In the Darkness

by ohlovelyx

Summary:

Talia’s entire family had been wiped out the same night as the Terrasen Royal family, and just before magic was wiped away, Talia erased the memory of them from everyone on the continent. Even from herself.

When magic came back, she was in Rifthold working as a barmaid and all of her memories came back. She was uncontrollable, and she tore the place to shreds with the wisps of darkness that escaped her.

Aedion found her.

But there was one person who remembered Talia, whose power Talia could not reach: Maeve.

Chapter 1: Waking Up

“Another!” A drunken hand slammed on a wooden table a few seconds from falling apart. It was one of the only hands, considering most men were fighting some threat in the city walls. He'd been loud the entire night, and the only reason he was in the pub was he was too old to be of any use in the castle anyway.

The barmaid was a tall girl with dark blonde hair that looked more of a deep grey-brown and lifeless brown eyes. Her skin held a subtle olive undertone, but her cheeks were pink. Her hair was up with strings of curls falling out of it and in front of her face. Her name was Talia, and she kept the jug of ale close to her chest, sidled up to the man and poured more into his cup. She was about to turn away, when she felt a hand creep up her thigh. Her face, which was usually painted with a smile, fell.

“Would you like some more?” Talia asked the man, whose grin dirtied his face more than the mud plastering the sides into his hair. Talia’s left hand pulled his head back by his ponytail and began to pour. The man started to choke, and his hand dropped from her thigh in an attempt to push her away.

She let go, and the man stood up angrily. Talia already planned to quit, she’d saved enough money to go back to Terrasen. She didn’t remember if she had a home there, but that was where she was the first time she woke up. As if from a dream, she'd found herself in an inn with no one and nothing around her. She’d always meant to go back. Her chest hurt when she thought about it, but somehow in her confusion, she'd followed a tug to the capitol city of the empire that brought Terrasen down.

"You fucking bitch," the man spat at her feet and stepped closer.

But maybe this was how Talia would die. From a drunken and pissed off old man who probably didn’t know how to count his own toes.

Then, there was the boom.

It took a moment for it to happen, it came back to her as if pollen on a breeze. But when it slammed into her, there was no mistaking it. She fell to her knees, screaming, as a pressure swelled in her head. She felt the sudden fear and confusion slam into her from everyone around the room.

And all of her memories started to piece themselves together.

“Papa!” Talia called. Her father was walking toward her, and on each side of him was Lord Murtaugh and the King of Terrasen. They were deep in conversation, talking about how Rhoe and Evalin were going to the country house for the night.

A ten year old Talia reached her father’s arms as she jumped into them,

and then fell.

There was such chaos and destruction as the Adarlan men tore everything to pieces. Talia hid in her room just under her bed, praying to Mala that they wouldn’t find her. But she prayed to the wrong Goddess. For it wasn’t Mala that watched over her, and she wouldn’t help her when two guards grabbed her by her ankles from under the bed. They were both large and their eyes were filled with black. She’d only been in her nightgown.

They held her down as she screamed. She never stopped screaming, until they tried to knock her out and she dug deep down into that well she never touched. Never even thought of despite her Fae parents telling her to, to at least ease the weight of it.

It’d always splattered out of her at the most inconvenient times. When she was playing with friends and didn’t get her way, or later when she’d developed past such selfishness, when she’d been teased to the point of anger. She was a logical girl, but the power was ruled by her instinct without her practice, and instinct only knew danger and hunger. For that power, for the inability to control it, she’d been kept mostly to herself. Lest any other child find themselves on the end of her shadows.

On that night, she was still untrained. It was only instinct that sensed danger and dug down, and sent darkness blasting at the men. She cursed herself for not using it earlier. She could’ve prevented so much, saved herself and others from what happened if she only remembered to use it.

And then one last memory.

Aelin, the heir of Terrasen, was dead. Her family was dead, and everyone else was left scattered. It’d almost be better if she didn’t exist anymore, and Talia, broken and impure as she was now, didn’t want to. So she dug deep

Deep

Down

And she pulled, and it was a Goddess who responded back. Who answered the call and showed her how to erase her name from memory.

Her name is Talia Ironwood, and she was demi-fae, and the last of her family. Not that it mattered.

When Talia came to, everyone in the bar was dead. Her shadows were leaking back into her, and the city was eerily quiet. The older man in front of her’s chest was red with blood, and his mouth spilled of it as if her shadow had pierced through his chest and up his throat. She started crying. Even now, she looked pitiful. Her near brown hair fell down in front of her face, and her clothes were showing every good there was to show. She was no Lady.

She thought for a moment that maybe she was the reason for the quiet. That in her pain and misery, she’d wiped the world clean, and that it didn’t matter if she was a lady or not. But then, when she was examining the other bodies, Aedion Ashryver stepped inside of the pub, and his eyes glazed over every dead body lining the floor. There were four of them, and two of them were the wife and husband that owned the pub. An old couple. Talia sucked in a breath.

Then fell onto her without an ounce of recognition. He didn’t remember her, may not remember a Talia or Ironwood even existing. Talia didn’t know why now she was plagued with it.

Aedion stepped over the body in front of her and kneeled in front of her. The Whore of Adarlan, that’s what people called him. Her chest hurt when she thought about what he had to become to endure, and remembered how she simply disappeared. She'd left him alone to deal with it all. Aedion asked “Did you do this?” Talia nodded, afraid her own voice would spark his memory of her. He waited, maybe for an explanation or even a plea for mercy.

Talia would voice neither.

“Come with me,” Aedion told her after a moment. Then she nodded.

 

~

 

Talia wasn’t any closer to controlling her magic. Rowan had spent only a couple of moments working with her on it before delving into the sky to save Rifthold yet again. Aelin and Lysandra’s own abilities were a bit too different, too foreign of a concept for Talia to try to mimic. Aelin tried to help her, she really did. Despite the fact that Aelin had no memory of Talia, Aelin trusted her.

It was strange.

She didn’t really think the queen should trust her, not based on a few words.

And maybe some tears too.

Talia believed ultimately it had something to do with the Gods guiding the Queen, some gut feeling that told the Queen to trust her. Either way, Talia felt more like a burden than anything else. She couldn’t fight more than a few slimy men in bars, much less demons and fae. She didn’t even have control of her own power, nor a grasp on it. Her mother was fae, and her father’s family line had some fae in it but there was no reason for her to have as much power as she did. She should be weak, yet she wasn’t.

She thought if she was any younger or less powerful actually, she’d probably have been sidelined along with Lysandra’s ward and fleetfoot. Rowan certainly seemed to debate it. A bomb was more trouble than it was worth sometimes, and that’s what she was: a bomb.

All she knew about her power was that it appeared as darkness, and that she had the ability to wipe her family name from memory. Rowan seemed to recognize it when she described it, but he never told her anything. Which just meant she was fucking clueless.

Which was why she was practically bouncing on her feet to finally talk to him and pry the information out of him. Aelin was just excited to see him, and of course she would be. They had a connection that Talia would never understand. She knew that from the moment she saw them together.

Even now, when they finally make eye contact, it feels as if there’s a rightness to the world again. Talia’s eyes slide past Rowan to The King of Adarlan, and two very big men on either side of him.

Males, Talia corrected herself when seeing their ears. But it was the younger one that made her freeze. For in her dreams, she saw him. High cheekbones, full lips, and dead pan eyes that looked deep into her very soul. He haunted her dreams and nightmares because with every single one, he saw her and he did not care.

She’d spent her whole life stuck in the shadows, hiding in plain sight so that when she finally came out, someone would care. But he always reminded her in her dreams that when you stay there too long, people forget you exist.

Talia’s heart thumped with every step closer he got, and she was sure he and every fae in the room were aware of it. Aelin probably would have looked at her differently if it weren’t for the current persona she wore.

All the while, the man never looked at her. The older one glazed over her, but Talia thought he was looking for someone else. More than likely, this was Gavriel. Aedion’s father.

Rowan threw one confused look over his shoulder at Talia, but Talia began to stare at one spot on the floorboards. She did not move. She needed to get a grip on herself. She scoured her mind for any mention of another fae male. She needed to know it as if it was an answer to a question she’d had for years.

Fenrys.

Finally the name came to her as she looked up at him, he met her gaze. But just as quickly, it slid away as Aelin plucked the emeralds back into the bowl she was just messing with.

Fuck.

~

She’d dreamt about him for months.

A face in a sea of people that she chased until she couldn’t find him any longer. Until she asked everyone if they’d seen a man like him, and everyone had seen him, talked to him even, but no one could tell her where he was.

In another, a stoney expression as she knew he was important to her and that she had to save him from whatever was controlling his mind—controlling him but unable to do anything.

Another, where she tried everything to make him see her, or acknowledge her better yet. She fought, did things she somehow knew he liked, but he never saw. Never cared.

The worst of them all was in one dream where she had no home, and for some reason he let her in. They were going to be roommates, and they talked, and he smiled at her and laughed. Then, a tragedy swept him away and descended her into another nightmare. She woke up the next day haunted and aching, missing what never was. Missing a man she thought would never exist.

She had a complicated relationship with men, to say the least. Shortly, after coming to Rifthold, she was manipulated into sleeping with someone. She couldn’t have been older than 13, and yet, she hated herself for years. That’s the problem when you think you’re capable of making decisions about sex and you’re assaulted. So men scared her.

She tensed up in their presence, and yes she’d had sex again eventually, but it didn’t feel pleasurable, and she was constantly second guessing herself. Was she ready now to make the decision to have sex? Maybe not, given she didn’t know the guys’ last names.

But those dreams. They pissed her off. They made her miss someone she would never have, something that would never be, because she was never going to be comfortable with a man.

And now? They pissed her off more because the man existed. Fenrys. He was exactly the same, maybe his hair was short in comparison to the length now, but every other feature was the same. Even his height was just as she remembered it, but he’d never even crossed the sea. There was no logical reason she would have dreamt of him.

“Are you gonna tell me what that was all about?” Aelin questioned later. She didn’t know how to tell her, if she’d even believe her.

“I recognized him was all.”

Aelin chuckled. “Well, Gavriel looks exactly like Aedion, so that makes sense.”

Talia hissed “Not Gavriel. The other one.” As if saying the other one was going to put him as far away from her as emotionally possible.

“How would you have recognized Fenrys?” Aelin murmured.

Talia shrugged. “A couple of dreams,” she whispered. Aelin’s fae ears caught it easily.

“Dreams?” Aelin asked. “You’ve dreamt of Fenrys? Was it prophetic? Do you think it could help us?”

Talia shook her head. “No,” she told her. “They were just sad. Not war or anything like that.” She tried to make a joke of it, “I think I was in love with him in them or something.” She chuckled.

Aelin didn’t laugh.

“Is it possible you’re mates?” Her voice was barely heard, to keep others from hearing it. From using it against Talia, she supposed.

Talia shook her head again. “Of course not.” Aelin didn’t seem to believe her, but she dropped it.

~

 

The water was red. Red with the blood of pirates, of Rolfe’s men, and Talia’s Queen looked sick. She couldn’t blame her, couldn’t focus on staying afloat while she felt dirty because of it. Couldn’t weave through the bodies without feeling as if she was going to throw up.

Then, a steadying voice, “You have to swim,” Fenrys growled to Aelin. He glanced back at Talia once, noting it to her too, and she felt stronger. “Right now. As fast as you can.”

Aelin’s head whipped, and Talia made one move to swim to the reef. Aelin didn’t move, and Fenrys said “Swim now!” With danger and fear lining his tone.

It was a command, and it rang through her like a bell. Like a siren, and it forced her into action as she swam. Rowan was even swimming for them, terror in his eyes, and Fenrys looked behind Talia as he barked “Faster!”

Rowan had no magic, Aelin had no magic. They were both depleted, and Talia wasn’t sure what Fenrys’s magic looked like, but the only one that could do anything about the sea wyvern after them was her. But would her shadows work in the water? Would they work when she needed them most?

They weren’t going to make it, and it would all be for nothing. Fenrys would be dead because he waited for them, and Aelin would be dead and because she was dead, everyone would die. Talia had to do something.

Gavriel was there with a hand waiting for Aelin, but Talia could feel the wyvern nipping at her toes. She screamed, when she felt the water move around her feet, could tell that it’d just barely missed, and Fenrys turned to the sound. Which brought him even closer.

Talia felt her power before she even tried. It was instinctual, and it exploded from her and wrapped around the creature. Then there was a lot of blood.

Aelin had just made it onto the reef with Rowan, and when she turned to look at Talia, Talia was frozen in a mix of blood and black. Aelin screamed, and Fenrys was staring at Talia as if seeing her for the first time.

“Y-you misted it.” He told her.

“Get out of the water,” Rowan barked.

Talia swam to him, to that older brother figure who somehow made her feel safe. Rowan lifted her from the water by her one and Fenrys pulled himself up. “Why?” She’s the most dangerous thing in the water.” He started.

“Only Maeve can mist people,” Rowan argued.

“Yet,” Fenrys lifted a single finger and pointed it at Talia dangerously without even looking at her. “She did.” Talia was on edge, teetering between fear for herself and her friends, and boiling anger because she thought he saw her. She thought maybe, for once, he’d seen her, but he hadn’t. Not in any way that mattered.

“Shut the fuck up,” Talia bristled. Fenrys finally turned to her again. “You don’t know me, you don’t know anything about me, and you don’t know what happened under the water, so just shut the fuck up.”

Fenrys paused. “What’s your name?”

Talia’s heart sunk. Deep. Deep. Deep.

“Talia.” She told him.

“Nice to meet you Talia, but I know what happened under that water, and that power belongs only to my Queen, so excuse me if I’m being a bit cautious.” Fenrys told her.

“No, you’re being a dick.” Talia quipped. “I just saved your life.”

“Technically,” Fenrys interrupted. “I saved yours as well.”

Talia shrugged, manic laughter erupting out of her “I’d be better off without it.”

Fenrys froze a bit. Everyone did.

“So you have a suicidal teenage girl with Maeve’s abilities, and you didn’t think it’d be a good idea to clue me in?” Fenrys turned to Rowan again.

“She’s 20.” Was all he said.

“Oh, that makes it so much better.”

Chapter 2: Blood Rain

Notes:

I'm soooo sorry for taking so long to come back to this! I was writing other stuff and finished college and it was just all a lot. I hope to return to this a lot quicker next time though. I hope y'all enjoy, and please comment!

"Can we please focus?" Aelin groaned, desperately trying to hide her own fear of what just happened. Of being possessed by the goddess.

Talia's anger had been a point, directed all at Fenrys to also ignore what she did. The issue when she did things like that wasn't that she'd killed someone or something. It should've been, but it wasn't. The issue was all of the times where she did nothing, and people she cared about died in the process.

"Where is Lysandra?" Aelin asked. Talia searched the shore with her eyes, and with an inkling in herself that just knew.

Talia pointed "She's helping Rolfe and his men." But that inkling that had felt for the shapeshifter also pricked at another part of the water, of teeth and blood. "Fuck." Talia padded on the reef into an area that was just a foot deep to get closer to the beasts that still threatened her newfound friend. Lysandra seemed to pick up on them too because the black ships were being rocked with sudden, violent forces that made the wood splinter.

Talia knew what she was doing, and knew how dangerous it was to be doing any of it alone. A sudden helplessness ripped through her, the same helplessness that chased her in her sleep as Terrasen was swallowed whole by Adarlan, of hearing her parents die. The helplessness she felt when she screamed in Fenrys's face as he was possessed by something greater, and unable to get him to look at her for a second.

There was sudden movement in the water, and Talia's fingers clenched. What could she do?

"Talia, don't." Rowan suddenly stopped her train of thought. "You have no control, you could accidentally mist Lysandra. It was lucky what you just did, but Lysandra can handle herself."

Talia shook her head pitifully "You're all spent and I have all this power, and can't do anything with it." Talia gasped in a breath as blood reached the surface in an area by the shore. "What is the point of surviving if I can't help-" Talia raised her voice, and felt it before she saw it. The thing that lingered in the water near her. She felt the air tense, and was about to say something when a tail flicked her off balance and towards itself.

She felt the reef scrape her legs, blood ripping through the water as claws pierced into her stomach and its maw opened. Talia screamed into the water, fury and bubbles spilling out of her a few seconds before the darkness reached out, took its jaws and ripped it apart. Lysandra had been there in her new form, sweeping in when the body of the sea wyvern started to sink. It was dragging her with it, claws still pierced into her side.

Talia pulled one out, and saw the blood pour from it. She felt sick as she pulled another, and finally was able to start swimming up. Lysandra was already at the surface, cognizant eyes meeting her gaze in relief. Talia was gasping in breaths, so it took her awhile to hear Aelin screaming.

"Swim!"

Talia saw Dorian on the shore trying to signal Lysandra, heard Aelin screaming at Talia to come to the reef.

What was the point of surviving if she never did anything?

"Lysandra!" Talia screamed, and pierced into the girl's mind with a wave--because it felt right. She had no way of communicating with the shapeshifter otherwise.

Take me with you, Talia asked. I can help.

You're hurt.

So are you.

Lysandra swam for Talia, and Talia latched onto her neck and took a deep breath as Lysandra swam for the adult sea wyverns that now awaited them.

When Talia tried to mist the creatures, she felt the ship splinter into a thousand pieces. Felt the people on it, the men on it that had been so confident and cackling fall in a blood rain on the water. She hadn't been aiming for the ship at all, and all it actually did before Lysandra broke through the three sea wyverns was put them in a blood frenzy. Talia couldn't breathe, she'd already held her breath for 30 seconds at this point.

But she tried again with the shadows because she could guide them better, and wrapped them around the adult wyvern three times larger than Lysandra. She sharped them into her own claws and pierced the wyvern's throat before tearing the majority of it out.

Lysandra raced for the surface, just to break through enough for Talia.

Talia's eye sight was turning black, and Lysandra broke through.

She didn't realize there was still a connection until Lysandra spoke in her own mind, did you mean to aim for the boat?

No, Talia forced a deep breath into her lungs.

Lysandra was aiming right for Dorian where he was still waiting with a beckoning hand, and Lsyandra led the sea wyvern right in his grasp of ice before dumping Talia close enough to shore for her to swim back. The King was already anticipating meeting her because he was running down the beach to where she was, and Talia suddenly remembered she was bleeding out.

Oh.

"Your left!" Gabriel amplified his voice for Lysandra to hear, and the fight continued deeper in the water.

She barely made it to the shore when she heard Aedion screaming. Dorian tried to lift her more onto the sand and she stumbled face first.

She heard the pierce in the air, and the stomps as Aedion ran down the beach. Not to Talia, but to Lysandra, who was barely holding on. Snarling, but Aedion talked her through staying awake. Talia felt a hand pressing on her stomach where blood leaked. She knew if she'd been human, she would have died. She knew even Rowan holding in her blood with all the air he had left wouldn't have been able to save her.

But when Talia cracked her eyes open, it wasn't Rowan holding in her blood.

It was Fenrys, and Aelin and Rowan were only now swimming off of the reef. He'd just appeared as if stepping out of a doorway she hadn't seen. "That was stupid of you," Fenrys mumbled.

"You should cut it," Talia whispered before reaching a hand to his hair that dangled above hers. In her dreams, his hair had always been short. His cheekbones were too pretty to hide. Fenrys grinned at her.

He suddenly asked "Have you ever wondered where you got it?"

The power. The darkness. This living thing that prowled under her skin that she had never been able to control.

"Does-do you think your queen would be able to help me control it?" Talia muttered, and heard Aelin's feet pound against the sand.

"Do you have her?" Aelin asked. Fenrys balked, and Aelin asked again with no room for confusion "Do you have her?" He nodded, and Aelin raced over to her shapeshifter friend.

Fenrys was quiet for a minute, and finally he said "I think she'd rather see you dead than help you."

"And you'd go back to her even despite that?" Talia didn't mean to say it, but Fenrys' eyes were dark with untold stories. Talia wondered if her dreams had an inkling of truth in them. If Fenrys had been on a leash, and if her destiny had been to free him the entire time. If she was doomed to fail.

"She's my queen." Fenrys answered, and it dripped of disdain and history. Talia couldn't respond because her consciousness leaked away from her the same way the shadows had.

~

Talia was still dreaming when she woke. She could see it before her as her consciousness pieced together and knew it should wake up.

She could see Fenrys following a woman with dark hair down a hallway, watched her hand wrap possessively around his as she opened the door. Talia could see the dread on his face as he looked behind them before following her. Talia turned, sick in her throat before she spotted the dark counterpart to Fenrys, and there was jealousy on his face.

In the way his eyebrows scrunched, and the set of his mouth as he loosed a growl.

She felt her conscious cinch like fabric into the room, and found the woman's hands on his bare back. It wasn't jealousy that pooled in her stomach, but this violent wrongness. Fenrys's face was in the pillow beside her head as if looking at her was too much. "Fen," Talia whispered.

"Talia," his voice suddenly called, and she knew it wasn't the version of him in bed. "Hey," the smooth timber of his voice pulled Talia from her dreams, but it didn't chase away the stomach ache. "Wake up princess, your food is getting cold."

Talia's brows furrowed as she opened her eyes, and she said "I'm not the princess."

He grinned at her. "You were calling my name in your sleep," he told her.

Talia thought for a moment about whether she should tell him about the dreams or not. If they were manifestations of reality, and if he was ready for a near stranger to have access to them. He wasn't a stranger to her, he felt like an old friend. "Would you train me?" her voice was quiet as she asked. She'd thought about Rowan, about how tied up he clearly was with Aelin. He had too much to worry about, and he didn't need to worry about Talia. Maybe Fenrys would be able to help her especially if he was particularly close with his dark queen.

"Train in what?" he joked. "Because you clearly need help with everything. There isn't an ounce of muscle on you."

"All of it," Talia swallowed to try to ease the pain in her throat, and she sat up. "I just need my best fighting chance, and I need to help Aelin. I can't be unprepared, I can't be useless." Fenrys' eyebrows furrowed.

"Where were you? When Adarlan stormed into Terrasen?" There was no reason he should know who she was, let alone that she'd been in Terrasen when it happened. Maybe he'd asked someone.

"With my parents and the king." There was pity in his gaze as he must've imagined a ten year old listening to the brutality of a siege. A ten year old escaping a siege.

"I'll help, but as soon as my time here is done, I can no longer help you. We're only waiting for Lorcan to show up, and after that I'll have to report to my queen. I'll have to report everything to her." His message was clear. His queen would know about her only rival in likeness. "Have you ever shifted?" he asked suddenly.

"No," Talia said, surprised. "I didn't even think about it."

"Well," Fenrys smiled. "I'll help you with that tomorrow."

"Thank you."

~

Talia had never been a morning person. It was like her body was programmed for night, to be awake when the worst sort of people were. Her job was being a barmaid, so it was convenient to get up in the early noon and go to sleep just a few hours before dawn.

All that is to say, she hated when they had to move her onto the boat to sail to the Stone Marshes. Despite her annoyance, she was much happier to just not be left behind. Her wound would be healed in a few days, a week perhaps, and during that time, Fenrys could help her. She knew using her power would be taxing, but she couldn't just sit in bed and do nothing.

After they'd gotten on the boat an hour past dawn, Talia promptly went to go take a nap. Only to find the blonde male sitting at the desk in one of the only rooms on the ship that had been hers. "Hello," Fenrys grinned. Of course he'd be a morning person. Fuck him.

"I'm still actively bleeding," Talia managed to say politely. "Is that good for shifting?"

He seemed to think about it, and then he left. Talia sighed a breath of relief and was about to sit down when a head of white blonde ducked into the room. "So, training with Fenrys, eh?" Aelin asked, smug as ever. Talia admitting she had dreams about him might as well have been admitting a crush. It was NOT a crush.

"I never want to be helpless again."

Aelin's swagger flickered for just a moment. "Righty then," she joked. "Fenrys asked me to heal you so you could train, so lean back. I don't know how much I can actually help but maybe it'll speed things along."

Talia didn't feel worthy of that help. For letting her uncle die, and abandoning her kingdom. But then again, Aelin left the same as she did. Talia held no anger for her, and a partner in that shame actually made it a bit easier to bear. Aelin leaned over Talia's abdomen, brows furrowing as she latched onto the Ashryver side of herself.

"You met their queen, right?" Talia asked. She could feel her skin stitching, and it was almost itchy. Aelin nodded, and sighed as swung her hair out of her face. "What is she like?"

Aelin's eyes were always unnerving. Both her and Aedion had been able to pin her with them for as long as she could remember. "She's evil. Cruel and intelligent. Possessive. Selfish." Aelin sucked on her teeth for a moment, and finished "And she's nothing like you. I knew what Fenrys said would get to you."

"How could you have?" Talia asked spitefully. Toward herself, not toward Aelin. She continued "I erased the memory of myself from you and everyone who has ever met me. That was pretty selfish. Maybe-" Talia sucked in a breath.

"Maybe a millennia is all that stands between her and me, maybe I'm doomed to become like her if I become immortal."

"You'd never become her." Fenrys announced with finality at the doorway. "Ready?" he asked Aelin. Aelin nodded.

"Talia, even though I have no memory of you, I know you. I've felt it this entire time, like a word I can't pick from my brain. I know who you are, and what you mean. I just can't find my way to the memory of you, and one day maybe you'll be able to undo whatever's been done. Even if you don't, you belong with my court. I know it," Aelin finished her speech and turned to leave.

Fenrys smirked "Always one for dramatics."

There was an easiness to his expression, and a longing that produced stomach acid in Talia's throat. It made sense why Fenrys would want her. She was gorgeous. Quite literally born from a goddess, give or take a couple generations. Even though it made sense, it still hurt. No amount of logic could get her out of feeling it.

Fenrys pulled out a chair by a built in desk, and leaned on his knees. "What do you know of shifting?"

"That some fae can do it and others can't. I always assumed I fell into the 'can't' category."

Fenrys laughed "That's your issue. You just assume and never try. It's like a doorway, like feeling around it and then pushing through to another piece of yourself."

Talia shook her head "If I could shift, would I have already done it?" Fenrys pinned her with a glare. She sighed dramatically before closing her eyes and feeling. She felt for a while, felt for that "piece" of herself that had apparently always been there.

"Do you feel a door?" Fenrys asked.

"No." Talia muttered. She only felt this incessant itchiness that had began since Aelin healed her. It latched onto something inside, and she felt like she needed to release it. Like a damn pimple.

"Let's go outside, just in case." Fenrys mumbled.

 

~

 

It had been two days. Two days of trying to find some fucking door that Talia couldn't find. She wanted to scream. She did in fact scream at Fenrys "What if there is no fucking door?" Fenrys grinned at her agitation. He loved rubbing her the wrong way. If only it was the right way.

Oh gods. Shut up.

"Do you want to know for sure?" Fenrys asked. "How was it that Rowan got you to shift, Aelin?" his voice was teasing, and the silver-haired male blushed if that was possible.

"He bit me," Aelin laughed.

The idea of Fenrys biting her was suddenly so appealing that Talia shrank to the boat.

"Okay," Fenrys chuckled at her reaction. "I wasn't actually going to bite you," he added.

"Do it." Talia suddenly stood up, annoyance searing her words. "I dare you."

His eyes tightened once at the challenge, and then Talia wasn't able to process how fast he moved until she felt the piercing sting at her throat. That itch that she felt, the one that had been driving her insane for the last three days, suddenly stopped and she groaned. It was like it was in a spot she couldn't reach, and someone else got it for her. Then there was a blinding light, and that groan tore out of her throat into a roar that sent Fenrys stumbling back.

He was much smaller than her in this form. She actually was taller than everyone, and when she glanced down, she noticed paws. Not like a wolfs or tigers or lions, but like a bear.

She was a bear.

"Aww so cuddly," Fenrys joked even with her blood running from the corner of his mouth. Talia swatted at him, and he only just managed to miss her claws. "I'd say that's a bit better than a hawk, but not great for espionage."

"Neither is a wolf," Rowan deadpanned.

Talia sat, feeling quite heavier than before. How long did she have to be like this? The itch was gone, but in its place there was only darkness. She felt herself sinking into it as everyone talked around her. How having a grizzly bear on their side would be good, as if that was suddenly her best talent. She took a deep breath, losing herself in the shadows of herself.

"Hey," Fenrys said much closer, and the beast that Talia kept a tight leash on loosed a growl. "Come back," he whispered. "The beast is weaker than you." It was like he recognized the fight. He saw the appeal of letting the beast take over. Talia's eyes opened and shut abruptly at the light that pierced her vision again, and she was just a girl. A Demi-fae again. Fenrys smiled and said "There she is."

"If you ever call me cuddly like that again, I'm biting y o u." At the hint of vulnerability, Talia always felt the need to bite back. To test the waters.

"Jokes on you for thinking that I wouldn't be into that," Fenrys ever easy grin was pinned on her and she couldn't breathe.

Couldn't hold back a matching one of her own.

"Alright, now, onto the real training."

Chapter 3: The Blood Pact

Summary:

thank you for supporting!

Talia was lounging in the sun, meditating and trying to get into Fenrys' mind when she felt the prickling of awareness. Of something big and desperate soaring for them. Fenrys was lounging just as calmly in front of her, legs laid in front of him on deck and leaning back on his hands. His eyes were closed, and it was only when he heard Talia stand up that he opened his eyes.

Dorian screamed, his eyes widening with fear as he watched the beast. Not fear for them on the boat, but for the beast and whoever rode on it.

Talia scrambled, shoving Fenrys back as the beast headed right for the deck they had laid on.

Every single person on the boat gaped at the wyvern that had made it on deck, and at the white-haired witch that laid on his back. She was leaking a strange looking blood, and her face was pale.

Dorian rushed to her side, examining the wound before peeling her off of the wyvern who only looked at him coolly. Her eyes weren’t open, and her lips were dry. Even on the brink of death, Talia knew she was beautiful. Beautiful in such an interesting and sharp way that none of the other girls on the boat would be able to replicate.

Aelin was beautiful—like a goddess. Like flame and gold and sea. Lysandra was beautiful like seduction, like smeared lipstain and a succubus. Talia even knew herself to be pretty, in a subtle way that could be unnoticed. Like if she dressed a certain way, she could hide it or bring it out. Talia might’ve been pretty like a flower. There was so many of them, it would be easy to blend in. But this girl? This female was beautiful like gleaming knives.

Where were they going to put her? Was this the witch that almost killed Rowan? Would they even save her? If Dorian knew her, and had anything to do about it, they would. There were only a few cabins on the ship, and the deepest and smallest one now belonged to Talia. Talia wasn't exactly queen of anything, and it was only her room. She knew it was most logical for it to be her, aside from her wound that was still healing. She couldn't handle the rejection of being forced out of her room, so she just said dramatically "I guess she can have my room." It broke the silence, and Aelin looked up at her with a smile of humor and thanks.

Fenrys stepped closer to Talia and cleared his throat, "Back to work."

It wasn't much work. She hadn't been really trying to get into his mind. She was perfectly content curling up against his mind like a cat, but swallowing her stomach acid and seeing what more Maeve could have done to him? That was what held her back.

Still, she and Fenrys found another part of the deck to sit on. "Your hair is more golden now," he commented while he eyed the strands. It was usually a gray-brown but after days in the sun it had lightened with strands of golden weave. "Alright, now, actually try to get in my head. I know what you've been doing."

Talia held her breath for a moment, and knew he was expecting a fight. He probably wanted one, but she just wanted to prove herself right. So she dove onto his mind with a spear and cut through the drapes till she was inside. The first memory she found was of him and his brother. They looked young, maybe 12 if they'd been human. It was impossible to quite tell with fae given their immortality. They were fighting with swords, and she very quickly realized Fenrys was playing with him.

Their hair was short, and Connall was so spiteful. It was obvious Fenrys was just more talented with a sword, and Talia let out a breath as she realized why Connall had looked so jealous of Fenrys going into Maeve's bedroom.

He'd been Fenrys's shadow his entire life.

If Fenrys was the sun, then surely just by the coloring of their hair, Connall was his shadow counter part. Connall's moves were only getting angrier as the young fae screamed against his brother. Talia pitied him, and she swiped through the memory like a book.

Only to come across Fenrys enjoying another female-

"EW!" Talia screamed, closing her eyes and trying not to gag. "What the hell was that?"

Fenrys smiled, and she could see bitterness in it. "Be prepared to see anything." Talia snarled. "I could've shown you me shitting, at least it was between the very long legs of a beautiful female."

Talia felt like a pot of boiling water, and her anger wafted off of her. Anger and tones of jealousy wafted all the way over to Fenrys, whose eyes flickered but made no other sign of noticing. Talia met Aelin's gaze, and she seemed equally annoyed by the man even if only on Talia's behalf. If Fenrys was her mate, it would be cruel to show her that.

"Also, be careful of what you think while in someone's head. Try not to shout it while watching their private memories." Fenrys added, and Talia's head swiveled to him, and she could finally see his anger just as clear as hers. "Have you been in my head before?" he asked then, when Talia was too shocked to say anything.

It was easier to say yes than to explain the truth, so that's what she did.

He read it for the lie it was, but didn't question it.

“Try to show me something,” Fenrys said then.

Showing was a lot different than telling. Fenrys didn’t have the ability to enter someone’s mind, and she hadn’t even known she was speaking in his head. But she found herself staring at the walls of green curtains, and she only opened them to reach a hand in. She could feel his essence.

The part of him that existed beyond the curtain, and watched as a hand of light entered her own. Her chest squeezed, and she let him in without a single thought as to what she was gonna show him.

It was a simple, warm day in Terrasen. The young heirs lounged in the grass just outside of the castle. A quiet breezed stirred her hair, and Aelin was humming a particular tune she couldn’t get out of her head for the past week since she saw the performance.

Aedion groaned, and laid back as he asked “Can you quit it with that song?”

Aelin stuck her tongue out at him in true childlike fashion, and looked to Talia with a smile “Talia likes it when I hum!”

They were eight. Before everything had fallen apart.

Talia giggled as Aedion slammed his hands over his ears. “Let’s make a pact,” she said.

Aedion blinked at her from his position with his head in the grass. “I already have the blood oath, so you can sodd off if that’s what this is about.”

Talia threw a pinecone at him.

“ I don’t give a rutting arse about that and you know it,” her nose lifted in the air. She turned to look at her friend, Elide. Her best friend really. Aelin had Aedion, and Talia had Elide. They all knew it, and it worked.

Talia vaguely felt the presence of Fenrys in the memory, examining her with the future Queen and Prince.

“ I just know that we—our positions mean that we will never be able trust people. Not openly, and not fully. I want us to trust each other. Always. I want us to come for each other if we need each other. I want to meet here every year and remember all of the years before and be happy. I just want this to be forever. Our friendship,” Talia explained. Her heart felt so full, and she knew her future queen had her doubts.

Aelin always worried about the kind of leader she’d be, and what sort of world she wanted to build and exist in. There was a time when she thought being queen meant she’d have to just exist in an ancient ongoing ritual in which there would be snakes trying to always bring her down. It was Talia who reminded her that she could focus her reign on being a patron for the arts. If she wished. She could order every poet within a hundred miles to write for days on end. To create and create. That made ruling weigh a little less.

“ You are my future queen,” Talia whispered to Aelin. Talia’s hair was golden brown with youth and sun, and her skin was warm from the summer. “But you are also my friend, I hope.”

Aelin’s eyes were watering. She’d always felt alone in her power. “Okay,” she nodded. “Let’s do it.”

“ I have an idea,” Aedion whispered, just as moved by her speech. He produced a container of water made from sheep leather and a blade. “For the blood oath, we have to drink each other’s blood. If we all put a drop of our blood in this, it might act like a smaller oath. I am still getting the original, and I am drinking first. But just a drop.”

Aelin nodded. “But what should it say? We have to be specific with wording for it.” They looked to Talia.

“ We should swear to protect each other. To never take up arms against each other. To help Aelin build a better world. To find each other if we get lost.”

And Aedion helped each of them cut just a bit of their skin. Just to produce a drop, and they dropped it into his water. Then he repeated the words Talia spoke, and drank.

Aelin said “I promise to protect you all. To love you and keep you in my court. To take your advice into consideration, and to find you should you get lost.” Her wording brought tears to Talia’s eyes, and she was the last one to drink. She felt a sense of rightness click into place, and the young heir and golden prince and her best friend froze.

Fenrys kneeled in-between Aedion and Aelin, and his face was soft in a dull sort of pity as he said “And you forced them to forget the promise they made, and you went as far away from each other as possible.”

Talia choked, and it was her young voice that she heard as she said “We were already so far apart before I stole their memories. There was no hope for us. We were children—we had no power. No control. We were weaknesses for each other. Aelin was safer staying away. She was safer trying not to save us!”

There it was.

“It was my fault we made the pact.” Talia spoke softly, as if she said it too loud, the real Aelin would hear her confession. The real reason the Queen didn’t remember her.

She was tired of Fenrys looking at her in pity, and so she forced another memory forward but she scrambled as she realized what memory she had brought forward.

When she was 13, and a 19 year old Rifthold boy promised he’d marry her. When he snuck her into his bedroom and kissed her until her insides sped up. When she lost her breath and wanted to look at him, and he wouldn’t get off. When that power of hers failed because she couldn’t reach it. Because it was locked away somewhere, and there was nothing she could do but follow it in. In. In.

To the memory she locked herself in that moment.

To her father regaling her with other court histories. When she asked to know more about the fae. He started “There were 3 queens once, Mora, Mab, and Maeve. Mab fell in love with a prince, and gave up her immortality for him. She loved him so much she gave herself a limited number of days under the sun to leave with him. Betrayed her sister for him. She began the Ashryver line. Her sister Mora did the same, and Maeve, alone, built herself a court—a group of powerful males to protect herself. Harbingers of light and dark, wind, death, and loyalty.”

7 year old Talia scoffed at her father. “Imagine being one of them and just being known for loyalty.” Talia had been a bit of prodigy. No one could explain how well spoken or well read she was. Her father once said she had a sense of being from somewhere else. One he couldn’t explain.

“He’s an immortal who can turn into a Lion, I think he doesn’t care. Besides there are worse things to be known for than loyalty and nobleness.” Talia made a thinking face that consisted of her brows furrowing and sticking out her tongue just from the corner of her mouth. Her father laughed at her and asked “What?”

Talia suddenly asked “Did she ever fall in love?”

Her father paused “Who?”

“ Queen Maeve,” Talia responded in an “Are you dumb?” tone.

“I believe the Fae write songs of her love for Athril and how he betrayed her,” her father said evasively. Upon noticing that his young daughter would not accept just that as a secret, he told her “I believe the Queen has become so old that she does not love deeply anymore. She can only use people. That or she’s just so cruel.”

“Why don’t people talk about how cruel she is then?” Talia blurted.

“ Because the victor writes the songs, darling.”

It wasn’t her father who said it, but Fenrys. But still the young girl did not look at him as she said to her father “I think I’ve dreamt of her before.”

Her father tucked her into her bed, and swiped a palm across her hair as he asked “What do you mean?”

The young girl was already yawning, but she said “I dream of a female with dark hair and an owl on a throne. She has twin wolves on each side of her throne, and in my dreams, the light one lets me on it’s back and runs through the city. Runs through the river until I’m laughing.”

Fenrys’s interest is pooled even further, and Talia is working on feeling her way through the curtains, trying to scramble out before her father says “Dreams can be windows into our soul, my love. Or the future. Perhaps destiny is leading you there, or perhaps it is just a dream. Only time will tell-“

Talia is gasping, mouth against the deck and sweat building on her forehead as she sags against it. She didn’t know it’d be so taxing having someone witness her memories like that, or to force them out. She was just lucky Fenrys couldn’t hear her thoughts throughout the memories. The idea that he’d find out she’d gone into that memory while being attacked because she’s always imagined the white wolf as her mate—it was embarrassing. That she’d found safety in an idea. In someone she didn’t know. That she craved that person without meeting them. That she craved him.

“We will not do that again.”

Fenrys was unrelenting in his tone, and it felt like a rejection. Her heart squeezed and she tried to breathe before he’d be able to smell her heartbreak. Then, she threw up onboard, and Fenrys was there, sweeping her hair back and feeling her forehead.

“We need to get you out of the sun,” Fenrys spoke, his words starting to blur together in Talia’s head. “Have you been ill this whole time?”

Oh.

Had she?

She’d definitely been warm, but she thought that was the sun. The nausea was a new development, but she suppose her head was also hurting. She attributed that to trying to use her power for most of the day.

“Rotting sotting shitting hell,” Fenrys mumbled. He carried her from the deck to the cabins, laying her on a bed she knew not to be her own. Especially considering it was being occupied by a witch. “Something must’ve gotten in the wound before your Queen healed it. Even so, your fae blood alone should’ve healed anything else-“

“Maybe it’s a reaction,” Talia finally said, face souring at the taste in her mouth. “To showing someone else memories of me.”

“How could your own magic go against you like that?” Fenrys mumbled.

And before Talia began to pass out, she thought vaguely of the voice in her head that had helped her erase herself from existence. That maybe it wasn’t her magic at all that was rearing up against her, but someone else’s.

Chapter 4: You’re not Fenrys.

Talia laid in a bed unfamiliar to her, with a window on the wrong side and no desk. Her skin was no longer hot despite the last day of feverish nightmares, and she was, frankly, starving. She’d only just managed to get up to ask for some food when Aelin was coming down the hall, stricken.

She said “Elide is alive.” Her words were quiet, and she barely whispered with shame “Gods, how did I forget about little Elide?”

Talia’s chest cracked open, and a dry sob came out of her mouth. “What?” She asked.

“Manon said Elide is alive and looking for me.”

In all of these weeks Talia had spent with Aelin, she’d seemingly forgot about her best friend. The young girl who had been her Aedion. She’d only just let herself even think of Elide just a day before with Fenrys. Talia’s legs wobbled and she fell back into her room on the bed.

“So you remember her?” Aelin came and asked. “All of my memories with her are a bit fuzzy.”

“Yeah,” Talia mumbled. “She was my best friend.” And when she finds them, she won’t remember Talia at all. Maybe that should be freeing, that Elide won’t hate her for abandoning her, but instead all Talia felt was shame.

“Oh,” Aelin spoke. Then after a moment of silence, “Still don’t think he’s your mate?”

Talia lifted her gaze to the fire queen and asked “Do you think he’s your mate?” She wasn’t speaking of Fenrys, but rather of the silver-haired prince who’d protected her this entire time.

“I think I’m gonna be sick,” Aelin confirmed.

It was a confirmation both ways she guessed. Just as they just knew Rowan was Aelin’s mate—that their connection was more than just lovers, friends or even carranam, they both knew there was a reason Talia saw Fenrys in her dreams. Why she’d seen so much of his past and felt some divine connection to the man that pissed her off. While Aelin had decided to hold off on telling Rowan to protect him, his memory of his old mate, Talia hadn’t decided if she was willing to try with Fenrys.

He was still chained to an old and dangerous queen with her exact powers and a millennia more of experience on her, and frankly he just annoyed her. But that could be a good thing. She didn’t want someone who bored her, but someone who challenged her and excited her. Who made her feel worthy and more. Fenrys certainly did a lot of that, and well the rest could also come with time.

“Oh,” Fenrys interrupted at the door with a tray of food in his hand. It had been a full minute of them sitting in silence. They were both too locked up in their own heads, dealing with their own guilt to speak. Instead they had been sitting on the bed across from each other, and so there was absolutely no chance of Fenrys hearing what they had said. “I just brought you some food. I figured you might wake up soon. Your fever broke a few hours ago-“ Fenrys explained.

Aelin stood, and laid a cocky hand on his shoulder as she said to him “Smooth.” Fenrys snarled a bit in return, jokingly. Aelin left.

Fenrys set the tray at the end of the bed, just out of reach before he said “Try to pick up the bread with your magic.”

Talia was too exhausted despite the entire of day of resting. She just wanted to eat. She didn’t want to make it about training. Though she knew she didn’t have the luxury of waiting. So formed the shadows into something like a hand, and reached for the tray only for it to dissipate.

Fenrys smirked. “So you can kill wyvern with shadows but can’t pick up a piece of bread?”

Talia huffed, and snatched the bread herself before explaining “That was a high stakes moment, and I was just reeling with all of this guilt of feeling useless.”

Fenrys nodded. “Sometimes you have to use your emotions to tap into your power, but if you let it overwhelm you, you’re doomed to burn yourself out.” There was a moment of silence as Talia chewed and thought deeply. “Try,” Fenrys ordered.

Talia didn’t know what emotions she wanted to use. All she could feel staring at Fenrys was this pit of guilt and anger and hopelessness sat. Guilty for knowing things about him she shouldn’t know. Angry at the queen for using him—making him serve in her bedroom, at his brother for not protecting him, at him for not seeing her even now. Not seeing what was so clear. The hopelessness was by far the worst because while he was tied to the queen, she would never even have the chance of trying with him. These moments, these pieces were all she got.

His brows were furrowed at her. His usually cheerful demeanor was thoughtful. Then there was nothing. Everything was black, and she barely heard his intake of breath.

In the darkness, it seemed he got enough courage to ask “Are you ever going to tell me why you look at me like that?”

Talia felt safer in the endless night. She felt like she could hide and fold herself into it. “Should I? If she’ll see inside your head?” she asked.

“She might figure it out anyway,” Fenrys conceded.

Talia hadn’t thought of that. She didn’t think that from her looks alone that the queen might one day use Fenrys against her. If she felt threatened by someone else having a power like hers. But if she thought the looks were just pity, that would protect him. She spoke before thinking “I’ve just seen your memories of her. Of the time you’ve spent together.”

The darkness seeped out of the room, and Fenrys just barely managed to cover up the look of disappointment that crossed his face. The pain in Talia’s chest only got worse and she couldn’t hold back the tear that fell out of her eye.

“Save your tears, I don’t need your sympathy.” His tone was bitter.

“It’s empathy, you prick,” Talia corrected.

“And you’re lying!” Fenrys growled. “You looked at me like you’d seen me before the first time you met me, and there are still moments where you look like a ghost!”

He’d damned them both with the observation.

She stumbled over words and air and all she could come up with was “I can’t tell you Fenrys.”

“Right,” he stood up and left the tray before saying “Eat up.” Then he walked out.

 

~

 

Fenrys ignored her for the rest of the day. It was easy for him to ignore her though because while he went to play cards with Gavriel and Aedion, Talia just stayed in the room that she realized was his.

It smelled like him even over the sea. She’d only realized when she stuffed her face into his pillow to cover the sound of her groan after he left. What was she supposed to say? Hey, I think we’re mates because I’ve been dreaming about you since I was a child but I’m not sure and it’s dangerous because your queen will probably want to kill me?

Yeah. Like that would go over well.

It didn’t help that he was so rutting pretty it hurt. Her chest physically felt like it was caving in every time she thought about it for too long, and her heart would beat out of her chest at the idea that they were somehow equal. He didn’t feel equal physically. He was pure male muscle and power and death and beauty.

Talia was pretty. She had a soft, heart-shaped face with large eyes and freckles when she actually stayed out in the sun. She was pretty, she just didn’t feel pretty enough for him. Pretty enough to be noticed by him.

It was only that feeling that made her constantly try to find his flaws—not to use them against him, but find some common ground between them. To finally take him off the pedestal as the man of her dreams. Literally.

Fenrys came back to his room that night, and Talia pretended to be asleep when she heard his soft padding outside the door. She kept her back to the door, and focused on evening her breath even as he opened the door. The bed was big enough for the both of them, but she never thought he’d crawl into bed with her.

Then again, he was a bit of a priss.

He smelled like ale, Talia noted as the bed dipped behind her. Her heart twisted and stomach ate itself at the idea of him crawling to bed with her drunk.

“I know you’re awake,” Fenrys spoke softly. It was so abrupt that Talia gasped just barely loud enough for either of them to hear it. His voice was clear and unburdened by the usual slur drinking brings people. He’d never bounced around with her. He’d always called her out, and it made her heart race. “You don’t have to speak. I just want you to know that I think I know what you’re hiding, and if I know, then there’s no lies in the world that will protect you from my Queen.”

There was a brief moment of silence. She wondered for a moment if he was saying what she thought he was.

“I wasn’t lying for myself,” Talia finally said. “I’ll be her enemy either way.”

“How did you know me before? Truly.” Talia faced him in the darkness, and though she could see him, it was probably nothing like the way he could see her with those heightened senses.

“I’ve dreamt of you,” Talia whispered shortly. Then she added, “Many, many times.” She could see his eyebrow raise in a joking manner-a dirty manner before she interrupted “But you never saw me.” She laughed as she continued “Sometimes I’d search for you the whole dream only to find you never even look at me. As if I don’t exist, or don’t matter.”

The first time she’d seen him and he’d overlooked her had felt like confirmation. She was truly nothing.

She felt his fingertips suddenly cross her cheek. “How do you know they were just dreams?” His words were hushed like the world could intrude. Like the other fae males in his cadre could listen in.

Which they probably could.

“Do I scare you? Because my power is so similar to hers?” Talia finally asked the one thing she’d considered since entering his mind.

“Your power does not scare me, but you terrify me.” Fenrys let her sit with the answer before adding “Now answer me.”

“I don’t, but each time it was something different. I’d try to save you from something or someone. One dream you just sat on a bed and stared like you were trapped in your own mind, and no amount of screaming could sway you. I tried. Another, you died in my arms without ever even knowing me.”

Fenrys was quiet. He was probably trying to decide if her dreams were real, prophetic or crazy, but Talia couldn’t bear the weight of the silence. His hand still lingered on her cheek and came to rest in the crook of her neck where he’d bit her not too long before. Had he tasted it? Had something in their bond stirred at all when her blood was on his lips, or did she make it all up?

“Now that I know you, I don’t think I could ever not notice you.” Fenrys traced a line from the marks in her neck to the line of her bottom lip. “If I ever find myself unbound, I’ll come for you.”

“If my queen doesn’t kill her first, I’ll tear her apart for you.”

Fenrys chuckled, and then a ragged breath. “I need you to try to erase this from me. If I take this with me, there won’t be anything I can do as she comes for you. She’ll kill you in front of me for fun.”

Talia nodded and she knew he could see it. She lifted her hands to his cheeks as if she needed to touch him to do it, but then said “I just want to do one thing first. Can I kiss you?”

Fenrys moved without answering and sealed his lips on hers. It was everything she wanted, everything she’d craved and a muffled moan spilled from her throat. His hand was there pulling her closer, and she whimpered. His tongue traced the bump on her top lip and he pulled away.

Talia kept her eyes closed as she found his mind in the room near hers. She pulled that memory of erasing herself. A sweep of dark power that left nothing of her in its’ wake. This time, she found that specific power and formed it into a simple cloth. She wiped it just over the forefront of his mind. This very moment and their argument earlier, and she whispered “Sleep” in his mind so she could slip away undetected.

He’d gotten too drunk, they’d tell him. He looked so peaceful as he was forcibly put to sleep. The brightness he’d always faked or the worry that would appear between his brows had smoothed. Talia had to carefully climb over the large man in the bed, and she stared at the floor for a moment as she debated what to do.

She wished it was harder to erase those memories. She wished he could carry them with him just a bit longer.

She wished for a lot of things.

Talia slipped out of the room and found a breath of fresh air on deck.

The sea was unexpected. The beauty of the stretch of stars and reflection could never be measured. It made her feel a little less alone, but she’d also seen Dorian hovering over a step staring at the expanse.

She sat beside the King of Adarlan, and he looked at her. Just a glance, but it allowed her to breathe deeply. “Rough night?” Dorian asked, a joke on the tip of his tongue.

She knew he had many things on his mind, and that she could never guess what the King had been through. “What do you know about Maeve?” She decided to ask. She couldn’t describe the need to talk to someone about it, but everyone was either asleep or busy and she hoped they wouldn’t hear her words.

“She’s evil and darkness incarnate?” Dorian guessed. “She can manipulate minds and she’s the Queen of the fae.”

The side of Talia’s mouth twitched downwards. “My father told me bedtime stories of her most nights, and she was always the villain. Always the monster I hoped wasn’t under my bed.” Dorian stayed quiet. “She’s what I’m afraid of. Her killing me, killing the people I love, becoming her. I don’t know how to escape her, and all I can think is that we’re all living on borrowed time because even if we do get the keys and fix the gate and defeat Erawan, she’s still there. She’s not going to wait for us to rebuild, she’ll tear us down before we can even lick our wounds. But the thing I’m most afraid of is that my fear and anger for her is going to drive me to do something that will get people hurt.”

Dorian didn’t seem to have an answer for a few moments, but just when Talia was trying to decide if one constellation was an archer or butterfly, he spoke.

“You don’t have to bear it all alone.”

It was ironic coming from the King who now bore the weight of the world. Who sunk under the death of a first love, killing his father, being possessed by a valg, and someone he cared about barely alive just down the hall. He hadn’t talked to any of them yet. Perhaps he’d planned to talk to his best friend about it, but the man wasn’t here. He wasn’t going to be here for a long time.

Talia smiled at Dorian gently and went back to the stars. It was only a few minutes before she said “As pretty as this is, I hate being on a boat.”

Dorian laughed, and they talked all night about the glass castle he’d grown up in.

 

~

 

Talia had barely gotten any sleep. She’d managed to find a nice hammock beneath deck for a few hours, but then Aelin was waking her up for questioning Manon about Elide.

Then she couldn’t tell if it was the lack of sleep or Manon’s story of Elide that twisted her stomach enough that she had to puke in a bucket. She didn’t even hear Aelin backhanding the witch, only the sound of her retching. She found herself so angry, so sick to her stomach that she was banging on Fenrys’ door.

Talia gritted out “I’d like to train now. Not in magic.”

Fenrys said “I have to patrol.”

Patrol? Talia thought. He slid past her to place himself at the mast where he watched everyone on deck, and Talia dug for his mind only to find a wall of black porcelain.

Had he figured out she’d messed with his mind? Had he made some sort of shields to protect himself? If anyone would have experience with someone of her skill set, it would be him. That would explain why he brushed her off like that.

Talia’s stomach twisted even further, and she rushed away from the door to his bedroom down the hall. She needed something to wash her mouth out and something to eat should she throw up again. Throwing up bile was awful.

She had just washed her mouth with water and found some bread when Fenrys entered the room where she was eating.

“Good morning,” Fenrys said. “So I was thinking we should start your training on a more physical level. You need to work on your core and get some strength and callouses if you’re ever gonna stand a chance of defending yourself.”

Talia’s mind sputtered. “I’m sorry, what?” She asked. “Are you not mad at me?”

Fenrys looked behind himself to see if she was asking him that. Then he said “Mad at you for what? Getting better and leaving my room without telling me?”

Talia scoffed. “You just brushed me off for patrol when I asked you to start training me just a few minutes ago.”

Fenrys looked strangely alarmed, and he muttered “No, I didn’t.”

For a second, she thought they both considered Lysandra had played a prank on them, but for what? Then they were both rushing up steps two at a time to get to the deck.

“How was the witch?” Aedion grinned at Fenrys, and Talia’s eyes bulged as she turned for what used to be her old room.

They already had the fake Fenrys tied up when they reached the room, and his eyes took on a milky unseeing quality before he said “You should have given me the witch.” He laughed. “Now he knows who you travel with, what ship you sail…”

Fenrys shot the thing with an arrow. Once in it’s knee, and then another into his shoulder to pin it to the wood planks of the hole it’s created in the ship.

Aelin turned to Talia, and she asked “Can you get into it’s head? Find out what it knows?”

Talia was already beating down on the porcelain, trying to crack the fissure when it turned to her and whispered in awe “You’re her daughter. Erawan will be so angry and so pleased to find you!” He cackled. Talia took a hammer of her power, and the porcelain shuttered as she hit it. “The Princess we thought we’d never have!” The thing cried.

“What do you mean?” Aelin hissed.

The beast turned to the witch, and when Talia swore she was almost in its head, he said “Your second screamed when Erawan broke her. His Dark Majesty sends this to remember her by.”

It was a death sentence really. Manon held the braided leather, and they all heard “A gift from a King of the Valg…to the last living Crochan Queen.”

And then she launched herself at the bloodhound. He was torn from the wood, and her hands dug into his neck before they were pinned by hands of shadow. It wasn’t Talia, but Dorian who stepped in.

Dorian’s power crunched his bone and he said “Be done with it.”

Manon was readying to kill the thing when he told her about her second’s still born baby. She froze, and the thing went for her throat only for Dorian to use that deadly power and snap its neck.

She was so pissed and angry and she was about to scream at Dorian for taking her kill when there was shouts from deck. When they all got there only to find winged monsters from Talia’s greatest nightmares, Fenrys grabbed her wrist and commanded “Stay close to me.”

And then a winged beast tore her from his side.

Chapter 5: The Ilk

Summary:

Significant changes were made to this chapter!

The smell was awful. It was rotting flesh, and human eyes stared back at her despite how inhuman it looked. They were maybe eight feet tall with wings.

She could see from her growing height that Aelin had beheaded one with that infamous sword. She could see Fenrys’ panic and the snarl that unleashed from him as he drew his bow to the thing holding her. But she also knew that with her in the crossfire, he wouldn’t take the shot. No sane person would.

Or she thought that until she heard the deafening cry of ilken behind her, and noticed the arrows piercing one of its wings. It started to drop slowly, and when Fenrys released another arrow into its other wing, she crashed into the water with it. But it wasn’t human, and it started to drag her away with it. The water kept crashing into her face, bringing her under as she fought against it.

It was so careful with her despite trying to take her. Not a single nip of a claw or even a bad word was spoken to her. That made her bones chill.

Then Rowan was there diving in his hawk form and tearing the ilken to pieces as he reached the water with his sword. He was soaked, and he passed one assessing look over her. She started to swim back before he’d come to the same conclusion she already had.

He was trying to take her completely unharmed and desperately. For what?

There was flap of wings and Rowan was back to the others. She assumed it was bad because he’d forgotten even to throw a rope over for her to climb up. Instead, she eventually called out when her leg was beginning to cramp and the water made her sick. Aedion was there helping her up, and she found Aelin unmoving, staring at her bloody and glowing hands over Fenrys.

Fenrys laid on the deck, blood and some green substance leaking out of him. Talia’s breath was ragged not just from swimming for so long but because this was debilitating. Seeing him hurt brought her to her knees.

His eyes registered her, her breath and soaking clothes and hair. He must’ve thought she’d fallen because she was weak from swimming for a few minutes—not that her chest was caving in at the idea of him dying.

“Is anyone going to deal with that thing or should I?” Lysandra pointed out, and before Talia could even see the black speck growing in the distance, Rowan reached for Fenrys’ bow and arrows.

“A gold coin says he misses,” Fenrys rasped.

Talia managed to sit back and wrap her arms around her knees as she stared at him, and her heart stuttered. He would make it.

“Save your breath for healing.” Aelin snapped.

“Make it two. I say he hits,” Aedion bartered.

Rowan was almost smirking. “You can all go to hell,” Aelin snarled. “Ten says he downs it with the first shot,” she added.

“Deal.” Fenrys gasped, and Talia met Aelin’s gaze for just a moment. When that focus slipped for just a second. I won’t let him die, it said.

Rowan, like the old man he is, grit out “Remind me why I bother with any of you.” Then he fired, and that arrow wizzed with stunning clarity right through the damn thing’s head. “Pay up, pricks.” He said.

His focus slipped from Aedion and Fenrys and staggered onto the girl formed into a ball on the side of the ship. His face softened and he said “Come closer, Talia. We need to talk.”

Talia knees shook as she stood, and instead of standing, she chose to sit by Aelin. She knew he was going to ask her, going to tell everyone.

“Why did that thing want to take you?” Rowan asked. “If they were looking to use anyone against Aelin, they could have picked me or Aedion. They certainly wouldn’t have treated us as gently as that thing treated you.”

Fenrys grit out “I wouldn’t call how it handled her ‘gentle.’”

Rowan lowered himself to a squatting position, and he explained “She doesn’t have a gods damned mark on her. They tore into you with claws, and you think they weren’t treating her like treasure?”

“It called you the princess they thought they’d never have,” Aelin muttered. Her gaze didn’t stray from her hands. “Who was your mother?”

Talia’s chest started to rise and fall quicker. “My father never said anything to make me think my mother wasn’t my mother. She was human—normal!” In her rush, she froze when she felt Fenrys’s hand in hers. Grounding her.

“If I’m their princess, am I valg?” Her whisper brushed over to Fenrys on a wind.

There was no sound other than the crashing of waves, and Talia stood. Tearing her hand of Fenrys’, she rushed from deck to the rooms inside. She needed to be alone. But she couldn’t bear to get far away enough if anything went wrong, so she fell just into the hallway. It was dead enough and she could hear them still. Loud and clear thanks to her slightly heightened senses.

“Why didn’t you just melt them?” Fenrys asked the queen.

Talia was thankful he changed the subject. If they had spoken of her after she left, it would have twisted the knife in deeper. She listened at the door as Aelin asked him about his power. His past. Where he came from.

“She knows you hate the oath, doesn’t she?” Aelin asked.

Fenrys’ voice drifted over to her. “Maeve knows,” one breath. “And I have no doubt she sent me here, hoping I’d be tortured by the temporary freedom.”

“I’m sorry you’re bound to her,” and Talia could have sworn she was missing some part of the conversation. Aelin had been so good at speaking with her eyes and understanding people’s emotions. Talia wished she could see their faces.

“This is what we’re meant to do—protect, serve, cherish. What Maeve offers is a mockery of that. But it is what calls to a fae male’s blood, what guides him. What we’re all looking for, even when we say we’re not.”

And she lost track of the conversation. Only noticed as Rowan carried Aelin past her to their rooms, and Aedion passed with a quirked brow. She barely felt it as her body pulled her to sit beside Fenrys who was sleeping.

~

Talia was in Fenrys’ bed when she woke up with no Fenrys in sight. She didn’t think the male was strong enough to put her there, so perhaps Rowan or Aedion had found her and moved her. She had no idea how long she’d slept either.

When Talia came out on deck, the first thing she saw was her Queen smiling at the witch. Which was strange enough, but even stranger were the words that came from her mouth after “I knew I saved your sorry ass for a reason.”

Fenrys noticed Talia, posing his question “What I don’t get is why wait so long to do any of this? If Erawan wants you lot dead, why let you mature? Grow powerful?”

Aelin didn’t notice his gaze as she explained “Because he thought I was dead, and Dorian…his father shielded him as best he could.”

Fenrys’ head tilted. “Maeve knew you were alive. Odds are, so did Erawan.”

Aedion nodded at the male “Maybe she told Erawan.”

Fenrys stood taller at the accusation to his queen. The most protective Talia had ever seen him be of her as he said “She’s never had any contact with Erawan, or Adarlan.”

They were two annoying and proud males. They never knew when to stop, and Aedion continued “As far as you know. Unless she’s a talker in the bedroom.”

Talia stepped forward, ready to do what—she didn’t know but everyone noted it. Even the witch.

Fenrys replied “Maeve does not share power. She saw Adarlan as an inconvenience. Still does.”

Aedion was looking at Talia now. He was ready to see how far he could push her, she realized. He taunted “Everyone can be bought for a price.”

Talia heard ringing in her ears, and she noticed tendrils of darkness racing across the deck when Fenrys snapped “Nameless is the price of Maeve’s allegiance. It can’t be purchased.” Something broke in Talia at his words, and her tendrils found the cracks in the deck to hide in.

And then they all descended into a discussion about a witch who could see the future, who told Aelin nameless is her price and Aelin was running below deck.

It wasn’t much longer before Rowan came demanding Lysandra and Talia meet Aelin in her bathroom. Then she was explaining—explaining the price she’d have to pay. Nameless. Begging Lysandra, holding her hands and then wrapping her arms around the both of them for the price she’d ask of them. Keep her secret, Lysandra would pretend to be her and Talia would help with ruling and the lords. She’d help Aedion and Rowan and Lysandra, and she’d make sure no one found out.

With Talia’s power to enter people’s minds, they’d never remember they’d questioned Lysandra’s ruse.

Then there was shouting, and Rowan was at the door. Again, Talia thought. The monsters were back again.

But they weren’t. The relief was short-lived as she noticed all of Ellwye burning, and Aelin’s face hardened into determination that did not let up for three days. Not when Rowan reported a darkness that could belong to Maeve or Erawan, and fire arrows that could belong to anyone starting the fires.

“Talia,” Fenrys called. They were basically useless in the fires, and all they had been able to do was think. He was leaning against the mast and had been staring at her for a while.

Talia approached him and let the fires leave her mind as she waited for him to speak.

“The darkness,” Fenrys started. “Only you, Maeve, and the valg can wield it. One of them called you their princess—her daughter. We didn’t even know there were female valg before he said that.”

“Yes,” Talia stretched out the word, trying to read the lines between his sentences. “Are you saying you think Maeve is-“

“Your mother, and valg.”

Aelin with her fae hearing, even distracted and lagging, joined their conversation. “But she’s not possessed. She bears no collar or ring-“

“Maybe she’s not possessing a fae. Maybe she became one,” Talia whispered.

Aelin glanced behind her at where Rowan was coming back. She said “No one speaks of this.” Talia was sure she’d tell Rowan, but Gavriel? Aedion may treat Talia different at the idea of her being Maeve’s long lost daughter.

Talia breathed deeply, trying to steady her heart when she felt Fenrys’ hand in hers. It was strong. That was all she let herself think of when Rowan descended on board, and he began his report.

~

 

Talia and Fenrys were tied at the hip. Between training twice a day, both physically and with her powers, and the small snack breaks, there was hardly a moment they noticed anyone around them. Fenrys’s cocky grin was practically carved into his face, and Talia’s only thoughts were of him and training.

No Maeve. No Erawan. No Valg.

Just him. She found aside from that glittering humor and ethereal beauty, there was brute force. He was harsh when they were training physically. He took no qualms with pushing her limits.

It was almost sexual.

One moment, she’d be aiming to at least trip him, and the next, his arm was wrapped around her neck, and the other around her waist to pin her hands.

Her training clothes were so so thin.

He was out of breath when he said “What would you do in this position, Talia?” Her name was her favorite word on his lips. She was so consumed with her fictional fantasies of the things she wanted to do that she stuttered at his question.

Her head was trapped by his arm, and her arms by his other arm. So that only left her legs. So she struggled, pitifully to move him just enough that he wouldn’t notice when she kicked her leg high and strong enough to leave a nasty bruise on his shin.

He cussed, but it was without any real bite. He didn’t move. “What else?” He asked, bored. “What else do you have, Talia?”

What else did she have?

Shadow.

“You forget. Sure, when it’s life or death, it comes out. But you should be able to use your power like breathing,” and on the last word a blast of cool air blew against her neck. From his mouth.

A shadow pulled from the cracks in the deck and twisted around his leg. Up, up, up. Until it wrapped around his neck and tightened. Talia barely managed to look back as his grip loosened, and head thrown back, his mouth was wide with a grin.

Gods.

Talia almost forgot to let go out the shadows. But in a blink, Fenrys was gone. Blinked away through shadow, and Talia’s eyebrows at the use of his power.

“Got any kinks, princess?” His mouth was a centimeter from her ear and she jumped almost three feet in the air.

“How do you do that?”

“It’s my power,” Fenrys explained. “Space feels like fabric I can fold and press through. It’s pretty useful on the battlefield.”

Then everyone was scrambling around them, trying to drop anchor. Aelin rushed to the mast, and Talia followed her to look out across the water.

The Stone marshes was both green and dead. The water looked too thick to swim in and the ruins behind them hinted at a dark history.

 

~

 

It was so godsdamned sticky. She’d put her hair up to have it off her neck, but every part of her-sweat poured out. Insects bit at her arms, and she was so irritated. She’d cut her ankle badly when she tripped over a piece of stone in the water, and Rowan healed it enough to walk on but it still ached.

Fenrys watched her from his place in the back, and his eyes darted to Manon.

The witchling was unphased by the change in terrain. The bugs left her alone and did she even sweat? Without thinking, a sting of jealousy crossed her heart. Talia probably looked like a mess.

Fenrys pulled on Talia’s arm back to get them to the back of the caravan. “Get in my head.” She didn’t question it as she placed a hand along the borders of his mind.

“If you had Valg blood, wouldn’t the insects ignore you as well?” It was a startling question. One she had never thought of. Her blood wasn’t black. If Maeve was entirely valg, she’d be half valg--more than Manon.

The insects would find her blood repulsive.

Aelin blasted a maze of thorns just as Rowan came back, and he helped her across the water with her tight across his chest. Fenrys looked to Talia with a grin, and helped her the same.

Aelin dried them all off.

Lysandra entered from a bramble, and after Fenrys’s comment about her brand, she turned into the man. It was eerie seeing two of them. Talia tried to pretend there were two of them, and tried to see if she’d be able to tell Fenrys was the real Fenrys.

In her gut, in her mind, she felt a branch between them. It wasn’t straight and it was certainly stronger from her end like she was the tree. But would that make Fenrys the leaves? Would their bond grow stronger, or would Talia be doomed to a life of loving more than being loved?

Fenrys grimaced at Talia like an inside joke as Lysandra perked and said “You do hear better!” Then she ran a tongue around a fang and asked “What’s the point of these?”

Gavriel passed the group and muttered “Fenrys is the last person to ask. If you want an appropriate answer, that is.”

Talia found herself turn pink, and Fenrys gave her another grimace.

Right.

Then they were making camp, and passing a skin of wine. Talia was a lightweight, and the wine settled her into a happy warmth that when they all went back to their makeshift beds, Talia could have mistaken it for Fenrys’ arms wrapped around her.

She’d only woken long enough to hear Fenrys say “Kill me. If that order is given. Kill me, Rowan, before I have to do it.”

Then Rowan’s answering “You’ll be dead before you can get within a foot of her.”

And her heart cracked upon hearing Fenrys contemplate “I’m glad, you know, that I got this time. That Maeve unintentionally gave me that. That I got to know what it was like—to be here. To have a part of this. Even for just a little while.”

Chapter 6: Chest of Memories

“What’s the catch? Where is the catch? It’s too easy.” Aelin muttered to Rowan, and Talia cast her gaze upon the myriad of pillars that formed the labyrinth before them. Despite Lysandra’s roar, and no other sign of danger, Talia could feel her neck prickling. Like something dark and dangerous was here.

“Believe me, I’ve been considering it.” Rowan replied and his face shifted as he prepared himself for anything. It was instinct and frozen rage that honed his powers, that made him entirely Rowan. Talia would have been afraid of him, if he hadn’t been more protective of her than anything. Aelin stepped closer to kiss him on the neck to soothe him. As if he’d been a dog that stood on attention and then eased with a few good pets.

Rowan would hate her if Talia said that outloud.

“When we get back to civilization, I’m going to find you the nicest inn on the whole gods-damned continent.” Talia threw up in her mouth a little bit, and wondered where Gavriel and Fenrys went as she tried to ignore Aelin and Rowan’s canoodling.

Gods. They were awful and sweet and Talia was so happy Aelin found Rowan. Rowan would always protect her, put her above the kingdom. She needed that.

Rowan went a bit farther ahead, and Aelin and Manon followed him, and Talia decided to stay back in case anything happened. She wanted to talk to Fenrys about what he said last night to Rowan, so she figured this would be a good of a time as any to attempt to reach out to him. She hadn’t really tried without being able to see him before.

She threw herself out like a blanket of fog, and searched through it to find him. It took a few moments, but there he was, lingering at the tree line in his wolf form.

Fenrys?

Talia?

He’d never said her name like that before. She found she liked it.

Who were you talking about last night? To Rowan? When you asked him to kill you before you got the order to harm someone else?

You were awake for that?

Obviously.

I thought the wine would’ve knocked you out.

I’m not that much of a lightweight.

Right.

Stop avoiding the question.

Who do you think it was, Talia?

Aelin.

I wouldn’t need to ask Rowan to kill me before I got that order.

Right. Who then?

You can figure it out, love.

Was it me?

Lorcan.

What?

And then Talia felt it. Her head immediately lifted, and it felt like death hushed over the ground. Death and Darkness. Not her own. Not the valg. It was something else, and Fenrys didn’t answer her. Didn’t even think of anything else other than his order to kill, but Talia pulled on whatever lay between them, hoping and praying he would stay.

They all met just outside the ruin. “Five hundred ilken are coming for us,” Lysandra had muttered before going to warn Rowan and Aelin, and then they had all crowded around Talia for a game plan.

Rowan eyed the ruins, and he said “We’ll use the ruin to our advantage. Force them to bottleneck in key areas.”

Talia could feel the weight of Fenrys’ anxiety, of the blood oath pounding through him. But he’d stayed. He began tying his hair, and Talia pursed her lips to hide her reaction to the curve of his arm and the sight of his hair out of his face. Gods. He nodded “We divide it up, take them out. Before they can get close enough. While they’re still in the air.”

Aelin rasped “There’s another way.”

“No.” Was all Rowan said.

“There is nothing and no one out here. The risk of using the key would be minimal—“

“No, and that’s final.” His tone left no room for argument, and Talia was startled to find someone who could tell Aelin anything, let alone no.

Aelin replied quietly “You don’t give me orders.” Talia took in a sharp breath. The fire-breathing bitch Queen, and the famed fae warrior who killed someone with a chair. Or a table. Which one was it? Neither of them were very good at hearing no, but the issue was that Aelin would always be willing to risk herself and Rowan had a brain cell. Or two. He knew when things were just stupid, but stupid worked for Aelin sometimes.

Rowan hissed “You will have to pry that key out of my cold, dead hands.” He meant it, too. Aelin would never kill him, and he would make her do it if she wanted to use the key.

Aedion’s laugh broke the tension but he said “You wanted to send a message to our enemies about your power, Aelin. This is Erawan’s response.”

“You think this is my fault?” Aelin blinked.

“We should have stayed in the North.”

“I had no choice,” Aelin hissed. “I’ll have you remember.”

“You did,” Aedion breathed. “You had a choice all along, and you opted to flash your magic around.”

“Careful,” Talia whispered. Aedion had always been great at pissing people off, especially when they needed to work together.

Aelin ignored her, and said “So I guess the ‘you’re perfect’ stage is over then.”

Aedion snarled “This isn’t a game. This is war, and you pushed and pushed Erawan to show his hand. You refused to run your schemes by us first, to let us weigh in, when we have fought wars—“

“Don’t you dare pin this on me.” Aelin’s eyes with that eternal flame, windows into hell.

“Aedion.” Talia spoke harshly, and even Gavriel tried to offer his two cents.

“Where are our allies, Aelin?” Aedion asked, and Aelin’s eyes guttered but he went on. “Where are our armies? All we have to show for our efforts is a pirate lord who very well change his mind if he hears about this from the wrong lips.”

“Aedion, shut your rutting mouth” Talia finally shouted.

Aedion’s harsh gaze fell upon Talia, and he hissed “Who the fuck even are you?”

Fenrys took one step forward, but it was pure rage that had Talia spearing into Aedion’s mind and slipping herself in like a key into a lock. Every memory of her, all hidden in a little chest in the back. She unleashed them all, and it had Aedion falling back into his father, his eyes closing tightly.

When he opened his eyes, there was a stunning clarity there, and then his anger returned. “You-“

“If we’re going to stand a chance,” Rowan interrupted. “We need to get into position.”

“Fuck you.” Aedion told Talia. “Fuck you for taking that away from me. Fuck you for leaving.”

Talia’s lip curled and she said “I took it away from her. That’s who I was protecting. At this point, you can go fuck yourself for all I care.”

“What?” Aelin breathed.

“Aelin,” Rowan muttered.

Aelin shook her head once, and said “We’ll do it together. Magic might not last against them but steel will.” One jerk of her chin at Rowan and Aedion “Plan it.”

Then Aelin dragged Talia away with Lysandra following closely behind. Lysandra offered “I’m going to rile up the beasts down here, so that they won’t have just us to deal with.”

Aelin smirked at her, and Lysandra slithered away. But Aelin’s smirk fell and she asked Talia “You gave Aedion his memories of you back.”

Talia’s throat closed but she nodded. “If you’ve known how to give them back, why have you waited?”

Talia’s eyes began to sting and she muttered “Because we did something, and if you remember what we did, you might be required to put us before the kingdom or the world even. You might endanger yourself for us.”

“I would do that anyway,” Aelin told her. Her eyes were hard and confused, and Talia couldn’t bear it.

“This was an oath, Aelin. A blood oath.”

Aelin sucked in a breath. “I need the whole picture, Talia. I can’t be left in the dark about anything.”

Talia finally nodded, and gently pressed herself into Aelin’s mind before finding that chest and unlocking it. It was easy enough that Aelin didn’t fall back or even close her eyes, she just knew. Aelin didn’t gasp or stutter, she just pulled Talia in tightly and held her.

She could only hope Elide would forgive her too.

When they stepped back over to the males, Rowan jerked his chin to Gavriel, Fenrys, and Aedion. “You three, herd them to us.”

They examined Rowan, Aelin, Talia, and Dorian. Aedion’s gaze was still hard as he said “And you lot?”

Aelin replied “I get the first shot.”

Rowan agreed, and turned to Dorian and Talia as he said “Short bursts. Find your targets—the center of groups—and only use what magic is necessary. Don’t waste it all at once. Aim for the heads, if you can.”

Talia found Fenrys’ gaze already on her. She didn’t need to hear him to know what he wanted her to. Don’t forget what you have.

Manon was already telling Dorian she’d kill him if they got him when Talia realized something. “Don’t let them get me, either.” Manon nodded.

Aelin hissed “You will do no such thing for either of them. None of you are being taken prisoner.” That fire in her eyes flickered back to life, and she closed them. Talia could tell she was rallying for the first shot.

“Talia.” Fenrys pulled her gaze back, and when he didn’t say anything else, she entered his mind the way she might enter a room she was familiar with.

It was you.

Talia knew exactly what he meant, and the shock of it made her pull herself out of his mind quickly. She turned to the darkening sky full of ilken and let out a short breath to prepare.

Talia could sense that godly power from Aelin before she could sense Rowan and Dorian’s. If Dorian and Rowan had wells of power, Aelin bore the ocean. An ocean of flame that could burn the world down, and Talia wouldn’t even blame her.

She reached down into herself—not a bucket or a well, because she’d never tested it. Never emerged herself in that darkness, she’d pulled it out in spools to play with, but now, she felt like she’d dove in. She was surrounded, and she barely registered the burst of flame that incinerated a chunk of the ilken army.

Talia misted another chunk, and a blood rain felt upon the field. She was already twisting that darkness inside of her, and pouring it out to cover the ilken’s eyes so that they could not dodge their arrows or Rowan’s blast of ice. She wrapped the darkness around one ilken, and hardened it and twisted it until the ilken’s head twisted off like a cap. It was brutal.

Aelin’s next blast had ash falling to the ground like snow.

Rowan and Dorian were tearing the ilken apart just like Talia, and when Aelin sucked in a breath, Talia aimed for a cluster of ilken and misted them too.

She vaguely registered that Aelin’s power was terrifying, that her own power was terrifying. That Aelin’s price—nameless, could her own have a cost? How could anyone have this kind of ability and bear it?

Rowan strode for Aelin in the heart of that boiling marsh, and Talia noticed a little piece of it, covered in that power that had called for them before. That darkness and death enshrouded in the field.

Talia wondered if Rowan or Aelin had noticed it, but she figured they hadn’t when they began to kiss and a crown of flame lit above both of their heads. Her Queen, and her King. It hadn’t even occurred to her until then.

Her gaze tugged again to that shield, but now it lowered and it wasn’t death or darkness. It was a dark large man, and a small woman.

But with Talia’s heightened senses, she realized it was Elide.

Elide. Her Elide.

Talia was running before she even realized it. Elide was there walking to Aelin. She was limping and in a dirty dress, but she was alive. She didn’t know. She didn’t remember Talia, or even her closeness with Aelin and Aedion for it was always tied with Talia. She had to tell her. She had to tell her everything and throw herself to her feet to beg forgiveness.

But Elide didn’t see it. Talia’s breath quickened as she noticed Fenrys and Gavriel lurking for them. They were going to kill Lorcan, and maybe Elide in the process.

Talia pushed into Elide’s head and said

Observe. See.

When Elide’s brows furrowed, Talia practically screamed

SeeseeSEE.

Elide screamed Lorcan’s name, and Gavriel pounced as Lorcan turned to Elide. Lorcan and Gavriel fell into a pile of beast and fae with only a glinting knife between them.

Talia was only passing Aelin when Fenrys pounced. They weren’t going to just attack Lorcan, but kill him. Execute him on their Queen’s orders, and that was panic lining Elide’s face. He wasn’t just her companion but more, and Talia’s chest fell.

Elide was still running for them, and Talia went to scream as Elide fell into Lorcan’s back just as Fenrys went for Lorcan’s neck, and got Elide’s arm instead.

Fenrys went still, and then tore his jaws from around Elide’s arms. Lorcan flipped them so that Elide was protected from them, and his head was wrapped around her neck as if to protect it. The way she’d protected his.

Lorcan lifted his head and said “You’re dead. You’re both dead—“ to Fenrys and Gavriel.

Fenrys shifted and his gaze lifted to Talia’s in horror. Gavriel shifted as well, and told him “Lorcan, we were ordered.”

“Damn your orders to hell, you stupid bastard,” Lorcan hissed.

Fenrys’ agonized gaze closed and he said “We can’t fight the command much longer, Lorcan—“

Gavriel, full of honor but no true compass, said “Put the shield down. I can heal the girl. Let her get away.”

Lorcan was enraged, and Talia vaguely thought that perhaps they were mates as he said “I’ll kill you both.” But a piece of Elide’s arm was missing. Fenrys had torn a chunk out of Elide’s arm, and Talia didn’t know who to be angry with. There was blood gushing and bone sticking out.

Lorcan seemed to realize this too, because eventually he told them “You heal her and then we continue.”

Elide’s gaze was terrified as she said “No!”

But he’d already dropped the shield. He stood, and Gavriel immediately began to heal her. Talia whispered “No,” and Fenrys shook with restraint. She knew this would tear him to pieces. Just like hurting Elide had regret lining his features already.

Elide cried “No, please,” and it didn’t take much for Talia to form bonds of shadow around Fenrys. She held them tightly, but his mouth only tightened before he simply stepped into shadow and ducked low and dodged right.

Rowan blew them both apart. Fenrys was up, fighting the blood oath in a frenzy, and Talia was gasping. If this was what the blood oath made a person do, what would theirs do?

“This ends now. You two don’t touch them. They’re under the protection of Aelin Galathynius. If you harm them, it will be considered an act of war.” Fenrys panted, and the words seemed to release him.

“Elide,” Talia muttered, and the girl looked up from where Gavriel had healed her arm with only a half moon shape left. Talia was so spent, had used most of her power on the field before, but she gathered the essence of herself and poured it into Elide’s mind to search for the chest of memories.

And she unlocked it.

The girl that had been just crying for Lorcan, whose blood now marred the ground beneath them, spoke “Talia.”

Chapter 7: I waited for you.

Summary:

OOOOKAY EXPLICIT WARNING. Things start to get spicy here. This is not porn with plot, however, I do feel like I need to earn the explicit tag I chose and Talia deserves some good things. (So does the fandom, so here is soft dom Fenrys)

Elide looked like she’d seen a ghost as she stared into the eyes of someone she’d long since forgotten. Talia couldn’t even breathe. Her chest was too tight, and she barely processed Aelin finally getting to them.

“Elide,” Aelin mumbled, a sigh of relief as the girl sat in front of them.

Elide’s face morphed into confusion, and she said “How could I-“ when she got choked up on her words, she tried again. “How could I forget you?” She whispered, and though her gaze had started with Aelin, it landed on Talia.

“I took away the memory of me so that Aelin wouldn’t be swayed to come back for us because of our blood pact.”

Rowan’s head lifted quickly at the new information, and Fenrys and Gavriel seemed to find their attentions elsewhere.

Talia let out a shaky breath “but I was young and just lost my parents, and I didn’t want to be me anymore. I hated my power and weakness, so when someone told me how to take away the memory of myself from everyone, I did. Then the magic was ripped away, and I didn’t even know I was missing apart of myself until it all came back.”

The man that had to have been Lorcan was tense, but upon hearing the explanation, his brows furrowed further. He asked “Who taught you to do that?”

Talia thought about that day, about a feminine voice that was powerful and unending like the wind, and she said “I’m not sure. I always thought a goddess or something.”

Aelin pursed her lips “Maybe Elena helped you the same way she helped me that day.” Talia shrugged because she’d never seen the ghost queen, but Aelin turned to Elide and fell to her knees before her. “Speaking of help,” she let out a heartbroken laugh. “Your mother—I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry Elide.” There were tears sliding down her face, and Elide wrapped her arms around the broken Queen.

Even after all these years, but it must’ve felt like it just happened for the two girls. Maybe it’d been a gift to wrap those memories up untarnished and hide them away. Or a curse, to steal their favorite memories when they needed them most. Needed something to hope for.

“She bought me time.” Elide’s eyes watered, and Aelin finished “I am alive today because of your mother.”

Elide whispered “I know.”

“She told me to tell you…” she inhaled with a shudder. “Your mother told me to tell you that she loves you—very much. Those were her last words to me. Tell my Elide I love her very much.”

Talia hadn’t known about this part in Aelin’s story. She’d never asked in any great detail of what happened, and hearing the last words Elide’s mother spoke made her weep. Talia’s mother had died when she was very young, and Elide’s mother had sort of tried to ease that ache. Fill that absence just a bit.

“Thank you,” Elide wrapped her tighter, and Aelin looked up from Elide’s arms with a hopeful gaze for Talia. They’d spoken briefly about her fear, that Elide wouldn’t forgive her.

But it was easier to forgive friends than best friends.

“Elide,” Talia asked. Like if she said it too loud, it would spook the girl.

“I waited for you,” Elide finally pulled away from Aelin. “That night when my mother left and I knew she’d died, I prayed and swore that you would come for me. Aelin had a kingdom to protect, but you?” Elide shuddered. “I thought we were each others’ to protect.”

Aedion had made it to plain just in time to see little Elide shatter Talia’s heart. Scoop out her guilt and brandish it like a blade to cut her to pieces.

“I’m sorry,” Talia’s tears came out harder. “I don’t know why I just left. All I know is the King was dead, my father was dead, and they wanted me dead too.”

Elide shook her head as she looked her up and down. At the muscle she’d gained and the sun in her hair. “I think you watched your father die and when they got to you, your power finally worked and the shame of it made you so afraid—so guilty, that it was easier to become no one and nothing.”

“That’s not fair,” Talia mumbled, but it was true.

“Not all of us had the power to disappear,” Aedion announced. “Some of us had to play our roles.”

Aelin stood, shaking her head at him. Not his battle. Don’t kick a dog when it’s already down.

But he did play a role. He became Adarlan’s Whore, and Elide with her limp—she’d seen things. Especially with what Manon had told them about her. Talia had simply moved to a different city and became a barmaid.

She deserved this.

“I will work with you, for our queen, Talia. But I don’t really care to know you anymore.” Elide, with her sweet heart, could certainly be cruel. Talia nodded, but the motion made it even harder to keep the sobs at bay, so she turned and suddenly disappeared.

Or went somewhere else?

All she knew was that she wanted to be at the other end of the plain where she could hide, and it was as if she folded that space like a blanket. She should have been more shocked at the similarity to Fenrys’ ability, but the need to let out every sound overwhelmed her. Elide’s human ears would not reach this far, and the others would figure out why she’d left anyway when they heard it.

Except Talia took one last glance back at them to see if Fenrys noticed, only to see Elide smiling and sobbing at the sight of Manon, the reunion she’d wanted with Elide. But Manon had come for her, had gotten her out when Talia should. If not when they were too young to do anything, then when she finally remembered and got her power back. Talia should have torn apart the world.

But Fenrys was in fact looking at where Talia was, and a small part of Talia was glad at least she managed to impress him.

She watched from her long distance away, hidden jn the trees as they spoke. Elide gave Aelin something, and Lorcan stepped between Manon and Elide, but she couldn’t really tell what was happening. She felt him before she noticed he was even gone.

“So you’re a power thief now,” Fenrys eventually said.

“I’m a lot of things,” Talia responded back, her voice filled with self hatred and bad things. She’d only just managed to stop hiccuping.

Even Rowan was now glancing at the pair just in the treeline, his gaze was worried. “I knew she’d be angry, but I always hoped she’d forgive me,” she whispered. “I can’t bear it,” she forced her head in between her knees as if that would hide her from all of her demons.

“She’ll forgive you. If she can forgive Aelin, she’ll forgive you.”

“She doesn’t need me anymore.” Talia pointed at the group. The way Elide leaned on Lorcan and looked to Manon and Aelin. Who could compete with them? One protected by a death-god, one protected by a fire-goddess, and another who drinks men’s blood.

“Do you need her?” Fenrys asked, and the question forced Talia to look at him. He was sitting beside her, knees up, and concern carved into his features.

And she thought about it, and the answer as much as she hated it was “No, but I can’t live with myself if she hates me.”

“Everyone gets to an age where they figure out they don’t need anyone. We just have people we care about, people we would do anything for,” Fenrys explained. “Aelin doesn’t need Rowan.”

But the longer Talia stared at the group, she shook her head. “She does, and he needs her. But they’re-“ And she cut herself off. Fenrys gave her a glance, waiting for her to finish but she didn’t for fear that Rowan would be listening across that field.

They began making their way back to the ruins, and Talia knew they were just going to make camp. She knew Aelin wouldn’t leave her behind. At least in all of this mess, she’d finally gotten closer with her. There’d always been a distance because of how much Aelin leaned on Aedion—looked up to him. She didn’t need him anymore either.

“Have you ever had a mate?” Talia asked Fenrys, the question burning ever since she’d almost said the word aloud.

“No,” Fenrys frowned, and the word made her chest speed up. “They’re not really common though, so we don’t know what to look for.”

Talia nodded. “Do you like her?” She asked another stupid question. She liked digging holes for herself. “Aelin?” Rowan was far enough that he wouldn’t be able to hear the answer, but it wouldn’t matter anyways.

He was quiet for a long time. “I admire her strength and ability to carry on.” Were admiration and liking someone the same thing? “I don’t really have room in my life for love.”

Talia’s hand crossed the distance between their bodies and sat atop his, her tears felt like dried glue on her cheeks.

“What about something else?” Talia whispered and felt him suck in a breath of air. She was tired of feeling angry, of hating herself. She was tired of fighting whatever was growing between her and Fenrys. If she couldn’t have him emotionally, she wanted him in whatever way she could have him. “Would your queen hate me anymore than she already will, if we just-“ she sighed. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked that-“

And then the sun dimmed, and a soft hand guided her face into another set of even softer lips. The hand threaded through her hair at the base of her head, and deepened the kiss by pulling her lip into his mouth and nipping just a bit.

Talia started to lean forward enough that Fenrys fell back, pulling her with him. On top of him. He was a full-blooded male of so much muscle, carving him would be an injustice. She wanted to live inside of him the way a soul rests in a body.

She wanted him inside of her.

Fenrys’ hands pulled her down on him harder with one hand at her waist, and the other at her arse, rubbing her on him enough that she made a noise deep in the back of her throat. Holy-rutting Gods.

His lips moved from hers, kissing down the line of her neck as he said “There aren’t enough hours in the day for the things I want to do to you, love.”

Every boy, man, or experience of sexuality she had lived through meant nothing compared to this. There were enough lines of poetry to describe this wonderful feeling in her chest and the rolling pleasure from her stomach down to exactly where he was rubbing so deliciously against her. “Fen,” Talia whimpered.

“What do you think your queen would do if she found out how I defiled one of her lovely-innocent ladies in these ruins?” Fenrys spoke softly, and the whispers sent shivers down Talia’s spine that had her chasing her own high—rutting against him.

“I’m not innocent,” Talia whispered, and reached one hand in between them—reached for him, and he smiled lazily.

“You are,” Fenrys shook his head at her with that same grin plastered on his face. “You’re fucking virginal compared to the things I’ve thought about doing to you.”

Talia literally felt herself gush onto her underwear. Gods.

“Prove it.”

Fenrys nodded, and flipped them so that Talia was on her back. He reached for her pants, dragging them off her legs quickly, and then he lifted her wrists above her head, and tied her pants around them in a neat little bow. It was loose enough that she could come free easily, but Fenrys said “I’m going to keep my head in between those magnificent legs of yours for as long as I want, and if you move your hands from here, I’ll bring you to the edge over and over again until you’re crying.”

“And you’ll have to be very, very quiet. I wouldn’t want Rowan to find us, would you?” Fenrys’ hand lovingly stroked her cheek, and Talia shook her head. “Good.”

Then Fenrys leaned back to admire his creation, and grabbed her underwear possessively, and dragged it down at a snail’s pace. He kissed everywhere the edges touched, the tops of her thighs, in between them. The skin at the back of her knee. The bone peaking out at her ankle, and then back up. It was only when she was starting to lift her hips in frustration that Fenrys gripped her knees and spread her wide.

She was splayed out like a damn feast.

And then he really began.

Chapter 8: I’ll never be yours.

Summary:

This chapter hurt to write

Talia was a beast in a cage. There was something knocking everywhere in her chest that made her gasp in a breath when Fenrys licked her for the first time.

“Please,” Talia whimpered when she met his gaze. She didn’t know what she was asking for. Her hands were above her head, and it took everything not to move them. To do something.

His hand traced possessively over her hipbone, up the middle of her stomach, to the space in between her breasts and pushed her down at the same moment he began licking in tight circles around her nub. Talia couldn’t breathe at the feeling, at the sense of rightness that swept over her, and she could only suck in lungfuls to keep from moaning.

When something Fenrys did felt particularly nice, Talia slammed her lips back together to muffle the whine that came out of her.

“Look at you,” Fenrys crooned. His breath felt hot against her, and she lifted her hips to meet his mouth again. His other hand moved from her thigh inwards, and glided in her down to the knuckle. “You’re perfect.”

Talia began shaking her head, even when he curved that finger forward in a beckoning motion and then added another.

“Say it,” Fenrys told her. That mounting pressure began in her core, and she chased that finger of his. “Say you’re perfect, Talia.”

“You’re perfect,” Talia whimpered, and Fenrys laughed and rose just a bit. His fingers were in her, but his face hovered over hers, and that hand on her chest slid to the back of her neck in a harsh hold.

“Brat,” Fenrys mumbled, and his eyes traced her lips. “I should leave you just like this, desperate and wanting for that.”

“Nonono,” Talia whispered. “I’m perfect, I’m good, please.”

Fenrys smirked and he said “You’re not perfect anymore.”

And then despite his words, his hand started to fuck her quickly and hard, and his lips found hers to swallow her sounds. She didn’t even mind the taste of herself, and it happened so quickly that one second she was there, and the next she wasn’t. She was floating over her body, floating into his, watching herself, hearing his thoughts.

He was ravenous, and all she could think was he’s my mate. My mate. My mate.

She couldn’t tell where his and her hunger began, only that it felt unending and complete at the same time.

It was only after, that she lowered her arms to wrap around him. He simply shushed her and petted her. Caressed her arms, her hair, her hips. Brought her back enough that when he told her “Later.” She was okay with it.

But his face was strained, primed with hurt and want. So on the walk back to ruins, she asked him about it.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go back?” Talia asked.

Fenrys shook his head, and looked at her. His eyes were gleaming for just a moment but when she blinked it was gone.

“If we meet my queen on this journey, or any journey, you need to leave. To run as fast as possible,” Fenrys eventually said.

“Is she that jealous?” Talia asked. To deflect.

Maybe Fenrys was tired of deflecting because he said “Because when she finds out you’re my mate, she’ll think she has a right to you too. Or kill you. Whatever benefits her the most.”

Talia froze in the middle of the battlefield, and turned to him. The air around them suddenly felt colder, and she thought “Oh Gods.”

Instead she said, “What did you just say?”

He gave her a withering look. “You entered my mind when you came. I heard you.” Her eyes closed at the confession, and her hands came up to her cheeks to hide. To refuse it, or say she was wrong. But the words wouldn’t come out. “I knew. I knew you were hiding something, I just didn’t want my Queen to know, I think.”

Talia didn’t know who she was asking when she begged in her mind for mercy for both of them.

“You’re mine, but I can never be yours. I will never be yours as long as I’m tied in the blood oath,” Fenrys finally finished, and then he blinked out of existence.

Talia already knew that, and a flicker of pain and irritation brushed over her. She felt her heart harden, and her brain turn to mush as she forced herself to feel nothing and walk the rest of the way to the ruins in silence. She was done being a slave to her emotions. She would help Aelin. They would get the keys, rid the world of the valg and seal the gate, and then she’d find a nice cabin to hole up in to deal with the repercussions later.

When Talia got to the ruins, Aelin and Manon were looking into a mirror. As Manon explained the mirror’s power, Talia barely heard her say “You can see the future, past, present—“ because she was too busy staring at the image of a woman with dark hair and purple eyes began weeping as great big black wings were sawed from her back, and an older woman who looked a great deal like her was held down by four men as they cut off her head. The younger of the pair was thrown into a door that looked ovular in shape and was traced with starlight. Talia’s brows furrowed as the story played out, as the woman found herself in mountains lined with snow—Terrasen.

A man that looked eerily like her father came up to the young woman at a tavern just outside of Orynth. Then the mirror shuddered, and the people around Talia came into view once more.

“I think I just saw my real mom,” Talia whispered to Aelin more than anyone else.

~

Rowan, Aedion, and Manon were the only ones with the energy left to talk on their trip back to the coast. Talia didn’t try to look at Elide or Fenrys in fear that it would drive her crazy, but she thought about both of them a lot. She thought about the woman in the mirror whose wings were cut away.

The wings were leather, ancient and black and purple like a bat’s. They hooked at the tops like claws, and the woman bore marks across her arm that looked similar to Rowan’s but different. Older, perhaps.

Aelin seemed to be exhausted too. Her usual swagger was gone, and her movements were sluggish as if it was her very bones that ached. If anyone were going to help her figure out who her mother was, it would be Aelin.

When they were just near the coast, Lysandra picked up on something in her leopard form, and Talia pulled out a simple dagger while the rest of them pulled out swords or Fenrys’ bow after he and Gavriel gently set the mirror down.

There were ships on every inch of the horizon, grey sails that Talia didn’t recognize. They were from the west, but Aelin lowered her weapons as if she knew they wouldn’t harm them. Twenty people stood on the beach waiting as if for them.

Lorcan and Rowan were already planning an escape when Aelin said “They’re not going to attack.”

Lorcan refused to believe it, he was already throwing Elide over his shoulder when a thin wall of flame separated him and the marsh, and Manon stepped closer to hiss at him. Talia watched the interaction with only a dull pain in her chest, and blinked.

She was walking without thinking, or even realizing she was moving until Aelin spoke to the girl with red hair. They seemed familiar, but there was a rising sound in Talia’s ears that kept her from actually listening.

Why was she doing this? Why couldn’t she pay attention?

She was loosing time as they rowed to the red hair girl’s boat, and even Fenrys looked her way when she hadn’t spoken. How long could she go on like this, she wondered?

Even on the boat as the girl explained her story, Talia could only notice the pain that flickered on Aedion’s face. It was the only thing that made Talia hear “Melisande’s fleet is now our fleet. And its capital is ours, too.” Aelin was right. Aelin had always been right, and Aedion was hurt that she didn’t tell him or he didn’t trust her—Talia didn’t care.

She only knew that something felt very wrong. Why else would she be feeling like this? This pressure on her head and cloudiness in her thinking? Why would she not speak? Why couldn’t she tell someone about the rising panic in her chest whenever she tried to tell them something was wrong?

Not with the girl, she knew Aelin was right. But ever since Talia saw that mirror or Fenrys rejected her or Elide tore her heart out of her chest, Talia felt like her world was crumbling.

Talia found a bed earlier than anyone else. No one noticed her leave, and she found solace in the dark and damp bottom of the boat. There were bunkbeds in a room that they’d been shown earlier, and Talia didn’t really care about anything or anyone as she fell into a bottom bunk and faced the wall. Her eyes were open but unseeing, blinking back unshed tears.

She couldn’t sleep, and it was much later when she heard the door open. “Talia,” the voice whispered in the dark, and Fenrys slid into her tiny cot behind her, wrapping her shaking body in his arms. “I’m sorry,” he told her. She felt his voice against the back of her neck, but she couldn’t move. She couldn’t bring herself to do anything.

“Come on,” he tried again. “Come out of it.”

Get out of what? Was this something he recognized? This bleh that froze her bones and thickened her tongue?

He flipped her over, and her eyes found his in the dark. His hair was up still, and his skin was smooth. His cheekbones sharp. “Come back to me, Talia.”

She opened her mouth to speak, but had nothing to say. When Fenrys noticed it, he lifted his hand just to keep her mouth open, to halt her creeping back inside of her own mind.

“Please,” and those were tears in his eyes. “We don’t have much time.”

“We were doomed from the beginning,” Talia finally said. Her voice was scratchy after an entire day of saying nothing. His hand traced circles on her cheekbones and he pressed his forehead into hers to soak up her presence a bit longer.

“Will you promise me if you see her, you’ll run?” He eventually asked.

Talia could only shake her head. “I will do what my queen needs.”

His face twisted into frustration. “And if mine asks me to hurt you?”

“Then hurt me,” Talia shrugged. “Kill me, maim me. Whatever she tells you to do. I’ll take it, and I’ll love you anyway.” He hid his face in the crook of her neck, and it was a sob that escaped from his chest.

“I’d rather die,” he told her.

She felt wetness on her shoulder, and she held him as he cried. Cried for the boy he was, for the power and glory he craved, and his brother. For the years he spent begrudgingly tied to a woman he didn’t want, and for the girl that had unknowingly dreamt of him her entire life. His mate.

The people they could’ve been if they’d met in another life.

She kissed his forehead, pried his face from hiding and kissed every bit of skin so that he knew he was loved. That here in this dark room, in every room, and despite his every action, Talia would still love him. In the short few weeks of their journey, she’d seen his kindness, his ruthlessness, his playfulness. She’d seen the lengths he went to protect his friends even against his queen’s orders.

She knew in the future if he hurt her, he would do so without his own permission or in order to protect her from something else.

Her kisses weren’t just for him, but for her. To remind her that even he was Maeve’s, he was hers too. In all of the ways that truly mattered. She would fight for him even if he thought they didn’t have a chance. Then when sleep finally pulled at them, Talia wrapped her leg around his waist, and her arms around his neck as he wrapped his arms around her waist and tucked his head back into the crook of her neck.

Safe.

Here in this corner of time and space with danger lurking at every turn.

Chapter 9

Summary:

Okay, this has a lot of the same text from the book but I couldn’t find many places for new made up scenes and these are kind of the most important ones. BUT enjoy! I promise after the empire of storms part is finished, there will be more original content.

The overwhelming feeling of something wrong and nothing all made it hard to breathe when Fenrys and Talia heard the shouts. She didn’t even think about her actions—only jumped up with Fenrys and followed him on deck.

And there on the horizon—

“Maeve.” Fenrys rasped.

When Aelin and Rowan made it up on deck, they all gave one look to each other before stepping closer to discuss options.

“She has more ships,” Aedion wagered.

“1/3 more ships than us,” Rowan noted. “Fenrys, what do you think she wants?”

“She’s been setting the fires in my name, she doesn’t want to gossip about king or request her great warriors back,” Aelin quipped, and that set of worry and agitation hardened between her eyes. She wasn’t just annoyed or tired, she was scared. Pissed off. Fenrys only nodded at the queen to confirm her thoughts.

“She’s going to sink us if we don’t meet her,” Rowan sighed. “Maybe if we come up with a plan—“

“She doesn’t just have more ships. Those are fae warriors on her ships, they have magic. Not all of us do,” Aelin pointed out. Four of Maeve’s most powerful, and the addition of Aelin, Dorian, and Talia, but against that many? There was no way out.

“We’ll come up with a plan,” Talia reinforced. “We must.”

Aelin met Talia’s gaze, and there was a silent conversation there. Remember your promise to me, it said. Keep my kingdom safe, keep Lysandra safe. It only hardened Talia’s resolve as Talia shook her head. That wasn’t happening today.

“I think you should run,” Talia said. “Lysandra can talk and play you to Maeve, keep her happy-“

“I’m not letting anyone get hurt in my place.” Aelin was as stubborn as a bull, and self-sacrificing too. There would be no swaying her.

Rowan gave Talia a look that said he’d talk to her later about it. There wasn’t enough time to talk, only to plan or act. So they continued their discussions, and Talia knew without a doubt that her bad feeling had been correct all this time.

“What if I can get in her head?” Talia whispered. “What if I can kill her?”

And they all looked at her with their eyes wide.

 

~

 

After hours of discussions, when exhaustion was almost making Talia weep, Talia and Fenrys went to bed together. No one noted it, and she liked how normal it felt even with death on the horizon.

But Fenrys stopped her just in the room of bed, and he said “I don’t want to forget this.”

Talia nodded, she’d thought about it, but there was no use anyway. He held up a blade, and the sight of it made Talia look up at him with confusion.

“I want you to cut my hair.”

Talia put one hand on the blade to lower it, and said “When I said you should cut your hair, that didn’t mean I don’t like your long hair—“

“When I leave with Maeve, I want to remember this and you, and it’s a physical reminder that something happened.”

Talia smiled and laughed “You realize hair grows back, right?”

“I would never cut my hair without good reason. If Maeve takes my memories away, then at least I’ll know something happened. Something important enough to do that.”

And Talia agreed, begrudgingly and set to work.

~

It was later, when Talia was smiling with Fenrys in her arms, feeling his scalp against her fingers and the soft way his hair fell over his forehead over her, that Aelin barged in. Her lip quirked at the sight of them.

“Nice haircut,” she said.

Fenrys was leaning over her, fingers rubbing circles along her shoulder, and he simply groaned and fell to the side at the sight of the queen.

“I tried,” Talia joked.

Aelin’s face became serious and she said, “Come with me.”

She led Talia to the mirror. Talia, who could still see the ghosts of her potential mother and grandmother in her reflection, paused at the sight of Dorian and Manon waiting there.

“Fire, Iron, and Night.” Aelin muttered. “Deanna’s words. Fire and iron, with night bound, merge into silver to learn what must be found. A mere step is all it shall take.”

“Well, you’re fire,” Talia pointed out. “Iron,” with one finger jabbed at the witch. “Night?”

Dorian muttered “Your darkness is different than mine.” Talia’s brows furrowed.

Aelin continued, “Fenrys told me about how you made the room dark. Not just his eyesight, but the entire room, and he said it wasn’t just black—there were stars. Like the night sky.”

Had there been stars? In truth, Talia had closed her eyes. She didn’t need them in the dark, and it was easier to breathe in without seeing it. The darkness itself almost seemed purposefully calming. Like staring at the stars.

Talia nodded, and asked “Does this mean you have to tie me up and throw me in the mirror?”

Aelin only grinned, grabbed her hand and pulled her through.

~

Aedion had punched Dorian, and he seemed to be a wreck upon seeing the girls step into the mirror. There were so many things he wanted to say. He wanted to apologize to Aelin for his cruel words, and to Talia for not showing her the same forgiveness he’d shown Aelin for leaving as just a child.

But instead, he punched Dorian, and raced to the deck to find Rowan. Rowan had just landed, coming from where, Aedion wasn’t sure. But Dorian said “It was the only way.”

Aedion explained what happened to Rowan, and they were racing off to the cargo hold to try to find a way through. But it would not open for them. Even Fenrys had come down, listening to Aedion’s third pissed off rendition of the story that got more dramatic as it was told.

Fenrys’ curl of his mouth was the only sign of being pissed off when they couldn’t find a way to get the girls back.

“What is done is done. We can’t wait for Aelin, Talia, and Manon to find a way to save us.” Elide told them, and the words must have been spoken from experience.

Which pissed Aedion off even more. That he hadn’t given Talia forgiveness, and neither had Elide. “When I want your opinion on how to deal with my missing friends, I’ll ask you.” The emphasis on my was heard on every corner of the deck.

Lorcan snarled.

Elide lifted her chin and said “I waited as long as you did to find them, Aedion. You are not the only one who fears to lose them, or has remaining regrets.”

They all now turned to Rowan, whose stress was beginning to show as he rubbed his face. He looked to his old friends and told them “We continue readying for battle. There’s no chance in hell Maeve doesn’t know you’re here. She’ll wield the blood oath when it’ll hurt us the most.”

Fenrys’ face became grave at the reminder. His hand tightened around the hilt of his sword and he admitted “I don’t know how to play this one.” He’d always been so good at finding little freedoms in his orders. The loopholes he could twist and stretch. He may not have a way out this time.

 

Lorcan sighed “If you’re spotted fighting on this side, she’ll either kill you or find other ways to torture you.” The unspoken words didn’t need to be said. Kill Aedion. Kill Talia.

But they weren’t the only ones fighting for people on this side, so Fenrys pointed out “And what about you?” He barely glanced at Elide.

Lorcan shrugged. “It’s been over for me for months now. It’s just a matter of seeing what she wants to do about it.”

And Fenrys shared what Lorcan had been through for helping Rowan in Mistward. What they’d all experienced. How Maeve feared them all together. Maybe they did have a chance.

Maybe.

~

 

On each side of Talia were wraith-like transparent bodies that took the form of Aelin and Manon, and they existed in some grey and blue fog. Talia couldn’t see anything beyond it, and Manon asked “What is this place?”

None of them knew, and Talia didn’t bother responding as her eyes consumed as much detail as possible. But Aelin replied “Your guess is as good as mine, Witch.”

What existed in this plane? Would they be able to leave? How would the rest of them fair on the other side of the mirror up against Maeve? How did time pass in a place such as this?

Aelin drew Goldryn, that mighty sword with a ruby that glinted as the only source of color. They must have sensed some sort of danger because Manon spoke “We stick close; we only speak when necessary.”

Aelin glanced at their feet, like the fog might move and reveal where they were. As if she wondered what sort of floor they stood upon. But the fog began to darken, and Aelin said “Are you doing this, Talia?”

She wasn’t. It started to encroach upon them, pushing them together until their backs formed a circle, and then it dove for them like tendrils of something evil.

Talia heard laughing, first. It was the sound of a boy’s laughter, and then a girls that mixed in. Then Talia saw a young fae male and female sitting on a rock with matching sets of bat-like wings. The girl was telling a story.

“What would you have said, Rhys?” The young girl asked, and he pushed her shoulder jokingly.

“Probably not ‘Shut your big ugly face.’” They were laughing again, and the mist erupted around them tearing them out of that time. Instead, the young girl was much older, nearly an adult.

It was the same scene as before, but much clearer.

“What’s going on?” Aelin whispered.

Talia only responded with dread as she said “This is my mother.”

The fae males were hunting them as the mother and daughter walked. There was one blonde man that stayed back, watching with a look of guilt on his face. It stayed that way as the males grabbed up the girls.

They put up a fight, but it was ten to two. They had no chance. Not when that blast of air flattened them to the ground and the younger brothers began to saw off their wings. “Please,” the girl cried. “Please,” she sobbed.

Talia found her own eyes couldn’t gather tears, but they were prickling at the sight of it.

“Rhysand will kill you all.” The mother hissed as she fought tooth and nail against them. And once her wings were completely ripped off, just thrown in the dirt beside her, they cut her head off in one fell sweep.

The girl weeped harder, fought harder as she cried “NO!”

But the men only tore her up from the ground, watched as a blue mirror or portal erupted in front of them as though they planned it, and they threw her in. She fell through one side into snow, blood still weeping from the wounds in her back.

When the darkness swept her away and she was back at the pub meeting Talia’s father again, Talia knew without a doubt that this was her mother. Talia had always looked just like her father with her light brown hair and brown eyes, but she had that woman’s mouth. She bore the same eye shape.

And then it showed Talia’s mother pregnant. She rubbed her stomach with bittersweet joy, that soured as she argued with Talia’s father. “I have to get back to my world. My brother! He needs me. They killed our mother because they think he’s a danger. He needs friends now more than ever!”

Her father shook his head and replied “We have no idea how you got here or how to get you back! Let’s say we did figure it out, we found the exact way to send you back to your world and not some hellscape, are you truly going to take our daughter from me so that I would never see her again?”

Her father who read her bedtime stories, and held her when she cried.

And the blackness ate them up, only to the day Talia’s mother gave birth. She screamed like a demon was being torn from her body, and her skin had lost all of its color. It was Talia’s cry that came soon after, and there was blood everywhere.

“Talia,” her mother gasped, but after they wiped the blood and cut the umbilical cord and wrapped her in blankets, her mother was there no more. A body without a soul.

Did they show her this to know what was at stake after Aelin closed the gates? That Talia may never be able to meet her uncle or the other side of her family where her power originated? What did they want from her?

The scene rippled like a rock being thrown into the water, and there was a woman kneeling before a sarcophagus covered in blood. Wyrdmarks glittered on it and the eye of elena glowed from it’s middle. The woman reached for the amulet, and twisted it three times.

Locking it in place.

“You’ve had the lock all along,” Manon spoke.

Aelin nodded, and responded “I think we have been misled about what we must retrieve.”

The woman—Elena, looked back to a man who had just begun to stir. He looked at the sarcophagus, fear lining his features as he asked “What have you done?”

Talia only noticed the ancient gods behind the queen when she turned to look at them. “It is done.”

They were pissed off, and a thousand voices hissed “Our sisters bloodline has betrayed us—“

The queen lifted her chin higher and said “I saved us. I stopped Erawan!”

“Fool,” the ancients spoke as one. “Half breed fool!Did you not consider why your father carried it, why he bided his time all these years, gathering his strength?”

Talia reached for Aelin’s hand, holding it tightly.

“He was to wield it—to seal the three wyrdkeys back into the gate, and send us home before he shut the gate forever. Us, and the dark king. The lock was forged for us—and you wasted it!”

Elena’s confident demeanor crumbled, and she asked “My father bears the wyrdkeys?”

There was no answer, and Aelin’s hand tightened in Talia’s in response.

They raged even as Elena apologized. But one froze, Elena’s own mother who took a mortal body for Brannon, who gave up her memory of them to cast her power into the lock. “Mother,” Elena whispered.

Mala Fire-bringer looked away from her daughter.

“Unleash him.” One suggested. Cast their judgement upon Earth for Elena’s mistake.

“No!” Elena cried. “Please—please tell me what I must do to atone, but please do not unleash him! I beg you.”

And in their conversation, Elena begged them to let someone else in future inherit the war. They shamed her for it, but her mother swayed them to wait a bit longer. To watch over as gods of immense power.

“We will wait. But there will be a price. And a promise.”

“Name it,” Elena gasped. Talia’s mouth filled with hatred at the scene unfolding in front of her. At what would be asked of Aelin.

“Mala’s bloodline shall bleed again to forge the lock anew. And you will lead them, a lamb to slaughter, to pay the price of this choice you made to waste its power here, for this petty battle.” Talia felt ill. Aelin was right. She could barely stand, only the queen as her lifeline when she suddenly heard “By yielding every last drop of their life force. As your father was prepared to do when the time was right.”

Then they showed them all as Elena met a girl with dark skin, and Talia guessed this was Nehemia. Aelin never spoke of her. Only one night on the boat when the water was silent, and she explained how she’d met Dorian, and then Nehemia, and then Rowan.

It seemed a terrible weight to bear.

Elena sent Nehemia there—to her death.

Talia hated the old queen. She knew she only did what she had to, but to manipulate Aelin and to give someone so young the weight of the world? Aelin could only bear so much.

The argument between Brannon and his daughter, the clues he’d left for Aelin—the mirror showed it all. Only for the old queen to emerge at the end of it.

“I’m sorry,” she apologized. “It was the only way.”

“Cunt.” Talia whispered, and the queen’s gaze hardened on the young girl.

Before she could say anything, Aelin said “Was it a choice, or just to spare Gavin’s precious bloodline, that I was the one selected?” Her mouth curled. “Why spill Haviliard blood, after all, when you could fall back on old habits and choose another to bear the burden?”

“Dorian was not ready. You were.” She spun a glorious tale of her suffering—watching everyone else suffer, about the glitter of hope Aelin’s birth provided. The Queen that was promised.

“But not to the world. To the gods. To the keys,” Aelin’s voice was filled with agony, and her hand was so tight in Talia’s that she thought the bones might snap.

Aelin deserved more time. With Rowan, as a Queen, building a better world. For Elena’s cowardice, she would pay.

“I didn’t survive that night in the Florine river from pure luck, did I?”

And Elena began to show them Aelin that night. She was so small. Talia always forgot how small they all were. How young. Aelin ran through breaking branches and the snow under her feet.

She raced for the edge of the woods, where other posts may be, someone who could save her. But she slammed past the bridge posts just before the bridge as she realized they’d been cut. She tumbled far down.

And the river tossed her in its icy rage.

And Elena had taken a physical form, waited for Aelin to reach the bank only for the cold to steal her life away. Talia’s heart stopped as she watched.

Elena wrapped her in fire, and then brought Arobynn Hamel to her. He saved her.

Elena gave up her soul to bring Aelin back from the dead. Gave Aelin the opportunity to truly live even for a short time before she died.

But Rowan.

Talia’s heart ached at how this would tear him to shreds. To know her, her love and to lose her like this. He deserved better. Aelin deserved more, and it made Talia so angry with the world.

After Elena explained what Aelin must do, Aelin was quiet and Manon paced, but Elena only said “And you? Do you wish to find the remainder of your family?”

Talia stilled.

“Or would you rather stay with your mate for the possibility of a future with him?”

Manon’s head cracked towards Talia. Her mind was clearly trying to work out who it could be, but it didn’t take her very long.

Talia shook her head, tears gathering in her eyes as she spoke “I made a promise to my Queen. I intend to keep it.”

Aelin tore her hand from hers and wrapped her in a tight hug that stole the air from her lungs. “You have to keep all of them safe,” she whispered, pain laced in her words. Rowan. Aedion. Lysandra. Elide. Lorcan. Fenrys. Gavriel.

Even though Fenrys and Gavriel weren’t in her court, they were Aelin’s. Without ever explaining it, she knew.

“I wish I could help you bear the weight of it all,” Talia only whispered.

“You do,” Aelin replied with tears in her eyes.

And then the mist was gone, and the sunlight poured over all of them on the beach of the marsh. The clamor of war had Aelin and Talia tearing apart to watch as the boats fought.

Aelin’s fleet, and a mysterious set of boats bearing a silver flag. Rowan.

A soft female laugh slithered through the grass, and Aelin tensed.

They’d been placed here, and not the boats for a reason. To be here, noting the dead Briarcliffe guards. To be here, in front of Maeve, Queen of the Fae, with Elide Lochan on her knees before her.

With a blade to her throat.

Maeve was exactly the same as Fenrys’ memories. The pale skin, raven hair, and dark robes that made her like night incarnate. Her lips were red, and that serpentine smile made a chill run down Talia’s back.

Talia wondered for a brief moment, how the queen could target the people she loved most in life without ever knowing. What a bitch.

Aelin smirked “Not as impressive as Doranelle, if you ask me, but at least a swamp really reflects your true nature, you know? It’ll be a wonderful new home for you. Definitely worth the cost of coming all this way to conquer it.”

Maeve’s smile glittered as she responded “What a joy to learn that your usual good spirits remain undimmed in such dark days.”

Aelin looked at her fingers, and then at Talia as she joked “How could they not, when so many pretty males are in my company?”

As if he was summoned, Lorcan crawled up a dune by them, and stuttered in horror at the sight of Elide. Maeve smiled, but her attention waivered to Manon and Talia.

She pointed at Manon “I know your face.”

“Let the girl go.”

She laughed in delight. “Ah, claimed by a queen, a witch, and my second…it seems.” Talia wondered if she could get into the Queen’s mind, and she cast herself over the space between them to see the outside of a fortress.

Immediately, Maeve’s gaze fell on Talia. Her smile stretched even further, if that was possible. “Little Talia Ironwood.”

Talia’s heart rate quickened.

“How did you get your memories back, I wonder?” She tilted her head at her. “Alright, give it your best shot.”

So Talia tried to force herself into a wave that beat over Maeve’s shielded like the ones that crashed at the shore, but she heard Maeve’s laughter in her head.

And then an overwhelming, unending pain sent Talia to her knees.

Aelin stepped forward, and hissed “You didn’t drag your ancient carcass here for nothing. What do you want for the girl?”

Maeve released Talia, but the aftershocks of the pain kept Talia on the ground for a moment longer. “Why doesn’t my second tell me? So busy, Lorcan. You’ve been so, so busy these months.”

Lorcan hoarsely replied “For you, my queen.”

Bastard. Gods rutting fucking bastard.

“Then where is my ring? Where are my keys?”

Lorcan’s chin jutted at Aelin. “She has two of them, and probably a good idea where the third is.”

Talia’s hands fisted the sand.

“Lorcan,” the soft girl hissed in betrayal.

He told her to be quiet, and Maeve’s gaze analyzed the both of them. “What familiarity you use when you speak his name, Lady of Perranth.”

Aelin snorted. Bringing the spot light back onto her “Don’t you have better things to do than terrorize humans? Release the girl and we’ll settle this the old fashion way.” And she would take on the old queen with only her blades and a speck of power alone. If it was to save them all. “Want to dance, Maeve?”

Maeve revealed she knew about her lack of power, that she’d been the one to set the pieces in place. Had set the fires, and brought a few hundred ships just in case Aelin was not yet depleted, and to test them. To see if they’d rise to the occasion. They had.

“Do something,” Elide hissed at Lorcan. “Do something,” she hissed to Manon and Talia. Her gaze locked with Talia’s.

Talia noted the way Manon only stared at the guard holding Elide, and how still Lorcan had become.

“Get out of range,” Aelin told them, and Talia stood to back up with the witch. Aelin had a plan, she was clearly performing.

But to what end?

“You can’t possibly hope to win.”

“At least we’ll enjoy ourselves to the end,” Aelin crooned.

Talia readied herself, felt through her well of power and touched the little bit there, and pushed. Till there was more. Not as unending as Aelin’s, but she had more. Maybe enough to help Aelin and buy her some time to get out.

“Oh I have no interest in killing you,” Maeve purred.

Maeve and Aelin shook the world as their power met, through Manon and Talia on their ass. Lorcan was already killing Elide’s guards, slitting their throat—and Elide was running for them, but Lorcan grabbed the back of her collar.

“Lorcan, hold the girl,” Maeve ordered without a hint of struggle in her voice. “Don’t get any stupid ideas about fleeing with her.”

The flame and darkness battled, and the flame wavered, just a bit, and Talia took in one deep breath before one black whip of darkness hit Aelin and sent her to her knees.

“Why don’t you use the keys?” Maeve asked.

And then she stood before her, her own wall of adamant night protecting herself and the queen. The Queen’s rage poured into her darkness, beating against Talia’s wall with a frenzy, and Talia looked for her own weaknesses.

“What happened to you and me, Aelin?” Maeve asked, but Talia only pushed the endless night further at her.

For Aelin. For Rowan. For Gavriel. For Lorcan. For Fenrys.

“How is Fenrys doing, my sweet girl?” Maeve asked over the wall of their battle.

It was a distraction, but one that worked well enough that Maeve managed to slide a tendril of darkness that wrapped around Talia and Aelin’s throat. That tendril beat at Talia’s head until her eyes were bleary in the sun. Ensnared her in darkness and her mind as incredible agony rippled through her, and she couldn’t hear anything over her own screaming.

“Did you think I did not know?” Maeve purred into Talia’s mind over the pain.

And then a growl echoed, the only warning as a great wolf lept over the grass and shifted. A mountain lion followed suit.

“Let them go,” Fenrys snarled. “Let them go now!”

Maeve blinked. “Look who finally arrived. Another set of traitors!” Fenrys wouldn’t even look at Talia as Maeve continued “What a valiant effort you made, Fenrys, delaying your arrival on this beach for as long as you could withstand my summons.”

When Fenrys didn’t move, that darkness tightened around Talia’s neck, forcing a scream from her throat. “Stop it,” Fenrys snapped.

Maeve’s eyes narrowed “What do you think is stronger, I wonder? My blood oath, or an incomplete mating bond?” Fenrys froze again.

“Maeve, please,” Gavriel begged.

“Maeve? Not your majesty?” Has the lion gone a bit feral? Too much unchecked time with your half-breed brat?”

She knew everything. Had known everything they’d tried to hide from her. “Leave him out of this,” Gavriel spoke softly.

The darkness around Aelin and Talia parted, and the sun greeted them and the blood dribbling from their noses, their ears, even Talia’s eyes. Fenrys lunged for them, only for a wall of black to stop him in his place.

“I don’t think so.”

Talia looked around them, at the scene they painted. At Elide in Lorcan’s arms, the wall of darkness between her and Fenrys, and Aelin beside her who was mouthing to Elide—Run she told her.

Elide would not.

Talia knew that, and maybe that was why Talia had not come for Elide that night. She knew Elide would not leave. Her uncle, yes, perhaps even her father, but her kingdom? No.

Aelin tried to lift herself from the sand, but there was not one ember left in the queen. She had been snuffed out.

“Please,” Elide begged Manon. Again. The witch did not move.

“I have no quarrel with you witch. Stay out of this and you are free to go as you wish.”

“Agreed.”

Maeve lowered the wall of darkness, and Fenrys looked at Talia, and she knew what he wanted as he pleaded with his gaze.

She entered his mind, and heard his gasping voice.

Run. He told her. Run as far as possible.

Talia wanted to be a bit more like Elide. She would not run again. Not to leave her queen and mate to the evil queen’s will.

Talia only told him

I will fight for you. For her. With my dying breath if need be.

And then she left his mind to the reality around them.

“If you’re so invested in her court, why don’t you join it?” Fenrys tensed, preparing to step in front of Gavriel when she continued “I sever the blood oath with you, Gavriel. Without honor, without good faith. You are dismissed from my service and stripped of your title.”

“You bitch,” Fenrys snapped, and Gavriel’s breathing turned shallow. Two invisible claws raked down his skin, drawing blood that dripped onto the grass.

“Let it be known, you, a male of honor, have none. That you betrayed your queen for another, for a bastard of yours.” Fenrys stepped forward, and Maeve laughed “Oh you’d like for me to do the same, wouldn’t you, Fenrys? But what greater punishment for the one who is a traitor to me in his very soul than to serve me forever?”

Forever was a very long time.

Maeve turned to the girls on the beach, and hissed “Get up.”

“Go to hell,” Talia only hissed after witnessing Aelin try and fail to rise. The dark queen sent a whip of darkness against her back, and Talia sucked in a sharp breath as blood began to pour from her back.

“Why?” Aelin asked, to get the attention off of Talia.

“Why bother with you at all? Because I can’t very well let you sacrifice yourself to forge a new lock, can I? Not when you already have what I want. And I have known for a very long time that you would give me what I seek, Aelin Galathynius, and have taken the steps to ensuring that.”

Her steps got closer, not to Aelin, but to just before Talia who had no training, no weapons on her at all.

“You, and my heir. The only person in the world who could mirror me. Haven’t you figured it out? Why I wanted your mother to bring the both of you to me? Why I demanded such things of you this spring?”

“You are not my mother—“ Talia hissed.

The queen only shrugged. “My apprentice, then.”

“I will never be like you.”

Maeve smiled. “You already are.”

Chapter 10: Time

Summary:

Enjoy!

“Brannon stole the keys from me, after I took them from the valg. They were mine, and he snatched them. And then he mated with that goddess of yours, breeding the fire into the bloodline, ensuring I would think hard before touching his land, his heirs. But all bloodlines fade. And I knew a time would come when Brannon’s flames would dim to a flicker, and I’d be poised to strike.”

Talia could see it as she described it, but she had a feeling the story was twisted. That Brannon had stolen the keys after fearing what Maeve may do with them, and then accidentally falling in love with a goddess. But in the war of thrones, love was always a crime or a power play. Never an accident.

“But in my dark power, I saw a glimmer of the future. Of you—your mother and your power. Of your struggle with its burden. Your inability to control it, and the toll it will take on you should you let it build as it had when magic was wiped away. I saw your entire life in Adarlan. Your rape, your mistreatment. I knew you and I—we are alike. But more than that, I saw that Mala’s power would surge again, and that Aelin would lead me to the keys. I saw who you were, what you were. I saw who you loved. I saw your mates.”

Maeve turned to Aelin with a grin, “What a powerhouse you two would be—you and Prince Rowan. And any offspring of that union…” Her eyes zeroed in on her belly. “You and Rowan could rule this continent, if you wished. Perhaps with Talia and Fenrys ruling our side of the world. Your children—together—they would be powerful enough to rule an empire that could sweep the world.”

Talia barely glanced at Fenrys, at the unrealized dream in his eyes being torn to shreds. At the pain in his eyes at all she revealed. She’d never told him about the rape. Though he’d seen a piece of it. Had Maeve selected Fenrys because of her? Had she forced him into her bed because of her?

“I didn’t know when you would be born, but when Prince Rowan Whitethorn came into this world, when he came of age and was the strongest purebred fae male in my realm…you were still not there.” Talia knew the next words without hearing them. “And I knew what I would have to do. To leash you. To break you to my will, to hand over those keys without thought once you were strong and trained enough to acquire them.”

Talia witnessed Aelin cry behind closed eyes, felt her pain as her own. “It was so easy to tug on that psychic thread that day Rowan saw Lyria at the market. To shove him down that other path, to trick those instincts. A slight altering of fate. It was even easier to play into that male need for glory. Wouldn’t you say, Fenrys?”

Maeve had orchestrated it all.

“Oh gods.” Fenrys breathed.

“Fenrys was a bit of a show off. A playboy. He loved to be envied, and the person who envied him most? His twin brother. Once I offered him the blood oath, well. Fenrys followed. Like a dog tied to a chain. I think you’re a bit the same in that, Talia. So I gave Rowan to another, and I let him fall in love, let him get her with child. And then I broke him. No one ever asked how those enemy forces came to pass his mountain home. Rowan took the blood oath without question, and I knew that whenever you and Aelin were born, whenever you’d come of age…I’d ensure that your paths crossed.”

Talia could feel the chain she mentioned wrapped around her throat. She’d planned everything, and they had no way out. Not really.

“And you’d take one look at each other and I’d have you by the throat. Anything I’d asked for, you’d give me. Even the keys. For your mate, you could do no less. You almost did that day in Doranelle.”

Maeve’s gaze looked back down at Talia, and her finger lifted her chin higher even as Aelin said “I will kill you.” Her teeth bared at the ancient Queen, and it was an anger so cold Talia shook with a chill down her back.

She barely looked away as she responded “That’s what you said to Rowan after you met him, wasn’t it?”

Talia glanced at Fenrys, but his eyes were pinned to the hand at her chin. They were full of fury. Did Fenrys hate her, for being the reason he was held so close to Maeve, or did he hate Maeve for touching his mate? For ruining their lives?

No, not ruined.

Just, difficult. Different.

“I’d pushed and pushed your mother to bring you both to me. So you could meet them. So I could have you both at last when they felt the bond, but she refused. And we know how well that turned out for her. And during those ten years after, I knew you were alive. Watched Talia even from a distance. Hidden in plain sight. But when Aelin came to me… when you and your mate looked at each other with only hate in your eyes, I’ll admit I did not anticipate it.”

She had broken him so much he didn’t recognize her. Aelin was broken enough and separated from her fae body for so long she couldn’t have either. The carranam bond had been a pitiful excuse—a way to deal with their bond without making Lyria any less real.

“But not you. How long has it been, Aelin, since you realized he was your mate?”

Elide pitifully whispered “Leave her alone.”

“When, Aelin?”

Aelin only barely lifted her chin, and said “At Temis’s temple, the moment the arrow went through his shoulder. Months ago.”

Talia could still feel that finger at her own chin. The dark claw only tightened as Maeve looked to her. “Did you know, I wonder, who sent you those dreams? Who taught you to erase yourself from memory?” Talia’s eyes prickled but she did not cry at the confirmation. “I never forgot you, Talia.”

She leaned down, and whispered “I taught you to build that chest so that you may hide yourself in others minds. I sent you those dreams of Fenrys so that you were already in love with him before you met him. I made Fenrys my bitch so that you would come running if I called.”

Talia released an inhuman growl.

“I did that because I knew once that chest was built, it was an easy vessel. You and I are the only ones in the entire world who can enter the realm of minds, and there would be no one to save you when I made you forget everything but those dreams.”

Horror, true, abject, nauseating horror dawned on Talia. Had Maeve ever been the villain in any of her dreams of Fenrys before she met him? She’d could no longer remember most of them. She never written them down, only focused on the feeling of searching for Fenrys. Needing him. Losing him. Over and over again.

Talia, in a last ditch effort to prevent Maeve from doing what she threatened, tried to mist Maeve, but she had a shield in place, and the sand just exploded behind her. Fenrys snarled, chaffing against those bonds.

Maeve cackled.

“I wanted him here too. But I’ll have to make due.”

Maeve dropped that finger from Talia’s chin, and said “If it’s any consolation, Aelin, you would have had a thousand years with Prince Rowan. Longer. Mab’s line ran true. The full powers, the shifting abilities, and the immortality of the fae. You would have settled in five years. Perhaps we’ll have that to look forward to, together.”

Talia felt that dark power enter her mind, and barely heard

“Maeve, please,” Fenrys begged.

Before Maeve was sweeping all of her memories in one great big darkness and tossing it all in a chest. Shutting it closed and forging a lock of evil and shadow that hardened.

“I want you to see this part,” the woman muttered. “Even if I have to put it away afterwards.”

“Cairn.”

A handsame brown-haired warrior emerged from the escorts. The girl with blonde hair shuddered, and the woman said “Allow me to introduce the newest member of my cadre, as you like to call them. Cairn, meet Aelin Galathynius.”

The name meant nothing to Talia. But when Talia glanced around her, she noticed the male from her dreams, and she struggled against the dark bonds that held her. His eyes flickered, but he wasn’t looking at Talia. He was looking at the blonde girl named Aelin.

“Cairn is trained in abilities you have in common. You only had a few years to learn the art of torture, but Cairn can teach you some of the things he’s learned in centuries of passing.”

The blonde man struggled even harder. Did he love this girl? Had it already been too late for her, or was she invisible just like in every dream? “Maeve, I beg you—“

Darkness slammed into him, and sent him to his knees. “You beg me?” Maeve hissed. “How about this? You are a dog. If I tell you to bark, you bark. If I tell you to sleep with Talia and make her relearn to love you all over again while she holds no memory, you will. If I tell you to get on your knees and service me in front of her—you will. You do not beg. You do nothing that I don’t wish of you.”

“But I’ll give you a choice, Aelin. Come with me willingly and get acquainted with Cairn, or I’ll still take you and Elide Lochan. She’ll have a great time with him.”

“No,” a man with dark hair whispered softly.

“I command you to stand down. I command you to watch and do nothing. I command you to not move or speak until I say so. The order applies to you as well, Fenrys.”

The blonde girl watched the entire display, and only eventually nodded. The trembling girl shoved away from the dark man’s arms.

“Tell the others. Tell the others that I am sorry. Tell Lysandra to remember her promise, and that I will never stop being grateful. Tell Aedion…tell him it’s not his fault. And that I’d wish he’d been able to take the oath, but Terrasen will look to him now, and the lines must not break.” The blonde girl’s voice cracked.

“And tell Rowan…”

An ancient iron box was being lugged before them, and Aelin froze at the sight of it. She swallowed a sob, and continued “And tell Rowan that I’m sorry I lied. But tell him it was all borrowed time anyway. Even before today, I knew it was all borrowed time, but I still wish we had more of it. Tell him he has to fight. He must save Terrasen, and remember the vows he made to me. And tell him—tell him thank you for walking that dark path with me back into the light.”

The speech brought tears to Talia’s eyes, though she had no idea why.

The escorts opened the lid of the iron box, and lifted an ornate iron mask and gave it to the dark woman.

The trembling woman pleaded “Don’t do this.”

And Talia watched as the queen ordered the blonde girl to kneel. To take off her shirt. Watched as the man named Cairn stepped forward, with a whip tied to his belt.

Distantly, she felt sick at the sight of it.

“Ten lashes, Cairn. Let her have a taste of what to expect when we reach our destination, if she does not cooperate.”

Talia felt the bonds around her—the darkness that had held her loosen. Talia didn’t know this girl, but if the man from her dreams cared for her, then she must be important. Why would Talia sit by and watch her get whipped?

Maeve let the mask dangle from her fingers. “Why don’t you count for us, Aelin?”

Talia searched within herself without knowing she could do so. Found that well of power, and felt and felt and sunk into it like one sinks into a bath.

And she began swimming down, barreling and sinking and digging. She called it all up, and sent it back, a blip of darkness erupted over all of them. Talia could not see, but she searched for the girl on the ground and covered over her back with her own.

Only to feel the whip cut through her darkness, and into her flesh, and she heard more than felt herself scream.

“Talia?” Aelin’s voice muttered in horror.

Maeve hissed, and attacked her mind with a strength and speed that had Talia’s darkness evaporating. “Cairn, give 5 lashes to my darling daughter for her disobedience.”

Daughter?

Maeve’s bonds once again tightened on her, holding her tight to Aelin so that she might feel each time she is struck.

“Stop!” Aelin panted as Talia screamed as that fae warrior whipped her. That fae strength, on Talia. Who’d never had anyone truly break her before. “It was just supposed to be me!”

The dark woman shook her head, “That was for Elide. Talia is mine now. My daughter, my heir. I will punish her as I see fit. You don’t get to beg for her life.”

There was blood leaking down her back and shirt, and the woman said “What number are we on now?”

The woman asked “Do you remember?” Talia barely lifted her head.

“No? Start over, Cairn. Count for us, Talia.”

Talia thought she heard someone crawling. Thought she heard someone gasp what must have been her name. But all she felt was fire and blood, and she whispered “One.”

By the end, she must’ve had eight total lashes. Not as much as the blonde girl would get, but the blonde girl’s tears weren’t for herself as Cairn swept Talia off of her back.

As Talia laid on the sand, her blood mixing with it, she met the gaze of the man of her dreams.

The woman taunted Aelin the same, tried to make her count, but she stayed mostly silent except for her quiet grunts and then finally scream. Talia couldn’t face it, so she just stared at the man. At the tears running down his face, and the sound of the whip cracked in her ears.

She would remember this forever.

“Majesty,” a man mumbled. “It might be prudent to postpone until later.”

“There’s plenty of skin,” Cairn pointed out.

“Others are approaching,” had Talia’s blip of darkness signaled someone to help them?

Aelin whimpered against the sand then.

They just needed some time for help to arrive.

“We’re going now,” the silver one announced, and the trembling girl fought her. The silver one only knocked her out with the butt of her sword.

The escorts picked Aelin up, and dragged her to the iron box, and strapped that mask to her beautiful face. Her neck. Her ankles. Her wrists. Then they made her lie on her ravaged back in the iron coffin and slid the lid into place.

That woman looked to that man, and pointed at the ship “Fenrys, go.”

He stood, as if that tension had both released and strained him further, but he could not refuse a direct order, so he disappeared.

Then she stepped closer to the man with dark hair, and Talia could not hear over the blood pounding in her ears. But she saw him, saw his arm rip open and saw him fall to his knees. Begin crawling.

Maeve walked over to Talia now, and lifted her with that darkness over to the boat, and speared into her mind on the ride over.

She didn’t just toss the memory of the whipping into that chest, she also planted those other memories. The dreams Talia had forgotten.

The ones in which Talia was a Princess of the Fae. Daughter of Maeve. Heir to the throne. Harbinger of Starlight. Fenrys was there in each of her childhood memories, a guard dog of her mother’s and great warrior who trained her to fight. A fae male, she’d always had a crush on.

And Aelin? Aelin was her greatest enemy.

Chapter 11: Princess Talia of the Fae

Summary:

I enjoy all of your comments! Thank you!!!

Growing up as a princess had its perks. From sneaking extra desserts in the kitchen to getting away with pulling on guards’ hair, Talia had plenty of fun as a child. She used to read at the foot of her mother’s throne, just to be close to her. If anything interesting came up, her mother would use it as a lesson.

Maeve, Queen of the Fae, was the most powerful person Talia knew. She was older than dirt (though she’d never tell her), cruel and you would never want to cross her. She was also Talia’s mother.

Maeve was a strict mother. Talia would get nasty punishments for stepping out of line, and she would receive hours of drilling if her studies were left behind. Mostly though, Maeve was preparing her. Ruling a kingdom was not an easy feat, and she could not trust anyone. Not even a blood-sworn warrior.

While Talia had always been just beneath her mother, Fenrys had been near her mother’s side as well. He was a kind smile on a dreary day, and when Talia had developed a crush on him, her mother worked it out very quickly. She started to place him farther and farther away. Talia was 12, it was unbecoming to have a crush such as that.

But one day, Talia had snuck away from her guards and her mother so well that she’d found herself lost in the city. She’d only had a few coins on her, so she’d managed to get some food, but by night time, she was terrified to ask for help.

Trust no one, her mother told her. There are beasts in every corner of the world, even our city of rivers. The things they would do with a princess were unspeakable.

There were musicians on the streets that would encourage 14 year old Talia to join, and she did. She danced even as her heart beat so fast her fear tasted like iron. She avoided alleyways, and tried to stay in the light as much as possible.

However, a male with black teeth and a patchy beard came up to her when the musicians too went to bed. Talia had her training. She knew how to hold her own with blades and even with her powers, but if she used her powers everyone would know it was her that killed him. Or worse, they would think it was her mother. She had no blades.

She didn’t want to be the sort of ruler so afraid that they kill anyone who approaches them. So she tried to avoid violence.

“Aren’t you a pretty female?” The male purred, and his canines gleamed with the moonlight on them. “Are you supposed to be out here, little one?”

Talia found her voice and said “My father is coming back, he just wanted a drink-“

They were outside the pub, and the door opened but the male that came out was far too sloshed to help her any.

“Really?” The male smiled and licked his lips. “Come on,” he gestured with his head for her to go in. Just on the threshold of the doorway, Talia was frozen with his breath on her neck. “Which one is he?”

Talia started to look through the crowd, hoping and praying to find someone she recognized or looked like, only for her eyes to fall upon Fenrys. He was in a precarious position with a beautiful female in his lap, and he looked up at her like she was sin incarnate.

Like ambrosia. Maybe that’s what was dripping from his lips.

Should she approach him and ruin his night? Or let this beast realize she had no father and he could throw a sack over her head and take her away in the night. Before she could decide, Fenrys’ eyes fell upon her, and his easy going smile that she never saw enough dropped. Just like her heart.

In two seconds, Fenrys was gone and the man behind her had a dagger straight through his throat. His ability to teleport still rocked her mind, and his hand was shoving the man away so he wouldn’t fall on her and gripping her upper arm to pull her back to the castle. To her mother.

“What. were. you. thinking?” Fenrys hissed.

Talia sucked in a breath. The man she’d always adored admonishing her set her on edge. “Maybe that I wanted to see the city that I will rule? Maybe that I was tired of being locked up in the rutting tower?”

“And that’s why I found you with some sleezy prick looking for the opportunity to rape you?” Fenrys replied sardonically.

“Sorry to ruin your night,” Talia huffed and ripped her arm out of his grip as she stopped in the street. “Go back to it, I’ll find my way home.”

“It?” Fenrys asked.

“Her. Go back to her. You go back to her, and I’ll enjoy a nice moonlit walk back.”

“Is that a command, princess?” Fenrys asked, his teeth still tight.

“Do you never think of anyone but yourself?” Talia let out a breath. “Gods, is it so difficult to imagine that I would like to have one day of freedom? That I would like to pretend that I’m not important and that I can enjoy music and the moon and the rushing of water? I’ve never even felt the wind on my face, much less danced to a song I enjoyed. I wanted one day—one night of freedom and this whole time all I’ve thought of is how I’m worrying everyone. My mother—you, her guards, Rowan, everyone! Even Lorcan. I haven’t been able to enjoy anything thinking about it, and there you were about to have your way with a female. Maybe I’ve put far too much value in my presence or life.”

Fenrys’ gaze narrowed, and his posture straightened. “I was sent away yesterday, Princess. I haven’t even spoken with Maeve, let alone discovered you were missing. But I’m sorry if my extracurricular activities offend you.”

Talia’s pout softened, and she too stood straighter. She’d basically yelled at him that she was jealous, but who was she to be jealous? She was a child. Barely a teenager.

It was just hard because she knew. Even if he hadn’t noticed or let himself think it, but she knew they were mates.

“Would you like to? Feel the wind on your face?” Fenrys eventually interrupted the quiet, and Talia smiled and nodded.

He transformed into his white wolf, which looked particularly pretty in the moonlight, and nodded at his back. Talia didn’t think he did that often, but she climbed on his back, and barely covered her scream as he raced closer to rushing water. She felt the wind, the coolness of the breeze and it made her laugh and smile so hard her cheeks hurt.

Her chest felt so full of light things, and she knew she’d do anything to keep it.

 

~

 

Talia woke up to three sharp knocks on her cabin door, and barely had time to turn over in bed before the door was opening. Fenrys, her mother’s guard and one half of the twin wolves that had took the blood oath from her, stood there. He seemed surprised at first, and his hand gripped the door tightly.

Talia’s gaze locked on his hair, and her lips quirked. “You cut your hair?” She asked. They shared a warm familiarity. He’d spent most of the years Talia had been a child in the city away, or fighting off in some war that Maeve never let her know about. But the few memories she did have of him were her favorite ones. Him letting her on his back in his wolf form, racing through the river in the city, or training her for an hour or two when her mother was busy.

Talia had the biggest crush on him.

She’d been just about to tell him about her feelings when he was sent to chase after Lorcan, her mother’s most dedicated and brutal warrior. Lorcan, who betrayed her. Betrayed them.

He looked better with his short hair, she decided. Fenrys startled, and nodded. He replied “Maeve would like to see you.”

It was so informal of him, so unusual that Talia’s brows furrowed. But she stood in her chemise, and looked down at herself in embarrassment. She asked “Could you wait outside while I get dressed?”

He shook himself, and shut the door between them.

She found a dress that black and blue dress in the wardrobe, and she smiled at the design her mother had chosen for her. The bodice was blue, as was the base of the dress, but over the arms and collarbones, as well as the rest of the dress was a sheer layer of black fabric that sparkled with blues and purples. Like the night sky.

Her mother had been the first person to point out that Talia’s power had starlight in her darkness, so her mother would call her little star.

My little star, my little love, she’d say.

Talia doned the dress, and pulled her hair up off her neck. Then opened the door to find Fenrys still outside her door. Waiting.

He was so handsome. Even with blood splattered on his tunic from the battle. He swallowed at the sight of her and lifted his arm for her to take.

Her mother waited on the deck of the boat, and her smile glittered when she noticed Talia. “My love,” she called with arms out, and Talia left Fenrys’s arm for hers.

“Are you okay?” Talia asked. “Did Aelin hurt you?”

Maeve shook her head, and brought her hand to Talia’s cheek to soothe her. “No, of course not.”

She looked back at Fenrys over her shoulder, and gave her a teasing look. Her mother knew about her crush, and loved sending him to bring her to him. “Fenrys tells me he missed you a great deal while traveling with the Queen.”

Fenrys, Talia learned, liked Aelin a bit too much to have actually missed Talia during his time with her. Talia had been there when the Queen threatened to burn her favorite city to the ground. When she burned her ankles at her mother’s dias. When Fenrys looked at her like he adored her.

Aelin was a gorgeous monster, and Fenrys seemed to light up at the sight of her.

Rowan was attracted to her like a moth to the flame, and Rowan had always been the coldest if not cruelest of her mother’s warriors. He’d never treated her badly, but he did not give her warmness either. For Aelin? For Aelin, he gave up everything.

It was a shock Aelin hadn’t taken Fenrys too.

“I doubt that, mother,” Talia teased back, and knew he could hear her. “He liked the Queen a tad too much to miss a Princess like me.”

“Is that right, Fenrys?” Her mother turned to him, and beckoned him closer. “Do you prefer the Queen of Terrasen? Should I have you keep watch over her, instead of my daughter?”

It was cruel to make him choose, but Talia knew he’d choose the Queen. Talia wasn’t in any real danger, and her normal guards would protect her.

“He can watch the iron box, I’d enjoy the company of the Princess,” Cairn, a handsome new addition of her mother’s blood-sworn warriors offered when Fenrys struggled to respond.

“Stay away from her.” Fenrys growled. It was strange. Fenrys was acting so strangely. He’d never been so angry with a stranger. Perhaps he knew Cairn? Did he know something her mother didn’t?

“Why should he?” Talia heard herself say, and Fenrys’s gaze slammed back into her.

He’d always been so far. So distant. Her mother, once she found out about Talia’s feelings, sent him away just so she wouldn’t get any ideas. It was uncouth for a princess to even have a crush on one of her warriors.

“You can’t have them both, Fenrys,” Cairn grinned. “As much as you’d love that.”

Talia imagined it, both her and the queen servicing him. It made her rather uncomfortable, and so jealous she burned.

“I’ll protect you, Princess,” Fenrys bowed at the waist. “It has always been my honor to do so.”

Her mother smiled, and said “Good. I think we should continue your training, Talia. On the Queen. Since iron doesn’t work on you, you can easily reach her mind through it.”

“Iron doesn’t work on Talia?” Fenrys blurted, and Talia gave him a questioning look.

“Of course it doesn’t. It doesn’t work on mother either,” Talia answered. “And that sounds like a great idea. But what would you have me practice?”

Maeve hummed “Hallucinations, mostly. You can be creative about it. I’d rather her not be aware of time passing though.”

Seemed harmless enough.

“There is one more thing before you may go,” her mother stopped her and Fenrys. “Fenrys, where are the keys?”

Fenrys seized up, and his mouth gurgled before he said “I don’t know.”

Talia watched his movements, analyzing the twitch of his jaw and how he clenched and unclenched his fists. “What did Aelin do with them?” Her mother prodded.

He sputtered. Maeve’s calm demeanor became agitated. “Here I thought you’d maybe make this easier.”

“I didn’t know she didn’t have them anymore-“ Fenrys panicked. “I got there after you!”

“You were right, my little star.” Maeve reached them, and pitifully put a hand on her shoulder. “Fenrys does prefer her. Fenrys, watch over the Queen in your other form. You will not speak, you will not move in her presence. You will only watch, and know that you do not deserve Talia. My sweet daughter who has always adored you. Go.”

Fenrys couldn’t fight the order even if he had tried. Not with her wording. But he did seem to be in pain as he disappeared to wherever the iron coffin lied.

“Do you think he’ll ever figure it out?” Talia whispered. The Princess had always known that the fae warrior was her mate. With her heightened sense of people’s minds and connections, she’d felt it since she could remember though she’d never told him. Barely told her mother after she’d sent him away.

“I don’t know, love.” Maeve told her, and turned to Cairn, who watched the exchange closely.

“Cairn, I’d like to properly introduce you to my daughter. She is my prize and soul, and will eat you alive should you get too close!” She teased. Cairn’s smile reminded Talia a bit of a shark.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, princess. I’ve heard so much about you.”

“It’s good to meet you as well, Cairn.”

Chapter 12: Cairn

Summary:

Talia is very confused, and Cairn likes playing with her.

Cairn was charming man, but there was a level of darkness that shrouded his mind from Talia. She wasn't normally a snoop, but Fenrys's reaction to the man had her looking just for a peak.

But nothing. As if he was being protected by her mother. His mind wasn't just covered in her, but there were layers upon layers of thorns making a wall with no end in sight. It made her sick.

He never even noticed she attempted to see inside. He simply continued with story of how he had managed to escape from a skinwalker. Talia held her mouth closed tightly to try not to yawn, but she could admit he was attractive. "You know, I'm shocked you have such a fondness for Fenrys," Cairn eventually broke through her haze.

Her gaze sharpened. "Why?" she demanded.

"Because he's warmed your mother's bed for half a century." Talia stiffened, and her stomach squeezed but she made no reaction. "What is it about him? Is he just that charming? That handsome?"

The betrayal was reaching in from all sides. From her mother, for knowing and continuing; from Fenrys, who refused to acknowledge their bond; from her heart, for being so godsdamned hurt about a male she had no promises to.

Cairn reached over the table between them, and lifted a strand of hair that slipped out. "Do you think you can't do better?" he whispered.

Talia loosed a growl without thinking. She became overly aware of the boat, of the waves bashing against the walls, of the iron coffin that Fenrys was so tied to. She imagined ripping the boat apart, and letting that coffin sink. Down, down, down. Though her anger wasn't for the fire princess, it was the only tangible thought she had. To rip something from Fenrys and her mother that they so desperately wanted. Needed.

Why couldn't they need her?

Cairn let the hair fall and sat back in his seat with a confidence he seemed to sweat out. He repulsed her. Maeve betrayed her. Fenrys had only ever hurt her.

Was that what love was? Pain? Betrayal?

"I think you could rip the world apart, and I think that makes you special," Cairn's voice again cut through her thoughts. "I think you're the most valuable thing on this boat." Not Maeve, Aelin...Talia. "He's your mate, isn't he?" Cairn asked, and his look wasn't pitying, but his confidence was nowhere to be found.

"What does it matter to you?" Talia hissed, and hoped and prayed Fenrys wouldn't be able to hear her over the waves.

"I just think it's a shame, he's such a whore and he gets you. A virginal, powerful princess." Talia's shadows wrapped around his throat with a viciousness she didn't expect from herself.

"Call him a whore again," Talia tightened the shadows.

Cairn had no end. "Do you think he'd want you--as inexperienced as you are? How would you compare to a female that's been enjoying males for a millennia?" His eyes traced the dress where it was translucent, and she felt naked. "Why are you saving yourself for a male who doesn't care?"

Talia had enough. She tightened the shadows to the point that Cairn couldn't breathe, and one moment she thought perhaps she'd kill him--and the next he was up and lifting her from her chair. He threw her at the wall, and she fell in a heap against the floor. Cairn's teeth were white in the darkness, and he kicked her in the stomach.

"Stop-" Talia shouted, but he didn't. He pulled her arm from her chest, and slammed his foot on it: shattering the bone. "Why are you doing this?" Talia whimpered.

He kicked her again, and the air escaped her lungs without thought. Cairn laughed "I can't wait for her to take this from you. I can't wait to start over and over again, until you finally fall in love with me. It will be the best joke of my life to know what I've done to you, and you be so rutting clueless."

Cairn leaned down on his knees, and grabbed Talia's shoulders to slam her head into the floor.

Don't forget, Fenrys's voice rose to her like a leaf that fell into water. You have power.

Talia gathered her shadows, and as he went to slam her head again, she screamed and let it out. He slammed through the table and into the wall. Talia laid on the floor, holding her limbs and weeping when her mother finally stepped in the room.

And she sighed in disappointment, and called "Fenrys."

Fenrys blipped in half a breath, and he was panting in anger. His shoulders shook.

"I'm changing the arrangements. You'll watch Talia until we get back to Doranelle." Then Maeve stepped over to Talia and reached into her mind and scooped the memory up before placing it into a chest only she had access too. Talia was immediately put to sleep, and Maeve muttered "Go get the healer."

 

~

 

Talia couldn't stop itching. Her arm, her back, even her head. It was as if there were spiders crawling all over her, but there were no spiders on the boat, were there? None that would create this kind of itchiness.

Her fingers had practically rubbed her arms raw by the time Fenrys came into her room. He may have heard her and suspected he'd need to step in to help or ask what was wrong with her.

Talia raised her head like a deer caught in the woods, and only said "I'm itchy." Fenrys's chin dipped in acknowledgement, and there was a flash of pain on his face that Talia couldn't understand. "Where is Cairn? I thought you were watching Aelin."

Fenrys leaned against the wall, sagging against it as he let some of his exhaustion show finally. "Maeve thought it'd be better for him to watch her," he mumbled.

Talia's eyes searched the floor as she thought what that meant. "They're trying to get the location of the keys out of her?" Fenrys's face was shocked, and for a second there was almost anticipation on it. Talia said "I should be helping. Mother wants me to practice-"

"You can't-" Fenrys interrupted, and in the same breath Talia huffed.

"You can't treat me like I'm delicate forever, I have power, I should use it!"

That wasn't the issue. Talia knew it the moment his brows furrowed in frustration and heartache. It was like she could feel his pain as her own. She tried to enter his mind, something she had avoided forever only to come up to walls of concrete with thorns as sharp as blades. She inhaled sharply at the construction.

Fenrys couldn't do this. This was all her mother.

"Why is my mother protecting your mind from me?" Talia whispered to herself. Did she suspect there were others like them?

"Try. Practice on me. Deconstruct her walls," Fenrys pleaded. "I'll give you anything if you can."

Anything? Talia would have done it from curiosity alone, but the possibility of anything was enough motivation for her to really try. So Talia set to work, and felt Fenrys slide to the floor as she forged herself into a saw and tried to cut through the thorns very gently. It was such a tedious and painstaking work that she heard Fenrys whimper.

After a particular sharp breath from him, and a wave of nausea on her part, she pulled herself from his head. "There's no point," Talia gasped. "She'll just reconstruct it the moment she sees you next and can tell what I did."

Fenrys's chin was high, and his Adam's apple protruded sharply when he swallowed. "Maybe," he turned to look at her. "But all we can do is try."

"What are you hiding?" Talia asked.

Fenrys's eyes had lost all light--all hope. "I am under orders." Not to say. Not to even hint at it.

Talia thought outloud "Do you think a mating bond could overcome a blood oath?" If she was feeling his emotions because of their bond, then there had to be a path out--a path in. If their bond were stronger, would she be able to get in his head? Would he be able to refuse an order if it put her in danger?

It was dangerous to be thinking this way. Even more dangerous to be pointing it out to Fenrys. If not for her physical safety, then for her mentally. If he refused the bond, she'd be left in heartache for months. Few males did refuse the bond, but Fenrys had longed for freedom ever since he got the blood oath. Would it be worth it to leave one set of shackles for another?

"It hasn't so far," Fenrys admitted, and Talia sucked in a breath. Did he find a mate? Had she imagined this bond between them all this time? Driven herself insane with hope and delusion alone? Did she live in the city? Was she that female in his lap at the pub? Talia's chest was full of shards, and her hands clung to the covers of her bed. The itchiness set in again, and she twisted her neck to ignore the urge. "Do you think if we make it stronger, that it will?" Fenrys whispered so softly no one else on the boat would hear it.

"How would-how did-" Talia had so many questions.

She tried to piece together when he would have found out, but as she looked back, she realized the last thing she remembered was walking away with Cairn, and then she was in bed. She had gaps in her memory, and if that was the case, what was stolen from her?

What had her mother stolen from her?

She envisioned her mind, the barriers, the memories all laid out like seashells in the sand. In the distance, there was a boat surrounded by a dark fog. When had her mind looked like this? Where had the boat come from?

"Kiss me," Fenrys was now in front of her, sitting on the bed. He seemed desperate for this to work, but how would it even work? "Talia," the way he uttered her name made her forget all of her problems. She'd always looked at him like he'd hung the sun every morning, and he whispered her name like she'd hung the moon.

Kissing him gave her an odd sense of deja vu. His jaw was smooth but strong, and his lips were full enough that she lost sense of her own lips in them. Her hands tingled and her heart raced, but the way he traced her lips with his own, how he met her was as if he'd kissed her before. Was that what her mother had taken from her?

"Talia," he muttered as he pulled away. "I'm sorry."

And then they were in front of her mother. Talia in her nightgown, and Fenrys with his face set in stone. Even as his lips were swollen from kissing her.

The moon was high in the sky, and her mother made no reaction to her daughter indecent in her rooms. "Did it set in?" Maeve was sitting with her back to her headboard.

Fenrys shook his head.

Maeve smiled. "Pity," she shook her head. "Now rid of my daughter of her delusions."

Fenrys turned to her, and her heart turned to ice. He spoke without emotion--without remorse, as he told her "There is no bond between us." A key being pushed in, and then--"I am not your mate. I am not, and have never been, attracted to you in that way." The key turned, and the ice shattered all on the floor. Talia's shadows leaked on the edges of the room, but they did nothing but wrap around her feet.

She didn't want to lash out. She only wanted to protect herself from the pain of his words.

"Tell her the rest." Maeve ordered.

It was a shame how gorgeous he was even as he was hurting her. How beautiful poison could be.

"Your mother and I have been together for years. Shared each other's bed." And then, Fenrys walked over to the side of her mother's bed and kissed her. Deeply. Talia was so close to letting out her insides on the floor that she walked out the door.

Only to hear "Well done."

Talia seethed. Maeve had always been cruel, but this reached new levels. She teleported to the very bottom of the boat where the queen laid, and reached a hand to touch the iron. Perhaps she'd build walls high and strong enough to keep her mother out.

And then she'd help Aelin get out--if only to get back at her mother for breaking her heart in such a cruel way.

She tapped on the iron, once. Twice.

Aelin knocked back, and Talia entered the Queen's mind. She'd expected hell. A fiery landscape with no good in sight. Instead, she found herself. Much smaller, but she was there--giggling. Talia backed out so quickly, she stumbled back. It was only when hands came up to her arms that she realized someone had caught her.

Cairn.

Chapter 13: This is hell.

Summary:

Okay. This is bad. Trigger warning for rape and sexual assault and torture. It’s not the most explicit or detailed of scenes but it’s still…there. Beware.

“Starting already?” Cairn’s face was neutral, careful as he tested Talia. She knew it was a test.

“Might as well, there’s nothing else to do on this stupid boat.” Talia decided to play bratty princess, and Cairn stepped closer, caging her in against that iron box.

Talia wondered if the fire queen could feel it, could sense the danger Talia was in. If she feared for her.

But then Talia thought about the day Aelin came bounding into the throne room, all swords and blood and teeth.

Talia had been reading at her mother’s feet when the Queen asked for Rowan. When she threatened to burn everyone in the city alive for him. She supposed she could understand her anger. Talia was barely blinking away tears staring at a word on the page as they whipped Rowan in throne room. For Rowan, for her mate, she could do no less.

Aelin barely glanced at Talia that day, only to threaten her life in particular to motivate Maeve.

But the longer Talia thought about the memory, the hazier it became like the edges of a dream. How crisp it seems in the beginning, and then as time goes on how it gets fuzzy at the edges. Repeating the same phrases that happened over and over again.

“I can think of something else for you to do, Princess.” Cairn suggested, and a hand slammed from inside the iron box at the words.

Fenrys kissing her mother.

She didn’t care. But she did. Oh goddess, she cared so much she felt like her world was ending, and perhaps a piece of her was vengeful. Perhaps he didn’t care and never would, but it felt like dark and right to allow Cairn to kiss her. Like it would fix everything.

Cairn leaned closer, and Talia only glanced at the line of his mouth as it opened just barely.

But he was hiding things from her, and perhaps the one person on this ship who had some answers she could access was hidden in that box that he protected. Why had Aelin seen her as a child? A happy child at that.

So Talia let Cairn slot his mouth against hers, and she felt in the darkness for Aelin’s mind. She let her mouth move on autopilot, let his hand hold her waist as she entered the Queen’s head and saw-

Talia and Fenrys sunbathing on the deck of a boat. Talia’s head was tipped back as she soaked it in, and Fenrys’s hand held his head as he looked at her in lazy glee. Like he loved her—no—adored her. The image scattered on the wind, and another replaced it. Talia wearing tattered and bloody clothing with her tits pushed up and out, and her hair falling in shambles. Her eyes were wide with fear and trepidation as she met the Queen in a city she was unfamiliar with.

Before she could find anything else, Cairn’s other hand began to lift her skirt from her ankle, and Talia pushed him backwards. “That’s enough,” she ordered.

How it must’ve looked for her to kiss two males in the span of half an hour, for one of them to almost have his hand under her skirt—oh gods. She should be downright ashamed, but she wasn’t.

She pretended to look bashful and embarrassed, and ran for her room. Only to grab whatever pencil and paper she could find before writing a simple note:

Aelin is not the enemy.

She folded the paper over and over until it was a small square, and she fit it in her bodice to hide with her at all times. Lest her mother make her forget—make her think that she’s not hiding anything.

 

~

She lost track of time on the boat. The days blended in a cacophony of Fenrys walking her to her mother where she’d practice her abilities. From mind control to darkness to misting, she played with her powers until she felt not just tired—but confused.

She’d gotten so much better with misting, but…

In all of her memories, she’d seemed to have more of a grasp on her power, but practicing made it seem as if she couldn’t aim or finetune anything.

In the hours afterward, when she finally was left to her rooms with Fenrys standing just outside, she’d keep practicing. Bit by bit, she chopped away at the thorns protecting his mind. He had no clue, and it brought her satisfaction to at least have that over him.

After their kiss, Cairn had not attempted to speak with her. Only kept watch over Aelin as he was ordered to. Talia found it a bit ridiculous. They were on a boat and she was locked in an iron box, where else could she go? She was thankful to not have to look at him though.

Late one night, as they were only a day or two from shore, Talia find made a hole in the briars of Fenrys’s mind big enough for her to piece herself through.

At the forefront of his mind, there was a scene playing out. Talia laid in sand on a beach with blood dripping from her back, and Aelin was staring at her with agony on her face as Cairn brought a whip upon her back.

Over, and over, and over again.

The whip marks were red and split on Talia’s back, and her eyes were wide—unseeing. Maeve’s gaze darted from Aelin back to Talia, and her eyes were hungry and proud as she looked at her work—what she ordered.

But the worst part wasn’t that her mother had done this and taken it from her, it was the agony Fenrys felt in that moment as he could do nothing. As he watched without twitching, without blinking, he begged whatever Gods were on his side for help. Talia could hardly bear it. He begged for Talia to look at him just once, to get out somehow but Talia couldn’t move even if she had tried in that moment based on the limpness in her body.

How had it gotten to this?

Talia twisted in his mind further to find the answer, breezing past weeks where they had travelled with Aelin. The boat, the battles, she watched it all, and when she was left with herself in the dark, she was terrified.

Her—Maeve made her think that she was her daughter. She would likely do it again if she discovered she knew. She forced Fenrys to kiss her, and for what? To break her heart? Her soul? To keep her close enough with the dangle of her mate but him always out of reach so that they may never be together? It was cruel.

Talia went to sleep swearing to herself she’d get Aelin out even at the cost of her own life.

But when Talia woke up, Maeve grinned down at her and said “Brava, you’ve worked it out. You’re a bit too curious as a princess, aren’t you?” She hummed to herself.

Talia barely glanced at Fenrys before she felt the pinch of Maeve entering her mind and she heard “I think perhaps this time, you should be nothing.”

 

~

 

She woke in chains. She knew not her name, or age or face. Only that she was in a small room that seemed to be carved into stone, chipped away and covered in a green substance and marks that drew the power out of her very being. She didn’t know what sort of power she had, but she could sense the disconnect. The wrongness that made her puke in the same corner she pissed in.

She heard the screams soon after she woke. They started in segments, and it came from a woman in another room nearby. Whoever was harming her was looking for something. “Where are the keys, Aelin?” The voice would hiss, and then the woman would curse at them before they assumably began torturing her.

Each day, one bowl of some foul-smelling substance called food and water would appear at her side. She never noticed it, too entranced in the screaming to find it in herself to pay attention when they opened the door. But a few days into her existence, a door opened, and a man with dark hair and sharpened ears drug her up by her chains and dragged her down a hall.

“Filthy rutting outworlder-“ the man whispered under his breath. He led her to the room she’d heard the screams from, and there was a metal table with a girl with blonde hair laid on it and carved up. A few feet away, sat a white wolf whose ears twitched when she came in the room.

“No,” the blonde girl mumbled in horror.

The things they’d done to her. Her skin was peeled off at her shin, and her nails were missing on most of her fingers. The things he’d done to her breasts—

The girl knew without a doubt that he was a monster.

“The keys.” The man demanded from her.

The blonde girl closed her eyes and shook her head in agony. Her entire body shifted and relaxed as she seemed to exit her body.

 

(STOP HERE TO AVOID THE TRIGGER WARNINGS)

 

The man hummed “Fine then, this is your fault.” And then he tore her gown to shreds. He shoved her forward into the table the blonde girl was at, and she shook as she tried to avoid her wounds, but he only kicked her legs apart and started to shove his pants down.

“No,” the girl realized what he planned to do. She turned and raised her arms to push him away, and he only harshly grabbed her. Shoved her down into the blonde girl’s stomach.

The blonde girl began thrashing, gagging and screaming at him to stop. Just as much as the girl with no name pleaded. The man did not stop, he was already hard. Perhaps he’d gotten off on hurting the blonde girl-

The wolf snarled.

The man paused, a smile on his face as he turned to look at the wolf behind him. He did not seem afraid. “Sit back, dog. Watch me fuck your mate.”

The wolf didn’t move again.

If only she had her power, whatever power she possessed. He wouldn’t be able to do this.

But the girl could feel a prickling at the edge of her mind, like deja vu as the act began. As she began to think about the wolf, about how still and trapped he seemed.

In another life, she decided, this has happened before. She could almost see it, her trapped under another man. She was held down, and her breath was stolen from her, she couldn’t say anything out of fear alone. The terror was enough to remind her.

“Please,” she begged the wolf-not the man as she locked eyes on him. Her tears were leaking onto the stomach of the blonde girl, and her cries were almost silent sobs. She could feel it in the way the blonde girl’s stomach fell and built almost without her control.

He didn’t move.

He only blinked.

Over and over again.

She counted eight times. Did it mean anything? She had no clue.

But after a certain point she stopped feeling anything, wanting anything, being anything. She just existed in the darkness of his eyes.

This, she decided, was hell.

Chapter 14: Connall

Summary:

Trigger warning for suicidal thoughts and post-rape reaction.

She sniffed, her tears drying on the girl’s stomach she was forced upon. Her thighs were covered, and she shivered as he finally let her up. He backed up, and she could only tell by the shift in the air. She refused to look at him. She refused to look at anyone.

“Pick that up,” he ordered about her ripped garments. She gathered them, somehow thankful for something to do with herself after what just happened. “Go,” he jerked his head towards the doorway, and walked behind her as he led her back to her cell.

He left her, and assumably the other girl alone because she did not hear the screaming begin again.

Instead, she felt in the glowering fire light through her clothing, and started to rip pieces of it. She tore until she could wrap the dress around her like a robe, and began to tie it in the back. It was desperation—denial, a way to have some semblance of decency after it was stolen from her. She saw the piece of paper on the floor at the end of it, the one folded over and over.

She picked it up, unfolded it and found “Aelin is not the enemy” written on it.

She had no idea who Aelin was. Perhaps the blonde girl being tortured. Perhaps not. She may have heard Cairn say her name in a taunting manner.

Why couldn’t she remember anything?

Instead all she had was screaming and—

No. She couldn’t think of it. Except it was all she could think about. She could feel it happening to her, and her pain was unending. She still ached everywhere, and her hipbones were bruised from the table.

She just wanted to make it stop.

She started to count. One, two, three. One, two, three. She could never make it past three, but she liked the rhythm of it. Like she was learning a dance. She began to tap it into the wall, hoping the beat would lull her into some sense of calm. One, two, three. One, two, three. One, two, three.

She could still feel the blood on his hands from actively cutting that girl up.

She puked in the corner.

One, two, three.

One, she slammed her hand in the wall.

His breath panting against her ear.

Two, she stood on shaking legs.

His smell would haunt her forever. The smell of sweat and something sweet and rotten.

Three, she used all of her force and slammed her head into the wall.

One, two, three times her head went into the wall. She may have felt blood trickle down her forehead. She knew the scalp tended to bleed a lot. She didn’t know how she knew that: But she wasn’t that worried when the blood leaked into her eyes and continued to roll down without stopping.

If she died, it would put an end to this.

“You have to stop her!” She thought she heard a voice echo through the stone.

One, two, three.

If her head was an egg, perhaps cracking it would let the memories go free.

Then hands were dragging her out and away from the stone. She couldn’t tell who they belonged to, and that alone was enough to have her thrashing and screaming.

“NO GET OFF ME!” She cried. “I HAVE TO CRACK THE EGG! I HAVE TO GET IT OPEN!” She screamed. “GET OFFGETOFFGETOFFGETOFF!” She sobbed.

“Your head is not an egg, my love.” His voice was very different from the other man’s, but still she fought.

“I need to remember,” she whispered.

“I know, but cracking open your skull isn’t the way to do so.”

And then they were back in that horrible room where fae stood around the blonde girl, healing her wounds and sewing her back together like the pain never existed. She began to fight harder when she figured where he was taking her.

“IF YOU HEAL ME, I’LL FORGET.” She shouted and she somehow managed to get out of his arms and made it all of three feet down the cave hallway before he blipped in front of her with guilt in his eyes.

He was a tall man with blonde hair and brown eyes. His shoulders and arms were toned and curved to perfection like a statue carved by the greatest artist. His jaw was sharp, but not too sharp, and his nose was straight to the very end, and his brow bone hung over his eyes just enough to make him both haunted and beautiful. His eyes reminded her of a puppy’s in both shape and tilt. She was stunned by his beauty long enough that she paused.

“If we don’t, you’ll die.”

Perhaps, he was right. Parts of her vision were black, and the movement had made her nauseous again. Perhaps this was what blood loss felt like.

“And?” Her stubbornness had her saying, but the agony on his face was enough to make her wish she never said it.

His eyes shuttered at someone behind her, and she knew she had no choice as she was sent into a deep sleep the moment someone touched her.

~

 

She dreamt of children’s laughter. She found herself in snowcapped mountains, at the base of them tearing after a small boy with black hair and brown eyes. His skin was pale, and his face familiar.

“Mom, I think I saw them go this way!” He called back to her, and his smile was white and kind as they kept running.

They seemed to be running faster than normal humans. She only slowed to a normal speed when she found a blonde man with dark eyes holding a blonde little girl with purple eyes. But before they got to them, a young boy barreled into them from the side. His hair blended in with the snow and his eyes glowed gold in an ocean of blue.

The boy she’d originally followed was older than this one, and he didn’t seem to be chasing any of the people in the clearing because he kept going.

She went to chase after him, but the blonde man grabbed her arm and asked “Where are you going, my love?”

“I have to follow him-“

“But he’s not real yet.”

Her eyebrows furrowed as she looked at the break in trees he had left from, and in his place stood a girl with golden hair and pine-green eyes. Her voice sounded older when she spoke, as if it belonged to someone else: “Where are the keys, Talia?”

She looked at the blonde man again, and suddenly he was older. He had a light beard and his fae fell over his face in a styled way. He jerked his chin back towards the girl, and beside her was her son—the one who called her mom at least.

If she was his mom, and this man the father, where had he gotten the dark hair from?

But in a flash, he was a familiar young man with black hair and purple eyes. “Don’t you want to come home?” He asked her. Rhys. She didn’t know how she knew the name.

Did she? Was it home? Was he home, or the blonde man who treated her with so much gentleness?

She felt herself and her mind, and realized that her mind could be her own home, but that there was something else here. There was a dark fog kissing at her toes and latching onto her consciousness, and she snarled as she sent a wave of herself to kick it out.

She thought perhaps that she heard a grunt of frustration beside her, but she faded back into the darkness.

 

~

 

When she woke next, she remembered everything. Every moment of pain and confusion. The whipping, the rape, the beating. It was crushing to remember it all in that dark cell.

She could hardly breathe.

She’d had panic attacks before. When her kingdom was taken over in the middle of night and her father killed in front of her. On certain nights where men and women alike treated her like garbage as a barmaid. Even on good days where she just felt off.

This felt like more than any of that. She didn’t just believe she couldn’t breathe, she truly thought she was going to die. Talia gasped in the darkness, and heard an annoyed sigh as someone said “Enough.” A familiar evil slithered into her mind and shut off the panic.

She couldn’t feel anything.

“Where are the keys, Talia?” Maeve hissed. She must’ve been pissed if she was desperate enough to come herself and let her have her memories back.

“I don’t know.” Talia was telling the truth. She’d been too swept up in the scene before her to notice where Aelin had put them in the moments between the mirror and the box. “But even if I did, why would I tell you, you rotten valg bitch?”

Maeve froze, her entire body shifted, and a light came on behind her from a torch entering the cave.

“I’m right, aren’t I?” Talia’s teeth gleamed as she smiled at the dark queen, as all of her fear and panic were nowhere to be found. Only anger.

“You’ll tell me because if you don’t, I’ll hurt Fenrys in ways you cannot imagine.”

Bile rose in her throat. Talia muttered “There’d be no point because I don’t know where they are.”

“Alright, then know this is your fault as much as it is Aelin’s.” Maeve nodded, and she hissed down the hall at the incoming light. “Bring this one too.”

 

~

 

When Talia woke again, she was at the foot of Maeve’s dias, looking down at Aelin as she kneeled in glass with a crown on her head. Talia jerked forward but found invisible bonds holding her steady.

Maeve ate cheese and grapes, watching in amusement as Cairn ground Aelin further into the glass.

“I am growing bored of this,” Maeve announced. Aelin noticed the lucidity in Talia’s eyes, and she shuddered in relief and heartbreak. “Do you believe, Aelin Galathynius, that I will not make the sacrifices necessary to obtain what I seek?”

This is what Maeve meant. What Maeve brought Talia here for.

“Allow me to demonstrate,” Maeve straightened, and Talia finally looked at Fenrys. He hadn’t seemed to notice she was back yet because he wasn’t looking at her. Instead he watched his brother. “Do it,” Maeve ordered and Connall stepped forward.

He drew one of the knives from his belt and stepped towards Fenrys.

“No,” Talia whispered, and began to fight her bonds harder. Her magic was still weakened, drained from whatever was in that room that kept her that way. Even Aelin fought against her chains, but it was Talia who screamed “NO!”

Fenrys only snarled at his brother, but Talia screamed again. Aelin fought but Cairn forced her deeper into the glass by the back of her neck.

Connall’s knife glinted as he lifted it and something snapped in the space between one second and the next. Talia snapped. She refused to let Fenrys die. It wasn’t an option.

But this wasn’t what she intended.

Fenrys’ maw gaped open in horror as his white fur was soaked with blood. The blood of his brother—his kin. The one person he’d always tried to protect. The person he got into bed with Maeve for— Talia had fought against her bonds and the damper on her power and misted him.

The blood rain fell mostly on Fenrys, and he whined and fell to the ground and pawed at his own fur—his face.

Maeve began to laugh. Cairn too found amusement in Talia’s horror as her power both did what she wanted and went too far.

“My, my, Talia Ironwood.” Maeve clapped. “You still surprise me. Did you know what my order was?”

Fenrys still shook and whined on the floor.

“My order was never to harm Fenrys. Not in that sense, no. My order was for Connall to stab himself in the heart,” Maeve stood from her throne and stepped down her dias. “I wanted to purge my court. To remove what Aelin Galathynius tainted. But it seems you did that for him. Perhaps it was quicker that way. A bit less poetic.”

Fenrys howled, and Talia’s eyes filled with tears. Aelin slumped into the glass and let the crown roll off her head.

“Perhaps I like you better this way. With your memories in tact,” Maeve decided.

Talia began to sob, her chin tucking in tightly and shoulders shaking while she watching Fenrys try to get the remnants of his own brother off of him.

Maeve seemed to like that reaction, and she turned her focus to Aelin. “There is no one here to help you, and there is no one coming for you.”

Aelin didn’t move or react. Didn’t give her the satisfaction. Maeve added “Think on it.”

Talia’s sobs quieted for a moment, and her lip curled. She announced “I’m going to break you. Bit by bit. Bone by bone. I’m going to rip your tongue out, and then I’m going to serve you up to him, and he’s going to kill you. I want you to know that. I am not your daughter or successor or apprentice. I am something far worse, and Aelin will be your doom, but he? He will be your executioner.”

Maeve’s face was hard as stone, and she looked at Cairn and said “We’re done here.”

Cairn lifted Aelin by her chains, and from someplace no one had been paying attention to, Aelin snuck out a piece of glass and struck Cairn’s neck with it. Blood sprayed against her face, and he stepped back.

Aelin turned quickly, and hurled one final piece at Maeve. It sliced just part of her cheek, and the owl screeched as it barely missed. It wasn’t blood that dribbled from her cheek—not red blood, but black blood. Aelin stopped fighting the guards and all of their fears were confirmed even as Maeve’s blood turned red again.

It wasn’t real.

A black wind swept for Aelin’s neck and she lost consciousness. Maeve turned on Talia and jerked her chin at Fenrys “Take your mate away. Talk it out,” she teased. “You can have a few moments, and when Aelin arrives you’ll take out the glass but then you’ll resume your post.”

When Fenrys transformed—the blood went somewhere else. She wasn’t sure where and if it would come back the moment he became a wolf again, but he blipped her to the long hallway that Talia had walked down just a few hours ago. Or perhaps a day ago.

A blanket of guilt and anguish fell over Talia in their moment alone. With him staring at her, she couldn’t breathe.

“I’m so, so-“ Talia started.

Fenrys didn’t let her get the words out. “I know why you did it.” They weren’t blaming her, but she still felt awful and fresh tears arose. “How could I hate you for it when he was going to kill himself anyway? When only yesterday I watched you be raped and could do nothing? When the mating bond brought you enough strength to do something, and I couldn’t?”

Talia hiccuped and tried to get a breath in. “I should’ve found another way—should’ve had more control,”

“Talia,” his hands rushed to her cheeks to wipe the fresh tears. “Hey,” he cooed. “We’re going to survive this.”

Talia took in a few deep breaths and stared at the ground. She could barely get the words out smoothly as she replied “I love you, and I’m sorry for killing your brother.”

His forehead leaned against hers, and he whispered “I love you, and there aren’t enough words to describe how sorry I am for all of the things you’ve gone through that I couldn’t change.”

Then, darkly, he whispered “When you and Aelin get out, I’m out too. Even if it kills me.”

She knew she couldn’t argue with him, and he pushed her back into her cell just as Cairn arrived with Aelin.

Chapter 15: Aelin’s Escape

Fenrys didn’t leave. Rather, he followed her inside to avoid the male. Talia could swear they were close enough for their breaths to mix. She lifted her hands to find his face in the dark, and she felt wetness on his cheeks.

His face shook, and she thought his chest heaved as he wrapped her up in his arms. He whispered something so lowly in the darkness, she struggled to hear it for a while.

“Talia,” it was her name he spoke so reverently. As if the word brought him peace. “The cell is lined with this green substance Maeve had some of her men mine. I don’t know what it is, but it’s what subdues your abilities.” His mouth hung directly over her ear, and she took the information in.

He pressed a light kiss to the skin beneath her ear.

“I don’t think Maeve knows what he did to you,” he continued. “If she found out, she might chain him a bit better.”

“Fen,” Talia shook her head against his as a wave of disgust and anxiety and pain hit her at the reminder. “Can you just hold me?” He nodded.

And they didn’t move for a while.

 

~

 

Fenrys had left to take the glass out of Aelin’s wounds, and he did not return. Talia strained her ears to hear their conversation but she barely caught bits and pieces, and then they were silent aside from Aelin’s whimpers as he pulled out each shard. Her sobs.

For days, it was silent.

Talia kept count in torches. They replaced them eight times that she’d seen, but she’d slept a bit when she found nothing else to do. They brought her food twice.

But on that third day, Cairn arrived. A loud screech of a blade on iron echoed down the corridor, and Talia cringed away from the sound. But shortly after, a beating began.

Over and over and over. A force reckoned on iron—Aelin beat the iron. A wave of something old and new and powerful shifted even into this room of green dust and stone, and Talia’s fingertips tingled.

It felt like a call of fury. A howl to the rest of the pack. A call to action. It brought a small smile on Talia’s face as the people in the room scrambled to stifle her.

Perhaps, that call would reach more than just this cell without magic.

 

~

 

The next day, Maeve called upon Talia for lunch. In her private quarters, there were sandwiches and fruit and roasted duck. It was all so grand that Talia thought she may have been hallucinating.

“Before we dine,” Maeve stopped her on the threshold of her dining room. “You should have a new dress. Though I’m not sure what you’ve done to your old one.”

She didn’t know why Maeve was offering her anything.

“Maybe you should ask Cairn seeing as he ripped it up.” Maeve’s brows furrowed. “You know, when he used me to threaten Aelin. He raped me over her.”

Maeve’s mouth tightened. “I don’t support such acts.”

As if she hadn’t been forcing Fenrys into her bed for years.

Maeve offered her a dress and jerked her head to a bathroom she’d only just noticed. Talia doned the simple black dress with sleeves to her wrists and her collarbones covered. She appreciated the modesty of it after having nearly none.

Maeve was already eating when she came back inside. “Sit,” she ordered. “I wanted to tell you a story.” Talia pulled out a chair with a screech, enjoying the agitation that appeared on her face. “So you know what I am,” Maeve started.

“You mean valg?” Talia asked, unimpressed.

“I am from a world where there is no sunlight. No blue skies, no green. Those things were foreign to me. I was born with this power—born a queen. I had the same power as most of my people but with more. I caught the attention of three kings, and I married the one with the biggest library.”

Talia laughed dryly. “Ah, a reader.”

“I read about other worlds in his library, and I wanted to see them so badly. I wanted to hear birds sing and feel the sea against my skin. I read about how to leave and visit these worlds. So I did.”

“You just left? Everyone and everything behind?” Talia asked.

“Yes, and I came to this world and hid myself here and made myself a Queen so that I could prepare for if my husband followed me,” Maeve explained.

“And he did…” Talia could almost understand her. For just a moment, she knew what it must have been like to be escaping something. To want to disappear.

“He did, and I fought that war and he never recognized me. He and his other brother were sent back, and his last brother was left here basically crippled. I knew they’d return one last time, but I had to prepare.”

By having Aelin by her side, and the keys to cast them out.

“You and I are so alike Talia. We are not from here, yet we wish to make this place our home.”

Talia’s brows furrowed. “Even if my mother is from a different world, this was my father’s world. I have a mate, I belong here.”

“If you truly belonged here, why would it be so difficult for you to get a handle on your power?” Talia straightened as Maeve asked. “It listens to you, but doesn’t it escape you at times too? Do things you wouldn’t want it to? Why is it so hard for you to master your power?”

Maeve leans forward, and Talia begins to pile stuff on her plate if only to have something to so.

“It is because the power does not belong here, Talia. Your power is tied to someone else—some other land. The longer you reside here, the more it wishes to leave.”

Talia stabbed a piece of duck, and shoved it in her mouth. Through a mouthful, she asked “So, what? I need to go to my rightful world to keep my power? Leave everyone I love behind including my mate?”

Maeve watched her with mild amusement. “If you tell me where Aelin hid the keys, I will send you and Fenrys into your world. His power is not so foreign there, and your family would accept you with wide arms.”

Talia shook her head. “You couldn’t possibly know that.”

Maeve smiled. “I’ve read of the world you come from, girl. I’ve seen the memories in your mind. I know where your power originates. In this world, there are 7 high lords each gifted with abilities from their land—winter, fall, summer, spring, day, dawn, and night.”

“What? No dusk?” Talia joked, and picked up a grape.

“Your family is from the night court,” Maeve confirmed. “You have only a tenth of the ability your uncle would have as high lord.”

“Even if I did want to force Fenrys to leave this world with me, I don’t know where the keys are.”

Maeve finished eating a piece of cheese as she pointed out “But you know who she’d given them to, wouldn’t you?”

Talia considered the way Manon hadn’t fought for them. Perhaps—

“Why would you want to stay? Aelin will never return to her court, and you will never have Fenrys otherwise. Even if you did manage to get both out, you’d be a Lady of what? You erased your entire family. Aelin could give you your old titles, but you’d lose your power after being here for so long and you’d be nothing.”

She could almost believe Maeve was decent and had good plans for the keys and that telling her was the right thing, if it weren’t for the things she’d done to Fenrys. To Rowan. To Aelin on that beach. To Talia in the years of twisting her dreams, and ordering Cairn to whip her. To beat her.

No good person would do those things.

“I will not tell you anything.” Talia decided.

Maeve nodded, disappointment lining her features. “I’d hoped you would put yourself above Aelin, but I see I am wrong. I’m going to retrieve a few collars, and perhaps that will make you both better adept at taking orders.”

Collars?

No.

Wyrdstone collars.

Where had she found any?

Nonononononono.

“I’m sure you’ll enjoy your unsupervised time with Cairn. Though he might be more invested in Aelin.”

And then hands were dragging her out of the chair and the room. Dragging her back to her cell.

~

 

Talia had settled on counting her fingers and toes for entertainment. On thinking of her old dreams and imagining wild escapes. She even imagined the world Maeve spoke of.

Perhaps she had been right. Perhaps this pressure she felt that always wanted out, out, out—was actually trying to get back to its own world. Perhaps she’d lose her power in a year and be a regular, powerless demi-fae. Perhaps that was her payment for killing her mother in childbirth, for letting her father die, for leaving Elide behind, and for killing Fenrys’s brother. She’d been so busy thinking of it all that it didn’t matter how quiet it was.

But when she heard the clamor of Cairn moving Aelin’s box, she paused. She waited for a single footstep her way.

They did not come.

Talia stood on weak legs, and waited even longer. Where were they taking her?

It was only an hour later that she sat again.

She only knew it was the next day with no return when she received some food. And then the next day, and the next.

 

~

 

Aelin was in a tent. Cairn’s tent. She noted his furniture, Fenrys sleeping on the floor, exhaustion lining his features. She’d only remembered one last thing when she saw the night sky above her.

The night sky. Two stars.

Talia.

Her chest seized in panic just as Cairn breezed in. “Enjoy your rest?” At least if Talia wasn’t here, Cairn couldn’t hurt her. “I’ve been debating what to do with you, you know. How to really savor this, make it special for us both before our time is through.”

Fenrys snarled in response.

Dawn was coming at least.

~

 

Rowan entered the camp at dawn. He’d been in the killing calm for weeks, and he made swift work of anyone that stood in his way. The sentries that sounded the alarm died half a second later, and he left a trail of death behind him.

 

~

Aelin did not plan for Maeve to get that collar on her. She would not let her. She could not bear this anymore. Would not.

She’d hardly used her voice in days, so it cracked as she said “When you finish breaking me apart for the day, how does it feel to know that you are still nothing?”

A heartbeat, and Cairn’s teeth. “Some fire left in you, it seems. Good”.

Her words echoed through the mask as she said “You were only given the oath for this. For me. Without me, you’re nothing. You’ll go back to being nothing. Less than nothing, I’ve heard.”

She was riling him up on purpose.

“Keep talking, bitch. Let’s see where it gets you.” His hand tightened around the flint threatening to slowly burn her alive.

Aelin didn’t care.

“The guards talk when you’re gone, you know. They forget I’m fae, too. Can hear like you. At least they agree with me on that front. You’re spineless. Have to tie people up to hurt them because it makes you feel like a male.” Her gaze pointedly lowered to his pants. “Inadequate in the ways that count.”

He leaned over her and hissed “Would you like me to show you how inadequate I am?”

The threat. He would. He’d done it to Talia.

Still, Aelin laughed. She had no intention of making it out of this breathing. “Oh I know there’s not much worth seeing in that regard, Cairn. And you’re not enough of a male to be able to use it without someone screaming, are you?”

He said nothing. But a deep snarl erupted from his chest, and Aelin smiled as she said “Go ahead, Cairn. Do your worst.”

Fenrys let out a warning whine.

He punched her in the stomach, stealing her air. Then lifted her from the table after unlocking her from it, and slammed her face into the edge. She scrambled back, tripping on her chained feet.

Fenrys barked over and over.

Cairn lifted her up, grabbing her by the back of her neck and whispered “Let’s see how you mock me now,” and he shoved her masked head into the flames.

The mask got hot, hot, hot. Aelin fought against him, and he said “I’m going to melt your face so badly even the healers won’t be able to fix you.”

Aelin lifted her legs between his—now.

“Enjoy the fire-breathing.”

She hooked her foot around his ankle and he staggered. She shoved her shoulder into him, and he fell to the ground. She ran, fighting to get out, but Cairn pulled on one of those chains and it sent her to the ground. Her ears rang at the impact.

Then he was over her. Beating her down, and all of her strength was gone. She couldn’t get him off, and he reached for a fire poker, but missed.

So he turned to grab it, and she used the moment to slam her head into his. He crashed back and Aelin was up again for the tent flaps.

Then he grabbed her by her hair and flung her against the chest of drawers and something in her side cracked.

~

 

Fenrys had watched his mate get beatened. Kissed someone else. Raped by that same person. Watched her try to kill herself, and watched his mate mist his brother to save his life. He’d been covered in his brother’s blood and bits, and yet?

The blood oath had not broken.

Even as he raged and fought and screamed, it would not bend. Even as Cairn tortured Aelin, and beat her down again and again and again. It would not tear.

He had not broken.

But after they’d left Talia behind, and the idea of her alone haunted him, and Aelin fought to get out and was losing—the sound she made as she was tossed into those drawers.

That broke him. The sound of defeat.

What hope did they have?

Aelin blinked four times. One last reminder. I am here, I am with you.

He would not let her break. He would not let her lose herself, and he would get back to his mate. He would fight tooth and nail for their happy ending.

He raged and fought and clawed and screamed against that blood oath and all it was.

And there, lying hidden just beneath it he tugged. It was the mating bond. He could feel Talia on the other side of it, and she wasn’t just alive, she was heartbroken—abandoned.

She felt abandoned. Hopeless.

The feeling was enough for him to defy the blood oath. Talia was enough. They were enough.

Pain speared through him, but he got to his feet. Let it kill him. Let this be the last thing he does. If he gets Aelin out, then she and Rowan and the rest of them will surely save Talia. They’ll save the world and end Maeve and it will all be for something.

“Stand down,” Cairn ordered. Fenrys refused. He would not bend. He would not break.

“Lie down!” His body twitched and he shook from the pain but he didn’t follow the order. Instead, he put one paw forward.

Fenrys met Aelin’s gaze, and they didn’t need their code to know the message.

Run.

“Not with a shattered spine, she can’t,” and Cairn slammed that poker into her back.

Fenrys roared and lept, and he broke the blood oath completely.

 

~

 

Severing the blood oath was a death sentence. It was all Aelin could think of. That these were his last moments: saving her. She thought of the pain Talia would feel and wouldn’t understand. She could see the agony on her face.

Fenrys and Cairn fought. A rolling of man and wolf, and Cairn knew he would die soon too.

She broke the chains binding her legs together, and just before she ran, she turned to Fenrys.

He had Cairn pinned, and as Cairn realized she was free, he fought harder. Fenrys tore into his shoulder.

Run, his gaze said.

So she turned, and prayed she did not regret it.

Aelin ran for the rising sun, for Mala. Her legs were atrophied, and her mask kept her from getting in enough air but still she ran. Even if she stumbled a bit.

When a soldier came at her, she used their sword and force to break the chains at her hands. When more came, she managed to get a dagger and made quick work of the rest of them.

A wind of death sent the guards to their knees. Snapped their necks.

Lorcan.

She was practically sobbing with relief. To me, to me, he signaled.

A wall of arrows was blasted away over her head, and even though her legs were beginning to break and her chest was on fire, she began to zig-zag. Just like that day at Endovier.

But she would get to Lorcan, she would.

An arrow just barely missed her back after she forced herself to the ground, and she brought herself up again. Another was already on it’s way for her, but a shield of gold sent it flying away.

It was a golden lion that ran at her side. Gavriel, Aedion’s father.

A hawk bellowed, and Aelin sobbed. Her chest caved in even as she ran, and fast as a shooting star, Rowan dove for them.

When they made it to the line of trees, Rowan transformed and swept his hands over her—searching for wounds or scars. She only sobbed “Fenrys.”

She pointed behind them at the camp. “Fenrys.” His name echoed from her mask. Then her voice cracked, and she said “Talia—we left Talia. She’s still in Doranelle.”

She cried harder.

Rowan turned to Lorcan, face hard. “Take her to the glen.” Then to Gavriel “You’re with me.”

 

~

 

Gavriel healed both Fenrys and Cairn, well enough to get Fenrys out and Cairn back to consciousness.

And then Rowan skinned Cairn alive.

 

~

 

Elide paced in the glen, waiting for them all to arrive when Aelin and Lorcan did. There was nothing human left on Aelin’s face and her hair was long and thin. Her entire body was thin.

She was covered in caked blood, and her face hidden behind the mask.

Elide muttered “Where is she?” Softly to the queen.

Where is Talia? Aelin shook her head and started pawing at her mask. “Take it off.” She told them. Lorcan started to examine the locks. His frown told her it was not so easy to break.

“Take it off!” Aelin hissed when Lorcan had a knife in the mechanism.

“I’m—“

She snatched the dagger from him, repeating the words “Take it off!”

The blade snapped, and she became more animal than human as she clawed and fought to get it off. Shook off Elide easily as she ravaged against the mask.

Then fell to her knees and sobbed.

She fought harder, making blood drip from her neck as she pulled. TAKEITOFFTAKEITOFFTAKEITOFFTAKEITOFFTAKEITOFF.

Rowan and Gavriel emerged, toting Fenrys with them. Aelin did not stop, not even when Rowan said her name.

Instead, she looked up at the sky and cried.

They’d gotten out, but Talia was still trapped. Fenrys almost dead.

All Aelin could say was “Take it off.”

Rowan promised “I will, but you have to be still fireheart. Just for a few moments.” He stood and examined the lock, and something like horror fell upon his features as he gazed upon her perfecf skin on her back. Not a scar in sight.

Gavriel looked as well, and he said “I’ve never seen a lock like this.”

Aelin was barely holding it together. Barely human while they examined her. While they debated what to do. She started to trace a symbol in the grass, and it was only Rowan who caught on.

He sliced his palm, and asked to see it again.

Aelin sniffed at the scent of his blood, and Rowan reminded her “I am your mate.”

Aelin guided his hands to draw the wyrdmark symbol for open along her ankles, her wrists and finally her head as each clasp of iron opened.

Free. She was free, and yet wary. She was still not all there.

“Aelin?” Rowan called out, and the name was an unleashing as she burned her clothes and everything near her to ash.

When they’d all gazed upon her near perfect flesh, Gavriel announced “He doesn’t have much longer.” Aelin encased herself in flame and stood to walk to Fenrys.

The flame enshrouded the both of them—hot enough that anyone who passed it would be ash on impact. She brought a hand across his fur, and he cracked open an eye.

Then she brought his paw to her wrist, and cut her flesh with it. What she said, they couldn’t hear over the burning. But Fenrys blinked once in answer.

Fenrys lapped at her wounds, and took her blood oath. Aelin’s first order was simple.

Live.

When Fenrys stood and kneeled before the queen, his gaze met Rowan’s and Rowan replied “Welcome to the court, pup.”

“We need to go,” Lorcan said.

Fenrys glared at the male.

“Where is Talia?” Elide asked again, heartbreak in her voice. She hadn’t gotten to apologize. To forgive Talia. Hadn’t even hugged her.

Aelin and Fenrys looked at one another with only unending will in their gaze.

Notes:

I started writing as if Talia goes with them to the camp but it just didn’t make sense if the cell Talia was in was what dampened her powers, and she’s not as “important” of a prisoner as Aelin. I also thought it’d be more interesting to see what happens after. How I could change the story a bit more and make it more mine.

Chapter 16: I'm here

Summary:

I cried writing this :')

It might not make you guys cry though!

Please comment! I appreciate all of your feedback sooooo much.

She dreamt she met Fenrys in Rifthold.

It wasn't a very pleasant city. She'd always lived in the slums where the odor practically poured from the cobblestones, and you were more likely to be robbed than find a decent sandwich. But she worked in one of the most popular pubs in the city, so she'd met all sorts of people. From people passing through to rich men who think they can throw a coin at anything and it'll dance, and men trying to survive. There's a different glint to people's eyes when they've excommunicated their humanity.

The Talia that served those kind of people, and the Talia that served her Queen were two very different kind of people.

She hated the person she became. The smiles she would handout to appease others.

In her dream, Fenrys was a mysterious man with a hood on in the back of the pub. He sat with no one and spoke to no one. There was just something about him that drew her to him, so Talia approached him to ask if he'd like anything.

She froze upon meeting his gaze under the hood. "Hello," she said and thought it sounded dumb the moment she said it. "Would you like anything to drink, sir?"

He smiled, and his head raised to show the full beauty of his features. "Sir?" he asked. "That sounds so formal. It's far too serious for someone like me." He tilted his head, and Talia just barely glanced his ears under the hood. His fae ears, and she understood why he wore it. "What's your name, love?" He asked.

Talia's eyes bugged a bit before she shook her head, and replied "I'm Talia."

"I'd like a beer, please Talia."

She'd woken shortly after that. She realized that Aelin and Fenrys were not returning on the fifth day. Worse, she heard they'd escaped on the seventh.

Her new jailer was a tan-skinned male with dark hair. He brought her food on the seventh day, and announced "It's a pity they left you behind." He shook his head as Talia brought the plate closer to her and delicately spooned some of the porridge into her mouth. It tasted a bit different. "Haven't you heard?" he taunted.

Talia lifted her gaze, her eyes dead in wake of no interactions with anyone but herself. "Aelin Galanthynius and Fenrys Moonbeam escaped. From the Eastern troops. They found Cairn skinned alive, presumably. Maeve's coming back now."

"Moonbeam?" Talia found herself mumbling because focusing on how they got out and that she was still stuck here would drive her crazy. "His last name is Moonbeam?"

The male laughed. "You didn't know your mate's last name?" Talia only shook her head in response.

She realized if such a thing occurred, Fenrys was either dead or broke the blood oath. She would have felt if he was dead, and though she couldn't feel anything from him now, it couldn't have happened, right? It would have felt life-ending, earth-shattering instead of this emptiness. Perhaps her cell had numbed her to that pain. The thought sent a wave of agony across her soul.

It couldn't be true, she decided. But if it weren't, then that meant that they'd left her behind. Unless they were planning to get her out now. But why would they, when they only just escaped?

Talia's jailer left her to her thoughts and daily porridge. She counted each bite she took, and then she gathered her bird's nest of hair and placed it in a soft pillow under her head to return to her nice dream. A place where she wasn't in a jail cell, and Fenrys wasn't dead or leaving her behind.

In her dream, Fenrys started to show up to the pub every night. He only ever had one drink, and only ever talked to Talia. One night after he asked for a second beer and for Talia to sit with him, she did.

"Do you like it here, in Rifthold?" Fenrys asked.

Talia laughed and shook her head honestly. "This place is awful. The Gods' arsehole if you ask me," she replied.

"Why did you kill my brother, Talia?"

Talia squeezed her brows and nose in annoyance of her intrusive thoughts interrupting her daydream. That wasn't the right line. "Why do you want to leave me for another world, Talia?" Nope, wrong thing.

Instead of producing a new line for Fenrys in her imagination, she asked "Why did you leave me behind?" Daydream Fenrys looked a tad confused, and Talia sat up out of frustration. She couldn't produce a decent thing to keep her mind entertained. She couldn't even see a response from Fenrys that wouldn't hurt her.

She just wanted the real thing.

She didn't want to talk to a daydream Fenrys—so she reached inside of her for that bond of theirs. She felt the ghost of it, felt the dimness, and tugged as she spoke aloud "Hi Fen." Her voice was scratchy. She hadn't spoken out loud in days.

Tears started to build in her eyes.

"I'm glad you got out. I am, I know I have all these bitter feelings inside of me like abandonment but I actually am so happy you’re free. That’s all you’ve wanted. I hope you're alive. I know you're alive because I would know if you were dead. But I’m still stuck here, and I don’t know when I’ll see you again and there was so much I wanted to say to you and it never felt like the right time. I want you to know that I've always been in love with the idea of you. Perhaps a bit obsessed if only because I had no good relationship with myself. I hated myself more than anyone, and that obsession with a male who would never see me, who I never thought would love me, validated that in a sense. But it also brought me immense joy and hope. You—you were the only reason I got through the hardest moments of my life. I wish I could repay you for that. I wish I could give you a quarter of the warmth and happiness the mere idea of your smile brought me.

After I met you, and got to know you, your kindness, your wit, you unending cockiness, I loved you so much more—you pushed me to be better. You made me recognize myself and my strength, and the people that cared for me. Every moment after or since has just been collateral because being loved by you was never meant to last. I destroy everything I touch. I ruined you and us just like I've ruined every other relationship I've ever had. I left Elide behind because the idea of going back and finding her dead was enough to send me into a dark hole. I've put myself at a distance from everyone in my life as if preparing each moment to disappear and never come back, to protect everyone else. As if preparing for my own death. I'm not sure if it's because I never had my mother or if my loneliness in my power has made me cruel. I never expected to live this long or to meet you or to see Elide or Aelin or Aedion again."

Talia felt her tears sliding down her cheeks, and her hold tightened on the wooden bowl she was given.

"I wish we’d had more time. I'm so thankful that they have you," she whispered, and could hear their laughter in her ears. She could see Aelin's gown trailing after her as she ran in the grass during their last summer in Orynth. She could see the peony that Elide embroidered on Talia's favorite gown. Could feel it's stitching. Aedion's skin of water and blood. Their oath.

Rowan's guiding words about her powers. His desperation to save her--a mirror to Aelin only a year earlier. Talia was a second chance, a second chance to treat her better because she was on the edge of collapsing. He had given her the kindness she needed to keep going. She could almost see Rowan Whitethorn skinning Cairn--the fear in his eyes and the blood on Rowan's hands. Good. It was good Cairn would never touch another person again.

As Talia neared the end of her speech, she realized it wasn't just a way to say all she needed to say to Fenrys. As she scoured her memories and smells and feelings, she realized it felt like a goodbye. She began to cry even harder. She never had a god or goddess to guide her. She'd only had herself, and perhaps Maeve looking over her shoulder. Manipulating her.

She stared deeper into her bowl and ate the last of the porridge. Used the last bit of her strength to break the bowl against her knee. She wouldn't get out of here.

She cried harder as she came to the conclusion--the confirmation. She would never see Fenrys again. But a thrum erupted from that part of her where that bond pulled. Love and devotion and desperation came from the other end, and it was strong enough to make her gasp.

Look. She heard. Look at the bowl.

In the splatter of leftover porridge, she saw flecks of gold.

And then she felt it. Her power that was stifled for weeks—gone, it was suddenly there. It was strong enough to send her rolling over and almost made her sick.

Remember, my love. She heard. Remember your power.

Her hands tingled, and she cried harder as she pushed against that wall that had been stifling her power. As it encased her on all four sides, she screamed, and imagined a place in the city--the pub she'd seen Fenrys in, in the memories Maeve gave her. She reached for it as the walls pulled on her, and finally tugged on that bond between them and erupted.

Right into the middle of the pub.

The pub was busy, flowing with fae soldiers males and females alike. No one noticed as she appeared, but one female noticed her wet cheeks and pulled her out of the crowd. "Did someone touch you?" she asked. "Are you okay?"

She wasn't. The powder was quickly erasing the effects of the cell, and her power was rising to the surface just like the last time her magic came back. The last time she’d killed everyone in a pub. She needed to get out. "I have to go," she replied and started pushing through the crowd.

Fenrys, she tried to call down the bond but there was no response. She could hardly hear anything over the chatter and beat of her heart, so she escaped the loudness of the pub to notice her jailer walking her way. He was out of work—probably just coming for a drink, and his eyes widened at the sight of her. It didn’t take her half a second to dart in the opposite direction. Fenrys, she called again with no response. She just needed to get to one of the two bridges out of the city. If they'd gotten her the powder then surely they were waiting for her outside of it. They'd come back for her.

In one second and then the other, she erupted out of thin air on the bridge.

A girl running from something was enough to bring attention, and the sentries noticed her very quickly.

Hard air had their arrows flying away. Their hands lifted to their throats as the air escaped them. Rowan. Talia's chest burned, and the end of the bridge rose up to greet her. She blinked away the tears, and sobbed when she felt arms clasp around her.

"I'm here, I'm here, I'm here," his voice echoed in her ear and they tumbled between space and time to a clearing in the woods. Talia gasped.

"You have to get out of here—I can't control it-" Talia urged desperately.

Fenrys shook his head, and only stepped back a few feet. "You can. You will."

And then she shattered all of the trees within twenty feet of them. She sunk to her knees in shadow and cocooned herself in night. Night could be many things. It could be dreams, nightmares, ends, beginnings. It could be peace and fear, and it was. Her night was inspired by a hundred nightmares and dreams, and when Fenrys stepped in to greet her, she didn't feel so alone anymore.

"I'm sorry," Talia whispered to him over and over again. She found peace in the repetition of it, but the guilt of what she'd been about to do ate at her. The surety that she bore that they would not come made her sick. "I'm so sorry."

"I know," Fenrys's face was wet too. "I know."

She felt Aelin's presence of the edge of the blasted trees. Felt her kindness enter her cloud of night. Felt Aelin sink to her knees beside her, and wrap her arms around her. Talia sunk into her agony, protected by her friend and mate. Loved by her friend and mate.

"We got out," Aelin told her. "He's dead."

Talia's hand lifted to Aelin's cheek and pressed their foreheads together. They were bonded for life. Light and night, power and loneliness. Bonded by their shared trauma. How could she ever be alone when she had her? When she had Fenrys?

"I won't let you die to save the world, Aelin Galanthynius. I would sacrifice it all for you," Talia swore. Aelin's face found her shoulder, and her tears slipped down her collarbone.

"Let's get the fuck out of here," Aelin proposed.

Notes:

I'll clear it up more in the next chapter, but the powder is some variation of the cure to faebane, and the cell was lined with some variation to faebane. I imagine Maeve having both if she foresaw Talia, and if she had the cure then someone who works within the castle would be able to get it and give it to Talia.

Chapter 17: Ellie

Summary:

Trigger warning: graphic description of violence (Rowan skinning Cairn)

 

There is a significant addition to this chapter!!!

Talia had not expected Elide. Whenever they began their journey, it wasn’t long before Aelin left her side, and Fenrys fell back to make room for Elide to speak with her. As if they both knew something Talia didn’t.

There was something unsettling about Elide walking next to her. She knew the girl meant no ill will, but the years apart and the horrible reconnection made everything tilted. Turned everything sideways, and Talia didn’t know how to exist near her without her throat closing up. She waited for Elide to say anything, but Elide didn’t speak for a few minutes. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see the girl’s mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water.

“Spit it out, Ellie,” Talia eventually muttered, the nickname falling out of her mouth.

Elide looked up with unshed tears in her eyes, and her face sullen. “Do you know how much I regretted speaking the way I did to you?” There was a pause and Talia couldn’t bear to look at her. “Do you know when I regretted it?”

Talia shrugged her shoulders. “When I was being whipped?”

Elide cast her gaze down as the moment and the ruthlessness of the answer hit her. Talia wished she hadn’t said it, but it was honest and Talia didn’t have the energy for lies.

“The second I said it.” She fiddled with her hands. Her limp was less pronounced now than Talia last saw her, and she wondered if it was magic or healing that’d helped her in the time away.

Then her gaze fell on Lorcan, and she knew it was magic.

But if Elide regretted being so cruel, why hadn’t she apologized earlier? Talia deserved her cruelty, her anger, but knowing Elide wished she never said it and then ignored her, annoyed Talia.

“Then I was too proud. I thought I didn’t need you, and the years apart had made us different, but when I saw you repeatedly sacrifice yourself for Aelin even without memory—“ Talia knew everyone was listening in. Especially since Aelin’s shoulders stiffened at Elide’s words. Talia knew Aelin would carry so much guilt for that day and every day since. Stupid fae hearing. “I knew you hadn’t changed at all. I knew I was too harsh in judging your actions as a child, and all I wanted was to save you.”

She remembered that day, remembered Elide begging. Looking back, she thought it’d been for Aelin. Elide came for their queen—not for Talia.

Talia lifted her chin, unable to open her heart at this very moment because of everything else she’d been through. “Ellie, I forgive you, but I can’t do heartfelt right now—I can’t give you the kindness and love and warmth you need. I’m sorry you had to see me being whipped, and I’m glad you missed me and cared about me while I was gone, but I’m barely here right now. I feel—“

Her words choked up in her throat, but she took a deep breath and her words were emotionless when she finished “I feel like a ghost hovering over my body, and like at any moment I’m going to wake up from this dream.”

Elide’s brows furrowed. “But you were so—so connected with Aelin and Fenrys.”

Talia’s chest constricted. “Fenrys is my mate, and there are things that Aelin and I experienced that we will never be able to talk about. Not just my memory, and not just whippings. I wanted to die. I tried to actually. I-I don’t even need to be telling you any of this. I left you to be locked up and scarred and broken, you just broke my heart and told me what I needed to hear. I got the better end of the deal, so if you forgive me or need forgiveness, then we’re good. You’re forgiven.”

“I watched you being whipped and beaten and broken—“ Elide broke off, looking up at Lorcan’s back with fury in her gaze. “I could do nothing. I did nothing. I did not save you anymore than you saved me all of those years ago.”

“You were being held back by a fae warrior who has lived a long time, Elide. A powerful fae warrior who has some feelings for you and would do anything to protect you. A witch who got you out of hell made sure she could get you out of that moment. Did nothing so she could get you out. There was no way you would have ever been able to save me or Aelin. I had abilities and in the early days of the war, I probably could have come for you and snuck you out of Terrasen. I didn’t because I was a coward. Our sins are not equal.”

Elide shook her head and persisted “You were a child!”

Talia laughed bitterly “I was a child who ripped apart the men that came for me that night. Do not try to justify my actions because I can’t. Honestly everyone would have been better off if my mother had never come to this world.”

If Talia had never been born because she wouldn’t exist if not for her mother’s displacement. If not for her mother’s attack and grandmother’s death.

“How can you say that?”

Even the very forest quieted. The small folk listened. Talia was very small in that moment. Like a little bug on the ground. Her voice was even quieter.

“Perhaps Maeve wouldn’t have targeted Fenrys if she didn’t foresee his bond to me.” Aelin did not look back, and Talia regretted saying it, but it was how she felt. It followed her like her very own shadow. Even if the ramifications or same words could apply to Aelin with Rowan. But Rowan—he was just a soldier. He just took orders and loved a girl and lost her because of Maeve. Got lost in his grief for a while. Fenrys was ordered to serve Maeve in her bedroom for years.

One of the very worst things that had ever happened to Talia happened to him for years because of her.

Talia hadn’t forgiven herself for that. Or for any of her long list of shortcomings. She couldn’t accept Elide’s forgiveness while she carried so much hate for herself.

Talia eventually said “I’m working through many things, and I just need some time before we can properly have this conversation.”

Elide didn’t seem to like the response, but she left her alone, and Talia felt even worse. She didn’t want to lash out, but she felt out of control. From her magic to the things she experienced, she was spiraling and exhausted.

Aelin and Rowan spoke in hushed tones up ahead, and it was a few more minutes before Fenrys walked beside her again.

“That went well,” Fenrys pointed out.

Talia humphed to herself, “You mean the part where I was a bitch?”

“At least you acknowledge your faults. It’s better to be honest, you need more comfort than her right now.” Fenrys explained. “She was looking for confirmation and comfort, however I think she ultimately wanted to help you.”

Fenrys’s hand found hers in the space between them. The linking of their fingers brought her needed strength, and she said “It’s just too much. To care about her feelings and my own, and I can’t protect her if I’m feeling vengeful or angry with myself. I’ll take it out on her to punish myself.”

“I don’t think you would, but it’s better for you to recognize those impulses and take them away rather than be tempted by them.”

“Fenrys?”

“Yeah?”

“Is this real?”

His hand squeezed in hers.

“I’m not sure,” was all he whispered back.

 

~

 

That night they slept in a cave. Guided by the small folk, they all found sanctuary in a dark cave, and Talia couldn’t sleep.

She laid on her side, her arm just under her head, and stared at Fenrys. He was in his wolf form, Talia had a theory he felt more comfortable in it at this point because of everything Maeve made him do when he was in his fae form. His breathing was slow, and she knew he was asleep. He laid at her feet, keeping them warm. Every few minutes Talia would look up at Aelin who was sitting, barely holding onto her flame as her eyes flashed in and out of gold.

They never moved from Rowan.

Talia had just been debating trying to talk to Aelin for a few minutes about everything when Aelin stood and stepped closer to Rowan. Rowan’s eyes opened at her approach, and they held a silent conversation. Talia saw Aelin’s shoulders loosen. Then, “Is he alive?”

Talia had forgotten that Aelin and Fenrys had been with Cairn before they came for her. She didn’t let herself hope that horror befell him, but when Rowan replied “No,” Talia felt her entire body release a tension she hadn’t known had been there. It’d felt as if the world had turned back on its axis, like everything was right again.

Not perfect, but far better.

“How?” Aelin hardly gave him a breath after his answer.

Rowan’s chin lifted. “You told me at Mistward that if I ever took a whip to you, then you’d skin me alive.” Talia read the meaning in his words, and sucked in a breath. “I took it upon myself to bestow that fate on Cairn on your behalf. And when I was done, I took the liberty of removing his head, then burning what remained.”

For one second, just one second, Talia wanted to see it.

So she entered Rowan’s mind like a spear in the night. She saw his hands pick up the knife, cut through his skin. Heard Cairn screaming, tied down to an iron table. Relished in the agony on his face, on Rowan’s hands removing patches of his skin in large areas, and methodically cutting his face off. Then sawing his neck. She heard the squelch of blood releasing and muscle tearing, and it got to be too much and she pulled out.

By the time she’d returned to her body, Aelin’s voice was weak as she said “I need to wash it away.”

And they both left their little corner of the cave for the lake just beyond. Talia took the moment alone to sit up, gathering her feet under her and away from Fenrys. Unbidden, tears fell from her eyes and she held back a sob.

It was good that monster was no longer in this world. She could still feel everything he’d done. Maybe she’d gotten the easier end of the deal compared to Aelin. Her body and mind invaded compared to endless hours of torture.

Of Fenrys watching it all.

There was a cruelty in that too. Part of Talia wasn’t sure what was real. Part of Talia wanted to slide into Fenrys’s mind and watch it all—to know the truth and to process it. But that would be wrong. Just as wrong as tearing into Rowan’s mind had been.

But when Maeve had forged Talia’s mind, her memories had been on a boat in the water. Perhaps if she could make her own headspace, she could prepare defenses Maeve wouldn’t account for. She could ward her off.

Inside her mind, she built a city. It lied in the mountains with a river flowing between. Unlike the warm city of Dornelle, it was more like Orynth.

Cold.

There were small businesses. Stands with blankets and tapestries, paintings and bakeries, people and fruit. She could taste the winter air, and sense the safety. On the top of one mountain, there was a palace with stairs crawling up the top, and homes lining the streets so tightly they touched. There was something about it that Talia knew.

Talia knew it was real. Perhaps some memories passed from her mother, or maybe just before she died, she shared this piece of her home with her. But it felt real. Like the boat had been heading for this destination the entire time.

She could see the man from her vision, and hear his kind voice in her ears. She could feel his power fortifying the city, fueling it for ages. She followed him in the streets to one small house, to the attic of it and she placed her memories there in the bookshelves that lined the walls.

When she opened her eyes, her face was still wet and Fenrys was no longer in his wolf form.

He blinked a few times, but Talia had no idea what it meant. Then he spoke, “Are you okay?” Talia shrugged.

“Are you?” She asked back, and he shook his head.

“Can I—how are you feeling about touch?” He mumbled, his hands lingering over hers. In all honesty she hadn’t tried.

“I was—I experienced that before you know.” Fenrys’s eyes shuddered, and Talia kept going “I went to a friend in Rifthold to help me through it. I was young and she was the only one I could talk to, and she told me that typically people only respond in two ways to such an invasion.”

Fenrys didn’t speak.

“They either are repulsed by it, or crave it. I think the first time I may have been repulsed by it. That I didn’t believe I would know when was the right time because I blamed myself for my naivety, but this time—“ Talia let out a breath. “I just want him out. I want him gone.”

“And you think doing anything sexual with me will do that?” Fenrys finally asked.

“Not right now. But maybe soon. I just—did you ever serve Maeve again in the time we were there?” Fenrys’s eyes hollowed. “If you did, it’s not that I wouldn’t want you after that, it’s that I blame myself for her using you—“

“I served her in the throne room, after the incident with my brother. On my knees in the blood.”

Talia felt so much anger that lobs of tears came out of her eyes. It felt like burning—but it manifested in darkness as it lashed out over the cave, and she could feel everyone’s heartbeats in the air. Could sense how easy it would be to destroy everyone and everything.

So she turned the anger inward. To how she misted his brother. How she was the reason his brother lined the floor anyway, and how she was the reason Maeve wanted Fenrys.

And then Talia could only focus on Fenrys, on how tense his body was, and she wanted so badly to comfort him. So she asked “What can I do?”

Fenrys pulled Talia into his arms, and held her as his body shook and tears escaped his eyes. In this darkness, nothing else existed but them.

“I love you. I want you still.” Talia whispered, spreading kisses over his face. “Every piece of you. In every way.”

A kiss for every tear. A shared breath for every year he spent with that bitch. “Do you want to know what the worst thing about it all is?” Fenrys asked her, and Talia felt his thumb land on her cheekbone. “If I had to go through it all again to be with you, I would. To have forever, and the chance to make life choices with you, I would do it three times over. My brother is insignificant compared to how much I want that with you.”

His throat bobbed, and he finished “When I heard that you blamed yourself—that you wished you were never born, I couldn’t breathe. You can’t know that you were why Maeve chose me. Even if you didn’t exist, Maeve might have picked me if only because I was a pretty, arrogant, prick good with a sword.”

“You’re right.” Talia breathed. “I can’t make your trauma about me either. That’s cruel. I’m sorry that happened to you, and Maeve will die for it. I will make sure of it.” They were both quiet for a few moments, and Talia traced the line of his shirt and placed her hands over his heart.

“You have a magnificent chest,” Talia joked.

“I know,” Fenrys teased. “Too bad you can’t see it in all of this darkness.”

She released it, and it dissipated like smoke on the wind. “Ah,” she spoke. “The same as my dreams.”

“Cheeky little thing.”

Talia shrugged, a smile playing at her lips. Then she lifted her hand to his jaw, and kissed him very softly on the lips.

She whispered on his lips “My mate.”

His lips fell along on her collarbone, and he said “My mate.”

Rowan’s voice echoed in the cave as he said “Get back to shore.”

It was startling how quickly they all got up to enter the lake, to see Aelin’s sopping head of long hair in the water, and a boat being dragged by two dark forms.

Lorcan scoffed “They can’t mean for us to take that in the caves.”

Aelin reminded him “We’re being hunted.” Her hair dripped onto the stone beneath her, and Rowan touched her shoulder.

“We know that,” Lorcan shot back.

Rowan glared. Aelin pointed out “The only way to the sea is through these caves.” But they were a hundred miles inland and no record ever shared that there was a direct line through the caves to the sea.

“And I suppose they told you that?” Lorcan sassed.

“Watch it,” Rowan threatened, but Talia knew Aelin needed something like this. A fight, something familiar with someone familiar that would make her feel strong again. Normal.

“Yes. The land above is crawling with soldiers and spies. Getting beneath is the only way.”

But all of that fire that Aelin burned so brightly with was dull now. Not so much that it was gone but that it was just somewhere else. Contained.

Talia stiffened as she acknowledged that, and Elide stepped forward. “I’ll go. You can take your chances above ground if you’re so disbelieving.”

Eventually Lorcan relented, but Talia was unsettled by Aelin’s reactions. She knew they were all struggling with being back and what was real and what wasn’t, but seeing Aelin as anything other than fire incarnate shocked Talia. Though, she’d never seen or met Celaena Sardothien.

Aelin had barely told her that that was her alias while hiding. Talia lived in Rifthold, so of course she’d heard of the Assassin’s Guild, and of Celaena Sardothien. Hell, she’d only been reminded that if she came into the bar to give her beers to keep her happy so many times that she started repeating it back to her bosses.

But Celaena never came into the pub. Celaena had enough money and wealth thanks to her jobs that she hardly even ventured into Talia’s side of town unless it was for a job or information. The days when she didn’t have that wealth, she’d lived with Arobynn Hamel, the King of Assassin’s. One of the first people Talia was told to avoid.

Thank the Gods he was dead.

But this ghost—this was how Aelin was coping. Talia only hoped she could help her find her way back, or that Rowan could.

Aelin dressed while they all packed, she wore some trousers and shirt with a cloak that Rowan grabbed for her. Talia still wore her simple black dress, and she was praying they’d get out soon enough that she could wash and change and get the events off of her.

When Lorcan asked why the little folk would do this for them, they brought a crown from the lake that glittered despite the low light.

“The Crown of Mab,” Gavriel breathed in awe.

Mab, Maeve’s “sister”. That line of power ran through Aelin as well, however small it was. They gestured for Aelin to take it.

“It—it fell into the river,” Aelin stammered.

But the little folk only insisted, and as she began to step forward to take it, Gavriel whispered with reverence to Lorcan “You want to know why? Because she is not only Brannon’s heir, but Mab’s, too.”

The crown glittered in Aelin’s hands, and she walked back to Rowan who awaited with a hand out to help her on the boat.

“That makes her their queen, too.”

Aelin only replied in confirmation “Yes.”

When the boat exited the larger cave for a smaller, darker path, Talia tensed. She began to wonder where Maeve had gotten that powder that took her power away. If she’d lined the rock walls of her prison with it, was it a mineral? Could it line these walls?

She’d never truly been in darkness when in that prison. There was always a flickering torch or some far away glow from the room Aelin was kept in. She should have been comfortable with the darkness given her abilities.

But instead, she heard Elide make such a small, shocked and scared noise, that her first reaction was to tense. Then, she sent a wave of her power over all of them, and there in her darkness was the night sky.

Hundreds of stars and purples and pinks and blues laid out before all of them, and all she could see was Fenrys. He was smiling as his hand circled a star like a flash of light rather than anything real. Anything that burned. It turned his skin pink.

She couldn’t see if Elide was comforted by the gesture, but woven in her stars was the lullaby of sweet dreams.

In a flash of blue, a lantern at the front of the boat illuminated with glow worms, and Talia’s heart panged as she realized she missed something she never knew. Not the worms, but the world her mother always wished to go back to. What kind of world was it if she fought for so long to return? What sort of world existed where her ability might be shared? In her sadness, her night sky dissipated.

“Do you ever want to go to the world that your mother’s from?” Aelin spoke. The entire group’s focus sunk onto them, analyzing Talia’s reaction and Aelin’s curiosity.

“Would you hate me if I did?” Talia asked.

Aelin thought for a moment. “If you left or wanted to leave?”

Talia shrugged. “Either.”

Aelin shook her head. “No. To either. Home’s all I’ve missed since I’ve left Orynth. But Orynth is your home too. I hope you know that.”

Talia’s nails dug into her palms, and her throat closed as guilt sunk on her. Of course. Orynth. The place she was raised and where her father was from. “I look nothing like her,” Talia eventually whispered. But fae hearing meant that everyone on the boat heard her.

Aelin had seen her in the mirror too.

“Not in coloring, no.” Aelin agreed. “But your features, your eyes and lips, they’re the same. Also your father always had curly hair, and your hair barely has a wave to it. Her hair was straight.”

“She had wings,” Talia pointed out. “They cut them from her back.”

Fenrys’ brows furrowed. “Turn your back to me,” he suggested. Talia did as he said, and she felt him gently undoing a few laces before his fingers traced something on her back.

He whispered “You have two scars here.” Talia’s heart hammered in her chest. “I barely noticed it—they’re very faded.”

“Then my father cut them off to pass me off as normal,” Talia shuddered in horror, and Aelin’s gaze was hard. Not directed at her, but probably at what had happened. Sometimes people had to make hard decisions to protect their loved ones. Talia just wished she’d lived in a world where she could have kept them.

Fenrys kissed each scar, directly parallel to each other and worked on tying the dress back together.

“Would you hate me if I wanted to go back to my world?” Talia whispered when her dress was back to normal and everyone had started paying attention to other things.

Fenrys mumbled “Get in my head.”

It hardly took any effort, and then Fenrys’s voice told her I would follow you anywhere. If you left, I’d find you. I’d open the gate myself after Aelin sealed it, if I had to.

Talia felt a rush of emotion, and she leaned her body back into his. She felt so safe there, wrapped in his arms. She’d never felt that way in any of her dreams, but she’d always known she find it there with him. Somehow. Her entire life she’d been looking for him.

She said Did Maeve ever show you the dreams she sent me?

No.

Was all he said.

Would you like to?

Talia felt him nodding against her shoulder.

Here it goes.

Chapter 18: Choices

Talia finally fell asleep on night two in the boat. At first, the darkness set her on edge. Like anything could come out of it, and then like it was suffocating her despite the ever present warmth behind her back. Then, the awkwardness of using a single bucket for the bathroom started to overwhelm her. But on night two, the exhaustion caught up with her.

She dreamt of Cairn. Of what he’d done to her while lying on Aelin’s broken body.

She couldn’t escape it, and the nausea rushed out of her that she woke up and immediately began puking into the water below.

Ten minutes later, when her stomach finally stopped spasming, she laid back against Fenrys who swiped a hand over her forehead and found the hard gaze of Rowan, Lorcan and Elide on her. Gavriel looked elsewhere, and Aelin held her knees and couldn’t look at her. “You projected,” Fenrys mumbled. “You projected your dream into our minds out of fear.”

No.

NO.

There were tears in Elide’s eyes and running down her cheeks. “I wish I had drawn out his death longer,” Rowan spoke.

“Save the anger for Maeve,” Talia responded, and she knew Aelin was. She could practically feel the blonde brewing with hatred. Stewing in that well of fire and power. She never spoke, and there was a part of her that was more animal than human or fae at the moment. She was going through the motions--waiting.

A day later, Aelin discovered a tomb of gold in wight territory. While they gathered the gold, she offered Fenrys an out from the blood oath. The moment was so small so insignificant, but when he replied without hesitation that he would serve her court, her heart hurt. It was Talia's court as well. She knew that.

But Talia also knew that this forgotten piece of her history, this strange world her mother came from was incredibly important to her. She'd considered going just before Aelin closed the gate, and she'd considered asking Fenrys to leave with her. How could she ask that of him when he showed so much devotion to her Queen? How could she consider leaving him still, even knowing he wouldn't come with her? Her mate, the most perfect fae male for her.

"She killed Connall. Made him stab himself in the heart," he admitted to everyone. Gavriel's eyes glowed with fury.

How could she leave him, when he'd just lost his brother? When they'd just discovered each other? Talia lost track of their conversation after that. She even missed the angry hiss in response to their looting. She only came to much later, when Fenrys touched her arm gently.

"Is this you?" Fenrys whispered, but the stars that appeared above them had nothing to do with her. They blended into the walls of the cavern. Glow worms.

It made her crave a place she'd never been. Made her miss a home she never had.

Her soul was split in two places. One half belonged to Fenrys--to Aelin and her kingdom and the friendship she held with her. The other called for the stars and dreams and music. "Talia," Fenrys whispered. "Where'd you go?"

She would help Fenrys tear Maeve apart. She would help Aelin defeat Erawan and go back to her kingdom and Rowan, but when Aelin closed the gate, Talia would have to choose home or her mate. She would have to split her soul in two pieces, and live with whatever scrap of it she came out with. "Just thinking," Talia forced a smile to her face in response.

The following days were a blur as well. They escaped the cave at night, and Aelin managed to send a few letters before they found a different dilapidated boat to sail for Terrasen with. Aelin trained, and she wasn't exactly better after a discussion with Rowan, but perhaps lighter. Fenrys continued Talia's training in defense as well, but the motions of it reminded Talia more of Cairn. Fenrys wasn't strict, and he was never cruel, but when he showed her a move, she felt so helpless against him. She would never be as great as him or Aelin.

"Stop!" Talia spoke before she realized, froze, trapped in a memory she couldn't escape. "There's no rutting point!" She lashed out in frustration, not physically, but with her words. "I'm better off using this time to train--to focus on the darkness. I'm never going to win like this." She backed away when she saw the look on Fenrys's face. His defeat.

"If you panic and they get ahold of you-"

"Then I'm dead!" Talia shouted back. "But this is a waste of time."

Fenrys deflated, his eyes holding so much confusion and pain that Talia looked away. She spent the following hours sitting by herself, practicing with her darkness. She surrounded herself with it, tested it and misted small meaningless items. She built her own walls, but that was more difficult due to the fact that she had to think about what exactly she wanted to hide.

It was later when Rowan discovered the Ruk. When they followed the scouting party to Chaol Westfall and to the Khagan Army. It was impressive enough to give Talia hope of winning, and she noticed it brought great joy to Aelin to see an old friend. The confirmation that Maeve was valg was only the cherry on top of a great big shit sundae they'd received.

When they'd all taken a moment to themselves, Fenrys found her.

"You're pushing me away. I want to know why."

"I'm recovering," Talia shook her head, trying to sweep past him. His hand gripped her arm and pulled her back.

"Stop lying!" he hissed. "You're preparing for something, and I can't decide if you're planning something stupid, heroic and suicidal, or if-" he broke off. "If you want to take Aelin up on her offer to leave."

"Would it even matter to you?" She found herself saying before she thought better of it.

"Are you kidding?" Fenrys was genuinely pissed off, and he shoved her in the nearest tent. "You're my mate."

Talia shrugged, deciding to speak the thing she hadn't wanted to even think. "You didn't even consider it. Freedom from Aelin's blood oath. You just-"

"Because I believe in the future she wants. I know the Kingdom she's going to build is a far better one than the one I came from, and I want to help her secure it!"

Fenrys stepped closer, but Talia took another step back. "You and Aelin had each other. There were so many hours of comfort, of a connection. You have a code, and I was alone. I was alone!" Tears came out of her eyes without permission. "The blood oath to Maeve was the only thing holding you back from being with me, the only other bond than the mating bond we carry. You agreed to another oath without doubt. You will always carry that oath before me. You will always be bonded with Aelin in a way I can never reach you, Fenrys."

"The oath said nothing about forsaking you, and Aelin would never ask that of me." Something like understanding dawned on Fenrys's face. "You're making this about Aelin, as if you're jealous. As if a blood oath to your kingdom and queen is stronger than our mating bond, but it's not about Aelin at all, is it? You're angry and pushing me away because I swore to protect a kingdom you plan to leave."

Talia said nothing, and Fenrys no longer made any moves to get close.

"That's it." His face twisted into something painful. "Talia, the girl who runs. The female who would rather go to a new world to potentially find a family she's never met, and forsake the one she's found. You'll help us save the world, and then leave us to build it back up? Leave me? I'm your mate, Talia! What? You weren't even going to consider asking me to come with you either?"

His words might as well have been a dagger in her heart.

He opened the door to the tent, heartbreak on his sleeve as he said "I know Aelin would free me to leave with you. I trust her enough, I know that she would. That's why I agreed so quickly, because she would always give me choice, but you haven't, have you?"

Then, he left.

~

 

Fenrys didn't look for her. He didn't come back, and Talia had a strange inkling that he'd go to Aelin with the information.

Nameless is my price.

Talia still remembered the week that Aelin was sick, when she found out that the price to pay was likely too high. That she'd die, and leave Rowan behind in the process. How could Talia recover in a place without Aelin, but where she be found in everything? In Rowan's face, in Elide's strength, in Aedion? Talia was sure she would give everything or try to. Aelin also understood the pain of missing home, and of losing your parents. Perhaps, she'd understand. Aelin never confronted her about it. Talia knew that in the moments between them and arriving to the keep that she knew, and it hurt. It cut her so deeply that Talia wondered if it mattered at all if she wanted to leave. She was better off alone. No one to destroy, no one to hurt.

She found herself in a similar place to Lorcan, disregarded in a corner on a bedroll. She could hear the conversation, but she wasn't really part of it. "Is a land battle easier or worse than the one at sea?" Aelin asked Rowan, looking at his tattoos--at the fallen lining his body.

"They're just as messy, but in different ways."

In the water, there was less access, but the water was yet another danger.

"I'd rather fight on land," Fenrys grumbled.

"Because no one likes the smell of wet dog?" Aelin asked over her shoulder, and he laughed. He smiled, brighter than Talia had seen in days. His eyes lingered on Aelin, and then they fell on Talia. They softened and filled with pain.

"Exactly because of that." It was such a small and insignificant moment, but it made Talia's throat close. She stood from her bedroll, and hoped the others thought she was going to relieve herself. She didn't breathe until she was much farther under the stars, and even then she released more of a sob than a breath. Her eyes leaked, and then she couldn't help it. Her breaths came out in short pants, and a pressure pushed behind her eyes as she began crying her heart out. Everything felt wrong, and the world was well and truly ending.

She was pressed against a tree trunk, but slid down when her knees weakened. "Hey," a soft voice removed her hands from her face, and Fenrys found her. "Look at me, love."

Talia was looking, and she felt a surge of guilt. "I don't want to leave you, I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry, I'm just terrified all the time. Please forgive me, I love you," Talia rambled and Fenrys began shushing her.

"I know," and the confidence in his voice made her breaths come out softer. "I would follow you. I would open the rutting gate again even after Aelin closed it and follow you wherever you went, Talia. I should've told you that before."

He placed his large hand over her heart, grounding her and his eyes were so soft when he said "You are my forever. You are my life."