Chapter Text
Damian stared at himself in the mirror.
He looked awful.
His hair was a greasy mess that was sticking all over the place. His face was losing his usual brown color, instead replacing it with a pale version of what was there before. His bags under his eyes were only getting bigger.
He looked like shit.
But
He couldn't bring himself to do anything about it.
He left the mirror to go back to his bed.
A place he was always welcomed. A place that he could let himself go. A place that only sunk him deeper and deeper into a worse state.
His bed was like a toxic lover that would constantly bring him sadness, but one that he would stay for the good moments when everyone else left. He was making his way to his bed when he heard a knock at the door.
"Dami?"
It was Grayson.
Of course it was.
The only person who loved him since the beginning. The only one who loved him after knowing him.
Or at least pretended to.
"Can I come in?"
Oh right he almost forgot.
He walked to the door. He froze as he was twisting the door knob.
He doesn't-
What?
He stopped himself. What was he going to think?
Why doesn't he want Grayson here?
He has nothing to hide.
Is it because of how he looks? Is it because he doesn't want his mentor to see him in such a state? That was probably it. I mean what else could it be?
He opened the door to find Grayson fidgeting with his hands. His body language was showing that he was nervous.
"Oh hey Dami how are you doing?" Grayson said as he opened his hands, almost as if he was surprised that Damian was there. Despite the fact that this was his room and Grayson was the one who came to him.
"Fine."
He internally cringed at how his voice sounded.
It was raspy and sounded as he was frightened.
"That's good to hear lil D. Say how's it sound to go out somewhere? We could go anywhere you'd like."
He did not at all want to go anywhere.
All he wanted to do was go back to bed and stare at a random spot in his room.
"We don't have to go far! We don't even have to go right now, i was just saying for like in general!" He said with a nervous smile.
"Um I'll suppose I'll think about it"
"Great! Tell me when evere! You know where to find me!"
Before he could say anything else Richard was already leaving down the hall.
Guess that leaves him all to himself.
—
He awoke suddenly at midnight. Or was it 2 in the morning? Damian couldn't tell.
He was feeling confusion before it quickly shifted into fear. He didn't know why but he was terrified. Everything in his body was screaming, yelling at him to do something. But he didn't know what to do.
He was terrified and in shock.
His body began to tremble.
He began to hear voices.
The voices were hushed whispers at first. But then they began to get louder. They went from whispers to murmurs to then full on discussions right next to him.
But no matter how louder they got he still couldn't understand them.
That is until he heard his name.
The first time he heard his name it wasn't clear. The second was like a far away whisper. The third was the same but this time it was no longer a whisper. This kept going until he heard different people saying his name.
Though the people saying them weren't clear at first, they were once the voices got louder. It was clear that they were the voices of his family members.
Once he figured it out he began to understand their words.
And he didn't want to know what they were saying any more.
Even though he was trained against this he couldn't help but let tears trickle down his face.
He sobbed and sobbed.
At one point he sobbed for someone but he couldn't recall who. He thinks it was just anyone at that point.
He wished someone was there for him
Someone like Grayson.
Why did he push him away earlier?
He wished he hadn't. He wished this would end. He wished he knew why this personal hell for him was created.
Expect
He knew why.
It was created for him. Meaning it was his own fault he was here. And it was his own fault for pushing away the only thing that could help him.
He continued to sobb until he passed out.
—
He awoke the next morning with a dirty face from the night before. The dried up tears felt crusty and uncomfortable. His mouth was dry from the sobbing and crying out for someone to save him.
It was pathetic.
He hated that he was just laying in bed and not doing anything with his life.
But he couldn't bother getting up.
So he instead opted for looking up at the ceiling.
He didn't know what time it was when he heard a knock at the door. He didn't care either. Whoever they were weren't more important than what he was doing currently.
Which was nothing.
Another series of knocks. This time accompanied with low, hushed whispers.
"Ahem"
"Damian?"
Grayson?
What was he doing here again? He was here yesterday. Why does he have to bother him again? And with more people this time.
He knows he shouldn't be this negative with his feeling towards someone who has been nothing but kind to him, but he couldn't help but feel this way.
He just wanted to be left alone was that so wrong?
"We know you're in there brat"
The voice was scolded by what he thinks to be Grayson as he's the only one who stands up for him
And here he was wishing he would just go away.
"What Jason meant to say was that we know you're in your room and we would like to talk to you if that's ok with you"
What should he say? Should he even respond? It's no use trying to hide, they already said they know about his whereabouts.
'Well if they know where I am then there's no use in talking to them' Damian thought as he rolled over into his bedsheets.
"Let him be if Damian doesn't want to talk to us we shouldn't force him"
Drake.
Of course he would rather be anywhere else but here.
Could he blame him though?
He wouldn't want to be around him either.
"No. We can't leave him like this when he's clearly struggling"
Why was Grayson still trying? He just wanted to be left alone, there was nothing more to that!
"Yeah but if the little demon doesn't want us to help we can't do anything about it"
Thank Ra for Todd. Someone who understood that he wants to be left alone so they should do such.
"Yes but we seriously can't just leave him alone like this! I mean he hasn't been out of his room for weeks!"
What.
Weeks?
What is Grayson talking about? It hasn't been weeks since he talked to him. He just talked to him yesterday. How could it be weeks?
"Look I understand you want to help but what else can we do. We can't forced him to let us help him"
He takes back whatever nice thing he said about Todd. He doesn't need help and Todd should just shut his mouth.
"No I just- We can't leave him here like this!"
Why can't they just leave him alone?
He didn't ask them for their pity.
In fact all he asks is for them to leave him alone.
He was starting to get angry. He knows he shouldn't. He knows they're just trying to help deep down.
But in the surface all he feels is anger that they won't listen to him and leave him alone like they always did.
"Lil D?"
He felt something caress his hair behind his ear.
When did Grayson arrive here?
He hadn't even heard the door open. He even thought the door was locked.
Though that wouldn't really help in a house full of vigilantes.
"Good morning. I know you're tired but could you please get up for me?
Please"
Why did Grayson sound so…
Sad?
Desperate?
Was it because of him?
Of course it was. Who else could it be? He was right here and Grayson was talking to him, is he an idiot? Of course the favorite son would want to keep up good appearances.
He should just give up and say that he was beyond saving. Everyone would believe him.
Or
No one would care.
Either way it would benefit everyone.
"Listen I know it's a lot to get up right now but how's it sound to have a nice well made breakfast by Alfred? We would all eat together and we could go somewhere, anywhere! You'd like"
Grayson was too hopeful.
He hated it.
He heard a sigh coming from Grayson followed by the sound of him getting up from Damian's bed.
Good.
He should leave.
Just like he wanted.
—
He awoke at midnight.
This felt like a very familiar situation to a previous night.
Though this time he got up from his bed.
He felt dizzy as he hadn't really gotten up in a while. But when his head cleared he had an idea.
It was a great idea. A brilliant idea. The beast one he had ever had in fact!
It would solve not only his, but everyone else's problem.
He would run away.
Not only that he would run away straight into the ocean. Where no one would find him.
Wait
He can't run there they would know that's the first place he would go. Plus they got connections there so that wouldn't work.
He could go to the league?
No, what is he stupid? He can't go back to the league; they wouldn't want him back.
He has to go somewhere where they can't find him.
A place they can't bring him back from.
He knew a place but he would have to compromise one of the requirements.
That was fine.
After all, what good does it do if they find him? There wouldn't be enough left for them to revive him.