Chapter Text
Chapter 01 : I Kissed a boy
As the rain beat down on that dark November night, the music pounded in the cramped bar. The bodies crowded together as the music was too loud. The basses resounded like frenzied hearts. The smell of alcohol and sweat predominated and everyone forgot their work week in an overexcited atmosphere. A Friday night in a small town. In a corner of the bar Gavin was drinking his beer in the middle of a group of friends... Friends of his girlfriend who were half lying on him to talk to him... yelling in his ear that she would like to dance. Gavin shook his head and took a sip of warm beer. He smiled at the sulky, childish pout of the young woman he had been with for more than eight months. Spontaneously, he grabbed her neck to kiss her lips. The young girl freed herself with a coquettish movement and put her hair back in place. Winnie was pulled by the arm by one of her friends who wanted to lead her to the track. She cast a questioning look at Gavin, who nodded in agreement. He was the only uncomfortable one in the crowd. She, she loved it. He was not going to deprive her of her evening on the pretext that the crowd and the noise bothered him. He watched his girlfriend go through the crowd for a moment. Her jeans molded her buttocks pleasantly and the top highlighted her breasts as much as her slender hips. As always he found her so hot! He had a pang of jealousy when he saw several men approaching her, but he pulled himself together before getting up. That was the game, right? He had left her alone on the danse floor with her equally cute friend, it was to be expected that they would be picked up. But after eight months of relationship, he trusted her. He lost sight of her as he finished his drink and sighed. He ordered another one, keeping a close eye on the two girls' belongings and their drinks.
As he was about to raise his new glass to his lips, he was hit head—on in the back. The drink spills on his chin and the white shirt Winnie made him wear for tonight. He felt the liquid stick the fabric to his skin as the young woman who hit him apologized with little cries. Contrary to Winnie who had a long chestnut hair tending towards blond with locks just as blond, the young woman in front of him was small and brunette with short hair. She tried to wipe his shirt off and Gavin didn't know what to do.
— I'm sorry...so sorry...the crowd and...I...
A hand goes around the young woman's waist to pull her away from Gavin.
—What's going on, baby?
The young woman looked up at the man, like Gavin. The latter widened his eyes. The man now facing him, almost menacing, was...handsome...was the first word that came to Gavin's mind. Tall, the girl looked almost like a doll, but not as tall as him. It was what he gave off that impressed him. An almost animal aura. The dark eyes, the dangerous smile. Gavin nodded nervously but before he opened his mouth the young woman preceded him.
—I ran into him! look at Mark! he's covered in beer because of me and I...
Gavin felt the man's eyes slowly detail him. A strange warmth rose in his belly and flooded his veins. He felt himself blushing indescribably under the velvet eyes and he swallowed his saliva. This did not escape Marc, whose smile widened. Gavin finally raised his hand.
—It's nothing...I...
Marc put a possessive hand on the young woman's shoulder, looking at Gavin.
—I'll pay you another, to excuse us.
—No, it's okay, don't bother.
Marc was silent for a moment, sizing up the other on his sincerity, then shrugged.
— As you wish. Come Amy, the others are waiting for us.
The couple disappears through the crowd. Once alone, Gavin lets out his breath. The meeting had really marked him.
Marc could finally relax. He had had a rough week at work. A week of fighting to find grants and freelance jobs to realize his dream. Amy's body pressed against his, he let out a sigh in the young woman's hair, closing his eyes. Rocked by the music and the alcohol that lightened his head, he finally felt good. The tension slowly left his shoulders and he slumped against Amy who ended up pushing him away with a hint of annoyance.
— Chouchou, it's too hot! stop sticking to me. I can't even dance anymore.
She softened her remark with a smile and a caress on the cheek but Marc felt hurt. He took it with a smile. He knew he was clingy...too much. His exes had blamed him enough! It was usually at this time that he heard the bells of the end of his more or less long—term relationship. His heart sank again as she pulled away from Amy who was turning to their friends. He returned to their table to finish his drink. Noting the empty glasses, he decided to go for a trip to the bar for supplies. He threaded his way through the crowd with the tray full of empty glass. He sighed. The atmosphere was moist, the bodies in a hurry, the heady smells... the music pulsated like a rapid pulse. While he usually liked it, tonight he felt empty. He was surrounded by his friends and his girlfriend...an extra drink could surely put him in a more serene state of mind...or not. Arriving at the bar, his gaze shifts to where the young man was from earlier. At first, Marc had been repelled by his wild look, but it was while taking a look at him that he had noticed the blushes of embarrassment on his ears and neck. Then he had felt a sort of electric current flow through him, like an impromptu flash of desire. He was far from the type to flirt while in a relationship. Yet he did not know how to interpret this disappointment when he noticed the place previously occupied by the young man, occupied by a young blond woman and a friend. He will probably never see him again. Surprisingly, this left him with an aftertaste of unfinished business. Once at the bar, Marc tried to get the bartender's attention but the crush was raging. Groaning, he spun around, back to the counter, scanning the room. He spotted Amy and their friends laughing and watched his girlfriend sway to the music for a moment. A searing sting of jealousy pierced through him when he saw her dancing between Jason and Eliot, a little too ready for his taste. Hell, his buddies knew he couldn't stand it when they were too close to Amy. She knew it too but at this moment she seemed to have fun as rarely. He ran a nervous hand through his black hair, he was definitely in a gloomy mood. Again he was interested in the bartender who was ostentatiously ignoring him.
— Shit !
Just as he was taking his breath to scream, he gets pushed around. Determined to take out his anger on the bastard, he turned violently towards the man, grabbing his shirt in the process. Those words died when he saw the honey—colored pupils. The other's face was ready and it took his breath away. He was the man from before. For a split second, the two men breathed the same air. The noise of the crowd died away. The basses seemed the only audible sounds that pulsated rapidly, like their heart. Marc only saw Gavin and Gavin was lost in the dark gaze. The moment was broken by a crowd movement. Gavin pushed the hand away and looked away. Marc let out his breath and turned away in turn. He managed to catch the bartender's interest and was able to order. When he turned around, he saw Gavin kissing the young blonde woman's temple, an arm around her shoulders. Strangely dejected, once again in the evening, Marc recovered the tray with the drinks. He glanced at the couple and saw the young woman pointing at him and Gavin shaking his head. He blended into the crowd.
Gavin watches him disappear into the rush and shakes his head.
— No, no problem Winnie.
— You know him ?
— Nope. Why ? you know him, do you?
She shakes her head.
— No, but he's pretty cute.
Gavin noticed his girlfriend's mischievous look and tightened his arm around the young woman's neck. He leaned into her ear to whisper.
— Be careful girl, you will be punished.
She chuckled, her cheeks flushed as she fidgeted. Gavin couldn't help kissing his temple, looking forward to their late night at his house. It had been a long time since they had been able to meet because of the young woman's studies and her work too. Seeing her having fun made him happy. He was not the most comfortable but it was worth it.
Marc had returned to their table. For him the evening tasted like sweet and sour. He was happy to be with his friends and his girlfriend while feeling out of place. He slumped on the seat and grabbed a glass of alcohol which he swirled, lost in contemplation of the amber liquid. Adrian sat down next to him, sweating. As he fanned himself, tugging at his damp t—shirt he looked at his friend.
—Are you okay? You are sulking ? Why ? Because of Amy? Don't worry, she's just having fun...
Marc smiled at his friend.
— All is well, a little tired...
The other looked him up and down.
—... ok... Go easy on the alcohol, you have sad alcohol.
Marc smiles at her and rubs the back of his neck.
—I'm going to splash some water on my face.
—Okay. Do you need me to help you hold it?
Mark burst out laughing.
— You are stupid, Adrian!
Marc went back through the crowd in the other direction towards the amenities. As always the women's toilets were crowded and the men's empty. The smell of urine was underlying but bearable and the sinks rather clean. Once the door closed, Marc sighed. The noise was noticeably muffled, there was only the almost physical pulsation of the bass. He approached the back sink and turned on the water. It was lukewarm. Almost reluctantly, he ran his hands under them, then leaned down to spray his face. His skin in contact with the water seemed to come back to life. He rubbed his face for a moment. In the end, it had been the best idea he had had all evening. When he straightened up in front of the mirror, he saw a man behind him. Honey eyes stared at him. Taken aback, he remained in front of the mirror to look at the man who was looking at him. He saw him licking his greedy lips, the little piece of pink tongue making him swallow his saliva with difficulty. No words were exchanged. The man stepped forward, hand outstretched, Marc turned to face him. Shedding of their own volition, his hands grab his waist. He wondered absently at their finesse and suppleness but lost all coherent thought when the hands crossed behind his neck, their bodies inexorably approaching each other. In one fluid movement, they swivelled and Marc lifted him to sit on the edge of the sink. Their mouths searched desperately and melted into each other in an impatient mutual growl. It wasn't a romantic, gentle kiss, no. It was a turf war. The lips were mauled with ardor, redrawn, bitten, licked, then their tongue entered the scene in a panting battle. Marc felt Gavin's thighs tighten around his back, driving him even crazier. They were both excited, and not just a little. He wanted to touch it, to own it. His hands eagerly lifted the shirt to knead the hot skin of the broad back, pulling it closer to him, as if to absorb it. Gavin was pulling his hair to both pull him away and bring him closer. Their heads swivelled to find another angle to attack the lips but Marc chose to kiss his chin, his neck...taste it with his tongue as he felt the vibration of a longing moan in Gavin's throat. They swayed against each other, close to orgasm even though the kiss had only lasted a minute. Marc came up to the lips in a trail of fire on Gavin's throat, which arched even more against him. Gavin was nothing more than pure sensation. He had never felt such an intense wave of desire/pleasure/excitement! He felt as if he had a creature made of fire between his thighs. He wanted to be completely devoured. His mind was full of passion and then the spell broke when his phone, which miraculously remained in his back pocket, started ringing and vibrating. Realizing what he was doing with a complete stranger in the public restroom for all to see, he pushed him away, left the table without glancing at him, and exited the restroom.
Marc took a little time to react. He stared at his reflection without seeing it before moving towards the mirror that had seen everything. He turned the water back on, splashed his face again, but he still didn't realize.
— What was that ?
He stared intently at his reflection in the eyes, his knuckles white as he squeezed the enamel with all his might.
— Holy shit...
His heart raced wildly as what had just happened imprinted itself in his mind. He shivered. He licked his lips for the boy's taste but only got a few drops of brackish water.
For his part, Gavin stormed out into the room. He was momentarily dazed by the change in light and staggered under the onslaught of sounds. He took a deep breath and returned to the bar where he found their belongings under the supervision of the bartender. He nodded to the man and ordered him a Coke. Finally alone he closed his eyes. A long shiver ran through her body. He had kissed a man...a stranger...and he had wanted it...and he had loved it! he didn't even know his name! It was insane! After banging his head on the counter and hesitating for a second to stay here moping around forever, he stood up and picked up his cell phone. He had received a message from Winnie asking him where he was, then a second to tell him that they were going to the bathroom. Gavin stared at his screen without really seeing it... then, taken with a sudden inspiration, he opened the Instagram app and typed the bar's hashtag in the search bar and started scrolling through all the photos, more and more faster...until you find —him”. He was surrounded by a handful of friends and his girlfriend. They were laughing with their glasses raised. He stared at the photo for a long moment. Flashes of their meeting throughout the evening and the crazy kiss exchanged in the toilets made him blush. He had kissed a man! hope that his girlfriend does not know. Consulting the publication, he found his profile. He clicked and pictures of —him” appeared. His photos, his life… Gavin swallowed hard. He knew his nickname now. He hesitated to subscribe. His thumb above the blue bar, but quickly closed the phone when he felt Winnie's hand on his shoulder. She was smiling at him, but in a weird way. Gavin suddenly blushed. What was the meaning of that look. Did she know? A panicky fear invaded her with the urge to scream at him that she was wrong, that he wasn't like that, that... She spoke up.
— Could we go home, Kitty?
— But why ? what is happening ?
Winnie gave him a rueful smile as she pushed her hair back and collected her things.
— Take me home to my parents tonight.
Gavin, inwardly completely panicking, straightened up and stroked her cheek.
— Sweetheart ? What is happening ? I did something ? Where's Lizzy?
— She was called to the hospital. There's a pileup and they needed volunteers. You know how she is!
— So what ? Is it her left that bothers you? I... I didn't take care of you enough, did I?
She gave him a very tender smile, stroking his cheek.
—No, Kitty. My period arrived earlier than expected and I feel woozy... not to mention that I was happy to go to your house but... you know how I am in these cases.
Gavin gave an inner sigh of relief and relaxed. He stroked her back and kissed her cheek.
— I understand.
He grabbed their coats and paid for the remaining drinks before wrapping a protective arm around her to guide her through the crowd. The exit was via a double door at the back, overlooking the alley. There was no one in the hallway and the cold air was rushing in, just like the squalls of rain. Gavin and Winnie looked at each other annoyed.
—Shall we call a taxi?
Gavin nodded and picked up his phone when a high—pitched female cry of surprise rang out.
— Neither nor ! Nini it's you! I do not believe it !! Nini, it's me!
Winnie turned to the scream and stamped on the spot with a single scream.
— Amelia! It's incredible !
The two women were talking excitedly as Marc and Gavin once again came face to face. A mixture of feelings was reflected on their faces: shame, surprise, embarrassment, envy, curiosity, fear and anger... The two women were talking at full speed as if to get out the maximum amount of information in the shortest time. Gavin smiled quickly at Marc who smiled back. Then came the introductions. Winnie took Gavin by the arm to pull him closer.
— Amelia, it’s Gavin. My boyfriend. We've been together for eight months. Gavin is Amélia, we were in high school together.
Gavin nods as Amy slides her hand into Marc's large palm.
— Hello Gavin...and I'd like to introduce you to Marc. We've been together for two and a half years, right, Chouchou?
— Something like that. Hi.
After about ten minutes of excited exchanges between the young women, while the men remained silent, they ended up exchanging their phone number and their email, promising to contact each other quickly to see each other again. During all these exchanges Marc and Gavin had avoided looking at each other, the heart in the edge of the lips. Each couple went their own way.
An hour and a half later, Gavin was lying in bed, arms crossed behind his head, alone. On the one hand he was relieved that he hadn't finished the evening with Winnie. He doesn't know if he would have been able to make love to her after what happened. His whole body and mind were burning from this experience. Being honest with himself, he wasn't bothered that he kissed a man, but rather a stranger. His sexuality was undefined. Even though he had only dated women, he had always felt attraction towards his own gender without ever taking the leap other than having gay friends they dated. Why hadn't he experimented earlier? By lack of confidence in him, surely and by fear. Fear of stepping outside the outline of life, fear of also disappointing, fear of failure, fear of entering a path he had learned to see as a dead end... so why now? why tonight? Why with —him”? Nervously, he took out his cell phone and opened Instagram. He found Marc's profile and scrolled through the photos on his page. He had only known him for a few hours and yet he felt like he had found him...it was a really unsettling feeling. It had seemed so natural to him and kissing him... so —normal” as a habit ingrained in him. He put the phone down, screen against him and pressed his eyelids with the palms of his hands.
—What the fuck are you doing, Gavin...it won't do you any good...forget it, it's better for everyone.
He rolled onto his side and curled up like a gundog, waiting for sleep to take him despite the thoughts clashing in his head.
Marc listened to the running water from the shower. They had just made love. It was always nice to have sex with Amy. However, this time, his head was not there. His gestures had been more mechanical than loving. He knew enough about his girlfriend's body and desires to give her pleasure without her noticing his lack of enthusiasm. It must be said that after the fiery interlude of the toilets, it seemed bland to him. It wasn't Amy's soft, fruity body, or her feminine curves, or her moans that he wanted. He lifted his hand in front of his face and remembered the hot skin he had touched, the grain so different from Amy's...the taste of Gavin's throat between the acidity of sweat and the flavor of his clean essence... Like the pressure of his lips, his tongue... and this very masculine harshness. He had loved feeling his hands in his hair, the powerful thighs around his hips... Marc knew he was very sexually active. He loved sex especially when accompanied by everything that builds a couple. But now… he had given in for no good reason, to respond to this tension that had arisen immediately between Gavin and him. He was not the runner type and once he was in love, he passed everything on to his or her partner even if it meant forgetting himself. But this time he had been more than selfish. Already he had cheated on Amy, his most stable relationship, and what's more, with a man who was also in a relationship. The fact that it was a man didn't bother him. He had already had episodic homosexual relations but no ongoing relationship. Amy emerged from the bathroom with her hair still damp and dressed in one of her T—shirts that came to her mid—thigh, cutting into her thoughts. She lay down next to him and he pulled her straight into his arms. She let it go for a moment before pulling away.
—I'm too hot, Chouchou... please.
Reluctantly, Marc took her arm again and moved away from Amy. She turned on her side to face him and smiled at him before stroking his cheek.
—Are you okay? You look in the clouds.
He smiles at her.
— A little too much fatigue and beer... Everything is fine.
She smiled back and yawned. His hand slipped into Marc's, who caressed his girlfriend's little fingers.
—I love you Amy.
She hardly opened her eyes that she had closed and smiled again, bringing Marc's hand to her lips to kiss him.
—Me too, Chouchou.
He watched her fall asleep. At the back of his throat, a bad taste persisted... that of a lie.