Chapter Text
kim knew this time was coming sooner or later he just wished that it was not at this time
he just returned from a gruesome mission his so called father sends him to. The child trafficking is not really what he like to deal with the lead they got was fake and of course kim was alone, it was a good thing that they were not very smart or he would have been in serious trouble. after taking care of every kid he was just about to go to his apartment to sleep or more like pass out when he received a message from kinn
"come home Porsche have an announcement to make no excuses"
Kim huffs to himself his brother, who loves everyone but wont even ask him how is he. really Kim is used to not being important he knew no one gives a fuck about him but at the times like this its just like wound in salt all over.
Kim went to his apartment to change clothes not even looking at himself once he cant look at himself right now or he'll break and it wont be pretty, he is not ready to see a soulless face right now. he have to go away before memories get to him, he knows he was blue and black all over but it cant be avoided he was used to it. the bruise will fade Kim laughed mirthlessly
even they don't want to stay with him
when he reached the major compound he can feel the headache coming why now really why now. he decided that he will just make some excuse and then run away he cant do this right now he don't wanna be here now
as he reached the door he saw big looking up at him concern written all over his face. he cant express how happy he is that big survives that day he was not ready to loose his only support in this world
big came up to him "are you alright khun Kim should we go to doctor first Chan will handle everything here"
Kim just shrugged it off only big know where he goes and that is only because if he don't return one day at least someone will know that he didn't survive at least someone will care then maybe
"be ready with car big ill be just going back to apartment" he said and went inside the dinning hall
As he reached the hall he stopped fully at the entrance everyone was here accept his father Vegas, Pete, Macau all of them looked better than before Vegas still recovering but healing well enough and Pete smiling more than before and Macau was looking happy laughing along with khun and then he saw his chay, his angel sitting with Macau looking happy and healthy than before looking as beautiful as ever and Kim cant move anymore, because he knew the moment chay will see him he will stop smiling like this. he will tense all over withdraw in himself and Kim wont have it today he know they don't want him here and he will not stay here any longer than needed
as he reaches the table he saw everyone stop doing what they were doing he didn't know why everyone was looking at mim like he was about to die any minute
"i cant stay for long i have some work to do so just tell me what is it and ill go"
"what happen to your face Kim" it was Vegas who asks him not his brothers instead they were looking at him like he disappointing them somehow
i'..
"just stop with your excuses brat, here if you finish this all by yourself you can go, no longer than before that"
tankhun said and turn back to porches who was looking at him with unreadable look but said nothing
Kim was so done with this family really all he wanted was his bed, his tears, his pain and darkness. instead he have to listen all of them laughing while his body was hurting all over but what hurts more than his injuries were porchay's attitude towards him. he know he hurts chay more than anyone but he never thought that porchay would not even look at him once.
there was never a time when he don't regret saying all those things to chay he did, he do but he never thought that it would hurt this much. he thought he was keeping him safe but he ended up being alone again.
he stopped apologizing after few months, when chay wont even acknowledge his presence preferring to stay by Macao side not even looking at him he felt like he don't even exist and it hurts so much. all his life no one ever have given him much attention last time he felt worthy enough of love was when his mother was alive but even that didn't last long.
"okay listen up guys i have a announcement to make " porches said with grin and looking at his brother who was talking to Macau
"im so happy to inform you guys that"....
"oh cmon spill the tea Porsche what do yo know" khun said with annoyance
"well im so happy to tell you guys that chay passed his interview with flying numbers"
Kim knew it of course when he found out that porchay was looking for one more chance he made sure that chay would get in and of course he passed he knows chay can do it
"and its not all..... chay wanna say the other thing now"?
porcahy looks like deer like he was clueless as the other so porches huffed and said " chay is dating someone"
everyone was congratulating chay but kim was numb the feeling of dread was setting slowly into him. he knew this day will come he knew that one day chay will found someone else. but somewhere in his dreams he thought that maybe chay would give him a chance someday.
he was living for that moment but it is gone now chay, his chay has finally moved on from whatever he felt for him. he don't need Kim any more he will have someone who will love him, make him happy and never ever let him feel that he don't deserve love,
all those things that Kim can never give him not now not ever
"why are you so quite don't you have something to say or are you just going to stare at the glass kim" kinn asked him and for the first time he looked at chay who was looking back at him the blankness on his face shows Kim that how worthless he is now but Kim smiled at him with all the last of the emotion left in him and said
"congrats porcahy/;
the look chay gave him was not what he expected the smile was big on his face "thank phi"
never Kim imagined that a smile can make him miserable but like everything that is happening to him tonight this was also something that he have to live with. the last time he will see chay today he will never ever come back here again
just as he was about to go a hand stops him again
"didn't i told you finish the bottle if you want to go"