Chapter Text
Why? That's the only word that came to my head. Why? I can only be mad at myself. I'm the reason for the outcome of that nights event. I didn't mean to. I didn't want to, but there is no excuse for what I've done. The way people look at me now, with pure disgust and envy, it makes me want to dig a hole in the ground and never come back up. Everyone keeps questioning why I did it? Supposedly Kurt and I were happy, and he didn't deserve that. Which is true, he didn't deserve it, but the more that I think about it we weren't happy, at least I wasn't. I built the last year and a half of my life surrounded by Kurt. I did everything for Kurt. I went to prom with him, transferred schools for him, supported him through everything, I fought against being Tony in West Side Story for him. I did everything to please him and gave him everything he deserved even when he didn't deserve it at all. Everyone tells me how selfish I was for breaking our relationship and how I wasn't being fair to Kurt, but in reality Kurt made a lot of selfish decisions too. None of this is an excuse for my actions, but I can't sit around and let everyone belittle me anymore.
That day I made a horrible decision. I regret it everyday. When people found out what happen, all they heard was that I cheated and that was the end of it. They got to hear Kurt's side of the story, but not mine. No one asked me what happened or why, but I can't be surprised no one even knew that I was going through a rough time.
When that guy started to message through my IG, I ignored him, but then a few weeks went by and the compliments kept going. While this random guys messages increased, Kurts decreased. A couple of days later I messaged him back. At first it was just a few harmless messages. In my head I knew that I shouldn't have went through with this, but I did. I texted Kurt, "Good Morning" and I asked him "how he's been", I even called and FaceTimed him 3 times, but no answer. I assumed he was busy with school work and stuff, but I also know that Nyada had a 3 day break and there were no classes, so I came to the conclusion that at this point he's just ignoring me. I sent one last text "Good Night" and closed out my messages. I scrolled through my IG that night and came across Kurts page. I looked through all of his post, I noticed most of them were missing, many of those included pictures of us. The only pictures I saw of us was the first couple of days of being warblers and one group photo the New Directions took together last year at nationals. It was almost like I didn't exist in his world. I tried to push the thought away, maybe he was going changing his theme or maybe he just wanted a fresh start, but I couldn't help but think that maybe he didn't want his Ohio life to mix with with current New York life. I continued to scroll through the limited post until I saw a recent one he posted a couple of hours ago. It was with a photo of him and Rachel with some other I'm guessing NYADA friends. I was going to comment on it until I saw some of the other comments. There was one guy who commented "The hottest friend I've ever had" with a winking face, Kurt replied, "I could say the same about you" with a red heart emoji. I kept reading their little back and forth until I grew sick of it. I started stalking the guys page. He was so much better than me. He was very good looking. I looked at a few of his videos of him showcasing all of his talents, he was an amazing singer. He was everything I wasn't. I looked at his IG story and saw videos of his events within the past 12 hours. They were videos of his friends hanging out, I also saw Rachel and Kurt there as well. I then came across a picture of him and Kurt. Kurt was kissing on his cheek, it was posted 30 minutes ago, that was the same amount of time since I texted him. I felt so down and insecure. Even if he didn't feel like talking, he could of at least texted me that he was busy or something, instead he blatantly ignored me the whole day, actually pretty much the whole week. I got lost in my thoughts and as soon as I know it, I fell asleep.
When I woke up the next mornings around 9:45, I saw I had a text, but it wasn't from Kurt, it was from Sam,
Sam: Heeyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! Okay so me and some of the glee kids are going bowling later tonight. You should come. I'm actually not really asking, but more as in telling you that you're coming. Ok. See you tonight! Let's say around 6:00! Okay! Byeeeeeeeeee!
At least someone appreciates me I thought.
Me: Yea totally I'll be there!
I closed my phone. I went into my bathroom and did my personal hygiene. I walked out the bathroom and picked out a outfit to get changed in. I looked at the the time 10:10, and thought about grabbing some brunch, that's when my phone buzzed and I got a text from Kurt.
Kurt: Hey I'm sorry for not responding I was helping Rachel all day practice her lines for a play shes auditioning for.
I didn't even know what to say, how could the person you love lie straight to your face. It's like I don't even follow him on social media and that I can't see everything he's doing. Also not to mention I literally have his location on, I can see what's he doing and where he is. I felt hurt. It's not like I want him to not have fun, but do you know how easy it is to say,
"Hey! Good morning I'm sorry I haven't been responding , I went out with some friends and got a little caught up, but we should talk sometime today and catch up, Love You"
like is it that fucking hard. Instead I have to be lied to when not only I, but everyone who follows you can see what you're doing. I thought about ignoring his text, just to be petty, but instead I responded.
Me: Hey, no worry love Good Morning by the way! I hope Rachel does well on her audition. Love You!
I don't why I put so much effort into things I don't receive the same energy back from. I guess I was just raised differently. My phone buzzed again, I saw a new message from my IG admirer.
Eli_TheGuy: Hey sexy, we should see each other tonight. What do you say around 6:00?
I was shocked at the message. I didn't want this to go this far. I knew what I was getting myself into by continuing to have a conversation with this guy, but he gave me everything I needed to hear, things that I wasn't hearing from the person that I needed to hear it from.
Blaine_Devon206: Hey. I appreciate all of your kind words that I've received from you, but you know that I'm still in a relationship and I think we shouldn't continue to talk to each other. Plus I have plans tonight, I'm sorry, but thanks for the offer!
Eli_TheGuy: That's okay! My offer still stands whenever you reconsider it!
I closed out the app and went out for brunch.
It was around 5:00 when Sam shot me another text.
Sam: Okay, change of plans, turns out Marley is sick and Jake went to take care of her so they are no longer coming. Also Kitty rolled her ankle during practice so, she out as well. Unique said something about the season finale of drag race comes on tonight so she will not be attending, Artie has a film festival thingy tonight, and I honestly forgot to invite Ryder, so umm yea it's just gonna be Tina, You and I tonight. Honestly we might just go to Tina's at 9:00 and watch a movie, we can stay the night since it's the weekend, but ummmm yea hope you can make it! I have a whole lineup of impressions I've been working on. You're gonna love it !
Me: Oh no, well it's fine I'm pretty sure the 3 of us will have a great time.
Now that the original plans are canceled I have about 4 hours till I have to be at Tina's place, I should call Kurt. The first time the phone rung, there was no answer. The second time, the same thing, The third time it went straight to voicemail. I was going to let it go, it was pretty obvious that he was doing something, but of course being me I tried one more time. This time it picked up.
"Hello?" A voice said, I didn't recognize it. I also heard loud music playing in the background.
"Um hello, Kurt?" I said back.
"Ha, um no this isn't Kurt. I'm Joshua one of Kurts friends. You must be the boyfriend, you know you text quite a lot!" He said.
Why does he even have Kurt's phone.
"Oh well, Hi! Im Blaine, but can I ask where Kurt is I would like to talk with him?" I said annoyed.
"Oh, he's a little busy I can get him for you though, HEY KURTIE! YOUR BOYFRIEND IS CALLING!" He yelled.
Wait a minute Kurtie? I don't even call him that. Who even is this guy?
"What?" I heard Kurt say on the other half of the line.
"I said your boyfriend is calling, you know the one who called you like 3 times already." The guy said.
"Is it an emergency? Just tell him I'm busy or something if not, I don't wanna talk right now."
He said annoyed.
My heart broke a little hearing that.
"This is why I didn't come to college tied down." I heard another voice say over the music.
"I really just want to have fun tonight just tell him I'm studying or something, I'll text or call him whenever."
"Um hey, sorry dude but he's a little busy right now, he has a big test coming up, he said he'll call you back." The guy said.
"O-oh ok" I tried to say without my voice breaking.
I was going to say bye, but the line went dead before I even got the chance to. At this point I'm convinced that Kurt wants nothing to do with me. Ever since he moved to New York, he's been distant. It's always the same excuse as to why he can't talk, but tonight I'm over the excuses. To hear him say that and to know that he doesn't care just kills me. I would probably have to die in order for him to even care about me. I wasn't even texting him that much, it was the usual "Good Morning" and "Good Nights" and "How's your day?" everyday, just with no responses. I felt so alone in that moment. My mind raced like crazy thinking of all the outcomes of our relationship. I then remembered about Eli and his offer. Maybe it was a friendly offer and not a sexual one. At this point it didn't even matter because all I wanted was to be loved and appreciated. I opened up IG again and typed him a message.
Blaine_Devon206: What are the plans?
Eli_TheGuy: We could go to this party I got invited to. It's on the outskirts of Lima, some huge mansion with a pool!
Blaine_Devon206: What's the address?
I went back into my closet and picked out an outfit. I didn't know anybody who would be go to this party and my usual style of clothing is a little different in some taste so I found the most basic outfits in my closet to put on. I found a charcoal grey shirt and some dark denim jeans with black vans. I left out all my usual accessories and decided on not putting any gel in my hair, as I didn't feel up to it and didn't really want to be recognized by anyone who could possibly be there. I set my gps and started the long short drive to the mansion. Once I arrived, I texted Eli that I was here waiting for him. Shortly after I heard someone yell my name, I turned around to see Eli. He looked exactly like his picture. I breathed out a sigh of relief that I wasn't catfished or tricked into some abandoned warehouse.
"Hey!" He said, holding out his arms for what I suppose was a hug. I gave in hugging him back.
"Hey." I said nervously.
"Ready to go in" he said. I nodded.
We made our way into the mansion, full of crowded drunk people. The smell of 50 different alcohols filled the air. We danced for a about a couple of hours. Eli walked away to get me a drink. I continued to sway to the beat of the music, while waiting for his return. When he came back with my drink I instantly gulped it down, no hesitation. He looked strangely at me with a smirk for a bit.
"What?" I asked giggling a bit.
"Nothing." He said with the same smirk on his face.
We continued to dance for another amount of minutes. I never felt so free before. That feeling quickly went away as I started to feel a little dizzy. My vision became a little blurry. I stumbled out the crowded room out into the backyard where the pool was filled with mindless bodies to get some fresh air. I had no control over my body when it kept walking in any direction it wanted to go. My vision just kept swirling around and my feet felt like I was floating on air. I couldn't control myself when I fell right into the pool. I started to panic as the water surrounded me. I was trying to swim up for air, but I kept getting dragged down. What after feels like minutes of me slowly drowning. A pair muscular arms pull me up.
"HEY!!! You ok?" A voice ask.
My ears were filled with water and I could barely hear, I could smell the alcohol from their breath, my vision cleared a bit and I saw the familiar face of Eli clinging on to my soaking body. I nodded my head slowly still unsure of what the fuck just happened.
"Let's dry you off" he said.
He takes me through the blinding lights of the mansion, I feel incoherent as I'm practically being dragged to where ever he's taking me. He settles me down in a small guest room and hands me a towel.
"T-Thanks" I managed to say.
"Hey, no problem, let's get you out of these wet clothes" he says as he starts to undress me.
I liked the way he cared for me, it felt different, but also a little off. He continues to strip me down, but stops when I'm left in my boxers. I look up at him, his eyes were dark and filled with greed and lust. I started to feel uncomfortable.
"I-I-Is there any spare clothes in here?" I ask trembling.
He didn't respond instead he started to attack my neck with kisses. At first I thought I was enjoying it, it was everything that I was missing, but I was still a little lost on everything that was happening. My mind went to Kurt and my brain snapped a little. I could barely hear, see, or feel anything. I couldn't even think of what to do in this moment. I tried to push him off, but he kept pinning me down.
"C-Can we not do this, please! You know-"
"Shhh" he cut me off.
Silent tears fell from my eyes as I had no strength to get him off. As he continued to kiss me, he reached for the top of my boxers and pull them down. That's when my mind woke up. I knew this wasn't right at all and I squirmed away from him as he started touching me. I heard my phone buzzing. I tried to reach for it, but he threw it across the room. I couldn't scream for help because I could barely even talk. I thought of ways to get him off and I when my mind thought of something I went for it. I bit his ear hard, roughly tugging it away from his head.
"Auuhhhahh" he screamed.
I tried to run away, but he slapped me before I got the chance. Luckily from the outside someone heard the commotion as they busy through door telling us to keep it down. Unfortunately it was someone I least expected to be. Puck. I quickly covered myself as I was literally naked.
"HEY WHAT THE FUCK?" He screamed. "WHY ARE YOU- YOU'RE CHEATING ON KURT.....WITH MY BEST FRIEND?" he eyes went dark.
"N-No I didn't, oh don't under-" I trembled
"Dude I had no idea he had a boyfriend, I didn't even know who he was." Eli said with a look of disgust on his face.
"He practically came on to me." He said.
I was in disbelief.
"That's not true we've been texting-" I tried to say.
"So Kurt leaves and now your texting other guys? Wow!" Puck says also with a look of disgust on his face. "Didn't I tell you not to hurt my boy Kurt and now look at you! " he glared at me.
"This is what you get for hurting him!" He spit out as he slapped me across the face pushing me off the bed.
"Come on Elijah let's get out of here!" Puck said as he turn to walk out the door.
"Yea let's go" Eli started to walk out to, but not before snapping a pic of me.
I just sat there and cried. I felt so embarrassed and played, and I was still so lost on everything that was happening. I grabbed my clothes, viciously putting them on and grab my phone. I bolted out of the room, bumping into random people as I ran out of the door towards my car. I got in and just sat in there for about 5 minutes before I just completely broke down. How did everything get so fucked up? I sobbed for a good 10 minutes, trying to control my breathing from reaching up to a panic attack. Once I calmed down I skipped past all my notifications to call Kurt, completely forgetting about what happened earlier. I tried 3 times, but still no answer. My phone buzzed as I got a text from Sam.
Sam: Hey dude! Where are you at? There is a Harry Potter Marathon happening right now and you should be here. I got some butter beer waiting for you! Just kidding.....it's just regular beer.... but anyways get your ass over here now!!!!!!!
I looked at the time it was 9:15. Shit. I texted him back.
Me: Sorry, be there soon.
I started the silent drive towards Tina's house. I arrived at 9:50. I walked to the front door and knocked.
"Heyyyy, ohhhh dude what happened to you? Looks like you got into a fight." Sam exclaimed.
"BLAINEY- DAYS! OH MY GOD! are you ok?" Tina ask worried.
"Yea I just u-um woke up that's all, uhh let's watch some Harry Potter!" I tried my best to say happily. I walked right past them and grabbed a beer sitting in the table. I sat on the couch and watch the movie marathon completely ignoring there looks of worry.
Time went on and I sat there not even paying attention to the movie instead I was replaying the nights events over in my head. I must off blanked out for a while because Sam paused the movie and looked over at me.
"Okay dude! What the fucks up? You've been acting all down since you got here, and sorry to mention it, but you kinda look like shit! Did you Kurt breakup or something?" Sam said tense.
"Wait did you guys?" Tina joined in.
I couldn't control my emotions as the tears just poured out my face. I cried for what seemed like hours while Sam and Tina comforted me while shooting each other confused looks.
"I think I cheated on Kurt!" I blurted out.
"What!?" They both said shocked.
"I don't even know what happened I just....it just....happened I can't even think!" I said emotionally.
"I can't believe you did this to Kurt, I can't believe you did this to KURT!" Tina yelled.
"Tina I-" I tried to explain myself, but got cut off.
"No don't, why would you do that to him, I can't believe you! I looked up to your relationship and now you just ruined it" she said angrily.
"Tina you don't even know what happen-" Sam tried to speak.
"No it doesn't matter, all that matter is you did it and now..... I- ughhhh what the hell Blaine!"Tina yelled again
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, he just-" I tried to speak again.
"No it doesn't matter, sorry doesn't cut it and neither will your excuses, I think you should leave." She said.
"TINA!" Sam yelled.
"Are you gonna defend him?" She asked
"I- I mean no, but we don't know what hap-" Sam tried to speak again.
"It doesn't matter Sam, Blaine please leave." She said calmly.
My eyes were tearful as I got up, I look at Tina who sent me a glare, I winced, I then look at Sam who sent me a apologetic look. I walked out to my car and drove home silently feeling the guilt diffuse within me. Once I got home I walked right in not even noticing my parents looking at me as I walked in way past curfew.
"Hey Blaine, where were you? Me and your mother were worried about you!" My father said
"Hey Blaine? Blaine!" He tried again but I just kept walking.
"Blaine sweetheart are you ok?" My mother asked as I continued to walk up the stairs. My parents sent each other a concerned looked.
I walked into my room and just stared at the picture of Kurt and I on my nightstand. I felt tears run my face as I thought of my actions tonight. Why? I asked myself. I heard a knock on the door.
"Blaine? Honey, what's going on?" My mother asked calmly. I look at her with my tearful eyes and just started sobbing into her chest. She started to rub my back and whisper comforting things to me as I broke down in front of her. I was unaware of my dads presence as he stood at my door way shocked of the sight in front of him.
"Blaine what happened honey?" My mom asked as she led us to sit on my bed.
"I- I cheated on K-K-Kurt." I said as I held back a sob.
"What happened Blaine?" My father asked sitting down next to me.
"I was alone. Kurt never texts me back, I honestly think he doesn't c-care about me anymore. I tried calling him, but he doesn't want to be bother with me. This guy started to message me on IG"
My parents looked at me confused.
"Instagram." I informed them and they nodded their heads with the new information.
"Well he started to be flirty with me and kept messaging me, at first I ignored him and I told him I had a boyfriend, he accepted that, but continued to message me in a more friendly way I guess. I gave in after a couple of weeks since Kurt started to text me less. Well today he invited me to go to this party with him, I told him I wouldn't because I had plans and a boyfriend, but then the plans got rearranged so I went. We had a good time at first, but after the first drink he gave me I felt funny, I went to get some air and I fell into the pool. He got me out and took me to the guest bedroom. That's where he started to undress me." I let out a quiet sob. My father tensed up as he heard this information come out of my mouth. "I thought he was being nice at first, but then he started to kiss me and at first I enjoyed it a little because I missed that type of interaction, but then he completely undressed me and started to touch me" I started to sob again. My mother continued to rub on my back, while my father looked tense and angry. " I told him that I didn't want to. but he kept going. I tried to fight him, but I was out of it, I think I remember biting him and he screamed, but then he slapped me." My mother gasped looking at my face for any marks. "I tried to run away, but he pinned me and that's when his friend walked in. He's a friend of Kurt and I and all he saw was me with another guy that's not Kurt and he lost it. He started to yell at me and he as well slapped me. They both left, but the guy took a picture of me practically naked." I started to breakdown again my mom hugging me so tightly telling me that it wasn't my fault and that I was assaulted. My dad on the other hand was very angry.
"What's the guys name?" He asked through gritted teeth.
"Dad no it's fine I deserve it-" I tried to speak.
"WHATS HIS NAME BLAINE!" He yelled trying to get me to give out more information.
"Dale let's just let him rest, please he's been through so much we can talk about this in the morning ok." My mom tried to reason with him.
"Fine. In the morning." My dad said a little more calm.
He patted my shoulder and walked out the room, calling someone on his phone.
"Ok sweetheart, if you need anything please don't hesitate to come get one of us ok B, get some rest hun." My mother said as she closed the door.
I turned off my light. I tried to call Kurt but it went straight to voicemail. I cried myself to sleep that night.