Chapter Text
James scratched his head, looking uneasily at the building. "You sure this is a good idea, lily?" He asked, as they entered the fertility clinic.
"Yes, James. You and I both want a child, and since someone …!" She glared back out the door. “Hampered that…”
"I said I was sorry!" Sirius whined from the car. "I sneezed mid-spell!
“It’s still why you’re staying in the car, young man!” She yelled back."Also...it seems I'm allergic to fertility potions..."
"Yeah." James looked a tad grossed out. "But, it was pretty damn impressive, in volume, range and noise! I didn't know a retch could rattle windows."
Lily just gave him a look. "Can we please forget that!?" She said, before quietly muttering '...still don't remember eating any carrots today.”
Both of them looked slightly confused at what they were just told. “Um, could you repeat that?” James asked. “In English prefer-ow!” He rubbed his side where Lily jabbed him.
The doctor chuckled. “X-rays and tests show no physical damage or abnormalities; so our best bet is inducing ovarian stimulation by a simple hormone injection.” He gave them both a reassuring smile and headed over to a small cooler on the nearby shelf. “The process will take less than fifteen minutes. And I assure you that any side effects should be mild at worst.”
“Um…” James started when the doctor came back with it and took out a vial of a dark-reddish looking liquid. “It’s probably my ignorance of the whole thing, but…” He squinted at the label. “Why is that stuff called ‘Blacklight’?”
“Oh, that’s simply the brand name. The developer wanted to make it sound ‘edgy’, for some reason.”
It took a little bit of discussing the pros and cons between them, but the Potters finally both agreed to the process.
True enough, ten minutes and a bandage later, and the couple - along with a still sulking Sirius Black - were on their way back home. “You feeling ok, Lils?” James asked, seeing her rub the spot she was jabbed.
“Huh? Oh yeah, it always feels a little itchy when I get injections.” She pointed to the backseat. “NOT one word, Black.”
Sirius responded with the utmost maturity…and made a fart sound.
“JAMES! JAMES!” Lily squealed, almost pirouetting into the room. “Look!” She held out the small object to him.
“What this…wait, this is…it’s a muggle pregnancy test, isn’t it?” He looked down at it.
Two lines
“Hm.” Remus looked back at the source of the screams and yells of celebration. “Looks like it happened.”
“Really?” Sirius followed his gaze. “About bloody time! Shall we go break out the cleaning and paint spells for the room?”
"Thought you hated sah-sash-ses....raw fish." James said, hoping he didnt look as queasy as he felt at the sight of his wife's current pregnancy cravings. Admittedly, he was told his mum wolfed down plates of raw eggplant, marshmallow fluff and oxtail. Lily's craving, though....
"* munch* I hate it, but the wintergreen helps." She replied, between bites of sashimi on sliced lump charcoal and topped with toothpaste, washing the whole mess down with what looked like coffee mixed with mouthwash.
"Dear Merlin...Lils, how are you not getting..."
“No clue! I’m still bloody hungry!”
“....not what I really meant.”
Lily grumbled to herself, pushing aside the same bottle the fourth time since she’d opened the fridge. “Gotta be something!” She groaned. She’d finally had a hankering for something not related to her pregnancy; the only problem was she didn’t know what she wanted.
Potted meat; no. Bagels; no. Pickles; no. Nothing seemed to get her interested, but she was *hungry*!
She was ready to give up when she was distracted by a strange tickle in her stomach. “What’s-”
With a loud exhale, her abdomen opened up. There wasn’t any blood, any pain. It didn’t even feel odd. Instead Lily looked down at the huge toothy mouth that was there now. It calmly opened and a long tongue-like extension darted out to wrap around three different items. She didn’t get a chance to see exactly what they were before they vanished into the maw and it clamped shut with a chomping noise.
Then it disappeared as easily as it appeared. Lily looked at her belly, then the now empty area in the fridge, then let out a loud belch. “...magic is so weird.” She muttered, sniffing the air. “Capers?”
“Where’s the pickled herring?” James stared at the fridge in confusion and a little outrage. “There were two jars here, and I’m the only one who eats it. And the olives! That was a new jar!”
Lily just pretended she didn’t hear him.
It wasn’t long before the day finally arrived…
“Is a delivery supposed to be that noisy?” Sirius called out over the bellows, shrieks, and odd otherworldly noises.
“What?’ Remus yelled back. “I don’t know anyone from Boise!”
“What??”
After a couple more hours, everything went silent, and amidst the familiar baby crying, James came stumbling out. A wide smile on his face; shaking like he’d just seen something the human race wasn’t meant to see, but smiling. “Heh..I have a son...tentacles...claws...but I got a son.”
“That normal?” One of the nearby orderlies asked.
Sirius shrugged. “Don’t ask me. Knowing my family, my cousin was summoned out of a redcap's arse…”
“Which one?” Remus asked.
“Yes.”
“Um, guys?” Lily called out from inside the room. “Is it normal for a magical baby to...cut its own umbilical cord?”
The trio looked at each other. “I…dunno. Pad’s the only one with a younger sibling.” James said.
“And I was two when he was born.”
“On an unrelated note…” Remus looked a little confused, and mildly creeped out. “Who was yelling ‘ftagen’?”
Life in the Potter household carried on after that, albeit with a few…changes.
“Honey!? We have a rat problem!”
Lily looked up. James had taken their new son, Harry, to the kitchen to fix him something to eat, when she heard him yell. “What do you mean-” She stopped at the sudden sound of a terrified squeak, then something being skewered and a wet crunch.
“...Nevermind.”
“YIPE YIPE YIPE!”
Ever since he was bitten, Remus had been at odds with Moony, his werewolf side. Moony craved the hunt whenever he was able to get out, regardless of what he decided to chase after.
True, James, Sirius, and Peter had been able to help him keep that part in check, but there were times…
“Hiiisssss….!”
“YIPE!”
Both man and wolf were surprisingly in agreement at the moment: RUN AWAY!
“James, why is our son outside...at NIGHT!?” She knew she’d just put him to bed not an hour ago.
James scratched his head. “...probably why Moony is in that tree he's sitting under.” He and Sirius had planned to go on a late night run with him to let him burn off some energy…that probably wasn’t necessary now.
Harry sat himself down at the base of the tree, glaring up at the shivering werewolf in the branches.
Said werewolf whimpered and gripped the branch tighter. The frown on the boy's face was NOT normal!
"Move aside." Voldemort ordered. "Or join your husband!"
"Over my dead body!" Lily hissed despite the tears at hearing James' body hitting the floor downstairs. Her grip on her wand tightened. "You want my son, you're going to have to go through-!"
"SCREEE!"
She jumped when something flew over her shoulder straight towards the dark wizard.
"Wha...Avada Kedavraaaaa!" Voldemort shouted, casting the Killing Curse at the airborn infant. A shout that turned into a scream as spell and infant collided...only for the baby to explode into a frenzied mass of fangs and tentacles.
A scream that was quickly silenced.
Lily stared as the seething mass ended the reported worst Dark Lord in a century, a few crunches the only thing that was heard before it reformed back into her son.
”Uh..Harry?” She asked tentatively, inching towards him.
Harry turned around to face her, then..
"URAP!"
"Ew..." She winced at Voldemort's half-chewed wand as it clattered on the floor.
Harry just looked oddly...smug.
She quickly scooped him up while the adrenaline was still pumping and looked around furiously. “Where’s that bloody owl!?”