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Grief wasn't an emotion that was fun to handle.
It was different for every being, ununderstandable for those who had never been through it. One may laugh through it, the other might cry. It was different.
Yet all the same.
Because it hurt.
Knowing that someone you once cared deeply about would never return- that you would never taste their food, or see them smile, hear them laugh, or heck, even miss the way they yelled at you- it hurt.
An emotion that Michelangelo now- sadly, understood.
And hated.
Ever since Splinter's passing, no one had been alright. Sure, Leo had woken up again, at least, but it wasn’t the same. All Raph did was train train train, Donnie had locked himself in his new lab, and Leo was always dead silent.
April, bless her heart, was trying to get them to warm up again, but it was useless. Mikey had a feeling the human girl was bottling her own emotions up, too. She had also witnessed Splinter's death.
Casey... poor Casey. He was trying, he was definitely trying. He seemed the most okay. This wasn't the first death he had experienced, after all, so he knew how to handle it.
That could have ended up so much worse.
But Mikey didn't know what to do.
He was the fix-it guy. He couldn't fix tech, or injuries (not as well as Donnie anyway, but he was learning) but he fixed something more important. He fixed feelings. When someone felt bad, or upset, Mikey fixed it: that's what he did. Fix things. Glue emotions and bonds back together with all the love and care he had, and make them feel better again. Sometimes, he took hours. Sometimes, mere minutes. It depended on what kind of emotions Mikey fixed.
He didn't know how to make this better.
How do you deal with grief?
All Mikey had wanted to do was cry, and cry, and cry, and hold onto all three of his brothers, his only family left, and never let go ever again. To feel Raph's unnatural warmth as he hugged him tight, or Donnie's reassuring pressure on his shell, or the way Leo would lovingly stroke his head or back, anything that felt familiar and he would know how to fix.
But those loving brothers didn't exist anymore.
They had died, the same day Splinter did.
And he wanted to cry. To fall apart, for someone to hold him and tell him that everything would be okay again.
But...
"Truly, Mikey... thank you." April smiled softly, relief obvious in her eyes as Mikey put away the final can of beans they had bought. The turtle smiled brightly, even if confused as to why she was thanking him like that.
"It's no problem, dude!"
"No, seriously." Her smile softened. "You... you're the only one who stayed... well, you. The others just... and..." she took a shaky breath, wiping at her eyes. "Thank you. Thank you."
"..." his smile fell, and he held open his arms. Her eyes watered up as she walked over, and hugged him tightly.
"No one is the same anymore." She had cried. "No one is okay and nothing is okay and the Krang-"
He had shushed her and held her tight until she had cried herself out. After a minute of silence, she had taken a shaky breath, pulled away, and let go.
"Thank you."
So no.
He was not crying. He was not falling apart. His family needed him to be the fix-it guy. More than anything right now.
That meant pulling himself together, sucking it up, acting cheerful, and smile smile smile.
His family was more important than he was. That was a well-known fact. Mikey would always put his brother's needs before his own.
The turtle took on all the chores. He would cook every meal, becoming better with the new, unfamiliar ingredients, he cleaned the house, he took care of the chickens and the garden- he did everything.
His family needed the break.
And all while doing this, he had one thought, over and over. How do I fix this?
In the living room, the youngest Hamato brother was busy with the floor, a broom in one hand, a cloth in the other, and a bowl of water on the table, yet to be used.
How many times had he cleaned the floor already? Did he care? It gave him something to do.
Some way to try and fix anything at all.
But even if he had been busy- he hadn't been busy enough to miss Casey walking down the stairs, skipping the living room, and going straight for the kitchen. Mikey paused.
...He really didn't wanna be alone right now.
"Fix him!" His instincts roared, urging him to go after the boy. "Make it better! Heal him!"
So, putting the broom away, Michelangelo silently followed the human.
"Casey?" His voice was steady, peaking inside the kitchen. Casey looked up and cocked his head to the side.
"Hm? Ya need anything, Mike?"
"You okay, dude?"
"Yeah?" Casey hummed, taking a bite of the granola bar he had been eating. Mikey took a second to observe.
None of his brothers thought he could be observant. After all, the turtle was too energetic for that. He couldn't sit still for longer than a minute and he was so- stupid.
But Mikey was observant when it came to these things. He knew where to look for the signs, and where to be careful. Which is how he immediately noticed Casey was not as okay as he claimed to be.
His shoulders were scrunched up and tense, he had small bags under his eyes and his skin looked pale. On top of that, Mikey knew Casey was a stress eater, always having a small snack on him whenever it became too much- so the granola bar he was holding didn't do him any favors.
Mikey sighed and offered a gentle smile. "Hey."
"..." the boy sighed, shoulders untensing. "Well... I could be better."
"Lay it on me, bro." The younger chirped, taking his hand and leading them both into the living room. Casey frowned.
"But weren't you busy like a minute ago?"
"That can wait." Mikey decided, shoving the broom away, before pushing his friend on top of the couch. Casey yelped, quickly falling.
"But hot chocolate first?~"
"With marshmallows?"
"You know it!"
"..."
"..."
Michelangelo took a sip of his drink. Casey had fallen silent, not sure where to begin. That's okay. The turtle gave him a minute to collect his thoughts.
"...I guess." Casey started after a minute, staring at his mug. "I'm not feeling... bad? I mean, I definitely was, but it kinda faded."
"It's still an emotion."
"Yeah." He took a sip. "It's just... everyone is miserable, man." He leaned back with a sigh. Mikey hummed.
"Yeah..."
"And it's just- a lot, ya know?" Casey continued, looking at the ceiling. "And the Krang and our families and friends back in... what's gonna happen now?"
"..."
Leo would know. Leo always knew these things.
But Leo had just woken up, and he was tired. The leader needed his rest.
What would Leo have- no. What did Casey need to hear?
"...Everyone gains their strength back, first." Mikey decided, staring in front of him. There was a mature gaze in his eyes. "And then- only then, once everyone is okay again. We... we make a plan. Go back. And we kick butt like we always do." The turtle playfully added, nudging Casey's arm. The human didn't look up.
"...What if nothing ever becomes normal again?" He softly asked. "What if Leo can never walk again? Or Raph always stays angry- heck, I'll even take Donnie, at this point, just as long as he leaves his lab... what if it's never okay again?"
...
That thought had scared Mikey more than anything.
For just a second, he was sent into a spiral. What if Casey was right, what if Casey was right-
"It will be." Mikey pressed, refusing to look at anything. "My bros are stubborn- did you see Raph? They'll... they'll pull through. They'll be fine."
"..." Casey chuckled, shaking his head. "You always know what to say, hm?"
"Comes with being the glue of the family, dude!" Mikey laughed. Casey lightly punched his arm.
"...Hey, uhm. Thanks."
"Anytime."
What if Leo never walks again?
Mikey was staring at the ceiling, tucked in bed but not able to close his eyes. Casey's questions kept echoing, over and over again.
What if Raph always stays angry?
The turtle took a shuddering breath and pressed a pillow over his head.
What if Donnie never leaves the lab?
"Stooooop..." Mikey whined, hitting the top of his pillow and head. "Stop stop stop stop."
What if they never turn to normal again?
Enough.
Mikey grumbled, getting out of bed and grabbing his bandana. At the same time, he checked the time.
3 a.m.
....Yay.
His first instinct was to search out his brothers, but that wasn't possible. They were sleeping, resting, and having a break from the world. Mikey would be selfish if he took that away from them. He wasn't a baby anymore. He could handle himself.
All he wanted was to scream and cry in any of his brother's arms, everything hurt so much- stop it, Michelangelo, you are the fix-it guy, you are the fix-it guy...
Well... he could always start breakfast. He would have an entire feast prepared by the time everyone woke up. Yeah... that's good! Cooking was something he could do. A way to fix it.
With a plan in mind, he made his way down...
...Aaaaand the TV was on. Mikey stopped in his tracks. Slowly, he changed his direction, sneaking into the living room.
In there, he saw an older episode of Space Heroes playing, with his biggest brother on the couch, looking drained, watching the TV with tired eyes. Mikey blinked.
Was he dreaming?
Leo? Watching something?? Mikey almost teared up at the sight.
But then he noticed other things. Leo's arms were shaking the tiniest bit, and he was, in fact, not watching TV. He was zoned out.
"Help him." His mind urged. "This might be your only chance. Make him better."
"...Knock knock?" Leo jumped out of his skin, head snapping up to see the youngest Hamato brother at the door, smiling unsurely. "Heeeyyy... Leo."
"...Michelangelo." was all Leo said, his shocked expression easing back to his neutral one. "What are you doing up so late?"
How much Mikey hated that neutral, uncaring tone. He took a shuddering breath.
"Could say the same to you, man." He hummed
"I asked you first?"
"..."
"Couldn't sleep." Mikey decided. It wasn't a complete lie... and perhaps, if he talked first...
"Why?"
You're such a fun person to have conversations with, bro.
"Eh." Mikey shrugged, turning around. Maybe they didn't face each other? "Wasn't doing a lot. Too much energy."
"..."
"Aaaand you?"
"..."
"Leo..." Mikey whined unhappily, clenching his fists. "Please, big bro... you know I'm here for you."
"You shouldn't be," Leo decided, leaning back. Mikey huffed in disappointment.
"Why not?" He asked, a sharp tone in his voice. "It's not like anyone is okay right now."
Now that made Leo flinch. "...Everything is fine, Mike-"
"No." Frustrated, the turtle turned around. "Fix, fix!" His head screamed. But Mikey didn't know how. How was he supposed to fix it if no one wanted to accept the problem?
"Nothing is okay, Leo!" He said, curling up to stare at his knees. "No one is okay, either! But I'm the only one trying to fix it! Ignoring how you feel doesn't make it go away!"
"Michel-"
"You know that." Deep breath in, deep breath out. "And I know you know that, Leo. No one is happy right now. And that's normal! It might be the only normal thing about us! I was so happy when you woke up because finally, something would be okay again- but now you're just like!-"
He stopped.
...
"...Like...?" Leo pressed on. Mikey took a shuddering breath.
"Like... like master Splinter."
Leo froze too. Mikey looked up hesitantly. The leader's expression was unreadable.
"...why?" He asked with a tense voice, and Mikey wanted nothing more than to disappear. So much for fixing it.
"...He was cold, Leo, and don't try to deny it." He said softly, closing his eyes. "He trained and protected us, sure- but- it's not the same as having a brother. You're so cold and silent now, and nothing like the Leo we grew up with, and- and... I miss you, ani."
When Leo said nothing, Mikey continued. "I... I miss the way we used to be. The way you used to be. Raph is always angry and Donnie never leaves the lab and you- you're not here. I want to help and make you all okay again because you always do it- and I love you. I love all of you. I'm here for you, ani. I promise."
"..."
...This was stupid. Mikey breathed too not burst into tears and got up. "...Just saying. I'm here if you need it. Goodnight-"
"Wait."
Well. His voice didn't sound empty.
Mikey looked down. He was surprised to see tears in Leo's eyes, looking at him oh so softly. Slowly, he sat down again. Leo took a moment to collect himself.
"I... just..." he took a shuddering breath. "...Nothing... nothing is okay anymore. And I... I don't know what to do."
"That's okay," Mikey said, leaning back to look up. "No one expects you to have all the answers, bro."
"But they do." The older one breathed, leaning his face into his hands. "I'm- I'm supposed to have the answers, to know what happens now- but I don't. I don't know anything anymore! I- I can't even walk-"
Mikey put a hand on his knees. Leo's breath hitched.
"Leo," Mikey said softly, moving so they could face each other. "No one- and I mean no one expects you to know what to do. We... so much happened, bro. No one could know what happens next. Not even you. We're just so happy you're back, ani..."
"Mikey." Leo choked out. Mikey shook his head, reaching for Leo's hands, and holding them tightly.
"It's okay you can't walk yet, big bro." He continued. "It's hard. You've done so much already, Leo, and we are so, so proud of you. You don't have to know everything. We can work together- we'll figure out something. Right now, we just want our Leo back. The one who loves Space Heroes always knows how to drag Don out of the lab, reads me stories, and somehow managed to set water on fire." Leo snorted at that last part, needing to cover his mouth to muffle his giggles- before he just started laughing. And laughing. And laughing.
Before he sobbed. Covered his entire face with his hands, and started crying, shaking his head.
Mikey's expression softened- and he reached over, slowly, gently, pulling his brother into a hug, letting him bury his face into his plastron. He nuzzled the top of his head, closing his eyes.
"I love you- so much, otouto." Leo gasped out, squeezing him tight. All Mikey did was kiss the top of his head.
"Love you too, Ani. We all do."
Humming to himself, Mikey finished cutting the strawberries and put them aside for later use. Then, he reached for the stove and flipped the pancakes he had been cooking.
No one was joining him for lunch... again. He stopped his movements for a second, before reaching out to grab the chocolate.
It's fine. They had important stuff to do.
But there was an improvement!
Leo said good morning when they saw each other! And ate breakfast with him! Mikey had almost cried with relief- in fact, so relieved, he hadn't been able to eat a single bite. Concerned, Leo had pointed that out, but Mikey quickly brushed it off as just being happy and promised to eat lunch instead.
He had already offered to prepare Leo lunch too, but his oldest brother quickly denied it, saying that it was a bit much at the moment. That was alright. Leo had taken a granola bar later and promised to eat if he got hungry.
Pretty happy at the moment, the youngest let the pancakes slide onto a plate, and smeared chocolate all over them, before throwing the strawberries on it too. Normally, he would have made them differently, but they didn't have the resources at the moment. That was alright.
He quickly took a picture of the food he had prepared, took it to the table, about to take a bite-...
...
His smile fell.
...This felt wrong. Slowly, he lowered his fork and just stared at the pancakes.
He... he was hungry, yeah... he had skipped breakfast, so he should be hungry and eat, right?
And yet...
The thought of eating alone made him feel nauseous, his chest tightening and his mind screaming once again.
"Don't you dare!" His brain chanted, the voice sounding scarily like Splinters. "You haven't done anything to be worthy of food! You don't deserve it!"
"..." Deep breath in, deep breath out. And he got up.
Yeah, no. He could just pretend he cooked this for someone else instead.
But who? Leo already ate, and Casey and April were out...
So that left either Raph or Donnie.
After thinking about it for a bit, Mikey chose for Donnie, took the plate, and made his way to the lab. It's not that he loved Raph any less, it was more that this was like... before. Donnie often forgot to leave the lab to eat, even before... everything, and Mikey would always come to him with a tray.
Mikey was desperate for anything to feel familiar right now.
"Donnie?" he called, knocking on the door loudly to drown out the sound of metal. Donnie was working on something again, a mask pushed over his face. However, once the orange-banded turtle knocked, he looked up, pushing back his facemask.
"Hm? Oh, Mike." Donnie turned his back to Mikey again, picking up whatever he was working on and studying it. "You need something?"
"Yeah." Mikey decided, dragging Donnie's chair away from the table. The genius yelped, quickly holding onto his seat.
"I need you to eat." He decided, pushing Donnie onto an empty table, and putting the plate with pancakes onto it. His brother frowned.
"...But I have work to do."
"Work can wait."
"No." He frowned, crossing his arms. "There's a lot to do and it can't wait. I just need coffee and-"
"When was the last time you ate, Dee?" Mikey asked. Donnie huffed.
"I ate this morning! With you and Casey!"
"...That was yesterday."
"...Oh."
"..." Sighing, Mikey kneeled to be able to face him, gently grabbing Donnie's hands. "Dee? Please? Talk to me?"
"...I just need coffee..." he sounded tired. Mikey shook his head, reaching for his bandana. Too tired to fight it, Donnie allowed him to take it off, exposing the bags he had under his eyes. Mike sighed and put the purple bandana aside.
"You need to rest." He decided. "But please eat? Even if it's just a bite? Please, Dee?"
"B-but..." Donnie stuttered. "How... how can I eat or sleep at a time like this? I... I need to... we lost so much already..."
"Donnie..."
"We need to be ready." The older decided, trying to get up again. Mikey didn't let him. "Leo... Leo can't do it. Raph can't. Let alone you. I... need to get us..."
"All you need is to take care of yourself." Mikey pressed, cupping his face. Donnie tiredly looked back. His poor brother looked exhausted.
"We have time to worry about all that later. Leo... Leo is healing. April and Case are okayish. I will talk with Raph later. Everything will be alright." He smiled. "But right now, you are my priority. All of us need to be okay, and that includes you. You've already done so much..."
"No, I didn't."
"You got Leo stable," Mikey said. "You treated all our injuries. You're always thinking. You've done so much already, bro. Please give yourself a break..."
"..." too tired to stop it, Donnie closed his eyes, a tear dripping down his face. Mikey gently wiped it away, before pulling the older into a hug. He could feel Donnie relax against him.
"...I guess a small break wouldn't hurt," he murmured after a moment. Mikey kissed the top of his head.
That had been days ago.
Mikey had managed to convince Donnie to eat and sleep, and... his two brothers had seemed better ever since. Still not great... but better. And that was enough, for now.
That left him with one more brother to take care of.
These past days, Mikey had tried to find ways to get Raph to relax- but all was useless. He prepared many meals and brought them to his room, just to see the plate pop up later, untouched. He had roamed many, many times during the night, and not once did he ever catch Raph outside. He had tried to leave him notes. Never a response.
And during all this, even if his bros were starting to become better again, Mikey just felt worse. He started feeling more lightheaded, growing tired much faster, having constant headaches, and having trouble holding things. He didn't understand why. He took care of himself, unlike his brothers, who constantly had to be reminded.
(He had thrown up breakfast this morning. The food had made him violently ill, which he didn't understand. Did he eat too much? When was the last time he ate again?)
(Surely not last night? He had spent the entire night drawing.)
Lost in thoughts, the turtle forgat he had been walking- and ran into the door. He winced, rubbing his head. "Ow..." Great. Now his headache was worse.
But when he looked out the window, he saw his brother in red, having grabbed his weapon, and losing it against a dummy. He froze.
Raph was out of his room.
...
RAPHWASOUTHISROOM-
The youngest had been about to run out and squeeze his older brother tight- but stopped himself. Raph was training. That couldn't be good. It would be even worse to interrupt him, however.
So what to do... he couldn't write a note or talk, so all that was left was-
Yes, Mikey. Thank you, Mikey.
He brightened up and quickly ran back to his room.
Holding his sketchbook and pencil case in his arms, the turtle braced himself and walked over to Raph.
He didn't make eye contact with him, even as the hothead paused his "training" to look at his brother, and instead walked over to a nearby tree, and sat down cross-legged. Mikey opened his sketchbook and looked around. What to draw...
"..." Raph huffed, having no energy to chase Mikey away, and went back to his dummy. Only once he was sure Raph was distracted did Mikey grab a pencil, and started sketching out the dummie. That was fairly easy, the dummie didn't have any details, so he was done quickly. Once done with the sketch, he started sketching out Raph. He looked up, closed one eye, and stuck his tongue out, holding his pencil next to his brother in comparison. He ignored the way his arm shook with exhaustion, and decided that he would draw the moment Raph was punching it, one arm curled around his chest while the other was hitting the Dummie in the face. He could sense the anger in Raph's anger, so he expressed that by adding more lines.
The two didn't interact, until Raph screamed, and punched the dummie harsher than before.
It fell to the ground.
The hothead was panting, staring at the dummie with wide eyes.
Before he looked at Mikey.
Mikey, as much as he wanted to, didn't react. His sketch was long finished, and he started going over it with another pencil.
...
The turtle smiled slightly when he heard Raphael walk over, and sit beside him, keeping his distance. Close enough to hug if he wanted to. But he didn’t.
"...What ya drawin'?" He asked softly, refusing to look. Mikey hummed.
"You."
"..."
"Wanna watch?"
"..." The turtle silently scooted closer, so Mikey took that as a yes.
"First, I had to sketch out a position- normally it would have been hard, but since I've drawn you bros many times so it was no problem." He smiled, tracing over the face. "Facial features are easy, really- but what I hate are hands. Why are hands always so hard to draw? You would think the hardest to draw here would be the position, or to make it look like there's movement- but nope. It's freaking hands."
Even if Raph was silent, Mikey could tell he was listening- so he continued to explain in detail what he was doing, from the hands to the shell, to the dummie to the trees, and even the grass- and as he did, coloring them in and adding more details.
"I always love drawing the mask," Mikey said, coloring the bandana red. "I can shape it however I want- and it still looks cool, just like you!"
That made Raph flinch. The turtle stopped for a minute. Before an idea popped into his mind, he smirked.
"Although, it is also a bit hard to draw the muscles in your strong arms- I think I got them right, yeah?" He continued, looking from his brother to the drawing. The other shrunk.
"Ohhh but I always have to make sure your beautiful eyes and skin don't blend- we wanna see them apart from your radiant skin, don't we? We still need room for your carapace- I love drawing the details!-"
And Mikey went on and on, voice gaining volume and hands gaining energy as he pointed out everything he could- by the end, Raph was almost as red as his bandana. Even if he was still silent. That was alright.
At some point, Raph had leaned in closer, nuzzling his head between the space of Mikey's neck and shoulder- and the youngest had to do everything in his power to not squeal. It's working!!!
But still...
"...Ya know," Mikey said, looking at the blank page next to the drawing he had almost finished. "I was thinking of drawing Leo next."
Raph tensed. Mikey continued.
"Even if he's a bit hurt- I still think he's amazing enough to draw, yeah? Cause he always comes back up."
"..." Raph snorted slightly, shaking his head. "Was this your plan all along?"
"To draw Leo?" Mikey innocently asked. Raph chuckled again- my god Mikey loved that sound.
"...You should draw him with his staff," Raph said softly, nuzzling against him. Mikey nuzzled back.
"Yeah... To show him he's still our strong br- wait a minute. Hey!" Mikey cried out, suddenly offended. Raph frowned.
"Lee and Dee are matching! Without us! Rude!"
"...you-" Raph laughed, shaking his head. "We still match our bandanas."
"But they got their staffs. We need to match something too."
"Wha- as revenge?"
"Yeah!" Nodding in determination, the turtle thought. "Bracelets? Nah, not comfy- stickers? No... they would wash off... hm... oh oh! Charms!!"
"Charms?"
"Yeah! For on our belts!" Mikey smiled, happy with this idea before he frowned. "But what kind of charms..."
"...How about a sun?"
"Hm? Why the sun?"
"...Remember what Master Splinter used to call us?"
Mikey's breath hitched. Talking about their father was... hard. But if Raph was willing...
"...Oh my shell." The turtle wheezed, hit by a flashback. Raph smiled softly.
"Sunset duo in time-out again." He chuckled. "He would say I was a bad influence on you."
"While the moonrise duo was the only sane ones?" Mikey laughed, shoulders shaking. "If he knew how wrong he was!"
"So- sun charms?"
"Yes!" Immediately hit with a bunch of ideas, Raph sat straighter, still leaning against his side, and watching his brother work with a soft smile. Mikey was all excitement, starting the sketch-
Until he dropped the pencil.
Raph frowned. "...What ya do that for?"
"...Couldn't hold it..." and there was his headache. Shaking his head, Mikey restarted his sketch.
He was exhausted.
And Mikey didn't know why.
It had been some days again, and everything was finally returning to normal. Donnie left the lab more and more and even joined breakfast and dinner, and was talking again! (Heck- he even talked to Casey. The two seemed to have set their differences aside. Mikey was glad.)
Leo was gaining his strength back, slowly being able to walk short distances without his cane, and the others helped him whenever needed. Raph was less angry, training less, and spending more time with the others. Everyone was eating together, everyone was starting to laugh...
Things were returning to normal.
And Mikey was so happy, he could cry.
(That never stopped him from skipping eating, or nightmares keeping him awake at night, or clean clean clean-)
It was afternoon. Leo and Raph were out having a walk, and Casey and April were doing groceries again (how could there be so many groceries?) And Donnie was in his lab. Mikey had just finished cleaning the living room, about to finish the kitchen. He had mopped, vacuumed, and was now cleaning the table with a cloth. He would normally hum, but his headache disagreed with him.
He had turned off the lights and closed the curtains because lights and sound made his growing headache worse.
The turtle was unaware of how dry his mouth was or how his stomach was grumbling, instead, he dipped the cloth in water and wiped the table down a final time. Geez... the room was hot. Had it always been so hot?
He breathed- why was breathing a struggle? It had been for a while... just as his limbs were shaky... and his head dizzy...
"O-oh..." Mikey had to stop, holding onto the table tightly to make sure he wouldn’t fall. Shell... why did the room have to spin? He still had so much to do.
Deep breath in, deep breath out.
He probably just needed coffee. He could get some, once he was finished.
So as quickly yet carefully as he could, the youngest finished wiping the table down and turned to the counter-
He turned too fast.
Mikey gasped when his entire body spasmed, eyes wide, vision fading fast and mind swimming, vaguely aware he was falling. In a useless attempt to keep himself up, he grabbed onto the tablecloth, sending all the silverware that had been resting on it flying with him...
*CLING!*
*CRASH!!*
Donnie, who had just put away the mechanical stuff to sketch something about his design, froze on the spot once he heard those crashes.
That couldn't be good...
After three seconds of processing, he dropped whatever invention he was working on, grabbed his staff, and ran upstairs, prepared for an attack. Okay- everyone except Mikey was out of the house. So he just needed to look for his little brother.
Being a ninja had its perks. As silently as he could so no one could hear him, he snuck upstairs.
Okay, the living room was empty. Clean. Next to the kitchen. Other than Mikey on the floor, surrounded by silverware, clean. Next to upstai-
Wait. Go back.
Donnie took a step back. His eyes widened, quickly threw his staff away and ran over.
"Mikey!" He cried out, sliding to the ground (being mindful of the glass shards) and turning the younger turtle to lay on his back. He looked really pale... "Mikey, Angelo! You gotta wake up! Mikey!"
Worriedly, Donnie tapped his cheek and shook his shoulders, but the turtle didn't wake. No...
Tentatively, with a whimper, Donnie reached for his hand, and put two fingers on his wrist. The genius held his breath.
...Until he felt a pulse.
Oh thank god.
Donatello exhaled, the tension leaving his body, never removing his hand. He frowned. "...Pulse is irregular..." he murmured to himself, letting go of Mikey's hand to pull the limp turtle into his lap. He felt... really, really warm... and his breathing was ragged...
Hold up.
Donnie looked at his arm. Then at Mikey's. His eyes widened.
Since when was Mikey this small?
His worry grew, and the genius grabbed his shell phone.
"-to keep those tubes for another couple hours. I don't wanna risk it."
"Is all this NECESSARY, Don? He looks fine now..."
"Excuse me did you SEE his arms? They're like twigs!"
"Where did you even find IV food so fast?"
"Had some prepared."
"...Why?"
"Cause obviously NONE of you know how to take care of yourselves!"
Mikey woke up to the worried voices of his brothers.
He didn't know where he was- or how he got there. Hadn't he been cleaning the kitchen? Yeah... yeah, he was. He had been moping the table.
...That doesn't sound right. Oh well. He couldn't think anyway. His muscles ached and his brain felt like mush.
Something was grabbed from his head, before something else, cold and wet was placed carefully again. The youngest whined pathetically without opening his eyes, slightly shifting his head. That was cold...
The noise in the room stopped before a hand gently cupped his cheek. "Mikey?" Leo gently asked. "You with us, bud?"
Groaning, the turtle nodded, slowly managing to open his eyes. Leo was next to the bed, in a chair. Raph and Donnie were behind him, looking equally as worried. They still smiled with relief once they saw his eyes open.
"Hey, Mike," Leo said softly, caressing the side of his face. "How are you feeling?"
"C-cold..." the youngest whimpered, tears appearing in his eyes and leaning into the touch. "Hurts..." a tear silently slipped past his cheek.
Leo's heart broke as he carefully wiped the stray tear away. "I know... I know... Don?"
"...His fever has risen." The genius announced worriedly, looking between his ill brother and oldest brother. Raph was unusually quiet as he walked over, and gently took Mikey's hand. A charm in the shape of a sun dangled on his belt. Mikey caught sight of his arm.
What were those tubes tied to his arms?
He tried to ask, but his voice didn't want to work, and he whined again. Leo shushed him quietly, very carefully looping his arms around his head, and kissing the crown of his head. "I know... just rest, otouto. We'll talk later."
"Lee..."
"Shh... I know... I know..."
"Hey, Mikey?" Donnie asked, stepping into his field of vision. "Think you can handle water?"
"Isn't it too soon, Don?"
"Don't think so. He's severely dehydrated and malnourished." Donnie explained, sitting at the end of the bed. "Although the IVs can fix malnourishment they can't fix thirst. Angelo?"
Mikey tried to think about it. Thinking was hard...
Leo gently slid an arm under his shoulder and helped him up, making the youngest whine and shiver- the cold and wet thing- apparently a cloth, slid down his head. Raph grabbed it, and put it aside, before taking the bottle from Don. "Come on, kid." He said uncharacteristically soft. "Just a few sips? You'll feel so much better and then you can get all warm and cozy afterward."
Mikey tiredly looked back at him. Gentle concern was obvious behind those eyes... great. Worrying them was the last thing he was supposed to do. He sniffled and nodded.
The second oldest sighed, and opened the bottle, not even trying to give it to Mikey and holding it against his lips, slowly tipping the bottle backward. Mikey drank slowly- and only now realized just how thirsty he had been. He gulped the rest of it down- being stopped by Raphael, who took the bottle back. He whined again, looking at him pleadingly. Raph shook his head. "Gotta slow down, bud. Don't wanna choke."
Once he was done, Leo lowered him back, and tucked him back into the blankets. Raph wet the cloth squeezed it and put it on his head again- which Mikey was not happy about.
"Get some rest, otouto," Leo said softly, gently stroking his face. Mikey looked up tearfully.
"Don't leave."
"We're here."
"..." Mikey looked over all three of them, before closing his eyes. Soothed now that all three of his brothers were with him.
"...We gotta talk,"
Oh boy.
Mikey stopped sipping the tea in his hands and looked up. Ever since he had been able to think- three days ago, he had been worried that this talk would happen.
The poor turtle had ended up sick for five days, and even though he was much better now, his brothers didn't risk it. It... hadn't been fun...
"Please Mikey, just one bite? You need to eat..." Donnie pleaded, having abandoned the bowl of soup on the counter. Mikey, who had been delirious, shook his head, crying.
"I can't." He sobbed, shaking his head and covering his face. "I- I can't."
"Do you not feel hungry, otouto?" Leo asked, gently rubbing his arm in an attempt to soothe his distressed little brother. Mikey couldn't answer, instead illfully crying about how "he hadn't done anything to deserve it" and still "had so much to fix." In the end, Donnie ended up attaching the IV tube back to his arm, as Mikey had been too out of it to try food. During all this, Raph never let go of him.
He had kinda hoped his bros would brush it off as him being sick.
"About what?" He asked innocently, trying not to appear bothered once all three of them stepped inside. Leo sat on his bed, while Raph and Donnie each sat in a chair on either side of the bed.
"About... everything," Donnie said, pointing at him. Mikey slowly set his tea aside.
"...You gotta be more specific, bro."
"..." Donnie sighed, before deciding to just spit it out. "When is the last time you slept?"
"...Last night?"
"No- before you got sick. Can you tell me you slept daily?"
"..."
"Can you tell me you ate daily?"
"..."
"Did you rest at all?"
"Donnie-" Leo tried, but then the younger shook his head.
"No- you didn't see him laying on the kitchen floor!" Donnie cried, taking a shuddering breath. "Did you see how pale his skin was? Did you see the bags under his eyes? Did you feel how light he has become-?"
"I did."
"There is nothing wrong with me!" Mike cut them both off, sounding offended. The two looked at each other before the purple brother took a shuddering breath.
"You're exhausted, Mikey." He told him gently. "You just really don't feel it, just like how I never feel how tired I get in the lab. Unlike you, I always have someone drag me out. On top of that, I had to check your vitals when you fainted- Mikey, your blood pressure and heartbeat were concerningly low."
"So I hadn't eaten enough that day? Doesn't mean I don't eat at all-"
"Mikey." Donnie pressed. "It can't get that bad unless you haven't eaten in a long while. And your weight. Don't even get me started on how light you are."
"..." Mikey looked down. Leo gently cupped his cheek and slightly tilted his head up.
"Talk to us, otouto." He said in that way of his, one that made Mikey want to do nothing more than just cuddle and sleep. Curse Leo and his oldest-brother charms. Curse him and his ability to soothe them whenever he could.
"..." Mikey shook his head, sniffling.
"Why not?" The leader asked softly. Mikey looked down.
He lowly mumbled something under his breath, too softly to be heard. "Could you repeat that?"
"...Ya'll just got better," Mikey repeated, louder this time. Raph frowned.
"What does that mean?"
"You wouldn't... talk... or eat... or do... well, anything." Mikey shrugged. "You... you just got better... I can't... bother..."
"You can't ever bother us, little brother," Raph spoke. "You know that... don't you?"
He was met with silence. The hothead paled.
Leo and Donnie blinked- before Donnie flinched back. Mikey... Mikey had been all smiles and sunshine... ever since they got here. Had... had anyone ever seen him cry? It was obvious he didn't sleep or eat or rest or-
Oh.
Oh.
"...Oh, Mikey..." Leo said oh so softly, slowly reaching forward- and pulling the smallest into a hug. Mikey froze, eyes wide, and his breath hitched.
"You could never, ever bother us, little brother," Leo said, resting his chin on the top of Mikey's head, tucking him close. "You're our little sunshine."
"But... you... you don't wanna deal with me."
Raph snorted. Donnie huffed. "Since when do we "deal with each other", Mikey? We're brothers. We're here for each other. We're here for you, just like you were here for us. That's what we do. We love you."
His breath hitched. Donnie paused, before smiling gently, reaching out and joining the hug. "I love you." He repeated, nuzzling his head with his beak. "We love you. We looooveee you."
"Dee, stop," Leo warned, even if his warm smile betrayed him. "You're gonna make him cry."
"Good!" Donnie said, resorting to kissing his head instead.
Raph slightly leaned down, grabbing his face. "Mikey. Look at me."
"N-no..."
"Why not?"
"Cause then I'll c-cry..."
"And?" He huffed, "You've seen us cry enough times these few weeks, I think."
"It's okay to cry, Mikey." Don continued. Michelangelo shook his head.
But then Leo moved away slightly and tilted his head up. Making him look into his eyes. And the dam broke.
He wailed, covering his face with his hands. Leo nuzzled him, and pulled him close, letting him bury his face into the crook of his neck. Donnie and Raph joined from both sides, trapping him in a protective, loving hug.
How long he cried for, he didn't know. What he said, he didn't know either. Because he had cried about everything. How Splinter's death affected him more than he let on, how much it hurt to see his brothers this way, how he felt like he had to do everything to make up for it, how he barely ate because he didn't deserve it, how he couldn't sleep because of nightmares-
Everything.
All he did know, is that he cried for a long, long time.
And none of his brothers let go. Not even once.
Right now, the turtle had stopped crying, tear tracks drying on his face, still slumped in the hold, tired from the show of emotion and listening to Leo's strong heartbeat. When was the last time he had got to listen to it again? Didn't matter. He liked that sound. It was nice.
One by one, the turtles slowly pulled away. Mikey whined when they did, but Leo shushed him, gently taking a bit of the blanket they were sitting on to clean his face of tears. Once he was done, he smiled the most loving smile possible and pressed a soft kiss on his cheek.
"You don't have to do everything around here," Leo whispered, caressing his head. "In fact- you don't have to do anything around here. Not for a long, long time. Your job is to rest. Understood?"
Too tired to fight it, Mikey nodded, sniffling and rubbing at his eye. Donnie placed a hand on his shoulder.
"You can always come to us whenever you need it, Mikey," Donnie said. "You were always there for us. We want to be there for you, as well. Whenever you feel tired, or don't wanna be alone, or after a nightmare- our doors are always open. And we'll go through it. Together."
"Us four against the world, remember?" Raph playfully adds, making Mikey giggle.
"Yeah..." He said, smiling. Raph affectionately patted his head.
"...Movie night?"
"Movie night."
This was nice.
They grabbed all the blankets and pillows they could find and created a nest on the floor. Mikey was in the center, cuddled against Leonardo, head tucked under Leo's chin, the leader embracing back. Raph was on his other side, leaning against his shell, sometimes patting gently. Donnie was on Leo's other side, Leo's free arm wrapped around the purple brother. Pizza boxes lay behind them on the couch along with some water, blankets tucked around all of them, Space Heroes playing on the TV, and lights off.
They had invited April and Casey to join, as well. The two humans declined, saying they didn't want to interrupt "their moment" whatever that meant.
At the moment, Mikey was bracing himself, inhaling and exhaling and close to tears, trying to find the courage to finish the yogurt April had picked for him. As much as he loved pizza, he didn't think he could stomach it at the moment. Donnie had suggested starting with lighter foods instead, thus the yogurt.
No one commented. Instead, Leo just silently rubbed his head, while Raph patted his shell gently, silently encouraging him to finish it. Donnie didn't do anything, most likely to not overwhelm him. Mikey was glad about it.
With a shuddering breath, the turtle managed to eat the final spoonful and had to cover his mouth so he didn't throw up. Tears pricked in his eyes, but he didn’t want his face to feel sticky again, so he didn't let go. Only once he was sure it was all down did he tap Leo's carapace.
Leonardo looked down, and Mikey pushed the empty cup in front of him without looking up. The oldest's took one look before he smiled softly.
"Good job... I am so, so proud of you, otouto." He praised in a soothing whisper, letting go of Donnie to grab the cup, and put it behind them. Later. Leo would clean it later.
Raph silently hummed, nuzzling Mikey's shell. Donnie smiled to himself.
"...Thank you, ani." Mikey managed to respond, nuzzling closer. God, he was tired. Leo nuzzled right back.
Even if Mikey hadn't thought he deserved it, his bros had been right. He did feel better, now that his stomach wasn't painfully empty and he actually sat down. Raph was a nice pressure on his back, Leo never stopped the soothing pets and nuzzles, and Donnie grabbed his hand, gently squeezing. It felt soothing.
For the first time in forever, he felt okay again. Maybe not great. But better.
And sure, they still had to deal with the Krang and other stuff...
But for now, in this peaceful moment, it didn't matter. None of it did. The universe was no more than just this room, with his three brothers by his side.
Soothed by the presence and soft and gentle pets from his brothers, Mikey felt peaceful enough to close his eyes.
Lulled to sleep with the knowledge that his brothers were with him. Always.