Chapter Text
The only time he had known what love was, were the days he spent with Michael.
He was just a seventeen-year-old boy back then. His thoughts filled with dreams of making music and getting away from his house that was never his home. His hair cut short and spikey. Black clothing overflowing his closet and the same color eyeliner ever present on his face like it was a tattoo. Black nail polish on his fingers when he was able to get away with it and a nose ring just because.
But then another boy the same age as he came into his life when he needed him the most. With curly brown hair that glowed gold in the sun and warm hazel eyes that took his breath away. His shoulder tense in the same way as he, scared of what others would do to him if he let his guard down.
Maybe that’s why he let that boy into his life when he stole, or borrowed as Michael would say, his guitar that day. Because he knew what it was like to be afraid, to want a place to be at ease just like him.
So, he told him about his safe heaven- the shed behind his house. Leaving without confirmation that the boy would take the olive branch. A small part of him hoping that he would. And when he found him there nights later, sitting on the bed with his guitar in his lap, he couldn’t help but smile.
The days that followed they got closer. Meeting up at his truck in between periods. Talking about everything and anything under the sun. Just being stupid teenagers just because they could.
But the nights in the shed they were different. It was just the two of them sitting next to each other, close enough their thighs were touching. The heat of it made his breath sputter at times. They could be silent together, and what a gift that was because Alex learned about the Michael Guerin that no one else knew.
That he was so brilliant in so much more than just calculus.
That he was a kind soul who couldn’t hurt a fly.
That he somehow had a refreshing innocence about him even after all he’s been through.
So much more than made him think ‘I may be falling in love with you’ every time he was with him.
And somehow that boy felt the same. Kissing him under the green lights of the alien exhibit. Then get lost in the feeling of him what seemed like moments later in the tool shed. Their hearts beating in sink as they discovered the places they never let anyone else see before.
Then it was over before he even blink and Alex found himself on top of the world. Michael standing in front of him redressing after their fun, looking at him in a way that made him blush. He wondered if the boy was looking at him the same way he was looking at Michael. If this was what it felt like to have someone be in love with him, he wanted to find out that question and so much more. They had all the time in the world.
Then they didn’t.
He was naïve, so very naïve that he thought that a shed with no lock was safe enough for the two of them. That the place behind the house that was supposed to be his home was far enough away from his father. The true love he found that day only lasted an hour. Ending brutally with a swing of a hammer and a broken scream. Blood running down the boys destroyed hand and tears coming down like rain. Looking at him the same way he did moments before, even after all he let happen to Michael. What he did to the boy he gave his heart to. He couldn’t handle the guilt, so he turned away and followed his father as told.
He didn’t see Michael afterwards like he wanted to, not after the brutal beaten he managed to live too. And he wasn’t about to see him after the night either, with the news of three dead girls spreading through Roswell like wildfire. He didn’t say goodbye before he got on a bus heading to an army bootcamp, he was to much of a coward.
Alex left without looking back, he knew if he did then he would end up dead.
So buzzed off his hair that made him feel confident, the one Michael ran his fingers through. He broke every single tube of eyeliner he owned; he knew enough from the halls of high school that wearing make-up would get him beat up bad. He didn’t know if he would survive soldiers like he would high school jocks. He didn’t bother brining his guitar along, it was still sitting beside his bed. Or he hoped as his father was most likely going to break it on him the second he got home from the bus station. Giving up the dreams he had of being an artist, making a living by busking it on street corners to one day making it global. The only dreams he let himself have probably were the memories of Michael, or really the life he could’ve have had with him if they went somewhere else that day.
The thought of Michael was the only way he got through every day. Calmed him down from nightmares he had over seas under the cover of gunfire and smoke. Motivated him to do thinks he never wanted to do but had to in order to survive, of maybe making back to him one day. That thought alone is what went through his mind constantly. Survive and maybe he could hear Michaels laugh and see him smile one more time.
Oh god he hoped he could.
And years passed. A decade to be honest. He would have kept going through the motions of being a good soldier if not for the incident between a Humvee and a pipe bomb. Leading him to wake up in a hospital a week later, one less leg than he was used to having. He found out that he was the sole survivor, the rest of his squad in the cargo bay in the same plane that brought him back to the states. They got buried in cemeteries, flags given to their grieving widows. As he received a purple heart for his service and a desk job waiting for him when he finished rehab.
Which led him to where he was now.
Riding in the passenger seat of an army issued explorer on the way to Fosters Ranch on his first day on the job months later. Assigned to a base not far from his hometown. Which he was thankful for he had to admit even that meant that he now was working with his father one a daily basis, said man was a couple of vehicles behind the one he was in.
The Ford suddenly came to a stop in front of what looked like an old Airstream straight out of an 80’s movie. He took a deep breath before opening the door. Placing the crutch sturdily on the dirt ground before sliding out of the leather seat. He walked closet to the hunk of steel as the rest of the airmen talked to the ranch hands who were waiting for them to arrive.
He looked around confusedly. The trailer looked almost vacant from how clean it looked. If it wasn’t for the news papers covering the windows as if the owner had something to hide. He got closer, his prosthetic leg dragging through the ruble. Then out of nowhere the door swung open and he jumped back in alarm.
Before him stood a little girl. With curly hair and a freckled face. Dressed in a teel camisole and jean shorts. She looked at him with a glare, as if he already did something to get on the child’s bad side. Before he could say anything to her, he was roughly grabbed at his arm. Pulled back to face an angry man who had the same curly hair as the girl.
Michael.
He let out a gasp as his angered face changed to one of surprise. He let go then, as if he didn’t want to hurt him even after all the time that has passed. He sent a look to the kid then back to him, a mask of arrogance lining his features. His eyes told a different story, one that in a different circumstance he would have spent more time looking into.
“Alex,” he gasped in that raspy voice that sent a chill throughout his entire body. “Back from Bagdad, your father must be proud.”
The mention of his father sent him out of his lovestruck midframe. Alex turned around to see where said man was, his shoulders sagging when he saw the man occupied.
He turned his attention back to Michael.
“Finally, a real Manes man,” Michael said with a huff.
Alex sighed as he nocked several times on his fake leg. “Three quarters of one.”
Michael’s eyes widened in alarm. Looking him head to toe, searching to see if anything else happened to the man before him.
He then looked back at the girl who was watching the scene unfold before her.
“What are you doing here?” He asked her in an annoyed tone. “You were supposed to be at your mom’s place.”
Alex’s breath halted for a moment, he wondered if that meant this child was Michael’s?
Had he moved on?
“Sorry Daddy,” she said answering his silent question. “But I had to come see you after last night-.”
Alex looked at the child puzzled, wanting to know what she meant. He glanced at the other man to see him clenching his unbroken hand and gritting his teeth.
“Baby…” Michael sighed after a few moments. “I’m okay.”
“You’re not Daddy!” The little girl argued back in a slight yell, throwing hers arms up in exasperation. Showing just how distraught that statement made her. “Mommy hurt you again! And then called the cops on you again!”
She started to cry then. “And… and… and… they didn’t listen to you. They took you away because Mommy lied! And…”
“Okay Sweetheart.” He said putting his hands up in a reassuring gesture. “I’m not mad. Just go inside and we’ll talk more in a minute. Just tell me one thing. How did you get here?”
“Walked.” She answered with a shrug. She then closed the door, leaving the two of them alone without little listeners.
Michael rocked in place. His palms covering his eyes and muttering curses under his breaths. Alex watched the other man quietly, not knowing what to do. What to even say as he was left with more questions as the seconds went one.
A minute later Michael calmed himself down and looked back at him.
“Look..” He started to say in an anxious manner. “I know we have a lot to talk about. But you’re working and I have to go talk to my daughter.”
“Yeah,” Alex whispered sadly. “I’m staying in town, permanently if you couldn’t guess already. Can we see each other again? The reunion tonight maybe?”
Michael smiled despite everything. A tension leaving him as he was relieved in what Alex said.
“Probably not tonight.” Alex started to frown but Michael rushed to say, “It’s my night with my kids. Another time?”
Alex nodded, “another time.”
With that Alex walked away from the boy he knew a decade ago. The boy who grew into a man but was still just as beautiful if not more in his opinion. A million questions running through his mind as he felt loving eyes watching him. Ever part of him telling him to look back so he did and smiled at Michael.
Michael smiled back. He then turned away in a ‘see you later’ kind of way, instead of a ‘goodbye’ way. Alex felt like jumping for joy. Dancing until the cows come home. Like he was top on the world because he was gonna see Michael again and he had hope for the first time in a long time.
However, he wasn’t far away enough from Michael as he originally thought as he heard say, “Alexandria Mayson Guerin! What did I say about touching the chemistry set unsupervised?”
Alex jaw dropped in shock as he let out an awed breath.
‘He…’ Alex thought in amazement. ‘He… named his daughter after me….’
He was still thinking of me all this time.