Fool for The Devil

by Locksoli

Summary:

So, I got reborn into a new world? Great!
Reborn with three ancient vampires in my soul? Not great!
Reborn into the worst possible world I could be reborn into? Where visceral horrors are a daily occurrence, and the good guys are psychotic? Yeah, even worse!

Notes:

Honestly, I hoped to get this one out by Halloween. Got delayed, of course. Not cross-posting to FF.Net because they don't have as broad of a crossover category. I'll get it up on SB later too, but for now it's starting up here. I hope anybody reading enjoys it, gives constructive criticism, the works.

Chapter 1

You know, there are days when I wonder “how did I get here?”

Where is “here”? Well, currently, it’s probably some weird ‘mindscape’ thing I have, which sorta looks like a room in a big, fancy castle. It had a gorgeous interior design, with bookshelves, tables, and chairs made of some pretty smooth looking wood, as well as curtains on the windows that seemed to be made of satin or velvet-really everything just looked old and expensive.

Outside the windows, I could see a balcony. And further beyond that, nothing but what seemed like an endless expanse of night, only the light of the full moon and the twinkling stars peeking into the room. Combined with the low light of the candles, the entire room looked unnatural and unnerving.

Of course, it was less unnerving because of the three men loudly and angrily arguing at the center. They all looked like extremely pale central Europeans between their 30s to late 40s, but in reality they were probably well over 500 years old each. And they were all arguing in Romanian, and they spoke many words that were best left out of polite conversation and that I’ve been told by my parents never to repeat.

But maybe I’m getting ahead of myself…

 

———————————————————————

 

The first time I saw that room was when I got the first memory of my old life.

W-Well, actually , I guess the memory I got was really the last memory of my old life, seeing as it was a memory of my death.

I’m fairly sure the crosswalk had a ‘go’ sign, with the bright caricature of a person walking flashing over and over. The stop light should have been red, too, so you’d think most drivers would have stopped, especially when they saw people walking.

Whoever that asshole in the black van was, they probably had a brain barrier. Because in no world does ‘stop’ mean ‘go’, and people walking across the street on a designated path also don’t mean ‘go faster ’. If I’d been alive, I’d probably have been screaming bloody murder at the jerk.

Maybe that was just my anger getting the better of me. I mean, how would you feel if you were only a few months away from getting out of highschool, and having your whole life ahead of you, only for some idiot to slam into you at nearly a hundred miles an hour and take it all away? I was pretty miffed when I found out about it.

Thing is, I didn’t really find out about it right away. The first thing in my new life that I was aware of was being in that room , the one that looked like it belonged in a fancy castle. I suddenly woke up there, in the middle of a fancy, dimly lit room with three strange boxes sitting on the floor, completely out of the loop as to what the hell was going on. All I could feel was an unnerving sensation as I took in my surroundings.

Then suddenly everything got dark, hot, and I was, for some reason, covered in gunk.

And I was screaming. Even when it stopped being dark, I was screaming out wordlessly. Everything else was an indecipherable blur mostly, because all I could really remember was that I was screaming most of the time.

Sometimes I’d stop screaming, and I’d suddenly be eating things. If I ever started to scream again, then there’d be soothing voices nearby to calm me down. Somebody would be holding me, which seemed to be surprisingly easy for them, and they’d rock me around until I’d slowly slip into a deep slumber.

It was only after a few years of this that the haze cleared, and I realized what was really going on.

Reincarnation is one hell of a trip.

So yeah, I sorta just breezed through infancy, seeing as I barely did anything other than sleep, eat, and shit. And obviously, I barely remembered anything other than screaming my head off…and that room, but I’ll get to that soon.

My new name is Benjamin. I was born to one Ethan and Alina Osbourne probably around nineteen-eighty-something. I can’t recall the exact year right now. Right now, I’m around six years old, and I’m living in my mother’s country of Romania.

My dad is British. He’s a tall guy with a bit of a wiry build, but he’s really tough. I've seen him help a couple of other guys lift the back of a truck, and he wasn’t even winded. He’s got dark, curly brown hair, and bright cornflower blue eyes.

I don’t get much from Ethan. I share his jawline and his eyes. Everything else about my new face, my new self, it’s definitely from Alina.

Alina is a slight Romanian woman with nearly translucent pale skin, messy black hair, and dark green eyes. Objectively, she’s very pretty, and when she enters a room, everything feels brighter and more pleasant. She has a pleasant feeling around her. It’s difficult to describe.

If you’ve ever had somebody hug you and tell you that everything is going to be okay, then it’s like that. Alina is like the living embodiment of that. Just being around her makes you feel safer and just hearing her voice makes everything better.

Having new parents is…odd. 

Even after so much time, I still remember my old life, which means I still remember having a completely different set of parents. I’ve accidentally called Alina by her name instead of “mama”, and I barely saved face at the last minute by saying her name was just too pretty not to say. Every morning I have to take a few moments to remind myself over and over that Alina is “mama” and Ethan is “tata” just so I don't screw up again.

My new parents are bad, far from it.

From the memories of my old life, I can’t really find an imbalance between the bad and the good memories of my former parents. At worst, they didn’t really pay me mind, because I was just one of the extra siblings that had been born later on. The best memory I have was when my old father came to a ball game where I was the umpire, and there wasn’t much to say. My original parents were just ambivalent to me, but I wouldn’t say they were neglectful.

Ethan and Alina were a million times better, which made things feel awkward sometimes. They went above and beyond, making sure I felt happy whenever they were around. I’d be hugged. I get little sweet pecks on my cheeks, shopping excursions for random toys, and ice cream . I mean, yeah, I have the memories and sensibilities of a high-schooler…but…ice cream is ice cream. You don’t pass up free ice cream, it’s the law.

Of course, they weren’t spoiling me either. My new mother was strict when it came to teaching me the different languages I somehow needed to know. I could understand needing to learn Romanian and English, but stuff like Chinese and Russian was a bit much. And learning two different dialects of French was just plain overkill.

My father was a different beast altogether. One time, I accidentally broke an important mug that had been in the living room. Even when I had hidden, he somehow found me, it was like he’d sniffed me out like a bloodhound. He had me march downstairs military style until I stood in front of both my parents, wincing as they doled out their punishments. Losing ice cream privileges was a painful experience.

Thing is, I usually behaved, but I didn’t want them to think anything was up. If I didn’t act out now and then, maybe they’d start worrying something was wrong with me. So messing around by playing with the bubble-bath soap I’d poured in the dishwasher was a necessary sacrifice. Of course, Ethan deciding to play in the bubbles with me was probably why I was grounded for longer than just a few days.

I can get away with acting like my mental age most of the time, though, at least if I don’t push the envelope in the wrong direction. The reason for that coincides with what is probably the same reason my new parents go out of their ways to spoil me. They hold down professions that force them to leave me with various trusted babysitters and nannies.

I didn’t know what my father did, not at first. I’d see him carrying big cases-not briefcases, bigger -and telling mom he was off for ‘a job’ if I was in earshot. It was only one day when his case fell open I saw what was inside.

Weapons. Like a lot of weapons, some of which I don’t think are legal in any state in the EU, let alone Romania. And it wasn’t like some redneck kind of thing where he just had a bunch of big guns together. I mean, he had a full on tactical arsenal ready for military field operations.

When I mustered up the courage to ask my mother, she told me what I was sure was only half the truth. Dad worked for a private military contractor, which was why he had a full armory ready to go. Which…explained many things and left a lot more questions.

When he came home the week after, he told me the same thing mom did. He laid it down in simple terms; yes, he fought and shot other people. Yes, he’d been in active battle zones. But he wasn’t fighting wars , he was only really just guarding a foreign politician’s convoy from insurrectionists, or even patrolling around Africa defending elephants from poachers.

Honestly, any normal person would have been wary of their dad after seeing them carrying a case full of weapons. But the way Ethan talked about his job sounded really passionate. Hell, it almost sounded like it was a second marriage to him. He took it seriously, but there was a sense of pride as he talked about some of the good things he did.

Seeing as mom is okay with it, and we live in a nice house which I know could only come from a very big paycheck, I can’t really judge him. And I don’t think most other kids my age could say their dad is a certified badass.

It felt like he was hiding something as he spoke, though. I can’t really describe it, but something about this company that he worked for didn’t feel right.

Mom’s job was just as interesting. Alina is an archaeologist, with doctorates in anthropology and history. When she comes home after a week or two of being away, she’s normally covered in dirt and smelling of sweat and whatever bugs she had to squash beneath her palms. But she always tells dad and I about all the interesting things she found in whatever old ruins or dig sites she was working at.

Sometimes she’d bring things home because she wanted to study them. She’d only do this if her bosses gave her permission, but they knew she had the equipment to handle it. She had a set of special rooms, one where she stored important artifacts to prevent them from degrading or breaking, and another where she had all her specialized tools and gizmos to help clean them and check them out.

Thing is, old stuff is normally…eh…

Its pots, vases, sometimes jewelry, and rarely it’ll be some ancient tablet. And considering old civilizations weren’t big on censorship, there were images that invoked…things. Some of them were sexual. Some of them were violent. Some of them were sexually violent. And some of them were violently sexual.

I am only six years old and I have seen things that cannot be unseen.

But of course, you’re probably wondering where the three angry Romanian men in that weird fancy room come in. And I would have been wondering, too, if I had known about their presence. Thing is, even though I knew about the fancy room, those guys came out of left field.

It was a pretty average day, if I’m remembering it right. My parents were out, dad was busy dealing with some important job somewhere in the Hoia Forest, and mom was heading out to some island near Greece. They left me at home with one of mom’s coworkers for the next week or so.

Miss Bonita was a very nice young blue-eyed, blond-haired American woman who works as a research assistant for my mom and her many colleagues. She was nice enough to offer to babysit me, seeing as everybody else at Alina’s job was indisposed. It was kinda weird, the way she acted like it was a normal occurrence that employees would end up watching one-another’s kid. But maybe I just didn’t know how real archaeologists worked. I hadn’t ever seen anything about them outside of the ‘Indiana Jones’ movies, at least in my old life.

She seemed good with kids-though, maybe I couldn’t be counted as a normal kid, homeschooling aside. Miss Bonita was patient and understanding, though she seemed nervous about making sure my ‘schedule’ that my parents had left was followed properly. She knew little to no Romanian, and she didn’t know how to handle teaching me other foreign languages.

I’m glad I can speak English just fine, if a little accented. Normally I’d ham it up with the stereotypical accent to it, even play at being Dracula while using my blanket as a cape for fun (the irony behind that has multiple layers, but I’ll get to it soon). But for Miss Bonita, I just spoke in a normal American English accent I was comfortable with. Justifying it was difficult, though…

It was only halfway through the week when I noticed it. Six-year-old me had woken up way too early in the morning and went to the little boy’s room. Normally I’d just finish my ‘business’ and try to get back to sleep, but today I decided that since I wasn’t doing anything special, I’d just brush my teeth.

Have you ever looked in the mirror and thought, ‘oh god, something’s wrong with me’?’ Well, I’d think that every day, seeing as I still couldn’t decide if my new life was a hallucination or not. Today though, I saw my reflection, and there was something wrong with it.

I was halfway through brushing my teeth when I realized they were different. One second, the bristles of my toothbrush were scrubbing over perfectly normal pearly whites. The next second, I suddenly seemed to sprout fangs.

I jumped back at that, nearly falling off the stool I was using to raise myself to mirror level. When I looked again, my teeth were normal. No fangs, just normal human teeth.

I blinked, and my reflection blinked back. And when I saw my reflection after opening my eyes, I realized they were glowing red. I just stood there, unblinking, as my reflection stared back at me with two pupils blazing brightly and terribly like the fires of hell itself.

It was wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong ! 

When you look at your own face, you instinctively know that you’re staring at yourself. So when you see something wrong on your face, like say a weird spot of dirt or grime that you couldn’t see before, you try to fix it. It’s a natural reaction that any self-aware animal has, from cats to birds, you just want to make sure you don’t look wrong to even yourself.

So obviously I tried to rub at my eyes, hoping they’d stop being that evil looking red color. They turned back to their normal blue, thankfully, but I couldn’t shake the feeling of terror. Something was wrong with me, something was very wrong. I tried to go back to sleep, but I felt some terrible gnawing sensation deep inside me, like something terrible was trying to claw its way out.

The lack of sleep continued into the next day as well. I guess Miss Bonita figured out something was up. I was halfway through jotting down basic french phrases when I started nodding off.

“Hey?! Hey, Benny?! Is everything alright?” the blonde woman gently shook me by the shoulder, concern written all over her face. “You were falling asleep, kiddo. You alright?”

“...H-Had a bad dream,” I responded nervously.

My lips felt dry as I spoke, almost like I hadn’t had a drink in a while. Except I had a glass of water nearby, and I’d had a glass of orange juice alongside breakfast. The possibility that I could be desperately thirsty wasn’t right, because it wasn’t possible .

“How bad was it?”

“I…I don’t know. It’s hard to describe,” I tried looking away from her, hoping she wouldn’t ask more.

I mean, how am I supposed to say ‘oh I think I’m turning into a monster’? It’s not something that just comes up in conversation. And that wouldn’t even begin to cover the ‘how?’ of that sort of thing.

Miss Bonita frowned slightly, a low hum escaping past her closed lips. “Hey, how ‘bout we cut school short today?”

“E-Eh?”

“You look like you’ll fall over any minute, bud,” the woman shrugged before closing my school books and lifting them away. “I’ll call your mom and let her know what’s up. You’re getting some sleep, even if I had to carry you.”

I doubted she could carry me. She didn’t look strong enough. Even if I was stuck in the body of a six-year-old, I could easily slip out of her grasp. But I also didn’t want to test her, because I really was that tired.

I jumped down from my chair and let Miss Bonita lead me back to my room. Sure enough, the moment I crawled back into bed, I was suddenly going out like a light. I heard my caretaker giving me a few words of comfort before she left, and then…nothing.

I thought I’d be dragged into a nice dream, but instead, I found myself in that room. That fancy but dimly lit room, an endless night sky outside the sole window, and a dreadful sensation permeating everything around me. And it was all coming from those three boxes at the center of the room.

Coffins, actually. They were coffins. All with pungent earthy smells wafting from within, alongside a primal sense of terror that there was something wrong with those boxes. I didn’t know why, but I felt like I had to stay away, away, away !

The first one was a nondescript one, with very little intricate design on it. It looked expertly crafted, and the wood seemed expensive looking. All in all, it was a simple box that looked really well made. But the dreadful sensation I felt coming from it…it felt like an endless well of wrath and madness was trying to worm its way into my soul.

The second coffin looked much fancier than the first. It was lined with gold and red velvet, and it had a massive golden cross inlaid upon it. A very nice coffin, which is an odd thing to realize considering its purpose. There was a deep feeling of sadness and anger emanating from the second box, the crawling sensation of anguish causing me to shudder in place.

The third was the most intimidating, to be honest. It was a simple black box, looking like it was made out of polished obsidian. It had a silver cross inlaid at the top, along with silver lettering below and at the bottom. It was Latin, but I couldn’t really understand what it meant. The feeling I got from the third coffin was like…like it was holding back something savage and terrible, something that made chills run down my spine.

There’s a general feeling you should have when you’re near a predator. A feeling that you need to escape, that you need to get away, that you need to run as fast as you can even if it nearly kills you because it’s better than what they’ll do to you -ahem! It’s an instinctual reaction to that kind of situation, something that’s been burned into the collective psyche of humanity as a whole. But it’s never bad enough that it impedes your decisions.

This was different. The feeling I was getting from those three boxes was suffocating, it felt like I was going to die. I was shuddering and panicking and I couldn’t move and dear god please somebody help-

That was when one coffin opened up from the inside.

It was like something from a horror movie, but the terror was real and it was gut-wrenching. The lid of the coffin slid away, and gnarled old hands tipped with clawed nails gripped the sides of the box from within. A thin yet tall figure dressed in black slowly stood and removed himself from the coffin, beaming twin lights of red on his face scanning the room like hellish searchlights.

He looked like an old man, white-haired and wrinkled as he was. Yet he was pale, almost unhealthily so, like he was sickly. His face was seemingly covered in bushy white hair. His eyebrows were thick, almost meeting in the middle, and the mustache beneath his hooked nose hid most of his jaw.

When he stepped out of the coffin, he flashed his teeth. Not a smile. No, he was baring them like a wild beast. They were all sharp. It was like looking at the maw of a vicious dog or wolf, and as I tried to back away, his lips slowly tugged back into a toothy grin that reminded me of a fox in a henhouse.

I swallowed nervously and stood straight. “G-Good evening!”

My voice came out like a squeak, like a mouse that had been backed into a corner. The monstrous man’s smile seemed to only grow larger as I spoke. His red eyes gleamed in the low light, a gleeful noise echoing from the back of his throat as he took a step towards me.

“My, my! Such a good-mannered child,” the monster said in fluent Romanian. His hands rose, clawed fingers stretching towards me like the gnarled branches of an old and withered tree. “Come, let me get a good look at you…”

“Ah, n-no thank you, domnule! I have to be somewhere…” I tried backing away from the terrifying creature.

“Now, now, child, I’m not going to hurt you. I’m just an old man.” His red eyes seemed to glow brighter, and I suddenly felt some sort of pulling sensation deep within my mind. “Come, come, you have nothing to be afraid of.”

“I…I have nothing to be afraid of…” I repeated.

I had nothing to be…afraid of…wait, why? W-Wasn’t there a monster in front of me? He had fangs and claws. I should be scared.

'You shouldn’t,’ a voice said in my head. It sounded like my voice, yet it wasn’t. It was like some unimaginable pressure was forcing me down, and I couldn’t get back up. ‘There’s nothing to fear. Let him come closer.’

“There's…nothing to fear…” I repeated. It felt wrong, but I couldn’t understand why. “I’m fine. Y-You can come closer-”

And suddenly there was a low noise from behind me. The monster’s gaze snapped away from me, and suddenly it was like a weight had lifted from my shoulders. Whatever the thing had done to me had passed, and I was back to myself, rightfully fearing the thing and trying to find a way to escape.

Before I could even think about that, however, I realized what the sound behind me was. I turned just in time to see the lid of the gold-lined coffin sliding to the floor. The figure from within fluidly stood, red eyes blazing in annoyance when he spotted me and the first monster.

He was much younger than the other, and a bit more handsome, yet much paler, his skin looking like finely treated porcelain. His fine black hair went past his shoulders, only parted by his large elfin ears. His mustache was much thinner than the other monster’s, and a pointy beard trailed from his chin.

The second monster looked far more refined than the first. He was dressed like a nobleman, with black boots, a black tunic, and a black cape. The only parts of his outfit that weren’t black were red. Everything was just lined or accented with red , from his collar to his cuffs to his sash, even his cape was lined with red.

He was taller than the first monster, too, and that made him all the more intimidating. The moment he caught sight of me and the other creature, his nostrils flared and his eyes narrowed. It was like a tempered sneer; he was simply annoyed that he was dealing with this.

“G-Good evening!” I said to the second monster.

My voice still came out like a little mousey squeak, but this time it sounded a little more desperate. The new monster didn’t seem to care much for the first one, so maybe he was the lesser of two evils.

At my words, the new creature quirked an eyebrow at me in curiosity. He leaned down towards me until he was looking me directly in the eyes. I could feel those red orbs inspecting me, judging me. It was like they were staring deep into my soul.

“Good evening, child,” he finally replied in English, his voice deep and guttural. “Do you know where you are? Where we are?”

I swallowed nervously as I switched to English. “N-No, sir, I kinda just found myself here after falling to sleep in my bed. And then I-”

“Excuse you! But you’re interrupting my meal !” the first monster hissed from behind me, his English well-spoken but strangely toned. “Leave at once!”

“Your meal ?” the new monster stood up and glared at the first. “Despicable! You’re a vampire, not a wild animal! Have some standards!”

…Wait, did he just say ‘vampire’?

“You dare?!” the first vampire said.

“Yes, I dare ! A child would not be enough of a meal regardless of the circumstances, and this boy has done you no wrong.” The second vampire tilted his head, a fanged smile directed towards me. “If anything, he’s surprisingly polite for his age.”

“M-Mother tells me to be respectful to my elders,” I mumbled.

The dark-haired vampire turned to me, eyes wide in shock. Then he doubled over and began laughing madly.

“Oh, I think I like you, young man. What is your name?”

I stiffly straightened my posture as I turned to the man. “B-Benjamin Osbourne, Sir! It’s a pleasure to m-meet you!”

“Likewise, my boy. Trust me, I won’t hurt you,” the second vampire gently waved his clawed hand in my direction, while turning to glare at the other vampire. “I happen to have a strict code of honor. I am a vampire, not a beast.”

“Who do you think you are to insult me in such a manner?!” the elderly vampire roared.

“What a curious question. If you must know, I am-”

Whatever the dark-haired vampire was about to say was cut off when the final coffin opened. 

It didn’t simply slide open like the others, instead the lid seemed to push away with a loud ‘crack’. There was a pulse of red energy deep from within as the coffin lid slowly fell to the floor with a dull thud. For a split second, the energy lit up the room with hellish light, making a loud thump that echoed endlessly in my mind.

Except it wasn’t the energy making that noise. My heart was simply pumping so fast that I could hear the blood rushing through my ears.

The thing that emerged from the black coffin had to also be a vampire. It made logical sense, seeing as vampire sleep and coffins, and both the other two were vampires. But the monster that stood from the obsidian sarcophagus was nothing like the other two, and he was a far cry from any dork in a discount Halloween costume trying his shot at a bad middle european accent.

He was taller and lankier than the first vampire, but shorter than the second. His wild black mane trailed past his waist, his unruly bangs covering much of his face as he rose to his full height. His mouth opened wide, revealing a set of teeth that would be more at home in the jaws of a shark or a crocodile rather than a vampire.

He tilted his head slightly as his horrible maw closed, revealing his whole face. He was pretty youthful compared to the other two, maybe in his mid or late 30s. But his eyes were terrifying, they were slit like a cats and they flashed and shifted like the pits of hell itself. As soon as he caught me staring at him, his fanged smile returned, and the fiery color of his eyes seemed to grow brighter, like a fire being fed fresh tinder.

Did I also mention he was dressed in a leather gimp suit? Because what he was dressed in was basically a gimp suit mixed with a straight jacket. And I don’t know what that said about me that I recognized it, but I certainly knew the implications behind a vampire dressed in a gimp suit .

Said vampire gimp’s terrible gaze lingered on me for a few more moments before it shifted to the other two vampires in the room. His smile simply turned lopsided, and his stance quickly turned aggressive as he took a step towards them.

“I’ll admit, it’s quite a surprise to see the likes of your kind here. You’re both old, I can tell, and that’s intriguing.” Gimpire’s eyes narrowed as he leaned towards the other two, his smile growing wider and his expression turning into a sort of mad gleefulness. “But now matter how old trash gets, no matter how polished it becomes, trash is still trash ! I’ll enjoy tearing the life from your undead bodies as you squeal like stuck pigs!” 

Oh dear god, Gimpire is a psychopath. And I’m about to get caught in the crossfire…

Welp, reincarnation was interesting once, so I can deal with it again. Wonder what I’ll get next go around, because this certainly ain’t gonna work out.

“Trash?! Trash?! ” the second vampire all but roared.

“Proclaiming me trash ?!” the first one hissed. “You look like a leather bound libertine! You’d make Don Juan look clean!”

“Prattle all you want! I’ve cut down monsters far worse than you!” the vampiric gimp snarled, a low growl echoing from the back of his throat. “I’ll rip you into mincemeat all the same!”

“You talk big, yet you know not who you speak to!” the tallest vampire took a step towards the feral gimp, a disgusted sneer tugging at his lips. “Do you have any idea who I am? I am Count Vlad Dracula Ţepeş, thane of Transylvania! You will show me respect, vampire !”

“...Excuse you?” the leather-clad creature’s eyes widened in rage and shock. “What did you just say your name was? How dare you!”

“Yes, how dare you claim such a name for yourself!” the elderly vampire pointed a clawed finger at the taller undead, his eyes blazing red as he stalked towards the other vampires. “ I am the true Count Dracula, of the Székelys, and a direct descendent of the lord of the Hun himself! To claim my name, the nerve!”

“You’re both wrong!” Gimpire roared angrily, “you insolent pests! You would dare to claim my name as your own! I’ve stuck swine such as yourselves on wheels for such arrogance.”

“Your name?” the tallest vampire suddenly asked in confusion.

And then Gimpire was suddenly blanketed completely in hellish red and black shadows. For a second, all that stood where he once had been was a mass of terrible darkness. And then a massive red and black cloak billowed forth, before unfurling to reveal his new-or rather, old-self.

He looked older now, and more muscular. He had suddenly grown a thin mustache and a short beard. He was decked out in sick black armor with fancy insignia lining his breastplate and boots, and a truly impressive broadsword with a gilded hilt hung from his belt.

“I am Vlad Dracul III, ruler of Wallachia! I am the true ‘Dracula’!” his voice echoed, now with a small but noticeable Romanian accent. He unsheathed his broadsword and pointed it at the other two vampires, a scowl tugging at his lips. “The two of you are nothing but pretenders, less than pale and blatant imitations! You will pay for such insolence!”

 

———————————————————————

 

And that’s how I ended up getting here. I now had three ancient Romanian vampires, all of whom seemed to believe they were fucking Dracula and that the other was a poser, arguing loudly. I honestly had no idea how the hell to handle this.

Though…it was kinda funny if you looked at it right.

The elderly Dracula was probably the most childish in how he was insulting the others. Oh sure, he’d let out a swear, but most of his insults were essentially just the ‘big smelly doodoo head’ kind that small kids would call each other. It was stupid, but I had to fight back the urge to chuckle at it.

On the other hand, Mister ‘ruler of Wallachia’ was far more crass than the other two. He’d say stuff like ‘when I’m done with you, you’ll lick the devil’s anus’ and other really twisted stuff. He sounded like a deranged lunatic as he threatened the other two, but honestly, hearing the words ‘fuck’, ‘shit’ and dirty names usually comprising of the words ‘swine’ were losing its charm.

The ‘Thane of Transylvania’ was far more refined in his insults, however. Oh sure, it was shit-talk, but it was almost artistic in how he delivered it. He wasn’t simply swearing and insulting the other two, rather he was masterfully tearing them apart through tactical verbal assault on their persons.

Unfortunately, they were starting to get violent. Vlad III had quickly brandished his sword and shifted into a combat ready stance, shadows dancing from beneath his cloak. Further away, the elderly Dracula had suddenly become surrounded by a fell mist that permeated the entire room. The tallest of the three held up a single hand, and a flame as large as a tennis ball flashed into existence just above his palm.

…Yeah, this is getting out of hand. Stopping it now.

“Umm, excuse me?!” I said. There was no response. They only continued to yell at one another. I took a deep and tired breath before taking a step forward. “Excuse me?! Hello?! Hey, hey! HEY! QUIET!!!”

The three vampires turned to me with a variety of expressions. They all shared one of shock, though only the elderly-looking undead looked enraged. The other two just seemed mostly annoyed.

I took another deep breath because I was getting so done with this shit . “Listen! I don’t care which one of you is really ‘Dracula’. That’s not the problem here. You’re all…what, a few centuries old each?” the three of them nodded weakly as they conceded that fact. “Okay, neat, you’re all centuries older than I am. So why not try ACTING YOUR AGE??!!”

Even the tallest of the three was taken aback by my outburst. “Tch, to think a child would tell me off in such a manner. Very well…”

The armored vampire let out a huff. “Very vell, boy. But I von’t take the insults from these two lightly.”

The elderly vampire hiss angrily, lips pulled into a snarl. “Don’t think that you can command me so easily, copil!”

“Yeah, lovely. So, you’re all ‘Dracula’, huh? Great, we’ll sort that out later.” I took a deep breath as I mentally prepared myself to deal with this. “Now, how did you all get here ?”

At my question, the three vampires actually paused. The three of them grew contemplative looks, looking around the entire room in confusion.

“I don’t know…how did you get here, young man?” the tallest vampire asked.

“I fell asleep, and then I woke up here,” I shrugged.

“I remember…” the elder vampire spoke up, causing the other two to turn to him. “I remember having to run away from those men in England. They were hellbent on finding me!”

“Abraham Van Helsing, Jonathan Harker, Arthur Holmwood, Jonathan Seward, and Quincy Morris?” the armored vampire asked.

The wizened-looking undead stared at the other vampire in shock. “Yes, yes! They had tracked me down even after I had sailed all the way home to Transylvania. They attacked the caravan my servants carried me on.” His gnarled hands clenched in rage. “They caught me in the daylight, but even in my weakened state, I could have defeated them with just a gaze. But then Jonathan slit my throat, and I felt a stabbing pain in my back, and then…and then everything went dark, until I woke up in here.”

“You…you were in the daylight?” the taller vampire asked. “And you were alive?”

“But of course! It weakens me, leaves me near powerless,” the elderly vampire waved the other one off, “but I can stomach it, at least.”

“And you?” the caped vampire asked the third undead.

Shadow again swallowed the armored vampire, his form probably shifting once more. The shadows dissipated, revealing a young man in a black Victorian suit, with a long and billowing blood-red trench coat trailing behind him, all topped with a big and floppy fedora of the same color. His terrible eyes still glowed, but they were shielded by bright orange sunglasses.

Wait, isn’t that Alucard? Now everything was starting to make sense…okay, not really, but I was getting a better grip on the situation. That was something, at least.

“Sunlight annoys me,” Alucard growled, his voice now smooth and his English unaccented. “But it cannot kill me. I am a true Nosferatu, not some garden variety freak.”

“Interesting…” Vlad hummed thoughtfully as he cupped his chin. “As for myself, I…I was in my castle. After I had declared war on humanity as a whole, my son Adrian and I had a disagreement. He refused to allow me to commit genocide in his mother’s name…I-I couldn’t really blame him,” he inclined his head weakly, a tired sigh escaping his lips. “He and his allies stormed the castle, destroyed much of my forces, and then they confronted me. My son, the sorceress, and…the Belmont .”

“Belmont?” the red-clad vampire tilted his head in curiosity. “There’s a story behind that name, isn’t there?”

“Ancient bloodline of heroes sworn to defend humanity from the terrors of the night. Always trying to kill me, a constant thorn in my side when I’m up to something.” The tall vampire waved his hand around in annoyance. “The only reason I knew he was a Belmont was because he tried to punch me . And not once either, no-ho-ho! When somebody punches me in the face once , it’s because they’re on their last legs and are desperate but unwilling to go down without a fight. The only people in that backwater ‘sty crazy enough to keep on punching are the Belmonts.”

Alucard threw his head back and let out a barking laugh. “These Belmonts sound wonderful! Tell me, was the fight between the three truly as glorious as I’m imagining it?!”

“Glorious…what happened was nowhere near glorious !” Vlad shuddered, his clawed hands clenching. I thought I could see his eyes straining as his voice became a low croak. “I was…I was defeating them. I had separated Adrian from his allies. I was throwing him through walls and dragging him through the entire castle, and he couldn’t keep up. Even starved of blood as I was, he couldn’t possibly defeat me.”

“You were starved of blood?” the elderly vampire cried out.

“I don’t need it to live. In fact, I’ve been abstaining from it for quite some time.” The taller vampire took a deep, unsteady breath. “I was so close to killing my son! I had him right where I needed him…and then I…I realized I was going to kill my son !” Vlad suddenly dropped to his knees, looking at his hands in horror as blood flowed from his eyes. “We ended up in his room, the room from when he was a child. I saw his toys, I saw the walls, they were the things my wife and I had made. For once I had used all I knew, all the knowledge I had accrued over my immortal life…I had used it not to make something horrible, but to make my child happy. And I was going to kill him. Lisa was the light of my life, and she had given me the most amazing thing in the world…and I was trying to kill him !”

I didn’t know how to react to that. The way he sobbed as he spoke made me feel like I was choking. And why were my eyes so watery? What was happening?

Apparently, Alucard didn’t know how to respond, either. He was just staring at the other vampire in shock. The red-clad man looked like he had seen a unicorn or something, because the way his jaw was dropping and his glasses were sliding away from his eyes, it seemed like he was seeing something that shouldn’t be possible.

“I…I let him stake me,” Vlad said in between sobs, “I let m-my son take my life, because if I was s-so hellbent on taking his, then I knew I was already dead anyway. I-I tried to embrace him, even in my last moments, but then I heard the door opening, and…and then it was dark…and then I woke up here.”

Alucard’s face suddenly became stony, a small frown tugging at his lips. “To think that I would see such a thing. I never thought I’d see a monster cry as a human would. Such a strange day…” the red-clad vampire tilted his head as he removed his glasses. “For what it’s worth, I don’t think your son truly hated you. Everything he did was because he was trying to honor his mother’s memory.”

“Yes, and if I had realized that sooner…maybe I could have avoided everything,” the taller vampire wiped away his bloody tears and turned towards the wild-haired man. “And what of you, ‘Ruler of Wallachia’? What chain of events led to your presence here?”

“Now that would be quite the story to tell. To make it shorter, some fat little toad who fancied himself a warlord brought the remnants of his fascist army all the way to England as part of a plan just to kill me . Combined with the insane Archbishop and his succession of papal knights flying forth from the Vatican and following it up with a rampage of their own…well, when I returned to London, I barely recognized the place,” Alucard’s mouth morphed into a deep frown as he inclined his head. “After defeating their armies and bringing an end to Ander-to…to my worthy opponent, I learned that an old friend had betrayed me. He had allied himself with that insane little Major just to get a shot at killing me.”

“Can we assume he succeeded?” the elderly vampire inquired.

“Quite the opposite, actually. Walter certainly gave me some trouble, but in the end, he was simply a pawn to them. He couldn’t defeat me, and in the end he couldn’t even get close,” the red-clad vampire clicked his teeth angrily. “No, that honor went to The Major himself, or rather his ‘ingenious’ plan. Essentially, he spiked my drink with a poisonous meal of sorts, and by accidentally partaking in that meal, I became a non-entity. I was forced to become an abstract thing , an imaginary number. I couldn’t properly perceive myself in any sense, not as alive, dead, or even undead. I simply…ceased to be . The last thing I saw of the waking world was the sunrise. It was…it was the first sunrise I’d seen in a long time. And then, nothing!”

“If that’s the case, then how are you here?” Vlad asked.

“...I don’t know,” Alucard cupped a hand to his chin in thought, “it felt like I was simply floating in an endless state of non-existence. I was in the middle of trying to find a way to get back home when…when everything went dark-”

“And then you woke up here?” I asked. The red-clad vampire nodded, to which I hummed. “Seems to be a running theme. I think I’ve figured out what’s going on here.”

“Oh, really?” the tallest vampire asked.

“...Okay, maybe not all of what’s going on,” I shrugged, “but I’ve got a good idea. You all claim to be ‘Dracula’, right?” the three vampires nodded. “Well, maybe you all are Dracula…as in, all of you are Dracula. Simultaneously.”

“Impossible!” Vlad growled.

“No, it’s actually possible. See, there’s this thing called multiverse theory-” I tilted my head when the elderly vampire turned and began walking away, “uh, what are you doing?”

“Trying to get some real answers!” he hissed back as his clawed hands began roaming around the nearby bookshelf. “Perhaps one of these tomes can shed light on where we are.”

“You’re surprisingly knowledgeable for a little boy, you know?” Alucard chuckled at my shocked expression. “And you’re well-spoken too. Just who are you?”

“My name is Benjamin Osbourne, sir!” I responded with a slight bow, “and as for how I know so much, you see-”

“Ah, interesting! I’ve found a glowing book!” the elderly vampire called out. Sure enough, he had pulled out a glowing book and had presented it to the rest of us. “Perhaps this will be useful.”

“He’s not gonna open that, is he?” I asked the others, “because the golden rule of any weird situation is that if something weird like a glowing book is around, you don’t open it ! Its gotta be included in the general rules.”

“I didn’t know there were general rules on how to deal with ‘weird shit’,” Alucard responded.

“I agree it would be unwise to open it,” the taller vampire spoke up, taking a step towards the old man. “Perhaps it would be best-”

Before he could say another word, the old vampire opened the glowing book. And suddenly, the world around us changed…

 

———————————————————————

 

One second we were in a dimly lit castle room in the middle of the night, and the next we were in a bright and sunny suburban neighborhood. It was a pretty average situation. People were walking down the street with their young kids or dogs. There were cars driving by, the works.

The tallest of the three vampires suddenly threw his cloak over his head, a loud hiss echoing from his jaws. The other two vampires and I just tilted our heads and stared at him as he acted like a lunatic.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“It’s sunlight, you foolish boy! I can’t be out in the sun!”

“You can’t be serious?” Alucard’s expression fell when the taller vampire glared at him from beneath his cloak. “Oh dear god, you’re not joking! What kind of vampire are you?!”

“Where are we, anyway?” the elderly vampire asked.

“Oh…I know where this is.” I felt a migraine coming on the moment I saw a certain individual walking down the street. “Oh boy, I get to deal with this again!”

“Deal with what?” Alucard quirked an eyebrow at me in curiosity.

“My death,” I shrugged, ignoring their surprised expressions. 

I watched as my old high-school self walked down the street, an expression of complete defeat sitting on his face as he moved. He tiredly hoisted his backpack over his shoulder until he finally got to that ill-fated crosswalk. I watched with bated breath as he waited for the pedestrian light to flash white.

Sure enough, it eventually did not even a few seconds after the traffic lights above turned red. Just before the light had changed, however, I could see a huge black van turning round the corner further up the street. It was speeding towards my old self’s intended path, and when the light turned red, it simply increased its speed.

“Is that an automobile?” the elderly vampire asked, turning his head around as he looked at the other cars nearby. “These are all automobiles?! They’re nothing like the ones I saw in England!”

“An…auto…mobile?” Vlad asked in confusion. “What is that? I’ve never heard such a term before.”

“Save the questions for later,” the red-clad vampire scowled as he turned to me. “You said this was your death, correct? What do you mean by that?”

“That guy was me,” I motioned to my old self, who was only a quarter of the way across the street and not paying attention. “Take a wild guess what happens next.”

Alucard blinked in shock at my words and turned just in time to see the van speeding closer. My old self was now halfway across the street, and only when the van was maybe less than thirty feet away did he realize something was up. He turned just in time to see the van quickly charging towards him.

Three, two, one-

I looked away with a wince just as the impact started. Even then, I could still hear it, and all that cracking and snapping and those fleshy noises were not giving me a pleasant feeling. In fact, it almost felt like I was experiencing phantom pains from it.

“Oof! That was lovely ,” I said, turning towards the old vampire. I bit back a chuckle as he stared at the scene with wide eyes. “Yeah, maybe don’t open strange glowing books.”

“That was…you?”

“Yup!” I said, popping the ‘p’ cheerfully.

“Then how are you here now?” the red-clad vampire asked. “And why are you a child?”

“To answer both your questions, and why I’m so ‘knowledgeable’,” I cupped a hand to my chin and shrugged. “Reincarnation is a hell of a trip. That or it’s just some bullshit…”

 

———————————————————————

 

The world around us slowly shifted until we were back in that dimly lit castle room. The old vampire fell back into a chair at a nearby table while laying the book down. He looked somewhat perturbed by what he’d just seen, but I could see him glancing at me with a curious glint in his eye.

“Reincarnation?” Vlad asked, an intrigued look on his face. “I’m aware of the concept due to my study of certain religions in South Asia, and I’ve also found paganist texts referencing it. But everything I found spoke of ‘cycles’ of rebirth, not of something like…like this .”

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes at his words. “That’s nice. Thanks for the kind words.”

“I didn’t mean to offend. Surely you didn’t deserve to die so…viscerally,” the taller vampire rubbed the back of his head nervously, “but this goes against everything I know.”

“Trust me, this is anime-style reincarnation. True and honest bullshit here,” I responded. “With how multiverse theory works, that’s a given…”

For the next several minutes, I explained multiverse theory-or at least the bare-bones version I knew of. I told them about how, with infinite possibilities throughout an infinite number of universes, that anything could happen. Hamlet and Macbeth, the Lord of the Rings, Pinocchio, they all happened somewhere in some other world, far from our own.

I also explained how… isekai worked, because the context was kinda needed. Of course, I knew how cringeworthy it was, but explaining the bullshit anime rules included was probably necessary. If it helped us figure out what was going on, then it was a required sacrifice.

“So the three of us are all ‘Dracula’, just from different worlds?” Vlad quirked an eyebrow at my nod, and a frown slowly settled on his face. “Then I think we have a good idea where we are, based on your knowledge and what we’ve witnessed.”

“Oh? W-Where then?”

“Your soul,” Alucard replied, as though it were obvious. “We’re inside your soul, little boy.”

Oh…

That’s good to know.

“You’re all taking this surprisingly well,” I responded weakly.

“It’s better than being dead,” the elderly vampire hissed.

“It’s better than not existing,” the red-clad vampire responded.

“It’s better than living to stamp down on my beloved’s memory,” the tallest of the three muttered.

“Ah, that’s nice…” I rubbed the back of my head sheepishly. “So, we should probably find a way to differentiate everybody. Because if you’re all Dracula, then that’s gonna get confusing.”

“Well, that can obviously be decided by identifying who’s the ‘original’,” Vlad remarked.

Oh god they’re gonna start up that argument again.

“I guess it depends on who’s closest to Stoker’s book,” I cut in before more arguments could ensue.

“Excuse you? Bram Stoker was only following the journals of those involved, and he practically debauched them,” Alucard huffed angrily, “the true sequence of events was far different!”

“...So you didn’t hold Jonathan hostage?”

“Uh…w-well, that is true-”

“What about feeding your ‘wives’ babies?”

“Absolutely not! I may be an undead, but I have enough honor to protect the innocent!” the red-clad vampire growled lowly, “I would never do such a horrible thing!”

“It would be a despicable act,” Vlad said from nearby, “even when I was razing the countryside, I never harmed the innocent in such a fashion. I couldn’t imagine anybody doing something so…horrible…”

We all stared at the elderly-looking Dracula as he looked away nervously and whistled nonchalantly. I slowly inched my way closer to the less psychotic vampires in the room, both of whom were gaping at him in a mix of shock and disgust.

“You cannot be serious!” Alucard growled.

“Do you have any idea how needy those three were?!” the old vampire retorted.

“But babies ?!” Vlad wheezed. “What is wrong with you?!”

“So, my old world had every other version of Dracula come from the original book.” I inched my way further from the old man as far as I could while pointing to him. “So he’s definitely the original.” Before either of the other two vampires could argue, I cut them off. “What?! He's the baby-eater! You wanna be conflated with him?”

Vlad turned away with a huff. “Certainly not !”

“Good. I’ve just been calling you ‘Vlad’ in my head.”

“Then you can all refer to me as such,” the tall vampire responded. “If it is easier, that is.”

“You may call me…’Alucard’,” the red-clad vampire made a bow and a flourish, a shark-like smile tugging at his lips.

“Neat! So, three vampires in my soul …” I felt a shudder run through me, “I have no idea why that’s my ‘reincarnation bonus’.”

“Considering you’re already a vampire yourself, I don’t see the point either,” Vlad said offhandedly.

“...Eh? But, I’m not a vampire,” I tilted my head curiously, “I’m a normal human child-okay, maybe not mentally , but,” I motioned to myself, “normal human body. There aren’t vampires in this new world, either.”

The two tallest vampires just gave me blank stares.

“You’re joking, right?” Alucard asked. At my blank expression, his glasses fell past his eyes slightly. “You’re serious?!”

“You…you don’t know, do you?” Vlad just blinked at me in shock. “You really don’t know?”

“Know what?!”

The old man, Dracula , threw his head back in laughter. “Oh copil! This is truly a treat!” the elderly vampire stood from his seat and practically floated over to me. Before I could react, he had grabbed me by the shoulders and gently led me across the room. “Take a look, boy. Tell me what you see…”

He had led me to a mirror. I could see my reflection, obviously, but only Vlad’s and Alucard’s reflection were visible as they followed behind me. I knew Dracula was there, but the whole mirror thing was an obvious issue.

I only focused on that for a few moments, because when I finally inspected my reflection, I realized something was wrong .

Fangs! I had fangs, long and pointy eye teeth that would make a big cat jealous, and slightly pointed incisors accompanied them. I raised a single finger towards my lips to feel them, a shudder running through me when I felt the smooth excess enamel.

My eyes were wrong, too. I had slit pupils, sorta like those of a snake or a cat. They were horribly predatory, and they weren’t how they were supposed to look ! Worse, my eyes were glowing a terrible, hellish red .

“No, no! Nonononono! I’m human! I’m human! I’m alive, not dead or otherwise!” I backed away, never taking my eyes off of my vampire-like visage. “I have a pulse! I’m a living person! I just fell asleep! I’m not dead, I’m not dead I’mnotdeadI’mnotdead- ”

“Benjamin! Calm yourself!” Vlad laid a hand on my shoulder and gently shook me out of my madness mantra. His own red eyes stared down at me with concern, a frown tugging at his lips. “I know that what you're going through is worrying, but you must keep a level head. A vampire who is not in their right mind is a danger, not simply to others, but to themselves as well.”

“I’m not a vampire!” I croaked out quietly.

“And yet, despite not being a vampire, your appearance says quite the opposite,” Alucard chuckled from beside me. “Though I admit, there is something…off about it. Your eyes are shifting, and your fangs are changing in length at different intervals. What kind of vampire might you be?”

“It reminds me of something…Ah! Yes, if I were to bite somebody, this would be like the beginning stages of the transformation,” Dracula motioned to me with a smug, toothy grin. “To stave it off, and perhaps even cure it, my enemies would use that new ‘blood transfusion’ science. It seemed to have a mixed result.”

“Did they know about blood types?” Vlad asked curiously.

“...B-Blood types ?”

The taller vampire rubbed his nose in exasperation. “Were any of the victims worse after getting transfusions?”

“Most of the time, yes. Honestly, I had no idea how it was supposed to help them-”

“I’ll get back to that later!” Vlad turned back to me with an unreadable gaze, a curious head tilt directed my way. “It’s more likely that you’re somehow becoming a hybrid, of sorts. How that’s occurring, I can’t quite understand…”

“Wait, you mean a Dhampyr?” I swallowed nervously at his slow nod. “Y-You mean I’ll get all the good stuff from a vampire, but none of the bad stuff?”

“Well, yes, but I don’t see how being a vampire is ‘bad’, considering-” the tall vampire blinked when he heard snickering nearby. When he turned, he saw the other two undead holding back chuckles. “Is there something funny?”

There was a slightly disdainful look shared between the two other vampires, before their faces broke out into stupid grins and their chuckles quickly devolved into mad laughter. Despite them being dead, it actually seemed like they really were out of breath from laughing so hard.

Eventually, Dracula stood upright and put on a dopey face. “Oh, what’s that? Your crops are failing? That must mean there’s a vampire about! Don’t worry, I-a Dhampyr with no bones-will stop it!” the elderly vampire let out a loud, wheezing chuckle as he held his hand up to his face to mime a telescope. “It’s invisible, so I’ve got to find it by looking through my coat sleeve. Don’t worry, I’ll totally find it! Just make sure you pay me after this is over!”

“My, my, look at that! I just saw the invisible vampire !” Alucard quickly joined in, his own mad laughter echoing through the room alongside Dracula’s. “Let me just wrestle it with my coat ! I’ll bring the son of a bitch down, promise! Oh, by the way, once this is over, I’ll be heading out of town, so you better pay me!”

The two shared in a loud, raucous laugh as they threw their heads back. Meanwhile, Vlad and I just stood on the sidelines, him with a deadpan glare and me with a look of confusion.

The red-clad vampire wiped away non-existent tears as he composed himself. “Dhampirs! Truly, there has never been a better small-time con-job in all of history.”

“I remember being present for one. God, I couldn’t stop laughing when I realized what was going on,” the elderly vampire let out a wheezing giggle as he tried to keep himself upright, “oh, it was amazing. I really couldn’t feel pity for those imbeciles.”

“...Do you remember how I had a son?” Vlad asked with a flat voice.

“Oh? Yes, you mentioned him! Adrian, correct?” Alucard tilted his head in thought, “what’s so important about him?”

“Well, I met my wife, Lisa, long after I had become a vampire,” the tall vampire took a deep and annoyed breath, “and I was very much still a vampire when we had conceived. And she was a human .”

“...Oh,” the red-clad vampire blinked in shock, “y-you mean your son was-”

“A Dhampyr , yes!”

“Wait, really?!” Dracula made a small choking noise as he took a step towards Vlad. “B-But how ?!”

“Oh! I know!” I spoke up, “when a vampire loves a human woman veeeerrrryyy much, she and him-”

“I know how that works, child!” the elderly vampire hissed angrily, before turning back to the taller vampire with an annoyed snarl. “Wipe that smirk off your face! How could you have had a child?!”

“I believe the boy there was onto something when he attempted to explain,” Vlad motioned to me while visibly holding back chuckles, “but yes, my son Adrian was a Dhampyr. A real one, not some conman who claimed to lack bones.”

“So, you think the boy here is becoming a half-vampire?” Alucard’s smile was full of mirth as he strode over to me. He gently grabbed me by the face with a gloved hand and tilted my face about as he scrutinized me. “Hmm, it seems there’s still quite a lot of life in you. Yet you’re certainly no longer a simple human.”

“How do I turn it off?!”

“Within your own soul, it’s impossible. All of this around us, it is you !” the red-clad vampire spread his arms out and cackled, “within your own soul, everything is laid bare, nothing can be hidden. Trust me, it’s a lesson I know very well-”

“It’s simple, actually! To retract your fangs…” Vlad went into a detailed explanation about how to sheath my monster teeth and conceal my inhuman eyes. “Go ahead, try it yourself.”

I took a deep breath before following the tall vampire’s instructions. It was like a mix of pulling on something and tugging, but it was based on some strange, extra muscles. I felt my elongated and sharpened teeth recede until my incisors were completely normal. My canines, unfortunately, remained sharp and slightly longer than normal.

As for my eyes, I didn’t really feel them change at all. I only knew they were back to their normal blue because I spotted my face in the mirror. Even though I was back to ‘normal’, my normal appearance seemed to still be wrong. It felt like not having fangs and monster eyes was just as strange as having them at all.

Alucard gave Vlad a very unamused look.

“Okay, so, less vampire-ey now. Good! Uh, how am I becoming half-vampire, though?” I asked Vlad.

“Perhaps that’s why we’re your ‘cheat item’?” Dracula chimed in, his voice full of disdain as he spoke those words. “Vampirism is not simply a physical condition. Depending on how old the individual is, on how strong they’ve grown, on all their actions, it can go far, far deeper.”

“Indeed. This existence, this curse , it seeps into your very soul,” Alucard hummed thoughtfully, “which means everything should make some sense. The reason you’re gaining vampiric traits despite the apparent lack of vampires in your world…”

“Is because of our presence in your soul,” Vlad finished.

“...Wat?!”

“Because you have three vampires trapped in your soul, their vampirism is seeping into your own and transforming you,” the tall vampire summarized tiredly.

“...Wat?!”

“I said-”

“No, I heard what you said, just…why?! Why is this happening to me?!” I all but fell to my knees as I curled into a ball. “I didn’t ask to get killed by a giant hunk of metal and bolts and wheels! I didn’t ask to be reincarnated! And I didn’t ask for three random guys to get trapped in my soul! Why?!”

“Why does anything happen in life? Why must death, famine, and suffering occur?” Dracula let out a low, wheezing chuckle as he spoke. “Whatever the reason we’re here, whatever the reason you were ‘reborn’, it’s there. You just need to find out what it is…”

I thought about that for a bit. Part of me wondered ‘is this even real?’, because it seemed so surreal. I had three Draculas in my soul, and their vampire powers were slowly seeping into me and transforming me into a half-vampire.

I had to be dreaming, right?

“Oh? How strange, it seems the sun is rising?” Alucard tilted his head towards the window with a curious glance. “Curious! It feels like it isn’t supposed to be there…”

I turned towards the window just in time to see a strange light shining through. It didn’t look quite like sunlight, but it was bright all the same.

As the strange light filtered through the window, I could hear-

*BEEP**BEEP**BEEP**BEEP**BEEP-

 

———————————————————————

 

*BEEP**BEEP**BEEP**BEEP**BEEP*

“Agh!”

I jolted awake, almost falling out of bed when I did so. When the blur and daze cleared from my eyes, I could see the eerie blue light of the very early morning. The sun hadn’t truly risen yet. It was still terribly dark in the house.

I slowly crept out of bed and tip-toed across the floor before opening my door as quietly as I could. I imagined every step towards the bathroom as a heavy weight loudly slamming into the floor, making goose bumps crawl across my skin. I was worried Miss Bonita would suddenly wake up and catch me, even though I knew I shouldn’t be worried about that.

I mean, I could easily just tell her I was going to the bathroom. It was an easy excuse to make, because it was believable.

But I had to know. Everything from last night, it had to have been a dream. But I knew there was an easy way to know, and I had to test it out.

I reached the bathroom and practically slid inside the ajar door. I locked it behind me, then I quietly pushed the stool over to the sink and mirror before stepping atop it. I hadn’t turned the light on, because if my hunch was right, I probably wouldn’t need it.

Even in the low light, I could see that my eyes had their normal blue color. I pulled my lips back in a weird smile, revealing my sharper-than-normal canines that looked so wrong. Maybe I only needed to see that to be sure, but I knew it couldn’t be that simply.

I closed my eyes and remembered Vlad’s instructions. If I knew how to retract my fangs and conceal my eyes, then surely I could do the opposite, right? It was probably simple enough to figure out.

After a minute of focusing, I felt the foreign sensation of strange muscles within my jaws contracting. Along with this was a slight stinging in my eyes that lasted for a little less than a second before subsiding. When I opened them, I felt a twisted feeling sinking into my gut.

My eyes glowed that hellish red, obviously. Alongside that, I could suddenly see the dark bathroom around me as though it were perfectly lit. There was a window nearby, and even through the blinds I could see the lightly forested landscape outside well enough that it might as well not have been dark at all.

My teeth had also changed accordingly. I now had longer fangs and sharpened incisors just like I had possessed before in my ‘dream’. I tilted my head while opening my mouth, a shiver running down my spine as I looked over my demonic dentures.

“My, my! You’re already testing your new abilities?”

“Eeep!” I almost lost my footing at the sound of that familiar voice echoing in my head. After righting myself, I turned away from my reflection with a nervous whine. “A-Alucard?!”

“Not just him!” Vlad suddenly piped up. “It seems we’re tapped into your own senses, or at least in a limited fashion. Of course, we couldn’t see anything until you ‘opened’ your eyes. This communication between us is a rather interesting aspect. I wonder how it occurred.”

“ I wonder if you’ve inherited any other abilities,” Dracula chimed in. “Hypnotism might be useful, though seldom few truly master it. Maybe starting you on beginner lessons would be a good idea…”

I rubbed my temples in annoyance and, after hopping off the stool, turned the light on so I could brush my teeth. 

As I hopped back onto the stool, I realized I had done so in an almost weightless fashion. I jumped around the bathroom again, pleasantly surprised to find that I was airborne for far longer than I should have been. It was like I was gliding onto the ground, rather than falling.

“You probably shouldn’t do that in front of others,” Vlad informed me, having realized what I was doing. “It’s a dead giveaway of your true nature, and there’s nothing you could do to misdirect others if they witness it.”

“If he could learn hypnotism, he could make them forget~!” Dracula sing-songed.

‘Hey, about the vampirism thing…’ I thought towards them, hoping that this communication thing was two-way like a phone call. ‘Do you think you guys can put a lid on it?’

“You mean stop talking about it?” Alucard asked incredulously.

‘No, not that! If you can teach me about whatever crazy abilities I might end up getting, then yeah, I’d appreciate it,’ I hummed tiredly as I ran the bristles of my toothbrush through my mouth. ‘I meant, is there a way for you to, I dunno, stall it? Maybe make it go slower? Maybe so I can stay more human for a little longer?’

There was a long period of silence from the three Draculas. I didn’t know silence, even within your own head, could be so loud. But it was extremely disturbing how perceptible that silence was to me.

“That’s…well, where to begin? I’ve accumulated vast scientific and philosophical knowledge spanning across centuries.” Vlad let out a small, unsure sound. “But I’ve never explored the ‘science’ of the soul. All I know is that it weighs, on average, 21 grams.”

“How do you even find that?!” Dracula shouted incredulously.

“Many, many willing test subjects of various ages and makeup, all dying of…ahem, well, I can assure you I wasn’t killing them myself. But they weren’t simply experiencing ‘peaceful’ deaths,” Vlad audibly shuddered, “consumption, leprosy, dysentery, the likes. I made sure they were as comfortable as they could be before they passed. Though in the process, I was weighing them and taking measurements and whatnot.”

“And how long did it take to finish collecting your ‘data’?” Alucard asked.

“Oh, about a couple of centuries, at least. I had to deal with ensuring I had proper sample sizes, making sure that I could account for changes due to immediate decomposition-” the tall vampire suddenly cleared his throat. “My apologies. I was rambling. The idea about it was never to understand the soul, just to prove it has a physical presence. I don’t know how the process is working, and I have no way of studying it.”

I spat out excess fluoride toothpaste as I listened. ‘So you don’t know how to cut the flow of your vampire juices?’

“That’s…not exactly how I would put it, but correct.”

I heard Alucard letting out a dark chuckle. “If anything, I’m far more knowledgeable about the nature of souls.”

‘So you might have an idea about stalling the transformation?’

“Possibly? It would require more knowledge on how each of our own unique variants of vampirism work,” the red-clad vampire let out a thoughtful hum, “which means, of course, that we’ll need to trade notes. Since my form of vampirism has much to do with souls, I feel I should be the first to explain.”

“Perhaps you just want to hear yourself talk, no?” Dracula hissed.

‘Let him explain, and then take your turns afterwards,’ I told them as I tiredly stepped off the stool and headed to my room. ‘I’ve got all day for this. Take your time.’

“Excellent!” I could feel Alucard’s shark-like smile, and I knew he was leaning towards the other two vampires with a smug grin. “To start simple, you must know something. Blood is the currency of the soul…”

 

———————————————————————

 

Trying to work on a history assignment while you have three voices chattering your head is exhausting.

I mean, I was learning far more interesting things from listening to them. Hearing about how different versions of vampirism worked was more interesting than who started WWI or how bad it was. I could just read ‘All Quiet on the Western Front’ for that.

“You can ride moonbeams ?” Vlad’s voice was incredulous.

“It’s a rather esoteric power,” Dracula responded. “Also, it can be unreliable from time to time, seeing as it’s reliant on both the weather and the moon’s phase. Shapeshifting is far more useful in the long run.”

‘...Is it fun though?’ I asked.

“Riding the moonlight? Eh, in a sense, yes! It can be fun.”

“And…souls? Eating souls?! Summoning them as familiars?” The tall vampire seemed nervous as he addressed the third undead. “It sounds like quite the frightening ability. And the derivative powers are certainly unnerving as well.”

“It made me quite powerful over the course of my long unlife. But as a consequence, I’ve long since lost myself…” I could feel a deep pit of melancholy emanating from the Alucard as he clicked his teeth. “Combined with the Hellsing family’s experiments, I’ve become a far cry from the vampire I once was. I’m more of a thing now, a thing with barely a shred of its old self left. The price of all this power is immense, more than you could imagine.”

‘Your power grows the more you take, but the more you take, the less you have,’ I mused.

“Exactly as you say, boy. It is a terrible irony to live with.”

“You know, I’ve actually been wondering about you , Benjamin,” Vlad interjected. “We’ve spent all this time talking about ourselves. All we know of you is that you died horribly, only to be reborn in a new world. Surely you have things to say about that, don’t you?”

‘I’m six. Not much to say, other than that I’m short and need a stool to get onto chairs.’ I felt a headache coming on as the three of them chuckled. ‘Let me guess, you’re interested in learning about the family?’

“Are you not fond of your parents?” the tall vampire asked.

‘It’s not that ! Part of it is that I still remember the parents I had in my last life. The…the less said about them, the better.’ I shrugged as I turned the pages in my history book. ‘I still have to remind myself that I have to call my new ones ‘mama and tata’. I’m worried they’ll react poorly if they find out who I really am.’

“You don’t think of yourself as their son?” Alucard asked.

‘Maybe? I don’t know, it’s weird…’

“Are you perhaps worried that they’ll harm you? Are they dangerous?” Vlad asked, a concerned edge to his voice.

‘No, definitely not that . They’re alright! They’re pretty affectionate, they say they love me all the time. But they’re fair too. They don’t let me have a run of the house,’ I sighed while covertly eyeing my babysitter. ‘They’re just…well, busy is an understatement.’

“Oh? What do your ‘new’ parents do, little boy?” the red-clad vampire chuckled.

‘Well, my dad, Ethan, works as a ‘Private Security Contractor’.’

“Oh? He’s a mercenary then?”

‘No, see, there’s a difference between PMCs and mercenaries ,’ I sneered as I thought it over. ‘Mercs are actually fully illegal-’

“I know how it works, boy. I was simply teasing you~!” Alucard’s ensuing chuckle was annoying and grating.

“What is a ‘PMC’?” Vlad asked. After Alucard and I gave him a barebones explanation, he sighed tiredly. “This is a new development, yes? From this new century? I’m fairly certain hiring warriors was far simpler in my original world.”

“So, your father is a killer for hire, eh?” Dracula chuckled darkly. “How does that feel?”

‘Honestly? It’s kinda cool!’

“...Eh?!”

‘I mean, he doesn’t kill people unless he has to. Most of the time he’s guarding supply caravans and convoys for politicians, or defending an important building like a glorified mall guard.’ I shrugged as I continued my schoolwork. ‘Not a lot of killing. He and his coworkers only react . They’re not legally considered soldiers, just an expensive and highly armed security team.’

“Indeed. I remember how we had to go through a few legal hoops when hiring the Wild Geese,” Alucard hummed nostalgically. “Though I thought little of them at first, they proved more than adequate. I heard little of them during the Battle of London, though.”

‘They probably weren’t present for it,’ I responded.

“Do you happen to know what company your father works for?” I could already tell the red-clad vampire was leaning forward curiously, “perhaps there might be a counterpart in my world.”

‘I think it’s called ‘Security Consultation Projects Inc.’,’ I replied.

Alucard let out a strained hum. “How unfortunate. I haven’t heard of them, which means they’re not present in my world.”

“What of your mother?” Vlad asked.

‘Oh, she’s an archaeologist. So she’s not doing well at her job,’ I smirked when the three vampires remained silent. ‘You know, because her career is in ruins .’

There was a long silence at first. Then there was a low, whining chuckle, like somebody was trying to hold back laughter. They failed, of course, because their chuckle quickly devolved into loud, raucous laughter.

“You can not be serious!”

“That wasn’t even a good joke!”

“I know!” Vlad told the other two between giggles. “That’s why I’m laughing!”

‘See, he can dig it!’ I bit my lip when the tall vampire’s laughter grew louder.

“That is just foul!” Alucard hissed.

“Absolutely dreadful!” Dracula growled.

‘It’s good humor!’ I replied, ignoring the annoyed grumbles of the other two. ‘Besides, reading up on WWI is depressing. I need a good laugh.’

“...I’m sorry, could you repeat that?” the elderly vampire’s voice was a higher pitch than normal. “Did you just say there was a ‘World War’?”

“Oh yeah, the ‘Great War’! It’s a shame I couldn’t take part in it,” the red-clad vampire chuckled.

Vlad’s laughter died down, instead turning into an unnerved gasp. “You’re telling me that there was a war across the entire world ?”

‘Well, mostly in Europe and Asia, parts of Africa. The Americans only joined a year before it ended.’

“What in the hell is an ‘American’?!” the tall vampire cried out.

Oh yeah, that’s a thing.

This reincarnation thing was gonna be a long gig…

 

———————————————————————

 

About a week later, my mother returned home. It didn’t seem like a big event from my perspective, but Miss Bonita seemed excited when she got the call. She was hyping it up like it was a big deal.

“What, you’re not excited to have your mom home?” the blonde woman asked.

“No, it’s not that. Mama always comes home,” I shrugged happily, “maybe she’ll bring me a souvenir. Or a cool story. I’m excited about those.”

“Oh? Think she’s gonna tell you a cool tale like the stuff from Indiana Jones?”

“Momma says that Indiana Jones isn’t accurate to what real archaeologists are like. She says nobody looks that good, and Jones didn’t even stop to check out the booby traps.” I let out a small giggle as I said that. “Hehe! Booby traps!”

“Yeah, yeah, funny word! What do you mean by that, though?” Miss Bonita tilted her head curiously.

“Mama told me that real booby traps are way cooler than some dusty old relic,” I replied. “She says they’re actually really rare.”

“O-Oh?! Yeah, that makes some sense…”

“Also, mama says real archaeologists don’t carry bullwhips,” I chuckled. “Tata says that whips are hard to get right, and they’re not good as an actual weapon. I think Indy was just some show-off.”

“That’s my culture there, kiddo! Hurtful!” the blonde whined and fauxly rubbed at her eyes.

“My culture has Dracula. You lose.”

“...Okay, you win this round,” my babysitter responded.

“Oh? What’s that mean anyway?!” the elderly vampire called out.

“It’s most likely a form of pride,” Vlad said offhandedly.

“Indeed! In my life as a mortal, I was renowned as a great hero! You should be proud of my great deeds!” Alucard declared jubilantly. “Although I am disappointed that my life as a human has been attacked as well. I fully admit to the horrors I committed as a vampire, but as a man, everything I did was for the good of my people.”

‘Didn’t….didn’t you regularly impale people on spikes?’

“I said for the good of my people, not the Turks…or thieves…or beggars, or-”

‘Point taken!’ I responded.

“Hey, she’s here! Come on, let’s go see her!”

Before I could react, Miss Bonita had gently grabbed me by the hand and pulled me towards the foyer. Outside, I could see a big van pulling up to the side of the road, just as my mother’s car pulled into the driveway. I saw some men emerge from the van, walk towards the back, and start pulling boxes out.

“Please be careful with those!” I heard my mother calling out meekly. “I could barely get clearance to bring those home. If anything breaks, the director will have my ass!”

“Relax, Allie! We’re not idiots!” one man said huskily in Hungarian. “Wouldn’t want to accidentally release some ghosts, eh?”

I saw Alina muttering something under her breath before she turned towards the house. Just as she started walking towards the door, my babysitter brought me outside. My mother’s eyes immediately lit up upon seeing me.

“Hi sweetie!” she called out, immediately running up to me and pulling me off my feet. “It’s so good to see you! I missed you so much!”

“I miss breathing…” I whimpered as she nearly crushed me with the force of her hug.

My mother gently set me back down and clasped her hands around my cheeks. “Look at these rings around your eyes? Maria, I know you said he was having nightmares, but I didn’t think it was this bad!”

“I’ve been trying to help him. It actually made me a bit worried…” the blonde trailed off.

“Oh, are we that nightmarish little boy?” I could feel the monstrous smile Alucard was sending me as he spoke, “how flattering~!”

I ignored the red-clad vampire’s chuckles, a tired sigh escaping my lips as Alina took my hand in hers. I could see her biting the corner of her lip nervously and narrowing her eyes as she led me back into the house.

“Come on, let me tell you about what I saw in Greece…”

“Ah, so this is the archaeologist?” Vlad mused, “she certainly seems the part.”

He wasn’t wrong. She was dressed exactly as you’d expect an archeologist to dress, with sleeves pulled up and torn up jeans and old boots. Her hands and torso were just covered in grime and dirt, and her hair was still matted with sweat.

“Exploring the past is often an underappreciated art,” the tall vampire hummed, “she seems quite passionate about her work. Very impressive…”

For the next hour or so, my mother would tell me all about the places she saw. She was doing some work at an archaeological site on Gyaros, and in between she’d head back to mainland Greece. She had pictures of the Acropolis and that huge theater-I forget which one, but it had rings of seats carved into the side of the hills. The pictures looked amazing.

The pictures of Gyaros were interesting too. There was a dilapidated prison on the island, along with ruins of old prison camps. But most of the pictures she took were of old campsites from when the Romans were using it as a place to send exiled convicts.

“Oh, I wish I could take you with me on these trips!” she whined. “I wish I didn’t have to leave you alone like this.”

“It’s okay, mama,” I told her, “you always come back. And I’m not that lonely.”

A low whine escaped from her lips as she leaned towards me. “Oh, you’re so sweet! But I go to so many amazing places, honey! I want you to see them, because you should get the chance.”

Nearby, I heard a loud banging noise. Alina suddenly went stiff before sighing loudly. A few moments later, she had left the room and had started ordering some of the guys who were bringing priceless artifacts into the house.

I got up from my small chair and followed her. A couple of the guys were carrying what looked like big scrolls, while a handful of them were carrying a big… thing , might have been a stone tablet, might have been something else. I only knew that even those three were struggling to carry it.

“What does it look like?” I heard Dracula asking.

‘Kinda like some weird stone tablet…only, the stone is…okay, it’s weirdly white. It has writing on it, don’t know what it is.’

“Might be granite or marble,” Vlad said offhandedly, “though honestly, there’d be better things to use for writing. It might be some sort of painted stone-”

“It smells like a mass of bone,” Alucard interjected smugly.

‘B-Bone?! Wait, how can you-’

“We’re still tapped into some of your senses, boy. While we can’t see, we can smell and hear everything just fine. And that ,” the red-clad vampire chuckled as I looked back to the massive white boulder. “That is a piece of bone. Of course, I’m not sure where it could have come from.”

“Maybe a dragon?” the taller vampire inquired.

“Dragons are extinct!” Dracula grumbled.

‘And they don’t exist in this world!’ I replied.

“They were more of a symbolic concept in my world, honestly,” Alucard added.

One of the men holding scrolls noticed me and smiled. He walked up to me and tousled my hair, a small giggle escaping his lips.

“Hey little man! You’re Ethan’s kid, huh? Nice to see you outside of a picture.”

I blinked at this. “You know my dad?”

“Yeah, I work with him,” he jabbed a thumb towards my mother as she helped the other men up the stairs. “Our guys here were keeping your old lady safe while she was working.”

“Eh?!”

“Ohoho? Interesting! I wonder why an archeologist would need mercenary bodyguards-”

“Probably to protect them from grave-robbers and dangerous wildlife, old fool!” the red-clad vampire hissed at the old man. “Though I have to wonder…why Gyaros? I’m fairly certain that that island was off-limits to anybody not in the Greek government.”

I heard my mother let out a small ‘meep’ before she turned towards the man. “H-Hey, Larry? Could you and Jacob bring those scrolls upstairs? I’ll have Maria help you find out where to go.”

“Oh? I don’t-” the man blinked when Alina made several confusing motions. “Ah! Right, I’ll get on that!”

I felt my head tilting in confusion as the two men carrying scrolls started heading upstairs. Miss Bonita followed them a few moments later at my mother’s insistence. She turned back to me and gently grabbed me by the hand, a strained smile tugging at her lips.

“That guy said he worked with tata! What does that mean?”

“Ah, well, your father has a lot of coworkers, remember? They have people trying to buy their services all over the world,” Alina shrugged and rolled her eyes. “My bosses wanted to make sure we wouldn’t run into any issues. You know, looters and grave-robbers, bad guys, all those things.”

“Oh…okay,” I hummed tiredly.

‘I’m totally not satisfied with that explanation,’ I thought, ‘especially after what you just told me.’

“Oh? So the child is getting suspicious?” Alucard chuckled lowly. “Tell me, what are you going to do about it?”

Before I could answer him, my mother started tugging me towards the living room. She quickly pulled me off the ground and set me on the couch, a kind smile gracing her lips as she hugged me.

“You’ve been up most of the night, right? I’m gonna put on some cartoons for you,” Alina grabbed the nearby remote and began fiddling with it. “I have to talk to Maria and those men about the things they brought in. I’ll come back in a bit, and then I’ll get you to bed and tuck you in. Sounds good?”

“Mhm,” I nodded weakly.

“Minunat!” my mother leaned down and laid a kind kiss onto my forehead. “Love you, sweetie!”

As soon as my mom left, I turned towards the TV with a pout. ‘I think she’s hiding something from me…’

“Oh my, how could you tell?” Dracula chuckled sarcastically.

“Come now, I’m certain she’s just excited about those artifacts,” Vlad responded. “Quite an interesting set. Those scrolls, did you notice anything about them?”

I thought about it for a second. ‘They had a bunch of hieroglyphics on them. Definitely not Egyptian. I can tell that much.’

“Minoan, it sounds like! Early Minoans used a writing system akin to that far back.”

“What about the massive tablet of bone?” Alucard chimed in.

“That one…yes, did you notice anything about the writing there?”

‘...So, have you ever seen symbols used in satanic rituals or something?’

“Define ‘satanic’?” Vlad sighed when I let out a wheezing choke. “I know many ways to invoke the power and presence of demons. You need to be more specific about which symbols-”

“I know which he’s thinking of,” the red-clad vampire interjected, then described the symbols in question. “Were they the symbols on the bone tablet?”

‘Ah, no, not exactly. It was more…twisted. And it almost hurt to look at.’

Alucard hummed lowly at this. “How interesting. What secrets could that woman be hiding?”

‘It’s probably just some old text about some obscure god.’ I shrugged. ‘Like Phthonus.’

“Who?!” all three of them asked.

‘Exactly!’ I replied.

For a few minutes, I watched TV. It was something to do, and it helped keep my mind off of things. I was halfway through nodding off to some boring, nondescript cartoon when I heard my mother and my babysitter talking in the dining room. I thought nothing of it-

“And you’re sure the temple was alive?!”

At least, until Miss Bonita said that .

“That’s surprising!” Vlad said, though he sounded extremely underwhelmed.

“What’s this about a living temple?!” Dracula called out.

“And now things are getting interesting…” Alucard giggled madly.

I sat up a little straighter and quietly inched towards the end of the couch closest to the dining room. Once I was sure I could hear things a little better without turning down the volume on the TV, I slowly laid down and went deathly quiet.

“-Fairly certain it was a living, moving thing…a-at least a few thousand years ago,” I heard my mother groaning, “I had another theory too, based on the translations I’ve made. The director wants me to keep it to myself, though, at least until they’ve worked on everything back at Site-77.”

“W-What’s your theory, though?” there was silence at the blonde’s question. “I mean, I’m not gonna say anything. I’m just really interested in this, it sounds so exciting! I mean, the temple being a living thing way back when is…w-well it’s-”

“It used to be a human,” Alina said suddenly, cutting the other woman off. “I know it sounds crazy, but everything I’ve translated leads me to that conclusion. I think the transformation must have been through some thaumaturgical process, though how it happened…”

“Thaumaturgical? Wait, is she talking about magic ?” Dracula hissed.

 ‘I don’t know! Magic shouldn’t exist in this world!’ I told him. ‘This doesn’t make sense! Why would my mom be talking about a ‘living temple’? What does that even mean? Is the temple like a conscious creature, or-’

“Do you think it has anything to do with SCP-2217?” I heard Miss Bonita ask.

‘...Wat?’

“Honestly, with the proximity, I’d place my bets on it,” I heard my mother giggle happily. “I’m almost glad. When I was working on 2406, we were all trying to put the pieces together. Now I think I know where all the damage came from.”

‘WHAT?!’

“Damage? So, SCP-2095 fought with-”

“Yeah, the giant temple made of flesh fought a giant robot,” Alina chuckled. “I almost wished I could see it.”

“I…am…so…fucked!” I wheezed as quietly as I could.

“What, what’s wrong?!” Vlad’s voice echoed.

I ignored him, instead I curled into a ball and started shaking.

Fuck me. Of all the endless universes that could ever exist, it had to be this one. It had to be the one swarming with monsters and countless horrible things. It had to be the one where the good guys sacrificed babies, and the bad guys got stronger the more you thought about them.

Oh god, I’m thinking about them! I gotta stop thinking about them! WHY CAN I NOT STOP THINKING ABOUT THEM?!

“Calm yourself!” Dracula intoned with a low growl, “your heartbeat is loud and grating! Whatever they’re speaking of, there’s nothing to be afraid of-”

‘Do not pull that ‘nothing to be afraid of’ bullshit on me, old man!’ I retorted angrily, ‘the good guys in this world regularly test a machine that kills puppies. There is an evil Santa Claus analogue living somewhere underground and torturing children, and I might just have a sibling that turned into a living, singing tree. I am not fucking okay!’

“I don’t…I don’t even know how to respond to any of that,” Vlad deadpanned.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, a wheezing groan escaping the back of my throat. I stayed like that for a few minutes, and I only sort of listened to my mother as she talked to my babysitter animatedly about her work. I felt my muscles tighten when those three letters were mentioned in relation to anything.

It all made sense now. Why my parents were cagey about their work, why my father has an armory ready to go right away, why my mother was always bringing weird artifacts home. Everything was all clicking into place in the worst possible way.

Why here ?! I could have been dropped into some random ‘Magical Girl Anime’ cliche or some teen angst drama instead! Why did it have to be in this specific world?!

I didn’t even register when Alina had come back into the living room. Maybe she just saw me curled up on the couch and assumed that I was falling asleep. I felt her gently picking me up and nuzzling my face into her neck as she carried me away. I was practically halfway asleep by the time she had tucked me in.

 

———————————————————————

 

Falling asleep properly was actually difficult, considering what I had just learned. But I somehow fell into a deep slumber. I should have had a blissful dream, one that would help me ignore the fact that I was now in a world of nightmares-or maybe I would have had a nightmare instead . If only to make sure this world wouldn’t catch me off-guard.

What I got was that same gothic castle room. And three ancient vampires standing over me with both curious and unhappy gazes.

Dracula pulled out a glowing book, a cruel smile tugging at his lips as his red eyes bored into me.

“Tell me, what is this ‘SCP Foundation’ that we’ve been reading about?” the wizened-looking vampire sneered.

“W-What? How did you-”

“These books, child!” Vlad made a flourish with his cape towards the nearby bookshelves. “Did you not realize it? They are your memories ! It should have been obvious after we witnessed your death.”

“Sifting through them would obviously be a chore. Luckily, we didn’t have to,” Alucard’s grin was maniacal and filled with shark-like teeth, and he leaned towards me menacingly. “It seems that whenever we need relevant information, your memories forcibly identify themselves. Hence the glowing books…”

“While it certainly didn’t tell us everything ,” the tallest of the three vampires sneered, “it told us exactly what we’d need to ask. Just because we’re willing to coexist with you, child, does not mean we’re entirely accepting of our situation. So it’d be best not to hide anything from us.”

“Now, once again…” Dracula’s scowling face was only inches away from mine now. “ What is this ‘SCP Foundation’?”

I just stared blankly at the three of them for a few tense moments. Right now, they were the most terrifying things in this room. But this world had things that could make them, at least individually, about as threatening as a rabid cocker spaniel. Still dangerous and terrifying, but there were far worse things around.

I took a deep breath and leaned back. “Alright, you all might want to sit down for this.” I held a hand up before any of them could interrupt. “Trust me, this isn’t something I can explain easily. It’ll take the better half of the night…”

Notes:

Next chapter will be up soon. (be prepared to wait like a month or something :-P). Hope readers will enjoy this.