Chapter Text
Levi pov
Surge beneath him pulsed with life as they passed countless farms and small settlements for the first time since he left his clan. Levi wasn’t used to riding this close to civilisation and had therefore tried to avoid coming close to human settlements as much as he could - until now, when uneasiness spread in his chest as Seo came in to view in the distance. The roads were now manmade from stone, not the raw ground Surge was used to, and uncertainty overpowered his usual confidence. Upon riding through the first small town that led up to the city, Surge slowed down, his beautiful head raised proudly, reminding Levi of New.
He felt her absence every moment of the day, a permanent void reminding him of the time that had passed. Though Surge resembled her in appearance, his nature couldn’t be further from that of his grandmother. With New returning back into the circle of life, his time as a protector ended, body and mind unable to keep up with their duties. It hadn’t come as a surprise when their new chief asked him to step down and open the spot for a promising youngster who had been chosen by their most precious foal the previous day. Ever since a particularly violent encounter with a group of bandits, he hadn’t been in any shape to fulfil his duties and the only reason why he had not stepped down was his pride.
He had survived, landing the final blow, killing the bandit’s leader but their victory had come at a cost. A knife pulled through the right side of his face, leaving a nasty scar – his face forever disfigured and his right eye left mostly useless as he could barely make out as much as vague shapes anymore.
Even before that battle, he had already enjoyed many privileges within the clan, carried more honorary tattoos than anyone else. After the battle, it took on new heights and while the clan was turning him into their personification of a god, to the point where he could clearly see the fear in the youngster’s eyes when he crossed path.
No one dared to defy him, no one but their Chief who sadly passed not much longer after the bandit’s raid of their clan’s camp. After Petra’s younger brother took over, there was no one left.
No one left to just call him Levi. No one left to see eye to eye. No one but Hanji who couldn’t care less about his role as a protector ever since Erwin brought them closer over fifteen summers ago. Levi couldn’t explain it to himself, why Hanji acted the way they did but he would be forever thankful for them, even when Hanji brought up things, he would have rather buried deep in his mind.
“Do you not want to look for Erwin?” Hanji’s words repeated in his mind over and over, even now as he was approaching the traveller’s hometown. “You’re unhappy here.”
“Don’t torture yourself any longer. You deserve to rest.”
Levi closed his eyes, the sounds that surrounded him near the city gates unfamiliar, overwhelming.
“Do you think he wants to see me?”
“I don’t think you have the time to worry about that. One illness and you are dead, Levi.”
“I don’t know where he is. I don’t know if he is alive Hanji.”
“He told me he grew up in Seo. There must be family left, or old friends.”
“What if he is dead?”
“He isn’t.”
“Name?” a voice to his right pulled Levi out of his thoughts, and he flexed his muscles, getting Surge to come to a halt. He had to turn his head so he could see the person standing to his right, noticing the mustering gaze with which the young man mustered him from head to toe.
“Levi.” Levi said, noticing the guard’s eyes travel over his body, then taking a few notes in a thick book that he held in his arm.
“Family name?”
“Just Levi.”
“Date of Birth?”
“Somewhen in Winter.”
“What year?”
Levi’s jaw tensed. “I don’t know. Don’t count.”
The guard’s eyebrows drew together.
“Reason for visit?”
“I am looking for someone.” Levi’s voice was rasp and he was suddenly hyper-aware of the townspeople around them stopping to watch.
“Who?” It was easy to tell that the guard was suspicious of him, and Levi couldn’t blame him. He could barely answer any of his questions, rode on a wild horse with no reigns, his hair longer than that of any of the women that stood by the gate, watching him. The piercings, the scars. He must look otherworldly.
“Erwin Smith.”
“A common name.” the young man noted, writing it down into his book, nevertheless.
Levi shrugged.
“Length of stay?” the guard continued his questioning while Surge started to fidget in discomfort.
“Shhh” Levi hummed as he patted the young stallion’s neck, speaking up louder to answer the question: “Until I find him.”
“The maximum residence time is a month. You will have to get registered anew when the period is over.” The guard’s voice indicated that he had said these words uncountable times.
“Where?”
“Right here.”
Surge’s muscles were twitching between Levi’s legs, and he knew that the stallion wouldn’t stay still much longer, not with all the people around, the dogs barking in a side street. Not with carriages passing by the busy street, the children running into town.
“Is this all?”
“Yes. You may pass.”
Immediately, Levi squeezed his thighs, signalling Surge to go forward.
The city was pulsing with life and Levi was pulled in by the different houses, the clothes, the smells and the sounds that were foreign. He noticed that women were dressed very different than the men, their hair done up beautifully, decorated with jewellery that Hanji would have loved to have in their hands.
It wasn’t long until Levi had to get off Surge’s back, the stallion panicking from the uncountable number of people around them.
“Shhh” he tried to calm him, placing his palm onto the bridge of his nose, his other hand securing the bottom of his head. Surge was easily overstimulated, and Levi was the only person in their clan who knew how to handle him properly which was why he had chosen to take him on his travels. A decision he had come to regret right about that moment, when the young stallion was about to trample a whole street of unsuspecting civilians. “It’s alright. I got you.”
Levi pulled the stallion’s head further towards him, breathing at his forehead as calmly as possible. “We are not staying for long. Mhhh” He hummed, petting his jaw in repeating circles.
Surge calmed down considerably within a few moments and Levi exhaled, grateful that he had managed to prevent worse outcomes.
It was clear, that he needed to find a place for Surge to stay while he was looking for Erwin. Taking the young stallion with him would be torture for the animal and stressful for himself and the people in town.
After asking around, Levi was lucky enough to be pointed towards a small guesthouse right outside the city walls that offered a small piece of land for the guest’s horses to graze on. It wasn’t nearly satisfactory for the wild horse, but it was better than taking him within the city walls. The boy who accompanied him there waved him goodbye as he disappeared back towards the city walls, this time with another boy and a girl by his side.
The lady who welcomed him was more than hesitant to take one of Levi’s rings as payment, deeming it too precious for any room she could offer him and he laughed inwardly, remembering how he had told Hanji not to overdo it. But overdoing it was their speciality, so her work ended up more valuable than necessary.
When he was getting settled in the small room that she ended up giving him, he looked at his possessions. He packed lightly, not having much under his name anyway. Just two sets of tops, underwear, a spare pair of shoes made perfectly to fit his feet, his hairbrush and six more pieces of intricately crafted rings that Hanji had made for him – ensuring that he had the means of trade. They incorporated beautiful stones that they had taken off the bandits, stones that seemed to be a lot more valuable than they had originally thought them to be.
Levi carefully put them back into the small bag he kept them in, then hid the bag beneath the bed.
That night, Levi slept restlessly, the bed too soft, the air to heavy, the walls suffocating and the sounds coming from outside too overwhelming to drift off.
He was up early, getting served an unfamiliar hot breakfast by the hostess who sat down with him, asking about his reason for travel.
She had introduced herself as Carla and turned out to be surprisingly unjudgmental of his looks and Levi ended up enjoying their conversations more than initially expected. While she did ask about his scar, she wouldn’t prod further than he was comfortable telling.
Carla also told him about her son Eren who might be a little less discreet about his questions, apologizing in advance for the young boy’s temper, but Levi didn’t mind. Youngsters didn’t mean no harm and so he had no reason to be bothered by it.
“Where will you be starting your search?” she asked when Levi was getting ready to go out.
“He grew up in the city, so I will go inside.”
“What was his name you said?”
Levi bound his leather boots. “Erwin Smith.”
“Smith…. Hmmm” She hummed. “You might want to check the northern area of the city first. That’s where the blacksmiths used to live and do business. There are still many shops there that have been family owned for centuries. So you might get lucky there. I am not promising anything though.”
“Thank you. That is a place to start at least.” Levi said, straightening his back before taking a deep breath.
The sheer thought of having to go back into that city made his insides tense up but he had come this far – it would be a shame to turn back now.
“Sorry… I- I am looking for Erwin Smith.”
“Excuse me…. Do you maybe know Erwin Smith?”
“Do you know Erwin Smith?”
“Sorry, Excuse me, yes. Can I ask you a question? I am looking for… Erwin, Smith.”
“I am looking for a man, tall blonde. His name is Erwin. Erwin Smith.”
Levi collapsed against a dirty wall, exhaling shakily while making sure his braids wouldn’t touch the floor. He had been in town since early in the morning and he had yet to find someone who could give him a serious pointer that didn’t turn out to be a twenty-year-old man called Erwin Smith.
He had endured many things in his life but even to him, this must admittedly be one of the greatest challenges of his life. Maybe he should give up on finding him – maybe it had been a foolish idea in the first place – it had been Hanji’s after all.
With a deep sigh, he got back on his feet, throwing his braids over his shoulders in a last attempt to find any information about Erwin’s family’s whereabouts for that day.
He walked around the market, asking people here and there if they had heard of an Erwin Smith while trying not to get overwhelmed by the pulsing life around him.
“Sir? Sir?!” The voice had been around for a while, but Levi had no idea what it said. Was it addressing him? “Sir? Please wait, Hold up!”
Levi turned around. He hated the uselessness of his severed eye – or that people tended to come up from his right. Upon turning, he set his eye on a young woman, her eyes of a bright blue, making his body tense.
“Me?”
“You are looking for Erwin Smith?”
Over the years, the memories of Erwin’s face had faded, Levi barely remembered how he looked like but looking at the young woman’s face, it was as if a puzzle piece was being put in place. The resemblance in her eyes uncanny.
“I am.” He uttered under a breath, voice fable as he felt his heartbeat in his throat.
“That’s my uncle’s name. Are you… are you Levi? The warrior?” Her blue eyes lit up just the way Erwin’s had.
Levi felt his chest tighten. He nodded.
He was at a loss for words, thanking the worlds for cutting his search short. Levi’s eyes closed slowly as he realised that it hadn’t been in vain. With hesitant steps and many questions flooding his mind, he approached the tall woman. She towered over him just as Erwin had, even if not quite as tall.
“He told you about me?” Levi asked, voice hoarse.
“He visited us about ten years ago. Leaving two filled books with us before he travelled to Bernin by ship. He was worried about their safety, didn’t want the knowledge he collected to be lost at sea in case anything happened to him. I read them over and over.”
“Is he alive?” Levi asked, looking up at her, fingers trembling in fear that he might not be.
“He should be… He was five months ago.” The woman said, taking her basket into her other hand and Levi felt pressure lift off his chest almost immediately.
Erwin was alive. It hadn’t been in vain.
Erwin was real.
“I am sure you don’t have a place to stay. We have a small chamber in our house that has been vacant for a while – it’s not much but I am sure Mother will gladly offer it to you.” She said and Levi shook his head.
“That is very nice of you. But I stay in a small guesthouse outside of the city.”
The buzzing of the city was getting to him, so he ended up taking the invitation, for dinner at least, following the young woman that introduced herself as Evelyn through the streets while she kept pointing out shops, guesthouses, bars and workshops.
The Smith’s house was bigger than Levi had anticipated, a small stable holding a white stallion that smelled his outstretched hand curiously when Levi introduced himself to him. It might be a safe place, but Levi’s heartstrings pulled when he a horse squeezed in a stable like that.
“I see you.” Levi said, nodding his head towards him before turning around to follow to the house’s entrance.
Having spent all his life in tents, he had not yet had the opportunity to step foot into a proper building apart from the small, rustic guesthouse that was made mostly from wood. So, when Evelyn led the way inside, his steps got more hesitant, gaze traveling over the interior. It was weird, the ceilings high, made from stone, the walls decorated with paintings and reflective surfaces.
Levi halted in his tracks, staring back at himself. The reflection was crystal clear, so unlike his reflection in the water of a lake. He could see every strand of grey hair that mixed with the deep black of his braids, every wrinkle of his skin and his lips tightened into a line upon looking at the scar that disfigured the right side of his face, reaching down almost past his mouth.
He looked old and broken. So unlike the man he had always seen himself as.
“You don’t have mirrors?” Evelyn asked, now standing by his side, watching as he looked at himself.
Levi shook his head, pulling his gaze off his reflection.
“Lyn?” A female voice called out from the next room, making Levi jerk in surprise.
“Yes Mother! I am home. Brought the bread, and-… a guest.” Evelyn said and an older woman appeared in the doorway.
“Oh!” She exclaimed and Levi was fast to identify her as Erwin’s sister. She was just as tall, well-built and seeing her nose made him remember Erwin’s. She looked down at Levi with wide eyes and it was clear that she had a good guess about who stood in front of her.
“I am Levi.” Levi said when she stayed quiet.
“I didn’t imagine you to be this small.” The woman said and apologized immediately. “I am sorry, that’s not a compliment, is it? Sometimes my mouth is faster than my mind – quite unlike Erwin. Sorry I must make a bad first impression. My name’s Emma, I’m the youngest of his sisters the one who got away with everything – hence my lack of manners.”
The corner of Levi’s lips pulled into a hesitant smile, one that Emma reciprocated immediately. “It is alright.” He said and the tall woman turned to her daughter.
“Lyn, will you be kind enough to help with dinner after cutting the bread? I wasn’t expecting a guest and there is some more chopping to do.”
“Sure mother.” Evelyn replied, slipping past her into the kitchen.
“I don’t want to be a bother.” Levi said, scratching his neck while Erwin’s sister mustered him from head to toe.
“You are not. If anything, it is an honor to have you here. My children loved the story about your clan when they were still small. May I ask what brings you here? My brother’s writing suggested that you would never leave your home even if he asked you to join him on his travels.”
Levi tilted his head. “He thought about asking me to go with him?”
“Well...” Emma brushed off the flour on her hands. “He never wrote it down explicitly – the man tries to not let his personal thoughts influence his writing. But he could hardly hide to what extent you impressed him and how much he valued your company.”
Her smile was warm it reminded Levi of long forgotten moments; Erwin’s lips curling when their gazes met. His toothy grin when Levi gave into his advances. Erwin’s lazy smile in the flickering light of their oil-lamp when Levi rolled his hips on top of him.
“Why are you looking for him now, after all these years?”
Levi shook his head, being pulled back into reality. “My companion, New… She passed away last winter. I am too old to fulfil my role. I had nothing left to lose. Is Hanji in the book too?” Emma nodded. “Hanji told me to look for him. Live without regrets.”
“I am sorry to hear that. But my brother has to have left an impression on you too, that you are willing to come here to look for him.”
Levi nodded, deep in thought. Had Erwin not told them about their relationship?
“He did.”
“Well, I am honoured to have you here and while I would like to continue this conversation, I must finish dinner. The others should be here soon. You are free to wait in the dining room.” She replied and Levi did as he was told.
The “others” whom Emma had been mentioning, turned out to be her husband and teenage son who had been out working and returned home not too long after Levi had sat down on one of the chairs, awkwardly watching Erwin’s relatives go about their daily life. They shouted their greetings into the house, reciprocated by the women who were still busy setting the table.
“Oh!” Emma’s husband exclaimed upon seeing the foreign figure sitting at the table a little awkwardly, looking out of place. “I didn’t know we ‘ould host a guest?”
Levi tried to smile but there was something hostile about the man’s stance that he had a hard time to interpret. Did he feel threatened by his presence? Did he know who he was too? “I am sorry for coming without telling you. I… I am Levi…”
The man nodded, deep in thought before walking towards him, holding out his right hand, confusing Levi. What was he supposed to do? In a first instinct, he held his right hand against it and nodded his head in a greeting.
“ ’am Robert, Emma’s husband.” The man said, surprising him by taking a tight grip of Levi’s considerably smaller hand, squeezing it firmly.
“I am Levi.”
“Ya said so already.” Robert let go of his hand and gesturing him to sit back down.
Levi nodded, unsure how to react to the taller man’s words. But before he could say anything in return, Emma carried over a steaming pot and called for dinner.
“Erik! Dinner!”
Levi couldn’t do anything but watch as the family sat down around the table, Erik staring at him without shame as soon as he set his eyes on him.
“Are you really the Levi Uncle Erwin talked about? The warrior?” the young man asked, finally mustering up the courage to address him when he had gotten his plate filled.
“I am.” The corner of Levi’s lips pulled up in a hesitant smile.
“What happened to your face? Were you wounded in battle?” Erik’s question made the chatter die down, everyone looking at him while his smile faded, but before Emma could intervene and apologize for her son’s curiosity, Levi spoke up:
“A group of bandits came to our camp a few summers ago. I am not as agile anymore so one of them cut me.”
“Erik, ya can’t just ask these questions outa nowhere.” Robert scolded his son firmly.
“It’s alright.” Levi reassured though he was nervously fidgeting with his fingers. Would he ever get used to being in civilisation? Being with people who didn’t understand his way of life was a lot more challenging than he had anticipated. “It is easy to see that something happened. I can answer questions.”
“Are you really that good of a fighter?” Now it was Evelyn who spoke up.
“I was.” The sad tone in Levi’s voice was clearly audible though he had tried to conceal it and this time it was Emma who came to the rescue.
“Now, now. Let Levi get used to all this before asking him all these questions.” She said, addressing her children before turning to him.
“We only hear from Erwin once or twice a year and considering his last letter goes back five months, another one might arrive before winter comes.” Emma said, breaking off a piece of bread. “You are welcome to stay here until we hear from him. We read all about your clan and it feels as if I already know you. All things considered; you could as well be family.”
Levi’s hands cramped together beneath the table – he should be hungry, but he was too nervous to feel it.
“You don’t even know me.”
“No. But I know my brother well enough that he wouldn’t pay such high respects to someone who wasn’t inherently good.”
“I have a place to stay but… Is there work? While I wait?” Levi said, looking at her with his good eye, noticing that her lips had pulled into a warm smile.
“First, get settled. We can try to find you work afterwards.”
“Thank you.”
“You don’t have to thank me. Let’s hope that my idiot older brother will let us know about his whereabouts soon.”
Comfortable conversations filled the warmth of their dining room and Levi was starting to relax into his chair, tasting some of the food that piled on his plate.
“How long have you been here for?” Emma asked him a while later and Levi’s lips pulled into a small smile.
“I arrived the day before. I am lucky that Evelyn heard me ask for Erwin.”
“Oh! You must still be exhausted from your travels. Did you come on horse?”
“Yes. I rode Surge here. But he doesn’t lie the city. He stays on a small piece of land behind the guesthouse I stay at.” Levi said and Evelyn tilted her head.
“Surge?”
“My horse.”
“But Uncle Erwin’s book said her name was New?” Evelyn asked and Levi closed his eyes, nodding as memories flooded his mind. Memories of them dashing over wide vast land, memories of him sleeping curled into her body, memories of her pulsing frame beneath him and her beautiful head pressed against his in complete trust.
“Her name was New. She… she parted ways with me… old age. Surge is… uhm… her grandson. I took him with me because he doesn’t like the other clan members. He is not good with humans.”
“Oh…” the young woman exclaimed. “I am sorry for your loss.”
“I am sorry too.” Levi replied with a sad smile before straightening his back. “But she will always be with me.”
“I would have loved to meet her. Erwin even included a drawing of her, and she looks majestic. I always imagined riding her towards the sunset when I was younger.” Evelyn said and Levi’s sad smile warped into a warm one as he imagined them meeting. “I really want to ride a black mare in the future, but it is so expensive to buy a horse. I cannot afford buying one yet.”
“You can meet Surge. He looks like her a lot.” Levi said and Evelyn assured him that she would do so as soon ash she could.
They then finished dinner, the Smith family talking about their day while Levi just sat there and listened.
Was this how Erwin had felt visiting his clan? To be a stranger while being welcomed so warm-heartedly? It was a weird feeling to be accompanied back to the gate where both Evelyn and Erik waved him goodbye as he exited the city before the gates closed. It was a weird feeling to meet Erwin’s family. It was weird to be so unconditionally welcomed into their home, weird that they seemed to know a lot about him while he had no understanding of who they were.
It was weird that while they knew so much about him, they didn’t know the nature of the relationship Erwin and him had nurtured.