her limbs for the first time in, probably, days was something that was much more needed than she had anticipated. She reached up and stretched her arms as she kicked her legs a few times to get a feeling back into them. The trap door seemed to be closed since the entire cellar was dark, but Violet had spend the past days in the dark crawl space and her eyes were quite used to the dark by now.
As silently as possible, she made her way over to the stairs. She skipped the second step, since that one made a noise. Her feet carried her upstairs in a silent motion and she stopped at the top. Before she tried opening the trap door, she put her ear up to the wood of the door to listen if there was anything suspicious going on upstairs.
She thanked every God she knew that she had taken a moment to check, because she heard muffled German voices the second she had put her ear closer to the door. Her heart immediately sped up, ears started pounding and she felt her breathing increase tremendously as she realised that the house was probably still littered with Germans, even after days. She knew there was no time to lose and without hesitating, she silently turned around and made her way down the stairs again.
Had she not checked, she would have walked into a trap with open eyes and probably killed herself and Caitlyn in the process of doing so. Once she reached the bottom of the stairs, she made sure not to go too fast because that would cause too much noise.
Her feet silently made their way through the wine cellar, back to her crawl space, back to the place where she knew she would be safe.
Just ten more steps and she would be safely hidden away again.
Before she could take another step, however, a gloved hand covered her mouth and her back was roughly pulled against a male body. A male body dressed in a German uniform.
The next time Caitlyn woke up, she was yet again unsure how much time had passed. The light on the ceiling was no use for indicating whether it was day or night and seemed to be turned on and off whenever the guards liked. She was still on the same spot on the floor, on her stomach and with that same burning feeling in her back. As she turned her head, she noticed a cup of water and a slice of bread next to the locked door. It seemed they had other plans for her than letting her starve or dry out.
Even though everything in her bruised and wounded body screamed at her not to move, she was too thirsty to look at the cup of water and not take her chances at drinking from it. So she used every last bit of strength she had to push herself onto her hands and knees, ignoring the hellish pain the open wounds on her back were causing her, and crawled over to the door. She downed the water as fast as she could, ignoring the terrible taste and the fact that it was most likely not very clean water.
The slice of bread was gone before she could even realise she had something to eat. As she swallowed her last bite, she looked around her cell that was empty except for the same type of metal bucket she had seen in her other cell. She did not give it a second look as her eyes wandered further around the room.
A large stain of dried up blood occupied the space where she had been lying just minutes before and she could feel the blood drip down her back yet again as she was sitting on the floor. She refused to go back to her bloodstained spot of hell on earth, but she knew that her back was begging her to lie down again.
The cold, cemented floor caused her to be frozen to the bone but the pain in her back won over the need to feel warm again. She was not going to feel warm without the presence of her beloved pilot anyways. The knowledge that they would never see each other again was breaking her heart. The only thing left for her to hold on to was the promise that Vi had made to her, that she would stay hidden and not try to rescue her and be the hero.
As long as they had not found her, she would be fine and Caitlyn would not give up.
She crawled to the other corner of her cell, making it only halfway before her arms gave out and she allowed herself to collapse back onto the cemented floor. Her eyes found a sweet release in closing the moment she had found the position that caused her the least amount of pain, and she let go yet again.
Allowing herself to slip into a dreamless state of mind had a peaceful feeling to it, if dying was like that then perhaps it would not be too bad.
Her rest only lasted for, what felt like, several hours. The General announced himself by the sound of the thick metal door of her cell that opened ever so slowly, and the sound of his black, leather boots on the cement followed once the door had quieted down. Caitlyn did not open her eyes, praying that the man would leave her alone if she simply pretended to still be unconscious.
He didn't.
She heard by the squeak of his boots that he crouched down by her head and she felt his gloved hand on her jaw moments later. He picked her head up from the floor, forcing her to open her eyes which she only managed about halfway. The blow on her face the day before had caused both her eyes to swell and the bruising around them was made up of different shades of black, green and purple.
"Ah you're up, good" he let go of her chin, almost causing her head to bounce back on the cemented floor but Caitlyn managed to keep her head up just before it did. She turned her head slightly so she could see the door and watched as a chair was brought into the room. "I was thinking we could have a little chat in here for now"
Caitlyn did not respond but merely lowered her head to rest on the floor again. She could only imagine what she looked like right now, her body was more dead than alive. Her back was littered with open wounds, some pieces of skin hanging on by a mere threat, her entire face felt swollen and she was quite sure that lying in a pool of her own blood had caused every exposed inch of her to be bloodstained by now.
The General got back to his feet and looked at one of the men who had brought in the chair. "Help the young lady up please, it seems she is in need of a little assistance"
Caitlyn dreaded the moment she felt two strong arms pull her up by her shoulders, causing her to cry out in pain from her previously dislocated shoulders and the fact that her back was wounded to the bone. She was pulled towards the chair, a simple one without armrests, and pushed down on it. She immediately hunched over, not able to bear the feeling of anything touching her bare back.
The hand of the General was back on her jaw again, forcing her face to look up at him as he looked down at her. The look in his eyes reflected a sense of pride that he had the upper hand in this interaction, that he was the one holding the reigns and calling the shots. She was completely at his mercy and he revelled in that feeling.
Caitlyn hated him for it. She had never felt such a deep feeling of pure hatred for any human, except for this man.
"I would like to ask you yet again to tell me what you know about the pilot you are hiding" the General simply asked. He seemed to think that she would crack at the thought of another flogging, or perhaps a different form of punishment. The fact that she was in a chair wasn't a good sign and she was quite sure he had something else in mind for her than flogging.
"I already told you, I do not know anything" at this point, Caitlyn was unsure if she was being smart or stupid by denying everything. She knew it was the best way to ensure Violet's safety though, and that was all that really mattered. Violet had made her a promise to stay hidden and Caitlyn had promised herself to do whatever it would take to keep Violet safe.
"See, I was thinking you might say that" the General said in a patient tone and he nodded at the soldier by the door yet again. "Let's take a look at the file we have on you"
He held out his hand as Caitlyn merely glared at him. He was bluffing, there was no way they had gathered private information about her that she would actually care about.
The General gave her another sickening grin as he opened the file and looked through the pages. "Your first name is Caitlyn, maiden name Kiramman, correct? Married to George Dubois until he died a little over a week ago. You were born on May 8th 1918 to Tobias Kiramman and Cassandra Toussaint-Kiramman who currently live on the 16th arrondissement in Paris. I believe this is their exact address"
Caitlyn cursed the man in front of her in silence. Cursed the facts he knew about her parents and how smug he looked as he presented them to her. The address typed out on the page was the exact address of her parents, which he probably gathered from going through her letters in her desk back at the farm. The way he looked at her, how his smugness knew no end and how he seemed to enjoy the conflict that shot through Caitlyn's eyes, made her blood boil.
"Perhaps you'd like to inform us about the whereabouts of a certain pilot now?"
He was toying with her, silently threatening her parents in order to gain information from her. This was a method that certainly hit something different in Caitlyn. She knew she would do anything to keep her parents safe. Her parents, the people who had raised her and whom she'd known all her life. Whom she loved so very dearly.
The General grinned "would you sacrifice your parents for a pilot you've known several weeks?" his voice sounded like venom that was slowly seeping into the open wounds on her back. She suddenly felt more cold than she had moments before. He made a valid point, was her love for her pilot strong enough for her to be willing to sacrifice her parents in such a manner? To take a chance on their arrest in order to safe the woman who showed her what actual love felt like?
A million questions ran through her head as she tried to decide what to answer. Then, something struck her. This man probably did not know how much influence her parents yielded, that they had a network of protection around them that would try their best to keep them safe from any harm.
Violet had nothing. The only protection she had were the walls of the crawl space she was hiding in and that was all.
So she looked up, her eyes boring into the General's as she spoke "I do not know anything"
It seemed the man was not pleased with this answer in the slightest. He shot up from his bend down position in front of her, barging over to the door and for a moment Caitlyn thought he might leave. A sparkle of hope flickered through her eyes, but then the man returned.
(Another TW for violence. If you wish to skip that part, please scroll to the next bold and underscored text you see)
He returned to the room with a murderous look in his eyes. There wasn't a thing more terrifying than the man barging up to her as he had balled both his hands to fists while the two soldiers that had accompanied him, restrained Caitlyn.
The pain in her back was replaced by the immense fear that coursed through her veins as the man tried to give her one more chance to confess.
"One more chance, tell us where you are hiding the pilot" he almost growled at her, almost seething as he was looking down at her. There was no speck of humanity left in him as he looked down at her. In that moment she realised that he did not see her as another human being. He saw her as something lower than that, as an animal or filth. She only existed to give him information and then he would dispose of her. What would happen to her soul or her body was something he would not lose an hour of sleep over and that was that most terrifying thing to realise when a man like that in standing in front of you.
She managed to stay strong, yet with a trembling voice she answered him "I do not know anything"
There was no hesitation, no doubt flickering through his eyes, as he got down in front of her and grabbed her left foot. She heard her bones shatter before she could feel it, but a loud scream followed seconds later. With the door left open, the other prisoners on her block could undoubtedly hear her screams of agony as the man in front of her broke her foot without remorse.
It had been like snapping a twig for him, his anger doing all the work for him as he snapped her bone in half and made Caitlyn double over in pain yet again.
"A last chance" he was completely enraged by the lack of information he seemed to get from her. He had probably expected her to break a lot sooner and the fact that he was unsuccessful was becoming more and more of a pained realisation for him.
"I will tell you time and time again, I do not know anything" Caitlyn insisted yet again, already knowing the punishment that would follow those thirteen words.
The snap of her right foot followed much quicker but was just as painful. She screamed once again, hearing the crack of her bone as it echoed through the almost empty cell that was hers for as long as she was permitted to rot away. Her screams turned into sobs as the was pushed off the chair, unable to stand with both her feet bent in such strange angles that they almost did not seem like feet anymore.
The General ordered the soldiers out of the room with the chair and he looked down at the curled up woman, lying on her side as she sobbed in silence. His anger had yet to subside and without thinking of any consequences, his boot collided with her stomach. Twice. Then another kick in her face that caused another crack. This time, it was her nose.
The second kick in her face was barely felt. Her already swollen eyes watched in blurry vision as the General finally gave up in regards to taking his anger out on Caitlyn's wrecked body. He turned around and left the room in a determined pace, leaving behind a bruised, battered, wounded and broken shell of a woman.
(From here on out it's just descriptions of injuries that might be disturbing, but no more actual violence)
All Caitlyn wanted to do once the General and his soldiers were gone, and she was alone in her cell once again, was sleep. Her body needed to rest to start recovering from the immense trauma it had just been through. Her back was still bleeding, now along with her nose and her mouth. She needed sleep, but she knew that her feet would never recover if she did not set and bind them.
There was no strength left in her, but some left over source of strength managed to crawl out and pull her up to a seating position. Her trembling fingers ripped bloodstained cotton strips from her slip dress. If she were to survive this by some miracle, she needed her feet to heal properly. By not setting them, she would be a cripple for life.
Tears mingled with blood yet again as she reached out and hissed when she took a hold of her left foot. Another scream echoed through her cell as she pulled her bone into its proper placement and she used the strips of cotton to bind them as fell as she could to keep them in place. She did the same for the other foot, leaving her trembling worse than before and loudly sobbing as she tied the strip to her other foot as well.
Once her feet were taking care of, her fingers touched her nose. It seemed that her nose was broken but not shifted, so it did not need to be set. Upon that realisation, she finally allowed her body to slump back on the cold cemented floor. Her eyes quickly shut as sleep overtook her and all care for survival seemed to flow from her mind.
This time, her sleep wasn't dreamless. It was filled with the sweet sound of Violet's laughter, the soft touch of her hand on Caitlyn's cheek and the gentle embrace she had felt so many nights. She saw her lover by the stove, laughing as she fed Pauline a sausage and taught her a new trick. She saw herself approaching her beloved pilot, wrapping her arms around her from behind and being rewarded with a kiss that made her toes curl.
The warmth she felt with Vi was a stark contrast to the coldness of the floor she was lying on. When she pulled away from their kiss she saw Violet's eyes looking into hers, full of sorrow.
"What's the matter?" she softly asked her pilot, her hand finding the rosy cheek that belonged to the woman who held her heart.
"I wish I could have protected you, my love" Violet whispered. "Had it been me who had endured all this-"
"Sshh" Caitlyn shook her head and pressed a soft, urgent kiss on her pilot's lips as tears shone in her eyes. "None of that now, we're together. That's all that matters. I would do it all again if it meant that you were safe"
Her heart was so full of love and endearment for the copper-haired woman who held her in her strong arms. The woman who seemed to have been made for her. Caitlyn was hers and Violet was Caitlyn's. That was the way it was meant to be and the way it would always be. Come hell or high water, the love they had confessed to each other was something no one could ever take from them.
That feeling of warmth lingered in her system when she woke up the next day. Her body felt dull and wrecked, pained in every sense of the word. It felt as though she would never heal and perhaps this was how it was best. She spend the entire day in the same position, shifting every now and then to relieve an ache in her knee or hip but her body was screaming in pain the entire time so it really did not matter how she was lying on the cold, hard floor.
Caitlyn's third day in prison held no interrogations or torture for her. Her door remained closed the entire day, with the exception of a cup of water that she received by the end of it. She managed to crawl over to the door to drink the water in the same rapid speed as she had the day before.
She lay her body to rest once all the water was gone and spend the rest of her third day in and out of consciousness as her body fought to heal and survive.
Her fourth day in prison looked like another day without an interrogation as well, though she could not tell whether it was night or day due to the lack of a window in her cell. She just waited as she rested on the floor, trying to think of all the things Violet did or said that made her smile. Whenever her list was concluded, she'd start again. Thinking of her lover helped her get through the time she spend in utter loneliness, the one thing she clung to being the fact that she had not betrayed Vi.
At some point, during whatever day, at whatever time, the door opened again. Not for food or water this time, but to reveal the General. Caitlyn had positioned herself in a seated position in one of the corners of her cell just hours before. She was leaning her face against the cold wall along with her chest, so her back was not touching anything.
Her eyes flickered towards the large man in the doorway as she remained curled up in her position on the floor. Her dull eyes, that once had such a beautiful shine to it, glanced up at him but he did not enter.
He simply stood there in the doorway with a file in his hand and looked down at her with that same inhumane expression. The one that told her that she was no more than filth to him, something to get rid of when you were cleaning.
"I have come to bring you some news" he started and his eyes shifted from the file to Caitlyn, who did not move a muscle as she looked at him.
So he simply continued, his tone almost bored as he spoke.
"The pilot you've been hiding has been found in your home, immediately shot and killed. You, Caitlyn Dubois, have been found guilty of hiding a fugitive of the law. For your crimes you will be executed tomorrow morning"
Chapter 12: Burn with me
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
To say that it felt as though all breath was sucked from her lungs and she had been set on fire, would be an understatement. As her world crumbled in front of her with the words from the General, who simply disappeared after his announcement, she couldn't manage to make a sound.
The feeling of loss Caitlyn felt course through her burning veins was a pain greater than any physical pain she had endured the past days. All of that came down to nothing as the only image flashing in front of her was that of Violet lying in the damp grass just outside her farm, steel grey eyes no longer full of life and optimism. They were dull and hollowed out as a small trail of blood ran down her forehead from the spot where the bullet had infiltrated her brain.
In all pain and agony of the past days, this was the most unbearable and she found a sweet release in knowing that she would be joining Violet in her unfair fate the next day. Knowing that her end was coming soon was better than having to live an entire life with the knowledge that her pilot could have been by her side for all of those years.
The first sound Caitlyn produced after receiving the devastating news of the passing of her lover was a mere laugh. A laugh she produced because of the fact that the General probably thought she would be terrified by knowing her fate, yet it felt like a relief. He was really doing her a favour by sending her on her way to join her lover in death, rather than live without her.
She closed her eyes yet again as the feeling of loss washed over her time and time again like a wave breaking on the coast as it hit a rock and scattered into thousands of droplets. Then, she broke. The sobs started soft, almost too shy to let themselves out but soon became louder as Caitlyn allowed herself to feel the true feeling of what it was like to lose a loved one.
Never again would she see those brilliantly beautiful grey eyes, hear her laughter, feel the feeling of Violet's nose in her neck as her long fingers scratched her head or simply hear the sound of her voice as she whispered sweet little things to her while they were lying together.
This feeling lasted until her body was too exhausted to cry and the reservoir of tears had been emptied out. Her swollen, bruised eyes dried up slowly as she stared at the wall and something struck her. Was the General telling the truth, or was this simply another way of getting her to talk?
Had they truly found her pilot and shot her or was it all an act? It almost sounded too good to be true, to know that even though she would be executed, her lover might live on. That was all she had wanted after all. There was no way out for her and even if there were, her body was too battered and wounded to walk properly. Both her feet were broken, her back was littered with open wounds that were already getting infected from the lack of treatment, and her face was almost unrecognizable from the kicks she had received days before.
She couldn't hold on to the idea that Violet might still be alive, not yet. There was something inside her that told her they would not tell her that she was dead whilst she was actually alive. Nothing would make sense if that was the game they were playing.
All Caitlyn could hope for, was that she would find herself reunited with her lover the second she was run through by the bullets of the firing squad that would take care of her departure the following morning.
What a sweet idea of release it was to know that you might be seeing your lover again and to never have to live in a body more dead than alive again.
Violet's eyes were wide as she felt the gloved hand on her mouth, her eyes drifting towards what little she could see of the man in the uniform who was holding her tight. The German uniform was easily recognisable and an immense feeling of fear crept into her skin.
She should have simply stayed hidden and done what Caitlyn had told her to do. Now, she was going to meet her end looking into the revolver of a German soldier. Perhaps the only slight upside to all of it was the fact that Caitlyn would not survive this either and they might be reunited in death.
Still, Violet was not one to go down without a fight. She was not one to simply follow this soldier upstairs like a lamb led to slaughter. She lifted her foot and kicked back, almost hitting the soldier in the knee but he stepped aside just in time.
"What the fuck? Stay still, I am trying to help you" the deep voice that hissed into her ear was one she did not recognize but did sound very familiar.
The singular thing that made it sound so familiar, and perhaps most ironic thing about it all, was that the voice spoke to her in English. American English, to be exact.
Perhaps she was already dead, or she had really lost her mind this time. There was no other fucking explanation for it.
Her grey eyes settled on what she could see from the man she did not recognize and she tried to wiggle her mouth away from his gloved hand. He kept it firmly pressed against her lips though, so there was no way out without the use of her hands. Which he was currently holding captive behind her back.
He was very lucky that he continued to explain himself before Violet tried to kick him in the knee again.
"Listen to me, okay?" American yet again, this tale was starting to take a very strange, yet interesting turn. "I will explain everything later, for now we need you back in that crawl space"
Vi wanted to respond, she really did, but the gloved hand on her mouth kept her from doing so. She gave the man a glare as she tried to say something, notifying him about the hostage situation he was currently holding her in and that seemed to do the trick.
"Stay fucking quiet, one loud noise and I am putting this back on your mouth" he softly warned her before slowly removing his hand from her mouth.
"Is that something you're into, pretty boy?" Violet immediately whispered to him, unable to keep herself from making a snarky comment to a fellow American. Especially an American man, they were part of the most annoying breed of human beings she had ever met, and this guy clearly thought himself a hero. "I was planning on going back into that crawl space until you took me hostage. Now, talk"
"You talk a big game for someone who just almost got herself killed" pretty boy hissed in a hushed tone as Vi looked the tall, broad man up and down. He looked like a German in that uniform, definitely did, but he sounded like a fucking idiot. How the Germans had not caught him as a spy amongst them was a fucking joke.
"But I didn't, did I?" Vi rolled her eyes "tell me what you know while I get back into that crawl space" she turned around and quickly made her way back to her hiding place, knowing that there was no safer place for her to be right now than in that tiny space she had cursed so often.
This mystery man had brought on a million different questions but the one she was most eager to have answered was whether or not she could trust him. He seemed like an American spy infiltrated in the German army, but what if he was an American posing as a spy, but secretly working for the Germans all along? Vi had heard crazier stories than that one.
"Like I said, I will explain everything later" he followed her and crouched down as Vi got back into the crawl space. "All you need to know now is that you must remain here until I am coming to find you. They are going to burn this place to the ground in order to find you and I have to get you out before that happens"
"What" Vi felt all blood drain from her face as her mind instantly flashed back to that one fire years ago. The one where she had lost her parents and in the process of getting her sister out, she had sealed both their fates by saving them and getting separated years later when Powder got adopted. That fire had been the start of the destruction of their family and the one thing she had always been terrified of reliving. Hearing that the Germans were going to set the place on fire was making her feel incredibly uneasy.
Especially because she was still fucking hiding.
"There are people who can help" pretty boy informed her "and the wine cellar is made of brick, which makes it harder for the fire to spread down here. The only thing that should not happen is the fire spreading to the wooden shelves and bottles of wine that contain alcohol"
"Real fucking brilliant idea, I am going to burn alive. If not by fire, then by the lack of oxygen" Vi informed him in an angry tone, unsure if she was going to make it out alive even with his help.
"Just trust me, alright?"
"I don't even know your name"
"I cannot tell you my name just yet, you might still get caught and be interrogated" pretty boy informed her as he closed the door that kept Violet hidden from the outside world.
"I will haunt you if you do not get me out of here on time" Vi managed to say before the door was closed yet again, locking her in with her thoughts and feelings as they crept up on her and nestled in her mind. She was not able to settle herself at all. How was pretty boy going to pull her out of this with Germans surrounding a burning house? There was absolutely no way he could pull it off and she would be left to suffocate in the black smoke that she was so familiar with.
She didn't know how long it took for pretty boy to return. She was unsure if he had forgotten about her or if it simply took him a long time to plan her escape from this hellish crawl space. Her limbs were starting to ache yet again and trying to picture Caitlyn whispering calming words in her ear to keep her from going crazy was only helping for a limited amount of time.
Something that wasn't helping either was the fact that she had no proper indication of when this fire was going to start and if she would even notice. Would she simply die a slow death as she waited to be rescued by a man? That sounded like a worse fate than meeting her end by a German bullet in her forehead.
The crawl space in which she was hiding was starting to heat up by the time she heard someone open the door. She had a sneaking suspicion that the promised fire had officially started as the temperature kept rising and she knew that she did not have a lot of time left. She would go out of the crawl space eventually, with or without pretty boy.
So thank the heavens that he turned up when he did and opened the door with a worried look on his face as he pulled her out and handed her a scarf to put around her face to protect her from smoke making its way to her lungs as they had to make their way through the cellar that was starting to fill with smoke coming from upstairs.
"We don't have much time" he informed her as he grabbed her arm and pulled her towards the stairs, but Vi immediately pulled her arm away and shook her head.
"Don't touch me" she warned him, but pretty boy did not listen as he took a step closer and seemed more angry and frustrated than he had before.
"Don't fucking talk to me like that, when I am the one trying to safe your life here" he growled as he pulled her arms behind her back and held her wrists together "I have made sure to receive special orders that I, alone, transport you to the prison. That is the only way that I can get you out"
"Why should I trust anything you say? Just because you have an American accent, does not mean you are American. Tell me your name" Vi bit back as she was starting to hate herself for being so stubborn in the middle of a fucking fire. Yet, she felt she had a point. This pretty boy wanted to take her out to the Germans in order to get her to safety and that sounded more idiotic than the most stupid plan she could come up with.
Pretty boy seemed too desperate to get them out to even argue with her. He merely sighed as he gave in to her request, still holding her wrists behind her back as he did so. "My real name is Jayce Talis"
"Alright" Vi nodded, feeling a bit of hope now that she knew the real name of this American spy. She had a feeling that she had a bit of leverage over him now, should she be taken to the prison and questioned there. "What are we waiting for then?"
Going upstairs into the sea of flames was not what Vi had expected it to be like. She had not expected her heartrate to pick up instantly, or the fear to rush back into her system as it had the day she had lost her parents. She had not been prepared for the trauma response that she was having the second they made their way upstairs. Her eyes widened and her feet immediately stopped working.
As she looked around, all she could see was fire. Fire destroying every single possession that had once been Caitlyn's. Everything she had hated and everything she held dear to her heart, it was like they were destroying Caitlyn along with her possessions. It burned her heart and wounded her deeply to see everything that reminded her of her Parisian lover go up in flames.
And that was beside the immense fear she felt as she stared at the heated flames and realised they had to make their way through if they wanted to make it out alive. She was lucky to have Jayce with her because he pulled her trough the flames with determination, forcing her feet to start working again as Vi's heart burned with desperation and fear.
Her mind was screaming at her, unable to keep her from actually functioning and thinking as they made their way through the sea of flames and eventually managed to make their way out of the farm. They took the route through the kitchen, which landed them at the back of the farm where several German soldiers were waiting for them, their firearms immediately drawn when they saw pretty boy emerge from the burning building with someone.
"I've got him" Jayce announced to his fellow soldiers in flawless German that frightened Vi to her very core. There was absolutely no way an American would speak German without an accent in a manner that would get them infiltrated amongst these types of German troupes. There was something here, she could just feel it.
She did not miss how pretty boy referred to her as a "him" which seemed to be a thought out plan. It was probably hard to distinguish her as female considering the fact that she was still wearing the clothes that once belonged to Caitlyn's husband, her hair was cut short and had a boyish style to it, and a scarf was covering half her face.
"Don't come closer" she heard Jayce tell his colleagues, unsure what else he said because her German really was not that good. She merely knew that there was so much at stake with being exposed to the Germans like this. If all went according to plan, she would be pulled away from the Germans under their own noses and that was a risk that seemed like abnormally large to take.
Jayce and his colleagues were discussing something before one of them nodded and glared at Vi. They were allowed to leave after a bit with Jayce telling them something about a truck around the corner. It was all too much and too fast for Vi to truly understand it and she simply prayed to any God she knew that she would make it out alive.
Pretty boy did not say a single word to her as he took her into the darkness of the night and nodded once they were around the corner. Even though Vi had no idea what the nod meant, when he suddenly started to run, she followed. Her legs were still sore and numb from the time she had spend in the crawl space, yet she had no choice but to follow.
In the darkness of the night, every house in town looked familiar and she felt like they were running in circles. The amount of times they had to hide for, what eventually turned out to be, nothing was ridiculous but she had to say it was better to be safe than sorry.
Eventually, they managed to make it through to the other side of the town, a part where houses were almost morphed into each other and it was more like a maze of streets instead of clear paths like the part where Caitlyn used to live. Her feet automatically followed the man who had rescued her, unsure of where they were going but trusting that the man was speaking the truth and taking her somewhere they'd be safe.
They made their way through the maze of dark streets. Vi was eternally grateful for the Germans demanding a black out after a certain hour to prevent the enemy from recognizing towns and cities in the dark as they flew over the grounds they were meant to bomb. It had been a real pain in the ass when she had still been high up in the air, trying to pinpoint the exact location to bomb where she would not accidently hit a town or a city. In that moment, however, the black out was a blessing in disguise as it concealed them in the darkness of the mazelike streets.
Eventually they came to a halt at the backdoor of someone's house, though it was barely recognizable as a door since it was completely hidden in an alley. Jayce knocked a certain rhythm, one that Vi immediately registered in the back of her mind. Three short knocks, two long ones and another short one. A code.
Moments later, the door opened ever so slightly and as soon as the person on the other side seemed to recognize Jayce, the two of them were pulled inside and the door shut and locked behind them. The light that hit Vi's eyes was blinding, even though the small hallway of the home was dimly lit. She had simply not been in the presence of proper lighting for so long that her eyes needed a moment to adjust to it.
That was when she got a good first look at the man who had rescued her. He was tall and broad, typical American look about him but something was off. He was currently unbinding the scarf from his face and took off the layers of uniform until he was simply dressed in a white shirt, suspenders and his uniform trousers that made Vi want to throw up.
Then her eyes fell on the person who had let them into her home and she was surprised yet again. Standing in front of her was an older woman, she seemed around 65 years old, with a rather determined look on her face. The slightly narrowed eyes of the woman ran over Vi as the copper-haired American slowly took off the scarf that covered her face and ran her fingers through her dust covered hair.
"This is the pilot you spoke of?" the woman's English was terrible, her thick French accent making it hard to understand what she was saying but Vi somewhat managed.
Jayce simply nodded and gave Vi a look "I didn't know she was a woman, no one did"
So the Germans had no idea that she was a woman... which meant they had not found her papers in the wreck, probably because everything had burned before they had the chance to even look over it properly. Another convenience that worked in her favour.
Vi remained quiet, still not entirely sure if she was safe or if this was still one big trap. If it was a trap, then it was a really elaborate one. She looked around the small, but cosy hallway that was lit with candles instead of electricity.
The older woman nodded and her forest green eyes roamed over Vi once again. "My name is Babette, and you are?"
"Violet" Vi decided to answer, figuring that anyone who was bold enough to tell her their real name was not going to get her into trouble any more than she already was, besides she knew Jayce's name as well. It seemed he had risked his life for her, though she had no idea why. "Would you tell me why I am here?"
"We're here because it's the only place to keep you safe" Jayce informed her as he gave Babette a grateful smile and followed the small woman into a different room of her house. Vi felt there was no other option than to follow her, so she did. It led her to a small living room without windows, something the struck Vi as odd but quickly became something she understood when she saw the people that were gathered in the small living room.
There were too many people for such a small space, one that had a very warm glow to it due to the usage of candles. Vi's eyes wandered around the small space as she met the eyes of three children. The eldest was a boy, who seemed to be in his early teens. The younger two were girls, one clearly around the age of 4 and the other somewhat in between the boy and the girl. They looked similar in a way, and it did not take a genius to figure out they were siblings.
Babette informed them of something in French that Vi had a hard time understanding. Caitlyn had tried to teach her some words but she only gathered the fact that Babette introduced Violet and the boy immediately sprinted towards Jayce, greeting him as a brother almost. Vi simply took in the sight before her as Babette turned to her.
"This is Zacharie" she nodded at the boy whose green eyes found Vi. He was almost as tall as her, which amused Vi the slightest bit. Then Babette turned to the girls "that is Ella and her younger sister Charlotte"
Violet nodded and gave the girls a small smile and a wave. They both waved back but did not say a word as they were unfamiliar with the copper-haired woman standing in their living room. Babette said something else in French that Vi did not understand in the slightest and the girls simply nodded.
It slowly dawned on Violet that she had been brought to this Babette because she was familiar with hiding people who were not supposed to be there, judging from the children that occupied her living room. Whatever their story was, it was clear that they weren't allowed to be seen. Judging from the way Jayce seemed familiar with each other them, he had been in this game longer than Violet had initially suspected.
Jayce kept his eyes trained on her as she tried to process everything that she had been through in the past hour. By the time her eyes met his, he nodded towards a door that led to another room. It turned out to be a kitchen, once they passed through the wooden door. For the first time since they had met, they were alone with time on their hands for a real conversation.
"I suppose you'd like answers-" Jayce started, Violet already interrupting him before he could continue.
"Of course I want answers, so talk pretty boy" her defensive attitude did not waver now that they were by themselves and she crossed her arms as she leaned against the marble countertop of the small kitchen they were currently occupying. It was just big enough for the two of them to stand face to face.
"As you know, my name is Jayce Talis. I was sent to Germany by the US military in 1941 to infiltrate the German army. I spend the first months in Berlin, living with a family who pretended to be my own flesh and blood. They had agreed to help out and my fake papers carry their family name and a fake first name. I have a German father who originated from Berlin, I've only ever spoken German with him, which is why I blended in quite easily. After several months in Berlin, I signed up for the army and managed to make it to the position I am in today. I was sent to France in 1942 and have been stationed around this town for about 5 months now"
It all sounded too good to be true. He was playing a great game, that was for sure, but she had no idea how she tied into this whole mess. "What does any of that have to do with me?"
Jayce rolled his eyes at her impatient words but answered her questions regardless. "I was at the scene about 15 minutes after your plane crashed. As soon as I recognized your plane as an American one, I knew I had to find you and try to get you out if you were still alive. As it turned out, someone had already removed you from the wreck and there wasn't a trace of you"
"Caitlyn..." Vi softly whispered as she frowned and looked up at him "did you know? That Caitlyn was hiding me?"
"No" he shook his head "no one did, not until that neighbour started to talk and alerted everyone. That's when suspicions really started and when she got arrested. I knew I had to put myself on the case of guarding the house in case that you might surface"
"So you did nothing to stop her from getting arrested?" a feeling of anger started to bubble up inside of her. How had he not taken care of Caitlyn the moment he realised that she was in danger? Why had it been her that was rescued once again? She hated everything about the situation she was currently in.
Jayce sighed as he ran his hand over his face "because I am under strict orders of the US army and government, my only job is to get you out of here"
"No" Vi shook her head as her defiant eyes glared up at Jayce "I am not moving until you find a way to get Caitlyn out of that shithole of a prison"
"I tried, alright? I checked every day to see what had become of her so I could report back to the families she had been taking care of. That does not change the fact that she is a French citizen and I have no obligation to get her out. I was simply ordered to make sure you were alive and to get you out of the town and out of France"
Vi could not believe the shit she was hearing. How could a man who claimed to care about saving the lives of others, care so little for the fate of the woman who had saved her life? Without Caitlyn, she would have been shot weeks ago. Not to mention that she would rather report herself to the Germans that very second than flee the country without Caitlyn by her side. Caitlyn was her heart and soul and if there was the slightest chance that they could get her out, they would try.
"I will repeat what I said before" Vi started, quite sure that Jayce could see the severity of her words and the situation as she took a step closer. Anger burned in her eyes at the lack of sympathy she got from the man in regards to Caitlyn. "I am not going anywhere unless we try and get Caitlyn out"
"Violet, we can't!" Jayce finally admitted, almost yelling as he desperately seemed to try and hold something back. There was something he was not telling her. Something that caused him to act so carelessly when it came to her saviour.
"Why not? We have to try Jayce. She saved my life, if I do not at least try to-"
"She has been sentenced to death Vi" Jayce finally admitted, shaking Vi to her core. It had to be a cruel joke, something he told her to get her to go with him when the time came.
Tears burned in her eyes as her stomach sunk and she felt a nauseous feeling stir up inside of her "no, that's a lie. You're lying"
"I wish I was" and Vi could see it in his eyes. The look in his eyes was not one of deceit, it was one of sorrow and guilt for having to bring her this terrible news. "I went to check on the current situation this morning, that was when I was informed of her sentence"
"I don't fucking believe you" Vi whispered, her voice hoarse with tears as one managed to escape and drew a salty line down her left cheek.
"I had a feeling you might say that" Jayce sighed and he pulled something out of his pocket. A paper. He unfolded it and handed it to her. It was a copy of an official document, something no one was able to forge in such a short amount of time. "She'll be executed tomorrow morning"
Vi's blurry vision hardly made room for her to register what she was reading as the German words all blurred together. One thing she was able to decipher was Caitlyn's full name, date of birth and "execution by firing squad" along with an exact date and time.
A salty tears hit the copy of the official document, immediately mixing the ink with her tear and her steel grey eyes found Jayce. "There's nothing you can do to stop this?"
Pretty boy shook his head, the look of sorrow and guilt remaining as he looked at her. "I'm sorry for your loss Violet"
It was the General who showed up the morning of her execution. His pale eyes found Caitlyn in a dark corner of her cell, shoulder leaning against the cemented wall as she squinted against the light that came through the door.
She had long since accepted her fate, realising that the wounds on her back were starting to get infected anyways and it was no use to live a moment longer if her pilot was not going to be by her side. Cerulean eyes found the pale ones she had cursed so often, that she had come to hate so very deeply. He simply nodded and two soldiers entered the room as he did. They hoisted her up from her position on the floor, causing her to hiss in pain as they made her stand up on her broken feet.
"It seems that she wants to be carried to her death like a princess" the General laughed softly as he shook his head, causing Caitlyn's determination to grow as she took a step and tried not to cry out in pain. Each step was a battlefield as her broken feet slowly carried her through the endless dimly lit hallways, the General walking in front of her as the soldiers held her arms on each side. As though she could run anywhere with broken feet and through a maze of hallways.
The movement of standing up had caused some wounds on her back that had started to heal, to rip open again and she felt fresh blood run down her back and legs as she battled her way through the walk towards her death. If she was being honest, it felt as though she was already staring death in the face.
"It should be a great relief to you, knowing you will join your pilot in death" the General seemed terribly amused in torturing her with the thoughts of Violet lying in the dirt with a bullet wound in her forehead. "You should have heard the way he called out your name when he died"
That was the one fatal mistake the General made. Caitlyn did her best not to let her head perk up at the mention of the pronoun he had used for her pilot. The General had referred to her pilot as a 'he', thus indicating that he had no idea who her pilot was and whether she was dead or not.
It all clicked for her in that moment and she knew she should've listened to her instinct that told her that the General was bluffing. She was quite sure he would have not only ridiculed Violet for being a female pilot, but that he would have ridiculed her for having an intimate relationship with a woman.
That also meant that Mrs. Boucher probably had only seen Violet from the back as Caitlyn had kissed her, mistaking her for a man because of her masculine clothes, short hair and muscular arms and shoulders. Her neighbour had run off to warn the Germans before she had gotten a proper look at Vi and that had been their saving grace, apparently.
Caitlyn felt as though she might cry, knowing that her pilot was still save and alive. She did not hear another word the General spoke about her pilot, but simply relished in the fact that she now knew that her lover was alive. She might not live to see the sun rise another day, but Violet would. She still had a chance to escape and live her life to the fullest.
The knowledge that her lover, her beloved pilot, had escaped the claws of the Germans so far was the last thing her turbulent mind needed to find rest in knowing what was to come. She was led to a courtyard, surrounded by the high walls of the building. The only way into the courtyard was through two fences that led outside and were meant for trucks to drive through, or from inside the prison.
As the sunlight hit her eyes, she squinted slightly and looked around to take in her surroundings. Her broken feet hardly bothered her anymore as all her senses were overwhelmed by the feeling of finally being outside again and meeting the sunlight for the first time in days. As her vision came back to her, she took a good look around. Her eyes fell on the wall that she was led to, one full of holes the size of bullets. She noticed two men, a short distance from the wall, firearms in their hands and dressed in the same German uniform as the others.
The General had left her to the mercy of the soldiers when he was called inside by a soldier who needed him for something. A door on the other side of the courtyard was opened and she noticed another pair of soldiers walk out with a prisoner in their arms, one also being led to the wall she was currently approaching as well.
A sudden look of recognition flashed through her eyes when the man that was carried towards his death by the soldiers was one she recognized in an instant.
Viktor.
It seemed they had not gone easy on him either. His face was swollen and he was missing several teeth. He was no longer able to walk by himself and from the look of his hand, he was missing two fingers. Caitlyn's stomach turned at the thought of what he had been submitted to.
Viktor looked up when he came closer and instantly noticed Caitlyn and the state she was in. She felt his eyes roam over her half torn dress, unable to see her back but clearly able to guess what she had been through. Then his eyes fell on her broken feet, bound by bloodstained strips of cotton, and his bright eyes finally found her swollen face.
They did not exchange any words as they were lined up against the wall, their faces towards the bullet holes so neither of them were able to see the men who were about to end their lives.
She glanced at Viktor one last time and met his gaze as he seemed to think the same thing that crossed her mind. There was comfort to be found in dying in the presence of a friend.
As the men behind them got their firearms ready, Caitlyn took in a deep, final breath as she braced herself for what was to come. At least her death was a relief of the unbearable physical pain she was going through. She would die knowing she had kept her pilot safe, and that she had another chance at life.
She did not make a sound as she heard the command to aim, refusing to give them a last moment of satisfaction as she met her end. She would go with her head held high.
So she kept quiet when she heard the command to fire. Her mind focused on the core memory of warmth she found in Violet's embrace and the tender words her lover had uttered to her on their night together.
Caitlyn closed her eyes as she heard the sound of the trigger being pulled.
Then, milliseconds later, she felt the bullet penetrate her skin.
And then she felt nothing at all.
Notes:
I have to hand it to the people who guessed that the General would make the mistake of referring to Vi as a 'he' and blowing his own story, and also to the people who already knew that the soldier that grabbed Vi was a spy.
I've had all of that written out weeks ago, so well done for literally making me feel like you all were in my brain.
Also, the ending made me cry real fucking tears and I am sorry for putting all of you through this.
But until next time, my loves!
Chapter 13: There's nothing heroic about dying for someone who is already dead
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
It all happened it flashes, none of which seemed to be in the correct order. It wasn't feeling nearly as peaceful as it supposedly should be, as an aching pain spread through her flesh in a familiar fashion. Perhaps it was simply the first station in the train ride to heaven and the pain would slowly fade.
When everything was dark, it was hard to truly figure out your state of being. And Caitlyn Kiramman-Dubois, who usually enjoyed a mystery, was puzzled in a rather annoyed way. Her head felt foggy, eyes unable to open as her vision remained black with the exception of the rare occasions she was able to force open her cerulean depths.
Blinking against the light was no use, neither was blinking against the darkness.
The fog lasted as she opened her eyes for the first time and her vision immediately searched for the beacon of light she felt she might find at the end of her journey. The beacon was slightly disappointing as her blurred vision merely focussed on several rays of light that caught her eye in the darkness surrounding her.
She was lying on a hard surface, that much she could tell, but anything else was unfamiliar and strange. Her head pounded as she closed her eyes again, finding it easier to stay afloat when the light was not directly hitting her eye.
Then she heard a voice.
"Listen, it is very important you hear me" it was a French voice. One belonging to a woman. Was it her lover? Her pilot? Caitlyn had dreamed of her voice often enough but hers was lower than the woman she heard now and last time she checked, her Violet hardly spoke a word of French.
As curiosity won the fight over the pounding in her head, her eyes found their way into the light again. The light reflected a shape, someone was standing over her and seemed to look directly at her.
As much as her soul willed her to speak, her lips were unable to part. So she remained quiet as her blurred vision searched for anything familiar about the sillhouette. Then it started talking again.
"I was told to inform you that you need to check the floorboards, that is where you will find what you seek" the feminine voice sounded rushed. In an effort to let her know that she was following the words she spoke, though not sure if she had properly taken them in, she nodded.
Nodding might be a broad term for the slight movement her head made as she felt her eyes shut again. Her breathing felt shallow, heart and head pounding as the sound in the back of her head made it hurt even more. As she was trying to think of what the sillhouette had been talking about, her mind shut off and found a black state again in which she was able to drown without a worry.
However long it took, it did not feel long enough for Caitlyn. The next time she opened her eyes was when she felt her broken, dying body being moved. Dying as far as she was not dead yet, but she was slowly coming to the conclusion that dying ought to be more peaceful than being hoisted over the shoulder of a broad invidivual.
Hushed voices lived in the back of her mind as she tried to decipher the code in which they spoke.
"Careful-"
"- shot and wounded"
"- bleeding, infected wounds must-"
The voices felt unfamiliar, raising no suspicion and no concern inside her. If the voices belonged to the person who held her over their shoulder, she prayed that her true death would come quick and with mercy. It wasn't entirely fair to be executed and it not being done properly. Her head swam as she tried to find the spot where she had been hit, yet she found nothing.
Her body had been dying for days, dragging her along the path of life that was simply on the brink of what came after and she had long since made peace with her destiny.
Destiny did not seem to be so kind to her, however.
Her body was moving, though not on its own. She heard nothing but heavy footsteps as her eyes opened and closed what seemed like every few minutes, but none of what she saw really registered in her head.
Was she taken somewhere safe? Somewhere more dangerous? The aching, excoriating pain was more like a fire that rapidly spread all over her skin and found its way to her insides. She felt as though she was being swallowed whole by something unfamiliar and entirely painful.
As she was carried to her unknown destination to meet her unknown fate, her lips parted for the first time and her hoarse voice spoke words barely audible should one not be paying attention.
"End it, please. Do not make me suffer any longer" her exhausted mind could only bear the French language, finding a bit of solace in the comfort of her mother tongue. Whoever was taking her, did not answer her. They did not stop either. If anything, their pace quickened and Caitlyn did not need to open her eyes to know her words had hit something inside this person.
Good. Perhaps they were making their journey to her inevitable death quicker, to spare her the uncomfortable pain she was currently in.
Once again, she lost her battle to consciousness and the darkness found and clouded her mind yet again.
The very last thing she heard was a door being opened.
Then her light went out yet again.
Violet had never outgrown the nervous habit of pulling the short curls in the nape of her neck. Many had tried to get it out of the stubborn New Yorker but, just like the inevitable fact that she was head over heels in love with the woman who had cared for her the past several weeks, it had stuck no matter what.
The reason for her current hair pulling was the simple fact that Jayce had been gone for longer than he had informed her he'd be gone, which was not at all. During her short, not even day long, stay with Babette she had learned several things. One of these things was that Jayce was just as stuck in Babette's small home as she was, yet he complained about it a lot more.
When he had taken her from under the nose of his colleagues, he had simultaniously betrayed himself to them and he could not show his face outside again. If he even so much as tried to get back into the sunlight, he would immediately be recognized and shot on sight.
Yet, he seemed to have forgotten all of the things mentioned above when he had escaped before anyone had woken up that morning. Escaped might be a big word, but that is certainly what it felt like. His bed had been empty when Babette had gone to check and Violet was quite certain that she might have bullied the man into reporting himself to the authorities.
She had spend the remainder of their night, before they went to bed, calling him out about the fact that he had saved her but not done shit to save Caitlyn. Without whom, she added with a refreshing amount of resentment in her tone, she would not be sitting on that very sofa that night.
He had stormed off to bed when he was tired of Violet's torment and belittling words and simply vanished the next morning. Violet could not find herself too bothered about, especially not because she knew what that morning brought.
Perhaps the nervous hair pulling was not just about Jayce's disappearance, or perhaps not at all, but more because she knew what would happen at any given moment. She had not caught a wink of sleep that night at the thought of the fate that awaited her saviour.
Caitlyn would be sentenced to death that morning, and it was against everything in her nature for Violet to simply sit on the sofa and wait.
It wasn't as though she had not tried to escape.
In fact, she had gotten out of bed about an hour after getting into it, fully dressed, and walked out to the front door in a determined pace.
Unfortunately, she had barely reached the front door when she was stopped by the deep voice of Babette coming from the living room.
"Why don't you join me, Violet?"
Vi's eyes widened slightly when she realised she had been caught. Her fingers barely grazed the doorknob, she was so close to escaping. So close to getting to Caitlyn and getting her the fuck out of that hellhole they were keeping her in. She could still do it, she could still ignore Babette and run.
Yet, something stopped her. Perhaps it was the patient voice of Babette calling her into the living room, or the mere fact that she had less than half a plan on how to get Caitlyn out and not get them both killed in the process of doing so.
So her feet had found their way to the living room, where most candles had been dampened but two nearest two the sofa remained lit. Babette was sitting on her sofa, calmly smoking a cigarette. Smoke circled around her ever so slightly as she inhaled a deep breath, the end of her cigarette lighting up as she did, and exhaled the smoke mere seconds later.
"Were you going to get her?" Babette simply asked as her slightly wrinkled hand pat the spot on the sofa beside her. It almost felt like the start of a scolding, but Violet found her body responding before she had made up her mind about wanting to stick around or not.
She sat down as she nodded "I can't let this happen to her. Caitlyn, she's-" Vi couldn't finish. She could simply not find the words to express what Caitlyn meant to her, not without sounding like a.... like someone who had feelings for someone she was not allowed to have feelings for.
Babette did not need her to finish her sentence, it seemed. She nodded softly as her green eyes found Vi's restless grey ones "I can see you care for her, deeply"
"I do" Vi softly admitted, afraid her voice might be carried upstairs to ears who were not supposed to hear her vulnerable confession to the woman she had barely known for more than a few hours.
"What was your plan in regards to your dashing rescue?" her thick accent made some words hard to understand, but Violet found that it was not as terrible as she had thought when she first arrived.
"I'm not sure" Vi admitted as she shrugged. She tore her eyes away from the almost pitiful look in Babette's eyes. The last thing she wanted was pity, or a lecture. "I just know I cannot sit around and let this happen. I'd rather die with her than let her die alone"
Babette, who was in the middle of exhaling a small puff of smoke, shook her head dismissively "there's nothing heroic about dying for someone who is already dead"
"I cannot live without her" Vi desperately admitting, hating herself for the words that came out of her mouth the second she spoke them.
Babette was less than impressed at Violet's desperate confession and let out a small chuckle "you have managed to live without her for what, 23 years?"
"Perhaps I should rephrase" Vi sighed "I do not want to live without her"
"I'm afraid there is no other option than to do so" Babette sounded truly sorry, though Violet had a hard time believing her. Perhaps that was just the fact that she had a past of not trusting people when first coming across them. She had only been so trusting with Caitlyn because the woman had, quite literally, saved her life.
Babette held up her hand when Vi opened her mouth to speak. "If you are seen trying to get her out of prison, there is a chance they will question you before shooting you. That puts me and the children at risk. What if they tie you back to us? I welcomed you into this house, offered you shelter, and this is how you want to repay me?"
It was Violet's turn to be quiet and listen now. Her face fell slightly as Babette's strict, yet fair, words seeped into her system. She was entirely correct, of course, but the truth still hurt. Was she willing to rish her own life and that of three children and an adult woman in order to storm a prison without a plan and try to get out a woman who could already be dead by the time she might manage?
So Violet had chosen to stay, and in return she was now wondering if she had made a fatal mistake in doing so. Had she gone to that prison, even without a plan, perhaps Caitlyn would still be alive. There would have been the slightest chance that Violet could have saved her and she had not tried.
It wasn't right. But neither was the fact that she could put everyone in the house in danger. Which brought her to her current state of distress on the sofa of Babette's home as the sun was rising and her feet started tapping a faster and faster rhythm each time they hit the floor.
She tried not to let her worried mind get the best of her, but the fact of the matter was that she could not accept that Caitlyn was truly dead. It seemed so unreal and so far away. She had been so full of life, full of love, just days ago. To think that she would never gaze into those endless blue eyes again, that she'd never once hear her voice or see her smile again, that was too much to bear. Her well-hidden but large heart was full of Caitlyn still, and the tragedy of the situation had not yet sunk in.
As the morning turned into afternoon and afternoon turned into night, Violet did not settle. She did not sit still and did not rest. The fact that Jayce had yet to return, if he would even return at all, had put Babette on the edge of her seat as well and the two were constantly on guard at any noise they heard.
Once the sun set again, Violet had given up on the day and quite frankly also given up on a real future. What was it worth going forward after losing Caitlyn and while being stuck in the home of a woman she did not know. She had tried occupying herself by playing with the children but there was only so much she could communicate whilst not speaking French and her mind constantly being elsewhere.
She heard the knocks the same moment Babette did, about an hour after the children had gone to bed and the two of them were silently smoking a cigarette and drinking a glass of wine together. The knocks were soft, but a distinct pattern. The exact pattern Violet recognized from the night before and she shot up from the couch.
There was one person who knew this code, and from the way Babette rushed to the front door there were not many people who seemed to know that code as well. Still, knowing Jayce was back brought her no solace in her time of strange grief and she found she was not bothered to welcome the idiot back into the home like some sort of hero. He had left to do God knows what and probably expected to be welcomed back with a round of applause for not getting himself killed. Brilliant.
As Babette rushed to the hallway and opened the door, Violet sat back down and took another sip of her wine. She'd get that fucker some time tomorrow, perhaps it'd be nice to use him as a punching bag to get all her anger and grief out on.
Then something strange happened about a minute after Babette had gone to open the door. The women rushed back into the living room with her coat in her hand and gave Violet a rather alarmed look. "I have to fetch a doctor, I'll be back as quick as I can. You go and assist Jayce, you'll want to see this"
Violet shot up again, a frown of surprise and slight curiosity colouring her expression as she took a step forward "what's happened? What has Jayce done now?"
"It's not Jayce, Violet" Babette hastily put her coat on as she looked up at Violet "it's Caitlyn"
Something inside her snapped at the sound of Caitlyn's name. Her feet could not carry her towards the hallway fast enough as she sprinted off. What the fuck had Babette been talking about? Had Jayce brought her body back? Had she perhaps-
Violet froze in the doorway at the sight before her.
Jayce was standing in the middle of Babette's small hallway, obviously out of breath as he carried the lifeless body of a woman on his shoulder. A very badly wounded body which Vi only saw from behind.
She felt like she was going to be sick. Her eyes immediately focussed on the familiar fabric of the ripped dress that Caitlyn had been wearing the day she was arrested, though the dress had been perfectly fine then. As had Caitlyn.
Now, she was staring at a bare back that was demolished by something that had ripped open her perfectly soft and unharmed skin. Fresh blood mingled with old blood as wounds seemed to keep opening up and the skin on her back seemed more open than close, some of the wounds infected and turning a dark colour. Her feet were strangely wrapped in bloodstained cloth and it seemed that she was not conscious.
Violet's mouth opened but nothing came out, other than a faint cry of horror at what she saw.
Jayce did not seem to have any time for her horror-filled response and gave her that military glare that Violet hated so much. "Help me get her upstairs, to your bed. We have to get her help as quick as possible"
Violet finally dared step closer but her stomach turned at the thought that someone had inflicted such horrors on her lover, on the woman least deserving of such punishments. "Is she-?"
She could not even say the word, but Jayce answered her before she could finish her sentence "no, not yet. But she might be if she does not get help urgently. So help me get her into your bed"
The questions of how Jayce had gotten Caitlyn out, what had happened to her and who had done this to her, would have to wait until later. Violet found herself rushing upstairs quicker than she felt she could even move. Her room was nothing more than a small closet-like space that only fit a single bed with a nightstand. One could take about four steps into the room and that was it.
When Jayce followed her, finally entering the room after what seemed like an eternity, she helped very carefully lie Caitlyn down on the bed. They made sure to put her on her stomach so the open wounds on her back were relieved of any pressure.
That was when Violet took a good look at her face for the first time since they had said their heartfelt goodbyes days ago. What she saw left her in a state of deep shock and horror. She barely recognized Caitlyn's beautiful face. Her delicate features were destroyed by whatever monster had taken his anger out on her. A thin layer of dried blood coloured the right side of her face, an obvious sign that she had spend quite some time lying in a pool of her own blood, as her bloodstained clothes told Violet as well.
Her eyes were swollen and coloured a variety of purple and green shades. Her lower lip was split and swollen as well, nose covered in dry blood and a cut on her cheek. Violet's trembling hand reached out as she crouched down by Caitlyn's bedside, tears threatening to spill from her restless grey eyes. Her touch was featherlight, fearing that she might break Caitlyn if she touched her with too much pressure.
Her lover did not respond when her fingers gently grazed her cheek. A tear spilled over the edge and found its way down Violet's cheek as she was finally reunited with her lover. Caitlyn, the woman who owned her whole heart and so much more, was back in her presence. She was touching her cheek. All she wanted to do was cry.
"I'm here now darling, I'm here" she softly promised Caitlyn as her tears became an uncontrollable waterfall of emotion as they ran down her cheeks "and I am never leaving you again, you hear that? You have me for the rest of my life"
She did not give a single fuck that Jayce was still in the room with them. He had tried to get a look at her injuries but Violet had aggressively slapped his hand away and immediately focussed all her attention back to Caitlyn. Her Caitlyn.
Of all the times she had woken up from the moment that bullet had penetrated her broken body, no moment had been as sweet as when she heard Vi's familiar voice in the distance. It was a rather nice dream, one where it finally felt that she was the closest to heaven she had been the past several days. Her mind drew a picture of her pilot in her state of unconsciousness. She saw the copper curls that she loved to run her fingers through, the broad smile that she had grown ever so attached to, the beautiful and strong arms that held her at night. It was hard not to hear Violet's voice in the distance as her picture danced before her.
Except the voice did not go away as it often did after a while. It mingled with other voice but it was certainly still there. It kept Caitlyn from drifting away, like and anchor that held her to shore as she desperately swam to the one thing she wanted to hold on to. The one person she wanted to cling to and not let go again.
Violet's steel grey eyes flashed before her as her voice became more clear and less distanced now. If she tried hard and focussed, she could even make out words.
"Stay with me" she heard, a faint whisper in the wind from her lover but certainly there. She held it in her grasp and pulled it towards her, dragging herself to the surface as she did so. Though with her journey to the surface, came also the reality of pain. She'd gotten used to most of it the past several days, but it was worse than before as the surface came closer.
Focus on Violet. Focus on her voice, not on the pain.
She tried, pushed herself and forced her unconscious mind to stretch out to the voice that kept her at bay. Until she reached it with the blink of her eyes. Her vision was blurry once again, eyes blinking several times as she tried to get rid of the blur which happened slowly but gradually.
Instantly, she felt a hand in hers. A calloused one, stronger than hers but not much larger. A familiar hand, one she had often fantasized about holding and she still felt was a fever dream as she felt it now. It was unbelievably real, something she had hoped for too often to actually be true now.
"Caitlyn? Cait?" she heard her name being called by that same familiar voice and as her vision cleared up, the worried face of her pilot came into view.
She had been crying. A lot. Her eyes were red and puffy, cheeks stained with dried up tears as she sat by her side. Her hair was still as curly and her face still as remarkably beautiful, even in its sorrowful expression.
Caitlyn's eyes ran over her, carefully finding a spot to settle on as she tried to figure out whether this was actually happening or not.
Then her pilot spoke again. "Caitlyn" it was more a choked sob than the actual calling of her name. It felt real. She wanted ot believe it was real, but she had been on the verge of this so many times. All of those times she had come out disappointed on the other end, when Violet had not really been there in her cold cell.
This was not her cell though, it was a dimply lit room and she was lying on something soft instead of the cold floor of her cell that she had called her final resting place before her life would be taken.
Caitlyn finally settled on Violet's eyes as a point of focus, regaining the sense of pain that coursed through her body and felt as though she was being ripped open. Still, with Vi being the one thing to focus her attention on, it was a more peaceful feeling than she had initially imagined.
Then, she spoke "are you real?"
Violet choked up again, her trembling fingers of the hand that was not clutching her own, reaching out and softly touching her cheek. The gesture was so soft, so gentle and full of affection that she had not felt in days, that she wanted to cry. All her time in prison, she had been met with violence and brutality. She had been filth in that prison, something that ought to be dusted away before anyone saw it.
It here was Violet, who treated her with all the care in the world, like she was the most precious thing anyone could lay their eyes on. It touched something in her core.
"Don't speak Cait, please" Vi softly urged as she shook her head "the doctor is on his way, he- he is going to make you all better, okay?"
Caitlyn didn't answer, only focussed on the fresh tears running over Violet's cheeks as she felt a wave of sorrow course through her. She had caused her lover so much worry and distress, she felt awful about it. Yet, she was by her side as though nothing had happened.
"Kiss me" she softly requested, her own eyes now shining with tears as she found her own love reflected on Violet's eyes. Any pain she felt, any trauma inflicted on her body or her mind had fallen into nothing compared to the way Violet was looking at her.
"There's nothing I'd rather do, my love" Violet simply stated, hushed tones and all. She leaned in without a second thought but in the gentlest way possible. It was as though she felt that Caitlyn might break any second if she was anything but gentle with her.
Granted, it felt that way but when Violet was so real, so close, she wanted nothing more than to truly be reunited with her.
So the American pilot finally kissed her Parisian lover after days apart. Days of torture and fear, that felt like years when reflecting on them. And Violet's lips made it all worth it. Violet's soft lips, of which the upper one was decorated with a small scar, that kissed her with emotion she had not thought herself capable of feeling.
Her lips were as soft as Caitlyn remembered, though slightly salted because of her tears, and were familiar in a manner that made her yearn for more. It made her yearn for Violet's touch at all time, her presence and her love surrounding her without fail.
Violet choked on a soft sob when she pulled away slightly and managed to whisper against her lips "I thought I'd never see you again"
Caitlyn merely reached out her free hand, trembling and bloody at that, and carefully placed it on Violet's warm cheek. It was her own way of comforting her distraught lover as both of them were still coming to terms with the fact that this was real and not a figment of their imagination that could be taken from them at any moment.
Violet's cheek immediately moved into her hand, a habit Caitlyn found rather sweet and made her heart swell slightly. A soft smile rested on Violet's lips as her tears slowly started to put a stop to their own misery. Caitlyn instantly missed the feeling of Violet's lips ghosting over hers when her pilot pulled away as the door of the room made a soft noise when it was being opened.
Her lover kept a respectable distance for someone who was close to her, yet not as closer as a lover or a husband might be. Caitlyn's eyes stay focussed on her pilot as a man she didn't know rushed in with an older woman and another man, who seemed like the doctor as the first man seemed too young for that sort of job.
"I see our patient is conscious, that is a very pleasant surprise" the doctor tried to make his tone sound more cheerful than he truly seemed to be at the sight of her severe injuries. Caitlyn hardly listened as she squeezed Violet's hand ever so softly. Their intertwined hands being the only thing that still connected them.
The doctor placed his full bag of medical supplies on the bed, by Caitlyn's side, as he told everyone to leave the room. The man and older woman immediately seem to obey this request but Vi simply shook her head and gave the doctor a warning glare.
"I am not leaving her side" her voice sounded strong and determined, confidence not wavering at the request of the man who would be treating her.
The battle for dominance is short-lived and won by Violet, whose hand never left Caitlyn's and whose eyes were back on her the moment the doctor agreed to let her stay.
For the first time, it really started to dawn on Caitlyn that this was real. It was not another dream that would float from her grasp the moment she would actually wake up.
Violet was here, with her. Though she was fighting for her life, bruised, battered and broken, she was with her pilot. None of it mattered as long as she held on to the feeling of Violet's strong hand in hers, guiding her to the light.
Notes:
For those who do not know, I quite often post little spoilers and updates on Twitter about this fic. So feel free to follow me (@loveshazell) if you'd like!
AND IT HAS FINALLY HAPPENED! My favourite lesbians are reunited, but they have a long way to go and a lot more bumps on their road. For now, I'll leave you with this.
Until next time, my loves!
Chapter 14: Home
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
The tragic thing about the current situation that enveloped both Violet and Caitlyn like an iced blanket, was that the American pilot still felt as powerless as she had when Caitlyn had still been out of reach. It was rather depressing to think of, really. She was willing to lay down her life for the woman in her bed, and yet had no opportunity of doing so. Anything that Caitlyn had been forced to undergo and was still wrapped up in, was out of Violet's control.
And she hated it.
Her foot nervously tapped the dark, wooden floorboards as she guarded Caitlyn's bedside, keeping a sharp eye on the doctor who was currently inspecting her beloved. Caitlyn seemed more calm under the entire examination than Violet was, but then again, she was severely wounded and just glad a professional was taking proper care of her.
Violet had meant the words she had spoken to Caitlyn earlier, she was not going to let her go again. Including during the doctor's visit. It had been quite the struggle to even get her to let go of Caitlyn's hand, so there was no chance in hell that she was leaving the room as the doctor examined her.
She watched with narrowed eyes as the doctor pulled Caitlyn up slightly by her shoulder first, so he could get a good look at her front and check if anything was the matter.
Apart from severe bruising on her ribs and stomach, everything seemed to be as well as could be. When Caitlyn was asked if she had any particular sore spots, she pointed out her ribs. Upon examination, the doctor concluded that her ribs were merely bruised, not broken. Caitlyn let out a soft sigh of relief at the news, but it left Violet with a sour taste in her mouth.
Some fucker had bruised her lover's ribs and she had a hard time suppressing the need to twist a knife into the stomach of the person who had done this to her. The doctor continued his examination when he put her back on her stomach and started on her back, something that took quite a while.
Several of the wounds were infection or starting to get infected, so those were the ones that were treated first. Caitlyn hissed the second the doctor so much as grazed his fingers over her wounds and Violet flinched at the sight of Caitlyn's obvious discomfort. She'd always been terrible about loved ones being hurt, and seeing Caitlyn like this made her feel helpless in the worst way possible.
As the doctor worked on Caitlyn's wounded back, he seemed to noticed something buried deep within one of the flesh wounds that went down to Caitlyn's bone. His dark eyebrows shot up slightly and he hummed. Something that raised immediate alarm in Violet, as she leaned in to get a look as well.
That was when she saw it. Buried within Caitlyn's bleeding flesh was a bullet hole, if one took a really good look they could see the bullet itself that had nestled into her broken body. It was nauseating, even though Violet had expected it.
"I'm going to need to remove the bullet first, it would be disastrous if it remained in here" the doctor informed Caitlyn, first in French and when he received an frustrated and confused look from Vi, he translated it to broken English.
Caitlyn merely let out a soft huff and glanced up at Violet, her eyes calmer than the pilot had expected them to be upon finding a bullet inside her. "Huh, I had forgotten that was in there"
Violet appreciated the fact that Caitlyn was trying to make a little joke, but it went right over her head because her worry for her beloved saviour was simply too overwhelming. Any other time, she would have gladly laughed at the joking words, but she simply wanted Caitlyn to be okay now.
So she waited patiently as the doctor took out some tools and disinfected them before using them to pry into the small hole that was hidden in one of the flesh wounds on Caitlyn's back. It seemed that Caitlyn did notice it this time, because she cried out in pain as the instrument buried itself in her wound. Caitlyn's hand immediately shot out to hers and Violet took it the second she was offered the desperate hand of her lover.
A frown seemed to be a permanent resident on her face as the watched the doctor go to work and let Caitlyn squeeze her hand as tight as she felt she ought to. Once the bullet was out, a sigh of relief passed both their lips and Violet's eyes found a place of rest in Caitlyn's.
They were full of trust, full of hope that she might be alright and that there was a chance she might live. Violet squeezed her hand softly, letting her know that she was by her side through it all and nothing would be able to keep them apart. At least, for as long as it would take.
The doctor stitched up most of the wounds after cleaning them, except for the smallest ones which would heal on their own. Once Caitlyn's back was all stitched up, it looked like a rather artistic piece of patchwork. Violet's stomach turned once again when she thought back about how soft and flawless the skin on Caitlyn's back used to be, not a single scratch that marked her porcelain skin. And now? Now, her back would be scarred for the rest of her life. An endless reminder of what someone had done to her and how her life wouldn't be the same again.
Violet would not love her any less for it, scars were a part of life. God knows that she had plenty of them. But they could be painful reminders of what had been, and that was something she feared for Caitlyn's sake.
"My feet' Caitlyn told the doctor as he finished up the stitches on her last wound. Both the doctor's and Violet's eyes instantly travelled to Caitlyn's bandaged feet. "They're broken"
Once again, Violet found herself speechless at Caitlyn's bedside while the doctor immediately took a look at the situation he was dealing with in regards to her feet. He unwrapped the bandages, earning him an unhappy grunt from Caitlyn as Violet's eyes travelled back to her.
Caitlyn explained softly as she looked at her pilot, seemingly more at ease when her eyes focussed on her than on the pain she was experiencing. "I set them to make sure I would not be left crippled"
"A very wise decision" the doctor immediately answered, not giving Violet a chance to reply. "They're in the right position at least, but they need to be given the time to heal properly. I'll wrap them up as they should be, so they will not grow in a strange angle. But I want to urge you not to stand on your feet for at least a week, then you may slowly try to get back into walking with the help of someone who will be there to catch you in the instance that you might fall"
"I'll help her" Violet immediately volunteered, earning her a soft smile that formed into a grin from Caitlyn. "She'll be in good hands with me"
The doctor nodded and shot a short glance at their intertwined hands before going back to work on Caitlyn's feet. As they were unwrapped from the bloodstained bandages, they appeared to be as purple as Caitlyn's swollen eyes. It was a horrific sight and Violet was glad she was no doctor because she would have told Caitlyn straight out that those feet were never going to be okay after seeing the damage that had been done to them.
The doctor, however, did not even flinch and simply started treating her broken feet, wrapping them up as well as he could so the bones would grow back together correctly.
All of the time that the doctor worked on Caitlyn, Violet kept her attention on the woman holding her hand. She would squeeze it every so often, smile encouragingly or tell Caitlyn how well she was doing. She was grateful for the doctor, she truly was, but she was equally as relieved when he left and gave Caitlyn some final instructions on how much rest to take before announcing that he would be back in several days to check on her.
Violet watched as he left, praying that he was not a person who would betray them and sell them out to the Germans. If that was the case, they were done for before the sun came up. She didn't want to think about that though, she could not afford to think like that. There was too much to focus on in regards to Caitlyn and all she wanted now was for Caitlyn to feel cared for and looked after.
Moments after the doctor left, Babette and Jayce entered the room again and Caitlyn gave them a slightly confused smile.
"I suppose we should introduce ourselves" Jayce started "I'm Jayce, I have been working as an infiltrator in the German army for several years now. I'm the one who got Violet out of your home and carried you to this house"
He sounded far too smug about it, though Violet also knew she partially hated him because she wanted to be the one to safe Caitlyn. She did not want to rely on a man, let alone Jayce, to rescue her or Caitlyn and now he had done both.
"Thank you" Caitlyn said in a tone far too grateful than what Violet thought Jayce deserved, but she did not argue with her lover. "How did you do it?"
"Yes Jayce" Violet sounded a lot more resentful than she had meant to sound, but the words were out now anyways "how did you do it?"
Jayce's eyes found Violet, who had been manspreading in her seat the second Jayce had entered. It was a habit she had picked up in her military training, being surrounded by men who always thought they were better and stronger than her. She had developed a bit of hatred towards any man who was in the military, for the mere reason that most military men she had met were shitty.
The man in question sighed as he sat down on Caitlyn's bedside, earning him another point of hatred from Violet for 'making himself at home on the bed that Caitlyn was currently occupying'. Jayce ran his fingers through his hair as he started his explanation.
"When Violet kept pestering me about the fact that I had not done anything to save you" he looked at Caitlyn when saying his last word, then he continued "I changed my mind. I knew someone at the prisoner you were held in. A secretary, who I knew is also part of the resistance movement, agreed to help me. I told her your name and what had to be done, she promised me she would try to get you out and that I had to wait until nightfall at the bridge on the outskirts of town"
Caitlyn seemed fully emersed into Jayce's story, still confused about a lot of things it seemed, but transfixed nonetheless. Violet had to admit, it had taken some gut for Jayce to do what he did. And she could not help but feel a swell of pride upon realising that she had been the one to cause Jayce to take action because she had bullied him into doing so. It seemed she had done something after all.
"So that was what I did, I waited by the bridge. There is a lot of places one can hide that still gives you a good view of the bridge. Once the dark had closed in, a truck drove up to the bridge and stopped just in front of it. A man got out and called out my name, so I took a chance and made myself known" his eyes travelled back to Caitlyn "he had you in the back of the truck, unconscious and all, and I had to carry you on my shoulders back to the house"
"Must've been quite heavy" Caitlyn mumbled, causing Jayce to chuckle lightly.
"I'd gladly do it again" he informed her as she ran his fingers through his hair again. "The driver informed me that you had been shot but not fatally injured. Apparently that secretary had made sure only two men were there to execute you, instead of the usual party of at least five. The man who was instructed to kill you, aimed for your lower back and since you were already half unconscious anyways, it was not hard to hit you somewhere that immediately caused you to lose consciousness and thus seem like you were dead"
Violet shook her head, it was un-fucking-believable how much risk Jayce had taken to get Caitlyn out and the fact that it had all worked was even more unbelievable.
"The woman" Caitlyn started before Vi could say anything "when I was put into the truck, there was a woman who said something to me"
Now everyone was all ears "what was it Cait?" Vi softly asked her as her thumb gently stroked Caitlyn's knuckles.
"She told me to look under the floorboards and I would find what I am seeking"
Both Jayce and Babette seemed as clueless about the words as Violet was, but then Caitlyn continued "the only thing I can think of is Viktor"
"Who's Viktor?" Jayce asked curiously as Violet came to the same conclusion Caitlyn had a while ago.
"Viktor, of course" Violet's grey eyes glanced at Jayce and Babette, who were still as clueless as before. "Viktor was getting us forged documents so we could flee the town, but he was arrested before he could get them to us. I bet he has hidden them under the floorboards of his house"
Caitlyn squeezed her hand in a way of gentle comfort and to let her know that she had been thinking the exact same thing.
"Do you know what happened to him? Is he still kept in that prison?" Violet asked her lover softly, not wanting to sound too pressing or urgent.
Caitlyn's expression saddened for a moment as she shook her head "he was executed with me... I'm afraid he wasn't lucky enough to have people looking after him as I did"
Babette took a step forward as she shook her head "I'm terribly sorry to hear that Dear" she softly sighed.
Then, she seemed to come back to herself and offered Caitlyn a soft smile. "I'm afraid I haven't had a chance to introduce myself yet, I'm Babette" the older woman standing by Caitlyn's bedside introduced herself by touching Caitlyn's shoulder ever so softly for a mere second before pulling away. "You are welcome to stay here as long as you'd like"
Caitlyn nodded and smiled gratefully. Violet could see that she was starting to get tired and her grey eyes found Jayce and Babette's, who seemed to realise that Caitlyn needed a well-deserved rest.
"If you'd like, I could bring you a tub with warm water, soap and a cloth, so you can bathe" Babette offered and Violet nodded immediately.
"I will help her, she's done the same for me when I was wounded" she immediately said, earning her a look of interest from Babette but the woman bit her tongue about the situation.
Violet knew that it was a strange situation, to see how close they were after only knowing each other for a mere several weeks. It was something that'd grown gradually, but rather fast. They spend every waking minute together and the feelings that had nestled in both of them had taken them by surprise. Violet had never thought that she would feel a love like this for any person, let alone a woman. Still, Caitlyn had stolen her heart without even realising it and she now finally knew what it was that men and women sung about it those horribly cliche love songs that she secretly enjoyed.
As soon as both Babette and Jayce had left the room, Caitlyn stated "you don't have to do that, you know... wash me"
A frown found its way onto Violet's face as she glanced down at the woman currently occupying her bed "I want to do it Caitlyn"
"I'm not-" there was something bothering her, something in her eyes that shone with a feeling of sadness. "I am not exactly pretty or desirable"
"Caitlyn" she almost choked up at the fragile words coming from her lover's lips. "You're not- you are the single most beautiful woman, no person, I have ever laid my eyes on. Your current state was the work of a man who I would very much like to get my hands on, so I can skin him alive"
Caitlyn's lips formed the tiniest smile, but Violet continued. "Your beauty does not just radiate in your physical appearance. You are kind, smart, gentle and simply too fucking good for this world." Vi knew she was tearing up yet again, but she could not stop herself. "Your scars, your bruises, they only tell a tale of survival and heroism and I love you with each of them. Even if I wished you had not suffered as you have"
As a silence fell between them with Caitlyn simply giving her one of her enchanting smiles, Babette entered the room and placed a metal tub full of warm water, a bar of soap and a cloth on the floor. She reappeared several moments later with a white, cotton nightgown that she hung over the back of the bed. "Let me know if you need anything else, I'll bring you something to eat and drink in a bit"
"Thank you Babette, truly" Violet heard her lover mention. She focussed on the task at hand and drenched the cloth in warm water as her eyes found Caitlyn, who still laid in the same position on her stomach.
"Would you like me to help you sit up, so I can bathe you?"
"I think I might like that" Caitlyn nodded in response and Violet immediately placed the cloth down. She turned to the bed and helped her lover sit up in her time of need. It took a bit of a struggle and it was clear that Caitlyn was in a lot of pain, even if she did not want to show any of it. Eventually she managed to sit up on the side of the bed and Violet could not help but lean in and kiss her softly.
It was more than she had expected or felt worthy of, to gain a love so sweet and pure in Caitlyn. Her skin felt like it was set on fire as Caitlyn deepened the kiss slightly. Something inside her burned when her Parisian lover kissed her back with the enthusiasm she could bring up in her state of agony.
"I've dreamed of this every night I was locked up in that cell" Caitlyn whispered against her lips as she pulled away.
Violet's breath hitched slightly, an image of a broken Caitlyn lying in her cell in a pool of her own blood as she imagined what it was like when the two of them were still together. "You imagined me washing you?" Violet dared tease.
Her lover chuckled softly, placing another kiss on her lips in an answer to Violet's sweet tease "about kissing you, you idiot"
"I know, I just wanted to hear you say it" Violet admitted softly, pulling away slightly only to press a kiss on her nose and then focus on the task at hand. "Might I- is it alright if I undress you? I know that we have already taken that step, but I should wash you and-"
"Darling, it's fine" Caitlyn assured her, her long fingers finding her strong bicep, which immediately put Violet's restless mind at ease. As she undressed Caitlyn, peeling of the ripped fabrics of clothing that had once resembled a dress and a slip, she felt her skin burn yet again and her heart speed up. She had been in this state of undressed with Caitlyn before, when they had bathed together, but something about this seemed so much more intimate.
Caitlyn was wounded badly, and laid all her trust in her. Violet. She was not usually someone people trusted with their lives, safety or really anything. Her reputation as an orphan who liked to stir up trouble and got into a lot of fights, had left her untrustworthy in the eyes of most. Yet, when she looked into Caitlyn's eyes she saw nothing but trust. Trust that Violet would care for her, would always have her best interest at mind and would not even think about hurting her.
"I meant what I said before, you know" Violet mumbled as she peeled off Caitlyn's layer of her slip dress and then helped her out of her brassiere and silk panties. Somehow, everything she wore was bloodied and ripped. It did not seem like they could be worn again. "About you being the most beautiful person I know"
"That isn't quite possible, I'm afraid" Caitlyn softly told her as her pilot took the cloth, dipping it in the warm water again before rubbing the bar of soap on it. Her warm, grey eyes were focussed on Caitlyn in doing so. She somehow look fragile and strong at the same time. She was fully undressed, sitting on the side of the bed as Violet was on her knees in front of her. And she was still breathtaking.
Her scars and bruises told a tale or survival and of something that would fade, yet she would remain. Violet hesitated for a moment before she reached out until the soft cloth touched her knee. Unsure where to start, she figured that was a good spot.
It all felt a bit strange, to have Caitlyn fully naked in front of her, a sight that her eyes welcomed in gratefully. Still, it was not necessarily a sight that was currently making her feel that familiar deep burn she had felt the last time she had been naked with Caitlyn. Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that her lover was still hurt, needed a kind and loving hand instead of one full of desire. An overwhelming feeling of home filled her entire being as Caitlyn's trusting eyes followed the careful movement of Violet's hand on her knee.
"It feels as though years have passed between us" Caitlyn admitted as Violet's hand ran down her leg, carefully washing around her broken foot as her eyes remained focussed on Caitlyn's swollen, yet beautiful face.
She nodded in agreement, feeling the same feeling of time having passed at a faster rate than it actually had. "Tell me what it was like" she softly asked Caitlyn as her hand travelled up to her thigh. "Not the- not the torture or anything... just- what it was like in that prison all by yourself"
She could see Caitlyn swallow as she tried to think of what to tell her. It weighed heavily on her mind and she knew the pressing feeling of a horrid experience that pressed down on her. Which is exactly why she wanted Caitlyn to talk about it.
Her hand washed Caitlyn's right thigh, ignoring the way her lower stomach shifted as Caitlyn's legs spread ever so slightly so she could reach inside her thigh. There was no time for any of that now, this was about her lover and what she had been through. Her steel greys watched as Caitlyn leaned back slightly, pressing her palms into the mattress carefully, letting out a soft hiss when a painful muscle was being pulled.
Then, her cerulean irises landed back on Violet and she started to talk while her hand travelled to the other thigh, softly washing the bruised skin. "It was lonely above all. Everything in there is designed to make a person feel as though they are alone in the world. I've never- I have never felt so utterly deserted"
Violet's heart broke at the confession of her cerulean eyes loved. Her hand had paused for a moment as she listened to Caitlyn's words. "I knew-" she choked up a little, but swallowed her tears before she continued "I knew I was going to die there. And all I could do was wait for that moment to come"
"My love-"
"I wanted to die, did you know that?" she informed her pilot as a tear managed to escape and found its way down her soft cheek. "Anything, even death, was better than staying in that cell and lying in my own blood as my body was tearing itself apart. I was looking forward to the moment I would finally be rid of it, all the pain and the agony"
Of all the things Violet had expected her to say, she had not expected this. There was something in her voice, something she had never heard before, that sent a shiver down her spine. Violet dipped the cloth back into the warm water and rinsed the soap off Caitlyn's legs as she processed the words her lover had spoken to her.
"What about now?" she asked eventually, unable to ignore the most curious side of herself about how Caitlyn was looking at life in that very moment. "Do you still wish you would have died?"
"Of course not" it was an answer that her lover did not need a second to think about. Violet's eyes busied themselves with watching the cloth dip into the warm water again, soap brushing over the fabric and then- Caitlyn's hands on her cheeks, forcing her to look her beloved in the eye.
"I wouldn't change my fate. It has brought me back to you and that is all that matters" Caitlyn promised, a promise that fell off her lips and set everything inside the American pilot ablaze. She could do nothing else but lean in and kiss her Parisian lover. Caitlyn was quick to respond to her kiss with more need than she had expected, but she welcomed it with open arms. Her hands found their way to Caitlyn's knees, slowly running up her thighs as she felt Caitlyn deepen the heated kiss, the higher she got on her thighs.
It was... enticing. More so than Violet had expected with Caitlyn escaping death only hours ago. Apparently their reunion and the knowledge that life and their union could be over any second, made both of them desperate to be together whenever they could.
Once Caitlyn pulled away and slowly ran her fingers down Violet's cheeks, to her neck, the pilot continued her routine of washing Caitlyn with a soaped cloth first, before rinsing it off. Except now, each rinse was followed by a kiss. A kiss on Caitlyn's bruised hips. A kiss on her belly button. One on her left rib, one on her right. Several kisses in the valley that ran between her fantastic breasts. Then, when she dared after rinsing the soap off her breasts, she closed her lips around Caitlyn's nipple ever so gently.
She did not want to push her lover in any way, but they both felt that same need for physical closeness, for something that held them together other than the loving words they were so keen on muttering to each other.
The slightest gasp from Caitlyn's lips and the immediate grasp of her left hand on Violet's copper curls, was enough to make her suck a little harder and flick her skilled tongue over her dark nipple. The gasp turned into a moan and the gentle flick turned into a soft bite before Violet's lips decided to occupy the left out nipple as well.
When she glanced up at Caitlyn, she noticed that her eyes had slightly darkened when her lips closed around the other nipple, a soft tug and flick getting yet another moan out of her. As her mouth worked on Caitlyn's perfectly designed nipples, she noticed the woman shifting slightly. She was spreading her legs a bit in order to get some... friction?
Violet had to admit that she was unfamiliar with the mechanics of two women... being intimate, but she was willing to learn. Very willing, even. Her perceptive mind grew to learn the signals of Caitlyn's body when the two were intimate like this and as her lips detached from her nipple, her darkened eyes glanced up at her lover.
She did not speak yet, her hand simply dipping back into the water and rubbing the soap on the cloth before she continued her task. The silence weighed on both of them as Caitlyn let out a soft gasp every now and then, when Violet's hand touched her yet again. The pilot focussed on the task at hand, rinsing Caitlyn's shoulders, her regal neck, peppering said neck in soft kisses as Caitlyn spread her legs further to welcome Vi in between them as the pilot still remained on her knees in front of her.
The whole position felt rather erotic and Violet found that every little whimper Caitlyn produced went straight between her own legs, causing her own need for friction. She was no stranger to the feelings of desire she could inflict on her own body, how she could manage to make herself squirm at the touch of her hand. But now she was having that same need in the presence of Caitlyn and it was making her rather intrigued at what that might mean.
After carefully washing and rinsing off her face, she found she had gotten everything but the most intimate part of all. Something Violet was not quite sure she knew how to handle, and certainly not if Caitlyn's was feeling as soaked as Violet's was in that very moment.
So, in a moment of utter denial and fear, she finished their intimate bathing moment with a soft kiss on Caitlyn's lips and then handed her the white, cotton nightgown that Babette had found for her.
It hurt to see the look of slight disappointment on Caitlyn's face, but she was too unsure of her own actions and skills to really know where to go from here. Where did one go when the breasts were discovered and all felt as though it was leading straight between their legs? Whatever heaven Caitlyn was hiding there, it terrified Violet to no end.
Still, Caitlyn did not mention it. She simply gave the saddest smile that Violet had ever seen and made her want to rip out her own heart and swallow it whole. She laid back down on her stomach since that was the only position that really gave her relief from her injuries.
And Violet felt horrible. She wanted to please Caitlyn, wanted to make her feel all sorts of wonderful, but she simply felt useless in the sense that she had no experience with this. Granted, she did not have experience with men either, but it seemed that they only had one mechanic to work with. Women were far more complicated than that. She cursed herself for not being attracted to men, not having the easy task of pleasing someone who merely seemed to pump into something in order to make themselves feel good.
She had experienced with her own body of course, but even that had been a journey on its own. She'd feared she had failed countless times, until that one time she had found the right spot and her mind had- quite literally- been blown. The one question that remained however, was how did one know what really caused those wonderful shivers to run down your back when it came to another woman? How was she supposed to know what pleased Caitlyn when she did not know what she was doing with herself half the time?
As Caitlyn laid back down, she got up from her knees and decided it would be best if she joined her lover in bed. It was very late and the two of them could do with some rest. Though, that ever present need for friction between her legs was making it very hard for her to focus on the idea of sleep at the moment.
So Violet simply undressed until she was just in her white shirt and panties and she sat down on the side of the bed as her hand reached out and caressed Caitlyn's swollen cheek softly. "How about you lie on top of me?"
Caitlyn's slight frown turned into a soft smile as she glanced up at her lover "how would that work?"
"Like this" Violet carefully moved into bed with Caitlyn, spreading her legs so Caitlyn could move herself in between them. Their final position ended with Caitlyn still on her stomach, yet lying in between Violet's legs as her cheek rested on her shoulder and her nose was nuzzled into Violet's neck.
It took about two seconds for Violet to feel Caitlyn's lips softly kiss her neck. The hands that were holding Caitlyn's hips squeezed her soft skin ever so slightly as that familiar heat between her legs started to brew again.
"Caitlyn" she softly whimpered as she felt her lover's teeth bite down on her skin in a soft but pressing way. She definitely was not going to bed like this, there was no way she was getting a wink of sleep before the current situation was dealt with and the burning desire for touching Caitlyn was stronger than it perhaps ever had been.
"Touch me Darling" she heard the faint whisper of Caitlyn's voice run over the skin of her neck. The hands that rested on her hips, carefully traveled down until they found what they were looking for. Her Parisian lover let out an audible gasp when her hands curled around the soft flesh of her bottom and squeezed a little harder than intended, due to the fact that she was really, really enjoying Caitlyn's nibbling on her neck.
She tilted her head slightly to give her lover a bit more access to her neck as her hands explored a little further as they found the hem of Caitlyn's nightgown and expertly slipped underneath it. Another gasp, followed by a moan, made Violet's skin tingle as she squeezed Caitlyn's bare bottom this time. Her fingertips were lower on her bottom than she had expected and suddenly she felt a slick substance coating her fingers as they grazed over her soaked centre.
And damn if it did not get the most delicious sound from Caitlyn's lips when her fingers ever so slightly dipped between her legs. It encouraged her to move her left hand in between their bodies, Caitlyn's mouth skilfully attached to her neck as she did so and her legs spread slightly and she lifted her hips slightly to give Vi the access she needed in getting her hand right where she wanted it.
She had quite mastered the skill on herself, knew what she felt like between her legs and how she responded to the motion of her fingers, but it was an entirely different story with Caitlyn. Yet somehow, her fingers seemed to move without thinking. She started from the back, running two fingers through Caitlyn's shockingly soaked folds until she reached the spot she was aiming for.
Caitlyn's teeth bit down on her neck a little harder when her fingers explored the one spot she had been after. A rather marvellous moan tumbled from Caitlyn's irresistible lips as Vi's finger flicker over her clit and turned her lover into a whining mess.
After all that had happened that day, this seemed like the thing she had least expected to happen but she was certainly not complaining. Her fingers made their way over her sensitive clit several more times, earning her a small whine and a moan each time she did so.
"Please" Caitlyn breathed against her neck "Violet"
Her name sounded like a hymn from Caitlyn's lips when she was embracing the feeling of Violet's inexperienced fingers on her. It encouraged the pilot to take it a small step further and she dared give her clit one last little flick before dipping one finger inside her.
The feeling of actually being inside Caitlyn was more than she had expected it to truly be. If this was what it was supposed to be like to feel attracted to another person, she knew she never wanted this to end. She let a moan escape her own lips as her voice moved with Caitlyn's and her finger dove in a little deeper. Caitlyn's moans turned into mewls as she moved her hips into Violet's, desperate for more from her pilot and Violet was more than willing to give it to her.
It took a few thrusts for her to realise that she might just take a chance with another one. A high-pitched mewl sounded against her neck as she slid another finger inside Caitlyn's warm centre and without hesitation thrusted in until she was knuckle deep inside the woman she loved and desired with her entire being.
"Cait" she gasped, stopping for a moment to take in the feeling of her fingers buried inside her her lover, which caused said lover to buck her hips slightly.
"Please continue Violet, I-" she was cut off when Violet's fingers immediately granted her request and started moving again. She picked up her pace slightly and discovered that curling her fingers inside Caitlyn was getting her a rather interesting response. Caitlyn let out a soft cry into her neck before slightly biting down on her skin as Vi curled her fingers again. She'd certainly be remembering that for next time.
Her fingers slightly pulled out and her thumb found her familiar clit again, remembering what motions seemed to be the most effective on Caitlyn moments ago and she repeated them with practiced skill. Her lover deliciously squirmed as her cries were getting harder to muffle in Violet's neck.
"Just like that" Caitlyn softly encouraged her before Vi's fingers once again sunk back deep inside of her and her voice shot up several octaves again. "Merde"
So she cursed in French when she was enjoying herself, something else to keep in mind. Violet's fingers continued in their rotations of movements until Caitlyn's soft cries and moans started to fall closer and closer together and with a rather beautifully sounding "Violet" from Caitlyn's lips, her walls clenched around Violet's fingers and she knew exactly what her lover was experiencing.
It was the most glorious sight she had witnessed so far in life, her lover coming undone at the work of her fingers and looking so breathtaking in doing so. She leaned in and captured Caitlyn's lips in a deep kiss as the woman came down from her high with the help of Violet's fingers which pulled out of her but worked with her for a bit longer until they were both thoroughly exhausted and satisfied.
"Violet-"
"I love you" she mumbled against Caitlyn's soft lips that sported a small scar nowadays. Their lips met in another gentle kiss as she pulled her fingers from Caitlyn. She swiftly wiped them on the sheets, not entirely sure what else to do and reluctant to get out of bed and wash her hands.
"I love you too" Caitlyn's words sounded like a promise on her lips and lingered even when she had already settled her cheek against Violet's shoulder. Her arms wrapped around her as carefully as possible, knowing better than to touch her back. Her head suddenly felt heavy with a need for sleep and judging from the way Caitlyn's breathing had calmed down considerably, she had already drifted off.
She pressed a soft kiss on Caitlyn's dark curls, once again pouring her love into the mere touch of her lips, and comfortably settled with the woman who held her heart in the palm of her hand in her arms.
When they were facing the world together, it did not seem as frightening as having to do it alone.
Notes:
We are officially over 80k words in and the clit has finally been touched, the fingering has commenced, but Vi was a frightened lesbian about it.
I hadn't initially planned on the smut but it just sort of... happened and I went with that gay flow, as one should.
As always, your comments are so so so appreciated and I love each one of you who has been so loyal to read this fic up until now! Thank you from the bottom of my heart and I cannot wait to hear your thoughts on everything so far.
Until next time, my loves!
Chapter 15: Papillon
Notes:
First of all, sorry for my leap of absence. Life has been a lot and I had a super busy week so I simply did not have the time and energy to write and keep the chapter somewhat the same quality as the others.
I'm glad to announce that I am back and I hope you enjoy this new chapter!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
A soft tickle of her nose gently startled Violet from a dreamless sleep. Her eyes remained shut for a moment as her lips hummed a soft tune when she felt long, familiar fingers thread through the short copper curls that sprouted on her head. Her lover undoubtedly knew she was awake as her short nails gently scratched her scalp. For a moment, it was better than the sleep she had been previously wrapped up in. For a moment, they could forget that there was a war raging outside the four safe walls of Babette's home. Walls that shielded them from the enemy.
Upon deciding to open her eyes, Caitlyn's softly lips pressed against the column of her throat so sweetly that Violet instantly swallowed thickly. Her Parisian lover had a way about her that exuded softness and strength at the same time. Her resilience was a sign of her endless strength and her gentle approach measured the softness she possessed.
"My love" she heard Caitlyn's accented tongue whisper to her, quietly, and her grey eyes met hers in an instant. Her eyelashes remained thick with sleep but the dark hair and sharp shape of her lover's cheekbones immediately met her eyesight.
"Good morning Beautiful" Violet's lips formed the words before she could even think them. Answering Caitlyn in such a fashion held a sense of normality for her that left her frightened, if she was being honest. She had never been one to attach herself to another person very easily but her feelings for Caitlyn had arrived like a train that refused to halt at any stops and merely went for its end goal.
Caitlyn's mind seemed preoccupied, when Violet got a better look at her. Her cerulean eyes reflected a sense of worry and thoughts were starting to scatter, from the looks of it. So Violet nuzzled her nose into the dark curls that held such familiarity for her. Curls she never thought she would see, smell or feel again just a mere day ago. Yet, here they were. Wrapped up in a bliss of two lovers that had been reunited after a rather unfortunate turn of events.
"What is keeping your mind busy Sweetheart?" the nickname slipped her lips before she realised she had said it, but brought a small smile to Caitlyn's lips.
Caitlyn shook her head lightly as she seemed to try and gather her thoughts. She looked like this quite often. Whenever Caitlyn's mind seemed to have a life of its own, she had a habit of taking a moment to gather the thoughts racing through her head. She would always shake her head lightly, stare in the distance for a moment or two and then look at Vi to tell her what was bothering her.
This exact instance was currently taking place and when Caitlyn's blue eyes found hers, she finally answered "I've been thinking of our next step"
"Oh" the word dropped off her lips as her fingers ran over Caitlyn's hip, careful not to touch any scarred flesh. "You should heal before we even start thinking about that, we're safe here with Babette"
"But for how long?" by this time, worry coloured Caitlyn's cheeks and she seemed to have been more worked up over this than she had instantly seemed. Her eyes reflected an urgency that told Violet she really needed to talk about this.
"What is on your mind?" she mumbled softly as her lips found Caitlyn's nose and pressed a soft kiss on it while her lover explained what kept her mind occupied.
"We have no plan on where to go next, we do not even have the papers yet. Staying here is trickier than leaving, especially because they will be searching the area for months because we escaped" Caitlyn was a small explosion of worry as she informed Violet of her current worries.
Violet had to admit that it did not easy her mind to know that the entire German force was probably actively looking for not just her and Caitlyn, but Jayce as well. They were probably number one on the list of people they wanted arrested and killed. Though Violet knew it was better to leave and get as far away from this small town as possible, it also posed a huge risk for all of them.
"You're right" she agreed with a sigh as her head fell back on the pillow and her eyes found the ceiling whilst her mind mulled over everything Caitlyn had just said. "We ought to speak to Babette and Jayce about this, they might have a plan"
"I've been thinking as well" Caitlyn informed her "there's one place where we can safely stay for a while and arrange for passage out of the country"
A frown coloured Violet's face as she thought of what possible way they might have out of the country "which is?"
"Paris" Caitlyn simply stated. It took Violet a moment or two to think of what and who would help them in Paris.
Then she realised it "your parents... would they be able to help?"
"I'm positive they can, they have many connections in and outside of France. My father's family in English, he might have a way for us to flee to England"
Violet fell silent for a moment as she thought of this ridiculous and dangerous plan. They could hardly make their way out of the town, let alone to Paris and certainly not to England. The entire idea sounded far too risky, but staying with Babette for as long as the war lasted was probably an even more dangerous idea.
"How would we get out of this town though? Security is most likely tightened to its maximum compacity" Violet's fingers had travelled up and now curled Caitlyn's soft curls around her finger as she spoke. Her gaze met hers again but Caitlyn seemed more confident about the plan than she still was.
"I am not sure it would work, but the doctor could be a good way to get us out of town" when she received a confused look from Violet, she continued "my father is a doctor, he has a pass to go through any border within France without question if it's for a patient. Hide one of us in the trunk of his car, it would still be a risk should they search it, but it would be the smallest risk to have the doctor drive us passed the border"
Violet's hand had stopped about halfway through Caitlyn's story and thought of what she was suggesting. It was beyond dangerous and a huge risk to have a doctor drive up and down through the countryside to move all three of them. Still, it sounded like the only chance they really had. "We should discuss this with Babette and Jayce but I suppose it could work"
It took them about an hour to organize a meeting in the living room. Caitlyn had insisted on Violet carrying her downstairs, even though bridal style hurt the stitched up wounds on her back, because she wanted to be a part of it all. It appeared she was done being the victim who had to be cared for and she wanted to be the one to fight this time. While Violet worried sick about this attitude in the fragile state Caitlyn was still in, she also admired her for it. Not everyone would still have the strength to fight after going through what Caitlyn had gone through.
After cleaning them both from the activities from the previous night, getting them dressed and carrying Caitlyn downstairs as though she was a newly-wed husband with his bride in his arms, she had installed Caitlyn on the sofa where she was currently lying on her side. It was an image comparable to Cleopatra lying at the table as her servants fed her grapes and wine. Though Caitlyn was lying on her side due to the fact that she was severely injured, which was the downside of things.
Babette had already been downstairs and Jayce had joined a bit later, seemingly surprised that Caitlyn had made it downstairs.
"What are we all here for?" Jayce asked them after Violet called in an official meeting and gathered the four of them in the small living room, where Violet herself had settled in a large armchair next to the sofa where Caitlyn was lying.
"We have a plan on how to get out of here, but we want to discuss it with the two of you" Violet started and Caitlyn continued.
"We do not have an entire plan yet, but most of it should be able to get us away from here and keep everyone from getting into more danger" Caitlyn elaborated, which seemed to peak Babette's attention.
The other woman's green eyes narrowed slightly with interest as she leaned forward and nodded "what is this so-called plan then?"
Caitlyn took a deep breath, eyeing Violet for a mere moment as the copper-haired woman gave her a reassuring nod, and then she started. "Our best chance at survival would be to travel to my parents in Paris. They are influential people who can pull strings for the three of us to arrange passage to England. Before that, however, we need a way out of this town. I have been thinking and the one solution that would be best for us all, would be if the doctor were to put one of us in his trunk and drive us over the border to a certain location that I still need to think of. He is one of the only people who can pass the border without any eyebrows being raised"
Violet held her breath as she watched Jayce and Babette listen to her plan. Their frowned eyebrows and slight tilt of their heads did not tell her much, except for the fact that they were not wildly enthusiastic about it.
Babette was the first one to speak "It might work, but it is still an enormous risk to take"
"Any plan to get us out of here is an enormous risk, but it is a risk we have to take if we want the biggest chance at survival" Violet answered as she leaned her elbows on her spread knees, uninterested in the fact that her manspread was not a feminine thing to do at all.
"Can we trust your parents?" Jayce's eyes found Caitlyn "can we trust the doctor? Who do we have between here and Paris to help us after the doctor drops us off and helps us on our way to Paris?"
A short silence fell between them, all of them going over the questions that Jayce had just asked. Though Violet knew they were valid questions, she did hate the way he was approaching the plan. As though it was completely idiotic and neither of them had thought it through.
"There is a friend of mine just two hours away from here. He lives rather remotely but has been hiding Jews for as long as I have. I cannot bring him up to speed about the fact that you are coming obviously, but I can give you something that will make him believe you if you tell him that I sent you" Babette informed them.
"Will he be able to help us get to Paris as well?" Caitlyn asked curiously.
"I think he might, he has his own connections too. But I can only help you as far as my connection goes. Beyond that, you are by yourself I am afraid"
Violet shook her head "you've already done so much for us, we will forever be in your debt"
Jayce did not seem to share her sentiments entirely as he continued spilling his own worries "there is still the matter of the doctor, and the false papers that Viktor has hidden somewhere under his floorboards"
"You let me deal with the doctor, but the papers are up to you" Babette assured them, glancing between Jayce and Vi when talking about the papers.
Their eyes met as they made up their mind about what they were going to do about the paper situation. Violet's head tilted slightly as her eyes narrowed "I am going tonight"
"Without me? No way" Jayce immediately responded
"What, you think you are not going to raise all alarm if we are seen? You are the one they might be searching for most!" Violet immediately bounced back, ignoring the sound of Caitlyn's sigh in the background as she went head to head with Jayce.
"Two pair of eyes see more than one, we will be quicker if we go together"
"Jayce is right" Caitlyn chimed in, sounding tired of the arguing going on between the two of them. "You should go together, if something goes wrong one might be able to escape and you will have a better view of the place if you are with the two of you"
Violet silently considered it for a moment, knowing that Caitlyn was right but that did not mean it was not endlessly annoying. Jayce was great at making her feel like she wanted to claw her eyes out and this was one of those instances where they really could not be having any arguments as they had to keep their shit together.
Their eyes finally met in defeat as Violet sighed "fine, we'll go together. Tonight"
Jayce nodded affirmatively "tonight"
Caitlyn's eyes were threatening to close about half an hour after Violet had left with Jayce. She knew that her pilot had urged her to rest, but her curiosity and sheer panic at the idea of losing her again made it so that she refused to sleep.
Their day had mostly been spend trying to figure out the details of the plan and ensuring each other that they would go on until they were well and truly sure that their plan was as flaw proof as it could be. Caitlyn's thoughts drifted back to the conversation she had with Violet before she left and how it had left her with shivers running down her spine.
Violet had helped her back upstairs just after dinner. Being around three children and three adults the entire day in her state of convalescence had left her exhausted and in a need for her own company. And her pilot's.
The mattress had dipped slightly as her pilot had laid her back down and sat down on the side of her bed. In an instant, Violet's rough hands found the gentle manner with which she caressed that back of Caitlyn's neck, as she rested on her stomach again.
"Violet?" her voice had almost echoed as she spoke after several minutes of silence between the two of them. It seemed they both were lost in thought but something shifted inside Caitlyn when the realisation hit that she was about to say goodbye to her lover yet again. This time, it was not as sudden and certainly not as pressing as the last time, but it was a goodbye either way. Whatever were to happen, would happen and she was powerless to do anything about it.
"What's on your mind Love?" her pilot slipped off the side of her bed and got down on her knees by her bedside, so they were on eye-level and could face each other. The severity of the situation, the weight of their upcoming goodbye, it was all weighing on the mind of her pilot as well. The restless, stormy grey eyes that she had come to love so deeply were saddening her to her very core.
"Simply that I love you" Caitlyn softly dared utter.
Her pilot shook her head "don't say that"
"Don't say that I love you?"
"No, not that" Violet's decline was a mumble as her fingers intertwined with Caitlyn's whilst they rested against her beating heart. Her heart that had been so close to giving up and had been given a second chance. "Don't say it like this is the last time we are going to see each other"
"It might be" the tears that formed in her voice first and then seeped to her eyes, made her pilot's face flood with more worry and Caitlyn reached out her other hand to softly stroke her beloved Violet's cheek with two fingers.
"Caitlyn if I-"
"Don't"
"No, I have to"
Caitlyn felt breathless as Violet continued her sentence and told her what she truly had to say "if I do not make it back, please do not stay here. Go forth with the plan, go to Paris, to your parents, to England"
"I'm not leaving without-"
"You are leaving without me if I do not come back Caitlyn" Violet's voice sounded took serious, too saddened and as though she was preparing herself for the worst. It was a fact that Caitlyn, too, was preparing herself for the worst but that did not mean that she believed it would happen. A far larger, optimistic, part of her wanted to believe that they would find their way back to each other in every life time and that their story was not one that was over just yet.
Caitlyn did not realise she was crying until her pilot reached out and ran her fingers over Caitlyn's wet cheek. She sniffled softly as her eyes looked away. Looking at her lover was too painful in a moment like this, when one realised that there was a life before the one you loved, and that there would be a life after the one you've loved.
When Violet's lips found hers, she cursed her own for being so desperate for a last kiss from her lover. She was taking a life threatening risk and there was absolutely nothing Caitlyn could do about it. Her fate was to heal and wait for her lover to return from war.
The kiss was salty from tears and heart retching from their forced goodbye. A goodbye too soon and too painful to really speak out loud. Caitlyn's desperate lips deepened the kiss as she clung to her lover's hand.
"I love you too" she whispered against Violet's lips, placing a soft kiss on the scar on her upper lip before allowing her to pull away.
"I meant it Caitlyn" her pilot told her as she got up from the floor and an emptiness filled Caitlyn the moment her lover let go of her "if I do not come back, you have to go without me"
What seemed like an impossible promise to make, had Caitlyn nodding slowly as she swallowed a new pair of tears "I will, I promise"
That seemed to be the thing that her pilot needed to hear, because she answered in a nod and blew a last kiss to Caitlyn.
Then, she was gone.
And she had yet to return. Half an hour turned into two hours and after that all time simply seemed to blur together. Helplessly waiting was not something Caitlyn was particularly good at and she was contemplating whether or not she should try and stand so she could pace around the room, when she heard a soft knock on her door.
"Come in" she answered in French, knowing it was not Violet because she would have simply entered the room without knocking as she always did.
A small face framed by light brown curls and a pair of deep brown eyes peeked around the corner. Caitlyn's heart sunk slightly when she saw the frightened look on Charlotte's little face as she stepped into the room.
"I had a nightmare" she softly said, mentioning one of her first words to Caitlyn since she had arrived the day before. The girl was not the most talkative and Caitlyn had spend most of her time with Violet anyways. It puzzled Caitlyn why Charlotte did not go to her sister or Babette for this problem, but perhaps both were asleep or busy and not able to give her the attention she so clearly craved.
"I see" Caitlyn calmly replied and she moved aside a little so there was room for Charlotte's small body to crawl under the blankets beside her. As the bare-footed girl tiptoed into her bedroom, Caitlyn noticed that she was carrying a stuffed bunny. His ears were about three times the size of his head and dragged over the wooden floorboards as the girl made her way over to Caitlyn's bed.
Silently, Charlotte crawled under the covers beside Caitlyn and snuggled up to her as though they had known each other for years. It felt natural to have the four-year old curled up against her, her trusting dark eyes on Caitlyn's kind blue ones.
"That is a very handsome bunny you have there" Caitlyn's French voice soothingly spoke to the girl "does he have a name?"
"Papillon" Charlotte's soft voice whispered and she pulled the bunny from his hiding place under the blankets, proudly holding him up for Caitlyn to see. It brought a smile to her face, her worries about her lover partially forgotten, and she reached out ever so slightly.
"May I?" she asked in regards to her petting the bunny. Charlotte gave a rather enthusiastic nod as she watched with wide eyes while Caitlyn's hand found the top of Papillon's head. "Papillon is a wonderful name"
"My mama used to call me that" Charlotte replied, her dark eyes now trained on the way Caitlyn's fingers scratched Papillon's ears. The girl seemed to in awe of it all that it started to dawn on Caitlyn that this girl had probably not known this sort of playful approach in a long time or maybe ever. Babette probably never took the time to play with her and the other two children did not seem too interested in it. Caitlyn was the only one who truly took the time to get to know her and to go along with her little fantasy about her bunny.
Caitlyn acknowledged the way Charlotte's eyes saddened slightly and her face turned into a bit of a frown as she spoke of her mother. It broke her heart to realise that a girl this young knew what had happened to her parents and had probably born witness to it.
"You know, he reminds me of an old friend of mine" Caitlyn told her, attempting to lighten the mood slightly in order to cheer her little companion up a little.
"Who?" the attention of the four-year old was now fully back on Caitlyn and her interest in the story that the dark haired woman was about to tell her.
"Her name was Pauline" Caitlyn felt the way her tears seemed to pressure her to surface again, but she pushed them away. She did not want to frighten Charlotte. This was supposed to be a happy story. "She was my dog. The best dog anyone could ask for. She knew a lot of tricks and she would always guard me when I needed it. One time, I was really ill and Pauline stayed by my side through it all"
Charlotte's nose was buried between the ears of her bunny Papillon and her wide eyes stared up at Caitlyn as she listened to her story.
"Your bunny is there for you the same way that Pauline was for me" Caitlyn continued. As she spoke, she dared reach out her hand and run them through Charlotte's soft, brown curls "even though he cannot talk, he is still by your side through it all. Sometimes that matters most"
She did not mention Violet of course. Her dashing pilot who had helped her through that illness without fail and who had kept her heart fluttering and her head spinning in the most delightful way possible.
"Where's Pauline now?" Charlotte was a tad bit too curious about the fate of those one considered a loved one.
"She is not with me anymore" Caitlyn's hand softly stroked Charlotte's curls again as she gave the girl an encouraging smile "but I know that she is looking down on me, just like any loved one that is not with us anymore"
Charlotte didn't respond verbally, but the slight confusion followed by a soft sort of sorrow in her eyes was more than enough for Caitlyn. She did not need the details about Charlotte's past, did not need to know exactly how her parents had died and what had happened in the period of time between their death and her arrival at Babette's. She wanted to be there for this girl now, this innocent soul who had spend most of her life in hiding without truly knowing why. It must have been so confusing for a little girl.
"Could you tell me another story?" Charlotte asked as she yawned, her small hand finding Caitlyn's cheek. It simply rested there as a sign of peace and trust between the two of them as Caitlyn smiled and nodded in response.
"How about I tell you a story about Papillon? Would you like that?"
Charlotte simply nodded as her eyes fluttered shut and she snuggled a little further into Caitlyn. "Once upon a time, there was a brave bunny named Papillon. He lived in a very large forest amongst his other animal friends, but he felt awfully lonely sometimes. See, he had never really met another bunny like him. He had bravely travelled through the entire forest and yet, there seemed to be no bunny like him. On his travels through the forest he had come across all sorts of pairs of animals. Ants, ladybugs, rats, mice, moles and even animals as large as bears"
Charlotte's eyes formed a smile as she listened to the story. "Until one day. One day, another brave little bunny made her way to the forest. She was very far from home. When she had gone on a mission to find vegetables for her family, she had gotten lost and eventually ended up in Papillon's forest. Papillon and the other bunny named... Lavender, became instant friends. Papillon helped her find her way back to her own forest and Lavender introduced Papillon to other bunnies just like him"
Caitlyn fell silent for a moment as she listened to Charlotte's breathing and concluded that her new little friend had fallen asleep. Her eyes fell on Papillon, who was securely locked in one of Charlotte's arms since the other was still extended and her hand remained on Caitlyn's cheek.
She decided to continue her story, even though her little friend had fallen asleep. "Yet somehow, even though Papillon had met countless other bunnies... Lavender was the one special bunny for him. He found himself wanting to share his little hole in the hill with her, he would pick endless carrots for her if she asked, and he wanted to spend every moment of the day with her. The brave bunny was finding it rather hard to be brave in confessing his feelings for Lavender, but when he did he found out that she felt the same"
Caitlyn's fingers softly stroked Charlotte's curls, so engrossed in her story that she did not notice the door of her bedroom opening softly halfway through her story. It wasn't until a voice in the doorway spoke up that Caitlyn's attention was drawn from her new friend.
"I'm glad to see you have replaced me so quickly" Caitlyn's head shot up to see her pilot standing in the doorway with a grin on her lips. A sigh of relief passed her lips before she could respond in any other way.
"You're back" she breathed as she tried to sit up but Violet stepped into the room and urged her not to, crouching down next to the bed as she looked at Caitlyn "did you get the papers?"
"We did" Violet softly told her "they were quite well hidden, but we managed. I was the one who found them in the end, by the way" Caitlyn chuckled at how proudly Violet exclaimed it had been her who had found the papers eventually.
"I'm glad you found them, but more so glad that you are back alive and in one piece" her hand reached out to cup Violet's cheek softly and her pilot instantly moved her face towards her loving hand.
"I see you found a new friend?" her pilot nodded at Charlotte, who was sound asleep against Caitlyn.
A soft nod from her followed the answer she gave her beloved pilot "she had a nightmare and came to me, I distracted her and myself with a story"
She almost missed the way Violet's eyes glazed over slightly at the fact it was story-telling that she had just witnessed. She had not been able to understand a word of it, of course, since it was all in French. It amused Caitlyn slightly that it was only now that Violet seemed extremely touched by the way Caitlyn had connected with the little girl.
"Would you like me to carry her to her bed? Otherwise I won't have a place to sleep" Violet softly chuckled and Caitlyn nodded in response. She lifted her sore body slightly as she let her pilot pick the sleeping girl up, taking her to the bedroom she shared with her siblings and putting her back into bed.
It gave Caitlyn the time to think of what had just happened and celebrate her relief in the fact that her beloved was still alive. They had said their goodbyes in pained tears, but it appeared to have been in vain. Thankfully.
When her pilot came back to the room, she closed the door and started to undress. It was a ritual that Caitlyn knew took a bit of time, but that Violet did not mind taking the time for. Caitlyn watched silently as Violet rid herself off her shoes first before pulling down her suspenders. Her shirt followed, of which she unbuttoned the buttons at a rate slower than Caitlyn would have liked. Yet, she admired her pilot as she undressed.
"Leave only your underwear on when you come to bed" she softly asked as she lifted herself off the bed slightly and took off her own nightgown, leaving her in just her panties as well.
Caitlyn watched as Violet's eyes grew slightly as the sight before her, catching a glimpse of Caitlyn's bare breasts before she laid back down on her stomach because her back still could hardly bear it. After seeing this, Violet undressed quite a bit faster and joined her in bed just several moments later.
Just as they had done the night before, Violet laid underneath Caitlyn as the dark-haired woman was lying between her pilot's legs and on her front so her back would catch a bit of relief.
Feeling Violet's bare breasts against hers caught Caitlyn off guard slightly. She had felt it before but it was somehow more intimate after they had said their goodbyes yet again that day. Violet's breasts were soft, softer than most of her was, and full to a certain extend. Caitlyn knew she sported a larger size when it came to her chest but Violet's were still of admirable size in the eyes of her Parisian lover.
"I'm so very glad to be back in your arms" her pilot mumbled against her lips a mere split-second before they met in a deep kiss. The part of her that felt guilty about being intimate with a woman, something so sinful, was starting to disappear more and more with each kiss the two of them shared. Caitlyn's practiced lips softly melted against Violet's as she granted her tongue access and allowed her pilot to grasp a hand full of hair in the heat of their moment.
"Violet" her voice was a mere whisper against her pilot's lips before those same lips started to move down her jawline and her neck. She put her hands down on the mattress on each side of Violet and pushed herself down a little so her lips could reach Violet's effortlessly soft and beautifully sculpted breasts with ease.
"I love you" Caitlyn's voice whispered deeply before her lips curled around one of her lover's nipples.
Her gesture was rewarded with a soft moan from her Violet and the promise of her lips as she whispered "I love you too"
"No Violet, listen" she said as she let go of her lover's nipple. Her eyes had darkened slightly and glanced up at her Violet as she continued "I have not loved another person the way I love you. The story I told Charlotte earlier was about a bunny who found his soulmate in another forest"
Violet chuckled softly when she heard the story of the bunny, yet Caitlyn continued in all seriousness and honesty. "That bunny wanted a home with the other bunny" she leaned down and placed a kiss on Violet's other breast "he wanted to shower the other bunny with gifts" she placed a kiss on her other breast "that bunny would have done anything for their soulmate... just like me"
"Cait-" something in Violet was stuck because that was all she managed to say, but the emotions that flashed through her eyes told Caitlyn more than enough about how she truly felt. How deeply she longed for the same thing as the Parisian.
"I want a home with you Violet" her heart beat faster as the mere idea of having a home with her pilot, one in peace and where they did not have to worry about how large the chances of getting killed on a daily basis were.
Violet's calloused hand came to rest on her cheek, ever so gently stroking her cheekbone with her thumb as she answered the longing of her lover "you are my home Caitlyn. As strange as that might sound for how long we have known each other... you have become my home in those weeks"
"Can you promise me one thing?" Caitlyn's cheek settled in Violet's hand as her chin rested in the valley between her pilot's breasts.
"Anything"
"Promise me that you will let me follow you to the ends of this earth if we make it out of this war alive"
Her pilot's eyes reflected a similar overwhelming feeling of emotion as they met hers and she simply nodded, words following the seal of her promise "I thought you'd never ask"
Notes:
Okay so here's my thing about fluff. I feel like it gets repetitive after a while of me writing it, which is why I love angst so much. That's why I hope this chapter did not feel repetitive! I do love these moments that build a bond between them to be honest.
Next chapter will be a bit of a timeskip to the start of their journey to Paris, so you have that to look forward to!
Until next time, my loves!
Chapter 16: The start of a journey and end of an era
Notes:
I already posted about this on my twitter, but I have a Pinterest board that helps with the references to hair and outfits in this fic.
It can be found through the following link: https://nl.pinterest.com/Nicole_Elize/cerueal-eyes-for-the-damaged-soul/Feel free to check it out, the outfits that Caitlyn wears in this chapter are these specific ones:
https://nl.pinterest.com/pin/656540451945238673/ for the first dress
https://nl.pinterest.com/pin/656540451945238697/ for the second dressI really hope this helps create a more vivid picture for you all and enjoy Caitlyn's part of the journey to Paris!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
In the weeks that Caitlyn recovered from her injuries, both Violet and her Parisian saviour were busier with their upcoming departure than each other. The only real time they spend together was when they were alone at night, and they were usually too tired for anything other than a stray kiss every now and then. On top of their lack of time to spend with the other came also the fact that they did not want to seem suspicious to Babette or Jayce. It was already apparent enough that the two of them cared deeply for each other and it would be disastrous if anyone found out that there was more than simply friendship behind those feelings.
Caitlyn spend a lot of her time stretching her healing feet and learning how to walk again, as the wounds on her back seemed to make the same speedy recovery. Her back was now littered with scars but mostly healed. She knew that Violet tried spending the days helping her walk around the house, but she was needed when heavy household tasks were a pressing matter and Jayce could not do everything by himself.
The night of her departure, Caitlyn was sitting on the bed she had shared with Violet for weeks. For some reason, even though it had all been Violet's plan, she felt guilty for being the first one to leave. When discussing the order of departure one night, Babette, Violet and Jayce had insisted that she be the first one to be brought to the safety of the world outside of the town. She had put on a bit of a fight but it had been no use against Violet's desperate need to get her out before anyone else.
Which left her on the edge of her bed on the night of her departure. They had figured that the middle of the night, when on-duty guards were more likely to not pay as much attention or be as much on guard, was their best shot. They would leave with two days between each person - Caitlyn first, then Jayce and Violet last, for reasons that Caitlyn still could not comprehend - and the current night had come faster than she had realised.
"You're worrying again" Violet's words sounded so kind, but were cutting deep in her already open wounds of missing her pilot. Her cerulean eyes lifted up from where they had been previously trained on the small bag of items that were now hers after everything she owned had been destroyed in the fire set to her farm by the Germans.
"I'll simply miss you, and worry about you of course" Caitlyn merely informed her pilot, who found her place next to her lover on the bed.
In an instant, Vi's hand was on her cheek and forced Caitlyn to look into her eyes as the two of them found their solace in the soft glance they gave each other. "You think it won't be the same for me?"
"I know" was all she could utter, because what else was there to say really? They would simply have to hope they would be reunited again after this was all over. Making it to Paris still seemed thousands of miles away for a dream to become a reality, but with all of them out of town they were a step closer at least. "I keep thinking of what it will be like when we're finally free"
Her pilot simply chuckled at the mere idea of freedom. It was something so far-fetched that it hardly seemed like reality, and she answered "I can't afford to think about that. It'll give me hope and that is something I do not want. Not yet"
It touched something deep inside Caitlyn to hear that her lover was so beyond hope at this point in their journey that she hardly dared think about it. She carefully brought their foreheads together, Caitlyn's gently pressing against Violet's, so her voice could be a whisper merely for Violet to be heard. "I do hope. I hope we will arrive in Paris together, where I can show you our gardens and my favourite tree that I used to climb as a little girl. I hope to show you my childhood bedroom, to eat at our table with my parents once again and with you by my side. I even dare hope that we will successfully make it to England. That we will make a home there as long as we'd like, and that you will be by my side for it all"
The tears burning in Violet's eyes were reflected in her own cerulean pools as they gave each other a, perhaps final, glance. Caitlyn was the one to close the gap between them one last time and she kissed her pilot softly, promising all her hopes in that one kiss, before pulling away to take her bag and get ready for departure.
Her pilot had been quiet the entire time, but grabbed her wrist moments before Caitlyn stepped through the door of the bedroom. "I meant what I said before, that I dare not hope because I cannot afford to have my heart broken again... but I certainly want all that you hope for. I want it so badly that I burn with desire for the chance to make a home with you if we are ever free, so please know that... that I am not blind to my heart's desires, I simply do not dare give into them. Not yet"
Caitlyn found herself nodding at the truthful and honest words of her lover, one calloused hand finding the other and she softly squeezed it "we'll be together again, I promise"
They emerged downstairs several minutes later and the instant that they did, Caitlyn felt small arms wrap around her leg. Upon looking down, she noticed the small body belonging to Charlotte, wrapped around her leg in a useless attempt to get her to stay. She had grown very attached to the girl in the past weeks, often reading to her or telling her stories. She had even taught her some English so she could communicate with Violet a little more.
It broke her heart to witness the tears burning in Charlotte's dark eyes as she crouched down and pulled the girl into her arms. Her legs hand stroked the soft curls that bounced back when Caitlyn let go of them, and she whispered in Charlotte's ear "take care of Papillon for me, okay?"
When Charlotte's eyes met hers again, her little girl nodded as she tried to look brave. Caitlyn could see how hard she fought against the tears that made their way down her red cheeks anyways, and Caitlyn gently whisked one away with her thumb "I know how brave you have already been Charlotte, but you are going to have to be brave for a little while longer. Do you think you can do that?"
"Yes" her voice was but a whisper as her small arms wrapped around Caitlyn's neck again. Whilst embracing Charlotte one last time, her eyes shifted up to Violet who was watching the goodbye go down. Her pilot put up a brave front but Caitlyn could see the emotion beyond her steel grey glance.
After releasing Charlotte a final time, she got back up to say goodbye to the other children, Jayce and Babette. When she arrived at the latter, Babette pressed a small piece of paper in her hand. Though she was a curious mind, she did not dare open and read the paper because she knew who it was for. She also knew it was written in code and no one, except the man who was supposed to receive it, knew what it meant. So she simply nodded and put it in the pocket of her skirt.
Her last goodbye was to Violet, whom she simply embraced in front of the others. She felt her pilot's arms tighten slightly around her and her own face nuzzle into her neck for a short moment before they pulled away. The sadness in Violet's eyes was perhaps the hardest to witness, as her lover dared reach out and touch her cheek one last time before they parted ways. Small bag in one hand, her other balled into a fist, she tore her eyes away from the woman with whom she left her heart and followed the doctor out to his car.
From that moment, they had to move at a quick pace whereas everything had been slow before. She was rushed through the dark, fit into the trunk of the car before her bag was pressed against her chest and the trunk closed. Darkness engulfed her and she wondered if she would ever see the light of day again. Should they be caught, they would be executed on the spot and her eyes would never settle on another sunrise again.
Still, there was no time to dwell on what might happen and she tried to keep a positive mindset and thoughts trained on the gentle whisper of Violet's voice in her ear at night. That soothed her slightly, though the discouraging feeling of maybe never hearing that voice again was creeping up inside of her each chance it got.
The trunk was small and smelled like mould, but as long as it got her to her destination she would not complain. The car started driving through the narrow streets of the town, towards the border and towards their fate. Caitlyn had no idea how long the trip to the border and guard post was, but once they got there they were stopped immediately. The car slowed down and Caitlyn knew exactly why.
She heard muffled sounds of German voices asking the doctor what his business was in leaving the town. Caitlyn did not need to hear his answer to know what he was saying, he had practiced it with her endlessly. He would say it was an emergency, a patient of his that had gone into labour. Upon further questioning he would give them gruesome details of the birth in an effort to try and scare them off, but it seemed that these men were not entire satisfied with that.
Caitlyn's eyes started ringing when she heard one of them ask if they could check the car. Her heart was beating in her throat as the backdoors opened and the men took a look inside. Their heavy boots on the pebbles that decorated the roads were becoming a sound she hated. They walked around the car, stopped for a moment - Caitlyn held her breath out of fear they might hear her - and then continued to move around the car.
She did not dare breathe until the moment the car started driving again and she realised that they were save. That they had crossed the border with success. Caitlyn felt like she could cry, simply because the worst part of it all was over. Beyond these borders she was a French citizen with false papers but not a convicted felon who was running to avoid the death penalty. All that had to be done now, was for Violet to join her - and she would have to wait another four days for that to happen.
They drove the entire night and just as the sun was starting to rise, the car started to halt at its designated spot. The trunk was opened several minutes later and Caitlyn finally released from what had felt like her coffin. Stretching her cramped up legs was the blessing she had not realised it was until she got to stretch them. Once she got a good look around, she noticed that they were standing by the large home of a person who seemed to possess quite a bit more than she had expected when Babette had described the man.
He certainly lived remote since there were no other houses to be found as far as the eye could see, which was quite the blessing in disguise in their current situation. Caitlyn's tired, still healing, feet moved towards the front door that was being opened up just as she took her first step. An older, rather grumpy looking man exited the house and gave her a once over that made Caitlyn quite uncomfortable in an instant. His disapproving glance was probably directed to the fact that her dress was an old one that fit too loose on her slim body and was patched up several times over the years. She certainly did not look the part of the upper-class Parisian she had once been.
Her eyes found her driver, the doctor who had saved her life, and she thanked him with a grateful smile "thank you for taking the chance on me... I wish you all the luck in your journey of moving the others"
"You're very welcome Miss" the doctor kindly nodded "I'll be checking up with you when I bring the others"
"Wait a minute!" the man in the doorway called out, obviously confused about the entire situation since he had not been informed about it beforehand "you can't simply leave a stranger on my doorstep, just who do you think you are?!"
From his very specific French accent, Caitlyn could hear that he was from the north. It wasn't hard to recognize an accent that was close to hers. She took a step forward before the older man could get physical with the doctor and swiftly pulled the small piece of paper from her pocket.
"I was informed to give you this" Caitlyn told him as the man glanced down at the paper and back at her, before reluctantly taking it from her. "It is supposed to explain everything"
His eyes scanned the words that only held meaning for him, but seemed to understand what Babette had written down for him. He relaxed slightly but still did not seem entirely happy about it. "She could have given me a warning beforehand, but I owe her a favour"
Caitlyn nodded, not entirely sure what to answer but eventually the man stepped aside and made a gesture towards the door to inform her that she was allowed to go inside. "Thank you" she simply told him as she stepped inside the large house.
Her bright eyes glanced around the smaller lit hallway that brought them to a space with a large stairs going around two corners, covered in a beautiful deep red and gold decorated carpet that also covered the floors. The walls were decorated with dark oak wood and several doors downstairs led to different rooms, as well as about seven more rooms surrounding the staircase on the second floor and two hallways that led to other upstairs rooms.
The house was not as large as her parents' Paris townhouse - or mansion as some called it - but it certainly was not was she was used to anymore, now that she had lived on a far for all those years. She held her bag in front of her as the older, still quite grumpy, man went ahead of her and took her upstairs. "You're French, aren't you? The note said not all of you were"
"I am, sir" Caitlyn answered him in perfect French, her Parisian accent flowing carefully through her words. "Born and raised in Paris, but I moved to the countryside after I got married. My husband has passed since then, unfortunately"
"I'm sorry for your loss" the insincerity of his words was palpable but Caitlyn did not pay it any mind. The man was being intruded on by three strangers who would use his house for the next week at least, so there was a part of her that understood why responded that way.
The man took her into one of the upstairs rooms at the end of the hallways on the left, which turned out to be a rather sizable bedroom. This did not seem like the type of bedroom to put one in when they were hiding under your roof, which rose a bit of suspicion and several questions in Caitlyn. The man sighed softly as he glanced around the room "this'll do for the time being, one of the maids will come in and get it ready for you. You'll pose as my niece from Paris who has decided to visit her uncle for several days before going back. That is where you have to go right, Paris?"
Caitlyn simply nodded and the man continued "what's the name on your false documents? Babette did not include your names in the note, so I only want to know your false name - not the real one. That way, I know as little about your true identity as possible. So, name?"
"Louise Moulin, sir" she answered him as she placed her small bag on the bed, glancing around.
"Louise, good. I'll have the maid bring you some clothing that belonged to my late daughter. You look about the same size as her, I can't have you walking around like a peasant when any niece of mine is supposed to look like the upper class. I suppose you know how to handle yourself as an upper-class lady should?" he looked her up and down, having already decided that her upright posture and the way she carried herself proved that she had not been raised amongst the lower class.
Caitlyn nodded again. "Might I know your name as well sir? Or am I simply to refer to you as 'uncle'?"
"You'll mainly refer to me as uncle, though my full name is Pierre Hoskel" the man seemed to be quite the mystery. On one hand, he seemed less than pleased to have her as a visitor but on the other hand did he go through the trouble of having her pose as his niece and finding her proper clothes. Though, Caitlyn suspected, that had more to do with keeping up appearances than him actually trying to be nice to her.
"Thank you, uncle" the smile she gave Pierre was a sincere one, because she truly was grateful that a stranger was willing to put himself in danger to help her get to Paris.
"Right" the man seemed uncomfortable all of a sudden with the sincere amount of gratitude that Caitlyn was showing him, and he took a step towards the door. "Like I said, I'll send a maid up and you'll meet me downstairs in the parlour when you're done getting dressed. We have some things to discuss"
Another nod from Caitlyn, and the man was gone from the room. It left Caitlyn with a moment to breathe before the maid would be sent up to her and a chance to look around the room and inspect just what she was in for.
As she looked around the room and unpacked the few things that she had brought with her, Caitlyn's eyes wandered around to eventually rest on the large bed that was the centre of the beautiful, luxurious bedroom. The thought of sharing that bed with Violet, perhaps even finding a moment to really be together in that bed, was something that stirred up a blush inside her. She could imagine that her pilot would spend all night talking about the soft sheets, laughing about how ridiculously large the room was and grinning wildly as an actual maid would come make their bed. Then her mind shifted to a more intimate image of her pilot finally allowing herself to fully love her Parisian saviour. A deep red blush crept up on her cheeks as she imagined her lover getting lost between her thighs, kissing her where she craved her the most, her lips exploring what Caitlyn had longed to explore with her lover so many times.
It felt wrong in a sense, it felt like a thought to be ashamed of, especially with the way her body responded so heavily to the idea of Violet's face buried between her legs. It was something her pilot had expressed to her several times, how badly she wanted to try it. Sadly, their bed had been far too small for that sort of activity and the walls at Babette's were too thin to do anything more than they had done that first night of their reunion.
Caitlyn was no stranger to sex, she had been married after all, but being with a woman in that way was something a lot more foreign than being with a man. With a man, the mechanics simply seemed to unfold itself but with a woman there was a lot more experimenting that went into love making.
Her train of thoughts about sex with her pilot came to an abrupt halt when the door opened and a rather kind looking maid entered the room, introducing herself as Madeleine. Apparently she was supposed to look after her during her stay and she handed her a beautiful dress with a dark blue, almost black, bodice and short, green, velvet sleeves and buttons on the front. It brought Caitlyn back to the words Pierre had spoken about his late daughter, leaving her clueless in regards to what had happened to her. Perhaps he would tell her if she would grand him a listening ear.
When Caitlyn arrived downstairs in her new dress, the front of her hair rolled back against her head with the curls in the back hanging free, flesh coloured stockings wrapped around her legs and green shoes to match her dress, Pierre gave her a more approving look than he had when she had arrived at his home. He was waiting for her in the parlour, sipping something from a small teacup as he read the newspaper. "I'd usually read this at breakfast, but your early arrival has disrupted my morning routine"
"I am terribly sorry for the inconvenience, uncle" one never knew if staff that was not to be trusted was around - though Caitlyn hated the meek behaviour she was showing around this man who had a clear idea of who she was and why she was here and did not seem to like her for it - so she made sure to play her role to a tee.
"Sit please, I'll have the maid bring you some tea as well" a nod from Caitlyn followed his words and she took place across from the man whom she had to address as though he was her uncle. The maid entered after the ring of a bell and with the order of fetching Caitlyn a cup of tea, she left again. Once Caitlyn had received her tea and the two of them were alone again, Pierre spoke up once more as his eyes peered towards Caitlyn over the edge of the newspaper.
"I am having company for dinner, a German General" he announced to her, ignoring the obvious way in which Caitlyn's face drained from all its colour. A German General for dinner brought back immediate flashbacks to her time in prison, a time that was a mere few weeks ago but lived on her mind as fresh as the day it had all happened.
It took Caitlyn a moment to process the news, and to evaluate if the man in front of her was working with or against the Germans - considering Babette trusted him, but he was having a General over for dinner - but she regained herself after a sip of tea and answered "shall I stay in my room tonight then?"
"Nonsense, I want you to dine with us" Pierre announced upon folding the newspaper. Though his tone seemed light, his eyes told Caitlyn that this was more than a mere dinner invitation. There was something behind it that was bigger than the dinner. "You will be introduced as my niece from Paris, the Germans love having a pretty French face at their table. There will be questions of course, when you are going back and such, and you shall tell the General that you will depart in two days. If he likes you, which is the thing we are aiming for, he will escort you to Paris"
It was a lot of information to process at once. Though Caitlyn was confident in her abilities to keep up her role of rich French niece, she was unsure of how well she would do with a General next to her. Especially when the goal was to charm her and get him to escort her to Paris. It struck her that this was a mere way of getting her to Paris the safest way possible, because when a German General escorted you on a train, there would be no questions and no extra checks. No one would wonder if the documents she carried were fake and it was a world of difference if she were traveling by herself or even in the company of another Frenchman.
"I see" Caitlyn's answer echoed through the richly decorated parlour and she brought the teacup to her lips yet again. "Was this a fabricated plan before my arrival?" she could not help but curiously wonder before taking a sip of tea.
Pierre shook his head "it wasn't, the General comes to dinner once a week to keep me under his thumb and I keep him a close acquaintance so I can sneak things away under his nose. It's true that doing things under their noses often works better than trying to sneak around. They have eyes and ears everywhere and are specifically trained to sniff out anything that is unusual. A woman travelling home to her parents after visiting her uncle? Nothing strange about that. I happen to know that the General has business in Paris next week, so it all fits together perfectly"
"Might I ask why I must leave in two days?" she tried not to let the disappointment seep through her voice but there was hardly any use in it. She had hoped to be reunited with Violet before her departure to Paris, but it seemed that they would not meet again until they had all reached the capital city.
"Because I cannot have all three of your snooping around here, I have enough trouble sneaking the other two in and out of the house because they certainly do need to be hidden. You have the luck that you are French and are easily transportable in daylight, but them? I definitely need a different plan for them"
"I see" her answer was one wrapped up in thought as she wondered back to what would become of her pilot and how she was going to find her way to Paris. "Another question that has been keeping me busy, is the staff trustworthy?"
Pierre chuckled softly, the first real hint of a laugh that Caitlyn had seen in him and the man nodded "your maid, Madeleine, is the most trustworthy one. Of all things... illegal, she has been the one to help me with all of them. Why do you ask?"
Caitlyn shook her head as she placed her - now empty - tea cup on the small table beside the armchair she was occupying "no specific reason, I simply would like to know if there is a person I can trust should there be a reason to"
Pierre did not respond to her any further, simply giving her a hum and picking up the newspaper yet again. The rest of the day was rather slow and uninteresting in the sense that Caitlyn spend most of it sleeping. After breakfast, which had been at 8, she had excused herself to go upstairs and sleep a little since she had not slept the entire night. This ordeal lasted until her maid woke her around 4 in the afternoon and announced that she had been told to help her get ready since the General would be arriving in an hour.
Getting ready meaning that she would help Caitlyn with her hair and picking the accessories that Pierre had made available to her, without a doubt belonging to his late daughter yet again. Caitlyn took a bath first, refreshing herself after a day of sleep, and dressed in a green dress, decorated with a matching belt around her waist and a small ribbon around her neck. It was simple but elegant and fitted for a dinner that was not too fancy, but fancy enough to change out of your day dress.
Madeleine entered the room just as Caitlyn was sitting at her vanity, running a brush through her soft curls, and the maid gently took the brush from her to take over her duty. The feeling of someone brushing her hair brought her back to her childhood. Back to the days where her own personal maid would brush her hair just like this, though it had been longer back then and worn in braids as a child. Her personal maid had been an older woman named Eleanor, about 65 and just as keen on Caitlyn as Caitlyn was on her. Eleanor had been more of a mother-figure to Caitlyn than her own mother, who spend most of her days with women her own age and left the raising of her daughter to the nanny and governess, had been.
It had not been a bad childhood, not at all. She had everything a little girl could dream of and her father loved spoiling her with anything she asked him to buy for her. But she had been lonely. As an only child who never went to school, but had been taught everything by a governess, life got lonely. She had been a part of several organisations that were specifically designed for young women of good breeding to meet and socialize, but she never quite fit in. She always felt like a misfit in a way, and never desired the life her mother so desperately wanted for her.
Still, the feeling of that brush through her curls as she looked at Madeleine through the mirror, gave her a feeling of nostalgia. "Have you been working for my uncle for a long time?"
"I have, milady" she answered politely "I started when I was 16, as the scullery maid and worked my way up" Caitlyn could not help but smile at the pride that this woman - no doubt from a rather low class of society - exuded when it came to her current station. With her prospects, this was probably as high as she was going to climb.
"How old are you, if I may ask?" Caitlyn inquired as she opened the jewellery box and browsed through the jewellery presented to her.
"21, milady"
"You've done well for yourself then" it was almost scary how easily she fell back into the part of the young lady from a wealthy family. 'Milady' was a term she was used to, since aristocracy ran in her blood - even if she despised it. After all, her father had married her mother for her money and her mother had married her father for his title... if you had to look at it from a distant perspective. Her father mostly married her mother because he had been infatuated by her the moment he saw her in that restaurant, and her mother... well her mother was a bit of a difficult story. Caitlyn never knew the true answer but suspected it was a combination of an aristocratic title, even though it was a small and insignificant one, and love that she certainly had for him.
Madeleine placed the brush down once she had brushed through all of it and started on the practice of pinning it up in a modern, yet classic manner. "Might I be blunt and ask you something milady?"
"Be my guest" Caitlyn offered her a sweet smile to let her know that she was allowed to ask anything. In retrospect, Caitlyn felt more at ease speaking to this young woman - only several years younger than herself - as a friend than as someone of higher ranking. It was a ridiculous system that Caitlyn rather did not submit herself to, and here she was yet again without a choice in the matter. The least she could do is try to keep it friendly with the maid and make her see that Caitlyn was not here to play her superior.
"Monsieur Hoskel has informed me that he will need my help with two more guests coming in the next several days. Do you happen to know them?" she curiously wondered, her green eyes sparkling slightly at the sense of adventure that this undoubtedly brought for her. Caitlyn could see the appeal in sneaking around behind the Germans' backs and helping people who needed to escape, but she wondered if Madeleine had any idea what it meant if she got caught. What it had meant for Caitlyn to have been caught.
She remained quiet about it though and simply nodded "I do"
Madeleine's smile broadened slightly as she seemed to enjoy the fact that she was in on part of the secret that was developing in the household. Once her hair was done and the jewellery had been carefully picked and placed around her neck and wrists, she went downstairs to join her 'uncle' before their guest arrived.
As she descended down the stairs, she felt a flare of nerves arise in her stomach and she knew exactly why. She felt like an absolute traitor about to have dinner with the type of man that had inflicted to, not just her, but her friends and family as well. The type of man that had killed Viktor, that had burned down her home and shot her dog, that had almost killed her lover...
Her 'uncle' was waiting for her downstairs in the parlour, where they would have a drink with their guest before going through to dinner. Just before the man was said to arrive, Pierre went through several last things with her.
"I need you to remember several things. Do not speak unless spoken to, you are my niece from Paris who has arrived this morning to visit her uncle for two days and you are returning on Thursday without a chaperone. Your father works as a banker and you agree with everything he says in regards to any politics, other than that you do not share any political opinions" he spoke to her as though speaking to a child and it made her feel inferior in the worst way possible. It felt like she was held in that prison again, where her will was not her own and her fate was not for her to decide.
Once agian, her fate was left in the hands of a German officer and it made her skin crawl. Still, she knew that her task now was to get to Paris. That was the only way she might be reunited with her lover and gaining her freedom in the end. She simply had to grin and bear it, even though that was not what she was best at.
For lack of a verbal answer that would not come off as extremely rude, Caitlyn nodded in response to Pierre's small speech. Her hands clenched and unclenched into fists as she tried to get the feeling of unease under control just as one of the staff entered the room to inform them that the guest had arrived. Both Caitlyn and Pierre rose from their seats immediately to greet the guest.
Caitlyn's nerves reached an absolute high as she heard the familiar sound of leather boots on the carpet as they made their way to the parlour, then she was met with the face of a General who was unmistakenly German. His uniform was fresh and clean, his face shaved and he carried a smug, but seemingly friendly smile on his face. The man took off his hat and placed it under his arm as he nodded at Pierre all whilst trying to hide his surprise when seeing Caitlyn.
"Monsieur Hoskel, a pleasure to be a guest at your table again" he greeted her 'uncle' in German, of course he did not translate to French and certainly not to English. Hoskel gave him a smile that Caitlyn felt was far too kind, but he had to keep up appearances of course, and stepped forward to shake his hand before looking back at Caitlyn. Caitlyn, who was still rooted to her spot as she glanced at the General and tried not to look alarmed in the slightest, though she feared she was failing miserably in doing so.
"It's always an honour to have you as my guest Gehrard" Hoskel almost purred, making Caitlyn feel sick to her stomach with the idea that she had to suck up like this as well. Though, perhaps not as much as Pierre was currently doing. She'd be polite and civil at best. "May I introduce you to my niece, Louise Moulin"
Caitlyn absolutely hated the way that the General's eyes glided over her as he took a step forward and held out his hand to greet her. "A pleasure to meet you Miss Moulin"
She extended her hand with as much grace as she could muster, keeping her thoughts of wanting to use that hand to punch the man in the face as far in the back of her mind as possible, and gave him a polite smile. "The pleasure is all mine, General"
"Please, call me Gehrard" he told her as he took her hand and bent down to place a gentle kiss on the back of it, sending a shiver down her spine as his grey eyes looked up at her. Grey was a colour Caitlyn had grown to love when it regarded Violet's eyes. Her grey was softer, kinder, beautiful and enchanting. This man's colour of grey was cold, distant and frightened her to her core. How could a man like this hold her hand so gently and use that same hand to inflict fatal injuries on others?
She forced herself to keep the polite smile plastered on her face and answer in a manner that made her feel filthy in the worst way possible "only if you call me Louise"
The man seemed to be pleased to hear it, as he nodded whilst letting go of her hand and grinned at her 'uncle' in approval. Apparently she had gotten through the first test, now she simply had to get through the dinner.
The drinks held in the parlour were not too exciting, Caitlyn merely stayed on the background as her 'uncle' and the General spoke about art and music. Something she was not asked much about, but she hardly minded. She simply sipped her drink and listened to the endless stories told by the General - of which she understood about half of them because her German was not that spectacular - whilst the staff put the final touches on their dinner.
When dinner was announced, Caitlyn followed behind the two men into the dining room where she took place at the table meant for a party of at least 10. It currently hosted a mere three people and with her 'uncle' at the head of the table, Caitlyn was forced to sit across from the General. She hated the way his slimy grey eyes would find a way to her every now and then while the conversation about art continued.
Just as Caitlyn felt she might escape the gruelling idea of having a full conversation with this brute, his eel-like eyes found her again and he actually addressed her this time. "Your uncle tells me you are from Paris, a rather beautiful city I must admit. I come there quite often"
"Do you?" she simply responded as she forced the corners of her mouth into another smile "I certainly am fond of Paris, I must admit. Especially the architecture"
"As am I" why was this man trying to find common ground with her? She despised the way he swallowed his bite a second after he started talking, spewing small pieces of pea back onto his plate and partially on the table as he was talking to either of them. "Tell me about your favourite architectural site in Paris"
Caitlyn's mind was spinning with the fact that she had to act polite and even nice to this man. She answered in her usual tone, broken German with a French accent and all "I'd have to say that the Louvre would have to be one of my favourites, though that feels like an obvious choice"
"On the contrary, I think it is a wonderful choice. I have to admit I am a fan of Versailles as well" he admitted. Caitlyn actively suppressed the urge to tell him that Versailles was technically located outside of Paris, as she did not play into the favour of this man by acting smart. Because that was just the thing, wasn't it? She could not get away with the bare minimum of answers. She had to give him something to go off, something that made him think that he was getting to know her. That she wanted to know him.
"Have you been to Versailles?" he asked her as a follow-up question. Another idiotic question to ask a Parisian, but Caitlyn simply smiled and nodded since she was chewing on a mouth full of mashed potatoes and peas.
A short silence fell after her nod and the man gave it another go when he asked "when are you returning to Paris again?"
"In two days" she answered him with a soft smile, glancing at her 'uncle' as he gave her a nod. This was the moment it all had to happen, this was where she had to make him think that it was his idea to take her to Paris. "I do not yet have a chaperone, however, and I am not too comfortable on trains I'm afraid"
The man's eyes lit up the way they had earlier when her 'uncle' had introduced the two of them. Apparently being semi-interesting and pretty to look at was enough for a man like this to get all excited about escorting her back to Paris. It seemed too easy almost, but she knew that those feelings simply came from her fear that she was being suspicious about everything.
"I happen to have business in Paris several days from now, I could escort you if that would put your mind at ease" the General offered. It - actually - would not put her at ease at all. It would make her feel nervous and in a constant state of panic for the entirety of the train ride, but she knew that it was an unavoidable issue that she had to face. Her best bet on arriving safely in Paris without the suspicion of the Germans everywhere around her, was to travel with a German officer.
So she nodded, swallowing her pride and her nerves, and answered "I'd be delighted, thank you"
What other things he had in mind was only for Caitlyn to guess, because the conversation was shifting rather easily once she had gotten what she needed from the man, and Pierre got back to his discussion with the General about music. It wasn't much more of an exciting evening after that. Her opinion was asked on few matters, though the eel-like eyes of the General kept glancing in her direction, taking in her form and landing on her chest more than they ought to.
The relief she felt when she was dismissed by her 'uncle' about two hours after dinner, almost made her sigh but she managed to keep her straight face as she gave the two men a nod. "Thank you for allowing me to be part of dinner and I will see you again soon si- Gehrard" she made sure to address the General by his first name, seeing him swell with pride was the exact reason she had done so. Her hand was kissed once again upon departure upstairs, and the General promised he would be on time to pick her up in two days.
Pierre merely gave her a nod, a nod of approval but still a simple nod, before she slipped away and went upstairs to get ready for the night. It was close to 11 at night and Caitlyn felt restless still. As she took off her jewellery, she glanced in the mirror and caught sight of herself.
What she saw, was an image that made her loathe herself. The full-length mirror was reflecting a beautiful, gracious woman dressed in the clothes of a dead daughter and full from a dinner she had shared with a German General. The thought of having to spend hours on a train ride with him made her feel sick and she threw the diamond bracelet, that she had been wearing, on the vanity on her left. It wasn't that she had enjoyed herself, dinner had been a tedious and incredibly uncomfortable affair, but she still felt that guilt. That guilt for letting a German man kiss her hand a day after she had been held by the woman who had sworn to kill every one of them the moment she had the chance.
Her ache for her pilot, her lover, had never been stronger and before she knew it, she found herself at the desk in the corner. Her fingers roamed through the drawers and found pen and paper. Without thinking, she started to write simply to pour her heart out on paper.
My darling. My love,
As my fate is once again in the hands of another, you are the only thing on my mind.
My heart is full with the feel of your hands on my bare skin, your lips on my neck and your nose between my breasts.
Of all the adventures I have lived through in my life, granted they may not have been many, the one I am living with you is what I am most grateful for.
Each moment I close my eyes, even to simply blink, I see you. Your beautiful grey eyes, your short curls, your scarred upper-lip, your muscular arms and strong hands.
You have no idea how I yearn for you, how I feel a sense of guilt every second we are apart and I cannot control the fate that is bestowed upon you.
You told me that you could not have hope, for it had the power to destroy you, but I can hope for the both of us, my darling.
I can hope that the sun will rise on our reunion somewhere in the near future.
I can hope that my love will be enough to carry you through the days ahead of you, days where I cannot whisper my words of desire in your ear.
Take this letter as my promise to you, yet again, that my heart belongs in the palm of your hand.
It is yours, my love, and it will remain yours. Even if you, one day, decide to return it.
Yours for better and for worse,
Louise M.
Caitlyn cursed herself for the tear that hit the paper seconds after signing her fake name. The tear smudged a bit of the ink, though the letters remained slightly visible. Violet would know her fake name, would know the letter was from her, and should anyone else read it then they would be none wiser.
After letting the ink dry for a bit, she folded it and placed it in one of the envelopes she had found in the drawer when searching for a pen and paper. The tears that cascaded down her cheeks like a waterfall, were silent in their way down. A way of mourning for someone she had not yet lost, but someone she felt she betrayed. She hid the letter under her mattress until the right time would come and silently dressed herself in the fresh nightgown that had been laid on display on her bed.
The tears did not seem to stop after she had gotten in bed, forming a small wet stain on her pillow as her eyes got used to the darkness surrounding her after turning off the light. What would her pilot say if she told her all of this? If she informed her of the way she had practically sold herself out for safe passage to Paris? Would she understand? Or would she be furious, and hand Caitlyn's heart back to her since she was unable to love someone who betrayed herself like this.
Needless to say, sleep was hard to come to that night. Her restless mind kept her up most hours and it resulted in a morning where she finally caught a wink of sleep by the time the sun was starting to rise. All that occupied her mind for the next day was what her lover would say about this. What her lover was currently doing. What her lover would look like if they were reunited yet again. Would she still smell the same, feel the same... love the same?
Her worried mind knew no rest and as the day of her departure arrived, she had yet to settle down. Her nerves about her journey did not seem to settle and as she got ready in the morning, wearing the same dark blue dress with the green sleeves as she had the first day, she knew that there was very little she could do to calm herself down. She would simply have to go through with it, pushing her own worries and internal dialogue aside.
Moments before she went downstairs, she called Madeleine into her room to pack her final things. She did not have much, but she had been gifted a small suitcase to take some of her belongings so it seemed like she had travelled and not simply gotten to the house with the clothes on her back.
"Madeleine" Caitlyn started as she closed the door of the bedroom behind her, creating a moment for the two of them by themselves.
"Yes milady?" Madeleine's loyal answer sounded as her hands made quick work of getting the small amount of possessions into her suitcase.
"I have a favour to ask" her hand slipped under her mattress, pulling out the envelope that she had hidden there since the night she had written the letter to her lover. "Would you mind handing this to the young man who will arrive here today? He will know what to do with it"
Madeleine's eyes widened slightly, Caitlyn could see her mind was going a million miles an hour as she obviously tried to figure out what was in the letter. "Is he your lover?" was the question she dared ask, but Caitlyn merely gave her a smile and squeezed her hand.
"I trust that you will give this letter to him without reading it, or I will hear it from the man himself" she softly told Madeleine, though not in a threatening tone. She simply needed to know that the letter was to be delivered to Jayce. In the event that Madeleine or Pierre would read it, it would cause less of a scandal that her and Jayce were lovers than if it was found out that the letter was addressed to Violet.
After careful consideration she had decided she did not mind that Jayce would read it, he would get through two lines and realise it was for Violet probably, and she knew that he had a suspicion about the close bond she shared with her pilot. She had seen the looks he had given her, but she trusted him. In all the conversations she had with him, he seemed sincere and he was a genuinely good man, he would give Violet the letter. She was sure of it.
"I will make sure he is handed the unopened letter milady, you have my word" her loyal maid promised her, earning her shoulder another soft squeeze of gratitude.
Wrapped in a coat with a fur collar and around her wrists, she waited for her chaperone in the hallway of the house she would never return to and that Violet was still to arrive at. The sound of an engine signalled that her ride was here and she gave her 'uncle' a last look and soft smile. "Thank you, for everything"
"Good luck on your journey, my part is done here. Yours is just beginning" he told her in that grumpy, yet not entirely uncaring, way and he gave her a nod of goodbye.
That was it. Her gloved hand lifted the suitcase and her feet, which had been unable to walk weeks before and were now clad in fancy green shoes, stepped out the large door. The General was waiting for her, standing outside the vehicle that was driven by a man in a similar uniform but decidedly of lesser rank, and took off his uniforn hat when he saw her. Caitlyn's own hat, that had been graciously gifted to her by her host just like the rest of her wardrobe, was slightly tilted to the side as was the fashion with hats like these.
"Good morning, what a lovely day it is to travel by train" the General greeted her, taking her gloved hand and pressing a kiss on the back of it yet again. She found herself forcing out yet another smile and a curt nod as she glanced at the man who was only slightly taller than her.
"Indeed it is" they were lucky there was no rain or wind, so there would most likely not be many delays on their route. She wanted to get this train ride over with as fast as she possibly could, and be back in her parental home in several hours. She had never expected that the longing for the home of her parents would be this strong in her life, but that was one place she truly knew she was safe. A place where she knew Violet would truly be safe.
She stepped into the back of the car, the General in the front, and they drove off without another word. Every now and then, the General would point things out in the landscape and Caitlyn would merely hum or nod in response. She refused to give him more satisfaction that she was enjoying an actual conversation with him. She simply needed to be civil and polity, that was all she needed to do.
The station was not too far, fortunately, and their train already on the right platform. Her ticket had been paid for by Pierre, as she knew that anything purchased by a German General was something he wanted in return one way or another, and they slid through any security checks with practiced ease as soon as the other soldiers noticed the General's uniform and medals. Caitlyn silently walked next to the man, extremely aware of the looks she was given by the French citizens that passed her. In their eyes, she was a filthy traitor who played around with Germans. Someone not even worthy to spit on. She felt it carve deep in her soul, because she was telling herself the same thing.
She had yet to justify the fact that she was currently boarding a train with a German General by her side, one that kept eyeing her with a smile that made her feel extremely uncomfortable. As they took their seat across from each other, Caitlyn's eyes met the General's for a moment which caused her to look away in an instant. The man probably thought she was shy, because he leaned forward slightly as he grinned at her. "Nothing to be afraid of in regards to me"
Caitlyn felt something bubble up inside of her that she simply could not withhold "what makes you think I am afraid of you?"
The man had the audacity to chuckle, and Caitlyn's hatred for the man grew each second she spent around him "you're very tense, I can see you are nervous to be here with me"
She didn't respond. Her cerulean eyes found their way to the platforms that stretched out in front of her and the dozens of people that walked along them. She would be content with a quiet train ride, one where she would just look out the window as her beloved French countryside would rush by and the General would do... anything but stare at her in the way he was currently staring at her.
"You're quite the mystery" he spoke up as the train started leaving the station about ten minutes after they had taken their seats.
Caitlyn did not look away from the platforms on her right and simply focussed on a new person whenever the old one walked out of sight "am I?" she merely answered him and to her annoyance, she heard him chuckle again.
"Yes you are" he confirmed, then dared place a hand on her knee. The hand made her flinch, instantly pulling her knee from him and her eyes wide as they were ripped from the station and looked straight through him. As soon as his hand touched her, it was like she was touched by the General who had created the scars on her back and broken her feet. In an instant, she was back in that room where she had received lash after lash until her back was a bleeding mess of open wounds and flesh.
A wave of panic arose in her but the General removed his hand from her knee as soon as he saw her shocked response. Apparently that was not what he had expected when he touched her knee out of whatever reason he had in mind. It took Caitlyn a moment to truly come back to herself as she kept her eyes on the eel-eyed man across from her. How was she to survive a train ride like this without blowing her cover? Was he already onto her, perhaps?
"I apologize" she softly told him, flinching slightly at the fact that she was the one apologizing when he had touched her. All she knew was that she had to make herself less suspicious than she was currently being, if she wanted to make it through the trainride.
"Apology accepted" the General nodded and finally Caitlyn could move her head, forcing her eyes to look out of the window again but it was not the same for the rest of the ride. She was restless, constantly worried that the man across from her would touch her again. Worried that the flashbacks would come back and that she was going to feel that panic again.
The General seemed to have settled for a quiet ride as well, because he pulled a book from the bag he was carrying and started reading as he left Caitlyn and her landscapes to study each other as the ride north went on. Caitlyn's mind pondered as she thought back of the moment the General had touched her knee. Even after what she had been through in prison, she had not responded that way to a sudden touch from Violet.
Was it perhaps that now that she was actually moving, quite literally, and getting space to breathe, that her mind was working through the things she had experienced in that prison? She had heard stories from her father, who had treated wounded soldiers coming back from war during the first world war, about what being in a situation like that could do to a person. It frightened her to think that what had happened to her in that prison, might have done more permanent damage on her than she had initially thought.
An hour and a half into their journey, the General spoke again as he glanced up from his book "what I meant to say earlier, about you being a mystery, was that I find it interesting that a woman as beautiful as you barely speaks"
Caitlyn tore her eyes away from the countryside and let them wander to the man across from her. From the corner of her eye she could see two women in the seats on the other side of the aisle, giving them a rather dirty glare for hearing the General address her in German. It made her blush, which probably caused the General to think she was blushing about his comment.
"I'm not sure what beauty has to do with lack of speech" Caitlyn informed him, another glance sent towards the women who were looking even more disgusted to hear her French accent. A French woman and a German Officer, what scandalous things they were up to probably... Another shiver ran down her spine.
"I mean to say that, women that possess a beauty as yours tend to be ones who like flaunting it. They like showing off, being the centre of attention, but not you" he told her "you're a great example of how a woman ought to be"
You know absolutely nothing about me was the bitter thought that entered Caitlyn's mind as she broke eye contact and found her cerulean eyes glancing at the mountains yet again. With a heart full of pain about the burdens she was forced to carry and full of longing for her beautiful, brave, strong pilot, she swallowed thickly. Underneath it all, underneath the longing, the pain, the yearning, the fear and the disgust, what was left of her? What was left of the Caitlyn Kiramman who grew up in Aristocratic Paris, thought she fell for a simple farmer, married him in an effort to find freedom and ran away with him to the countryside?
The answer was, very little. Since the day that American plane crashed close to her farm, everything had changed. She'd gone through the highest and lowest points in life, survived execution and had fallen in love for the first time. Really fallen in love.
She had found out she was a woman who loved other women, a woman who could not love men the way she was supposed to love them. A woman whose heart belonged to a copper-haired, stubborn pilot with an American accent and the most addictive charm about her.
The thoughts of her charismatic pilot kept her afloat as the General returned to reading and her eyes meandered through the landscape before her. Minutes turned into hours and eventually, they arrived in the city she never thought she would see again. Paris.
Stepping out of that train was a world of difference from where they had boarded. Life surrounded them in the busiest way possible and the slow country life was long gone. She immediately felt the rush of the city flow back into her as she followed the General to the check-out point where a last possible document check would be done.
Whilst waiting in line, she noticed that the documents were thoroughly checked. Something stirred inside her when she saw one of the men in front of her being picked out of the line. Something about a forged document. It was clear that this man was not going to see the light of day again within several hours and it frightened Caitlyn to her very core. Could she really have come this far only to be found out just before they were allowed to leave the station?
The line got shorter and when it was their turn, Caitlyn felt an immediate wave of panic hit her system but her trained face remained as stoic as before. The General was greeted in a familiar fashion and his papers barely glanced at. When it was Caitlyn's turn, the man in front of her took the papers and rested his eyes upon them, slight frown on his face as he read through the forged words on the paper.
The check was not as thorough as it had been with the others, especially not because the General's foot was tapping on the floor quite impatiently.
Another glance at Caitlyn, then a nod and a hand that gave her back the forged documents. She gratefully thanked him and put the papers back into her bag before they were allowed to leave the station.
The second they stepped outside, breathing in the Parisian air, Caitlyn let out a soft sigh. She had successfully made it, yet the question remained if the same journey could be made for Violet. Her pilot who, without a doubt, was awaiting a tougher journey than she had experienced.
Just as she was about to step away, the General spoke to her again "thank you for allowing me to chaperone you, allow me to escort you home please"
Caitlyn shook her head, knowing fully well that it was a very dangerous thing to take this man to one of the wealthiest neighbourhoods in Paris, showing him that she was residing with the Kirammans. There was no way she was doing that. So she politely shook her head and smiled "while that is a very kind offer, my father will be meeting me halfway to take me home after work. He should be finished and on his break for lunch just now"
The General seemed to consider it for a moment, making Caitlyn doubt whether he bought it or not, but he did not press on. He nodded and put his uniform hat back on again "In that case, thank you for the journey and perhaps we will meet again in the future"
"Perhaps" she simply nodded, her feet already turning as she forced herself not to run. This couldn't look like she was fleeing a crime scene, she had simply said goodbye to a man who had chaperoned her. Nothing more and nothing less. So she gave him another nod and waited for him to set his first step in his direction, before taking her own route back to the house she had once called a home.
A hurried look back for the first several streets was something she could not get out of her system, she simply had to make sure he was not following her which he did not seem to be. Her breathing went back to normal and her heart calmed down significantly with each step she got closer to her parents' home. The walk was long and she was exhausted by the time she was close, but she persisted. Her previously broken feet were not used to walks as long as these and were aching more than they had done in her lifetime, but she persisted.
Once she finally arrived at her parents' home, she found herself surprised by the size of it for the first time. After being away from home for years, she sometimes forgot what wealth she came from and just how much the size of their home reflected that wealth.
Still, that did not stop her. She stepped up to the front door, slightly out of breath after her long walk on aching feet, and rang the bell to announce her presence. She hoped her father would be home, her beloved father who had most likely been worried sick upon not receiving a weekly letter from his daughter for over a month. He was the one whose arms she wanted around her first, then her mothers'.
It was one of the maids that opened the door, Lucy if Caitlyn remembered correctly. She had been working with them since Caitlyn was 12 and she had moved from the home of her Aunt in London to their home in Paris. A mere exchange of workforce, something that happened often in families like hers.
Lucy's eyes widened the moment she recognized the woman she had not seen in years. A bright smile appeared on her lips "Milady! You-you're home. Milord and Milady will be ever so pleased to hear this joyous news"
Caitlyn let out a genuine laugh for the first time since she had left her pilot behind and she stepped onto the marble floor of the enormous hall spread out in front of her. "Please fetch them for me, is my father home as well?"
"He is milady, they're in the library but I will fetch them immediately" Lucy seemed beside herself almost, as she rushed off to the library at the end of the hallway. Caitlyn took several steps into the halls she had called her home for many years, feeling strangely estranged from the luxurious lifestyle she had once led.
A small smile appeared when she heard the voice of Lucy come from the library, followed by the familiar voice of her mother.
"Milady, Milord there is a rather urgent matter for which you are needed in the hallway"
"What are you talking about Lucy? And why are you coming in here, out of breath? I do not tolerate my staff running around like a bull in a China shop"
"But Milady, it's Lady Caitlyn"
A silence fell, Caitlyn put another foot forward as she slowly made her way through the enormous hallway, towards the library.
"What about my daughter?" her mother's voice sounded concerned more than strict now.
"She's in the hallway, she- she's home" Lucy managed to pant as another silence fell. Then Caitlyn heard hurried footsteps and finally, her father appeared in the hallway as he burst out of the library.
The look on his face was one she had barely seen on his English face before, washed over with glee and relief as he took in the figure of his daughter whom he had not laid eyes on in almost three years.
Neither of them had to think about it, and the two of them apporached each other in quick paces as her mother appeared behind her father in the hallway. Her father's arms around her sent a shock of relief through her that immediately made her choke up. She had not realised how she had missed him until his familiar embrace brought her back to the days where she was just a girl and he would embrace her every day when he came home from work.
"Caitlyn" his voice trembled and she could hear the emotion in his tone. "We were so worried. Thank goodness you're safe". He pulled away from the embrace slightly, eyes worried and relieved at the same time as he looked at his only daughter's face before letting her mother take over.
Her mother, the usually so stoic and cold woman who led the family more than her husband did, strode over to her. As she got closer, Caitlyn could see tears burning in the cerulean eyes that mirrored her own. A soft gasp left her lips before her mother, too, embraced her and held her close for a moment.
"Is it really you?" her mother's voice sounded fragile for the first time in her life, without a doubt from fear that she had lost her one and only child.
Cailtyn pulled away slightly, cerulean meeting cerulean once again as she nodded "c'est moi mama"
"Ma chérie Caitlyn" her mother's soothing French voice softly said as her thumb brush the ghost of a tear from her cheek and a warm smile found her lips "je suis contente de te revoir"
"I'm glad to see you too mama"
Notes:
LISTEN, it took me another week to post but you did get a 12k chapter in return so that is something!
I really hope it captured your attention to the end and that you are well-fed now ;)
WE HAVE ALSO OFFICIALLY REACHED 100K WORDS, SO YAY!
Thank you all for the massive, massive support that this fic has gotten so far, I would be nowhere without you all!Until next time, my loves!
(Also, as you all know I am a slut for comments so feel free to leave one if you want!)
Chapter 17: Run, rabbit run
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Violet's journey in the trunk of the doctor's car was anything but comfortable. Her mind constantly wandered to her lover and how each mile got her closer to the woman she had only seen in her dreams and thoughts the past days. On top of the ache for Caitlyn, she had spend the days thinking of what the future possibly could look like. If she got out of this, if they got out of this, what would the world have in store for them? Would there be a place for her to be with Caitlyn as she wanted?
Violet knew there wouldn't be. The life of a woman who loved another woman, meant a life in hiding. Even if they would escape the claws of the Germans, the bombings and what could very well be the following years of destruction by war, they would still not be free. For a life where one was not free to express their love for the person that held their heart, was not a life lived in freedom.
It was a life she would be forced to live though, and she would gladly live it if that meant that she got to wake up to Caitlyn's cerulean eyes every single morning.
With those cerulean eyes in mind, she got out of bed each morning that Caitlyn was not there. She put on the clothes that had been continuously worn for the past several weeks, dragging her feet into shoes that were a size too large and started to form holes in the soles of them, and ran wet fingers through her curls that were starting to get more tangled and too long now that Caitlyn was not there to untangle and cut them for her.
She missed her Parisian lover mostly in the little things. The way she held her teacup, how her voice changed when she read out loud, the manner in which she folded her clothes before getting into bed at night and how it felt when her nails would scratch Violet's scalp in the most gentle manner.
As she laid in the trunk of that car, she let out a soft chuckle. Who had ever thought that the tough pilot would turn into such a sap, and for a woman nonetheless? But everything that was Caitlyn had caused Violet to fall fast and fall hard, like that crash of her plane. She hardly recognized herself most days, because Brooklyn Violet would have laughed at the thought of ever falling in love. Falling in love had not been on her life agenda and yet, here she was in the most lovesick state she had ever been in.
The sound of the engine shutting off and a door being opened and shut brought Violet's storm of thoughts about Caitlyn to a halt and before she knew it, the trunk opened with a creaking sound. Violet's grey eyes blinked against the light of the upcoming sunrise and found herself focussing on the doctor who helped her out after extending her hand.
It took her a moment to adjust to her surroundings but once she did, she noticed the estate that they were facing the back of. It was a glorious way of living, Violet had never seen anything like it before, and a rather grumpy looking man who seemed like he was in a hurry, walked out of the house.
"You're late" he mentioned to the doctor as Vi's eyes narrowed slightly whilst taking it what this man represented. It seemed that he was the owner of the estate they were currently facing, but he looked to be one that you should not trust in an instant. The doctor seemed to recognize him and they spoke in hushed tones in faster French than Violet could understand, so she figured that he was the man who was supposed to get all of them to Paris.
Still, that was no guarantee that this man was to be trusted. He looked slightly nervous about Violet's arrival, switched balancing feet every now and then while he spoke to the doctor, and his eyes kept shifting to Violet as she took in the estate owner.
She didn't trust him. Not yet.
"You're the last one, aren't you?" he asked her in rather broken English, his tone betraying that he was not the least bit glad about her arrival.
Violet nodded, knowing better than to give the man information he could use against her before she was absolutely certain that she could trust him.
"Good, come with me" he nodded at the doctor, who waved a short goodbye to Violet as he got back into his car and drove off before the two of them had entered the estate through the backdoor. Violet followed without protest, yet curiosity caused her to inquire about who this man was.
"Might I ask your name sir?" she tried being polite, but she could not help but hear a hostile tone in her voice. Damn her and her incapability of masking what she truly felt. Caitlyn, being raised by the rich and aristocratic, had a wonderful pokerface and was more than capable of not letting a single emotion radiate from her face or tone. Violet, however, was the complete opposite and one could usually already tell what she was feeling or thinking just by looking at her.
"Pierre Hoskel" the man informed her as he took her down several flights of stairs and led her to - what seemed to be - the cellars. They were unusual cellars though. They were several different rooms underground that were connected by wooden doors. One could only enter through one of the doors and that gave access to the rest. The one accessible door - if you came from upstairs - was hidden by a closet full of linen and table cloths.
Pierre pushed the closet aside to reveal the small door and led her through it, revealing that the rooms that lay behind the door were all-together designed to serve as a home of sorts. It was hard to really call it a home, since furniture was just the most basics of things and there was no electricity - just a lot of candles - as well as a lack of windows. It felt more like a bomb shelter that had been converted into a window-less tiny apartment.
As Violet followed the man who had said the bare minimum, she saw that the candles in the make-shift living room were already lit. It signalled that someone was already there, and for a moment Violet had hopes that it was her Parisian saviour that she would come eye-to-eye with yet again.
Alas, her hope was short-lived because Jayce stepped out of one of the other rooms seconds after they had entered. Though his face lit up a little when he saw Violet, she could not help but feel betrayed that Caitlyn had not been there to greet her.
Endlessly curious yet again - this time about her lover's whereabouts - she turned to Pierre once more "wasn't there supposed to be a third person?"
She tried to make it seem as though they hardly knew each other. As though Caitlyn had not nursed her back to health. As though she did not know what Caitlyn's lips tasted like. As though she did not know what Caitlyn looked like without clothes and how she felt in the most intimate of places. As though she was not hopelessly in love with her.
Pierre simply gave her a curt nod "Louise left days ago. Since she is French, it was a lot easier to move her to Paris with the help of a friend... you two will be a very different story. Americans are the hardest type to move around since you're all too loud, too opinionated and certainly too unwilling to learn others cultures and languages. I cannot possibly pass you off as French folk, but I have an idea of how to move you. You'll simply have to be patient and all will be revealed soon"
For a moment, it puzzled Violet why he referred to a Louise, and then she was reminded of the name on Caitlyn's false documents. She must have told him her forged name because she did not trust him...
"Do you have any idea if she's made it to Paris?" Violet hated how desperate her voice sounded and from the looks of it, it did not go unnoticed by either Jayce or Pierre.
"No I do not" he shook his head "I am only the station in between stops, I do not get to hear what becomes of the people I transfer. I want to know as little as possible so I do not have to lie about what I know if I get found out somehow"
Violet had to admit that it made sense to want to know as little as possible. You couldn't tell someone what you did not know, it was the safest way of ensuring that you would go free. This little piece of information made her realise that this man was not as stupid as she had originally thought he was. He seemed to be more cunning than she had expected, but was a hard man to read. There was still a lot left unsaid and she wondered just how she was going to figure out if he was one to trust or not.
Perhaps Jayce could be of service in that regard.
"I see" Violet nodded, placing the small bag of belongings that she had brought with her on the floor.
"I'll have Madeleine bring you something to eat several times a day, but other than that none of the staff know of your whereabouts so do not make too much noise"
Jayce simply gave the man a short wave, he had yet to say anything, and Violet nodded as the man stepped out of the room again to close the door behind them and lock them inside. They were fully dependent on the trustworthiness of Pierre Hoskel now, and Violet was not feeling at easy about that thought at all.
As soon as the door was closed, Violet turned around to face the man she was yet again forced to spend a considerable amount of time with. "Jayce"
"Violet" he sounded like he was slightly relieved to see her. For what reason, Violet hadn't a clue. There was not exactly what one would call friends. Acquaintences at best. Caitlyn had been on much better terms with him when she left than Violet was, perhaps because she had a feeling that Jayce underestimated her in every way, shape and form.
"So Caitlyn's already gone then, did you get to see her before she left?" Violet asked him as she made her way over to the free chair at the small table Jayce was currently sitting at. She let out a sigh as she fell back on the hard wood and leaned her back against the backrest to give herself a moment to stretch her legs that had been folded up in that trunk for far too long.
Jayce shook his head "sadly I did not, she had left the day before I arrived"
"Shit" Violet mumbled as she looked Jayce in the eye for perhaps the first time "what do you think about Hoskel?"
This question seemed to bring up conflicted feelings in the man that was always keen on boasting how good he was at reading people "I'm not sure about him. He has not shown his face too often, really just the time he brought me down here and just now, when he took you here. Other than that he just sends him maid Madeleine"
"What's she like?"
It was quite clear that a blush appeared on Jayce's cheeks and Violet found herself smirking slightly "she's kind" was Jayce's awfully short answer.
It put Violet in a mood to pry about his feelings about her, about how he really thought about her and just what had gone down between the two in the days that he had been in the shelter by himself...
"You like her" she stated as a grin played on her lips. Jayce's eyes immediately widened and he let out a huff followed by a cough.
"What?" he laughed "that is ridiculous. I absolutely do not. She's hardly an interesting person and certainly not good to look at. She has a rather strange face shape and- I have not been overly kind to her, alright? Wipe that smirk off your face"
"Hmmm sure, you have convinced me entirely Talis"
"Right, why don't I turn the tables on you and ask you what exactly has been going on between you and Caitlyn?" Jayce's piercing eyes looked right into her soul and Violet felt more exposed than before.
Now it was her turn to blush and she let out a mere "nothing, we are just close friends" together with a laugh and dismissive wave of her hand. She was not liking the direction this conversation was taking at all. Besides, she and Caitlyn had done so well in hiding their relationship. Why would Jayce be so suspicious all of a sudden?
Before Jayce could give her another remark - which she knew was coming because of the way he was glancing at her - the door opened yet again and an unfamiliar woman entered. From the way Jayce instantly responded by getting up and grinning like an idiot, this was probably Madeleine. That, and the fact that she was wearing a uniform which made it quite clear that she was one of the maids.
"Good morning, I was instructed to bring you breakfast before the other staff would awaken" she brought in two plates of oatmeal and gave Jayce a soft smile before turning her attention to Violet, who was watching everything go down with a rather interested look on her face. "I wasn't told your name miss, but you may address me as Madeleine. I'm one of the maids and I'll be taking care of you during your stay"
Violet nodded, letting out a huff as she could not help but remark "My name is Violet and I am quite sure you have taken good care of this one" before nodding at Jayce whose face now equalled the colour of a tomato. In return Madeleine blushed slightly as well but shook her head lightly.
"I have merely been bringing down food" she seemed to have a permanent blush on her cheeks when she was around Jayce and Violet just enjoyed the pure embarrassment that the man across from her seemed to experience. That and the fact that the attention was now turned away from anything going on between her and Caitlyn.
Jayce nodded, pulling the plate towards him as he gave Madeleine a smile that was far too friendly for someone who was just a maid to him "thank you, for everything"
"Don't mention it, really" Madeleine gave him that same smile as Violet's amused grin broadened and she gave Jayce a wink. The man in question made good use of his food and immediately started munching the moment he noticed Violet's amused grin.
"I should make my way upstairs again but I will be back later" the maid told them in a way of saying her goodbye and Jayce gave her a smile and a nod - probably because he did not dare give her more than the bare amount of attention now that Violet had called him out on it - and Violet simply gave her a small wave and friendly smile in return.
"I'm already looking forward to it" she informed Madeleine as the woman made her way out of their small shelter.
Violet turned towards Jayce the moment they were alone again ".... so"
"I do not want to hear a word about it" Jayce mumbled after swallowing his bite "all I have to say is that there is nothing between Madeleine and I that is more intimate than what you and Caitlyn have been up to"
Now it was Violet's turn to find herself turning a crimson shade of red. There was no way he knew. There was no logical way for him to know that there was anything going on between her and Caitlyn. They had been so careful, had never been caught, had never been heard as far as they were concerned.
"I don't know wh-"
"Caitlyn wrote you a rather intimate letter"
Oh.
"Oh?" Violet tried to make herself eat but there was not a single bite going down her throat that did not feel like she was eating cardboard. It was pure misery she was experiencing and it did not help that Jayce was giving her a very knowing grin right now.
"She gave Madeleine a letter that she was supposed to give to me. She had told Madeleine that the two of us were lovers, something I was not aware of, but upon reading the first lines of that letter... let's simply say that I immediately knew it was addressed to you and that you two were certainly more than friends"
Violet was mortified. First of all because Jayce had read a letter than was supposed to be for her eyes only - though it was expected when Caitlyn had said that the letter was for Jayce, probably not to rise suspicion - and second of all, because she could not possibly deny her intimate relationship with Caitlyn now. Though, she had yet to read the letter and perhaps it was still a situation that could be explained or saved if she read what Caitlyn had written.
"Hand over the letter Talis, now" she demanded, earning her another smirk from Jayce that she immediately had the urge to punch from his face. That man had a way of getting under her skin in the most annoying type of way. He reminded her of her brothers in that regard. A thought that immediately brought her into a short moment of grief as she was reminded of them.
Jayce really saved himself from getting physically harmed hwen he got up from the table and disappeared into another room. He came back seconds later with an envelope in his hand and handed it to Violet without another word. She ripped it from his hands the second it was handed to her and immediately let her eyes go over the words Caitlyn had left specifically for her.
To say that the shade of her cheeks turned darker when she read the intimate and romantic words of her lover, was an understatement. Upon letting her eyes rest on the words that Caitlyn had written, she completely understood why Jayce knew that there was more between them than platonic friendship.
My heart is full with the feel of your hands on my bare skin, your lips on my neck and your nose between my breasts.
I can hope that my love will be enough to carry you through the days ahead of you, days where I cannot whisper my words of desire in your ear.
Take this letter as my promise to you, yet again, that my heart belongs in the palm of your hand.
These were not words of platonic friendship. They were words of a deeply rooted love and desire for another person, feelings that Violet wholeheartedly reciprocated. For as much as Caitlyn's heart was hers, Violet's own heart was Caitlyn's as well. It would be hers until the end of her days - may they come later rather than sooner.
After reading the letter a third time, she finally looked back up at Jayce. "Did you read all of it?"
"Not all of it, but enough to know that what you and Caitlyn have is what a married man and woman ought to share" Jayce sounded like a real prick, haughtily informing her of what was and was not appropriate. Like Violet had not struggled with the feeling of shame and guilt surrounding her feelings for Caitlyn. Like she had not thought of her doomed fate because she loved a woman in a sinful way, according to most of society.
But she could not stop herself. How could you stop yourself from loving the person with whom it felt like you were destined to be with?
"You know nothing" Violet couldn't help but let the words come out angry. Her words were true though, the man did know nothing about the mutual feelings that her and Caitlyn had for each other, knew nothing of the ways that they had saved each others lives and knew nothing of how prepared Violet was to give her life for this woman if she ever had to. He had no fucking idea.
Upon seeing her frustration, it seemed that Jayce was starting to melt a bit as he seemed to realise that the seriousness with which Violet approached this was not something to take lightly. His smirk turned into a softer gaze as he nodded and took in Violet's response. "I see"
"See what?" Violet folded the letter back into the envelope and put it in her pocket so she could read it another hundred times the moment she was by herself.
"I see that anything I thought it was between you two pales in comparison to what it actually is" he admitted.
Violet could merely blink as she looked at him and tried to form a response in her head that would not come off extremely rude, but Jayce continued before she could.
"I'm not-" Jayce seemed to have the same struggle with words as Violet had, since the two of them weren't exactly what one would call friends. "I'm not pretending I did not know that relationships like yours with Caitlyn exist. I actually know someone who is... who feels about men what he should feel for women. I simply had not expected your feelings for Caitlyn and hers for you to run as deep as they seem to run"
At this point, Violet must have softened in her own expression and body language because Jayce continued in a gentle tone. "I did not read further into the letter than the first several lines so I assumed it was a mere physical relationship between the two of you but... I see now that it is more than that"
"It is" Violet admitted, her hands playing with one of her sleeves as she gave Jayce a softer look than she had the previous half hour "I love her. And she loves me. That's about the gist of it"
There was so much more she could tell Jayce. For example, that breathing felt harder when Caitlyn was not around. Or that the smile Caitlyn could give her on good moments felt like the sun was shining just for the two of them. That she would give Caitlyn the world if she could and that she felt she would always fall short in love she could give her Parisian saviour. Because Caitlyn was so worthy of love, so worthy of care and of everything Violet wanted to give her. Caitlyn was it for her.
But she did not even dare tell Caitlyn all of that. Let alone Jayce.
So she left it at that, her yearning heart once again her own.
Jayce accepted her words with a nod of his head and he picked up his spoon to continue his breakfast. As Violet munched on her thoughts about the letter that Caitlyn had written her and what she might write in return, she continued her breakfast at a fast pace. Something about being in the military for a while had left her, and Jayce too it seemed, with a need to finish her food as quick as she could. Caitlyn always took her time, chewing every bite to truly taste all the flavours her meal had to offer. Violet did not have time for that. She simply swallowed without truly tasting and made sure she had a full belly more so than enjoying what she was actually eating.
The first day in the shelter that she shared with Jayce was one that felt endless, simply because of the fact that they had no way of knowing what time it was or even whether it was the morning, afternoon or evening. The only indication of time they had was when Madeleine came to bring them food. The lack of windows kept them literally in the dark about what time of day it was and it brought Violet quite some frustration.
Several hours after dinner brought by Madeleine, Violet woke up after a nap on the sofa that she had claimed as her bed. There was only one bed in the makeshift bedroom and she was absolutely not sharing with Jayce. Besides, she had slept on worse surfaces than a sofa and even though her back ached when she woke up, she would live.
"I don't trust Hoskel" Jayce mentioned when Violet was sitting upright on the sofa, putting on her shoes after her nap. Her steel grey eyes found Jayce's bright ones. It was their first real conversation after the whole what-is-your-relationship-with-Caitlyn conversation and Violet had a feeling that this was something they might actually bond over.
She found herself nodding as she pulled on the laces of her shoes "I agree, he seems like the type to only protect himself when it comes down to it. The way he has so little interaction with us, how little he has told about himself and wants to know about us... there is something there"
"I'm glad you see it too" Jayce agreed as he played with a pocket knife that he had brought along with him. He had this stupid habit of playing around with the thing that drove Violet absolutely nuts from time to time. "He has only been down here once since I have been here, and that is when he brought you in. I have asked Madeleine about what type of man he is and she tells me that he keeps to himself a lot"
Violet had one question burning on her mind when Jayce mentioned having talked to Madeleine about him "has she told you anything about what went down when Caitlyn was here?"
Jayce leaned back in his seat, pricking his finger into the blade of the knife slightly "she knows Caitlyn as Louise, since that is her false name, and all I know is that she was introduced as Hoskel's niece and that she left with a German General, who escorted her to Paris. She was awfully giddy about giving me the letter since we were supposed to be lovers"
Violet paled at the mention that Caitlyn had gone to Paris with a German General. The entire idea seemed ludicrous and she could only imagine how uncomfortable Caitlyn had probably felt about the entire thing. Having to travel to Paris with someone whose colleague had tortured you in prison... that sounded like a rightful nightmare.
Plus, there was no saying now if Caitlyn had reached Paris at all. If there had been the slightest bit of suspicion, the tiniest glimmer that she was not who she said she was, she wouldd have immediately been in the hands of the enemy. It frightened Violet that she had no knowledge of whether Caitlyn was alive or not and even less if Hoskel could be trusted or not.
"Fuck" Violet exclaimed softly as she pushed herself up from the sofa and made her way over to the table that Jayce was sitting at "Hoskel does not seem very fond of Americans, though it's a mystery to me why"
Jayce shook his head in confusion as well and glanced at Violet when she sat down across from him once again "Madeleine informed me that he is working on a plan to get us out of here. I have asked her to keep me informed, but she has a hard time listening in on his conversations and phone calls"
Violet's eyebrows shot up in surprise, she had not expected Madeleine to actually have the balls to do something like that and she simply could not keep her mouth shut about it. "Seems she must really like you huh?"
Jayce immediately rolled his eyes at her teasing tone "I told you, there is nothing-"
"You also said that she was ugly, and anyone with at least one working eye can see that she is not" Violet dryly remarked.
"And you would be the expert on beautiful women of course" Jayce's tone was as sarcastic as Violet's had been and she found that a little light-hearted banter was exactly what caused her to like Jayce just a little more. He could take her teasing and give it right back to her. That was always fun.
"I am the expert on most matters" she could not help but grin a little, making Jayce laugh softly in the process of things and shake his head yet again. "But thanks for getting the maid on our side. I have a slight feeling that she might be more trustworthy than the man himself"
"I most definitely think she is more trustworthy, but she is also naive" Jayce agreed "she hasn't experienced life as it seems we have, and I doubt she really knows what she is in for when it comes to hiding us and helping us out. From what I gather, she sees it as an adventure more so than a life threatening situation"
Taking Jayce's words into consideration, it made a lot more sense why Madeleine was so excited each time she came to see them. There seemed to be no indication of danger in her, she seemed to not fully understand what was happening and what danger she was in by helping them out the way she did.
"I think it's important we sleep with one eye open and do not take things for granted" Violet concluded "there is something Hoskel is not telling us. I'm not sure what it is, but we ought to watch our backs"
At that moment, Violet had been unaware of how right she had been. Her gut feeling about Hoskel had not betrayed her and she was proven correct later that same night. Her tired body had already settled itself back onto the sofa when the door opened again. She had no indication of the time, but judging by how tired she was she had figured it was at least dark outside and it was well past dinner time.
The door opened quietly, almost going unnoticed by Violet as the woman was in the state of starting to fall asleep. But she did notice, even if it was only slightly. She squinted her eyes in the darkness when the flame of a candle came into view and a figure hurried into their living room. A female figure.
Upon opening her eyes further, it seemed that the figure had a familiar face and hair. Madeleine.
"Wake up" she urged Violet "wake up, right now. It's urgent"
That was all she was informed off before Madeleine marched into Jayce's bedroom and - from the sounds of it - woke him as well, urging him to come into the living room. It only took him a few moments to join them in the living room, though he looked at sleepy as Violet had felt when she had been woken up. The moment Jayce joined them however, Violet was already fully alert. She knew that Madeleine had no business coming into their shelter if there was not an emergency.
"You have to leave. Now." Madeleine sounded hurried and Violet felt her stomach drop. So she had been right about Hoskel all along...
"What do you mean?" Jayce was still in a state of light sleep as he tried to wrap his head around what Madeleine was saying, but Violet immediately shot up from the sofa.
"Tell us what you know" she urged the maid as she approached her.
The nervous servant gave Violet a worried look as she explained the reason for her unexpected visit "I heard the Master on the phone earlier this evening. He was speaking to a General whom he has over for dinner every week. The same General who has escorted Miss Louise to Paris. Apparently he returned yesterday and the Master invited him over for dinner, telling him that he had a very special surprise and was even allowed to bring some colleagues of his"
What a fucking liar that man was. He had no intention of helping her and Jayce to Paris, that much was already clear as day for Violet.
Madeleine continued before Violet could let out a string of curses "after he wrapped up the phone call and left his office to have dinner, I decided to have a look into his desk. I had a feeling that the surprise for the General might have something to do with you but then I found this in one of his drawers"
The young woman pulled a piece of paper from her apron and handed it to Violet.
Her heart immediately sank when she read what was on the note.
Louise Moulin - Caitlyn Kiramman.
The name was followed by an address in Paris, one on the exact arrondissement that Violet knew Caitlyn's parents lived on.
Her steel grey eyes found Jayce's in an instant as the man peeked over her shoulder to read the note with her. His eyes read the same thing that Violet had realised moments before he had.
"He is going to betray us to the Germans" Jayce softly spoke as the realisation of the situation hit him.
"And he's taking the entire Kiramman family down with us" Violet felt herself choke up as she spoke the words she had never hoped she would have to speak. All their hard work, everything that Babette and the doctor had done for them, would all be for nothing.
All of a sudden, it hit Violet exactly why Hoskel was doing it. "He knows her name because Babette gave it to him, I am sure of it, and he probably knows what type of family they are. He'll be a hero to the Germans if he hands them not just us, but also the Kiramman family"
"Does he know who we are though?" Jayce wondered out loud as Violet's feeling started to fully get out of control. She felt anger for the betrayal of the man that Babette swore they could trust, fear for what might be in store for them and determination to not let this be the end. They had come so far, had overcome so many obstacles.
"He doesn't know who we are exactly. If he had known who we are, he would have informed them of it immediately" Violet was fairly certain about that fact. Her eyes glanced between Madeleine and Jayce.
Madeleine nodded in agreement "he doesn't know exactly. The things he knows are that the three of you have to flee to Paris. He knows that Miss Louise, or Caitlyn it seems, is somehow involved and that is enough to get her, and anyone who is granting her a place to stay, arrested. For you two, the fact that you are Americans is enough to get you arrested"
Perhaps the only upside to the entire story was the fact that Hoskel did not know that she was a wildly sought after pilot and that Jayce was the one who had broken her out of Caitlyn's home, though it would only be a matter of time before he would figure it out. It would take one conversation with the General for him to be informed of the fact they were looking for two Americans just a few towns over.
"What do we do now?" Jayce's voice was seeping with fear, fear that radiated in the heart of all three of them. The situation seemed to be narrowing around them with each minute that passed and Madeleine was the one who held the most information on the matter.
"We run" Violet simply stated, knowing that Madeleine had come here to warn them because that gave them a chance to run. A chance to maybe find a path to freedom, somehow.
Madeleine seemed to have more of a plan in mind than just to run, because she spoke up again and proved herself to not be as naive or emptyheaded as Violet had expected her to be. "I waited for the Master to go to sleep before coming down to warn you. If we make our way out now, I can take you to my parents' home. It's just an hour on foot from here and I can assure you that they will help. We can figure out a way for you to get to Paris from there and I will return before the sun rises"
Jayce immediately shook his head "you can't go back"
"What?" she exclaimed. It seemed that Violet had been a bit to quick in thinking that Madeleine was not naive. Because the woman apparently thought she had the choice of coming back to work at the estate after helping them escape.
"Jayce's right" Violet agreed with a nod "he'll know you helped us escape, it'll get you arrested in an instant. It seems you'll have to run with us"
Madeleine went silent as she realised that she had sealed her own fate by helping Jayce and Violet escape theirs. Her eyes went from wide to a rather sad expression and Violet hated the way her stomach clenched when she saw the young woman who had been unwillingly dragged down into a life-threatening situation.
"We have to leave now. Madeleine, do you know the safest way out of here?" Violet immediately shot into action with Jayce, the two of them packing the small amount of belongings they had brought and making sure that they were not leaving anything behind that was theirs.
Madeleine nodded to confirm that she knew how to get out of the estate without being seen as Violet hoisted her bag over her shoulder. There was only one thing left to do before they could leave.
She opened the drawer of the table in the living room and took out a pencil that she had seen in there earlier when she had looked around the entire place to see if there was anything suspicious about it. It had not seemed that way back then, but she should have trusted her gut when it came to the man who was asleep upstairs.
Violet took the note that Madeleine had taken with her and thoroughly crossed out Caitlyn's name and address until there were only black lines left, imprinting the address that had been on the note previously in her head. Then she turned it over so she had a blank piece of paper in front of her and she tore it into three equal pieces.
Jayce and Madeleine impatiently observed her as Violet wrote the same words on each piece of paper and underneath the words, a combination of numbers.
Once she had written the same message on each piece of paper, she handed one to Madeleine and the other to Jayce. The last one she kept in her own pocket as Jayce looked at the message and simply put it in his pocket, but Madeleine felt the need to ask "what is this?"
"It's a message" Violet informed her as she put the pencil in her pocket, taking it with her in case she needed to write another note or something "for Caitlyn. We have to get it to her as quick as possible. With each of us having one, we have the biggest chance of the note reaching her. If one of us is caught and you have the note, eat it before the Germans can get to it. It's small enough to swallow without problems"
Madeleine seemed less than prepared for any of it but nodded as she tried to hold up a brave face "what is does the combination of numbers mean?"
"They're coordinates" Jayce told her after nodding at Violet in understand and making his way to the exit of the shelter.
Violet elaborated as she followed Jayce "coordinates of the embassy of the United States in London to be exact. We had to learn these before we were send off to fight in the war"
"Will Caitlyn be able to figure that out?" Jayce glanced at Violet, worry written all over his face and Violet could only give him that same look in return.
"I hope she will" she told him as they opened the door and took their first step into yet another fight for their freedom.
They know. Run.
I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.
51° 30' 24.59" N
0° 09' 3.00" E
Notes:
We have taken an angsty turn once again...
Until next time, my loves!
Chapter 18: Red: colour of my soul and blood of my enemy
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
From a relatively young age, Caitlyn found that getting called into her father's study was hardly ever a good thing. There were several reasons that she had been called in as a child - for example, when she was caught being dishonest about something, when her schoolwork was not up to par or when she had simply disobeyed her parents' rules. Very rarely was it a good thing to be called into the study of Tobias Kiramman, which was why it sent a shiver down her spine when Lucy knocked on the door of her childhood bedroom several days after her arrival and told her that her father was expecting her in his study.
Her hands felt rather clammy as she descended down the stairs and found her father's study on the ground floor, down the large hallway that eventually led to their dining room, third door on her left. Her father's study was one of the few rooms in their enormous home in Paris that she had never been allowed to enter without the presence of one of her parents. She had never truly known why, but she respected her father and his privacy enough not to question it and simply stayed out of the study. Especially because there were about 16 other rooms she was allowed to enter.
The knock on the dark oak wooden door was soft but noticeable by her father apparently - since he invited her in without a second of hesitation.
"You asked to see me, father?" she hated the way her voice felt stuck in her throat almost, as her heart sped up slightly and her mind raced with questions on what his request might be concerning. She had not told them too much about what had happened before she had come home to them, wanting to keep them in the dark as much as possible - since knowing too much put them in danger as well. She had merely informed them of her time in prison after she was accused of harbouring a war criminal in her house. After showing her father the healing wounds on her back and her feet - which were quite battered and bruised from her long walk - he had been more concerned with her well-being than the details of what had happened in the countryside.
She knew her mother was more curious, but the woman would never directly ask what had happened if it was not absolutely necessary. So she had simply accepted the small portion of information that Caitlyn had given her - though she seemed quite concerned that two Americans would be joining their household for the time being, should they make it to Paris.
"Ah yes darling, I did" her father sounded more upbeat than he seemed "please close the door behind you and have a seat" he gestured to the seat in front of his desk.
While Caitlyn did what he asked, she took in her father's appearance. He looked at put-together as he always did, but his face wore a frown as he kept his hand on a piece of paper in front of him.
He took the opportunity to speak, the moment she sat down in the green velvet-covered chair that he had gestured to moments before. "We received this piece of paper in the mail this morning. It's rather unusual for us to receive such things and with the things you have told me of... the past several weeks, I was wondering if you might know what it means. It's a rather concerning message, I'm afraid"
Now Caitlyn was really curious. Her father was usually the most optimistic figure in their family and if he thought something was the matter, then something truly was the matter.
When she got her hands on the note and read it, however, she immediately knew the reason for her father's concern.
They know. Run.
I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.
51° 30' 24.59" N
0° 09' 3.00" E
Caitlyn's cheeks found themselves colouring a rather embarrassing shade of red when she read the note. Then she read it again. And again. And once more simply to know for sure that this came from who she thought it came from.
There were several things that alarmed her about the note, the first being the fact that her pilot had obviously meant that the Germans knew about her and where she was. The second thing was that Violet had taken the time to write this note, but there was no indication that she had made it out safe and alive. There had to be a reason for her to know that the Germans knew about her, about them really, and she had the idea that Violet was certainly not in a safe position in that moment. The third being that the note must have taken several days to arrive at their home, so there was no saying if Violet was even still alive.
"I- can see why this is a cause for concern" Caitlyn informed her father, hoping that she could hide her blush from the man sitting across from her. When she looked up, she noticed the look on his face that told her she had a lot more questions to answer than the ones she had already given to him.
"Caitlyn" he started "I would like to know who this note is from and if there is indeed cause for concern"
She swallowed thickly, knowing that there was not much else she could do except from telling her father the - partial - truth about the note. "There is cause for concern, I'm afraid"
Her father's back immediately straightened and the frown on his face deepened with each word that left Caitlyn's lips "this note it from the pilot whom I rescued from that wreck... the one who is supposed to arrive here any day now. Judging from the words on this paper, however, it seems that this might not be the case"
"What I am gathering from this, is that we are all in danger. Is that correct? Not just you, but also your mother and I" Caitlyn felt herself swallow thickly yet again, tears finding their way to the surface as she realised what danger she had put both of her parents in by coming home. How could she have been so insensitive to not only come to her parental home by herself, but also invite two wanted Americans into the home as well? It had merely been meant as a place to stay for several days before their departure to England, but it now all seemed to have been in vain.
"I am terribly sorry, I never meant any harm to anyone and there was no other option but to come here. I-"
"Oh Caitlyn, darling" her father shot up from his chair and made his way over to her. Her entire life, he had always been the more emotional parent who was quite keen on showing his daughter how much he loved and adored her. Caitlyn shot up from her chair when she realised what her father wanted and she let him pull her into an embrace. Even though she tried very hard not to show it, a tear escaped her eye as she realised that there was nothing she could do to stop the train that had been set into motion now.
"I'm terribly sorry father, I never meant to pull you into all this" she apologized yet again "I was merely doing what I thought was right"
"I know that darling, you have always had a warmer soul for justice than most people I know" her father softly informed her as he pulled away. Though he was a warmer person than her mother, he was still English and embraces only lasted as long as his English soul could handle. "Now, please inform me about what I need to know. Who is this pilot and why has he written these exact words?"
Caitlyn had a feeling that the phrase these exact words was mostly focussed on the fact that her pilot had added a line from one of their favourite poems. It had been a way of securing the fact that Caitlyn would know that it was truly her who had written it, but with her father's lack of knowledge about these poems, she figured that it looked rather odd in the entirety of the note.
"Her name is Violet. She's from Brooklyn, New York and she lived in my home for about two weeks before it was discovered by a nosy neighbour. I was arrested and she got away. After I was rescued from prison, we were reunited in the house of a woman who took in Jewish children and took care of us as she tried to arrange passage to Paris. We were supposed to meet in the last place I stayed at, but I left before she arrived and we have not seen each other since the day I left town" she explained, taking a moment to take a breath and felt her father interfere if he so wished.
When he remained quiet, she continued "that line is a line from a poem" she pointed out the line she was talking about "we were- we are rather fond of poems. It's a way of securing that the note truly is from her and not forged by the Germans"
Her father nodded as he took in all the information that she provided him with "I see, I have to admit I did find it odd that something like that would be in this note... I also took the liberty of checking the coordinates on the bottom of the note"
Caitlyn's eyes found the words, that were clearly written in Violet's messy handwriting, yet again and then looked back up at her father "where do they lead?"
"If I am correct, and I am quite sure that I am, they should point towards the Embassy of the United States of America located in London" her father informed her as his eyes found hers "does that sound like a correct assumption to you?"
Caitlyn's eyes widened slightly as she finally fully realised what Violet had meant with the note and she nodded "yes, that sounds entirely correct. It seems that she is trying to communicate that we ought to meet in London and that we should leave now so we can cross the border before the Germans come here to arrest us"
Her father seemed to still question many things that were written in this note, but there was something on his face that told her that he was considering the plan of them all going to London. "I'm not sure I can convince your mother" was the thing he chose to say to Caitlyn.
She could not resist the urge to roll her eyes when she heard the mention of her mother and sighed softly as she glanced up at him. "I'm afraid that this is a rather pressing matter and that the best way for us to go about this is if we all go to London"
"Let me deal with your mother, I am sure I can persuade her to see that this is not something to take lightly" her father assured her as he reached out and touched her arm for a moment before making his way back to his desk.
"Thank you" Caitlyn truly meant it. Having her father on her side always meant more to her than anyone else. He was the one person who usually treated her as an adult who was capable of making her own choices and decisions, contrary to her mother who still loved the power she held over Caitlyn when she was home.
"You're welcome" her father informed her as he sat back behind his desk while Caitlyn made her way back to the door, note still clutched in her hand. "Oh and Caitlyn?"
"Yes?" she turned around to face her father once more as her long fingers already rested on the doorknob that led her back to the hallway. She noticed a slight smile on her father's lips as he addressed her.
"I do look forward to meeting this pilot of yours. She sounds like an interesting individual" her father's words left her blushing yet again as she simply smiled and nodded in return before making her way out of his office. Whether her father was aware that they were at least very close friends, or not, he certainly seemed amused about Caitlyn's friendship with an American.
The walk to the home of Madeleine's parents wasn't as long as Violet had expected it to be. While it had been a rather tiring one - considering she really had not slept much since the day Caitlyn had left - she found herself keeping up with the other two rather easily.
Jayce and Madeleine had taken the lead and were walking side by side while Violet stayed a short distance behind them. It wasn't necessarily because she disliked their company, she simply could not watch the two of them enjoy each other's company whilst she was yearning for the company of someone who was no longer there with them. Her longing for Caitlyn had started off small and like the mere flicker of a candle as the tiny flame kept it alive, but it was gradually turning into a forest fire without a way to dampen it.
That was, the only way to keep the fire from spreading was for her soul to be reunited with the one she felt intertwined with, but that seemed to be a long way from happening. Whilst their feet carried them to their destination, she had time to think and pine and yearn. And Violet hated it.
Her mind was never the kindest to her when she had time to overthink things. As she found herself buried in a net of her own thoughts, she found herself wondering if Caitlyn's feelings for her were as strong as hers were for Caitlyn. She knew with certainty that she would move heaven and earth to be reunited with her and, while Caitlyn had written a rather heartfelt letter, she was a little unsure if Caitlyn's feelings were still the same. What if there truly was someone better out there for her?
Caitlyn deserved happiness in its finest form, and Violet could not help but wonder if that might not be found in a man who could give her a child or in the fact that she could get married again if she was together with a man. Being with her, with Violet, meant that Caitlyn could never marry, could never have children and that they could never celebrate their love in the way that others were able to.
Violet had given up on love a long time ago and so the thought of even having someone to love was already enough for her, no matter how much they had to hide their intimate relationship, but she didn't know if Caitlyn still thought the same way about things when they would be reunited. All she could do was hope that the woman was yearning for her as much as Violet yearned for her Parisian.
Still, something about seeing Madeleine and Jayce together - getting to know each other with the prospect that marriage and children could be in the cards for them if they wished to continue their relationship in the future - made her feel uneasy. Uneasy and frustrated, if she was being honest. Because she wanted to give Caitlyn all those things, and she knew that she would always turn up empty handed with just her heart to give away to her saviour.
"We're here" Madeleine's soft whisper pulled her from her train of destructive thoughts as they arrived at the border of a town. It seemed to be slightly larger than the one where Caitlyn had lived, but it lacked a certain liveliness that was quite odd to behold. The streets were quiet - granted it was the middle of the night, but it still seemed odd - and not many homes seemed to be occupied. "Follow me and be quiet"
Violet shared a look with Jayce before they followed Madeleine through the backyard of one of the small cottages, that led up to the backdoor where the former maid waved at them to stop for a moment before she moved around the side of the house. Violet quickly pulled Jayce into the shadow by the door so they would be more out of sight if anyone decided to walk past.
"You're being too obvious about your little crush on Madeleine, I thought I'd tell you since you do not seem to notice" Violet could not help but remind him as she kept her eyes on the road in front of them to keep an eye out for their safety.
She could practically hear Jayce rolling his eyes as he answered her "I refuse to listen to a woman who cannot stop sulking because she has been separated from the woman she is in love with" he hissed back, making the hairs on the end of Vi's neck stand up straight.
"Shut up Talis, never speak those words out loud again" she hissed back, looking around to see if Madeleine was around to hear them "no one can know about that, alright? It's one more reason for people not to help us"
Before Jayce could respond, Madeleine appeared around the corner again and quickly joined them in the shadows, giving them a nervous but relieved glance "my father will let us in" was the only thing she informed them of.
They waited in silence for a few minutes before the sounds of locks being turned startled the three of them and the door opened a mere crack. A male voice spoke to them in a hushed tone and though Violet could not understand a single word that was being spoken, she did understand the urgency of them all getting inside. So she followed Jayce and Madeleine as the three of them slipped inside the cottage and the door was quickly closed and locked behind them again.
The man in charge of letting them in was quite convincingly Madeleine's father. The two of them bore a remarkable resemblance to each other. He did not look happy to see them, however, as the scowl on his face told Violet that this was a very unwanted and unexpected visit.
The bickering in French continued as Jayce and Violet could only observe what was happening in front of their eyes. Madeleine's father used his finger to point at the two of them quite often in a way to, seemingly, strengthen whatever argument he had but Madeleine seemed to hold up quite well against the grumpy Frenchman. Eventually it seemed that he gave up, and merely mumbled a few more - very offensive sounding - French phrases as he walked into another room and left the three of them in the dimly lit halfway.
Madeleine did not seem very confident in whatever it was she had just been arguing about with her father as she frowned slightly and allowed her eyes to wander from the disappearing figure of her father to the two Americans still standing in the hallway. "As you may have expected, he isn't happy I brought you here. He thinks you are putting the whole family at risk by simply showing your faces"
Jayce was the first one to speak up "did you tell him that we do not mean to stay? That we merely need a way out of here and no one will be any wiser that we were here"
Madeleine shook her head as she waved for them to follow her and she moved towards the room opposite of the one her father had just disappeared into "he is frightened of the Germans" she started her explanation whilst taking them into the sitting room of their small cottage.
She continued as she closed the door behind her and turned on several lights, considering it was still dark outside "a lot of people in our town have been... removed since the occupation. It has left our town half empty and the citizens more afraid of the German army than before" she gestured for them to sit down on the sofa, a request that Violet and Jayce immediately accepted since their feet were quite sore, and she continued. "The Germans were never kind to any of us, not even the ones who worked with them. They were quite good at inflicting... fear in the souls of most of the people still leaving here. That is why my father is so reluctant to help you. He's afraid we are putting my sisters and mother at risk as well"
"To be fair, we are putting them at risk" Violet admitted truthfully as her eyes wandered around the room freely. The mantle above the fireplace was decorated with several different photographs, much like Caitlyn's had once been as well. From a distance, Violet could see several younger girls with two parents, one of which was the man that had let them into the house moments before.
Violet wasn't blind to the risk she put everyone in by simply existing in a world where she was hunted only to be tortured and killed. God, she had felt guilty for the risk she had put Caitlyn in so very often. So she was certainly not blind to it, but she was also very aware that this was the only way she was able to survive, and with Caitlyn in her life... she now had something to fight for. Whatever she had left behind in Brooklyn wasn't worth putting all these people at risk, but the possibility of being reunited with Caitlyn was worth every risk in there was.
"He knows that you are only here to pass through, and he has seen you now anyways so he cannot do anything about that. He simply wants to be kept out of everything as much as possible and he does not want us to wake anyone else in the family" Madeleine explained. Violet hadn't missed the way Jayce had reached for her hand in an effort to comfort her while she explained the reluctance of her father in regards to helping them.
What a true mess this was. They were stuck in the home of someone who did not want them around, without a plan and a next step to take. Violet hated everything about it. She needed to know the next step, or rather the next three steps, so she could look ahead and know what route to take. Her military training had prepared her for situations where she had to get out and survive, but she was not equipped to find her way out of the most life-threatening situation without knowledge of the area, the people, what was beyond the border of a town and in a country where she did not speak the language.
She was completely dependant on Madeleine, her father and whatever plan the two of them would come up with to help them sneak out of the town unseen. A rather hopeless situation in the eyes of the woman who did not harbour a lot of hope that life would ever get better, anyways.
"That's a reasonable thing to ask, I'd say. The least amount of people that are involved, the better" Jayce nodded, though he shared a glance with Violet that told her that he thought the same thing that she had been wondering before how were they going to make it out of here?
About 10 minutes later, as they were juggling ideas every now and then, Madeleine's father entered the room with a cup in his hand that he handed to his daughter. Though Violet could not see what was in the cup, the steam that came from it told her rumbling stomach that it was something she was dying to drink as well. Unfortunately, she had not been offered any and neither had Jayce. Apparently the fear for the Germans, or hatred for the Americans, ran deep enough for the man not to offer them anything to drink after their journey.
She didn't mention it, keeping her mind on the fact that this man was one of the only ways she might survive the next several hours and that was all she needed. Hunger and thirst be damned, if she could find a way back to Caitlyn it would all be worth it. That was all that had played on her mind the past days, simply keep her mindset on the mere thought of seeing Caitlyn agian and she felt that she could take on the world.
Madeleine softly thanked her father, though Violet saw a feeling of guilt flicker through her eyes when she realised that she was the only one who received a cup with the warm substance in it.
"My daughter-" the man started, glancing at Madeleine as he addressed the two Americans. Violet immediately noticed the broken English he spoke and how it seemed to be a struggle to find a single word he knew in English. Somehow, that made her feel even worse. "My daughter, she tell me you need to leave. Correct?"
Violet nodded in response, hoping that the man would understand that simple gesture of body language and it seemed - to her relief - that he did. "I know a way" he continued.
It seemed that not even Madeleine had expected that to come out of the man's mouth, but Violet was pleasantly surprised that it did. From the hostile welcome, she had not expected the man to be so willing to help out within such a short timeframe.
"Wonderful papa, thank you" was the one thing Violet could understand from the flow of French words that left Madeleine's lips. The man made a mere wave of his hand to dismiss the gratitude and went to sit down in a chair that seemed to belong to him - ready ot explain what the plan was so Madeleine could translate it and inform the two Americans on their sofa about it - when there was a sudden noise coming from the direction of the backdoor.
All in the sitting room were immediately on edge, knowing that any sound could mean the worst scenario. Anyone who was sitting shot up from their seat and Violet immediately shared a worried look with Jayce as Madeleine's father gestured for them to stay there as he made a move towards the hallway.
Another noise could be heard as the man arrived at the sitting room door and he gave them a worried glance over his shoulder before closing the door behind him. Madeleine's eyes shifted between the door and Violet and Jayce on the other side. A flood of emotion seemed to go through her eyes but Violet knew they had to be ready to run any moment they had to. The noise could simply be a cat, or it could be much, much worse. So Violet whispered to Madeleine.
"What is the quickest way out, should we need it?"
It seemed to somewhat snap Madeleine back into reality because the woman immediately nodded towards a door opposite of the one that her father had just disappeared through. Violet quickly made her way over to the door and when she opened it, she noticed it led to a hallway that led to a front door. She nodded, giving Jayce - who looked even more stressed now that he had Madeleine he worried about - a look of if this goes to shit, you need to come with me.
Jayce did not respond to her glare, but reached out and gave Madeleine's shoulder a soft squeeze when he put his large hand on it. As though to tell her that he was getting her out of there if they had to.
They stayed dead silent as they waited for what was to come. And then it happened.
Not two seconds later, they heard a gunshot and Violet knew what that meant. Run.
Everything from that moment went faster than she could anticipate on, causing her to run on adrenaline solely. She immediately stepped back, ready to bold out the front door but Jayce made no move to come with her.
Madeleine shot into action the moment the gunshot was heard, her arm reaching out and her hand turning the doorknob towards the hallway that led to the backdoor, without any doubt as she cried out "PAPA"
Jayce reached out as he tried to pull her back but it was too late and she bolded through the door, only for Violet to move forward in that same move and reach for Jayce to pull him with her. The man in question seemed to forgo anything he had learned in military training and he responded solely on what his primary instincts were - which in this case meant that he ran after Madeleine.
Knowing there was no way out if she followed the two, Violet's instincts were quicker than her thought-process and she turned on her heels immediately. She sprinted towards the hallway, bolded through the front door and ran out into the darkness without any sort of idea where to go, only knowing that she had to get the fuck out of there.
Her heartbeat found itself on an abnormally high speed as she ran to the first spot of shelter she could find. There was a house across the road where the front door was slightly ajar, the windows had been blown out by something close to bullets, and the home was clearly vacant. Seeing nothing other than the spot where she had to hide as fast as she could, because there was no way she could outrun whatever had been on the other side of that backdoor, she sprinted through the door and hid in the dark shadows in a corner of the empty home where she could just see out the broken windows.
The first moments in her new hiding spot were the worst of all - since she had no idea if she was safe, if anyone in that house was still alive, who had been on the other side of that door and what fate was awaiting all of them. As she tried to keep herself from hyperventilating, it only got worse when she heard a storm of gunshots run through the silence of the dark and empty streets of this small French town.
What was going on exactly, was hard to tell. The problem was that there was not much shouting. The gunshots were the loudest noises to fill the streets, but she did hear distinct German chatter. It was not so much shouting, more so hushed commands being spoken followed by louder German voices who seemed to simply state certain things.
As she got to the realisation that she was most likely safe in the spot she was currently hiding in, the realisation that she had not seen anyone else emerge from the cottage started to dawn on her. She swallowed thickly as a wave of nausea arose in her. Her stomach turned and her urges to vomit on the spot next to her was almost present enough to actually follow through with it, if that would not draw all sorts of attention towards her. Not making a single sound was absolutely crucial in the current state she was in. One single sound would betray her and mean the end for any sort of future she had envisioned in the past several days.
Focussing on her breathing usually helped in moments like these, but the thought of what could be going on in that cottage that she could not see in its entirety from her hiding spot, was making her feel more anxious than ever before. She shifted slightly in her spot, needing to lean to the side a little more so she had a better view on the cottage. She just needed to- there.
A mere small shift to the left had given her the spot she needed where the cottage was in full view and she remained hidden.
Then, she saw it.
As soon as she did, her hand shot up to her mouth and she bit down on her palm as hard as she could in order not to let out a scream. Tears burned in her eyes as she watched the scene in front of her unfold.
The backdoor of the cottage was fully open and three German soldiers stood outside whilst two more dragged something out of the door, or rather - someone.
It only took her a second to recognize the person as Madeleine's father. From the distance she had to the cottage, she only saw the lifeless body of the man being dragged just out of the house and his pockets being checked. From what Vi could see, they pulled out a pocket watch and a few coins but that was it. The only thing they seemed to be after were valuables. When the head of the man fell to the side, Violet noticed a rather visible bullet wound right between his eyes as some blood running down his face, slowly dripping onto the cobblestones he was lying on.
For a moment, a mere second, Violet felt a spark of hope that the others might have made it out. That there was some chance that they were hiding in one of the abandoned houses just like she was.
All hope scattered, however, the second she saw the lifeless body of a woman being dragged out as well. Violet only noticed her as Madeleine from the colour of her hair, because her entire upper body and face were run through by bullets. Leaving her almost unrecognizable and barely human. Violet's stomach turned again and she noticed that her hand was starting to get wet as tears freely and silently rolled down her cheeks.
It all seemed to be at its peak already, but these two were only the tip of this iceberg of what was to come. Two of the soldiers standing outside were ordered to go in just as another body was being dragged out. A man, this time. A familiar, large and muscular man who was even less recognizable than the body of Madeleine was.
The bullets that had run him through seemed to not have sufficed as his throat had been slid as well, leaving him to spill whatever blood was left in his lifeless body onto the cobblestones and turn them into small streams of blood that ran down the streets.
Violet looked away when she heard another shot, her eyes squeezed shut as she simply listened and heard the screams of girls. Girls younger than her, girls the age of Madeleine's sisters she had seen in those photographs, then followed by the scream of a woman and more gunshots. Then all went silent.
The only thing Violet heard was the zooming in her ears and the sound of her own breathing as it had sped up tremendously since the second she had shifted in her hiding spot. She only dared look back at the cottage when the silence seemed to last and she heard only German in the bloodstained streets. Her grey eyes focussed on the house in a blurry vision, eyes stilled overflowing with tears as she watched the two men who had gone in just minutes before, emerge from the cottage. They said something to the man who seemed to be in charge and the man gave the three lifeless bodies on the streets a once-over, before nodding. Violet watched as the bodies of Madeleine's father, Madeleine herself and the man she should have been kinder to, Jayce, were dragged back inside.
Then they did what they seemed to have the habit of doing. The entire place was set ablaze, letting the flames take the evidence that seven people had been murdered in that house in a span of ten minutes or perhaps even less.
And Violet couldn't do anything. She silently watched, cried and mourned as the Germans took off in their truck and left the burning cottage as though nothing had happened. And that was it. No neighbours that came running out of their houses, no one who remotely cared that an entirely family had just been slaughtered in their own home. Only the sound of the flames licking away at the cottage and everything buried deep inside.
When Violet was absolutely certain that the Germans were gone, she dared move and her feet shuffled forward the slightest bit. Without a plan and in complete shock in regards to what had just happened, she could merely watch as the cottage went up in flames.
She moved towards the window a bit more, eyes transfixed on the shades of yellow and orange in front of her as she watched the cottage slowly collapse in on itself while it went up into flames. If she had not seen the horrors that had happened just moments before, it was a fascinating thing to see. But with the images of the slaughtered bodies fresh on her mind, it all just blurred into one wave of emotions and disgust. Disgust that came out in yet another wave of nausea, and this time she did not hold back.
Violet bend over as she violently threw up on the dirty, wooden floorboards of the abandoned house she was currently hiding in. Her stomach hardly had anything in it and the substance that came out left the most sour taste in her mouth. Even when nothing more came out, her stomach turned yet again and the gagging continued another three times before she finally managed to settle down.
She wiped her mouth once she was done, tears burning in her eyes as she glanced back at the cottage. She was so transfixed on the scene in front of her that she missed any signs of someone coming up behind her.
She missed that the person behind her held something up high, then brought it down on her head.
The last thing she saw was the roof of the cottage collapsing in on itself.
Then everything went black.
ROUGHLY THREE WEEKS LATER
From the moment Caitlyn had arrived in London, she had visited the American embassy every single day. It had started with her spending days on end trying to get someone to get in contact with anyone who might know something about her pilot. That first day at the embassy, she had spend the entire day in the office of a General, who wanted to know exactly how she knew Violet and what she had done in order to help her out, when she had seen her last and what exactly she knew about Violet's current whereabouts.
The most disappointing thing about the entire thing was that she knew nothing. She did not know if Violet was alive, if she was dead, if she was imprisoned or if she had perhaps found a way to something or someone with more promise of a future than her. It frustrated her to no end that the embassy knew even less about Violet's whereabouts than Caitlyn did.
They had immediately contacted the military office in the States and they had informed her that they had not heard from Violet since her last mission - the one in which her plane had conveniently crashed close to Caitlyn's farm - and that they had assumed she was dead because she had been missing for a significant amount of time.
Needless to say, Caitlyn was not at all confident that she was seeing her pilot again in this life. But she did not give up. She went to the embassy every single day without fail, the front desk secretary named Margret had her address and the phone number of their town house in London, should Violet turn up unexpected and she was not there. They had even become friends more than acquaintances with how often Caitlyn visited and how much time they spend talking about anything and everything.
Around two weeks into her daily visits to the embassy, Caitlyn had just finished her breakfast in the company of her mother - when one of the maids rushed into the dining room just as they were getting ready to go their separate ways.
"Milady" she addressed Caitlyn, who immediately felt her stomach turn at the rush the maid had in regards to this message.
"Yes, Angela?" she nodded, giving the maid room to speak as she took note of her mother's worried and confused glance in her direction. She knew about Caitlyn's daily trips to the embassy but she did not even know the surface of her deep connection and relationship with her pilot.
"The embassy called, someone named Violet has been asking for you"
It felt like a dream. It felt like something so surreal, that she could not resist the urge to pinch herself to test if this really was happening. When she felt the momentary sting shoot through her arm as she pinched herself, she truly dared realise that this was real. Her Violet, her pilot was alive... and she was here, in London. Waiting for her as Caitlyn had waited for her for two weeks.
"Thank you Angela" the fact that she managed to form a sentence was a miracle in itself and she gave her mother a glance, who simply nodded as though to give her permission to go, and she rushed off into the hallway - screw any etiquette about running in the house.
Her feet carried her to the front door, not even bothering with a coat, and then to the car and their driver - thank goodness for the man who was always ready to drive them anywhere they wanted. Carl merely asked if they were going to the embassy, only to check even though he already knew that was where they would go, and all Caitlyn could do was nod as the man took off and brought her closer and closer to the woman who held her heart and soul.
Her heart was pounding in her throat as the streets rushed by, causing her to feel excited and nervous at the same time. What if something had happened in the time they were apart? What if Violet had returned only to tell her that she was going back to America and never wanted to see her again? No, that couldn't be. Violet had specifically asked for her, Angela had said so.
Caitlyn rushed out of the car the second Carl had parked in front of the embassy and ran inside.
"Where is she? Violet, where is she?" she asked Margaret at the front desk.
Margaret opened her mouth to speak, but before she could Caitlyn heard that all too familiar voice that had filled her dreams over the past weeks.
"Caitlyn?"
Her head was swept to the right, following the sound of her name being called by the woman who owned her heart, and she felt herself rush forward before she thought about it.
She simply ran, vision blurry as she watched her pilot come into view more and more with each step she took until she eventually wrapped her arms around that familiar frame and buried her tear-stained cheeks in the crook of Violet's neck.
"Violet" she choked up. She hardly could even mention her lover's name as she took in the scent that screamed Violet and let her pilot bury her nose in her dark curls. They simply stood there for a moment, neither of them saying anything as they held each other and all feelings of relief and pure happiness washed over them both.
Caitlyn was the first one to pull away slightly and her cerulean eyes found a storm of grey "I thought I'd never see you again"
Violet let out a soft laugh, which sounded more sarcastic than genuine, but seemed overall relieved to be reunited with her saviour. Caitlyn was fully aware that they were in a public place, the American embassy of all places, but she did reach out and touched Violet's cheek for a moment as they looked into each other's eyes.
That was when someone behind Violet coughed softly.
As Caitlyn's eyes reached over her shoulder, they fell on a man who was all too familiar to her and her eyes widened in surprise and slight shock.
The man got up from his seat and he gave her a grin as he stepped forward and held out his hand.
Violet was now focussed on the man as well, but something in her eyes told Caitlyn that this was not what it seemed to be. Something was different about that look, about Violet's eyes, but she could not quite pinpoint what it was.
"Caitlyn" Violet started as her eyes moved from the man back to Caitlyn herself and that same look was back in her eyes. It send a shiver down Caitlyn's spine, but she let her pilot continue. "I believe you remember Pierre Hoskel"
The man in front of her took Caitlyn's hand without her offering it to him, and kissed the back of it.
"It's a pleasure meeting you again Louise... or should I say Caitlyn?"
Notes:
The plot thickens yet again...
Until next time, my loves...
Chapter 19: Healer of hearts
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
ROUGHLY THREE WEEKS EARLIER
All was dark and faded. It felt like she was swimming in a pool of darkness, a place where something in the water below was pulling her down further and further while she tried to stay afloat. The feeling dread and fear washed over her as her lungs felt tighter than usual, as though there was something forcing her to succumb to the pressure on her lungs and the pull down further into the darkness. What overtook her was fear, cold and then something unexpected.
As bright as she remembered it, somewhere in the distance she noticed the silk skin of the woman who had nestled herself into her heart and soul. A cry left her lips as she reached out, hand finally grasping the one of her lover and the feeling of relief finding its way into her veins. Until she pulled on the hand and found that it was numb. The silk, smooth skin was cold and her fingers limp.
That was when the face of her lover came into view and the sight before her was one that held her in a tighter grip than she fear she had felt just moments before. She felt that having your heart ripped from your chest most likely did not compare to the sight of your lover's face - blue and cold - with eyes wide and life long gone from the body floating in the darkness with her.
Looking into her dead eyes, finding that her lungs had most likely filled with water and drained the life from her beautiful lover, made her want to give up instantly. Because there was no life without her. There was no future she wanted if it did not include her.
Just as she was about to take a breath of air and end all suffering, she woke up with a gasp.
Violet's eyes shot open as she gasped for air followed by a cry that surprised both herself and the person sitting across from her.
It only took her a second to realise that it was harder to move than she had anticipated and to conclude that this was because she was tied to a chair in the cellars that she had tried to escape that same night. That was when it all came back to her.
The fire, the bodies of Jayce, Madeleine and her father, the screams of children, the German soldiers taking out every living soul in that cottage. It had been a bloodbath and Violet felt her stomach crumple up as she thought back of it. It was alive before her eyes as though she was going through it again - watching from a distance as she was powerless to do anything about it.
Without warning, her stomach gave up on her and she threw up any contents left, all over the floor.
"Grand, now I'll have to clean this up myself" she heard someone across from her say. A voice familiar to her, a voice she knew as someone who had saved and then betrayed her.
Ever so slowly, Violet's storms of grey looked up and they settled on the Frenchman named Pierre Hoskel - the man seated across from her as he looked more smug than he had seemed last time.
The situation started to dawn on her. She was tied to a chair in the cellars of Pierre Hoskel, who had taken her from the ruins of the house she had been hiding in - after they had run from this same man because they had found evidence that he was to betray them.
"You" Violet almost growled before spitting on the floor in front of her, showing him the exact amount of dislike she felt for this man. She owed him nothing, he was the cause of death for Jayce, Madeleine and her whole family. Had they not run, they would still be alive - but the real question was, why was she here? Why had he not simply given her to the Germans and collected his reward?
"I'm glad to see I have made a lasting impression" Hoskel answered with that same smug grin on his lips, as he looked at his nails before those slimy eyes found her. She felt dirty simply from being looked at by him.
"What did you do? Why the fuck am I here?"
Hoskel shook his head as he made a tut-tut noise before answering her question with a rather unsatisfying answer "such foul language for a woman. But to answer one of your questions, you're here to provide me my ticket to freedom, my dear"
Violet's facial expression must have made it clear to him that she hadn't a clue what he meant. There was nothing she had or could do that would grand him 'freedom', considering he was the free one in this situation and she was the one who had to hide.
Hoskel rolled his eyes, considerably annoyed at the fact that she had not a clue what she could do for him in regards to his 'freedom' and he explained a bit further "when I inspected your pockets for any potential weapons, I found this"
Violet watched as the man reached into his pocket and pulled out the one thing she feared he would have found the most. Caitlyn's letter.
He must've noticed her response - her widened grey eyes and horrified expression - because the smug grin was back on his lips and he opened the letter. "Such intimate words from a woman to another woman. I didn't know you two were this... close"
"We are not" Violet grinded her teeth, fighting against the restraints once more to get out and rip the letter from his grubby fingers before punching him unconscious but it was no use. The ropes were tied expertly and the knots were only tightening the harder she fought against them.
"Really? Then explain to me the following lines that Louise - or should I say Caitlyn? - writes to you" Hoskel's eyes ran over the letter as though he had not read it several times already, and he read some of the lines out loud. "My heart is full with the feel of your hands on my bare skin, your lips on my neck and your nose between my breasts."
Violet felt sick to her stomach once more, but succeeded in suppressing anything from coming to the surface.
"Each moment I close my eyes, even to simply blink, I see you. Your beautiful grey eyes, your short curls, your scarred upper-lip, your muscular arms and strong hands" he continued. Violet despised the helplessness she felt as the man in front of her read the letter as though it was a filthy novel that ought to be forbidden by the church. All she could do was glare at him as she waited for the man to finish reading the passages from the letter that he wanted to read aloud.
"Now, this does not seem like two good friends writing each other hm?" Hoskel's eyes found her as he looked away from Caitlyn's neat handwriting. "I cannot blame you of course, Louise - excuse me, Caitlyn - is a stunning young woman"
"Take her name out of your filthy fucking mouth" Vi almost screamed at him, unable to control her anger when he talked about her lover like that "you're lucky both my hands are tied because I would've cut your tongue out without a second thought"
Hoskel just laughed. He fucking laughed. "I really do not see what she sees in you though, you're loud and aggressive... rather masculine for a woman and in that regard, truly unattractive. You're too... American"
Violet knew he was doing it to antagonize her, but she could not help but bite "how about I show you just how we resolve arguments like these in America?" she threatened once more, but the man shook his head as he sat back in his chair.
"It's been proven to be an illness, you know?" he continued "homosexuality, it's a sin and an illness that one can be healed from when given proper treatment"
Violet felt sick once more. The anger that ran through her veins hardly made her coherent to anything he was saying.
Hoskel spoke up once more "but I am not here to heal you from it, I need you for a whole other purpose and this letter has given me just the right leverage to get you to work with me"
"In what mad fucking world would I work with you?" Violet spat, saliva hitting the floor as she leaned forward and pulled on the knots again.
"Oh Violet" Hoskel calmly shook his head once more and waved the letter in the air "this is the reason you will want to work with me... a chance to be with your - what should I call it - French flower again"
Now this got Violet's attention. It was a cruel, cruel thing to promise. A carrot that dangled in front of her which she knew she would never decline. Even the thought of being reunited with Caitlyn brought her such happiness and hope, that she knew she was bound to agree to anything he demanded of her in order to be reunited with her lover. Whatever it took, however far she might have to drag herself through the dirt, she would do it if that meant the mere promise of being in Caitlyn's arms again.
"You couldn't guarantee it" Violet called his bluff, wondering if he truly had plans on reuniting them or if it was a mere farce to get her to work alongside him until he did not need her services anymore.
"I can, in fact, guarantee it" Hoskel's tone had changed from belittling to serious now, and that drew Violet's attention yet again. "You see, I too need to leave this country"
Violet let out a mere sarcastic laugh.
Hoskel continued, slightly more irritated this time when she did not seem to believe him. "I have done things that the Germans do not agree with, but I have also worked alongside them. However, there are several things that are bound to come to the light sooner or later and the Germans will not to be too happy about it, to put it lightly"
Another laugh left Violet's lips, she couldn't believe what she was hearing "so it's getting too hot under your feet and now you have to leave?"
"So to speak. I simply think that my safety would be better guaranteed in England than here" Hoskel calmly explained as he reached out to a side table next to the sofa he was seated on. Upon opening the drawer, he pulled out a box filled with cigars and lit one as Violet responded to his statement.
"I don't see how I am of help in any of this" she claimed as Hoskel lit the end of the cigar and glanced at her as he blew out a puff of smoke.
"Because you, my dear Violet, are the key to my success in England"
Though Violet had doubted she could be more puzzled than she was before, this confused her even further "what?"
A sigh from Hoskel as he leaned his elbows on his knees and took another puff from his cigar "the Kirammans are a very influential and rich family, a lot richer than I am believe it or not, and they wield power in both Paris and London"
Now things were slowly starting to fall into place for Violet, but she remained quiet as Hoskel continued. "With you by my side and your connection to the daughter of the Kirammans, you could secure me with a great alliance in London once I arrive and I will have an aristocratic family by my side should I face trial in England for my alliance with the Germans here"
"Is that why you dragged me out of that house?" Violet mumbled, lost in thought about the words he had just spoken.
Hoskel grinned "it was a mere convenience really. I knew Madeleine had been going through my office, and I heard her speak about Jayce so I knew about her feelings for him. All I had to do was raise suspicion that I was going to betray you. She was most likely to take you two her parents' house, since it is quite close... after that, all I had to do was ring the Germans and hope you would be smart enough to get out before you were shot. And my suspicions were right, I saw you get out just as they entered that house. The victims were simply collatoral damage in order for me to get what I want"
Several things spun in Violet's head as she listened to what he had to say but she simply responded with "I will tell them the truth about you the first second I get there, you know that right?"
"I don't think you will" Hoskel had the filthy smirk on his face again as blew out another cloud of smoke "first of all, because I will inform them of the nature of your relationship with Caitlyn the second you spread any word about my plan. You do not want the Kirammans to know that you have been defiling their daughter in the most filthy, sinful way possible, right? Surely it would lead to her disownment and it might ruin your relationship with her if you are the reason she loses the relationship she has with her parents"
Violet felt her blood run cold as she realised that Hoskel was right. Any relationship with Caitlyn was ruined if her parents disowned her because she had been so keen on telling everyone the truth about Hoskel.
"And second of all, I still have quite some connections in London. Not as important as the Kirammans, but enough for a little accident to occur when Caitlyn might be crossing the street" his head tilted slightly, hardly phased as he threatened the death of the woman Violet loved deeper than anyone. "Which would only happen if you let something slip, of course. And her death would be entirely on you"
"You fucking pig" his words ignited something inside her and she tried to get out of the chair with more force but it was no use. She fought against the restraints for a good few minutes before giving up and panting in her chair as she slowly started to calm down. Her head was still pounding and something inside her was so deeply hurt that she knew, she would not tell Caitlyn a single thing if only to protect her from any harm that might come to her.
"Are you done?" Hoskel seemed unimpressed by her outburst and simply glanced her up and down as he waited for her to calm down "because we have a plan to set in motion. We ought to arrive in London in about two to three weeks time. Now, are you going to work with me or against me?"
A long silence filled the room as Violet's angry eyes stared Hoskel down, wanting him to fear her just as she feared the fate that would rest upon Caitlyn if Violet let something about Hoskel slip her tongue. Eventually, she knew that she had to give in. And she nodded "I'll work with you"
"Perfect" the stump of his cigar was pressed into the ashtray sitting on the same side table "I also found this is your pocket" his hand reached into the pocket of his trousers once more and a smaller piece of paper was pulled from it. Violet instantly knew the contents of the crumpled up note.
"I looked over the coordinates of the note. Smart choice to pick the embassy of the United States as a meeting spot, really" Hoskel sounded less than impressed, even though he tried making his words sound like he was "I'll make sure this note reaches the Kirammans in Paris, so they will make their way to London. Then, you and I are going to prepare for our own journey"
Everything about the plan made Violet nauseous. There was so much at stake, most importantly Caitlyn's life. And as much as she hated and despised Hoskel, she had to keep her word in regards to keeping his secrets. It was the only way she would reach Caitlyn. The only way they could be reunited, and being with Caitlyn whilst keeping that secret sounded like a better life than being on the run from Germans without knowing if she would ever see her Parisian lover again.
So the choice was simple. She'd have to do as she was told and keep her mouth shut. For Caitlyn.
ROUGHLY THREE WEEKS LATER
The dull expression in Violet's eyes worried Caitlyn to no end. She seemed happy to see her, relieved more than anything really, but there was something else in those familiar grey eyes that worried her. Something she could not place, but had to get to the bottom of.
There was hardly time to question her about it though, considering the fact that their saviour Pierre Hoskel was with them and they were in a very public place. Caitlyn's eyes shifted to the man who had kissed her hand and she smiled softly, grateful he had taken Violet to her in safety.
"Mr. Hoskel, how very nice to see you again under much better circumstances than last time" Caitlyn chuckled softly as Pierre gave her a smile and nodded.
"It has been a journey getting here, but I am very relieved that we made it here" he admitted as Caitlyn suddenly took notice of something.
Her eyes shifted between her pilot and her fake uncle, frowning slightly as she realised it was just the two of them "where's Jayce?"
The look on Violet's face already told her more than she needed to know. Her pilot's face changed in an instant, shifting between anger and sorrow but she did not answer her. Caitlyn was quite sure she saw tears reflected in the corners of Violet's eyes as Pierre answered her question with a saddened expression on his face that did not quite seem to reach his eyes.
"The order in which Violet and Jayce were transported was changed at the last minute, so Violet came in second and Jayce last. Sadly, the trunk was opened the third time the car was being investigated by the Germans and both Jayce and the doctor were executed on the spot" Pierre informed her softly.
The tears that filled Violet's eyes were mirrored in Caitlyn's as she said a silent prayer for the lost soul of the American soldier that she had felt she could call a friend. He had gotten both her and Violet out of the most dire of situations and she owed her life to him. Unfortunately, she would never have the chance to thank him for it in freedom.
"We should get going" Violet's voice sounded raw and Caitlyn noticed how she swallowed her eyes before glancing at Pierre. She almost seemed, afraid? It was a strange thing to witness and Caitlyn was not quite sure what it was that sent a shiver down her spine.
"Right" Caitlyn shot into action at Violet's words, pulled from her thoughts about why Violet seemed to uneasy in this entire interaction "my parents will be so thrilled to meet you both. The cook will have luncheon prepared by the time we are back, I assume you two are hungry" she hooked Violet's arm through hers as the three of them made their way out of the embassy. Violet would have to go into the embassy later, to make herself known, but they would have plenty of time for that after a meal and a warm bath.
Pierre walked next to Caitlyn as they made their way out and took a cab back to the enormous home owned by the Kirammans on Belgrave square. It was the height of luxury and wealth, which made Caitlyn blush slightly as they walked up the stairs to the front door. She noticed the way Violet looked around, taking in the gigantic amount of wealth and status that her family exuded simply with their home. They had never really discussed it. Violet just knew that she had grown up in a rather rich and in an aristocratic family, but she had never told her more than that.
Something she was regretting now. Perhaps if she had not been ashamed of her family's wealth and title, Violet would not look so horrified in that moment. Pierre, on the other hand, seemed to feel right at home and moved alongside Caitlyn as though he had been to the home many times before. Perhaps because he came from a rather sizable home as well.
The butler, Edward, let them into the house and greeted them with a practiced stoic face - though Caitlyn immediately noticed the surprise in his eyes when she brought in two people he had never seen before.
"Edward, would you please notify my parents of my return and inform them that I have two guests with me" Caitlyn politely asked their greying butler "and have the maids set two more places at the table for luncheon, they will be joining us"
Edward nodded "I will milady, would you like me to inform milord and milady the names of your guests?"
Caitlyn smiled and nodded "please inform them that I have brought Miss Violet and Mr. Hoskel to our home for luncheon"
"Excellent milady" the butler gave them a polite nod before disappearing into one of the large rooms that was connected to the carpeted hallway.
"A rather beautiful home you have" Pierre admired as their coats were taken from them, revealing that Violet's outfit was rather large on her and quite unsuitable for a luncheon, but her parents would simply have to deal with it. They did not have any other guests anyways, so it would be a welcome surprise - or so she hoped.
"Thank you, it has been in our family for decades. My late grandfather left it to my father after his passing" she could not help but steal glances at Violet, who had yet to say anything since they had set foot in the house but Caitlyn had a feeling that she was simply overwhelmed by everything.
It was a strange sight, having Violet in the house that she had visited so often as a child and that they had called their home for the past several weeks. Violet did not belong here, did not fit in in the slightest, but perhaps that was what Caitlyn admired about her. Violet did not have to fit in, she simply was a part of Caitlyn's old life. Her old life that she loved and wanted to hold on to. Violet was the person she wanted to spend the rest of her days with, the one person who managed to make her heart beat faster with a mere bat of her eyelashes.
And as Violet stood there in that big hallway, looking more lost than ever before, all Caitlyn wanted to do was hold her close. To embrace her and tell her how much she had missed her, how desperately she longed to be in her arms again and how often she had thought of what their reunion would look like. Violet looked more defeated than she had anticipated, but she would hear the details of her travels when they were alone. She did not want to pressure her pilot, all would come with time.
She softly squeezed Violet's arm as they made their way to the dining room, where luncheon was ready for them and the maids were hurrying to set two more spots at the table. Pierre seemed to marvel in all of the riches displayed around him, and seemed quite at ease in the Kiramman home. Violet was the complete opposite.
"As I live and breathe" she suddenly heard her father's voice come from the doorway that led to the drawing room "my daughter's two saviours, both guests in my home" a bright smile appeared on his lips as he approached Pierre first, giving him a firm handshake and a pat on the shoulder before turning his gaze towards Violet.
"I have especially heard a lot about you" he told her, which seemed to pull Violet back into her old self slightly, because the woman gave him a little grin as she replied.
"All good things, I hope?"
Her father enjoyed the little bite that Violet had to her, Caitlyn was sure they would get on splendidly, and he shook her hand as well "my daughter has spoken nothing but praise about you, the brave American pilot"
Violet seemed to blush at the words of praise that left her father's mouth and she gave Caitlyn a little smile "your daughter has saved my life more than I have saved hers sir, I can assure you of that" Violet sheepishly admitted, causing Caitlyn's heart to leap yet again as she suppressed the urge to pull Violet in her arms and kiss her deeply. They would have time for that later.
"I have to admit, for a while I though that my daughter had made up her American pilot, but it seems that she is real after all" her mother made herself known as she stepped into the dining room and took in all that was Violet. Violet in her dirty clothes that were clearly meant for a man and too large for her, her copper curls that were filthy as well and far too long for Caitlyn's liking, and her scraped and scarred hands that she was currently wiping on her trousers to get them the slightest bit more clean.
"It's a pleasure to meet you both" Violet managed, but Caitlyn could see and hear that she was intimidated by her parents - especially her mother, who looked Violet up and down like she was filthier than she actually was.
"I have to admit, if I hadn't known that she was frantically looking for you, I would have thought she had brought in another stray" her mother haughtily admitted, much to Caitlyn's horror.
"Mother"
Cassandra's eyes found her daughter and gave her a soft smile "but anyone who has saved my daughter's life, at least deserves a meal at my table to show my gratitude" that was when her eyes fell on Pierre, who was practically glowing at this point. "And I suppose you are the man who acted as her uncle and helped her find her way to Paris?"
"Pierre Hoskel milady, at your service" Caitlyn would have laughed at the way Pierre took her mother's hand and bowed so deeply that his nose almost touched the floor before kissing her hand, if she did not notice the horrified look on Violet's face.
"A pleasure to meet you Mr. Hoskel" she nodded approvingly at the man's manners, even though the extremely deep bow was a bit too much - even for her mother.
Her father was the one to break the conversation "why don't we take our seats so luncheon can be served?"
Caitlyn silently pulled Violet towards her side of the table and had her pilot situated next to her so she could keep an eye on her. The moment they set down, Violet's hand found her knee under the table and Caitlyn's eyes immediately shot to her pilot when she felt the tight grip that Violet had on her knee. Sometimes was terribly wrong, but she could not put her finger on what it was. Something behind Violet's eyes screamed for help and signalled that she was not alright.
What had happened on that trip?
She did not get much time to wonder about it though, because the conversation around her pulled her in. She watched as her parents and Hoskel became further acquainted while their luncheon was served. Violet remained quiet unless spoken to but almost attacked her plate like a hungry wolf. She clearly had not been eating well lately and that made Caitlyn question the past several weeks even more.
"My daughter tells me you are American, Violet. Where did you grow up?" her father asked her pilot, who stopped eating the second she was spoken to.
"Brooklyn, sir" she politely informed him before taking a sip of water.
"How nice, and what does your father do for work? Is he in the army as well?"
Caitlyn's hand was the one that found Violet's knee this time and she squeezed it gently in means of support, since she knew the fate of Violet's parents. "He was a carpenter before he died, sir"
The tremble in Violet's voice was hardly noticeable, but Caitlyn spotted it immediately. It was a bit odd, because Violet did not ususally get emotional when speaking of her parents deaths - especially not around strangers. Perhaps it was because she was tired from the journey to England.
Her father's stoic face turned into a slight frown as he realized his insensitive question and he nodded "I am sorry to hear that, my apologies for the question"
"It isn't a problem sir" Violet's voice was soft, softer than it usually was but not in a soothing way. More so in a way that terrified Caitlyn.
"Do you have a place to stay?" her father asked Violet to change the topic and the woman shook her head.
Hoskel chose that exact moment to interfere with a light "I have a house in the city but it has yet to be properly prepared for my stay unfortunately"
Her father gave the man a friendly smile "you must stay with us then, until your servants have readied everything for you"
Hoskel seemed a strange kind of relieved and gave her father a smile in return "how could I turn down such a generous offer?"
"Perfect" her father nodded and his eyes found Edward, who was overseeing everything from the corner of the dining room "Edward, please have the servants prepare a room for Mr. Hoskel on the west wing of the house and prepare the bedroom next to my daughter's for Miss Violet"
All heads turned towards her father, her mother quite disgusted, Pierre unreadable and both Caitlyn and Violet surprised. Caitlyn's surprise quickly turned into gratitude as she smiled and silently mouthed "thank you" to her father. She had told him of the deep friendship she shared with Violet, and he had probably seen the state Violet was in, so it was a generous thing to do - put them in rooms next to each other.
"How was your journey to England?" her mother asked to break the moment of eye contact between Caitlyn and her father, directing the question more so towards Pierre than Violet.
"It was not too bad, but a bit unpleasant at most. Once we were aboard the ship it was a lot better than the train ride, which had several obstacles as we were getting to the harbour" Pierre admitted before taking another bite from his luncheon, which gave Caitlyn the opportunity to ask a question herself.
"How did you manage to hide as you were taken out of the country?" she asked Violet, but it was Pierre who answered instead of her pilot.
Pierre laughed as he answered "we had to disguise her as my male servant, which is why she is wearing that ridiculous outfit. Hiding in plain sight is always easier than sneaking around, and it worked splendidly"
Her father let out a soft chuckle, though her mother still wore a stern glance on her French face "imagine that, a woman pretending to be a male servant. I have to admit that it sounds like a brilliant plan"
Hoskel beamed "thank you, I thought of it myself"
The grip on Caitlyn's knee tightened again and she knew that there were many questions left unanswered as they continued their luncheon. Pierre managed to push himself into a dinner that her father was hosting the following night for his male colleagues at the hospital, all important doctors and surgeons. Her mother's focus remained on Violet during the entire dinner, silently judging every move she made but keeping her lips together.
Caitlyn's main focus also remained Violet, but for an entirely different reason. A feeling of dread spread through her every time she felt that squeeze in her knee and she was in a rush to get her pilot alone as quickly as possible. Unfortunately, luncheons lasted insufferably long when guests were around and Pierre seemed to feel rather at home and hit it off with her father tremendously well, causing luncheon to last well over an hour and a half.
When they finally left the dining room and the men excused themselves for a game of chess, Caitlyn silently signalled for Violet to follow her. As they made their way into the hallway, Caitlyn stopped one of the maids.
"Sophie, would you be so kind as to draw a bath for Miss Violet?" she asked the maid, but her pilot interrupted her immediately.
"NO" it was almost a scream that left Violet's lips and both Caitlyn and Sophie gave Violet a startled look. She quickly recovered and coughed before saying "no, I uhm- I would prefer a simple tub of warm water. No bath necessary"
There was something there, something deeper than not wanting to inconvenience Sophie with drawing her a bath. Caitlyn did not ask though, not yet.
"Just a tub for Miss Violet then, Sophie" Caitlyn told the maid "make sure to use the rose and lavender oils for the water"
"Of course milady, although the room for Miss Violet is not entirely ready yet. Is there any bathroom in particular you'd wish for me to prepare the tub in?" Sophie politely asked and Caitlyn gave her a nod.
"Prepare it in my bathroom, please"
"Splendid milady" Sophie did not ask any questions, was trained not to ask questions and simply do as she was told. And so the maid rushed upstairs to prepare the tub as the two of them slowly followed after her. The walk upstairs and down the hallways of the large house seemed to last for hours and was painfully silent. It took everything in Caitlyn not to pull her pilot into another embrace, to kiss her and truly let her know how much she had missed her. Weeks had gone by without the two of them seeing each other and the distance put between them had left an aching wound in her heart that was only now starting to heal. Now that they were together again.
They entered her bedroom when Sophie was almost finished filling up the large porcelain bowl, one decorated with purple and blue flowers. Caitlyn could smell the oils wafting through the opening of the bathroom door that was connected to her bedroom.
"Is all of this yours?" Violet asked her, breaking her silence for the first time in almost 15 minutes.
"It is. Rather obnoxious, don't you think?" Caitlyn admitted as she closed the bedroom door behind her and watched her lover slowly make her way around the gigantic room. Her bedroom was located on the east wing of the house and housed a high ceiling that was beautifully decorated with gold and rose paint. A large chandelier hung from the ceiling in the centre of the room illuminated most of the space.
Her bed, large enough to house four people, was pushed against the wall across from the door and had four deep red poles that went up to a canopy over her bed. Deep red velvet curtains, decorated with gold on the seams, were tied to them with silk ribbons - if she loosened them, she could close the curtains around her entire bed and it was just like she was sleeping in a cocoon. She used to do so when she was a child and thunder was roaring outside, to give her the feeling of safety.
The wallpaper was a dark shade of green and decorated with flowers the same colours as her bed. The rest of the room held a large vanity with three mirrors, drawers with her delicates, stockings, shoes and garters in them, a door that led into a closet where all her clothes were on display, and a variety of potted plants and flowers as decoration.
"It's a lot" Violet admitted as she touched the velvet curtains that were tied up to one of the poles around her bed "it's... not you"
"It isn't" Caitlyn admitted as she took a step towards her "it's my parents taste entirely, this room has hardly changed since I was a child... the only personal touch really are the plants"
A soft chuckle left Violet's lips as her eyes found the large plants around the room "they do feel like you"
Sophie exited the bathroom before Caitlyn could answer her "everything is ready milady, I also placed a towel, fresh soap and a cloth on the chair next to the tub"
"Thank you Sophie, you're dismissed" Caitlyn nodded, giving her a gentle smile before the maid left the room and she was alone with Violet. At last.
Violet chuckled as she watched the maid leave "it's really strange, hearing you talk to servants. Giving them demands and everyth-"
She was cut off when Caitlyn surged forward and caught her lips in a deep kiss. She had been longing to do that for so many weeks - though part of her still feared that Violet might have changed her mind about how she felt - and she could not hold back any longer.
In an instant, Violet's hands were on her hips as she felt her pilot's lips move against hers as she answered Caitlyn's kiss with the same urgency. Caitlyn's arms sneaked around her neck, pulling her lover closer as she deepened the kiss and once more tasted the wonderful flavour of Violet. Her lover, the woman whose love she needed like air she had to breathe. She would devote her entire life to Violet's happiness, if her pilot would allow her.
"I have missed you" Caitlyn whispered against her lips when she finally dared pull away slightly. She heard Violet hum softly against her lips, noticing she still had her eyes closed as though she was afraid it would all be a dream once she opened her eyes.
"I'm sure I have missed you more, love" Violet mumbled before kissing her again. This time, she tasted her pilot's tongue the second her lips were caught again and she welcomed it with open arms. Their tongues danced together as Caitlyn took a step back and pulled her lover towards the bed.
When she felt the back of her knees against the soft sheets, she slowly pulled her pilot along with her on the bed, lips never leaving those of her lover as they fought for dominance in their show of how much they had missed each other. Caitlyn slowly pulled away as Violet crawled on top of her, and her cerulean eyes finding the grey ones of her lover "I have been afraid so many times. That we would never be reunited. That you were-"
"Sshh" Violet whispered as she shook her head "none of that matters now, nothing matters except the two of us here, together"
The overwhelming love she felt for Violet was something she could not explain. It was something she hadn't felt for another person and she was quite sure that she would never feel it for anyone ever again, should Violet disappear from her life. Her skin felt like it was on fire when Violet touched her and Violets lips tasted like the sweetest wine she had ever tasted. Her hands wanted nothing more than to undress her lover, to feel Violet's skin on hers and to be one with her, to experience what they had been too careful and scared to experience before.
Because there was nothing between them now. No injuries or healing scars, no people who might hear them, no danger of Germans raiding the house at any moment. It was just Violet and Caitlyn with the love they had carried across the sea for each other.
"Let me wash you" Caitlyn softly suggested as she ran a finger through Violet's long curls "and I will cut your hair later on as well, you need it"
Without saying a word, her pilot nodded and rolled onto her back to give Caitlyn the space to get off the bed "shall I follow you to the bathroom then?" she suggested and she almost sat up, but Caitlyn's hand pushed her back into the pillows against her headboard.
"No" she shook her head "undress and lay back, I'll bring everything in here"
In apparent awe, Violet's eyes followed Caitlyn as she walked out of sight and gathered everything she needed from the bathroom. She wanted Violet to be as comfortable as possible, especially with everything she had been through in the past weeks. When she came back into the room with the large bowl in her hands, towel and cloth slung over her shoulder and soap between her fingers, Violet was in her underwear.
It took her everything not to immediately crawl into bed with her pilot again and settle between her legs in perfect determination never to leave. Having Violet almost naked in her bed without the worry of their life being in danger, was something that unleashed a confidence in Cailtyn that she did not know she possessed. She was determined to make Violet feel at home with her, to please her and to care for her.
As she placed the bowl on the large flat-surfaced chest that was pushed up against the end of her bed, she watched Violet take off the final layers of clothing. For some reason, she looked almost ashamed as she made eye contact with Caitlyn. Perhaps it was the fact that she was in a strange room, in a strange city and a strange bed, entirely naked.
"Would it make you feel more at ease if I took off some layers as well?" Caitlyn asked her gently as she dipped the cloth in the warm, oily water.
She watched as Violet's eyes widened slightly and her pilot swallowed thickly before nodding "I- I think that would make me feel more comfortable, yes"
So she unbuttoned her light blue floral dress and let it drop to her feet before stepping it out of it. Her eyes kept watching Violet as she bent down and untied her shoelaces before taking the shoes off entirely. Ever so slowly, she pulled the pins from her hair - one by one - and her dark, silky curls fell down to her shoulders like a curtain. She was quite sure she heard her pilot gasp at the fall of her hair, but she continued.
Her long fingers pulled on the hem of her slip dress, taking it off with a swift tug over her head - which now left her in her brassiere, garters, stockings and silk panties.
"You're so beautiful" she heard Violet whisper as she took a step towards the bed at the same time that her pilot crawled over to her, grey eyes focused solely on the cerulean in hers.
"I think you are speaking about yourself, my love" Caitlyn softly told her. Her heart sped up and she felt her underwear slowly getting drenched with lust as the woman she loved so dearly crawled over to her entirely naked. Violet pushed herself up on her knees on the mattress once she had reached the side of the bed that Caitlyn was standing at and she brought her hands to Caitlyn's back. Her back that had once been smooth and soft, but was now littered with scar tissue and permanent red marks where her skin had been torn open.
Violet's hands ran up as she leaned in and placed a singular kiss between Caitlyn's breasts, earning her a soft gasp from Caitlyn herself. "How did I get so lucky... to have a woman like you love me" Violet mumbled against her skin as Caitlyn felt her fingers unhook her brassiere.
As the silk material hit the floor and left her breasts exposed to her hungry lover, Caitlyn's hand reached out and cupped Violet's cheek softly as she answered her pilot "how did I get so lucky, that you let me love you?"
It seemed to be all Violet needed, because she leaned in and closed her lips around one of Caitlyn's dark nipples. The hand that had been on her pilot's cheek, immediately flew into her copper curls and Caitlyn let out a moan as she felt Violet's tongue flick over her nipple.
"I want all of you Caitlyn" was her pilot's hungry reply to her moan.
All Caitlyn could respond with was "then have me darling. I am all yours, always"
In all her efforts to take care of Violet, it seemed that her pilot was the one who wanted to care for her first. It was an endless circle in which the two of them were so keen on taking care of the other, of making the other comfortable, that they often forgot about themselves.
When Violet's lips left her nipple, she felt one of her pilot's strong arms wrap around her small waist and without a second in between, she was turned to her back and pulled onto the mattress. Another gasp left her lips as she fell back on the soft, dark blankets on her bed and she watched as Violet placed a soft kiss on her knee before sitting up. "I need to take care of something first"
The raise of an eyebrow followed as Caitlyn watched her pilot untie all the ribbons that kept the curtains up, causing them to fall around the bed. Her lover closed them all, locking them into their own little bubble of love and lust.
"I wanted to do that since the moment I saw those curtains" Violet admitted with a soft grin as she crawled back up to Caitlyn, who had nestled against the heap of pillows against her headboard.
"I've always preferred my bed like this" Caitlyn admitted as Violet's rough hands gently began peeling her stockings off her, followed by her garters. Once they were off, Caitlyn found her legs spreading themselves ever so willingly as her lover crawled in between them. Her toes curled as she felt Violet's lips on hers and her arms wrapped around her neck once more. The feeling of Violet's breasts against hers, her warm nipples pressing into her soft flesh, was almost enough to send her over the edge already.
She had been condemned to the usage of her own fingers while she had been separated from Violet for weeks, all that time wondering how it would feel to have Violet's fingers on her like that again. Except, this time her pilot seemed to have a different plan. One even Caitlyn, who considered herself a woman with knowledge of sexual intercourse, had not yet known to be a thing.
As Violet's lips found her neck, Caitlyn's head tilted willingly to give her more space, she felt her pilot's fingers hook on the waistband of her panties and pull them off with a swift motion. Without breaking the contact of her lips on Caitlyn's neck, she threw the panties to the end of the bed and Caitlyn's legs desperately spread wider in order to get the message across to her lover that she really, really needed her.
Violet's thumbs found one side of her aching core each, and as Violet kissed down to her nipples yet again, Caitlyn felt her lover's thumbs run over her soaked folds and flick over her most sensitive bud just a second. Caitlyn could not help but let out a loud moan escape her lips as Violet's lips wrapped around her other nipple and sucked gently.
"Violet" Caitlyn gasped as she pressed a flat hand against the headboard. "Please"
"Is this really how much you have missed me?" they were both drunk on lust, drunk of love and pure ectasy of finally being together like this.
"Yes" Caitlyn gasped again as she felt one of Violet's thumbs press against her soaked entrance, begging for more. "Please Violet" she begged once again.
It seemed to be exactly what her pilot wanted to hear, because her eyes were darkened with need as her grey found Caitlyn's cerulean once more. "I like you like this, love. On your back with your legs open for me... so desperate for my touch"
If Caitlyn had not been drenched before, she absolutely was now. Her hips bucked in sheer automatism and a soft mewl tumbled off her lips as Violet's thumb pressed a little more and thrusted inside her just the slightest bit.
"I am" Caitlyn admitted midst of a moan "please stop teasing and make love to me, darling"
Her lover leaned in and kissed her deeply one more time before those kisses went down to her neck once more. Soft moans filled the room as Violet's lips went further down to her breasts, sucking dark marks onto her soft flesh in her quest. Then, she took Caitlyn by surprise by kissing further down to her stomach, stopping to kiss her belly button and her hips for a moment. Her grey eyes were trained on Caitlyn's face, needing to see her response as her lips travelled to Caitlyn's spread thighs.
Soft, gentle kisses turned more urgent and her lover even mixed in a bite of two as she came closer and closer to where Caitlyn had not expected her to go. Her husband had never done this to her, was this a normal thing?
Her cerulean eyes were wide as she watched Violet remove her hands from her folds and give her a soft grin as a breath hit her pussy. A shiver went down Caitlyn's spine when she felt that breath tickle her aching, desperate pussy that was already too close to the finish line. All she needed was Violet's love and attention for a mere few minutes and she would find that bliss that she so desperately ached for.
"Please" she whimpered, barely audible but Violet seemed to catch it regardless. The smirk on her lips grew slightly as she laid on her stomach between Caitlyn's legs. Her arms wrapped around Caitlyn's thighs as she leaned in and her lips came into contact with her throbbing clit.
That hand in those copper curls was back and Caitlyn's back arched in an instant when she felt Violet's lips close around her clit, bucking her hips up slightly as she let out a strangled cry of pleasure.
The grip on her pilot's curls tightened when she felt Violet's tongue flick over her clit twice before she opened her mouth wider and took all of Caitlyn's pussy into her mouth.
"Violet!" was the next cry that left her lips as her pilot sucked softly before running her tongue through her folds, allowing herself to get a good taste of Caitlyn before diving in nose first once more. Violet eagerly ate her out, taking her time to pay gentle attention to her clit and running her tongue through Caitlyn's folds in solid strokes.
Caitlyn's heated moans and cries increased in pace as she came closer to that sweet edge, finding her hand pulling on Violet's curls a little harder with each flick of her tongue.
"Please, don't stop" Caitlyn cried out as she felt the grip of Violets arms that were wrapped around her thighs tighten, and with another flick over her clit she finally fell over that edge.
Her legs trembled as pleasure ripped through her, almost like she was having a seizure, and she cried out her lover's name once more. Violet's mouth was back on her pussy, sucking on it in its entirety as though it was her only task in this world. Those grey eyes watched as Caitlyn came down from her high and the feeling in her legs slowly came back to her.
When she looked down at her lover, who had lifted her head slightly and licked her lips - a most erotic sight if ever Caitlyn had seen one -, she noticed her own slick dripping down Violet's chin and coating her lips. It was strangely arousing to see her lover so happy to have pleased her, to see her so content in the position between Caitlyn's spread legs and with her Parisian lover underneath her. The grip on Caitlyn's thigh slowly loosened as Violet ran her arm over her chin and then licked the remainder of Caitlyn's arousal from her lips.
"You taste divine, love" her pilot complimented her as she collapsed beside her and Caitlyn immediately curled into her, though the feeling in her legs had not returned in its entirety yet.
"I love you" it was more of a promise from Caitlyn to her pilot, than a statement. Her lips found Violet's tattooed neck and she ghosted them over her skin for a second before pressing a soft kiss on her inked skin.
"I love you too" was her pilot's gentle answer and Caitlyn pulled away slightly.
Her hand automatically reached out and she ran her fingers through Violet's long, copper curls. "Will you let me wash you now?"
Her pilot grinned, looking up at her as she hovered slightly above her and nodded "if that pleases my lady, then go ahead"
Caitlyn shot up in an instant.
Notes:
I am back from vacation with my girlfriend and ready to write for my fics!
Even though we had some angst at the start, I like to think I made up for some of the angst in the previous chapters with the smut at the end...As always, your comments are the literal flow of my muse and are so so greatly appreciated!
Until next time, my loves!
Chapter 20: Best keep your promise, dear Violet
Notes:
Your massive amount of responses has my muse for this fic sky high, so here is another chapter for you all!
TRIGGER WARNING: descriptions of rape.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Violet simply watched as her beloved took her time whilst washing her. There was a certain rhythm to her motions that repeated itself each time Caitlyn's strong hands dipped the cloth back into the bowl that contained warm, oily water. The copper-haired pilot sat back, feeling more at ease than she had in weeks, and let it happen to her. Her grey eyes followed Caitlyn's gentle motions as she took great care in making sure that she was soft, gentle and that Violet could release some tension from her strained muscles.
It almost made her emotional, the silent way that Caitlyn's hands moved over her naked body, caring for her and washing every last spec of dirt off her tired body.
Being as lost as Violet was in following the motions of her French lover, she almost missed Caitlyn's soft words of "I think you are the most beautiful human being I have seen in my life"
Her bleeding heart somehow healed in an instant when Caitlyn spoke those words. Her cerulean eyes were evidence of the fact that she meant every one of those words and Violet found herself swallowing thickly. This was what she had done it all for. Everything she had endured, everything that had happened to her... it had all been to be reunited with her lover. And this was the exact reason why.
How could she be apart from a woman who spoke to her like that? Who looked at her as though she was the most valuable jewel on earth, like she was worth something as a person.
"Don't exaggerate" Violet softly answered her as the cloth that Caitlyn was holding, gently brushed over the valley between her breasts. Her heart stopped a moment longer when she noticed the fierceness with which Caitlyn looked at her after Violet had dismissed her statement.
"I do not" her Parisian lover claimed as she sat up by Violet's side. Caitlyn was still as bare as Violet was and looked effortlessly glorious. In their own little cocoon, light came from between the cracks of the curtains. The soft streams of light fell right across her face and over her left breast. Caitlyn looked almost... hurt, at the fact that Violet had denied what she had just told her.
Like the goddess she was, Violet truly could not believe that a person more beautiful than Caitlyn existed, her lover leaned over and placed a soft kiss on her lips.
Caitlyn tasted like roses if they had a taste - sweet but slightly fresh and undeniably French for some strange reason. The mixture of cinnamon and honey played on Caitlyn's tongue as Violet opened her mouth slightly and allowed her lover to deepen the kiss. Violet could not help but sigh into the kiss, sigh into the one thing she could not let go of. Every time her mind haunted her, told her that the feelings she had for Caitlyn were wrong, she could only think of how unexplainably wonderful Caitlyn's kisses were. Her lips were soft, her tongue even softer, and for a woman who had felt broken for the longest time because she thought she could never fall in love with anyone - it felt like a true victory to share her heart with a woman like Caitlyn.
"Do you want to know why I said that?" Caitlyn softly inquired once she pulled away from the kiss, her lips ghosting over Violet's like the looming promise of something even more wonderful than simply being in the presence of the woman she loved.
Violet could only nod, unable to answer such a soft question. Her eyes found Caitlyn's in the quest for an answer in the cerulean colour of her gentle depths, but only found the yearning love that her own grey eyes reflected as well.
"I think your eyes are like labradorite" Caitlyn started, earning her a rather confused look from Violet. So her lover laid down next to her pilot, half snuggled into her as she rested on her stomach and pushed herself up slightly by her elbows. "labradorite is a gemstone. It's presumed to be grey, but-"
Violet found her breath hitching when Caitlyn's hand reached out, cupping her cheek and letting her thumb caress the skin underneath Violet's right eyes as she continued. "labradorite has a blue tint to it in certain light. Just like your eyes... the grey wins out most times, but in the sunlight your eyes have the most beautiful blue shade to them"
Violet could hardly breathe, she only managed several words to knock herself down several notches once again "I've always thought my eyes a rather dull colour" she sounded breathless, more quiet than she had expected herself to sound.
Caitlyn merely shook her head as she smiled that oh-so soft smile. Her eyes found Violet's and studied them a moment longer before answering "they're beyond beautiful Violet, as is the rest of you... you have strong, defined shoulders and arms. Your biceps are the evidence of your hard labour and you will to fight for what you think is right and those you love"
By now tears burned in the corners of Violets eyes and for the first time in weeks, she did not force them away. It only took her two more words from Caitlyn for a warm, salty drop to run down her temple.
Caitlyn leaned in yet again and pressed another sweet kiss on her arms, going up to her shoulders and letting her lips explore further down to her breasts. "Your breasts are... heavenly" Caitlyn admitted with the slightest blush on her cheeks. "Soft, but firm and perfect for me to love in a way that- a way that I never thought I would love"
When her eyes reached Violet's face and she noticed the tear, she did not wipe it away. Her French lover simply recognized the tear was there but let it be. Violet choked up once more. Caitlyn was silently telling her that her tear was valid, that her feelings were perfect as they were and there was no need to hide them. Not from her.
"And your stomach, it's defined and muscular but your waist small and hips soft. It's the perfect contrast that makes me often wonder how it would feel to rest my head there" Violet chuckled softly at Caitlyn's sweet, innocent words. Her hand subconsciously reached out, fingers finding their way into the black curls that belonged to the naked woman by her side - the woman who had the power to crush her heart or to heal it with one word.
Caitlyn's speech of love continued as Violet felt her long fingers run up and down her thigh, causing shivers to run down her spine "your legs are so strong, they are proof of the miles you have walked to be here in this moment. Proof of the heart ships you have endured and what you have survived in order to find your way here"
Violet's thoughts immediately ran back to the past several weeks. Back to her journey to England, to everything she had been put through in order to be there in that moment. To what it had cost her and the endless nights of lost sleep she had endured. It brought her back to all those times that Hoskel had used her unguarded moments to try and break her, to make her obedient to him in order to secure that she would not say anything about his past in France.
She was forever thankful for Caitlyn's soft voice that pulled her from drowning in horrific images of what the past several weeks had been like. "And I think-" the blush on Caitlyn's cheeks was back and now more evident than ever. "I think you are so beautiful, right here" all of a sudden she felt Caitlyn's hand cup her - shamefully wet - pussy. Violet's eyes widened slightly and she could not help but let a moan escape when she felt Caitlyn's fingers run through her folds.
Caitlyn continued to surprise her when she dared speak further on that last statement "I love how- how you are wet for me every time I touch you here" she whispered and Violet's legs very willingly spread in order to allow Caitlyn to lie in between them as she did several seconds later. "I love how warm and soft you are here, how you allow me to be so intimate with you like this... how incredibly beautiful you are down here are well"
Then she did something even more mind-blowing. Something she had never done before. Caitlyn leaned in slowly, mouth opening slightly as Violet's eyes doubled in size while she watched as Caitlyn's fingers were replaced by her beautiful mouth and her lips closed around Violet's clit as though she had done it a million times before. The hand in Caitlyn's hair tightened and she could not help but moan as Caitlyn gently sucked on her clit, making her feel as though she could finish right there and then if Caitlyn kept this up.
Her lover's eager mouth did not spend too long on her clit and dared open a bit further to let her tongue dart out and fearlessly licked a solid stroke back up to her clit before repeating the motion about three more times.
Violet felt as though she had died and gone to heaven from the moment Caitlyn had decided to experiment eating her out, and she pulled lightly on the dark curls as her hips bucked slightly. Violet's enthusiastic response was something that did not seem to go unnoticed by her French lover and Caitlyn's eyes glanced up at her before her mouth closed around her pussy in its entirety.
Where Violet had gone between several motions quite quickly, wanting to pay short amounts of attention to everything before repeating her motions, Caitlyn took her time to focus on one thing at the time and truly, really, get into it. Caitlyn's regal nose was nuzzled into the nest of copper curls that hid her pussy from view, as her lips held her captive. Her tongue ran between her folds and lapped up her slick as though she had been dehydrated for days. It was the best fucking feeling in the world.
Fuck everyone who said that the relationship she had with Caitlyn was a sin, if a sin felt this good then she would remain a sinner for the rest of her days.
"Caitlyn" she cried out as her lover's tongue had found her clit again and was determined to flick it as often as possible before Violet would die of a stroke. The hand that was not holding Caitlyn's hair captive, shot out and slammed against the headboard behind her as she watched while Caitlyn let go of her pussy with a soft pop. She did not miss the way strings of Caitlyn's saliva mixed with her own slick were still connecting Caitlyn's mouth to her pussy.
And Caitlyn looked more than delicious with that ravenous look in her eyes and her chin covered in Violet's juices mixed with her own saliva. She did not wait, but dove in once more and Violet moaned yet again when she felt the tip of Caitlyn's nose run over her sensitive, throbbing clit for a moment before her teeth scrapped over it as well. It was more than she could handle, really. Breathlessly she cried out once more.
Caitlyn's thumbs ran up to her folds, running through them for a moment as Violet had done to her 20 minutes before. Her thumbs then spread Violet's pussy a little more, opening her for the wonderful sensation of Caitlyn's tongue once again as the woman thrusted her tongue in and out until she had Violet squirming and moaning underneath her - right on the edge of her orgasm.
What did it in the end was another solid stroke of Caitlyn's tongue that ended on her clit and her lips closing around the sensitive bud one final time - softly sucking on it just like how she had started. That was the moment that Violet felt that sweet release that Caitlyn had kept her on the edge of for a moment before finally allowing her to release. She couldn't help but cry Caitlyn's name once more as she pulled her hair slightly harder and arched her back in pure pleasure whilst she was overtaken with that wonderful sensation of her orgasm.
While she was coming down from it, Caitlyn slowly pulled her lips from her and simply let her thumbs run through her folds without real purpose until Violet had calmed down enough.
Then, Caitlyn almost made her orgasm all over again by simply saying "and I love how wonderful you taste. How beautiful you look when you come undone... how warm you are and how you are so eager for my mouth on you"
Violet swallowed thickly, breaths slowly becoming more even as she answered "do you have any idea what you do to me, love? How incredible you have just made me feel? How I long to kiss you when you so much as look my way?"
Caitlyn giggled for the first time in a while and nodded "your response just now gave me an idea of how much"
Violet's head fell back against the pillows as she let out a content sigh and watched as Caitlyn cleaned her mouth and chin before crawling back up to her. "I was not done with my explanation, you know"
Violet hummed as her fingers finally released Caitlyn's soft hair and her hand cupped her lover's soft cheek instead "you weren't?"
"No" Caitlyn stated as she rested her chin on Violet's shoulder but glanced up at her as they found each other's gaze "I love it when your smile reaches your eyes. You could light up a room with that smile, and you make my heart leap each time I see it" Caitlyn's nose tickled Violet's jaw as she pressed it against her. "Though, those features that make you beautiful would be nothing if your inside did not match it. If you were beautiful on the outside, but a horrific person on the inside"
Violet found herself swallowing once more "some days I am not entirely convinced I am a good person" she admitted softly.
"I know you are" Caitlyn immediately told her "you fight to protect those you care about but also those that you hardly know. Your soul is pure and your heart kind. You are a fighter, a brute in the sense that you will destroy what destroys you. But I love that about you. I love that you are strong, that you have morals. You're charismatic, funny, emotional even if you do not wish to be, and generally a person whose outer beauty simply shines through the inner beauty that they display"
A silence fell between the two of them as Caitlyn curled into her and Violet simply watched as her lover made herself at home by her side.
"I'd marry you if we were allowed to" the words coming out of Violet's mouth surprised even the woman herself. Caitlyn's head lifted from her shoulder and her eyes remained curious yet kind as she gave Violet a soft smile and answered with the words that she so desperately wanted to hear.
"If there was ever a world in which we could marry, I would be honoured to call myself your wife" Caitlyn's soft words nestled in the back of Violet's mind like a promise that she could hold on to for the rest of her life. Though they could never be married, never even show their love for each other in public, hearing Caitlyn refer to herself as Violet's wife was... more than she had expected it to be. It felt like a vow one spoke at their wedding, almost.
Violet could not help but let a smile creep up on her lips "why don't I get you a beautiful ring, and I call you my wife when we are alone together?"
Her French love let out a giddy giggle, almost sounding shy at her proposal, but nodded regardless "why don't we find each other a ring and make our vows when we exchange them? That way, we will be married in the only way we are allowed. You'd be my wife and I'd be yours... in secret, but in the knowledge between us. That is all that matters"
Every word that came from Caitlyn's beautiful lips made Violet's heart leap over and over again. Her eyes sparkled as her smile broadened with every word that Caitlyn spoke. She nodded in reply as her fingers drew invisible drawings on her scarred back "alright. We'll find each other a ring and make our promises. Then, we will always be together. No matter what happens"
It was a scary thought, what might happen... there were still so many things threatening their happiness. More than Caitlyn was aware of. Her thoughts wandered back to Hoskel for a moment and what she had endured in order to be here with Caitlyn. Things Caitlyn could never know or she would reap the consequences.
"My love" she heard Caitlyn ask, pulling her from her thoughts once more, though the look in Caitlyn's eyes told her that it had not gone unnoticed. Deep concern was reflected in the cerulean depths of her lover and Violet's heart broke when thinking of how she could simply not tell her anything. "Where did your mind go? You were more quiet than I have ever seen you, when you sat with us at luncheon"
"It's nothing" Violet lied, shaking her copper curls as she turned her eyes away from Caitlyn's. She could not look into those eyes so full of love and understanding and lie. She had known that telling Caitlyn she was fine would be the hardest part of everything that had happened the past several weeks, but she had not expected it to be this hard. She had not expected to feel this guilty about it, like her soul was torn open by the mere look of disappointment in Caitlyn's eyes when Violet dismissed her rightful concern.
"Violet, I can see something is not right. You have bags under your eyes and you're skinnier than you were before we parted..." Caitlyn's hand found her cheek and forced her to look back into those bright, breathtaking eyes. "Please tell me"
"I can't Cait" her voice sounded hoarse all of a sudden. It was not a complete lie. Even if she wanted to tell her, it felt almost impossible to bring to words what she felt. What she knew. Perhaps mostly because the actual acts were not as terrible as what Caitlyn had been through in that Godforsaken prison, but Violet felt so deeply scarred from them that talking about it felt like an impossible task.
Even if she had been free to tell Caitlyn about it, Violet could not find the words.
Because how did one speak of things that haunted every single moment of your day and seeped into the nightmares that plagued your mind? How did you speak of something that might not seem like anything serious or hurtful when spoken out loud, but had left Violet so severly damaged that she felt like a fraud for letting Caitlyn love a person as broken as her?
So she didn't talk. She simply promised Caitlyn time and time again that she was fine. As fine as can be.
FOUR DAYS EARLIER
Violet was a child terrified of water. After watching her sister fall into a pond when they were young and being powerless to do anything to save her since she could not swim, she had been terrified of it. Water was an enemy, something to be feared and not loved. It had been a constant point of struggle until she learned to swim in her late teens. Jumping into the water for the first time without knowing how to swim had been one of the most terrifying experiences of Violet's life.
But she had picked it up quite quickly. She won the battle of fear against the water surrounding her and actually enjoyed the activity of swimming every now and then. Still, water had always been a bit of a struggle for her.
Which was why she had not walked up the plank that led up to the large ship in front of her. Letting her fate be decided by the captain of this ship, a man who may or may not let the ship sink and make her worst nightmares come true, was absolutely terrifying. All that fear that she had known as a child, of water seeping into your body ever so slowly while you suffocated, was bringing her back into her nightmares.
Until she felt a push in her back, someone urging her forward. She did not have to look behind her to know who it was. Hoskel pushed his way past her as he gave her a stern glare and she followed him up towards the ship as though she was not shaken to her core.
"Names?" was all that was asked by one of the crew members on board once they had stepped onto the ship. There was no way back now. All Violet could do was look forward - quite literally - and think of the fact that each mile this ship sailed was a mile closer to Caitlyn. That was all that had dragged her through the past weeks, the thought of being reunited with Caitlyn. Of kissing her soft lips once more and hearing her voice whisper words of love and care into her ear. She had been without it for so long that she had almost convinced herself that Caitlyn had most likely changed her mind. That she would perhaps never show up to the embassy, or show up simply to tell Violet that it was over. That anything between them had been a mistake - and that she was in fact now engaged to some rich Englishman with a townhouse larger than anything Violet would ever be able to afford.
Those intrusive thoughts came to her late at night, since she could not sleep anyways, and had wormed their way into her brain. A part of her knew that it was simply her own insecurities, but a large part of her knew that she could offer Caitlyn nothing that a man could not offer her as well. In fact, a man could marry her, could give her children, could simply love her without having to hide it.
What if Caitlyn regretted what she had signed up for with Violet? What if it had taken this time of them being apart for her to realise it? For Violet, their time apart had only given her the confirmation that she loved Caitlyn more than anyone on earth, but it might not be the same for her.
Hoskel's disgusting voice pulled her from the lost thoughts of her lover across the sea "Pierre Hoskel and my valet Jean Dubois"
One of the many cruel things Hoskel had done was to give her forged documents that bore the last name of Caitlyn's late husband. A silent message to Violet that Caitlyn had once loved a man who had been able to give her a home, a lawful marriage and children if they would have been blessed with them. Giving Violet that same last name, even on a fake document, was Hoskel's way of telling her "she will never be happy with anything you could offer her as a woman".
The man checking the list for their names simply nodded, not giving Violet another glance to see if she truly was a man. Her muscular physique and male attire were prove enough to everyone that she was a man. As long as she did not speak, she'd be fine.
"Approved, you're on the list. Your cabin is number 308, my colleague will hand you the key and assist you in taking your suitcases down to your cabin for you"
"Oh there is no need" Hoskel insisted "my valet will take them down for us, won't you Jean?"
Since speaking a single word in the company of strangers was forbidden, Violet simply nodded and picked up the heavy suitcases. She had not brought anything but the clothes on her back and a small bag slung over her shoulder, which left plenty of space for her to carry the absurd amount of things that Hoskel had brought.
They were escorted down to their cabin by another crew member, instructed how things worked in the luxurious cabins - Hoskel had made sure to travel in luxury since they would be on the sea for an entire night at least - and showed them the small bathroom connected to the cabin. There was the opportunity to bathe even and it puzzled Violet why such luxury was still available to the rich in times of war, times where many were starving to death. Apparently the rich always lived like kings, regardless of how dire the situation around them was.
Hoskel hardly spoke a word to her the moment they were alone, something Violet was more than happy about, and simply appointed her the small bed in the corner while he occupied the larger, more luxurious one. Violet did not mind, she would not get a decent amount of sleep anyways - no matter the surface she slept on.
Violet made her way over to her small bed, threw her even smaller bag on there and slumped down on the mattress. There was nothing left but to wait now. Wait for this nightmare of a journey to be over, wait to be released and finally embraced by the arms of her lover.
"Dinner will be served in half an hour" Hoskel announced as he took another looked around the room "you won't be attending for obvious reasons"
Of course she wouldn't. She could not remember the last time she had a decent meal that actually filled her stomach. Hoskel's way of keeping her weakened was by feeding her enough to survive but not nearly enough to stay up to strength. After weeks of malnourishment, Violet was left working with about 25% of the strength she usually possessed when she was well-fed and well-rested. Hoskel knew exact methods of weakening a person enough to keep them alive but barely able to put up any resistance.
In some ways, he was worse than the Germans who simply put a bullet between your eyes and got it over with. Hoskel dragged it out. Made it almost impossible for her to sleep at night for that first week, which now caused her to always sleep with one eye open, and her constant state of hunger caused her nightmares to play up more than before and make her even mental state even more fragile than it had been before. And whenever he slept in the same room as her, he would tie her hands together before tying them to the bed - all so she would not kill him in his sleep or try to run.
"If you wish to bathe, I'll allow you to. I do not want to you stink up the cabin. But you have to do so before my dinner. There won't be time afterwards" Hoskel informed her, making Violet doubt whether he meant it as a generous offer - Violet knew him as anyone but a generous man - or if he had a trick up his sleeve.
The truth of the matter was that she had not bathed in a week and a half and desperately wanted to soak in a tub of warm water, even if it was just for a few minutes. Her malnourished brain could hardly think straight and certainly not think of any tricks that Hoskel was trying to play on her. So she took the offer.
"Alright, I will be back in a bit" she gave Hoskel a last glance before disappearing into the small bathroom when she only spotted a genuine look on his face. Perhaps he had truly meant it as a kindness.
When she saw herself in the mirror, she hardly recognized the person reflected in the glass as she stared back at herself. Sunken in cheekbones and eyes with dark circles colouring the bags underneath them. She swallowed thickly as she quickly averted her gaze, unable to look at the horrific state she was in due to the conditions that Hoskel had submitted her to. She quickly peeled the large, scratchy clothes from her exhausted body as she let the tub fill itself with warm water.
Warm water was another luxury that she had not known the past several weeks but was now ever more grateful for. The moment she sunk the toes of her left foot into the warm water, a shiver ran down her spine and her toes felt like they were on fire. At the same time, when she slowly submerged herself in the warm water, it felt like a warm blanket was hugging her. It brought her a strange sense of comfort to have the warm water surrounding her, relaxing her aching muscles.
She allowed herself to let down her guard as she soaked in the warm water, closing her eyes and letting her mind wander to the bath she had shared with Caitlyn weeks before. How strange it had been to be naked together, to feel her bare against herself and to actually allow herself to take in all that was Caitlyn without feeling guilty about the intrusive thoughts that she had experienced for so long. When she had known that Caitlyn felt as she did, a whole new world had opened up for her. A world of a love she thought she never would experience.
The smallest of smiles found its way onto her lips as she was carried back to the feeling of Caitlyn against her, and then to that first moment they had shared in bed together. How nervous she had been, at first, to even touch Caitlyn below her neck. It had been an experience so wonderful thanks to the gentle hand of her lover and the freedom they finally allowed themselves to have in regards to loving each other.
Her toes curled slightly in the warm water as she was taken back to that moment. Her eyes closed and muscles relaxed at last, mindlessly dreaming of a time where life had seemed like less of a struggle.
Then as quickly as her thoughts had wondered, as quickly she was pulled from them when she suddenly felt a familiar, large hand on her head.
Before she could respond, the hand pushed her down with aggressive force - and held her head under water as long as he pleased.
In the shock she experienced, Violet had taken a deep breath just as her head was forced under the surface of the warm water that had been such a source of peace just moments before. With her head still under water, she coughed loudly and swallowed mouths full of water as she frantically moved her arms around in order to find the edge of the tub and try to pull herself up.
But her arms were weak and her strength was not as it used to be. Her short nails clawed at the white porcelain of the tub as she desperately tried to find the smooth edges. Panic took over her mind as she breathed in yet another heap of water when she violently coughed under water once more. Everything before her eyes went black in panic, pure instinct taking over and the only thing on her mind was to survive.
The paralysing fear of suffocation was closer now than it ever was and ran through her veins at a terrifying speed. She was going to die. The death she had feared the most her entire life was the one she was facing right now. Drowning by the hand of another in desperate panic while her malnourished, exhausted body could not do anything about it.
Just before she had the chance to give in and let herself be taken by the warm water that had soothed her just moments before, the hand grabbed her hair and pulled her back out of the water.
Violet gasped for air the moment she surfaced, coughing violently before vomiting any water she had swallowed back into the tub. Her hands finally found the edges of the tub and grabbed them so tight that her knuckles turned white within a second. She tried shooting out of the tub but the hand that held her hair was stronger than Violet was in her current state and kept her in the position she was in.
She didn't stop coughing until all water had left her system and she finally felt like she could breathe again, but the panic in her system remained. Her body had gone into a panicked survival mode and she hardly processed what was happening until her head was pulled back with force so she was looking up.
That was when she saw the smirking face of Hoskel as he hovered above her, holding her hair in his fist as he forced her head into the position it was currently in. Another shot of fear soared through her system as she realised the position she was in, and then another when she saw what Hoskel was holding up.
That damn fucking letter.
"Did you think I wouldn't find out?" he hissed as Violet gasped for air once more. "Did you think you could get away with writing a letter to the embassy of all the things I have done?"
She did not answer as she looked at the letter that Hoskel clung in his other hand. The letter she had written in an unguarded moment, short but full of the war crimes Hoskel had committed during his time in France. He had boasted about them the past weeks, taking sick pleasure of informing Violet just how he had helped the Germans and that she would not be able to bring that information out into the world. She had to live with the knowledge of how he had caused the arrest and deaths of dozens of people, how he had taken everything he wanted for the simple fact that he liked his position of power. The same position he seemed to currently be enjoying as he held Violet in a painful position while holding up the letter she had written to the embassy with the intention of "dropping" it on the floor when they would arrive.
She had figured that if they found an anonymous letter, he would be arrested before he could do anything to Caitlyn and no one would be any wiser that it would be her that had written the letter. Even better, Hoskel would have no proof. Not really.
Except he had found the letter. He had probably gone through her things when she was bathing. That was why he had offered her the bath. The sick fucking bastard.
Violet did not answer, her heart still pounding at an abnormal speed and panic still flowing through her veins. So Hoskel continued.
"After every attempt to break you, to make you obedient to me as I like to see you... you still defy me" he hissed in her ear, his disgusting breath making her nauseous when the smell hit her nose. He smelled of old wine and pigs intestines.
Then, his mouth bared his teeth as he grinned yet again. "Allow me to paint you a picture of what will happen, should you try something like this again"
All colour drained from Violet's face, because she knew the vivid way Hoskel enjoyed explaining things. So she braced herself for what was to come.
Hoskel held her hair in that same tight grip and looked at her with that disgusting smirk as he explained "you see, I have a feeling that a mere accident happening to your dear Caitlyn would simply not suffice. It'd make you suffer, sure. But you'd get over her, move on... and I think that is a punishment too light for the ways you have tried to stab me in the back"
Violet pushed back her tears at the mention of Caitlyn's name. Her lips managed to spit out the words "don't you dare fucking continue"
Hoskel merely laughed, shaking his head and giving Violet an amused look as he continued. "See, I think there is something that would be worse for you than the death of your sweet Caitlyn. If you try to go behind my back like this ever again, I'll have to take drastic measures"
"Don't fucking tell me. Don't you fucking threaten Caitlyn" Violet's voice was venomous, but harmless in the sense that she was in no position to make threats and Hoskel knew this.
He tut-tutted as he shook his head and grinned "as I said, allow me to paint the picture. Your Caitlyn all alone in, let's say the library in her parents' home. They're bound to have one of those, isn't that nice for the visualisation?"
"Please stop" Violet was begging now, deeply fearing the next words that would come out of his mouth.
"Oh but I have only just gotten started, dear Violet" Hoskel almost purred with glee "just imagine, Caitlyn all by herself in the library without a soul in sight or earshot. No one to rescue her should anything happen to her... She's reading something, a book she likes... perhaps poetry? You've told me she likes that, doesn't she?"
Violet cursed Hoskel for all the times he had used horrific methods to get details about Caitlyn out of her. And she cursed herself even more for giving him the information he sought.
"So, she is reading poetry. She looks absolutely beautiful in a yellow dress, her hair done up perfectly. Now, she decides she wants a different book so she gets up from the sofa she was previously sat on. Her feet make their way over to the large bookcase that stretches over the entire wall, and she stands up on her toes to reach a book from a high shelf. Then all of a sudden, she is pinned against the bookcase, tits against the shelves and her back turned towards whoever is keeping her there"
Violet fought against her tears harder than she had all those weeks, trying desperately not to imagine the picture that Hoskel was so vividly painting for her. It was almost impossible not to and she hated the fact that she was such a visual thinker. Because she knew exactly where this was going, and it made her sick to her stomach.
Hoskel continued with a grin "now, before she can react or push away the hand that holds her against the shelves, another hand pulls up the hem of her dress... She is probably calling for help. Calling your name. But you won't be there to help her. She is all alone"
"I am begging you, stop" Violet's voice felt like it was not her own as she forced herself to breathe. The pure fear that was being instilled in her system after almost dying the most horrifying death, was more than she felt equipped to handle in her current state.
"Not quite yet, dear Violet" Hoskel continued and he let out a soft chuckle "I do hope that you are aware by now that the person holding your darling Caitlyn against that shelf is me, right? I imagine what it must be like when you find her once I am done with her. Knowing that you haven't done anything to stop it..."
Violet was blinded. Blinded by rage, disgust, fear and panic. There was no possible way she would ever manage to explain that feeling to anyone. How that image of Caitlyn being raped by the man who was currently holding Violet's life in the palm of his hand, was making her feel. She had never pictured anything more disturbing and sinister than the imagine that had just been branded into her system. The threat was more than real, Violet knew enough about the things Hoskel had done to know that there was nothing holding him back from making this exact scenario come true. And he would probably take pleasure in it as well.
"Do you know why that is a worse punishment for you than Caitlyn's death?" Hoskel whispered in her ear, his lips close enough to smell the death on his breath once more "because you will have to live with yourself, knowing you could not have prevented this. That you could not save her. And knowing you, you'll stay with Caitlyn regardless. Which means that every time you look at her, you have to live with the idea of what I did to her. Every time you so much as touch her, you have to live with the fact that I have touched her there as well"
They say that something can put the fear of God in you. The threat made on Caitlyn by Hoskel put the fear of God, the devil, life, death and all that was holy into Violet. Everything Hoskel had predicted about Violet was true. She wouldn't even think about leaving Caitlyn after something like that happened to her. But it meant endless torture for both her and Caitlyn and their relationship would never be the same. It would be ripped apart by the man who was holding her drenched curls so tight that he might as well rip them out of her head.
She truly, deeply hated Hoskel. She hated him for all he had done, all he threatened to do and for knowing exactly what triggered Violet. He knew that hurting her was not going to be much use. She could care less about herself. Threaten Caitlyn though? That really did the trick. He had her exactly where he wanted her because he knew that Violet would die fighting to protect the woman she loved.
"I'm going to get rid of this" Hoskel held the letter to the embassy up once more "now you know what happens if you breathe one negative word about me. No one is to say I might not still punish you for writing this letter but for now... simply be aware of what will certainly happen to that sweet Caitlyn of yours, should you tell a soul what you know. Do we have a deal?"
There wasn't a death terrible enough for Hoskel. Any possible method of murdering the man felt like he wasn't punished enough for all he had done and threatened to do still. He was a monster of the worst kind. A monster she'd have to look in the eye for many days to come, no matter how hard that might be.
Still, she had no choice but to agree. No choice but to obey. Only to keep her love safe.
So she nodded. "Deal" she hoarsely said.
It wasn't until after Hoskel had let go of her hair and left the bathroom that she allowed the sea of tears to fall freely as her body violently shook in the - now cold - bath water.
Notes:
I have very little to say about this, except that I hope the beginning slightly made up for the absolute trauma that Vi went through in the second half...
I suppose all that is left to say is until next time, my loves.
Chapter 21: Let no man steal your thyme
Notes:
I think everyone knows this already but I have a Twitter where I yell about my fics a lot and it's a fun lil' platform, so feel free to follow me if you want!
https://twitter.com/loveshazellAlso, enjoy!
Chapter Text
Waking up around the same time as Caitlyn had become a natural occurrence for Violet. She’d spend enough mornings waking up in the bed of the raven haired woman to adjust to her rhythm. When they had been at the farm, the rhythm was vastly different from what it was when they woke up in the comfortable bed that Caitlyn used to sleep in as a young girl.
They had been staying at the Kiramman residence on Belgrave square for about a week now. Early in the morning, Violet found herself wrapped up in the arms of her lover, curled into the warm embrace of Caitlyn’s strong arms as the woman embraced her while they slept. Caitlyn’s arms remained a beacon of light and strength for her and she took no shame in her curled up position in her lover’s arms.
The two of them hadn’t bothered getting dressed in nightclothes after the previous night and simply tangled together into an equal proportion of Caitlyn and Violet as they had fallen asleep. Violet’s eyes had found the fog of dreams before her lover had, but she had hardly minded. Because it had meant that she had been aware that her darling Caitlyn had drawn invisible pictures on her bare back as she was falling asleep.
Waking in the arms of the woman she loved, remained a source of comfort for her. Violet found herself nuzzling her nose into the familiar, regal neck of her lover. Taking in the smell of roses and lavender that only belonged to her Caitlyn. Nothing else mattered when she found herself waking up in Caitlyn’s arms another morning.
So many morning had been without this woman, that any morning waking up in Caitlyn’s arms felt like a blessing. A blessing Violet counted each day they were together. Because looking at the sleeping woman who was holding her so tight that Violet felt she might burst from the pure, unfiltered love she felt for her, she knew there was not a more glorious view than this particular woman. Seeing the messy curls half covering her face, the soft rise and fall of her chest, the gentle touch of her hands as they rested on Violet’s own arms while she slept.
It all made Violet wake up with that familiar fuzzy feeling in her stomach that she had only ever felt around Caitlyn. That feeling where you would sacrifice anything to be with the person you had those feelings for. Anything Hoskel had threatened her with, anything he had done to her, it had all been a distant pain in comparison to the thought of having to go the rest of her life without Caitlyn.
“You’re staring” she heard the tired voice of her French lover exclaim as the woman woke up from her haze of sleep. Violet could not help but let that familiar smile grace her lips as she leaned in and place a gentle kiss on her lover’s jaw. She simply could not help it, Caitlyn possessed more beauty than Violet was capable of processing and she felt a need to love Caitlyn every second of the time they spend together.
“I like to stare” Violet softly whispered in Caitlyn’s ear, earning her a tired groan from the woman herself as Violet’s lips closed around her soft earlobe. A gentle tug of her teeth and playful moan from the American pilot made Caitlyn roll onto her back and allow Violet to crawl on top of her.
“All of a sudden, I am taken back to what it feels like to wake up with you in my arms” Caitlyn’s voice sounded reminiscent as well as a bit teasing and Violet loved it. Hearing Caitlyn tease her like that, whilst she was still wrapped in the woman’s arms and she was still very aware of the fact that they are both as naked as the day they were born. Violet is more than happy to stay in bed with her all day.
Alas, they couldn’t. Just as any other day that week. They couldn’t even prepare for the day together, considering the fact that no one knew of their… companionship.
Still, Violet would take what she could get.
Her head perked up slightly as Caitlyn’s arms seemed to withdraw from her bare body. More so because she was too eager to stay in bed with the woman whose warmth she enjoyed more than that of an ordinary blanket or a heater, but there was so much more to her that Violet wanted to keep all to herself.
So she leaned in, capturing Caitlyn’s lips in a deep kiss and earning her a soft moan from her lover in return. Upon pulling away slightly, though letting her lips remain a ghosted form on Caitlyn’s soft lips, she softly dared whisper “each morning I wake in your arms, I fear that everything might have been a dream”
The noise coming from Caitlyn’s lips was a soft snort and Violet concluded that that was the most adorable sound she had heard Caitlyn make so far. “Nothing about our time together is a dream darling, I can promise you that much” the naked woman in her arms reassured her and Violet’s lips curled into a smile that she seemed to wear a lot around Caitlyn.
“I’m not sure anyone has made me feel as secure and safe as you do, my love” Violet softly promised her Parisian lover as her lips found Caitlyn’s once more. Each time she captured Caitlyn’s lips with hers, it frightened her to think that the woman might not answer the kiss. For some reason, every kiss caused Violet to wonder if Caitlyn would change her mind. If she would, perhaps, realise that Violet was not the person for her and that she certainly did not enjoy kissing women.
And each time that feared surfaced, she was proven wrong when Caitlyn kissed her back with such intensity and passion that it sent shover down her spine each and every time, without fail.
“As much as I would adore a morning in bed with you and discovering where that kiss might take us… we ought to get ready before the maids find you in here” Caitlyn’s soft lips formed the words against Violet’s and made the copper-haired woman groan softly.
“Couldn’t we bribe them to keep quiet?” she huffed as she pushed herself away from Caitlyn with the greatest displeasure but the delighted knowledge in the back of her mind that she would be spending the next night in that bed as well. A poor replacement for the loss of Caitlyn’s bare skin against hers, but a replacement nonetheless.
Caitlyn’s lips formed a smile as she got out of bed, stretched those beautiful long limbs of herself and walked over to her drawers to dress herself in a fresh pair of silk lingerie. “I doubt that would work, the staff is very loyal to my parents. My mother rules this house with an iron fist, as you are aware of by now”
It was now Violet’s turn to chuckle as she pulled the nightclothes she had worn when coming in the night before, back on “I think I have witnessed her making a maid cry two times now, and I have only been here for a week”
“Exactly”
“So not even a kiss?” Violet teased, small pout on her lips as she made her way over to her lover and wrapped her arms around the woman from behind.
Caitlyn instantly turned around, immediately responding more than eager to her touches and wrapped her arms around Violet’s neck. For some reason it was so unbelievably attractive that she was taller than her. Violet never would’ve guessed that she would have been so attracted to a woman that much taller than her. And she was not even that small.
“One kiss” Caitlyn answered Violet’s pout with a soft kiss to shut her up. The grin of victory crept onto Violet’s face as she immediately deepened the kiss and pulled Caitlyn closer by her waist.
It was her Parisian lover that pulled away after a moment and rested their foreheads together for a moment as she whispered “do not forget tonight”
“How could I?” Violet grinned at the prospect of that night. They had taken the week to look for a ring for each other. One that would bind them together. Not officially, such a thing could never happen unfortunately, but all that mattered was that they knew.
And Violet, for one, could not wait to call Caitlyn her wife. Even if it was just in a private setting without anyone around. Perhaps someday, someone would understand. The only person who knew now, was Hoskel and that was still a thorn in Violet’s side.
The man had been hovering around the Kiramman household the entire week, claiming that his staff had almost finished setting up but needed several more days before he could move to his own home. Meanwhile, he had been more than happy to worm himself into every event under the sun that the Kirammans were attending during that week. It wasn’t a surprise to her, but it was still very annoying. Even Caitlyn had noticed how his slimy ways and developed a rather strong dislike to the man over the past several days, even though he had been the reason she reached her parents safely.
She didn’t know about the things he had done to Violet, of course. She had wisely kept her mouth shut about that, even when Caitlyn had asked why she did not want a bath or how her journey with Hoskel had been. She’d simply waved it off with a shrug and a “it’s hardly an interesting story” and that had gotten her away with it so far. That did not mean she didn’t have the urge to punch Hoskel in the face every time he appeared somewhere he was not wanted. Because she really, really wanted to.
“Hmm good” Caitlyn pulled away and made her way over to her large closet, undoubtedly to pick a dress for the day, and Violet’s feet dragged her towards the door. “Darling?”
Violet’s head perked up slightly at the nickname “yes?”
A moment before Caitlyn disappeared into her closet, she smiled and gave Violet a wink that made her toes curl “I love you”
“Huh” Violet let out as she scratched the back of her neck – now that Caitlyn had cut her hair, she had much better access to it – and grinned sheepishly “I love you too”
With those words in mind, she quickly made her way back to her bedroom so she too could get herself ready for the day. She did not have a lot of plans, since she already had the ring for Caitlyn in her possession as she had bought it two days earlier, but she wanted to see if she could get the cook to bake something under the excuse of “I want to thank her for saving my life” or something like that.
She found her lover – soon to be wife – once more at the dining table for breakfast. They were the last ones down and missing Mr. Kiramman, who had an important surgery that morning and would not be home until after dinner that night. It happened often, especially with the frequent bombings that would make a lot of victims. He worked tirelessly to help those in need and Violet did not see him most days. When she did see him, however, she would describe him as one of the kindest men she had met over the course of her life.
He'd shown genuine interest in her from the beginning and often told her that he thought she was a good influence on Caitlyn, whenever he saw the two of them interact together.
Mrs. Kiramman was an entirely different story. She was more distanced, often kept to herself in her own study and Violet did not see much of her. When she did see her, she often kept quiet and liked to observe before making a snide remark about the events happening before her eyes.
She was a calculated woman, one who loved deeply but was not keen on speaking of it. Violet respected her, but the woman also scared the shit out of her.
During breakfast, Caitlyn’s hand kept wandering towards her knee – making Violet blush all through the toast she was consuming and squeezing the hand several times. Caitlyn somehow managed not to look flustered at all as her thumb stroked Violet’s knee whilst holding up a decent conversation with her mother about her plans for the day.
Apparently Hoskel was planning on a rather uninteresting trip to his home to see how the staff were getting on, which meant a pleasant morning – and perhaps part of the afternoon – without the man in question.
“What about your plans darling?” Violet heard Mrs. Kiramman as her daughter in French. It was hard keeping track of the language but she found that she was managing better each day she was surrounded by it.
Caitlyn squeezed Violet’s knee once more, making her almost drop her fork, and smiled as she answered her mother in the same language she had been addressed in. “I need to run several errands this morning”
“I see, Violet?” the cerulean eyes of Mrs. Kiramman, that she had passed on to her daughter, sharply turned to her and made her almost drop her fork once again.
“I’m unsure of my plans, I might finish the book I started two days ago” she answered the older woman before busying herself with her coffee, because she knew the question that would follow.
“Don’t you think it’s time you report yourself to the American embassy?” there it was.
Violet shook her head, placing her coffee down as she swallowed the bitter liquid “I’ll get to it eventually, but I’d like Caitlyn to come with me so she can act as a witness to everything that happened in France”
Mrs. Kiramman did not answer verbally, but the look in her eyes told Violet all she needed to know. The truth of the matter was that Violet hadn’t reported herself as being in fact, alive instead of dead as was now presumed, because she knew there was a very big chance that she would be shipped back overseas. Back to a home that no longer existed.
Her home was with Caitlyn now, but there was no saying if Caitlyn would join her - with her parents still in danger, even in London, and for the fact that she had been through too much the past months to make a proper decision about moving abroad. Besides, she was not going to leave her with Hoskel. That was out of the question. Hoskel would have to go before she was shipped back off to The States.
Once breakfast was wrapped up and Caitlyn had said her goodbyes to her mother and to her – Violet knew exactly why she had not been asked to accompany her and simply decided she would spend her time wondering what sort of ring Caitlyn would get her – she decided to spend her time in the library and simply read.
There was not much to do around the house and reading was something she thoroughly enjoyed to get through the - sometimes – dull days. Granted, a war still raged and they were forced into bomb shelters every now and then but when you were used to the circumstances in France, this was a piece of cake.
She was about two hours into her book, curled up on the sofa that stood proudly by the fireplace as it was lit to keep her warm, when she heard the door creak open. Deciding her lover had perhaps returned home faster than she had expected, her head shot up with that bright smile she only really wore for Caitlyn. The smile quickly faded – however – when she realised that Mrs. Kiramman stepped into the library instead of her daughter, who Violet had done unspeakable things to in the past several days.
“I see you were expecting my daughter” Mrs. Kiramman noted out loud, obviously having seen the fall of her smile upon realising who had entered the library. She closed the large, heavy door behind her before approaching the sofa that Violet was seated on.
“I wasn’t sure who I was expecting” Violet simply answered as she placed a piece of paper on the inside of her book and placed it down in her lap, grey eyes meeting cerulean when Mrs. Kiramman sat down. “Is there something I can help you with?”
“I have a feeling you might” Mrs. Kiramman’s French accent was heavier than her daughter’s, but her vocabulary without flaw. “I have my doubts regarding a certain… guest in my home. I thought you might be able to help me confirm or erase those doubts since you arrived with him”
Ah. There it was. Shit.
“Do you mean Hoskel?”
The cerulean eyes of Mrs. Kiramman narrowed slightly “you seem keen on calling him by his last name, something some people might see as a way of distancing yourself from him”
In that moment, Violet despised the fact that she had never learned how to play poker. For if she had a proper poker face, she might be able to get away with this a lot easier.
“What would you like to know in regards to him?”
“He’s- a difficult person to figure out” Mrs. Kiramman started “his manners tell me that he belonged to our sort of social circles. Yet, his constant need to push himself in our social interactions with relatives, friends and acquaintances tells me that there is a need for acceptance that I do not like to see in anyone”
Violet shifted slightly at the mention of ‘their social circles’, knowing that she would certainly never belong there. “I suppose it’s a good thing he belongs to your social circles… right?”
“On the contrary” Mrs. Kiramman shook her head “the upper class has a way of- communicating that is often seen as polite but can only really be described as misleading. They’re excellent at making one think they are on your side, then being the one to toss you off a cliff in the end”
Violet blinked about once during Mrs. Kiramman’s explanation. She hit the nail on the head when it came to Hoskel. He was the slimiest guy she had ever met, but somehow managed to worm his way through every interaction as though he had been someone’s closest friend their entire life. He had fooled Caitlyn, he had fooled her and Jayce and Madeleine, gotten them killed for his own benefit even. Then he had continued to break Violet until he was sure she would not speak a single negative word about him during their time in London.
“You think he’s a snake?” Violet simply wandered out loud, not wanting to let too much emotion shine through since this woman was not allowed to know what he had done or was capable of.
“Something tells me he belongs to one of the most poisonous types of snakes out there” Mrs. Kiramman confirmed. “And your response just now is confirming that”
“What?” Violet shot up slightly as she gave the woman a wide-eyed look “what do you mean? I haven’t said anything”
“It’s not the words you said, dear” Mrs. Kiramman calmly waved her hand “rather the lack of them”
Another shake of her copper-curled head “no he’s- he is a trustworthy man”
Mrs. Kiramman didn’t respond right away. Her head tilted slightly as though she was measuring Violet in some way and it made the American pilot feel extremely uneasy. She shifted her weight from one side to the other several times.
Then Mrs. Kiramman spoke up once more “I want you to tell me the truth Violet. Is there anything I should be aware of in regards to Mr. Hoskel?”
Violet swallowed thickly, the tip of her tongue wanting to tell her the truth. “No”
The older woman nodded “I expected better from you”
A frown. “What do you mean?”
“My daughter speaks very highly of you” Mrs. Kiramman informed her casually – as though that comment did not set Violet’s entire face on fire. “She has told me time and time again how you saved her, how you looked after her when she got out of that ghastly prison”
Violet swallowed thickly at the mention of Caitlyn’s state after her time in a German prison. It had been a difficult time for Violet in the company of Hoskel, but she still could not wrap her head around how strong Caitlyn had been when being interrogated by the Germans in the most brutal way.
“I notice how you make her laugh, how you two interact as though it is a second nature” something in Mrs. Kiramman’s face shifted. Softened. “I see the way you look at her. My husband is a wonderful man, yet an oblivious fool when it comes to these things – but I do see it”
Now Violet was really uncomfortable. “See what, exactly?” though she feared the answer, she was eager to know if they were thinking of the same thing.
“You love her” Mrs. Kiramman simply stated. “And she loves you, it isn’t hard to tell from the way she glances at you when you aren’t looking. I’m not sure I have ever seen my daughter happier than she is when you are around”
Though the words were kind, soft and heartfelt, Mrs. Kiramman looked stoic as ever and her voice was strong and strict. Her face had a hint of softness to it, but it did not betray a smidge more than that.
Violet’s throat bobbed nervously as she swallowed thickly. Mrs. Kiramman went on before she could respond “that is why it puzzles me that you would not tell me the truth. If you love my daughter, why would you not want to keep her safe?”
Something inside her snapped at that comment. The thing that had been holding her composure together for so many days, that had dragged her through endless dinners in the company of Hoskel where she had simply wanted to scream that the man was a fraud. Her eyes burned with tears as she shot up from the sofa.
“I am keeping her safe! I have kept her safe all this fucking time while you weren’t there! She is safe as long as I am around” her mouth formed the words before she could even think of them. Her heart had sped up and her chest was rapidly moving as she breathed more heavily than she had moments before.
“Be that as it may, with you keeping me in the dark you are putting this entire family in danger” Mrs. Kiramman’s face lacked the softness it had embraced before and her voice was a lot steadier than Violet’s currently was. “What are you not telling me about Mr. Hoskel? Or are you keeping it from me because he has threatened you?”
Violet winced and Mrs. Kiramman’s cerulean eyes narrowed, though filled themselves with concern. “No, that’s not it” the older woman stated. Violet felt herself get smaller and smaller under the piercing gaze of Caitlyn’s mother, as the woman observed her. “He didn’t threaten you, did he?”
The piercing gaze felt suffocating in a way she had not experienced in a long time. She could not help but turn her gaze towards the fireplace, giving Mrs. Kiramman exactly what she was after once she could not hold it in any longer.
“No, he did not threaten me” it was a mere whisper, one only meant for the cerulean eyed woman who was still seated on the sofa. “He threatened Caitlyn”
Because of her turned gaze, she could not see Mrs. Kiramman’s response to what she had just revealed but something told her that the woman was not as shocked as Violet had expected her to be. She was a perceptive woman. She had probably already figured it out on her own, or at least part of it.
“So I see” she heard behind her, drawing her grey eyes back to the sofa to witness Mrs. Kiramman looking slightly wide-eyed but not as shocked as she had initially thought she would be. “Should I be worried he might act on this threat?”
“Yes” Violet’s voice sounded more hoarse than she would have wanted and she quickly sat down next to Mrs. Kiramman. “But only if he knows that I have spoken a negative word about him”
Mrs. Kiramman nodded “you do understand that he cannot stay in this house”
“Mrs. Kiramman-“
“I will make up an excuse, but I cannot have him around my family if he is a threat to them. He may take his anger out on me all he likes, but he is not laying a finger on my daughter” somehow, Violet’s respect for the woman grew immensely when she spoke these words. Not many women she knew would dare take such a risk to ensure the safety of their families, not against a man as rich and influential as Hoskel. But Mrs. Kiramman had more of a backbone than that it seemed, and a strength that made Violet realise she never wanted this woman on her bad side.
So Violet nodded, knowing that Mrs. Kiramman would be as careful as possible because they fought for the same goal – to keep Caitlyn safe. “I understand”
“Good” Mrs. Kiramman nodded “I’m glad we had this talk Violet, please come to me if you have any future concerns about my daughter’s safety”
“I will” she watched as the older woman got up from the sofa and made her way towards the door through which she had stepped minutes ago.
“Be careful Violet” Mrs. Kiramman gave her a last glance, which the copper-haired pilot answered with a nod, and then exited the room. A long sigh escaped Violet’s lips, her mind instantly jumping to any consequences this might have for her, and certainly for Caitlyn. The answer was simple. She would not let Caitlyn out of her sight until Hoskel was out of the house.
Hoskel arrived home around the same time as Caitlyn did, giving Violet no time to explain why her mother immediately took Hoskel into her office for a private chat. The one thing Violet dared promise Caitlyn was that she would explain it all when they were alone together, because with all the staff buzzing about the house at that hour of the day, it was hard to get a proper private chat in.
Mrs. Kiramman and Hoskel exited the office not too long after entering. Hoskel’s face had turned a shade of red that was almost purple and Mrs. Kiramman looked terribly satisfied with whatever had happened in that room. Hoskel simply stormed up the stairs, demanding several maids to follow him on his way up, and disappeared into his bedroom with the slam of a door.
“It’s safe to say that that man is no longer welcome in this house, and I have asked him to remove himself and his possessions from the property immediately” Mrs. Kiramman kindly informed them, offering Violet a small smile as Caitlyn gave them both a confused look.
“Just what happened while I was gone?” Caitlyn inquired with a raised eyebrow, but both women shook their heads.
“As I said, I will explain later” Violet softly told her, giving her a nod to seal that promise. Thankfully, Caitlyn took that promise and let it go. Even when Hoskel made a show of his luggage being dragged out of the house and put in a car for him, calling the Kirammans all sorts of things.
“I’ll have you know that all my acquaintances will hear of the wrong-doing that has happened here today. They will hear exactly how snobbish and arrogant the Kirammans truly are” he seethed as he made his way out the front door.
Violet and Caitlyn watched from a distance as Mrs. Kiramman followed the man to the door and showed him out with the iconic words of “please do tell them each detail of the past hour. I am sure the company you keep is as ghastly as you are and could use a bit of humour. Perhaps picturing your face as purple as a prune might help with that”
“You smug, arrogant-“
“Good day Mr. Hoskel, I will give your regards to my husband” the door slammed in his face after those words, followed by Mrs. Kiramman turning around to face the two of them whilst rubbing her hands together as though she was rubbing off dirt.
Violet was quite sure that her eyes had doubled in size and her jaw was slightly slacked as Mrs. Kiramman walked past them and disappeared into her office. Caitlyn looked fairly impressed but not as much as she was, or she was just really good at hiding it.
“Your mother is incredible” Violet simply stated, looking at the front door as though Hoskel might burst through it at any moment. He didn’t.
“She has her moments” Caitlyn chuckled, reaching out to gently push Violet’s chin back up and close her mouth. “I think you might have drooled a little there darling”
“Tsk, no I have not. Don’t do that” Violet immediately snapped back, playfully though vaguely offended, and she pulled her chin from Caitlyn’s soft grip.
“Of course” Caitlyn was teasing her, grinning smugly as she shook her head “now if you don’t mind, I should write some things down for tonight”
This immediately changed Violet’s mood and her lips curled into a grin “write things down?”
“We said we were doing vows, I want mine to be personal and I enjoy writing something down so I am well prepared” Caitlyn explained, making her – once again – the most adorable person Violet had ever come across.
She nodded “alright, go write your vows. I will see you later”
“I will need that explanation” Caitlyn called back to her as she made her way upstairs.
“You'll get it!”
They had promised each other to make it an almost official event, even though it was just the two of them in the library after everyone had gone to sleep, and Violet had prepared by picking one of the nicer things that she had been gifted by the Kirammans. They had made sure to gift her several sets of clothing to dress herself in a way that was up to standard for Kiramman terms.
Which meant, she now owned several dresses, two skirts, five blouses, three pairs of trousers and two pairs of shoes. It was far more than she had been willing to accept, but Caitlyn had pressed on and mentioned that she wanted Violet to look as pretty as Caitlyn thought she was. That had melted her heart on the spot and like a little puppy dog, she had let Caitlyn drag her to the stores that were open and still sold decent clothing.
Somehow it felt wrong to buy all these clothes when there was a war raging, especially now that she had seen how the war had effected those that lived in countries occupied by the Germans. There was so much poverty, so much hunger, and here Violet was with a closet full of beautiful, shiny new clothes that she had not wanted to accept in the first place.
It made her miss home. Made her miss playing dress up with her sister, before they had been brutally torn apart and Powder had been shipped off to God knows where. She’d done so much to find her, only to meet dead end after dead end and was eventually forced to give up. It was years ago, but still hurt and still managed to make her feel powerless. She had failed her sister… what if she had failed Caitlyn by telling her mother about Hoskel?
Granted, she had not told much and certainly not enough for Hoskel to know that she was the reason he was gone but still. What if she had fucked up again like she had with her sister? If anything happened to Caitlyn, she would not be able to live with herself.
So as she ran her fingers through her short curls, looked herself up and down in the mirror and felt the ring burn in her pocket, she was thankful that if anything happened to her or Caitlyn – at least they would always be together. She made her way towards the library shortly after midnight, making sure that the fire was poked and prodded enough to make a decent light for her and Caitlyn and create a romantic atmosphere as well.
She had failed in her quest to get the cook to bake something for them, but she had successfully stolen strawberries from the kitchen so that counted for something. She placed the bowl on the side table next to the sofa before sitting down on the Persian carpet in front of the fireplace, wanting to be as close to the warm flames as possible.
Her head perked up when she heard the door open and she was blown out of the water by the beauty that was Caitlyn Kiramman as she stepped into the dimly lit library. Her eyes widened as she took in all of her French lover. Caitlyn was wearing a gorgeous dark green dress that hugged every curve perfectly and her hair was up in a skilled roll as it often was.
“Look at you” Violet softly spoke as Caitlyn approached her and sat down by the fireplace, blush on her cheeks.
“You mean, look at you!” Caitlyn exclaimed, seemingly as starstruck as Violet was. “You look stunning, in that blouse and those trousers”
Violet shook her head, leaning forward “you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, Love, truly you are”
Caitlyn merely answered those words by leaning in and kissing her deeply, welcoming Violet home after a stressful day and immediately relaxing her tense muscles. “I’ve missed you” she heard her Caitlyn say as they broke apart after a few minutes.
“So have I” another peck on Caitlyn’s soft lips and Violet pulled away to proudly offer Caitlyn the bowl of strawberries. “I stole these from the kitchen”
Caitlyn took one between her fingers as a soft smirk played on her lips “ever the delinquent, how did I get so lucky?”
“You are a spectacular kisser, you definitely won me over with that” Violet played into her little tease and watched as Caitlyn took a bite from the strawberry – she had never been aware that someone eating a strawberry could be as unbelievably attractive as Caitlyn made it out to be.
Caitlyn grinned “charmer”
Violet simply hummed as she followed Caitlyn’s example and took a bite from one of the strawberries as well, whilst checking her pocket once more to see if she really did still have her ring with her.
After her third strawberry, Caitlyn gave Violet a sweet smile “who will start us off?”
“Shall I?” Violet really just wanted to get it over with to spare herself the nerves. It was already nerve-wracking enough to have to have to tell Caitlyn how deeply she loved her, waiting for her to go first would only make it worse.
Thankfully, Caitlyn nodded in agreement. “Alright, go ahead”
A sigh from Violet’s lips as she tried to think of the first thing to say. In her opinion, you simply had to start talking and after the first sentence, everything would just come flying out.
“Caitlyn” she started as she took a deep breath. “I was completely convinced that I was unworthy of love. That I was incapable of falling in love with another human being, and that there was something so broken inside me that not a single person would be able to fix it. And then I met you… with your adorable French accent, your soft curls, beautiful voice, sweet mannerisms, kind heart, gentle soul and those breathtaking cerulean eyes”
She could see Caitlyn’s eyes become misty with tears, which caused her to choke up as well, but she persisted. “You showed me a love I felt undeserving of, a love I felt I was not capable to feel or give to another person… but Caitlyn, I love you so fucking much that I feel my soul will burst out of my body and take a life of its own every time I see you” Violet felt a tear run down her cheek now. “Having you love me back is the most wonderful gift I have ever received and I don’t think there is a person on this planet more meant for me than you. You own my heart, body and soul Cait, and I never want it back. Those beautiful cerulean eyes of yours are healing my damaged soul with every day that passes and I love you more than anything for being capable of loving me”
As Violet wrapped up her speech, Caitlyn’s hands reached out and cupped her face in those long fingers connected to her warm, soft palms. Caitlyn’s bright eyes were full of tears, some having already descended down her cheeks, and she looked at her with eyes so full of love.
She leaned in and kissed her Parisian lover deeply, pouring her heart and soul into that kiss as she pulled Caitlyn closer. Their lips only parted so they could have a breath of air and Violet took that chance so whisper against her lover’s lips. “I vow to take care of you every single day for the rest of our lives. To love and cherish you. To be by your side through sickness and health, thick and thin, through whatever this fucked up world throws at us. I will be by your side for it all. I will love you until the end of my days and beyond that”
Caitlyn was the one sealing her words with a kiss this time. Her kiss tasted like strawberries, promises and home.
Violet was finally home.
“My turn” Caitlyn sniffled as she pulled away, sitting back down on the carpet as she wiped the tears from her cheeks and chuckled. “Your words were so beautiful, my darling, I hope I can measure up”
“You’re already measuring up by simply sitting across from me and eating the strawberries I stole” Violet softly grinned, going along with her little moment of banter as they both chuckled through their tears.
Caitlyn pulled a piece of paper from her pocket, folding it open to reveal bits and pieces of her neat, graceful handwriting. She took a deep breath, as Violet had before, and glanced up to her American pilot as she started speaking.
“My darling pilot” Violet choked up again immediately. Caitlyn continued “there was once a time where I thought I had love. I thought I had married a man I loved and that would be it for me, for the rest of my life. But oh how wrong I was” Caitlyn chuckled softly before going back to her vows.
“I was in love with the idea of what George could give me. Freedom. I didn’t realise this until.. until I dared admit my feelings to you. Feelings so deep, so overwhelming, that I did not know how to handle them at first. I thought they were sinful, wrong and that you would certainly not reciprocate those feelings” Caitlyn took another deep breath.
“Our first kiss was something I will never forget. It was the moment I realised that this was it for me. All I had previously thought of love had gone out the window when I looked at the woman sitting across from me, just like you are now. It was the most indescribable thing I have ever felt, but more than anything it was… right. It fit. You and I, we fit. My love for you runs deeper than you will ever know, deeper than I can put into words. It an endless stream that I fear knows no end… as your heart is mine, my heart is yours, my love. I love your careless laugh, your pretty freckles, your copper hair that glows in the sunlight, your love for animals and deep sense of care for those you love, I adore your cheeky grin and your jokes, you make me laugh more than any other person does and I promise to love you deeper every single day. I vow to stay by your side through all that we will go through, to love you and show you how exceptionally beautiful you are inside and out, for the rest of our days”
Violet wasn’t aware she had been holding her breath until she released it and felt a tear run down her cheek once more. Hearing those words from the woman she loved, such heartfelt words, and hearing that she meant every single one of them… that was more than she felt deserving of.
Wordlessly, Violet took her ring from her pocket. She clutched it in her palm to keep it hidden until Caitlyn would reveal the one she had gotten for her. Caitlyn mimicked her motions, pulling the ring from her own pocket as well and holding it in her fist until they were both ready.
Her grey eyes found her lover’s cerulean ones, looking for a signal for them to open their palms and reveal the jewellery. A simply nod from Caitlyn did it, and both opened their hands simultaneously.
The ring she had gotten for Caitlyn was a beautiful, yet simple one. Violet knew that her lover despised over-the-top jewellery that was made to look expensive, and she had gotten for a simple design with three small gemstones. The band was gold and in the middle was a diamond, bright and light of colour, and the two gems on each side of it were the same colour as Caitlyn’s eyes. Cerulean.
Caitlyn opened her palm to reveal a simple ring as well. A silver band without a gemstone, just as she had hoped it would be. The ring was a bit thicker than the one she had gotten for Caitlyn, but it had beautiful flowers engraved in it. Violets.
She looked up at Caitlyn with a bright smile. “It’s beautiful”
“Look on the inside” Caitlyn softly encouraged her, handing her the ring so she could see. As she studied the inside of the ring she could see the words engraved in the silver band.
My darling Violet
Her eyes flickered back to her Parisian lover, full of adoration for the woman sitting across from her. “Thank you” she whispered.
Caitlyn answered with a simply smile as she took the ring back and slid it onto Violet’s finger. “A beautiful ring for my stunning wife”
Hearing Caitlyn refer to her as her wife while sliding that ring on her finger was causing Violet to feel all sorts of things she was not aware she could feel. She simply took the ring she had gotten for Caitlyn and took the hand of her lover.
“With this ring, you will always carry a part of me with you and we will always be together” she softly promised, earning her a heart-warming smile from her wife which was followed by a deep kiss. Violet grinned as she eagerly answered the kiss, pulling Caitlyn closer as they sealed their love.
It didn’t matter that none of it was official. Knowing how devoted they were to each other, that was enough for Violet.
She heard Caitlyn giggle against her lips and she pulled away slightly, looking into the sparkling eyes of her wife. “I can’t believe we’re married”
“Neither can I” Violet chuckled, pecking her lips once more “am I a Kiramman now?”
“Depends on whether you’d take my name or I’d take yours” Caitlyn teased, earning her another soft kiss from Violet.
“I think Violet Kiramman sounds nice” she murmured softly as Caitlyn caught her lips with hers yet again.
“Violet Kiramman it is then”
“But only in the bedroom” Violet gently teased, this time earning her a soft shove from Caitlyn.
“You’re awful”
“You still married me though”
“I am regretting that decision already” Caitlyn teased back as she pulled away from their embrace and pushed herself up from the floor. “As much as I am enjoying your irresistible lips, I must use the restroom before we continue. I would like to hear that story about what happened here that caused my mother to throw Hoskel out on the street”
Violet laughed, pushing herself up from the carpet as well “I will tell you every detail. Just don’t take too long, I tend to get impatient”
Caitlyn rolled her eyes as she made her way over to the door before disappearing into the dark hallway. Violet chuckled as she watched her go and then looked down at her ring.
It was absolutely stunning and just as she would have wanted it, Caitlyn truly did know her very well. She smiled like an absolutely idiot as she studied the engraved violets a little more whilst waiting for Caitlyn to return. Her feet aimlessly walked around the library as she studied her ring.
Only a minute or two after Caitlyn had left, she heard the door open behind her and she let out a chuckle. “I know I said be quick, but this was really quick”
“I’m not sure who you are expecting to see, but I do promise you… I will be quick”
Violet turned around as though she had been struck by lightning, immediately recognizing the voice that addressed her.
As she turned around, she came eye to eye with the man who had been kicked out of the house earlier that day. Hoskel’s narrowed eyes and smug grin stared her right in the face.
Then Violet’s gaze was lowered when she realised the full extend of the situation she was facing.
Pierre Hoskel was standing in the doorway of the library, smug smirks and all.
Pointing a gun at her.
Chapter 22: A shot in the dark
Notes:
I'm just going to warn all of you that this chapter is just pure angst. There's nothing I can say to lessen the pain that to warn you all.
If you feel the need to yell at me about this chapter, you can do that on Twitter!
https://twitter.com/loveshazellAnyways, good luck!
Chapter Text
There was something about facing death that was unnervingly calming. A certain wave that washed over you as you looked into the barrel of a gun and realised there was no escaping those claws now.
Violet had been on the brink of this so often, yet it had never felt as real as it did in that moment. The stunning realisation that there would be nothing on the other end for her and that this time, she might actually find herself with a bullet between her eyes on the carpeted floor of the Kiramman library, was more than overwhelming.
It was hard to say what was worse, the knowledge of this being her last minutes on earth or knowing that Caitlyn would be the one to find her lifeless body. Perhaps the latter. Because while she had decided that her own life was worthless years earlier, she could not bear the thought of ruining Caitlyn’s when she found her bled out on the beautiful dark blue carpeted floor.
As her grey eyes moved from the gun to the man holding it in a tight grip and back, her hands shot up and she took a step back. “Hoskel, let’s talk about this. Don’t do anything rash now”
Hoskel merely let out a laugh, shaking his head as he answered with “nothing about this is rash, my dear Violet. In fact, I should have done this a long time ago”
The true fear that surfaced in Violet was not because of the gun pointed at her, but because of the man holding the gun. He was unstable and unpredictable, as she had experienced first-hand when travelling towards England by his side. She had not a moment to rest, for the simple fact that she always had to be on her toes and aware of her surroundings in case he might strike. And just when she thought to be rid of him and she had finally given herself a moment to relax, he was there once more to end it all for her.
If only she had kept her guard up a little longer. If only she had not been so fully emerged into her moment with Caitlyn.
She knew nothing else than to blame it all on herself. Because she was the one who had told Mrs. Kiramman that Hoskel was not to be trusted while she should have been the one to protect Caitlyn, keep her out of harm’s way. Yet here she was, with Hoskel back in the house and Caitlyn coming back at any moment.
“You got me kicked out of the house” Hoskel took a step forward, meaning that Violet instantly took another step back. She knew she was coming closer to the wall behind her but she was not going to let this man get any closer unless she had no other choice.
“I did not tell them anything” Violet defended herself, which immediately caused Hoskel to point the gun in her direction with more urgency than before.
“Don’t lie Violet, not to me” he growled “after everything we have been through, all I have done to make sure you would not tell a soul… you still chose to be disobedient”
“I promise you, I did not say anything” Violet’s last attempt to save her own life, knowing that it was useless. The man was not here to listen to her defence, he had only come to finish the job he had started weeks ago.
“Do you know what Cassandra told me in her office?” Hoskel took another step closer. Violet’s back hit the wall the moment she took a step back. “She told me that I had overstayed my welcome and that I was no longer a guest in this house. She also informed me that the staff had complained about my behaviour around the house, but we both know that is not true”
Violet merely swallowed her fear as she pushed her back further into the wall, praying for that miracle in which she might be absolved by them and disappear before the man could fire his weapon.
Hoskel stepped closer once more. Violet pushed back further and spoke in a voice that trembled less than she had expected it to. “Think of what you will lose if you shoot me right here, right now. In the library of a prominent family that will prosecute you for that crime. You’ll spend the rest of your life behind bars”
In hopes that Hoskel might reason with logic, she tried that as her very last argument. But Hoskel seemed to deem himself as a person who could get away with anything he liked, as long as he was faster and quicker than those around him. She’d seen it in France and she was seeing it right now. His eyes had glazed over with a distanced glare, one smug and full of arrogance.
He smirked. “You’re underestimating my ability to get out of situations like these. I’ve done it before haven’t I?” he stepped forward, now close enough to touch her if he wanted to. She could see the gun draw closer to her, pointed at her stomach.
“This is not like that” Violet whispered, now facing the fear she had felt since the moment she had spotted the man in the doorway.
A shake of head and broader smirk from the man standing closer to her than was comfortable. He smelled of whiskey and cigars in a rather ominous way. Something that made her nauseous more than anything. “This is exactly like that. See, when that silly little whore of yours comes back here, the only thing she will find it your bled out body on the floor” he took a step closer, pushing the barrel into her stomach.
“This gun is almost silent. No one will hear the shot. They might hear a scream, but only if I let you suffer before you die. And while I would love to hear those agonizing screams of yours once more, I cannot take the risk of someone finding you before I have gotten the chance to leave, so why don’t we make this quick?”
If it was possible for one’s heart to beat out of their chest, Violet’s heart would have been on the run for quite a while now. She could not do anything but watch as the man raised his gun, pressing the cold metal against her forehead as he clicked the bullet into place – ready to fire.
“Any last words?” Violet did not have any. The only thing she regretted was not telling Caitlyn every detail of what this man had done to her. And the fact that Hoskel’s face was the last thing she saw before she died, instead of the beautiful features of the woman she had just married.
“None?” Hoskel asked when Violet remained quiet, their gazes trained on each other as Hoskel’s finger found the trigger and the cold metal pressed harder against her forehead.
Violet’s eyes closed, shutting them before the bullet could penetrate her skull and it would all be over.
She waited.
But a third voice filled the room before Hoskel had the change to put an end to her misery.
“Drop the gun”
Violet’s eyes snapped open the same moment that Hoskel’s head whipped around and they took the picture before them in at the same time.
Standing in the doorway of the library was Caitlyn. With a rifle in her hands, taking perfect aim at the man who had the much smaller gun pressed against Violet’s forehead still. Caitlyn seemed steady and her aim true, a real force to be reckoned with and Violet knew how well trained she was with weapons as these.
For the first time since Hoskel had stepped into her life, she allowed herself to breath.
Just one breath – for everything changed a second after Caitlyn’s command.
Hoskel was faster than Caitlyn had, apparently, expected. Because, while she kept her aim on the man, he managed to pull Violet in front of him in a swift motion and press the barrel against her neck as they both faced the tall Parisian in front of them.
A moment of silence fell between the three of them and Violet could see Caitlyn calculating the situation and how to go about this. Whilst Hoskel’s grip on her was one she could get out of if she chose to, the gun pressing into her neck was making her re-evaluate that decision before making it. That was a sure way to get shot if she was not careful about it.
Hoskel was the first to speak as he pressed the barrel harder against Vi’s neck. “Don’t do anything silly now, girl. You don’t want me to put a bullet in that pretty little head of hers before I finish you off now, do you?”
Violet could see Caitlyn think, though her face was as stoic and cold as her mother’s usually was. “I said drop the gun” her Parisian lover repeated, her aim never wavering and her hands steady as a surgeon. Must’ve gotten that from her father.
“This is what I do not understand” Hoskel sounded amused almost “you claim to care about her, to love her even – considering the intimate thingsyou wrote to her – and yet you are willing to let me put a bullet in that pretty head of hers?”
This threw Caitlyn off slightly, and Violet knew exactly why. Dread filled her stomach.
“You know?” Caitlyn softly asked, surprise colouring her eyes but her face remaining the same.
“I do, quite a beautiful letter you have written her” Hoskel was almost purring with glee that managed to catch her off guard like that. “Writing about her lips on your neck, her nose between your breasts… sinful, isn’t it?”
“Drop the gun”
But Hoskel continued, his hand now finding Violet’s throat. His thick fingers slowly put pressure on her neck, causing her to gasp as the gun travelled up to her temple, pressing against her skin. “I’m doing the world a favour really, getting rid of the scum”
His lips were close to her ear, tone filled with disgust as he referred to her in that regard. It sent a shiver down her spine as she realised that she had hardly ever met a more vile man than the one currently closing his fingers around her throat painfully tight and making her worst fear come true.
Because there was one thing worse than Caitlyn finding her bled out body. Caitlyn witnessing her murder.
Like cats waiting for either one to make the first move so the other could pounce, Caitlyn and Hoskel stood opposed from each other with Violet in the middle – terror taken over her body and every trauma that Hoskel had put her through rushing back into her system.
Then, Caitlyn decided it was enough – and she stepped forward with the rifle more ready than it had ever been. “I am warning you now Hoskel, if you pull that trigger I will not hesitate to end your life that same second”
Though she knew there were no lies in the words that Caitlyn had spoken, Violet had a feeling that Hoskel thought she might be bluffing.
When Caitlyn stepped closer, Hoskel’s movements before more controlled – more certain. He glanced at Caitlyn, breathing into Violet’s ear as he did so, making sure that the woman was serious. Then, he slowly released the grip on Violet’s neck – her body immediately searching for a breath of air.
He lowered the gun, taking it from Violet’s temple and slowly lowering it until Violet could not feel the cold metal press against her anymore. Three hearts beat rapidly as the stares continued, though Violet was more free than she had been before.
She felt Hoskel’s hand hold her arm in a tight grip as her grey eyes found the cerulean ones that belonged to her lover. Caitlyn looked surprised, suspicious, anxious and above all worried. As stoic as the rest of her face was, Violet could always see her true emotions in her eyes.
For a moment, Violet saw relief flash through those cerulean depths. Relief that Hoskel lowered his gun. That he had pulled his grip from her throat.
Then Hoskel spoke “you know what? That was good. But not good enough”
Relief turned into horror in the blink of an eye – even before Violet realised the reason for it.
Even before she felt the bullet rip her apart.
The series of events followed each other up in a mere couple of seconds. Action became consequence, followed by another action and so on, in a timeframe that Caitlyn could not wrap her head around until all of it was over.
She saw the fear in Violet’s eyes – a fear so deeply rooted in those grey storms that Caitlyn knew in an instant that it did not simply come from being held at gunpoint – and knew that she had to tread as carefully as she possibly could. One wrong move, one wrong word, and there would be catastrophic consequences.
When Hoskel removed his hand from Violet’s throat and lowered his gun, a moment of hope found its way into Caitlyn’s system. For a split second, she felt that he might listen. That he would let go.
Then it all scattered at the words he spoke. It took Caitlyn a moment to realise what he meant, but his words were put into action the second he was done speaking.
What she had not been able to see, since the man had lowered the gun, was the quick motion with which he removed the gun from Caitlyn’s line of sight by pulling it behind Violet, placing it against her pilot’s lower back and fired without hesitation.
A scream ripped from Violet’s lips as the bullet ran her through, finding a stop in one of the bookcases as it had been fired so close to her that it had come out the front.
Hoskel’s hand did not tremble or hesitate as he raised the gun and aimed for Caitlyn milliseconds after pulling the trigger on Violet. While her pilot’s agonizing groans filled the library, Hoskel fired once more.
Just as Hoskel, Caitlyn did not hesitate either. In an immediate response, her aim was true and her hands steady as she pulled the trigger.
The bullet went straight between his eyes - before the man could use Violet as a human shield – killing him the moment his skull was penetrated.
A cry surfaced from Caitlyn’s throat as Hoskel’s bullet buried itself in her shoulder, proving that his aim was – thankfully – a lot worse than expected. As blood poured from the fresh wound in her shoulder, all her attention was focussed on her pilot.
Within those ten seconds, Violet had collapsed on the floor – breaths rapidly lessening as blood poured from her wounded body. Hoskel crumpled like a sack of potatoes and met his final seconds on earth by falling back on the carpeted floor of the library while his heart gave up beating.
Acting on pure adrenaline, pure emotion and a deep need to protect her pilot, Caitlyn had done the one thing she never thought herself capable of. She had killed another human being. And gotten herself shot in the process.
She did not allow herself to process this in the slightest, as her main priority was to care for the woman she had married only half an hour before – who was now bleeding out on those same carpeted floors that they had made their vows on.
Caitlyn dismissed her rifle the second she realised Hoskel was no longer a threat – dropping it on the floor before rushing over to Violet, who was trying to crawl over to her and as far away from Hoskel’s lifeless body as possible.
“Cait” Violet’s tone of voice was shallow and full of pain. She was losing blood rapidly and if no one did anything to stop it, there would only be several more minutes for her pilot before she joined Hoskel in the afterlife.
Caitlyn threw herself onto her knees next to Violet, her mind racing with all she had been taught about medical care and not giving herself a second to register the situation she was in. Her hands worked faster as she pulled Violet into her arms, ignoring the shot wound in her shoulder, and pressed her hands down on the wound on her stomach – the spot where the bullet had found its way out of her body.
“It’s okay, you’re okay. You’re fine, my darling” her voice whispered in a rushed tone, wanting Violet to be as comfortable as she could be in this life-or-death situation.
She could hear her own voice laced with tears, filled with dread and terror as she – quite literally – saw her lover fading in her arms. Without hesitation, she ripped the hem of her dress and pressed the fabric down on her stomach. While this helped a bit, she also realised that there was a fresh wound on her back that needed the same amount of attention.
“Cait, he shot you” Violet softly told her but the woman shook her head.
“I will be fine, it’s just my shoulder” she hardly even felt the wound as she was so deeply focussed on her dying lover in her arms. She ignored the blood running down her arm, the ripped muscle that ached and the splintered bone that made her want to double over and scream.
Violet shook her head “I am sorry I could not protect you” tears ran down her lovers cheeks and all Caitlyn could do was wipe them as her own tears surfaced as well. “Guess this is my punishment”
“No, darling. Listen to me, you are not going to die on me Violet. You hear that?” she ripped a larger strip of fabric from her dress and wrapped it tightly around her stomach to stop the wound from bleeding freely and compressing it as best as she could. Her hands and arms, as well as large parts of her dress, were smeared with both her lover’s blood and her own. It was a bloodbath that seemed to know no end as she cradled Violet in her lap and called out.
“SOMEONE, HELP PLEASE” there must be servants who were still about downstairs, or someone from the family who had perhaps woken up from the sound of the rifle being fired.
She called out again as tears finally poured from her eyes – bloodstained hands cupped Violet’s cheeks as the woman’s complexion was now paler than Caitlyn had ever witnessed it to be. Her own blood mixed with the blood of her lover in a scene that looked like it came straight from a Shakespeare play.
“Love” Violet softly told her as a tear fell from Caitlyn’s eye onto her cheek “don’t cry”
“Violet I swear to God, you are going to be fine” Caitlyn was unsure if she said it to reassure herself, or her dying lover. Whichever it was, she felt as though she was failing miserably.
Violet trembled as her hand reached up and touched Caitlyn’s cheek – undoubtedly leaving a bloodstain on her cheek but she really could not care less – “Caitlyn, please listen to me”
Choking on a combination of tears and pain, all Caitlyn could do was nod as her eyes focussed solely on the shifting grey ones belonging to the woman in her arms.
“I don’t know what is going to happen, but I need you to know that it’s alright” Violet’s tone was calm, yet fading.
“It’s not alright-“
“No, Cait. My life has been complete from the moment I met you. Anything after that has simply been a bonus”
Caitlyn shook her head, nose running as tears freely fell down her cheeks and mixed blood with salt. “You are my everything, Violet. I can’t live without you, I simply can’t”
“You must” the urgency was the last strength her pilot seemed to have as the movement of her chest slowed down. “You have given me the world, my love. All I can do is thank you for loving a broken soul and for letting me love you in return”
“Violet, damnit, I am not fucking letting you go” Caitlyn heard herself cry out – though her voice sounded like it belonged to another woman. A desperate, torn woman whose life had just fallen apart.
She shook her head in denial, leaning in and urgently pressing a last kiss on her lover’s lips. Lips colder than they had ever been. She found Violet kissed her back only barely, but the woman seemed to find her last strength to do so.
Upon withdrawing her lips from Violet’s, she pressed their foreheads together and just cried.
Feeling the life drain from the woman you loved was a scenario more horrifying than she could have imagined. It felt like your soul was ripped from your body and taken with the person fading in your arms, and there was nothing you could do about it.
Just as she heard Violet’s breaths become more and more shallow, she registered the sound of footsteps somewhere in the back of her mind.
Yet all she heard, all she saw, was Violet’s bloodstained face, her hand slowly slipping from Caitlyn’s grip and the movements of her chest slowing with every breath she took.
Her vision was blurry with tears as she vaguely registered her parents running into the library with two maids behind them. She did not see their shocked response, did not hear her mother’s commands that she gave to the maids, and only recognized they were there when her father rushed over and knelt next to them.
He immediately acted accordingly, asking Caitlyn what had happened and instantly looking at the wound and blood loss to see what exactly had to be done.
“Caitlyn, darling, I know you are in shock but I need you to tell me exactly what happened” her father urged her before calling over two more members of staff who had come to check on the commotion. “Help me put Violet on the sofa so I can get a better look at her but be very careful” he warned the staff, before turning his attention back to his daughter.
Caitlyn felt like she had stepped outside herself and watched the entire scene as though she was watching a movie – as though this was not real. Her voice trembled as much as her hands when she answered her father “H-Hoskel, he shot her. It went right through her back and out her s-stomach. Then he shot me and I fired back at the same t-time”
Her father’s hands made fast work of assessing the situation involving her wounded shoulder. “Oh darling” he mumbled as he pulled the fabric that covered her shoulder down and quickly looked at the depth and severity of the wound. “It seems that no irreversible damage has been done, but we need to get that checked out as quickly as possible”
Caitlyn nodded “please help Violet, father. She needs it more than I do now. I created as much of a compression as I could to keep her from bleeding out, but I don’t know if that was enough”
“Alright darling, thank you” he rushed over to Violet’s side, calling for the staff to get his instruments and all of his equipment he had in the house, so he could properly look at her.
Once Violet was pulled from her grip, Caitlyn crawled back over the carpet until her back hit the bookcase and she pulled her knees up to her chest as she watched a blurry image of her father looking after the lifeless body of her pilot.
Her pilot. Her lover. Her Violet.
Her mother’s hands was what pulled her from her state of shock ever so slightly. It was a gentle hand on her one unwounded shoulder, soft and loving, urging her to look up. When she did, her mother’s face was kinder than she had seen it in years, but full of worry at the same time.
“Darling come, let your father do his job and the servants help him. The police and hospital have been rung and they will be here as soon as they possibly can” her mother’s voice gently urged her as the older woman crouched down and took one of her bloodstained hands.
Caitlyn really could not care less about any of it, as long as Violet got to live. She would carve out her own heart and hand it to Violet if that meant her pilot would survive.
All she could see as she looked ahead was her father busying herself with her lover, fighting to keep her alive while Caitlyn’s entire body trembled in shock. Powerless to fight her, she let her mother pull her up from her curled up position against the bookcase. Her gaze turned towards the lifeless body of Pierre Hoskel just a short distance away from her. Not a soul had given him a worthy glance since entering the library, especially because it was a bloodbath beyond measures.
Following her mother out of the library, into the hallway, she finally started to feel that throbbing pain in her shoulder. Her mother sat her down on one of the sofas in the hallway as a maid rushed over with a bowl of warm water, bandages and a cloth.
“Thank you, now leave us” her mother informed the maid, Caitlyn registered a voice filled with concern come from her mother’s throat.
“But I thought-“
“Leave us” was her mother’s direct order, to which the maid immediately rushed off and dove into the library to see if she could be of any help.
Caitlyn’s state of shock slowly wore off and her rapid breaths turned into sobs as her mother dipped the cloth into the bowl and gently cleaned the wound on her shoulder that was starting to hurt more and more with each second the adrenaline from before wore off.
Neither of them said anything as Caitlyn merely sobbed. She must’ve looked horrendous. Face and neck covered in blood that could either be hers or Violet’s, shoulder destroyed by the bullet that had been taken hostage by her shoulder, dress ripped from the fabric she had used to compress Violet’s wounds, hair wild and wet from tears, sweat and blood.
And yet her mother said something so unexpected that it took Caitlyn a moment to process it.
“I know you love her”
She choked on her own breath. Perhaps because her mother seemed more aware of her relationship with Violet than she had previously thought, or perhaps because she was about to lose that woman to the selfish acts of a man she had killed.
“And I know your father will do everything he can to save her” her mother softly told her. Caitlyn had never heard her use a tone this gentle. “He knows how much she means to you”
There was no room for shame in that moment. Not when the woman who had captured her heart was dying in the other room. “She means the world to me” Caitlyn’s voice was but a whisper “she’s- everything”
Her mother simply nodded as her fingers took the bandages and worked on wrapping up her shoulder until she would be properly taken care of in the hospital. “Then please tell me what happened. I need to know everything. The entire truth”
Since her state of shock was slowly wearing off and she had found the ability to properly talk and think ever so slightly, Caitlyn tried her best to put it all into words to the best of her abilities.
“Violet and I were talking in the library when I excused myself to go to the bathroom” she started after taking a deep breath. “Upon my return, I found Hoskel holding her at gunpoint. They hadn’t seen me, so I rushed to grab my rifle and when I came back and aimed it at him, he held Violet in front of him and threatened to shoot her if I shot him”
Her mother patiently nodded and waited for her to find the correct words, which sometimes took a moment, but she persisted. She had to tell her mother the truth. For Violet.
“H-he eventually lowered his weapon and loosened his grip. Then a second later, he shot her in the back. The gun was too close to her so the bullet went right through her. Immediately after shooting her, he aimed at me and we fired at the same time-“ she stopped when she choked on a sob whilst realising the true severity what she had done.
Tears spilled from her eyes as she trembled and her mother pulled her into her arms, for the first time not caring about her appearance and whether or not she would get bloodstains all over her dressing gown.
“I killed him, mother” Caitlyn sobbed, her hand covering her mouth to stop herself from sobbing but it felt almost impossible. “I shot and killed him”
“You did what you had to do, darling” her mother urged her, not allowing her daughter drown herself in her own guilt for shooting a man as horrendous as Pierre Hoskel. Caitlyn felt her mother’s hand softly stroke her back as she held her close. “Lord knows he deserved it”
“I’ll get prosecuted for it mother. What if I go to prison?” she gasped for air in between her sobs, almost inconsolable from everything that had just happened and every realisation that seeped into her conscious now that it was over for the most part.
Her mother pulled away slightly to cradle her daughter’s tear and blood stained face in her hands. Caitlyn could see a mist of tears in her mother’s cerulean eyes as the older woman shook her head “I will not let that happen, you hear me? I will fight for you, my darling daughter”
Caitlyn could only nod, her mind clouded and heart bleeding with love and worry for her pilot in the other room. A knock on the front door did not change that, and neither did the stream of people entering the Kiramman residence.
The police wanted an immediate word with Caitlyn, but had her mother to deal with first as Cassandra claimed that her daughter needed medical attendance before any questioning and that her state of shock left her without the ability to properly inform them of what had happened.
Those sent by the hospital had a first priority in taking care of Violet and rushed into the library, with only one nurse finding Caitlyn’s side in the hallway and helping her up so she, too, could be moved to the hospital.
It all went by in flashes and when asked later on, Caitlyn hardly remembered anything that happened once the hospital staff and police had arrived.
The one clear image that burned on her mind, however, was the covered body of her pilot on a stretcher as it was carried outside towards the vehicle that would take her to the hospital immediately.
Followed by her father as he emerged from the library, his dark eyes finding his daughter.
Her ears rang as the image of Violet’s lifeless body on that stretcher played on her mind over and over again. She had not even been able to see if she had been breathing or not. It had all gone by in a flash as she stood there in the middle of the hallway surrounded by the wreckage of her life.
The last thing she heard was her father’s voice.
“I am so sorry, Caitlyn”
Then it all faded to black.
Chapter 23: Violet.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Forcing one’s eyes to open and blink up against the sunlight often seemed like an impossible task, especially in the current condition that Caitlyn was residing in. Though her heavy eyelids were willing to open, something about her exhausted state made it nearly impossible.
The first thing she noticed, when regaining enough consciousness to actually take notion of her surroundings, was the heavy and painful throb in her shoulder. Like a lightbulb that switched on, she was reminded of the moment she had gotten shot. And then another memory of her lover bleeding out in her arms.
Her heart sank.
Then it broke. Over and over again.
Her full, pounding head found a bit of rest when she slipped back into a cloud of unconsciousness that did not last as long as the one before had. She slipped into a dream of simple colours that floated around in her vision. Red, black, blue, green, grey.
The grey remained as the others faded out, leaving her with the image of Violet’s beautiful, restless grey eyes as they stared at her without emotion. She’d never witnessed them like this, for her Violet always carried her feelings and emotions in her eyes. They were the literal windows to her soul and her heart – finding them empty was more painful than not finding them at all.
When her lover’s eyes faded from her vision, she finally found the strength to open her own cerulean ones. Without the knowledge of where she was or how long she had been away, she blinked against the bright light that shone directly on her face.
Being as observant as she prided herself to be, it was easy to conclude it was most likely midday. The question playing on her mind next being: the mid of what day?
Having had it with the sunlight that hit her vision just long enough to annoy her, she turned her head to the other side. This helped her come to yet another conclusion: she was in a bed in a white room with machinery around her. Giving the machinery a better look made her draw her conclusions that she was, as suspected, in a hospital.
Her ears were ringing and her head still throbbed with that familiar pound. Trying to sit up appeared to be an impossible task, considering the fact that her shoulder felt even worse than the last moment she remembered back in the house. Back where she had left her love and her soul behind with the woman who may or may not be dead.
“Caitlyn?”
A door opened with an unfamiliar click, but the voice in question was one she did not oppose to hearing. Her father.
When lifting her head slightly, she was pleased to see her father rush to her side – taking her hand immediately as his other reached out and gently brushed a dark curl from her face. “Thank goodness you’re awake”
“How long was I asleep?” she managed tomumble, voice softer and more hoarse than she liked or remembered it to be. The concern in her father’s eyes still brought her no assurance in regards to the situation she was currently in.
Her father gave her a pitiful smile, thumb caressing her forehead as he kept his hand on top of her head of black curls. “Two days”
Two days. For a shot shoulder. That sounded pathetic to her own ears. The other thing that played on her mind from the first moment she had regained her consciousness, was her lover.
“Violet-“
“She is alive” her father immediately reassured her, his smile finding more sincerity now – though Caitlyn could still spot something else in his gaze. Something he had not told her yet. Something unnerving.
“But?” she dared ask, dreading the answer more than she had ever dreaded anything in her entire life. There were multiple possible outcomes and most of them were not the ones Caitlyn wanted to hear about.
“But-“ her father continued, smile fading into something close to sorrow. “She hasn’t woken up yet”
Caitlyn could not let go of the breath she was holding. Though this was not what she hoped to hear, it sounded like there was still hope that she might wake up. That there might still be a chance for her to survive, to live. “I see”
Her father’s hand found hers and he gently squeezed her fingers. “The bullet destroyed one of her kidneys, so they had to remove it. She was in surgery for several hours, but they managed to stop the bleeding and get her out of a life threatening situation. That only thing we must hope for is that it does not get infected”
"Caitlyn finally let go of her breath, finding that this was possibly the best news she could have received that day. All her fears about her pilot dying alone on a surgical table had been removed, but that did not mean that there were not any risks involved. “What about the kidney?”
“It’s possible to live with just one kidney” her father reassured her, squeezing her hand softly. “The thing that worries me most at this point is the fact that she has yet to wake”
His dark eyes reflected a concern that did not put Caitlyn’s mind at ease the slightest bit. Her fingers ached with a need to run them through Violet’s short curls and her arms were desperate to hold her lover until she would wake. She wanted to be there when she woke up, instead of her waking by herself in a white hospital room without a clue where she was.
She knew Violet well enough to know that her waking up by herself in an environment she did not know, while injured, would make her spiral out of control. She’d be like a hunted animal driven into a corner, and who knew what would happen then?
“I want to see her”
“Darling, you can’t. Your shoulder has taken a really nasty hit. They removed the bullet but it practically scattered your bone and muscle. It’ll take a while for you to be able to use it again, and you will most likely have trouble with it for the rest of your life” her father’s gentle voice did nothing to calm her down as Caitlyn shot up in bed – ignoring the sharp pain that shot through her injured shoulder.
She was not going to let her pilot rot in that bed all by herself. She only had an injured shoulder, damnit, she had been through a lot worse after getting out of that German prison. A shattered shoulder was certainly not going to stop her from seeing her wife.
Right. Her wife.
After quickly checking, and hoping that her father would not notice, she glanced at the hand that had worn the ring before she had been transferred to the hospital – only to find out that her hand was empty.
“Where is my ring?” she looked around in a slight panic. One that was easily solved by her father as he took the ring from her nightstand and handed it to her.
“They removed it in case your hand would swell because of your injured shoulder”
Caitlyn’s unharmed hand snatched it from him the second he presented it to her, and slid it onto her finger. It fit like a glove.
She looked down at it for a moment, admiring it once more, since she had not gotten enough of a chance to do so in the library. Her heart swelled with pride, knowing that it was a symbol of the love between her and her pilot. A promise from her Violet to love her through all that might befall them.
Such as a vengeful maniac who had almost caused Violet’s untimely end.
Her father did not ask her about the ring. He merely acknowledged that she wore it, studying it the same moment that Caitlyn did, and giving her a rather knowing glance once Caitlyn’s cerulean irises found his trusting, loving ones. “I’d like to see her now, father. She does not do well in unfamiliar environments by herself”
Her father seemed more than hesitant to let her go. It was most likely a struggle between his knowledge as a surgeon, which told him that she ought to stay in bed and rest, and his heart as a father, which was more than happy to take her to Violet’s room.
Which side won became clear when he told her “only if you promise to rest afterwards. The sooner you heal, the longer you can spend by her side”
When those words were spoken, Caitlyn found herself leaping out of her bed far too quickly – causing her to grab her bandaged shoulder instantly. Her arm was put in a sling to keep her from moving her shoulder too much. It made her feel more helpless than she liked to be, because her father had to step in and take her arm to help her towards the door.
It was embarrassing to say the least. There was nothing wrong with her legs, but she still felt like she had not used them in weeks. It almost felt as though she had to find an entirely new way to walk. After putting her floral, silk dressing gown over her hospital nightgown – her father informed her that her mother had made sure that all the personal items that she might need had been transferred to her room – she made her way towards Violet’s room with her father.
The walk through those white hallways was excoriatingly long in Caitlyn’s opinion. In a way it felt like she was walking from Marseille to Paris without having trained for it. She was out of breath by the time she arrived in Violet’s room, which puzzled her since the walk had only been several hallways long.
Stepping through that door terrified Caitlyn to her very core. Because she had no clue what to expect. And what she saw when she rounded the corner, was something she had not been prepared for.
Violet was lying on her bed, body covered by those white blankets that Caitlyn already despised. Her eyes were closed and dark circles surrounded them. Her skin had a very pale tint to it, lips dry and flaky, hair matted and tangled. She hardly looked anything like herself, and Caitlyn’s heart broke because of it.
In the fastest pace she could muster, she made her way over to her lover, almost collapsing into the chair by her bed and clutching her bruised hand like a lifeline. There were so many questions, so many concerns, so many things wrong with what she saw in front of her.
Her father followed not long after, but Caitlyn only had eyes for the woman whose breaths were as shallow as could be. Silently, she felt her father’s hand come to rest on the shoulder that was not injured.
“Why does she look like that?” she finally managed to whisper as her thumb gently stroked over the dark bruises on Violet’s already scarred hand.
“Her body has endured a lot of trauma. All the bruises and dark spots are signs of healing”
“Oh Violet” tears came to the surface once more, especially because of how hopeless the entire situation felt. All she wanted to do was take that pain from her beloved pilot and make her feel better. Alas, she could not. There was only her support that she could grand to her lover now.
Her father’s hand gave her shoulder a soft squeeze. “How are you feeling, darling?”
“Tired” Caitlyn admitted softly as she forced the tears back. She refused to cry in front of her father. Kirammans did not cry with others around, not when those others were members of the family or high society, at least.
“I was afraid you might say that” his hand slid off her shoulder. Caitlyn’s eyes never left her pilot as her father continued “there is something I have yet to inform you of, because it is... slightly unethical”
“What is it?” Caitlyn was unsure if the zooming noise in her head was her exhaustion or the simple fact that there might be more wrong with Violet if her father talked like this.
A sigh from the man behind her pulled her from her thoughts. “Violet lost a lot of blood, as you are well aware, and she needed a transfusion. However, there was no match for a blood donor at the time she was brought into the hospital… except one”
Caitlyn remained quiet as her eye suddenly fell on her own arm as the sleeve of her dressing gown had slid off whilst she had taken Violet’s hand. The inside of her elbow was as bruised as the hand she was currently holding.
Things slowly clicked into place as she came to her own conclusions on the matter. “Me?” for the first time since entering the room, her eyes lifted upwards towards her father.
The man simply nodded. “You” he sighed softly before continuing “you were, however, unconscious and one is not supposed to make those decisions about an individual patient without them consciously there… but she would have bled out had it not been for that transfusion and I knew you would have agreed with it, had you been asked”
“Of course. In a heartbeat”
Her father nodded “which is why I agreed in your name. She needed two transfusions in total, which is why you are feeling more tired than usual. Your body still needs to come back from the blood withdrawal”
Caitlyn’s hand softly squeezed Violet’s. How terribly lucky that she had been a match for her. While Caitlyn knew she ought to be upset that her father had made such a decision for her, she was eternally grateful that he had. For without that decision, she would have been at Violet’s grave instead of her bedside – and that was a fate worse than having some blood withdrawn from your body without your consent.
“I’ll have to telephone your mother to inform her that you have woken up, please do not stay for longer than an hour” her father urged her, only earning him a nod in return as her attention had already been drawn back to Violet’s unconscious figure.
Once she was alone with her Violet, she found nothing was stopping her from doing the one thing she had been desperate for since waking up. She pushed herself up from her chair, holding the side of the bed to keep herself steady, and without hesitation climbed into bed with her unconscious lover.
The overwhelming urge to make Violet feel safe was stronger than any fear or worry that a doctor or nurse might find her in bed with an unconscious patient. She would deal with that issue when it came to pass. All that was on her mind now was Violet.
The bed was not as large as she had initially though it would be, but she managed to squeeze herself in with her pilot. It was quite the struggle with her injured shoulder and her arm in a sling, but she eventually managed to lay down on her good side and snuggle as close to Violet as she could.
Her fingers found their way into her tangled, matted hair and she softly scratched her pilot’s scalp just the way she always liked it. Without thinking about it, she leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss on her lover’s forehead. Her skin smelled of disinfectant and hospital soap, not at all like the comforting scent she usually carried. Still, Caitlyn could not help but nuzzle her nose in the hairline on Violet’s forehead and pressing another gentle kiss on her skin.
“I’m right here for you darling” she found herself whispering as she laid her head back on the pillow, lips close to her ear. “I do not know where you are, and if you can even hear me, but I am right here and I am not going anywhere”
Violet did not answer her of course, but it felt reassuring that there was a slight chance that she might hear her. That her voice could perhaps guide her through the dark valleys of her subconscious, guide her out and towards the real world.
“Do you want to hear a story?” she softly asked, followed by a chuckle when she realised that Violet would not respond. “I’ll tell you anyways, even if you might not want to hear it”
Her short nails kept gently scratching Violet’s scalp, knowing it calmed her down when she was awake so it might also help in her current state. “When I was younger, my parents and I would visit London about twice a year. Once for a Holiday and every so often for my aunt’s birthday” she started.
“My aunt Florence was my favourite person in the world. She’s my father’s only sister and she’s always been a bit of a black sheep in the family. She never married, never had children, and she lives in a large townhouse with her friends Ruth and Henry” Caitlyn could not help but frown slightly as she thought of the dismay with which her mother always regarded to her aunt, something Caitlyn never really understood when she was younger.
She continued “it’s always been a scandal, especially for an aristocratic family, that an unmarried woman would share a home with an unmarried man and another unmarried woman” Caitlyn paused for a moment to press a soft kiss on Violet’s temple, just in case she could not hear her and she needed reassurance that she was still there, through touch. “As a child, I did not understand the scandal around it. All I knew was that there was nothing more glorious than the days spend with my aunt Florence and her best friend Ruth as they taught me how to paint or embroider. They were always so kind, so… gentle. They were a world of difference from my own mother and the women of high society that I grew up around. They weren’t snobbish or haughty at all, but they lived a very sheltered life, withdrawn from high society”
Her fingers twirled the few curls, that were not tangled, around the length of them as Caitlyn took a moment to breathe. As she did so, she searched for a sign that Violet could hear her. A twitch of a finger or a steadier breath, but she was met with nothing in return.
So she picked her story back up. “When I was about 14, I came to realise why it was seen as such a scandalous thing once my mother informed me of the role a woman ought to have in regards to a man and how it was highly inappropriate for unmarried women to live with unmarried men. I was not allowed to visit by myself anymore after that, because I was a young woman and being around an unmarried man in such a scandalous setting was more than inappropriate”
Thinking back of those days, how happy she had always been when visiting her aunt and how truly loved she had felt around those people, she still found it hard to wrap her head around what it had been that her mother had tried to protect her from. Ruth and Henry were as much of an aunt and uncle to her as her biological aunt was and it had been truly heart-breaking to say goodbye to them over a decade ago.
“Do you know why I am telling you all this?” she mumbled into Violet’s soft, tangled hair. “I’ve thought of them a lot lately, of my aunt more specifically… and I think that she might be like us. That there was more than simple friendship between her and her best friend… I didn’t know it then, but I think I know it now” her fingers stopped scratching and she simply stroked Violet’s forehead with her thumb.
“I’d like to introduce you to her when you’re well again. That is, if she wants to see me”
A silence fell between the two of them as Caitlyn’s thoughts drifted to her aunt whom she had broken contact with over 12 years ago. Even her father hardly contacted her, and she knew that he and his sister used to be very close. There was something that had ripped apart the entire family bond and caused them to be alienated from the Kiramman name and title. All because fear of scandal lived in the hearts of those who dominated high society.
It did not take Caitlyn long to find herself drifting off as she curled up into Violet’s side. Something as comforting as being close to the person you loved more than life itself, made her find a peaceful rest as her eyes fell shut. Floating on her mind were images of the last time she had seen her aunt, blurred together with images of Violet lying in a pool of her own blood. The piece was quickly shifted as that image entered her mind but she found reassurance in having Violet by her side.
Her rest was short-lived, however, when she was pulled from her dreams by a hand that shook her awake. Upon opening her eyes, she was met with the face of a woman she had not seen before but was dressed in an outfit that resembled a nurse’s uniform.
“Excuse me miss, but I have to ask you if you are direct family and if you would kindly remove yourself from the bed, considering the patient is in poor health and must not be disturbed” the nurse spoke in a kind voice but her words sounded less than.
Caitlyn blinked against the light several times before shaking her head as she answered. “I- uhm no, I’m not direct family but she is a resident at my parents’ home” she could hardly tell this woman that Violet was her wife. That would be a true scandal on her hands right there, and she was not about to drag the Kiramman name through the mud as her aunt had apparently done years ago.
With a bit of trouble, her wounded shoulder still gave her a hard time, she managed to push herself up and get out of Violet’s bed. The second she removed herself from Violet’s presence, she felt an emptiness inside of her that she knew could only be filled with Violet’s touch and embrace. She swallowed thickly as she looked back at the unmoving body of her pilot, still in the same position and same state.
She had, pathetically, held on to a small spark of hope that her voice and embrace might pull Violet from her deep state of unconsciousness. She had been wrong to think so, of course, and felt naïve for even thinking such a thing.
The nurse nodded as she seemed to connect some dots. “You’re Mrs. Dubois then?”
“Miss Kiramman, please. My husband’s dead” she knew the nurse had done nothing to deserve her snappy tone, but she had grown to despise being called by her late husband’s last name. She had never truly belonged to him and thus that name held no value to her, not anymore.
She paid the frown from the nurse no mind. “Of course, Miss Kiramman… would you like me to escort you back to your room?”
“I can find it myself, thank you” using one hand to retie the dressing gown around her waist was harder than she had anticipated it to be, but she managed to do so without the help of the nurse who seemed more than eager to do so. She didn’t need it. Not her help, anyways.
Finding her way back to her room had caused her to take several wrong turns, since her mind had been so preoccupied with Violet earlier that day, that she had not paid attention to where her father had actually taken her. She managed to find her room eventually and settled back into bed feeling more restless than when she had woken up from her two day slumber. She’d hardly taken any time to process everything that happened but she found that there was no time for that when Violet’s current state was a more pressing matter at hand.
Without anything to keep her busy, she settled back against her pillow and simply stared at the wall as she let her thoughts run wild. They were rapidly changing from Violet, to her aunt, to Hoskel’s dead body on the library floor, to her parents, back to her Violet covered in blood and then Violet in that hospital bed looking smaller and more fragile than Caitlyn had ever seen her.
The train of thoughts exhausted her, but before she could catch a wink of sleep she was interrupted by a knock on her door and a man in uniform on her doorstep. Hardly phased, since she knew this was coming, Caitlyn merely glanced at him as she gave him a distant “come in”
“Good afternoon Mrs. Dubois-”
“Miss Kiramman”
The men stepped closer to her bed as he nodded “Miss Kiramman, my name is detective Smith. I am the lead detective on the case involving a late Mr. Hoskel”
Though Caitlyn knew her reasons for shooting the man were entirely justified, she still felt her heart crawl up to her throat at the mention of this case. There was no other witness to the entire incident other than Violet, who was far from consciousness and any ability to answer questions in regards to this case.
“I see” was all Caitlyn gave the man in return.
Detective Smith took off his hat as he nodded at the chair by her bedside, silently asking permission to sit which Caitlyn granted him with the nod of her head. “I have several questions I’d like to ask you in regards to the incident of Mr. Hoskel’s death. I have already spoken to both your parents, but seeing as you were on the scene itself, you are the most important witness”
Caitlyn gave him a glare “witness… not suspect?”
“That is still to be determined Miss, but so far you are seen as a witness”
Caitlyn swallowed, knowing that the truth might not be enough to set her free. Her parents had told their side of the story, of course, but there were many ways the story could be spun and many reasons for her to be prosecuted.
Still, she nodded in agreement to answering the questions. Answering with the truth would be better than to stay silent and take the punishment she did not deserve.
“Would you please walk me through the events of the night of October 24th 1943?” detective Smith asked her. Caitlyn adjusted herself slightly so she was sitting up, wanting to be fully present in order to give the man every detail he needed to find out the truth.
A deep breath. Then she spoke. “The night of the incident, Miss McAdams and I were in the library of my parents’ home in Belgrave square. We were simply chatting and I excused myself to use the bathroom. When I came back, I expected to find her by the fireplace where we had been conversing before. Instead I found Mr. Hoskel by her side, holding a gun to her neck”
“Did you hear what he said to her?”
Caitlyn shook her head “no, I simply saw the gun and I knew I had to do something. Since our family hunts for sport, we legally own several rifles. Ones that are kept in a closed off room close to the library. I immediately rushed to the room to gather my rifle, before returning to the library”
She paused for a moment, forcing the horrifying images of that night back into her mind. Taking a deep breath, she dared continue. “I told him to drop the gun three times. He threatened Miss McAdams, holding the gun to her temple as he told me that he was getting rid of scum and doing the world a pleasure by taking her life”
She could not tell him why of course, but hearing Hoskel’s voice echo in the back of her mind brought her back to that moment and filled her veins with hatred. “I told him to drop the gun one more time, and he did. Or so I thought. He lowered the gun and loosened his grip on Miss McAdams, but before I could respond he pulled the gun from my line of vision and shot her in the back. He then proceeded to point the gun at me and he fired at the same moment I did”
A silence fell as the detective wrote her words down in a book, making Caitlyn worried that he might not get the important details in there. The man looked up when Caitlyn did not continue and dared ask. “He shot you in the shoulder, yet you decided to shoot him between the eyes. From what I have gathered on the crime scene and your own story, you are no amateur when it comes to shooting. You knew a shot like that would kill him”
Caitlyn could hardly contain her anger as she sat up straighter, ignoring the way her shoulder ached at each move she made. “I took that shot because I know that man. He shot Miss McAdams without a warning and then shot me. I merely defended myself, and I knew that if I did not kill him – he would have killed both of us”
“Alright Miss Kiramman, no need to be upset” the man held up a hand, urging her to stay calm when he had asked a more than inappropriate question.
“I think it is more than reasonable for me to be upset, I also think I have provided you with all the information you ought to know” her cold tone and exterior seemed to intimidate the man slightly, something she took pride in. Sometimes being raised in high society was a blessing more than a curse. “I would like to rest, if you do not mind”
The detective seemed to realise that going on with his questioning was a waste of both their time, because Caitlyn had lost all mood of answering the man any further. She’d been put through hell that night and almost lost her wife, if she would not lose her still, and this man tried to question why she had killed Hoskel? The absolute disrespect and disregard for what she and Violet had been through made her nauseous.
“I understand Miss Kiramman” the man took his hat from his lap and placed it back on his head with a nod “I will be back another day for further questioning. I do hope you will have a rapid recovery”
“I will see you when that day comes detective Smith. Please call in a nurse for me on your way out” her haughty tone was one she had learned from her mother, one she usually hated, but she was more than willing to use it when it came to arrogant men such as this detective.
Detective Smith seemed to realise his error in wording as he nodded and tapped his hat before stepping out of the room – leaving Caitlyn in a rather unpleasant mood in regards to the interview.
The nurse that came in a while later was a lot nicer than the detective – thankfully – and offered her a glass of water before asking if she needed help with anything else.
“Yes, I would like to write a letter to my aunt so I would appreciate writing paper, a pen and an envelope” she started, receiving a nod and a kind smile from the nurse.
“Of course Miss” she turned around to retrieve the items Caitlyn had asked for, but the Parisian called for another favour.
“I have something else I’d like to ask of you, if you do not mind?” Caitlyn asked her before she could step out the door.
The nurse turned her head with a curious look “yes?”
“Could you keep me informed on the state of Miss McAdams, just two hallways down? She is a dear friend of mine”
“Yes Miss” the young nurse kindly nodded “of course”
Settling back against the pillows when the nurse left the room, Caitlyn felt relieved. At least she would not be kept in the dark about Violet’s situation anymore, and she would have the chance to write to her aunt with a question that had played on her mind since the moment she had told her pilot about her.
The more calm state of mind that had taken over, had also properly exhausted her. It had been a more than trying day and dinner time was rolling around soon. Perhaps a proper meal and a good night’s sleep would help her clear her mind and make her feel better in the morning.
Just as she was drifting off, the same young nurse as before announced her presence by softly knocking on the door. Caitlyn’s eyes opened, though they felt heavy and as though they might close again at any given moment.
“I brought the things you requested Milady” ah. It seemed that someone had informed the nurse of her title. Odd, considering no one had called her by her title before that moment. Caitlyn decided to let it slide, figuring some doctor had perhaps gotten wind of her being the daughter of a well-known surgeon who bore an aristocratic title and the Kiramman last name as well.
“Thank you” she softly thanked the nurse, who placed the items on her bedside table, already closing her eyes once again so she could drift off into that slumber she had been reaching for until the nurse had waltzed back into her room.
She heard the click of the nurse’s low heels walk away from her bed, then they suddenly stopped and her voice found Caitlyn’s exhausted ears. “Oh, and I asked if you could be kept up to date regarding Miss McAdams’ situation, but apparently she woke up about an hour ago”
Caitlyn’s eyes shot open in an instant, sleep long forgotten, and her mind spinning with the news she had just received.
Her pilot was awake.
Without asking further questions or even thanking the nurse, Caitlyn rushed out of bed. Her shoulder accidently hit the doorway on her way out and though she cursed loudly and immediately grasped her shoulder in her hand to keep it from getting hurt any further, she proceeded to run through the hallways.
She did not care who saw her, who tried to stop her or who might recognize her. All that was on her mind was Violet.
Violet. Violet. Violet.
Her bare feet sped through the cold, white hospital hallways until she reached the room where she had been sitting hours before.
As she rounded the corner, out of breath and probably looking quite dishevelled, she spotted the woman who had not left her mind a single second over the past several months.
Her pilot was lying in bed still, a doctor and a nurse by her side, but her eyes were wide open and found her the second she appeared in the doorway.
Never had Caitlyn seen a more pure form of happiness than what she saw reflected in the grey storms of her pilot. Even though the woman could hardly smiled with all the medication in her system, her eyes told her exactly how relieved and exhilarated she was.
Unable to move as her cerulean eyes were entirely transfixed on the grey ones that were Violet McAdams’, she simply stared.
Her pilot was the first one to talk, as a small smile found its way to her cracked, dry lips. She was clearly feeling the high of her medicine, but that did not take from the happiness that Violet seemed to feel. It reflected in her tone, because that familiar cheeky grin of hers was back as she took in all of Caitlyn.
Then she broke the silence between them.
“Hello beautiful”
Notes:
We have hit the 150k word mark on this story and I am S C R E A M I N G because of how absolutely unhinged this fic has caused me to become.
Anyways, I hope this chapter somewhat healed a few hearts after the disaster that was last chapter.
Only 7 more chapters to go before we move on to a new historical AU (because I have lots cooked up in my gay head and there are many, many more to come)
But until we cross that bridge, see you next time, my loves!
Chapter 24: The fruits of my misfortunes
Notes:
TW: mental health issues (esp. PTSD and depression)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
A scream ripped from her throat the second she sat up in bed, immediately followed by a shot of pain in her side as she came back to herself. Heartbeat far from steady and forehead dripping in sweat, Violet looked around as her blurry vision tried to make sense of her surroundings.
Slowly – as it always happened – she calmed down when she realised that her surroundings were the same as when she had gone to sleep. White walls, covered windows and even whiter sheets. As she settled back against the pillows, which were soaked from the profuse sweating she had apparently submitted herself to while asleep, she tried thinking of something to calm her down.
She let her mind run through several classical pieces she loved to play on the piano. She really had not played in a long time. Last time was back in France with Caitlyn.
Caitlyn.
Even the thought of her mere name brought a smile to her lips and Violet softly whispered it out loud as she turned her head towards the window. Her thoughts absentmindedly drifted off to the crippling feeling of guilt she felt every time she saw Caitlyn with her arm in that sling.
If only she had told someone when they had come to England. If only she had not been so afraid of the disgustingly detailed consequences that Hoskel had informed her about time and time again, they would not be here. And Caitlyn would not be afraid to go back home to her parents’ home.
The fact that Caitlyn dreaded being discharged, because she did not want to go back to that house and see that library, made Violet regret it all. She had hurt Caitlyn beyond measures when trying to keep her safe, and she was not sure if she would find a point in her life where she would be able to forgive herself for that.
Her punishment for putting Caitlyn in danger had come in the form of the most horrendous dreams. Dreams that plagued her every night and brought her back to the times she wished she had been dead instead of being forced to live through the things she had. Sometimes they included Caitlyn. Bruised and broken Caitlyn after getting her out of prison. Shot Caitlyn bleeding out as she held Violet in her lap. Or simply the images of what Hoskel had told her he would do to Caitlyn, should she ever whisper a word to anyone about his crimes.
A silent tear ran down her scarred cheek. A sign that somewhere deep inside, she was broken beyond measures still. And not even the cerulean gaze of her lover was able to fix that. She was a broken soul. Something unworthy of love. Unworthy of the way Caitlyn gazed upon her. It hurt her, knowing that Caitlyn could have someone so much better, so much more worthy of the unconditional love she gave.
So Violet’s fist angrily brushed the tear from her eye, as her thoughts wandered back to the dream she had just been ripped from. She closed her eyes and forced herself to remember every detail of her latest dream. Because she deserved the punishment of these dreams for what she had put Caitlyn through. What she had put everyone through. Jayce. Madeleine. Why was she worthy of living when they were not?
Shutting her eyes harder, her thoughts wandered back to the flashes of horror she had gone through just moments before waking up.
“Violet, Violet, Violet” when forcing her eyes open, Violet found she was bound to the same chair she was always bound to. Because every dream started the same. Blurry vision first, realisation that she was bound to a chair second. A beautifully crafted chair made of dark oakwood, carvings of violets in the legs and the arms, and deep red velvet cusions on the back and the seat. Her arms were bound to the arms of the chair, palms always resting on two violets that were carved into that specific spot. Her legs were tied to the chair’s own legs, unable for her to move and completely at the mercy of whoever was in front of her.
It was always someone different. But always someone who had their own reason for wanting revenge on her. The person always sat in the dark for the first few seconds, then got up as they called her name and stepped into the light.
This time, she knew exactly who it was from the chanting of her name.
Her sister.
Without the knowledge of what she would look like after all those years, her mind had made up whatever fucked up illusion it was of the sweet girl that had once been her own flesh and blood.
Stepping into the light, Powder’s hair was rolled up into a rather skilled roll – much like Caitlyn like to wear her hair – and she was wearing navy blue trousers along with a yellow blouse. She looked pretty. Pretty in the way she always looked after Violet had put small flowers from the backyard into her hair when they were younger.
“Powder” she managed to croak, finding her voice sounded nothing like her own. It sounded foreign and hoarse, almost like her vocal chords had been ripped out.
“That’s not my name” was the answer her sister gave her – the answer she always gave her. “I have a new name now. My new family really wanted to erase my old one from my memory”
“No-“
“And they were successful, you know?” Powder let out a soft laugh, sending shivers down Violet’s spine. “When we were separated, I thought it was the worst thing in the world. I thought I could never love that new family, because you were my family”
Violet’s heart almost stopped beating as she held her breath and struggled against the restraints. It was no use. It never was.
“I was so convinced you would come rescue me” Powder continued as she came closer to Violet, crouching down to come face to face with her older sister. “But you never did”
“I tried to find you Powder, I swear! But I was not 18 yet and all those files are sealed shut, there was no way-“
“YOU SHOULD HAVE TRIED HARDER” the scream from Powder’s lips was one she had heard in many dreams, yet never failed to terrify her. “You could have come for me Violet. I waited for you, for so many years… but you gave up on me”
She felt a tear run down her cheek. This felt too real. Though she knew it was just her imagination, the fear and the guilt was real. She had been living with that for years and it never became less painful. “I had to give up Powder. You were gone, there were no possible ways to trace you”
Powder merely shook her head as she got back up “lucky for you, I am not the only one you disappointed. I can name like- a whole bunch of them. All of them think you are an absolute piece of garbage. Someone who should have died in that library. You were not worth saving. Just like you thought none of us were worth saving”
“That’s not true” she tried, fighting harder against the ropes which only seemed to tighten the more she fought against them. “I care, I care so fucking deeply Powder. I never stopped”
“Perhaps you ought to stop” a new voice joined the sisterly reunion. A voice Violet hoped she would never hear in that cold tone and this scenario.
“Caitlyn…”
Her Parisian lover – her wife - stepped into the light, though nothing of the soft look she usually had in her eyes remained in that moment. Her gaze was cold and she glanced down at Violet with such disgust that she felt a wave of nausea rose to the surface.
“Look at you” Caitlyn slowly stepped up to her, wearing nothing but a white nightgown and her soft curls hanging loosely down her shoulders. When she reached Violet, her hand reached out and she took her chin into a firm grip. “Pathetic, really. With all you have done to me, I should be the one crying, not you”
Violet swallowed thickly to avoid a new wave of tears finding its way to the surface “please love-“
“Do not call me that. You lost your right to calling me that when you brought a violent criminal into my home. You did not just put me in danger, but my family as well… how could I ever forgive you for that?”
Violet’s grey eyes searched desperately for a sign of love in the cold eyes of her lover, but she found none. “I-I don’t know”
“Exactly” Caitlyn’s lips formed a smirk as Powder’s did the same. “With all you have put us through, how can you think you are capable of being loved? You destroy everything you touch Violet. I would still be living on my farm, with Pauline alive and well, if you had never crashed that plane”
“It’s all your fault sister” Powder chimed in. “All our misery, is your fault”
Violet’s soft mumbles of “no” turned into screams as she watched Powder and Caitlyn laugh at the sight of her.
That was when she had woken up.
Her eyes shot open once more – finding her pillow now drenched with tears as well – and she took a deep breath as she tried to convince herself that she was awake now and everything had been a mere dream.
Just a dream. Except the worst part of it all was that she believed every word her lover and sister had told her in that dream. Because who could love a woman who was the cause of so much destruction?
As her eyes fluttered shot once more and she drifted off into a dreamless sleep, she found her hand clutching the ring she had been gifted by Caitlyn. Her wedding ring. The one thing reminding her that Caitlyn had loved her, even if she did not believe herself to be worthy of it, and perhaps still did.
“Good morning darling” was the first thing she heard when her eyes opened after another several hours of sleep. Violet was quite certain she looked like she had not slept in three days, but she did feel a bit more refreshed after not having another horrendous nightmare as the one earlier that night.
Caitlyn looked beautiful – she always did – wearing a green dress and her dark curls softly curled and loose. Her arm was still in a sling, but at least she was dressed now so that was an improvement. Something Violet could certainly not say for herself. After two days awake at the hospital, she still had not dressed in anything but hospital gowns, and it was slowly driving her insane.
“You look very pretty” Violet managed to softly tell her, ignoring the pressing feeling of guilt she felt every time she laid her eyes on her wife.
Caitlyn’s brilliant smile lit up the room as she made her way over to her bed and sat down on the side as she reached out and ran a hand through Violet’s greasy curls. She ought to take a proper bath soon. “How are you feeling, my love?”
“Like I had a kidney removed” Violet groaned as she sat up a little, trying to keep the mood light so she would not drown in her own guilt. She’d have enough time for that when Caitlyn was gone.
“You look tired, did you get a proper night of sleep?” Caitlyn’s tone was so soft. So gentle. Not at all what Violet felt she was deserving of after what she had put Caitlyn through.
So Violet shrugged “not better than any other”
“Were the dreams back?”
The concern in Caitlyn’s voice was enough to make Violet cry if she wanted to, but she held back her tears as she simply nodded.
“I’m sorry to hear that” her lover apologized.
“I’ll be alright. They’re just dreams” except they weren’t. They were figments of her imagination that told her exactly what she thought of herself. Speaking of the guilt she felt and showing her darkest side.
Caitlyn nodded, her good hand mindlessly stroking Violet’s forehead as she tried to cheer her up with the next words she spoke. “My aunt wrote back, she said that she would be more than happy to let us stay with her until you have made a full recovery”
“The aunt you told me about?” Violet had not too much information on this aunt Florence, but she knew a bit about how the woman had been treated by the family and what Caitlyn thought of her. How she thought that this aunt might be a woman like them. Something Violet thought was very unlikely – she had never really heard of other women like them – but she was more than happy not to return to the Kiramman home. Much like Caitlyn, Violet was reluctant to go back to a house where so much had happened. Where both her and Caitlyn almost died.
So Caitlyn had offered to write to her aunt, asking for forgiveness for her distancing herself all those years, and if her and Violet were welcome to stay with her while they – especially Violet – were recovering from their injuries. Aunt Florence was apparently almost as rich as the Kirammans, and had no trouble having enough medical supplies around the house to take proper care of Violet in her time of need.
Though it went against all of her principles to let someone else take care of her, Violet was getting very sick of the hospital and the chance of getting out weeks before she was actually allowed, made her more than willing to give this aunt a shot.
“Really?” this did brighten up her day slightly and a soft smile came to play on her lips “how very kind of her”
Caitlyn nodded, pulling the letter from her pocket and handing it to Violet “she wrote that she has two bedrooms ready for us and that Henry and Ruth are more than happy to welcome us into their home as well”
Violet quickly read through the letter – though with a handwriting as neat as this, it was hard to decipher what was written – before her eyes found her wife again. “Aren’t you worried what your parents and society might say?”
“I could not care less about what society thinks of me, of us, but I spoke to my parents and explained the situation to them” Caitlyn’s hand was now resting on her leg and her thumb softly rubbed soothing circles over her sheet-covered thigh. “They were reluctant, but understood that it was necessary for both our recoveries, and they know we will at least be safe there and looked after by family”
Violet nodded as she sunk back into her own train of thoughts. “When can we leave this rotten place?” though her mouth asked the question, her thoughts were far away. They were running with the idea of the two of them finally being together again and that terrified her. Not so much because it was Caitlyn, but because she did not want Caitlyn to see her after one of her nightmares. She did not want the pity and the care that came so naturally for Caitlyn when she saw Violet in distress.
Before that night in the library, she already had the nightmares but they were far less frequent and a lot less terrifying and real than they were now. Something about nearly dying really fucked her up, and Violet had no idea how to deal with that or tell Caitlyn about it.
Because the nightmares were a mere reflection of her own guilt and knowledge that Caitlyn could indeed do a lot better than her. That she deserved someone who could keep her safe at all times and who would have gotten rid of Hoskel the first chance they got. But Violet had let herself be consumed with fear of what might happen to Caitlyn which had resulted in everything going too far.
Caitlyn’s gentle tone pulled her out of her thoughts once more “I believe there are only several more tests they have to run on you before you’re discharged. I was discharged this morning, so I will stay here with you until your tests are done”
Violet’s eyes were too worried and her voice too unsteady for her own liking “why?” she softly asked.
“Why what?” her wife asked. Did she truly not understand?
Violet swallowed thickly “why do you stay with me?”
Caitlyn seemed to miss the intention behind that somewhat light question. Which was why she would stay with her at all. But Caitlyn’s lips formed a mere smile, gentle fingers running through her curls once more as she leaned her elbow on the soft mattress. “Because I know you hate tests and needles. So you can hold my hand and look into my eyes to help calm you down”
Violet’s heart shrunk to half its size as another wave of guilt consumed her. With the question she truly had asked being left unanswered, she did not dare ask it a second time. She’d simply have to continue. Continue to live, love, breathe, move, try. Try to be better and hope that it would erase some guilt in the long run.
For if she were to give up, that guilt would consume her until nothing was left and she was a hollow shell of the person she had once been.
The tests weren’t as bad as they had been the first day. She knew what to expect now, and with Caitlyn holding her hand – thumb drawing soothing pictures on the back of her hand – and those cerulean eyes pouring all her love out over Violet, she got through it. She simply let the doctor do what he had to as her stormy eyes focussed themselves on Caitlyn.
Caitlyn, whose beauty paled in comparison to anything she had seen in her lifetime. Who had little freckles from her time spend in the sun. Whose eyes were so bright that Violet sometimes felt they would blind her one day. Who wore her wedding ring with pride and used it as something to play with when she was nervous or anxious.
“Alright, we’re all finished Miss McAdams. Miss Kiramman has informed me that you have found a suitable convalescence, am I correct?” the doctor asked her whilst writing something on a form that he had taken with him.
Violet nodded, a soft smile finding its way towards Caitlyn. “I have”
“Perfect” the doctor looked up “we’ll need a name and address. You will be visited by one of our doctors every two days in the first week, and if all goes well the home visits will be reduced. We will provide you with the medication you need and I have filled out a form for you to take home that supplies you with all the information you might need in case of an emergency”
Caitlyn nodded, taking the lead on the conversation since Violet was clearly not doing it. “Thank you doctor, for this and everything you have done for us in the past several days”
“It’s my pleasure Miss Kiramman” he gave her a friendly nod and a smile “a nurse will bring you the medication and the form, and I wish you the best of luck on your recovery. Both of you”
With the doctor leaving them alone at last, Violet softly squeezed Caitlyn’s hand as she slowly sat up. That nasty stitched up wound in her side still did not leave her alone and felt like it would rip apart with every move she made. “I didn’t know they did home visits” she groaned softly.
“They don’t, under normal circumstances, but with my father a surgeon at this hospital and our social status, they make an exception” Caitlyn got up from the bed and pulled a small suitcase from under one of the chairs next to her bed. She had brought it in the day before, claiming her mother had taken some clothes for Violet in case she was discharged.
Violet could not help but snort “I suppose there are bright sides to being married into the Kiramman family”
Caitlyn shot her a grin “even in secret”
Holding both of Caitlyn’s hands, she got up from the hospital bed that she had gotten rather sick of, and she stretched her limbs for a moment as Caitlyn opened the suitcase and handed her a clean pair of undergarments, trousers and a blouse. “Will you be alright getting dressed by yourself, or would you like some help?”
Violet shook her head, determined not to let herself get too dependant on someone else, even if it was Caitlyn. “I’ll manage”
Caitlyn simply nodded, knowing better than to argue with her on a matter such as this, and simply shut the door so Violet could change in peace. Her fingers trembled slightly – she hasn’t a clue why – as she unbuttoned her hospital gown and let it fall to the floor. She changed her undergarments first, which was more trouble than she hoped it would be. Her trembling fingers – she was blaming the nightmare that still haunted her – made it hard for her to close her brassiere by herself, but she managed.
The worst part of it all was perhaps the look of pity in Caitlyn’s eyes when she saw the large bandage on her hip, where her kidney had been removed. The wound was still quite fresh and it hurt like hell every time she moved, but it looked a lot worse with the bandage around it than without.
“Please do not look at me like that” she begged, fingers now holding onto the pine green blouse which she also had trouble buttoning up. Stupid trembling fingers.
“Like what?” Caitlyn’s voice was a mere whisper as she tore her eyes away from the wound and back to Violet’s face. The pity never left those eyes.
“Like you feel sorry for me” Violet muttered “it won’t fix it”
Caitlyn went quiet. That was when Violet knew she had made a mistake. As she finished buttoning her blouse, she dared glance at Caitlyn.
Nothing had prepared her for the crestfallen look on the face of the woman she loved. There was something far beyond that gaze, something deeper, that seemed hurt at the mere ten words that Violet had spoken.
Then Caitlyn spoke. “Why won’t you let me care for you?” words that hit Violet like she crashed into a brick wall. Spot on.
Because they were too soft. Too caring. Too much of everything that she did not feel she deserved.
And Violet could not answer. Not in the way that Caitlyn wished. Because all that left her lips was “please do not ask me that question”
She decided that a proper distraction was the trousers that she had been handed by Caitlyn and how to successfully put them on without losing her balance. She struggled, naturally. With the wound in her side, she could hardly bent over and moving too much hurt like a bitch anyways.
Two minutes and several frustrated groans later, long fingers took the trousers from Violet’s hands. Wordlessly, Caitlyn got down on her knees as she rolled them up until Violet could step into them without any trouble.
Violet’s calloused fingertips found Caitlyn’s shoulder as she stepped into the trousers and let Caitlyn pull them up her legs. It felt almost degrading. Though done by someone she loved, Violet felt like a child that needed help getting dressed. Caitlyn was her wife, not her nurse. She simply needed to get back to doing basic things by herself without help, no complaining. Pain was something one could live through, it did not have to hold you back from doing anything yourself.
“I brought you loafers, so you wouldn’t have to struggle” Caitlyn carefully informed her as she put the shoes that she had taken from the suitcase down in front of Violet. She quickly stepped into them to forget that Caitlyn had helped her with this as well.
When Caitlyn closed the, now empty, suitcase, Violet did manage to build up the courage to take her hand for a moment. “Thank you” she gave a soft smile alongside the words. She was thankful for Caitlyn’s help.
She just simply would not accept any more of it. Because Violet had no way of repaying her and her crippling guilt was enough to weigh her down at the moment, she did not need the weight of a favour in return as well.
The trip to aunt Florence was a quiet one. Violet did not have the energy to start a conversation about the tension that hung between them, and Caitlyn was clearly exhausted from the day already. Violet simply glanced at Caitlyn, who was playing with the ring around her finger, every now and then.
Once they had arrived at their destination, an enormous townhouse several blocks from Belgrave square, the driver took their luggage to the front door as Caitlyn helped her out of the car. Yet another favour she did not know how to return.
“I’m fine” Violet muttered as she gently pulled her arm from Caitlyn’s careful grasp. She did not miss the flash of hurt in those cerulean eyes, but she ignored it. What one did not speak about, was not there.
The butler invited them inside, after Caitlyn explained who they were, and took their coats as Violet gently felt her side. The wound was starting to play up again now that they had been moving a bit and she really needed to rest for a moment.
Caitlyn’s never-ending need of caring for the other continued as she shot Violet a worried glance once they stepped into the foyer. “Are you alright? You’re face has lost all colour”
“I’m good, I need to lay down for a bit but I can manage” Violet informed her immediately, making everything sound a lot better than it actually was. And apparently Caitlyn saw right through that façade as well, because the woman gave her one look and determined that she was most definitely not as alright as she made it out to be.
“I’ll get us to your room as soon as possible” she softly told her pilot as an older woman with grey hair, though dressed in rather expensive and stylish clothing, strolled into the foyer with open arms.
Her face brightened at the sight of them, though Violet could not say the same about herself since she was dealing with the rather annoying feeling of her hip being torn apart, and she approached Caitlyn first. “Caitlyn, darling, my oh my how you have grown! Look how beautifully you have matured, I almost did not recognize you”
“Aunt Florence” Caitlyn exclaimed, kissing both cheeks as she beamed at her aunt. It was the happiest she had looked since Violet had somewhat snapped at her at the hospital. It immediately felt like another wound in her already bleeding heart. “Thank you for letting us stay with you for the time being, really we are so grateful”
“It’s truly no issue dear, you are welcome to stay as long as you’d like” aunt Florence touched Caitlyn’s cheek for a moment, giving her another sweet smile, before turning her gaze towards Violet – who was not at all in the mood for pleasantries.
Caitlyn caught her glimpse and gave her aunt another brilliant smile as she placed her hand on Violet’s arm. “This is my… friend, Violet McAdams. The American pilot I wrote you about”
“Ah yes, of course!” aunt Florence immediately extended her hand. “I believe you were already informed of my name, you may choose to call me aunt Florence, or simply Florence or Flo. It’s what everyone seems to be keen on nowadays”
Aunt Florence seemed like a rather interesting figure. A free spirit, as these types of people were often referred to, or so she seemed. It was a shame that Violet really was not feeling well enough to keep herself on her feet for a lot longer, but she did manage a smile and a handshake.
“Violet McAdams, and as your niece already mentioned, thank you for opening your home for us” she gasped for air at the end of her sentence, immediately alarming both Caitlyn and aunt Florence – which made her feel a lot worse about the entire situation.
“My dear, you should probably lay down. Frank will see you to your rooms” Florence informed them, waving over the butler as she gave them both an empathetic look. “You’re probably exhausted from the events this past week. Take the time you need to rest and feel free to come downstairs whenever you’d like. Henry and Ruth are out at the moment but they should be home in several hours. I’ll inform them of your arrival”
“Thank you aunt Florence, I’ll be downstairs in a bit to catch up with you over tea” Caitlyn promised her aunt as she took Violet’s arm in a tight grip.
For the first time since leaving the hospital, she did not resist. Her wound was giving her too much resistance for her not to lean on Caitlyn slightly as they followed Frank upstairs. The journey up two flights of stairs seemed endless, and the walk down the enormous hallway was even worse, but they managed eventually. By the time they arrived at what would be Violet’s bedroom, she was leaning almost her entire weight on Caitlyn, who was determined to drag her into bed.
“You’re too stubborn for your own good, you know that?” Caitlyn mumbled as Frank put Violet’s luggage inside and left them with the message that they could ring for him any moment of the day.
“Don’t pretend like you do not enjoy taking care of me” Violet mumbled as she let herself be dragged towards the enormous bed that stood in the far end of the room against the backwall.
Settling onto the soft mattress, laying her tired body to rest under the soft sheets after kicking off her shoes, was more glorious than she had expected. She let a loud sigh escape her lips as she settled into the cold bed while Caitlyn sat down on her bedside.
“I do not enjoy caring for you when you are dismissive” her wife informed her softly, as her gentle fingers ran over Violet’s cheek in a manner more loving than she deserved. “Please tell me what’s the matter, darling”
“Nothing’s the matter” Violet tried dismissing the worried words of her lover, but the woman on her bedside did not accept any of it.
“You and I both know that is not true Violet” those loving fingers and that soft tone was a stark contrast to how real her words were. Violet felt them penetrate her skin like the needles at the hospital. Her words, though loving of tone, were sharp and made it clear that she was not going to let it go. “I only wish to help-“
“That is exactly the problem” Violet interrupted her, finding her tone of voice far more angry than she had meant for it to be. Because her anger was directed at herself, not at Caitlyn, but she did not know that of course.
“You’re angry because I care?”
“Yes”
“Why?” once again. Too soft, too kind, too understanding. Caitlyn’s need to get to the root of the problem was exhausting at times, especially when Violet did not want to get to the root. Because the root hurt, and the root made her feel absolutely worthless.
Violet found her eyes drifting towards Caitlyn, whose hands were busying themselves by playing with her wedding ring once again. “Because you are too much, alright? You push your need to care for others onto me too much. I am your wife, not your patient”
With the snap of her words, Caitlyn’s entire demeanour changed and her hands balled to fists. “I am well-aware you are my wife Violet, which is why I want to care for you”
“Maybe I do not want your care, have you ever stopped to think about that?” Violet burst once again, all her instincts screaming at her to push Caitlyn away. Because letting her get close could only lead to more hurt for the two of them. “I am not a damn child, I do not need you to hold my hand every fucking second of the day. I do not fucking want it, you understand?”
As her words shattered the fragile beginnings of their marriage, Caitlyn’s cerulean eyes drowned themselves in tears that threatened to spill as she got up from the bed. “You’re just saying that”
“No Caitlyn. I want you to get it into your head that I do not want your looks of pity, your positivity and your fucking love” she now found herself on the brink of tears as well. “I’m not the person to give that to, not anymore”
“Violet” Caitlyn’s voice was a mixture of heartbroken and steady as she swallowed one tear while the other ran down her cheek. “I am not leaving this room until you tell me-“
“I want you to leave me, okay?” she called out, unable to keep her own tears from running down her cheeks. “I want you to leave me, because I deserve nothing of what you want to offer me”
Some part of what she said seemed to hit home with Caitlyn, because that look of pity was back in her eyes and Violet could not stand to look at her. “Oh Violet”
“You heard me, didn’t you?” she tried to sit up slightly, ignoring the way her wound screamed at her when doing so, and she raised her voice once more as her carefully broken down walls built themselves up in impressive speed. “I do not want you. I do not need you. I was better off without you and I always will be. Just please, go”
With new tears coming to the surface, Violet turned her gaze away from Caitlyn. Her former lover did not give another sound, did not say another word, but merely moved backwards. And then left the room all together.
Leaving Violet in the chaos of her own destruction.
Her nightmares had won. They had successfully deconstructed the impenetrable wall of confidence that was Violet McAdams. They had destroyed her marriage. Eradicated the chance of love.
They had left her with a deep loathing of herself, a crippling feeling of guilt and an untouchable wall build around her, made of pure desperation and hatred for herself and all she had once been.
At least now, Caitlyn was protected from any further damage she could do. Now, she had only herself to worry about and considering she hated the person she was, she would take any punishment that would come her way.
For she had not done what she had been born to do. Which was to protect those around her. She had not protected her sister from being taken by another family. She had not protected her brothers from dying the first weeks of being sent overseas to fight in a war too big for the shoes of two 18 year old boys. She had not protected Jayce, Madeleine and her entire family from the Germans. She had not protected Caitlyn from the man that Violet had let into her house…
All her life, all she had known was to fight. For love. For her country. For the freedom of others. For survival.
And she was tired.
Fighting the nightmares that slowly took over her brain was more than she was capable of. So she protected Caitlyn from the worst she could be. Perhaps it hurt now, but Caitlyn would – without a doubt – be hurt more in the long run.
This way, the only one getting hurt was Violet herself.
And she deserved it.
Notes:
So we have come to the part where they are both physically safe from harm, but now they have time to deal with their traumas...
I hope I still have you all on board with me, and I will see you next time, my loves!
Chapter 25: Salty tears mix well with boiling water
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Every step taken away from the bedroom where her pilot was resting felt like a war fought. Caitlyn was consumed with the pressing guilt of leaving her wife in that room by herself and at the same time, she could not stand to hear another word that cut right through her.
With all that Violet had been through, there was a lot left unsaid. It struck Caitlyn that she and Violet had never spoken about their deeply rooted pain. Perhaps because it was simply too much for one individual to handle and they did not want to bother the other with the pain they carried. And because their time together had been limited. It was precious time that they had been set on spending together without the war on their mind.
Except there was no escaping it now. Now that their lives weren’t in danger anymore, there was time and space to mule on everything they had seen and lived through the past months.
Caitlyn’s throat felt like it was closing as she desperately pushed back the destructive thoughts and feelings that came to the surface after her interaction with her wife. If she was allowed to still call her that.
With her feet finding their own way to the parlour, she did not think of where to go which meant that there was free reign for the intrusive thoughts to creep back into her system. She made her way into the room as Violet’s words echoed in the back of her mind. Ripping her apart once more.
“Caitlyn, darling, I’m so glad to see you so well” her aunt approached her with graceful steps, robes flowing behind her in the movement towards the young woman in the doorway. Once Florence reached her, she noticed the crestfallen look on her niece’s face – worrying her in an instant. “Is everything alright dear?”
Caitlyn’s bright eyes immediately snapped back into reality as she glanced up at her aunt and forced herself to smile. “I’m fine. I’m simply tired”
“Ah yes, one can imagine after what you have been through. Your father has informed me of the broad picture but I have yet to hear the details” aunt Florence brought her to the sofa, sitting her down as one of the servants brought in tea and biscuits. A kind gesture that Caitlyn had missed all the years she had not visited.
“There is a lot that I have lived through since meeting Violet” was Caitlyn’s answer as tea was poured into the beautifully decorated cups in front of them. Her aunt had brought out the fine China for the occasion, it seemed. “Many has been good, wonderful even, but there have been times tougher than what I had hoped to experience in my lifetime”
The last words spoken seemed to bother her aunt, as her perfectly shaped brows furrowed whilst her lips took a hesitant sip of her tea. “You two seem very close”
“We are” Caitlyn confirmed hesitantly, unable to judge whether her predictions about her aunt were correct or not. “She-.. she means everything to me”
“I see” her aunt did not confirm, nor deny, her predictions which only made it harder to know how much detail she could give of her relationship with Violet. “The tough experiences you speak of, did you experience those with Violet?”
“Some” was her simple answer “I’m sure my father has informed you of the finer details regarding our current injuries”
Her aunt gave a nod as she took another sip of her tea before putting the cup and saucer down entirely “what your father has told me is, I presume, a pale comparison to what you actually went through”
The carefully chosen words, the dark eyes full of compassion and the gentle smile on her aunt’s lips broke Caitlyn. Her shoulders came first, shaking slightly as her eyes watered. Her nose ran second as the first tear rolled down her warm cheek. Then her hands covered her face to keep her aunt from seeing the embarrassing wreckage that was Caitlyn Kiramman.
“Oh, my dear” she heard her aunt’s kind voice mutter as the woman joined her on the sofa and placed a supporting hand on her back. Caitlyn did not come from a family where openly giving into your emotional state was supported. One ought to suck it up and if need be, let it out in the privacy of ones own bedroom where no one could see or hear them.
Her aunt, however, did not berate or scold her for her tears. She simply sat with her as she rubbed her back, letting Caitlyn cry into her hands before kindly wrapping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her closer.
For Caitlyn, this was the first time she experienced such a response to her show of emotions, and for the first time she allowed herself to cry until the tears dried naturally. Her broke state was embraced by her aunt, as the older woman held her close and let her bury her face in her aunt’s shoulder. It almost felt like she was a child again, finally allowed to cry for the first time without any repercussions.
“I see there is a lot of healing that you deserve, my child” her aunt softly whispered as Caitlyn’s sobs turned into silent shoulder shakes and quiet sniffles.
“My shoulder’ll be fine in a week’s time” she softly informed her aunt, who shook her head.
“Your shoulder is not all that needs to heal” aunt Florence softly urged as Caitlyn finally pulled her face away from her aunt’s shoulder and dared look in the eyes of the woman who, so kindly, returned that gaze with a gentle smile. She placed her finger under Caitlyn’s chin, softly, to make her point. “It’s your soul, that needs healing”
Her aunt probably saw the confused glance on Caitlyn’s red, puffy face. Her tears had dried, so why did she still feel like crying? Why did it feel like she was not finished, not in the long run?
“I can see that you’re broken” her aunt’s finger under her chin was replaced by a hand on her cheek, thumb gently caressing her soft skin “I do not know what you went through, but I can see it weighing you down. You have a good heart and you are a brave woman Caitlyn, but one can only take so much until they break. You, my child, need time and space to heal”
“But Violet-“
“Has her own healing to do. You both have different experiences, ones that cannot be compared. You can’t be expected to save Violet when it’s you that needs as much saving”
Caitlyn swallowed thickly, words clumping together in her throat before they reached her mouth, as she tried to form a sentence that was not simply loose words. “I have to be there for her. The nightmares she has, the anger and the-“
“Caitlyn, darling, you are in far beyond your own limits” her aunt’s hand was a slightly more firm presence on her cheek as the dark eyes bore into her cerulean ones. “You two can heal together, if you allow each other the opportunity to do so”
“I see” was her answer. The radars in her head were going at a speed she could hardly comprehend as she immediately tried to think of the best way to approach Violet about this. She wanted them to heal together, she truly did, but that meant getting into the deep darkness together. Travelling beyond what they had told anyone and to what they had only experienced in the darkest hours of the night when they were by themselves.
How would she explain to Violet that the sound of the whip on her broken flesh still echoed through her head every time she closed her eyes? How did she explain that she so often wished she had been killed by that firing squad, because the nightmares she had experienced since then were so much worse than what she had actually lived through? How did she inform Violet that she was sometimes afraid of herself, that she was afraid that Violet’s love might one day not be enough to keep her from ending it to simply be rid of the pain, the horror, the nightmares and the flashbacks that lived in her mind as though she lived through it time and time again?
“Give Violet tonight to rest and settle in, then you can talk to her tomorrow” was her aunt’s wise advice. Caitlyn knew that approaching Violet now, after the argument they just had, there wasn’t a reasonable response Caitlyn would get from her and that would make it all worse.
So she nodded as her hands reached up and finally wiped her half-dry tears away before giving her aunt one of the first genuine smiles since arriving “thank you, for everything”
“You’re my only niece, I will be there for you whenever you need me to be” her aunt’s smile grew upon seeing Caitlyn’s own, and she squeezed her cheek softly before letting go of her. “Now, go upstairs and rest for a bit. I will call you down for dinner in several hours, then you can meet Ruth and Henry”
“I will” Caitlyn let out a sigh as she got up from the sofa, finding relief in the fact that she had spoken so openly about this with her aunt. “Thank you, I truly mean it”
“As I said, any time you are willing to listen to your old aunt, you are more than welcome to ask me for advice” aunt Florence gave her a wink as Caitlyn made her way out of the parlour.
Her feet made the memorized trip upstairs with ease, leading her to the bedroom next to Violet’s, which had been described as hers. Upon entering the room, Caitlyn noticed that her luggage had been carefully unpacked and placed in the closet and on the vanity. Her empty suitcase now proudly displayed on top of the closet and her shoes neatly placed in a row next to it.
Caitlyn could not bring herself to dressing in her nightgown before slipping into bed. The day had been more than exhausting and she truly did not know how she would get through a dinner if she did not sleep first. The wound on her shoulder was starting to burn and she truly just needed a temporary relief of the world that felt like it crumbled around her with every step she took.
She sat down on the left side of her bed, took off her shoes and slid under the cold covers of the bed. Perhaps it was the coldness of the fresh sheets, but the bed felt empty without Violet and Caitlyn felt more chilled than she did with Violet’s warmth radiating against her. Violet was simply always warm. Another way in which Violet managed to brighten her life. Even without the sun, her wife was the light that warmed her and managed to keep her sane.
Caitlyn rolled onto her good shoulder, staring at the wall for a good fifteen minutes before sleep overtook her and pulled her into the darkness she so feared. There wasn’t anything she could do about it though, because she was so thoroughly exhausted that fighting against sleep was far more tiring than simply giving in.
Luckily, her dreams held nothing for her. She was allowed a good rest without being interrupted by her darkest subconscious, which brought out the most gut-wrenching scenarios. She wasn’t woken by one of the maids until just before dinner.
As she slowly got herself ready for said dinner, she found that her nap had been one of the most peaceful moments of sleep she had caught in a very long time. She hardly remembered the last time she had not been terrorized by her subconscious, but perhaps her talk with her aunt had caused her to be relieved of the flashes and horror earlier than when she caught her sleep.
When Caitlyn stepped into the dining room, her aunt was joined by two other people whom Caitlyn had only ever heard of but never seen. A darkhaired, dark eyed man with a rather friendly expression on his face, slightly shorter than the other two women and quite a bit shorter than Caitlyn herself, introduced himself as Henry. Then there was a grey haired woman with the kindest green eyes Caitlyn had gazed upon in her lifetime, who introduced herself as Ruth.
Caitlyn took one good look at the way aunt Florence glanced at Ruth to conclude that whatever the relationship was between them, there was a very deep bond that connected the two of them.
“Your aunt has told me many stories about your time together when you were younger” Ruth addressed her as they sat down for dinner, but Caitlyn’s mind was on the unoccupied seat next to her. One person was missing at the dining table and it was quite clear that it bothered her.
Henry seemed the one with an answer, as he responded to Caitlyn’s confused glance with a “I passed Violet in the hallway about two hours ago. She simply informed me that she was going out but did not say where. She was gone before I could ask anything else and has not returned since”
Worry was the first feeling that washed over her. Then anger. Because how could Violet be so short-sighted to go out when she was injured and needed to rest? Not only that, she had not informed Caitlyn of anything, and if Henry had not run into her in the hallway no one would probably know where she was.
“I know you are worried Caitlyn, but we will send someone out to look for her if she is not back in an hour” her aunt informed her.
Caitlyn shared a look with her but nodded eventually. Violet was an adult who was allowed to make her own choices, and if this was what she truly wanted then Caitlyn would let it go. Until she came back home.
While dinner was a rather enjoyable affair, Caitlyn’s naturally worried mind was occupied by her wife throughout it all. How she could be so insolent to go out without supervision whilst she was recovering from her injuries was beyond her, but she tried to ignore any further notions of worry until she would return.
Whilst the topic of Violet was avoided, much to Caitlyn’s relief, she learned several things about Ruth and Henry. Apparently Florence and Ruth had been living together for three years before Henry joined them, as he was a very close friend of theirs and needed a place to stay. His stay ended in him permanently moving in, and though the arrangement between the three still puzzled Caitlyn, it all seemed to work out for the three of them.
Just as they were finishing up desert, the butler announced that Miss Violet had returned home and gone straight up to her room to rest. Relief was the feeling that overwhelmed Caitlyn, filling her with joy from the fact that Violet was alive, unharmed and safely home in the warmth of her own bed. Yet, that relief was quickly replaced by frustration about Violet’s behaviour, and she truly could not wait for dinner to be well and truly over. Caitlyn, being raised amongst the elite of society, knew that a dinner was not finished until the host decided it was. In this case, she was forced to wait until aunt Florence announced that they go through to the drawing room for a smoke and a drink after dinner.
She was grateful that her aunt seemed to notice the severity of the situation and nodded at Caitlyn once they received the news of Violet’s arrival home. They finished desert within fifteen minutes and aunt Florence was quick to dismiss them, giving Caitlyn an approving glance once she informed everyone that they were going through to the drawing room.
“Would you please excuse me to check on Violet?” she asked her aunt, remaining polite though she already knew the answer.
“Of course dear, I do hope she’s alright” aunt Florence answered with a patient nod as Caitlyn got up from her chair.
“As do I” was her answer before she made her way upstairs in the most gracious way possible whilst not trying to show how worried she was. There was an art to keeping yourself composed at all times, even if your stomach turned with worry and your hair turned grey in horror. Caitlyn had been raised on this principle, but found herself worried more than she wanted to admit as with each step she took towards Violet’s bedroom.
The door was slightly ajar when she arrived and she noticed dim light finding its way into the hallway whilst no noise came from the room she feared to enter.
A deep breath was taken as she slowly pushed the door open and gazed upon Violet’s small form in the large bed. Her eyes were closed and she looked exhausted, even from a distance. Dark circles danced around her eyes and she was curled up under the blankets.
All built up frustration melted when seeing Violet like this, so small and so fragile. She had clearly been unaware of the limits her injuries put on her and had exceeded them by miles. Caitlyn carefully closed the door behind her before making her way over to the large bed. She made it about halfway when Violet opened her eyes and gave her a soft glare. There was not necessarily animosity in that glare, but she did not seem too happy to see her either.
There was something swimming behind her eyes that Caitlyn could not recognize, and perhaps that was what worried her most.
“How are you feeling?” she tried, not wanting to immediately burst in with accusations and angry words.
“What do you think?” Violet was still holding her at a distance, not wanting her to get close at all it seemed, and that only pushed Caitlyn to try harder.
Caitlyn kept a steady pace as she approached her wife in her bed and sat down on the side of it as she reached out and gently placed her hand on Violet’s hair. A movement that immediately made the copper-haired woman flinch and Caitlyn’s hand withdrew in an instant while the truth seeped into her thoughts.
Violet had flinched at her touch.
Her touch, that usually warmed the woman currently lying by her side, had been something negative.
It broke her already shattered heart a little more.
“Do you want to tell me where you went?” she softly asked her wife, not wanting to make it sound like an accusation as this was not an interrogation. She was simply concerned with her wife’s wellbeing, and the current state she was in was not one that eased Caitlyn’s worried mind.
Violet’s silence lasted six heartbeats before she answered with a chilling “something I should have done a long time ago”
Whatever possible outcome of Caitlyn’s racing thoughts that meant, it was never good. The tone in Violet’s voice was cold and distant. When she started pulling away earlier that day, it had only gotten worse by doing what it was she had done.
“Will you please tell me what it is?” Caitlyn almost begged at this point, wanting nothing more than to connect with her wife once again. They had drifted so far apart in the course of several hours, that Caitlyn felt desperate to have her back.
Not just that, but she was fairly certain that she could not live through the horrors of her own past if she did not have Violet by her side. Her beautiful, warm Violet whose mere embrace managed to heal a part of her. If she did not have Violet, what would become of her?
Desperate to fix them, to receive an answer from her obviously distraught wife, Caitlyn tried once more. “I’m trying to understand, my love, please tell me what you need from me”
“I need you to leave me alone” was Violet’s defeated answer.
Caitlyn’s answer was a sigh first, and words second. “Well, I am simply not going to do that. One of the reasons being that I am your wife”
“That isn’t real, Caitlyn. Let’s stop this childish play and face the truth. We are not actually married and we never can be. We lived a messed up fairytale of a dream and now it’s over. We’re not wives. There is no you and I. We do not exist anymore”
An earth-shattering answer to a statement softer than the pillow Violet’s head was currently resting on.
Caitlyn’s response was but a whisper and a soft laugh of disbelief “you don’t mean that”
Violet pushed herself up with all the strength she had left in her body and propped herself up against the headboard as a deadly silence filled the space between them. “Do you remember what you told me when we spoke our vows?”
“I’ve said many things Violet. All of which I meant” Caitlyn insisted, her hand reaching out but withdrawing halfway when she realised that this version of her Violet was not longing to be touched by her.
Violet’s eyes were darkened, something had come over her that had made her pull away. She seemed like a different person almost, except there was something in those breath-taking grey storms that caused Caitlyn to hold on to that small bit of hope she still saw in there.
“You said that you’d stay by my side through all that we will go through, that you would love me for the rest of our days” Violet’s voice had been reduced to a soft tone, losing the venomous touch it had just moments before. There was a hint of misty tears in the eyes of her lover, something Caitlyn’s immediately mirrored at the tone of her voice.
“I did”
“What if I do not want it anymore?”
Caitlyn’s heart dropped once more as she found her expression become quite perplexed at the words coming from her wife’s mouth. Words that cut through her like a warm knife through butter – without struggle, without restraint. “What do you mean?” her voice choked on her held back tears, unsure if they were worth spilling just yet.
“What if I do not want you to be by my side? If I do not want you to love me?” Violet’s voice became more distant, but the tears in her eyes spoke another story than her words did. She looked away from Caitlyn, unable to look her in the eye as she dismissed her.
The move of a coward.
Caitlyn pushed herself up from the bed, her legs no longer able to stay still as she allowed her tears to finally fall at the further break of her already fragile heart. “You don’t mean that”
“I do fucking mean that Caitlyn. I want you out of my life” the stone cold tone was back. Violet’s head snapping up to look Caitlyn in the eye as a single tear ran down her lightly scarred cheek. “I do not want your love, and your compassion! I am so sick of how you try to coddle me, and make me feel better about the fact that you almost died because of me. Not once, but twice”
“That was not your fault Violet, how often do I have to say it?!” Caitlyn’s patience was running thin and the words of her aunt were burning in the back of her mind. She needed healing too. “I was the one who took you out of that wreckage and chose to hide you in my cellar, and I was the one who allowed Hoskel to stay in my parents’ home. Don’t put all the blame on yourself”
Violet angrily shook her head, tears now freely running down her warm cheeks as she looked away. “I can’t forgive myself for that Caitlyn. I should have been more careful, both times, I should have fucking stayed hidden in that house and I should’ve said something the second we were reunited. And now I am constantly haunted by the images of what happened all those months, how I almost lost you, how it’s been such a battle to get here and what happened back in France. You have no idea what I-“
“I have no idea?!” Caitlyn’s voice cracked as she interrupted Violet in a cry for her own misery being seen by the woman she loved. Her hands trembled as tears did not cease to roll down her face. “I have been shot twice, tortured, beaten, forced to spend hours with a man who had the same rank as the man that put me through the most horrendous of circumstances, I have had to wait for weeks to know you were even alive. After which I was shot again, then killed a man and had to watch you almost die in my arms. You have never once asked me how that has been for me”
All the build up pain and anger was spilling out in a storm that neither Violet nor Caitlyn had seen coming. But she could not stop herself now. “I am being plagued by nightmares every night, I constantly hear that General’s voice, feel that whip on my back and see his eyes when I close my own. I feel your warm blood on my hands and witness you dying over and over again. So you don’t get to pity only yourself in this scenario. There is so much hurt that has been done to me, and I am so tired”
With all that emotion filling the room and the space between them, it seemed that Violet was overwhelmed by her own feelings as well. Her eyes narrowed slightly “at least I know all that you went through. Hoskel has done things to me that made me lose my mind until I broke. I have never once burdened you with those stories because I cannot even live with them myself”
“I though you would come to me when you were ready Violet, I did not want to push you” Caitlyn cried out in anger, unable to keep herself from raising her voice.
“The worst part of it all is that I did it for you” Violet exclaimed, her voice accusing as she answered “I went through all of it because there was a chance that I would see you again. Because I did not care what happened to me as long as I was reunited with you in the end, and it all blew up in my face when Hoskel shot you”
“Violet-“
“It took me almost dying and seeing you get shot to realise I am no good for you. You said it yourself, you went through all that and I have not asked you once how you are. What type of wife am I if I cannot even ask you how you have been after all of that?” Violet’s voice saddened in tone as she shook her head and looked back up at her.
Had the dialogue before that statement not taken place, Caitlyn knew she would have responded with empathy and talked Violet through it, but something had simply exploded inside of her. A part of her had been destroyed and spilled all of the poisonous thoughts that had obliterated her conscious the past weeks.
“I’m glad you are finally realising that you have been too wrapped up in your own misery to recognize mine, yet I have still been mindful of your pain since the moment you arrived” Caitlyn shot back, unable to stop the storm of words come out of her mouth. She knew that deep regret would follow without a doubt, but she simply could not take it anymore. “As for your humble sacrifice of your sanity only to be reunited with me… perhaps you never should have come here"
Violet did not answer, but her eyes spoke to Caitlyn of the realisation that was hitting home as Caitlyn took a step forward and a new tear ran down her red, puffy cheek.
“Because do you know what is worse than not having you back in the first place?” Caitlyn’s voice cracked, a tear finding its way onto her vocal chords as she tried to get her next words out without breaking down. “It’s having you back in my arms, marrying you, only to be told that you no longer desire my love”
“Caitlyn-“
“I am not finished” Caitlyn’s voice found a sharp edge that immediately quieted Violet down. “If this is how it must end, then let me tell you this. I never would have married you if I knew this to be the outcome. It hurt less to be tortured for days on end, than to be ripped apart by the words you have just spoken”
She did not leave room to argue or respond. She had to leave, get out of that room before she would break down to an extent that even she was not ready for.
So she turned around and started to walk out the room. Her feet halted, however, as she reached the door and turned around one last time to face her former lover.
“I wish you would have never come back Violet”
The slam of that bedroom door finalized the season of Caitlyn and Violet. The Parisian and her American pilot.
Because what was left of them after that?
Her aunt had advised her to heal together, but after such a confrontation it seemed impossible for them to find each other again.
Caitlyn’s eyes burned with fresh tears as her feet quickly carried her to her own bedroom where she locked the door and found her way to the bathroom. Without a word, but with silent tears running down her cheeks that turned into inconsolable sobs, she undressed and turned on the shower.
Salty tears mixed well with boiling water that burned your skin. Within seconds of giving herself to the water, which she had heated to it’s highest temperature, Caitlyn’s spilled tears felt like yet another red mark on her skin from the boiling stream down her body. Her shoulder ached, but a good amount less than her heart did. Whatever had been left of her, she had just destroyed with her own words.
What healing could she find in a situation that seemed worse than any she had been in before? She had her Violet back, which was all she ever desired, and now she had broken it with words that made her blood run cold as she thought back of them.
The worst part of it all was perhaps that Violet had not fought her about it. She had been the one to start it, and Caitlyn had simply finished them off. She had continued where Violet stopped and poured boiling tea over the open wounds of her own heart. So what did it matter if she burned her skin off in that shower? Perhaps that pain would dull out the ache that ran through the very core of her existance.
She did not turn off the shower until her tears had dried up and she made a decision on how to go about this the next morning. She dressed herself in fresh lingerie and her nightgown as she thought of a way to apologize to Violet the next morning. Because of all the things she had said, there were plenty she did not mean. She would never wish that Violet had not come back, for all that they had lived through in England were moments she never would have wanted to miss.
Yet, the words spoken were ones she could never come back and she would need to properly think of how to go about an apology when approaching her. With Violet as vulnerable as she was in her state, she did not want to make things worse by apologizing in the wrong manner. So her thoughts ran until deep into the night with the never spoken words on her mind.
The next morning brought her nothing but an aching heart and a broken soul as she woke up. Where her bed had been empty without Violet before, the knowledge of what she had destroyed the day before was making it worse to wake up without Violet by her side.
She managed to gather the courage to get out of bed by 11 am, knowing that Violet was most likely bedridden and not feeling well enough emotionally and physically to make it downstairs. Her hands trembled as she got dressed, which may or may not have been in the dress she knew Violet loved on her, and she ran through her apology once more. If only there was a way to undo some of the damage she had done the day before, that truly would be the most wonderful solution in this case.
Alas, there wasn’t. And she would have to crawl through the dirt to – hopefully – find herself forgiven by the woman she had once been allowed to call her wife.
Caitlyn made it to the room next to hers by 11:20 and by 11:23, she had worked up the courage to knock.
When receiving no answer, she knocked once more.
And again.
Deciding against a fourth time knocking, she could not help but open the door ever so quietly, in case Violet was still asleep. Perhaps she was in need of help, perhaps something had happened to her. She could not, in good conscience, turn away from that door when her former lover was so close.
When opening the door she found that the room was, to Caitlyn’s surprise, empty. The bed made and the curtains opened to let the sunlight in. The streams of light hit the empty bed perfectly, and Caitlyn’s eyes dawned on something on the pillow.
A note.
While her stomach filled with dread, fearing the worst of what could be written in that note, Caitlyn’s feet rushed towards the bed and her good hand tore the note from the too white, too soft pillow.
Violet’s messy handwriting immediately sprung off the crisp white page that seemed to have been ripped from a journal. Caitlyn’s hands trembled worse than they had when getting dressed, as her cerulean eyes scanned the page and widened when she read the words before her.
Caitlyn.
I do not think I owe you an explanation of where I have gone, but the remaining love that my heart holds for you wills me to write you this note.
By the time you read this I will undoubtedly be on my way.
Last night’s argument made it crystal clear that there should be no place for me in your life.
I am not blaming you or myself for this.
Things have been said, from both our sides, that we cannot take back and came to us in a moment of absolute truth.
I have had to let you go by force so often, but now I am letting you go by choice.
I’m going home, Caitlyn.
Back to where I have always belonged. Fate brought us together, but never meant for us to stay that way. We have our own lives, ones we almost lost, and we must live them as they would have been lived had we never met.
I love you, I think I always will, and I care for you, deeply. Too deeply to let you spend a life with me in misery.
Keep my wedding ring as a reminder of what was once ours.
Goodbye, Caitlyn.
With love,
Violet.
The drip of a tear muddled the words with love together as Caitlyn finished reading. An angry swipe of her sleeve wiped the words into a stain of ink.
“Violet, you stubborn idiot” she groaned as she wiped the fallen tears from her cheeks. When gazing upon the pillow, she found Violet’s wedding ring and quickly slipped it into her pocket.
I’m going home.
If Caitlyn wanted to go after her, there was one place she’d have to go to find her former lover. The harbour.
Which brought forward the question of: did she want to go after Violet?
The pilot had so beautifully written her goodbyes and from the letter, she seemed to be okay with their departure.
Except Caitlyn wasn’t. Not when she looked deep in her heart, to her true desires. Because no matter how high the waves or how hot the fire, she wanted more than anything to go through that with her pilot. The thought of never seeing her again was what made her heart truly sink.
Going through the heartbreak and the pain with Violet was going to be hard, but going through it without her for the rest of her life, that was out of the question for Caitlyn.
So once again, her feet carried her downstairs to the hall where she rushed out the front door without bothering to put on a coat. All that was on her mind was to stop Violet from making that trip overseas. She rushed into the car that was already parked in front with the driver patiently waiting.
“I need you to take me to the harbour immediately, go as fast as you can” she informed the confused man.
“But I am supposed to take Mr. Henry-“
“I do not give a fig about where you are supposed to take him, this is more important. He will understand once I explain. Now drive” were Caitlyn’s threatening words, after which the driver swiftly drove off. He was not as fast as Caitlyn liked him to be, by God that car truly could not go fast enough for her, and the trip to the harbour seemed to last endlessly.
Meanwhile, all that occupied her mind was whether or not she would get there on time. If she would get the chance to explain herself before Violet could make a well-informed decision about whether or not she still wanted to go back overseas.
By the time they arrived at the harbour, Caitlyn pushed the door open moments before they stopped properly and jumped out without a second thought. The slight stumble that followed did not faze her at all, as she immediately ran towards the ticket service. There were undoubtedly not many ships going overseas, so perhaps she still had a chance.
She did not care about the line that was waiting in front of the office, nor did she care about the people that screamed at her to get to the back of the line if she wanted a ticket. She ignored it all, forgoing everything she had been taught about etiquette and how to behave oneself, and simply making her way to the front of the line and a rather confused salesclerk.
“Anything I can help you with Miss?” he addressed her, the woman behind her obviously distraught about Caitlyn’s cutting in line.
“I need to know if there’s a ship leaving for New York today” she urged, out of breath and holding onto the counter for dear life. Her wounded shoulder was playing up more than it had the past several days, but the adrenaline coursing through her body paid it no mind as her wide eyes were focussed on the man behind the counter.
He calmly glanced at his papers, making Caitlyn’s impatient nature almost lose her composure, and then glanced up at her as he fixed his glasses. “There’s just one going today, but I am afraid you just missed it”
“Where?”
“Pier 3”
She rushed off the second she had the information she needed. Her tired feet carried her to Pier 3, hoping, wishing, praying that there was something that had delayed that ship.
She pushed her way through the crowds, ignoring the pain that shot through her shoulder every time someone bumped against it, until she arrived at her destination.
The pier was almost empty and the water in front of her merely rippled ever so slightly.
As she looked in the distance she saw black smoke from the chimneys, and the ship that was on its way to New York.
It had taken off several minutes earlier.
If she had only just forgone the knocking, forgone the nerves that caused her to take extra time before knocking, she could have made it. Then it all could have been different.
Yet here she was, staring in the distance as the ship slowly disappeared from view, taking the crowds of people with it.
From where Caitlyn stood, she could make out a beautifully copper coloured mop of hair amongst passengers aboard the ship.
Notes:
I know you all hate me for this chapter, but can I just say that I deeply love characters who are both flawed? Because both Caitlyn and Violet fucked up here and it was so interesting to get into that...
Anyways, I will leave you to yell at me about this chapter now.
Until next time, my loves!
Chapter 26: Washed upon shore
Notes:
I've included the lyrics to a song that fits this chapter beautifully, so I am linking it here in case any of you want to listen to it before, during or after the chapter!
If you have seen the series Poldark then you definitely know this song, but I am in love with it and could not stop thinking of how well it fit this chapter, so here you go: https://open.spotify.com/track/1xhRmuaqA4hfXeyo5VsMeo?si=a05a378fdd304d4bFor those who are curious, the song is named I'd pluck a fair rose and is composed by Anne Dudley (check out her music because it's stunning and she composes for a lot of period drama series)
Now, on with the story!
Chapter Text
I'd a pluck a fair rose for my love
I'd a pluck a red rose blowin'
Love's in my heart, I'm tryin' so to prove
What you heart's knowin'
The door of the Kiramman residence slammed with rage as the haste footsteps of Violet McAdams led her down the three stone steps and towards the gate. The pain in her side was hastily forgotten as her calloused right hand ripped open the gate and allowed her access to the busy street. In the middle of the day, the streets were crowded with men and women going about their day. Every now and then, one would not even notice a war was raging.
After spending so many months in hiding, in a country that was slowly burning to the ground, there was nothing more strange than arriving in an uninvaded world. She’d almost forgotten what it felt like to roam the streets without fear that you might find a bullet in the back of your head moments later.
Impatient and determined, Violet’s feet made their way to her destination. Without any money in her possession, she could not take a vehicle there, so she decided to walk. A choice she thoroughly regretted about three streets into the journey.
Her head was pounding and her wound whining, but her mind determined to reach her goal. She knew her route, knew the steps to take, but her feet were dragging by the time she was halfway there.
To distract herself from the pain, she let her mind wander. And of course it wandered to Caitlyn. The woman whose heart she did not deserve after what she had put her through, after the danger Violet had put her in. And she had been so kind about it. All Violet had wanted was for Caitlyn to scream back, to tell her to go to hell and that she never wanted to see her again. Because that is what Violet believed she deserved after the things she had put Caitlyn through. She did not deserve the love and the affection that Caitlyn, annoyed as she had been though, had shown her.
As the streets became more familiar and the buildings started to seem like ones she had seen before, thoughts of Caitlyn’s kind eyes and soft smile were pushed from her mind and replaced with that cloud of frustration that had been there before. A large, familiar building doomed up in front of her.
Her feet started carrying her a bit faster, wanting to find rest inside the building as she would probably be offered a seat once she arrived. She pushed through, opening the door to the building where men in uniforms and suits walked in and out – busying themselves with work or their every-day business.
Violet found the front desk with ease, she had been there before after all, and approached with a hastened step. Her healing wound was not treating her kindly and she would take any opportunity to lean on something or sit down when possible.
As she made it to the desk, the woman glanced up – polite smile on her dull face – and greeted her with a kind “good afternoon Miss, how may I assist you today?”
“I need to speak to-“ Violet caught herself before finishing her sentence, unsure of whom exactly she was searching for. “I need to speak to whoever is in charge of the army. Tell them a missing pilot has returned”
“Did you have an appoint-“
“Listen ma’am” Violet interrupted her, hand slammed on the desk and the other on her side in hopes to calm the screaming wounded flesh. She was vastly losing her patience and though the woman could not be blamed, she was not helping either. “Get me whoever is in charge, I must speak to them. Appointment be damned”
Apparently the direct approach that Violet was taking frightened the secretary enough to immediately pick up the horn of the phone on her desk and dial a number. Brits were too sensitive sometimes, they never cut to the chase and when you were the one doing it for them, they got overwhelmed. It was a miracle anyone got anything done in this country where no one got to the point, ever.
As the secretary spoke in hushed tones to whoever was on the other side of the line, Violet leaned against the desk to relief some of the tension on her hip. The doctor had warned her not to be too active. Yet here she was, doing the exact opposite of what she had been recommended to do. She could hardly help it, she was not one to sit around and do nothing. Especially in the middle of a war and with more pressing matters at hand than sleeping in and sipping tea.
“Miss?”
Violet’s head snapped to the secretary as the woman put down the phone.
“You’re expected in room 237. It’s on the second floor, take a right and down the hallway to your left”
While climbing two flights of stairs was not the ideal activity for someone who had their kidney removed just days before, Violet knew she did not have much of a choice. Besides, she was not going to take an elevator, she was not a lame duck.
Once again, she dragged herself away from the desk, nodding at the secretary as she muttered a soft “thank you” and went on a quest to find room 237. The embassy was a maze if ever there was one and with so many people walking around these hallways, it was not the easiest to find where one was expected. After those horrifying flights of stairs, Violet found herself panting slightly as she took a right and walked into the large marble hallway with doors on each side.
The numbers were proudly displayed on gold plaques, which was useful considering every door looked identical to the one across from and beside it.
234, 235, 236, 237.
Violet took a deep breath as she stopped in front of the door that was the only thing between her and her future. What would be decided in this room would determine what was going to happen in the foreseeable future, and Violet was suddenly unsure of her fate.
Nevertheless, it was too late to turn back now. So she raised her fist and let a determined knock be the sound that echoed through the marble hallway as she waited for the door to be opened and her future to be decided.
Only several seconds later, the door opened and revealed a man with black, slicked black hair and a rather notable moustache of which the ends were curled up. The small, round glasses perched up on his nose were making his face appear more round than it actually was, and the uniform he wore was heavily decorated with medals. Violet recognized quite a few and immediately determined that this was a rather important man in the army.
His first words, however, were disappointing.
“When Angela told me she was sending a missing pilot to my office, she neglected to tell me that she was sending up a woman”
Violet’s neutral expression turned into a slight scowl at the belittling words that she had gotten so used to over time. Working in a field with all male colleagues often meant laughing along with jokes on your expense and swallowing your pride when hearing discriminating commentary about yourself.
“My name is Violet McAdams. My plane crashed in the French countryside in July of this year, I presume I have been missing in action ever since” was her answer, hands behind her back and shoulders straight to show the man the respect he deserved at his rank.
The uniform-clad man now seemed slightly more intrigued. “My, that is rather a mouthful isn’t it?” he seemed to come to his own conclusions as he gave Violet’s words another thought and nodded “step into my office and we will discuss it further”
Violet nodded as she stepped inside and walked over to the desk to sit in the chair across from it as the man behind her closed the door. While he introduced himself in the mean time, Violet hardly paid any attention to the rank he mentioned or the name he had been assigned at birth. She could not hold back a soft sigh as she finally sat down. It allowed some pressure to be taken off her wound and it felt like she could breathe again for the first time in an hour.
“Tell me your name again. Was it Violet?”
“Violet McAdams sir, I have been flying for the army for several months now” Violet shifted in her seat as the man, a General - Violet could now make out of the patches on his shoulders, sat down in his own chair at his desk. He pulled open a drawer, looked through some files, then opened another one and did the same thing.
The action repeated itself for three more drawers in a cabinet by his desk, until he found the file he was looking for and laid it open on his desk.
From what Violet could see from her position, it was her file. With her name bold on the front page, photograph of her first day in the army next to it, and a large red stamp on it that told the General that she was, indeed, missing in action.
“You’ve been gone for a while McAdams” he told her as he looked through the papers in her file. “Says here that you were reported missing in July, as you just told me. Officer Talis, undercover around the area where your plane crashed, was informed of your situation. It has been reported that he checked on the wreckage, but that no body of the pilot could be found. Communication ran dead after that” the General’s dark eyes glared up from the file as he put the papers down and sat back in his chair. “Would you care to explain how you end up in my office, months after that crash and why Officer Talis isn’t with you?”
Violet shifted once again, since her wound played up if she stayed in one position for too long, and nodded as she started her explanation. “I was rescued by a local. She saw the crash, noticed I was alive when she arrived at the scene, and took me into her home. She nursed me back to health and kept me hidden from the Germans”
“And the name of this woman is?”
“Caitlyn Kiramman – Dubois, sir”
The man nodded as he wrote several things down in a notebook, of which one Caitlyn’s full name. “Was Officer Talis the one who brought you here?”
Violet swallowed thickly, a memory flashing by of Jayce’s body, run-through with bullets, was dragged out onto the street, and she shook her head. “Caitlyn did. Jayce tried to get me to safety, but we were betrayed and he was killed.”
“I see” more details were written down as the General showed little emotion to the news that Jayce would not be returning to the force. Perhaps because he had been reported of so many deaths that one more hardly mattered. “That solves the mystery surrounding Officer Talis’ MIA case. Continue, and do not leave out a single detail”
Considering there were several months to cover, it took Violet an hour and a half to explain everything that had happened and all they had lived through. The General had called in his secretary right before Violet started, so she could record all of it and type it out immediately.
By the time Violet concluded her story, her head was screaming from the endless sound of the typewriter. The man on the other side of the desk did not let too much emotion shine through in his expression. He asked quite a few questions, but let Violet tell her story for the most part.
While she had told him the events that had occurred the past several months, she let out any detail on her relationship with Caitlyn. She merely let it slip that they had developed a fragile friendship, but did not venture into more than that. She could not help but feel saddened when she thought of what she already knew, that she could never truly be free with Caitlyn.
They could live a life together, but not in the manner that Violet truly desired. Perhaps her crippling guilt was trying to tell her something in regards to her relationship with Caitlyn. Perhaps it never had been meant to be, and all that had happened was to drift them apart, because the unnatural occurrence of their relationship.
What woman desired another woman the way Violet desired her Caitlyn? She knew of none. Perhaps because there were none other, and they were sick to have such feelings for each other. At least, that was what Violet kept telling herself when that guilt seeped into her veins once again.
“Thank you for your testimony on what has happened the past several months McAdams” the General responded after Violet wrapped up her story. “There are several things we offer to soldiers who return to us after going missing. Considering your current state, I would suggest that going back into the army is not happening any time soon”
Violet nodded as the General vaguely gestured to the manner in which she was clutching her side. “There is an option to stay here and work for the embassy, you’ll be assigned an office job and still work for the army. It’ll simply be more… well, perhaps more befitting a woman”
The comment stung Violet slightly. She’d been underestimated by men her entire life, but after sharing the past several months with this General, she had expected a bit more respect than what she was being shown.
She remained quiet as the General continued.
“Or” he tapped his pen on her file as he spoke, making Violet’s head pound even harder “we will provide you with a ticket to New York, securing you safe passage back home”
The tap of the pen stopped as swiftly as Violet’s heart did at the thought of going back to New York. It had played on her mind, of course, but this was the first time it could be translated into a reality.
A reality that meant one of two things. New York with Caitlyn. Or New York without Caitlyn.
The first option made her heart beat faster and her guilt rip her apart. The second option broke her.
Meaning there was no perfect outcome that would fit this scenario. Taking Caitlyn to New York meant that she would have to leave everything and everyone behind. Her parents, her aunt, the familiar streets of London – it would all be exchanged for the smelly streets of Brooklyn, fire escapes down the back of apartment buildings and an accent far more harsh than her own.
And was Violet worth all of that?
There was a part of her that wanted to believe that all they needed was the love they had for each other, and all else would be okay. But that wasn’t the reality, was it? She had nothing in Brooklyn. She had gone into the army when her adoptive parents had decided to move across the country after the death of their two biological sons. They had not meant for Violet to come along. They’d been careful not to say it out loud, but there was never a plan for her to be allowed to stick around after their real children were killed mere weeks into being sent off to fight in the war.
All she had were the clothes on her back and the small salary she had made in the army, not nearly enough to secure a room for more than a week. What was she putting Caitlyn through by taking her away from her family and everything she knew?
Caitlyn would come along, Violet was sure of that. She was a dreamer, that woman, but Violet was not. Not in the ways that mattered. Where Caitlyn would probably promise to stay by her side, to get through it together, Violet knew that it only took one or two badly times arguments for their love to fall apart. She’d grown up seeing it all around her.
Love only lasted as long as you were willing to fight for it. And Violet knew no one who had ever fought for it long enough to actually last.
“Can I think about it?” Violet managed to mutter as her mind spun in all different directions. Stay. Go. Leave with Caitlyn. Leave without Caitlyn. Stay and work an office job. Leave and roam the streets of Brooklyn. Stay and love Caitlyn until Caitlyn inevitably would grow bored of her. Leave and love Caitlyn until Caitlyn would inevitably grow bored of her…
“Of course” the General nodded “I will inform you though that there is a ship leaving for New York tomorrow around noon. I will book you a ticket, should you decide to go, so you have some time to decide. The next ship won’t be leaving in another month or two”
“I understand” Violet mumbled as she pushed herself up from the chair. “Am I dismissed?”
“You are, I will check with the ticket office tomorrow to see if you have left. Should you go back to New York, it is important that you inform the military office there of your arrival. If you choose to stay, please report back to the embassy” the General informed her as he rose form his seat as well and offered her his outstretched hand. “Good luck McAdams”
“Thank you Sir” Violet forced a smile on her face as she reached out and shook the General’s hand before turning her back to him and promptly leaving his office.
She let her feet carry her through the busy streets of London as her mind ran over the options laid before her. To stay or to leave. It was simple as that. Except it felt like she was deciding on life or death. There was no right answer. No perfect manner of this working out. The only thing she could do now was pick. Pick and hope that she would make the right decision…
I'd a pluck a finger on a thorn
I'd a pluck a finger bleedin'
Red is my heart, wounded and forlorn
And your heart needin'
It had taken Caitlyn about fifteen minutes to find Violet after she had returned home that night. She had gone up immediately, head as heavy as her heart, and crawled into bed to give her exhausted body the slightest bit of relief. There was too much weighing on her and the first thing she had to tackle was whether or not she would inform Caitlyn of what she had done that afternoon.
Lucky for Violet, she did not have to make a decision because the conversation took a drastic turn once Caitlyn showed a side of her that was too kind for Violet to handle. She had not met another human being who had treated her with as much love and kindness as Caitlyn had, and she did not know how to handle herself in a situation like that. So she did what she knew to do best.
She ran. Literally and figuratively.
Like a coward.
Their argument had shattered Violet’s heart to pieces and left nothing of what it had once been. Because of her own cowardly behaviour, Caitlyn had broken down and informed her of everything that she had been through and how Violet had not bothered to ask her about it and had not been there for her.
Perhaps that was where Caitlyn started chipping away at her fragile heart. With each word that followed, another small piece of her died. It broke her to realise that she had indeed not been there for Caitlyn as she had been there for Violet. That she had been so wrapped up in her own guilt and her own hurt to ask Caitlyn about the burdens she was carrying.
It had all collapsed when her former lover had taken it upon herself to finish any hope Violet had left of there being a future for them, in turn making it easier for her to decide what to do about the offer from the General.
“I wish you would have never come back Violet”
Those nine words echoed throughout the night without sleep. They echoed when she got out of bed the next morning and ripped a page from a notebook she had found in one of the drawers of the desk in her room. It echoed when she wrote Caitlyn that note, explaining that this was what was best for both of them and that she understood the hurt she had put Caitlyn through.
While she wrote the note, her cheeks stained with familiar tears as her fingers trembled. Was she being a coward for leaving without saying goodbye? Caitlyn had made it clear she wished that she had not come back. Meaning that her life would have been better without Violet in it, a wish that she was now granting the woman who would remain the keeper of her heart even if she did not want it. Violet folded the note and placed it on her pillow as her eyes fell on her wedding ring.
The simple band of silver that had sealed their hearts together for the rest of their lives. Until the rest of their lives had been replaced by the limited time they had together.
For there was no them now. There was simply Caitlyn Kiramman – Dubois and Violet McAdams. One leaving and one left behind.
Plagued by guilt, memories of what had been and visions of what could have been, Violet slipped the ring off her finger. The ring would only be a grim reminder of the fact that Caitlyn never wanted her back in her life, and once she arrived in New York she wanted to close the chapter and start again.
Caitlyn was her past, whatever laid ahead of her was her future.
So she had gathered the small amount of belongings she owned and made her way to the docks, prepared to sail to the city that had raised her and the streets she once called her home.
Home seemed like a strange concept to her now because, though she did not want it, Caitlyn still felt like her home. Caitlyn still was her home. That would not disappear in the blink of an eye, but perhaps there was something that could replace that feeling of home and the gap that Caitlyn left behind when the time came.
With her belongings in a bag slung over her shoulder and her ticket in her hand after receiving it from the ticket office, Violet made her way down to pier 3. The ship was already docked and ready to set sail. She could feel her healing wound play up already as she boarded the ship and got her ticket checked.
The entire idea of being on a ship frightened her because of her previous experience on a ship like this. Travelling with Hoskel had been frightened, but that moment in the bathtub was one she would never forget. Goosebumps crept up her arms as she thought back of it, but she shook her head to shake off her nerves. She’d have to go through that if it meant going back ho- to New York.
So she took a deep breath and looked behind her once more before going down to the cabin assigned to her. At least she had her own cabin now, one that she could lock herself, and that at least secured the slightest bit of ease in her. She placed her bag on her bed, not bothering unpacking it, and went back up the deck when the ship was about to leave. It was always impressive to sail off and watch as the masses on the dock became smaller and smaller.
As the ship sailed through the smooth water, towards the sea, and the docks disappeared from view, Violet watched everyone who was waving goodbye to their loved ones. Her stomach was tied in a knot when she realised that there truly was no going back now.
Her mind wandered to Caitlyn and what her response might be to that note. To Violet leaving her ring. Would she cry? Would she be angry? Or perhaps relieved?
As her thoughts drifted to Caitlyn, she swore she was starting to see her everywhere. Watching the docks where small figures waved at the ship, she swore she saw someone rush through the crowd. Someone with dark curls and the same tall, slim figure of her former lover.
Violet chuckled, realising she must have gone mad now that she was starting to see people that weren’t there. It was probably a woman who looked a lot like Caitlyn, and with her former lover being the only thing on her mind it was not strange that she would think it was her. She turned around, turning her back on the crowd on people and went downstairs into her cabin to get some rest. They had a long trip ahead of them and with her healing wound, it was best to get as much rest as she could.
Apparently a lot of rest was not in the cards for her, because the days that followed were rough ones at sea. It was the cause for many nights of nausea and days of exhaustion where she tried to sleep but was often rocked too hard by the sea. It did nothing to help her recovery and as she laid in bed, miserable and alone, she often wondered if this was how God was punishing her for leaving Caitlyn without saying goodbye.
With a wounded hip, a bleeding heart and an upset stomach, she reached New York after several days. For some reason, the city seemed more grim than it had when she had left all those months ago. It made her wonder why she had bothered coming back here in the first place. She had nothing in this city. No home, no family, no friends.
All she had was the chance at a fresh start.
Vi chuckled as she walked off the ship with her bag slung over her shoulder and made her way to the identification desk. If she had stayed in London, Caitlyn would have probably kicked her out of the house the next day and left her to rot on the street. At least, that was what she had convinced herself of in those dark, sleepless night out on the sea in her cabin by herself. Because convincing herself that Caitlyn hated her was a lot better than the heartache caused by the idea that Caitlyn still loved her.
The line wasn’t too long since she was one of the first ones off the boat and she slid her papers over to the man on the other side of the desk. The man checked them, glanced at Violet to compare the photograph, and then slid them back to Violet.
“Welcome home Miss McAdams”
The knot in Violet’s stomach tightened.
With one hand pressed against her aching wound and the older holding her bag, she made her way out of the docks. The best way to go about this was to go back to Brooklyn, she gathered. She did not want to roam any other streets than the ones she grew up on. It felt strangely soothing, in a way, to make her way back to the streets where it had all begun. Where she had played as a child and made both wonderful and horrifying memories.
It was the late afternoon already and with dusk around the corner, she knew it was vital that she find a place to spend the night. If only her wound did not bother her so much. Violet had suspected it being infected for three days now and the fluids seeping through the stitches combined with the inflamed skin around it was starting to confirm those suspicions.
With her lack of sleep and nutrition, due to the nausea and lack of appetite, she was finding it hard to concentrate on where she was going as she walked those familiar Brooklyn streets. Her bag still clutched tightly in her hand, she blinked several times to fight against the dizziness that was starting to place dark spots in her vision.
Fighting the black spots and the dizziness was worse than giving into it. Her wound was starting to feel like it was ripping apart in spots and the liquid had now created a wet spot on her blouse. A wet spot that was not only transparent fluid, but also the familiar deep red colour of blood.
Fuck.
She wandered down three more streets as she tried to make sense of her surroundings, tried to find something that looked familiar, but it all blurred into the same mass of large buildings with bright lights. The black spots got bigger, as did the blood stain on the fabric of her blouse, and her bag felt three times as heavy as it had before.
Finding no hope of getting somewhere safe, she did what she knew the best option would be in times like these. She ducked into an alley and tried to hold onto the brick wall in order to stay upright.
It only resulted in her visions blurring more each time she blinked, until it went black in its entirety as her knees gave out. Her body slumped against the steady wall as she drifted off to a place more peaceful and quiet than the cold streets of Brooklyn.
“Are you awake?”
Violet found herself embraced in warmth before even opening her eyes. She felt soft, gentle fingertips trace her stomach followed by a small kiss on the spot the fingertips just touched.
Caitlyn’s voice reaching her ears sent a shiver down her spine. She was overwhelmed with a feeling of warmth she hadn’t realised she’d missed until she was fully submerged in it. “I know you can hear me darling, your eyelids are trembling”
The corners of Violet’s mouth pulled her lips into a smile as she slowly forced one eye open, only to be met with the glorious sight of her naked wife, in bed, by her side. Caitlyn was lying on her side, elbow pressed into the crisp, white pillow and her temple resting on her fist, as her fingers teased Violet’s stomach once more. That was when Violet noticed that she, too, was naked. Rather than feeling exposed, she felt comfortable.
She was home.
“I had a terrible nightmare” Violet sighed as Caitlyn leaned in and placed a soft kiss on her jaw.
“Tell me about it” her wife urged as she moved forward slightly and curled her nude body around Violet’s own. The warmth that radiated off her and the love in those cerulean eyes filled Violet with serenity.
Before answering anything, Violet had one task that ought to be fulfilled now that she was released from her nightmare. She leaned in and caught Caitlyn’s lips with her own, in a deep kiss. She heard a soft giggle against her lips before Caitlyn’s soft lips kissed her back with gentle force. Caitlyn’s good hand found Violet’s neck as she was pulled closer to her wife while the woman laid back in bed and ever so slowly pulled Violet on top of her.
“You’re going to make me forget the dream” Violet whispered against her wife’s lips as she found her position on top of her with ease, ignoring the way her wound was pounding ever so slightly.
“Good. I want to be the only thing on your mind” was Caitlyn’s purred answer, one that made Violet’s heart flip twice over. Her lips were reunited with Caitlyn’s within a second, a kiss hungrier than the last one they had shared and Violet could not help but let her hands wander up to Caitlyn’s wonderful breasts.
She’d missed the feel of them, how soft they were and how Caitlyn welcomed her touch with those effortlessly arousing moans as Violet’s palms gently kneaded her full breasts.
“You’re so beautiful” she told Caitlyn as she looked down at her wife, taking in all that she was. “Have I every told you how much I adore your breasts?”
Caitlyn let out a laugh so genuine that it filled Violet’s heart with pure joy. “I’m unsure you have mentioned it in such terms”
A grin crept onto Violet’s face as she leaned in and placed a series of small kisses on the valley between Caitlyn’s breasts. “I do. They’re perfectly full and round… soft and simply delicious” her lips closed around Caitlyn’s dark nipple once that last word was spoken, instantly drawing a moan from Caitlyn’s lips.
“Violet” her name was almost like a prayer on Caitlyn’s lips as she sucked a little harder and let her tongue flick over Caitlyn’s nipple while her thumb did the same to the other one.
After another series of kisses, Violet pulled away slightly before nuzzling her nose into Caitlyn’s neck. She had to ensure this was real. That Caitlyn was real. “I dreamed that I went back to New York without you” she whispered against Caitlyn’s soft neck while those long fingers of hers ran through Violet’s soft, copper curls. “I was miserable from the moment I left you”
“Then why did you leave?” was Caitlyn’s vulnerable response, earning her a soft sigh from Violet against her neck.
“Because you were better off without me”
The fingers in her hair stopped scratching her scalp and Violet felt them slowly pull away from her hair and slide down to her cheek, until she had fully cupped the soft flesh and pulled Violet’s face up. Making her grey eyes meet those irresistible cerulean ones, full of emotion.
“Listen to me Violet, and listen carefully” Caitlyn whispered, so only they could hear the words she was about to speak “there is not a world, in which I would be better off without you. We are one, you and I. A life without you is a life I have not lived… A life I do not want to live”
“Caitlyn-“
“I’ve said it once and I will say it again. I would choose you in any lifetime Violet. You will always be my choice, no matter the consequences” Violet could see the mist of tears in those cerulean eyes, which was the very last thing she wanted. As Caitlyn cupped her face, Violet’s hand reached out and she gently ran her thumb over Caitlyn’s slightly blushing cheeks.
“Good thing I did not get on that ship then” she softly joked, finding Caitlyn’s saddened expression to break out into a smile when she heard those words.
“Good thing you didn’t” she replied before pulling Violet closer once more and closing the gap between them with a toe-curling kiss.
It was that moment that Violet’s eyes shot up and she gasped for air, almost like she had been drowning and she had come back to consciousness just in time to safe her own life. Frantically, she looked around the environment she did not recognize.
The last thing she remembered was that alley and how her vision had gotten blurrier with each step she had taken before it eventually disappeared in its entirety. Right now, however, her surroundings were anything but an alley.
She was sitting up on a sofa, rather old but comfortable in its own way, in a dimly lit living room that was furnished with furniture that looked like it had been pulled together from a pile. Nothing really matched and some things looked like they had been in that specific spot for longer than Violet had been alive.
How the hell had she ended up here?
“Good to see you’re up kid, I was starting to worry you might’ve died on me”
Her head shot in the direction of the voice and she found an enormous man , tall, broad shoulders, broad everything, standing in the doorway that led to another part of the house or apartment. He was holding a mug with some warm substance in it, judging from the smoke coming from whatever was in it.
“Who the hell are you?”
There was nothing else that came to mind than to ask that question, especially since she was in the house of a strange man, who had probably dragged her there from the street and seemed to be set on giving her something to drink. The entire situation was beyond what she could comprehend in that moment.
The man gave her a friendly smile as he stepped into the living room. “The name’s Vander. I saw you stumbling down the street and hide in that alley, decided you did not look too good and when I went to check up on you, you had already passed out. So I brought you here, cleaned and dressed that nasty looking wound of yours and let you sleep off whatever it was you had to sleep off”
This Vander figure seemed too good to be true. Violet knew better than to trust someone right off the bat. So she quickly lifted her blouse to check on her wound. When she did, she quickly came to the conclusion that he really had taken care of her wound and dressed it surprisingly well. It looked clean and it felt a hell of a lot better than it had when she had passed out.
“Got you some left over soup, if you’re hungry” Vander offered, holding the mug out to her.
Violet was about to decline when her stomach grumbled in protest and she quickly decided that, if the soup was poisoned, she’d at least have a quick death and a full belly. Her calloused hands took hold of the warm mug and she only had to take one sip to determine that the soup was probably not poisoned, and was the best damn meal she’d ever consumed.
She probably drank it a bit too fast because she had Vander grinning at her like an idiot the entire time. “What?” she probably sounded a bit too aggressive, considering the man had picked her up from the street, given her soup and quite possibly saved her life.
“You’re a tough one, I like that” Vander concluded as he sat down in the large armchair across from the sofa, while Violet finished her soup. “Now that you know my name, would you care to tell me yours?”
“Vi-“ she stopped herself before she could finish. She was brought back to her dream, her dream of Caitlyn and a life that could have been. Caitlyn who called her Violet with such love, such tenderness. She could not bear hearing that name spoken again if it was not by her.
This was a new start. A new life.
“It’s Vi” she informed Vander before taking a final sip from her soup “just Vi”
“Well, just Vi, is there anything else you can tell me about yourself? Since I want to make sure I have not taken a lunatic into my home” Vander’s tone was teasing in the way her father used to speak to her when telling her a story. It soothed her, strangely enough, immediately. He had something about him that made her feel at ease, almost as though her had already spoken a silent promise to look after her.
Vi placed her mug down on the table and ran her hand over her mouth in a rough motion to clear off any spilled soup. “Let’s see. I was born and raised in Brooklyn, parents died when I was young, got into the army in ’42, flew as a pilot for the past several months. Crashed my plane in France back in July. Got saved by a woman who risked her life to get me out of that country. Seen a lot of people get killed, got shot myself and had to get a kidney removed. Decided to go back to Brooklyn after being in London for a bit, and now I am here on your sofa”
As she informed Vander of the state of things without showing any emotion regarding to what she had been through, she noticed that the man simply forward slightly and nodded as he silently listened to what she had to say. She had no idea why she was being this open about herself to a man she had only just met. Something about him earned Vi's trust with relative ease, though she could not quite point out what exactly.
“Sounds like you had it rough, kid” was his response. Though his tone sounded light, there was a hint of care in there that Vi immediately noticed. “What’s your plan, now that you’re back?”
Vi simply shrugged “I’m not sure. I don’t have a home or a job here. I have to report to the military about my arrival but I’m quite sure they’re dropping me after that”
Vander simply nodded as he sat back, seemingly deep in thought. Vi was quite sure this was when she was told to fuck off and get lost, because who wanted a homeless young adult in their home when there were more important things to worry about? Besides, Vander knew Vi as well as she knew him, which was not at all.
“We can’t have that, can we?” was Vander’s surprising answer “I’ll make you an offer”
“What kind of offer?” Vander did not seem like the type to make a shady kind of offer, but this was Brooklyn, so you never really knew.
“I own a pub just down the street and recently lost my only employee because I couldn’t afford to pay him any longer. If you work at my pub for free, I’ll give you a roof over your head and three decent meals a day. If you make any tips, which is rare in times like these, you can keep them” Vander was making her a pretty sweet deal, especially for the first several weeks as she tried to get back on her feet. There was not much else she had on her agenda and she was quite sure that an offer like this one was not going to come every day. Besides, if she was getting shanked by the man in her sleep, there was not much she lived for anyways.
She had lost the only person she loved twice now, and with no one left to love or remember her she doubted it would be so terrible to die within the next six weeks.
“Would I sleep on the sofa or is there a spare room?” Vi asked before making her decision, though she was not that picky and would last a few weeks on that sofa if she really had to.
Vander nodded to the doorway “I have a spare bedroom, it’s small but it had a bed and a nightstand”
“Alright then” Vi did not hesitate a moment longer. When an opportunity like this, moving in with a stranger who saved you from dying in a dirty alley on the streets of Brooklyn, presented itself at a time in your life where you really did not care if you woke up the next day or died in your sleep, you took it with both hands. “You’ve got yourself a deal”
She got up from the sofa, holding out her hand for Vander to shake. The man rose from his chair and shook her smaller hand in his enormous one, the man had a firm but gentle grip, as he nodded “pleasure to have you aboard Vi”
“Pleasure to be there”
Their handshake sealed their spoken deal. Vi ran over Vander’s words once more as she pulled her hand away. It’d be great to have a few weeks with decent meals and a roof over her head before she would move on.
Because that was her plan, right? To move on after she had gathered enough tips to take herself somewhere else.
The thought of moving somewhere else inevitably brought her back to Caitlyn, and her heart ached with that dull pain that had settled in the empty space once occupied by Caitlyn’s affection. Perhaps she’d come crawling back to Caitlyn within six weeks’ time, beg for Caitlyn to take her back because living without her was not something she could bear.
Or perhaps Caitlyn would be the one to make the journey overseas once she found out that Violet was gone. The next ship would be leaving in several weeks… she wouldn’t-, would she?
She wouldn’t. She couldn’t.
Caitlyn was in the past now, and it was time to look forward. Being back in Brooklyn gave her the opportunity to come to peace with all she had been through, and perhaps that was the most important thing to focus on now.
Whatever yearning she had left in her heart became more painful with each day that passed. Because pushing her broken heart to the background was proving to be more difficult than going through the pain, yet she could not face it. Because fully facing that heartbreak meant to put it behind her for good, and though she told herself time and time again that Caitlyn was in the past, Caitlyn was still everywhere around her.
She saw her in every dark haired woman, every soft laugh, every bright smile. Caitlyn haunted her, made every morning feel like another battle not to book a ticket back to London.
For the first weeks she was almost sure that she would cave eventually, that she would not last a month in Brooklyn before she would go back. But she was stubborn, and she persisted. Pushing away the pain, hardening her heart.
Until that same heart could not take it anymore, and she had no choice but to go back.
That faithful day came on June 13th 1944.
7 months after she had last laid eyes on Caitlyn Kiramman.
I'd a hold a finger to my tongue
I'd a hold a finger waitin'
My heart is sore, until it
’s
join
ed
in song
With your heart matin'
Chapter 27: I buried all that was left of me, darling.
Notes:
Before we dive into this chapter, I want to tell you that it's a heavy one and I would like to remind you to please bear in mind that there is always hope. We are very deep, very dark at the end of this BUT I promise you from the bottom of my little heart that, light may shine.
This is a story about war and I do not want to shy away for the reality of the horrors that happen during a war, which is why they are so intertwined with this story.
So, I do apologize for the hurt and let's get into the chapter!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Caitlyn’s mind was made up as she rushed to Belgrave square, finding her destination in the Kiramman residence. Though she no longer resided there herself, there was one person she ought to speak to before taking action. She greeted the familiar faces of the porter and the butler with a smile and a nod, before inquiring if the person she came to see was home.
Her father.
She rushed to his office upon receiving the news that he was home for the day and found herself barging in without knocking. Her father glanced up from the papers he was studying when his beloved daughter burst through the door without announcing herself – something she did not tend to do unless it was urgent. In which case, he immediately put his pen down and took off his glasses as he watched his wide-eyed daughter close the door behind him and approach him at his desk.
“This is a rather unexpected visit, my dear” he noted as Caitlyn settled in the armchair close to his desk, back straight and head held high – a posture she only held when nervous or anxious. “Are you alright?”
“Violet’s gone” were the first words to leave her mouth. Worry coloured her father’s kind face when hearing that his daughter’s close friend had vanished.
“Left where, exactly?”
A shiver ran down her spine as she thought of her pilot on that ship by herself, sailing across the sea to her trusted city she called home. There had to be a mistake in there somewhere, something that she had missed that had pushed Violet to make a decision such as this. Was it truly about what Caitlyn had said that night of their fight, or was there more to this story than she knew?
Caitlyn’s lips formed a brave, though forced, smile “to New York”
“Oh darling” her father’s voice was full of empathy and pity. The first she wholeheartedly accepted and the latter she did not want to hear. She refused to be pitied for something that she had caused and intended to change. “I am sorry to hear that. Was there a family emergency that forced her to leave?”
“No we- I made a mistake of mentioning something rather painful that I should not have” Caitlyn replied, her fingers playing with the hem of her skirt as she pushed away any intrusive thoughts of the argument. “I’m afraid I pushed her away. We had an argument”
“And she ran back to New York because of that?” her father sat back in his chair, his face betraying that he was deep in thoughts as his dark eyes found his daughter’s cerulean ones “I’ll admit that I had not expected that from Violet. She seemed… more confident in your friendship than that”
“I’m afraid we both said things we regret” Caitlyn admitted as she leaned forward slightly “but I came to you for advice about this matter. For I plan to go after her”
“Is that so?” the worry on her father’s face was replaced by curiosity as he measured his daughter’s calculated responses. “Does your friendship to her truly mean that much, that you would chase her overseas?”
“I would chase her around the globe if I had to, I’m afraid” Caitlyn found herself admitting before truly thinking of what she was admitting to. Her father’s eyes narrowed slightly as he seemed to realise that the bond between her and Violet was possibly stronger than he had known and expected. It made her blush.
“I see” her father nodded as he leaned over his desk, elbows pressing into the dark mahogany wood as he thought out loud. “And how do you suppose she would respond to your surprise visit?”
“Well-“ she hadn’t allowed herself to think of that yet, especially considering the fact that Violet had made it clear in her letter that she wished this to be the end of the two of them. Except Caitlyn was not ready to give up that fight just yet. The bond they shared, the feelings she had for her Violet, they were entirely overwhelming and deeply unsettling in the most wonderful way possible. “I hope she will hear my apology and find it in her heart to forgive my incompetence of hearing her side of the story during our argument. Furthermore, I hope to receive an explanation for her sudden departure”
Her father’s expression softened slightly. He seemed touched by her words and her sensitivity to the subject. For as long as she could remember, her father had been the one to praise her sensitive side while her mother had been insistent that it made her weak. Now her sensitive side and her forgiving heart was carrying her to the other side of the ocean with no plan but to win back the heart of the woman she loved.
“Is she worth it?” was her father’s only question in return. “Is Violet worth it?”
“Yes” Caitlyn answered in a heartbeat, without hesitation. “Father, she- I think she is the most wonderful person I have met in my lifetime. If I had to fly to the sun to reach her, I would try” she forced back tears and the surge of emotion that overwhelmed her. “Even if she were to turn me down on the shores of New York, I would not regret trying. Violet is worth everything”
“Then you have my blessing” her father’s hands folded together on his desk as his lips slowly formed a smile “if my daughter deems someone worthy enough to cross the sea for, who am I to question your judgement?”
Caitlyn was unsure why her eyes were misty with the hint of fresh tears. Perhaps because she had not realised how much her father’s opinion on this matter meant to her, until now. Or because this was the final piece of advice she needed to determine what next step to take.
“Thank you” her words were a mere whisper as she got up from her chair and crossed the distance between her and her father. Her father immediately rose from his seat and pulled his beloved daughter in his arms.
Her father’s strong arms embracing her was not was finally caused a tear to run down her cheek. It was the words that followed the tight embrace, that truly pushed her over the edge. “I’m English, so I do not express this very often… but I would like you to know that I am so proud of the woman you have become” were her father’s words as he pulled away from their embrace and placed his hands on her shoulders. “When raising a child, one can only hope for what the future holds… it brings me great joy to see you so headstrong and determined. To hear you speak up for yourself and to know that you can take care of yourself”
“One could argue those are not qualities one looks for in a woman” Caitlyn softly responded as a quick fingers wiped away the single tear.
Her father’s grin broadened slightly “a real man should not fear the strength of a woman, but embrace it. I think your late husband knew that, and hopefully your future husband – should there be another – will know that too”
Caitlyn knew she was walking a fragile line in regards to her feelings for Violet and how much she let her father see of the true nature of their relationship, but deep down she knew that those she loved most had to be kept in the dark about those sins. And so she did what she did best in situations such as these, she changed the course of the subject.
“Was that how you felt about mother?”
“That is how I still feel about your mother” her father ensured her as he chuckled and let go of her shoulders “I doubt your mother would have let me live if I tried to control her the way some husbands do their wife. Besides, I enjoy it when she challenges me, it keeps our marriage alive and you know we both love a good debate”
Caitlyn smiled as she thought back of the endless nights she had often spent discussing political, economic or societal topics with her parents. It was the Kiramman way, they always said. Their family believed in a good discussion in which all possible outcomes and options were laid out on the table and argued about.
“I see” Caitlyn stepped back as she let out a soft sigh, letting her shoulders relax for the first time since stepping into her father’s office. “I ought to book a ticket to New York then”
Her father nodded in agreement as he took his seat once more “when is the next ship leaving?”
“A month or two, I was told”
“Best be quick then” was his response, followed by a playful grin.
Her father turned her attention back to his papers as Caitlyn said her goodbyes, feeling more relieved than she had in days. Perhaps those two months would be a good time to heal from what she had been through in France, and then she could face Violet with the intention of making a fresh start. Together. Once again, the two of them against the world.
Her ticket was booked for January 14th 1944, a Friday. The journey would take several days and without the knowledge of where Violet was staying, she needed a plan. A plan she had two months to hatch out.
From the day she had purchased her ticket, she kept it in her most treasured jewellery box, underneath her pearl necklaces and diamond bracelets. That ticket was the most valuable thing in that box, the thing dearest to Caitlyn as it was the one thing that would reunite her with her former lover.
As the day of her departure got closer, Caitlyn found herself more nervous with each day that passed. What if Violet had moved on, or simply did not want to see her? It was a risk she was taking, but one that was well worth it in the end. It would be a last shot at their happiness, a last chance for Violet to change her mind.
December rolled around and a thick blanket of snow covered the dimly lit streets of London. As a child, Caitlyn always adored snow. Everything changed when the world was illuminated by such a soft glow of white powder that felt cold and warm at the same time. She could wander around the covered streets for hours and never tire of the view.
She could not contain a smile when hearing the sound of the snow crisping under her feet as she walked home from a visit to her aunt. After Violet’s departure, she spent two more weeks with her aunt before moving back in with her parents. The library was still terrain untouched by her feet, but she felt more at ease staying with her parents now that she was by herself.
Most of her days were spent volunteering at the hospital where her father worked, now that her shoulder was healed and she had been cleared from any suspicions regarding the death of Pierre Hoskel. The police had ruled it an action of self-defence after hearing several testimonies of both Caitlyn and her parents. Once her name was cleared, she was allowed to volunteer at the unit where wounded soldiers who had returned from the battlefield with serious injuries were being treated. If they survived the taxing journey back to England, they often needed quite some time to actually recover and Caitlyn was more than happy to help distribute meals, blankets and other necessities.
She liked to keep busy, and with no farm to take care of this was a great way to help those around her that were in need of it.
As she crossed the street, about halfway through her journey home, a familiar wail rang through the streets of London. All those present on the snow-covered streets immediately knew their task as the alarm, announcing the threat of an air-raid, warned them.
Air-raid shelters were around every corner and Caitlyn quickly followed the citizens rushing to the closest one, just several steps away from her. She pushed herself through the small crowd of people that wormed their way inside and quietly looked around as the shelter was closed off and sealed them all safely inside.
It was strange how quickly one got used to spending an hour or two in an air-raid shelter, awaiting something that may or may not come. A lot of times, these alarms were false and nothing occurred. It simply meant to wait for a sign that everything was safe. On the occasion that an air-raid did occur, though, she was happy to be trapped in a small space with too many strangers surrounding her. Because it meant her safety and survival, and that was all that mattered.
As the warmly clothed bodies huddled together in the small space underground, someone ignited a lantern and granted them some light in the darkness. A woman next to her was softly sobbing, shivering as well. Perhaps the fear of these air-raids had gotten the best of her.
Caitlyn tried not to let it bother her, tried to let it slide off her back as though it was merely of hide and seek she used to play as a child. Think not of the consequences of a bombing, but of what the outcome would be should it be a false alarm. Usually, she tried to distract herself by thinking of anything but the present.
Which often brought her to think of Violet. Violet’s enchanting grey eyes. Her pearly white teeth that she often showed in a cheeky grin as she teased Caitlyn. Her gentle embraces and soft skin. Her-
Boom.
The first bomb hit close to them, only several streets away if Caitlyn had to guess. The woman next to her immediately took a hold of Caitlyn’s arm, a movement to which Caitlyn placed had hand on the woman’s arm to soothe her as best as she could with a complete stranger holding her.
A second bomb hit a little further away from them. It was a noise that sounded familiar to her ears by now, but something she would never get used to. Something she did not wish to get used to. These air-raids destroyed parts of the city she loved, they killed tens, to hundreds, to sometimes thousands of people and were the reason for more outrage and hunger for revenge.
Her ears numbed by the time the fourth bomb hit its target and she simply stared ahead as she let her thoughts wander to happier times and more soothing memories. She closed her eyes for a moment as she let the memories of Violet overtake her and bring her back to the only time in her life she had truly been happy.
Until the bombing stopped.
And everything went quiet.
Her eyes snapped open. No one said a word as they glanced at each other. Could it truly be over, or was this simply a momentary pause before they would start again?
That feeling of uncertainty lasted for about half an hour before a knock on the door announced that it was safe to come out. Perhaps that was the worst part of these air-raids, coming out of the shelter and not knowing what the streets of London would look like. She had spend many hours in these shelters only to come out and stand face to face with a destroyed building or a obliterated street. Sometimes she helped recover victims from the ashes, but often it took too much of a toll on her to see the wounded and dead being dragged out from underneath the ruins of what had once been.
When surfacing this time, however, the streets of London she was facing were entirely intact. Had she not just spend several hours in an air-raid shelter, she would not have been aware that there had been an air-raid at all. Perhaps it had hit an area that had not been that affected…
Those who surfaced with her seemed curious to know what parts of London had been hit as well, as most ventured out into the street and asked people passing by what had happened and where the bombs had been dropped.
Caitlyn herself was not too curious. There were several possibilities and she did not care to see the bodies dragged out of the ruins. Her feet swiftly carried her across the snow-covered road with the goal of getting home to her mother within ten minutes.
Just as she rounded the corner, she caught wind of a conversation held between an older man and woman. She did not hear all, but enough to make her stop in her tracks and drain all colour from her face.
“I know” she heard the woman say”-… poor people… - the hospital-“
With a sharp turn of her feet, Caitlyn moved towards the elderly couple, unable to keep her usual composure as a million worrying thoughts ran through her head. “Excuse me?” she asked, voice trembling and hands shaking with the horrifying thoughts of what might be the answer to her question. “I could not help but overhear part of your conversation. Did you mention the hospital?”
The woman nodded as her green eyes lifted to look into Caitlyn’s “yes dear, apparently one of the buildings under attack the past several hours was the hospital. They destroyed a whole part of the building”
No.
With a stomach filled with dread and a heart full of worry, Caitlyn hurried to the hospital only several blocks down. Her feet carried her faster than they ever had as she rounded corners and crossed streets. The closer she got, the more destruction she faced. Parts of buildings blown to pieces and destroyed, leaving some homeless and some orphaned. She paid no mind to the civilians pulling bodies from the rubble, dead or alive, for she had only one goal in mind. One person she had to find.
Once she reached the hospital, the damage was worse than she had expected. Almost half the building had been blown to bits. Some parts of the construction were still intact, but most was littered all over the streets and pavements, with bystanders and survivors crawling the scene along with the fire brigade and the police.
A wave of panic overtook Caitlyn as she desperately searched for a familiar face in the crowd. She could not bring herself to say “pardon” or “excuse me” as she pushed through the crowd of people and finally found someone that might have an answer for her.
A doctor she had met several times, was amongst the wounded, sitting on a large piece of stone that had once functioned as part of a wall, as he was being treated for a wound on his head.
“Doctor Jones” she cried out as she ran up to him, eyes wide and full of panic that ran rapid through her heart, lungs and veins.
“Caitlyn-“ the man immediately recognized her but seemed to be in a certain state of shock, considering his lack of tone in his voice.
“My father-“ she could not finish that sentence, and apparently she did not have to, for Doctor Jones knew exactly what she meant.
“I don’t know” the man told her in a shocked tone “he has not reported himself, I believe-“
Caitlyn did not stay around to hear the rest of what he had to say. She turned towards the massive piles of rubble where part of the hospital had once been. The police and fire brigade had started to pull away parts of the debris to see if there was anyone to be found trapped underneath.
Once again, her feet moved without thinking, and she rushed over the piles of rubble and debris, calling out to her father. She was sure she sounded mad, but there was not a single part of her that cared what others thought in that moment as her mind ran rapid with worry.
Her cerulean eyes scanned every inch of bombed rock, wall, floor and hospital equipment she climbed over, ignoring all deceased bodies that did not belong to the one she sought.
“FATHER” she cried out.
Over and over again. Until her throat was raw and her voice hoarse.
She crossed the ruined terrain once more, venturing to the west side – blind to anyone and anything that was not what she searched for. Her rapidly moving eyes tried to settle on what was familiar, but without success.
Until the moment her heart stopped and her blood froze. The moment she noticed a familiar head of black hair sticking out of the obliterated walls, ceilings and floors.
She climbed over the debris, ripping her stocking apart and scratching her knees on her way there, but she did not even feel it.
“FATHER” she called out as she got closer. Hoping, praying, for that head of hair to turn towards her and let her know that he was okay. That he was alive.
She arrived at her father’s side several minutes later, cheeks stained with tears as she laid her eyes upon her father’s motionless body. She fell on her knees by his side, pushed any brick and dirt off him, and pulled him into her arms.
He was still warm, still there. Her trembling hands stroked his dusty hair, pulling him closer to her and resting his upper body in her lap.
“Father, please” she whispered as a tear escaped her chin and his her father’s bloody cheek. She did not notice how a worrying amount of blood had been mixed with his hair until she stroked his head and found her fingers covered in the deep red, sticky substance.
She was quick to place the fingers of her clean hand on his neck. His pulse was weak, weaker than she had felt on patients who were on the verge of death. He was barely breathing as she cradled him in her arms.
“Father, please come back to me. Do not let this be the end. Do not leave me” her broken voice whispered as she bowed her head and hugged her father’s motionless body closer to her own.
Tears mixed with blood on the familiar face that belonged to her father. Caitlyn’s clothes stained with the blood of his wounds as she curled her upper body around him in a tight embrace. “I need you papa” being all she could whisper as she kept her fingers on his neck to feel his beating heart.
He never opened his eyes, but Caitlyn kept repeating those words over and over again until his pulse finally disappeared.
The cry that ripped from her throat was one so full of pain, of loss and grief, that many of those surrounding the wreckage teared up when witnessing this daughter losing her father.
A symbol of all this war had meant for many people. The loss of those closest to them. To Caitlyn, the loss of the only man she had ever loved. The one person she trusted unconditionally.
She didn’t know how long she remained like that. Holding on to the lifeless body of her father, cradling him in her arms and holding him close as though that might bring him back. Her entire body shook with the first moments of grief that overtook her. She held on to her father’s body in a tight grip, not willing to let go of him when the police and fire brigade tried to make her. Not willing to let go of him when the freezing cold numbed her hands and legs. Not even willing to let go when her father’s body was ripped from her numb arms and her voice cried out in an estranged noise that sounded almost like a feral cat.
She was taken home by a policeman after her father’s body had been carried off and taken away. Where her legs and hands had been numb from the pain, her head and heart felt numb from the events of the past hours.
Her eyes were unfocussed and her mind felt like it had been switched off. Until the moment she came face to face with her mother when the policeman informed her of the death of her husband.
Watching her mother break before her eyes was more than she was equipped to handle. Cassandra Kiramman was a woman stronger than any Caitlyn had met in her lifetime, but even she was not immune to the delivered news of her deceased husband. She thanked the policeman with a single crack in the unfazed façade – her cerulean eyes. The eyes that reflected the true heartbreak of a woman who had lost the man she loved more than any on earth.
The policeman was kindly thanked as he offered his condolences, told that they would handle it from here on out, and then shown the door. Her mother’s movements were rigid and stiff. Her shoulders hardly moved as she closed the door.
Then she truly broke.
Her shoulders slumped in an instant, and when she turned to Caitlyn – bloodstained clothes and numbed – the only thing keeping her from her knees giving out, was embracing her daughter.
Mother and daughter embraced as sobs were silenced in each other’s shoulder. They did not say anything, for what was there to say in a situation like this? All they needed now was each other. They had lost a father and a husband, a dearly beloved man by them both.
Neither was equipped to handle such a loss and neither knew how to go about the days that laid ahead of them. All they could do was go through the darkness together, for the following days came and went. Arrangements were made, bouquets of flowers carrying condolences delivered and visitors paying their respects came and went. Days passed as though nothing had happened, as though the world around the Kiramman family had not come crashing down.
The ticket in that jewellery box was no longer a topic of conversation and even of thought. It remained hidden between the diamonds and gold. Each day that passed felt like a blur. Christmas held no meaning and the celebration of New Year’s was a grim reminder of the one family member that would not live to see 1943 turn into 1944.
January 14th came. Caitlyn’s fingers opened that jewellery box that Friday morning and found the fragile piece of paper that held the prospect of a future she had once been so thrilled about.
The corners of her lips were turned downward as she crossed the room, paper between her fingers and eyebrows turned to a frown. She let her eyes glimpse over the crisp ticket once more before she reached out and let go.
Those numbed cerulean eyes watched as the small piece of paper slowly made it’s way down, only to be caught by the flames of the fireplace above which it was released – closing the door of Caitlyn and Violet behind her. For good.
Days turned into weeks and weeks into months as life continued its usual routine. As usual as possible for one that lived during times of war.
In the months following her fathers death, life was picked up by those surrounding her. People visited less and less, the bouquets became less frequent and questions about how they were holding up were asked less frequently, until they were not being asked at all.
For Caitlyn, it felt like everyone continued their lives like they always had, like nothing had changed, while she was left with a shattered soul and a numbed emotional state. Her father was still present everywhere she went, everywhere she looked. The entire house reminded her of him, made her grief even more present and caused her heart to be ripped open time and time again.
Having to live with the grief of losing her father was one thing, but to have to live with the knowledge of what it was like to have her father die in her arms – that was something untouchable, even for Caitlyn herself.
She lived with more nightmares now, and her wounded soul felt unable to heal. She was incurable. For her ruined soul there was no cure, there was no antidote and no solution. She simply had to grin and bear it until the day she found her own sweet relief in death.
Until that day would inevitably come, Caitlyn threw herself into volunteering. Her way of coping with the loss of her father was by devoting every single minute of her day to helping those that needed her.
She started about two weeks after the funeral in another hospital – unable to face the ruins of the place where her father had died in her arms – and she quickly became one of the most trusted and valued volunteers in the hospital. With the hard work she put into her days at the hospital, the staff was quick to notice her thirst for knowledge and her eagerness to learn more about medicine.
Three months into volunteering, one of the doctors approached her about the opportunity to train as a nurse. Since the hospital was in desperate need for more trained medical staff, volunteers were being trained for several weeks to work alongside the other nurses and help out where needed. It meant long hours at the hospital and studying when at home, but Caitlyn was more than willing to put in those hours of hard work to climb to that level.
On the 2nd of May, Caitlyn was officially allowed to call herself a nurse. The moment she received the news, she forced a bright smile onto her face. All that she could think of was how proud her father would have been to see his daughter follow in his footsteps and fight for her country in the medical field.
Even after receiving her official position as a nurse, she did not give herself a moment to breathe. She simply kept going, for if she kept going forward then she did not have to look back and go through the immense grief that still pressed on her every day that passed.
She worked herself to the bone, forcing herself to work on the wing where the most injured patients were kept. The ones that needed amputations, whose faces had been destroyed by grenades, the ones with the bloodiest boils and the dirtiest wounds. The worst of the worst, the ones no one wanted to care for, those were her patients.
Perhaps she exposed herself to such physical damage because that took away from her own emotion damage. Seeing a patient whose physicality was so heavily destroyed almost felt like it relieved her heart from the burden of grief that still pressed on her. The grief untouched and unanswered, something she did not dare give herself to for she did not know who she would become if she did.
When June rolled around, the war was taking a turn for the worst. Air-raids were becoming more and more frequent. Which meant more patients, longer days and worse injuries. The first air-raid since her father’s death had caused her to have a panic attack, which meant she had spent a good hour hyperventilating in a small air-raid shelter crowded with people. It had been suffocating and she had honestly thought it was the end.
But she had managed to breathe through it, and each raid after that she managed to hold herself together a little better. Nowadays, one could not see the anxiety that coursed through her veins every time they were forced into an air-raid shelter, but it was still very present. She had simply learned to mask it.
One of the worst since Caitlyn started her work at the hospital happened on June 13, 1944. Planes without pilots dropped bombs heavier than what they were used to, destroying larger parts of the city and making more victims than the hospital was equipped to handle.
In the days after the attack, Caitlyn’s feet took more steps than they had in years and her hands sowed up more wounds than she could count. She hardly took notice of her bloodied apron anymore, knowing it was not worth putting on a clean one as it would be smudged again within half an hour of her shift. Nothing was on her mind during those days than the patients she tended to and the next days that brought more wounded patients, of which many died within hours of being brought into the hospital.
June 18th 1944 came around, and the worst seemed to be over. The patients that were too severely wounded had died and the ones that needed urgent surgery were looked after. It was the first day that was less hectic than the ones before. Around noon, she was called upon by a fellow nurse who came running up to her as Caitlyn fixed uniform while making her way to her next patient.
She gave the nurse, Emma, a curious glance as the woman practically ran up to her. Had they lost another patient? Was she being called upon to assist in an emergency surgery?
“Nurse Kiramman, I have some news for you” Emma was almost out of breath as she reached Caitlyn, who gave her an almost amused look in return.
“What would this news be?”
“There’s someone downstairs for you, she asked for you by name”
Worry immediately grabbed Caitlyn by the throat, as she feared it was her mother who was waiting for her downstairs in the main hall of the hospital. Her mother never visited, not unless absolutely necessary. If she had personally come to the hospital and asked for her, then something must truly be amiss.
Caitlyn hurried down the stairs as she tried to keep herself from falling back into the panic attacks that had been so present the first weeks after her father’s death. As she ran over every possible scenario awaiting her, she found herself rushing into the main hall of the hospital, frantically looking for the familiar brown hair with grey streaks that belonged to her mother.
What she found, however, was a familiar head of copper curls. Still as short, but less unruly than they had been before.
Caitlyn’s heart stopped as her head tried to make sense of what she was seeing before her.
Violet’s grey eyes – they truly were even more magnificent than they lived in her memory – looked right at her as both their faces stilled in a moment of uncertainty. They were close enough to hear what the other had to say, but not close enough to touch.
Violet had come back.
There was no cheeky grin on that beautiful face of hers. No bright smile and no open arms. Simply the intense stare of a woman who gazed upon the one person she had missed more than words could say.
Then, she opened her mouth and spoke.
“Caitlyn” was all that came from her former lover’s mouth.
That simple mention of her name carried so much weight and such a deep meaning. It told Caitlyn a million things, and yet explained none at all.
The only movement she could manage was a small shake of her head, followed by a single word.
“No”
Notes:
With all that is yet to be unpacked in this fic, I might add another chapter or two to truly allow myself to take the time to write out everything and not rush through things!
I hope I have not broken the last bits of you and I will see you next time, my loves!
Chapter 28: Perhaps the worst of it is not hating you at all.
Chapter Text
The routine that working at a pub gave Vi was a calming and welcome presence in her life. Her life with Vander had evolved into a rather comforting parent-child relationship that felt more familiar and warm in a way she had not expected it to feel. After leaving Caitlyn, her life felt as though it had completely spiralled out of control with no possibility of fixing it.
As it turned out, working her days away in a pub where she now, after several months, practically ran things with Vander was exactly what she needed. While the routine settled into her life, the nightmares disappeared to the background a bit more and there was time and space to reflect on the past year.
Reflect and regret, really.
Because of all the things she had done and said, the one thing that brought forth the most regret and guilt was leaving Caitlyn behind. She was that more clearly with each day that passed. Though it had felt like the right thing in that moment, Vi often wondered what would have happened had she stayed.
Had she been there for Caitlyn and gone through the worst of it with the woman she loved.
Except she hadn’t. She had run away like the coward she was and with that in mind, she felt too ashamed to even think of returning to England. Besides, she had a new life now with Vander and the pub, a new name even. She had gotten back into her hardened Brooklyn identity quite easily. It made her realise how soft she had gotten around Caitlyn, and how different the Brooklyn side of her was. The side of the kid who had everything taken from her and practically grew up on the street.
It was just past 8 at night when Vi placed her last polished glass back on the shelves and she heard the door open behind her. From the sound of heavy footsteps and the way the door half slammed as it was closed, she immediately recognized who had entered the establishment.
“Evening Vander” she confidently greeted the man as she turned around and was met with the slightly worried face of the man who approached the bar.
“Evening Vi, how was business today?” from the way he leaned his elbows on the dark wood and how his eyebrows frowned deep enough to create permanent wrinkles on his face, it had been as bad a day for him as it had been for Vi.
“Want the truth or the pretty picture?” Vi asked as she poured him a beer, knowing that this day had been as shitty as the previous ones.
As she slid it over to him, Vander ran his large hand over his face – he looked tired, more so than usual – and sighed as he took the beer from her “lay it on me”
As she swung her towel over her shoulder and leaned one elbow on the counter as well, Vi answered “I had three costumers today, which is one more than yesterday”
“Grand” Vander threw that beer back in one swig and slammed the empty glass back down “might as well close up, with business as it is”
“Don’t beat yourself up over it” Vi tried “most men are fighting in the war and those who are home are too young to drink, too injured or too poor”
“That does not broaden the perspective on things Vi” Vander gave her in response as he waved his hand towards the glass. Vi, understanding what such a gesture meant after living with the man for months, gave him a refill in an instant “apparently it’s gotten even worse across the pond”
“Really?” Vi’s thoughts immediately wandered to the one person whose name swam around in her mind every single day, still. “What’s happened?”
Her perked up ears and peeked interest did not go unnoticed by Vander, apparently, and the man took a sip as he gave her a knowing look “you thinking of someone?”
“What? No of course not” in order to calm the surfacing nerves that were starting to hit her system, Vi poured herself a whiskey and took a big swig “it’s been months, I don’t think about Caitlyn anymore”
“Never said her name, Vi” the smug grin on Vander’s face was one she was not appreciative of, but there was no going back now that she had absolutely destroyed her chances of staying under the radar with the whole Caitlyn thing. “Did you contact her like I advised you to?”
Vi sighed a rather guilty “no” before explaining “I can’t write her a card after months of not speaking to her. Besides, I am the one that left her. I doubt she is waiting to hear from me after that… and she probably has better things to do than receive a postcard from me, telling her how great my life is here in Brooklyn”
Her sarcastic words seemed to be the cause of Vander’s rolling eyes as the man took another sip from his beer before responding “from what you have told me about her, she seems like the type to understand your reason for leaving if you would just explain it to her… and perhaps she has been waiting to hear from you”
“I can guarantee you, I am probably lost to her” Vi answered after a large sip “I was a coward. I ran because I did not know how to confront my own feelings of guilt and insecurities, and I hurt her in the process. She’s not going to want to hear from me”
“Hm, like you have forgotten about her, you mean? Because she is all you have talked about since I’ve known you” Vander observed “I can’t imagine it being different for her”
“Well it is different, okay?” Vi voice was laced with frustration now and she finished her whiskey quicker than she had expected or meant to. “She’s not- she is the single most genuine and kind person I know, and I just shit all over that when I left. There’s not a chance in hell she will forgive me for that”
“I think that is just the root of your problem, isn’t it?” Vander and his advice could go to hell for all Vi cared, mostly because he was almost always right. And Vi did not want to hear it, because not dealing with a problem was a lot easier than having to it.
“I don’t want to talk about the root” she stubbornly muttered, placing her empty glass down on the dark wooden bar top.
“Your biggest problem is that you are afraid” Vander continued, ignoring Vi’s comment. “You are afraid of the chance that she might forgive you, because you'll lose all your ammunition if she does. If you go back and she forgives you, then you have to choose to stay or leave once more and I think that is what terrifies you the most”
Vander was right. Of course he was. But Vi absolutely did not want to admit that. Especially when it was so painfully clear that her feelings for Caitlyn had not dulled out or disappeared, as she had expected them to. “That’s not true”
“Of course it’s true Vi. Get that stubborn head of yours out of your arse and face your own bullshit” for an Englishman, Vander was surprisingly outspoken. Perhaps it was the Brooklyn that had gotten to him. “You don’t want to face Caitlyn because that means you will have to drag up all that guilt and face the consequences of the actions you took all those months ago. You are afraid of what happens if she does forgive you and if she doesn’t, and staying here in Brooklyn is the easiest thing to do because that means you cannot get hurt”
“Well who the fuck wants to get hurt?!” Vi called out in desperation, feeling the conversation slip further and further from her grip. “I’m so sick of hearing this Vander”
“Why? Because you know it’s the truth?”
“Yes!” Vi found herself crying out before she had the opportunity to think of what to say. The truth simply spilled after that whiskey and Vander’s pocking. “I cannot write something because it’s too impersonal and I cannot simply show up there unannounced, because she probably hates me for what I did”
“Well cry me a river Vi” Vander sounded less than impressed by her outburst “do you even think you are worthy of happiness?”
“I- happiness, sure” Vi huffed, forcing out an awkward chuckle as she tried to keep herself together.
“What about love?” was Vander’s next question “are you worthy of love? Of Caitlyn’s love?”
“Please” a dismissive wave in Vander’s direction and another awkward laugh later, Vi huffed again “you are making it sound like I am in love with her, which is ridiculous. Gross”
Vander’s expression remained neutral as he glanced at Vi “well aren’t you?”
Now, this was the moment all air was sucked from Vi’s lungs. For how hard she had tried to keep her feelings for Caitlyn a secret, Vander seemed to have figured it out quite easily. She felt a feeling of panic flush to her cheeks as she gave him a stammered answer of “wh- what, I- of course not”
“Because it seems like you are” Vander’s expression was unreadable. So Vi filled it in herself. Vander thought she was disgusting, a sinner. That she ought to be shot in the head for such vile thoughts about and feelings for another woman. That there was nothing more than lust clouding her brain when she thought of Caitlyn, and that it could not possibly be real love.
Vi did not respond. She simply glanced at Vander with a mingled look of guilt and conflicted feelings about the whole of it.
“I’ve noticed how you talk about her Vi, how you light up when you tell me a fond memory of her” Vander continued “I did not want to bring it up earlier because I know the sensitivity of a subject like this”
“What the hell would you know about this?” was Vi’s mumbled response as her hand found the back of her neck, scratching slightly and pulling on the hairs at the end of it.
“I know, because I have been in a situation similar to yours” Vander admitted after a loaded moment of silence. He only looked at her after those fragile words, unable to find the strength to do it during. “There was a man, once, who meant a lot to me. I know the conflicting feeling of falling in love with someone when it feels wrong. When it feels sinful”
Vi’s mouth was dry and her jaw slacked slightly in surprise that Vander was apparently not too different from her. That there were other people like her in general. People who lived normal lives and who were more than decent people, yet apparently had this same curse where they loved someone of their own sex in a manner in which she should love someone of the other sex.
“You-“
“Yes” Vander nodded “so I know how it feels and you do not have to be afraid of admitting it to me. I won’t see you any different if you do so”
It took Vi another six heartbeats to finally open her mouth and admit out loud what she had been too afraid to even think for the past several months. “I’m in love with Caitlyn”
Vander nodded, expression and opinion about her unchanged “does she feel the same about you?”
“I think she does” was Vi’s hesitant answer. Before the arguments, she would have answered that she was absolutely certain Caitlyn felt the same way about her, but now she was not so sure. There were so many things said that she regretted and so many months had passed without contact. What if Caitlyn had moved on and found someone new? Maybe even remarried? Her life could be completely different and without room for Vi in it.
Perhaps that was what scared her the most. The idea that after all those months, she still had not moved on but that Caitlyn had found new love and a new life after Vi had left her. She’d look an absolutely fool going back to her and finding Caitlyn happy with a new husband, so who was she to even try in the first place?
“Then I think you have some thinking to do” Vander advised her “think about your actual feelings for her and listen to what you want. Not what you think you deserve, but what you truly want. Do you want to see if Caitlyn might give you a second chance? Take it. You have the rest of your life to feel sorry for yourself if you are rejected, but I can tell you that it hurts a hell lot more if you do not try in the first place”
Those words stuck with Vi over the course of the next two weeks. Something inside her clicked. Something had given her strength and motivation to look at herself and her feelings for Caitlyn in a new light. She had thought it so often but she still believed it, living a life with Caitlyn as friends was better than living only with the ghost of what their relationship had been.
Then June 13th 1944 came around.
Vi was one foot out the door already, taking her coat from the rack and moving her hand up to wave at Vander, when the radio interrupted their usual broadcast for news from overseas.
This happened more often than not and Vi was about to turn around and walk out the door when she heard the words “London” and “one of the worst air-raids so far”, she stopped in her tracks. Her mind was with Caitlyn in an instant, as it always was when news like this came forward. Except this time, something else happened.
A new form of panic brewed inside of her, especially when it was mentioned there were rumoured to be thousands dead and even more wounded. Vander must have noticed her intense glare at the radio. A look of deep worry ran through his eyes when he was Vi’s wide-eyed and shocked glance at the radio.
And like a gush of wind, a heartbeat, she was on her way back to London. While she had tried to harden her heart, to forget about Caitlyn, she simply could not. Not when she knew what was happening in London. When she knew that the air-raids were most likely going to continue now that the Germans were being forced back to their own territory. With the Germans backed into a corner, they started acting out and that meant more air-raids and more victims.
There wasn’t a way to know if Caitlyn was amongst the victims, of course there wasn’t, but Vi had this sinking feeling in her gut since the moment she heard the news and she really couldn’t think of anything else. The journey to London had been decided quickly. Vander had insisted on coming along, considering business was practically non-existent and he had not been in his homeland for years. They left New York on the 14th, to arrive several days later.
She hadn’t thought she would make the journey back, last time she was on a ship like this. The past year had meant more journeys on a ship than she had taken in a lifetime and that all just brought back horrifying memories. Memories she had successfully pushed to the background during her time in New York, but the closer she got to London, the more anxious she got.
This was no longer about, will Caitlyn accept my apology? This was, will Caitlyn be alive to hear my apology? That was about three times more terrifying than any confrontation with Caitlyn ever would be, and she had slowly come to the realisation that she would do it all different if she was allowed to do it again.
With the journey being a rather spontaneous trip, Vander had taken his time on the ship to conclude what his business would be in London. Apparently he had a cousin who lived there, whom he planned on staying with. He had invited Vi along, if she wanted to, but it truly depended on the situation Caitlyn was currently in.
If they were quite honest, there was not much of a plan. Vi’s main priority was to find Caitlyn and Vander simply wanted to be there for her. He did not have much back in Brooklyn, with everyone he knew being either dead or fighting for freedom overseas. Now he was travelling back himself, with a young woman he had adopted into his life 7 months earlier and a business that was tanking faster than the Titanic.
The plan in regards to finding Caitlyn was simple. Go to her aunt’s, ask about her whereabouts and pray that she would not be told that Caitlyn had been buried several days earlier in the Kiramman family grave that they undoubtedly had. If she was still alive, however, Vi would waste no time to find her this time and she was determined not to let her slip through her fingers again, if there was the slightest chance that Caitlyn might forgive her.
Her hands were sweating as she knocked on the familiar door that belonged to the home of Caitlyn’s aunt Florence. The thought of having to face her, after Caitlyn had undoubtedly informed her of what had transpired between the two of them, was almost as terrifying as confronting Caitlyn.
Safe to say, relief washed over her when the butler appeared behind the front door as it was being opened and gave her a surprised look.
“Miss Violet”
She had not heard that name in months, she had almost forgotten what it sounded like, and a cold shiver ran down her spine as she gave the butler a polite yet urgent smile. “Good afternoon Frank, I’m looking for Miss Caitlyn. Is she around?”
“Milady?” of course, she had forgotten about the titles they used for Caitlyn. Vi had never truly understood the importance behind a title when you were not actually the King or Queen, but the English were a strange bunch. “Lady Caitlyn no longer resides here, she went back to live with her mother in Belgrave square”
Huh. So Caitlyn went back to her parents after Vi left her. It immediately made her wonder just how long it had taken her to go back there, considering the horrible events that had gone down in the library. “Alright, thank you Frank”
“Though, if you are looking for her urgently I would suggest the hospital. She has been working there for several months now and you’ll have a better chance of finding her there in the middle of the day than at home” Frank suggested as Vi was ready to turn around and leave. The sound of Caitlyn at the hospital made her suck in a deep breath, but upon being informed that it was simply for a job, she let that breath go again.
“What’s the hospital’s address?”
After receiving the address on a note, Vi was on her way. Now that she had been informed that Caitlyn was alive, she felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. As she made her way to the hospital, the aftermath of the air-raid was still visible all around her. Buildings in shambles, the fire brigade and police still recovering bodies from the wreckages, even after days. Anyone who had been stuck under concrete remains of a building was dead by now. If the collapse of the building had not killed them, the lack of water and injuries certainly had.
Her stomach turned as she looked away from the bodies that were still being recovered. The situation had not been this dire for the short period of time that she had been in London, but perhaps she had been lucky to not have seen the worst of it.
When she arrived at the hospital, her heart was pounding faster than it should for any normal human being. She felt the blood rush through her ears and her hands were sweaty once more. She approached the front desk with feigned confidence, since confident was the last thing she was currently feeling.
The secretary immediately rang for Caitlyn’s – or nurse Kiramman, as she was now apparently being referred to – department upon Vi telling her that it was urgent. Once the secretary put down the phone, Vi was informed that nurse Kiramman would be down in several minutes and that she could sit down in the waiting area if she so pleased.
She didn’t. She’d rather stand when she came eye to eye once more with the woman whose heart she had undoubtedly broken with her stupid actions.
Vi counted the marble tiles on the floor as she waited. There were about 324 as far as the eye could see into the stretched out hallway in front of her.
She was about to start over when a familiar figure rushed into the hallway, towards the front desk, and then stopped when her eyes fell on Vi.
Caitlyn.
Vi’s eyes widened as she took in all that was the woman who still made her heart beat faster. Caitlyn was wrapped in a nurse’s uniform, blood stains on her apron and a wide-eyed look in those familiar cerulean eyes.
She looked skinnier than the last time Vi had seen her, and not in a healthy way. Her cheekbones stood out more now that she had lost the unnecessary weight, and Vi could almost see the bones of her shoulders stick through the white fabric of her uniform. Large bags lived under her eyes and she looked older than she was.
She looked so sad. Broken.
Had Vi done all of that?
“Caitlyn” was all she managed to say, unable to read Caitlyn’s response and what the woman was feeling about this entire unexpected reunion.
Them she said a single word that made Vi’s blood run cold, because of the tone in which it was said.
“No”
Vi’s hardly healed heart ripped apart once more.
Caitlyn blinked rapidly, but Violet would not disappear. She was fairly certain that the woman standing in front of her was a mere figment of her imagination. It couldn’t be anything else. She had spend so much time trying to forget her, and now she was standing in front of her as though no time had passed. As though they were both still the same people.
“It can’t be” were her next words of denial “you’re not here. You’re not real”
“I’m as real as I can be Caitlyn” Violet answered, her voice uncertain and her body stiff. It was clear that neither was planning on making a single move as they tried to read each other’s minds to see what they were thinking. It was no use, though, for Caitlyn knew she could remain a mystery for as long as she liked.
“Why are you here?” Caitlyn could hear the tremor in her voice, hear the tears that were surfacing as a result of her still fresh heartbreak. Those months had not healed her, they had only pushed her further away from who she was.
Violet swallowed thickly, Caitlyn could see her throat bob visibly, and then dared say “I came to ask for your forgiveness”
Caitlyn immediately shut down, shaking her head and steering the conversation in another direction. “No, why are you here Violet? At this hospital”
“Oh” Violet’s face softened slightly, though the nerves were still written all over her “Frank informed me that you were working here and I had to see you-“
“You could have waited until my shift is finished. I have three more hours-“
“I crossed an ocean for you Caitlyn, I did not think I would have to be diplomatic and wait outside for your shift to finish” Violet snapped back at her. Caitlyn glanced around immediately, as she was very much aware that they were in a hospital where she was employed.
Apparently neither of them were set on letting each other finish and Caitlyn needed space and time to clear her head. She needed those three hours to decide what to do about Violet and how to go about the entire situation surrounding it. Everything had changed in the blink of an eye and she hadn’t a clue how to handle any of it.
“Please, I just- I need to think” it was still too unreal to see Violet standing in front of her all of a sudden, something that had not quite registered with her yet. “Wait for the end of my shift, then we can talk”
Violet seemed to need no time to consider it as she immediately nodded and answered with “okay. I’ll be here when you finish your shift”
Violet’s voice had reduced itself to a small proportion of what it usually was, almost like a scolded child, but Caitlyn could not feel sorry for her. Not after all that had happened.
Caitlyn gave her a simple nod before turning around to rush back to her floor. All she had pushed back came flooding over her on her way back upstairs. Anger, frustration, sadness, regret, guilt, even happiness. She’d never felt more conflicted about seeing Violet than she had in that moment. There were deeply rooted feelings for Violet that immediately surfaced the second she had come back into view, but there was also so much anger and regret that came into play.
The final three hours of her shift were ones she was unable to focus on the tasks at hand. All that ran through her mind was the image of Violet waiting for her downstairs. She had been real and she had come back for Caitlyn after all those months. Even when she had imagined that they would never meet again, when Caitlyn had pushed all those overwhelming feelings away, she now had to deal with them resurfacing.
By the time she finished her shift and changed out of her uniform into her own clothes, she had yet to make up her mind on what to do about Violet. Beautiful, stubborn, idiotic Violet whom she wanted to kiss and slap in the face at the same time.
The conflict lasted until she was back downstairs, and a bit longer. Violet was right where she had promised Caitlyn she’d be. Her hands behind her back and eyes focussed on the hallway in which Caitlyn disappeared.
Violet looked good. Fantastic, even. Well-fed, well-dressed, her hair a little longer than when Caitlyn had last seen her yet her curls wild in a rather enchanting way, but her eyes betrayed her. Her stunning grey eyes betrayed a feeling of sadness and uncertainty. There was a lot they had to tell each other, and Caitlyn honestly did not know where to start.
So she didn’t. She acknowledged Violet by giving her a nod and a forced smile as she walked past her towards the exit, giving her a signal to follow her out of the building. As Violet took a small sprint to catch up with Caitlyn’s long legs, she let out a nervous sigh and kept her eyes straight ahead.
“I thought Belgrave square was the other way” the first thing Violet had said in the five minutes that they had been walking in the opposite direction of her mother’s home.
“I know” Caitlyn informed her “we’re not going to Belgrave square”
“Okay” Violet’s uncertain voice sounded beside her, but Caitlyn’s stare ahead of her never wavered. “Where are we going then?”
“To my house”
She did not have to turn her head to know that Violet was surprised. She herself had been surprised when she received the news all those months ago, but a house of her own was exactly what she needed every now and then, when she wanted to get away from it all. No staff, no demanding and grieving mother, just her in a house that used to belong to her father.
It was a short walk, only ten more minutes after that very short conversation. They were quiet for all of it, obviously saving any words they wanted to share with the other for when they were inside. When they could talk in private.
The house was not large. Two bedrooms, a small bathroom, small kitchen and dining room but a sizable living room. Caitlyn let Violet in after unlocking the door and lit the lights in the modest hallway after closing the door behind them. She noticed Violet’s curious gaze. The way her calloused fingers touched the pine green wallpaper in the hallway made it clear that Violet was more than surprised and impressed.
“This is yours?” was Violet’s first question, one that Caitlyn had expected.
She nodded as she took off her coat, followed by her shoes which she placed under the coatrack before hanging up her coat. “It is”
Violet did not move until Caitlyn did, taking off her coat only after Caitlyn had done so herself. She moved about when Caitlyn gave the sign to do so, and that was just how she liked it. She was still in charge, and she liked keeping it that way.
She walked into the living room, illuminating the room before turning to Violet, who had followed her and was standing in the doorway rather sheepishly. Of all the thing she had expected Violet to look like, she had not expected it being this.
“My father left me this house”
Violet seemed to finally grasp what she was saying, because her eyes widened first and then her expression turned sombre. “Your father-“
“He’s dead” the tone in her voice, uncaring and cold, worried Caitlyn herself. She had not been able to come to terms with any of it in the past several months, and emotional disconnect was an easier method to deal with the pain. “He was killed in an air-raid months ago”
“Caitlyn-“ she could hear the pity in Violet’s voice. And it killed her. “I am so sorry”
“Why?” her dismissive tone was long from gone as she crossed her arms over her chest and took a step towards Violet in her doorway. “You did not kill him”
To say Violet was taken back by the animosity in her voice would be an understatement. The woman looked stunned for a moment as she thought of a proper response to something one could not properly respond to.
Instead of leaving her room to talk, Caitlyn continued. “Why are you back?”
“I already told you” Violet’s voice was less impressive than Caitlyn’s in that moment. It was softer and cautious “I came for your forgiveness. I was an idiot for leaving, a coward, and I never should have gone or said the things I said”
“No, you shouldn’t have” Caitlyn’s cold tone stung both her and Violet. “Yet you did, you left me without so much as a goodbye. I had to find a note on your pillow, informing me that you were gone. I didn’t know I meant so little to you”
“No” Violet stepped forward immediately, reaching out to touch Caitlyn’s arms, but she backed away quickly. “Caitlyn, you mean the world to me. You did back then and you do now. There’s not a bone in my body that does not still love you”
This was what made Caitlyn snap. Her eyes, which had been turned away from Violet before, snapped back to her as unwilling tears burned in them whilst taking a step forward. “No. You do not get to come back and tell me you still love me Violet. Not after what you have done, what you have said and how you left me”
“I-“
“You left me in the ruins of what I once was. I needed to heal from everything that I had been through, and we could have done that together… but you chose to run and ruin me even further” Caitlyn’s tone was accusing yet so full of sorrow. Her eyes burned hot with a fresh spring of tears and her cheeks burned up with fury. “I still have nightmares, you know? Only these are worse. Because they involve you leaving me over and over again”
Violet’s grey eyes were storms of their own worry and regret. They were widened slightly and gave Caitlyn a peek into her vulnerable soul that she had laid bare for her. “I know I cannot turn back what has happened, but I swear I will dedicate every single moment I can to earning your forgiveness, if you’ll give me a chance”
Finally, a tear escaped and freed Caitlyn of the restricting feeling in her chest that had overtaken her. Her eyes narrowed slightly and her voice trembled. “Give me one good reason to give you another chance after what you did to me”
“Because you still love me” was Violet’s soft, gentle answer. The storm in her eyes was slowly winding down and replaced by the gentlest of looks that only made Caitlyn want to scream louder. “If you didn’t, you would not have invited me here. You would not have listened”
“You hurt me Violet. And you know the most painful thing of it all? That I gave you the power to hurt me” Caitlyn cried out, hand trembling as she threw it in the direction of nothing, cerulean eyes so full of anger. “You hurt me more than any person I have met and no matter how hard I try, I cannot bring myself to hate you”
She paused for a moment to take a sharp breath as Violet’s greys now finally let a tear spill upon truly hearing how she had messed up. “Of course I still love you Violet. How could I stop loving someone who has touched my heart so deeply, even after all you have done? I hate what you did to me, I hate that I had to go through those nightmares alone. That I had to watch my father die in my arms and come home to tell my mother that her husband was dead. I hate that all I needed in that moment were your arms to hold me, and you weren’t there”
Violet’s throat bobbed once more as she heard the pained words spoken by Caitlyn and her words seemed to get caught in her throat. “You’re right” Violet whispered “you should hate me. You have every right to”
“Perhaps that is the worst thing of all” Caitlyn’s tear-strained voice found its way out of her throat by some miraculous reason. “That I should hate you, that I should throw you out of my house or slap you across the face. Yet all I want to do is kiss you until all my wounds are mended and the emptiness of my heart is filled once more”
In the moment that Violet seemed to need to process the words that had just been spoken, Caitlyn found herself more conflicted than before. Because the presence of Violet was so overwhelming and all she felt seemed to come over her all at once. Anger, frustration, sorrow, regret, grief, relief, happiness. It all blurred together.
Violet took a deep breath “I came back for one thing, and that is you. I know I am undeserving, but a conversation with someone a week ago made me realise that I was an idiot for running. That I only ran because it gave me an easy way out of a hard situation, and I don’t want to run anymore. I’m done”
Without warning, Caitlyn’s fist made contact with Violet’s shoulder. It wasn’t hard enough to actually inflict damage, but it did seem to hurt at least a bit. Then another fist, and another and another. She cried out as her fists slammed into Violet’s chest and shoulders. The woman simply let it happen to her, making true to her word that she would take what she deserved.
Eventually, her fists came to rest on Violet’s chest and she simply cried. Out loud and without an apology. Violet’s strong arms silently wrapped around her as Caitlyn finally let go.
All that anger, grief and sorrow was finding its way out after months and her suppressed pain came to the surface in the brutal force of her tears.
They stood there like that for two hours. Violet’s arms bringing her the comfort she had so desperately sought for months on end. Now, with that comfort restored, she could grief. Her body grieved until it was too exhausted to produce more tears and her mind screamed until she was too tired to continue.
And she just gave herself back to the arms of her pilot.
Chapter 29: Soup to soothe the soul
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Cerulean eyes shot open with a shock as the sound of heavy breathing filled the dark bedroom. A single stream of light shone under the crack of the door and pulled her back to reality. Back out of the nightmare she had been wrapped in just moments before.
Her fingers clawed at the sheets as she shot up and tried to find something to focus on, something to hold on to. Or perhaps, someone.
Unfortunately, she found herself in bed alone – a realisation that did not calm her one bit. With a racing heart and an occupied mind, her feet found the floor and rushed out of her bedroom, down the stairs and towards the living room.
“Violet?” she called out, her voice coming out a lot more panicked than she had anticipated.
Upon receiving no answer, she called out once more “Violet”
Just as she rounded the corner of the small kitchen and made her way into the modest living room, her eyes fell on a figure curled up on her sofa. Tangled ginger curls were spread around the small decorative pillow she was resting her head on and her long limbs spilled over the sides and ends of the small sofa.
Violet’s jaw was slacked ever so slightly and a small patch of drool had collected on the pillow. She looked cold. With no blanket and a light shiver in her sleep, Caitlyn could imagine that this was not the most ideal place to rest.
Violet had kindly forced her to go up and rest after her tears had finally stilled and both seemed to have skipped over dinner entirely and gone to sleep somewhere around 6 or 7 pm.
Seeing Violet like this, limbs askew over the sofa and slightly tangled up with the rest of the decorative pillows, Caitlyn could not bring herself to wake her. Her panicked state had instantly faded into something more peaceful when she witnessed Violet asleep like this. There was something so simple and pure in watching Violet sleep so peacefully – more peaceful than Caitlyn had ever seen her – that she refused to wake her. Besides, after travelling across the sea all those days, she deserved a proper rest.
Which brought Caitlyn to her next idea. Bare feet pattered to the kitchen where she pulled a pan with some left over soup from the night before from the refrigerator. It was not anything fancy. One could only do so much with vegetables and chicken broth, but there was enough for two bowls. It would have been dinner for two days, but sharing with Violet came only natural to her.
Not only that, but using the stove brought her a bit of warmth in her cold kitchen. Though it was June, the nights could still be quite cold and they were not facing a very hot summer anyways. Perhaps God had looked down on them and decided that countries set on destroying one another were not deserving of warm sunshine and sunny afternoons. Not that she’d have much time to enjoy it anyways. There were always more patients to look after and more wounds to stitch.
Once the soup was slowly heating on a low fire, she swiftly slipped upstairs to put on her silk dressing gown and a pair of long dark brown socks before checking on the soup. There was not much else to go with it, but considering how late it was – the sun had long since left them to the claws of the darkness – she had a feeling Violet would be pleased with anything.
As soon as the soup was warm enough, she poured it into two bowls before quietly entering the living room once more. Violet had rolled over and somehow gotten herself into an even more compromised position on the sofa. A soft chuckle escaped Caitlyn’s throat as she shook her head and crouched down by the sofa.
“Violet” she softly urged as she shook the pilot awake. “I made us some soup”
“Hm?” finally, Violet opened those beautiful grey eyes. She often described them as storms, but they had calmed in her sleep, it seemed. “Hi”
“Hi” was Caitlyn’s gentle response. She could not help but reach out and run a gentle hand through the mess of ginger curls “I made you soup”
Violet blinked her eyes open a little further and stretched, making sure she was careful so she would not tumble off the sofa. “Soup?”
The sleepiness in Violet’s voice made Caitlyn’s toes curl in the most wonderful way. There was much to be mended in their relationship, but those feelings were still there. There was such a deep sense of love that Caitlyn still felt in regards to Violet, and she did not want to push that away in its entirety.
“Yes, soup” Caitlyn could not help but smile “I was thinking we could perhaps eat it in bed? It seems silly to have you sleeping on a sofa where you barely fit, when I have a perfectly good bed for the both of us to share”
Apparently too tired to argue, Violet nodded as she slowly sat up and stretched “that sounds really nice, thank you”
Caitlyn nodded as she got up from her crouched down position and made her way back to the kitchen. She took the two bowls with warm soup and brought them upstairs. In any other normal situation, eating in bed was something so outrageous that she would not even dare suggest it. But today had been exhausting, and the thought of having a proper meal whilst sitting at a dining table, felt far too tiring.
She heard another pair of footsteps behind her as she made her way upstairs and gave Violet a smile when she entered the small but quaint bedroom after her. The house had been in her family for generations and her late grandmother had decorated the walls with a floral wallpaper. The bed was large enough for two people and comfortable enough for them to give each other space should they want to.
The interior of the room was simple, yet homey. Dark wooden furniture and a painting of the sea above the bed. Caitlyn watched Violet undress down to her white, cotton button up shirt and then try to find a comfortable spot in the bed. It was almost like watching a cat settle into a spot to sleep, where they would walk several circles in the same spot, kneed their mittens into the soft fabric several times and then curl up.
“Thank you” Violet softly said as she took the bowl of soup from Caitlyn’s hands and Caitlyn got into bed with her. She pushed two pillows up against the headboard of the dark, wooden bedframe and curled up against it before taking her own bowl and giving it a bit of a stir with her spoon.
The first two bites were taken in silence, then Violet spoke up. “When I was little, and my parents were still alive, my mom would give me and Powder a bowl of soup in bed when we were sick”
Caitlyn could not help but smile, imagining a young Violet with wild copper curls, curled up under a blanket – much like she was now – and receiving some soup from her mother. “She sounds sweet, your mother”
“She was” Violet nodded before taking another spoonful of soup and bringing it to her lips “could be strict too, when she had to be”
“Any good parent is strict” was Caitlyn’s opinion before taking a sip from her soup “my father was a gentle and kind man, but even he got cross when I broke a teacup or ran through the halls with mud on my boots”
Violet gave her a soft, compassionate smile “I truly am sorry Caitlyn, about what happened to him”
“As am I” Caitlyn admitted before taking another sip from her soup. Somehow, the soup tasted better when she shared it with Violet than when she consumed it by herself. “He was a great man… sometimes I wonder why it was him that was taken so soon. Why it wasn’t me-"
“Don’t say that” Violet immediately interrupted her as she shook her head. “Don’t wish that it was you instead of him. When my parents died, I asked myself that question so very often, but eventually I had to come to the conclusion that thoughts like that will not bring them back. It will only make your own life worse, and I knew my parents certainly did not want that for me”
Caitlyn quietly ate her soup as she listened to Violet’s words of truth. There was so much hiding in them that she knew to be the truth. If her father could see her like this, still grieving him after months, he would be saddened to see her. He would want her to make the most out of her life, probably, and not hang on to what had happened and ought to be left behind.
“I don’t know how to do it Violet” she admitted softly, tears glistering in her bright eyes “every time I walk past his office, or smell something that reminds me of him, or someone mentions him in conversation, I- I feel like I am going through it all over again. I feel him in my arms again as he took his last breath and that feeling over absolute desperation simply devours me time and time again”
Violet’s hand reached out and softly touched her knee for a moment “I am not going to lie, it certainly won’t be easy. It will take a while for you not to feel that way, but the day will come when that will happen. And you can look back on the happy memories with your father and simply be glad to have lived those with him”
She wanted to believe Violet, she so desperately did, but what if that never happened for her? What if she was destined to be broken?
Violet’s hand squeezed her knee softly before she went back to her soup, as did Caitlyn after swallowing the tears that had surfaced.
“I’ve missed this” Violet admitted after a moment of silence, before finishing her soup “simply being around you and being in your presence. It’s calming”
Caitlyn’s lips formed a genuine smile when she heard those sweet words and she placed her bowl on her nightstand before leaning against the pillows once more whilst keeping herself turned towards Violet. “As have I”
The small grin on Violet’s lips was one she certainly had missed, and she blushed slightly as Violet propped some pillows up next to hers against the headboard and took in a similar position to Caitlyn’s. They were now lying on their sides, face to face and close enough for their noses to almost touch. “I had a lot of time to think, in Brooklyn”
“Probably very quiet there with everyone over here across the pond” Caitlyn joked lightly, earning her a small grin and slight eyeroll from Violet. “Continue”
“Well-“ Violet coughed once, as though she was about to make a grand speech, and looked into her eyes as she spoke again “I tried to see a future in Brooklyn. Tried to see where that would take me and what that would look like… but I always found you somewhere in that future, no matter where it was or what was happening, you were always there”
“Is that why you did not come back for 7 months?” Caitlyn knew her words stung, but she could not help it. That resentment was still there and pulled on every single heartstring that Violet’s sweet gestures also pulled at. She could see the slight wince in Violet’s nonverbal response but did not comment on it.
“I already told you, I was a coward and nothing is a valid excuse for how long I stayed away” Violet admitted “but I will tell you that I truly do want to commit and I do not plan on leaving you again”
“You said that last time Violet” Caitlyn could not help but sound doubtful “what’s changed?”
“I’ve changed” the confidence in Violet’s voice sounded slightly overexaggerated but Caitlyn did not argue “coming back was terrifying, I will not lie. Being in Brooklyn was easy because I did not have to confront any of my feelings and fear the idea of you rejecting me upon my return… but it was also miserable”
“I thought you had a good life, with the pub and everything”
“A good life if you do not want to be truly happy” Violet admitted as she carefully reached out and took her hand “all I need to be happy is you, for you are still the one that holds my heart”
Caitlyn found a tear was stuck in her throat and she almost choked on it as she looked at Violet “you took your heart back from me Violet, in that letter and once more when you truly left”
“I know” those two words were a mere whisper as Violet closed her eyes for a moment and when they opened once more, Caitlyn could see the clear emotion in them. Without needing to cry, Caitlyn immediately knew that she was deeply touched and almost desperate to talk about this. “I’ve been a fool to throw away the most wonderful person I know, and I understand if you would not want to give me another chance”
“Violet” her word escaped Caitlyn’s lips with a sigh and a soft shake of her head “that’s not- my feelings for you still run deeper than I can often comprehend, but I need time to be ready to give you a second chance. I have to grief for my father, I have a job that requires a lot of my time… and I need to be certain that you will not leave again”
“I’ll make it worth your while, I promise” Violet softly promised as she reached out and pushed a curl from Caitlyn’s eyes. “And I won’t leave, you’re stuck with me now”
Another soft smile crept its way onto Caitlyn’s face as she leaned in and pressed a soft kiss on Violet’s warm forehead. “We’ll see about that”
Falling back into a comfortable routine with Violet was easier than Caitlyn had initially thought. It all started with Violet intending to stay with her for a week to get settled back into London and to manage things with Vander. The man had arranged for himself to stay with family of his own, but apparently they did not have any space for a retired American pilot in her mid-twenties. Which was how Violet had simply stuck around Caitlyn’s house.
It was strange, that something so familiar could be so easy and at the same time confusing. Because all that Caitlyn was left with were conflicting feelings. For her brain told her something else than her heart did. She knew the more sensible thing to do was to wait it out and truly get her own life and sense of self back before giving Violet another chance, but her heart wanted nothing more than to pull Violet in her arms and kiss her senseless.
It was a daily struggle that became harder and harder with each day that passed and each time Violet proved that she meant to stick around. She had gotten the small amount of things she had brought all set up in Caitlyn’s closet, helped around the house and cleaned on days that Caitlyn was at the hospital. It was almost like they were married, except they had a strictly platonic relationship for now. Something Caitlyn had insisted on.
Besides, she was not even sure that Violet would want the romantic side of things. They had not spoken about that yet and the big question still weighing on Caitlyn’s mind was if Violet would truly stick around. She had promised that last time, and it had all gone downhill the second Violet doubted herself.
Nevertheless, weeks went by and their own little routine was something Caitlyn found immense satisfaction in. With Violet still looking for a job, she spent most of her days volunteering after an air-raid, to help recover bodies from the wreckages of their own homes and to find wounded amongst the debris. When her help wasn’t needed, she cleaned around the house, did groceries, cooked, baked bread and tried new hobbies to keep herself busy.
Caitlyn knew it was not ideal for her. Violet was a woman driven by the need to always be on the move and actually do something. Sitting at home knitting was the opposite of what she liked to do and that was what made Caitlyn fear that she would be driven away eventually. That she would come to the conclusion that just having Caitlyn around was not enough for her, and she’d take the next ship back to New York to leave Caitlyn broken-hearted once more.
They were about eight weeks into their new arrangement and Caitlyn could feel Violet getting restless. She was more on the move than usual, would sometimes not even inform Caitlyn where she went and come home with stories of places where she had offered her help as a volunteer. It wasn’t ideal, Caitlyn enjoyed knowing where Violet was so she would not panic is there was a sudden air-raid, but she had yet to speak to Violet about it. Their days were busy, especially hers at the hospital, and she was often too tired to have those discussions when she came home late at night.
One late night, it was well past dinner and the sun was nowhere to be seen, Caitlyn’s tired feet made their way home at last. With an exhausted sigh, she opened the front door to expect Violet somewhere in the small house keeping herself busy with something.
Except, when Caitlyn went to look, the house appeared to be empty. Not only that, there was not a note in sight and from the looks of it, Violet had not been home for hours. It usually did not bother her as much as it did today, because there had been talk about a supposed air-raid all day. Things had been quiet as of late and in the times that they were currently living, that was a bad sign more than good.
And soon enough, an hour or so after arriving home, the alarm for air-raids rang through the streets and homes, pulling children from their sleep and tired adults from their houses towards the shelters. Caitlyn quickly made her way to the nearest one, only four houses down the street and all that played on her mind was Violet. What if she was just walking home and could not make it to a shelter on time? What if the alarm had a defect in her region and she could not hide on time?
All possible scenarios ran through her mind as she was huddled together with several neighbours in the small shelter. She wrapped her arms around her waist in an effort to comfort herself. Images of her time in the air-raid shelter on the day her father had passed flashed through her mind and she could not rid herself from them to the best of her abilities.
Once the air-raid is over, her panicked state of mind does not waver. She crawled out of the shelter with her physique still intact but no sign of Violet and no idea where to find her, while her head kept spinning. Her feet dragged her back to her home, where a small part of her hoped to find Violet curled up on the sofa, but the house was still as cold and empty as it was when she arrived back home.
By the time Violet arrived – roughly an hour later – Caitlyn was pacing her 26th circle around the living room. Her head snapped up in an instant when she heard the front door and her fast beating heart was stuck in her throat. She rushed into the hallway to be confronted with an oblivious Violet, who had just take off her shoes and put them under the coatrack.
“Where the hell have you been?!”
Violet’s face turned into one of surprise when she seemed to realise that Caitlyn was not as happy to see her as she had most likely hoped she’d be. As she took of her coat, she answered “I went to see Vander, he told me he had a job at a pub and I helped him out tonight”
“You could not have let me know in any way, shape or form?” Caitlyn bounced back at her as she approached Violet. “I thought you were-“ she never finished that sentence though, not wanting to even think of that option any longer. Not when Violet was standing in front of her, alive and uninjured.
“I’m fine Caitlyn, Vander and I hid in the shelter as soon as the alarm went off. The air-raid wasn’t close to us, we were fine” Violet informed her as she passed her in the hallway and made her way into the kitchen. “I had to leave in a hurry so I couldn’t leave a note”
“Violet-“ Caitlyn’s feet turned sharply as soon as Violet passed her and she followed her to the kitchen.
“Can you please not call me that?” Violet responded with a slight wince, her voice heavy with exhaustion and frustration seemed to be getting to her. “Everyone calls me Vi now”
Though Caitlyn could not get it in her head to call Violet Vi, after only knowing her by her beautiful full name, she complied this time. “Fine, Vi. All I am saying is that I was worried sick and I really would have appreciated a note to let me know that you were gone”
Vi’s fingers found their way into her short curls as she softly pulled on them out of frustration, something she did a lot the past several days. “I already told you, I had to leave in a hurry because Vander needed me. I couldn’t have known there would be an air-raid today!”
“There is a possibility of an air-raid every single day Viol-Vi. When that happened and I didn’t even know where you were I-“
“I know you were worried Cait, but I am home now. Safe and sound without injuries” Vi’s voice lost a hint of frustration and softened slightly. “I had a really exhausting day”
Caitlyn’s feet were nailed to the floor as she stood in the doorway of the hallway to the kitchen and glanced at Vi with a look of disbelief in those cerulean depths. “And you think I didn’t?”
Vi sighed, out of realisation more so than frustration this time “I know, I know you have absurd days at the hospital. I’m sorry I do not ask about it more often”
“That is not what this is about Vi!” she could not help but raise her voice, not when her emotions were still so close to blowing up in her face. “I was in that shelter for an hour as I waited for the air-raid to be over and all I could think of was finding your body under the debris somewhere just like I did with my father”
It seemed that her words finally hit home with Vi once she actually explained what she had been through the past hours and where her worry found roots. Vi’s grey pools of frustration were replaced by guilt and compassion. “I hadn’t realised that… I’m sorry”
She wanted to move, she truly did. She wanted to step forward and pull Vi into her arms, have her close and truly feel home once more, but there was something inside her that stopped her. Her feet simply refused to move. They were keeping her in her spot rooted to the floor as Vi’s uncertain expression found her gaze.
She opened her mouth to speak but hardly any noise came out except a whispered “I can’t lose you Vi”
Vi’s throat bobbed as she swallowed something that vaguely reminded Caitlyn of a wave of tears that was pushed to the side to be replaced by something more vulnerable. “You won’t lose me Cait, I promised you”
“A promise can be an empty one Vi, you of all people should know that” her response was more bitter than she wanted. Holding more of a grudge than she intended. She wanted to be kind. Soft. To love Vi without fearing what the future held for them. Except, she simply could not. Not even when she looked into those grey eyes full of vulnerability and some sense of endearment that Caitlyn could not quite place.
Vi’s answer was simple, yet painful once more. “Will I ever be good enough for you?”
A question full of hurt and quiet even though it echoed loudly in the back of her mind. Was Vi ever going to be good enough? Was she ever going to let Vi in again, enough to get hurt once more? Did she trust Vi enough to give her heart to her again?
“I don’t know” a truthful answer, yet not an less painful. The tears that had been pushed aside previously, were now surfacing once again.
“I thought you might say that” Vi stepped forward, one step closer to her. Though she was taller than Vi, she felt significantly smaller in that moment. She shook her head slightly, unnoticeable if one was not as close to Caitlyn as Vi currently was. Her own eyes filled with tears of all emotion that had rushed through her the past hours.
Her throat manged to produce words once more “I don’t mean it like that-“
“Then how do you mean it, pray tell?” Vi’s tone wasn’t angry. Wasn’t resentful. She sounded sad, defeated almost, which was perhaps worse.
“I mean-“ how did one say ones thoughts out loud? Speak the truth without ruining the other and everything that they had built between the two of them. “I have given you the power to hurt me once, and you destroyed me. Should that happen again… I’m not sure I would bounce back”
A single, warm, salty tear escaped and struggled its way down her cold cheek. Vi’s hand reached up and her thumb gently touched her cheek, drying the one tear from her soft skin. Caitlyn didn’t stop her. Perhaps it would have been the appropriate thing to do, but she simply did not have the heart.
“Please do not shed any more tears over me, I’m certainly not worth it” Vi insisted, sad smile on her lips and all, as her thumb slowly let go of her cheek. She immediately felt more empty.
“Don’t say that about yourself” Caitlyn’s voice found a clarity that surprised both her and Vi.
“It’s the truth”
“No. It isn’t. Do not say you are not worth my tears, please” Caitlyn shook her head as her gaze found Vi’s once more and something softened in those grey eyes. “Every tear I have shed over you has been well worth it. You sell yourself short so very often, but if you could see yourself through my eyes-.. I think you would be in absolute awe”
A sad smile and an even sadder nod were what she received from Vi in return, as the woman looked down at her hands, turning her gaze away in a mumble of words “yet, I am not good enough”
“That isn’t what I said. I simply cannot bear to have my heart broken the way it broke all those months ago. I cannot give myself to you and lose you again, not to New York or to the war… I have to protect myself”
Her arms moved on its own as she wrapped her arms around Vi and pulled her into a tight embrace. Vi’s own, strong, arms wrapped around her tightly as she buried her face in Caitlyn’s shoulder without hesitation. Vi’s warm tears wet her neck and Caitlyn tightened her grip.
“I’m so sorry for what I did to you. I know I’ve said it before but-” Vi started but Caitlyn shook her head as she interrupted her.
“Don’t. Please, you have said sorry so often in the past several weeks” she insisted softly as she pulled away from their embrace ever so gently, but kept Vi close “I’m sorry. I’ve said terrible things as well”
Vi nodded softly as she looked up at Caitlyn, a gentle smirk finally shining through the tears that still ran down her cheeks “we both fucked up, didn’t we?”
“Yes we did” Caitlyn confirmed softly as she chuckled, feeling relieved that they at least had a bit of a giggle after their previous confrontation. “God, I’m mad about you”
She leaned in, forehead touching Vi’s, and sighed. Vi’s sweet answer to that statement rang through her ears for the rest of the night “I’ll be here when your heart is ready”
Followed by a rather cheeky but heartfelt “and I am equally as mad about you”
A choked back chuckle, that almost came out as a sob, half escaped Caitlyn’s throat as her hand cupped Vi’s cheek. With their foreheads pressed together, it took only a matter of seconds for their noses to brush as Caitlyn’s hand gently cupped Violet’s scarred cheek.
The pull Vi had on her was getting stronger and stronger with each breath they took and with every second they stood there, their faces inching closer and closer.
Caitlyn’s lips ghosted over Vi’s, whose warm breath she felt on her own lips. It would be so simply to close that distance. To give herself to the wonderful sensation of Vi’s lips. Ever so gently, her lower lip brushed Vi’s as she heard Vi’s breath hitching at the light touch, yet the woman did not dare move.
Caitlyn’s eyes opened, only to see that Vi’s were closed, and she felt that warm breath on her lips once more.
She was so close, her Violet. Just there to be loved as she so longed for.
But Caitlyn couldn’t.
And she pulled away.
“I’m sorry” she immediately apologized, her cheeks warming up at the mere idea that they had almost given into their own temptations, but Vi shook her head.
“Don’t be sorry” she insisted as she pulled back as well “I meant what I said. I will be here when you are ready, no matter how long it takes”
“Even if it takes years?” Caitlyn’s heart clenched at the idea, yet her mind knew that her aching heart was far from ready.
Vi nodded, confidently. “Even if it takes decades… my love”
Notes:
So we're almost at the end of this fic, which honestly feels very unreal!
Some may have noticed that I have upped the chapter count to 31, because I really want to write an epilogue.Give me all your thoughts and feelings on this chapter, if you feel called to share them!
All that is left for me to say is...Until next time, my loves!
Chapter 30: A liberating day for all.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
The official liberation came on May 8th 1945. A day not only celebrated for the joyous occasion that was the release of the German’s cold and iron fist, but also one that brought a slight bit of additional joy to the lives of two individuals living in Central London.
Caitlyn Kiramman’s birthday.
Vi had sneaked her way out of bed before the sun had risen, to make something she had not been able to make in a long time: a luxurious breakfast for both her and Caitlyn. She had busied herself for several days to gather everything she wanted. Oranges, flour for fresh bread, eggs, even bacon and sausages from a farmer who Vi knew from her work at the pub.
Over the ten months that lay behind them after Vi had officially returned to the British capital, they had gone through some rough periods as well as several that had been rather pleasant. After Vander had taken on a job at a pub, one that ran a lot better than the one he had run back in Brooklyn, the owner had been able to retire and leave the business to Vander after three months.
Vander had immediately employed Vi, knowing she had been desperate to find something to get her itching hands on. She was someone who needed a job to have a purpose, she never would be one to stay at home and look after the children like any other wife. She was willing to put in the hours and hard work to keep the business thriving, and with that in mind she had worked countless hours under Vander’s watchful eye.
She missed her piloting days through it all, don’t get her wrong, but flying meant to leave Caitlyn again and that was the very last thing she wanted.
Her situation with Caitlyn had hardly changed since she had returned and they had that heartfelt conversation about their relationship. They had not crossed that platonic line, and Vi did not want to push Caitlyn until she was ready – though she was starting to think that she may never be.
There had been instances where they had almost crossed the line. For example after an air-raid where their shelter had been hit and almost destroyed, or when Caitlyn had gifted her a small, second-hand piano for her birthday and a book with all of Vi’s favourite classical pieces. She’d spent more time playing the piano the past several months than she had in years. She mostly played because it relaxed her and Caitlyn loved busying herself around the house as Vi played for her. It was the singular greatest present Vi had received in her life, and when Caitlyn’s birthday rolled around she knew it was time to return the favour.
Not only that, but it was a double celebration with the end of the war, which meant that the two had been in higher spirits than they had been in months. The news of Adolf Hitler’s death had reached them several days before and had been reason enough for Caitlyn to bake a cake with what ingredients she could get her hands on, only for the two of them to eat it in front of the fireplace.
Vi’s thoughts went back to that moment in front of the fireplace as she was preparing Caitlyn’s birthday breakfast, another moment where they almost crossed that line…
“I have to admit, with what ingredients you could find in these dire times, this is a pretty good cake” Vi gave Caitlyn a cheeky grin, only to receive a gentle slap on her knee in return.
“It’s an excellent cake” the dark-haired woman informed her, grinning as wide as Vi did and taking another bite. “I never thought this day would come”
Vi’s head perked up when she felt Caitlyn’s long fingers pull on her wrist, a gesture she knew all too well. Without hesitation, Vi leaned in and rested her head in Caitlyn’s warm lap as she laid down on the soft carpet. “Wars always end, if it hadn’t been now, it might have in several years” was Vi’s reply before she took another bite, which was harder now that her head was resting in Caitlyn’s lap and she was looking up at the gorgeous woman above her.
“I know that” Caitlyn softly mumbled as she placed her plate down on the floor before weaving her fingers in Vi’s soft, messy curls. If she could purr, she would have at the feeling of Caitlyn’s short fingernails on her scalp. “I simply doubted if I would be there to witness the end”
Those words broke her heart. To hear that Caitlyn had so little faith in her own survival throughout the war that she had counted on death coming for her before the end of the war. Vi frowned “I never did. I always believed we would find a way out together. After everything we’ve been through-“
“We lost so many, Vi” Caitlyn finally looked down. Vi could see the hint of tears in the cerulean depths she adored so fiercely. “Jayce, Madeleine, Viktor, my father.. and I doubt Babette and those children are still alive”
Vi placed her plate down next to Caitlyn’s before sitting up. Her face read compassion and adoration for the woman with bright eyes so misty that Vi was sure she could hardly see out of them. Using both hands, she cupped Caitlyn’s soft cheeks, thumbs gently stroking her warm skin, and she took a moment to truly see Caitlyn in all her sorrow and grief.
“We will mourn their losses for the rest of our lives Cait, but they still live in our memory” she dared whisper the moment a tear escaped Caitlyn’s devastatingly beautiful eyes. “We will tell their stories and make sure they aren’t forgotten. We live so that we can carry on for them. Please do not lose yourself in the guilt of being a survivor”
Something in Caitlyn’s gaze changed, softened. Her breath hitched as the mist in her eyes cleared up while Vi’s patient thumb wiped the singular tear away. For a moment, all that filled the room was the comfortable sound of the crackling fire and their soft breathing.
Caitlyn’s eyes flickered to Vi’s lips. Just a second, but a second too long for it not to mean anything. Vi’s eyes mimicked the movement and she noticed that Caitlyn leaned in ever so curiously. She was not going to take the step for Caitlyn. Caitlyn had to be the one to do it, but she did feel herself leaning closer as well.
Their noses brushed once more, a feeling that Vi was frustratingly familiar with nowadays, and she prayed that this time Caitlyn would not pull away. That she would close the distance between them and celebrate their newfound freedom in the most sacred way possible.
And for a moment, it truly felt like that would happen. Until Caitlyn whispered a soft “thank you” against her lips and pulled away.
She turned her head, she always did, to look away and busy herself with her cake once more – leaving Vi in a semi-frozen position on the carpet and a heart aching for the final reconciliation between them.
That was several days ago, and though Vi had let it slide since then, it was getting a bit frustrating. It happened so often that Caitlyn turned away. Not to mention, they slept in the same bed and Caitlyn was a rather physical person. Meaning that they fell asleep in each other’s arms almost every night and woke up in an equally intimate position most mornings. It had led to several occasions where Vi had to get up early to take a warm bath and get herself some help of her fingers in order to not beg Caitlyn to kiss her senseless and let Vi use her mouth in other ways as well.
Vi let out a chuckle as she cracked two eggs above the frying pan and shook her head. The day would come, she was certain of it. And until then, she would simply focus on today and celebrating Caitlyn’s birthday. For which she still had to pick up her present.
A present that had been presented by the farmer from whom she had also gotten the eggs, bacon and sausages. Being a loyal visitor of Vander’s pub, Vi had gotten to know him rather well and she quite liked the old man. He always had a lot of impressive stories to tell about the farm and his sons, that amused her to no end and he was quite interested in her as well. So when Vi informed him about her troubles of finding a proper gift for Caitlyn’s birthday in times of a war that had just ended but left so much destruction that their country needed months, if not years to build itself back up, the farmer had come with the solution to her problem.
Once Vi finished her rather impressive breakfast, she got two beautiful plates ready at the dining table, along with some freshly picked flowers from the small garden, and she made her way upstairs to wake the woman who still owned her heart.
Caitlyn was curled up in a ball under the heap of blankets that she had collected once Vi had gotten out of bed. Usually, Vi acted as her own personal heater, but with her gone Caitlyn needed to use other methods. And she looked adorable in doing so.
Vi approached her side of the bed carefully and crouched down before gently shaking Caitlyn’s shoulder to wake her up.
As Caitlyn did so, she let out a little yawn and stretched her arms and long legs before opening her eyes ever so slowly. “Good morning” she mumbled.
“Good morning, and happy birthday” Vi leaned in and pressed a soft kiss on her cold forehead.
“Hmm’s my birthday” Caitlyn mumbled as she curled herself into an even smaller ball under the blankets. “Could you not let me sleep in on my birthday?”
“No, because we have somewhere to be in an hour” Vi insisted as she got up and pulled the blankets from Caitlyn, who immediately let out a soft whine and tried to paw them back but Vi shook her head. “You don’t want to miss that appointment Cait”
“Why?” Caitlyn’s bright eyes finally fully opened and she stretched once more before sitting up. “What are we doing?”
“That is a surprise” Vi walked over to their closet and pulled a velvet green dress from it before handing it to Caitlyn “wear this, it’s warm enough and you look stunning in it”
“You know I hate surprises” Caitlyn mumbled as she got up and took the dress from Vi before putting it down on the bed. She stretched her arms as she walked towards the bathroom to wash her face and comb her hair. “You know I’m going to spend the next hour guessing what this surprise is, right?”
“I know” Vi called back to her as she looked for what pair of trousers to wear “but I am not going to give in and spill my secret”
“Unfair”
“Life is unfair, my dear” Vi called back, a grin playing on her lips. These small moments of banter were exactly what she adored about her relationship with Caitlyn. It was light and playful and all Vi wanted from mornings like these.
When Caitlyn was ready, she always took longer than Vi did, Vi took her downstairs to show her the breakfast she had prepared for the two of them. It brought an immediate smile on Caitlyn’s lips and the woman embraced her in an instant.
“Oh Vi, thank you! This smells delicious and it looks wonderful” Caitlyn’s grateful voice thanked her as she let go of her neck and took her seat at the small dining table. “How did you arrange all of this? It’s almost a full English breakfast!”
Vi gave her a proud grin, happy to hear Caitlyn’s praise after the effort it had taken her to actually gather all of the ingredients for the warm, fresh breakfast. She knew it had been years since Caitlyn had been able to consume such a large breakfast that reminded her of her childhood, and the joy on her face was something that Vi could never tire of.
She watched as Caitlyn happily munched on the bacon, eggs, sausages and all else that Vi had arranged for her. “It’s nothing, really, just have some good connections”
“Don’t downplay it Vi, I know how much trouble it is to get your hands on oranges nowadays” Caitlyn immediately informed her before taking a bite from her sausage. She groaned softly as she chewed on the juicy meat and swallowed with a bright smile. “Thank you, truly. This is already the most wonderful birthday”
“And it has hardly begun! My oh my, a girl doesn’t have to do a lot of impress you, does she?” Vi teased, earning her a soft kick against her chin under the dining table.
“Oh hush, you” Caitlyn smirked through her teasing words, and Vi felt her cheeks burn up at the mere sound of them.
After breakfast it was time for the surprise of the day, something Vi had been looking forward to since the moment she had learned about it. She successfully got Caitlyn out of the house when it was time to leave and walked them down the street towards the pub.
“Is the surprise a free round of drinks at the pub?” Caitlyn teased as she hooked her arm through Vi’s. In moments like these, Vi was happy to be a woman. For two women were not frowned upon when walking through the streets of London with their arms hooked through each other’s. Everyone simply assumed they were sisters or very close friends. Had they been men, they certainly would not have been able to display such affectionate behaviour.
“It’s not anything with a pub” Vi chuckled, shaking her head as they rounded another corner and made their way towards the pub regardless. “There is something at the pub that I need for us to get to our surprise”
“Hmm you really have me puzzled now” Caitlyn frowned, her eyes focussed on the establishment in front of her where Vander was just opening the door to let in any guests that might come in early that morning. Quite a few guests had the habit of starting their mornings with a few beers, and Vi could not blame them for it, after the experiences of most people in regards to the years that lay behind them.
“Good morning” Vander greeted them with a kind smile and he reached into his back pocket to reach for something.
“Morning Vander” Vi saluted him with two fingers as Caitlyn let go of her arm and greeted him with a warm smile and a “good morning Vander”
“Oh and happy birthday Caitlyn” he gave her a firm handshake, which Caitlyn returned with what seemed like as much pressure as Vander gave it. The man gave her a grin before throwing something in Vi’s direction.
“Here you go, and be careful” he gave her a strict look before glancing back in Caitlyn’s direction as he let go of her hand. “Are you ready for your surprise?”
“Considering I haven’t a clue what the surprise is, I would say no” Caitlyn plainly informed him as her curious gaze found Vi and whatever Vander thrown in her direction.
The keys to his small car.
He had gotten possession of it after the previous owner of the pub wanted to get rid of it and sold it to Vander for a very good price. He hadn’t used it much, considering the gas prices were through the roof and it was not as common as it had been before the war, but it was a very useful manner of transportation if you knew how to use it.
Caitlyn’s eyes widened slightly when she noticed the keys that Vi held in her hand and what they were typically used for. “We’re driving somewhere?”
“Yes we are” Vi nodded, giving Vander a knowing wink that earned her a pat on the shoulder and a “good luck kid” before they stepped outside. The car was parked neatly next to the pub and Vi unlocked the doors before letting Caitlyn get into the passenger side.
“So, for my own peace of mind I must inquire this, you know how to drive?” Caitlyn sounded nervous, which was not much of a surprise to Vi considering the fact that Caitlyn had never seen her drive a day in her life. She had all rights to be nervous, but that did not mean she was correct in her nerves
.
“I do” Vi answered as she put the keys in the ignition and the car came to life with a rather low, roaring noise. “Vander taught me over the past several months in case I needed to drive somewhere for an emergency”
“I see” Caitlyn still seemed weary as Vi started their drive to their final destination. It was not that far, only 30 minutes, but with the gas prices of that day, it was not very cheap. Still, for Caitlyn it was well worth it.
Vi glanced to the side every so often during their car ride. The window had been rolled down ever so slightly and a bit of wind blew through Caitlyn’s shoulder-length curls as they drove out of the city and through the English countryside.
When Caitlyn noticed her staring, she let out a chuckle and a rather sweet “what?”
“Nothing” Vi looked at the road again as she shook her head, yet could not stop a smile from forming on her lips “you’re just really beautiful”
Now it was Caitlyn’s turn to smile and blush, though she would probably deny it when accused, and she briefly placed her hand on Vi’s knee. “You’re quite the flatterer, has anyone told you that before?”
“Once or twice” Vi answered whilst shooting a cheeky grin in Caitlyn’s direction. She did not want to take her eyes off the road too often, considering this whole driving thing was still fairly new to her and crashing Vander’s car in the English countryside was not on her list of birthday surprises for Caitlyn.
“Are we going flower picking?” was Caitlyn’s guess about two minutes later.
“No”
“Berry picking?”
“Absolutely not”
“Strawberry-“
“We are not picking anything, beautiful” Vi let out with a laugh as she shook her head. She would tease Caitlyn endlessly after this day for her curious attitude. “Though, maybe we are… kind of”
“What is that supposed to mean Vi? Now you are deliberately making it more vague to get me more curious” Caitlyn was practically pouting at this point and it brought Vi endless joy to see her like this. It was unmistakably adorable.
“Is it working?” Vi teased, her knee earning another slap from Caitlyn’s hand and a shake of her head. “Just wait until we get there, it should be just another minute or two”
Though she had studied the route on the map for days, once she saw it in real life, all roads blurred together and it was not the easiest to make out exactly where she had to be. Fortunately, the man she had to meet was standing at the gate of his farm to welcome them and wave them over as Vi almost passed him. She quickly steered the car into the long driveway towards the farm and parked it in front of the barn before the two of them got out as the farmer approached them with a friendly smile on his old face.
“Good morning, the big day has finally arrived hm?”
“Morning Albert, thank you for having us” Vi greeted him with equal excitement and shook his hand as Caitlyn stepped around the car and politely shook the man’s hand.
“And this must be Caitlyn, am I right?” Albert said as he shook Cailyn’s gloved hand, to which they both nodded and Vi answered.
“She is, we’re here for the birthday gift”
“Ah yes, the birthday gift” Albert nodded, a mischievous grin on his wrinkly face. Vi had given him specific instructions not to say anything to Caitlyn about the surprise when they arrived, and to keep it a mystery for as long as possible.
As they followed Albert towards the barn, Caitlyn leaned in and softly whispered to Vi “this surprise is becoming more ominous by the minute”
Vi chuckled “it’ll be great, Caitlyn. Trust me” she urged as Albert opened the door to the barn.
There was not much light coming into the barn, apart from the light that shone through the open doorway and through some cracks in the roof. Both Caitlyn and Vi squinted against the darkness as Albert disappeared into the barn and clicked on a light that illuminated the dark space a bit more.
“I’m still lost as to what this is supposed to mean” Caitlyn informed her haughtily as Albert waved at them to follow him into the barn. Vi softly squeezed her arm to tell Caitlyn that it was alright, and then followed the man deeper into the barn where several horses were kept.
As they passed the stalls and the horses, Vi could see Caitlyn’s face brighten up slightly as she gave the horses they passed a friendly nod and a soft smile. It gave her a bit more certainty about the surprise that lay ahead of them.
“Here we are” Albert finally stopped at a stall at the end of the barn, one that seemed to be unoccupied, until they rounded the corner.
Caitlyn’s eyes doubled in size when she laid eyes on the sight before them. Her gloved hand found her gasping mouth and she turned to Vi with tears in her eyes before immediately turning her gaze back to the sight before them.
In the stall lay a black and white American Shepherd’s dog, surrounded by six fluffy puppies. Some were drinking, others sleeping and about two were playing around together. They let out little whines and barks as they climbed on top of each other and pulled each other’s ears in a contest to be the strongest of the bunch.
Caitlyn immediately dropped to her knees and took off her gloves as the puppies turned their attention to them. Within seconds, they flung themselves into Caitlyn’s lap and enthusiastically greeted her with a gentle sniff and an excited lick of their small tongue.
Vi could not contain a grin as she crouched down as well and one of the puppies nestled its way into her arms. There was a lot of fluff and barking going on, which woke up the two that were fast asleep just moments before. Several adorable yawns and stretches later, the two approached Caitlyn and Vi with as much enthusiasm as the other two had.
When Vi glanced at Caitlyn, she was met with a look of joy that she had not seen on her face in months. As two puppies climbed into her lap and she tried to divide her attention between the two, her lit up eyes found Vi’s.
“I can’t believe you brought me here to cuddle with puppies, this truly is the best surprise I could have asked for” Caitlyn’s smile never wavered as she scratched the head of one of the pups.
Vi rolled her eyes at the sweet tone in Caitlyn’s voice and the fact that the woman thought they were simply here to cuddle. “No, we’re not just here to cuddle. We’re here to take one home with us”
Once again, her eyes widened and her face brightened to impossible levels “we can just take one home?”
Vi nodded “I spoke to Albert and they’re 12 weeks old now so they’re good to go. He has to find a proper family for all of them and when I told him I wanted to give you a puppy for your birthday, he told me about these rascals”
The giggle Caitlyn let escape when one of the puppies licked her, now bare, hand was a sound that Vi never grew tired of. She could happily watch Caitlyn play with puppies for the rest of her life and never grow bored. “I’m not sure I can pick just one, they’re all so adorable”
Vi grinned, her own hands full with two puppies as well while the two who were left just kept feeding. Apparently food was more important than meeting people, and Vi could certainly agree with them on that. She watched as one of the more shy puppies tried to get Vi’s attention by pushing her brother aside, yet did not get the chance to. The hyper-active puppy was a lot stronger and pushed the shy one aside in his enthusiasm to get Vi to lift him up.
“Hey now, be kind to each other. Come here little one” Vi reached over and pulled the smaller puppy into her arms. She was almost entirely black, with the exception of a small white patch just under her chin and between her front legs. As soon as Vi pulled the puppy closer, the little one nuzzled her small, wet nose against Vi’s throat and licked her warm skin.
“Alright, alright that’s enough with the love and affection” Vi chuckled, her arms still holding the puppy close as she gently scratched her ear, which made one of her back legs tremble slightly with happiness.
Caitlyn, who was watching from a bit of a distance with her own two puppies in her arms, remarked sweetly “I see you have an admirer”
“Hmm yes, she’s very cute” Vi smiled as the puppy now nuzzled her curious nose in Vi’s sleeve. “What about yours?”
She watched as Caitlyn’s preference clearly went to a rather white puppy with black legs and very floppy black ears. The puppy was a little clumsy and fell over every few steps, but bravely climbed Caitlyn’s endless legs regardless. It seemed that the two of them really bonded, judging from the way Caitlyn was letting her puppy play with her shoelaces. Not even Vi was allowed to do that.
“That was the runt of the nest” Albert informed them as he watched from a distance and he glanced at Caitlyn’s puppy, who was obviously smaller than the others. “She was born rather late and almost didn’t make it, but she is a fighter”
“Just like you” Vi noted as she ran her fingers through the soft fur of the puppy who nestled herself into Vi’s lap. “Is that the one you’d like to take home?”
Caitlyn looked like she was about to confirm her question, but then her eyes fell on Vi and the puppy that had fully snuggled into Vi’s lap as Vi kept scratching her floppy little black ear. She saw Caitlyn’s expression change as she looked from the puppy in her lap to the one in Vi’s. She was conflicted for obvious reasons.
“You’ve bonded so well with that one though-“
“Today is not about me Cait, today is about you” Vi insisted, though she had to admit that it would hurt if she had to leave this little pup behind with the others. She quite liked the little rascal and she could see herself running around with her in Caitlyn’s small backyard.
Caitlyn gave her a grateful smile but her expression remained conflicted. Then, she sighed deeply “alright, we will take this one” she looked at Arthur and nodded as the excited little pup in her arms.
“Perfect!” Arthur exclaimed with a nod, Vi’s eyes glanced down at the drowsy puppy in her lap. Her heart sunk at the thought of leaving her behind for someone else to take her, it really felt like she had belonged in their little family.
“And we’ll also take that one” Vi’s head perked up when she heard Caitlyn speak again, and she noticed her nodding at Vi’s puppy. Almost as excited as the puppies, Vi looked at Caitlyn with wide eyes.
She could hardly believe it. “Are you serious? You want to take both of them home?”
Caitlyn nodded determined “I do. We both bonded with one and it would be unfair to make you leave yours behind… besides you also give back on your birthday, and this is my gift to you”
Vi could not believe her luck and pulled the puppy a little closer as she gave Caitlyn a blinding smile “thank you, you truly have no idea how much that means to me”
The rest of the transaction was easy. Arthur did not ask much for the puppies and they were both given a pink ribbon around their neck, since they were both little ladies, before they were allowed to go home with them.
Which was another obstacle to conquer. Driving home with two active puppies in Caitlyn’s lap was certainly challenging. The first half hour of their trip was mainly focussed on Vi not losing control of the steering wheel because she kept stealing glances at the adorable puppies who tried to look out the window every chance they got. After thirty minutes, however, they did get a little sleepy and finally fell asleep in Caitlyn’s warm lap while Vi drove them back to the city.
“What are you thinking in regard to names?” Caitlyn asked, eyes on Vi but hands gently scratching the heads of their two new children.
Vi grinned, her eyes shifting to the sleeping puppies for a second before turning her eyes back to the road ahead of them. “I was thinking Ellie for mine, I’ve always loved that name”
Caitlyn’s face broke into yet another smile when hearing the name she had come up with for the black puppy. “Ellie. I think that is a very suitable and sweet name for her”
“What are you naming yours?”
Caitlyn went quiet for a moment as her eyes fell on the smaller, whiter pup in her lap, who was now rolled onto her back and let Caitlyn scratch her small, pink tummy. “Blanche” was her answer after a moment, once again stunning Vi with her French accent.
“Blanche and Ellie” Vi exclaimed, making Caitlyn grin ear to ear as she cuddled with the tired puppies. She reached out and softly squeezed Vi’s knee before turning her attention back to the puppies and making sure that they were comfortable and would not slide off her lap during the car ride.
Vi dropped Caitlyn and the puppies off at home before taking the car back to Vander and thanking him for letting her use it.
“It’s not a problem kid, did you two find a good pup?” Vander asked as he placed a clean glass back on the shelf.
“We did” she nodded with a grin as she handed him the keys back “in fact, we picked two”
“Two?” Vander let out a loud laugh “unbelievable, you go for one and come back with two”
“Will you come visit sometime?” Vi wondered out loud, pushing her hands in her pockets as she did so. Vander had not been to the house very often, only once or twice, but perhaps the puppies would be a good reason for him to come by for dinner more often. She missed their interactions outside of work.
Vander gave her a nod and a kind smile “I will, if Caitlyn allows it of course”
“Are you kidding me? She adores you, she’ll be fine” Vi insisted, slapping his arm before saluting him. “I’m going to pick up some supplies for the children, but I will see you tomorrow”
She made sure to stop by the pet store on her way back to pick up the supplies they’d need for two puppies. It was a bit more than she had anticipated and there was certainly more that she had to take home than she could carry but she somehow managed.
When she arrived home an hour later, she called out to Caitlyn but received no response – nor was she greeted by two enthusiastic pups, as she had hoped. Instead she was greeted with an empty hallway where she put all her supplies down to go and search for the missing members of her family.
After a short search, she found them in the small backyard where Caitlyn was sitting on the modest field of grass and threw a tennisball, she had apparently found somewhere around the house, around for the puppies to fetch and fool around with.
Vi simply watched for a moment, cheeky grin on her lips, as she let the three of them have their fun without her. It was the most heart-warming sight, to see Caitlyn interact with the two small dogs. Vi had been wrong before, this was the happiest she had ever seen Caitlyn. With the exception of the night they said their vows, perhaps. Seeing Caitlyn smile and laugh out loud, after everything she had been through, seemed like a miracle. A miracle that made Vi realise how deeply she loved this woman.
Caitlyn made the sun shine when it was not around. She lit up the room she entered and held everyone in her grasp without even trying. Vi had never met a more interesting, beautiful, inspiring person than Caitlyn Kiramman. Her smile could make Vi’s heart race faster in a singular second and her bright eyes made her stomach tumble in the most wonderful way possible.
Watching her now, with the dogs, there was no denying that Caitlyn Kiramman was the only one for her. She was now, and she would always be.
Vi would wait for her for the rest of her days.
“Honey, I’m home” Vi called out after several minutes of watching the three of them, immediately catching the attention of the two hyperactive puppies. They sprinted up to her, Blanche tripping over her own little legs in doing so, and jumped against her legs until Vi got down on her knees and pulled them both into her arms so they could greet her properly.
Caitlyn got up from her spot on the grass and approached her with a happy grin on her lips. “I thought you’d never return, have you found everything they need?”
“I have” Vi confirmed as she got back up and received a soft kiss on her cheek from Caitlyn. “They’re quite the handful, aren’t they?”
“They are” Caitlyn confirmed with a chuckle as she watched the puppies run off and chase each other around for a bit. “But they are our handful”
“Yes” Vi wrapped an arm around her waist as she watched the puppies run around the patch of grass “they are”
As they let the puppies play outside, the two of them put away the dog food that Vi had picked up and made them two little beds by the fireplace in case they would tire themselves out any times soon. Vi had gotten them a red and blue collar and two leashes so they could be walked and several more balls to play around with. Since everything was in short supply and dog pillows and toys were not exactly on anyone’s list in times of war, Vi had managed to snatch up the last two small pillows and leashes for the dogs.
The puppies were well and truly exhausted by the time dinner rolled around and slept their way through the evening in front of the warm fireplace, while Caitlyn cleared out the dishes after dinner and Vi turned on the radio to listen to some tunes as she intended poured them both a glass of whiskey.
“I’m glad they are not still running around” Vi called to Caitlyn in the kitchen, making sure not to be too loud for the sleeping pups, as the music started playing.
“As am I” Caitlyn came back into the living room to take the last of the dishes to the kitchen, her face still holding that bright smile that she had worn all day. “I love this song”
With a cheeky grin on her lips, Vi turned the volume up a bit to catch Caitlyn moving her hips to the rhythm of the music just as she disappeared back into the kitchen. Drawn to her, Vi followed Caitlyn and watched from the doorway as she started the dishes. Caitlyn had a way of softly humming along with a tune that was rather sweet. She wasn’t a fantastic singer, but she was certainly not terrible.
Just as Vi was about to compliment her, the music stopped and was abrupted by a voice coming from the living room.
“We interrupt this broadcast to bring you the joyous news that the allied forces have officially declared the end of the third Reich and the defeat of Nazi Germany. After half a decade, we are thrilled to announce to all, that the war is official over”
Caitlyn turned around the second Vi stepped forward and they flew into each other’s arms. Even though they had already expected it to be over soon, hearing the news out loud was something that brought such emotion with it. Neither had truly counted on it but their silent sobs as they held onto each other were proof of the hardships that they had been through and the losses they had suffered.
And it was finally over.
All the pain, all the suffering, it had all come to an end. For the first time in years, Vi allowed herself to look at the future. To try and picture a future with the knowledge of it becoming a reality.
“O my god” Vi exhaled as she pulled Caitlyn a little closer, feeling Caitlyn’s tears wet her neck but she did not complain. She was fairly certain that her own emotions were reflected on Caitlyn’s shoulder as well. “We’re free”
“At last” Caitlyn was the first to pull away, her hands finding each other as she played with the hem of her dress for a moment while her cheeks turned a rather obvious shade of red. “I should get back to the dishes”
“Right” Vi nodded, refusing to let her smile falter, even though that was the first thing she felt like doing the second Caitlyn no longer touched her. “I’ll pour us both a whiskey to celebrate”
Vi found herself back in the living room rather confused about what had just transpired. That immense moment of happiness, of relief, had turned into Caitlyn pulling away from their embrace with blushing cheeks and sweaty palms. Perhaps she did still feel something for Vi, even though she had given up some hope about a month ago.
Caitlyn joined her after finishing up the dishes and leaving them to dry in a small rack on the counter. She seemed more poised than she had been before and gracefully took the glass from Vi before the two clinked them together.
“To your birthday” Vi announced.
Caitlyn nodded and added a little something of her own “and to freedom”
“To us celebrating the day of victory on your birthday, each year for the rest of our lives” Vi concluded before taking a sip from the strong liquor. Caitlyn’s face turned that familiar shade of red yet again as she took her sip and she eyed the puppies for a moment before glancing back at Vi.
“I haven’t properly thanked you” she stated after taking a second sip, making Vi’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise. In her opinion, she’d already been thanked enough by Caitlyn’s outburst of utter glee whenever she interacted with the puppies.
Vi shook her head with a smile “you don’t have to. I see how happy they make you, and that is ‘thank you’ enough for me”
“I don’t-“ Caitlyn stopped herself, sighed and blushed a little deeper, before she continued “they are not all that make me happy”
Vi stopped the glass that was halfway to her lips and lowered it to focus her full attention on Caitlyn “and what else makes you happy? Tell me and I will get it for you”
“It’s you, silly” Caitlyn chuckled, her hand reaching out and gently touching Vi’s cheek for a moment. Her bright, cerulean eyes were full of emotion that Vi had yet to place. They were soft and passionate at the same time. “You make me happier than I ever remember being, and you have for a very long time… I was simply too scared to give you another chance”
Vi sucked in a deep breath. This was it, wasn’t it… “but?” she dared mumble.
Caitlyn placed her glass down on the table and took one of Vi’s hands in hers, her thumb softly stroking her knuckles as she gathered the courage for whatever it was that she was about to say. “But, I have known for a while now that there isn’t a reason valid enough for me not to take you back. For me not to give my heart to you once more, completely and without doubt or hesitation”
Finally, those cerulean eyes, she so desperately needed to see, found her grey storms once more as Caitlyn continued. “I’ve wasted so much time being afraid of getting hurt again, and I don’t want to be afraid anymore. I want to dive into the depths with you and have you for the rest of our existence… as my wife”
Then, something happened that Vi had not expected in her wildest dreams. Caitlyn’s hands trembled as she slowly got down on one knee, cerulean eyes still boring into hers and she reached into the pocket of her dress.
What she pulled out of her pocket, was something Vi had not seen in nearly two years. Her wedding band. Engraved with the words that Caitlyn had picked for her in 1943. Vi felt herself choke up as Caitlyn held the ring between her fingers and gave her a soft, slightly insecure smile.
“As I have said before, I don’t want to go another day without calling you my wife. Nothing in the world brings me greater joy than loving you. You are a woman of strength, of passion and depth. You love fiercely and I admire you for all that you are. For all your flaws and the mistakes you make, but also for all of you that is good and beautiful. I love your messy curls in the morning and how you always let me warm my cold feet against your warm calves when I join you in bed at night. I love how soft you can be, how generously you care for those around you and most of all… I love you for who you truly are. For you, Vi, are my meant to be my wife… so please, my darling, will you marry me once more?”
Vi could hardly speak. Of all she had expected today, this wasn’t it. Yet it was more than she had dared hope. She nodded fiercely as she reached out her hand to let Caitlyn slide the ring back on her finger, where it belonged. “Yes. Yes of course I will be your wife”
She could see the relief flash through Caitlyn’s eyes when Vi agreed to her proposal. She did not waste any time to slide that ring onto her finger before rising from her knees.
“I’ve waited a long time to hear you say it, and I have spend many months regretting every mistake I have made in regards to our relationship” Vi admitted as she took Caitlyn’s face in her hands. “You are the most precious gift I will receive in my lifetime, and I am more than honoured that you love me. I’ll treasure that love for as long as I shall live and my heart will be intertwined with yours from here on out. I’m yours for the rest of our days, my love”
Caitlyn let out a choked laugh of relief mixed with glee as she pulled her own wedding band from her pocket and Vi slid it onto her finger. At last, they were reunited with their own rings and something clicked for Vi. Suddenly, the last bit of loneliness in her heart disappeared and she was truly whole again.
Without waiting any longer, Caitlyn’s hands found her waist and she pulled Vi into a deep kiss. The moment their lips found each other, it was like coming home. Caitlyn was her home. She always had been, they had simply been too stubborn to admit it all those months.
She deepened the kiss within a second, eager to reunite herself with all of Caitlyn. All of her wife. She felt Caitlyn smile into their kiss and pull her lower lip in a teasing manner. Vi could not help but moan as Caitlyn pulled her in for another kiss.
This time it was more gentle and soft. Their tongues dancing together as they loved deeply. It took their need for oxygen to finally pull away and take a deep breath of air as their gazes found each other.
Forehead against forehead.
Bright cerulean gazing into stormy grey.
“Vi-”
“Violet” she interrupted Caitlyn. “Please, call me Violet”
“Violet” it sounded sweet from Caitlyn’s tongue. Familiar. “My Violet”
As they looked into each other’s eyes, they knew it with certainty.
Through the storms of life yet to come, their home was with each other.
Until death do them part.
Notes:
Only one more chapter to go...
Next chapter will be the epilogue to our story, which I am very excited to write.I hope you loved this chapter as much as I thoroughly enjoyed writing it. See, I do like writing fluff ;)
For one last time in this fic: until next time, my loves!
Chapter 31: Epilogue.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Museum of London
London
May 14th 2013
“Good morning and welcome everyone, thank you for coming to the grand opening of our most recent exhibition in our grand hall of ‘London in the first half of the 20th century’. The exhibition opening today is a rather special one, but I will give the floor to someone who knows everything there is to know about it. Please give a warm welcome to Lauren O’Connell”
A sea of applause rippled through the hall full of historical pieces as the stage was cleared for a woman in her mid-twenties. She gave the gathered crowd a small wave and kind smile as she assumed her place and received a microphone from the tech manager.
“Thank you everyone, and thank you for that introduction Andrea” Lauren’s eyes shifted to the woman who had previously occupied the stage and gave her a small nod before turning towards the curious crowd again. Her green eyes scanned the people in front of her for a moment, concluding that a wide range in age differences had gathered for the opening of this specific exhibition.
She cleared her throat before kicking off. “My name is Lauren O’Connell and, as Andrea so kindly pointed out, I know just about everything that this exhibition has to tell you. Why, you ask? Allow me to explain. About two years ago, I was at the start of my research period in my History major with a minor is Feminist studies at Cambridge. I hadn’t a clue what I wanted to research and where my interests lay, since I simply have too many”
She gave the crowd a smile as a small chuckle went through the sea of people, before she continued. “As I was watching the news one night, pondering what my research project would be, an interesting segment caught my eye. The news anchor spoke of a townhouse, here in London, that had been emptied out after the owner had passed away, and there was no immediate family to claim any of her belongings. Normally, this does not make the news…”
Lauren paused for a moment to take a sip of water, and to build up the tension, before she spoke again. “But this particular house held some extraordinary possessions that the deceased owner had left behind. In the attic, they found dozens of boxes full of videotapes, photos, letters and newspaper articles, dating all the way back to 1943. When a team of professionals took a look at this collection, they discovered something very special”
She paused once more, giving the crowd a serious glare and then went on. “These boxes held the life stories of two people. A couple. Which in itself might not have been so very special, if it had not been for this couple being two women. Two women named Violet McAdams and Caitlyn Kiramman – Dubois”
When speaking their names out loud, a photo appeared on the projector screen behind her. It was a black and white photo of the two women, Caitlyn embracing Violet from behind whilst pressing a soft kiss on her cheek, with two black and white American Shepard dogs sitting proudly on either side of them.
The photo was dated June 24th 1947.
“The moment I saw that news report, I knew I had my research topic. The year and a half after that I fully threw myself into the lives of these two women and their story, unaware of the things I would discover. Because their story is an extraordinary one, and I am here today to take you through my journey and tell you exactly, who these two women were”
The national archives
London
April 17th 2011
Heels clicked on the cold, white marble as Lauren made her way to the front desk. Something in the pit of her stomach was knotted with nerves, which felt strange considering she was here to look through the personal belongings of a woman who had died only a month before.
The man at the front desk greeted her kindly, as expected, and inquired about her visit.
“Good morning, my name is Lauren O’Connell and I have an appointment with-“ she took a card from the pocket of her trench coat that told her the exact name of who she was about to meet. “Jack Prudence? It should be scheduled at 10, I am a bit early I’m afraid”
The man behind the desk looked through something on his computer, only to nod and inform her that she was expected in room 326 on the third floor. After thanking the man, her heels clicked on to the elevator that took her up to the destined floor.
When she had emailed the archives with her research proposal and question about looking through the personal belongings found in the house of the late Caitlyn Kiramman – Dubois, she had not actually expected it to be this easy. She had gotten an appointment several days earlier and travelled down to get the answers to her questions.
Once she got out of the elevator and found the correct room, she was greeted by Jack – who was a lot younger than he sounded in his emails.
“You must be Lauren. I’m Jack Prudence but I assume you already knew that” the man introduced himself as he shook her hand and led her into the room. The three tables in the room were littered with boxes, all labelled different things, and several pieces of equipment along with some chairs.
“It’s nice to meet you Jack and thank you for taking the time to help me with this” Lauren kindly thanked him as her curious eyes already flew over the boxes. She was so close to finding out everything she wanted to know about these women, of whom she only really knew their names and the fact that they were in an assumed relationship.
“It’s not a problem at all. I took the liberty of bringing out all the things that we found in the house that were of significance” Jack gestured to the boxes. “Not all of it might be useful, but I can imagine that some of it might catch you attention”
“Thank you” she told him once again as she walked up to one of the boxes. “Might I ask why these findings were archived? We find these types of documents all the time and they don’t make the news usually”
“A great question” Jack brought her over to one of the boxes that was slightly more empty than the others. “A lot of what we found was personal documentation, but there were some things that told us there is a bigger story. We simply have not been able to figure out the entirety of it just yet”
Now that was a vague answer if ever there was one, and one of her eyebrows shot up as she watched Jack’s hand disappear into one of the boxes and pull out several newspaper articles. “This is what caught our attention in particular”
He handed them over, so Lauren’s curious eyes could scan over the printed words. Dates of the articles varied between May 13th 1946 and June 20th 1946. They were detailed reports of something that every historian was familiar with.
“The Nuremberg trials” Lauren caught herself whispering as her eyes widened when she read the words of the printed articles.
There were several of them, all mentioning the names that she was slowly getting familiar with.
Caitlyn Kiramman – Dubois: one of the key witnesses in the court case against former Obergruppenführer Gehrard Schultz.
Photographic evidence of injuries on Caitlyn Kiramman – Dubois prove the true terror of the Nazi regime and why men like Schutlz must be punished.
Schultz, receiving the death penalty after a long trial. Caitlyn Kiramman’s testimony left us all speechless and horrified.
“I don’t understand entirely” Lauren admitted as she quickly scanned through the articles and then looked up at Jack, who had buried his hands in his pockets and his eyes scanning the words along with her.
“We did a bit of digging, because being a witness in the Nuremberg trials is quite something” Jack informed her. “Apparently this Caitlyn Kiramman – Dubois, was incarcerated by the Nazis in France in 1943 for the crime of hiding a dangerous criminal and fugitive of the law in her home, at least that is what the German reports say. She was flogged in an attempt to get her to talk and when she didn’t, they broke her feet and eventually she was reported to have been executed by a firing squad”
Lauren’s stomach turned at the idea of undergoing the horrific torture methods of the Nazis, and she had read up a lot about them for an essay she had done two semesters before. She couldn’t imagine what it must have been like to go through something like that.
“So she was executed, except she was at the Nuremberg trials and did not die until last month… explain that to me” Lauren wondered out loud.
Jack nodded with a chuckle “I was getting to that. We have found very few reports on anything regarding mistakes that were made by the Germans, but apparently a report was found that mentioned a Caitlyn Kiramman – Dubois escaping the firing squad with the help of two unknown individuals. There was widespread alarm going around the area to look for her”
“How does one get away with broken feet?”
“That’s what we are trying to figure out as well” Jack admitted as he put the newspaper articles back in the box. “See, there is quite the story here”
Lauren nodded as she sunk down in one of the chairs “you could say that, it almost sounds like the plot of a movie”
“It does, doesn’t it?” Jack chuckled and nodded “From previous reports of the area where Caitlyn was apparently residing at the time, there was one that stood out to us… one of a plane crash that happened several weeks before her incarceration. A plane belonging to the American army to be exact, and when the Nazis arrived, the pilot was missing”
Lauren’s eyes lit up at these words, already connecting dots in her head as she ran through the information she already had. “She was hiding the pilot, wasn’t she?”
“Perhaps, the reports are not very specific about the exact reason of her arrest and the pilot was never found” Jack admitted with a sigh as he pulled out a large file and handed it to him. “This contains all the extra information we have so far, including the reports of the Nazis. Feel free to look through all of these boxes. If you want to watch the tapes, we have different equipment for each type of tape. There are ones from the 40s and 50s that have sound on a separate tape from the picture, so you need a different machine for that than the others that were shot with more modern equipment”
Lauren nodded as she got up from her chair, letting her fingers run over one of the closed boxes. “Thank you Jack, I’m sure I can keep myself occupied with this for several hours” she joked, giving him a grin as she opened one of the boxes.
“And boy, did I spend hours in that archive looking through each and every little article, document, letter, picture and video tape. There were hundreds of photos and hours’ worth of footage on those tapes. It took me several days to get through all of it but after getting such an intimate look into the lives of these women, I had the following information of which I was certain it was true” Lauren informed the crowd and the next slide of her PowerPoint popped up on the screen behind her.
She glanced behind her for a moment, smiling at the photos of the women she had never met personally but whom she had gotten so closely acquainted with over the past two years.
“Let’s start at the beginning, because these two women were not exactly destined to meet. On the left here we have Caitlyn Kiramman. Born May 8th 1918, to Tobias Kiramman and Cassandra Toussaint – Kiramman in Paris, France. She was born into an Aristocratic family of little significance, but they were certainly wealthy and she carried the title of Lady. Her father was an English surgeon, who moved to Paris after meeting and marrying her French mother” Lauren paused for another drink of water and checked with the crowd to see if she still had their attention.
They were still listening rather attentively, so she went on. “Caitlyn Kiramman went on to marry George Dubois, a rather odd match considering he had almost nothing to his name except a farm and she was the aristocratic daughter of a surgeon. Nevertheless, she moved to the French countryside with her new husband and that was where they were living at the beginning of the war” she looked behind her again to focus her eyes on the woman on the right.
“Then, we have Violet McAdams. Born in Brooklyn, New York on February 18th 1919. She lost her parents in a fire when she was rather young and her and her sister ended up in an orphanage, and those places were not particularly nice in the 1920s and 30s. After several failed adoptions, she was separated from her sister and later on adopted by a family of composers. She stayed with them until 1942, when both her adoptive brothers died after being sent off to fight in Europe. It was after their deaths that Violet herself joined the army and eventually became one of the first female pilots in the history of the US army” Lauren watched as a new slide appeared on the screen, this time showing several different reports.
“Now, the fates of these two women intertwine when Violet’s plane crashes in the French countryside, almost next to Caitlyn’s farm. By the time the authorities arrive at the wreck, the pilot is missing. A widespread search it held but the pilot remains hidden” Lauren’s eyes travel from the screen to the interested and curious crowd. “This report on the right is one from the Germans, saying that a local woman went to the authorities after witnessing Caitlyn in an intimate embrace with someone whom she did not recognize from behind, and in a small town like that… you could easily come to your own conclusions”
A translation of another report was shown on the screen. “Caitlyn was arrested immediately, and her house searched but there was no sign of the pilot. She had to undergo severe flogging that left her back permanently scarred and both her feet were broken when she refused to talk. Apparently the two women had build a strong bond throughout the weeks that Caitlyn had hidden Violet in her home, and she refused to give them any information. Which was why she was eventually ordered to be executed along with Viktor Moulin, a local physician accused of being a part of a resistance movement”
“They were taken to the wall in the courtyard of the prison they were kept in, lined up and forced to turn their backs to the armed men. From what the report tells us, we can conclude that both were shot, except Caitlyn’s wound was not a fatal one. She was rescued from the prison by an American soldier by the name of Jayce Talis, who had infiltrated within the Nazi ranks and gotten wind of the situation. According to a witness whom I have contacted, Caitlyn was barely alive when she arrived in the safe house that Jayce took her to. But waiting for her there was Violet, whom she apparently called her pilot” Lauren informed them as she watched the screen skip to the next slide that showed the photo of an older woman with greying hair and rather kind, dark brown eyes.
Lauren took a deep breath. “One of the people witnessing the scene I previously mentioned, was Charlotte Monet – Le Croix. She was a child at the time, hiding in that same safe house with her Jewish siblings, and could tell me all about them”
Nemours
France
January 16th 2011
The nervous jitters that seemed to have permanently inhabited Lauren’s stomach were back as she rang the bell of a rather quaint looking house in a small town just below Paris. It had taken weeks to schedule the appointment, but Lauren had been persistent. This was one of the only people still alive who might be able to tell her first-hand what it was like to know the women that she had grown so deeply attached to over the past several months.
She had spend countless hours researching everything there was to know about Violet McAdams and Caitlyn Kiramman - Dubois. She spend many long nights emailing with archives in New York, travelling between France and England to find out more about what these two had been through and what their journey was and researching everything there was to know about them, only to find out what exactly it was that these two shared. It seemed a bond so special, so strong, and through it all they really did seem to love each other.
The person she had come to see opened the door with a kind, polite smile on her face. Lauren immediately mimicked the smile and held out her hand “good afternoon, my name is Lauren O’Connell, I spoke to you on the phone the other day about my research concerning Violet McAdams and Caitlyn Kiramman – Dubois?”
“Ah yes!” the woman spoke better English than she had expected, but it was a welcome surprise that made their communication a lot easier. “Come in, please”
She followed Charlotte into her home and was informed to take a seat on the sofa in the living room while she made them something to drink. The woman was in her early 70s and seemed to be managing everything quite well still. Lauren sat down as she let an observing eye go through the living room whilst setting up what she needed.
“I just want to check once more, you have given permission for me to film and record our interview, correct?” she asked Charlotte when the older woman walked back in with their drinks.
“Yes, of course. I feel rather special that someone has come to speak to me about my past” Charlotte’s kind voice touched something in her as she gave the woman a soft smile.
Once they were all set up, Lauren sat down across from Charlotte with her notes in her lap. “Are you comfortable with me asking you some questions Charlotte?”
“Sure, ask away” the woman insisted, which was a signal for Lauren to get straight to it. She started with some basic questions about her childhood and slowly led up to the war and the home where she had met the two women Lauren was most interested in.
“Now, you know I am doing research on the story of Violet McAdams and Caitlyn Kiramman – Dubois. Could you tell me what it was like to first meet them?” Lauren inquired, hardly able to keep her own curiosity at bay as she eagerly leaned in to listen to every word Charlotte had to say.
“I met Violet first. She was brought in by the man who had taken me and my siblings to Babette as well. When she arrived, she was accompanied by him. He often came to check in on us or bring us food”
“Jayce Talis” Lauren mumbled out loud.
“Yes, Jayce Talis. A very kind man if I may say so and very heroic” Charlotte answered “when he brought Violet with him, she was rather quiet and if she did talk, I didn’t understand a word. I didn’t speak English and she barely spoke a word of French”
“And eventually Caitlyn was brought in, am I correct?”
Charlotte nodded “she was. She was taken in about two or three days later I believe. Jayce brought her back to us. I was supposed to be asleep and not allowed to watch if I had been awake, because of how severe her injuries were, but I looked through the crack of the door anyways. I was too curious not to, you see?”
Lauren smiled at the sentiment and nodded for her to continue.
Charlotte took a deep breath “the state in which she was brought in was one I will never forget. Her back was littered with open wounds, blood was soiling our carpet, and her feet were bent in strange angles. She wasn’t awake when she was brought in and Jayce quickly took her upstairs before Babette went out to get the doctor” she paused for a moment. “Violet rushed upstairs with them, I have never seen someone in such a state of panic and shock as I did in that moment”
“That must have been horrendous, especially when it is someone you care about” Lauren agreed.
Charlotte answered with a sad smile on her face “I crept closer to the door to listen and I remember the words she spoke to Caitlyn. She said: I’m here now darling, I'm here. and I am never leaving you again, you hear that? You have me for the rest of my life. I didn’t know what that meant back then, of course, but I later on realised just how deeply they cared for each other”
There was one particular question that burned on Lauren’s mind and she was a bit hesitant to ask Charlotte. Upon hearing those last words, however, she decided to go ahead and ask it anyways. “Do you, looking back on it with the knowledge you have now, think that they were in love? That they loved each other as more than just friends?”
Charlotte answered immediately, without hesitation “I have no doubts about it. Caitlyn would often refer to Violet as her pilot, even in French. I think I actually saw them kiss once, when I peeked through the crack of their bedroom door. I was very confused about it and thought it was merely friendly, but I now know that they were much more than just friends”
“And did you ever see them again after the war?”
“I did” Charlotte paused for a moment to take a sip from her tea “my late husband and I travelled to London for our honeymoon in 1959, and I looked them up because I wanted to know if they were still alive and how they were doing. They were very welcoming and warm people. I went to their house for lunch and once we started talking, we couldn’t stop until after dinnertime. I think that visit was where I realised that there was more between them than a simple friendship. The way they looked at each other, how they spoke to one another and even an innocent touch, it was all in the way that I also looked at and spoke to my husband”
Lauren’s eyes brightened slightly at the confirmation of what she already knew. The video tapes were the ultimate proof of the relationship that Caitlyn and Violet had shared, but hearing it from someone who had actually known them was so much more special.
“They were a beautiful couple, you know?” Charlotte admitted “quiet about their affection for each other when it came to those they did not know very well, but very beautiful together”
The video footage of Charlotte ended and the next slide was brought to life. Lauren’s smile brightened the more she got into her speech.
“The further I got in my research, the more I wanted to know about them. I found hidden gems in everything that I looked through and everything pointed towards the evidence that these two were a very real couple. They went through many ups and downs in their relationship, as we all do, many of which you will find details about all around the exhibition” she gestured to the hall in which they were standing to put a bit more emphasise on her words.
“They spend the last year of the war here in London, in the house where they lived their entire lives. The war took its toll on both of them and from diary fragments and letters, it is safe to say that there was a lot for them to work through. Caitlyn spend the last year of the wore working as a nurse after she lost her father in an air-raid and continued her work until she retired at 58 years old. Violet worked at a pub during and after the war, until eventually taking over. The establishment was sold in 1984 and since then a known gay bar. What many do not know, however, was that The Last Drop was visited by queer people long before it was taken over by the new owner. I’ve spoken to many old regulars who informed me that when the pub was still in Violet’s name, it was a safe haven for the queer community. You will find more information about that part of history towards the end of the exhibition” Lauren continued, slides passing as she ran through the words she had prepared.
“They were never out as a couple. Not in public that is. Their close friends knew and have vouched for their unwavering devotion to each other. The pub owned by Violet was the only place where the two were regularly seen acting like an actual couple, but that was it. Even when being a same sex couple was no longer a punishable offense, even when it was more widely accepted, they remained a rather private couple. Except… except for the videos that they made together. Those are the true testaments to their love and devotions for one another. Fragments are widely spread around the exhibition so please take your time in watching them” Lauren insisted, nearing the end of her speech as she looked at the large crowd.
“This exhibition is a part of the battle to legalize gay marriage in our country. Because these videos, these stories, they tell us that gay relationships have always existed and are just as valid and beautiful as a relationship between a man and a woman”
She paused for a moment. “Do you know the one thing that all the close friends I managed to get a hold of told me, when I asked them about the relationship between Caitlyn and Violet?”
She took another pause, letting the audience fill in the blank for themselves before answering her own question. “Each and every single one of them told me that Caitlyn and Violet referred to the other as their wife, when in accepting company. They even had wedding bands fashioned for each other, even though their marriage would never be legal and no one was allowed to know of the existence of their love… They never had the chance to solidify their union. To truly be wives before the law”
She paused once more, her emotions rising slightly as she tried to suppress them when speaking to a subject so close to her heart. “Violet McAdams died on November 19th 1997 due to heart failure, leaving Caitlyn to spend another 15 years alone until she was allowed to join her wife. She withdrew from public life more and more after Violet died. Some told me that a piece of her truly died when her lover did, and she lived those last years looking forward to death more than life”
The last slide popped up on the screen behind her as she took a big sip of her water and swallowed away the surfacing tears. “There will be a petition for you to sign when you exit this exhibition, concerning the legalization of gay marriage. Please keep in mind all I have told you as you let this exhibition take you into the lives of these women. A lot of questions are still left unanswered, and I would have loved to have gotten the chance to speak to either one of them when they were still alive. There is so much left to wonder about, such as what happened in those first weeks in Caitlyn’s home in France, how did they eventually escape to London, what was it like for them to love each other in a time where their love was seen as sinful?”
Another deep breath. “We’ll never get the answers to those questions, but I know one thing for certain. All that is laid out before you, in this exhibition, is evidence of a love story so pure and so deep, that I doubt many of us will experience it ourselves. Let their stories sweep you up into another world and let their legacy live on. It’s time for change. Change for us, for the community and for them. For those who did not get to witness the legalisation of gay marriage, but who so immensely deserved it”
The screen went black as Lauren made her final statement. “Thank you for being a part of this brief insight into the stories of Caitlyn Kiramman – Dubois and Violet McAdams. I’ll leave you to look into their lives yourselves, and if you have any questions I will be around to answer each and every one of them. Thank you”
As she ended her talk, the crowd burst into an applause loud enough to be heard on the entire first floor. Lauren ended with a small bow before turning her gaze to her right, to the start of the exhibition. A wall with three large photographs, one of Caitlyn on the left and one of Violet on the right.
In the middle, an enlarged photograph of the two of them sitting in the grass, Caitlyn against a tree and Violet with her head in her lap. The photograph had been taken with a timer that had gone off the exact moment where Caitlyn had leaned in and captured Violet’s lips in a soft kiss. Sealing their love for the world to see, even decades after it had been taken.
Tape #1
“What are you doing?”
“You’re on camera darling”
“Are you sure you know how to operate such a device?” Caitlyn’s face appeared just as she said these words and her bright smile was caught by the camera. It was a sunny late-summer day and she was sitting cross-legged on the grass with Blanche asleep in her lap and Ellie chasing a leaf in the background. Violet’s voice sounded from behind the camera as she spoke to her wife.
“I’ve practiced, I think I have it under control now” Violet informed her, earning her a soft smirk from Caitlyn, who looked at her rather than the camera. “Would you tell me what date it is?”
“Why does it matter? Surely you know the date?” Caitlyn bounced back as she turned her attention to the sleeping dog in her lap and scratched her flappy black ears.
Violet’s sigh was audible on the tape as she got a bit closer to Caitlyn “it’s a new thing, we record our life to look back on it later. So by telling me the date, we know what we will be looking at in the future”
“How innovative” Caitlyn rolled her eyes as Blanche kicked her legs in her sleep and let out a soft little whine as Caitlyn scratched her ear. Then, she glanced up at the camera “it’s September 2nd 1945”
“That wasn’t do hard was it?”
“Shut up. You’re lucky I love you”
Tape #8
“We’re celebrating, my love” Violet’s voice sounded from behind the camera as Caitlyn’s tired face came into view, illuminated by the lights in the room. It was dark outside and Caitlyn was holding a flute of champagne as she glanced into the camera with a not too happy expression.
“Must we do this now?”
“It’s an important moment for us both darling, we won the trial” Violet’s voice sounded more cheerful in a slightly forced tone. There was certainly more to this than she led on but that was not shown on camera.
Caitlyn gave her a forced smile “I’m glad we did, but would you mind putting the camera down while we celebrate? I do not exactly feel very festive and I’d like a moment of just us”
“Of course” was the last thing from Violet’s mouth before the tape cut out.
Tape #20
“It’s December 20th 1952 and Violet has been outside in the garden with the dogs for about five hours” Caitlyn’s gentle voice sounded from behind the camera as she walked through the house. The videos were coloured and filmed by a camera of better quality.
The images of the ground floor of the house flew by as Caitlyn made her way outside where the entire world was covered in a thick blanket of snow.
The camera took a moment to focus before Violet came into view, working on a large snowman that she had spent the past five hours building. She was just getting the third and final ball of snow on top of the other two as their snow covered dogs ran around and barked every now and then whilst trying to catch snowflakes with their mouths.
The sound of soft laughter could be heard from behind the camera “what are you doing, love?” Caitlyn called out to Violet, who immediately turned her attention to Caitlyn and the camera.
Her eyes lit up when seeing the device in her hands and she proudly gestured at the snowman in process. “Isn’t it wonderful?”
“Very impressive, darling” Caitlyn called back as Violet approached her and the camera.
“You know…” Violet grinned as she got closer “I have yet to see you out here in the snow, how about I introduce you to it?”
Caitlyn, who apparently knew exactly what that meant, took several steps back and the camera moved along with her “oh no, don’t you dare!”
Without warning, Violet charged at her and just as Caitlyn let out a scream, the camera dropping from her hands. It fell into the soft snow and kept recording the scene in front of it. It was angled upwards so a clear picture of Violet trying to tackle Caitlyn into the snow became visible.
The two wrestled for a moment before Caitlyn wrapped her arms around Violet’s neck and pulled her in for a deep kiss, camera long forgotten. The smile on Violet’s lips was bright as she pulled a, now soaked from the snow, Caitlyn closer and deepened the kiss.
When Caitlyn pulled away, she rested her forehead against Violet’s and smiled sweetly. “Truce?”
“Truce” Violet promised before pecking her lips once more. A second later, Caitlyn’s attention went back to the camera that was still lying in the cold snow.
“Shit, the camera” she called out as she approached the device and the tape quickly faded out.
Tape #46
“We have a new camera, it’s May 8th 1963, we are celebrating Caitlyn’s 45th birthday” Violet’s voice sounded from behind the camera as Caitlyn slowly turned from blurry to focussed. Her black hair was cut into a short, straight bob and she was wearing a rather beautiful soft yellow dress as she placed some cupcakes on the dining room table. A small puppy followed her every move and she gave the little one a soft smile every now and then.
“Violet… are you using that thing again? What is it with you and your obsession to record our lives?” she absentmindedly called out to Violet as she bent down to pick up the enthusiastic black and white American shepherd puppy, who easily settled in her arms.
“I enjoy watching these, it’s fun” was Violet’s answer.
“As long as they stay between the two of us” Caitlyn shot a warning glare towards Violet, who answered with a soft hum in agreement.
“Show us your present” Violet encouraged her, to which Caitlyn’s mood immediately switched to a happier one.
A bright smile adorned her face as she held the squirming little puppy up for Violet and the camera to see. The small pup barked before Caitlyn pulled him back against her and let him settle in her arms. “Is this going to be a trend through the rest of our lives, you getting me a puppy on my birthday?”
Violet snickered behind the camera “you have been so sad since Blanche died so shortly after Ellie, I knew this would cheer you up”
“It does” Caitlyn confirmed as she put the puppy down and was seemingly struck with an idea as she got back up, her eyes trained on Violet behind the camera. “Why don’t I film you as well? I am always the subject of these projects, but I want to see you in these as well”
“What? No way, you’re far more interesting to look at” Violet argued but Caitlyn shook her head and stepped forward to take the camera from her hands.
As she did so, the frame became blurry for a second before it readjusted and focussed on Violet who was awkwardly standing by the dining room table.
“You’re look very dashing today darling” Caitlyn told her from behind the camera as their new puppy barked and ran up to Violet with so much enthusiasm that he tripped over his own legs.
“Oh look at you little fella, be careful” Violet chuckled, bending down to pet his little head softly before looking up at the camera. “Alright, you can turn it off now”
Tape # 54
Violet’s face came into view, lying in bed and rather close to the camera. She looked rather peaceful and had a soft smile on her lips.
“It’s August 3rd 1971. I wanted to take a moment to say something to you Cait, if you happen to see this once I am not there anymore. We had a little scare last week where I had to go to the hospital for emergency surgery when my appendix burst and we were really scared that- .. anyways, it made me realise that there is something I want you to know, even if I am not there to tell you every single day anymore” she softly whispered to the camera, 52 year old stormy grey eyes glancing into the black lens before looking behind her.
“You’re currently asleep so I have to be quiet, but I want you to know how much you mean to me Cait. We’ve been through a lifetime of shit together and we’ve come out of it stronger than we would have been by ourselves. I cannot picture a life without waking up to your beautiful smile, without kissing you good morning and making you breakfast. I cannot imagine bathing without you, making your favourite meal and not having you there to enjoy it with me-”
Violet swallowed thickly, tears surfacing but she pushed them away. “I guess what I am trying to say is that I love you. I love you so much that I could burst when I say it. You are the most beautiful, intelligent, wonderful, compassionate and kind-hearted woman I know. I love your grumpy moods, your anger towards injustice and your need for a tidy home, in which you sometimes drive me crazy in the best way possible”
Violet fell silent for a moment as she looked behind her and then raised the camera up to give a helicopter view of the two of them in bed. Violet was lying on her back, Caitlyn curled up on her side with her face towards Violet. She pressed a soft kiss on Caitlyn’s forehead before going back to her previous, turned away position and got close to the camera again.
“You are my everything, Caitlyn Kiramman. You complete me and I want to thank you for loving me. For supporting me and being by my side, always. You saved my life more than once, and I have yet to repay that immense debt. So let these words of love pull you through tough times when I may not be there. For I will always look over your shoulder and wait for you, until you come and join me” Violet took a deep breath.
“Caitlyn. My love, thank you. You have me for the rest of our lives and if must go before you do? I’ll be waiting for you with open arms my love, just don’t rush to get there. Enjoy what life has to offer, alright? Alright.”
Violet chuckled softly “I’m going back to cuddling my wife, who is a rather wild sleeper. She makes up for it by being the most wonderful person alive, though. And by making me soup when I’m sick”
One last glance back at Caitlyn before she looked back at the camera, giving it one last wink.
“Until next time”
Notes:
We have officially reached the end of this wonderful, sometimes painful, journey and I am a bit emotional as I write this.
It's been an absolutely incredible ride and I want to thank each and every one of you for your endless support and love that you have shown me and this fic.
It would not have been possible without your love, so thank you so much!If you have made it to the end and want to yell at me on Twitter, you can: https://twitter.com/loveshazelAO3
Feel free to let me know your thoughts on this final chapter.There are other fics on their way, but this darling will always have a special place in my heart as will everyone who has ever commented, yelled at me about it or supported me in any way shape or form, I really cannot thank you enough!
With that being said, it is time to say goodbye.
I love you, thank you.
xx Nic.
Chapter 32: Continuation.
Chapter Text
This is not a new chapter, but rather an annoucement.
I have decided to gift you all some oneshots written as a continuation of this work. It takes you through Caitlyn and Violet's lives after the war and everything that entails.
The first chapter is now up and part of the series that I have included Cerulean eyes for the damaged soul in as well.
The new oneshot collection is named: Cerulean eyes to warm the heart.
I decided to gift you all a bit more of this work after gaining so much love and such a following whilst writing this work, so thank you from the bottom of my heart!
Check out the new work and all I have left to say is:
Until next time, my loves!
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