Chapter Text
The grandfather clock in the Grimmauld Place living room struck eleven. The house was strangely silent and Regulus was curled up in the dark, on his bed. He was still shaking, he had no idea when and how things started to degenerate, he wanted to stop seeing that pain, hearing those cries and those fights.
Every summer day was a waking nightmare Regulus found peace only at night, he slept with the window open since the beginning of July, every night. With the stars looking out the window and the pleasant chirping of the crickets, his room seemed less stuffy. Even that evening, the last night of August and the last night of holidays, Regulus had the window open, wide open and he observed the sky just veiled by a puff of clouds, he was undecided wether to try to fall asleep to make the next day come sooner or to stay awake for not having again the nightmare that had tormented him for years. Regulus was finally about to fall asleep when he felt the cold breath of the dream hanging over him, cold, wet, damp hands on him, hands of death brushing his legs. Regulus snapped his eyes wide and clicked his tongue annoyed:
"Enough."
He grumbled sitting up and rubbing his eyes, he was sick and tired of that nightmare. He heard, in the silence, the familiar creak of his mother's bedroom door being closed. He slowly stood up and without making himself heard he slipped out of his room, walked hugging the wall all the way down the corridor, careful where he put his feet. After fourteen years in that house he learned which parts of the corridor creaked if someone walked on them and how to avoid them to move silently without being discovered. When he reached the door of Sirius' bedroom he took a deep breath, the golden doorknob emitting an eerie gleam in the dark, Regulus ignored him and pushed him sneaking into his brother's room.
"Sirius."
He called softly as he walked to the bed. In response he got a strange gasp that made him freeze. It had been a long time since he had heard Sirius in tears.
"Sirius? Are you crying."
He tried to call Regulus again, stiff in the center of the room.
"No."
Answered a sulky voice from a messy pile of sheets and pillows. Regulus sighed in relief and joined his brother on his bed.
"Are you okay?"
"Of course I'm okay Reg. What about you?"
"I can't fall asleep."
"Come here."
Sirius moved a little to the side, thus making some space between the dark sheets. Regulus crawled beside his brother. They'd had few moments like this since Sirius started school, it was comforting to Regulus to feel Sirius's even breathing mixing with his and Sirius's warmth against his body. The moment the sorting hat sorted him into Slytherin, Regulus perceived the bond with his brother cracking, the relationship between them was fragile, always seemed on the verge of breaking. Regulus observed Sirius' profile in the dark and pursed his lips:
"You're a liar."
"Hm?"
"You were crying."
"It is not true!"
He snapped Sirius under his breath. Regulus was silent for a long time before saying:
"I cried too."
"You're a crybaby, Reggie."
Sirius complained, but his brother didn't miss the warmth in his voice as he said those words.
"Look Who's Talking."
Regulus whispered so softly that Sirius could very well not have heard him. After that silent comment, the two brothers remained silent for a long time, side by side. Like Regulus, Sirius also kept the windows open and the cool of the evening filled the room with the sound of the crickets. Sirius next to Regulus was peering at a smiling crescent moon in the sky, he looked thoughtful. After a while, Sirius broke the fragile silence between them.
"Sorry about tonight."
"You don't have to be sorry. Did it hurt?"
"No, it didn't."
Regulus clicked his tongue knowing that too was a lie, but he didn't expect a response from Sirius after all he was an overly self-confident and overly proud Gryffindor, he would never admit his frailties. He always had to be a hero, just like James Potter.
"Tomorrow it will be over."
Sirius said again, more to himself than Regulus.
"I know."
Sirius didn't like school and studying, but he adored his friends, the evenings spent chatting with Remus, the shit done with James, the teasing done to Peter, Regulus knew it well. Instead, unlike Sirius, he loved the school for the knowledge, for everything he learned, for the section of forbidden books in the library, but he hated the people inside. He'd never been a fan of relationships and he'd never felt sorry for it.
"It will be over until Christmas."
Regulus commented getting a glare from his brother.
"Your pessimism is depressing me even more."
"It's not pessimism, I'm a realist."
Regulus defended himself, in the weak light of the moon and the street lamps that filtered through the window he saw Sirius roll his eyes.
"Don't try to roll you eyes, you know I'm right!"
"I know, but I prefer not to think about it. I prefer to imagine spending a Christmas in the Maldives, with pretty girls and lots of alcohol."
"Wow, unexpected."
This time it was Regulus' turn to roll his eyes, despite everything he felt a pang in his heart. He was there with his brother talking bullshit, trying to forget the horrible day, just like it happened years ago, almost every night.
"Use your imagination a little, Reg. Don't always be so boring."
Regulus was about to respond and say that he wasn't boring, but after a second's thought he closed his mouth, he had to admit he was quite boring. He yawned and leaned his head back on the pillows, he would like to spend Christmas in the mountains, in a snowy forest, in a small house watching the snow fall outside the window with a book in his hands. He didn't say it, but the image of him warmed his heart.
"Are you sleepy, Reg?"
"No."
"Now who is the liar?"
"Pfft."
Sirius laughed and nudged him with an amused expression.
"You are always the same. You can sleep here if you like."
Those words echoed in Regulus' mind, he hadn't heard them for years.
"No."
Regulus answered, however he didn't move an inch, on the contrary he lay down and nestled better between the sheets. As soon as he heard Sirius laughing at him he pinched his side. Sirius retaliated with a pat on the cheek that made Regulus feel incredibly childish.
"Goodnight, Reggie."
"Night."
Regulus answered softly, before falling asleep faster than he had ever been able to do that summer.
It was one of the few nights where he didn't dream of drowning.