Chapter Text
Tw: Parent Loss, Suicide
Alexander POV
Alexander POV July 1990
"Papi, can you tell me about how you met Mami?"
He laughs. "I've told you this story a dozen times.
"I want to hear it again, as my bedtime story."
He just grins and sits on the end of our bed.
"Vanessa, Lass, do you want to listen?"
"I'll be there in a little while. I just need to finish brushing my hair. You can start. I can hear everything."
Dad smiles and nods. "Well, I was in Scotland. My Da was a lawyer. My Ma was a doctor. Sadly, my Ma died when I was only a little lad. I was about seven when she died. She was having a wee bairn but did not survive birth. Both her and my sister died. After that, it was just Da and I. My da became an angry and sad man. I didn't see him very often after Ma died. I was raised by different governesses. Some were very nice. Others, not so much. When I was twelve, I met Mama Claire. She was kind to me from the beginning, even when I was being a little devil. I had run off six others before her. I wasn't any nicer to her, but she didn't give up on me. Eventually, she became like a mom to me. When I was seventeen, my da and I got into a huge fight. He wanted me to go to law school. I wanted to go to school to be an artist. Da said if I don't go to law school, I would be cut off. So, when I was 18 and had graduated secondary school, I left. Leaving Mama Claire was hard, but I know I made the right decision. I had four thousand dollars to my name. I flew to Puerto Rico, just searching for a purpose. I figured I would enjoy a week or two of vacation before going back and going to school. Well, I had been here a week and was working on a panting when I saw the most beautiful woman I had ever seen."
"Was that woman Mami?" Vanessa asks, laying beside me in the bed. She lays her head on my shoulder.
Papi covers her with the blanket and kisses her head. "Yes. The moment we saw each other, it was love. At least, it was for me. After that, I got a job as a farm hand and decided to do what I needed to to try and win your mom's heart. I gave myself two months. If I couldn't at least get a first date, I would go back to Scotland. It took forever but she eventually agreed to go on a date."
Mami laughs when she walks into the room. "It only took me a month. Besides, I agreed to marry you a month after our first date. Once I fell, I fell hard. You two were born in Nueva York a year later."
"Why were we born in New York?" I ask.
"Because I went to visit family when I was seven months. My Tia had gotten sick and we didn't know if she would make it. While I was there, you two decide to be stubborn and come early. Now, it is time for the two of you to go to sleep. We are going to the beach tomorrow."
"Yay, Papi, don't forget the sunscreen. If you do, you will turn into a tomato again," Vanessa teases.
Papi just smiles and kisses her head and then mine. "Good night. I will see you in the morning."
March 1992 Vanessa February
Mamí, Alex, and I are working on homework after school.
"Mamí, guess what!" I tell her excitedly as I clean out my folder.
"What baby?"
"I got a 100 on my essay!"
"That is awesome. Alexander, how did your math test go?"
He just looks down.
"Son, I won't be mad. Just tell me."
"I got a 75. I'm sorry Mamí."
Mami walks over and lifts his chin.
"Mijo, look at me. That is five points better than last time. You are improving. I am proud of you for that. Now, where is your father? He should have been home twenty minutes ago."
"I don't know. Do you want me to run down and find him?" I ask.
"No, we will give him ten more minutes. If he doesn't come back soon, we will go find him then."
Five minutes later, there is a knock at the door.
"I got it Mamí," I say.
I open the door and the foreman walks in.
"Señora Hamilton, there has been an accident."
Mami's face scares me.
"Where is my husband?"
"We have called for an ambulance but they are not here yet. I'm here to take you to him."
Mami and I follow the foreman to the field next to our house. I see Papi laying in the grass. Mami see him too and runs to him.
"James! What happened?
I see there is blood coming out of the corner of his mouth. I am terrified and cling to Alex.
"I was fixing the tractor. It must have slipped. Rachel, I think... I think I'm dying."
"No! You will be okay. The twins and I need you. You have to stay with us."
Papi gently touches Mami's face. "I'm always going to be with you my love. Alexander.... Vanessa, come here."
"Papi!" I cry, running to him.
"My little girl. Don't cry. I will always be here for you. Tha gaol agam ort.
"I love you too Papi. Please, please don't leave us." I hug him but I hear him groan in pain. I quickly let go. I hold his hand, too scared to hurt him again.
"Alex, my lad, come here."
He walks up and take Papi's hand.
"Take care of you Mamí and sister for me. You will be the man of the house now."
"I will Papi. Don't worry about them."
"That's my balach gaisgeil."
"I'm not brave Papi."
"You are Ladd. You are the strongest ten year old I know. Just know, I love you all... so much."
Soon, Papi takes a stuttering breath and stops breathing just as we hear the sirens for the ambulance.
"Papi! No! Wake up Papi. Please!" I yell, trying anything to wake him up.
Mami kisses him just as the ambulance people run over to us. They try to get him back but can't. After what feels like an eternity, they talk to Mami and then we get ready to head back home. Before we leave, I walk over and kiss Papi on the head one last time.
"Bye Papi. I love you."
The walk home is completely silent. Mama makes it home and gets five steps in the door before she collapses on the ground.
"Mamí!" Alex says, running to her.
"Is she okay Alex?" I ask
"I think so." He says, fear and sadness in his eyes.
Papi is buried a day later.
Alex August 1993
It has been over a year since Papi died. Mami Moved us to Nueva York in January, just after our 11th birthday. In March, Mami told us she is sick. She has breast cancer and it was diagnosed stage three. Last month, after surgery and chemo, she told us the cancer has spread to the rest of her body. She says she will be with Papi soon. Vanessa took the news really hard. I did too, but I have to be strong for Nessa. She needs me to be strong. I promised Papi I would take care of her and Mami. I have not left Mami's side much since learning we will lose her too. It is currently my turn to sit with her.
"Alexander, Mijo," Mami whispers.
"I'm here Mami."
"Promise me, you will take care of your sister. It is just going to be the two of you soon."
"I promise Mami. Mami, do you remember that time we went to the beach after our eight birthday. That was a busy farm year and we only made it once all summer. Papi got burnt, despite us telling him to wear sunscreen."
She smiles.
"Our little Gringo. I'll see him soon."
I hold back tears. "Mami, what is going to happen to Nessa and I?"
She takes my hand and kisses it. "You two will have each other. Victor has agreed to let you two stay with him. I know he is not always the warmest person but he will provide for you. Every important paper you will need as you grow up is under my bed. I wish I could send you two to my sister in Puerto Rico, but she can't afford to take both of you and I don't want you two separated."
"I'll take care of Nessa. I promise Mami."
She smiles brightly and falls asleep five minutes later. Later that evening, surrounded by Nessa and I, Mami passes in her sleep.
October 1994 Alex
I am working on my homework, when I hear a bang.
"What was that?" Vanessa asks.
"I don't know. Probably just a gunshot outside. It happens all the time here."
"I will never get used to this city. I miss Puerto Rico."
"So do I. '' I say sadly. I miss Mami and Papi more. It has been over a year since Mami died.
We continue to work on our homework.
An hour later, Vanessa gets up.
"I am going to go find Victor. I am hungry."
She leaves the room and goes looking for him. Two minutes later, I hear Vanessa scream. I get up and run to her as fast as I can. I find her in Victor's room.
"Vanessa! What is wrong?" I ask, reaching her.
She points to the corner of the room. There, Victor sits in a puddle of his own blood. I quickly cover her eyes and lead her out of the room.
"Let's get out of here Vanessa. We need to call the police.
The police arrive ten minutes later. Vanessa and I are sitting on the stairs outside the apartment
"Alex, what is going to happen to us now. Victor is our last family member here in New York?"
"I don't know sissy."
A lady walks up a few minutes later.
"Are you Alexander and Vanessa Hamilton?"
"We are." I answer timidly.
"I am Mrs. Rosario from CPS. I am going to have you and your sister to go to your room and pack your belongings. Is there any other family here in New York we can call for you to stay with?"
"No, we have cousins in Puerto Rico but none here."
"That is good to know Alexander. I will see what I can find. Do you know where your birth certificates and any other important papers are?"
"Our mami kept all of that in a shoe box under the bed. It is now in our room."
"Would you grab it when you pack up? You and Vanessa are going to be taken to a group home until we find family or find a different guardian."
"We have cousins in Puerto Rico."
"We don't have suitcases or anything. They broke after we moved here. We only have a backpack with our school stuff."
She looks concerned for a minute and sighs, "Well, I guess put what you can in your backpack and you will have to grab a garbage bag to put your stuff in that. I don't have any luggage for you. I'm sorry guys."
Twenty minutes later, we placed everything we own in a garbage bag and backpacks and we're in the car.
"Mrs, where are we going?" I ask.
"Your sister is going to the girl's home called Lacy's home. Then you are going to a home called St. Peter's.
"No! You can't separate me from my brother!"
"I am sorry Vanessa. At the moment we don't have any youth homes or foster homes who can take you both. This is our only option."
"No, I won't go! You can't make me! If you do, I will just run away and find Alexander!"
"If you do, I would have no choice but to send you to juvenile detention sweetie. It is illegal for you to run away.
"No! Please don't do that. I will talk to my sister." I say panicking.
I grab Vanessa's face and turn it towards me. "Nessa, look at me. I have heard stories about that place. You do not want to go there. I will do everything I can to get us back together again. Until then, I need to know you are safe. Just stay there until things can change."
"Please Alex, don't let them separate us."
"It won't be long. I can feel it. Just please, stay where they put you and follow the rules." I beg her.
"Guys, I promise you, I will do whatever I can to get you two in a home together. Just please, be patient with me. I promise you, I won't forget about you. My best friend's name is Vanessa. I will treat you two like I do her. I will do everything I can to help you."
"Thank you Mrs Rosario."
"Please, call me Nina."
I nod. "Thank you Nina." I tell her.
At the home, Vanessa sobs as I get ready to leave her.
"No te preocupes hermana. Volveremos a estar juntos pronto. Nina ya nos organizó para tener visitas semanales hasta que podamos estar juntos de nuevo".
"Te amo hermano."
I hug her, kiss her head. "Be brave Vanessa. I will see you soon."
I turn and walk out the door. In the car, I break down and cry.
"I promise you Alexander, I will do all I can to reunite you two."
I just nod. I don't really believe her. We are only 12, and are orphans with no one left in the world with the exception of a couple of cousins in Puerto Rico. Our Abuela and Abuelo died last year, before we lost Mamí. Who will take us in? I have friends already in the foster system. No one wants two teenagers. I cry until we get to the home, on the opposite side of town.