Chapter Text
Tap. Tap. Tap.
Thin, nimble fingers worked around each other. A light tap of thick green skin resounded through the stale air.
April’s face felt hot, and her eyes stung. She felt cotton stuck in her throat as she tried to take small, calm breaths. Her mind spun around like a carnival ride, only less fun. Round and round. Circling her body, keeping her trapped on the small blue seat beneath her.
Raph kept his mouth covered as his leg bounced on the floor. He tried his best to keep his expression neutral, but April knew him better than that. She saw the small pricks of tears in his brown eyes. The way his hand clutched the seat a bit too hard, small tufts of white surrounding green nails. The way he tried to not breathe too hard, just like her. Worried any sudden movements would bring earth-shattering news.
He was going to be okay. April knew it. Raph knew it. He was going to be okay.
He was. He had to be.
What would she do if he wasn’t? What would April do if Draxum came out of those doors with the worst news? What would she do without his dumb jokes and his wide smiles? What would she do without random pictures being sent to her of the most unexpected things?
She laughed to herself at the memories of being in class and opening her phone to a picture of him holding a fire hydrant for no reason. He said he just thought of her. It was stupid at the time, but it was so funny now. April kept giggling, the air being sucked out of her lungs, the cloudiness in her mind growing and growing. Until she felt water drip off her chin and realized she was never laughing.
She was crying.
Was she ever going to get a picture of a random fire hydrant again? Big and red and dumb and loving? Random texts saying he loved her. Videos of the little kids falling at the dojo. Videos of his laugh. God, his laughter.
She started to sob. God, she didn’t want this. She didn’t want to breathe this hard, to cry this loud. But once April started, she didn’t know how to stop. She didn’t know how to remove this heavy weight from her chest, crushing every breath and beat of her heart.
Her face felt wet in her hands as she lost herself, sobbing uncontrollably. Fear overtook her mind as she crumpled in on herself. Bittersweet memories of late-night calls that may now have a deadline. Memories of his cheer when he beat her in Mario Kart and his accusations that April cheated when she would win. The way he always knew when she was upset without saying anything.
Was she going to lose that? Was she going to lose him? Please, please don’t say it’s so.
April felt a weight on her shoulder, and she looked up to see Raph with teary eyes and a sad smile.
“Is he going to be okay?” April asked, hating how weak her voice sounded.
Raph just looked at her, knowing as much as she did. Feeling everything she did. April shot away from her blue seat and hugged Raph as tight as she could. As he hugged her back, she knew she wasn’t the only one trying her best to not burst through those doors.
“I’m scared, April,” Raph whispered, voice warbling as tears slowly poured from his eyes. “I’m so, so scared.”
April sobbed as she hugged him tighter, trying to banish all of the fear and doubts from his mind. Raph shouldn’t have to feel like this. None of them should. They were supposed to be happy now.
They were supposed to be done.
April gasped slightly as those damned doors finally opened. Draxum stood before them, and like some invisible alarm went off inside of her, April could feel her heart drop.
No. No. No, please. Please say I’m wrong. Please, god, please.
Raph let go of April, leaving her kneeling on the cold, dead floor. Alone. He walked to Draxum, and they whispered to each other. Raph’s eyes begged for good news that he would be okay and everything would return to normal. April begged for normal. For everything to work out.
Just once. Just this one time.
But as Raph’s face fell into a look of horror, his head slightly shaking as Draxum could barely look at him, April felt numb. There was no sadness. There was no misery. No anger. No pain.
She kneeled there, hearing the drop of Raph’s knees to the cold and Draxum hugging him. She sat there, staring at her hands. She was shaking. April was shaking.
“He has a year if he’s lucky.”
April felt a screaming sobbing come out of her, unhinged and hopeless. Hope was her greatest weapon. Is that why she felt so powerless? Raph’s body shook as he stayed on the floor, unable to move. Draxum took a shaky breath and wiped his eyes, standing as tall as he could.
This was it. This was real.
A year. A year.
“I’ll…” Draxum muttered with an unstable breath, “I’m going to call the boys.”
The boys. Oh. Oh no. No. No. No.
No, they- April had to- They can’t - They had to know.
April pulled herself up from the icy floor and faced Draxum. She saw how his eyes shook as if he couldn’t believe what he had said himself.
And he was the one who found out.
April swallowed her tears and hugged Draxum as tight as she could. He snapped out of whatever trance he was in and slowly hugged her back.
“I’ll call them, Drax. Stay here with Raph. Is Splinter with him?”
Draxum slowly nodded and looked down at April; uncertainty and sorrow sewed into his eyes. “Are you sure?” Draxum asked, his voice low.
April nodded against him and pulled away with the biggest smile she could muster, even though it felt wrong. It felt fake. She felt fake. April felt weak and wanted to be soft, but she couldn’t. She had to be strong. Strong for the boys. Strong for Draxum. Strong for Splinter. Strong for Raph.
Strong for him.
April dragged her feet out of the med bay and into the lair’s living room. She breathed out shakily as she grabbed her phone.
Who would she call first? Who could she call first? She didn’t want to tell any of them. She didn’t want to tell anyone. She wished there was nothing to even suggest.
But there was. No matter how much she begged and cried and screamed. No matter how many times she denied it. It was true. And April had calls to make.
Okay. Okay. Alphabetical order. Casey first.
April looked up, trying to dry her tears as she pulled up Casey’s contact. The phone rang, and she breathed a shaken breath.
“Hey, April! What’s up?”
Time slowed as the cheerful voice on the other end picked up the phone, and April wanted to hang up right then and there.
God. Goddammit. Fuck.
She couldn’t do this.