Chapter Text
It’s in the astronomy tower you find peace. The room of requirement is a great place for the privacy of studies but not for quieting your mind. Sitting next to a telescope, legs hanging over the edge as you kick your feet, is where you truly find bliss.
It’s far past curfew but you’ve never let that stop you from getting anywhere at night. The wind is chilling and the moon is waning new, which is just perfect for stargazing.
But you hadn’t come to stargaze. You had come to be alone, to have a place to cry in peace. There wasn’t really another place for it, even in the room of requirement, and you felt you needed the fresh air before returning to the stuffy common room, allowing yourself a moment away from the eyes of the other girls.
Your eyes burned from their constant stream of tears and you could barely hear your thoughts of despair over your sniffling. But a sudden sound startles you, interrupting your sorrows as you listen attentively.
Footsteps approach up the stairs, echoing softly through the tower. you whip around to see the approaching intruder and notice a familiar red light warming the walls as they enter.
Before you can think to cast expulso in a panic from the red light that turns the corner, you’re surprised to see Ominis and his guiding wand and the light flickers like a lantern’s flame as he stands across the room from you.
The light from his wand fades away and he cocks his head in your direction, as if to show he knows it’s you.
“What are you doing here?” you ask and it’s not exactly friendly but it lacks any bite.
Your nose is stuffed up and you’re more than certain he can hear how you’ve been crying. He lowers his wand to his side, his arm falling limply as his eyes fall in your direction.
Ominis shifts uncomfortably from foot to foot, sensing your pressing gaze. You hate how he always seems unhappy to be speaking with you, and you just wish he would come out and say whatever it is that brought him here.
“Sebastian was looking for you,” he says, simply almost as if he can’t be bothered.
His answer frustrates you in your foul mood. You wish it had been Sebastian to find you—he at least has better bed-side manners.
“You were too, it seems,” you say, unable to hide the hint of sourness in your voice.
Ominis looks taken aback for the quickest moment and then he smiles, puffing a breath that sounds more like a laugh than a scoff. “Yes, it seems I have. Sebastian wouldn’t shut up about it, so I came looking for you. Shall we go and see him so I can have a moments rest from him speaking about it?”
His reaction surprises you and it’s your turn to look briefly taken aback. Your eyes narrow a moment in suspicion. “No, I want to continue feeling sorry for myself just a moment longer.”
He laughs as he shakes his head and for a moment you feel a fondness for him. The thought crosses your mind that perhaps Ominis is your friend, as he grins at you and you can feel the makings of a smile on your tear stained face.
“Well, then perhaps I may join you? I have plenty of things to feel sorry about as well.”
You relent and invite him to sit with you. You guide him carefully to the edge of the tower and help him navigate around the railing as you both sit together.
Despite your suddenly realized camaraderie, the two of you sit in silence for a long and noticeable moment. You try to think of something to say and it takes your mind off of your sorrows.
“It’s beautiful up here,” Ominis is the first to break the silence.
“Even without sight,” he adds, “The air is different and the smell is lovely.”
You close your eyes a moment and breathe in deep, just to test if it’s true.
“You’re right,” you agree. “I guess I had already noticed. I haven’t really been looking at the stars. I’ve been a bit busy.”
You sniffle and laugh humorlessly at your own words. You can feel him tense up next to you, and you glance over at him. The look on his face doesn’t go unnoticed as his brow furrows and his mouth turns down in a frown as he looks at you, pale eyes unable to meet yours.
“Why have you been crying?” He asks, unwilling to hide his obvious concern.
You look away from him and down at your hands and wonder if he can sense your slight embarrassment at what’s bothering you.
“Girls can be cruel,” is all you can think to say.
It’s stupid in the face of all that you’ve battled. Goblin loyalists and wizard poachers didn’t frighten you, but teenage girls were far more fearsome.
You had heard some girls spouting off about you in the lavatory saying all sorts of things about you being a show-off and how you weren’t really all that pretty, so why did you have so much attention from everyone? Especially the boys, they had seemed to notice and commented on all the time you had spent with Ominis and, namely, Sebastian, who seemed to spark the most envy.
They couldn’t understand what he would even see in you, making all kinds of comments on your appearance, the way you dressed, the way you wore your hair, the way you were always a mess.
You chalked it all up to jealousy but it still hurt. How could somebody say such things so carelessly and easily about another person, you couldn’t understand.
You hoped your answer conveyed enough and met Ominis’ gaze to see that it did. His brows still furrowed and his lips still curve down but his eyes gleam with pity.
You turn away from his gaze, the look he gives you is striking and you find it hard to gaze back. Ominis isn’t really your friend, he’s Sebastian’s friend and you’re Sebastian’s friend and sometimes (well often, actually) the two of you cross paths. That is really the extent of your relationship. After Sebastian had showed you the undercroft, you were certain Ominis didn’t even like you.
“I find that most girls are idiots,” he says and you return your attention to him, to find a grin creeping up his lips. “You are not excluded from that statement,” he adds, and you think you like him best when he’s smiling and joking with you.
You catch yourself huffing a laugh in response but it’s lost in your sniffles. But he’s smiling and you smile in return at his attempts to comfort you with his dark sense of humor.
It’s then you notice the moles on the side of his face and you’ve seen them many times before, but you’re so enchanted by the way they make their own constellation against his cheeks that are lifted as he smiles. But that smile is fading as you gaze at him silently, eyes tracing the shape of his moles.
You force your eyes away from him, tracing the silhouettes of the tree tops that line the hills around the grounds. You wonder if he felt your eyes on him with his heightened sense and your mind drifts to the thought that maybe in his own right, with his own magic, Ominis sees more than you suspect.
And after a moment you realize the two of you are sitting in complete silence, but the anomaly is that you have just noticed after a long moment of unweaving your thoughts. The two of you had just shared a comfortable silence, maybe a few of them tonight for the first time sans the mediation of Sebastian.
When you turn to look at him again, his profile glowing almost silver in the starlight, your heart tugs in your chest. And you shiver.
Almost comically, you shiver and your teeth clatter and your arms begin to hug your frame before you can keep them down.
You can see Ominis raise his brow and he turns to face you, pale eyes cast in your direction. “Are you cold?”
You shake your head so much your shoulders seem to shudder. “No.”
A playful smile finds its way to the corners of his mouth. “Should we go?”
“No!” You say rather frantically and immediately feel the heat of embarrassment at the tips of your ears.
That look Ominis makes when he’s listening to first years talk about mermaids in the Slytherin common room is there. It’s the look he has when he’s enjoying teasing someone.
“It’s just that we were having a moment,” you say, in an attempt to explain your eagerness to stay.
“Were we?” He says and that look would piss you off if it weren’t just the two of you.
But having all of his attention right now has become intoxicating. You would roll your eyes, but you just smile and wonder if he can hear the smile in your voice.
“I mean we were having a moment where it seemed like we actually liked each other,” you jest.
His brows furrow and you regret the sight of his perplexed face in place of the playful one. He looks rather serious and contemplates what you’ve said as if you really meant it, as if it wasn’t just a joke.
“I like you,” he insists.
Your ears flame at the sound. Your palms begin to sweat and your heart is pounding in your chest. You have to look away, you want to look away but all you can do is look at his face and trace the outline of the shadows created by the dim moonlight. His lips are pressed together in an attractive line that’s almost a pout, and his striking, pale eyes are looking into you as they always seem to.
He’s looking into you like he’s expecting you to say something, but your mind has gone blank and all you think is Ominis, Ominis, Ominis, like a prayer or a spell. You can’t think of anything to say and you try not squirm under his scrutiny.
But he probably already knows before you do. He knows how he’s making you feel, you’re certain of it. But you don’t even know what it is you’re feeling. You haven’t really felt this way before.
In year five you didn’t really have the time to. And last year you had felt like you were still struggling to keep up with academics, no longer having a goblin rebellion or trials of ancient magic to distract from them. Most of your time had been spent in the room of requirement, in your own little sanctuary just trying to keep up with your studies like everyone else.
You didn’t have much time for social interaction other than your house mates, so most of your time was spent with Sebastian and Ominis. You had no time for boys other than Sebastian and Ominis, and they had never been more than mates—someone to sit with at meals, or walk to class with, or tell your every waking thought too no matter how dumb.
And being here alone with him, as he comforts you and watches you under the moon and the stars, you can’t believe it’s him. It’s Ominis. The one you rarely spent time with alone, the one who seems to avoid you at every opportunity if Sebastian isn’t present, the one who you didn’t think liked you very much until this moment is the one making you feel this way.
If anyone in your house were to put money on it (as Slytherin’s love a gamble) they probably would have bet on Sebastian. And maybe that wouldn’t have surprised you.
But it’s Ominis.
Again, and comically, you shiver. Your teeth chatter in spite of yourself and you feel your stomach sink at the wasted moment, knowing it’s only a matter of time before he suggest you leave and return to your common room. And you have no idea why that idea disappoints you so. Why do you feel you’ve wasted the moment? What would you have done?
He’s laughing at your shiver and once again you want to look away but you can’t. You’re transfixed on his eyes as they crinkle and the way his cheeks rise with his smile.
“Come here then,” he says.
Your mind goes blank when you process the words, looking at his gentle grin, and your body can finally take over without your thoughts clouding your conscience.
You scoot closer to him and he cautiously drapes his arm around your shoulder. Heat radiates off of him and your body buzzes with nerves, trying desperately not to move or be too obvious.
You’re unable to look him in the face but you can feel his pale eyes in your direction and your senses are dampened by his scent. He smells sweet and like wood and smoke like he sits too long in front of the fire in the common room.
“Better?” He asks.
You nod, being close enough that he might sense it and he does as he hums, pleased. You’re close enough that you could almost feel the vibration in his throat as of that harmonious him.
You feel warm, almost too warm but not because your body is overheating at his slight touch on your shoulder. Perhaps it’s the fire that he stokes with all of the attention he’s given you tonight. A fire’s crackle sparks in the pit of your belly and it heats it’s way through your body.
You know it’s improper that the two of you are alone like this, but normally it wouldn’t be. Normally it would just be you and Ominis, Sebastian’s friend. But now it’s just you and Ominis and he’s making you feel a way you’ve never felt for a boy before. You’ve never felt this way for anyone before.
Maybe that’s why it feels like your face is burning up and you’re hoping he can’t tell even with his heightened senses.
“I appreciate you coming up here…” you say and start to trail off like there was more you wanted to say but the words are lost.
“But?” He says, eyebrow cocked suspiciously. The way he looks at you when he’s being playful is aggravating, but the twinkle in his eyes has you convinced you would never need to stargaze again as long as the light catches them that way.
“But nothing!” You respond flustered, “I just wanted to thank you properly!”
He laughs at your frustrated retort and the sound splinters needles into your heart. His eyes close and he shakes his head and you would be more embarrassed if you weren’t trying to memorize his face until it’s on the back of your eyelids when you close them.
His smile falls slowly and you watch in anticipation as he tilts his head closer towards you.
“Well then,” he says in a low voice, “Thank me properly.”
His face is so close, you’re sure your gentlest breath ghosts over his cheek. His eyes are heavy lidded as they gaze at where he knows you are, right in front of him. Your heart is pounding so loudly in your ears, it drowns out your thoughts so you make no reply.
You just lean in closer, you don’t know what compels you but you lean in until your nose brushes against his cheek. Your eyes close and you follow the sound of his breath and your lips meet his.
It’s brief but he accepts your kiss with pliant lips, mouth parted in welcome. But you pull away, your eyelashes graze his cheek as your eyes open and you can’t give yourself much distance from him with his arm on your shoulder locking you in place.
“I’m sorry,” the words sputter out frantically but quietly, keeping your voice down at the close proximity.
Ominis eyes are cast down, flicking back and forth in pondering and you feel your heart pause it’s beating as you wait for his response. His eyes tilt up towards you, though his gaze still goes through you.
His voice is still low, almost sultry, a way you’ve never heard Ominis before and it alights your nerves with a spark.
“I don’t mind.”
Your cheeks flame with heat and you’re so flustered that your hands rise from your lap and clutch at the openings of his school cloak.
Maybe you pull him towards you or maybe you’re close enough that you just have to fit your lips together like puzzle pieces or maybe he leans into it, but either way your lips meet his again. And you fit your lips to kiss him again.
And again. And again.
You kiss him until your mouth is no longer leaving his and it’s just your lips moving and his against yours and it dampens the fire he had built inside of you since he sat down next to you to comfort you. His kisses satiate the need for him but you fear as soon as you pull away, that fire will roar again.
You pull away from him once more, but his hand reaches to cup your jaw and draw you back to him. You can feel his exhaled breath on your face and as he kisses you it feels like he’s breathing you in and his grip on your jaw is gentle but stubborn and guiding. He doesn’t want you to leave and you don’t want to leave either.
Your lips part again and move against his and its a dance he leads and you follow or maybe he follows as you lead and his tongue laves at your lip and you meet it with yours, too eager to be concerned if you’re doing any if this right. Your hands on his robe rest on his collar bone, dancing their way up to his neck and you’re pulling him closer until your arms wrap around him and your chests are flush.
The kiss has made you feel desperate, for his touch, for his mouth, for his hands and you wish he would just devour you. Your body heat meets his and he’s searing, rivaling how you felt moments ago, but now you’ve become lukewarm against him.
Your fingers card through his perfectly combed blonde hair and you wonder if you’ve ever felt something so soft before as his hand that rested at your shoulder has come to squeeze at your waist and pull you impossibly closer. His hand on your waist grips tight, almost bruising, and you hear a sound like the moan of a spirit lost in grief and desire and you think that sound might be you. And you lean in obediently, wishing for a way to be even closer, hoping there’s a way for you to meet skin to skin through all the layers of school uniform.
But you pull away because you have to before he sucks all of the air out of your lungs, although the more you think about it, the more it seems like a lovely way to die.
And you tumble away in a rush, trying to put as much distance between him and yourself and it hurts. It hurts to not be tangled in his flaming embrace, lips pressed to his. You press your fingers to your lips, brushing them idly as if to rub away the taste of Ominis.
You’re turned away from him, your overheated frame withdrawing into itself and suddenly being pelted by the strong winds that reach the tower.
Next to you Ominis clears his throat as you’re memorizing the taste of his mouth, almost as sweet and enchanting as the way he smells.
“Should we return to our common room?” He asks.
You don’t dare turn to look at him, but nod your head absentmindedly and shake away your idiocy as you realize he couldn’t possibly know your response if you don’t say it.
“Yes-yes that would be-yes we should do that,” you stutter out, embarrassment an emotion unable to reach you as your feelings and thoughts tie themselves into a knot that would rival the Gordian knot itself.
You know Ominis must be smiling but you still can’t look at him, keeping your eyes on his robe, his tie, his blonde hair that once perfectly combed now sticks up in weird places where your hands had run through it.
Your face heats up as you rise from the railing. Ominis rises after you, having refused assistance and you’re standing with your back turned to him and realize as you look into the hallway that leads to the castle, it is deep with darkness unless lumos is cast.
And you’re grateful for the dark as you take his arm, your face flushed and lips swollen, as he leads you both back with the red glow of his sentient guiding wand. And you’re grateful the he doesn’t press you to talk, though it’s agonizing not be able to put anything into words and you don’t find a moment of peace from your mind until you’re in the dungeons, speaking the password to the common room.
When you make your way down the stairs together, still silently and wondering if this is a comfortable one for him or if he’s buzzing and his thoughts are spinning the way yours are, your hands on his arm lose their grip until he’s saying goodbye and walking towards his dormitory and his arm slips away from your grasp completely.
You silently sneak into your dormitory, trying not to wake your bunk mates, while navigating the darkness of the room with catlike eyes and settle in bed. Your thoughts, having gone unanswered too long have materialized outside of your head, flying around your crown like a golden snitch unwilling to be caught.
You think about Ominis. You think about your kiss, about your hands through his hair and his hand on your waist. You think of the sound of his breaths as he kissed you and the way they felt warm and alive when they hit your skin. You replay the kiss in your head over and over until you couldn’t forget it even if you tried.
And when sleep evades you in your endless stupor of memorizing the way he felt between your fingers and the way his tongue had met yours, you decide you’ll stop thinking about it. You decide that this tryst will never come again and you’ll go back to being Sebastian’s friend and he’ll go back to being Sebastian’s friend and the night the two of you had shared a kiss will never be brought up again. It will die an untold secret in your throat and no one will ask about it.
You’re lying to yourself.