Work Text:
Masks removed we hide here
While the spotlight's seeking me
Forget the world for now, my Love
And live these days with me
As if the world wasn't ending...
As if the World wasn't Ending - Sonata Arctica
---
He was prepared for a lot of things, including the impending end of the world. There was nothing he was afraid to fight. Nothing he was afraid to do. And yet, he had a weakness.
So when that night, Shahr Polaali, the Warrior of Light herself, knocked at his door in the Baldesion Annex, her face covered in tears and sobbing uncontrollably, he lost all self-control.
Estinien silently opened his door wide to invite her into his chambers, closing the door behind them. He motioned for her to sit on his bed, but she shook her head.
"What's going on?" he asked in a voice he knew hid nothing of his concerns.
"Warrior of Light this, Warrior of Light that. I just can't take it anymore. Everyone is relying on me, and that burden is killing me. I can't... I don't... know who to turn to and I'm about to lose it..."
She sniffled and painfully tried to hold back her tears, but to no avail.
"Please, Estinien," she sobbed. "Take me somewhere no one will find me."
"Hold onto me," Estinien said in a raspy voice.
She obeyed and gripped his shoulders, yelping in surprise when he jumped out the window with her.
---
They jumped into the night for quite a while, long enough that Shahr quickly became disoriented, unsure of where they were heading. When he finally landed and released her, they were deep into the woods. Estinien wordlessly disappeared for a few minutes; he came back with his arms full of branches and quickly started a fire before inviting Shahr to sit next to him.
The miqo'te hadn't moved since they'd landed, still shaken by her sobs, but she accepted his invitation. Rising her knees to her chest, she hid her face against them.
"I'm sorry you have to see me like this. You must be so disappointed."
"I'm not," Estinien shook his head. "If anything, I'm honored to be the person you sought."
Estinien bit his lower lip. He wanted to say something, anything to make her feel better. But nothing came to mind. He sighed.
He'd been in love with her since the end of the Dragonsong War. She'd kept him company the whole time he was bedridden, and he'd learned to see her as more than just the Warrior of Light, more than his companion. And he had to admit, he fell for her pretty hard. Which was his main reason for disappearing without telling anyone before he had even fully recovered. He'd hoped to nip his feelings in the bud.
But they only became more violent. The emotions she had him go through were clashing with his reason that told him nothing would ever happen, that love wasn't for people like him, and that she'd probably never love him back anyway. He'd hoped that years of being mostly apart would change something. But it didn't. He was still as smitten as the first day.
So here he was now. Lovestruck, hanging on her every word, blindly following wherever she was going. But unable to comfort her.
She was still sobbing, and he had no idea what to do. He wouldn't ask what happened, that much was obvious; something minor must have set her off, and she was cracking under the pressure. How could he blame her? Being the Warrior of Light had never been easy, but things had escalated recently. It was too much.
"Can I sit closer?" she asked in a tiny voice.
He nodded, and her request made his heart race in his chest. Save for two occasions, when he had to peel her away from Haurchefant's body, and when he had to carry her out of the battlefield after her battle with Zenos at Ghimlyt, he'd never really been physically close to her. He'd been told she'd clung to his unconscious from as if her life depended on it, after she'd removed the Eyes from his body, but he had no recollection of it.
She shuffled to his side, sniffling. Her sobs had died down but she was still hiding her face.
"This is nice," she said after a fleeting moment. "Being by the campfire with you reminds me of our first journey together. Just, not as cold."
"It's been a while now."
"Yeah... feels like a different life sometimes. I had so much to worry about, but it was nothing compared to what's happening now."
She sighed heavily and held her knees tightly.
"Do you think I have it in me?" she asked. "To put an end to all this?"
"I've never doubted you. But... Shahr."
She looked at him with interrogative eyes.
"You're not alone in this. I know you're trying to shoulder everything by yourself. But you shouldn't."
"I know but I just... It's not in my nature to rely on others."
"I'm asking you as a friend. Please, do rely on me and my lance. I'm at your side, always."
She smiled shyly, and he felt his ears redden a little with what he'd just said.
"I wonder what I'll become when this is all over," she said.
"You can be whatever you want to be. Hell, you could start a farm or something."
"Maybe I could settle down with someone."
Feeling an icy grip on his heart, Estinien almost whimpered. The idea of her being with someone else was unbearable, painful beyond words. Yet he wanted to support her, no matter her choices.
"You could."
"... nah. I don't think it's for me. I'll probably go on another adventure or something," she finally said. "What about you, Estinien?"
"I never really thought about it. I must admit, I don't really want to make any plans for the time being."
"Let's pretend the world isn't ending, just for a little while. What would you like to do?" Shahr asked him.
He thought that was his chance. They'd seen their fair share of death and horrors recently, and it only reminded them all how fragile life could be. They could even die tomorrow for all they knew. Estinien pondered, his heart battling his reason once more. When finally, he concluded he didn't want to either live or die with regrets, he decided to make his move. Worst case scenario, she'd just... hate him, probably.
Gathering all the courage he could muster, he reached for Shahr's face, his thumbs brushing off the remnants of her tears. He slowly leaned in to her, very conscious of his slightly shaking hands. When their mouths were only an inch apart, he whispered;
"Is this alright?"
"... yes."
With a tenderness he would never have suspected, he pressed his lips to hers. Her hands reached for his shoulders, and he felt himself melt from her touch. He wrapped an arm around her, feeling how impossibly tense she was. Trying to help her relax, he pressed his lips harder against hers, and clearly felt her sigh against him. Hoping that was a good sign, he pushed her down in the grass, towering her with his much larger body. She tore her lips from his, and he thought it was over, when she reassured him with a gentle caress on cheek. Propping himself up, he locked eyes with hers.
"Estinien... what is that?" she asked.
"If you want me to stop, I..."
"No. I just don't want this to be a desperate gesture because the world is ending."
"It's not... it's more than that."
"Then please, don't stop," she murmured under her breath.
"Shahr..."
To hell with all restraints. If she wanted more, then he'd give her more. He pressed his lips against hers again, this time darting his tongue out to taste her. She parted her lips with no resistance, and he deepened the kiss, invigorated by the soft moan he elicited from her. At some point during their kiss, her hands migrated to his hair, fingers tangling delightfully with it, and she wrapped a leg around him, drawing him closer. Without even noticing what they were doing, they started rolling their hips softly against each other, and it was Shahr's low moans that brought them back to reality, and the position they were in.
"I'm sorry," she babbled as she tried to remove her leg.
But Estinien was quick enough to grab her thigh and hold their position. They both blushed slightly.
"... too much?" he asked.
"No."
"Not enough then?"
"Never enough," she answered as she kissed him again.
They drowned into the kiss, Estinien's hands now roaming her sides, Shahr's hands roaming his back, both lost to the rest of the world. She hummed as she felt his fingers curiously toy with the hem of her shirt.
"You have no idea how long I've dreamed of this," he whispered in a low voice.
"I wish we'd done something about it earlier," Shahr answered. "Because I wanted this, too."
Adding weight to her words, she sat up to remove her shirt, and immediately started fiddling with the buttons of his. In awe of what was before his eyes, he swiftly opened his shirt, popping the buttons she hadn't managed to unfasten yet. He pushed her back in the grass once more, hands going for her chest, moans spilling from her lips before he sealed them with a kiss. She wrapped her leg around him once more, tighter this time, earning herself a groan in the process; his length was pressed against her, and she could feel his hardness through their clothes.
"Estinien," she gasped as she broke the kiss. "I need you."
He didn't tell her, but he was concerned; she was much smaller than him, and he feared this might be an issue. Determined to prepare her as much as possible, he hiked her skirt up and pressed a hand between her legs, relieved to feel how warm and wet she was already. She writhed in his embrace from that simple touch, making him feel almost proud, and immensely touched, that he was the one doing this to her, putting her in that state.
He rubbed her gently through her underwear, face diving between her breasts as he did so to cover them in kisses and soft bites. Soon enough, she was quivering against him, her breathing getting labored. When her moisture eventually soaked her underwear thoroughly, Estinien pushed them aside and pressed a finger to her entrance. She tensed up slightly but relaxed as he pushed his long digit in slowly. He looked at her, curious about what she looked like when she was being pleasured; her face only showed bliss and affection, pink cheeks and glassy eyes, ears twitching. When he started pumping his finger in and out of her, she moaned and snapped her eyes shut.
"Please, look at me," he pleaded.
She obeyed with obvious embarrassment, but she still did what he wanted. Locking eyes with hers, he continued his ministrations, reveling in the emotions on her face. Feeling his finger wet enough to his liking, he pushed a second one in. He returned to pumping his now two fingers in and out, never breaking eye contact with her.
She winced a little when he pushed a third finger in, but she quickly returned to moaning softly and wiggling in his embrace. This was reassuring to him, enough that he thought this might just work.
"Estinien," she whispered. "Don't make me wait any longer."
He nodded and leaned in to kiss her while his free hand opened and pushed his pants down low enough to free his aching length. He positioned himself between her legs without breaking the kiss, and she gasped as she felt how warm and hard he was against her bare leg. She reached for his face, deepening the kiss as he pushed himself in. She winced and grimaced in pain as he did so.
"Did I hurt you?" he hastily asked.
"It's nothing," she answered. "Please, don't stop."
He hesitated, but obeyed regardless. As he tried to push further, she let out a hiss and a gasp.
"Shahr, we're not doing this if it hurts you."
"Give me some time to adjust. Please."
Estinien sighed heavily. Steadying himself on his elbows, he ran a hand through her hair, pushing her fringe back to press a kiss to her forehead.
"You can push a bit more," she whispered. "It's just been a very long time."
He shook his head. He was terrified of hurting her, but she insisted. Estinien pressed himself slowly against her entrance, and his whole head was swallowed, making her tense up and mewl in his arms.
"Are you alright?!" he said in a panic.
"I-is it in?"
"The tip is."
"Then I can definitely take you," she said with a smile.
"Please, do not make me hurt you."
"I promise I'm okay. Trust me."
He was reluctant, but she rocked her hips against his, tearing a moan from him as she took a little bit more of him inside. Thinking she would just hurt herself if she moved like that, he pushed a little more. She was smiling in his arms, but he could feel her forehead getting moist with sweat under his hand.
"Can you move?" she asked.
"I can try, but..."
"Please do then. I want to feel you."
He carefully pulled almost completely out, and slowly made his way back in. She let out a soft moan that made him believe she was okay for a second, but she was panting.
"Do it again," she pleaded. "It'll feel good in a minute."
"How can you be so sure?" he sighed.
"Estinien..."
She reached for his face and smiled gently.
"I want you. I want you so much."
"But wanting me isn't going to help with this," he said as he grabbed her hand.
"Please. I want to try."
"... alright then."
He pulled out once more and pushed back in slowly, this time managing to get more of himself in without too much difficulty. She let out a soft whimper, and he wasn't able to determine if it was a positive or negative reaction.
"More..." she whispered.
So he did it again, managing to get himself halfway in this time. His whole body shuddered.
"By the Fury, you're so tight," he groaned.
She only answered with a tilt of her head, and Estinien took the opportunity to kiss her. In the midst of it, he pulled out and back in again once. Twice. Three times. She felt more and more relaxed in his arms, and she wasn't shaking anymore. He patiently pulled out, and finally, finally pushed himself in until he was fully sheathed.
"How are you feeling?" he murmured.
"Very full," she answered. "But it's amazing."
He pressed another kiss to her forehead, making her sigh happily.
"Do you want me to move now?"
"Please."
He pulled out and pushed back in completely, relieved when he saw all traces of pain gone from her face, only replaced with pleasure. With that reassurance, he set a lazy, slow pace, strengthening his embrace on her. He wondered for a minute if she was forcing herself, or was in pain at all, but she soon started moaning and bucking against him, demanding more. And more he provided, increasing his speed slightly, making sure to roll his hips and hit all the spots that had her squirming in his arms.
She purposefully clenched her muscles around him, making him gasp and moan in turn. With a devilish smile, she managed to press her lips against his neck, kissing, sucking and biting to her heart's content. Oh, he was sure he would end up covered in marks, but he really didn't care. Estinien wasn't one to be flustered by other people's opinions. With renewed energy, he increased his pace once more, freeing himself from her hungry lips to press his mouth to hers, savoring her moans and gasps.
"Estinien..." she whispered. "I..."
"What is it, my sweet?"
She was interrupted by a long moan as he hit deep inside her. He slowed down to let her talk.
"I don't know if it's the right or wrong time to say this," she started as he gently stroked her face. "But I feel like I need to tell you."
"You can tell me anything."
He stopped completely and pulled out as she took in a sharp breath, her gaze crossing his. He thought for a split second he knew exactly what she was going to say. But he didn't want this dream to be shattered, this possibility to disappear. So he convinced himself it had nothing to do with that, and braced himself for disappointment. She must have felt how tense he suddenly got, for she gently kept caressing his face, forcing him to look at her.
"Estinien... I love you."
He just stared at her, mouth slightly ajar, dumbfounded.
"You... you do?"
"With all my heart," she confirmed with a nod. "I'm sorry if now's not the time."
"It is the right time, by the Fury," he sighed in relief as he held her tight against him.
"Are you sure?" she asked in a timid voice.
"Definitely."
He kissed her forehead once more and locked eyes with hers, relief written all over his face.
"I love you, too."
Her face lit up from his confession, obvious joy overtaking her features. She was radiant, more beautiful than he'd ever seen her before. Moved by her reaction, Estinien kissed her softly, cupping the back of her head to keep her close. When they broke the kiss, panting and shivering, he rubbed his nose against hers.
"Do you want to continue?"
"Please. However..."
She bucked her hips against him, trying to push him on his back. Given their sheer difference of size and build, and despite her strength, she failed miserably. It only made him grin as he resisted, and laughed at her annoyed face. He finally gave in, rolled onto his back, and she laid down on his torso before giving him a kiss. He tangled his hand in her thick dark hair, fingers playing with her heavy curls. She finally broke the kiss to sit on him, and grabbed his length to guide it against her.
"All good?" she asked.
"All good."
She slowly lowered herself onto him, mewling in pleasure as she took him to the hilt. Estinien grabbed her waist, helping her keep a steady pace, but quickly realized she was going faster and faster, delicious cries of pleasure filling the night. He gazed at her, her harmonious curves, her beautiful, pleasured expression, the way her hair bounced around her face, and behind her, the stars and moon, sole witnesses of their joining, shedding a breathtaking light on her.
Bringing him back to reality, she rotated her hips above him, drawing all kinds of moans and groans from his lips. But it wasn't enough for him, not yet. He strengthened his grip on her waist, encouraging her to go faster, but she resisted.
"I'm in control now," she said with a grin.
A low whine escaped him, but he nodded. Focusing on her beautiful face, he let pleasure invade him little by little. She gave him a satisfied smile before leaning back, making him gasp when she flexed her inner muscles around him. She rested her hands flat on his thighs for leverage, slowly bouncing on his throbbing length. Every time he could see himself engulfed within her, he could feel his temperature rise, his cheeks redden, and his whole body shiver.
"How is it?" she asked between two soft moans.
"You feel amazing."
"You're just trying to flatter me."
He bucked his hips against her, just to tease. She stifled a moan, and a laugh, and he thought these sounds were amazing. She undulated above him, rocking and twisting her hips, increasing her pace ever so slightly. Her sweet torture lasted a few minutes before she pressed herself against him once again, kissing the angle of his jaw before hiding her face against his throat, her labored breathing so close to his ear.
"Do you need help perhaps?" he asked.
"I could go all night."
With that, she placed both hands on his chest and started moving even faster, his whole attention on her bouncing chest now. He reached for her breasts tentatively, relieved when he saw she wasn't stopping him. He fondled her with one hand, the second one going for the small of her back, pushing down whenever she was lowering herself onto him to get the pressure he was desperately chasing.
When finally he felt she was getting tired, he flipped her onto her back, meeting her interrogative gaze with hungry eyes.
"No more games."
Before she could protest, he captured her lips with his needy ones, and started pumping in and out of her at a punishing pace. The first moments that had been so hard for them to join were long gone now; she felt tight, but so slick and welcoming, he wondered if he'd ever get enough of this. Her arms wrapped around his shoulders as she pressed her face against his throat, spilling moans and incoherent words directly into his ear. "I love you so much" was the only sentence he could make out of this endless string of moans.
His heart fluttering at those words, he embraced her and kept her close with one arm, supporting himself with the other. He thrust into her so hard he wondered if her backside, pressed against the ground, would hurt later. But he figured she wouldn't care much.
As his need increased and his release started creeping on him, he murmured sweet words of his own, and knew he was definitely doing something right as she tightened around him. Soon enough, her form started shaking in his arms, her bucking hips losing all sense of rhythm. He released his grip around her shoulders to press the small of her back against him, allowing himself to hit deeper and harder inside her. She rolled her hips in response, and he clenched his jaw, trying to hold back.
"Shahr, I'm not going to last," he whispered.
"Let go," she assured him. "I want to feel it."
Faster he went, as if that was even possible, shivering with every stroke. He cried out when she bit his ear, his every nerve shot with a mix of pain and pleasure. Her short claws raked his back, and he started panting when he heard her pleas for him to come. Inside her.
Almost choking on his own breath, he held back a moan, his last thrust enough to do him in; his whole body tensed up with the strength of his orgasm, his length twitching as he released his seed, deep into the woman he loved. Still panting ever so slightly, he pushed in a few more times before she stopped him. He rolled to the side with her, his now free arms embracing her tightly, refusing to let her go. She gently rubbed his back and hummed directly into his ears, whispering soothing words as he gradually calmed down.
"Are you okay?" she asked.
"I am. But you... you haven't..."
"Estinien, these things don't always happen," she said with a smile. "You made me feel good, that's all I need."
With this reassurance, he buried his nose into her hair, inhaling her sweet and salty scent. Their embrace lasted until they started feeling the cold bite their naked, sweaty bodies. They both sat up, ready to collect their discarded clothing, when Shahr started laughing out loud. She pointed at their filthy bodies, muddy hands having left traces all over them, their knees and back covered in dirt and slightly scratched.
"We better do something about it before we go back!" she chuckled.
"Let's just find a river nearby, we'll be fine," he answered with a soft smile.
---
They quickly found a river and bathed together, enjoying the peace and quiet. Once they felt clean enough, they both sat down on the shore, leaving their bodies some time to dry. Silence fell on them like a heavy blanket, and they weren't sure how to break it.
"What happens now?" Shahr asked after a while.
"What do you want to happen?" he answered.
She looked at him straight in the eyes, as if she could find the answer here. Estinien tried to encourage her with a smile he judged reassuring. She averted her gaze.
"I would..." she started in a tiny voice. "I would have you by my side. If you'll have me. Despite everything."
He gave her a smile so bright she almost gasped. Her heart beating in her chest like a hammer, she watched in awe as he took her hand to his lips to kiss the back of it.
"I'd be honored."
She licked her lips, and he reached for her face to bring her closer for a kiss.
"Should we go back?" she whispered against his mouth.
"I guess we should. Will you be alright?"
She nodded with a sheepish smile.
"I feel like I can take on anything now. Thank you."
"No need to thank me, my sweet."
She chuckled and kissed him. Now that she had everything she always yearned for, nothing seemed impossible. Even reclaiming their future.