Chapter Text
Mikey was on the ground. Finally. His chest felt like it was about to explode, and not necessarily from the beating he just took. Takemichi didn’t look any better, after all, he had surprisingly beaten The Invincible Mikey out of all people. That took a toll on his body though, and although he looked completely exhausted he was still standing. He was always, always, the last man standing.
He took a step towards him. Despite the fact his fists were still clenched, his body was trembling because of the adrenaline and his stare was fierce, his eyes were kind. He was crying, of course, so characteristically of him.
To everyone's surprise, including his own, he had achieved what many considered impossible - with a little help from the supernatural. He beat The Mikey. Takemichi had just achieved something utterly amazing… and yet he was crying. For the guy he had just beaten up, for a guy that didn’t deserve this much care.
Maybe that was why. He could still remember the taste of the blood from every person that had been murdered by his own hands, or his orders… He wasn’t sure if Takemichi was aware of it, that the Manjirou in front of him was the one and the same that shot him not once, but three times upon hearing one of his best friends invite him to his wedding. The same Sano Manjirou that took his own life by jumping off a rooftop. The same Mikey that… betrayed every act of love that was ever given to him, including his brother’s.
His memory was still hazy, and he couldn’t say he was a hundred percent that same Mikey, -after all, he had learned that once you travel to the past and change something, even just a tiny thing, that would mean changing your own essence, your memories, your core. At least until that last punch Takemichi gave him, he knew he was going to have to become the same person that, after all that was done, had the audacity to ask the man he had just tried to murder to save him, a criminal. A cold blooded murderer.
“Mikey-kun…” Takemichi could barely stand. His face was a mess, covered in sweat, blood, and swollen all over the places Mikey had kicked him, which was… pretty much all over his body. Mikey probably looked even worse, although that was really hard to believe considering how fucking terrible the blonde guy looked like.
He could tell he was still on a defensive posture, just ready to cover himself at any sign of movement. Mikey was, after all, an unremarkable opponent who was thought to be irrepressible.
”Stop.” Takemichi stood on his feet, but he never unclenched his fists. “Just stop, Takemitchy.”
He hesitated, but took another step forward regardless.
“Tell me you will end this senseless violence and I will.” He declared. He took another step, his thighs looked like they could give up at any time. “Tell me you will face us with honesty, and I will. Otherwise you’ll just have to kill me here.”
Mikey’s hands were trembling, and every movement performed by his body, including breathing, caused an agonizing pain. Regardless, none of that was rival to the rage those words caused, feeding his body with enough energy to stand up again. Although he was shaking and was visibly weak, he threw a rather weak kick towards Takemichi.
The latter was just as exhausted as he was, and maybe even more as he had to fight multiple people before he even got a chance to fight Mikey. But Takemichi was so stubborn and determined to stop him he blocked his feet with his arm.
”You think I won’t do it?!” Mikey screamed. “I tried before, and you know I was planning to finish it. You know it!”
And he wasn’t lying. He really wanted to end everything. Even if that meant killing the man that had given up his own life for him, that was this desperate to keep him alive and Mikey couldn’t even understand why.
Just what the fuck does he want to save?!
“I’m glad you couldn’t finish me.” Takemichi wasn’t crying anymore. Mikey’s kicks had gotten so slow he didn’t even need his abilities to foretell what was coming, although he still looked in pain whenever he blocked his kicks. “I’m glad I’m alive, because I know you wouldn’t have been able to live with yourself if you had managed to do it.”
That made Mikey stumble a bit upon his own feet.
“Don’t give yourself this much importance. I know you have seen me murder Ken, Mitsuya and all of them in a different timeline. What makes you think I wouldn’t be able to take yours?”
Mikey gathered whatever force and energy he had left and tried to strike him with his fist, instead of his legs for once. Takemichi saw the punch coming, and Mikey knew he could stop it, it just wasn’t fast enough. Besides, Takemichi was just barely in a better condition than he was, at least enough to stand his ground.
But he didn’t move. He didn’t avoid the punch, he didn’t block it. He let it hit him right on his guts, although the skin felt hardened under his hand as if to avoid getting thrown in the air. But no matter how strong he had proven himself to be, he was really, really fucking tired and his body only knew pain. His knees gave in and he found himself kneeling on the ground, gasping.
Everybody went quiet. Mikey had already forgotten they were surrounded by his former friends from Tomen, he couldn’t hear the cheers given to Takemichi or the retaliation from the Bonten team members that could still stand up. He wasn’t even sure if they could hear everything that had been said about time traveling and timelines, and he honestly couldn’t care less. Until that moment, he hadn’t realized everybody was screaming, that was until he felt Takemichi’s trembling body holding onto his own, with his face resting on Mikey’s stomach.
All trace of rage left Mikey’s body in that instant. “Takemitchy, what…”
Takemichi, still trembling, embraced Mikey. He was visibly in pain. He pulled apart for a moment, just enough so he could make eye contact with him. He looked like he was suffering, and held that same strange look of desperation Mikey couldn’t quite grasp since the moment they met each other. He looked almost like he was begging Mikey.
”You s-said it. I s-saw i-it.” It looked like he struggled to even bring himself to pronounce the simplest of words, he coughed a little and starting talking again. “I saw you kill your fri-friends, follow those ‘dark impulses’ you so speak of, and I saw what it did to you.’
Takemichi’s hands around Mikey’s torso tightened, as if holding onto dear life. He just couldn’t afford it, for him to pull away. Everything needed to be said, Mikey needed to understand.
“You murdered them all, with your hands or your own orders once. Then you called for me and asked me to kill you. I couldn’t. But you died regardless in my arms, and you cried. You saved them all once as well, you kept your promise to me, but you also broke it. You couldn’t protect your own heart and murdered me, and then you also tried to kill yourself.”
Mikey’s heart was stinging, burning. His entire chest felt like it was ripping him apart from the inside. He felt anxiety, sadness, anger, despair. He felt everything at once. He wasn’t even sure why he was feeling so much, when he had spent months, no, years of hollowness.
He also took that chance and elbowed Takemichi on his face, trying to push him away and break free from his grasp. Every punch threw on his direction fed his burning chest with the turmoil that was inside. This only resulted in the latter to hold him even tighter. Mikey punched him again, and again and again.
He heard Chifuyu complain in the distance, but his fists and elbow didn’t stop. Takemichi didn’t either. His eyes were closed, probably because they were so swollen it was impossible to keep them open, he kept spitting blood and his teeth were red. He secluded his face on Mikey’s stomach, and held his arms around him as tight as he could. He also tightened his grip so much Mikey felt his broken ribs burn in retaliation.
“So then you know!” Screamed Mikey. “You know that is worthless to save me. You and Shinichiro… why can’t you just leave me alone?! I said I would protect you!! Why couldn’t you just leave me be?!“
Mikey kept on hitting, elbowing and struggling to break free. Around them, hell broke lose. Chifuyu was hitting Sanzu, Ran and Rin were hitting Inupi and Kokonoi, Mitsuya was kicking Kakucho… everyone’s fists were busy. And he was no exception as he kept hitting Takemichi’s skull as hard as he could, to find his victim as inmutable (or rather, persistent) as always.
For a moment, that was all he could see: hundreds of kids his age hurting one another, white and black uniforms, unconscious bodies on the ground. People grasping for air, screams of battle, purple bruises, blood all over the cargo bay. Everyone seemed to be moving in slow motion, or not moving at all, while the violence kept hurting his eardrums. This was what he created, this overwhelming senseless mess, this violence for the sake of violence. He and Takemichi brought the kids to battle.
Everything seemed so nice when he was a kid himself, when he admired his idiotic older brother for ruling a gang and riding a motorcycle into the sunset with his friends. It made him believe that was what being a delinquent was all about: youth. Nobody told him how fucking painful it could be, nobody warned him what it could generate on the people he cared about and himself, nobody told him they would become a target simply for being loved by him. Shinichiro, Baji, Draken, Emma… Takemichi.
Nobody told him he would grow to despise himself so much, and do nothing about it.
He kept punching Takimichi until his hands bled, and kept hating on Shinichiro for not letting him die as a kid, for choosing Mikey over everything else. They were both so alike in that sense. Imbeciles ready to save the ones they weren’t supposed to save.
And it wasn’t even worth it.
Takemichi gripped Mikey’s stomach as hard as he could, and this time Mikey flinched and stood back for a second. That’s all it took for Takemichi to stand up, hold his face between his hands and head-butt the crap out of him.
The hit was so strong and painful he saw white and felt himself fall off. That’s how much of thick headed idiot his friend was. He waited for his head to hit the ground, but felt his shirt being pulled by the collar, holding his body a few inches from the ground.
When he was able to see again, Takemichi was looking straight at him. His eyes were (barely) open now, his eyebrows shut together, and he was visibly angry. And yet, he could tell he didn’t feel any hate towards him.
And that was unbearable.
Mikey ticked his tongue at the thought. There was no way Takemichi could be this much of a fool, there had to be a limit to how much of a push over a person could be, a limit to how much pain a person could take. Just how could he come back again and again for someone like him? There were infinite reasons to hate Mikey, he made sure to give them all a reason to push him apart, as it should have been done from the start. It was really simple.
“Why… just why… why the fuck did you come back?!”
Mikey held Takemichi’s hand that was still holding his weight. Maybe it was an act done out of inertia, or maybe just a reflex after finding himself almost hitting the ground. He just knew, right at that moment, that he had to touch him.
“If you had just left me alone… Ken would still be alive… everyone… why are you so insistent in this? You and Shinichiro are both a pair of fools. I could’ve protect them all, I could’ve protected you!”
”Liar.”
Takemichi let go of his shirt and Mikey hit the ground. This time, he wasn’t planning on standing up.
He just wished to end it all, just like before. From the rooftop, at a vegetative state like the original timeline, or maybe at the hands of Takemichi, the only person that ever made him feel anything other than hate towards himself, something not even Draken could do.
”It’s not a lie.” Mikey’s voice was weak now, partly because of his broken ribs, and partly because he wanted Takemichi to be the only one to hear him. “I kept them alive, didn’t I?”
“Pushing everyone away from you is not protecting them! It’s just running away.”
“I didn’t want to hurt them…”
”Stop fucking lying, Manjirou!” Takemichi fell on his knees once again, only this time, he was trying to make it so he could be as close as possible to Mikey. “You wanted someone to stop you, you asked me to save you. You are just too much of a coward to ask for help, to show any weakness. You don’t cry, so what? Under that tough shelf you made for yourself, you are weaker than everyone else.”
Mikey couldn't retaliate, instead, he just looked away.
He had called him by his birth name only once, just once before. The memory was still fresh. He could still feel the powder on his fingertips and the void on his stomach when he leapt from the rooftop. He could still feel Takemichi’s warm grip over his arm. Hearing his name on those lips, with that voice… he couldn’t quite put it in words, but when Takemichi said his name with that kindness of his, even when he was mad, he felt so tiny.
”You are the biggest liar.” Said Takemichi, his body was now relaxed, although his expression still denoted annoyance. “When Draken was stabbed, I saw you cry alone on the south area of the hospital, away from us. I thought you were strong back then, keeping a tough look for everybody, but I’ve learned you genuinely think showing anything but your goofy or strong side is just weakness. But what’s the point, Manjirou? What’s the point of keeping everything inside until you are empty? What’s the point of keeping it in if you are just going to release it with some stupid ass shit like ‘dark impulses’?”
”You have seen it. You saw me when I was trying to kill Kazutora. You experienced it yourself first hand as well. I stayed away because I’ve always felt this way, because the only way to keep them all away from danger was to stay away.”
”Bullshit! You kept everyone away because you just can’t fucking bring yourself to ask for anyone’s help. Can’t be fucking honest for once?!” Takemichi leaned forward and punched the ground right next to Mikey’s face. His eyes were golden, and if he thought he looked bruised from a distance, this up close, he was a bigger mess. “You asked me why do I keep coming back. It’s true that everyone looked happy, everyone smiled back at me, everyone’s future was safe… but you know, Manjirou? I couldn’t bring myself to say the same thing… that I was happy. Because this stupid bitch of a friend of mine, this person that I love, keeps everything to himself until he literally can’t deal with his life anymore!”
Mikey’s chest was uncontrollable. He didn’t understand… he felt anxious, but it was also something else. He was definitely in pain, both physically and mentally. But there was one thing he couldn’t quite understand.
“I don’t get you Takemitchy. First you ask me to keep them safe, but you get mad when I do what you told me to… just what do you want?!”
“I didn’t ask you to become a murderer that pushes his friends away!”
”Keeping them away it’s the only way to protect their future! You are the only that keeps insisting on making all my efforts worthless!”
”Fuck no! That’s the excuse you made to protect your own heart.” As if to prove his point, Takemichi put his hand over Mikey’s chest, his heart thumped in response. Takemichi’s knuckles were bleeding. “Why is it that you are so closed minded? It’s not ‘keep myself away to save everyone’, it can’t be the only option. Can’t you just try to figure out a way to protect everyone that doesn’t make you this miserable?!”
For the second time that day, Mikey put his own hand over Takemichi’s. It was warm, and not just because of how much he used them that night. Slowly, Takemichi’s stare softened upon noticing Mikey’s hostility was dissipating.
“…then what do you suggest?” Mikey clenched his fingers over his skin, until his nails met the blood that was already dripping. “What do you suggest I do?! We disband Toman, another group comes to replace it, and they already know my name, they hate me.”
It was then that he started to actually see what was in front of him. Of course, he had been looking at Takemichi all that time -he had to, how else would he be able to kick him?-, but this was the first time in a while that he actually saw him. No more dark spots, no more feeling like he was possessing a corpse, no more hollowness. He was Sano Manjirou again, he was a kid again. And Takemichi Hanagaki was standing in front of him.
But that also brought back their faces to his mind, and the unbearable guilt.
“They have a Kisaki, or they have an Izana, and they want to hurt me, Mitsuya, or Hina, just like they did to Emma. There’s always something, something that can be always traced back to me.”
Emma.
“it’s my fault…”
He hadn’t finished that sentence when he felt an overwhelming weight and cold shiver take over his lungs, heart and guts. He was breathing and yet there was no air coming through his body. His pulse quickened and Takemichi must have felt it too, as he lightened the weight on his chest, but he never took his hand away.
Betraying his past oath to not stand back up again, Mikey was already switching his weight so he could pull himself back up with his free hand, while the other still clenched onto Takemichi’s fingers. He wasn’t intending to hit him anymore, he just wanted to breathe… but Takemichi pushed him to the group and lightly placed his knee over his chest, to keep him from moving. His ribs stung a little, but then again, what was new? His whole body had been in pain for a while.
”No… stop…” Mikey started to hyperventilate. Takemichi wasn’t pushing his knee, if anything, he could barely tell it was even resting there, but he still couldn’t breathe.
Baji. Emma. Shin. Ken. He thought.
“Look at me.” Mikey hadn’t even realized he was looking way.
“I can’t breathe…”
Baji. Emma. Shin. Ken.
“Mikey…” Takemichi put his hand to rest on Mikey’s cheek. His fingertips had calluses and his hands felt so rough, and yet his touch also felt so tender. “Look at me.”
“Please…”
Takemichi took away his knee and switched their bodies over so Mikey could rest his back against a container. Apparently, somewhere along the struggle and awkward final punches they exchanged, they had become isolated from the rest of the group, that could still be heard fighting close by. Right at that corner, close to the ocean, no one could see them unless they walked around the container.
He felt Takemichi’s hand rest upon his cheek again, while the other was intertwined with Mikey’s own hand. Mikey coughed and struggled and struggled to breathe. It was painful, not just because of the lack of oxygen but also because of his heavy chest. It was hurtful. He didn’t want to feel this way anymore, he didn’t want to…
”Mikey.”
And that was it. Their foreheads were touching, and he couldn’t look his way, but he didn’t need to. He knew exactly how his gaze looked like at that moment, he knew it would break him. The man’s hand caressed his cheek all over, behind his ears as well, and the back of his neck. His other hand was busy circling Mikey’s fingers, while the sound of Takemichi’s breathing soothed his desperate attempt to fill his lungs with oxygen.
The shivers that were caused by his touch replaced the cold with warmth. He wasn’t sure how much time passed until his breathing went back to normal. He was sure someone called over Takemichi at one point, and he said something back. By the time his heart and lungs had settled down, the cargo bay was quiet, almost empty. He was sure it was just them two now.
It was then when he pronounced his name with that known loving tone of his.
“Manjirou, look at me.”
But he didn’t. There was a long silence. It was then that he realized there was a black jacket covering him. It was his own old jacket, the one he had given as a gift to Takemichi in what felt like an eternity ago.
He freed his hands from Takemichi’s and held onto the jacket, fixating his eyes onto the floor. He noticed Takemichi was trembling a little bit, and that the night, now that it was quiet, was a bit chilly. That made his eyes sting a little, but he fought back.
“I don’t know what to do.” He said, finally. “I don’t know how I can fix this. I don’t know how to protect anyone. I don’t know how to stop feeling this way, I don’t know how to stop being a monster.”
Another long pause. Now he could hear the waves, smell the salt and the ocean breeze. Takemichi’s fingers touched Mikey’s chin and slowly guided it up, until he could look directly into his eyes. Luckily, it was hazy from the water that was struggling to get out, contrary to his owner’s wishes.
”You are weak, Manjirou. You are really weak, and stupid, and really stubborn.”
His hands followed his jawline until they were placed, just like before, over his cheeks.
”I, Takemichi Hanagaki, am also weak, and stupid, and stubborn. I can’t do anything alone, that’s why I ask help from my friends, that’s why, whenever things start looking shitty, I have faith that Chifuyu, Naoto, Mitsuya, Draken and Sano Manjirou will show up and have my back.
I can’t save… I couldn’t save everyone. I couldn’t save Baji, and I couldn’t save Emma, or Draken… I gave it my best and I failed. I don’t know how to fix anything either.”
It was rather funny, but his golden hair under the moonlight and his messed up face made a terrible contrast.
”Are those supposed to be encouraging words?”
”My hands are full and I’m just one idiot, you know?” He kept saying, ignoring the sarcasm. “I tried to take everything on my shoulders like a fool, but Manjirou, I’m just one boy, I’m weak. Shinichiro too. We are idiots when we are alone, but when we rely on others, when we trust on our friends… it’s not so bad anymore.”
“I can’t…”
”I’m scared too.”
”I’m just not worth all this, Takemichi… I killed you. Why are you doing this much for me?”
He wondered how he looked like on Takemichi’s eyes at that moment, when he was on the verge of breaking into a million pieces. Was Takemichi aware now? That he was the one and the same that carried the worst sins from all the possible timelines?
“You said that I was your hero. Why?”
”You can’t answer a question with another question.”
”Just answer.”
He hesitated. Why was it?
It wasn’t that he didn’t have a reason to think of him that way, rather, he had so many that he couldn’t chose any of them. He was just unsure how to start. He looked away again when he started to feel he would lose to his eyes, but Takemichi’s hand once again guided his gaze towards him.
Ah.
That was why.
”Because you make me want to follow you.” That was the point when he felt the urge to cry stronger than ever. “You were weak, but just like my brother, you give light and hope to others, your back is broad and it makes me want to reach you, you make me feel secure and tiny at the same time. It makes me want to look at you, it makes me want to… rely on you.”
Then, Takemichi smiled. Nothing else was on his expression. No resentment, no anger. Maybe just a little bit of sadness, but mostly he looked happy. That was the boy he remembered, that carelessly smiled with honesty.
”It’s the same for me too.” He declared, and his face looked so pretty, despite the swollen lips, nose and eyes, despite the bloody teeth. “You are my hero, I want you to rely on me and I want to rely on you… So please, Manjirou… please ask me to save you.”
And then he lost.
“…Takemitchy…” Mikey’s voice cracked while he tried to speak through a sob. “Takemitchy save me…”
Takemitchy nodded, he smiled from ear to ear. “Always.”
It started with his shaking throat and lips, his grinding teeth, and it finally beat him when the tears started rolling down his face and he could look directly into Takemichi’s golden eyes. Then he was sobbing like a kid, uncontrollably. His hands reached for Takemichi, that opened his own arms in response.
Takemichi held Mikey into his arms and caressed his back. He was probably crying too. Each sob caused a massive wave of pain to pass through their bodies, but they were both stubborn into not letting each other go.
A wave hit the bay from time to time, and that was the only sound besides their own cries that could be heard. They cried for 10 minutes straight, not letting each other go for even a second.
Like fools, they both collapsed at some point. It was Chifuyu who found them on the floor, still sobbing. He chuckled at the sight, as they looked really stupid, but he was also relieved it was finally settled.
They were both carried to the hospital when they passed out from the pain and exhaustion, with enough bruises to last the whole fucking summer. Besides Chifuyu, Mitsuya and Pah-kun, there was no one else left at the bay, except Sanzu, that had been tied up and was screaming incoherent words at the distance.
It wasn’t the time to make questions anyway. So the six of them left the bay to treat their wounds and care for their heroes, finally able to relax and let their guards down.
That was the day Takemichi Hanagaki beat the invincible Sano Manjirou.