Chapter 1: Big Wheels Keep On Turning
Chapter Text
If someone had asked Colin what his last twenty-four hours were like he'd respond with one word and one word alone: hell.
It wasn't the fact that he had gotten engaged two days ago or that he asked his fiancé, the stunningly brilliant journalist (does Colin have a type or what?) and entertainment lawyer Lydia to be his bride, it was more of the fact that he conveniently forgot while picking out rings and creating his perfect life that he still had ties back down South in the one place he hoped to escape and erase from his mind.
Mayfair.
Which was exacerbated last night when Lydia's father, the righteous Devin McLaren saw the band on his daughter's finger, grabbed Colin's hand and demanded quite loudly to know if they were engaged. Which then called a stir in the headlines and a couple of other indescribable emotions running through Colin, foremost of them being panic.
What his new bride didn't know was that he was still married, which brought him to the here and now. He had taken a plane and was driving in the balmy weather, sweating and regretting the last twelve years of his life.
For ten of them he'd been traveling, enjoying life and finally feeling like the man he wanted to be. Then he'd returned to Mayfair one day to find his wife packed up, cleaned out and left him a note saying she was staying with her horrid mother.
Colin didn't see a reason to stay; he really only married her so she would be around when he came back. If she wasn't going to be around, he wasn't either. He hadn't seen her in the two years since that incident.
Oh well, best to get this Band-Aid ripped off and completely forget about this, he told himself as he got a call on his phone.
"Hey Will. What's going on?"
"Don't you "hello" me." His friend laughed. "Why did I have to read about your engagement in the Society 6 papers?"
Colin laughed "Did you actually read them in the papers?"
Will snorted a bit, and Colin heard a couple people talking in the background. He must be at his bar, Colin thought. "No." Will said, "but Alice reads the papers and she told me. She is very mad at you sir."
"Well tell Alice I meant to tell you guys, but I was going to do it at a later date."
"Later than all of London knowing?" Alice asked in the background
"Yes." Colin said, "that was a mistake on my part."
Will laughed over the phone line. “I’m the first mate you met from London and you didn’t bother to mention it to me. Guess who isn’t getting a best man speech.”
Colin laughed nervously, unsure of what to say. If he ever got married again, he had thought to ask one of his brothers but that clearly wouldn't be an option. He wiped the sweat off his hands on to his tan trousers. “You haven’t met Lydia’s father. The man was blue in the face. His voice was booming when he saw the engagement ring. What was I supposed to do, lie?”
“That’s a start.” Will chuckled, his voice deep as he heard the clink of glass twinkling beside each other. Colin could see Will now, wiping down the bar at his upscale home-friendly bar. Reservations to gamble and eat at his establishment went back months but he always saved a good table for Colin..and Lydia.
He played with the engagement band on his finger, opening the window of his Corvette and regretting it. It was stifling hot and it felt like the claws of Mayfair's society were pushing back on him, reminding him that he’d never amounted to anything but to be the charming third Bridgerton son who ran away from his problems. But, no. Colin wasn’t that boy any more. His next task was rectifying a regrettable mistake. He’d tried to fix it years ago and just left again.
Shit! He was sweating on his italian leather.
“All I’m saying is I’m happy for you. One woman for the rest of your life can change a man.”
“You had better mean for the better.” He heard Alice say somewhere in the distance. Will chuckled. “It is. Hey, listen Alice and I would love to celebrate your upcoming nuptials if you're free tonight. Dinners on us.”
Colin wanted to say yes with every fiber of his being yet, “I can't. I’m…. in Mayfair.”
“Shit. Mayfair, Mayfair?”
“That’s the one.” Colin sighed, turning down the familiar street, his mind and body shrinking back to the boy he used to be. When he’d married his wife, he was young and dumb and wanted to have someone waiting for him whenever he got home from his travels. He didn’t think it would last ten years, he certainly didn’t think that it would culminate in her staying with her mother and him packing his bags for good.
Back then, Colin hadn't known what he wanted but as a man he does now. Now he’d like to have a partner in his wife, not a subservient woman who’d cater to his every whim. Gods, he thought, rolling his car to a stop at the quaint one story house with the pale yellow shutters and the wrap around porch.
This had always been her dream, not his. Couldn’t she see that he was suffocating here? She added to his feeling of strangulation and he just needed to get away. The urge to put his car in reverse and leave right now was strong but that wouldn't help his dilemma at all.
“Colin. Are you still there man?” Will called.
“Yeah, but not for long.” Before Will could decipher what he meant Colin ended the call. He didn’t want Will to hear the carnage that could ensue.
A small orange tabby sleeping on the railing opened its eye then another before stretching to the maximum. Lady Whist, his wife's cat glared at him, her tail swishing dangerously. Somethings never change, he thought bitterly, catching the way the light flashed on his ring.
Right, she couldn’t know he was engaged, not yet anyway. Colin got out the car, noticing for the first time a shed with frilly curtains and a table sitting outside. He doesn’t remember that at all. In fact it said Lady Whist on it which he could only assume was some strange homage to her fussy cat.
Lady W hissed at him repeatedly, her nails coming out to swipe angrily at him before he got to the steps. Colin paused, he knew Lady W disliked him but he didn’t remember this vitriol and distrust. Had his wife brainwashed her to hate him?
The front door opened as Penelope came out wrapped in a dull gray knit sweater. “Come now girl. We don’t hiss at strangers.” She chided coming to pet her cat before her eyes landed on Colin's.
It was the first time in two years since he'd seen the supposed love of his life and Colin could admit that she'd become more attractive in her older years. She had to be twenty-nine, maybe thirty by now. No matter, when her blue eyes met his green ones he saw the challenge and verbal foreplay and all the arguments she held against him sitting on the tip of her tongue.
Penelope thought she was the only one who knew her spouse but Colin could read the red-head just as well. Which is why they never worked. She knew when he was lying (which was often) and he knew how to make things worse by leaving.
“On the other hand, some guests are unwanted.” She came to lean on the porch railing. “What can I do for you sir? You seem like you’re a long way from home.”
He hated her grin, the way she was calm for once. The Penelope he knew swooned in his presence and made concessions. Yet the Pen he knew was years ago, she was different now, a lot more self assured. It infuriated him. Why hadn’t she signed the divorce papers yet?
“You could get off your high horse to come and sign these divorce papers.” He told her, hearing the commanding tone slipping back in. Damn her. With just a small smirk and a flip of her hair she’d already brought him back to their former lives.
Penelope smirked and looked him in the eyes. He didn't know where her new found confidence came from but he didn't like it. Never one to back down from a challenge, he and she had a stare down. Then her eyes opened shifting over to somewhere past him. Colin went to check as well but the mug of tea he hadn’t noticed dropped from her hand before chipping and clunking down the stairs. She looked in horror at the mug then at Colin.
What was that reaction? He pondered as she descended the stairs to pick up the mug. Colin waited until Penelope got back up on her feet, her body closer to his than it had been in 12 years. “You’re kidding me.” she scoffed, finally looking him over.
“You know me, always the jokester.” he said darkly, placing both hands in his pockets.
“That I do, or at least I thought I did. But I guess this is the way clowns operate.” she shrugged her shoulders, adjusting her sweater to wrap closer around her.
Colin couldn't believe it. He went away to find himself so he could be a better husband for her. Somehow he was the clown, when all along she kept wishing for more out of their marriage of convenience than they had previously agreed upon.
“Just sign the papers, Pen. I’ve got a plane to catch.”
He went to get the divorce papers from the passenger seat, easily hearing Penelope's muttered “ you always do .” under her breath. His fist tightened about the papers telling himself to breathe. This would be over before he knew it. That was all.
Colin procured the documentation, pulling it from the parchment and holding it up. “I even made it easier for you since you like to write and all. There are bright colored sticky tabs waiting for your signature.”
He held up the rest “This is one copy for me, one copy for you and one for the lawyers. Oh and don't worry about scrolling to the end, this ones got the finale written on the header.”
Penelope scoffed, folding her arms across her chest. Looking upset at his presence. What did she think he was going to say? She wasn't his wife. She didn’t know him anymore.
“What? Cat got your tongue.”
At that moment Lady Whist jumped from her position coming to hiss as Colin while standing in front of Penelope.
“What the hell?”
Penelope glared at him. “I could say the same thing. You show up here after two years, out of the blue without so much as a ‘hey Penelope it's your husband of twelves years. Remember me, Colin Bridgerton? Or a ‘Hi honey, looking good. How's your family? Since we both know you didn't consider them apart of your own.”
"Do you mean my family or yours, Pen?"
"Both. Either. Anything to acknowledge that you did have people to lean on."
“Do you expect me to lie to you?”
“I expected you to accept me, flaws and all. Isn't that why we got hitched?” She sneered.
“We got together because your mother had squandered her money away and she nearly sold you like a child bride.”
He hadn’t expected the slap. Nor the burning tears that came after out of Penelope's eyes. She wiped them away aggressively, stepping back as Lady W continued to paw near Colin's feet.
“I was always a charity case to you Colin. Nothing more.”
“No, but you and I both know what we were when we got married.”
“Is that supposed to be funny? Some humorless joke?” She hissed.
“No, but I bet the other girls I know would think it's funny.”
“Right, because you have to be the center of attention no matter where you are. I bet that's what you still are, right? In whatever sparkly city you've hidden yourself away in.”
Colin looked at her. “You knew where I was yet I see no indication that you missed me, at all!”
“I missed you. The same way you missed my fathers death because you were declared unknown in the Grecian Islands or your nieces and nephews birthday parties where I had to send my regrets. Let's not forget the way I missed my mother having a heart attack because I stupidly believed you when you said you'd be home for Christmas. Is that what I was supposed to miss? That's not including the other countless things that I had to pretend to be happy for since you weren't around to give a fuck!”
Colin was tired. It was true he hadn’t been in communication with his siblings or his mother but it was for the best. Being one of eight was no fun. It was medieval and it was most of all suffocating. So he cut ties everywhere and eventually everyone got the message. His mother Violet still sent him care packages and postcards but even she had stopped trying so hard after a year.
“They were my family Pen.” he yelled, balling up the papers. “Mine! You only married into it because you wanted to fill an empty space. It's’ not my fault it didn't work. It's not my fault I didn't live up to your childhood fantasy.”
She scoffed. “That fantasy died out a long time ago.” Her voice was like steel when she finally spoke. “Just disappear again Colin like you always do.”
“Why are you the victim here Pen? Huh?” he asked. “Do you think I came here to play a game or be the hero in those romance novels that you loved to read? No! I have been trying to get this done for some time now but you keep sending them back. Do you know how much a lawyer costs per hour in London Pen?”
“350£ an hour and I know what you are doing. You never even had the decency to ask for a divorce to my face. I deserved that much after all this time.”
Lady Whist continued to hiss, actually swiping at Colin's legs as he walked closer to Penelope. The cat nicked him in his hamstring where he glared down at the orange tabby. “Stop that Lady W.”
“Stop it Felicity.”
Felicity?
Colin looked up at Penelope. Was this not her cat?
“What happened to Lady W?”
Penelope sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. “She died five years ago when you were in the Galapagos. I adopted Felicity not long after, though you were never around long enough to notice the difference.”
She held the cup closer to her chest. “Just get out of here Colin. You don't belong.”
She turned to leave “I doubt you ever did.”
“No, wait Pen.” Colin called out pushing Felicity away from his leg. “You can’t leave. You haven't signed the papers.”
He followed her up the porch steps. “Please sign these so I can go home.”
“Home.” she scoffed bitterly looking over her shoulder at him. “What do you know about that? You wander around aimlessly. In fact I bet Violet doesn't even know that you're here.”
Colin blinked. Sure, he hadn't told his mother because she'd beg him to stay and he really didn't want to be one of the group again. From the Facebook messages it looked like Benedict's wife Sophie was pregnant again.
“She’s aware.”
Penelope laughed a bitter thing. “Colin, I've known you since you were ten. I know when you're lying. Now if the Bridgertons aren't my so-called family anymore then prove it. Go over and see your mother and those who still live near Number 5 and maybe, MAYBE I'll think about signing those papers."
As the door shut Colin realized he didn’t know everything about his wife. He had not remembered her being so stubborn. In fact he hadn't remembered her accurately at all. The Penelope Bridgerton he met today was a totally different woman than he recalled. He wasn't sure how to feel about it.
Chapter 2: An Unpleasant Visit
Summary:
Colin on Penelope's advice has decided to go visit his mother. On his quest he runs into his very angry sister-in-laws Sophie and Kate and one irate brother-in-law in Simon. But hey, at least Daphne was happy to see him. That had to count for something
Chapter Text
Lightning thundered up above as rain hailed from the sky—cold, harsh droplets of water condensate out of turbulent gray clouds. Colin Bridgerton pushed away his drenched inky brown hair which was plastered on his face. He turned, squinting through the crash of the rainfall. Everything was dark in front of him, coloring his world in a monochrome sepia. A flash of yellow electricity lit up the night sky bathing the world in daylight brilliance for a few seconds. Colin grinned, running towards the crackling streaks of wonder as he enjoyed feeling the shifting sand beneath his feet.
"Colin! Slow down!" A voice called behind him. Through the onslaught of rain, he stopped, laughing as a drenched 10-year-old Penelope Featherington stomped after him. Her bright red hair stuck to her crown. The luminescent glow from the celestial strikes illuminated her hair giving her a halo of heat. The soft roundness of her cheeks were gaunt making her already pasty skin become more pronounced. The frown adorning her face was turned down even more.
"Come on, Pen!" He grinned, grabbing her slippery hand. A startled gasp left her throat before he broke out into a run, dragging her behind him.
"Colin if we get caught-"
"Oh, who's gonna catch us? Your mom?', he smirked turning back, 'why I bet she wouldn't dare come-"
A gigantic thunderbolt struck 15 feet away from their feet. Penelope shrieked, clenching Colin's hand. Sand flew everywhere, coating their eyes and bodies. Once he opened his eyes, he noticed the warm wet body held close to him. Peering down, Colin saw that he shielded Pen from the sandstorm.
"Thank you." She smiled, removing herself from his waterlogged exterior. Their bodies separated slowly, not wanting to let go.
“You're welcome," Colin told her, not glancing in her direction. A slight breeze pushed continuous rain on them as Pen shivered. Looking in her direction was a masterpiece. There in the sand was a sculpture unlike any other. Its long tendril reached to the heavens as the splash stayed perfectly frozen in time.
"Woah, what is it?!" Penelope gasped walking toward what looked like abstract art.
“It's what happens when lightning strikes the sand. Everything crystallizes." Colin said, coming to stand beside her as she stared at it in awe. The electric pull from her proximity hit him hard. He rarely felt the tingling hyper awareness that Penelope made him feel. Standing here, next to her seeing a force of nature defy everything reminded him of his grandmother. The older woman was wise, giving Colin an abundance of knowledge and warnings. But the one that stuck with him was the grand way his grandmother leaned in and whispered. She always said if she ever saw a lightning strike with another person that meant they would be someone he'd love.
Colin glanced at Penelope. Would she love him? He didn't know. He loved his parents and his siblings, but something told him his granny didn't mean that type of love and security. The kind of love she meant was the kind his parents shared. They had long nights cuddling by the fire and stealing quick kisses between meals. While the idea of kissing still felt gross, Colin had to admit it felt less icky with Pen. The idea of playing around on the jungle gym and convincing her to play with him all day was a delightful thought. Maybe if that's what love was, then he could love her. He already liked her, and his momma told him that was half the battle.
“Don’t touch that.” He shouted as she peered to get a closer look.
“Why?”
“It’s hot.”
“Says who?”
“Everyone who’s ever read a book.” He snidely commented, “Besides, we’ll be safe here.”
“How do you know?” Penelope asked, her voice awed and expectant.
“Lightning never strikes the same place twice.” Colin shrugged.
“It’s an electrifying feeling though.” Penelope said kicking at the dirt near it.
“Yeah, it is.” Colin smiled watching her. He could see the blush developing on her cheeks. His sister Daphne also started blushing around new and exciting friends. Colin couldn’t wait to be friends with Penelope for forever.
"You know what Penelope Featherington?" Colin bumped her shoulder.
"Hmm?" She hummed, focusing on him. He felt the jolt of lightening cut through him. Girls were icky but he always thought that Penelope for her part was pretty. That was all that mattered, right?
"I'm gonna marry you some day."
He stepped closer, making his heart beat fast. The confusion was evident on her face. “What would you do that for?”
Colin racked his brain for something cute and lovey-dovey his parents would say to each other in a moment like this. Staring into her eyes which were the color of deep waves he let the first thing that came run past his lips “So I can kiss you anytime I want.”
Penelope giggled, sighing affectionately. It was like seeing starlight for the first time. "I'd like to see you try."
Colin woke up startled. He could still feel the press of his childhood sweethearts’ body against his. The air smelled like moist sand and the rough salt embedded in the air. Blinking sleep from his eyes, the sticky sound of paper detaching from skin permeated his ears. Thunder roared outside his hotel suite, smattering the glass windows in a litany of color before going back to gray and bleak.
The fog rising on the glass danced about and taunted him with its freedom.
Right.
He was back in Mayfair. Stuck married to a woman he didn’t know and didn’t like. Colin rubbed at his eyes again, feeling the distinct pop of his vertebrae placed back properly. He groggily let out a yawn. The bed was subpar but it would have to do for his quick stay in his hometown.
Sophie's bed and breakfast, The Silver Shack, was the only hotel in town. It took all of Colin’s willpower to show up. That’s what he got for having siblings who married only entrepreneurs. Thankfully Sophie hadn’t been there at ten o’clock that night. Manning the front desk was a young teen girl named Abigail. She seemed sweet albeit way too young to be flirting with him. Getting his key, Colin ran to his second floor room. Which was a mistake because Sophie cooked breakfast everyday for her patrons and he could smell the aroma of bacon on the frying pan.
Maybe he could forgo food, he thought sadly gripping his stomach. It rumbled to life when the waft of savory bacon and the caramelized drizzle of syrup that Sophie perfected sweetened the air. Colin licked his lips, imagining the soft, fluffy wonderful pillows of batter that would melt in his mouth. He gripped his sheets, biting down on the cotton and grinding his teeth between the material.
Pen had told him to make nice with his mother. He couldn't do that if he was shut in with an angry revolting stomach. His belly rumbled again, this time louder as he swore he heard his actual intestines whine aloud.
This was idiotic, he sighed running a hand down his face. He was a grown man in his thirties. What did he have to be afraid of? A sister-in-law? Last time he saw Sophie, the young blonde had been a head shorter than him and utterly adorable that he could put her in his pocket. He did not have anything to be weary of at all. The only one who deposed him was his current and soon to be former wife Penelope. She was only disgruntled because she stopped loving him and waited for his return, a bitterness he felt was entirely a product of her own folly.
Colin got up, changing into a pair of khakis and a tight blue button down. The stifling heat of Mayfair rose in the air daring to stick to any part of his skin. He grimaced at the uncomfortable sinking claws of his hometown bringing him back to a state of adolescence.
The brunette man huffed, blowing the waves of his hair out of his eye, barely able to tolerate the way he was being reverted back to his former terrible status. He would cower no longer. Colin reached for the door, finding no one in the hallway. The entryway only increased the smell of Sophie's homemade breakfast. In fact, his stomach gave an annoyed roar at not being near a plate full of food at that very moment. Taking one step then another, he made his way down the wooden staircase, looking over the banister for any signs of life. Thankfully all the chatter that could be heard was muted through the barn doors currently half closed.
As Colin’s foot hit the final stair, he sighed a sigh of relief. The voice he heard now, straining with his ear was distinctly deeper, clearly only belonging to a man. Perhaps Sophie let someone else cook for her when she wasn't on the premises.
Heart beating slower, he ventured down the hall, till he was met with the antique french barn doors that slid easily open for him, revealing a well sculpted blonde man, leaning over his plate. He stopped the trajectory of the eggs on his fork at another presence in the room. The man placed his bite of food down on the porcelain plate, the real cutlery making a sound altering clang in the silence that followed.
The blonde man smiled, his beard especially spread wide covering a mouthful of white teeth. “This is a surprise. I thought I was the only tenant. Nice to meet you, my friends call me Debling.” He got up, offering his hand for a handshake. Colin reciprocated, quickly pulling away.
“Colin Bridgerton.” The man called Debling wore a tight deep blue t-shirt with the shoulders barely holding on to his biceps. Colin had never seen a man who looked like him in his hometown before. He wondered what the guy's business was for being here but didn't ask.
“Bridgerton, huh? Any relations to the hostess of this charming B&B?” He queried digging back into his eggs and toast.
Colin searched the quaint space for the woman in question, looking behind him and under the table quickly. “Ummmm, yeah. You could say something like that.” He muttered, sitting back up as his stomach rumbled again.
Debling smiled. “Oh, how careless of me. There's a few eggs left on the table and some lukewarm tea, but I'm afraid I ate all the biscuits.” He laughed as if they had an inside secret.
Colin eased up and laughed too, taking an extra scooping of the last of the scrambled eggs. He hadn't smelt something so mouthwatering in a while.
"Colin Bridgerton as I live and breathe… and die." A voice called out.
Colin looked up to see his sister-in-law Sophie appear in the doorway of the entrance at the far end of the room, the swinging hinge displaying bits of the kitchen before closing in a menacing thump. Her once blonde hair had darkened since the last time he saw her. If his tally was right it was after his first nephew's birth. Or the second… he couldn't keep track. Her and Ben were producing babies like wildfire. And still going if his sight did not deceive him.
In her hands, she held a sizzling pan of something grayish that was decidedly not bacon. His disappointment at that was immediate. But the sizzling pan was causing his fear to well up slowly. She stayed there with her hands on her hips, the pan popping loudly in the quiet of the space.
“So you do know her.” Debling piped up, obvious to the tension.
Sophie turned her sharp blue or were they grey now? eyes on to her guest. She smiled that winning smile that had hooked his older brother “Here's your tofu Debling.” She gently picked up the pieces and plopped them onto the man's plate, beaming at him the entire time.
When she was done, she slammed the tong she had into the hot skillet on the table. “Aren't you a sight for no one's eyes!” She challenged.
Colin winced at the anger in her tone. The frown on his sister-in-law's face made her features appear exaggerated. Her face, while youthful, was fuller than he recalled, though that might have something to do with her protruding stomach holding his latest niece or nephew. Then again her hair was also shorter than he remembered, half of her cut hair fell to her shoulders falling out of the hair clip stuck in the back of her head.
"Hey Sophie." Colin meekly waved. At the fury blazing in her eyes, he thought to himself how dumb of an idea it was to stay here but he had no other choice.
"Don't you ‘Hey Sophie, me, Mister!’" She rounded on him, patting Debling with a familiarity on the shoulder as she passed.
"Do you know how long it's been since we last spoke? Hell! Since we've last seen each other?"
Colin had no clue. He thought Sophie might have been pregnant with his first nephew, Charlie but that had to be a few years ago because it was before his trip to France. He recalled getting a letter from his mother about Sophie's mistaken stint in jail, which turned out to be a miscommunication. Colin had been seeing a wonderfully quirky plus sized fashion designer at the time because she laughed aloud at the letter as he read it to her while they laid in bed in her family's inherited chateau. But his decision to leave Angelique was more than a few years ago so he tried for a funny answer.
“A week?" He replied, hoping to defuse the tension with humor.
"Seven years Colin." Sophie crossed her arms across her chest, looming over him.
"I haven't seen you in seven years and now All of a sudden, I find you showed up at Penelope's place demanding she sign some papers. Why? So you can cheat her out of her money the same way you did to my Ben a few years back!”
Colin’s face heated as he glanced away. He had asked to borrow money from Ben for a trip to an exclusive island. The captain of the ship only took money wiring, so strapped with only physical cash, Colin called his older brother, citing that he'd pay him back. He never did. In all fairness, he had intended to send the money back but by the time the thought crossed his mind, he figured his older brother forgot all about the favor. So he convinced himself to as well.
"How is my oldest brother who you love and would never rat me out to?" He asked pleading.
Sophie hmphed, turning a bit away from him to cut the toast into smaller slices. The knife she was using was sharp and intimidating. "He's with the boys; not that you care." She gave him the side eye.
"I care, Sophie. I do." Colin began, wanting to reassure the blonde. He had never been this scared of a pregnant woman before.
"I doubt that.” She sighed, running a hand through her hair, growling when she found half of it up and the other half down.
Sophie walked away from Colin, the knife sliding into her apron pocket. She undid her hair clip, wrapping her hair up and pulling it away from her face.
“Sophie, he's my brother.” Colin argued.
She rolled her eyes, hands on her stomach and the other on her waist. “Look, Colin. I don't need you ruining Ben's life again so just leave.”
“I can't.” He looked down at the hands in his lap. “Pen won't let me.” He said silently.
“I doubt that.” Sophie snorted then laughed as Colin looked up. She winked at Debling.”It's okay. You're a better contender.”
Colin furrowed his brow as the vegetarian smiled then shot a weary look towards him. He bristled from the man's observation. He would not be judged by some nobody that was passing through town.
“Sophie, you have believe me. Pen is being unreasonable.”
The blonde woman rolled her eyes, “She asked you to visit your mother, not kiss the pope.”
“Somehow I think the pope would be more receptive.” Colin mumbled.
Sophie breathed deeply before exhaling. “Pen was right.” Was all she said.
“Now, go visit Violet. Apologize to her for being a crappy son and apologize to Pen. Then get the hell out of town!” She stomped off through the swinging kitchen door, her hair swishing angrily.
Debling had given up all pretenses of eating, merely staring at Colin strangely. He cleared his throat. "I know you don't want my two cents here, but I'd take her advice. Whatever you did to anger her will not be good if you plan on staying here for a while. I've seen her slaughter Sunday dinner and not get a single blood stain on her clothes."
Colin groaned, banging his head against the table. This was going to take longer than he thought.
-----------------------
After that confrontation, Colin no longer felt hungry nor did he want to stay in the same room as Debling when the guy gave him a weird feeling. So he grabbed his keys from his room, careful to avoid Sophie on his way out and made his way to his mother's house.
668 Fifth Street, or Number Five as they affectionately called it, pulled into view. It was a 15th century home that withstood two World Wars, a decade of national infighting and a host of other rebellions that surprisingly it withstood. The outside house was made of white granite, something no sound person in their kind would use for it has horrendous insulation properties and boasts an historical tree sitting in their yard that was watched by a historical preservation community. In short it was picturesque. It was perfect. It was sickening, he thought, putting his car to park in front of the sprawling steps. Colin sat in the car for a moment just the sight of number five giving him flashbacks, the emotions setting deep into his chest.
"Colin Bridgerton! Do you hear me? You do not set foot back on this property till you learn to behave. Penelope is your wife. You're definitely not acting like the man who Edmund raised!” Then she slammed the door in his face. Colin had never seen his mother so livid. None of them had. Which is why it hurt more than anything to have her reject him in such a public way.
He figured this time it would go over a lot smoother. He had made a little bit of effort to keep up with his mother and let her know where he was these days. Colin hadn't mentioned this impromptu adventure because he was sure Penelope was punishing him by sending back all those divorce papers unsigned. In his mind, he convinced her to sign and he was already on a plane back to his real life and his actual pick for a wife.
Number Five looked a little different than he last recalled. Firstly there were toys on the yard and a miniature reading alcove tucked along the tree line of the four acre property. Secondly the front door which had always been a pleasant light blue to match his mothers taste was now a deep red, glaring and daring anyone to approach.
He saw an intercom system beside the front door confused. Their mother always had an open door policy. She never wanted a fancy interconnected system to let her know who was at the door. If they visited then they were a friend, that was one of his mothers mottos. Why the change of heart now?
Colin rang the doorbell, looming around and noticing a flash of something shiny above his head. A security camera! Had he really been gone long enough that he didn't notice his mother became a paranoid person, hellbent on keeping her privacy. Just as he was contemplating the facts he knew to be true the front door opened and a distinct female voice said.
“Fucking hell.” Then the door slammed shut.
Colin jumped back a little surprised by his sister-in-law's reaction to him. He had known Kate and Simon the longest out of the people his siblings married. He thought he always got along well with the both of them. Maybe he did not.
Colin tucked his hands in his pockets, hearing shuffling pass the door. He wondered if he should knock again.
He looked back, to make sure he was at the same house and yes, once he confirmed he was at Number five, he rang the doorbell again.
Colin looked this way and that, hoping this time it would be Anthony who answered the door but the front hinges squeaked significantly as Kate Bridgerton opened the door a fraction. Colin could only see all of her face and half of her body.
She made to speak when her once vibrant black hair swished with a strand or two of grey. How old was Kate? Colin wondered, surprised to see flecks of a reddish purple strands he never saw before dancing through her ends.
“No, you can not Mister. Once I'm done speaking to this solicitor then I'll address your concern.” He was startled. Kate had seen his face right? That was why she closed the door in the first place. He wasn't on her doorstep trying to sell her anything. Except maybe forgiveness from his mother.
“Are you positive?” an argumentative boy asked. Colin wanted to chuckle. His brother's youngest son, Edward sounded just like his brother in their younger years. Anthony had to be the authority on everything.
“Edmund. Please. Give mom a second, then I will attend to your question.”
Oh shit! Edmund. That was the name of his eldest nephew. Right. Colin made a mental note to remember that. In fact he felt guilty he forgot in the first place. That was their father's name. How could he be so careless?
Then Kate turned her attention on him, still with the door half closed. “Sorry sir. We aren't looking for more shitty siblings. Try to Rokesby's down the street.”
She went to close the door but Colin stuck his hand on it, pushing back and baring her from completing her mission. His sister-in-law grit her teeth.
“Fine, we'll play your way. Step away from my door.”
Colin looked into her eyes seeing no emotion he could name. As Kate took a step toward he took one back releasing the door. She glanced behind her before coming fully outside, closing the front door behind her.
“Hey Kate.” Colin tried, hoping this was all one big misunderstanding.
The brunette woman shook her dark wavy curls, one of two pieces catching on her lashes and sticking to the wrinkles Colin was sure did not exist last time he saw her. She sighed before turning her attention on him. “Hi stranger, my name is Kate Bridgerton. How can I help you?” his sister in law greeted her with a smile forced on her face. Colin knew a ruse when he saw one.
“Kate, what do you mean?”
Instantly the farce was over, “Oh I'm sorry.” She put a hand on her hips which filled out more of her jeans than he last recalled. “I thought we were playing a game where you pretended not to know any of us. YOUR Family!” She seethed.
Colin could see this was not going the way he hoped. “Is Anthony home?”
“Hmmm,” she placed her manicured nails now chipped with paint and other things on her chin. “Let me think. Is Anthony the brother you screwed over or is he a different guy?”
“Look Kate I-”
“No! You look Colin.” She walked toward him, making the man step back. His sister in law could be terrifying. “You don't get to show up here after ten years of flakiness to demand something from Anthony. He’s been through enough of your bullshit. You understand?”
“Kate, it's not like that I-”
“And another thing, you know what “it isn't like Colin’?” She put her fingers in quotation marks.
“It isn't like old times when you can come back whenever you please, snap your fingers and Pen will obey. She's not your lap dog!”
Colin couldn't help himself, he laughed. “You think I don't know that? I came back to a woman who’s nearly hostile to me. As is Sophie and now I find the same with you.” He told her.
Kate crossed her arms, walking Colin backwards till he hit a step, nearly stumbling over his feet. “What a shocker. The woman you scorned and the sister-in-laws who had to pick up the pieces from your negligence don't like you. I can't imagine why.”
“Kate. This is a misunderstanding.” Colin stated hating the disdain in her voice. “I want to talk to my brother. I can explain why I'm here to the both if you would let me-”
“Anthony's not home right now.” Kate said. “He's out working a real job to support the family he loves, not that that's a concept you understand.”
Colin growled. “I have a real job! And a real relationship. I bet your precocious Penelope never told you that I would send her money when I was gone. I checked off all the boxes Kate. I even made sure to text Pen.”
“Do you hear yourself? You texted her? Checked off the boxes? How often was that again?”
She didn't give him a chance to respond, spitting out the next words with venom. “You contacted your wife once a year, maybe more if you were feeling randy.”
Colin blanched. He had on occasion drunkenly FaceTime the curvy woman waiting at home for him. Earlier in their marriage with his inhibitions low, he would grunt into the microphone jerking off to her sleepy face and tiny pajamas she wore, if she answered. As time and land grew in distance between them, Colin's calls became less frequent. In fact he switched to writing her entire essays the older they became.
Usually those nights were filled with a slew of graphic texts meant to arouse her. Typically Colin’s ramble of consciousness was so vulgar that in his hungover brain the next morning, he would text Penelope to ignore the missed texts. They pretended that he never sent them. With one click, he was free to continue his travels as if his horny cravings for the woman he married didn't happen. Colin had assumed Penelope forgot them as he did. She never responded anyways. The snide way Kate stated his folly as fact made him realize that all was not forgotten to the sands of time as he thought.
“Those messages were private. She had no right to share them with you.”
“She had to talk to someone since her husband seemed incapable of it.” The woman before him snorted. “Some years, Pen would be lucky to know if you were alive.”
“Look Kate, I don't want to argue with you about my marriage. I just came here to see my mother and-”
The tall Indian woman blinked. “Violet? She hasn't been a permanent resident here for years.”
“What?!” Colin balked.
“Yes. She moved out after Amelia was born, which you would have known had you kept in touch.” She flicked at some imaginary dirt on her shirt.
“Do, do you have her new address?” Kate looked over at him.
“Yes.”
“Will you tell me where it's at?”
“No.” She stated matter-of-factly.
“Kate! This is not funny.” Colin growled.
“Good cuz I'm not laughing.” She grimaced.
“Colin, I don’t care why you're here or what made you come back, but just stay away from us. And on that note, Stay away from Penelope. You don't look at her. You don't talk to her. You don't even deserve to walk the same ground she treads on. Now take your roadkill ass off of my lawn!” with that she marched back to the door slamming it.
He watched as the door shook from the force of her pressure. Colin stared at the front of the house he'd grown up in and wondered where everything went wrong. He wasn't the villain in this story, yet everyone was determined to label him as such. All of this would be fixed by finding his mother. She could set the record straight with Kate and Sophie and he would get his divorce from Penelope.
Colin sighed, he would have his work cut out for him. Staring at the large sprawling manor of the Bridgerton estate he walked down the stone steps. That was two out of his seven siblings whose spouses had outright rejected him after seeing him for a moment. He hadn’t been Satan incarnate with his family. He just hadn’t been around. There was a difference.
Growing up Colin always felt invisible. As the third eldest son it was clear he had the world at his fingertips and yet that scared him. He longed to have a path that was straight and narrow. He wanted that.
Anthony, his eldest brother had that with keeping the family afloat and running for elected official of Mayfair as soon as he turned 18. Benedict on the other hand loved art. He would come home constantly wasted or high or both then drag Eloise and Colin out to spray paint stunning murals of things he’d seen around like interesting people and places. Eloise was so steadfast in her career as an ecowarrior/ the world's greatest feminist that she wasn’t tripped up on her lifestyle until she met Phillip a few years ago.
Then there was Daphne. His younger sister always dreamed of being a mother and a perfect wife, and somehow she kept to that resolution. Hy and Greg were too young growing up for him to really ask their aspirations but his family had to understand with all their lofty goals that they were leaving him behind. Each and everyone of them stared at him as if he was dumb for not having a passion or a goal or even a plan past the next meal he would partake in. And for what? A grand purpose?
Anything grand he needed he did himself. After letting go of his familial ties and stripping himself bare he got the chance to truly discover the Colin Bridgerton he could be proud to see in the mirror.
His one regret maybe was Penelope. Not that he would tell her that of course, but seeing her pained face yesterday brought up a lot of new emotions within him. He began to wonder if their marriage had been a sham afterall. Though he queried, she could have always come with him instead of purposely staying behind and becoming more detached as the years went on.
If only she’d stayed the young eighteen year old girl who thought he created the sky and the stars. Those were the good days. Those were the only days he truly felt seen and understood, when Penelope Bridgerton formally Featherington loved him. Colin went back into his car, perhaps he could go see Daphne. She was the only other relative who still lived in Mayfair that he hadn't seen yet. Besides, she might know where their mother was living these days.
-----------------------
Daphne lived in the center of the town in a giant two story house surrounded by a huge white fence. The slight pink sliding wrapped over the roof directing the eye to the faint brown exterior of the house. A giant window spanning the front of the house had the windows pulled back, the shades fluttering in the idyllic breeze. An extended garage attached to the side of the winding driveway even appeared picturesque. It was the perfect life for the perfect sister. A foul bubbling settled in Colin's stomach, gurgling at the sight. He was going to be sick by how cookie cutter it looked.
As he pulled his car up to the house, the engine rumbling, he had to remind himself the last time he visited this address. Colin had a trip to Apopka and it was late at night. Daphne offered to drive him to the airport since she let Colin borrow her car. Simon, her husband, hadn't been around that much, citing needing to take care of their children as an excuse to be obscure. At the time Colin didn't think anything of his absence; he merely took the man at face value, but now he was worried.
His past two in-laws hadn't exactly rolled out a red carpet nor made his presence in town a welcomed one. Perhaps it would be different with Simon. As the first of the in-laws to join the Bridgerton clan, Colin had been around in the beginning of Daphne's romance. He glanced at the front door, painted a soft pink. Hanging on the front door was a wooden sign that he could barely make out as 'Welcome In'.
Being close in age, he was certain that Daphne’s sign included him in the message. Resolute and making the decision to park, Colin pulled at the parking brake to his car. With the engine cut off he could hear the blaring of rock music aggressively banging from somewhere within the garage. The sound was accompanied by a dull collision and the swinging of metal chains. Did Daphne still live here? Was anything ever going to be as he remembered it?
Colin braced both hands on the wheel, staring in the direction of the garage, hoping he hadn't gotten his sister's address wrong. He sat idle for a moment scared of what he would see if he stepped out of the car. He really had meant for this to be a short visit. The plan was for Colin to get his divorce papers from Pen and leave before anyone knew he was back. Now, like a witch in disguise she had made him parade through the streets creating an apology tour full of wrath and righteousness contentment. This was why he had to leave, but not without seeing his mother, the one get of jail free card he had. As far as he knew Daphne would be the easiest way to achieve that goal
He was frozen in his seat. Daphne had always been his favorite but she had to know even she was suffocating to be around.
A tap at the window had him screaming loudly, awkwardly jumping out of his skin at the pretty brunette with deep brown eyes. Her heart shaped face let him know who she belonged to but Amelia couldn't be this old. She was a child when he last saw her. Or was that one of her siblings? Colin was abroad for his sister's last two pregnancies so he never easily found out the gender of the baby until he arrived home.
Now he wished he had stayed around. Seemed like time kept moving forward without him. Clutching his chest, he rolled down his window, gasping out “You scared me.”
“Well you’re parked in front of our house.” She rolled her eyes, hands on her hips like she was his mother catching him in a terrible act. Daphne used to do the same bossy movements when they were children. Yet again Colin was reminded of how much time had passed.
“I was just going to get out of the car.”
“Sure, you were. What a strange man.” she muttered softly.
At her quiet words Colin’s chest ached. Did his niece not notice him? “Amelia? Do you remember me?”
She squinted her eyes at him and it was uncanny how much her mannerisms matched his sisters. “Yes. You’re a distant uncle or something, I think. Forgive me for not recalling your name.”
Now, he was officially struck in the heart. A distant uncle? He was her uncle and the closest in age to Daphne.
“Right.” Colin gave the teenager a tight smile. “Could you tell your mother that your Uncle Colin is here for her?”
“Okay.” Amelia turned on her heels, walking through the white picket fence. Colin couldn’t believe his ears. Why did Amelia not recognize him?
Stepping on the cobblestones leading up to the half wrapped porch, he was stopped in his tracks by a sharp intake, it was gruff in its manner.
Turning slowly to his right, hoping to avoid this conversation was the one person he dreded to see: Simon Basset.
Simon Basset was a former mens’ heavy weight qualifier. On top of being tall and imposing, the man in his forty-one years had clearly continued his physical regime. Colin gulped at the bulging muscles under his brother in laws shirt and prayed that fire nearly spilling from his nostrils meant he wasn’t about to die underneath a large oak tree he doesn’t remember being planted there last he was in town.
“Hey Simon. How’s it going?” Colin asked waving slowly.
“My day was a lot better until you arrived, Colin.” Simon uncrossed his arms, slipping them into his pants pockets as he chuckled. It was not a joyful thing of happiness but full of sardonic chuckles meant to mock Colin. He tried to straighten his spine. It seems none of his in-laws were particularly happy to see him, no matter. He’d prove whatever notion they created about him wrong. These strangers didn’t know him like his siblings did.
“What are you doing in town?”
“I came to see my sister.”
Colin cowered a bit as the man sauntered closer, his easy demeanor even more scary than his protective stance.“Daphne isn’t home. I suggest you leave.” Simon placed a hand on Colin’s shoulder gripping it tightly. The younger man tried not to flinch at the pain inflicted on him.
“I-easy Simon, I just want to see Daph.”
“You think you deserve to see her? After you left her in tears with your terribly scribbled note saying you were leaving? Let alone the damage you did to my Penelope. You’re a menace Colin and you’ve caused too many long sleepless nights for both women. I promised Daph I wouldn’t hunt you down and hurt you, but seeing your face in front of me, makes me want to ask for forgiveness later.”
Colin gulped, his heart jumping. Simon could probably kill him easily.
“Daddy, who’s this?” A little boy in full boxing gear asked, tilting his head at Colin. He stood near Simon’s leg hovering. He looked like a miniature Simon.
“Hi,” Colin grinned. “I’m your unc-”
“This nice man was just leaving son.” Simon herded, pushing his son towards the garage.
“Still got a good left hook?” Colin called afraid to take a step towards the man.
Simon looked over his shoulder. “He doesn’t but I do. Don’t stick around and find out.”
Colin held up his hands. It was going to be harder than he thought to get back in his siblings and their spouses' favors. He was about to open his mouth when a squeal came from his left. Colin barely had enough time to turn towards the sound before a thirty-three year old Daphne lunged into his arms. Instantly his shirt was wet with tears, his baby sisters, hands were like steel wrapped about his neck.
“Oof, nice to see you too Daph.” He chuckled.
“Oh Colin. You’re back. I just knew it. Didn’t I honey?” She looked at her husband not waiting a response.
Daphne grabbed Colin’s cheeks, pinching them hard. “What the hell Daph!”
“Children! There are children present.”
She shoved at his chest. “This is for leaving me.”
She shoved him again “This is for my heartache and mother's worry”
She pushed him again, allowing Colin to lose his balance and fall on his butt. “And that was for Penelope.”
Daphne stood clutching her hands to her chest. Her bottom lip was wobbling again, tears falling down her face. “How could you leave us like that? Don’t you know how worried we were about you? At one, point-” she choked, covering her face with her hands. Colin’s heart broke. He hadn’t thought him leaving would be such a big deal. He always came back.
“We thought you were dead. Penelope and I thought you were dead at one point.”
“Daph.” Simon embraced his wife as her water works flowed freely now. “There, there hun. Can’t you see the pain you caused my wife. Leave!” Simon glared, staring down at Colin who had yet to get up from his fallen position.
“No, Si, I want him here.” She sniffled, pulling away. “He’s still my brother. Come inside for tea and biscuits. I made your favorite: everything.”
Daphne held out her hand offering to help him up. Colin was shocked. He looked at her outstretched palm. “I’m still mad at you, you idiot but I’m willing to talk it out.”
“Okay.” Colin agreed walking after his sister into the home in which she lived, into the life he was coming to realize he didn’t know.
Inside the spacious two-story home was a big beautiful kitchen. It was decorated in pinks and checkers and plenty of catchy phrases on plates and hung aprons that said ‘Home is Where the Heart Is.’ Colin couldn’t help but snort quietly to himself. If such a sentiment was true then why did he feel as if he had no home, not a true one anyway.
“Won’t you sit down?’ Daphne instructed, gesturing to a built in window seat surrounded by placemats all matching and a vase of flowers blooming brightly. Colin watched his sister move about her kitchen, tucking her hair behind her ear every so often. It was a nervous tick she developed as a kid that never went away. Speaking of her hair, it was longer and a darker shade than he remembered. Without thinking he blurted out “I thought you were a light brunette.”
Daphne slammed the kettle down in the sink, leaving the water running. “My hair changed when I got older.”
“Oh.” was all he could say as she angrily closed the top before turning her back to him to pop it on the stove.
The only sounds were of suffocating silence as his sister moved about her kitchen. On the fridge were drawings from her kids and photos of her and Simon. There was even a giant calendar with dates circled and things colored in. The doubt and uncertainty crept onto Colin’s mind. He didn’t really belong here, he was only a visitor and that sucked.
Daphne let out a deep breath closing her eyes as Colin looked at his fingers. “So Simon is he still boxing because I saw him outside with your…. ummm..” Colin couldn’t recall his nephews name. He wasn’t even sure he knew about him.
“You don’t even know do you?” Daphne scoffed.
“No, Daph, I swear. I do.”
“Really? What’s my son’s name Colin? Because I sent my baby shower invite to you eight years ago but it was returned to sender.”
"I must have been out of the country." He whispered ashamed at the burning anger in his sister's eyes.
"Yeah, no shit. But none of us knew where you were. So I ask you again Colin, whats my son's name?" She rounded the kitchen island coming to stand before him. Colin had never felt such remorse before.
"I.....I don't know." Daphne sighed scrubbing her hands down her face. "But you would, if you had been around"
“That's not fair Daph. You know I had to get away.”
His sister let out a long breath before yanking open a kitchen drawer and recovering an oven mitt. The clattering of silverware and other assorted metal crashed loudly in their quiet space as Colin for the first time heard the beginnings of a whistle from the kettle. “No, Colin. I don't understand. I don't get how you could leave mom heartbroken, Penelope destitute and alone and-” she turned around pointing the spewing screaming hot metal pot at him “You made her feel alone! No! Worst than alone. You made that poor woman feel worthless, like she was less than a human and she should have jumped into the river to relieve her pain.”
Colin looked down at his fingers. He knew Penelope had a not than stellar homelife growing up but he didn't think he had added to. They were so young when her father sold off everything but the house and Colin had needed the boost in moral. He knew about his wife's crush on him but hadn't thought that it would last. Her family would be saved with a generous donation from his trust fund and he would gain an adoring wife. Who his sister admitted to wanting to kill herself.
“Did she?” He asked smally. “Ever try to drown herself in the lake at the house.”
A steaming cup of tea was plopped before him, the droplets splashed up and over the rim before pooling like liquid death onto the checkered tablecloth. It was too picturesque, just like Daphne wanted. A perfect table for a perfect life. Colin really was coming to terms that he missed a lot of developments in his families life.
“No, Colin. Penelope never attempted to kill herself.” His favorite sister said wearily. He glanced a peak at her. Her profile was different these days. Eyes haunted by things he could not see.
He watched as she took a sip of the tea, looking out the window and letting the silence reverberate inside his skull as he waited for her to continue. Colin put his hands around his cup, not drawing to move it towards his lips in case he ruined the moment.
“Do you want to know why Penelope never gave up? Never took her life?” she turned sharp blue eyes now glossed over in gray that he never knew existed.
“Why?”
“Cuz she always had hope that you would come back. She held on to that fact that it would break your heart if she left, but much like the dolls we used to play with when we were younger you left her on the floor, free to be trampled on and gather dust.”
Colin shifted in his seat. Everyone around him made him out to be the bad guy. He had not meant it to come out this way. Colin could not be in two places at once and while he grew in character in far away destinations, his family grew in size and distance away from him. It was a mutual decision at the time but with these new facts before him he began to assess some things.
“Daph, want to know why I came into town?”
“Yes, Colin. Why are you here?”
He looked down at his fingers this time finally taking a sip of his lukewarm tea now, the temperature not nearly as scolding as he wished it to be. “I served Penelope divorce papers.”
“What?! When?” Daphne cried.
“Technically, the first set of papers were sent to her I'd say-” He ran a hand through his hair. “three years ago.”
“Wait? What do you mean you sent her divorce papers three years ago.”
“It's what I said, Daph. I sent Pen papers to stop this charade of a marriage three years ago and-”
“Colin, you're an idiot.” His sister angrily got up from her seat.
“Why?” He asked confused.
Daphne hugged herself keeping her back to him. “Three years ago Portia was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer.”
“Which I thought she beat.” Colin said.
“It's in remission you asshole.” Daphne stated finally cursing. Colin was taken back by her language. Daphne wasn't one of the siblings who enjoyed using profanity for shock value, but the usage was startlingly nonetheless.
“Daphne.”
“Colin. If you only knew what Pen has been through these past few years, you'd understand that she's finally in a good place and more open to signing those papers.”
“You're not opposed to it?” He asked dumbfounded again.
Daphne shrugged as Simon walked in. “I believe in a fairytale life for Penelope and I used to think that life was with you, but now,” she took a sip from her cup and Simon gave a squeeze about her shoulder. “Now, if you want to divorce Penelope I am in full support. I mean I would worry about her. We all do, right Si?”
Colin’s brother-in-law stuck his head out of the refrigerator, hand half opening a bottle of gatorade. “Yeah, babe. We,” he glared at Colin. “Consider Penelope a part of this family in every single way.” the implied, ‘you are not’ was left unstated but felt nonetheless.
Daph smiled softly. “She is and it would be nice to see her love life play out like her career. I mean imagine Penelope if she was in nineteenth century England romanced by a-”
“Ahhhh ummm.” Simon coughed loudly looking at Daphne as if she said something wrong. Penelope’s career? Colin did not understand as he watched his sister and her husband communicate with their eyes, their visual cues of shifting slightly on their feet not telling him anything.
After a beat of silence, Colin went to say something but Daphne turned around. “Sorry Colin. I am such a romantic and Simon has brought me these new regency themed books that my mind just flies away with crazy possibilities.”
“Daph, what aren’t you telling me? Penelope doesn’t have a job. I send her money every few months or so to keep the house afloat.”
“I mean,” Daphne stirred the spoon around in her tea looking over her shoulder at her husband as she sat down again. “You didn’t think Penelope had been living off your extended cash all this time, right brother?”
Colin faltered. “I had thought that she would ask for more if she needed more.”
“Our Pen is a strong woman, capable of taking care of herself without your chump change Bridgerton.” Simon snarled, leaning over the kitchen island. Daphne sighed. So now he was being referred to by his last name. That couldn’t be good.
“Si, please. I am trying to talk to my brother.”
“The one who abandoned you. Yeah. I know.”
“Simon, we will discuss this later.” Daphne said not looking at her husband as she reached for Colin’s hands.
“Now tell me, why divorce Penelope after all these years? Is it because you want to make things right? Or is it about a girl?” she laughed.
Colin withdrew his hands. “Colin?”
He looked out the window as his nieces and nephews played. Kids that he didn’t even know the names of. So much time had passed and he wanted to make some things right. That started off by telling the truth. “Colin?” Daphne said more impatiently.
He cleared his throat. “Daphne, I am getting married.”
“Of course you are. You are married to Pen.”
“No,” he shook his head. “I’m engaged to someone else. Lydia, she’s the girl for me.”
“Lydia?” Daphne asked, her name rolling off like she hated the syllables. “Who is that?”
“She’s a wonderful journalist and an animal lover. You’d like her Daph. In fact the entire family would. I just… I have to get Pen to sign these papers and then the family can meet her. We can marry. I can be a good husband.”
Simon scoffed.
“Si, give us a minute.”
Her husband coughed aggressively. “Fine babe, but the moment he says one more ridiculous thing that could hurt Penelope-”
“You’ll kill him where he stands. We know. Love you.” she called out as the imposing man stalked from the kitchen. His sister turned her attention back to Colin grabbing his hands again. “Are you sure about this… Lydia woman? Does she know that you’re married.”
“No.” he admitted. At his sister's frown Colin rushed to explain. “But I told her I had a complicated home life and she knows about the siblings. All eight of us.”
“But she isn't aware of Pen?”
“She never came up.”
“She never does.” Daphne sighed again, pulling at her hair strands. “Colin, tell me this is the real deal. Tell me you love her like you’ve never loved a woman before and I will support you but don't tell me you found another girl to ruin because you need an eager puppy to wait for you.”
He winced, those words were harsh and skewed to one side but there was a modicum of truth to it. “I love her Daph. Lydia is the one for me. She is the reason I haven’t traveled for three years now. She’s sweet and smart and absolutely way above my standing but I have to have her, to be near her. She makes me a better person.”
Daphne looked over at him from the side of her eye. “I believe you.” she said wearily. “And this is gonna break mothers heart. But we bounce back from the evitable, right?” She said, He didn’t know how to respond to that so Colin merely nodded.
“Good.” Daphne got up. “Amelia has a ballet lesson soon and Si is watching the other kids. I’d ask you to stay for dinner but I’m sure he would want to stab you with his steak knife, so another time perhaps.”
Colin got up as well following his sister to the door. Before he could reach for the handle she pulled him into her hold for a long hug that left him suffocated, loved and feeling remiss for all that had transpired.
Daphne eventually pulled back, wiping her face even though he could see she was holding back tears. “I want to meet your girl when the time is right. Okay?”
“Okay.” he smiled, finally feeling lighter since he stepped foot on Mayfair soil.
“Don’t be a stranger. I mean it.” She got on her tippy toes and kissed his cheek before opening the front door and pushing him through.
Colin turned around to agree but the door had already closed. He stared at that pink painted door to the perfect life for his perfect sister and thought about his life. As he got back in his car, it dawned on him. He had missed so much and done so much hurt to others, but all that ended today. He would get Penelope to sign the divorce papers, he’d marry Lydia and he would visit his family more, in that order.
-----------------------
By the time Colin was on his way back to Sophie’s bread and breakfast, the sun was setting. His stomach rumbled, hungry for a morsel of food. Sophie made it abundantly clear how much she was offering to feed him and Kate wouldn’t even look at him let alone acknowledge his existence. He couldn't turn around and head to Daphne's. She was right. Simon looked ready to split Colin’s body in two and his mother… he got to a stop light. Colin still had no idea where his mother was. Perhaps his so-called loving wife would know her whereabouts and maybe Pen would have some food. The woman he met yesterday wasn’t the woman he remembered but that didn't mean she was cruel. If she saw he was hungry, Colin was confident Penelope would welcome him in and offer him dinner. Content with his new resolution, he headed towards the river, hopeful he would not make this day a waste.
Pulling to a stop in front of the picturesque house with the wrap around porch, Colin was once again met with the beaming lights of his car illuminating the words painted in a delicate cursive on the side of the shed he didn’t remember being erect last time he was in the area: Lady Whistledown.
His wife had a propensity for that grumpy, aggressive orange tabby. If he was being honest, there was a time when Colin could have seen him and Pen raising the cat from its infancy and truly dotting on the stupid irritable animal. As it stood, the dumb thing died hating him and he in return. In the beginning Penelope would gush over the cat and more importantly, over him with the same favor but always Colin a tad more. At the present he was sure the dead animal ranked higher for the redhead than he did. Yet, he couldn’t pinpoint the moment when the rankings shifted.
What was even in that shed, he wondered, killing the lights as he looked towards the house. Penelope should have seen him by now and offered to let him in from the sticky heat of the night, or at the very least came out with a scaving message to get off of their shared property or something. Colin made a mental note to head to the bank in fact and make sure that the property was still in his name. He had no way of knowing anything about his wife or his family anymore.
As the porch light taunted him with its emptiness, he sighed feeling a heavy weight on his chest. He wasn’t a bad person for wanting to leave this constricting world behind. If Colin had stayed, he knew he would have worked a dead-end job and knocked up Penelope the moment he got the chance. He would have felt trapped then promptly been left to regret feeling sorry for the small girl who’s homelife was anything but peachy.
Colin leaned his head against the glass of the car door window contemplating his life. When Portia had come to him in fake tears, mentioning how he must save the Featheringtons by marrying Penelope to save them from financial ruin, he hadn’t thought anything of it. A cute girl who fawned over him or cook and clean and maybe make his babies and all he had to do was give up some of his trust fund? It seemed too simple, which it was. His mother-in-law was the worst. He huffed his breath, fogging up the window.
Why wasn’t Penelope coming out of her house? He pressed his palm against the steering wheel, delighted to hear it blare to life, yet the movement of the house did not change. Strange? Was Penelope not home at…. He glanced at his phone, eight o’clock at night? Where the hell was she? His wife wasn’t one for clubs and he knew she thought tight sequined dresses showed off too much of her skin, though he had on occasion sent her a dress or two from his travels, usually revealing, with a note to send him photos. Early in their marriage she did. Penelope's sweet supple body would be on display for only him as she seemed to even avoid his eyes in the picture she sent but after a while Penelope didn't bother to respond so he got the message and stopped.
The brunette haired man blew at the window again absent-mindedly drawing hearts over the painted memorial his wife built for her cat. Lady Whistledown got more love than him, how pathetic. Angry and confused at where his wife had gone, he started up his car and left. Tomorrow Colin would talk to Pen, find out his mom’s address and get his divorce. Sweet and simple.
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Coming back to the bread and breakfast Colin snuck in afraid of what he’d find. Surprisingly no one was there outside of a light shining from the managers suite. Not wanting a repeat of the horrendous morning, he tip toed to the kitchen finding and quickly making himself a sandwich. Under the cover of night he felt like a thief, even worse like he had been reverted back to his childhood form trying to sneak food to eat in his bed late at night after he had thought his parents had left for bed. Colin winced as his footsteps were loud among the wooden staircase before he safely got into his room and locked the door.
The bed was still unmade from this morning, and towels had been left on the floor. The only indication for this rumpled interior was a pretty scrawled note on the vanity that said “I am NOT your Maid. Clean up for yourself then LEAVE!” clearly left by his disgruntled sister-in-law. Colin sighed sitting on the bed and took a bite out of his ham sandwich. It tasted like nothing, which seemed to be the sentiment everyone was giving him during his return.
A crinkling rippled through the air as he sat down, making Colin stand up. He checked the flowered bedding confused before pulling the sticky note from Sophie off his pants and… a second note hidden behind it. The contents were written in a marker, bold and commanding. It was clear who it had come from. In a demanding tone only belonging to his brother, Anthony.
Colin read an address and the words: See Me At Mothers!
Great. His brother knew he was in town.
Colin fell onto the bed tired. This was turning out to be an unpleasant visit.
Chapter 3: The Tragic Tale of the Sun and the Moon
Summary:
Colin is on his apology tour through Mayfair, with reception from some people rather than others. Oh, and Penelope appears but she doesn't seem to be alone. He's also dealing with a surprise guest and can't get his head right. This is a lot for a man who has a wife and a fiancé. How will he handle it all?
Notes:
Please enjoy 15K of words that hopefully make sense and hopefully make you see all parties in a new light.
MINOR NOTE: there is mention of miscarriage and child loss, not detailed but it will be acknowledged slightly. So for those who are triggered by such topics, please be WARNED
Chapter Text
Colin sighed into his pillow curling his body around the soft casing as he peacefully slept remembering the time he was happy with his life in Mayfair. Twelve years ago he was happily and recently married to the girl next door. While their marriage beginnings weren't anything he was proud of, Colin couldn't say no when he heard that Penelope and by proxy her family would be kicked out on the streets based on her fathers terrible habits. Now that he had someone in his corner that prioritized him, Colin could travel. He could leave his family and explore who he was destined to be and with a hot new wife by his side.
Colin whistled a happy tune eager to leave his family life to find a new job at a newspaper about two town's over. Now he could finally make a name for himself. Now he could finally be someone and prove his family wrong.
As he was walking into his living room his new bride’s voice rang out, stopping him in his tracks.
“...about Colin.” His foot hovered over the threshold as his name left her lips.
Unsure why she would be on the phone speaking about him, Colin took a step back peeking into the living room. Penelope was sitting on their new couch, the one from the catalog that she insisted she did not want. Her long red hair fell down her back in beautiful waves that Colin longed to run his hands through. He’d only slept with Penelope once, on their wedding night, thinking she would need time to adjust to their new life. She was freshly out of high school and if he ignored that minor tidbit, he did not want to get her pregnant so early in their romance. She was so into him, and he had yet to learn her favorite dreams or even what she constituted as a nightmare. The prospect of building a life with a woman like her was thrilling and would be one of his greatest accomplishments… if they could only get away from his family and discover who they were outside of the ‘extra Bridgerton brother’ and the ‘Bridgerton add-on’ that they were both saddled with.
He watched as she adjusted the phone on her ear, twirling a delicate curl. "Yes mama. I know he's not very ambitious. It's only a problem when we-”
She stopped moving again in her seat as her tone changed to one of accusation. “...but you are the one-"
She stopped, sighing. "Yes, Mama I know, but Colin could be a better man if he actually focused more."
Colin’s heart dropped. Did his new wife think him unmotivated? Of all the people that he heard this from it hurt the most coming from Penelope.
When Colin was in school, they were friends....well not friends per say, she was generally attached at the hip with Eloise, but she had been cordial and friendly and even shared a few common interests with him on more than one occasion. When Portia practically shoved Penelope in his face demanding a dowry and that they get married, he had thought nothing of it.
Penelope was cute. She was smart. She was wise beyond her years, and she was obviously head over heels in love with him. Those were the right steps to take for a good marriage, right? But as he heard his wife mention how she did not think their finances would work because he genuinely spent his money from his trust fund; his faith in her began to fall.
Was Penelope like the rest of his family? Did she think so little of him that she figured he would not amount to anything?
Colin slunk back into the shadows listening as his new wife went on and on about his shortcomings and insecurities.
“I have been encouraging him to find a job, but I can’t imagine with his family lifestyle he would find the task the most clear.”
She paused again. “No! He is not like daddy. Dad gambled away our fortune for-”
His wife sighed dejected. “Yes, I agree his looks will only get him so far, but you have to think that there is more to him than a head full of hair. You think I don’t know that? You think I don’t worry that I might have been too quick into agreeing to this marriage. I mean, I am only eighteen mother and Colin is older. He can barely care for me, how will he-”
Colin curled into himself. He had no idea Penelope held such strong negative feelings towards him. It was the conversation with Anthony at the wedding chapel all over again. “You’re making a mistake brother. She’s too young. You just like to play the hero, etc.” but Colin was sure he had found a kindred spirit.
No.
He had been suckered by someone else who knew him and disliked what they saw: a bored rich boy with nothing between his eyes. Colin had thought that their repertoire had been good, that he could even be falling for her, that she would be the one and he made the right decision but now his plans have changed.
The moment Penelope hung up with her mother, Colin quickly declined the newspaper job and the house listing he thought would suit him and Penelope. As the weeks progressed her enthusiasm to be near him waned. It was a ruse. She thought him a dumb pretty boy who she should take pity on.
Finally, he couldn’t take it. Colin used the newspaper job as an excuse to get out of town, brought a bus ticket to the next city over and told Penelope about it, giving her one last ditch attempt at seeing if she would come with him. She looked at him credulously and refused, showing that perhaps she wasn't as in love with him as he thought. That broke his heart a lot more than he cared to admit.
Colin had to become a good man - no - a great man for his wife to actually love him, to want to travel with him, to be with him continually and then maybe she would fall in love with him. He could shower her in riches and his brilliance.
Penelope would be his in her mind, body and soul. So, he left and he didn't regret becoming the man that he is today. Yes, he does regret how it happened and mostly how it affected his stance on his now very bitter wife who he's coming to realize thinks he left her in the dust for brighter and better things. Meanwhile, he started this journey because of her to better himself.
Colin's chest ached at the idea of Penelope actually hating him. That wasn't what this was. The divorce papers weren't even a proclamation of him not loving her, it was more that he assumed she never loved him in return so he was okay with letting her go if that meant that she could be happy. Every time she sent the papers back he had hope that their marriage could last but after a while that hope faded along with his original idea of love from the one woman he couldn't seem to please.
Wiping away sleep from his eyes, Colin got out of his bed, hearing his spine pop back into place. He wasn’t that twenty-year-old anymore, insecure and so unsure and Penelope, well Penelope was a grown woman with ideals and wishes and a life he had somehow missed along with other things.
Colin dressed quickly opting for a lighter pair of shorts and a breezy shirt. Opening his phone, he saw an important text from Lydia.
He watched as the three dots began and stopped a few times before his phone went silent. Strange. Lydia wasn’t usually one to play games. She was confident and strong and so short and hot with her blonde hair and her curvaceous body and, not a replacement for Penelope, he chastised himself. His memories swirled around in his brain as he took a step outside the door of his hotel room and ran straight into his sister-in-law, Sophie carrying a pile of towels.
“Oof!” the pregnant blonde cried. The woman dropped two piles from the top as Colin held onto to her elbow to steady her.
“Easy there Sophie.”
The blonde yanked herself away from him. “I’ve got it! No need for your help. Who barrels into a pregnant woman anyways?”
“It was an accident, I swear.” he said watching as Sophie tried to do a weird squat before it dawned on him that she wanted to pick up the fallen towels. Quick on his feet and trying to make amends, Colin grabbed the towels, folding them.
“Here you go Sophie.” He tried, placing the badly folded towels on top of the pile in her hand. his brother’s wife glared at him. “In fact I can carry those for you.”
“No need Colin. I can carry my own materials for the B&B. Anything I can’t get, Debling does it for me.”
“Debling?” There was something strange about that guy to Colin. “How often is he here?”
“Not that it’s any of your business, it hasn’t been for years, but Ben is busy with the boys and Debling has been a sweetheart. He knows how to be welcomed in someone else's home.” With that she shoved past him on her way to the other rooms.
Colin watched her go before she turned at the end and said, “Don’t you dare forget about brunch at Violet’s, that’s why I didn’t make you breakfast.” with that she was gone.
Colin’s stomach grumbled at that moment. Great.
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Colin pulled up to the address left to him by Anthony. Though he didn't know how his brother got access to his room nor how he would react to seeing him after all these years the man breathed heavily in before exhaling. He glanced out of his window car, staring at the rows upon rows of houses. According to Daphne, the moment Miles had been born Violet had shown Kate and Anthony a listing of a few places then permanently moved into the first one they agreed looked quaint.
Also, according to Daphne, it was a point of contention between the eldest and their mother for a while, but by the time Violet held her grandchild in her arms, all had been forgiven. But he didn't have a magic baby to hand to his mother to make everything better. At least…he didn't anymore.
The last time he was in town was a disaster. Colin had finally felt good enough for Penelope, eager to prove himself as a man she could fall in love with. The couple had enjoyed marital bliss for a few weeks before Penelope had asked him to start a family. This time around, Colin hadn't said no, had felt ready to create something that was uniquely his and Pen's. Yet they must have wanted it too hard, or Colin was being punished for leaving the first time around. Either way, the baby and Penelope's hopes had laid bleeding on their kitchen floor. The sight had been unbearable to witness, the hospital ride even worse. When the doctor shook his head and said his condolences, Colin knew that this was a turning point.
After that Pen didn't leave the bed for months, she was so heartbroken. When Colin suggested they try again, she'd push him away or angrily yell, reminding him that it was his fault. If he had just stayed, if he hadn't left in the first place, they wouldn't be in this predicament. She was so sure it was something that he caught during his travels that caused the miscarriage that she would curl up just being near him.
After a while, Colin got the message. He was worthless but she was his wife. She loved him once… right? Not wanting to repeat last time by running away from his inadequacy Colin suggested that they take a trip, get away from it all and in a cruel string of fate she refused without fully hearing him out. Having neither a warm and loving wife nor a home to go back to, he told Penelope he would head out and be back. That had been nine years ago.
Colin rested his forehead against his steering wheel, feeling the cool of the shining metal absorbing into his body. His headache was pounding, a pulse pressing against his temple reminding him of all the bad… including with his family. He needed to go into this lunch and make things right. First, he needed to get his thoughts together.
Daphne had assured him that everyone missed his presence and was happily awaiting his return, but his sister had a tendency to embellish things like the glitter she enjoyed spreading over her homework. Somehow he didn't think her flowery words were true.
The man glanced at the bouquet of daffodils in the seat wondering if they were still his mother's favorite. Violet used to delight in the ones he brought her, pulling the stems from her hard-working garden, hearing his sister Eloise snort as they got older. “You're ruining mothers garden with your childish prank.”
“Prank?” Colin had gasped.
“Yes,” Eloise stated, “pulling her favorite flowers, just to hand them to her like you're five is a waste of time.”
“Are you saying I'm a waste of time?” he asked, feeling that cold grip of truthfulness creep inside.
“I'm saying you are doing worthless things Colin. Such a waste of a man. If I was in your shoes, I would have sailed the world twice, overthrown the patriarchy and never apologized for anything.”
“You think that's what it means to be a man?” He questioned confused by his sister's strange antiquated view of the masculine role in life.
“I think,” she checked her phone, “Penelope texted me. Got to go.”
He blinked away the memory, noting the way the flowers crinkled in his hands. He had to go, go inside and make amends. Colin was tired of being seen as the useless brother. At least he could start with better relationships with his siblings before he began the rest of his life with Lydia. Yes, this would be for his future happiness and hers. Right?
Before he could talk himself out of it, Colin got out of the car and headed to 5055 Ton Blvd. It was a modest house, a far cry from the near mansion they had grown up in, but it looked homely and nice, just the way his mother liked it.
His hand hovered over the doorknob, a tasteful ornate brass bee smiling back at him showing off the sigil of his ancestor, knowing they too would mock and laugh at the boy he used to be. Stealing himself, Colin raised his knuckles and wrapped, knowing he was not that useless extra waste of space, the unknown brother that people believed to be empty headed, the… the third adjective dyed in his head as his mother opened the door.
“Colin!” She cried, her once bright blue irises now dulled over by years of neglect and ignorance. Wrinkles around her eyes highlighted how much time had passed since he saw the woman who gave birth to him, who loved him when everyone else didn’t. Colin did not get a chance to take in the grey streaking her cherished chestnut hair or the way her elegant blue sweater swallowed her whole as if she had lost weight.
“Oh, my baby boy has come home.” She warbled, pulling him into an embrace that left him at a loss for words. Her strong hands, fully buckling him to her body bathed him in a new feeling. Was this guilt? His chest burned and come to think of it, so did his eyes. Colin inhaled his mother’s scent, lilacs and honey. She was the person he missed the most, the one he regretted now abandoning in his pursuit to become a better man. A tear escaped his eye, his hands coming to pull his mother closer. His entire body warmed at her touch and her tearful declarations, all muffled by his tan button up. When was the last time he had been held by someone like this? When had he been-
“Your baby boy is a research analysis for the chaos of fleeting romances two cities away. This one, ” the man sneered causing Colin to freeze. He knew that voice, the derision, the condescending tone of superiority, it could only be his eldest brother, Anthony. At the negative sound leaving his older brothers' mouth, Colin pulled away from his mother, afraid and body stiff at the military like glare Anthony gave him. He held Violet at arms length looking over her shoulder and trying not to show fear. “is merely the son who gave up on our family for his selfish desires.”
Colin’s older brother was no nonsense. He did not like laziness. He did not tolerate foolishness. He saw anyone who disregarded his family and his responsibility an absolute failure. At least, that is what Anthony had told him through a long-winded voicemail, Colin listened to on repeat till whatever drink he held in his cup was empty and more hands appeared than he knew what to do with. A strange feeling gnawed at his chest. Those were the nights he called his ridiculously hot wife and asked for a modicum of respect or love or anything that she could give him to remind him that he was good enough. He was a human worth loving. Of course, she too gave up on any redemption between the two of them which landed him here and now, standing in the entrance way of his mother’s downsized house unsure how to greet the brother who made him feel worthless.
“Hi, Anthony.” Colin began.
“Anthony!” Violet gasped. “It appears you have had too much to drink, sir. Apologize to your brother at once!”
His brother, now older in a grey cardigan and swirling the dark amber liquid of scotch probably belonging to their father did nothing but frown. His frown lines were more prominent these days as were the tips of dark brown turning lighter at his temples. Colin once again wondered where the time went where his brother looked so much like their father and his mother was considered an older lady.
“I will, when I see a brother.” He stated walking away.
Violet looped her hands through Colin’s arm. “Do not listen to him. He is disgruntled because Edmund has declared he does not want to be like Anthony.”
“What?” Colin chuckled, happy that someone in his family was excited to see him. If Violet knew they had limited time together, he did not think she would hold that against him… unlike some other people.
“Yes, I have so much to catch you up on.” She began. The brunette mused to himself, hoping his mother did not go all out to welcome him home. She was acting as if the sight of him was a rare occurrence or a mythological event. He merely didn’t show up for a few years, not disappear off the face of the earth.
Violet led him to her dining room, the chaos and sounds hitting him at once. Daphne was adjusting the place cards Kate had already put down with precision. Simon was laughing, drinking a glass of tea beside Benedict who gestured wildly with his hands, the second Bridgerton son always the most expressive out of them all.
Sophie, his wife, was carrying an entire roasted chicken out on a glass platter, her pregnant belly a shelf to help her stabilize the bird. Meanwhile his mother’s eyes were brimming with tears again making Colin want to shrink into himself. He did not deserve this homecoming. He was merely here to get a divorce and leave again, which he knew would upset his mother.
“All this was of course when you were on your trip to Peru, Colin.” At the sound of his name all of time stopped.
Sophie, hunched over stood ramrod still. Kate held a final place card in hand, ready to slice him with the stationary and watch his papercuts bleed. Simon crossed his arms over his body, his stance, staunched and somehow prepared for a fight. Benedict for his part, while looking older than words could describe turned to meet Colin’s eyes, his eyebrows raising challengingly as if to say “what a surprise”.
And surprised he was, when his baby sister squealed. “You came!” before running around the room to hug him.
Colin handed the flowers to his mother, rushing out “Mother these are for you.” Before catching Daphne in his arms. The only sound for a moment was of Daphne’s smile and the gentle coo from Violet.
“Brother.” Anthony called, coming into the room as Colin released his sister.
“Thank you, for showing up.” Daphne hushed. “For trying.”
Then she turned to the eldest, her hand on her hip. “At least he showed up. You think he would have been gone longer with the way you bullied him.”
“Me” The man balked. “Daph, this boy-”
“Is our brother.” Daphne stated with such definite assurance that even Colin was floored.
“Good.” She said, when no one dared to speak. “Now sit down and let’s have lunch.”
The eldest son held a stare with the eldest daughter, their stalemate drawing all of the air out of the room as everyone present held their breath, unsure what to say. Daphne narrowed her eyes as Anthony took a sip of scotch, barely blinking nor turning eyes now hooded lower than Colin remembers against his sister.
Eventually the willfulness of their stubbornness cut through and dissipated at the long-suffering sigh exhaling out of their mother’s mouth. “Children enough! Your brother has graced us with his presence, could we please not have a repeat of the last time he visited.”
The last time being when he announced he was leaving Penelope after she had cut him out of their life as if he had wanted their baby to not be born. That was also the time his mother yelled at him, calling out all his flaws in comparison to his perfect father and cementing Colin’s notion that no one in his family thought very highly of him.
“Colin, honey, please sit down.” Violet said softly, pushing Colin to plop down in a chair two seats from her. No one else moved to the table.
“Everyone as well.” Violet said sharply, her command causing everyone to scramble to sit down. Violet sat at the head of the table with Benedict to her left and Sophie beside him. Sitting beside Sophie was Kate who angrily pulled her chair out from the table. Colin gulped when her more aggressive partner sat at the other end of the table, to the left of Colin. Anthony scoffed, rolling his eyes before turning to his wife, letting Colin know what exactly he thought of him. A warm hand squeezed his palm.
Daphne, sitting to his right smiled before retracting at the immovable death waver from Simon who was currently sliding into his seat beside his wife and to the right of Violet. At the final shift of the chair leg situating under the top, the lock and key to allow Colin to leave had been thrown in the river. He shifted in his seat, aware that practically half of the people wanted him dead and the other half, had thought him dead. Neither was a good feeling. This was why he had to make amends and leave. His family, while supportive, not to him, but to the other siblings were suffocating.
Colin reached for the glass of water in front of him, a large palm intercepting over the top of it as he saw Anthony narrow his eyes at him. “That is my cup.” He all but growled.
He took his hand away, noticing their silverware and place settings were put together in the formal manner, a ridiculous set of rules Colin had not remembered in more than twenty years.
“Sorry” He mouthed.
“You are.” His brother scoffed.
“Anthony. Hear him out.” Daphne challenged, her voice like steel.
“Oh, really?” Anthony asked incredulously. “Is that before or after he tried to get me to join his mlm scheme?”
Colin pinched the bridge of his nose. “For the umpteenth time, I apologize, Anthony. Those guys in Cambodia were very convincing. I did not know that they were crooks.”
“This is new.” Anthony snorted sitting back in his chair like a king.
“What is?” Colin inquired afraid of the answer.
“You apologizing. I doubt I’ve heard ‘sorry’ leave your lips once.”
“Anthony, that is unfair. You know that I was in dire straits and on the outs with Pen.”
“I’ll say.” Kate snorted, crossing her arms across her chest. “Did you ever stop to think about how selfish your actions were, Colin? How you hurt that poor, sweet woman with your horny antics.”
“Horny antics?” Daphne asked.
“Oh,” Sophie bitterly laughed. “So that’s why you’re defending him. You don’t know the full truth of your brothers' deeds and his corporate greed to steal from his OWN flesh and blood to get on some… some” she waved her arms around wildly. “sex island!”
Everyone turned from Sophie's explosion to Colin.
“Is that true?” Violet asked shocked.
“No! Gods, mom that’s not true!" Colin rushed never wanting to see the disappointment shining in his mother’s eyes again.
He turned to his second eldest brother still unsure where they stood. Benedict was always the easiest or the hardest to read, today seemed to be the latter. “I know I took money from you Ben, but I was stranded and the guy who owned the boat to get off the village island of Madagascar”, he pointedly stated looking Sophie in the eyes to let her know he meant each word leaving his mouth, “full of perfectly decent and nice people who don’t judge their flesh and blood based on one inciting incident and make them feel like a subhuman who isn’t worth the dirt he stands on, needed food and drink and I hadn’t acquired enough to help them because apparently I’m not good enough even in a third world country which is why afterwards the boat guy gave me a discount so I didn’t throw myself in the water and prove how insignificant and invaluable I was to the group of people who hated me the most.” Colin word vomited breathing heavily in and out.
His ears were ringing while bile rose through his throat, his mind whirling and eyes stinging at the admission of all the hurt he held inside of him since he was a boy. But as the dust settled, he realized everything he said was true. The silence from his so-called family grounded him, reminded him that he only had a home with Pen before that too fell and now his true home, the one where he felt like someone worthy, someone meant to be looked at his admiration and love.
That love sat with Lydia. Sweet, pretty, plump Lydia with her light blonde hair that looked burgundy in the autumn sunlight and the way she had freckles hidden on her body she let him trace with her tongue, her pink lips spewing out paragraphs of Austen and W.E.B Du Bois and so many writers with prolific lives, that he had a hard time keeping up. Lydia would make him whole; she would not make him question himself again unlike the people sitting at the table with him.
His fist which were clamped about the wooden handle of his chair unclenched, blood rushing back to his shaking fingers as Colin got up abruptly. “I have to go.” He said, his feet numb and mind hurting, and he was gonna throw up. He was the worst human and being reminded of that every second of every day wasn’t how he wanted to start his new life, being a man he could be proud of.
“NO, Colin!” His mothers crying voice cut through his spiraling. “Please, don’t go. Not yet.” She whispered the last part to him.
He was stuck; feet physically unable to move. Colin felt a tear dropped down his cheek, pushing away the anger and every other feeling. Right. When he was in a collective, he could not cry. He had to have no emotions; he had to show that nothing bothered him. Stealing himself, he breathed in and out before retreating his true self inside his heart, the last shattered part of it belonging to one woman and one woman alone.
“Colin,” Daphne asked hesitantly, “are you alright?”
“Perfectly fine Daph.” He assured her, hating every word leaving his lips. “Just jetlagged, that’s all.”
“But your words before,” she hushed. “You know that we don’t hate you right?”
Kate coughed loudly. “Speak for yourself.”
“Now, wait a minute.” Anthony furrowed his brow, holding up his hand to silence his wife who scowled. “Colin, we don’t think you’re indispensable, lacking direction, that is obvious,”
“Anthony.” His mother warned.
“Right.” The man coughed, “but a valuable person nonetheless.”
“Of course.” Colin bitterly laughed, hearing how manic he sounded. “Now pass the turkey. It looks great Sophie.” The blonde still glared at him.
“Colin, dear.” Violet said slowly.
He could not deal with this; their pity was even worse than their scorn. “I’m fine!” he cried, his declaration making everyone sit back in their chair from the volume he displayed.
After that they all ate in the quiet. They sat in awkward silence, the only thing that could be heard was the scraping of silverware across the glass plates. His mother Violet kept smiling at him warmly, her eyes brimming with tears. Shit! Colin had to look away. He felt guilty at the utter happiness he was causing. It wasn't a big commotion, he was only back in town for a few days, she didn’t have to make a big deal out of it.
Staring at his plate, he continued to glare at his meat, wishing to be anywhere but here at the moment. Alerting his attention, Anthony cleared his throat standing up from his chair.
Colin looked at his brother, confused as he held up his scotch glass. “As you all may know, our wayward brother has returned.” All eyes were on Colin.
“While we do not forgive him for his slanderous behavior-”
“Anthony dear. Please-” Violet began.
“Yeah, stop this. What are you in a regency movie?” Kate yanked her husband back into his seat.
Anthony grumbled before glaring at Colin, “How long are you staying for?”
“Better yet, when are you leaving?” Kate growled.
“Kate!” Violet admonished gasping loudly.
“What its true? We’re all thinking it? I'm the first one to say it.”
"I-ummm”
The scraping of a knife against the plate got louder until all eyes turned to Sophie as she threw her silverware set down ,pushing back from the table. “I’m curious about that too. When will you be paying me back for the B&B you're staying at. You know I don't run a charity case.”
“Sophie.” Ben placed a loving arm around his wife.
“No Ben, he took our money and never gave it back then ghosted you with a thousand and one lies. I don’t care if he didn’t feel love from your mother as a kid or whatever his sob story was. I want answers and more importantly, I want compensation for letting him sleep at my property.”
“Okay, no need for blood shed.” Daphne began.
“How could you forgive him so easily Daph? You spent the most time with Penelope. You saw how devastated she was when Colin left.”
“I did,” Daphne took a sip of wine, “but I also saw her jump back and now she’s happy and doing what she loves.”
Doing what she loves? What did that mean? He wondered.
“And Arthur.” Benedict mentioned. Everyone glared at the second born. “Sorry was that a secret?” he snorted.
“Who’s Arthur?” Colin asked
“Oh, like you care.” Kate snorted drinking.
“He’s a really nice man Colin, I believe you’d like him.” Daphne answered without saying anything.
“Does Penelope have another man?” he asked irrationally upset and hurt at the prospect. Was that who she saw that made her drop her mug, a secret man? While they were still married.
“Now Colin dear, you’ve been gone for quite sometime and Penelope did not know if you would ever come back.”
“So, you’re saying you condone her cheating?”
“What's it to you if she is?” Kate challenged.
“Kate, please.” Anthony said, rubbing at his temples.
“No, I want to know why Mister high and mighty is here judging Penelope.”
Colin gritted his teeth tired of the excuses, “Because I’m getting married!” He burst out.
The room got quiet before Benedict chuckled. “No duh. You’re married to Penelope.”
Colin sighed. “No, I'm getting married again. Penelope and I are getting a divorce.”
The room erupted in noises, everyone talking over each other.
“Oh, Colin, I wish you had said something.”
“You bastard. You scum of the earth.”
“I can’t believe you would say such a thing.”
“If this is meant to be. I find it funny that it probably isn't.’”
“Who is she?”
“I couldn't believe the news myself when I heard it.” Everyone looked at Daphne before talking began again.
“She knew?”
“Before me?”
“You're a weasel Colin Bridgerton.”
“I hope you burn in hell!” that last one could have been from Kate but at this point the hostility was coming from all sides.
Violet stood up slamming her hands on the table “Enough!”
Everyone quieted down. She cleared her throat. “Colin dear, what is the meaning of this?” with her sharp eyes on him he was reverted back to a ten-year-old boy.
“I, umm I’m getting married mother. To someone who isn’t Pen.”
Someone was about to speak but Violet held up a hand. “Do you love this girl?”
“More than anything. She’s amazing and smart and cultured and full of life.”
Violet smiled sadly at him. “You didn’t answer my question.”
Colin was confused. “I don't understand.”
Violet sat again refolding her napkin across her lap. “The first time Eloise brought Penelope over your father thought you’d developed a crush. When he stopped you as you were running for the last slice of pie, he asked you if you loved Penelope. Without hesitation you said, and I quote 'She's better than cherry pie’.”
“Come on mom, I was twelve. I didn’t-”
Violet glared at him. “I wasn’t finished.” Colin shut his trap.
“Now every time one of your siblings has come to me to let me know they think they’ve found the one, I ask them the same thing: “Do you love them?” She looked at Anthony.
His eldest brother grabbed his wife's hand kissing her knuckles, “With every passing day.”
“Benedict?" his brother beamed, stroking Sophie's pregnant bump. “She is the air in which I breathe.”
“Daphne?”
His sister smiled, snuggling closer to her husband “He really is my prince charming.”
She looked at Colin. “Now I will ask you again, is this new female you’re bringing into our lives, is she the one you love?”
Colin knew this was a test, much like everything else and if he had his family on his side he could use them to convince Penelope for his divorce. Lydia wouldn't have to deal with his crazy family unless they forget Penelope. “She’s the one mother. I love Lydia.” Daphne gasped happily getting up from her seat to hug Colin.
“Oh Col, we’re going to have another sister-in-law.”
“What about the one we already have?” Benedict, who had been quiet more or less asked.
“Colin looked his brother in the eyes. “I will make things right with Pen, but I need time. We were young and dumb when we married, I know, but this one is the real deal now. I can make this a sure thing with Lydia.”
Anthony nodded. “If you say so.”
“I do.” Whatever Anthony saw in his eyes he looked away glancing to their mother. “Mother?”
Violet sniffled. “I will miss Penelope the most, but I am happy you have made a decision son.”
“Thanks mom.” he smiled truly meaning it. Violet stared at him giving him a small smile with an unreadable expression. Colin decided not to dwell on it.
Before he could say more, a knock sounded throughout the house, making all the inhabitants look back towards the door.
“I wonder who that is?” violet muttered
“Violet.” A soft voice called out, the name and tone every person had heard multiple times, including Colin. It was Penelope, his wife and the woman who might also have a partner. While it would be hypocritical of Colin to be upset with her for finding someone else, he also couldn’t help the swelling uneasiness of her finding another man to be close with, that was meant to be his spot. They were meant to be happy and in love. Too bad time and life got in the way.
“Oh!” Kate sat up, scraping the chair against the tile floor. “She is here for me.”
“You?” Violet asked, getting up to answer the door.
“Yes.” Kate groaned. “Edmund burrowed her blue cape for his school play, and I promised to bring it back to her but then this lunch came up and I told her we were all at your place Vi.”
“Oh, that’s fine. Do you have the cape with you?”
“No. it’s in the car.” Kate said heading to the door as well.
“Penelope!” his mother cried opening the door to display Colin’s wife of twelve?? Years. The redhead had her hair braided to the side, showing off her pretty mustard yellow sweater, the knitted stripes showing off her wonderful body, the curves of her neck, her cheeks and breast displaying her plump stomach and round hips hugged under her black jeans. Colin while pissed at the woman before him for not giving him his divorce, he could acknowledge that his resulting feelings were bubbling up making him forget how beautiful he always found Penelope. She was, without the ire of her wrath for these past years, intelligent, captivating and still stuck inside of his brain, he realized. Her baby blue eyes and cherub cheeks shined in the autumn sunlight, her lush fingers adjusting at the strap of her crossbody bag.
“Thanks Vi. Kate mentioned her and Ant were here for-” her voice died out when she saw not only the three people, she named but five other people standing in the open living space, waiting for her to continue. Her cheeks redden, reminding Colin of a girl he thought he had lost forever. “I apologize. I didn’t know…” she let that sentence also drift away.
“No apologies necessary.” Voilet beamed hugging the young woman. “I called for a lunch since one of my children has finally deemed us with his presence.”
“Oh, I know.” Penelope scoffed her eyes meeting Colin’s as he began to break out into a sweat. It was like the last time he saw her, pure derision. He held back a gulp of nervousness.
“I wouldn’t be here that long if you just signed the-"
“Shut up!” Penelope hissed, everyone watching in surprise. Colin could see that this version of spitfire and hatred was only saved for him. Interesting.
“Pen,” he answered holding up his hands in surrender. “my family knows about our-” the word divorce seemed bitter and unappealing with so many people standing there watching them. This is why he wanted to have this conversation with just Penelope. Their breaking up was about the two of them, not his family. Which solidified Colin’s idea. His family was too close and too nosy. They did not know when to ignore things when it wasn’t their relationship. “uncoupling.” He finished lamely.
“Uncoupling?” Penelope blinked walking towards him. “Uncoupling!” she said louder stalking towards him. Colin took a step back, then another as she barreled towards him a Valkyrie goddess both beautiful and fully prepared to damn him.
“Now, Pen you-”
“You!” she pointed a finger at him, his back hitting a wall the same time her nails pressed into his stomach. “You can’t just show up here and turn my world upside down because you want a divorced. I told you to tell your mother you were in town, not make a spectacle of our marriage in front of your family, my family.”
She took a step back, her voice breaking. “Well, I suppose not my family by blood anymore but still.”
Her eyes met his with full steel. “You did this.” She said will full conviction.
“And I know that I wasn’t enough. I know I’m a stubborn asshole; I know that I abandoned you. That I gave you something to make you lose the child! I know Penelope!” Colin roared seeing his wife step back for the first time, her eyes wavering with an emotion he did not know.
“Fuck! You think I don’t know that I wasn’t man enough for you, how your mother thought I was useless the first year of our marriage, how I..” Colin’s voice cracked. As he slumped his shoulders. It didn’t matter, nothing did. Penelope could be happy, his family would be happy, they all had been happy without him. This fact he knew with his full being.
“Just sign the divorce papers Pen.” He said, resigned to his fate as he ran a hand through his hair. “They’re still your family. Never really mine.” He admitted quietly to her, looking her in the eyes.
“Colin, I-”
The doorbell sounded again as every eye turned to the entryway. Violet looked to be on the verge of tears and Colin wondered when he would stop hitting the self-destruct button. “I’ll get it.” She whispered, going to open the door.
Then in a blinding beam of autumn light, the wooden panel opened to reveal a gorgeous, short plump woman: Lydia.
“Hi, I’m Lydia McLaren. You must be Violet, Colin’s mom.” Everything in the world stopped. What was she doing here?
Colin wanted to walk towards her, to carry his way and his love to the woman without complications but his body refused. He slid his view back to Penelope, her body half turned to him, the other half assessing his fiancé. The brunette man tried to imagine what Pen would see in her that he couldn’t. She was small, with curves for days, he had always been into women with larger assets and even larger brains. Lydia had introduced him to the opera, which he mostly found boring, but she adored it and poetry slam nights which he found too loud but the way her brown eyes shined made him want to pluck each and every star for her and bring it down for her pleasure… his Penelope.
Wait! No, Colin shook his head. Not Penelope. Lydia. Lydia was the one.
He blinked watching as Violet shakily hugged the exuberant girl back. “I am Colin’s mother. Nice to meet you dear. We’ve,” she glanced about the room. “Heard so much about you.”
Everyone nodded along, pretending but tense. Lydia, unaware of the strife between him and his family members, waved as Violet led her towards Colin.
“Hey stud.” She smiled, wrapping her arms around him.
“Hi, beautiful.” He muttered in her hair, hearing a sharp intake of breath from somewhere in front of him. “This is such a surprise.”
“Well,” Lydia pulled back to look him in the eyes. “You kept mentioning visiting your family and I didn’t want our wedding day to be the first time we met. Did I do something wrong?” She questioned.
“No,” he assured her. “I like having you here.”
“Good.” She held his hand. “I’m so sorry everyone. I feel like I’ve walked in on a family issue.”
“You have no idea.” Benedict muttered, sipping from his glass of wine. Colin shot him a glare.
“Lydia, let me introduce you the family. This is my eldest brother, Anthony and his wife Kate went out to grab something from the car. You’ll meet her soon.”
Anthony, ever the polite gentleman shook her hand, trying to smile but failing. “Nice to meet you, Lydia.”
“Likewise.” She nodded.
“This is the next oldest brother, Benedict and his wife Sophie. Sophie runs the bed and breakfast that we’ll be staying at.”
“Good to finally meet you.” Benedict smirked, picking up Lydia’s hand and kissing the back.
“Stop that!” Sophie sneered swatting his hand away. “On behalf of my husband, I apologize. We would be glad to have you at The Silver Shack. It’s an all-inclusive stay in the price.” She made sure to glare at Colin, clearly and not subtly asking for money.
“Of course.” Lydia nodded. “I would never want to take advantage of your hospitality. In fact, I would love to sit down and do a profile interview about your experience. I find it so interesting that you run a B&B but tell me if that’s being too forward.” The woman blushed.
Sophie didn’t conceal the surprise on her face. “Oh, ummm sure. We could do that.”
“Great!” Lydia smiled.
Colin led her over to Daphne and Simon. “This is one of my younger sisters Daphne and her husband Simon.”
“Hi!” Daphne squealed, “I’m a hugger.” She stated before hugging Lydia. “We are over the moon excited to meet you. Right, SI?” she hit her husband in the ribs.
“Of course.” The former boxer said robotically.
Lydia smiled but Colin could tell she picked up on his brother-in-law's hostility.
“Right, and Lydia this is…” he swung around only to be face to face with Penelope. She was somehow the woman he knew the most and the least about in this room. “this is..” The redhead raised an eyebrow, challenging Colin to say how they were truly linked together. His mind was racing at once, unsure of an answer when Penelope held out her hand.
“Hi, I’m Penelope. A cousin.”
Everyone in the room watched them shake hands, enthralled by the way it was unfolding.
“Oh cool. Colin, you told me you had a huge family but not that all of them were so nice and pretty.” Lydia said blushing when she realized everyone could hear her.
“Thank you.” Pen smiled, keeping eye contact with Colin.
“Alright Pen, here is your cloak!” Kate announced coming into the foyer, stopping dead in her tracks. “Oh, hi there?”
“Hi, I’m Lydia.” Colin’s fiancé said holding out her hand in greeting. Kate looked at the gesture then to Penelope standing beside her then back to Lydia as she shook her hand. “And you know about Penelope?”
“Oh, no. I don’t.” Lydia looked back. “Are you feeling alright?”
Penelope waved her off. “What Kate meant to say is that as the cousin in the family, I’m getting over a divorce.” Benedict coughed up his wine, choking as Sophie patted him on the back. “Yeah, my ex-husband was pretty distant. Turns out he had an entire woman on the side.”
“That’s terrible.” Lydia said grabbing Penelope’s hands. “Men like that could be castrated for their cruel treatment. Please tell me you got away from him.”
Penelope looked at Colin, smirking. “You could say that.”
Lydia breathed a sigh of relief. “My favorite author had a storyline just like that and the lady burned down the guy's house. It was pretty thrilling to read.”
“And who’s your favorite author?” Penelope laughed.
“She’s an upcoming indie writer though I like her regency books the best. You might have heard her, L. D. Whistledown.”
The entire room went quiet as Penelope took a step back, her smile tight and false now. What was going on? Colin wondered.
“I umm,” Penelope searched the room. “That name sounds familiar, but I don’t read that much.”
“Yes you do.” Colin spoke. “When we were younger I couldn’t get you to stop reading for a second to play on the playground with us.”
“Yeah, well. You’ve been gone and you’re mistaken.” Penelope grabbed the cloak from Kate’s hands, their shared look a panic something colin picked up on. “I’ve got errands to run before the Applefest. See you then.” She rushed leaving the house.
“Weird.” Colin said.
“Only if you don’t know Penelope, your cousin.” Kate said slowly.
“What’s an Applefest?” Lydia asked.
“I’ll explain on the car ride back to the hotel.” Colin assured her grabbing her hand. Pen’s reaction verses his family’s interactions were starting to play with his mind. He had to go.
“Thanks mom and Sophie for lunch. Sorry we can’t stay.” He told them rushing off. Colin had a lot to think about.
The moment they stepped outside of his mother's house, Lydia yanked her hand out of Colin's. “Colin, what has gotten into you?” She questioned. He turned to look at his salvation, the woman who would make him whole and saw the pouting of her lips as she rubbed at her wrist.
He ran a hand through his hair, then sighed. “Sorry Lydia. I… I don’t have the greatest relationship with my family and you showing up-”
“Should help you start over again with them.” She stated coming to press her hand against his chest. He took a look into those chocolate brown eyes of hers and wondered if he was the luckiest man in the world.
The man slotted his hands over the wide expanse of her hips, pulling her close. “I promised you an amazing fiancé and an even better wedding, Lydia. Please let me work out my issues with my family then we can leave.” He muttered, pressing his forehead against hers.
She smiled, “Okay, but don’t try to shut me out. Just because my family is normal and well-adjusted doesn’t mean I can’t be your rock to lean on. Got it?”
“I do.” He whispered kissing the top of her hair. It smelt like blueberries and violets unlike the warm embrace of honey that seemed to envelop Penelope whenever he was around. Colin closed his eyes, hugging Lydia tighter. This was his fiancé. He loved her, not his wife…. Right?
“Oh?” he heard a voice exclaim seeing Penelope standing at the corner of the corner of the sidewalk. Her eyes switched to their interlaced fingers then to Colin’s face and back again. “I’m sorry.” She took a hasty step back and ran around the corner.
Shit! Colin inwardly groaned. “She’s a peculiar woman, but I like her style and her hair. It’s very pretty, don’t you think?” Lydia mused pulling Colin towards his car. He had had dreams of his wife in dresses tempting him to take his husbandly duties before and it seemed the universe was determined to taunt him again.
“You have no idea.” The brunette man responded, following after the light-haired woman reminding himself the soft swell of her backside was his favorites to see instead of his wife’s. He was so screwed.
-------------------------------
Two hours, one shower and a quick wank off where Colin imagined his wife then switched to his fiancé later, found him and Lydia walking hand and hand under the Applefest balloon arch, each shiny red plastic wrapped in cellophane reflecting the slowing midday sun. It was nice enough that everyone in his family were only in jeans and a heavy sweater, sans Sophie who decorated her pregnant belly as an apple and wore a giant scarf that looked heavy about her neck. She pinched Benedict on the upper arm the moment she spotted Colin, her face souring.
Colin made eye contact with his second eldest brother, still unsure of where they stood. All his in-laws and his wife had been very adamant about their opinions of him. In fact Benedict smirked, raising a hand in greeting to Colin before his wife smacked it down. “Ben!” she heard him hiss as they got closer. Fear seized his heart, a sharp pain lurching in his stomach. What if… what if Sophie convinced Benedict to not listen to Colin’s apology. She was certainly not planning on listening to anything that came from his mouth, why would his brother? Though admittedly the man who rubbed at his dark grey sweater was a completely different person than Colin remembered from his youth.
The Ben from his childhood was wild and free and enjoyed spray tagging any flat surface he found with his artist genius murals. He’d rolled his eyes alongside Colin whenever Daphne waxed on about finding the great love of her life. His brother even agreed whenever Eloise would go on her feminist rants about the patriarchy forcing people of all genders to fall in love for their benefits. That man, who laughed and wanted to be free now ran a hand through his sons' hairs, looking every much the conventional man and husband to a nuclear family. Something, Colin was sure no one wanted him to be. A pressure about his hand had him glancing down at Lydia’s round face. She smiled back at him, squeezing their interlocked fingers as they got closer to his family.
“You’re shaking a bit, Col.” She whispered, leaning in. “You can hold my hand if it’s getting too cold.” Lydia beamed bringing their hands together to kiss his knuckles. Colin warmed at her gesture. That was right, he had nothing be worried about. Lydia was his anchor and his future. Everything else was insignificant. Except Penelope, a tiny voice in his mind supplied. Annoyed, the groom-to-be winked back at his fiancé wanting to assure his mind, that he was being delusional into thinking him and Penelope were nothing but young kids who got into a situation they weren’t prepared for. At all.
“Of course babe.” He responded as they finally made it to his family.
Violet was giggling with Daph and Simon’s daughter, Amelia, who he met earlier in the week. The little girl looked more like her father, but she smiled so brightly at his mother that Colin had to blink away the sun to ensure he wasn’t seeing a clone of his sister, his mind somehow taking him down memory lane.
“Ha! Mom hit dad. Now you’re it, dad.” A small boy with dark blonde hair laughed loudly hanging on to Benedict's arm. His tiny feet jumped up and down on his toes, his light up sneakers reflecting miniature solar flares as the sun began to set. This had to be Ben’s eldest son, Colin mused.
“That’s right Charles, so,” Benedict made a crazy face puffing out his cheeks. “Beware!” he play roared, bringing his arms up in a bear stance, slowly stomping towards his son. The little boy shrieked, running to cower behind his mother’s legs. Charles? Huh? Colin face fell. He knew the little boy was his brothers, but his name didn't sound familiar at all. Huh. The guilt of being away for too long settled in his brain.
He really was a failure.
“Colin! You came.” Daphne announced introducing his appearance to their entire clan. Kate who was handing her basket of apples to a perfect hybrid of her and Anthony dropped the wicker tin immediately.
Ignoring the commotion of it all, Daphne threw on a smile that Colin knew was not exactly genuine. “And you brought Lydia. How great.”
She brought him in for a hug, confusing Colin. They weren't an overly touchy family. But he missed so much of their lives and the growing up of his nieces and nephews. He would not deny her any affection after so long.
Daphne pulled him close, both arms wrapping about his shoulders as she went on her tippy toes. “You know Penelope was invited and she's coming.” She pulled back.
Penelope was coming? Why? He furrowed his brow.
Daphne gave him a sad smile, patting his upper arms. “She is family. Always has been.” She stated aloud. Then she turned to Lydia. “I'm so excited for you to join us.”
“Mama, who is that man?” A small boy inquired loudly, hiding behind Daphne's pants leg. Colin now knew this to be his youngest nephew, outside of the one inside of Sophie’s stomach, named David. The little boy had deep rich skin like his father but held a wide-eyed curiosity that only belonged to his sister.
Colin’s younger sister laughed nervously, her cheeks reddening slightly as she avoided making eye contact with him. She squatted next to her youngest child, smiling softly. “This man here is your Uncle Colin and his special friend Lydia. Want to say hi?”
“I thought dad said our Uncle Colin was dead.” Caroline, one of Daphne and Simon's kids answered loudly, her hand held tightly by Violet’s. Dead? His nephews and nieces thought he was dead? Colin couldn't believe his ears.
Violet smiled awkwardly, unhanding her granddaughter. “No sweetie. You heard your father wrong.
“Miles, why don’t you and Caroline go find the others and figure out why daddy, Miles, Belinda and Uncle Si are taking so long.” Kate said in a sugar sweet voice that had Colin’s skin crawling.
“But, I want to see them smash the apples daddy.” Alexander, Ben’s youngest whined.
“Later bud. I promise. Now go play. All you kids.” He said, straightening up to his full height. Benedict’s fatherly authority must have hit the kids and even made Colin take a step back.
“Okay.” The kids shrugged, running off like they didn't shatter Colin's entire life.
“Tag you’re the rotten apple.” He could hear Charles yell as they all scampered off further into the throng of people at the apple orchard festival. It was mostly made and crafted for those who lived in the town so the kids were in no trouble at all. But Colin might be. NO! His siblings would be. Why did their children think he was no longer alive?
“You told them I was dead?!” he questioned, feeling angry.
Daphne looked at her hands. “I didn't personally.”
“I did.” Simon said walking up with Anthony in tow. His brother-in-law stared Colin directly in his eyes his statement puffing out his entire chest challenging Colin to say otherwise.
“How else would we explain to the kids about their absentee uncle who barely knew their names?”
“I… don’t understand.” Lydia said in the quiet. At that Simon at least looked a bit guilty, shrinking back as Daphne pulled him into her side.
Violet sighed. “I know, dear. It will all make sense soon.”
“I’ll explain later.” Colin muttered to his distraught and confused fiance.
“Should have already done that.” Kate not so subtly loudly whispered.
“That's not fair and you know it. These things are complicated.” Colin told Kate.
“You're right, it’s not fair. It's comical.“ Kate laughed sharply. She settled back into leaning on Anthony. “I should have thought of that Si.”
“Honey.” her husband warned. The Indian woman turned to glare at her husband who merely kissed her nose in response. Her scowl only dissipated a little bit.
“Thank you.” The Anthony softly smiled, bringing her closer to wrap his arms and press her back further into his front.
“What about you two?” Colin questioned, looking at Sophie and Benedict, “What did you tell your boys?”
Sophie looked at her husband, who cleared his throat before smirking a little. “The boys don't know you exist.”
“WHAT!” Colin screamed.
“We are in public, children.” Violet hushed.
“What the fuck Ben!” Colin snapped, shaking loose Lydia to stomp towards his brother. It seems that they weren’t on as good terms as he thought. Anthony, noticing Colin’s aggression, let go of his wife to step forward but Kate held him back.
“Colin!” Their mother cried. “There are children about.” She waved vaguely at the kids running in and out of stalls and making so much noise that there was no way they heard his expletive.
“What children mother? The ones who apparently think I am a dead ghost.”
“Being a ghost inherently implies that you are dead.” Kate chimed in.
“Yes, thank you Kate for the semantics lessons.” He gritted through his teeth.
“Always here to help.” She beamed.
“Please Kate.” Violet said weary, rubbing at her temples.
Colin turned back to his brother. “What do you tell your boys about growing up? About our trips to tag every surface of the town? About your childhood? Am I.. that easy to erase?”
Benedict’s smug face fell. He shrugged, looking at the ground. “It was easier this way Colin. I mention to the boys that I was a moody child, I played with my siblings and that I liked to have fun. They never needed to know details.”
“Like a brother missing?” Colin raged.
“Yeah, like that.” Benedict answered taking a step closer. “You were gone Colin. You rejected us first. We just tried to pick up the pieces.” It was true. At his statement, Colin deflated. Benedict was right. He left. It was mostly because he thought no one loved him enough to miss him leaving and that his wife thought he was a joke. That was what killed him the most, he willingly admitted.
“What else?” Colin sighed, feeling tears well in his eyes. “What other details should I know about myself from all these years, other than that my family hates me and proved my point.” He seethed.
“Enough!” Anthony announced.
Everyone looked at the eldest Bridgerton as he pinched his nose before walking towards Colin. He grasped his shoulders, holding him at arm's length. “Look Colin. You just showed up unannounced wanting to be a family again. And we want that, at least your siblings do.” He turned to look at Daphne who nodded.
“Of course.”
He turned to Ben. “Right, Ben?”
Benedict kicked at the dirt. “It’s been a long time Colin but you never stopped being our brother.”
“Exactly.” Anthony agreed. “Now, none of us knew that you thought,” he gulped, looking away at their mother. “You aren’t useless Colin. A pain in the ass. A chaos starter.”
“A money thief.” Sophie chimed in.
“A creator of tears.” Simon added.
“A dumpster fire of a-” Kate began, smirking.
“Yes!” Anthony yelled glaring at each of the in-laws. “Be that as it may, you, Colin Bridgerton, are our brother. You aren’t forgettable, brother. If anything, we made up these elaborate lies to try and forget your presence.”
“Oh, Colin!” Daphne rushed in, running in to hug both of her brothers.
Colin could barely take a breath before he was also being enveloped by Benedict.
He looked around at his siblings, his eyes watering again. “Guys, I’m so sorry.” He sniffed.
“Us too.” Daphne agreed, hugging all her brothers tighter. “Mom, come here.” she called as the children parted to let Violet through.
Colin’s mother stood on her toes to kiss Colin on the cheek. She wiped away the silent tears he didn’t know were flowing. “My sweet baby boy. You try so hard to be hard but you’re sensitive like me and I adore that.”
“Thanks mom.” he hugged her again as he finally felt whole. It was a strange sensation to be accepted and not be searching for it. It actually felt like a dream. If it was, he never wanted to leave it.
Eventually they all pulled back, mostly once it passed a few seconds, Anthony who was touch adverse until he met Kate, coughed. “Colin. Time heals all wounds but these are still new. Let’s talk at a later date.”
“Of course Ant.” He smiled, watching his older brother smile softly before heading back to his wife who was watching the entire exchange with an unreadable expression. In fact, Simon and Sophie also looked with strange expressions on their faces. And his poor, clueless Lydia was standing off to the side obviously feeling left out.
Colin walked over to take her hand. “You okay?”
She bit her lips, her wide brown eyes so pretty and confused. Colin had the sudden urge to kiss her and press all those worries away. Then he thought immediately of Penelope in her place and did not. His mind was too cloudy to add seeing his wife in his new fiance’s mannerisms.
“I will be okay but right now this is a lot to absorb.” He squeezed her hand then turned to his family who started to disperse into the festival.
“Wait, if I’m going to prove I’m not a ‘ghost’ to your kids, what other facts should I know you told them?” He questioned.
“Charles thinks Pen is a widow and that she'll marry him in the future.” Sophie piped in, lugging a bunch of tiny backpacks that Ben took from her hands.
“The kids are convinced that they might see Uncle Colin in their nightmares if they don't behave. You're a one legged pirate in the stories I tell.” Simon acknowledged pulling Daphne to snuggle closer to his side.
“I tell the boys you're an example of what not to do. They collectively create a better brother for Anthony that he should have had.” Kate stated, walking hand in hand past an apple pie stand.
“Really?” Anthony stopped in his tracts, looking down at his wife. He frowned, then shrugged. “That explains the weird ‘brother-father’ thing they were doing for a while.”
The group lapsed into silence taking in the apple festival as they headed towards the picking orchard.
A moment passed before their mother sighed. “You should know Colin that I pretend Pen lost you at sea so we can get better prices at the fish market.”
“Mom!”
“Oh, is Lenord Remmington still there?” Kate inquired, saying a name Colin had never heard before.
“Yes, and he's got the biggest crush on Penelope.” Violet smiled.
“He's not the only one.” Sophie giggled.
“Oh please Soph, you're their number one fan. I don't think Pen is into him.” Kate scoffed.
“I don't know.” Simone scratched at his beard, “He did say she liked how he looked in his Robin Hood costume last Halloween. Plus their chemistry is palpable.”
“Good thinking for getting her to dress up as maid Marian.” Daphne smiled. “The way he looked at her, I just swooned.”
“I would have too if her breast were popping out like that in front of me.” Kate chuckled. Anthony grabbed the spiked cider glass she was currently paying for.
“I think that's enough from you.”
“I can do this sober too, you know.” She kissed him on the cheek.
Her husband laughed. “Oh, I'm aware of your prowess Mrs. Bridgerton.”
“Wait! Who is this guy you’re talking about?” Colin asked, confused.
Everyone looked at each other sharing the family telecasts chat. For the first time in a long time Colin no longer had the frequency to dial in.
“Sweetheart.” Violet said slowly looking at Lydia.
“There is a man who-” Sophie coughed. “who is interested in Penelope. She seems to reciprocate his feelings but with you always away…” She trailed off but Colin could fill in the blanks. With him always gone there was a possibility that he could come back so she never went after this guy. Who was this clown anyways?
“What! No! I veto that! No. No one is allowed to be interested in Pen.” He shouted. He only received sad pitying looks back. Why wasn't everyone in agreement with him?
“Colin dear, you just announced Lydia to us. You are so sweet for joining us here sweetheart.” His mother said cordially smiling at his fiancé.
“But you cannot hoard Penelope. She deserves to have a life.”
“I think it’s sweet that you’re so protective of your cousin after her terrible marriage.” Lydia spoke up.
Kate grinning, snatched her cider back from Anthony. “Oh, he was the worst Lydia. Do you want to hear more about his indiscretions?”
“Oh, I don't know if I should gossip about someone, I don't know that well.” Lydia held up her hands in protest but no one says no to Kate once she sets her sights on something. She grabbed Lydia's arm and pulled her into the trees. “Come on Soph, we’ll get Lydia here caught up on the latest drama. All of it.”
She winked at Colin as he yelled after her. “Kate!”
She sent him her middle finger, took his fiancé and left.
“Any chance she tells Lydia about me and Pen?” he wearily asked the remaining members of the group.
Anthony shrugged. “It's a fifty-fifty chance Colin. Now I gotta help my son who is climbing on a tree, EVEN THOUGH I TOLD HIM NOT TO.” Anthony yelled sprinting over to Edmund hanging upside down on a branch a few foot off of the ground.
“Speaking of kids, Belinda will spend all of her money on face painting if I don't stop her, sorry Colin.” Daphne said patting his shoulder before leaving.
Simon shrugged, smirking. “I’m not.”
Colin turned to his mother. I suppose that leaves you, me and Ben, mom.”
Violet smiled softly. “Actually I prefer to help the grandkids when I can so I believe it is just you and your brother for this one son. Glad to have you back.”
Colin wanted to tell her he wasn't back for good but he didn't wanted to break her heart again so Colin held his tongue. He turned back to Benedict who had his hands in his pockets staring at the ground.
“What do you say Ben? Want to go apple picking?” He asked cautiously.
To his surprise his brother grinned goofily and familiar. “Let’s do it.”
Both men walked slowly further into the woods. The only sound coming from them pounding in Colin’s ears were the crunching of the summer grass under his boat shoes and the deafening silence from his brother. He tried to think of something to say, whatever would fix the drilling inquisitive stare Benedict was giving him.
The thirty-four year old ran a hand through his hair, sighing. He would, like always have to rip the band aid off and admit that maybe he hadn’t been the best brother for the past few years.
“Look Ben-”
“So Lydia?” they both spoke at the same time. Colin grimaced.
“You go first.”
His older brother took a step back, going to lean on a tree. Up close Colin could see the crow's feet at the edges of Benedict's eyes which hadn’t been there before. His hair, while long in their youth, was neatly cut and tousled. He wore a blue knit sweater rolled up to his elbows and jeans. His body language was of someone more self-assured and confident than the rebel hellraiser who wanted to paint the literal town red. This was yet another detail, Colin regretted not being around to experience.
Benedict ran his tongue over his teeth, crossing his arms. “So, Lydia? Is this new?”
Colin gulped. “No, it’s been going on for two years.”
“Really? And you never thought to mention this to Penelope?”
Colin winced at the name of his wife. “It never came up whenever she sent the divorce papers back unsigned.”
“And how long has that been going on?”
“How long was I trying to get a divorce?” Colin questioned, confused by his brother’s logic.
“Yes.” Benedict sighed, closing his eyes. “Colin, how, how long have you been trying to get a divorce from Pen?”
“I don’t know the exact date, but I’d say it was around the same time I met Lydia, so two years.”
“Shit!” Benedict cursed harshly, his word slicing into Colin’s heart making him want to explain more and not have all of his family disappointed in him.
“I swear Ben. I wasn’t trying to be a screw up about this too. When Pen sent the divorce papers back the first time I thought-” his voice caught in his throat. Would it be stupid to admit the elation he felt the first time his wife rejected their separation? No. It was stupid to hope. And so was he. “It doesn’t matter what I thought. I have been trying Ben. She isn’t budging.”
“Don’t you think it might be because she’s waiting for you to realize what we all did.” the artistic father stated, making complete eye contact with Colin.
“What do you mean?”
Benedict sighed. “We failed you, Colin. I failed you.” he looked down at his shoes. “Shit, I mean to this day you still think you’re worthless and only this random woman makes you deserving of love. Or acceptance? What about us? Your family.” His brother burst out, the hurt evident in his voice.
He closed his eyes again turning slightly away from Colin. “You know when Eloise and I were ready to burn the world down, we thought you felt the same way. We thought…” Ben turned back to him. “We never asked you Colin if you agreed, what your opinions were and for that I’m sorry.”
Colin was so confused. He was the one who should be apologizing. “You’re sorry. That should be my line. I left you guys for years with little contact. I’m just relearning all of my nieces and nephews' names. I’m the one who should be sorry, who is sorry.” He admitted.
“I know but I didn’t make this easy.” Benedict cried, a single tear leaving his face.
“What do you mean?” Colin asked, his voice warbling a tad.
“I didn’t want to accept reality. I spent the first few years of my adult life, wandering in and out of dangerous situations just to feel things. I mean, fuck Col, you tried to talk to me before your wedding to Pen but I was so high, I went to sleep it off instead. I should have listened. We should have been close. We were close at one point. Then I left and you followed suit.”
“No, Ben.” Colin shook, wiping away a falling tear. “I only ever looked up to you. You moved away from me emotionally, but I was fine with that. I needed that example to show me that I could do things on my own.”
Benedict laughed bitterly. “No man is an island Colin, and I won’t pretend anymore that you’re sitting on a raft alone.”
Then Benedict pulled him into a bear hug, his arms crushing and tight and so warm but suffocating. Colin was overwhelmed, about to say more when the first sob from his older brother wrecked through his body as well. Then another and another till Colin wasn’t sure who was making the louder noise, he just knew that he was finally home. Part of his heart ached from a muscle he hadn’t used in a long time: love.
They stood there embracing for longer than two brothers should as Colin finally said everything, he felt these past years. “I’m so sorry Ben. I missed you. I missed you raising your boys. Boys Ben. I’m sure they’re a handful.”
“You have no idea.” Benedict blubbered, “we have two right now with a third one on the way and how mother didn’t kill all of us the moment we ganged up on her is a mystery.”
Colin pulled back, his crying now divulging into laughter. “We were awful little shits growing up.”
“The worst.” His brother agreed.
“But we were individuals with lives and dreams and ambitions, and I felt like I had none of that.”
Benedict went to open his mouth, but Colin held up a hand. “It’s not your fault Ben. I didn’t put in the effort to find out what I liked. When I married Pen, I told myself that she would love me for the both of us and I would follow suit. That would be my purpose in life. When that and the baby didn’t happen, I chose to run when things got hard. I wanted to be the best man for her. To make her finally respect and love me the way I believed her to be.”
“You’re kidding Colin.” Benedict chuckled wiping at his snotty nose and watery eyes.
“No. She didn’t want me. She like the rest of you, only assumed I was a pretty face. No substance.”
Benedict shook his head, clamping Colin on the shoulder. “You could not be further from the truth. I mean the woman uses you as the blueprint for her job.”
“What is her job anyway?” Colin asked, finding it strange that Penelope never mentioned her occupation once in their limited correspondence over the years.
Benedict smirked. “You are an idiot brother. But you aren’t worthless or unworthy of love. In fact, if you could get over your own self-pity, you’d find out that you’ve always been loved in the way you wanted.”
“Who’s been loved the way they wanted?” A soft voice questioned.
Both men turned to see Penelope Bridgerton standing with the setting summer sun on her face, warming her skin and accentuating the freckles on her face. During his last extended stay, when they were pregnant, Colin would wake up Penelope with a kiss of mapping out her freckles to which things became hot and heavy afterwards. At the sight of her, his heart ached, squeezing in affection at the woman who still held his attention after all this time. She was dressed in a deep purple cardigan, a plain white flowy top that was cropped but hovered over the black jeans she wore. She was stunning. His wife. A blossom of pride at having her be so sensual and near and his, sprung inside of him.
“I am.” Benedict greeted going to hug Penelope.
She opened her arms easily, smiling. “I’m glad you came.”
She smiled into his hair, “Me too.”
As his brother took a step back, Colin took one forward, but his wife only glared at him. Her body language clear she did not want to be in his presence. “Colin.” the icy tone was clear in her voice.
“Pen.” Colin breathed, knowing he had a lot to figure out, but he couldn’t when he hadn’t resolved all of his issues here in Mayfair, that included Penelope.
“And Benedict.” his brother said amused, his hands in his pockets watching the two.
“I didn’t think you had the balls to show your face.” Penelope all but hissed.
“You told me to talk to my mom, Pen.” Colin stated feeling anger. This was her suggestion after all. “It was your one and only stipulation for signing the papers.”
She narrowed her eyes. “I said tell your mother you were in town, not go on an apology tour with your sorry excuses.”
“Excuses?” Colin exclaimed getting closer. “How is telling the truth and being honest an excuse Pen, especially since the only person who knew my whereabouts these past few years has been you.”
“You don’t believe I think a single thing you say is true?” she demanded stomping towards him, looking like an angel of fury. The way her voice ran higher when she was mad at him was surprisingly cute, he thought fleetingly before she was in front of him. His wife’s cheeks were red, pretty blue eyes flashing in anger and passion.
“I think you can believe whatever you want, but I'm telling you the truth.” Colin leaned closer to her.
“You know damn well I don’t care to hear your lies. That’s been the foundation of our entire marriage.”
Colin frowned at that. “That was not the-”
“Here you are Nell, but be careful, this cider is hot.” A new voice sung revealing the other guest at Sophie’s hotel. It was Darwin or something crazy like that.
“Bridgerton? I mean, the other other Bridgerton.” Dennis said in shock handing Penelope a drink.
“Thank you.” she said softly looking him in the eyes before taking a sip. Colin narrowed in on the space or lack thereof between the pair.
“You. From the B&B. I thought you said you had business in town.”
The blonde man shrugged stepping even closer to Pen’s side. Why was she just standing there? Why was she letting him invade her privacy? “I do. I thought you said you weren’t staying long.”
Colin narrowed in on the hand which scooped around Penelope’s shoulder and pulled her closer to him. He already wasn’t a fan of this guy. “I guess my plans have changed.” He muttered. Now he really didn’t like him. Pen gave out a tiny squeak, her cheeks heating up. What was happening here?
“In fact, speaking of change. It’s not the 1940’s anymore. I don’t think the lady likes you manhandling her like that.” Colin said incredibly even though he could see Ben smirking in the corner of his eye.
Nell, doesn’t mind. Do you?” He turned to look down at Penelope who smiled back at him.
“Not at all. Debling and I are close.”
“How close?” Before it left his lips Colin could hear how possessive and sharp the question sounded but he knew he would have time to evaluate that later.
Debling, what a stupid name, scoffed. “Look, I know you’re the lost Bridgerton son and all but with the rest of the family being busy, Penelope has no one to look out for her.”
“I look out for her.” Colin stated quickly.
Debling had the nerve to laugh, and Pen joined him. “No offense man. I love the protective older brother bit, but you aren’t her brother or her husband. I can assure you my relationship with Nell is genuine. That’s all you need to know.”
Benedict chuckled. “Yeah, Colin. They’ve gotten extremely close since you’ve been gone.”
“Not helping.” Colin groaned.
“Oh, I know.” Benedict laughed. “Now, I have restless little boys who will be mad at me if I don’t at least pick a few apples. Let’s go together as a team.”
“I’m up for it.” Penelope beamed walking ahead with benedict as Colin glared at Debling who glared back then looked at the sway of Penelope's ass. It was game on.
“First one to pluck an apple wins.” Colin challenged.
Debling nodded. “You’re on.”
The duel which Colin will admit to himself, he started was not exactly working in his favor. Each and every apple Penelope pointed to, hopping up and down on her toes to grab, Debling would gallantly reach for her or offer her a ladder to climb it for herself. Each and every time his wife would smile, dazzlingly and obviously flattered that a man was wheeling her about on a ladder to pick apples the same way Belle got to pick books with the Beast.
If that were an apt adaption, Colin wasn’t sure if he or Debling were to be the titular Beast of her romantic dreams, but Penelope had been all giggles and light touches while she merely glared at Colin in disdain, which meant in her opinion he was a beast. Thus he won the mental argument and the real war. This Debling prick would not know what hit him.
Which is how Colin found himself pouting beside an apple tree holding on to the second basket of the juicy fruit that his older brother plucked for his family.
“Penny for your thoughts?” Benedict asked jokingly walking up.
“He’s a vegetarian, right?” Colin inquired watching the way Penelope squeezed Debling’s bicep as she descended from the ladder.
“He refuses to eat meat. He sees it as inhumane.” Benedict responded smirking. “I for one, think it is a noble pursuit.”
The blonde man smiled back at Penelope, offering his hand for the final step which she easily took. Colin was a fit guy, right?
“It’s not that noble. Plenty of people have diet restrictions.” The younger of the two men grumbled, eyes locked on the way his wife’s eye sparkled under the slow haze of dusk arriving. Penelope looked beautiful bathed in hues of blue and orange.
He remembered once where she told him that the setting of the sun was one of her favorite times. “It signifies a time between the sun and moon where the two lovers are allowed to hold each other once more before they resume their duties.”
“Which mythos is that from?” Colin asked softly, pulling her closer to him on their wrap around porch swing.
“The Greeks but the ancient Egyptians also have a similar concept.” She furrowed her brow. “Actually, I believe the Mayians held a myth about a doomed sun and moon lover too.”
He had kissed her head, so content and in awe of the way her mind worked. All that reading she did, made her twice as knowledgeable as him. He really was lucky to have agreed to this arrangement, Colin mused as he interlocked their fingers to show off both of their rings. This was a commitment and a new adventure. Finally he was with someone who completed him. His wife grabbed at his bicep in response, her smile confident and quietly assured in the haze of the falling sun.
Colin glanced down at his arms, flexing a bit. What was it about this man that irked him so?
“Most people aren’t willing to fly out to meet Penelope twice a month.” Benedict quipped back smiling.
Colin glared at his brother. Benedict was not helping. Debling wasn’t more attractive than Colin and he certainly didn’t bring out the spectrum of emotions from Penelope that Colin could. He was generic and forgettable, so why was Colin seething at the way their fingers laced together. Why did the man see Penelope twice a month?
“That’s a specific timeframe Ben, care to share why my wife is entertaining this fool?” Colin investigated; his voice full of steel.
Benedict chuckled. “Because she couldn’t be with the fool who actually made her heart beat.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” Colin questioned sharply, turning his full attention completely towards his brother.
“It means that Lydia is a nice girl and you should let go of Pen.” Benedict stated
“No.” Colin stomped his foot, knowing he came off petulantly. “Lydia is not like Penelope. She’s a writer and she’s sweet. Sure she’s five years younger than me, but she is very knowledgeable and smart. She’s-”
“Curvy and seems like she has a deviously wicked side we have yet to see.” Benedict filled in for Colin.
He blinked at his brother. How could Ben know about Lydia’s amazing qualities? She was being nice because she wanted to make a good impression in front of his family but once they get to know her, they’d find her as delightfully sharp-witted and phenomenal as he does. “Have you spoken to my fiancé?” Colin challenged.
Benedict’s face broke into an even larger grin. “No, but I have spoken to your wife and…” He tilted his head towards something behind him causing Colin to turn around and see Penelope and Debling walk hand in hand away from him.
NO!
Colin took off, catching up to the not couple easily. “I know Anne seems rather hopeless but-” Pen chuckled softly.
“I don’t think she’s helpless, Nell. I think she hasn’t found a suitor who sees her and desires her the way her idioctic best friend doesn't.” Debling said in return as they stopped in their tracks.
Penelope blushed, pulling her hands away. “Arthur, we’ve talked about this. I’m-”
“Pen!” Colin called, not liking how close they were nor the way both parties had genuine flushes on their faces. He also had no idea who the other people they were talking about were but the brunette resolved to solve one mystery at a time.
“What Colin?” She sighed exasperation leaking out of her.
“I, ummm-” Now in front of her he didn’t know what to say. “Let me carry that basket for you. I know it must be heavy and I remember how much you liked to check out the leather bound books after picking out apples.”
“I-” she blinked. “Thank you. I can’t believe you recalled that.” Her voice held a lot of confusion.
“Of course, Pen. I remember a lot about you.” Colin assured her, making sure to make eye contact with Penelope and then Debling, to let him know he should not get in his way.
The blonde man narrowed his eyes. “Nell, didn’t you say you wanted to try the apple jerky stand?”
“Jerky stand?” Colin asked, nearly gagging at the idea.
“Yeah, it’s from an organic local farm.”
“That must be new.”
“Yes, there seems to be a lot of new things you missed Bridgerton.” Debling stated.
Penelope spoke up “I want to see both, if that’s possible.”
“Of course. I can take these back to your house and use my spare key.” Colin boasted.
“As your driver for the night, we can stay as late as we want, Nell.” Debling retorted.
“That spare key is only for emergencies.” Penelope scolded Colin.
“Well, the fair is only till 10pm but we know the spots to stay to not get caught after hours, right Pen?”
His wife blushed prettily. “I remember the one-time Mrs. Danbury chased you around with her cane.” She laughed.
“It was a scary moment. But I wasn’t the one who wanted to sneak in and write more historical facts about the orchids.” Colin joked.
“Who called apples a fruit but doesn't explain what a fruit is.” Penelope laughed.
“I know, my brain smart Penny.”
At the old nickname the redhead sobered up, coughing slightly. “Right, your Penny. I was only that whenever we were close.” She wrapped her arms about her. Colin was confused on this reaction. They were having a good time. She had better repertoire with him than Debling. What was wrong?
“I think I do want to see about that apple jerky Debling.”
“Okay.” the blonde beamed, extending his arm for her to take.
“Oh, but Pen!" Colin called in panic.
The woman turned around, “You can place them on the counter. You know the layout of the house better than anyone else.” With that she was gone and took the sunshine with her.
Watching her walk away, Colin felt a panic. What would he do to get back in her good graces? He needed Pen to look at him and laugh with him one more time or he’d go insane.
“Colin, there you are!” a feminine voice called out.
He saw his fiancé, Lydia running towards him. If only her hair was lighter and red. If only her cheeks were stained pink with little freckles, if only… He thought dejected but trying to brighten up at the sight of the beautiful woman in front of him. Lydia was the one he wanted to marry. She was the one who made him whole. She was smart, and curvaceous and so beyond his league but she loved him with his flaws and all. She would never bad mouth him to her mother? She would never date another man to make him feel so alone, right?
Right now, he wasn't so sure. So, Colin smiled, kissed her on the forehead and asked about her conversation with Kate. Turns out his sister-in-law wasn't a heartless monster and told Lydia about his association with Pen. She merely filled in his fiancé with the family gossip. As Colin explained the extraordinary basket of apples belonging to Penelope were now in his possession, he wrote it off as a being a good family member and so did Lydia. Somehow that lie felt like ash on his tongue. Was he being a bad fiancé? Had he been a terrible husband?
He turned to look at the path Penelope and Debling took once more before ushering Lydia away. He couldn't stand being there any longer. Colin needed to make amends and leave. Being near Penelope made him feel strange but being near Lydia made him feel shame.
Sometimes he wasn’t sure if he even liked himself.
Chapter 4: A Long Take Full of Tears
Summary:
Colin had a plan today. He would go grab money for his fiancé, Lydia to pay Kate for a painting. He would drop off the basket of apples to Penelope and convince her to divorce him. Finally, he would avoid any more disasters during his time in Mayfair. Too bad, he could not accomplish any of that.
Notes:
Please enjoy 11K of words that were hard to write but nonetheless enjoyable and fulfilling in exploring these characters more. Let me know what you think.
NOTE: There is mentions of miscarriage and child loss. If you are triggered by such topics, please be WARNED!
Chapter Text
“Colin,” Lydia hushed in the privacy of their bed, her hand softly but possessively gripping his chest.
“Yes?” The man in question responded groggily, having been falling asleep for the past half hour after the debacle at the apple orchid. The brunette man was having a hard time dealing with his decisions and the effect it had on everyone else. Mostly his siblings and mother seemed happy to see him but his wife on the other hand…. He traced over the curve of Lydia’s pale fingers, not as porcelain and pink as Penelope’s larger digits. Her ring, big and expensive, temporarily blinded him, as she settled closer atop his body, adjusting her flowing light blonde hair, a few strands tricking his eyesight at the glinting red tresses he knew did not belong to the woman lying beside him in his bed. Pen’s ring had been a decent thing Colin brought a few towns over, panicked at the idea of being an insufficient groom for his then eighteen turning nineteen-year-old soon-to-be bride. If he had known that his presence beside Penelope would cause her so much disappointment and despair, he would have… he would have… Colin laid an arm about his eyes, pulling Lydia even closer to be his grounding person. Would he have never married Penelope if he thought someone else could provide for her? Would he have let his sister’s friend, stuck in a house of unlove with a father that nearly left her destitute walk away and be nothing but a distant memory?
A knot formed in his stomach at the thought. Sure, they had married too young, rushed things too much, she had gotten pregnant too soon and the subsequently lost the baby before they could acknowledge its existence. And try as he might, as hard as he did to get to see that this grief was shared, Penelope pushed him away, let him leave and did not care about him or making their marriage work. With all of that information stored in his former younger body's self, he could still say with confidence that he would have married Pen. She was the brightest person in his life, and he did not know how to fix that.
“Colin?” Lydia’s soft voice asked.
Right, his fiancé. Lydia was the most brilliantly sparkling person Colin had seen. Penelope was a close second. He looked down at the curvy tiny woman of his dreams, wrapped about his body, peering up at him with beautiful baby hazel brown eyes and thought on how he was lucky to have her. Lydia was the dream. His complicated feelings with Penelope aside, they weren't right for each other. Right?
“Yes, honey?” He questioned, his voice rough from the nap he had taken.
Lydia smiled softly, kissing his chest quickly. The freckles on her face were painted perfectly by the blush on her cheeks. “I liked meeting your family yesterday.”
“Oh yea?” He questioned; positive anyone who didn’t know their messed-up family dynamic would think that. The Bridgerton clan only presented the illusion of a happy nuclear family. Most of the times they were not.
“Yes.” She smiled. “In fact, I think this place is good for you. You seem happier here, more,’ she bit her lip, ‘more like yourself.”
“Really?” Colin didn’t feel anything but chaos while visiting in Mayfair but if his fiancé saw something he didn’t, who was he to object?
“Yes, in fact it's almost like you belong here.” She hushed resting her chin back on his chest. “and I,” she traced over a few of his chest hairs. “I would like to belong here too. I was actually thinking of having the engagement party here.”
“In Mayfair!” Colin cried, his shock evident in his voice as he sat up.
Lydia opened her eyes in surprise, jerking back. “I thought you would be happy about this.” She got up in a huff to grab her robe, her delicious round ass bouncing slightly as she walked away from him in nothing but her underwear.
“I-” Colin ran his hands down his face. He did not want to argue with Lydia the way he did with Penelope. He also did not want to deal with outsiders finding out about his predicament until it was fixed. “No, it’s a great idea, Lyd. I’m just shocked is all. You mentioned wanting a big everything for the wedding.”
“I thought I did, but now I know I’ve changed my mind. I want everything with you Colin. Big or small, city or country, I just want to be where you are.” Lydia stated, coming to squat before him pressing her body between his outstretched legs.
He stroked her warm cheek, heart thumping at the way she leaned into him. He wanted everything with this woman. She would make him complete. “Are you sure about this honey? My family can be a lot to handle. Besides Mayfair isn't exactly equipped to roll out the red carpet or have the space to accommodate a huge amount of unlike the city.”
“We’ll make it work." she kissed his inner palm, at the intersection of his hand and wrist. "Our engagement party doesn't have to be big. I'm okay with scaling it down for your family's sake. Aside from that, this will give me time to get to know them better. Then they won't feel like strangers when they travel to the city for our grand wedding.”
Colin smiled softly. His soon to be bride was a wonder to beheld. She was so practical and smart. He loved that about her. “Sound like a perfect plan, Lyd.” He agreed, leaning down to kiss her delectable lips as Lydia grinned.
“I love you, Colin Bridgerton.” she cooed.
He looked at her blonde hair, her round face and illuminating blue eyes. “I love you too, Pen.”
“Pen?” Lydia reeled back, her nails gripping his thighs tightly. “Your cousin?”
Shit, Colin fucked up. No, he wasn't supposed to say Penelope. Penelope was his past. It was Lydia who was his future. He shook his head. “No, I’m sorry I was thinking about the invitation list, and I said the wrong name. Forgive me Lydia?” He held out his hands for a hug, pouting in a way he knew she found adorable.
The blonde sat there in a squat, letting the silence linger as she stared at him. The strange look on her face was akin to non-recognition but she knew him. He was her Colin, not Pen's. He loved her. She completed him. She had to know that. The thirty-four year old was unsure if his fiancé was trying to make him sweat but he lost the pout on his face quick, to maybe switch his face into one of remorse. He hadn't meant to say anything. His brain was confused still. Lydia slid her hands up his legs, standing to hover above him. Her blonde hair curtained around their faces, long strands shielding them from the world.
She pressed her nose against his, sharing her body heat. Colin wanted desperately to grab her hips and pull her down on him, but he did not think now would be the appropriate time. "Okay...," she reluctantly agreed. "I forgive you. But don't let it happen again.” She kissed his cheek swiftly then stood to the full height of a house plant.
“I wouldn’t dream of it.” Colin acknowledged, watching her walk away from him to grab something from her suitcase. Her natural scent of linen sheets and fresh air turned into spiced cinnamon and apples, the elusive smell of his now wife, Penelope. The third Bridgerton son, laid back on his elbows, imagining Penelope in Lydia's place. She would always hum as she did mundane task, walking this way and that and distracting him from any task with her perfume.
Lydia picked up a pair of red dyed Demin pants assessing them in the light when a dull shimmer caught his eye. In the corner sat the basket of apples he promised to return to Penelope. Colin could see her scolding him now for hoarding her stuff as if he intended to. He would have to drop those off sooner rather than later or else he would be in trouble with Pen, not Lydia.
Colin groaned, fuck. It was becoming harder to delineate between the wife that he wanted and the woman that he married. He had got to grip on things before they spiraled, more than they had already.
“Good, now I’m going to take a shower and call my dad to let him know about the changes. What are your plans for the day?”
“I ummm,” Colin eyed the basket of apples. “I actually said Penelope’s name because I told her I’d drop off her basket of apples in the corner there.”
Lydia looked at the basket, her surprise evident. “Oh, yea. I forgot those were there. Want me to come with you?” She asked her voice trusting. It made the man feel like utter scum for being uncertain with about his not so new feelings towards his legal wife.
“I would love you to join me, but Pen is picky about letting people into her house that she just met.”
Lydia sighed, crossing her arms across her chest. “Colin, I think you aren't being honest with me.”
“What?!” He choked on his spit, sitting up rapidly. He was afraid Lydia had found out his secret. “Of course, I am.”
“No, you’re not.” she shook her head. “You’re not being honest with yourself. Clearly you have some… unresolved issues with your cousin. Anyone with eyes can see that you two need to talk.”
“Oh,” Colin deflated, “Right, Pen and I are-”
Lydia grabbed his hand squeezing it. “You don't have to rehash whatever it is between you two, if it’s going to bring up painful memories. Just promise me you’ll get this off your chest. Once you two come to a decision, come and tell me the entire truth. Okay?”
Colin gulped the lump from his throat. He didn't deserve the woman before him. He didn't deserve her at all. She was the light, and he was merely a navigator trying to behold her beauty and grace.
The man pulled his girlfriend close, resting their foreheads against each other. “I promise Lyd, the moment I work this thing out with Pen. You will be the first to know.”
She smiled, kissing him on the cheek. “Good. Now I’m going to take a shower and walk around the town for a bit. I want to get a feel of where you grew up.” She said walking to the door of their room. The bathroom was located three doors down in the hallway.
“Oh, and can you grab 40£ for me at the bank? Kate sold me this gorgeous artwork in her house and I need to pay her for it when we pick it up later
“Sure. babe.”
“Thanks.” she smiled before disappearing from sight. Now Colin had a new mission. Get the money, drop off the apples and make Pen sign the divorce papers once and for all!
After a quick change, Colin hopped into his car. The man glanced at the basket of apples. Should he drop these off first in order to avoid his current wife? What was her schedule like? He realized frustrated that he had no idea whether his current wife worked or not. Penelope had to do something that earned her money because both Daphne and Bendict mentioned some level of employment. Though, Benedict, Colin knew reveled in being annoyingly tight lipped about what his curvy redheaded wife was up to the entire time he had been gone traveling. A nauseous, sinking feeling pressed at Colin’s chest, his worries bubbling to the surface. He had thought leaving Pen after the baby fiasco was the best plan of action. Penlope had made it clear she no longer wanted to be within his presence so he gave her her wish. Maybe he should have reconsidered, he should have fought harder. He should have tried to stay.
No matter. He could not change the past, he told himself. Starting up the engine of his car, Colin decided the best plan of action was to head to the bank first then quickly drop of Pen's apples and possibly convince her to sign their divorce papers. Easy peasy.
As the wind ripped through his air from his convertible top, Colin tried not to think about the conversation Lydia and Kate had. Come to think of it, he didn’t know what his sisters-in-law said to his fiancé at the apple orchid. Whatever secrets were shared luckily didn't have anything to do with his involvement with Pen since Lydia spent the rest of their night spreading kisses over the places she missed while he was away. He didn't know what they spoke about, but he'd ask this afternoon once he got to Kate and Anthony's house, he told himself adding to his longer by the day mental list of things to do.
Pulling into Mayfair’s Branch Credit Union, Colin cut off his car and hopped out. He would have time to worry about the stories his fiancé was told at a later date. Now, he just needed to get her money, give these apples to Penelope and leave.
Walking into the bank, nothing had seemed to change. The teller's station was still to the left with only two windows open. The chairs from the 90’s sat, deflated and waiting on some new secondary school graduate to open an account as their parent looked from over their shoulder and the cubicles to the right had men and women with headsets on, talking discreetly about whatever account with whatever person they had on the phone. The air was filled like a summer breeze that tried to stamp over the inherent must that seemed to fill the bank with a solemn sadness. Colin frowned, used to the ultra-clean sleekness of city life and its bank tellers.
“Next!” A man called, pulling Colin from his stupor as he went up to counter number three.
“Well, I’ll be damned. Bridgerton is that you?” A voice asked from behind the glass screening. Colin pulled up his shades taking a longer look at the man who called him to his desk. The guy was a bit older than Colin, his brown hair starting to thin at the top. He had a long face with sunken eyes and a cocky smile that he immediately knew. It was Reginald Fife, from the Mayfair Bee’s soccer team. Colin hadn’t seen the man in years. He thought to himself, it showed.
“Reggie Fife.” He smiled politely, wanting this interaction to already end. Reggie was a class A jerk back in the day. In fact, there was a rumor that went around in school that Reggie knew good places to take girls and have his way with them. The entire idea made Colin's younger self sick. Once he heard the rumor, Colin distanced himself from the boy. He even left an anonymous tip with an officer of the law. The third Bridgerton son never knew if law enforcement took his warning seriously, but the other players on the soccer team treated him like a pariah before they graduated. He was confident that the other guys knew he had ratted on Fife. Which at the time wasn’t an issue since he had big plans of leaving the city and living the life he thought would make him happy. Then six years later, he saved his cute, plump friend from financial ruin by marrying her and that became his defining trait to the boys. Too bad that marriage hadn't work out, he frowned bitterly.
“Colin. How’s it been? I thought you were Mr. Big Money out sailing the world.”
“Oh, I’m in town to see my mom. You know how they are. They always worry about you when you are away.” The brunette effortlessly answered, not wanting to give the real reason why he was here.
Fife grinned. “Yeah, I get it. Hey, if you’re in town for a while, maybe we can get a beer or something.”
Colin cringed, hating this conversation. He didn’t want to get a beer with Fife. The man could have changed from the time he knew him, but he didn’t want to find out one way or the other. Colin shrugged, not committing to anything. “Yeah, maybe.”
“So, what can I help you with?” Fife asked sounding professional. Colin was taken aback by his switch in tone.
“I, umm need to extract some money.”
“Right.” Fife typed on a screen. “Would you like to use your personal account or the joint account?”
“Joint account?” Colin furrowed his brow. What was Fife talking about.
“Yeah, you lucky son-of-a-gun.” Now that was the Fife he knew. “You were smart to bag the piggy when you did.”
“Piggy? Are you talking about Penelope?” Colin asked, his voice dropping in octave. No one talked about his wife like that. “Because you better not be calling my wife a pig, Fife, considering I know about your ‘late night visits’ back in high school with a certain married woman.”
“Hey,” Fife held up his hands. “No need to get violent. I’m just saying, it’s a sweet gig to be her sugar baby and she’s gotten hot too. You lucked out.”
“Sugar baby? I’m not Penelope’s sugar baby.” Colin startled.
“Sure, sure. People call it different things these days, but I know a kept man when I see one. It must be nice to vacation all the time. Let me ask you, does she have any friends?” He eagerly rushed, leaning close to the window. Colin backed up a little.
“Wait! Fife, why do you think that Penelope finances my trips?”
“Cuz she does bro.” Fife snorted. “Everyone knows that. Now how much am I taking out of this joint account of yours? Our convo has been fun but if I don’t service you in under fifteen minutes, my boss flips out.”
Penelope and he had a joint account and people thought he was her sugar baby. Colin was shaking his head. He was so confused. “I mean, how much is in there?” he asked cautiously.
“I don’t know about... half a mill. If you’re trying to pull that much, I’d need signatures from both of you and..” Fife’s voice faded into the background as Colin lost his mind. Penelope had half of a million pound in the bank. How? Why? What did she do to gain this much money? He knew he had to find out.
Taking the money had been easy, not too much to make Penelope suspicious but definitely enough where she would notice it missing. After hopping back into his car with a minor fortune, he continued to her place before noticing a new widescreen tv in the window of a shop, then a desk and a rocking chair and a host of other things he knew would drive his wife insane. If this didn't push her to tell him where she got the money from, he didn't know what would. Besides, the deed of the house was in half of his name, so he was merely making their place feel like home to him. He smiled to himself, adjusting the obnoxious "Let Life Be Your Trail" sign up on the kitchen wall. It covered nearly half of the divider, and he couldn't be happier with the result.
A jingle of keys alerted him and his only companion for the past few hours to the lady of the house's arrival. Felicity, angrily jumped from her perch of glaringly supervising him to run to see her mistress. Colin found himself smiling, grabbing a glass of wine and walking calmly to the entryway of the kitchen as the front door to his and Penelope's house suddenly swung open. Penelope stumbled in with groceries perched in both hands, using her foot to close the door back. Her wide blue eyes took in his new tv and leather recliner, all things that looked sharp and out of place in the cozy environment she created. The redhead stood in their shared living room, mouth open before she finally noticed him. Her voice was angry and clear. "What the- Colin! What the hell did to do to my house?"
He sauntered towards her, dropping his wine glass off on top of the curio she had been using as an additional bookcase. "Welcome home darling." he cooed, smirking at her bewildered face.
His stubborn wife of a ten years stood flabbergasted, the bags and food she held in her hands dropping comically to the floor. Colin observed her as he approached. The ashen red hair piled on top of her head bobbed as she glanced about, displaying a neck, slick with sweat and temptation, glistening under the Mayfair sun. His fingers itched to pull her close and kiss that one spot behind her ear that he knew made her weak.
Instead, he spoke evenly. "I see you got us groceries. No need, Penny Pen. I made us dinner." He bopped her on the nose playfully as if this was their regular routine. Colin, still reveling in her incomprehension, picked up the spilling grocery bags and carried them to the kitchen. Not before, winking at his little curvaceous wife. Her face was slowly coming to compute that he was inside her house and had messed with her stuff.
"I just know you've been so busy these days," he called out, actually opening the fridge to put the items away. Colin was trying to rile Penelope up but he would never go so far as to endanger the preservation of the food she brought. That he took seriously. "but no one has told me what you are up to. Is it a job? A secret hobby? Or mix of the two. I can not tell. And your naughty little cat," he glared at Felicity, the orange tabby sending an equally hostile expression back as she cleaned herself, "would not give up your secrets."
"So tell me, cupcake, where have you been?" Colin straightened up, seeing his fuming wife standing behind him, anger in those beautiful blue eyes. He asked mostly because he was curious not because he truly cared about her whereabouts. Penelope was a grown woman, she could come and go as she pleased. Mostly he was irked it took her so long to get home so he could enact this plan.
The redhead scoffed finally following him around the kitchen. "Why do you care where I'm at? You haven't for the past six years." She mumbled, her puffy cheeks swelling up as she leaned against the edge of the refrigerator.
"For the last time," Colin sighed, "I knew where you were. I kept sending the divorce papers to this place, remember? You'd send them back each time."
"I'm not arguing this with you!" She threw up her hands, stomping out of the room.
Colin followed on her heels. Why couldn't she see that she was one of the reasons he left? She made him think that they were a team and then one day she reenforced that they weren't. on top of that the pressure to settle down and forget his wanderlust was too much. He tried to make himself into a man she could be proud of, but he came back empty every time. Everything about their relationship happened too fast and too soon. They were kids and he was trying to rewrite this wrong. If only she'd act accordingly.
"Why don't you want to acknowledge that we were young and dumb when we got married?" He challenged.
Penelope swerved on her heels, her finger pointing in his chest. "Me? You! Fucking you Colin Bridgerton are the immature one in this situation! You married me so you'd always have a lap dog to come home to, then pissed off for whatever foreign country without a thought about my feelings."
He snorted crossing his arms. "Your feelings were obvious, Penny. Your feelings had been staring me in the face since you became friends with El. Your feelings were the reason I listened to your mother! Your feelings were why I thought you were going to be destitute if I didn't step in. Your feelings are the reason we're in this situation with me waiting for you like a fucking simp in your house with your shitty cat wondering where the hell you were!"
Penelope smiled deviously, pulling back to cross her hands under her arms, her long sleeved sweater and cut off shorts showing more skin to his eyes. "Oh boo hoo, Colin. Were you anxious that I'd never come home? Were you worried that I had run away from this town and got engaged to another man?"
Colin bristled. He hadn't meant to propose to Lydia until he finished this business with Penelope but then Lydia's dad got involved and her friends kept pestering him and one thing led to another. his wife leaned against the back of the tacky leatherback recliner he brought to make her mad. Her face was victorious before he saw her calculating the feel of the leather against her fingertips. Then she looked more about the room assessing where the new furniture came from. She stood up to her full height, taking in his new changes from her down-home decor to make the room appear more manly. "Colin?"
Colin breathed deeply. This was why he didn’t want to come back here to Mayfair. It made him a different man. The brunette tried to remember a time when he was happy in this house. He walked over to the wooden coffee table with the glass tabletop. That piece of furniture he couldn't bring himself to put in storage. It was a symbol of easier time. The table had been a thrift find Penelope insisted she didn't want the first few months of their marriage. Colin had worked an odd job or two to afford it. The day him and Benedict had surprised her with the table, Penelope had gleefully declared Colin her hero. Those were the better days.
"Where did all of this stuff come from? Where are my decorations?" Penelope asked dumbfounded walking slowly about the room.
Yet Colin was still lost in his own world. "Do you remember the day Ben and I surprised you with this table?" He asked quietly.
Penelope stuttered, coming to walk beside the table as well. "I, um, the table was a wish of mine since I was a girl. It was a gift to symbolize your unending vows. At least I thought they were at the time." She humped.
"Do you know that this was the only thing in our house that I couldn't part with. It's the only thing that reminded me of us. This table is a work of craftsmanship." Colin hushed, tracing the grooves of swirls and circles inside the corner. He would never tell her to her face, but moving half of the stuff in her living room had been hard. He even took photos to make sure he knew where every piece was before he came in. The house was stunning. Penelope had great taste... in furniture anyways.
"The table truly is a masterpiece," she responded sitting on the new sectional, "but I can't believe you remembered that. It was such a long time ago." She hushed.
"Not too long ago." He mused, smiling at his wife who refused to look him in the eyes. She was staring off into nothing, clearly caught in a memory he had no way of seeing.
"Feels long enough." Penelope wrapped her arms around herself, a sure sign she was protecting herself. She could keep her walls to herself as long as she'd stop this nonsense. They stood there in the silence before she spoke again.
"Colin, where is my stuff?" She asked exasperated.
"Didn't you know sweetheart, what's yours is mine." he stated placing his hands in his pocket. "We got that joint account years ago and well, color me surprised to find I still had access to it."
"What?" Her wide crystal blue eyes opened as she jumped forward in her seated position.
"Seeing as this is my house as well, I brought some homely bliss into the space." Colin picked up the divorce papers, flopping them on to the couch beside the startled woman. "Just sign the papers Pen and all your stuff comes back."
"That's blackmail." She narrowed her eyes. "That's low, dirty and underhanded." She made it seem like he had dealt with a seedy group of people to handle her furniture rather than the storage unit he placed everything in. He tried to store the missing things inside her shed on the property but that was suspiciously locked.
"Speaking of questionable, why do you have so much money in the bank? Are you doing something ill reputable?" He eyed her, trying to imagine Penelope doing some act along the lines of stripping. The image of her shaking her womanly hips, had him rethinking breaking things off. Then Lydia's face came into view, and he shook his mind away from that train of thought.
“Why do you care?” she huffed, cheeks puffing out. “It’s not like you’ll stick around if I give you an answer.”
“You never gave me one before.” Colin grumbled.
“What does that mean?” Penelope badgered, her tone sharp and biting. She glared at the man before her as if he had asked for this outcome, like he wanted to be in this situation.
“You know what it means Penelope. You know that you never gave me a true answer to your feelings.”
“My feelings?” she balked. “I-My feelings for you have nothing to do with this predicament that you put us in.” She stated pointedly.
“Please, Pen. You act as if this is my fault when we both know you never loved me.” Colin sneered. He watched as his wife's face went from shock to pity to some other emotion he couldn’t define. “You never loved me.” he said slowly into the quieted air as the weight of the reality hit him hard. He was an idiot. It was clear and plain as day since the moment he overheard Pen on the phone ridiculing him with her mother, the woman before him never loved him. She only loved the idea of him, the pretty charming empty headed third Bridgerton son. Fuck. He was trying to better himself, to be a better man for a woman who never cared an ounce for him. Damn, he was a dullard.
The brunette groaned, wiping his face with his hands. He could feel the tears welling up. This marriage of theirs, it hadn’t been a fleeting thing. He loved Penelope and he thought she loved him too until she didn't. The idea that she never thought much of him at all, well-
A sob broke through his facts as a tiny voice sniffled. “I can’t believe you said that.” The redhead warbled, causing her husband to look at her. She was shaking on the couch. Her big blue eyes were watering, blinking away the hurt clear on her face. “I loved you more than I’ve ever loved another person, more than I love myself some days.” she replied honestly, wrapping her arms about herself as she looked away.
She loved him? Loved. In the past tense. Colin sighed, not wanting to cause Penelope’s tears, but from the accounts of Kate and Sophie, he had already done enough of that. “Did you?” he asked quietly. “You loved me in the past when we first got together.”
“And every moment after.” Penelope pulled her knees to her chest.
“Then why did you disparage me when you were on the phone with Portia?”
“What?” she finally looked at him, her surprise evident. Penelope wiped a tear with the back of her sleeve.
“Oh, stop playing Penelope. You were infatuated with me, found out who I truly was and hated being in my presence. That’s why you never said yes to traveling with me and that’s why you let me take the newspaper job alone.”
“I thought you could do better than that newspaper job and you know it. I have never ever once made fun of you on the phone with my mother. In fact, I've defended you against mama. She kept looking down on me for getting married young even though it was her idea.”
Her eyes went wide at her confession.
“What?” Colin growled moving towards her.
“No!” Penelope backtracked waving her hands wildly. “It was mostly her idea. We were in debt after daddy died, and mama knew you spent time with me, and your family was loaded and I-”
“Penelope.” he stated harshly stalking towards her.
The woman before him squirmed, backing further into the couch. Colin crowded on top of her, caging her in with his arms. “Say that again.” he commanded, voice low and threatening.
Penelope squeezed her eyes shut. “Momma thought it would be a good idea to marry me off to save us from our debts. I did it because she told me you loved me and wanted to spend the rest of our lives together.”
“Liar!” Colin stated low.
“No!” Penelope shook her head. “I loved you. I love you. Meanwhile you spent years giving me false affection. Now you come back here ready to abandon me for the final time for someone new.”
“Liar!” Colin said again, feeling angry at the situation. “I was just a playboy to you. A toy to throw away. I was never yours.”
“Yes, you were.” Penelope cried pushing at his chest. “All I ever wanted to be was Mrs. Colin Bridgerton, but YOU left me for a new and shiny job. You left me after we lost our baby. You left me to travel and found a new wife on the way. How am I supposed to feel Colin? Am I supposed to be happy that I was discarded as trash as soon as the next upgrade comes along?” She passionately asked, getting off the couch and backing him into a corner.
Colin looked at her eyes blazing in glory and he only wanted to kiss her, to heal the bleeding scars he knew she carried, all because of him. “You were never trash to me Pen. I only ever wanted to be a good man for you.”
“Then why didn’t you stay?” She asked before falling into his chest and weeping. Colin held his wife tight and wondered where it all went wrong and how he would ever make it right.
“I know Pen. I know and I’m sorry.” he kissed the crown of her head. “I, when we got married, I was halfway through my final semester of uni. I wanted to make a name for myself, and I wanted that name to mean something to someone out there. You were the only person that didn’t treat me as part of the pack, an added brother who would amount to nothing in this world. So, when your mother convinced me over coffee that the only way to save you from debt or prostitution was to save your entire family and marry you, I did not hesitate.” He held his breath, feeling her tears subside.
“Imagine my surprise that I got to be the luckiest man alive to marry my best friend, a woman who adored me and I adored her, and she didn’t see me as a failure. At least I thought you didn't until we were settled down and I overheard you speak to Portia on the phone. You told her that I wasn’t going to amount to anything. I wouldn’t be anything.” He confessed, sad at the truth slipping out. He was nothing with or without her and the hole in his chest that constantly craved to be in love with someone somehow only felt full when he was near Penelope.
Penelope wiggled from his grip, hair disheveled and eyes blotchy. He never thought she looked more beautiful. “I never said that.” She frowned. “Mama kept asking when you would make more money so she and my sisters could profit off your success. I reminded her that you were not her piggy bank, and our marriage wasn’t a ruse.”
“But it was. Right?” Colin asked, shoving his hands into his pockets again.
“No.” Penelope shook her head. “It was never a ploy for me, Colin. I really thought we were in love and that we’d have a happy ever after.”
“Then I got a job for the newspaper and you didn’t want to come along.”
“I thought you were going to commute. We had just brought the house and Kate and Anthony were expecting their first child and-”
“I thought you wanted to follow me; I thought I was your home.” Colin responded surprised by her excuses.
“I-” she faltered, biting her lip “You are my home-were my home.” She plopped down on the couch's edge rest. “I didn’t think you would leave me behind.”
“I didn’t think I was good enough to stay.” Colin admittedly finally feeling a weight lift from his shoulders.
“What?” Penelope blinked.
“Yeah,” Colin rubbed at the back of his neck. “I figured since you thought I wasn't worth anything I would prove you and everyone wrong which is why I worked so hard to stay on top at the paper.”
“I never wanted you to be better Colin. I just wanted you to be here!” Penelope cried, slapping her hand on the couch.
“Really?” Colin crossed his arms. “I doubt that.”
“Why” she challenged.
“Because the night you told me I disgusted you and to leave our bed, I did.”
Penelope shrunk into herself. “I wasn’t talking to you.”
Colin let the silence linger confused. “Then who were you talking to?”
“William.” she hushed, wiping at her eyes. William was the name of their unborn son. When Colin found Penelope writhing in pain on their kitchen floor with blood around her, his heart had nearly stopped.
This had been four years into their marriage. Colin had quit the newspaper job, had come back home to his wife and they were living in domestic bliss. At least they had been until Penelope kept complaining about a pinching of nerves somewhere below William's residence. Colin had turned to his wife, asking if she needed anything. She had groaned and said she needed a nap and possibly a bowl of boiling carrots. Knowing they didn't have any in the house, he had kissed Penelope on the cheek and gone to grab her her snack. He should have stayed. That will forever haunt him.
"Penny, I'm home!" he called coming in through the back door. The house was quiet, eerily so. Even when Penelope fell asleep he could hear her gentle snores. This quiet was something different and it worried him. Colin stood with one foot in and one out, the bag of carrots, and box of cupcakes that his wife loved hanging dangerously low in his hands.
"Pen?" he called out, hoping against hope that the rapid staccato of his heart was merely for nothing.
"Penelope?" he called again, this time with a pain shrieking bellow ringing through the house. It came from the kitchen.
Colin dropped his bags racing to their kitchen as Penelope laid on the floor, curled up into a fetal position the best she could.
"Pen. Oh my gods! Penelope, are you okay?" he hushed to fall on his knees, touching his wife would was only making sounds of pain.
"Oh, Colin. It's hurts." she grunted, holding her stomach and shifting a bit on the floor.
"It hurts where Pen? Tell me?" he questioned, interlacing their fingers together over her stomach. Something was strange. Usually when they both touched her stomach their son would eagerly let his parents know he was alive. Now there was nothing. Colin furrowed his brow. Something was seriously wrong.
Penelope looked paler than usual, her body covered in a sheen of sweat. "Pen, honey you have to help me. Can you move on your own?"
She made a pained groan, hunching over herself again. "Colin, the baby. I think somethings wrong with William. I-" she chocked on her next words bringing Colin so much fear.
"I'm here Penny. Don't worry. There is nothing wrong with you or William. You're fine. We're all fine." He whispered, feeling anything but fine. His wife was in a lot of pain and he didn't know what to do. Springing into action to not let her know he was panicking, Colin squatted down low, rolling his heavily pregnant wife from her side to her back. What he saw nearly had him slip her from his grasp. She was bleeding, a lot. Panic seized him. Penelope, his beautiful Penelope was losing their child. At least he hoped that was not the case. She was too young for this to happen to. She was only twenty-two. No this couldn't be happening. He thought, lifting his wife from her back and knees, trying not to cry at the sight of their kitchen rug official stained red.
"I'm here for you babe. Everything is going to be alright. Everything will be - will be fine." he stumbled, feeling bile rise in his throat. All his little wife could do was groan and touch her stomach.
"Colin, save William for me." she mumbled low. "Save my baby before me." she gripped his shirt, muttering the same thing over and over to the hospital.
"Save my baby, not me."
"Save my baby, not me."
Colin still can't hear that echo of her chant without feeling like throwing up. He felt sick at the way Penelope wiped her eyes with her sleeve again, clearly just as upset as he was with the memory.
The brunette felt ill. “I remember William Pen. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about our unborn son-" he waked towards her, wanting to escape his now double beating heart knowing that some scars are too raw to ever heal.
"Do you know what it's like to see the woman you love in pain, on the floor barely able to breath and bleeding?” Colin questioned coming to squat before his wife. “Do you know how much my heart ached? How I wished that it was my life in danger instead of yours? The doctors, fuck the doctors." he ran a hand down his face, tears already leaving his eyes. "The doctor told me it was tough Pen. Then you kept repeating to save William and not you. Not YOU! My wife. My other half. I-" he sat back. "I nearly lost myself. I wanted so badly to trade my life so you and William made it. I wanted that for you. I wanted your life to be lived and not mine. It... it destroyed me on the inside, did you know that?” He asked fully crying now. It wasn't a small tear or two, he was blubbering recalling the time in his life where he nearly lost everything, he ever loved because of something he could not fix. His heart ached at the memory of a cold, pale, bleeding Penelope doubled over in pain. She was so small. He should have never tried to be a dad. He endangered her by trying to settle down and this was his punishment. A baby and a wife who looked at him with disdain.
“No.” His wife's small reply. "But please don't cry Colin. Our baby-" she stopped, hands resting on his knee. "It was no one's fault."
"It was mine! I wasn't a good enough man for you and this was what I deserved."
Penelope went to reach for his hands then retracted. "Colin, William wasn't anyone's fault. It wasn't our time yet." she sniffled.
“It wasn't?" he laughed bitterly, still sobbing. "Then why does it feel like it? Pen," he grabber her hands. "I nearly died watching the emergency room medics take you away and explain how we lost the only good thing between us.”
“That’s not true.” she answered, she leaned forward to wipe at his face. “We had each other.”
“Right. I’m glad you knew that because from that day forward you shut me out. You told me I breathed too loud, so I sat further away. When I touched you, you cried. I even tried suggesting a vacation to get away from the minor nursery stuff we brought but you yelled at me and kicked me out of the house.”
He recalled those events with startling clarity.
"Hey Pen, guess who got nine pieces of chicken instead of seven like we ordered?" he asked walking into a darkened house. It had been like that for weeks since the loss of their baby boy. Colin sighed, placing the food down and walking into their living room. Penelope was wrapped up in a blanket, the tv on but with no sound. Playing on the screen was an old home video his mother had sent to Penelope of a young Colin. She watched, her eyes sunken in but never seeing anything. Lady Whist sat beside her purring loudly.
Penelope pet the cat as if it was only thing keeping her together. "Hey Penny." Colin said cautiously. Any and all movements that he made were a ticking time bomb with his wife.
Colin sat on the couch but his twenty-three year old bride. "Go away." she stated harshly.
"I brought you dinner." Colin tried easily.
"And I told you I don't want to see your face." Penelope picked up the tissue box she had beside her thigh and chucked it at Colin. "I hate you!" she screeched before bursting into tears.
Colin watched his wife unsure of what to do. This was his fault. The boy who wanted to much but couldn't handle anything. He was to blame for this. He wasn't good enough to be her husband, let alone the father of her kids.
Colin placed the box softly by Lady Whist, tried to pat Penelope on the shoulder then thought better of it and left. He made her a plate of food and came back out to give it to her but there was no Penelope in sight in their living room.
Later on, he could still hear her tears through the walls mixing with the sound of his crunchy dinner, now cold while waiting for a wife who hated him. He had to try harder to be a better man to her. He would.
“You wanted to erase our child Colin.” Penelope sobbed, her words almost a mirror of what she would say to him before. “Our baby boy was no more, and you acted like it was another day.”
Colin sniffled. “I acted like that because you gave me no choice.” He scooted back. “I tried to grieve with you, to cry about the loss of my son, our William and you told me I had no right to be upset! if I shed any tears, you would call me sneer at me. I hurt too Pen! I was upset about losing him as much as you were. William was a future we would never have but since I did not physically carry him. I guess I wasn't allowed to feel pain, to be in anguish over our kid."
"But you never said that." Penelope whispered.
"You never let me." Colin boomed. "I didn't physically carry our boy, but I carried you. Any and every time your feet were too swollen to move, I carried you everywhere. I made that sacrifice Pen.”
“But it shouldn't have been a sacrifice, Colin! You should have wanted to do it because you loved me!” She yelled, covering her face with her hands.
“Pen, I have never loved a woman the way I loved you.” He admitted finally taking her hand. She looked down at their touching palms then sighed.
"I'm sorry if I pushed you away. You were so happy after William's death and I-" she stopped, looking down at their interlaced fingers. "I never blamed you. I know that much."
Colin smiled, feeling drained. "I blamed myself for thinking we could be happy. I love you Pen." he squeezed her hand.
“I want to believe you I do, but -” she jolted, “you would only contact me for sexual favors when you were away.”
Colin sighed, knowing what she meant. When he was away trying to become the man, he thought she wanted, he would miss his curvy and insanely sexy wife. Because of that, he had on more than one occasion called her, video chat and even texted her dirty messages of things he would do to her body the moment he returned. In his mind, he was telling the truth, he would make his way back to Penelope. She was his and he was hers. Life had a funny way of screwing things up.
The less Penelope answered to his thirsty whims, the less he thought he had to hold on to. It was a reaffirmation of his worse fears: She did not want him and thought him a dumb boy for traveling the world to be a better person.
“I can admit that those messages-”
“And video calls” Penelope interjected.
“And video calls were not my proudest moment, but I have to explain myself there.” Colin blew his nose on the tissues his wife handed him. She too was wiping away her tears. The redhead seated before him was breathtaking in her strength. He knew in his bones this was how their lives had to played out. They were young and a mess. Now they were older and wiser and still a mess. The irony was not lost on him. “I called you like crazy because I missed you in the same vein.”
Penelope scoffed. “You have a funny way of showing it. I thought when we would facetime or sext or mention the remarkable times we had in bed that you wanted me. I held out hope because you reached out to me. You let me believe.”
“You aren’t innocent in this either Pen. I could say the same for you.” she frowned disapprovingly at him.
“How so?”
“I left because we lost not only ourselves and William but I thought you lost all faith in me, in my ability to be more than just a pretty face. I-” he paused, unsure if he should be this honest. “I left to be a better man for you Pen. I'm not proud of what I became along the way, but I can say with full confidence that every time I was far from you, and I contacted you, it was to tell you how I felt, to show you that you would soon gain a husband to be worthy of.”
“And in the meantime?” Penelope questioned. “How was I supposed to know that? When I told Kate and Sophie about your late-night rambles, they begged me to cut off all contact with you, to cross your name from my heart and never look back. Too bad you wrote your name in permanent marker.” She pouted.
“On top of that, the leaving you on read was devastating for me. I should have communicated that with you. I, I felt all alone without your dirty texts keeping me up at night and I hated you for it, Colin Bridgerton. I would read your messages or even let Sophie and Kate read them just to spite you. I wanted you to know that you lost me once and for all.”
At her admission Colin looked to the floor. His heart ached. They had hurt each other for so long that the wounds not only looked like skin, but they were stuck in a battle of wits in which neither of them won and both of them failed.
“I’m tired Pen. I'm just tired. I hurt you and for that I’m sorry.” He apologized getting up to sit on the coffee table.
Penelope wrapped her arms about herself as well. “Yeah, well I can't say that I have been a model citizen throughout this as well. It wasn’t right of me to push you away or ask you to save me and my family from our debts. I think that’s where the problem began.”
He barked a bitter laugh, “Before we got married? That would be just our luck.”
Penelope chuckled, “Yeah it would be.”
He looked up to see her staring back at him. In her irises told the story of their love, their friendship and everything in between. He saw the joy in her eyes when he got down on one knee at the gazebo in the town square after running away from Lady Danbury’s apple orchid to ask her to marry him. He watched the way she frowned at their wedding as she walked down the aisle, looking at her mother who was all but stage directing her daughter on how to act. He observed the way she defended him against Eloise when his sister tried to object to them buying a house together. Colin also noticed the way Penelope stomped about the house, ranting about the decorations of their house, giving him more feelings of inadequacy. He saw the way she lit up the night he told her he was back for good and quit the newspaper and the aftermath sadness as they both realized a dream of a white picket fence and children would not happen, not with Penelope crying out in pain and bleeding over the floor. He watched the anguish as he tried for the millionth time to cheer up his downtrodden wife and finally the sunshine bright once he left. He viewed the sweet way she blushed on the camera, adjusting the lens so he could see the baby doll nightie he sent to her, and the disappointment in her eyes when she woke up to him stroking himself before promptly ending the call. Which brought him to the here and now, the way Penelope looked at him looked like love and, in his heart, he wondered if it was. It sure felt like the trials and tribulations his parents were always rattling off about before his father Edmund died. Was this what it felt like to meet the other part of his soul?
That thought scared him, so he looked away. “I'll, umm have your stuff put back in the morning. It's all in a storage locker anyways.”
“Oh,” Penelope's cheeks were pink as she glanced at her fingernails, chipped and painted a sky blue to match her knitted sweater. “That is fine.”
“Cool.” Colin got up, feeling weirdly like he wanted to stay but knowing he shouldn't. He had a wonderful fiancé and a wonderful wife, right? Yet he needed to choose between the two. His brain was aching, and he needed to get away for a bit. Domestic bliss with the one woman who curved all advancements and made him feel small would not be solved in the fortnight or even the next night. He honestly needed time to get away from the memories flooding back to him.
The brunette man walked towards the door, the silence loud and speaking volumes.
“You know Pen, I am curious about one thing.”
“Yea?” she asked, leaning over the couch resembling a version of home he wasn’t sure he wanted to admit it.
“Where did you get all that money from? I know I sent you a few thousand pounds, but it wouldn’t have added up to half a million, not with the upkeep of the house and groceries and whatnot.”
“Don't ask questions you don't want to know the answer to.” she sighed sadly resting her cheek against the top of the couch, her long red hair cascading out of her rough bun and falling down her shoulders. It distracted him for a moment.
“I, what do you mean by that? Ben mentioned a job and so did Daphne, but no one will tell me anything.”
Penelope smiled without showing her teeth. “That is probably for the best. I don't do anything dangerous. My job is more of a passion project, just something I’ve liked doing since I could remember.”
“Okay.. but that isn’t a clear answer.”
“And you won't get one.” Penelope stated. “You've got a fiancé Colin and I, well, I have my career and my fantasies. That should be enough. It will be enough.” she stated brutally, as if she was convincing herself of that fact. Colin frowned unsure of what to say when his phone vibrated. He missed a text and a call from Lydia. It must be important, he told himself.
“I umm got to go but don't think this conversation is over Pen.” he pointed at her.
The woman before him rolled her eyes. “I wouldn't dream of it. Night Colin.” That was all he heard as he walked out onto the porch of the house he used to call his. It was a strange thing, a moment where his body felt split into two. What was Penelope doing for work? Did he want to know? And why did he want to go back inside and have dinner with her? On the flip side, Lydia’s unknown text burned in his hand, her wants and needs bigger than him. He had been a crappy husband once; he wasn't going to make that mistake again. Colin told himself willing his feet to step down the stairs, get into his car and make his way to the woman of his choice. At least he thought so. Tonight, the options for him blurred and he didn't know what to think.
Colin pulled up to his childhood home, the familiar two-story mansion more like something out of a fairytale rather than the hometown it resided in. The yard still had toys littered on it and a red door that was never a part of his memories, though, he supposed getting out of the car, he wasn’t really in the memories of the other residents of this house either.
Sighing and still so confused by his conversation with Penelope, Colin walked up to the front door and rang the doorbell. The crickets chirped dramatically in their love making as he waited on the porch. Penelope’s words still echoed in his mind. She loved him. She did everything to spite him. She only wanted him around. All of that information would have been wonderful to know ten years ago, when he was doubting his place in his life and his role as her husband.
“Colin!” a bright voice called, bringing him out of his downward spiral as Anthony held the door open with a smirking Kate and an exuberant Lydia behind him. The third born son looked at the blonde curvy woman, her eyes wide and bright and all he could think was that Penelope’s blue eyes were shinier than Lydia’s brown ones. Fuck. he was a mess.
“Brother.” Anthony stated low, stepping aside to allow Colin to enter. The authoritative way his eldest brother stood meant this wasn’t a social call, not for him at least.
“Hi baby.” His fiancé smiled, coming over to hug him.
“Hey Lyd.” Colin responded on autopilot, hugging her about her waist. He leaned down to remind him of who he wanted to be with, but the linen scent of her shampoo disappeared as the smell of apples and cinnamon filled his senses. That was the smell of Penelope, his wife.
Colin inhaled as the short woman before him giggled. “Okay, okay. I missed you today, but we weren’t parted for that long.”
“Oh, you were missing today?” Kate inquired, conspiratorial tone bringing his nerves on edge.
“I umm had to pick up a few things and drop off some fruit at Penelope’s.” Colin admitted sheepishly.
“Now, Kate, you’ve embarrassed him. See how he’s blushing.” Lydia chuckled, swiping over his cheeks which he didn't know had begun to blossom. If he was blushing because of Lydia’s touch or Penelope’s, he wasn't sure and that thought frightened him.
Colin picked up his Lydia's hand, kissing the knuckles. “Yes, but I missed every second with the woman I love.” he answered trying to see the woman who would complete him. Why was it so hard to distinguish the flutter of his heart right now?
Lydia in turn blushed before keeping their fingers interlaced. 'Love you' she mouthed.
“If you are going to stay after spending all day at your cousins,’ Kate emphasized, “at least come see what your fiancé picked out of my art collection. She has impeccable taste…. In paintings anyway.” His sister-in-law smirked sauntering off down the hallway. He glared after his supposed loved one and knew that she was enjoying teasing him so.
“Don’t take what she said in the wrong way Colin. Kate was telling me about her tough day at work.” Lydia told him, trying to cover up the insult they all heard.
“It’s not a problem, Pen. I’ll set her straight.”
“Pen?” Lydia stepped back. “Like your cousin?”
Colin realized his mistake the moment his fiancé backed away. “No, shit. Sorry Lydia. It has been a long day and I spent most of it at Penelope’s helping repair-” he knew he couldn’t say his marriage instead he lamely concluded with, “some things.”
Lydia wrinkled her nose in upset. “Well, I guess I understand but this better not become a habit.” she laughed awkwardly looking at Anthony who was merely watching the entire exchange stoically.
“I umm I’ll just go give Kate the money, if you brought it with you.” she finally said, adjusting her baby blue summer dress which looked so good on her round waist and thighs. Colin noticed her toes, uncovered and naked were the same shade as her dress. She was so perfect, his Lydia. Why was he confused? He and Penelope were old news, right? Lydia was his future; he told himself digging out a wad of cash to hand a few bills over to Lydia.
“Here you go Lydia.”
“Oh wow!” her eyes went huge. “This is way more than I need. I mean I know I told you I liked a few of the paintings but wow.” she awed.
Colin looked at the cash in her hands, trying to remember if he even knew how much he gave her. He was overloaded with the heap of cash he withdrew to spite Pen but now, he wasn’t so sure. Then again, Lydia looked elated.
“I knew you wanted something special.” Was all he could communicate at the moment.
“Thank you, Col.” the blonde beamed, running up to kiss him on the cheek and squealing down the hall to where Kate went.
Colin watched her go, wondering how he got so lucky. “Is that where Greg’s room used to be?” He asked Anthony noticing the light emitting from a room further down. When they were growing up Gregory wanted to prove that he was a strong, capable adult even though he was a moody teen, eager to appease. So, he convinced and begged their mother night and day to live on the bottom floor away from his siblings. Greg thought they would see him as more mature. Colin didn't remember changing his opinions about that then, and now.. Now his brother was living the dream. He couldn't be prouder.
“Yeah, it is but let’s talk. You and me. In my office.” Anthony stated turning on his heels, giving Colin no room but to follow. The two men walked in relative silence; towards their father’s old office which Anthoy inherited along with a stern disposition and an annoyance of character. His eldest brother and he never saw eye to eye. Anthony was all about rules and structure and Colin... Colin never fit into the tiny, neat boxes Anthony tried to force him into. He didn't have what it took to run a business. He wasn’t passionate about art like Ben was. He didn't have the drive to change the world through any means necessary like Eloise and he didn't have what it took to stay still and playhouse like his sister Daphne craved. What Colin wanted was adventure, he wanted vibrant music and hair as red as silk with challenging eyes willing to write alongside him as he documented their travels for all the world to see. He wanted Penelope.
That startling clarity shook him to the core; his foot barely passing over the threshold of Anthony’s office. He wanted Penelope. No! Needed Penelope. But Colin had never felt this incessant clawing before, nearly paralyzing him in his wants unless it was late at night and he had his cock in his hand. Now though it felt like something different. It was strange how resolute he felt about the entire situation. Penelope was written on his heart too, he mused.
Anthony adjusted the cuffs of his shirt as he came to fold them in front of him on his imposing desk. As a younger boy Colin was intimidated by the sheer sized of the desk but as the years had gone on and he had gotten larger as well. He saw it more for the symbol of authority he knew he would not have.
“Care to tell me why you spent the day at Penelope’s, your alleged 'cousin'.” Anthony put in quotation marks with his fingers.
Colin rolled his eyes, “You are not my dad Anth. I spend my days how I please.”
“I know and you have spent your days without a care in the world. Now, again I ask you. What were you doing at Penelope’s?”
“She asked me to bring her basket of apples to her house cuz that blonde twig no one wants to tell me about was too weak to take it when we were out at the orchid.”
“Debling is a perfectly respectable man. He can be a bit forward but I have to respect his gumption.”
“Gumption at what? Trying to flirt with my Pen.”
“She isn’t yours Colin. She hasn’t been in a long time. In fact, none of us have.” Anthony sighed rubbing at his temples.
“What do you mean?” Colin questioned.
“I merely meant that you are a ghost of our former times Colin. When you came to me, begging me to help you save Penelope and her family from their debt I thought it was from love but-” he trailed off. They knew the rest of the story.
“I was trying to be a good brother then. I’m sorry I wasn’t one then, but now I can be.”
“What? Anthony, you have got to be kidding me.” Colin chuckled.
“If you were any better of a brother Eloise would have put poison in those awful scotches you used to drink back in the day.”
His brother laughed, “I thought they made me look distinguished.”
“Yeah, like a distinguished asshole.” Colin muttered.
Anthony looked off into the distance, so far away for a moment Colin was sure he couldn't catch up. “I guess times change.” Then he sighed, “and so have you. So let up this silly charade. If Lydia is the woman you choose, I will support that but please stop leading Penelope along. She has been through enough with your back-and-forth behavior for a lifetime.”
“Penelope is the one who won't sign the divorce papers.” Colin confessed, then paused unsure how his brother would react to his next set of words, “And I’m not sure if I want her too.”
“Damn it, Colin! When will your immature behavior stop? Either you take full responsibility for the hurt you caused Penelope and get back together with her, or you marry Lydia and free her from your selfish behavior.”
“Selfish?” Colin challenged. “Did you not hear me? Pen is keeping me hostage. She’s the one that won't sign the papers. Her!”
“I feel as if I am getting half of the story. With you, you never tell the entire truth.”
“Hey!”
“If the shoe fits.” Anthony shrugged. “I will speak with her in the morning, but you will make a decision and let our family and that poor girl out there know what it is within a fortnight.”
“Fortnight, what are you an old English viscount?” Colin snorted.
“Kate has gotten obsessed with this new regency themed show. It is rather fascinating.” Anthony chuckled. "I do mean my declare Colin. You will not toy with two women's hearts. If you don't decide soon Kate will automatically let Lydia know about the truth."
"Is that a threat?" Colin inquired.
Anthony chortled. "No. It is an inevitability. “Now sit. I have only heard through second accounts how your travels went. I want them from the horse's mouth.”
Colin nodded. “I can do that.”
His brother got up to make them drinks. “Oh, and Anth?”
A face that resembled his features glanced back at him. “Sorry to make you worry. You’re a good brother,”
The eldest shrugged. “Not always. As my beautiful wife reminds me, I can always strive for more.”
Colin took the drink offered to him and went to a conversation that he should have had a long time ago with his brother. They would never see eye to eye, he knew that but that didn't mean he couldn't rewrite the wrongs of their youth with maturity and communication, something he had no idea how to navigate with the women in his life. It was nice to finally listen to his brother be a family man and change. Perhaps that could be Colin's future as well.
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