Chapter Text
Big lets out a sigh as he shovels the tasteless hospital food into his mouth. He’s been eating the same thing for the past month in this godforsaken place and it hasn't gotten any better. He’s so tired of it, he just wants the doctors to discharge him but they keep insisting he stay for another week for more observations, tests, and blood work. He’s so over it.
When he’s done eating he puts the tray on the bedside table and stands up with a small groan; mindful of the throbbing scars on his abdomen. Big decides to go out for a walk in the corridor. It’s the same walk he’s taken over the last week but it’s the only change of scenery he gets so he hasn’t gotten tired of it quite yet. He’s on strict orders to move as little as possible and stay in bed more often than not, but if he doesn’t get some kind of movement in he feels like his legs might atrophy to death.
He puts on the thin hospital robe and slips his feet into the slippers before walking out of his room slowly, wincing when the new skin on his leg stretches and pulls; that’s where he has the most severe burns. He loves walking down the hospital corridor, it’s a treat since he’s only allowed to wander around for half an hour before he has to lay down again.
His brain is slowly dying from lack of stimulation. Big swears if he has to spend another evening watching TV he will start screaming, he would rather be stuck standing watch in a corner during one of Kinn’s endlessly dull meetings than be stuck in this hospital.
Just the mere thought of the man makes him want to shrivel up and die. All the years he had worked alongside Kinn; the way he loved him quietly, stood guard and took bullets meant for him, protected his lover with his life; evidently meant nothing. In the end he was worth as much as a cadaver whose sole purpose was to lay his life down for a man who couldn’t give a crap about him.
Throughout all his years of serving the Theerapanyakul family a part of Big believed that Kinn cared about him, not as a friend but as an employer at least. But after having spent a month in the hospital without anyone trying to visit him or contact him, he knew that he wasn’t worth shit to anyone. Not even his colleagues cared about him enough to visit. Not even Ken, his best friend, had tried to find him or reach out. It was like a fresh wound every time he thought about it.
And he’s not delusional. He never thought that Kinn had ever seen him as more than a bodyguard whose sole duty was to protect him from danger, acting as a human shield more than anything. But he at least thought they had forced some kind of friendly bond, considering how much time they had spent together whether it was during work hours or not.
Apparently he thought wrong.
Big doesn’t have a phone; it was destroyed when Tawan had shot him and left him for dead in the explosion of the warehouse; he had no way to contact the main family. And he decided upon his first day of waking up from his coma that if they didn’t contact him to check up on him, it was a clear indication that he should get back into tip top shape before showing up to the main house for work once more. That’s what every bodyguard who was injured in the field is supposed to do; get himself back to full health and report for duty as soon as physically possible.
The thought of going back to working for the main family makes him feel embarrassed enough to consider moving to the other side of the world. He all but dramatically threw himself in front of a bullet just so Porsche wouldn’t die and leave Kinn unhappy.
What a joke.
Because Big is enough of a fool to want the person he loves the most to be happy, even if it isn’t with him.
He knows that if he could have, he would have given Kinn anything and everything after Tawan broke the man’s heart so he could be happy. But that didn’t happen and he was content to just stay in the shadows, letting his love guide his way of living; always at Kinn’s side, silently protecting him from danger but never really showing Kinn how much he actually meant to him.
“Big?” He suddenly hears and looks to the side where the sound came from.
And standing there like it’s nothing is Pete. The man is wearing loose, wide legged pants and a blue button down shirt; he looks completely different than to what Big is used to. Before Porsche came along he used to spend time with Pete, they were always civil to each other and had some common interests, but after Porsche showed up Pete found in him a best friend, forgetting all about Big. In hindsight Big knows it was because he was always awful towards Porsche.
“Hey,” he says, feeling a pang in his chest, because this is the first time he’s seeing anyone from work and he can’t help the hurt that suddenly floods his body. Is he really so unlikable that people don’t care if he lived or died in that warehouse?
Pete just stands there, gaping at him like he’s seeing a ghost; mouth open and eyes open wide in shock.
“What?” he asks self-consciously, not knowing what’s causing this reaction in the man.
“You’re alive,” Pete blurts out, pointing a finger at him.
“Obviously,” Big says sarcastically, raising an eyebrow. Honestly, what’s the big deal?
“But you died!” Pete accuses him. “Arm said that you were dead, Porsche and Kinn confirmed it!”
“As you can see I’m very much alive,” Big tells him, furrowing his brows in confusion. What does Pete mean? Do people really think that he died? Is that why no one contacted him? Is this why no one cared enough to come around, did they not realize he had survived?
“Oh my god,” Pete mumbles and out of nowhere he throws himself at Big, wrapping his strong arms around his shoulders. Big blinks in surprise, before patting Pete on the back. “I can’t believe this!”
“Care to fill me in?”
Pete looks at the watch on his wrist and mutters a curse under his breath.
“Can I come to your room in an hour?” he asks, voice pleading. “I have to go and see Vegas before he thinks that I abandoned him.”
Big’s mouth drops open at that, because is Pete talking about Khun Vegas? Vegas Theerapanyakul?
“Sure,” he stammers, because he was never the type of person to pry information out of people. “I’m in room 205 if you want to visit me.”
“I’ll be there as quick as I can, I promise I’ll tell you everything,” Pete says and claps a hand on his shoulder. “It’s good to see you, man. Honestly. I’m glad you’re alive and well.”
Big smiles at him because it’s pretty hard not to smile at Pete. He tries not to feel disappointed when the man waves at him and shoots him one last disbelieving look before he rushes along the corridor and disappears into the room at the far end, a room that is usually reserved for the mafia family.
Big goes back to his own room and lays on the bed, staring at the ceiling.
He should feel relieved that there was a reason no one visited him, but it doesn’t really change anything. It just shows that he wasn’t important enough for them to check if his body was among the corpses they had for sure collected from the wreckage.
~~,~~
Pete visits him as promised and Big feels like he’s got the biggest headache of his life after he leaves.
Not only did Pete talk for an hour straight, explaining everything that happened while Big was in the hospital; making it the longest conversation he had in weeks; but the man also dumps so much new information at Big that his brain is having trouble keeping up.
There was a war between the families.
Porsche is now the head of the minor family. Porsche and Kinn are together and ruling the mafia world, as a couple.
Pete is with Vegas now. In a fucking relationship with him after the man kidnapped him; and probably hurt him in unthinkable ways, but Big keeps that thought to himself.
Ken was the traitor. Ken is dead. His best friend.
And if Big cries himself to sleep that night no one has to know.
~~,~~
He doesn’t know what he expected to happen the next day, but nothing out of the ordinary comes about.
Deep down; like, really, really, deep down; a small bit of hope had formed in him that Kinn and Porsche might storm into his hospital room after they found out that Big is alive. Maybe they would show their gratitude after he almost died so Porsche and Kinn could have a life together. He hoped that they would come and ask over his health, maybe show some interest in his well being, thank him at least.
Really, he doesn’t think his expectations are that high, but he’s still sorely disappointed when absolutely nothing happens.
Kinn and Porsche don’t show up.
And Big pretends he isn’t hurt about it.
He pretends his heart isn’t breaking all over again.
The same way it broke during the first week he spent lying in this bed, waiting for someone to show up, anyone really. Just to be disappointed day after day until he talked himself out of the hope that blossomed in his chest. He had forced himself to stop crying; like a little bitch a voice whispered in his head; while his legs burned and his stomach hurt so badly he felt like throwing up whenever he twitched the wrong way.
~~,~~
Pete visits him every day, brings him books when Big complains that he’s bored out of his mind, and stays with him for exactly one hour, on the dot. Pete explains that he doesn’t want to leave Vegas for too long because the man spirals into dark thoughts when Pete isn’t around.
Apparently the first son of the minor family is going to be discharged exactly three days before Big and it’s kind of unfair, considering Big only took two bullets and a knife wound and Vegas was shot four times.
Then again, Vegas wasn’t in a coma for weeks and didn’t have severe burns over his legs and some of his torso.
Big appreciates Pete’s visits because it brings some sense of normalcy back into his life. And after asking Pete if he notified the major family that he’s alive and getting confirmation that Pete had, in fact, notified everyone he doesn’t ask about Porsche or Kinn again.
And Pete never divulges any more information, all too happy to have a friend outside of the compound for the time being.
~~,~~
It happens two days before he’s supposed to be discharged.
He’s just woken up and is in the middle of eating rice with eggs for breakfast when the door to his room slams open and Porsche storms in like the devil himself is after him.
Right behind him is Kinn and Big’s heart all but stops in his chest before hurtling back into overdrive a second later when he spots the man.
“Big,” Porsche yells, pointing an accusing finger at him. “Kinn, check to make sure he’s not a ghost that’s come back to haunt me.”
Big blinks at him, both mildly confused and utterly stupefied at the man’s reaction.
‘What is this man babbling about?’ Big thinks to himself
Their boss; or is he just Big’s boss now; is looking at him with slightly round eyes. It makes Big fidget on the bed, placing the plate with food on the bedside table so he won’t accidentally spill it.
“You’re alive,” Kinn says, voice soft and surprised. “How are you alive?”
Big clears his throat, ignoring Porsche who’s poking at his shoulder with a finger and swearing loudly.
“Fucking hell, it’s really you,” he says and in the next second he’s hugging Big so tight it makes him become rigid as a statue. What does Porsche think he’s doing? The burn scars on his torso tug and twist in pain, so he hisses and pushes Porsche off. “Sorry, I just can’t believe you’re alive. When Pete called us I thought he was joking!”
Big looks down for a second, trying to collect his thoughts and make sure his emotions aren’t showing on his face; so they had known for a few days now that he was alive and this is when they had decided to come find him.
“I don’t know much,” he admits finally after the silence stretches between them. “All I know is that the paramedics found me in the warehouse and brought me here. They didn’t contact anyone at the compound because I had no ID with me and I was in a coma for weeks. When I woke up I just assumed that you knew about everything and were waiting for me to get better before I went back to work. Then I ran into Pete a few days ago and he filled me in on everything.”
Porsche is looking at him with shock written all over his face and Kinn has donned a stoic expression in the time it took Big to talk, eyes moving all over Big’s face.
And fuck, they both look good. Porsche is no longer wearing a bodyguards uniform like he used to, he’s got on a green suit and white button down that look as if they’ve been tailored to his frame while Kinn is wearing a matching blue suit; they look like the power couple of the mafia world.
Big has no idea how he was ever delusional enough to dream about Kinn falling in love with him. His looks were average at best and his personality alone could never lure Kinn in, compared to Porsche, Big never had a chance.
“So you thought that we knew you were here and were just waiting for you to get back to work?” Porsche asks him, both eyebrows raised.
Big shrugs one shoulder. What does Porsche want to hear?
That he suffered every night wishing someone would visit him? Wishing that someone would give a shit about him? That being here all alone, suffering both mentally and physically, was hell on Earth. All alone, forgotten by everyone, by the person he cared the most about who couldn’t even give him the curtesy of being interested in his wellbeing as a fucking thank you for almost dying.
Not to mention the fact that being here only reminded him of a time when he got pneumonia so badly as a child that he’d had to stay in a hospital and his mother never visited him, not even once, and he was only eight years old. She was too busy with her new boyfriend to even check if he was still alive.
His mom never really showed any interest in him, always too busy chasing after some new man, hoping he would be her knight in shining armor and he’d rescue her from her poor life. Big was fending for himself from the moment he turned seven years old, he’d befriended his neighbors so he would get food in his belly, did small jobs for some quick money, and got the hell out of his house as fast as he could when he’d turned seventeen. He got the bodyguard job from Chan himself; who had seen him fighting a bunch of assholes on the street, he wiped the floor with the men but he hadn’t escaped completely unscathed. Big took it without a second thought, eager to get out of the hell hole he barely called home.
And it’s pretty fucked up that him doing the most for other people only ever got him kicked in the stomach, always left him feeling more empty and hollow than before. Even if he is used to feeling abandoned it still hurts like hell every single time.
“Well, isn’t that the protocol?” Big asks simply, staring at the far wall and wishing his negative thoughts would just shut down and let him think straight.
“We’re taking you home now,” Kinn announces. “You will rest there. We have better doctors, trained in the art of dealing with these kinds of injuries. Doctors that won’t ask questions and will get you what you need when you need it.”
“Kinn is rightm, besides you shouldn’t be here all alone,” Porsche agrees, nodding his head.
Big only shrugs because two more days in the hospital wouldn’t really make that much of a difference to him, but he’s not going to argue with his boss and… well, his other boss, since Porsche is now the head of the minor family.
“Well, come on,” Porsche says. “Up you go, I hate hospitals.”
Bigs sighs but stands, glad that the hospital scrubs cover him from his neck down to his toes, meaning he's showing little to no skin. He’s self-conscious about the burns all over his leg and torso, they make him look gruesome and ugly.
The second Big is up, Kinn pulls him into his arms and hugs him tightly. Big tries not to freak out even though his heart is pounding away in his chest and he’s trying not to sniff the man like a creep.
“Khun Kinn?” he asks him softly, unsure as to what’s happening.
He can’t say how many times he had wished for his boss to hug him, to pull him into his strong arms and just touch him, in ways other than a regular clap to the shoulder or a shove to the chest.
“I want to thank you,” Kinn says, rubbing soothing circles onto his back. “Thank you for protecting Porsche, I will never forget it.”
Of course Kinn isn’t hugging him because he’s glad that Big is alive, he’s just thanking him for taking a bullet for Porsche; well, two bullets technically, but who’s counting.
Suddenly Porsche joins the hug, putting his arms over Kinn and Big’s shoulders, pushing their bodies together even tighter. Big tries not to panic, because he has never been this close to his boss and he doesn’t know how his body will react.
Kinn is well muscled and warm, he smells like a dream and it’s making Big’s knees go weak.
“Thank you, Big,” Porsche says, voice earnest and in awe. “I owe you my life. Thank you for protecting me even if you only did it for…”
“Let’s not talk about that right now,” Big bursts in quickly, panic clear in his voice. He takes two steps back and tries to smile but it falls flat. It’s bad enough that Porsche knows he’s in love with Kinn. Discussing it in front of the man in question would just make Big want to die for real. He can’t imagine how awkward it would be. “I would like to go home, I have been here long enough, I think. If that’s okay with you, of course, Khun Kinn.”
Kinn looks a little confused but Porsche has a dawning realization in his eyes.
“Sure,” he says easily. “Do you have any belongings here?”
Big rolls his eyes at him, forgetting that Porsche isn’t a lowly bodyguard like him anymore but someone he should refer to with respect.
“No, I don’t have anything,” he says and spots a book on the bedside table. A book that Pete kindly brought him from Vegas’ personal collection, so he quickly grabs it, knowing that he has to give it back. “I’m good to go.”
“Okay,” Porsche replies, sending him a small smile.
It’s unnerving to see Porsche smiling at him. Big was used to the man either glaring at him in distaste, or rolling his eyes whenever he opened his mouth.
Big starts walking to the door slowly, trying to ignore his aching stomach and the pull of the scars on his body. The doctors said they would get better with time if he took proper care of them, moisturizing them with the proper creams and ointments.
The doctors discharge him from the hospital and Kinn pays all the bills like it’s nothing. Big presses his lips together, knowing it’s not really anything big for someone like his boss but it’s still a colossal amount of money to him. It’s in his contract that the Theerapanyakuls would take care of any and every hospital bill he has if it pertains to a work related injury so he doesn’t even try to argue with the mafia heir.
Not that he would actually dare to do that in the first place. He would be indebted till the day he died, maybe even longer. So he keeps quiet and follows the two men out of the hospital when everything is all cleared out and they are free to go.
~~,~~
Being back at the compound feels surreal.
Everybody welcomes him warmly and he’s clapped on the back so many times he fears he will have bruises for days.
There’s even a welcome back party in the evening, one that he attends with his old suit the he got back from the storage area in the compound; they took all his belongings from his room and put them in boxes, apparently too busy with the aftermath of the family’s war to care about burning it or getting rid of it for good.
He felt a little heartbroken when he first stepped inside the house and saw that his and Ken’s old room was now taken by some new recruits. Porsche must have seen the look on his face, because he looked at him with so much pity, Big wanted to scream.
“You will be assigned to a new set of rooms,” Kinn informed him, because Porsche and him had decided to tag along by his side like guard dogs. Big wasn’t sure what to do with all of this, with Kinn following him around instead of the usual him following Kinn around. “Do you want a solo room or a shared room?”
Bodyguards weren’t usually allowed to have solo rooms, it was a waste of space. There was only one person who had ever lived alone in the compound and that had been Chan; who Big had found out died in the minor family's attempted coup.
“Solo, if that’s not a problem,” he replied easily, he was too emotionally exhausted to deal with anyone being too close to him. He might explode on them if they so much as stepped a toe out of line.
“Sure,” Porsche had agreed easily. “We will talk to the maids to have your stuff transferred from storage to your new room.”
And that was it. Big had acquired himself a set of rooms just for him. He had let out a small sigh at that, at the thought of finally having some peace and quiet in his own space.
~~,~~
It’s been a week and Big is attending physical therapy daily, doing his best to get back into shape. He’s exhausting himself physically but at least it allows him not to think too hard about anything.
He didn’t think about how his best friend betrayed the person that Big loved the most in the world, how he lied to him and probably wasn’t even his friend in the first place.
He most certainly didn’t think about how it hurt to see Porsche and Kinn openly touching each other; an arm on the shoulder, an ass grab from time to time, a kiss on the cheek or just stares so intimate that he felt like he was intruding whenever he observed them from afar; knowing that he will never have that. That he will never get to touch Kinn like that and he will never be touched by him, because Kinn is Porsche’s now, and Porsche is Kinn’s.
He's all alone in the gym, late in the evening, drenched in sweat because he doesn’t need a lot of exercise to feel like he’s dying these days, when the doors open and Porsche strolls in. He’s wearing slacks and a white button down with the top four buttons undone which makes it a little pointless to even wear the shirt at that point since his whole chest was basically on display.
Big averts his eyes because seeing Porsche’s tanned and toned body only makes him feel more self-conscious about his own. He used to look great, all rippling muscles and smooth, albeit slight calloused skin. But during his stay in the hospital he lost a lot of weight and since he barely had any fat to begin with, his body had started eating away at his muscles. It makes him feel weak, like a newborn deer. And he’s not even going to mention the new scars; he has trouble looking at himself in the mirror and not feeling disgusted by what he sees.
“Hey,” Porsche says cheerfully, there’s no hint of the swagger that used to be in his tone when he first started to work in the compound.
“Khun Porsche,” Big acknowledges him with a slight bow.
“Stop it,” Porsche groans with a cringe. “None of that Khun bullshit, you saved my life.”
“I saved Khun Kinn’s life as well and I still call him Khun,” Big reminds him, focusing back on his weightlifting.
“That’s because he’s a pompous asshole,” Porsche tells him with a glint in his eyes. Big opens his mouth to scold him for talking like that about their employer but then it hits him that he has no right, Porsche is now above him in the family hierarchy. Porsche gives a little laugh at the look on his face, seeing his internal struggle. “You’re still the same old Big.”
“I didn’t get a personality transplant in the hospital,” he mutters under his breath.
They stand in silence for good two minutes before Porsche decides to drop a bomb on him.
“Kinn was really sad when you died,” he says, making Big almost drop the weights; instead he goes still. “Well, at least when we thought you died.”
“I’m sure he was,” he mumbles sarcastically.
What is Porsche trying to achieve by saying these things? Big knows he doesn’t matter to Kinn, he never did, and Porsche trying to convince him otherwise is just cruel.
Porsche furrows his brows at him.
“He was,” he insists. “You didn’t see his face when he saw you lying lifeless with all those holes in your body. And we talked a lot after that, about you. I told him that you saved me, that you did it for him, so he could be happy.”
Big cringes because this is the worst thing Porsche could have revealed. Before, he used to be in love with his boss because he knew that the man was oblivious to his feelings. But now, apparently, Kinn knows that he’s a fool that fell in love with his employer. And it’s all thanks to Porsche.
“You know, I never actually understood why you were always so protective of him, always so wary of me and so rude to me. But after you saved my life everything became so much clearer. You’rein lo-”
“Can you stop?” Big snarls, feeling an ache in his chest that is much too hard to ignore right now, it’s making it impossible to breathe; Porsche is exposing his deepest, most cherished secrets like it’s nothing. Baring Big’s soul without his permission. “Please. Stop.”
Porsche blinks at him, surprised at the pain in his voice.
“Look,” Big says, finding enough strength in his body to do this. “You don’t have to worry about me trying anything. You don’t have to tell me that Kinn is yours.” He assumes that that’s what Porsche is trying to do. “I know my place. All those years I spent working for Khun Kinn I never stepped a foot out of place and I’m not going to do it now. We don’t have to acknowledge my… feelings for him. Let’s just act like they don’t exist, okay? Let’s ignore them. That’s what I always did, what I will continue to do. I’m not delusional, I know that I mean nothing to him, all I am is a replaceable bodyguard meant to protect him with my life, and I’ve made peace with it.”
With those words he places the weights on the floor and exits the gym as quickly as possible without causing himself pain, leaving Porsche alone with pinched eyebrows and pursed lips.
~~,~~
Big visits the compound’s hairdresser eventually because his hair has gotten so out of control it’s hard to do anything with it, even when he puts it up in a ponytail it won’t cooperate.
He steps a foot into Tong’s studio and falters in his steps when he sees that Kinn is sitting in the salon chair getting a touch up.
He wants to slowly walk backwards, hoping he won’t be noticed but Kinn is already looking at him, their eyes meeting in the mirror.
“Big, come in,” Kinn says and Big feels his heart flutter.
They haven’t actually talked or met up with each other a lot since the man is always busy and Big has been throwing himself into the gym, trying to get back into shape as soon as possible to be useful again.
“Yes, Khun?” he questions, walking inside the room just a bit.
Tong smiles at him when their eyes meet and he says “I’m almost done with Khun Kinn, wait a little and I will take care of you next.”
“Sure, thank you,” Big replies softly, standing ramrod straight as close to the entrance as possible without it looking weird.
“I heard you have been busy at the gym,” Kinn tells him, eying him curiously.
“I’m working on getting myself back into shape,” he answers, glad that their talk is about work, he can deal with that no problem. “I want to be back on duty soon.”
“I talked to your physical therapist and he said you’re exhausting yourself.”
Kinn stands from the chair when Tong motions that he’s done, and then they’re at eye level. “You will do more harm than good if you keep doing that.”
Big shuffles his feet, not knowing how to react; he didn’t know that Kinn cared enough to talk to his physical therapist. Well, he probably wanted to know when he would stop being useless.
“I’ll be more careful,” he promises.
Kinn steps closer and his perfume wafts in Big’s direction. Big takes a deep, discreet breath, greedily raking in the amazing scent. The man clasps his shoulder and squeezes it softly; Big feels like the skin has been set ablaze.
“You’re doing good Big,” Kinn tells him, voice smooth and velvety soft; a tone he’s never before used when talking to Big. Big is more used to his casual tone, or his voice barking out orders. “Take your time and recover slowly, there’s no hurry.”
“Yes, Khun Kinn,” Big answers, his voice only shakes a little.
His boss squeezes his shoulder once again, before taking his hand off and heading out of the small studio, leaving him alone with Tong.
~~,~~
Big knows he’s avoiding people, he exchanged maybe a few words with others in the compound on the daily but he was never a social butterfly to begin with. Usually he would spend all of his free time with Ken but since the man is dead, he mostly Métis to himself.
He works out; a little less now that Khun Kinn has reprimanded him and told him to take it easy; watches TV shows, reads books and does yoga.
His days are boring but it’s much better than being in that damned hospital.
It’s been five days since his talk with Porsche in the gym and Big is relaxing in his room, watching TV. Everything is fine, that is until the door to his room bangs open and Porsche walks in. He’s wearing casual clothes; jeans and a T-shirt to be precise; and Big blinks at him in surprise.
“Okay, that’s enough of that,” Porsche says, pointing at the TV screen. “I asked around and apparently all you do is spend time in your rooms by yourself, and I’m not gonna let you do that.”
Big raise an eyebrow at him, stupefied. What is the man even talking about?
“Come on,” Porsche says, clapping his hands to hurry him up. “We’re going out.”
“Out?”
“Yeah.” Porsche opens his wardrobe and starts rummaging around, which causes Big to sputter in indignation. “We’re going to Yok’s bar for a fun night out. Arm, Pol, and Tankhun are coming. Even Pete will be there. Damn, you have a lot of nice clothes. I thought you only owned those boring black suits.”
Big sighs, wondering why Porsche just won’t take a hint and leave him alone.
The man keeps taking out articles of clothing from the wardrobe, ogling them for a moment, before hanging them back up in their rightful spots. Finally he grabs some black jeans and a white and black button up, shoving them at a very confused Big.
“Look, if this is you feeling guilty that I almost died protecting you, you need to let it go,” he tells him seriously. “I don’t need your pity, nor do I need-”
“Shut up,” Porsche cuts him off, blunt as always, as he rolls his eyes at the line of conversation. “Just put on the damn clothes and come with us. There’s no need to analyze my every move, Big.”
Big sighs but goes to the bathroom to change, knowing that there’s no winning an argument with Porsche; the man is as stubborn as a bull.
He pulls on the jeans carefully before throwing on the button up, only leaving the two top buttons undone because he’s worried that his scars will show. He lets his hair fall loose around his face, fluffing the strands a bit before he deems himself presentable. He hums in thought before spritzing himself with some cologne and pressing his lips together tightly before exiting the bathroom.
“Don’t look so happy,” Porsche teases him, grinning. “Come on, Kinn is already waiting.”
Big falters in his steps at that.
“You didn’t say he was coming,” he accuses. “I shouldn’t…”
“Of course he’s coming,” Porsche says, like Big is ridiculous for thinking otherwise. “This will be fun, you’ll see.”
~~,~~
Big is nursing the same drink he bought himself an hour ago, sitting at a barstool and observing what’s happening around him.
Arm, Pol, and Tankhun are doing shots, screaming like they’re possessed after every drink that slides down their throats. Kinn, Porsche and Pete are chatting about Vegas to his right and Big is just barely reining n his discomfort at the loud music blaring through the speakers.
“Drink up,” Porsche suddenly addresses him, knocking his knuckle against the bottom of his glass and nudging it towards his lips. “It’ll help you loosen up a little bit.”
“Porsche, leave him alone,” Kinn tells his lover, wrapping an arm around his waist. Big averts his gaze to the bottles lining the back of the bar.
Pete goes to join Tankhun, who’s yelling at him to do some shots with him. Big is suddenly alone with his boss, whom he’s in love with, and said boss’ lover.
‘What a fucking perfect evening,’ Big can’t help but think to himself as he takes a small sip of his drink.
Apparently Porsche is set on torturing him and not showing him any gratitude for saving his life like he thought.
If Big wants to survive this night, he needs to get himself drunk, and quickly. That’s why he throws back the rest of the whisky in one go and slams the glass down on the bar.
“Another one,” he yells down to the bartender.
“Make it three,” Porsche says, grinning stupidly. “Let’s all get drunk.”
~~,~~
Big should have known that drinking like that would only bring him trouble. He’s a lightweight, always has been and after being in the hospital, his tolerance is even worse than usual. He’s swaying on his feet unsteadily, hands on the wall to keep himself upright as he follows after Pete, who’s not doing any better.
The car with Tankhun, Pol, and Arm has already left, so he’s sharing one with Kinn and Porsche. And apparently Pete as well since the man clambers into the front passenger's seat, forcing Big to sit in the back with his two bosses who seem to be lost in each other’s eyes.
They keep whispering and giggling like school girls, completely unaware of what’s happening around them.
Big vows to never, ever go out with them again. Porsche being his boss be damned, he wouldn’t be making this mistake twice.
They drop Pete off at the minor family’s compound but when Big tries to exit the vehicle and switch to the front, Porsche grabs his wrist to keep him in place before he tells the driver to hurry up and drive.
Is this his plan, to make Big so uncomfortable he leaves the compound all together? Not that he really has the option, per his contract he’s not allowed to quit. All he can do is ask for a transfer to Khun Kim’s security detail and he would still have to ask for permission from Porsche or Kinn, so if Porsche really wants him gone he can just reassign him himself.
Suddenly Porsche grabs a stray lock of his hair to play with while Kinn is busy kissing all over his neck. It causes Big to turn his head and stare at them. He’s so drunk that he might be hallucinating things at this point.
“Ai’Kinn,” Porsche says, playing with Big’s hair and exposing more of his neck to his lover. “Big looks pretty with his hair down like this, right?”
Big blinks at him, his head swimming.
“Yeah,” Kinn agrees with him, shooting Big a look before going back to kissing his lover. “Pretty.”
Porsche giggles and sends Big a smile, tugging at the hair in his grip lightly.
Big sees a hint of Kinn’s tongue on Porsche’s neck and he blushes all over, quickly looking out the window. He shouldn’t be here with them, not when they’re like this. He feels like he’s intruding, even though Porsche is trying to act like this is a completely normal situation.
The three of them are drunk and Big just wants to go back to his room, crawl into bed, and forget all about this evening even though he’s had a lot of fun.
And maybe that’s the problem.
He danced as much as his body allowed him to, he talked with Pete, Arm, and Pol like they were long time friends and not just coworkers. He even did a few shots with Tankhun and promised the man he would hang out with them more. Porsche made it a point to include him in everything and Big kept checking Kinn’s expressions to see if the man was annoyed by it but he just kept smiling at his lover patiently. He even smiled at Big, clearly he was in a good mood.
He almost jumps when he feels Porsche’s hand squeezing his thigh for a second, but when he looks over, the man has closed eyes and is busy kissing Kinn so it must have been an accident.
And Big can’t help but feel the chasm in his heart crack open all the more when he sees them like this. So happy and in their own little world, while he’s sitting on the side lines, wishing he could be Porsche. Wishing that Kinn would want him as much as he wants the other man.
He blinks away the tears that build up in his eyes, casting his glance out the window as he curls in on himself, wishing for this ride to be over.
~~,~~
He avoids Porsche and Kinn as much as he can for the next two days; which isn’t very hard considering they’re mostly out of the compound all day. They come back late enough that Big is in his rooms by the time they return.
He wishes that the memory of Kinn agreeing with Porsche that he looked pretty with his hair down would disappear from his mind. He doesn’t need it. He doesn’t need to know what the man thinks of his appearance; whether it’s a good opinion or a bad one. It will only mess with his emotions all the more.
It’s Saturday night and Big is sitting on the couch in his room, engrossed in some western movie about how the world will end in a big chain of natural disasters. The actors are speeding around the city in a car, trying to avoid being swallowed by the crust of Earth as it splits open, when there’s a knock on his door. Kinn and Porsche enter not even a second later without waiting for permission to come inside.
Big’s heart starts speeding up, like a hummingbird is trapped in his chest cavity and it’s trying to escape.
What are they doing here?
“See, I told you he would still be up,” Porsche says smugly. “And I was right that we would find him watching TV. You owe me.”
Kinn rolls his eyes.
“Is it okay if we join you?” Kinn asks, while Porsche just takes a seat next to Big like he owns the place. The way he sits down only leaves the space on Big’s other side empty.
“Of course.” There’s no other answer he could give his boss without coming off like a rude asshole.
He tries to move to the other end of the couch so Kinn can sit down in the middle next to Porsche, but Porsche holds him in place.
“He will just grope me the whole movie if he sits next to me,” he says and cackles when Kinn scoffs. “What? It’s true, you can’t keep your hands to yourself.”
“Just shut up and watch the movie,” Kinn grumbles and plops down next to Big, close enough to make him feel the slight heart emanating from the man’s body and smell his cologne.
It’s not even a minute later, when Porsche asks, “So what exactly is happening?”
Big just sighs a long, suffering sigh before starting the movie over from the beginning, a part of him knowing that Porsche is one of those annoying guys that will ask question after question, which will make Big want to strangle him, so he decides it’s best to avoid the temptation.
Kinn snickers next to him.
“See, even he knows how annoying you’re during movies.”
Porsche reaches over Big to cuff Kinn on the back of the head and Big gets a whiff of his cologne this time; he smells nice, there’s a hint of musk in there but it’s not off putting. It actually makes Big want to burrow his nose into Porsche’s neck and just breathe him in.
The thought makes him go completely still, afraid of making a wrong move, and he just keeps staring at the screen, not really focused on the movie since he saw all of this twenty minutes ago.
“There’s always one guy that knows shit will go down and no one listens to him,” Porsche mutters, pulling his knees up to his chest.
“And when they listen, it’s already too late,” Kinn adds, because apparently they’re both talkers.
And that’s how it continues, the men keep giving running commentary.
“That’s so unrealistic!” Porsche exclaims.
“I don’t think there’s a lot of realistic moments in this movie,” Kinn replies in a deadpan tone.
“He looks like shit,” Kinn says at one point which makes Porsche snort before he replies.
“I wonder how you would look after almost drowning, smart ass.”
“There’s no way that rock wouldn’t crush her in real life!”
Somewhere in the middle of the movie, when Big has finally relaxed enough to loosen all his muscles, Porsche decides it’s a good idea to lay down on his side, curling his legs up so he fits on the couch as he puts his head on Big’s lap like it’s not a big deal, like they do it all the time.
“He will fall asleep soon,” Kinn comments to him, voice fond.
“Will not,” Porsche mumbles, but he does sound sleepy.
“Maybe we should switch places, Khun Kinn,” Big mutters, not sure what to do with himself.
“Will you relax?” Porsche asks him, patting at his thigh. “Your thighs are hard as rocks.”
“It’s fine,” Kinn says and reaches down, threading his hand through Porsche's hair and caressing his scalp slowly, playing with the strand. The movement makes his arm brush against Big’s body every time he moves.
This must be some sick joke, Big is sure of it. He’s sure they’re pulling some kind of nasty prank on him. There’s no way they both don’t know how uncomfortable he feels right now, how Kinn’s proximity is affecting him. Hell, even Porsche’s proximity is making him want to fidget. He’s not sure what to do with himself.
But he just can’t find the will to raise his voice and tell them that he wants them to leave, so he just sits there, slowly relaxing once more and getting used to having them so close.
Are they trying to be his friends? Is this Porsche’s way of telling him he’s going to ignore Big’s feelings for Kinn just like he asked him to? Surely if the man was worried about Big he wouldn’t bring his boyfriend; who Porsche knows Big harbors feelings of love for; to hang out with him.
Or maybe it’s his way of showing Big that even if he’s close to Kinn, the only person he sees is Porsche.
That thought is nasty and makes his chest ache in sorrow, but he can’t get rid of it. It stays in his head throughout the rest of the movie, because it’s true.
Big is right there, basically pressed against Kinn’s side but the other man only has eyes for Porsche and Porsche alone. Kinn only wants to touch Porsche.
Big keeps watching the movie, willing himself not to get emotional as he presses his lips together tightly, trying to contain all the rage and unfairness of the situation inside himself. It wouldn’t do him any good to lash out.
When the movie finally ends, Kinn tugs lightly at Porsche’s hair, making the other man stir and mumble something incomprehensible under his breath.
“Come on, baby,” Kinn says, urging him to wake up. “It’s time to go to our room.”
“Sure,” Porsche mutters and stands up slowly, stretching his muscles.
Kinn goes to stand, putting his hand down on Big’s thigh to balance himself, fingers lingering a second too long for it to be a casual touch and Big feels his heart jump into his throat.
“This was fun,” Kinn comments. “Your movie choices are way better than Tankhun.”
“Anyone and everyone picks better movies than Tankhun.” Porsche snorts and claps his hands; he looks soft and sleepy. “We’re gonna visit you to do this again so you’d better have some snacks around nex time cause I’m not watching another movie without them.”
Big nods dumbly and stares at the wall in shock after the pair leave.
He quickly squashes down the hope that tries to make a home in his chest. He doesn’t want to get his heart broken even more than it already has been.
Besides, he’s still not quite sure what Porsche’s end game is. This could all be some kind of trick.
So Big sighs and stays seated on the couch, slowly compartmentalizing everything that just happened so he won’t overthink it before turning in for the night
~~,~~
“Big! Hey, Big!”
He hears yelling and turns around, looking up to find that Porsche is calling him over, waving at him from a floor above. Big sighs and heads to the elevator, not wanting their conversation to be yelled to each other so everyone else can hear.
The second the elevator doors open, Porsche is already waiting for him, wearing a classic black suit that looks like a dream on him, it makes Big fidget in his casual clothes. He’s still not used to going around the compound wearing just slacks and v-necks; somehow it seems too casual even if a lot of other bodyguards are going around wearing tracksuits. But he’s also not on duty so he can't wear a suit, let alone the tracksuit they use when training since it’s pretty hot without them so he lets himself enjoy a little bit of freedom.
“Hey,” Porsche repeats, a smile on his face. “I have a favor to ask.”
“Hey,” he answers back, not wanting to be rude, after all, Porsche has been nothing but pleasant to him lately. “What’s up?”
“I know you’re still on sick leave but there’s an event coming up where both mine and Kinn’s presence are a must. Could you, maybe, take care of the logistics for it? The new bodyguards are fucking useless when it comes to this shit, I don’t trust them not to fuck it up. Normally Arm would do it but Tankhun has been a big baby lately and won’t let him out of his sight,” Porsche explains, looking at him with hope in his eyes.
“No problem,” Big agrees, because just the thought of being useful makes him want to cry in happiness. He’s so tired of not being able to do anything remotely helpful, all he does is wander around the compound like a ghost when he’s not locked in his rooms or in the gym. “I need the address and building plans.”
“Come with me,” Porsche says, stepping back into the elevator and pushing the button for Kinn’s floor. “You can work with us in Kinn’s office.”
“I can do it in my own room,” he protests, which makes Porsche narrow his eyes at him.
“You’ll start making me think you don’t like our company if you keep this up,” he ponders out loud, Big can hear the hint of playfulness in his tone. “You always protest when I’m trying to make you hang out with us.”
Big sighs a world weary sigh and barely stops himself from banging his head against the elevator wall in frustration.
“You act like you don’t know why I do that,” his voice low and quiet, brows furrowed and eyes focused on the floor.
He twitches when Porsche grabs his wrist and squeezes it softly.
“I’m not doing this to make you suffer,” he reassures Big, pushing his foot in the door so it won’t close on them because the elevator just stopped but they haven’t moved an inch. “I just want you to spend some time with us, get to know you better. After all, you did save my life.”
“You need to let that go,” Big tells him, shooting him a slightly scathing look.
“You try letting it go when the guy you thought hated your fucking guts throws himself; very dramatically, mind you; in front of a bullet for you.” Porsche raises an eyebrow at him and drags him out of the elevator, nodding his head at the two bodyguards standing guard in the corridor leading up to Kinn’s office.
Big refuses to acknowledge the blush on his face.
“It wasn’t dramatic and I don’t hate you,” Big mutters.
Porsche falters in his step a little, hand still holding his wrist.
“You don’t?”
They’re standing right in front of Kinn's office door now. Big looks right into Porsche’s eyes, trying to tell him just with his gaze how fucking stupid he is.
“You think I would have thrown myself in front of a bullet if Tawan was in your place?” he asks him, raising a sarcastic eyebrow.
Porsche’s eyes narrow into tight slits at the mention of that snake.
“You’d better fucking not,” he threatens, opening the door and stepping inside. He finally releases Big’s hand when he has him where he wants him.
Kinn looks up at them from his paperwork and the corner of his mouth quirks up.
“Big, good to see you,” he says, looking him in the eyes and motioning at the couch with a tilt of his head. “You can sit there and plan the event. I hope Porsche filled you in.”
“Yes, Khun Kinn,” Big says and sits down, grabbing the iPad that’s waiting on the man’s desk.
Porsche throws himself on the couch next to him with a dramatic groan and kicks off his shoes.
“My feet hurt,” he complains, putting said feet in Big’s lap and wiggling his toes around. “Massage them for me.”
Big shots him a murderous look, because he will not touch Porsche’s feet, not even if he’s held at gun point.
Porsche snorts at him but doesn’t remove his feet, and Big just sighs in resignation as he shuffles around to sit more comfortably before he starts working. He starts by making himself familiar with the outline of the building Kinn and Porsche are going to be in, checking every exit, entrance, and possible route of escape.
They all work in silence, Kinn shuffles the papers on his desk from time to time and Porsche keeps writing emails on his own iPad, muttering under his breath. Big keeps his eyes on his own device, planning the route to and from the venue while trying to keep it as short a trip as possible and also avoiding main streets, so that there’s no chance that the men will get ambushed.
He calculates the amount of bodyguards they will need to take with them and keeps putting pins in places that should be guarded.
It’s two hours later when his stomach rumbles loudly, making Porsche look up at him.
“Are you hungry?”
“A bit,” Big answers. “I’m trying to build up all the muscles I lost while I spent that time in the hospital, so I eat a lot more than most.”
“I’ll make the kitchen send the food up,” Kinn says as he signs a paper, too busy to even look up at them. “We all need a break anyway.”
“Good idea,” Porsche agrees. “Tell them to include a boba tea for me.”
He can’t see it but Big is pretty sure Kinn is rolling his eyes and he has to hold back his own smirk because Porsche acts like he’s dying every time he goes more than a few hours without something sweet in his system.
He gets so engrossed in his work again that he doesn’t hear Kinn moving and his soul almost leaves his body when the man suddenly appears behind the couch, peaking over Big’s shoulder to check his work.
“Mmm,” he hums, leaning over so his cheek is almost brushing against Big’s head. “Looks good so far.”
“Thank you, Khun Kinn,” he manages to stammer out, trying not to freak out at the man’s close proximity.
Why does he have to smell so fucking good?
He twitches when Kinn reaches towards his head and takes the small, black elastic band that holds his hair together between his fingers, gently pulling it off. Big’s hair falls down in gentle waves.
“Khun?” Big questions, not daring to move, eyes focused on the iPad even though he can’t see a thing. He’s afraid to look at Porsche and see his reaction.
“Porsche was right, you do look pretty with your hair down,” Kinn comments. His voice is smooth, like nothing out of the ordinary is happening.
“I told you so,” Porsche says smugly, scooting closer towards Big and grabbing a handful of his hair, tugging at the strands hard enough to move his head to the side, exposing his neck. “And it’s really soft too.”
Kinn moves even closer and presses his nose to the spot just behind his ear, right against the skin where his long hair meets his undercut. He takes a deep breath and hums low in the back of his throat.
Big feels goosebumps erupt all over his skin and he squeezes his eyes shut, willing himself not to pant like a dog even though he really wants to. He feels like he’s been thrown into a furnace, body overheating quickly. He needs to cool down, fast, before something embarrassing happens. He would die of mortification if he popped a hard on right now and they noticed.
“What are you…” he stammers out, his heart beating erratic and fast in his chest.
“Smells good too,” Kinn says, completely ignoring him.
“Does he?” Porsche questions and tugs at Big’s hair even harder, pulling him towards himself as takes in a big lungful of his scent. “Mmm, you’re right, he does smell good.”
Big can feel his hands shaking, iPad unsteady on his grip.
What are they playing at?
He will have a heart attack if they don’t stop right this instant. They’re both way too close to him for it to be professional. Hell, professional flew out the window the second Kinn touched his hair, and right now he doesn’t have a clue as to what is actually going on.
But it feels so good to be touched like this, gently and almost feather like, to be so close to them both. He lets his head tilt a little more and he lets out a shuddering breath, unclenching his hands on the iPad.
Miraculously there’s a soft knock at the door before he loses himself completely but neither Kinn nor Porsche seem to hear the noise, nosing all over his neck and hair, the skin tingling in the places where they touch.
“The food is here,” Big manages to whisper, afraid to move or talk any louder.
Both Kinn and Porsche freeze, before Kinn straightens up and Porsche lets go of Big’s hair, patting it down and fixing it.
“See, that’s why Big was always my favorite,” Kinn says after clearing his throat.
“Until I came along obviously,” Porsche fires back, narrowing his eyes at Kim playfully.
“Obviously,” Kinn snorts fondly at him and it’s like a bucket of ice cold water has been thrown on Big.
His heart plummets right to his knees, all the warmth leaving him in an instant. Of course, Big became even more insignificant the second Porsche appeared in his boss’ life and that’s how it is to this day. Not that he ever really mattered in the first place, he doesn’t know why the reminder of it hurts so much.
Porsche notices the way he freezes over and his eyes widen, opening his mouth to say something, but Big quickly stands up.
“I will finish up in my room,” he says, bowing without looking either of them in the eyes. “Please excuse me.”
He all but runs away from them, hears Porsche call his name softly but he doesn’t turn around. He’s too busy swallowing around the bile in his throat as he tries not to run straight into some newbie bodyguard holding a tray of food.
Big has no idea what just happened but he’s not sure he wants to know. He doesn’t want to try and make sense of it or he will go crazy.
He can understand Porsche playing with his feelings like that, maybe trying to have some fun at his expanse but he doesn’t know why Kinn is going along with it.
In all his years of working for the man Kinn has never taken an interest in Big’s hair or how he smelled, never touched him, and for sure never nosed over his neck like he was looking for the right spot to bite down.
And Big let himself get lost in it all, in him and Porsche, in their touches. He let his guard down for a second, just to get sucker punched in the gut when he least expected it.
~~,~~
They’re in Yok’s bar again and Big is drunk off his ass. Everything is blurred around the edges, the music is loud and booming, making it hard for Big to think.
He’s dancing along to the beat, swaying his hips when suddenly he feels a warm body press itself to his back and another body appears in front of him. The two men sandwich him between them, caging him and cutting off all routes of escape. Not that Big wants to go anywhere.
“Hey,” Porsche says, grinning at him, which means it must be Kinn who’s plastered against his back. The realization makes Big shudder as he feels their muscular bodies pressing against his own.
“Hey,” he slurs out, putting his hand on Porsche’s arm.
Kinn puts his hands on Big’s hips and starts building up a rhythm, moving their hips together and making them all synchronize their movements.
“Come on, put some work into it,” Kinn teases him. “A second ago you were doing just fine on your own.”
Big gasps, hands clenching hard around Porsche’s arm. His grip will leave behind bruises if he doesn’t let up but the younger man doesn’t seem to mind.
He squeezes his eyes shut, trying to just let go and enjoy the moment, not over analyze everything that’s happening and just feel. They’re all drunk anyway, he can just have fun and loosen up a little.
That’s why he starts moving his hips again, grinding back on Kinn and then pushing forward to meet Porsche’s body. The man’s pushed his leg between Big’s own at this point; which means Big is basically dry humping his thigh, and Big can’t help his body’s natural reaction.
It feels amazing, being between them. And he’s pretty sure he can feel Kinn’s own dick plumping up behind him, pushing at his ass in enticing ways. Big knows he’s not imagining it, that’s definitely a hard on pressing against his ass.
“Fuck,” Porsche gasps. The word has Big opening his eyes and looking straight at him. “Just look at you.”
Big smiles lazily at him and licks his bottom lip. Porsche’s eyes jump down to his mouth, tracing the movement with laser sharp focus.
It happens pretty quickly, so quickly he has no time to react. Porsche leans towards him and their lips together in a kiss. One of Kinn’s hands unclenches from his hips and moves to the back of Porsche’s neck, pressing their faces closer as their kiss deepens.
Big is panting, arousal flooding his veins when he feels Kinn leaving behind all pretenses of dancing and just grinds on him, rubbing his now fully hard erection on his backside.
“Fuck,” Big pants out as he shudders and lets Porsche push his tongue into his mouth.
He feels like he’s having an out of body experience but everything comes to an end when Kinn whispers in his ear.
“When I finally fuck you, you’re going to come screaming my name.”
And that’s it.
Big comes, his knees giving out on him.
Or more like, he sits upright in his bed, body shuddering in aftershocks. Big swallows down the cries that want to leave escape lips as he keeps coming in his underwear, sleepy and confused after having an erotic dream about his two bosses.
“Fuckin hell,” he mutters to himself, ignoring his twitching cock that keeps coming. He can’t hold back the little gasps that hitch his breathing as the pleasure rolls over him in delicious waves.
And he can understand having an erotic dream about Kinn. He’s not ashamed to admit that he’s had one or two of them in the past. But Porsche being there as well? That’s new. It’s new and very dangerous.
Because being in love with Kinn is one thing. But for it to become being in love with Kinn and Porsche? He’s fucked.
He can’t imagine the pain he will go through if he falls in love with the two men.
Because the chance of them reciprocating his feelings are very slim, to none. After all, why would they ever want Big when they have each other?
~~,~~
The next time he sees them is three days later; they had to go on a last minute trip to Japan to actually handle some legal aspects of a few businesses under the Theerapnyakul name. Kinn is the one that spots him first as he’s trying to sneak into the gym, knowing very well he shouldn’t since he’s already worked out for three hours today.
He has a whole schedule written out by his physiotherapist, and in that schedule is a line in bold red pen that reads: ‘ONLY THREE HOURS MAX ALLOWED AT THE GYM DAILY!’
“Big!” Kinn says in that commanding tone of his, narrowing his eyes at him. “Where exactly are you going?”
“Umm,” Big mumbles, looking at Porsche who’s eyeing him up and down in speculation. “To the gym?”
“It’s almost seven in the evening,” Kinn points out, rising an eyebrow. “You always work out in the mornings and you can’t work out more than three hours a day so care to explain?”
“I didn’t work out today,” he tries to lie but Porsche is already cackling and shaking his head.
“It sucks to be a creature of habit, dude,” he says, stepping closer to him and grabbing his hand like they’re in kindergarten. “Come on, save yourself the humiliation of trying to lie to us and join us for movie night.”
Kinn half-smiles at them and walks towards the elevator, trusting that they will follow him. They step inside, the three of them, and Big wriggles his hand away from Porsche’s grip, feeling uncomfortable holding his hand while Kinn is standing right next to them.
“Did you have a good trip?” he asks just to be polite.
“Yeah, we managed to finish the deal we’d started when Pete called us and told us you were alive and in a hospital,” Porsche explains, which makes Big feel lighter, since he’s finally got a reason as to why they didn’t immediately come to him upon hearing the news. They simply weren’t in the country when they had found out. Porsche digs his phone out from his pocket when it starts ringing; he checks who’s calling and rolls his eyes, stuffing it back in his pocket. “Fucking Russian harpy, won’t leave me alone.”
For some reason it makes Kinn burst into laughter, head tilting backwards and exposing his throat. Big simply can’t look away; Kinn is so handsome it hurts. Porsche shoots his lover an annoyed look.
“It’s not funny,” he complains, lower lip jutting out in a small pout.
They step out of the elevator, heading towards their rooms.
“It is a little funny.” Kinnm’s tone sounds like he’s enjoying it way more than just a little bit. Then he looks at Big and explains, “Porsche had a meeting with Russians last month and met Lady Sidorova.”
Big snorts a startled laugh, because that woman is both a sweetheart and a nightmare. She loves younger men and is not afraid to show it, she’s also got a habit of feeding everyone around her with traditional Russian food. Once you try her pelmeni or syrniki there’s no getting out of her clutches, and Big is pretty sure Porsche was the first one all over the food.
“Did you enjoy the food at least?” he teases him, grinning and stepping inside the room.
Porsche snorts under his breath. “At least tell me that you were a fool like me and ate the food too.”
“I didn’t,” Big says, sitting down on the couch. “But Pete sure as hell did.”
Kinn laughs, pouring out three glasses of whiskey and handing one to Porsche and one to Big who thanks him. It’s a strange feeling to be served a drink by his boss.
“She wouldn’t stop harassing him at every meeting we attended for a good month,” Big says with amusement because they had a lot of fun with that. Poor Pete didn’t know what to do with all the attention from the woman and to make it even funnier he said she reminded him of his grandma. “Those were some long ass negotiations.”
“I’m sure she did it on purpose,” Kinn says, grinning now; he wasn’t as happy back then though.
“Sounds like something I would enjoy much more if it wasn’t directed at me then,” Porsche comments, some of the humor coming back to him. “Oh! Let’s go to the bedroom, we’ve got a present for you.”
Big can’t hide his surprise.
‘Present, for me?’ Big thinks to himself. ‘What could they have possibly gotten me?’
He dutifully follows them, ignoring Porsche’s mischievous smirk and Kinn’s eyerolls.
He steps inside the bedroom, trying not to stare at the large king sized bed where the two of them sleep and surely fuck pretty often. His eyes immediately find a huge, bright yellow pillow in the shape of a chubby cat with closed eyes lying on a chair and he instantly knows that it’s for him.
He’s right because a second later Porsche presents the monstrosity to him saying, “It’s bright and sunny just like your personality, so I immediately thought of you.”
Big grins, not even trying to hold it in because it’s such a Porsche thing to do; he’s such a little shit it’s endearing. Big hopes the man never changes. Earlier he found it annoying but now, after getting to know him better, he finds it cute.
“Thank you,” he says softly, taking the pillow and as he brings it closer, he’s hit with the smell of Porsche’s cologne. He sniffs the pillow and it smells very strongly of it, so it’s not just because Porsche just held it just then.
“The butt smells like Kinn,” Porsche informs him with a glint in his eyes.
“You’re fucking crazy,” Kinn mutters from the side and Big blushes so hard he fears he will fall down in a heap because all the blood in the rest of his body has rushed to his cheeks.
How could Porsche just say something like that in front of Kinn? So blatantly acknowledge the fact that they know that Big likes the way they smell. He’s never going to recover from that.
“Thank you,” he repeats and tries to discreetly sniff the ass end of the pillow-cat and it does, indeed, smell like Kinn’s own cologne.
Porsche smiles at him, a huge grin that overtakes his whole face. “You’re very welcome. Kinn wanted to buy you something boring like alcohol, but I think this is way better.”
“I still bought you a bottle of good sake,” Kinn says, handing him said bottle.
“You didn’t have to go through the trouble, Khun,” Big stammers out, taking the gift and bowing to him.
“Can we fucking drop the Khun thing?” Porsche asks, clapping his hands together and throwing himself on the bed. He kicks off his shoes and groans loudly, stretching his body. “It’s annoying me.”
Big gapes at him, because is he crazy or what?
“I suppose we can,” Kinn answers like it’s nothing. Like telling Big to just address him like they’re on the same level isn’t both mind-blowing and terrifying at the same time. It’s fucking huge. Not even Chan got to call Kinn by his name and the man has seen him since he was basically in diapers.
“I couldn’t,” Big protests, shaking his head. “It would be inappropriate.”
Porsche snorts and even Kinn rolls his eyes at him.
“It’s fine,” Kinn insists. “You can still call me Khun when we’re with other people if that’ll make you feel better, but when it’s just the three of us you can just call me by my name.”
Big swallows heavily, putting his presents on the small table in the corner of the room.
“Okay,” he agrees softly, not really knowing what to do with the information. Kinn is looking at him expectantly, so he hesitantly adds, “Kinn.”
The man smiles at him, tilting his head a little.
“That feels kind of weird but we will get used to it quickly,” Kinn concludes and joins Porsche on the bed.
Big looks around, wondering if they’re going to go to sleep and decides it’s better to go and not overstay his welcome. Maybe they don’t want to watch a movie after all. He reaches over to grab the presents and leave, but Porsche’s voice stops him.
“What are you doing?”
“Going back to my room?” He sounds so unsure that it comes out as a question.
“Come here,” Kinn says, patting the space on the bed on his left side since he’s lying right in the middle, Porsche on his right. “We’re going to watch a horror movie, you’ll die laughing at Porsche’s reactions.”
“Fuck off,” Porsche snorts, kicking at him.
Big makes his way to the bed, feeling like he’s having an out of body experience. His boss and his lover are inviting him to lay in bed with them and watch a movie. Could this get any weirder?
But Big just can’t find it in himself to put a stop to this madness. Finally he’s getting to know Kinn on a personal level, just like he always wanted. To just spend time with him that is unrelated to work, to touch him casually and be close to him.
And now he’s not only getting the chance to be close to him but also to Porsche. And it’s so weird that he feels less and less jealous seeing them together; it still hurts but not as much as it used to. He appreciates them trying to include him without making him feel weird about his feelings for Kinn.
And his growing feelings for Porsche, which he hopes they don’t know about.
He also can’t stop the hope that keeps blooming in his chest. Hope that maybe they’re serious in the way they touch him and look at him, like he’s someone important to them. Like maybe it’s not just some prank or game they’ve been playing.
Big sits down on the bed and kicks off his shoes before he makes himself comfortable next to Kinn, careful not to touch the man. He would die if Kinn scooted closer to Porsche just because Big was taking up too much of his personal space.
“We’re not watching a horror movie though, right?” Porsche asks suspiciously, eyeing the TV remote that Kinn holds like he wants to grab it for himself. “Put on something funny.”
Kinn smirks and pretends to look for a horror movie but when Porsche threatens to squeeze his balls until they pop, he settles on ‘The Man from Toronto’ on Netflix.
The movie starts with Kevin Hart doing stupid shit in front of camera and Kinn suddenly says, “I won’t bite you, you know?”
Big looks at him in question.
“You’re going to fall off the bed in a second, come on, scoot closer to me.”
Kinn clearly wants him dead. But he shifts closer, now much more comfortable and relaxing a little more, nursing his whiskey.
The first fifteen minutes they watch the movie in silence but then the funny sequences start happening. Big can’t remember the last time he laughed so much. Porsche is wheezing, trashing all over the bed and jostling Kinn who has tears in his eyes from laughing so hard. Big’s heart is absolutely full. It’s so good to spend time with them like this.
He doesn’t know how it happens but he’s sitting almost completely pressed to Kinn’s body with Porsche laying down comfortably with his head on Kinn’s thigh, the man scratching his head absently. There’s only twenty minutes of the movie left and it feels like almost all the funny moments are behind them. Big is slowly starting to become sleepy as well and every time he blinks, his eyes stay closed for a second longer than is necessary.
He looks to the side and his eyes meet Kinn’s who’s already looking at him and Big’s heart starts beating wildly in his chest at the intense look on the man’s face; it’s unnerving.
“Um,” he mumbles, not sure what’s happening.
He sees from the corner of his eye that Porsche is looking up at them from below, head still comfortably pillowed on Kinn’s thighs. He reaches up and touches Kinn’s jaw and apparently it’s some kind of signal because the man leans closer to Big and kisses him.
Fucking kisses him.
His lips are soft and slightly moist, like he licked them not too long ago and Big makes a strangled, questioning noise in the back of his throat, not sure if he’s dreaming or awake right now.
Kinn presses their lips together harder and Big’s eyes automatically close as he lets out a shuddering breath, parting his lips slightly. Every coherent thought flies out of his mind the second Kinn’s tongue touches his bottom lip and he moans in desperation, clutching at the man’s hair and pressing him even closer. Big can’t help but notice that the strands are silky smooth to the touch.
His lips are trembling but he parts them even more, letting Kinn’s tongue tease him. He moans, embarrassingly loud, as he kisses back and enjoys the growl that the man lets out. It takes Big’s breath away.
It’s the best kiss Big has had in his entire life, he feels so many emotions but he can’t name a single one; his head is a mess right now, thoughts cloudy and floaty.
He has no idea how long they spend like that, kissing each other breathless but there are keening noises coming out of his throat when he tries to press all the more close to Kinn. His dick filling up with blood, and suddenly he feels a hand tighten in his hair and there’s a pressure on his thigh; it’s Porsche who’s straddling Kinn now, his right leg slotted between Big and Kinn’s since they’re still sitting side by side, heads turned to the side to be able to kiss.
“Fuck,” Porsche says, his voice raspy. “It looks so hot.”
Big moans at that, fidgeting a little and Kinn makes another snarling sound in the back of his throat. Not even a second later Porsche pushes his face between theirs and licks at the space where their lips meet.
“Oh god,” Big mumbles when Kinn moves his head back a little, letting Porsche join the kiss and it’s such a strange, but not completely unwelcome feeling.
The three of them kiss for a few seconds, tongues meeting in the middle, lips touching softly in very uncoordinated movements before Porsche grows impatient and squeezes his fist in Big’s hair, moving his head closer to his and kisses him full on the mouth, letting Kinn watch.
Big groans and lets Porsche suck on his bruised and tingling bottom lip, lets him lick inside his mouth and tries kissing him back with as much enthusiasm as he was kissing Kinn. And it’s to do that, to lose himself in Porsche.
The younger man is a good, skilled kisser. He uses his tongue more hesitantly than Kinn, clearly used to being on the receiving end, the one that is used to being dominated but he’s biting without using too much force and sucking on Big’s tongue like he was made for it.
Big is hard and leaking in his pants which only gets worse when Porsche starts moving in Kinn’s lap, clearly grinding himself on the man’s dick and Big fucking mewls when Kinn suddenly starts kissing at his neck.
His head is spinning and he can’t help but feel like everything is moving much too fast. They haven’t talked about this and he can’t risk just throw himself into this situation without knowing what to expect.
Do they want this to be a one time thing? Are they going to fuck just once and never talk about it again?
Big wouldn’t be able to handle it if Kinn and Porsche suddenly started to avoid him. He’s already grown used to them being close, grown used to spending time with them. And he would rather be close to them without the sex aspect, silently pinning after them, than destroy all they’ve become in the past few weeks. He doesn’t want to be the spicy addition to their relationship that they’ll get rid of when they grow bored with him.
“Stop,” he pants out, hating himself right now; his dick is throbbing painfully in his pants and he wants to fucking cry.
They both immediately move away from him and suddenly Big feels exposed as they both stare at him in slight confusion.
Porsche’s pupils are blown out, lips bruised from kissing and Kinn doesn’t look any better, eyes dark and hooded and breathing erratic.
Big can’t help but be amazed at how good the look, how fucking hot they're like this. He feels his throat constrict because he never thought that he would see Kinn looking at him like this, like he’s desirable.
“I think I should go to my room,” he manages to get out, voice raspy.
“What? Why?” Porsche asks him, blinking rapidly like he wants to get rid of the fog clouding his brain.
“We should talk before this goes any further. You’re both tired from the trip,” he says, knowing it sounds a little like an excuse but he doesn’t have a better explanation for them. Unless he wants to pour his heart out and reveal his feelings for them. “It’s better if we talk tomorrow.”
Porsche opens his mouth to argue but Kinn stops him, clapping a hand over his mouth.
“Big’s right,” he agrees, furrowing his brows a little. “Let’s not rush into anything just yet.”
Big is already clambering off the bed, praying that his erection isn’t too visible in the sweats he’s wearing.
“Fine,” Porsche mutters. “But we will talk tomorrow.”
He makes it sound like a threat and Big chuckles despite the mess of emotions wreacking havoc in his brain.
“I promise,” he says as he grabs the giant pillow and the bottle of sake they’d bought him. “Goodnight.”
“Sleep well,” Porsche tells him, eyes soft, as Kinn sends him a gentle smile.
Big basically flees from their room, feeling like someone has put wings on his back. He manages to hold it all together until he all but throws himself on the bed in his room, screaming in happiness into the stupidly adorable cat pillow that smells like them.
He touches his lips with a trembling hand and closes his eyes, the entire exchange on a constant loop in his brain. Excitement and hope fill his heart.
Maybe, for once in his life, luck had decided to be on his side and something good will come out of this whole situation.